{"conf": "screwed", "generated_at": "2026-04-26T08:00:02.954878Z", "threads": [{"num": 1, "subject": "Greetings and salivations!", "response_count": 95, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (00:34)", "body": "hee-haw!!!! Got here first!! Congratulations, Wer!!! ME: butt ugly bitch!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (00:41)", "body": "yeah, baby, you KNOW what I like!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (06:30)", "body": "I do, I do. And do you know what I like?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (14:58)", "body": "I know stuff that you don't even know that you like yet!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (03:51)", "body": "Cocky bugger! I know moves that you don't have enough limbs for..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (08:48)", "body": "Hey, WER, do you remember what I like?... If so, couldja lemme know? I can't seem to remember..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "Thomas, that would be enthusiasm over skill... Riette, that's why I have Thomas..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (12:55)", "body": "\ufffdFROWN\ufffd You mean you can't handle my moves with enough enthusiasm all by yourself?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (13:39)", "body": "you said I needed more limbs, none of us had previously mentioned my level of enthusiasm..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:29)", "body": "No, you're right - only Tommy Latex's. So which is more important, do you think? Enthusiasm or enough limbs?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (21:53)", "body": "oh boy! *sigh*"}, {"response": 12, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:41)", "body": "Multidimensional. Bemused. Punctual."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:08)", "body": "Greetings and mutations, girls - I was wondering when you'd show up!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (22:13)", "body": "Thought I'd come here to get screwed."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "Now or later?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (09:03)", "body": "What the Hell, it's time for... ANOTHER UNFOUNDED ACCUSATION The Universal Life Church does not back or condemn anyone in any office. The left is anti-individualistic. Their personal answers are to be found there and there alone. Why aren't they all contented like me? Their needs have been so thoughtlessly defined. We are therefore not legal life forms if we do not succeed. They may well be separate issues. To accept these arguments I must accept some statements that have little supporting evidence. The moral of the story of the last twenty years is this: Disperse the miasma of cerebral sado-masochism. There is simply no way to know what is behind the music you hear. Sorry, Dave. But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it! She hopes he will use it on her. its primal behavior patterns will appear (\"A far more sensible idea\"). Everything is a symbol (monkey screeches and barks; weird dancing all-night; bombs and guns; all emotions and secret feelings! Oh! It is excellent!). One can't help but admire such sentiments. The chain of life is astoundingly adaptable. Oh, well."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "That's really weird. You are a vicar right, Tommy?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (17:14)", "body": "uh oh!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:49)", "body": "remember when we used to talk like this in all the conferences?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:25)", "body": "OK, WER, I'll bite (or whatever) -- what's IAOM? I Adjusted Only Myself? It's An Orifice, My-Son? I Am an Oil Magnate? Iodine And Other Medicaments? ... or what?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (00:46)", "body": "the name of God according to the Masons..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (00:58)", "body": "ooh, telnet..."}, {"response": 23, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:46)", "body": "yes, I do remember..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:52)", "body": "thought you would... (and glad you do!)"}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:33)", "body": "now it seems as tasteless, ergonomically incorrect yet tittilating informational banter has become socially acceptable, we have reigned in the arbitrary for more congenial albeit less disrespectful conversation on the couch. At least we have a place to call 'dominion.'"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "you noticed too, huh? now, if we just had a willing dominatrix..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:43)", "body": "down, down, i say..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:51)", "body": "on the floor?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:52)", "body": "hands and knees."}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "yes, Mistress..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:35)", "body": "not a word from you! only moaning!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:38)", "body": "mmmMmmh"}, {"response": 33, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:47)", "body": "technical questoin: is physical contact allowed?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:52)", "body": "requisite question for a correct response: why are you asking this now?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:55)", "body": "(am I in the wrong damn topic again? Is this not where I am dominating over you in the most sinful of ways?!?!)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:07)", "body": "(no, right topic, and yes, physical contact is allowed when necessary...wish you'd tell me why you asking now)"}, {"response": 37, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:15)", "body": "ah... my ability to make you irritated by sheer curiousity is part of my charm no doubt!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:17)", "body": "mmm?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:20)", "body": "that was a weakass moan..."}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:26)", "body": "unhhh... unhhh... unnhhhh... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNGH MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNGH OooOHhhhgnphunnhhhhMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:31)", "body": "now I have fondue panties..."}, {"response": 42, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:33)", "body": "shall I bring the Kirsch?"}, {"response": 43, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:34)", "body": "or was that a nice way of saying that you're an FE?"}, {"response": 44, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:38)", "body": "(not familiar w/ the terminology... please explain...)"}, {"response": 45, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:40)", "body": "(maybe I will just wait and see if anyone other than Thomas is as depraved as I...this isn't going to get me spanked, is it?)"}, {"response": 46, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:44)", "body": "Female... E-something... you HOPE this getsyou spanked!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:46)", "body": "ding! first word is correct! nah, I figure I could trigger that response whenever necessary..."}, {"response": 48, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:48)", "body": "by biting me?!?! Emissions being the second?"}, {"response": 49, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:51)", "body": "I'm not telling... No, but you're extremely close..."}, {"response": 50, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "Excretions?"}, {"response": 51, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (16:05)", "body": "Still close..."}, {"response": 52, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (17:50)", "body": "ejaculate? (knowing full well I must've figured it out!)"}, {"response": 53, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (17:54)", "body": "closer... actually, the word should be ejaculator in context..."}, {"response": 54, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (17:58)", "body": "that was the best I could do w/o sounding redundant... i give... what is it?"}, {"response": 55, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:01)", "body": "that was it... FE = Female Ejaculator"}, {"response": 56, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:02)", "body": "well, screw you for telling me 'closer' --- I got it right! (and yes, that was what I was getting at with the fondue panties although more of a PFE)"}, {"response": 57, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:08)", "body": "you said, \"ejaculate?\" close, but not technically correct... my turn, so what does the P stand for?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:10)", "body": "Pre (with the understanding the ejaculate is the correct terminology)"}, {"response": 59, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:12)", "body": "it is not when I ask if you're an FE... tease... and are you, really?"}, {"response": 60, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:14)", "body": "it is if you as if I was referring to fondue panties in the realm of FE... *grin*"}, {"response": 61, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:19)", "body": "did you read that post before you submitted it?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:21)", "body": "yes"}, {"response": 63, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:22)", "body": "good, 'cause I need you to explain it to me..."}, {"response": 64, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:23)", "body": "talking substances versus subjects..."}, {"response": 65, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:29)", "body": "no, this part, \"it is if you as if I was...\" yeah, I got the rest, you switched context mid-discussion... still never actually answered if you were or not..."}, {"response": 66, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:31)", "body": "*sigh* I shall spell it out.. Fondue panties... a little sticky as if they are graced with a bit of female ejaculate or (as in the aforementioned case) female pre ejaculate... GET IT????? *laugh*"}, {"response": 67, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:32)", "body": "oops! you beat me! (and YOU switched context... I always knew what context in which I was speaking!) *giggle*"}, {"response": 68, "author": "isis", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (21:47)", "body": "hello everyone,,,,"}, {"response": 69, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (22:50)", "body": "Hi, wait till . . . Well, just wait."}, {"response": 70, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:53)", "body": "hehe..."}, {"response": 71, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "hello evil man... *laugh*"}, {"response": 72, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Back again! How's ya been, girl?"}, {"response": 73, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (14:38)", "body": "pretty good... long week. back to teaching but still doing some design work for the last summer job I had... no connection yet at school so I cannot even drop in before or after school. soon, I hope. and how are you screw-head?!?! (gotta stay with the topic somehow)"}, {"response": 74, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (14:48)", "body": "hiya, sexy-screw!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (01:10)", "body": "That's wuss' up with Ms. Stace'. . . no access at l'ecole. Hope you get it! Miss your daily ruminations."}, {"response": 76, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "Same here!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:20)", "body": "lookit me! Screwed because my 'rents are coming in for a whole TEN days and all I need is a little peace and quiet! Two a.m. sounded like a good time to get it."}, {"response": 78, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (07:08)", "body": "Something on this screen IS looking at you!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:13)", "body": "This is really a hilarious conference. The eyeball is amazing."}, {"response": 80, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:19)", "body": "aw, shucks *blush*"}, {"response": 81, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:33)", "body": "*smile* That makes you the host! But I can see what Ri\ufffdtte meant when she told me you were a computer boffin."}, {"response": 82, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:39)", "body": "one of, yes... do I really want to know what a \"boffin\" is in this context?"}, {"response": 83, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "It is a word we use in Afrikaans to call people geniusses without embarrassing them."}, {"response": 84, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:05)", "body": "That's right, Kitchen Manager."}, {"response": 85, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (10:21)", "body": "Hello Riette, sorry you had to leave so soon this morning. Hope you had a good time on your date. Did you end up in Germany this time? Or, was the location a bit more ordinary?"}, {"response": 86, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "I just got home, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be here long - I absolutely MUST finish my picture tonight....have been utterly lazy this week. Had a great day. The kids went to their playgroup, so I persuaded Chris to go on a train journey. So we bought a special ticket, valid for one day, with which you can travel anywhere in Switzerland. And sat in trains all day, watching the snow fall outside, getting off in different towns, and trying their coffee (at least he did). I tried the Coke! Had lunc in Luzern, and dessert in Interlaken, but by 16:00 he wanted to come home to work, so I asked him to pick up the kids, and went on to other places. It was a gorgeous day - the bit on my own was so peaceful; I sometimes forget how nice it is to be entirely on one's own."}, {"response": 87, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:33)", "body": "Sounds like you had a wonderful time. I'm glad you did. Sorry you have to rush off. We'll talk later then.."}, {"response": 88, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "What were you up to yesterday?"}, {"response": 89, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "Kristin\"s phone was disconnected, so I went to her place to see if she was alright. She was O K , and the phone was back on, so I went to work. Juat before The end of my shift, Laura, another friend of mine, paged me. She had to go to the Hospital and she could not wake her boyfriend up. I took her to the hospital and waited for them to treat her. It was 3 am when I got her home. Because she was on some potent medication, and her boyfriend was not up yet, I stayed at her place until her boyfriend got up, around 6.30 am. Then I went to breakfast, and got home at @9am. She lives 32km from me."}, {"response": 90, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "Ugh! How exhaustingly eventful! I hope your friend is alright though - what was the matter? Will she be okay?"}, {"response": 91, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "She was doing well this morning. The problem was she had too much to drink and her body was treating the alcohol as a poison. She will be O K if she quits drinking."}, {"response": 92, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:26)", "body": "I just got off the phone with her. she is still doing well."}, {"response": 93, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (09:30)", "body": "Hmmm...three months pass since the last screw...is everyone still having that cigarette? *Sigh...*"}, {"response": 94, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (21:38)", "body": "well, sort of... got a better suggestion?"}, {"response": 95, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:05)", "body": "Hi, Annette! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 10, "subject": "Terry's Tantalizing Tool!", "response_count": 22, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (13:09)", "body": "Are there going to be any practical demonstrations?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:53)", "body": "Maybe he can put them on the springcam."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "And we'll rate him on a scale from 1-10!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "Wish he'd stop playing with his tool, and get over here where he's wanted."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:54)", "body": "He could syndicate the show... Terry's Toolbox."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (15:11)", "body": "hmmm..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (15:58)", "body": "Darn, y'all missed it, and I just had a 3 hour demo on the webcam. Oh well, guess you missed your chance."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (16:13)", "body": "I guess..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (22:19)", "body": "It probably was the middle of the night for me...Hey, William, neat wallpaper!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (09:04)", "body": "ohmigod... look at this background! On second thought... don't look... you may be thrown headlong into that psychosis that has been haunting the lower regions of your brain for years now... and spin uncontrollably down into the spiderweb carnival ride that IS this background! DON'T LOOK!!!!!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (18:05)", "body": "I can't, I'm in telnet."}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (18:27)", "body": "See what happens when you leave the kids unsupervised?! *LOL* Stace...you said it all...! ( most difficult to read over (and under and through...) Terry, stay on telnet where your eyes are safe from stuff like this."}, {"response": 13, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (10:29)", "body": "Terry's tool did it again! With means like that, changing ISPs musta been a piece a cake, no?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (11:36)", "body": "It's a process we have to go though, still."}, {"response": 15, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (13:04)", "body": "Ooops, premature praise? Ahem, sorry, still wound up in my personal hardware crash... Musta gotten things mixed up."}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (15:21)", "body": "Encouraging praise is always a Good Thing! Terry's tool rules!!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (12:34)", "body": "Uh, careful with that axe, Eugene!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (15:58)", "body": "Things getting that desperate? How's the crash recovery progressing? Hope Eugene is the friendly sort. (I know one who is...)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (17:28)", "body": "The ole crate flies again... Praise be Norton Utilies' Rescue Zip Tool! For those who have a Zip drive and want Norton's Tantalizing Tool for free: It's downloadable from the Iomega website at http://www.iomega.com/software/index.html - it's part of the Y2K Suite they have there. Creating Rescue Zips and using the Quick Sync tool should prepare for much... Hope Maggie sees this, and finally gets a Zip thingus for backing up her gear. The cool part about the Rescue Zip solution is, it boots your machine AS IT WAS CONFIGURED, with all drivers and what have you. Saves MUCH hassle..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (17:29)", "body": "It is, uh, a Terryfyingly great tool..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (17:31)", "body": "And Eugene lives on Pink Floyd's Ummagumma lp from somewhere 70ies."}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (19:03)", "body": "Thanx Alexander...gonna email the message above to Maggie to be sure she gets it. Also gonna download the goodies for my Iomega stuff. Great to know! Mahalo plenty! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 100, "subject": "SCREWED'S 100TH TOPIC!!!!!!", "response_count": 4, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (23:37)", "body": "Chinga! Que madre es este?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "You called that right!!!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (10:34)", "body": "Watchale! Culopelon..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:28)", "body": "How are things, DaddyCotC??? screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 101, "subject": "the current position of screweducation", "response_count": 29, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:58)", "body": "On the counter in the kitchen........or the table."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "or in the bath...."}, {"response": 3, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "A bit messy, water everywhere, still fun though. The dining room works, and the living room is always fun. But the swimming pool is undeniably tops."}, {"response": 4, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:26)", "body": "I forgot, on the roof."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:29)", "body": "Are you serious??? That will hurt though!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:51)", "body": "Not at all. I can take the bottom position and brace myself rather well."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:33)", "body": "And I will be very gentle to make sure you don't break. If I were the lover, that is."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "I appreciate that Riette. I've had a fair amount of experience on rooftops. There is one place that I used to go when I was in college. A magical place, it felt like you were enchanted when you were up there. On top of a five story building. I really wish I could take you there, just to show you the place. But there's no way. My access to this place involved climbing the fire escape from the third floor to the fourth floor. They removed the fire escape 15 years ago. The two upper floors aren't used except for storage, now, and shut off from the lower floors. Even if they hadn't removed the fire escape I couldn't show it to you, because it is in Wisconsin."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:51)", "body": "We'll just have to find another building then, won't we?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:15)", "body": "Riette, the state capitol building and the UT tower are two that come to mind right off."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:14)", "body": "Are they high? What can one do up there, besides sitting down?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "Riette, you can walk around and look at the view. I'm going to look into having a picnic at the UT tower, or perhaps some other site."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:36)", "body": "Great! What is the UT tower? How high is it?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:49)", "body": "The University of Texas tower. Riette, it is about 100M high."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "That will be awesome! Like standing on a monument to the world below. Or something poetic like that."}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "Riette, It is roughly the same height as the washington monument, and wider."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "Oh, great! I musn't forget my camera - and 10 films at least!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "Yes, Riette that would be a good idea!!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:57)", "body": "I daresay! I'll be posting pictures to the Spring photo album that will blow people's minds!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (19:03)", "body": "We will be waiting."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (19:05)", "body": "It ought to be interesting Riette."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:42)", "body": "You have no idea what sites I have in mind for that album. WOOH!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:54)", "body": "No but I bet I have some Idea of what kind of pictures you'll be able to post!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "That's what you think!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:45)", "body": "It sure is ! Riette"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:08)", "body": "WHAT is, Tim? Everything has stopped making sense!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:33)", "body": "Riette, I was saying that I had a fairly good idea of the kind of pictures that you had in mind to post after your holiday."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:43)", "body": "Good! Then you can be of help! Will you?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:59)", "body": "Of course I Will! Riette, With PLEASURE! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 102, "subject": "your current position during screw education", "response_count": 22, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (20:46)", "body": "Anything that works without causing pain. I like the bottom a lot though."}, {"response": 2, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:27)", "body": "You might say that the bottom is my favorite...."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:31)", "body": "For doing what with? I like something to do with the bottom too, but I'm not going to tell you!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (20:57)", "body": "so, will you tell me?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "I might. But how does one whisper in writing?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:31)", "body": "That reminds me Riette, you still have not told me yet."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:37)", "body": "Are you sure?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:50)", "body": "Sorry about that, Riette. I was badly mistaken."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "That badly?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:33)", "body": "I don't know Riette, you tell me."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:43)", "body": "Not badly at all."}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "You don't say? Riette, what am I missing here?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:58)", "body": "I'll tell you when you're old enough to understand without getting embarrassed..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (19:07)", "body": "Without who getting embarrassed? Riette. You or me?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:43)", "body": "You, of course. In your sweet innocence."}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:56)", "body": "Riette, you would not happen to be wearing glasses of the rose-tinted variety, now would you?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "HA-HA! And you wouldn't happen to be covered in an inch of doggy-like hair, with yellow eyes, big teeth, big ears and a tendency to howl at the moon, would you?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:47)", "body": "Riette, my eyes are green."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:09)", "body": "Some wolves' are!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "Only the right kind, Riette"}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:43)", "body": "And it's funny that I should have green eyes too, don't you think??"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (02:02)", "body": "Actually, Riette, it makes perfect sense screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 103, "subject": "what's your favourite wekaness?", "response_count": 41, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (20:46)", "body": "What is a wekaness??? Would that be a weakness??"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (20:46)", "body": "i'd have to say my favorite wekaness is ber. ice, cold ber, served in a nice frosty mug. i like to sneka around to the bar and drink lots of ber. sometimes, i take a peka over at the other person sitting next to me to see what kind of ber he is drinking. ber really appelas to me. i give ber my sela of approval!!!!!!!!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:31)", "body": "ha-ha!!!!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (21:24)", "body": "me, too, i've got the chuckles after reading that bit!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (00:38)", "body": "I did too, I just couldn't think of a reply to it."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "No, neither could I! I mean, what can one say to that? Too priceless! This is the funniest place to be sometimes!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:32)", "body": "Riette, this is a funny place to be a lot of the time."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:38)", "body": "Yes; thank you for the correction! And alot of fun with you here."}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:52)", "body": "Thank you, Riette. But I would not be here as such a presence, without you. No one else spends as much time here."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "I don't either! But you're such a chatterbox - how can resist!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:35)", "body": "Riette, I enjoy talking to you, very much."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "I love talking to you too."}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "I'm glad to hear that, Riette. Are you calling again soon?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (16:00)", "body": "Oh, I don't KNOW! You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (19:11)", "body": "Sometimes I get tired of waiting, Riette. Then I just take action. I have been known to show up with the cavalry when I ran into a locked door that should have been open."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:44)", "body": "Yep, that sounds like you! But I know - waiting is a HARD thing sometimes."}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:57)", "body": "Yes it is Riette, VERY HARD!!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:33)", "body": "Are you being vulgar, Tim???? Or is it just my fancy?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:48)", "body": "Yes Riette I think so."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "ha-ha! You only think so??"}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "OK Riette, Yes, Definitely!!!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "To BOTH!!!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "BOTH! I thought I had only one!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "Yes to both items in response 18 Riette."}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:45)", "body": "wekaness IS my favorite."}, {"response": 26, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (13:54)", "body": "Nicorette."}, {"response": 27, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (16:30)", "body": "Does that stuff taste GOOD? What would it do for a non-smoker?"}, {"response": 28, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (17:44)", "body": "get us addicted to smokes!!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (21:41)", "body": "That is pretty stupid. Nothing tastes that good!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:06)", "body": "i'd rather eat chocolate anyday!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:02)", "body": "mmm.... chocolate..... better yet - chocolate covered carmels.... *licking lips*"}, {"response": 32, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (19:00)", "body": "For a non-smoker, it would probably give you quite a rush--as well as an upset stomach. :("}, {"response": 33, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (00:21)", "body": "Only once have I had room-spin. I was in custody of my colleg boyfriend's favorite pipe and was making a little protective cover for it. I got smart and decided to smoke it. I was smoking and talking and inhaling and talking and smoking and swallowing.... until suddenly the room got very hot, I got very clammy and the whole world started spinning. It was memorable. Pass the turtle and truffles!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "the last time i got that way was right after my son was born...no thanks, wouldn't want to do that again on purpose!! *laugh*"}, {"response": 35, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (20:56)", "body": "What was a nice new mama like you doing smoking a pipe??? Oh well, if it is too personal..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:50)", "body": "*chortle*"}, {"response": 37, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (18:05)", "body": "*laugh* actually it was due to *clearing throat* the effort!! they refused any drugs for me!!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:37)", "body": "MERCY!!! No drugs? Sheesh. Good thing you had all that good German Engineering going for you. Your babies were good-sized. I should have learned from you! I think mine would have been easier to deliver out my ear."}, {"response": 39, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (13:32)", "body": "Not so much as a Tylenol here, either! I come from good pioneer stock, don'tcha know. :-)"}, {"response": 40, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:25)", "body": "we're real women *ooooo rah!!* (that's actually some stupid military gung-ho thing)"}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:16)", "body": "I'm the kind who is remembered by a cross in the wagon ruts. I would not recommend 4 days of labor to anyone. Guess why I have only one child. You don't want to know how the delivered him so we will just wish all of the lovely ladies Happy Mother's Day screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 104, "subject": "Topic drift in screwed", "response_count": 29, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (00:23)", "body": "That about covers everything. Pretty all-inclusive list there."}, {"response": 2, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:52)", "body": "What about a pointed stick?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (10:15)", "body": "OOPS!!! Missed that one!!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:32)", "body": "That's so hilarious!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (22:42)", "body": "A pointed stick could be considered to be covered by Terry's sex life..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:52)", "body": "ha-ha!! You are so right!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:07)", "body": "tacos maize al pastor for breakfast this morning... daydreamed about Terry's pointed stick whilst I was procrastinating, as well!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:17)", "body": "Man, what a genius you are this morning! That response belongs in cultures, food, philosophy, sex and screwed all at once."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:23)", "body": "some days..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "no work today?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (18:46)", "body": "me worky all days..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (19:47)", "body": "That's no fun!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (00:42)", "body": "Are there people who make a living by tasting food?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (08:25)", "body": "yep...food critics and tasters at food manufacturers are the first two that come to mind..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:16)", "body": "I'd love to be one of those."}, {"response": 16, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:19)", "body": "I have two questions about that: 1) How do you get a job like that? 2) How do you keep from getting fat with a job like that?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:37)", "body": "Connections Metabolism"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:11)", "body": "Oh damn. \ufffdsigh\ufffd And fu\ufffdk."}, {"response": 19, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:10)", "body": "I guess that about covers both issues!!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (23:44)", "body": "it does in my books"}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:47)", "body": "ha-ha! I never thought of it like that. Honestly!!!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:41)", "body": "But you said it so eloquently."}, {"response": 23, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (20:13)", "body": "you do NOT \"worky all day\"... not when I stop by unannounced..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:09)", "body": "Well, what d'ya expect?? You wouldn't want him around you with whipped cream dripping from his fingers, do you? Customers might get the wrong idea!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (01:05)", "body": "Mmmmmmmm..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "ha-ha!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:22)", "body": "Or maybe get Ideas."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:12)", "body": "What sort of ideas?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:22)", "body": "Ideas about interesting applications of whipped cream and such. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 105, "subject": "Word Association-Part Two", "response_count": 447, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (21:29)", "body": "Screwdriver"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:33)", "body": "screw"}, {"response": 3, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "moan"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:52)", "body": "pant"}, {"response": 5, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:17)", "body": "squirm"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (13:09)", "body": "post"}, {"response": 7, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (13:45)", "body": "fence"}, {"response": 8, "author": "patas", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (14:06)", "body": "glove"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (15:39)", "body": "cautious"}, {"response": 10, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (16:01)", "body": "careful"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (20:55)", "body": "bored"}, {"response": 12, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (21:19)", "body": "silly"}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (00:40)", "body": "foolish"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (13:02)", "body": "widom"}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (13:49)", "body": "spelling tests"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (14:04)", "body": "bees"}, {"response": 17, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (15:34)", "body": "honey"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:42)", "body": "lover"}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:50)", "body": "my fifth grade teacher who called EVERYBODY 'lover' (not pleasant memories...)"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "life (another \"over a beer story\"?)"}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:59)", "body": "no just a silly old woman who liked the word 'lover' (i think)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:19)", "body": "prunes"}, {"response": 23, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:56)", "body": "dates"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (22:46)", "body": "single"}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (02:31)", "body": "double"}, {"response": 26, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:32)", "body": "couple"}, {"response": 27, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (10:07)", "body": "dollars"}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (10:41)", "body": "beer"}, {"response": 29, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:02)", "body": "pizza"}, {"response": 30, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:06)", "body": "beer"}, {"response": 31, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:22)", "body": "wine"}, {"response": 32, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:34)", "body": "cheese"}, {"response": 33, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:36)", "body": "crackers"}, {"response": 34, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:48)", "body": "cheese"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:51)", "body": "spread"}, {"response": 36, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:54)", "body": "bed"}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:55)", "body": "discomfort"}, {"response": 38, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:57)", "body": "ouch"}, {"response": 39, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:59)", "body": "kiss"}, {"response": 40, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (12:02)", "body": "smooch"}, {"response": 41, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (12:04)", "body": "smack"}, {"response": 42, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:12)", "body": "heroin"}, {"response": 43, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:15)", "body": "hero"}, {"response": 44, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "sandwich"}, {"response": 45, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:20)", "body": "lunchtime!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:21)", "body": "eat"}, {"response": 47, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:30)", "body": "drink"}, {"response": 48, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:32)", "body": "be merry"}, {"response": 49, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (13:34)", "body": "cross-dressing"}, {"response": 50, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (14:13)", "body": "transvestites"}, {"response": 51, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (15:14)", "body": "Hoover"}, {"response": 52, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (15:16)", "body": "vacuum"}, {"response": 53, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (23:42)", "body": "pump"}, {"response": 54, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (04:47)", "body": "up"}, {"response": 55, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (10:42)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 56, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (11:50)", "body": "repeat"}, {"response": 57, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (11:59)", "body": "burp"}, {"response": 58, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (12:01)", "body": "chug"}, {"response": 59, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (13:15)", "body": "a lug"}, {"response": 60, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (13:17)", "body": "boom"}, {"response": 61, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (13:27)", "body": "crane"}, {"response": 62, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (15:07)", "body": "operator"}, {"response": 63, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan  8, 1999 (15:48)", "body": "hello"}, {"response": 64, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (00:08)", "body": "kiss"}, {"response": 65, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (11:28)", "body": "makeup"}, {"response": 66, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (12:52)", "body": "garnish"}, {"response": 67, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (17:50)", "body": "parsley"}, {"response": 68, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (19:30)", "body": "plate"}, {"response": 69, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (23:32)", "body": "skull"}, {"response": 70, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 11, 1999 (09:06)", "body": "crossbones"}, {"response": 71, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (15:30)", "body": "pirate"}, {"response": 72, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (17:47)", "body": "eye patch"}, {"response": 73, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (18:22)", "body": "parrot"}, {"response": 74, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (21:11)", "body": "education reform"}, {"response": 75, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (06:18)", "body": "school"}, {"response": 76, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (09:50)", "body": "bus"}, {"response": 77, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:37)", "body": "line"}, {"response": 78, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:55)", "body": "straight"}, {"response": 79, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:58)", "body": "edge"}, {"response": 80, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:09)", "body": "shaving cream"}, {"response": 81, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:16)", "body": "funFunFUN"}, {"response": 82, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:35)", "body": "Excitement"}, {"response": 83, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:55)", "body": "nudity"}, {"response": 84, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:59)", "body": "rated R"}, {"response": 85, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:04)", "body": "Unrated"}, {"response": 86, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:06)", "body": "foreign film"}, {"response": 87, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:07)", "body": "Suspiria"}, {"response": 88, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:09)", "body": "Sublime"}, {"response": 89, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:11)", "body": "heroin overdose"}, {"response": 90, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:11)", "body": "mutant tangerine"}, {"response": 91, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:12)", "body": "hole"}, {"response": 92, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:12)", "body": "(HUH???? lost the thread at the mutant tangerine!)"}, {"response": 93, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:13)", "body": "(but moving on...) mouse"}, {"response": 94, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:18)", "body": "gerbil"}, {"response": 95, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:19)", "body": "(sub-lime...mutant tangerine (you came first with your heroin overdose)) cheese"}, {"response": 96, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:20)", "body": "smile"}, {"response": 97, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "(laughing hysterically... thought the smile post followed gerbil and my mind... she was a-spinnin') teeth"}, {"response": 98, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (18:04)", "body": "bite marks"}, {"response": 99, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (05:42)", "body": "teeth"}, {"response": 100, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (11:24)", "body": "nibble"}, {"response": 101, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (12:07)", "body": "squirrel"}, {"response": 102, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (14:22)", "body": "nuts"}, {"response": 103, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (15:12)", "body": "Planter's"}, {"response": 104, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (15:13)", "body": "(alright that's not really the first thing that came to mind..."}, {"response": 105, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (15:27)", "body": "testicles"}, {"response": 106, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (15:33)", "body": "(from Planter's??????)"}, {"response": 107, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (23:16)", "body": "tennis balls"}, {"response": 108, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (05:43)", "body": "court"}, {"response": 109, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (09:36)", "body": "trouble"}, {"response": 110, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (09:56)", "body": "double"}, {"response": 111, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:01)", "body": "mint"}, {"response": 112, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:02)", "body": "julep"}, {"response": 113, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:03)", "body": "Kentucky"}, {"response": 114, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:07)", "body": "bluegrass"}, {"response": 115, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:12)", "body": "state"}, {"response": 116, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:28)", "body": "say"}, {"response": 117, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:30)", "body": "hey, Willie Mays"}, {"response": 118, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:35)", "body": "kid"}, {"response": 119, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:50)", "body": "cabrito"}, {"response": 120, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (11:55)", "body": "tacos"}, {"response": 121, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:12)", "body": "crunchy"}, {"response": 122, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:21)", "body": "tender"}, {"response": 123, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:35)", "body": "morsels"}, {"response": 124, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:37)", "body": "breasts"}, {"response": 125, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:45)", "body": "chicken?"}, {"response": 126, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:46)", "body": "thigh"}, {"response": 127, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:59)", "body": "thunder"}, {"response": 128, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:09)", "body": "lightning"}, {"response": 129, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "moonshine"}, {"response": 130, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "old men"}, {"response": 131, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:40)", "body": "women"}, {"response": 132, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:44)", "body": "estrogen fest"}, {"response": 133, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:46)", "body": "feast"}, {"response": 134, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (17:13)", "body": "turkey"}, {"response": 135, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (17:45)", "body": "ham"}, {"response": 136, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (17:59)", "body": "raisin sauce"}, {"response": 137, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (21:41)", "body": "california"}, {"response": 138, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:04)", "body": "avocados"}, {"response": 139, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (01:15)", "body": "guacamole"}, {"response": 140, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (10:52)", "body": "fajitas"}, {"response": 141, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (12:42)", "body": "salsa"}, {"response": 142, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (13:01)", "body": "fresh"}, {"response": 143, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:02)", "body": "slap"}, {"response": 144, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (15:36)", "body": "rear"}, {"response": 145, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (18:55)", "body": "end"}, {"response": 146, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (19:15)", "body": "dead"}, {"response": 147, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (21:34)", "body": "maggots"}, {"response": 148, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:25)", "body": "babies"}, {"response": 149, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:17)", "body": "(sick association there...) gerbils (i know, i know)"}, {"response": 150, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:14)", "body": "circles"}, {"response": 151, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (04:26)", "body": "squares"}, {"response": 152, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (09:53)", "body": "geeks"}, {"response": 153, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (18:24)", "body": "me!"}, {"response": 154, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (22:20)", "body": "you"}, {"response": 155, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:28)", "body": "not"}, {"response": 156, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "and"}, {"response": 157, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (10:43)", "body": "as well"}, {"response": 158, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:04)", "body": "yep"}, {"response": 159, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:52)", "body": "affirmative"}, {"response": 160, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (21:55)", "body": "alimpative"}, {"response": 161, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:19)", "body": "lumpy"}, {"response": 162, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:13)", "body": "reasoning"}, {"response": 163, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:31)", "body": "faulty"}, {"response": 164, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (00:19)", "body": "inside"}, {"response": 165, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (08:02)", "body": "outside"}, {"response": 166, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (16:29)", "body": "chilly"}, {"response": 167, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (22:13)", "body": "penguin"}, {"response": 168, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jan 26, 1999 (13:16)", "body": "Chilly Willy"}, {"response": 169, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 26, 1999 (16:49)", "body": "cold"}, {"response": 170, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 26, 1999 (18:37)", "body": "hands"}, {"response": 171, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 26, 1999 (18:51)", "body": "on"}, {"response": 172, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 26, 1999 (19:16)", "body": "fresh"}, {"response": 173, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 26, 1999 (21:21)", "body": "prince"}, {"response": 174, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 27, 1999 (15:05)", "body": "Albert"}, {"response": 175, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Jan 27, 1999 (20:44)", "body": "Prince"}, {"response": 176, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan 27, 1999 (20:46)", "body": "singer"}, {"response": 177, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jan 27, 1999 (23:25)", "body": "sewing"}, {"response": 178, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan 28, 1999 (19:28)", "body": "machine"}, {"response": 179, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 29, 1999 (08:50)", "body": "engine"}, {"response": 180, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 29, 1999 (16:56)", "body": "oil"}, {"response": 181, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:10)", "body": "lubrication"}, {"response": 182, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (03:00)", "body": "slick"}, {"response": 183, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (12:56)", "body": "grip"}, {"response": 184, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:04)", "body": "fast"}, {"response": 185, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:29)", "body": "free"}, {"response": 186, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (12:58)", "body": "hidden costs"}, {"response": 187, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (14:28)", "body": "cell phones"}, {"response": 188, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (16:57)", "body": "beepers"}, {"response": 189, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (19:35)", "body": "vibrator"}, {"response": 190, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (23:18)", "body": "thoughts"}, {"response": 191, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (09:19)", "body": "feelings"}, {"response": 192, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (22:14)", "body": "lies"}, {"response": 193, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (00:29)", "body": "and videotapes"}, {"response": 194, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb 11, 1999 (16:05)", "body": "live feeds"}, {"response": 195, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:24)", "body": "buffet"}, {"response": 196, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:32)", "body": "jimmy"}, {"response": 197, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (20:38)", "body": "dean"}, {"response": 198, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (23:10)", "body": "sausage"}, {"response": 199, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "breakfast"}, {"response": 200, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (12:07)", "body": "important"}, {"response": 201, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (12:45)", "body": "papers"}, {"response": 202, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (12:48)", "body": "memos"}, {"response": 203, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (17:05)", "body": "mundane"}, {"response": 204, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (17:33)", "body": "work"}, {"response": 205, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (18:04)", "body": "ergs"}, {"response": 206, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (19:56)", "body": "iceb"}, {"response": 207, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (20:13)", "body": "??"}, {"response": 208, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (23:55)", "body": "!!"}, {"response": 209, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (09:39)", "body": "feet prints"}, {"response": 210, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (09:47)", "body": "art classes"}, {"response": 211, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (10:04)", "body": "Ree-head"}, {"response": 212, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (12:50)", "body": "hot and steamy"}, {"response": 213, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (12:55)", "body": "hot chocolate"}, {"response": 214, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (13:03)", "body": "cookies"}, {"response": 215, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (15:19)", "body": "chips A-hoy"}, {"response": 216, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 27, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "blue"}, {"response": 217, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (11:21)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 218, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (12:05)", "body": "sports"}, {"response": 219, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (17:27)", "body": "basketball"}, {"response": 220, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (18:54)", "body": "shoes"}, {"response": 221, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 31, 1999 (22:52)", "body": "two"}, {"response": 222, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jun  1, 1999 (07:54)", "body": "a.m."}, {"response": 223, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:50)", "body": "breakfast"}, {"response": 224, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "hashbrowns"}, {"response": 225, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:10)", "body": "icon"}, {"response": 226, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:12)", "body": "(still musing over the associations of hash browns and icons...) WindowsNT"}, {"response": 227, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:17)", "body": "Denney's file"}, {"response": 228, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (18:08)", "body": "aha! organization"}, {"response": 229, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (18:34)", "body": "screw-up"}, {"response": 230, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (10:19)", "body": "Home Depot"}, {"response": 231, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (11:13)", "body": "fix-it"}, {"response": 232, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (11:40)", "body": "again"}, {"response": 233, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "repetition"}, {"response": 234, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (12:24)", "body": "cyclical"}, {"response": 235, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:38)", "body": "anger"}, {"response": 236, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "frustration"}, {"response": 237, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "sadness"}, {"response": 238, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:13)", "body": "emptiness"}, {"response": 239, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:26)", "body": "loneliness"}, {"response": 240, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:39)", "body": "lethargy"}, {"response": 241, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:40)", "body": "perpetual"}, {"response": 242, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:43)", "body": "HOPE"}, {"response": 243, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:02)", "body": "chronic"}, {"response": 244, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:12)", "body": "eternal"}, {"response": 245, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:54)", "body": "immortal"}, {"response": 246, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (19:13)", "body": "beloved"}, {"response": 247, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 1999 (09:32)", "body": "loved"}, {"response": 248, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 1999 (12:56)", "body": "cherished"}, {"response": 249, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (09:06)", "body": "smiles"}, {"response": 250, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (14:06)", "body": "encouragement"}, {"response": 251, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (09:30)", "body": "'I FEEL the love in this room'"}, {"response": 252, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (12:50)", "body": "It is here!"}, {"response": 253, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "there"}, {"response": 254, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (14:18)", "body": "everywhere"}, {"response": 255, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (17:06)", "body": "nowhere"}, {"response": 256, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 1999 (17:45)", "body": "void"}, {"response": 257, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 1999 (09:59)", "body": "abyss"}, {"response": 258, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (01:13)", "body": "bottomless"}, {"response": 259, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (09:52)", "body": "soda"}, {"response": 260, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (12:13)", "body": "Fizz"}, {"response": 261, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Feb  1, 2001 (17:06)", "body": "Carbonation."}, {"response": 262, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Feb  2, 2001 (13:55)", "body": "fizziness"}, {"response": 263, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Feb  5, 2001 (19:05)", "body": "bubbles"}, {"response": 264, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (10:01)", "body": "bath"}, {"response": 265, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (14:27)", "body": "shower"}, {"response": 266, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (08:54)", "body": "droplets"}, {"response": 267, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (11:11)", "body": "eye"}, {"response": 268, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (14:09)", "body": "tears"}, {"response": 269, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Mar 31, 2001 (13:06)", "body": "joy"}, {"response": 270, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  1, 2001 (00:09)", "body": "bundle"}, {"response": 271, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Apr  1, 2001 (11:23)", "body": "cash"}, {"response": 272, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Apr  2, 2001 (09:45)", "body": "check"}, {"response": 273, "author": "Ann", "date": "Mon, Apr  2, 2001 (15:20)", "body": "list"}, {"response": 274, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Apr  3, 2001 (09:13)", "body": "grocery"}, {"response": 275, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Apr  8, 2001 (14:21)", "body": "delicatessan"}, {"response": 276, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (09:11)", "body": "Kosher"}, {"response": 277, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, May 18, 2001 (06:27)", "body": "Beef"}, {"response": 278, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:46)", "body": "Pastrami"}, {"response": 279, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (12:43)", "body": "sausage"}, {"response": 280, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (17:54)", "body": "Polish"}, {"response": 281, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:49)", "body": "language"}, {"response": 282, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (11:23)", "body": "arts"}, {"response": 283, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (20:40)", "body": "sciences"}, {"response": 284, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (12:19)", "body": "math"}, {"response": 285, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (12:26)", "body": "Geometry"}, {"response": 286, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (13:55)", "body": "shapes"}, {"response": 287, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (17:45)", "body": "sizes"}, {"response": 288, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (21:47)", "body": "exaggerations"}, {"response": 289, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:06)", "body": "celebrities"}, {"response": 290, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:01)", "body": "Colin Firth (one guess as to which part of Spring i migrated here from...) ;-)"}, {"response": 291, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (19:01)", "body": "Mr. Darcy"}, {"response": 292, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (00:27)", "body": "Elizabeth (me too!)"}, {"response": 293, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (10:07)", "body": "Queen"}, {"response": 294, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (14:48)", "body": "drag"}, {"response": 295, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "bore!"}, {"response": 296, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:40)", "body": "Mr. Colins"}, {"response": 297, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:51)", "body": "obsequious"}, {"response": 298, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (09:58)", "body": "toadying"}, {"response": 299, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "frogs"}, {"response": 300, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (09:48)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 301, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (13:37)", "body": "aqua"}, {"response": 302, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (14:55)", "body": "man"}, {"response": 303, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:38)", "body": "drool"}, {"response": 304, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (09:38)", "body": "*lol* Colin Firth (here we go again...) ;-)"}, {"response": 305, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (13:34)", "body": "Earnest"}, {"response": 306, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (14:43)", "body": "(am so impressed Autumn!) Handbag"}, {"response": 307, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:34)", "body": "leather"}, {"response": 308, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:20)", "body": "hide"}, {"response": 309, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (10:18)", "body": "n' seek"}, {"response": 310, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (12:23)", "body": "'N Sync"}, {"response": 311, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (17:20)", "body": "*blech*"}, {"response": 312, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (18:24)", "body": "kids!"}, {"response": 313, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "goats"}, {"response": 314, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (23:05)", "body": "cheese"}, {"response": 315, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "sandwich"}, {"response": 316, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (12:59)", "body": "earl"}, {"response": 317, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:31)", "body": "Wessex"}, {"response": 318, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:38)", "body": "Stonehenge"}, {"response": 319, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:49)", "body": "mist"}, {"response": 320, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (16:04)", "body": "Avalon"}, {"response": 321, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (16:04)", "body": "Lady of the Lake"}, {"response": 322, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "guadalupe"}, {"response": 323, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:07)", "body": "grotto"}, {"response": 324, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:45)", "body": "motto"}, {"response": 325, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:47)", "body": "slogan"}, {"response": 326, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "campaign"}, {"response": 327, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (09:35)", "body": "election"}, {"response": 328, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:54)", "body": "vote"}, {"response": 329, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (15:19)", "body": "Republican"}, {"response": 330, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "scandal"}, {"response": 331, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:44)", "body": "Democrate (*laughing*)"}, {"response": 332, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:51)", "body": "*HAHA* politics"}, {"response": 333, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (09:41)", "body": "office"}, {"response": 334, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:18)", "body": "cubicle"}, {"response": 335, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (20:25)", "body": "Dilbert"}, {"response": 336, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (13:14)", "body": "dogbert"}, {"response": 337, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:12)", "body": "filbert"}, {"response": 338, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:30)", "body": "filabust (sp?)"}, {"response": 339, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:14)", "body": "blockbuster"}, {"response": 340, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:56)", "body": "tapes"}, {"response": 341, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (10:02)", "body": "packing"}, {"response": 342, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:04)", "body": "nightmare"}, {"response": 343, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:17)", "body": "IRS"}, {"response": 344, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:59)", "body": "April"}, {"response": 345, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (10:29)", "body": "showers"}, {"response": 346, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (09:48)", "body": "May"}, {"response": 347, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (16:43)", "body": "flowers"}, {"response": 348, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (16:56)", "body": "pretty"}, {"response": 349, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (22:03)", "body": "woman"}, {"response": 350, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (09:53)", "body": "man"}, {"response": 351, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:14)", "body": "masculine"}, {"response": 352, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:17)", "body": "sexy"}, {"response": 353, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:15)", "body": "voluptuous"}, {"response": 354, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:17)", "body": "underwire"}, {"response": 355, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "bra"}, {"response": 356, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:26)", "body": "panties"}, {"response": 357, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (23:34)", "body": "lingerie"}, {"response": 358, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:34)", "body": "lace"}, {"response": 359, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:56)", "body": "leather"}, {"response": 360, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (13:58)", "body": "coat"}, {"response": 361, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "belt"}, {"response": 362, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (16:08)", "body": "purse"}, {"response": 363, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "crocodile"}, {"response": 364, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "teeth"}, {"response": 365, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "bite"}, {"response": 366, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (20:17)", "body": "mega"}, {"response": 367, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (11:15)", "body": "alpha"}, {"response": 368, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "beta"}, {"response": 369, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "gamma"}, {"response": 370, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (20:11)", "body": "rays"}, {"response": 371, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (22:49)", "body": "sharks"}, {"response": 372, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:30)", "body": "jets"}, {"response": 373, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "cool"}, {"response": 374, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "music"}, {"response": 375, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:12)", "body": "singing"}, {"response": 376, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:23)", "body": "tone deafness"}, {"response": 377, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (23:02)", "body": "tin ear"}, {"response": 378, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (09:44)", "body": "tin man"}, {"response": 379, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (20:16)", "body": "wizard"}, {"response": 380, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (21:26)", "body": "*laugh* ozzie"}, {"response": 381, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "Harriet"}, {"response": 382, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:10)", "body": "harrier"}, {"response": 383, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (20:14)", "body": "(what's a harrier??) clueless"}, {"response": 384, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (23:39)", "body": "hawk"}, {"response": 385, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (20:24)", "body": "peddle"}, {"response": 386, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (20:49)", "body": "piano"}, {"response": 387, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (09:46)", "body": "Play"}, {"response": 388, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "Drama"}, {"response": 389, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:20)", "body": "Queen"}, {"response": 390, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (20:11)", "body": "(that's exactly what i was thinking when i came back to look for responses!!!) King"}, {"response": 391, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (23:47)", "body": "Cotton"}, {"response": 392, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (10:25)", "body": "Dixie"}, {"response": 393, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "South"}, {"response": 394, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (10:19)", "body": "Carolina"}, {"response": 395, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "Georgia"}, {"response": 396, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:14)", "body": "Virginia"}, {"response": 397, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "Louisiana"}, {"response": 398, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (09:55)", "body": "Purchase"}, {"response": 399, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:40)", "body": "Boston Tea Party"}, {"response": 400, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:48)", "body": "Townsend Acts"}, {"response": 401, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (15:16)", "body": "The Who"}, {"response": 402, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (09:30)", "body": "WhooVille"}, {"response": 403, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (15:25)", "body": "Grinch"}, {"response": 404, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jun 15, 2002 (10:45)", "body": "Suess"}, {"response": 405, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 15, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "cat in the hat"}, {"response": 406, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 17, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "Thing One"}, {"response": 407, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (16:56)", "body": "apples up on top"}, {"response": 408, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (16:57)", "body": "Hop On Pop"}, {"response": 409, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "Sam I Am"}, {"response": 410, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (10:43)", "body": "Green Eggs & Ham"}, {"response": 411, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (17:49)", "body": "*giggle* bacon"}, {"response": 412, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (17:56)", "body": "bits (the non-Americans were probably wondering what in God's Name we were talking about in the last couple posts) ;-D"}, {"response": 413, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (20:52)", "body": "parts"}, {"response": 414, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (13:54)", "body": "nuts (Yup!!!)"}, {"response": 415, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (16:24)", "body": "bolts"}, {"response": 416, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (21:24)", "body": "lightning"}, {"response": 417, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (11:06)", "body": "forest fire"}, {"response": 418, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (13:39)", "body": "Smokey"}, {"response": 419, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 28, 2002 (11:18)", "body": "the Bear"}, {"response": 420, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (10:30)", "body": "Kodiak"}, {"response": 421, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (23:14)", "body": "Alaska"}, {"response": 422, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (10:53)", "body": "ice caps"}, {"response": 423, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "ice bergs"}, {"response": 424, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (12:31)", "body": "Pittsburg"}, {"response": 425, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (19:11)", "body": "Steelers"}, {"response": 426, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "Thieves"}, {"response": 427, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jul  3, 2002 (15:09)", "body": "*laugh* Thebes"}, {"response": 428, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul  3, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "LOL okay, you've stumped me Wolfie.... what is a Thebes?"}, {"response": 429, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul  3, 2002 (20:23)", "body": "Greece"}, {"response": 430, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jul  4, 2002 (12:10)", "body": "it's a city in ancient egypt! lard"}, {"response": 431, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (10:51)", "body": "butt (Oh! Duh!!! i swear, i really did pass History of Civ!) :-)"}, {"response": 432, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jul  6, 2002 (11:06)", "body": "rump roast"}, {"response": 433, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jul  6, 2002 (22:13)", "body": "carnivore"}, {"response": 434, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jul  7, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "t-rex"}, {"response": 435, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (16:38)", "body": "t-shirt"}, {"response": 436, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (20:45)", "body": "t-ball"}, {"response": 437, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul  9, 2002 (10:37)", "body": "little league"}, {"response": 438, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (10:46)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 439, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (14:22)", "body": "bat"}, {"response": 440, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (21:08)", "body": "Fleidermaus"}, {"response": 441, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (14:40)", "body": "*whispering* Show Off! ;-D"}, {"response": 442, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jul 14, 2002 (15:13)", "body": "(what the ----?) braggart"}, {"response": 443, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (18:16)", "body": "*LAUGH* loser"}, {"response": 444, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (23:20)", "body": "Beck"}, {"response": 445, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (11:49)", "body": "HairSpray"}, {"response": 446, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "Off-Broadway"}, {"response": 447, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (22:25)", "body": "John Waters screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 109, "subject": "Conference Business", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec  4, 1998 (15:53)", "body": "???"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (07:44)", "body": "who will, then? and why are you leaving this conference?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (18:06)", "body": "Topic 10 of 33 [philosophy]: Selfishness Response 112 of 119: Tim Guenther (TIM) * Fri, Dec 4, 1998 (11:32) * 19 lines If we were dealing with an isolated incident here, and only an attack on me, I could agree with you a little. I could overlook the fact that the response was totally inappropriate for the discussion. I could call it an honest mistake. But the attacks have been continuous and made with considerable finesse, so that it is hard to look at one occurrence and call it an attack, however, if you look at all the responses made by wer and ray prior to 0000 thursday, and After the 10th of november, and look at the new topics started by them during that time, a true and ugly picture emerges. So, Jim look at all the topics in screwed, sex, food, art, philosophy, music, restaurants, porch, science, environment, austin, vc, education, web, and computer. look at how often responses were inappropriate when dealing with Riette or myself. As against dealing with anyone else. Look at the new topics created in screw during that time. Inappropriate? Maybe not. Excessive? definitely. One more thing. Riette is not the only person to leave the conferences for this reason. Kristin left for the same reason. Had a problem with the same people. Now we have a mutually exclusive situation here. Neither Riette nor Kristin want to be a part of conferences with wer and ray. So, either we have Riette and Kristin or we have wer and ray, Now, we don't actually have this choice because wer and ray are entrenched here. However, if we got rid of wer and ray, and brought Riette and Kristin back, I think we'd have a lot more discussion going on than there has been the last two days. Topic 10 of 33 [philosophy]: Selfishness Response 113 of 119: Ray Lopez (ratthing) * Fri, Dec 4, 1998 (15:38) * 16 lines well for heaven's sake, i just dont know what to say. i am completely flabbergasted by all of this. i *never* intended for anyone to be hurt by anything i have written here, but apparently i fucked up somewhere along the way. i am totally, totally at a loss to explain any of this. ask and you shall recieve, tim. i shall not be signing on anymore to the Spring. the nature of ASCII based communication is such that i really do not have the time to spend worrying about how some will misinterpret what i say and write. i live on the Well and on Rheingold's Brainstorms community as well, so i will still be in cyberspace, as i have been for the past 20 yrs. my email is rlopez@texas.net in case anyone wants to keep in touch! Topic 10 of 33 [philosophy]: Selfishness Response 114 of 119: Tim Guenther (TIM) * Fri, Dec 4, 1998 (15:38) * 1 lines ENVIRONMENT topic 10 responses 9 and 19 real quickly"}, {"response": 4, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (18:23)", "body": "I will miss you, Ray. :-("}, {"response": 5, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (18:27)", "body": "i don't know if that helps me leplep, but thanks anyway. i think it's pretty babyish for people to take offense at anything said here because this place is for us to vent, to talk, to be honest, and say stupid things and be forgiven. if people have such fragile egos as to believe that whatever is being directed towards them and them directly in a derogative way, then, i don't know what to say. this is an open forum and none of us have the right to tell people they can't come back because it's better off ithout them or because they prevent the flow of conversation. this is ridiculous, hasn't anyone learned that you can avoid those comments directly by not validating them? by ignoring comments that perhaps are inappropriate? or maybe emailing whomever you think has done the offending and clear the air in private? look, i know that i'm a big fat idiot and probably don't know what i'm saying but i think this place will be less appealing without all the personalities that gather here and play off each other. truly will miss riette and ray."}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (18:32)", "body": "Hear, hear, Wolf, couldn't have said it better myself."}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (18:48)", "body": "Wow. I missed tons evidently. And I'll certainly miss Ray and Ree-head. gotta agree wolf. i have no children of my own, and I'm no longer a teacher, but I used to try and explain to my 'kids' that there will always be people in their lives that they find it difficult to get along with, that they don't like for one reason or another or may even hate. i certainly tried to impress upon them that it is their job to make the most of the situation especially if contact is inevitable and of course the old adage, \"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.\" Words can hurt deep inside but in a forum like this, a forum where we (as a whole) have prided ourselves on allowing diverse opinions, allowing true feelings to be revealed, encouraging honest discourse... it's sad that this community has to realize such a great loss."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (20:35)", "body": "I agree with you wolf, 100%. It should be an open forum, where you can speak your mind on an issue freely, without having to worry about taking a lot of flak about it. What happened to that??"}, {"response": 9, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Dec  7, 1998 (20:56)", "body": "pressure does get to people frustration mounts words fly apart hurt feelings seem to warp that's when people become more coercive towards each other.... how to keep a cool head under conditions like that can be more than too much of a challenge.... it seems so strange, so difficult to even get a handle on what specifically is going down....like inside different people's perceptions ---then BOOOOM"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  8, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "With me, JIM, It's more like ROOOOAAR, Like when they ignite the main ignition on a space shuttle launch, but without any water in the flame channels."}, {"response": 11, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Dec  8, 1998 (16:44)", "body": "nevermind, i am back as host and on the spring!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec  8, 1998 (19:20)", "body": "good! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 11, "subject": "No screwples please!", "response_count": 32, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:22)", "body": "screw this!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:31)", "body": "left- or right-threaded? (screws, that is...)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:41)", "body": "Nearly screwed you for missing a screw there! With screws in, what would our names be?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:53)", "body": "Night night, sweet screws, everyone. Being summoned to bed . . . who knows what the outcome will be?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:55)", "body": "Ever read Henry James's \"The Turn of the Screw\"?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (23:02)", "body": "guess my name would be wercs"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "ha-ha! Screwliam E. Screwland"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "Terry Walhus: Screwy Screwhus Ray Lopez: Screw Screwpez Riette Walton: Ree-Screw Screwton"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:56)", "body": "Screwcey Screwra (it's catchy... like a disease)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:58)", "body": "Screwa, Princess of PowerScrew?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:07)", "body": "screwLA LA!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:09)", "body": "Please!..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "you mean screwplease?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:42)", "body": "*sigh* if you screwfer..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:54)", "body": "I guess when all the screws are out the topic falls apart."}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:04)", "body": "So screws are the only thing holding this topic together? Well, maybe Terry will let us borrow his tool so that we drive some more screws home!!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:13)", "body": "And a mighty practiced tool it is!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:46)", "body": "Almost sounds like you are speaking from personal experience."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "Personal experience isn't everything!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:05)", "body": "I did say, \"ALMOST\". And I agree. There are some things I would not want to experience personally. An F5 tornado is one of them. The last one missed my truck by less than a mile. A mile may sound like a long way to be from a tornado, but this tornado was three quarters of a mile in diameter. 300+ miles per hour winds. (close to 500KPH) Sucked the pavement off the ground. Hit a subdivision."}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:22)", "body": "Good thing you weren't hauling a trailer house..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "Amen to that, I was parked. They made us all get off I 35 right before it hit."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "Shoot! That sounds dangerous! Does this sort of thing happen to you often?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:45)", "body": "First time. I hope it's the last time. I helped with the clean-up. It took us three days to find all? the pieces of what had been people. the tornado was so violent that it shredded cars like paper. One guy had over 100 55-57 chevy cars. after the tornado we found one battered sitting in the middle of a field. that was the most intact thing left. The tornado shredded him, his wife, their three kids. I'm glad I wasn't working in the morgue. they had to figure out which pieces went with which to make up bod es, which then had to be identified."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "That's so horrible. I think many of us don't have a clue about what suffering is."}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:51)", "body": "I don't think that those that were killed suffered much. Those left alive were in shock for weeks. The town was denied Federal disaster relief because, by the time the paperwork was done, everyone was put up. there were warehouses full of food and clothes, donated by people from the surrounding area. Menonites from Missouri came down and rebuilt the entire subdivision, free."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:42)", "body": "One year, almost to the day, after the tornado, the community has been rebuilt. Except for the Ito home. (the guy with the cars) They are leaving the empty slab as a sort of monument to the 43 people who were killed. It would have been a lot more, but the national weather service got the warning out within 30 seconds of the formation of the tornado, Amazingly fast for a federal agency. I watched the replay of the radar image, It was incredibly obvious that this was something truely nasty. The tornado formed out of a clear sky only 20 miles from the subdivision it destroyed."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "That's so scary. Have you ever been IN a tornado?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "No I haven't. In fact, that was as close as I've ever gotten to one. That is closer than I ever want to be to another one."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "It must be utterly frightening. My sister has seen one too; she says she honestly thought she was going to die, and wrote me a letter."}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "Small ones aren't that scary, It's the big ones that are bad. When one is that big and your only transportation is a big truck, all you can do is watch and hope it doesn't come your way."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:08)", "body": "Then again, the same day, the same storm bred a small tornado that collapsed the roof of a large grocery store. But for the quick thinking of the manager, another 40 people would have been killed. The manager herded everyone into the meat locker, just before the tornado hit. It took the rescue people 3.5 hrs to get the door clear so they could get out, but, nobody was hurt. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 110, "subject": "Screwed Press Conference Room", "response_count": 43, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (15:01)", "body": "Sure!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (15:25)", "body": "yes, did you have a question?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:14)", "body": "Heck no! I've gots lot more than that..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:19)", "body": "Well, what are they?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:34)", "body": "Well, you know, the first one is: Can any of the posts in here actually be used in a court of law?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:45)", "body": "haha!!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (19:03)", "body": "i am very glad you asked that question. i think the american people are technically in favor of having some of these posts used in a court of law. now, i also feel that we need to examine the issue further from several angles and determine what the best course of action would be in regards to the technical use of postings in a court of law. it could be that this is not a good thing, though i do not want to make is sound like it is bad because it is not. however the simple fact that the american people are concerned about these issues makes it important, and i am glad that you brought the topic up. next question?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (19:06)", "body": "wow, ray, where'd you learn to talk like a lawyer? *grin* i think the danger of using these posts in a court of law would be from using them out of context. you know, a lawyer's favorite tactic."}, {"response": 9, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (19:16)", "body": "now that is a very good point, young lady. i have strongly been in favor of using and/or not enabling the functionality of such items in the past. i have said before that such items used \"out\" of \"context\" might prove to be problematic. technically, this is an issue of grave concern for us here in screwed, and we feel that the american people deserve a fair shake in determining how they want these things dealt with. next?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (19:17)", "body": "haha!!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (20:11)", "body": "Then, Mr. Lopez, may we take it that you are, in effect, in favor of the aforementioned plan outlining the proposed steps to take in any potential future setting of such circumstances? And, if not, could you elaborate on your postion should such eventualities arise, either directly or indirectly?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (20:57)", "body": "exactly. as i have said, the american people are in effect taking a very proactive approach in these manners. John Rockefeller once said, \"i beleive that every right implies a responsibility, every opportunity, an obligation, every possession, a duty.\" i feel that the american people have given us a mandate to continue on as careful a course as possible, given the most caring and humane ways we can think of."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (00:57)", "body": "And how do the American people plan to reconcile the concept of 'caring and humane ways' with their Boer neighbours?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (08:53)", "body": "i am glad you asked that question young lady. this concept is in dire need of reconciliation, in much the same way that many key and important concepts are. our boer neighbors are very important to us, and the mandate given to us by the american people demonstrates that such a solid and lasting relationship is a key component to developing a kinder and gentler approach to most cases of such magnitude. next question?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:09)", "body": "When are we gonna roast the goat?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:20)", "body": "At the next koedoedrolsverspoeg competition."}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:28)", "body": "Speaking of such gatherings, what would you suggest be done to insure the continuance of said festivities for the following generations, and if this isn't feasible, what are your thoughts concerning the loss of such traditions to the recent Boer/American confederation?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (11:42)", "body": "I'd just like to know what that word meant. It looked like one of those towns in Wales."}, {"response": 19, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (22:57)", "body": "No, it didn't have nearly enought L's to be Welsh."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (00:46)", "body": "ha-ha, Autumn!! And NO NO NO! The koedoedrolverspoeg competition is an important annual Boer event. Anybody can take part in seeing who can spit a kudu turt furthest."}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (08:30)", "body": "that's done with watermelon seeds (pips) and/or tobacco juice here in the states... not to mention, Autumn, there weren't any y's... in Welsh, it would probably look something like kyldyndrollvyrlspoich..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:17)", "body": "LOL!!! But $hit, I'd rather spit kudu turts than tobacco juice. Foul!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:21)", "body": "I'd be reluctant to put either one in my mouth."}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:38)", "body": "and I've had much worse in mine..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:12)", "body": "Like what sort of worse things???"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (23:45)", "body": "huh? you talking to me?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:17)", "body": "wer's had in his mouth snake venom, fire ant juice, leftover glandular excretions from old worn out scrubwomen right after the scrubbing, tire iron lickings from the hazardous waste site down the block from wer he lives, chocolate malts that grew hairs on the chest of the glass he drank it out of, small scale babysitter farts that traveled the length of the room and landed in the cereal he was eating.....this is only a 1000th of the worst stuff wer's had in his mouth that I can remember.....Terry and Ray now lots more.....Stacey has seen him merrily suck on and seriously swallow useless lifeforms from other galaxies that when those lifeforms were touched to a diamond (that Stacey's grandmother used to own), that diamond melted into a puddle of naked booze."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:49)", "body": "\ufffdpractically falling off my chair with laughter!!!!!\ufffd Jim, there is something I would love to know. What is a scrubwoman?????"}, {"response": 29, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:43)", "body": "Female Janitor."}, {"response": 30, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (20:16)", "body": "I thought they were women living in the scrub brush of vegitation on the outskirts of Nambia..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:12)", "body": "No, those are bushwoman - I know, because my husband always says being married to me has taught him one thing: you can drag a bushwoman out of the bush, but you can't drag the bush out of the bushwoman. So, a scrubwoman must be something else. A cleaning lady perhaps?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:07)", "body": "yes, you are correct... and I thought that you could at least shave the bush off a bushwoman..."}, {"response": 33, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:11)", "body": "You might want to obtain her consent first. Anyone who flourishes in such an environment, is probably pretty handy with a weapon."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "It is a figurative bush, my dear."}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "and I was hoping for a fingerative one..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:50)", "body": "I thought guys didn't like literal or fingerative bushes...."}, {"response": 37, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:24)", "body": "Variety is the spice of life!!! Vive la Difference!!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:45)", "body": "that would be lickable or fingerative bushes..."}, {"response": 39, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:46)", "body": "Hey, does this mean that you be shaved smooth, Ree?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:16)", "body": "\ufffdblush\ufffd I'm pretty smooth, yeah. But I don't really have a choice in the matter - it is how nature intended it. My sister got my share of the back hair and thick eyebrows, and other exotic hairs when we were made; I got alot of head hair, and practically nothing elsewhere. Like a mutant rat, really!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:25)", "body": "Like I said,\" Vive la Difference\". Life would be boring if everyone was the same."}, {"response": 42, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jun 13, 1999 (23:53)", "body": "I would feel that most of the conversations that take place in those areas of The Spring that do have the conferencing system would in almost their entirety be in existence but the special prosecutor, the court, and, I think, the screwed participants are sufficiently familiar with the conferencing system to know where the conferencing system exists and to know the situation in terms of the conferencing process but I feel, although the process has not been undertaken yet in preparation of the material to abide by the court decision, really, what the answer to that question is."}, {"response": 43, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (20:22)", "body": "William, would it be too much trouble to translate that statement into English? (Perhaps it's been messed up by telnet...?!) screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 111, "subject": "How many...", "response_count": 28, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:24)", "body": "Vixens are little, Wer is too."}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (11:45)", "body": "Do we have to use all of the words in the same sentence?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (18:49)", "body": "sure, why not?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (19:51)", "body": "Just figured using them separately would result in more sentences."}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (22:59)", "body": "Wer is hunting the vixen and her little pup. :-("}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (00:47)", "body": "LOL!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (08:32)", "body": "That, Autumn, is more true than you may ever know."}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:23)", "body": "Sounds like the makings of an interesting story."}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:22)", "body": "we've all interesting stories to tell... *ominous stare*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:39)", "body": "we just don't, um, usually, um, tell them about one another... (usually)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:39)", "body": "Well then, let's tell them about ourselves."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:51)", "body": "I'm a scrubwoman. (Isn't it just the most wonderful word you've ever heard??? ha-ha!!!)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:45)", "body": "If that is true then you are also a washerwoman."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (20:17)", "body": "or a burning bush"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:13)", "body": "No, I take it back - I'm defenitely not a washerwoman. And the closest thing I have to burning bushes is dirty knickers!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:08)", "body": "intersting olfactory images at the moment..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:13)", "body": "The visuals are also."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "Yeah, it reminds a little of 'psycho'!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:25)", "body": "What? The shower sequence?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:17)", "body": "Don't know - never saw it!!! Just the idea."}, {"response": 21, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:26)", "body": "OK, but you'll still have to watch the movie sometime. It's a classic."}, {"response": 22, "author": "visitor", "date": "Fri, May  4, 2001 (00:19)", "body": "In which case it has absolutely nothing to do with this conference in any way as far as I can tell."}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:41)", "body": "This is true. Is that not part of what makes this more than a little screwy? I cannot possibly be the inhabitants!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:44)", "body": "It cannot possibly, also. I is only one person... last I checked..! Ok ok, I'll go quietly!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (12:45)", "body": "well .. I followed you in ... so that makes two of us!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (17:52)", "body": "We IS!!! Glad I am not wandering around in here alone. There might be a Big Bad wolf in the woods. My momma warned me about that..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Aug 30, 2001 (00:47)", "body": "sigh ... now I'm wandering in here alone ..its 6.45 am and I cant sleep ..sigh"}, {"response": 28, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 30, 2001 (20:04)", "body": "Oh Maggie, you are supposed to sleep when it is dark outside. I'll drag you along with me to the volleyball match tonight. No hitting you with errant spike, though. *HUGS* screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 112, "subject": "Serving Respect", "response_count": 20, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:19)", "body": "Okay, okay, so I didn't wash my knickers yesterday - no need to discriminate though!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (10:26)", "body": "Well, you know that they'll just make a richer stock that way!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:34)", "body": "EUGH!!!! You've convinced me. I'll go do them now...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "Throw in a couple of onions, a carrot, two ribs of celery, and any leftover salad greens you have lying around..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:26)", "body": "And you'll carry that garden fresh smell with you wherever you go."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:15)", "body": "No! I don't want my guinea-pigs nibbling my ar$e!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:41)", "body": "Those must be some TALL guinea pigs. I don't think I'd want to meet one in a dark alley."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:53)", "body": "They're not TALL!! They always take an afternoon nap with me, and that's how I meant it! If I had soup knickers on, they'd nibble my ar$e, and the last thing I need on this exterior of mine is a second butt crack!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:47)", "body": "They'd probably just eat the knickers, and you'd wake up without them."}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:09)", "body": "like that's never happened to her before..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "In my experience the knicker do dissappear, while the bum gets nibbled; so, having the knickers nibbled, and the bum ignored would be rather unflattering!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:26)", "body": "How do you know that there wouldn't be further nibbling?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:19)", "body": "My bum is repulsive."}, {"response": 14, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:28)", "body": "In who's eyes? If you were attracted to it, there might be a real problem."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (23:56)", "body": "depends on how limber she is..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:45)", "body": "Limber enough to know how it looks!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "Ah, but to be truely appreciated, art has to be viewed from some distance."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "This ain't art we're talking about!!!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "That depends on your point of view."}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:13)", "body": "if you stand far enough away, everything is art! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 113, "subject": "Formula for Authenticity", "response_count": 15, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:21)", "body": "And they are?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (10:27)", "body": "true ingredients, mastered techniques, and presentation"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:36)", "body": "That's actually an important point, you know. Getting them in the wrong order can ruin the authenticity. Like if one were to do it in this order: presentation, mastered techniques, true ingredients. How'd you come up with that??"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:46)", "body": "I read it somewhere."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:18)", "body": "ha-ha-ha!!! I wonder where people get the time to think up stuff like that."}, {"response": 6, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (23:21)", "body": "work..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:29)", "body": "No, PLAY!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:05)", "body": "no time..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:55)", "body": "That's tricky. Wer, why don't you become some film star's personal chef? Hey? You'll have more time AND more money. Just the other night on Jay Leno there was some famous female person (though I can't remember who) who said she lived part of the time in AUSTIN! I know who it was - it was Sandra Bullock! Seriously, Wer! I'm not kidding, it was her! You can become her personal chef....and carrot."}, {"response": 10, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (08:28)", "body": "Of course he can. He just hasn't asked Sandra (see Sandra Bullock topic in babes)."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (21:57)", "body": "actually, one of my stepson's friend's dad just bought three restaurants...one of which is a favorite of Miss Bullock's... (btw, you can't work for people you don't know...)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:21)", "body": "So go introduce yourself. She lives right here in Austin. If you need her address, I'll email it to you."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:15)", "body": "Okay (I'll see if it matches up with the one I have)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:43)", "body": "Tim, sorry if this is a rude question: but why are you always having a pi$$ing competition with everyone else? Excuse me, but that's it looks like sometimes."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:11)", "body": "sometimes? screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 114, "subject": "Compromising Positions", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:29)", "body": "Only if making money is the intent of the buisiness."}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (21:55)", "body": "I thought that was the definition of a business."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:16)", "body": "ha-ha! That actually makes sense!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:17)", "body": "Technically yes it is. However, there are a lot of buisinesses out there that are not interested in making money. Tax shelters are just one kind of these."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "Oh, hell, it's America - they'll recover. Land of the free and prosperous...."}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:28)", "body": "Tax shelters are NEVER supposed to make money. If they do it causes misfortune."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:20)", "body": "Wow, that makes sense. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:30)", "body": "A tax shelter is a buisiness that looses more money on paper than it actually loses, so the owner pays less taxes on other things which make money."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:46)", "body": "So a tax shelter is a church then."}, {"response": 10, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:28)", "body": "Generally a church is a non-profit organization. Supposedly also in buisiness not to make money. Most churches, however, make money on a scale that would make a bank robber green with envy. They are just considered to be non-profit by the government. Therefore, they are tax exempt."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:28)", "body": "Sheltered from tax then....not that it's a kind of tax shelter, of course..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:28)", "body": "That is our tax code for you, all tied in knots. It gets really crazy sometimes. I was fired from a job once because I turned a losing buisiness into a profitable one. Then they told me that I had ruined their tax shelter by making money. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 115, "subject": "Creative Authentic", "response_count": 33, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:22)", "body": "Increasingly confusing in their multitude....but never dismaying."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (10:28)", "body": "looks like I've got to try harder..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:37)", "body": "Quite a bit harder, I'd say."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:48)", "body": "Then a challenge it is!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:31)", "body": "Go for It!!!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:41)", "body": "I must. I must."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:19)", "body": "Hey ho, Ho hey! I'm not the kind of gal to force a guy into anything, so don't feel compelled!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "Still, the results could be interesting..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:53)", "body": "That depends entirely on Wer."}, {"response": 10, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "Of course it does. That is why it could be interesting."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:17)", "body": "Yep! Give it to us, baby!!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "Allow me to reiterate. Go for it!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:56)", "body": "You cannot rush a master."}, {"response": 14, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (12:14)", "body": "Verry True!! However, that doesn't stop one from wanting to."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (23:13)", "body": "granted"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "Work it, baby, work it!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:29)", "body": "And HERE WE GO!!!!!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:21)", "body": "All the way!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:31)", "body": "Yeah, keep it up wer."}, {"response": 20, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:32)", "body": "And over and over again...."}, {"response": 21, "author": "holymoly", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:07)", "body": "nah"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:16)", "body": "Welcome, holymoly!!!!!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:43)", "body": "Hi, Gay!!! You gonna stay? Or go away?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (18:55)", "body": "Stay Gay!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:32)", "body": "Oh my, Terry....you never told me you were a poet on top of everything else.... \ufffdswooning visibly\ufffd"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:34)", "body": "I'm sure he'd rhyme on you anytime..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:34)", "body": "ha-ha!!!! I'd climb on him anytime, if he don't mind all that slime! You're so damned witty, Wer!!! You must be one of those people who always have funny answer ready, even in in real life."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:06)", "body": "In America (at least) they're usually referred to as smart asses..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:57)", "body": "Yes, you're a little smart ar$e, aren't you? (Got to keep my English intact!)"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (21:59)", "body": "actaully, I'm a big smart ass... (yes, you do...)"}, {"response": 31, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:24)", "body": "To avoid unfavorable mention from the FCC, on the radio, we refer to them as donkeys."}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:16)", "body": "you must not listen to the radio in Austin much anymore..."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:41)", "body": "We go more about the backside. One can do that in proper English, because whatever you say, it always sounds civilized. That's it!!! That's why I swear all the time!! It doesn't sound like swearing at all! Except the f-word perhaps. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 116, "subject": "Too Screwed", "response_count": 29, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:31)", "body": "Why???"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (18:35)", "body": "um, because the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA said so?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (11:25)", "body": "That is as good a reason as any."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (23:17)", "body": "that's what SHE said!!!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:41)", "body": "And you did not take her word for it?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:05)", "body": "nah, I'm screwed like that..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (12:44)", "body": "Shame on you. You ought to know better by now."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:03)", "body": "knowin' and doin' do not always coincide..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:44)", "body": "And why should it? You and me - we're way too cool to do what we know, aren't we, muffin?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (15:37)", "body": "too cool and too HOT! (i've lost the thread totally...)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:27)", "body": "no you didn't and damned straight!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:18)", "body": "oh, 'scuse me. I forgot the topic... and i'm just as screwy as the rest of ya'll Can I get an A-men... I mean can I get an A-men! c'mon.... A-MEN!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:15)", "body": "A-MEN!!!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:33)", "body": "Amen and Alas!!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:36)", "body": "Alass and Alick!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:35)", "body": "Alick and Anibble..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:35)", "body": "Alick and Aprick!!!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:07)", "body": "can be a very effective combination..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:58)", "body": "Yah! And if I were chinese, it would be Alick and Aplick SO WHAT???"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:59)", "body": "OR, to be more realistic, Alick and Aplicky"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (22:00)", "body": "well, at least alick isn't aplenty for you! (at least it seems one is never enough...)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:28)", "body": "Starting to sound like a lays potato chip commercial. \"Nobody can eat just one.\""}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:19)", "body": "well, actually, with your post it does sound like one..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:35)", "body": "you guys had a raging game of word association/alliteration wth a twist! Woo WOO!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:39)", "body": "Woo WOOSH!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:15)", "body": "Splish SPLASH!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:02)", "body": "Pant Pants Pant-off Pant-plant Plant-stick Stick-prick Prick-lick which brings you back to Pant!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (12:59)", "body": "that, and standing in a puddle..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (01:28)", "body": "ha-ha!!! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 117, "subject": "Fine Screwed", "response_count": 20, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:24)", "body": "I think we'll be more likely to be classified under 'sauci\ufffdrs'..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (10:30)", "body": "you know, don't you, that it's all in the wrist..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:38)", "body": "ha-ha! I know! Rhythm is important too though..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:50)", "body": "Speed, at times, can compensate for rhythm but there is no replacing endurance (assuming, of course, that repetition is a form of endurance)"}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:33)", "body": "Repetition is rhythm."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:43)", "body": "it can be...it can be arhythmic as well..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:21)", "body": "Like variations on a theme."}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:47)", "body": "OK I'll admit it. You lost me. How can anything be repetitive and arhythmic at the same time?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (23:51)", "body": "do it today, once or twice tomorrow, not at all for a coupla more, ten or twelve times the following day, etcetera... the action is repetitive, but there is no rhythm"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:55)", "body": "Repetative and arythmic can actually go together - musically speaking."}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:54)", "body": "OK, I see what you mean. By the way, when I was working EMS, I came across an old lady who's heartbeat had about the same beat as the example wer gave. During our training we all took turns listening to it. She got quite a kick out of all the attention, and we all got a kick out of the heartbeat."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "Rapper's heartbeat..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:20)", "body": "I thought at the time we should get a musician to write music to it."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:41)", "body": "YOU should have. Would've made an interesting addition to your incredible job variety!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:30)", "body": "You grant me a talent that I do not posess. I cannot compose music. Maybe I just haven't tried enough."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:22)", "body": "Oh, I think you'd be a good composer - you seem very creative in many ways."}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:33)", "body": "I guess I'll have to try again."}, {"response": 18, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:34)", "body": "Thank you for the vote of confidence."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:47)", "body": "It's a vote of first hand experience."}, {"response": 20, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:30)", "body": "Thanks again, I'll let you know what happens. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 118, "subject": "Things you wanna watch someone eat with a knife and fork", "response_count": 49, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (12:22)", "body": "Consumme, BBQed Ribs, Buffalo Wings, Fresh Oysters, Shrimp, Crab Legs, Fried Chicken, Pizza, Nachos, Crab Rangoon, Won Ton Noodles, Calf Fries, Hushpuppies."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:45)", "body": "Not unfamiliar ..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:31)", "body": "You mean to tell me that he eats all that with a knife and fork?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:24)", "body": "The ones I've seen him eat, yes. I told ya! He eats EVERYTHING from McDonald's burgers to boiled eggs with knife and fork. Oh, and he has another peculiar habit. When he finishes stirring his coffee, he throws the little spoon over his left shoulder for luck. Can you imagine what this looks like in a restaurant, or some fancy dinner?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:38)", "body": "Wow, I didn't even think about hamburgers. Have you ever been in a fancy restaraunt when he did that? Over here, If it's a fancy enough restaurant, they probably would not say anything."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:58)", "body": "They don't. But there is a rumour going round that his deputy rings places in advance to warn them about his eccentric habits.. I don't know if this is true, but that might explain the way restaurants just accept his behaviour. I think they find him pretty entertaining, actually. It's fun to be married to him, because he's a bit of a legend here in music circles, I've heard we've become a bit of a scandal, since I never really go to the posh social functions he has to attend. Everyone knows he's married, but they don't know who to. So on the rare occasions when I do come along, he just introduces me by my first name (which no-one gets anyway!), and we create a stir-up (in Zurich terms - blugh!), because people assume I'm a young lover or something. They also assume that his wi e is a half crazy recluse, which is why a man as social as he is, needs a lover. And we laugh our ar$es off over it afterwards!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "In a good restaurant, It's considered bad taste to comment on the eccentricities of the guests, unless they directly offend another guest. Sounds like you have fun with people that like to jump to conclusions, and gossip. I do too."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "In good Swiss restaurants, the staff reserve themselves the right to tell guests off for inappropriate behaviour.... And yes, it's fun when people think you scandalous without your having the hassle of really creating a scandal!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "It's even more fun to have people actually create a scandal where there is actually nothing. Then you can illustrate that it's really nothing. Funny to watch the expressions when you do that."}, {"response": 10, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:42)", "body": "Soup."}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:55)", "body": "(I generally eat large messy sandwiches in restaurants with knife and fork. That way most of it goes in me instead of on the floor, my clothes and everywhere else) egg custard"}, {"response": 12, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:14)", "body": "Really sticky messy wonderful barbecued ribs."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:38)", "body": "caramels"}, {"response": 14, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "Ben & Jerry's Pistachio Pistachio ice cream"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (19:11)", "body": "hard pretzels"}, {"response": 16, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (08:39)", "body": "jello"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (13:42)", "body": "peanut brittle"}, {"response": 18, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (08:54)", "body": "Butter"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "pistachios"}, {"response": 20, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 22, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "quiche"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 22, 1999 (14:33)", "body": "bubblegum"}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (18:37)", "body": "wrapper"}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (19:12)", "body": "tangerine"}, {"response": 24, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 24, 1999 (10:08)", "body": "orange"}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 24, 1999 (11:47)", "body": "Raw Cranberries"}, {"response": 26, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 1999 (13:41)", "body": "black eyed peas"}, {"response": 27, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "split pea soup"}, {"response": 28, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 1999 (15:21)", "body": "chips"}, {"response": 29, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 1999 (15:38)", "body": "cheese whiz"}, {"response": 30, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (07:34)", "body": "Pepsi"}, {"response": 31, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (12:28)", "body": "Saltwater Taffy"}, {"response": 32, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (19:37)", "body": "buttered popcorn"}, {"response": 33, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (20:04)", "body": "poi"}, {"response": 34, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (09:29)", "body": "Chai Tea"}, {"response": 35, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (11:42)", "body": "spaghettio's"}, {"response": 36, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 30, 1999 (09:35)", "body": "smoothie"}, {"response": 37, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 30, 1999 (20:56)", "body": "lemonade"}, {"response": 38, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 31, 1999 (09:34)", "body": "grits"}, {"response": 39, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 31, 1999 (12:17)", "body": "icicles"}, {"response": 40, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan  3, 2000 (11:24)", "body": "snow"}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan  3, 2000 (12:52)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 42, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Jan  4, 2000 (22:34)", "body": "ice cubes"}, {"response": 43, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan  4, 2000 (23:08)", "body": "gummy bears"}, {"response": 44, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (11:36)", "body": "bummy gears"}, {"response": 45, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (16:18)", "body": "rummy tears"}, {"response": 46, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan  9, 2000 (09:08)", "body": "spoon"}, {"response": 47, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan  9, 2000 (13:23)", "body": "sunflower seeds"}, {"response": 48, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (12:59)", "body": "Pumpkin soup."}, {"response": 49, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (16:01)", "body": "oatmeal screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 119, "subject": "Butchering the Human corpse for consumption", "response_count": 22, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (12:17)", "body": "to be posted in installments... and sorry, the actual title is Butchering the Human Carcass for Human Consumption by Bob Arson This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field, there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will notice that the carving of the larger or \"commercial\" cuts down into smaller specific or \"retail\" cuts will be only mentioned in passing, and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions. Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of preparing the entire form. The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as \"long pig\" and \"hairless goat\" in the case of younger specimens) is not generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage. Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain amount of fat is desirable as \"marbling\" to add a juicy, flavorful quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm caucasian females in their early twenties. These are \"ripe\". But tastes vary, and it is a very large herd. The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw."}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (12:29)", "body": "Might I suggest the use of an autopsy table, with its built-in provision for draining off the excess blood, which can be saved, and later made into blutworst or blood pudding. Also, if you freeze the carcass after gutting, and use a band saw, work is less, and there is not much mess."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "Oh, MAN!!! I've read that even if you eat human meat just once, you taste it for the rest of your life, every time you burp, because of the strong enzymes. Can you imagine? I'd rather not."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "in that case, here's installment number 2: Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity. Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the forehead or back of the skull will suffice. Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down. This is called the \"Gein configuration\". Simple loops of rope may be tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the butcher's head."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:51)", "body": "Excu-u-u-u-u-u-u-se me! \ufffdtaking urgent vomiting break\ufffd"}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:35)", "body": "There is a surgical anesthetic you can use which momentarily freezes the muscles just long enough to kill and then is flushed out with the body waste, leaving no trace."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:25)", "body": "How do you know???"}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:42)", "body": "I did my clinicals for my EMT certification at Brackenridge ER. The regional trauma center for this area. The effect I described results from an overdose of this particular drug. It is not the desired effect. However, It has been discussed among the doctors as a perfect way to kill without a trace."}, {"response": 9, "author": "INYgoingnuts", "date": "Thu, Sep  6, 2001 (22:50)", "body": "I really would like to be used for a human food sorce. I believe that the humans are useing up too many of the natural resorces. I am no exeption. So if I could be recycled as food then this would be a way for me to give back to the earth. I know you think this is a stupid letter. But I am being truthful about this. I am young enough now, to where my body would be of some good to feed someone that needs food. After all we are just animals our selves. I am a long pig, just as the Church of Euthanasia has said. I don't want to grow old and become a waste product. I have allready paid to be cremated. Then I was going to have a friend of mine put my ashes into a newspaper recycling bin to give back to the trees. I have allready fasted for 48 hours to see how much I could handle. I did it, so I can be sacrificed with help. I like Bob Arson's method, and hope he can take this matter into his hands. Thank you for your time. signed, Human food sorce"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 10, 2001 (20:16)", "body": "What flavor are you? Sounds like a bit of snacking here and there might not be a bad idea...!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 10, 2001 (20:17)", "body": "I am not pig, kinda long but tasty. I hope you are the same. (Get out of NY if it is driving you nuts - I did!)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "INYgoingnuts", "date": "Wed, Sep 26, 2001 (22:23)", "body": "I believe it is a good idea to be giving back to the living after you are gone. Being used as food could be a good idea for doing so."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 27, 2001 (00:37)", "body": "Giving is always a good idea. Passing on ones genes has just taken on a new meaning with your post. Now, how do we go about marketing this delicacy? I think it needs serious PR work!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 27, 2001 (00:38)", "body": "Mmmm another little question. What flavor are you?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "INYgoingnuts", "date": "Thu, Jan 10, 2002 (02:29)", "body": "I need to find a man that is ready to have a feast. Because I am prime cuts of meat, ready for the grill. Hopefully yours, Human food source"}, {"response": 16, "author": "INYgoingnuts", "date": "Thu, Jan 10, 2002 (02:34)", "body": "If there is a person out there that can carry out this miner task. You can get in touch with me at: INYgoingnuts@aol.com I would really like to make myself available for dinner. Hopefully yours, Human food source"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 10, 2002 (16:00)", "body": "Are you willing to be eater or eaten? And, why does it have to be a man. I guess that means I do not qualify..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "INYgoingnuts", "date": "Sun, Jan 20, 2002 (19:11)", "body": "Sorry, I'm looking for some one like Bob Arson to do the job. He has the experience. So I know that I will be used up in perfect cuts of meat. Liking the idea of the strength. I have always thought that it would be a man to butcher me."}, {"response": 19, "author": "INYgoingnuts", "date": "Wed, Oct 15, 2003 (02:51)", "body": "Doesn't look like any body looks here any more. I'm a longpig ready for the spit. Some day soon things will change. We will be hunting each other for food. I will be one to give my self. INYgoingnuts@aol.com"}, {"response": 20, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 15, 2003 (12:12)", "body": "A' la Lord of the Flies ?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (06:57)", "body": "You're very generous. More so than I might be in that situation."}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "I wondered where the true carnivors went. Welcome back! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 12, "subject": "Why is there a condom flying across my screen?", "response_count": 20, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (10:47)", "body": "because it didn't have an adhesive base?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (15:16)", "body": "before you saw this condom, did you hear someone yelling, \"WOULD YOU GET OFF THE GODDAMN COMPUTER! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX!!!!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (21:36)", "body": "I think this conference is best viewed after a few margaritas..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (22:07)", "body": "hey! you're starting to get the hang of it, autumn!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (10:46)", "body": "Hilarious response that previous one, Ray! Perhaps the willy on which this condom belongs is so small, it's dashing around, trying to find it, and missing every time! Must be a chinese willy.... Oh, listen to this. Yesterday Isa asked me what her friend, Henry, had between his legs. So I answered: 'A willy, dear.' And she said: 'No, it's not a willy, Mummy, it's a William!'"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (22:28)", "body": "for the other materials, curtailment of even small amounts of supplies would inevitably disrupt the market, leading to higher prices and the possibility of allocation systems and interrupted production schedules for the industries that use them"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Aug 18, 1998 (03:52)", "body": "Yet another baby boom?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (16:05)", "body": "DISCLAIMER/Fine Print: Advertisers upon and by lodging material with the publisher for publications or authorizing or approving of the publications of any material INDEMNIFY the Publisher and its servants and agents against all liability claims or proceedings whatsoever arising from the publication and without limiting the generality of the foregoing to indemnify each of them in relation to defamation, slander or title, breach of copyright, infringement of trademarks or names of publication titles, unfair competition or trade practices, royalties or violation of rights of privacy AND WARRANT that the material complies with all relevant laws and regulations and that its publication will not give rise to any rights against or liabilities in the Publisher, its servants, or agents and in particular that nothing therein is capable of being misleading or deceptive or otherwise in breach of Part V of the Trade Practices Act of 1974. All expressions of opinion are published on the basis that they are not to be reg rded as expressing the opinion of the Publisher or its servants or agents. Editorial advice is not specific and readers are advised to seek professional help for individual problems."}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:58)", "body": "In other words, if you sign this we got you by the short hairs."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:14)", "body": "\ufffdfalling off my chair with wild giggling fit\ufffd"}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:48)", "body": "Ever really read the fine print on a warranty? Kind of reminds me of the old used car dealers warranty. You know, the 30/30 waranty. 30 seconds or 30 feet whichever comes first."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "ha-ha!!! Where do you come up with this stuff??"}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "A used car dealer told me that one, as a joke. I don't know if he'd ever used it But it is funny. I have had medical insurance, that, when you finished the exclusions, you found that the insurance would only pay for aspirin if you got the flu.(on alternate tuesdays) When I asked the agent about it, he asked why I was complaining. He said that most health insurance doesn't cover aspirin."}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:15)", "body": "Insurance is a sore spot with me. So many of the companies are crooked. I got life insurance one time. They took over 4 months to process my application. then when they issued the policy they made it retro-active to the date that I initially applied for it, and charged the premiums, for those months. When I complained about that, I was told that it was perfectly legal."}, {"response": 15, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:30)", "body": "Um, they look like dancing gerbils to me..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:07)", "body": "dancing hamsters!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:38)", "body": "Kangaroo rats."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:37)", "body": "Kangahams, you mean."}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (18:54)", "body": "Say what, Ree girl?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:27)", "body": "I was talking about the kangahams and the ratsters, Terry guy. You must come more often. We miss you when you help Tami's mum move all the time like that. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 120, "subject": "The Church of Euthanasia", "response_count": 7, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:53)", "body": "Sodomy, hey!? Kinky!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:37)", "body": "I guess I missed that one. It doesn't seem to necessitate fatality."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:26)", "body": "But prevents conception in many cases...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:44)", "body": "I'm not sure I'd want to deal with what could be conceived that way."}, {"response": 5, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (15:20)", "body": "Wer, you can't be a member - you procreated! Wait till Rev. Chrissy gets hold of yer sorry butt! (Friend, you may want to placate him with something valuable, I quote: \"What do Episcopalians, Pentecostals and Jerry Falwell all agree on? They love this book!\", and truly, \"7 Deadly Diseases of Ministry Marketing - Confessions of a Christian Fundraiser\" will become the book Chrissy can't put down! See for yourself at http://www.servantheart.com/ ) And I always thought you were with the Foundation in Dallas?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (18:11)", "body": "What is my penance? I procreated once, as well."}, {"response": 7, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:38)", "body": "Ask Rev. Chris, dear! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 121, "subject": "the functionality of dust", "response_count": 49, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:54)", "body": "Dust makes for soft little beds on shelves and window panes for spiders and other cuddly animals to breed."}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:39)", "body": "I thought you did not like spiders. I'll have to send you a tarantula for a pet."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:27)", "body": "I only like daddy-long-legs. They are sweet spiders, and make a house look lived in. Thank you, but no tarantulas please! I'll send you a letterbomb in return!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "The daddy-long-legs has the most poisonous venom of any creature on earth. one mililiter will kill an adult within seconds. There is no known antidote. The only thing that saves us from being poisoned by them is that their fangs are too short to penetrate human skin. Have you ever made a letterbomb? I am curious how they are constructed. I've never seen one."}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (20:51)", "body": "(cough) Actually, Daddy-long-legs are not really spiders."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:03)", "body": "they taste like spiders..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:01)", "body": "My letterbomb is a daddy-long-legs with stretched fangs..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:39)", "body": "Biological warfare with a vengence. If a daddy-long-legs is not a spider, What is it?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:39)", "body": "A crane-fly."}, {"response": 10, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:39)", "body": "What happened to the wings? And, what in the world does a crane fly eat? How did it get its name?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (10:22)", "body": "I named it. Dust has a higher reason for it's existence in this world. Dust is what my mortal enemies will bite!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "and what will your immortal enemies get to munch on?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (13:54)", "body": "My knuckles! My fire! Take thisssssss!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "Oooops, sorry, Wer, didn't see it was you! Are you alright? These burns sure look, ah, \"impressive\", no? You think that eye'll turn real black?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (14:03)", "body": "maybe... and as for the burns, they just add to the collection..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:18)", "body": "\ufffdlusty growl\ufffd I love a scar on a man!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:35)", "body": "which particular kinds? I've got cuts, burns, and tears...none major just scattered about here and there..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (10:12)", "body": "Don't make me randy, Kitchen Man! Haven't had it for 4 months - I may pose a serious risk to your safety and my own."}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (16:44)", "body": "Had what for 4 months?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:14)", "body": "so, what you're saying is, if I show you where I've had my stitches, then you'll add to my scar collection, too? (I could really use some permanent bite marks, you know...) she hasn't gotten to take part in any physical intimacy, Terry..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:39)", "body": "He (I) means pelvis bouncing, Terry. Wer, I'd just have to LICK you right now for there to be a scar - I could amputate your ear by intending to kiss it! And other organs too... And my bite is so poisonous - I don't know, if I were to bite my tongue, I'd probably just flat on my face and die. Obviously I'm the only one experiencing these sensations or this kind of no-good fugger of a situation right now!!!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (09:08)", "body": "Boo, Ree!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:26)", "body": "I dare you to, Ree! (NOTHING beats an intense licking!!!)"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:12)", "body": "Not you too, Terry?! With all those nekkid gals around? \ufffdlicking my lips visciously\ufffd Okay, you asked for it, Kitchen Man! Pants down, please!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:14)", "body": "like I have any on... so, you gonna talk, type, or lick? (let me know when your flight's gonna arive, I do have to arrange one or two things first, don't you know...)"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:38)", "body": "\ufffdslobber-lick-nibble-pop\ufffd S'alright - don't bother with those arrangements....you don't have to learn to talk out loud....it's the sex I'm after! MAN! You taste like strawberries and cream....YUM-YUM..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:56)", "body": "I'm not bleeding yet..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:48)", "body": "And what is THIS then, I ask you?? \ufffdtriumphantly waving hairy ear in front of your nose\ufffd"}, {"response": 29, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (11:40)", "body": "my way of saying thanks..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:10)", "body": "LOL!!!!! \ufffdmunch-munch\ufffd and a crackly way it is!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:16)", "body": "Speak up, please! (and what of yours do I get to eat in return, may I be so bold as to ask?)"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (08:13)", "body": "Ears - - - definitely. Luv that."}, {"response": 33, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:02)", "body": "Then neither of us will be able to hear the other...hmmm..."}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:07)", "body": "I think I stumbled into the wrong topic - sorry..."}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:15)", "body": "*blush* Ok, Mrs. Walton, it's time for us to straighten up and behave like adults..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:23)", "body": "I thought the functionality of dust was a handy place to write emergency messages when out of paper...like \"Clean me\" or a phone number..."}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:27)", "body": "yep, that is definately one"}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:32)", "body": "...and it keeps the marbles from rolling too far under the bed if you have enough of those little bunnies under there..."}, {"response": 39, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:53)", "body": "true, true"}, {"response": 40, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (01:11)", "body": "When your allergic nasty old relatives who free-load off you have stayed long enough, stuff a pillow with the vacuuming dust and they will be gone tomorrow... one way or the other"}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (07:28)", "body": "Dustball fights are also a good alternative when it isn't snowing."}, {"response": 42, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:34)", "body": "...and it cleans out the sinuses...or clogs them...whichever. You can also stuff pillows with them after you are finished playing with them. Where would we be without it!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (02:41)", "body": "Where indeed!! My window sills are like 'gepolsterd'!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (18:52)", "body": "*LOL* I can just imagine...how funny!!!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (02:35)", "body": "Not when I open the window to let the breeze in ....."}, {"response": 46, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "Seems to me at about the age of your little Munchkins my job was to, on Saturday, get a slightly soapy and damp cloth and wash the window sills. We lived in a very big house (three floors!) so that was a lot of window sills. Or they could start at one corner and roll it up like a jellyroll..."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (01:09)", "body": "One can DO that??"}, {"response": 48, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (20:12)", "body": "Wash window sills? You better believe it. Roll it up? Gotta have a huge accumulation to do that, actually... Put hair spray on it first?!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (02:49)", "body": "Brilliant!!! I'll try that! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 122, "subject": "The Screwed Bidet", "response_count": 11, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:40)", "body": "To a bidet? getting a little fancy, aren't we?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:42)", "body": "A truck stop near Boise, Idaho has them in the showers. They had to hand out info sheets on them because some of the drivers were washing their hands in the bidet."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:30)", "body": "Those things are so foul! We were in a fancy hotel once - which I hate anyway, because that's where all the snobs go. And there was a bidet, but what the hell do I know about those?? So I sat down, and leaned back to relax, as I always do. And WOOSH! came the water, up my ar$e! Gee, I thought I had landed the hugest loaf EVER!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:57)", "body": "Ha, Haa, Haa, Good one Riette. When I first saw one I wondered what it was. So, I stood back and pushed the lever. Good thing I wasn't leaning over it. It would have soaked me. I've never used one. I wonder how sanitary they are."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:02)", "body": "Yeah, I'll never see the point in drowning my backside everytime I go to the loo. It's disgusting."}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:44)", "body": "When you look at it that way, It's sort of like a high pressure enema. I agree with you. I've never used one, but I can't say that the idea of high pressure cold water in the posterior, is a pleasant idea."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:44)", "body": "A dog's lick in the posterior is more pleasant!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:44)", "body": "Just about anything is more pleasant. But, I've never had a dog in that position. So I wouldn't know about that."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:20)", "body": "and which positions have you had a dog in?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (07:16)", "body": "The dog had ME in that position, not I him!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "Guess this conversation, uh, dogged down... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 123, "subject": "the illegitimate father/brother of all screwed topics", "response_count": 19, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:55)", "body": "What does it take to get him to sleep with a girl?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:44)", "body": "Who? And what is an Illegitimate father/brother?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:51)", "body": "easier to find than a legitimate father/brother..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:31)", "body": "ha-ha!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:58)", "body": "I thought that kind of thing only happened in Arkansas."}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:59)", "body": "That would be where your brother marries your mother. Right?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:09)", "body": "or at least conceives you with her..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:45)", "body": "But how does that make him your illegitimate brother?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:22)", "body": "well, it's relative"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (07:14)", "body": "Or a relative, for that matter."}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 28, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "Related, anyway."}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:38)", "body": "I'm no relation."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:49)", "body": "This is the most abstruse topic on screwed conference (you asked for opinions) I posted the elsewhere, but it truly belongs here: Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. *** This widow had a daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. *** This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. *** To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. *** My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. *** For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. *** Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. *** My wife is now my mother's mom And it surely makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too. *** If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. *** For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (20:57)", "body": "Okay, my head is spinning now!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (23:04)", "body": "That is not the state song of Missouri? Must be Arkansas, then...!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 1999 (19:57)", "body": "NO!!!! Missouri is NOT like that, contrary to popular belief! It is Arkansas you're talking about, not here!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 1999 (20:18)", "body": "Guess you are right. Amy cancels out the Ozarks, but there is no mitigating factor as regards the President...yeesh!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 1999 (20:20)", "body": "West Virginia is not far behind...when David was born they asked how long we had been married (A rather rude question, I thought!) They were amazed when I told them almost 3 years We planned it that way, but they probably thought we were retarded or something!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 1999 (08:44)", "body": "Missouri's cool, right on Amy. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 124, "subject": "Go ahead and enter this topic!", "response_count": 40, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:57)", "body": "Oh, oh, I'm feeling brave tonight. Am I in? It's dark in here...."}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:46)", "body": "What a woman can get away with saying!! Oh well I am Here also."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:32)", "body": "Do you see little yellow eyes too?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:01)", "body": "I have not been looking for little yellow eyes. I'm more worried about the little red eyes."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:36)", "body": "iiiii iiiii"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:03)", "body": "LOL!!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:47)", "body": "Looks like we have to look out for both colors. I know what the little red eyes are. What are the little yellow eyes?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:47)", "body": "bats?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:47)", "body": "All the bats I've seen have red eyes. What kind have yellow ones?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (07:18)", "body": "Yellow-eyed bats, of course."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Mar 10, 1999 (23:10)", "body": "Not the topic you're looking for? You're under arrest for topic trespassing."}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 1999 (08:44)", "body": "Well, ol' mafioso, fine me. But help me out first, it's so cold and lonely here (*shudder*). Don't you ever heat this place? And there's these red and yellow dots... The standby lights of your VCR, Microwave, TV set and stereo? Too dark to tell..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 1999 (22:14)", "body": "Let There Be Light! (is it good?)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 1999 (12:17)", "body": "(Oh. Yes. Well, it's - it's - it's a , ahem, nice place you got there, Wer. Who's your decorateur? Tell me, and I won't tell the others your little secret *sardonic smile*, ...)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 1999 (23:10)", "body": "I've got so many little secrets that if only one or two get out, it's not gonna make much difference..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 24, 1999 (14:28)", "body": "(Hmh. Then I might as well keep mum about it. Say, what's that over there? Looks, ah, looks - well, sure looks like sumptin'!)"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Mar 25, 1999 (00:51)", "body": ""}, {"response": 18, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Mar 25, 1999 (12:13)", "body": "(Wow, that's neat! Say, where'd you get that treasure item? Might want to have one like that at home, too... You know, the girls...)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Mar 25, 1999 (16:28)", "body": "(actually, I wish I knew the girls...or should that be understand the women?)"}, {"response": 20, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Mar 27, 1999 (12:18)", "body": "(No no, not THOSE girls, just - does it really work on women as well as the guys say? Just curious, I mean, I get along ok and everything...) *blush*"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Mar 27, 1999 (13:07)", "body": "(as I understand it, the right jewels will work on most women...)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Mar 29, 1999 (07:03)", "body": "(Oh, jewels is what you call 'em? But why don't you wear them? I don't think leaving them on the table like that would help any...)"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Mar 29, 1999 (22:13)", "body": "(depends on the women...)"}, {"response": 24, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 31, 1999 (01:54)", "body": "(maybe we should discuss this with some of the girls over there?) Ahem, hello, hello? Yes, erh, sorry to interrupt, but concerning the jewels of my friend here - would you be more interested in him if he wore them, or if he left them lying around like on the table over there? Ma'am?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr  4, 1999 (22:06)", "body": "What kind of jewels are we talkin' here?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (16:29)", "body": "Family treasures??"}, {"response": 27, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (14:02)", "body": "(Uuh, Wer, think it's a good idea to keep 'em on the table? The girls come over - look at that one, that's the one who winked at you earlier!)"}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (14:08)", "body": ""}, {"response": 29, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (14:35)", "body": "(I'd never part with mine...)"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (18:52)", "body": "(I like to share...I think everyone should get a chance to handle mine...)"}, {"response": 31, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr  9, 1999 (08:52)", "body": "(Step back a bit, willya!)"}, {"response": 32, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "WHAZZAT! Wer, what'z witz ze lightz? Ant how come I suttenly hav zis German aczent? I nevver hat zis aczent before! Vot happenet?"}, {"response": 33, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:37)", "body": "my guess is the return of the Boer..."}, {"response": 34, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (08:19)", "body": "Alzo, how kome I suttenly am tressed in camouflaged clothz? Whatz thze meaning of zis all? Ant how kome I suttenly know zo much apout phyzicz ant veel like I am very borink? Ver, help me pleeze!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:16)", "body": "the only way I know how to help out here would only enhance and expedite your changes until you get to be as boring as I am, and I don't think any of us want that, do we?"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:35)", "body": "Nou. D\ufffdfenitlee n\ufffdt. We ounlee want to bee \ufffds t\ufffdll \ufffds dyou."}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:29)", "body": "but, horizontally, you're probably taller than I am..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:09)", "body": "You sayin' I've got a big ar$e, Mister? Okay, okay, so you're right. Blame it on Mum's cooking."}, {"response": 39, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:12)", "body": ""}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:30)", "body": "Yes. Except you can probably blame it on your own cooking! Lucky thing! I have to wait a whole year to get fat on good food, rather than chocolate. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 125, "subject": "ukuzonda", "response_count": 19, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:58)", "body": "Nkosi sekelele umbakata Wer!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:38)", "body": "You know I can't look the words up!!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:36)", "body": "It's what you asked for! (It was not an unflattering thing I said though...but I'm not telling!)"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:04)", "body": "So, don't tell just type it in real quick, and turn your back while you click on \"submit response\"."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:04)", "body": "\ufffdalsdkfjwpaenv\ufffdaslkdjf\ufffda0wen\ufffdv a"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:05)", "body": "Oops, sorry for the few typing mistakes that crept in."}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:48)", "body": "It would also help if it were in English."}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:49)", "body": "It will work better if you type it in before you turn your back."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:49)", "body": "Too late - missed your chance . . . . oshiri shiri mutjatje!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:49)", "body": "And what does that mean?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (07:20)", "body": "Not saying a word! Hey, this is fun!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (08:31)", "body": "Ishingana!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "ha-ha!! Arikana, arikana, oshidi!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (11:54)", "body": "Ubuthuthanje ye..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (15:07)", "body": "Thank you!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (23:45)", "body": "Really? (oops...)"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 27, 1998 (05:43)", "body": "Ilanga liyohlala njalo Imisebe yalo ezweni lamaSpring Iminyaka ngeminyaka ezayo Nimenjalo! (The sun will remain always, its beams shining through the Spring for many years to come. Long life!)"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 27, 1998 (11:48)", "body": "Very nice, and thank you!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 28, 1998 (04:55)", "body": "You are welcome. You should hear it spoken in South Africa. Very melodious, lovely to listen to. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 126, "subject": "the Screwed focus group", "response_count": 19, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:59)", "body": "100 How?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:48)", "body": "What responses?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:53)", "body": "The ones just made, and others like them."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:36)", "body": "Those would rank 110 and 15, respectively."}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:05)", "body": "What happened to 101?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:37)", "body": "It doesn't appear to have been posted yet."}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:50)", "body": "We'll just have to work on that won't we?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (07:21)", "body": "135 The sky is blue over here too."}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 28, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "I'm glad to hear it. That means good weather."}, {"response": 10, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:44)", "body": "Any other observations, anyone?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "i'm hungry"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "me too!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:42)", "body": "I'm always hungry."}, {"response": 14, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (09:58)", "body": "Obsevation = perhaps hunger is a subconcious desire to get screwed... Formula: hunger + posting on the screwed focus group = observation... hmmmmmm..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (21:41)", "body": "okay, so if I follow... get hungry, get screwed, then watch, right?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 2004 (17:54)", "body": "or not..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (17:54)", "body": "? you lost me at putting responses in order of importance. didn't even know this topic was here (and no one else did either between 1999 and now)."}, {"response": 18, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (19:50)", "body": "Not a whole lot of fucus in this focus group }:o)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:52)", "body": "Fucus is seaweed. Nope! I don't see any, either. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 127, "subject": "more eyes in your thighs", "response_count": 14, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:49)", "body": "I don't know if I ever posted in the other, but the idea has some possibilities."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:54)", "body": "that's my stand..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:37)", "body": "Personally I'd prefer tongues in my thighs..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:07)", "body": "And what would you use them for?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:38)", "body": "keeping her nickers clean..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:06)", "body": "Amongst other things...."}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:52)", "body": "What other things? How would eyes keep your knickers clean."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:52)", "body": "I said I wanted tongues in my thighs, not eyes."}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:52)", "body": "I guess that would work. Seems like a waste of a tongue though. They could be used for much more interesting things."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (07:22)", "body": "Didn't say I wouldn't use them for that too...."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (08:33)", "body": "in fact, pretty much the opposite..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (03:30)", "body": "That would be what's going through my head, yes. How are you, Wer! Did you have a nice Christmas?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (11:55)", "body": "The kids are happy, so yes!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (15:10)", "body": "Same here. We've done nothing so far though. Just cook neat food together, and eat and eat and eat! And when the kids are asleep we catch up on the marital duties that were neglected while I had my flu. Gee, what punishment! \ufffdpuffing on imaginary cigar\ufffd screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 128, "subject": "Quality Screw Developing", "response_count": 11, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:00)", "body": "Ready for what?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:50)", "body": "Does this mean anything goes?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:56)", "body": "Please take a number, you will be helped by the first available saleshost..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:40)", "body": "You mean you're available? You'll help me? See, it's my shirt buttons that's the problem. I can't get 'em done up. Just put your hand in there - no, not there, THAT's not a button!!! - yes, there...can you get it fastened?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:09)", "body": "But wouldn't it be more fun if they remained as they are?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:39)", "body": "as they were, as they always shall be. amen. Next!.."}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:54)", "body": "That sounds like fun."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:54)", "body": "and the fun never stops! Next."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 23, 1999 (00:24)", "body": "I said, NEXT!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (17:41)", "body": "OK, so here I am. I, uh, feel so silly. Ahehehe."}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (18:15)", "body": "Me too, but I have no shirt buttons. However, this zipper.... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 129, "subject": "what's the worst way you'd like to watch someone die?", "response_count": 91, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:01)", "body": "In his sleep. It would be so boring."}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:53)", "body": "Definitely, burning to death. It is so slow and painful. I don't know if I'm understanding this properly. That is the worst way I can conceive of someone dying. I really would pass on watching, thanks."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:59)", "body": "what is the most horrible death that you'd be willing to watch, and why would you like to watch? (sorry, sometimes I should try to be clear instead of succinct...)"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:41)", "body": "Hollywood film deaths are pretty entertaining."}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:12)", "body": "I would have to say the electric chair. I have seen illegal films made of actual executions and it looks fascinating. And the person has to die that way anyway."}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (18:21)", "body": "Dunno. What's my motivation for watching this death? Entertainment? Academic interest? The watchee's been fucking [with] my kid? Entertainment: Putting the victim in one of those big, spinning-drum amusement park rides and turning it up to eleven. Academic Interest: Blowing the victim out of an airlock into empty space. I've always wondered about the whole blood-boiling-away-before-body-explodes-in-a-big-poof-of-freeze-dried-corpse-dust thing. As to the last, I'll get back to you if I ever have to find out..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "rlysr", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (19:27)", "body": "tie him down, look him in the eyes, ampules of ammonia in each nostril, and tear small strips of skin off layer by layer.....reminding him of all the wrongs he's committed against me with each strip of skin.....this should take a few days."}, {"response": 8, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (20:51)", "body": "ohmygod! how disgusting a topic is this? i would never want to watch someone die! and rlysr (how do you pronounce that exactly?), you sound like you've got this all planned out. got anyone in mind?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (00:26)", "body": "I'm a Vietnam veteran and can't imagine that anyone who has actually watched another person die would want to repeat the experience. Someone has watched too many movies."}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (00:33)", "body": "Oh God, John, I am sorry...Welcome home and thanks for getting on with your illustrious life. I cannot imagine, either."}, {"response": 11, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (00:35)", "body": "I don't care if my life is illustrious or not. If I can figure out some way to keep paying the bills, boring is just fine, thank you."}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (00:42)", "body": "I understand completely. Welcome to Hilo! I hope we can make it at least interesting for you...*smile*"}, {"response": 13, "author": "rlysr", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (08:44)", "body": "My named is pronounced \" rillis\". R is the first letter in my last name. I thought this was a topic on the worst way to watch someone die. It is not something I would personally ever participate in. I read about it in an autobiography. Perhaps I should refrain from posting in what appears to be a private conference."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (10:28)", "body": "rlysr, please don't be offended away... you certainly hit bang on topic, which is something few of us are able to manage on a regular basis... I must agree, that is one of the worst ways I care to think of and, honestly, considering the title of the topic, I don't think any post would be pleasant to read... btw, did you get that from Silence of the Lambs?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "rlysr", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (12:03)", "body": "Thank you for making me feel welcome.After posting, and feeling like I had offended people, I was not going to return... I read that in a book about 10 years ago, and don't remember the title right though. It's driving me crazy not to be able to recall it !!! The book was a paperback picked up in an airport gift shop. It gave me the willies for days.I am not a violent person, or particularly into crime books.....just had a long flight & the book jacket caught my eye. Silence of the Lambs was certainly full of shocking things, the skin jacket was pretty hideous. Are new folks welcome at most conferences ?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (12:16)", "body": "New folks are always welcome. We were all new, once! Welcome *amile*"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (12:17)", "body": "That should read *Smile*... and you would not consider doing what you said...would you?! (...and who has not entertained such ideas when infuriated?)"}, {"response": 18, "author": "rlysr", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (12:41)", "body": "I would never consider that.....it was just the most horrible thing I had ever heard of, of doing that to someone. I can't think of anyone I would wish that on. Some of the coastal Native Americans had a unique way of torturing captives. They were buried in sand up to their neck at low tide and left to Mother nature. I remember reading that as a child and thinking it must be the most awful way to die. I would never let my siblings bury me in the sand during summer holidays in Florida !!!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (12:52)", "body": "ha-ha! I remember wanting to do that EXACT same things to my siblings a few times! Welcome to the Spring, rlysr. Do you have anything pronouncable we can call you???"}, {"response": 20, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (15:24)", "body": "rlysr... I AM quite the fan of horror/murder/mystery novels. They always care the bejesus outta me but... can't put 'em down... \"Hannibal\" is the sequel to \"Silence of the Lambs\"... equally as shocking... or more so... Brett Easton Ellis however, really hit my tolerance level though... I read \"American Psycho\" nearly ten years ago... I still remember scenes VIVIDLY... spooky $hit! Of COURSE you're welcome to wander around... check out the other conferences at will!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (15:24)", "body": "Ree-head... talk about pornouncable names! *grin*"}, {"response": 22, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (15:25)", "body": "damn... I MEANT PRO-nouncable... not the former... oops! *giggle*"}, {"response": 23, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (17:41)", "body": "was that a freudian slip, my dear? rlysr, you weren't offensive, just actually staying on topic, what a concept!! you got that stuff out of a book? geeze louise!! well, i'm glad about that, it's better than being something you dreamt up *grin*"}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (17:46)", "body": "But, who's the guy you wanted to exact this terrible stuff on? Or is that in the book too? I never read that stuff - life is scary enough for me...!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (17:48)", "body": "...and I think Stace had it right the first time. Killing/torturing someone is the very essence of evil and as such it is pornography in the rawest sense."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (03:37)", "body": "Stacey, you read Hannibal?? I saw a review of it in the Sunday Telegraph - it looked absolutely GROCE! Is it worth reading?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (04:23)", "body": "Death. And dying. Now these - thanks for pointing this out, John - are not very nice things. I used to work in a hospital, and always had some elderly people that I used to look after a bit more often . You know, when I was on that floor, just pop in the room, etc., hold their hands, help them being moved, talk and listen to them - nothing special, just regular, normal things. Bringing the blood samples to the lab, wondering perhaps how anybody with blood as yellow and thick as you would sometimes see could still be alive t all (you know, the hepatitis- and liver-damage cases with yellow eyes, etc.). Need I say that these people were dying slowly, most of them? Illnesses and age, and they went sometimes easily, and sometimes violently. For the latter case, I'll spare you the graphic details.- Anyhow, I never actually sat besides a person that died. Never. Never want to, but who knows? Perhaps one day, I will have to. And be strong enough not to burden the other with my emotions, and help coping with pain and fear. In the hospital, I had to take the bodies from the rooms to the morgue, and would ocasionally help laying them in their coffins, too, whenever the undertaker came to fetch them. Do the last things I could do, not seldom for people I had known to check in and out of the hospital for y ars, had helped to take care of them. Death is an absurde and grotesque thing, even if doesn't come in violent doses. And it is natural and a fact of life. It is not something I wish to encounter, no matter in what form. It is something I cannot evade, though. Even if it's not somebody else, one day, it'll be my turn to go and embrace my decay. And until then, every day brings me nearer, as I age and use up my time. I would not want to see this, or even live through it. But I do, and I will make the best of it.- Hello Rlys R.! Welcome to the Spring - you sure made a splash, and I'm looking forward for more to come..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (13:28)", "body": "Yep Ree-head... I enjoyed the story Descriptions are often pretty grotesque but I developed a real affection for Hannibal Lecter. In the first book, the audience wasn't made aware of the details of his crimes beyond the gory superficial... but 'Hannibal' was brilliant, truly brilliant with greying the line between admiration and horror. The people who 'get it' seem to me to deserve it and I fell in love with the ending... which is something I can rarely say about a horror/psycho thriller. Alexander... my fascination with horror novels strongly opposes my often irrational vacillation between fear of death and acceptance. Until I was 23 years old, I refused to walk into a cemetary. Wouldn't walk in. As if death were catching or something. I'm terrified of skeletons, so I proclaimed (at the age of eleven) that I intended to be creamated, I don't want to resemble death for even a short period of time, nevermind eternity (or whatever the half life of calcium is...) I respect your statement above... especially the last paragraph... And I think it will take me a lifetime to come to terms with the fact of death."}, {"response": 29, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (17:54)", "body": "my brother worked in a hospital as part of his stint in the army. he told me about moving a woman he had talked to. she died on the gurney as he was transferring her. i felt so terribly for him. death is not the gory thing. it is a natural part of life. but what's gory, is sitting here wishing bad things on other people. that's sad, sick, and horrid. remember that what you wish on someone will come back to you ten fold."}, {"response": 30, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "Thanks for saying that - it is important to realize the difference between someone's fiction writing for profit, and another's perverse ideas of putting them into practice. Can we get off this topic...Please?!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (21:04)", "body": "Alex...thanks for putting this topic into its proper perspective and Marcia for crystallizing the essence of this (debate?) (discussion?) (debacle?) into a single sentence."}, {"response": 32, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (21:10)", "body": "I do wish its creator would come and \"kill\" (unfortunate word used to delete the topic) this. Any time would be excellent...the sooner the better!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "Elena", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (04:08)", "body": "It has been interesting, though. I have been told that especially for Americans, death is a taboo. Sure looks like it, if you want to kill the topic!! The question of wanting to see someone die is very good and I understand it as great irony. Wasn\ufffdt it 200 or 2000 murders and deaths per week that we see in the tv and as if that wasn\ufffdt enough, we devour horror and detective stuff with killings and cruelties, let alone all the news stories about them. People want to see people killed in various ways, that\ufffds a fact. Probably because unlike generations before us, we don\ufffdt need to encounter death or dying very often in real life. Still we have this strong need to deal with it because it\ufffds the ultimate mystery, even more incomprehensible than birth. It has become something \"absurd and grotesque\" in our minds, which it really is not."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (07:37)", "body": "Elena, here I thoroughly agree with you. The greatest cause of our fear of Death is ourselves; and the fact that we don't treat it with respect - it has become a sensationalized spectacle. I think being born must be at least as painful as dying; but we see it as a miracle, because we know what happens after being born. We cannot think the same way about something that is a mystery to us, and therefore we are superstitious. That is understandable, of course. But why turn it into such a show?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (08:14)", "body": "Hey, I want to be bold to! I mean, use bold letters! Death is okay. I lived above a coffin-storage of an undertaker's place for years, also next door to my favorite cemetary for years, and visit cemetaries whereever I travel. The customs with which the people treat their dead are very interesting, as are the decorations of the sites they put them. And it is no horror to have to handle a dead person. But it sets something straight in your head, something people who haven't experienced this might not understand. The effect is especially strong if there you knew the deceased. It's the dying. (Elena! How nice to meet you here again! And how right you are - the fact that nobody experiences death anymore secondhand - like killing stock on a farm, or a grandparent liveing in the same house, etc. - makes much difference. But to me, still, death IS absurde and grotesque. Why this person and not that? Why this way and not another? Now, not later? Stupid and silly questions, but these are my feelings. It is stupid, silly and nonrational, but then, nonrational is how I am...)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (08:17)", "body": "(...not to mention other things.) The dying, the idea of pain, loss of options and souvereignity over oneself. Fortunately, both my grandfathers had not hard struggle, so my options are good that it won't be as bad as it can get (provided no illness or accident slips in first)."}, {"response": 37, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:19)", "body": "I have no objection to the discussion as it is going now. I was extremely offended by the thought of someone plotting to terminate another's life with as much pain as possible to avenge wrongs or some such reason. Perhaps, since this is not my topic, I should just stay out of the discussion. Go to it. Encourage carnage on upon each other of the irate and deranged. Heaven help us all!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "rlysr", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (13:43)", "body": "Hello all, The easiest way to pronounce my name is \"rillis\". Thank my hippy parents. I never intended to offend by posting. It was an autobiography book, and I was horrified by that death scene. I read a wide variety of books, including horror. I generally avoid true crime books, preferring fictional horror. My job for most of my life has included working with very ill people. I think it's a rewarding career to help someone have a \"good\" death. By that I mean a peaceful, dignified passing. Sometimes all that is necessary IS a kind attendant, family or professional, to hold a hand and speak gently. I was with my grandfather for weeks as he died. Towards the very end, he was not often lucid, but when he was, he believed that he was surrounded bu friends, doing things he loved doing. The last three days of his l fe, he was building a house \"in a beautiful meadow\". He would wake up and look me in the eye, and tell me \"look out honey, I dropped a nail\" or he would ask for a tool. In his mind he was there in his meadow building his home.....I was very saddened by his death, but comforted to know I was with him building his house. I am a sensitive, loving person. Is there a conference anyone could suggest for me to start over, let you all know I am not a bloodthirsty killer - LOL !! ??"}, {"response": 39, "author": "Elena", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (13:48)", "body": "Marcia, don\ufffdt stay away!....I know what you mean, this first looked like a topic from hell and I\ufffdm glad that Alexander and Wolf brought it back to reality. (Alexander)And it is no horror to have to handle a dead person. But it sets something straight in your head Yes, exactly. It\ufffds hard to describe what happens in your mind in a situation like that. It makes you face reality in a new way. There\ufffds some sort of great dignity in a dead person and it makes you understand something important about life and yourself and people around you. And for me an experience like that meant that I started to really seriously dislike violence as entertainment in movies and books."}, {"response": 40, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (14:10)", "body": "rlysr, there is Geo...totally devoid of anything nasty but full of fun graphics...it is my baby. http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/browse/geo/all and there is poetry, and paraspring, collecting, books, news, tv and all sorts of fun places to read and post. Feel free to wander =)"}, {"response": 41, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (14:46)", "body": "Welcome again Rlys, to the show that never ends... The Five Ring Circus... The Biggest Show on Earth! If you please, take a peek at music... Food is cool (food always is, right?)... And for serious stuff, we have InternationalConflicts, which lays a bit dormant right now... but could use insightful attention. Your grandfather did not have a bad death; I am happy for both of you. These things, as more people here obviously know from experience than I thought, can come in worse qualities..."}, {"response": 42, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (14:51)", "body": "Do you like to eat? come play in the 'food' rillis. The bestest thing about this place is you don't need to 'start over' or explain yourself... you get to just be. sme people will like it... some people may not... but we'll all respect your honesty and interest!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (14:52)", "body": "nothing like having a typo when you're using Huge blue type face!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (14:54)", "body": "I do not fear death or dying. I have come to terms with my own mortality. But the only time I have seen human death, it has been of the violent variety. I have the utmost respect for nurses, physicians, orderlies, hospice volunteers, and others, whom I believe, as part of their job descriptions (whether local laws in U.S. jurisdictions agree with me or not), are charged with seeing the dying and especially the suffering, pass on with as much comfort and dignity as is possible."}, {"response": 45, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "Hiya, John, mark me up for ex-orderlies (though orderly is not what I am)... Hey, and I respect DJs! And radio-folks! Stacey, \"And I think it will take me a lifetime to come to terms with the fact of death\" , that is the wittiest thing that was said here, and that is what life is all about."}, {"response": 46, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:11)", "body": ""}, {"response": 47, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:17)", "body": "Hiya, Alex, thanks! Stacy, you have hit on something important. Maybe when explaining the \"facts of life\" to youngsters (hard enough for some parents), there should also be a conversation about the \"facts of death.\" I love the scene in Patch Adams when Robin Williams (Patch) connects with the mean-tempered terminal cancer patient by death word association: buying the ranch, kicking the bucket, becoming worm food, achieving room temperature, headin' for the last roundup, etc. Having a laugh about it somehow takes it out of the realm of the occult and mysterious and humanizes it."}, {"response": 48, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:18)", "body": "Sorry for misspelling your name, STACEY!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:23)", "body": "Thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU! John for the apology and then the correction! Silly as it may sound, the mispelling of my name is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves! You are indeed forgiven!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:26)", "body": "I humbly and gratefully accept your forgiveness. People have the right to have their names spelled correctly. Especially when they are sitting in front of me in black and white, and considering that I am not dyslexic."}, {"response": 51, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:30)", "body": "it is so loud in here (closing the 'big' tags as I go...)"}, {"response": 52, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:34)", "body": "and the BOLD ones, as well... The Bold Ones! (E. G. Marshall?)"}, {"response": 53, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:37)", "body": "the man for whom i wrote a poem (the man that i know), died after struggling with cancer for 6 months (at least when he knew he had it). he shriveled up and whenever one individual would visit him, he would swear she brought her \"son\" with her. He would comment that he'd never met him before. He also said he was dressed up and smiling and waving. i believe it was an angel coming to comfort him. because the lady that visited often comforts the sick and lonely and is a devout christian (and a wonde ful woman, to boot!), it was only natural that the \"boy\" would come in with her. as i heard, ron died in peace in his sleep. God bless him!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:38)", "body": "and let me close out that tag *grin*"}, {"response": 55, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:40)", "body": "What a touching story, Wolf..."}, {"response": 56, "author": "rlysr", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (20:40)", "body": "ok , my last time here !! I'll be seeing you in new places. Food, philosophy, and music sound pretty good.....thanks !"}, {"response": 57, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (20:47)", "body": "See you there, Rlys"}, {"response": 58, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (02:44)", "body": "I thought her earlier posting was rather amusing in the context of screwed. I think we overreacted, for no reason whatever, since ALL of us came up with rather ghastly ways to make people kick the bucket, and should apologize. Not a nice way to treat a newcomer."}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (02:46)", "body": "After all, it was US who created the topic. If we didn't like it, we should reprimand ourselves."}, {"response": 60, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (18:57)", "body": "Valid argument, but she was being specific as to why she was participating in it - I do not recall anyone else being so fiemdish about it...perhaps I over-reacted."}, {"response": 61, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (20:49)", "body": "so rlysr, so does your first name begin with r too? how come you don't just spell rlysr as rizzer? and did you bring isabel with you?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (13:19)", "body": "No, she didn't. Keep guessing! (hehehe)"}, {"response": 63, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "no need....."}, {"response": 64, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (06:22)", "body": "Thanaptosis To him who in the love of Nature holds Communion with her visible forms, she speaks A various language; for his gayer hours She has a voice of gladness, and a smile And eloquence of beauty, and she glides Into his darker musings, with a mild And healing sympathy, that steals away Their sharpness, ere he is aware. When thoughts Of the last bitter hour comes like a blight Over thy spirit, and sad images Of the stern agony, and shroud, and pall, And breathless darkness, and the narrow house, Make thee to shudder and grow sick at heart;- Go forth, under the open sky, and list To Nature's teachings, while from all around- Earth and her waters, and the depths of air- Comes a still voice-Yet a few days, and thee The all-beholding sun shall see no more In all his course; nor yet in the cold ground, Where thy pale form was laid, with many tears, Nor in the embrace of ocean, shall exist Thy image. Earth, that nourished thee, shall claim Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again, And, lost each human trace, surrendering up Thine individual being, shalt thou go To mix forever with the elements, To be a brother to the insensible rock And to the sluggish clod, which the rude swain Turns with his share, and treads upon. The oak Shall send his roots abroad, and pierce thy mould. Yet not to thine eternal resting-place Shalt thou retire alone, nor couldst thou wish Couch more magnificent. Thou shalt lie down With patriarchs of the infant world-with kings, The powerful of the earth-the wise, the good, Fair forms, and hoary seers of ages past, All in one mighty sepulchre. The hills Rock-ribbed and ancient as the sun-the vales Stretching in pensive quietness between; The venerable woods-rivers that move In majesty, and the complaining brooks That make the meadows green; and, poured round all, Old Ocean's gray and melancholy waste- Are but the solemn decorations all Of the great tomb of man. The golden sun, The planets, all the infinite host of heaven, Are shining on the sad abodes of death, Through the still lapse of ages. All that tread The globe are but a handful of the tribes That slumber in its bosom.-Take the wings Of morning, pierce the Barcan wilderness, or lose thyself in the continuous woods Where rolls the Oregon, and hears no sound, Save his own dashings-yet the dead are there: And millions in those solitudes, since first The flight of years began, have laid them down In their las sleep-the dead reign there alone. So shalt thou rest, and what if thou withdraw In silence from the living, and no friend Take note of thy departure? All that breathe Will share thy destiny. The gay will laugh When thou art gone, the solemn brood of care Plod on, and each one as before will chase His favorite phantom; yet all these shall leave Their mirth and their employments, and shall come And make their bed with thee. As the long train Of ages glide away, teh sons of men, the youth in life's green spring, and he who goes In the full strength of years, matron and maid, The speechless babe, and the gray-headed man- Shall one by one be gathered to thy side, By those, who in their turn shall follow them. So live, that when thy summons comes to join The innumerable caravan, which moves To that mysterious realm, where each shall take His chamber in the silent halls of death, Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night, Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave, Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams. --William Cullen Bryant, 1811"}, {"response": 65, "author": "Elena", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (07:32)", "body": "Thanks, John. I\ufffdve always felt that living close to nature helps people to accept death and even big pain without fear, as a natural part of life. The endless cycle of birth and death in nature makes the human agony about death look very selfish. Every living thing has its time, longer or shorter. We humans tend to feel that we\ufffdre an exception of some kind among all living things just because of our larger brains, and that makes us protest against inevitable and perfectly normal things like ageing and dying. The problem is that we\ufffdre the only creatures on this planet who KNOW that there is a thing called death! Other creatures just live and then the living ends, no grief or \"why me, why now\" questions."}, {"response": 66, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (15:56)", "body": "(Wolf: Already found out about me or just not nosy enough? I didn't want to seem unfriendly,though. I'm just another nosy \"lurker\" who decided to have her \"coming out\"... :-)"}, {"response": 67, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (16:05)", "body": "Oh, GOOD!!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (16:16)", "body": "Yoohoo, Riette!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (17:54)", "body": "Welcome Isabel, and Rlys too, if we haven't scared you away. Thanks for your commentary on what I think was a wise poem about death and our bodies \"recycling\" and replenishing Nature. Hard to believe, but Bryant was only 17 years old when he wrote that poem. The editor he sent it to thought it was a hoax from some established British poet, but it was just a portent of poetic greatness."}, {"response": 70, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (18:11)", "body": "at first, i didn't realize it belonged here! but you picked a great place to post it, john! with the anonyminity of the internet and cyberspace, isabel, you could be anyone we imagine you to be or you imagine yourself to be. but one thing neat about the spring, we may use pseudonyms, but everyone knows who we are for the most part. so where are you from isabel? rizzer? oh, i'll go first, i'm the bayou babe everyone talks about *grin*"}, {"response": 71, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (18:38)", "body": "Thanks for the poetic confirmation, Wolf. Although it appears that your second remark is directed at Isabel--I couldn't be anonymous posting in the same conferences as Marcia. She knows me."}, {"response": 72, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (18:42)", "body": "Elena, didn't mean to leave you out. Your remarks are thoughtful, and I believe, right on the money."}, {"response": 73, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (18:57)", "body": "Thanks for your kind welcome. Can't sleep, because of a bad cough. Shouldn't smoke that much... so i'll wander around in Spring, \"lurking\" a bit more... Have to think a little who I am, or who I want to be... Pooh, This sounds too brooding, usually I'm not!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (19:04)", "body": "\"Pooh\"? Sounds like a stuffed bear, to me!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (19:27)", "body": "Should have sounded like a deep breath or something... I make funny noises sometimes ;-)"}, {"response": 76, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (21:14)", "body": "don't we all?"}, {"response": 77, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (05:10)", "body": "So - welcome Isabel, welcome Bayou Babe! \"Stuffed Bear\" - wonder what Riette makes of this... \"Ain't nothing wrong with being a stuffed bear, only they got so glassy eyes!\" Heck, looks like I *don't* even need anybody to comment for me, I get my own simultaneous subtitles... Noises - and you can bet I don't make funny noises! NEVER! My noises are well-thought up, serious and respectfully executed non-verbal audible communications. I MUST insist!"}, {"response": 78, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (05:19)", "body": "My noises are usually meticulously planned and perfectly executed, but once I ate an entire bag of olestra potato chips. So much for the best laid plans of mice and men...the noises I made shot right up to #1 on the chart...the FART CHART!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (08:37)", "body": "Alexander, have I just caught you openly admitting to being a Steiff?? Is that in every sense of the word, or just the ones that look the same? \ufffdblush\ufffd You do succeed in surprising me pleasantly at times."}, {"response": 80, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (09:39)", "body": "Happy to do the latter... But don't you react freudian to anything that moves around here -- OOooops, this IS Screwed, after all, so it's alright, I guess... Naw, me no Steiff - see, I don't have a button on my earlobe..."}, {"response": 81, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (10:50)", "body": "I don't react freudian to this wallpaper, which reminds me of .... oh bugger, I do!! Bring your ear closer so I can have a better lick ... sorry, LOOK. Hmmm, nope, you're right. It's not a button, it's a hole ... no, no, a MOLE! ooh, This is like Christmas...."}, {"response": 82, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (10:58)", "body": "Riette, never do a psychoanalysis - the therapist would get a nervous breakdown (plus a wet ear!)."}, {"response": 83, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (11:49)", "body": "haha! The poor guy! \"I never had a chance, officer! She said all these things, and then she came close, and - waaaah!\""}, {"response": 84, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (13:36)", "body": "Thanks for the advice, Isabel - I shall heed it under every imaginable circumstance! ... and then she came close, and - waaah! Can you keep me locked up until she's gone?'"}, {"response": 85, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (13:45)", "body": "hehe..."}, {"response": 86, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (11:30)", "body": "glad to see that we have degenerated even further into the screwed abyss... thought we were getting a mite too serious there for awhile!"}, {"response": 87, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "Occasionally we try serious - somehow it never lasts very long thoug, does it??? ha-ha!"}, {"response": 88, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (14:01)", "body": "CORONER'S INQUEST. CAUSE OF DEATH: Drool from earlobe seeping into inner ear and corroding brain cells, causing subdural hematoma. Whatever that means..."}, {"response": 89, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (21:44)", "body": "isn't a hematoma a bruise? any doctors in the house????"}, {"response": 90, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (06:53)", "body": "Ask your brain-specialist \"Dr. Isabel\"! You're right, on your skin a hematoma is something like a bruise. In the head a hematoma is a clot of blood, it may cause apoplectic strokes, or if it is squeezing on the brain, it does severe damages to the braincells, like outfall symptoms of hole brain areas, often irreversible."}, {"response": 91, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (02:46)", "body": "Very appropriate to the topic! OUCH! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 13, "subject": "The Screwed Couch", "response_count": 64, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (22:15)", "body": "I'm not sure if I want to sit down or not..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (22:28)", "body": "here, sit on my lap...it's SAFE..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (00:05)", "body": "...and very cozy, too!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (07:21)", "body": "*blush*"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (10:51)", "body": "Don't purr so loud, Autumn, you're making me shy - you know how prudish I am. Think I'll park my ar$e on the ground for a change."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:58)", "body": "did you mean to sit on Ray's face? or was that an accident Ree-head?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "oh yeah, as if i were *that* lucky...."}, {"response": 8, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:09)", "body": "so THIS is where you all are hanging out. i'll just curl up on the rug and stay outta the way!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (00:59)", "body": "Excuse me, but would anyone have any grey poop on?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (10:43)", "body": "but of course!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "Eugh! I'll just go sit next to Wolf - at least there's no way she'll have poop on her with all the licking she does to herself..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:27)", "body": "Do I even want to squeeze in here?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:34)", "body": "squeeze on in! what's on yer mind? whassup? what it is? what's your position on recreational sex? what's your position during recreational sex?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:35)", "body": "yeah, definately staying on the rug."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "same here - let's go get some burgers. But let me do the talking, alright?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:35)", "body": "LOL!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "or LAL.....LOL! done with a Swiss accent: Laughing Aat Laad!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (21:05)", "body": "O K So grab your ankles and spell, \"RUN\", loudly 3 times."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:16)", "body": "With a Swiss accent? While dancing?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:50)", "body": "It's particularily effective while dancing."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:51)", "body": ""}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "I'm sure it is - but Terry has worked hard for 10 years to keep the Spring going. It would be terribly inconsiderate of me to chase everybody away after all this time."}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:13)", "body": "I don't think it would chase everybody away. Maybe we could sell tickets. It's amazing what people would pay money to see. I really believe we could sell tickets to a traffic accident, if we could control access. Understand, I'm not comparing you to a traffic accident. opposite ends of the spectrum."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:13)", "body": "ha--ha! Me being the awful end!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:48)", "body": "Now cut that out!! You have nothing to be ashamed of."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "But alot to amuse myself over!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:52)", "body": "Oh well amusement is where you find it, I guess."}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:56)", "body": "Actually the ability to find things amusing will save you from a lot of stress. I had a job where nothing the management did made any sense. I let it get to me at first, then I realized that I was only hurting myself, so I started laughing at what was going on. Then I got other people to laugh also. Pretty soon everybody was laughing whenever management did something really stupid. The place eventually went bust, but the morale was good."}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (15:48)", "body": "Riette, you are very good at changing the subject. The point that I was Initially trying to make here was that you are too hard on yourself. You have a lot more going for you than you allow yourself to admit."}, {"response": 30, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:47)", "body": "yes, riette, we all love you! *hugs*"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "ha-ha! I'm not being hard on myself, really! I don't do it to put myself down - I just like to laugh at myself, because it keeps me happy. So it's really a big ego thing, you see..."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "Good excuse!! But that is all it is, and you know what they say about excuses."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:22)", "body": "In case you are wondering: Excuses are like sphincters, everybody has one and they all stink."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "Does that mean you think I have a bad sense of humour?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:05)", "body": "No Riette, not at all, I think that you have an excellent sense of humor."}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:07)", "body": "I just think that you are using your sense of humor to hide self criticism."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (07:51)", "body": "And how do you think, would I be able to support my head if I had to believe all the nonsense I sometimes hear about myself? Especially since I know who and what I really am."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:22)", "body": "Like I said, Riette , you are too hard on yourself. You are a better person than you give yourself credit for being."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "Oh hush!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Why, It's the truth. You are your own worst critic, Riette."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:22)", "body": "Why can't you be more obedient?! \ufffdwink\ufffd"}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:45)", "body": "I Don't know, Riette. I guess I'm basically a maverick at heart."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "ha-ha! And if that should change, I'll never speak to you again, so there!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:09)", "body": "That's the spirit, Riette!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:02)", "body": "You want to bounce?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (09:44)", "body": "Yes, Riette, I'd love to. I have always liked bouncing. Even before I knew what it could be used for."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:22)", "body": "Take my hands - GO! So, what could it be used for, apart from this?"}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (12:45)", "body": "Viking Handshake, Trampoline. Ok Riette, I'll take your hands, but you are going to have to tell me what to do. This is the first time I've done This."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "You mean you've never ever jumped on a couch before? Okay, let's see. You take my hands, go down, and propell yourself into the air. Don't worry, I'll teach you properly when I'm over."}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "I'll look forward to it, Riette. I haven't done it since I was a kid, and then I used a bed."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:48)", "body": "I prefer a bed too."}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:06)", "body": "Yeah Riette, I think that beds are a lot more fun, than couches."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "They have more bounce in their springs."}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "Yes, Riette, and it takes longer to wear one out!"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:01)", "body": "One wouldn't want that to happen!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:06)", "body": "Riette, while arriving at that particular point is not desireable, getting there is a lot of fun!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:11)", "body": "Yeah! And anyway, after a few minutes' rest, you can do it all over again! Until someone dies of a heart attack!!"}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:14)", "body": "Yeah Riette! see how many beds can be worn out in one night!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "ha-ha! It's going to take more than jumping though..."}, {"response": 60, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:10)", "body": "You read my Mind Riette, I wasn't thinking of jumping."}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "You weren't? What were you thinking of then?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "Vertical Push-Ups, Riette"}, {"response": 63, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "That sounds hard!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "But a lot of fun, Riette. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 130, "subject": "boils", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:54)", "body": "Smallpox vaccinations."}, {"response": 2, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (19:14)", "body": "Shit, I obviously forgot one. Boils (properly massaged) produce a FINE personal lubricant."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan  2, 1999 (00:37)", "body": "So does baby poop!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:35)", "body": "I'll bet that the smell would eventually get to you though."}, {"response": 5, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:56)", "body": "depends on what you like, and what the child ate, and HOW long it has been..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:36)", "body": "'Cos children like eating brightly coloured things. Like bright green or bright yellow, for instance..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:08)", "body": "for instance..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:59)", "body": "Yes. That THANG."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (22:01)", "body": "and, as we all know, a thang ain't nothing but a thang"}, {"response": 10, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:30)", "body": "Bright colors relieve the monotony. I have always been a fan of purple hair."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:20)", "body": "ever dyed yours an off-the-wall color?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:36)", "body": "I hope you're not asking me? 'Cos the answer is yes. I died it .....BROWN once! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 131, "subject": "Maggots", "response_count": 31, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:55)", "body": "Would \"neither\" be an appropriate answer?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (23:00)", "body": "if that's the only one you've got, it'll have to do..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:42)", "body": "What's a maggot?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:44)", "body": "A fly larva, about the size shape and color of a grain of rice. A very unpleasant creature."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (08:35)", "body": "It's all in what you do with them..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (03:31)", "body": "I'm sure in a cluster they'd make a pretty excellent vibrator....if one needed one, of course."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (11:56)", "body": "Of course..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (15:11)", "body": "There is no such thing as a vibrator for men though, is there? So what do guys use when they are alone?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (23:46)", "body": "a whole range of things, but the simplest answer is... their hand(s)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 27, 1998 (05:44)", "body": "So do women - but apart from that. Is there a male equivalent to the vibrator?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 27, 1998 (11:50)", "body": "sort of, but not really..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 28, 1998 (04:56)", "body": "Well?? What is it?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 28, 1998 (11:28)", "body": "Kind of a vacuum pump. Or so I hear. I've never actually seen one."}, {"response": 14, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (19:06)", "body": "Maggots the size of a grain of rice? Man, PT, either they got some awful man-size rice wherever you hail from or some awful sissy little maggots..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan  1, 1999 (11:56)", "body": "Been wondering how long it was going to take you to show up in here, Tommy...."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan  2, 1999 (00:38)", "body": "As long as it takes to put a baby to sleep....?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 1999 (23:14)", "body": "A very unhygienic patient was being treated by two nurses for a burst vein in his stomach. While changing the dressing, one of the nurses screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's chest. They had been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the open wound, decided to feed further down his body."}, {"response": 18, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Mar 18, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "Yes, that figures. Aaheeeem, different topic - WhERe'd you say you worked? Oh. Right. Just checking! ;=}"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:23)", "body": "delightful story, Wer!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:39)", "body": "and it warms my ego that you are so easy to please..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:33)", "body": "For now anyway... tomorrow I shall be a spoilt brat again, I think."}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:33)", "body": "then, I may have to spank you..."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:07)", "body": "OOOH! In that case I think I can feel a tantrum coming on!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:11)", "body": "*WHACK!!!* (pre-emptive strike because I know what you're thinking...)"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:27)", "body": "OUCH!!! I think I can feel an orgasm coming on now..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:28)", "body": "And so much for foreplay!! You just get right down to business, don't you?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:59)", "body": "depends on the situation...you seem to be wound up and ready to go..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:46)", "body": "come, you mean"}, {"response": 29, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (11:42)", "body": "that's what you mean, at least... and if you're going to be sassy about it all, I may have to get really rough with you..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:08)", "body": "which Texans define as....?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:31)", "body": "next time I see one, I'll ask... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 132, "subject": "fine personal lubricants", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:57)", "body": "Oil of a variety of types."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (23:01)", "body": "details, man, details..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:43)", "body": "Why would one need those?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:47)", "body": "They make things more interesting. Make things slide easier. For one, Hawaiian Tropic Dark tanning oil works pretty good."}, {"response": 5, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (18:59)", "body": "Astro-Glide in the 34 oz. Party Pump; Snot; Jizm; Olive Oil; BuckScent; Spit; Graphite (you never specified what we were lubricating); Petro-Gel; Butter; the grease from the side of your nose; or you could just pick the scabs and let the pus run..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan  2, 1999 (00:40)", "body": "I usually pick the puss and let the scabs run."}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:05)", "body": "that is beyond the call of duty, I'm sure! *GROSS*"}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:39)", "body": "Whatever floats your boat"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (10:43)", "body": "more like whatever keeps engine runnin'"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (13:31)", "body": "Actually I do it for fun."}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (15:32)", "body": "Do what for fun? Keep the engine running? Or lubricate?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (21:12)", "body": "sure, why not? screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 133, "subject": "why is there hair in my nose?", "response_count": 26, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:57)", "body": "It's escaping from the top of your head?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (23:02)", "body": "interesting theory..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:45)", "body": "I'm sure God put our noses on the wrong way. I can't see why the snot should be allowed to run out. If our noses were the other way around, it wouldn't be half as disgusting. Then again, if it rained, we might drown...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:48)", "body": "Also, the snot has to go somewhere. Think of the alternative."}, {"response": 5, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (18:51)", "body": "Because you refuse to express your excess testerone in a more enjoyable way? Although I find growing shitloads of nose hair pretty damned fun..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:40)", "body": "I guess it beats watching the paint dry."}, {"response": 7, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (15:42)", "body": "Perhaps one could become famous by nose-hair painting huge epic canvas pieces... Mrs. Walton, please investigate!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (16:19)", "body": "\"....might win a cookie...\" I'd do just about anything for a cookie! So I am guessing it is to keep bugs and stuff from crawling up there while you are sleeping. Evil spirits could steal part of your brain if they were not deterred by the fuzz therein. Hmmmm.....(thinking)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "I'm afraid the fuzz in mine didn't detect anything. I'm sure my REAL brain MUST be twice the size of the one I have now."}, {"response": 10, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (09:18)", "body": "Aaarggghh! The brain-suckers from outa space got me!!! Help, help!! UUUUrrrggghhhlllll!!!!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "Another sad case of insuffiency of nose hair. Pathetic, but true. I think a foundation needs to be funded to see what can be done about it before we lose anymore worthy minds to the inner-Space invaders from outa space...*sigh*"}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:01)", "body": "Inna? Outa? How abouta nose painting? (Isabel, you ok? Hello? *knock knock*)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:04)", "body": "gag gag bla bla ooh ooh la la ggl ggl?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:27)", "body": "OH MY GOODNESS! T H E Y G O T H E R ! Help!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:32)", "body": "bbll blll lll ll l..................................................."}, {"response": 16, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep 26, 1999 (05:00)", "body": "Is it to late? What remedy might help? And where are health guru Autumn and paranormal Wolf when the Spring has a serious emergency?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (02:59)", "body": "In a meeting with the brain-buggering space monsters perhaps?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (17:02)", "body": "Could you call them on the Autumn- and Stacey-phone? (That's like the Bat Phone, just cooler.)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (03:55)", "body": "No, you could telnet them on the Autumn- and Stacey phone ... Autumn's phone will be in better condition though, because she probably hasn't figured out how to operate it yet!! /:-#"}, {"response": 20, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (07:42)", "body": "I didn't get occupied by those space monsters! Nobody was abducted! Everythings OK! That isn't a probe!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "RochelleW", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (07:53)", "body": "Obviously, you guys don't understand the significance of nose hair. If you paint with it, you'll have to clean your nose with turpentine (oh JOY!) and any decent bug, big and strong enough to get through the nose hair, would be too big to go through the maze of sinus to reach the tasty brain. Yum! No, the true purpose of prodigous nose hair is to attract mates. How many people do you know that have luxurous mustaches? I bet they have women falling all over them. Well, those really, thick, masculine ustaches aren't growing out of a person's lip - it's MANICURED NOSE HAIR! Women find manicured nose hair to be very erotic. I can't believe you guys haven't figured that one out yet! Get with the program!!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (13:13)", "body": "ha-ha!!! You can say that again!! My better half has hair all over the place, and it ain't getting better as he grows older either. Whereas other men lose their hair, he just gets hairier and harier. EEK! GREAT TO HAVE YA HERE!!!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (19:00)", "body": "mine too...scary, isn't it! But, furry guys, the RIGHT furry guys can be irresistible."}, {"response": 24, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (22:42)", "body": "Gilda Radner was being attacked by Bill Murray on the couch at the Lubner's residence and all she could say - after fits of laughter at his advances was \"I see the hair in your nose.\" Pretty steamy."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 1999 (02:17)", "body": "ha-ha! I find rugged men sexy. That thing where you open the shirt, and nothing ... ugh, not for me."}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 1999 (13:14)", "body": "I agree - I could open my own shirt and get nothing if that was what I wanted...Bleah! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 134, "subject": "the worst testicular torture imaginable", "response_count": 36, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:59)", "body": "Talk about a subject I don't like to think about!! Acupuncture followed by an ultrasonic massage."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (23:04)", "body": "that's not torture, that's a fantastic Saturday night alone!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:46)", "body": "That reminds me of my first sexual experience. It was dark, and I was alone..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:50)", "body": "Continue, please do."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (00:44)", "body": "especially if any testicular torture comes into play later in the story..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (04:08)", "body": "My God, THAT's where they went!!! I always knew I was a man!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "I don't know what you have been eating lately, but it's got to be something that will give Lysergic Acid a LOT of competition."}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:59)", "body": "You? A man? Not a chance."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:59)", "body": "Hitting the iboga? Wish you'd send me some..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:59)", "body": "Tomorrow, I promise, brother. We men must stick together!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:59)", "body": "Must be some REALLY good stuff."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (00:59)", "body": "Most people take iboga ONCE in their lives..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "Merry Christmas, Wer!!! No more iboga talk today, okay?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (08:28)", "body": "Merry Christmas!!! (okay...)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (03:33)", "body": "What a topic to wish each other a merry Christmas in, huh??? ha-ha!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (11:57)", "body": "'tis true!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (15:13)", "body": "So I'll correct myself immediately by wishing you a happily crushed ball for the New Year!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 26, 1998 (23:48)", "body": "!!!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 27, 1998 (05:45)", "body": "I knew that would make you happy!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (18:33)", "body": "Okay, where's Stacey with the liquid nitrogen?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (12:07)", "body": "freezing other people's pieces parts!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (23:18)", "body": "I see...as usual I just get to hear about it, and not get to participate..."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:46)", "body": "She still needs yours...."}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:28)", "body": "I think needs maybe the wrong word... Stacey?!?!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:22)", "body": "(having to go back and review via the 'net previous posts... Ah hA! I've got it now... A-hem WER, would desires be a better use of a word? just teasing... wouldn't wanna freeze 'em off and throw the at speed into the concrete floor and watch as they shatter into a gazillion frozen pieces... ouch. or would I?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:16)", "body": "good question...have one of my own, as well... which is the tease?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:34)", "body": "Stacey just doesn't want to be one of those silly bitches we were talking about."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:37)", "body": "I aready knew that...she's seriously into enjoying the moment's activities..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:38)", "body": "You know, do you? \ufffdknowing grin\ufffd"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:09)", "body": "yep, all you gotta do is read her posts on the Spring to know that!!! (are you implying something, Ree?)"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (01:05)", "body": "Merely that the sea is blue, and the dessert full of sand.... \ufffdthe grin is widening\ufffd"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (22:02)", "body": "as if!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:38)", "body": "*laugh* ahh... the implications I refuse to refute/deny or confirm!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:34)", "body": "MAN!!! Sometimes my perception just hits me between the eyes laaaaik a hammer! I must have X-Ree night vision...."}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:17)", "body": "so, what you see in the night?"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (01:57)", "body": "Very very far... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 135, "subject": "Why Barney is a cross-eyed, pompous, pretentious little prick.", "response_count": 39, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (17:01)", "body": "All right!! You have to be the first mother I've ever met that doesn't think he is absolutely wonderful."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (23:06)", "body": "My wife hates him possibly more than I do... we banned all Barney gifts from Zoe's baby shower and first two years of present receiving..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:49)", "body": "I didn't even know the bugger existed! Then the film came out, and, since it was the only one for a year which didn't have an age restriction, I took Isa. And that was it. The little prick simply infested our peaceful existence with his feel-good crap and flat-faced-frog's voice. In my book the baddy is going to win, that's for sure!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:52)", "body": "Way to go!! Maybe you can organize others. Kind of a Barney Haters Anonymous."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:52)", "body": "Little hot news about Barney... seems children have been crushed to death in their efforts to hug him on the TV sets... they are pulling tvs down onto themselves..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:52)", "body": "I hope that is a joke of some kind and not actually true."}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (16:52)", "body": "nope. heard it on NPR this morning not just Barney is to blame though... the Teletubbies have caused several similar incidents (no deaths)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec  5, 1930 (18:03)", "body": "The teletubbies is such a blatant display of artistic theft, it isn't even amusing."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:47)", "body": "I still haven't formulated the perfect reply..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:42)", "body": "Who did the Teletubbies steal from?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (13:33)", "body": "Some failed comedy series from the 70's. It was about four guys dressed up as dicks with hats on, would you believe."}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (15:33)", "body": "Now, Isn't that something to base a children's show on?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:47)", "body": "Dicks of a hair always tend to pair...."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (15:38)", "body": "did anyone read about the Teletubbies rip-off --- Telechubbies?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (21:35)", "body": "telechobies, from Mexico!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:23)", "body": "yep! that's it!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:36)", "body": "Are you serious!? They copied from TWO other pairs of dicks with hats on?? BUT:.... is that called a rip-off or a fashion trend?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:39)", "body": "trend"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:39)", "body": "That's the idea I'm getting too. Just hope YOU don't follow it."}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:11)", "body": "Telewers? don't think it'll catch on..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (01:06)", "body": "It would simply leave nothing to the imagination, would it??"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (22:03)", "body": "?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:31)", "body": "Try it in California. Anything will catch on there."}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:21)", "body": "or maybe not... I mean, once someone's done it, what's the point?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:30)", "body": "Yes - one should never do the same thing twice. And what's the point in buying a prick suit to wear once, and never again? What will one do with it?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:18)", "body": "dream..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (01:54)", "body": "Or do a sexfilm called, TeleRubbies..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb 11, 1999 (18:15)", "body": "Teletubbies under attack from Jerry Falwell. From luddite@PRAIRIENET.ORG Thu Feb 11 00:46:43 1999 Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 22:26:50 -0600 From: \"Margaret M. Sheehan\" To: STORYTELL@VENUS.TWU.EDU Subject: The Tinky-Winky Defense I don't know about the rest of you, but I was shocked, shocked I say, when I heard of Jerry Falwell's vicious and unwarranted attack on Tinky-Winky. Just because Tinky-Winky carries a purse, is that any reason to accuse him of un-natural acts? He has no genitalia, any act would be un-natural! And with whom would he be un-natural? There are only three other Teletubbies and a bunch of rabbits and none of them have had these scurrilous accusations thrown at them. And do we really have any notion of just what kind of act would be natural in Teletubbyland? Until we can find a telesociologist, we will never know. We, as storytellers, must take a stand. We must support the right of any fictional character to accessorize at will. We can not allow others to define the sexual orientation of fictional characters (or non-fictional characters) based solely on inaccurate perceptions. This cuts to the heart of storytelling and our ability to tell freely. Make no mistake, this is a pocketbook issue. I say we should all accessorize in support of Tinky-Winky. Margaret in Illinois"}, {"response": 29, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Feb 26, 1999 (15:02)", "body": "On the original subject, the Wife and I only buy Barney diapers for Stinky. She takes a big dump on him at least twice daily... As to the previous post: It has recently come to my attention that the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky)'s practices just don't stand up. Before I start, however, I should state that to understand what the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky)'s particularly lazy form of narcissism has encompassed as a movement and as a system of rule, we have to look at its historical context and development as a form of irrational politics that first arose in early twentieth-century Europe in response to rapid social upheaval, the devastation of World ar I, and the Bolshevik Revolution. As commonly encountered, obscene Luddites lack any of the qualities that mark the civilized person, like courage, dignity, incorruptibility, ease, and confidence. He labels everything that conflicts with his way of thinking as virulent incorrigible propaganda. While others have also published information about confused bribe-seekers, the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky)'s stances are the direct result of a policy of abandonment and neglect. A small child really couldn't understand that the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky)'s declamations stink. But any adult can easily grasp that the only morally-sound solution is to address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by the most ostentatious mob bosses you'll ever see because they see no other options for change. The fact is, like a verbal magician, the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) knows how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. Should we blindly trust such self-centered dolts? Before you know it, his lies will be exposed and the truth can be spread. the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) should hide his head in shame before the judgment of future generations, whose tongue it will no longer be possible to stop and which, therefore, will say what today all of us know to be true: That which is built inextricably into the laws of the universe cannot be thoroughly wild. He talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility, but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) does is encourage batty oafs to see themselves as victims and, therefore, live by alibis rather than by honest effort. In hearing about his remarks, one gets the distinct impression that if history follows its course, it should be evident that there is much more of this to come. Too many emotions to count raced through my mind when I first realized that he respects nothing and no one. However much the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) may deny it, the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) should think twice before he decides to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk. He can't discuss anything without talking about propagandism. Sounds pretty illiterate, doesn't it? But is it any more so than his unconscionable sophistries? My usual response to his epigrams is this: His sycophants must be exposed and neutralized wherever they lurk. However, such a response is much too glib and perhaps a little perfidious, so let me be more specific. His magic-bullet explanations do not hold under close moral scrutiny. With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are unprincipled. Only vile wimps can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an \"inner experience\" from this dung heap of insipid tribalism. To top that, there are certainly signs that he is becoming increasingly foul. Maybe faster than you can say \"calcareoargillaceous\", he will put increased disruptive powers in lewd impudent dorks' hands. Juvenile predictions aside, this would not be an impossible scenario if his unrestrained prank phone calls gained ascendancy in our society. the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky)'s grunts would sooner ally with evil than oppose it. Some people might object to that claim, and if they do, my response is: the Purple Teletubbie (Tinky-Winky) obscures the true meaning of his politics with propaganda and fancy talk. Do you really want him to help cold-blooded fugitives evade capture by the authorities? I think not. On the surface, it would seem that if vainglorious asinine Philistines really believed in equality, they wouldn't rob, steal, cheat, and murder. But the truth is that he never acts out of motives that might seem credible or even understandable to the rest of humanity. In the course of my work, I regularly come in contact with condescending amateurish adolescents, and most of them also feel that intemperate scummy fault-finders who reinforce the concept of collective guilt that is the root of all prejudice will, hopefully, eventually be "}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Feb 26, 1999 (23:18)", "body": "bored today, Tommy?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:24)", "body": "blame it on parenthood!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:41)", "body": "everything, or just IT?"}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:32)", "body": "THere are nice things to blame on parenthood too - like losing one's mind. I find it refreshing. But what IT were we talking about? Probably IT rather than everything though. Some things can be blamed on my grandmother - oh God, she just flew past my window with a Bible under her arm....."}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:35)", "body": "sex-withdrawal delusions?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:06)", "body": "I'm not sure. She wasn't naked or anything. Except she was sitting on a vertical broom...."}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:09)", "body": "with or without a smile?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:26)", "body": "Defenitely with. But it could have also been a constipated look. I'm not sure."}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (11:00)", "body": "I understand"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:46)", "body": "Don't we all! But I prefer reading Schopenhauer when that happens - inspires greater pushing... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 136, "subject": "Why the teletubbies are a bunch of dumpy ar$ed, pompous little pricks.", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "janc", "date": "Fri, Apr 18, 2003 (10:26)", "body": "Oh wow! This item was entered on December 5, 1930! Yapp bawks at the concept, and refuses to admit that the item exists, but Backtalk's OK with it. Entering this response may or may not change that. It looks like the date got negated for some reason. I think it was actually entered in April of 1999. I haven't actually seen the teletubbies, but I'm told that it's best approached as a remake of \"The Prisoner\". Teletubbiland is actually the Village in disguise."}, {"response": 2, "author": "janc", "date": "Fri, Apr 18, 2003 (10:29)", "body": "Ah, once I posted a response to it, Yapp was finally willing to admit that the item exists after all. I was hoping it could be a private discussion area for Backtalk users. Though, since it's about teletubbies, that might not be so much fun after all."}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr 19, 2003 (21:54)", "body": "What is Backtalk?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (00:48)", "body": "It seems to be a message board of some sort where you follow threads"}, {"response": 5, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (21:03)", "body": "Wow, this topic was entereded 1930? Backtalk is Jan Wolter's gift to us, he came by and he's setting up some very cool alternate ways to commune with each other. Thank Jan. He's great!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (21:56)", "body": "He really is great. I appreciate his sense of humor and his patience with me. I also especially appreciate his writing in Geo!!! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 137, "subject": "the SCREWED Orgy!", "response_count": 11, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (15:38)", "body": "uh oh... Ray's at it again!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (16:53)", "body": "If Terry is the orgy master, Ray would be his Pentium 3!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Jan 10, 1999 (02:20)", "body": "would that by any chance make me a spare hard drive?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (18:23)", "body": "Sounds about right."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (21:13)", "body": "but not quite, huh?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:38)", "body": "A little fine tuning might be in order."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:06)", "body": "maybe some longer cables? or just some more bandwidth?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:36)", "body": "Both are good."}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:36)", "body": "Raise the freq, while you are at it."}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:57)", "body": "I couldn't remember where we left this topic... and now I know why..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (23:14)", "body": "Seems to need some activity in here. Are you forgetting size does count? So, widen the bandwidt; fatter and longer cables can carry more juice. T1 line is in order...might as well make it a Cray. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 138, "subject": "ask the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA!", "response_count": 83, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (15:42)", "body": "*sigh* you, little man... little man of curious brain... you are growing tiresome for me... I shall think I grant you explanation for one of life's greatest enigmas ... because I said so .... there you have all you need to go forth and absorb the wisdom of the Almighty Pasquina."}, {"response": 2, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (16:12)", "body": "I tiresome little man too. And I curious....sorta.... You got any extra mule feed, Almighty Pasquina, layin' around the store? So hungry."}, {"response": 3, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (16:16)", "body": "who are you almighty pasquina? i've never heard of you before...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (16:45)", "body": "comida de la MULO is the comida for mi however, the 'store' of knowledge does not feed the body, oly the soul, which in turn feeds the mind that makes enough sense of the situation to feed the body so... because I SAID so! ah, lonesome wolfie... almighty pasquina existed eons before the realm of the federal government, perhaps that is why you know not of me... but, my dear soul, you never would 'hear' of me, only feel my power... BECAUSE I said so!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (16:48)", "body": ""}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (16:55)", "body": "You've got ONE hypnotized, oh great lady!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (17:05)", "body": "Ray goes under so easy, though. Wer hypnotized him over the phone to drive up from San Antonio, clean up Little Italy right after closing, and drive back to San Antonio, with the post-hypnotic suggestion being, \"Man, that felt great, I can't wait to do it again!\""}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (17:23)", "body": "*enigmatic holier-than-thou giggle*"}, {"response": 9, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (18:52)", "body": "Even I noticed, as I read the words of the Almighty Pasquina, my left eyelid always comes down and closes shut with a thump (and stays shut), while my right hand goes up in the air and starts waving at people. I can't do a thing about it. It's learnin' me to read her words in a room where I am the only one in it, unlike right now. 6 people here at work are lookin' at my right-hand-left-eye uncoordination and I believe they're asking me if I've already been a brain donor. Oh no, there it is again: this uncontrollable urge to feed the hogs from the window of a Winnebago wit Basquiat at my side. Whoa, I just got a long-distance call from JR's Bar and Grill in Idaho. Our Pasquina is mighty almighty. She almighty be able to makey anything happen.....if'n she does that thing with her \"BECAUSE I said so!\" phwewww....she for real..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (20:31)", "body": "hey! watch it jim! i *wanted* to clean little italy. and to be told i am a bad, bad boy."}, {"response": 11, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (21:57)", "body": "oh wise Almighty funny holy enigmatic Pasquina has Ray been a bad bad boy? (sorry for the tiresome little question) why has he been so bad bad? why was he given the name Ray? how many questions do you do? you say you're eons older than the federal government, but are you older'n Ray? (I sorry for being such a sorry tiresome little man again) I go ahead and submit response now, AP"}, {"response": 12, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (22:25)", "body": "i thought i was the tiresome little man?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Dec 30, 1998 (23:33)", "body": "you are, Ray. you're so tiresome and little, it rubbed off on me. since it rubbed off, check yourself out: you might not be tiresome and little anymore. I wonder if I'm stuck with it, or if I can rub it off on someone like you did. Riette? hullo....ullo, where are you?.....Riette? umm, Riette, how would you like to be a tiresome little man? no? Rayyyyyy, I'm in a predicament. And if AP gets wind of it, I mighty be in a worse predicament. I'm afraid of her. her powers are awesome. her mind is unknowable. just anything can happen......and does..... cuz she says so"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "I am pretty tiresome at this particular moment, so sure. Give me a plastic willy, and let's go."}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "(roflmao!!) (brief hitatus to recover!)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:42)", "body": "Oh, ALMIGHTY P, what is my major malfunction?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (06:54)", "body": "fear. (and it's not really a malfunction, it just prevents you from being as happy as you could really be)"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (02:50)", "body": "ALMIGHTY P, what is it that I am most afraid of?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:04)", "body": "your instincts, your dreams, your desires (get your head outta the gutter... more than just those kinds of desires) WER, you're most afraid of being happy, because from there (in your mind) the only place to go is down. There ya have it! BECAUSE I SAID SO..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:16)", "body": "But, and I hate to question the ALMIGHTY P, isn't personal happiness predominately unimportant in the overall scheme of things?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:18)", "body": "what use is the \"overall scheme of things\" matter if you're not happy?"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "ALMIGHTY P, is a question really an answer?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:36)", "body": "watch her closely now.... she gonna go back back back in time right 'fore ya very eyes"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:59)", "body": "and with me on my back and going going going in time..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (18:05)", "body": "(perhaps WERs problems extend beyond fear...) A question is really an answer if it makes you go \"huh?\" like all true answers should. BECAUSE I SAID SO!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:20)", "body": "O ALMIGHTY P, what would those extended problems be?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:55)", "body": "excuse me, oh great, royal high majestiness, permit this lowly pimple of a subject to interject one impossibly small comment to the brave wer... wer, self-happines is where its AT! you have got to love yourself and be happy with yourself to get anything done in this world!!!!!!!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (02:32)", "body": "woo woo! Because he and I said so!!!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:47)", "body": "He who?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (13:35)", "body": "Priscilla, queen of the dessert."}, {"response": 31, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (17:51)", "body": "(a fan-damn-tastic movie!)"}, {"response": 32, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (18:24)", "body": "Sounds like an interesting movie if Priscilla is a he."}, {"response": 33, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (09:50)", "body": "have you seen it??"}, {"response": 34, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:39)", "body": "No, I have never heard of it before now."}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:07)", "body": "Should watch the Drew Carey show..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:37)", "body": "I watch very little TV."}, {"response": 37, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:50)", "body": "(stay tuned for a rare picture of the ALLMIGHTY PASQUINA on the screwed couch)"}, {"response": 38, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "really?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:43)", "body": "Waiting...."}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:09)", "body": ""}, {"response": 41, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (01:17)", "body": "woo woo! she's HOT! *grin*"}, {"response": 42, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (12:45)", "body": "That's great. Keep it up. I'd still like to see a picture though."}, {"response": 43, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (13:01)", "body": "did you not look at post 40???"}, {"response": 44, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:00)", "body": "tis true, I did say picture and not photograph..."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:48)", "body": "May I have a grape, Almighty Pasquina?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (15:38)", "body": "you may take it off the tip of my almighty tongue... because I SAID SO!!!!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:29)", "body": "(remember, Guys, you got to see that here first!)"}, {"response": 48, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:34)", "body": "Oh, ALMIGHTY PASQUINA, which is more important in our conversations on the Spring: what we say or what we do not say?"}, {"response": 49, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:24)", "body": "when we do not say, we say more than when we use our words when we say, we are also not saying. because I SAID SO!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:18)", "body": "yes, Zen mistress, I stand beside now..."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:37)", "body": "Then you can pick up that grape for me, can't you?"}, {"response": 52, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:41)", "body": "off of her tongue? are you kidding? it'll be a raisin before I manage to give it to you!"}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:41)", "body": "I'll just have to rip it savagely from yours.... BTW, how do you seperate the men from the boys in England? With a crowbar..."}, {"response": 54, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:12)", "body": "Oh, ALMIGHTY PASQUINA, will this be a good thing?"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (01:08)", "body": "Fergive me, almaaaity Pascina! A'hm a Boer - A'h know no better!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:33)", "body": "No better than what?"}, {"response": 57, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:42)", "body": "(the madcap hilarity never ceases to amaze me!) wuull, thombody thake this guape off mui thongue!!"}, {"response": 58, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (00:22)", "body": "*sslurp!*"}, {"response": 59, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (16:30)", "body": "THANK you!"}, {"response": 60, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (22:14)", "body": "yeah, yeah..."}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:28)", "body": "And now you're going to keel over and die. Don't ya know the woman is holy??? PLLLLEEEEZE, almaaaaity Pascina, spare him!!! He didn't know! (And in my head she answers: 'Well, he fu\ufffdking knows NOW, doesn't he???'"}, {"response": 62, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:19)", "body": "too easy, it'd never happen... she'd punish me with immortality..."}, {"response": 63, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (01:52)", "body": "Or even worse: ABSTINANCE! You're going to have to ward her off with a condom and a can opener held out in the sign of the underpants!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (13:01)", "body": "or just smear myself with raw meat, perhaps... (tell me again why I'm trying to keep her away)"}, {"response": 65, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (01:27)", "body": "'Cos she wants to punish you in less pleasurable ways than spanking and a rod up yer ar$e."}, {"response": 66, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (00:43)", "body": "Because I SAID so!"}, {"response": 67, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb 11, 1999 (16:07)", "body": "Well, that settles that then, doesn't it?"}, {"response": 68, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr  9, 1999 (08:55)", "body": "Ahem, hello?"}, {"response": 69, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Apr  9, 1999 (12:55)", "body": "YEEEESSSSSSSSS?"}, {"response": 70, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Apr 10, 1999 (13:11)", "body": "Ahem, somebody mentioned your name lately to me, so I thought..."}, {"response": 71, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 10, 1999 (13:14)", "body": "(naughty, naughty)"}, {"response": 72, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Apr 10, 1999 (23:19)", "body": "I'm waiting..."}, {"response": 73, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Apr 11, 1999 (00:37)", "body": "...but not for much longer!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 12, 1999 (04:02)", "body": "Ahem, sorry, but it was weekend, and I... (*cowered in FEAR*)"}, {"response": 75, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Apr 12, 1999 (23:36)", "body": "(psst...hey, buddy, that's not gonna get you anywhere with her...)"}, {"response": 76, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Apr 13, 1999 (10:49)", "body": "(Huh! - Oh, it's you. My, did you scare me... Well, I don't really know what I'm doing here. Somebody mentioned this name, and schwupp!, there I was...)"}, {"response": 77, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 13, 1999 (19:38)", "body": "Oh, ALMIGHTY PASQUINA, your humble Schuth, Alexander, request that you answer his most inmost inquiry! (hurry up and ask, Alexander!)"}, {"response": 78, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (10:17)", "body": "(Oh, that's how it works! Thanks, mate!) Ahem, Pasquina, erh, Almighty, ahem - why am I here? I mean, why have I been willed here?"}, {"response": 79, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (10:31)", "body": "AHEM. Alexander, your will is indeed your own. You have willed yourself here and must look within the boundries of your heart and mind to discover why you remain. I, of course, already know but the sheer shock of externally forced reality might loosen your already tenuous grip... Because I SAID so!"}, {"response": 80, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 1999 (13:53)", "body": "Oh. That, well, yes, thank you... (Mr. Roland, whazzis woman talking about?)"}, {"response": 81, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 1999 (14:37)", "body": "(life, the universe, and free will, I believe...)"}, {"response": 82, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Apr 17, 1999 (05:59)", "body": "(So you DO believe? But then this must be Paraspring... Let me sit down, everything turns around me...)"}, {"response": 83, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 17, 1999 (13:39)", "body": "(...as the sands through the hourglass...) screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 139, "subject": "Peaches", "response_count": 40, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (06:55)", "body": "who told you?!?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (02:49)", "body": "you did..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:04)", "body": "i musta been drinking!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:13)", "body": "nope, posting... you posted it in fitness, and told Terry not to ask... never said I couldn't..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:19)", "body": "but the implications were certainly there!!!!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (12:50)", "body": "and I used nothing saying I was referring to you, you made the connection and brought thatt out all by yourself..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:45)", "body": "and and becuzzzzz he say so.....hoooooo alerrrrpp ahhhhhhh i'll just go trundle off now (like i wazzunt here)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:49)", "body": "are you moving to the country?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (18:06)", "body": "to pick peaches?!?!?!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:13)", "body": "*trying to compose myself* (but giving up on that) see, ummmm, Nick.... yeah....I b'lieve it WERE Nick.... he and I were up there on the Oregon coast (and all, y'all) so we're like back in from the ocean a couple blocks or one or less or two.... and he just real gently lifts his arm and points out to me this spot.... and he says, \"Look at all the peaches walkin' on the beaches\" that did it for me up to now I dunno what the holdup is.... I'm gonna goooooooooo [see ya there] I already feel like a stranger"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:26)", "body": "doesn't sound like you're gonna pick peaches... sounds more like you're gonna rub the fuzzy right off 'em by rubbing 'em under your armpits..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:34)", "body": "Nick said to do that --- hmmm....what a coincidence. he says it adds taste to the whole experience....or somethin' I still dunno.....but I'm workin' hard on just trying even to visualize what you guys are talkin' to me about."}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:36)", "body": "Just think Fredricksburg... in the summer."}, {"response": 14, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:58)", "body": "oh, like that..... oh, that's off the tree [as he takes a phone call from someone standing behind the tree ahhh, there she is.....as she steps out.....on her cellular (just a little thing).....mine is too.....she's telling me, \"You have the freedom to let your imagination run wild\".....this is not a false account of events to just say that she's mimic-ing her dreamy tone with a gliding smile.... I want to tell you.....oh but I can't.....really gotta go now.....] ok ok I'm a mess"}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (20:38)", "body": "(you forgot to rub the fuzzies off first)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:17)", "body": "(that could be a lot of rubbin')"}, {"response": 17, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (02:32)", "body": "fear not... the journey shall be fruitful..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:52)", "body": "Why rub the fuzz off?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (10:46)", "body": "greater sensitivity"}, {"response": 20, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (11:06)", "body": "just for fun..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (18:25)", "body": "But, I like the feel of the fuzz."}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (21:14)", "body": "then keep rubbing!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (09:50)", "body": "not TOO hard"}, {"response": 24, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:41)", "body": "I meant that I like the feel of it on my tongue, not my hands. Although, I also like the way that it feels on my hands."}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:08)", "body": "so, rub with your tongue..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:39)", "body": "Of course.... Actually, I prefer the word, \"caress\"."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:49)", "body": "As supposed to pummel."}, {"response": 28, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (15:39)", "body": "ouch."}, {"response": 29, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:30)", "body": "I was thinking more a long the lines of a body massage..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:34)", "body": "Caress still works much better than pummel!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:24)", "body": "depends on what you're doing to who..."}, {"response": 32, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:42)", "body": "ouch WER... just FYI... pummel NEVER works well with me!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (00:39)", "body": "but, but, but as often as we see each other, at least the bruises would have time to heal... (and I thought you're a physical, full contact kind of girl... yet another illusion shattered!)"}, {"response": 34, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (16:30)", "body": "glad I could shatter it for you too!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (22:15)", "body": "I'm sure you are, too..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:25)", "body": "Well, I like the pummeling thing. Not like twin soccer, though. More like play dough...."}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:21)", "body": "ya need to be kneeded, huh? (or just molded and shaped?)"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (01:48)", "body": "No, I need to be played with in a childish manner...."}, {"response": 39, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Jul  5, 2004 (15:18)", "body": "Doesn't everyone, at some point or another?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:52)", "body": "Absolutely necessary to thrive, I hear. I know it makes all t.difference in MY day screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 14, "subject": "Screwed welcomes <autumn>", "response_count": 40, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (22:16)", "body": "Ha ha!! Whatever! (gotta get a drink and a smoke to be screwed properly, I think)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (10:52)", "body": "Okay, that's it - we need some screwy topics for the men around here...right, Autumn?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (18:41)", "body": "Sounds good to me!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:00)", "body": "How about some mutually screwy topics? Then we can all have fun together, at the same time, in the same place. How about a live chat room?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:50)", "body": "I see some simultaneous oral screwing is what you've got in mind..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "Hmmm....Simultaneous oral screwing sounds like a lot more fun than Chat Room!! Kind of gghrrabbs you"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "where?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Use your imagination. See what you come up with. Hmm...might be interesting."}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:24)", "body": "Specially with your imagination!!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "You over estemate me. However, certain products of the imagination cannot be shared online, and so it'll have to remain private. Unless you want to tell me what goes on in yours. I'm so old-fashioned, you see - I never make the first move..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "Damn! Sorry, my typing is so screwed up today - they (like 'estimate') are not really spelling mistakes, my fingers are merely half frozen!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "Until you called my attention to the spelling error, I never noticed it. And, If I had truely over estimated your imagination, you would have been online with what you are thinking. But you are right about not sharing them online. They would probably shut the conference down. In any case my e-mail address is: P_T_GUENTHER@hotmail.com so that takes care of that excuse."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (07:53)", "body": "Hardball! You're asking for it!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:26)", "body": "That's not hardball, Riette. That is calling you. As in Poker."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "But that would be unfair - I don't play Poker. Perhaps you can teach me? Then I'll see if your kind of hardball really is HARD. ha-ha Just kidding!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (02:02)", "body": "I'd be glad to teach you poker, Riette. We have a version over here, called strip poker. Every time you lose, you remove one article of clothing. Whoever gets naked first, loses."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:26)", "body": "!!! And then what happens?! The loser has to wander around naked all evening? What if nipple frost should occur??"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:50)", "body": "Oh My!! that would be terrible. But, I'd bet that we think of something to prevent that. Actually, if memory serves, The participants in this particular game end up naked together. It seems at that point the Combination becomes extremely exothermic. In other words, Riette, having enough heat isn't a problem."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (12:57)", "body": "You mean BOTH lose? You know what the first-lucky-last game says about that, don't you?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:11)", "body": "Actually, Riette, It seems that, in the end, both win. What does what say about it?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "The first-lucky-last game is how I reason about things, and in this case it says: It would be the first time I'd enjoy losing. It would be a lucky thing indeed! And it would be the last time .... no, that doesn't apply actually. It would NOT be the last time I played poker!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (09:48)", "body": "Well then, Riette, I'm game, if you are. Of course we'll have to play several hands first that don't count, so you can familiarize yourself with the game."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:24)", "body": "Deal! I love a challenge! I'll wear 20 layers of clothes in case I lose, and if you lose.....WOOH!!! You'll be in deep deep trouble!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (12:47)", "body": "I hope that it is cold that day, Riette. With 20 layers of clothing, you will fry on the average spring day."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "Okay, 20 layers of underwear then! That should keep me safe."}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:07)", "body": "Riette, I think that you've found a way to make the game more interesting."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:50)", "body": "Yeah - at least it would look like I have boobies!! ha-ha! But the layers only come off if you can guess the underlying colours right!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:07)", "body": "Riette, I love a challenge!! That sounds like real fun!!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "\ufffdfervently praying that you're colour blind\ufffd"}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Not likely, Riette, I have to take an eye test every two years, by federal law."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "What a nasty old law that is!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:08)", "body": "Yes, Riette, it is. We have been trying to get it changed for years."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:11)", "body": "Why change it? Just go ahead and break it!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:16)", "body": "It costs a lot of money, Riette."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:09)", "body": "Oh! And damn. That's why I hate rules."}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:12)", "body": "Yes Riette, we all do, the bureaucrats have to do something though."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:02)", "body": "I guess so. I'm glad I'm not a bureaucrat - they are not very well liked, are they?"}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "Not at all,Riette"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "Tim, what now?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "Riette, that depends on how open to suggestions, you are. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 140, "subject": "Get questioned by the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA!", "response_count": 44, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (13:50)", "body": "(not for the light of heart... or heavy of heart for that matter!)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "and the first victim, er questionee is:"}, {"response": 3, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (17:51)", "body": "ooo-weee, i is gittin a buzz now someone gonna turn all to sloppy mush it'll be sure to be a sorrry sorrrry sight listen to the fear go 'round"}, {"response": 4, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (18:08)", "body": "the first victim couldn't even stand the question... (you now all must see what I mean about the light o heart)"}, {"response": 5, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:27)", "body": "wer? aw, wer. here, let me give ya a hand. upsy daisy now and into the wheelchair my goodness but you are heavy of heart so.....where ya wanna go? I'll roll ya there....hang on (i know yer still in recovery)"}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:29)", "body": "no, Jim... I meant you! *grin*"}, {"response": 7, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:43)", "body": "me? you are so tricky oh? that one over there is electric? yeah, sure I'll take it wheelchair Wednesday it is weeeeeeeee......am i on a roll or what *bang* *bonk* *crash* darn automatic door was supposed to open"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (20:39)", "body": "*laugh* I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing WITH Tahja (whose sitting on my lap laughing AT you!)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:03)", "body": "*AHEM* I mean... *low mystical voice* tell me about your mother..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (00:40)", "body": "she spoke Tajiki she would warn me of this day topping it off with a seductive meow then added a dose of suppressed but convulsed laughter [she gave me a bulletproof face for my 9th birthday] she wore a pink silk bomber jacket and a brown hair net and merlot-colored stretch pants instead of reading bedtime stories to me, she'd wait for me to get into the flannel sheets and explain to me about beautiful Polynesian love rites (that she'd heard that day on \"All Things Considered\", I think, now that I think back on it) you probably don't need any more than these few clues to solve the crime (of my birth)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (02:33)", "body": "got mail?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (02:34)", "body": "got a call from Garrison Kelior... he claims it was HE that your mother used to get the love rites stuff from..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Jan 10, 1999 (10:21)", "body": "Poor Garrison, he called me this morning and just started reading. He didn't say \"hi, Jim\" or anything, --- I say, \"hello, this is Jim\" --- he just read these words and hung up: \"Michael caught us playing Doom on the office operating system and flipped out.....or rather, he deleted it from the system and gave me a lecture about lost people-hours when I later asked him to please reinstall it. In the end he did, because it would be catastrophic to worker morale to not be able to hunt and kill your co-workers.\" I wonder where he got that from....I used to know, I think...."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 11, 1999 (09:07)", "body": "the post office???"}, {"response": 15, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Jan 11, 1999 (15:52)", "body": "that's it.....Garrison got it from David Garza at the post office"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 11, 1999 (15:59)", "body": "but David lost his twang twang shocka boom and I think gave Garrison some faulty information..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (18:26)", "body": "Or, it got mixed up in the translation."}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (21:15)", "body": "I thought the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA was understood by all..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (09:51)", "body": "(don't go there WER!)"}, {"response": 20, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:43)", "body": "I don't claim to understand ALL of anything, or anybody."}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:56)", "body": "the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA does... it's her job!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:59)", "body": "Or any woman......"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (13:57)", "body": "So, AP, any new questions for me?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (15:56)", "body": "dost thou enjoy the new job?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (18:19)", "body": "it's acceptable..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (18:28)", "body": "not tons o fun and exactly what you were looking for in employment?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (19:24)", "body": "if I wasn't temping there, it would be a cool job... temping in the position I have puts me in a weird position..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, May 22, 1999 (15:35)", "body": "...so stand straight, those cramps in the back might get better then..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, May 22, 1999 (18:16)", "body": "could be...but then again?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (09:18)", "body": "WER I'm 'temping' and certainly know what you're talking about with regard to the different spin... just make yourself invaluable to em! I've extended this 'temporary' job into an eight month affair with no end in sight and people fighting batles trying to get me hired with full benefits! I'm sure you know how to worm your way into their hearts and minds..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (11:15)", "body": "like the second day I was here I was being referred to as \"The Famous William\"...and mine has already been extended a week..."}, {"response": 32, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (15:27)", "body": "Woo woo!!!! see what I mean! a lot of companies hire temps so they don't have to make that big committment upfront but most of them are in need of permanent assistance!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (15:47)", "body": "what I'm temping for is one of the three jobs up on their site, too..."}, {"response": 34, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (18:32)", "body": "score!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (12:17)", "body": "So, Famous William, all is well? Are you feeling good there? (Hey Stace, I can just imagine this: \"And this is my new colleague, The Famous William.\" - \"New guy, huh? Famous William, huh? Hey, come to think of it, how,'s the other William doing?\" THAT would be sure to upset me, if I were the other William around...) Heya, Wer, I can hardly say how much this makes me happy for ya! I would dance and sing if I hadn't to keep my clumsy digits on the keys! Might do it later, though..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (13:03)", "body": "instead, why don't you go knock back of mug of bock for me?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (18:45)", "body": "affording the good stuff now! must be that heightened sense of self... or could it be those incessant computer hums?"}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:04)", "body": "I don't drink unless it's the good stuff..."}, {"response": 39, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:07)", "body": "i don't drink unless I'm thirsty (usually) then it's whatever is around. Water is not so good coming outta the tap here but I drink it anyway sometimes. I like pale ales and ambers and stouts but most brands will do... OJ however is a completely different story... only the yummy pulp stuff... fresh squeezed... not from concentrate... yessir --eee can't skimp on the OJ"}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:18)", "body": "not much on pales...do, however, like ambers and stouts along with porters, bocks, and esb's...if I'm drinking light it's Shiner or Foster's...too many years of stress prevent me from drinking much fruit juice anymore...besides, if I could toss one back, I wouldn't be asking Alexander to do it for me!!!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:19)", "body": "I like oktoberfest's, too..."}, {"response": 42, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, May 29, 1999 (05:19)", "body": "So, does \"no fruit juice\" translate into queasy stomach or ulcers? Son, you gotta watch that. Tell you what, you take care of that, and I get heavy on some nice Export (I'm an Export drinker - though most of my folks are into Pilsener, can't figure why, and you hardly get Export anywhere these days. Too low-class and cheap. What can I say? Tell me your beer, and I tell you your style...) as soon as the mag has left this building. Export: Hard to get on draft these days, plus my patriotic brand, Licher, will \"discontinue\" to bottle 'em. That's right, they'll only roll out some kegs for gastronomy, but you hardly find anybody who offers it. First they killed off the Weihnachtsbock, then the Export dwindles into nothingness. I wonder who's consulting them..."}, {"response": 43, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, May 29, 1999 (14:33)", "body": "put an editorial about it in your next issue..."}, {"response": 44, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, May 31, 1999 (03:02)", "body": "\"..., best in German so I can't read it.\" Wrote the Edit for #13 last night (until 2 a.m.). Perhaps too heavy, gotta wait and see how (if) people respond. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 141, "subject": "TheCrispyCrunchyTenderFlakyTopic", "response_count": 24, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (18:27)", "body": "It sounds good anyway."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 12, 1999 (21:17)", "body": "unless, of course, the topic title is in reference to unwashed undies..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (14:44)", "body": "Maybe they're edible."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:10)", "body": "especially when they've become CrispyCrunchyTenderFlaky..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 13, 1999 (15:40)", "body": "Snap, Crackle, Pop......"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:51)", "body": "melt"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:31)", "body": "and, apparently, runny..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:24)", "body": "*gag*"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:18)", "body": "*chortle*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:40)", "body": "\ufffdguffaw\ufffd"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:43)", "body": "Hey, baby, what's a preposterous chick like you doing in a topic like this?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:43)", "body": "OH! Sorry! I thought this was the TheToughStickyChewyLittleBuggerTopic! I'll just go now, okay? \ufffdtip toeing out of the topic\ufffd"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:14)", "body": "not until you show us what you're hiding under the overcoat! *slams door*"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (01:10)", "body": "\ufffdbiting my nails\ufffd Nothing.....nothing much.....just a little fake object of no importance whatsoever. \ufffdanxiously looking for way out\ufffd"}, {"response": 15, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:35)", "body": "Chewey?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:25)", "body": "Not today, I'm not. How about yourself?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:43)", "body": "Flaky."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:23)", "body": "Same here. Time for a hair wash, I think...."}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:03)", "body": "all of it, are just what's visible?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (01:47)", "body": "One has to WASH those???"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (13:04)", "body": "nope, thus my question..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (01:24)", "body": "In that case I don't have to worry - I only have to wash my buttock hair! You know, there is a new Afrikaner pop group now, and their music is totally vulgar (which is about the only music one can make with a language as earthy as that). It is mind bogglingly funny and my favourite title from their 1st album is: 'An ar$ehole without hair isn't an ar$ehole at all.'"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (22:16)", "body": "sounds like a new topic to me..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Feb  2, 1999 (01:41)", "body": "ha-ha!!! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 142, "subject": "Service Entrance to the Rear", "response_count": 2, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Jan 14, 1999 (23:20)", "body": "Just set the box from Planter's next to the cot..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Mar 25, 1999 (16:33)", "body": "and bend at the waist when you do so... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 143, "subject": "Planter's Salted Testicles!", "response_count": 17, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:08)", "body": "you're now scaring me Ray!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:13)", "body": "way to go Ray!!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:28)", "body": "ah ha! I see how you measure success young man!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:37)", "body": "can you give a short, two paragraph description for everyone else's benefit?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (10:50)", "body": "no. i am practicing being an information silo"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (11:56)", "body": "may I look inside?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:12)", "body": "at will..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:22)", "body": "even after all this time?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:36)", "body": "since what???"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:38)", "body": "*chuckle*"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:45)", "body": "*grin*"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:48)", "body": "so, what shall we dis(tance)cuss now?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (12:59)", "body": "a distancecusss... what is it?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:10)", "body": "a discussion taking place over a distance..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:11)", "body": "and/or cussing over a distance..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (16:36)", "body": "not cussing di in a certain stance though?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:11)", "body": "sure, why the hell not? you'll have to show me how, though... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 144, "subject": "Stapler?", "response_count": 17, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "holymoly", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:19)", "body": "I use one more often than my vibrator!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:23)", "body": "Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? (and let's hope you never get the two confused!)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (12:48)", "body": "Although, an electric stapler, without staples, could present new possibilities."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:01)", "body": "for auto-electrocution or auto-eroticism?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:53)", "body": "Auto de-ball-ishment."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (15:39)", "body": "you could make it literally one big package!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:32)", "body": "prefer them \"big packages\" huh, Stace?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (00:24)", "body": "not if they're all stapled together!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:20)", "body": "true...I mean, one of those staples breaks loose, then what've you got? (other than, possibly, a really cool mosaic...)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:41)", "body": "She'll have to use a plastic glove, instead of a condom, for one thing....."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:44)", "body": "excellent visual"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:44)", "body": "I think it's rather erotic!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:15)", "body": "like most of the Spring, really..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (01:12)", "body": "Oh, absolutely. I mean, since I've come here, I've not even needed to buy the Powerpuff Dick magazine anymore."}, {"response": 15, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:36)", "body": "What would that be?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:29)", "body": "the only magazine with naked men in it that you don't have a subscription to?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:22)", "body": "That's because he's not into make-up! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 145, "subject": "Holy Moly!!!", "response_count": 29, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (23:38)", "body": "my thoughts exactly...(well, more or less)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (12:48)", "body": "I like holy mole better."}, {"response": 3, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Apr 20, 1999 (13:25)", "body": "How do you prepare it? It's not from Avocado, right?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 20, 1999 (19:57)", "body": "no...possibly..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (12:03)", "body": "I LIKE avocado."}, {"response": 6, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (13:29)", "body": ""}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:18)", "body": "mouth full? or are your fingers busy, Alexander?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:30)", "body": "Oh heck, just push it in anywhere - any hole will digest it. YUM YUM!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:38)", "body": "*wide-eyed*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:04)", "body": "ha-ha! That's a first!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:08)", "body": "as far as YOU know..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:25)", "body": "Oh, THAT'S why you had that black bag over your head all those times! And I thought you were being kinky!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (11:02)", "body": "or ashamed...or maybe just anonymous..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:44)", "body": "Ashamed of what? Not anonymous - I knew it was you, remember? Must have been the white hat, and the slight taste of mafia."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "that's gotta be it!!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:07)", "body": "yeah. cigarette and strawberries and white"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:35)", "body": "Oh my!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (08:18)", "body": "That's just what I thought! Lions and Tigers and Wers . . . OH MY!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "This is my cue to growl, right?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (20:23)", "body": "Please do. I did not realize you did *that* too...!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 1999 (09:39)", "body": "oh my!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 1999 (13:54)", "body": "(...waiting expectantly...) Do we have to bring snacks here, too?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (15:29)", "body": "As there is no mole, there won't be any nachos, either, I guess..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (16:12)", "body": "I have two ripe avocadoes in the kitchen...will that help?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (12:58)", "body": "Hmh, still no nachos. You wouldn't guess it, but Germany is a development country, nacho-wise. An advanced development country, because you get them now, but still development, because they are only half as good while at least thrice as expensive!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:14)", "body": "You are making me hungry. Nachos and avocadoes are very good together...and there is only one ripe avocado on my counter now...it was picked off the tree by my larcenous little fingers and consumed by my very own mouth. Ummmmm....! Is there anything to be done about the state of Nacho development in Germany? I am sure our President would be happy to throw our money at you if he thought it might bring him some glory...! Nachos Clinton? Willy Nachos? hmmmm...."}, {"response": 27, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:22)", "body": "Haha! Nachos in Germany really taste like pasteboard with some spices sprinkled on...we are in deep need of economic aid... Couldn't we invent something like NACHO AID? Could Clinton be president of the \"Willy Nacho Aid Society\" when he's retired?"}, {"response": 28, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:26)", "body": "Bill's Spicy Nachos & Newman's Salsa... hmh, sounds like an idea here..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (13:44)", "body": "Lock up your daughters and young female relatives before you invite him over for a demonstration. He might leave more behind than you really wanted! *lol* Paste board makes lousy nachos unless you have lots of Velveeta on them. Then you can just ingnore them... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 147, "subject": "Where's Egoboy?", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:46)", "body": "Counting his bullet collection?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:47)", "body": "I was going to say, sniper bullet collection, but then I suddenly remembered: TIM used to be sniper!!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:38)", "body": "Still, I never collected bullets. Collecting bullets can be unhealthy. Specially if you collect them rapidly."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (22:32)", "body": "depends on the method you use to collect them... some ways are a lot smarter than others..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:45)", "body": "I imagine uncollecting a currect bullet collection would be the most unhealthy"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:20)", "body": "ha-ha! Good shot! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 148, "subject": "Mother, I Want to Go to the Mountainside and", "response_count": 30, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:46)", "body": "any particular parts???"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (00:36)", "body": "no, however I am open to suggestions!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (16:30)", "body": "why the mountainside ?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 25, 1999 (22:15)", "body": "great view?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:19)", "body": "Can I be the wicked witch of the wild? PLEEEEEZE!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:02)", "body": "Near as I can tell, you already is..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (01:45)", "body": "In that case I demand that you give me your limestone slippers right now! \ufffdholding hand out .... demandingly!\ufffd"}, {"response": 8, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (09:44)", "body": "So, when is Julie Andrews going to run down from the mountain, singing...?? And, do I get a free pair of limestone slippers?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (21:46)", "body": "in this instance, she'll probably run down screaming, or just stay up there screwing... why not? what's your size?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (21:51)", "body": "...or, she could be singing about screwing...you know, it's a 90's thing... the last pair of limestone slippers I owned was a \"one size fits all\"...ya can't go wrong, there."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (21:57)", "body": "true, all of this is too true..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (09:46)", "body": "Hmmmmm...Mother, I want to go to the mountainside and...spew forth obscenities while dancing around clothed in only banana tree leaves and facial paint...??? Could this be stress therapy? Is the need for Prozac probable, in this case, or could it simply be a \"Maalox moment\"...???"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "YES!!!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (20:25)", "body": "Is that answer the equilavent to...all of the above?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (20:27)", "body": "...\"equivalent\"...(ack!...phew!)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (21:01)", "body": "d) all of the above"}, {"response": 17, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Fri, Feb 19, 1999 (20:18)", "body": "OK...(going for my medication, again...) Maybe I'm just paranoid, but...when you scroll down on the Main page of the screwed conference, do you ever feel like you're being watched? Maybe it's just me..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Feb 19, 1999 (23:28)", "body": "I always feel like I'm being watched..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Sat, Feb 20, 1999 (07:14)", "body": "(theme from the X-Files playing in background) So, you're saying...maybe we're not alone...?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Feb 20, 1999 (11:29)", "body": "no, I'm alone...there's just spectactors watching me be by myself..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Mar 29, 1999 (11:26)", "body": "That's not true! I'm not watching you guys! I'm just, uh, researching for, ahem, future use of possibly sensitive data acquired. Just act naturally. (theme from Mission Impossible playing in the background)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Mar 29, 1999 (22:17)", "body": "uh, the natural world and I don't get along much anymore..."}, {"response": 23, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Apr 13, 1999 (13:37)", "body": "Stating the obvious! Whew - one of my greatest pasttimes, too!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 13, 1999 (19:40)", "body": "then carry on!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (10:11)", "body": "This is a screwed topic, my friend!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "isn't it just!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (13:59)", "body": "Yeah, great, right! And that Mountainside, is pretty, ahem, pretty STEEP, Wer!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (14:06)", "body": "which makes it all the more fun to climb..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (14:09)", "body": "Well, isn't that obvious..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (17:10)", "body": "that would depend upon what mood I'm in... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 149, "subject": "advanced masturbatory device", "response_count": 21, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Feb  9, 1999 (14:36)", "body": "US5501650: Automated masturbatory device Inventor(s): Gellert; Reinhard R. , Arlington Heights, IL 60004 Applicant(s): none Issued/Filed Dates: March 26, 1996 / Sept. 8, 1993 Application Number: US1993000118154 IPC Class: A61F 005/00; Class: 600/038; Field of Search: 600/38-41 128/897-899 Abstract: A variable speed motor powering a crankshaft driven sealed transducer producing pneumatically induced reciprocating motion of a receiver when a male organ is inserted. The present invention employs a hermetic system to prevent loss of synchronization. The receiver is designed with an inner liner compliant enough to accommodate a plurality of sizes and shapes of male penises. The present invention produces a stroke of approximately 3 inches at a frequency of up to 350 per minute. Primary/Assistant Examiners: Sykes; Angela D.; Lacyk; J."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Feb  9, 1999 (22:28)", "body": "this of course spurred me to see if brownpeniswax.net is a registered domain name...it isn't... (does that mean, that IBM stands for \"I Be Masturbatin'\"?)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Feb 10, 1999 (12:38)", "body": "LOLLOLLOL!!! I By Myself...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Feb 10, 1999 (13:54)", "body": "Hey, you like that!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Feb 13, 1999 (00:01)", "body": "in the same vein... THE NEW TAX LAW The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts. Effective January 1st, 1999, your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows: 10-12\" Luxury Tax $30.00 8-10\" Pole Tax $25.00 5-8\" Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5\" Nuisance Tax $3.00 Males exceeding 12\" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!! Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS NOTE: We are still waiting for answers for the following questions: * Are there penalties for early withdrawals? * What if one's penis is self employed? * Do multiple partners count as a corporation? * Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? * Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Feb 13, 1999 (08:23)", "body": "And is there a tax on the IBM AMD?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (12:07)", "body": "Apparently in South Africa they are considering making poligamy legal. I think I shall immigrate when that happens."}, {"response": 8, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "oh goody!! i cant wait!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (16:46)", "body": "For real they're making it legal? What brought this on?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:21)", "body": "man's desire to treat women as property?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:29)", "body": "THe divorce rate brought it on. South Africa has the highest divorce rate in the world, and at the bottom of it is man's inability to remain true to a single spouse. So, the way to make the divorce rate go down, you let people marry all the people they fall in love with. Plus the fact that in most black tribes poligamy takes place, and since South Africa is made up of a black majority, there is no reason why their marital practises shouldn't be included in the consitution as well."}, {"response": 12, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (09:09)", "body": "So, are there a lot more women than men in SA? And do whites do these polygamous marriages also, or will they with the new law do you think?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:03)", "body": "I read an article about it. It seems most people want it! Except, the women insist that, just as men will be allowed to marry several women, they should be allowed to marry several men too. At which there was a huge outcry from the male side, of course."}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:07)", "body": "of coure...polygyny: yes, polyandry: no just like I said earlier..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:23)", "body": "Yeah. THAT thang. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (11:05)", "body": "I'd like what?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:42)", "body": "That THING! WHatever it was. WHat was it again? Some kind of advanced masturbatory device, I guess. Like a thermosflask."}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (11:48)", "body": "if it was advanced enough to be organic..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:06)", "body": "-/- --- ah, sweet satisfacion..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:37)", "body": "thanks for sharing!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan 12, 2000 (15:50)", "body": "Re: Monogamy/polygamy, the ban of polygamy caused - at least in part - the tremendous increase of prostitution in Thailand and other Asian countries. Women were sent away, and to support themselves, turned onto their last resorts. And many girls are not married off, because the parents demand to much money for a poor man to come up with, and the rich men are only allowed one wife. So, imposing Western morals upon these people to cause the good created the bad. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 15, "subject": "Ray Lopez - most screwable scientist on the web!", "response_count": 8, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Aug 18, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "ahhhhhh yes.... was it good for you, baby?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "Never been better. I just love the size of your, your....screwdriver... \ufffdmoan\ufffd"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:00)", "body": "I thought it was a cucumber (previous conference info)"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:24)", "body": "it's been upgraded"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "at least it wasn't peeled, sliced, and pickled..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (08:19)", "body": "Only played with briefly."}, {"response": 7, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (10:43)", "body": "how briefly?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (11:47)", "body": "Briefly, yet thoroughly enough to want to upgrade it.... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 150, "subject": "Chief Prophet", "response_count": 22, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (17:53)", "body": "let us in on what was on your mind when you created this topic, Stace..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (11:22)", "body": "your comment about being the chief prophet no doubt..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (17:52)", "body": "oh... and?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 24, 1999 (13:46)", "body": "\"a prophet wise in the apparent contents of his mind\""}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (12:08)", "body": "If contents can indeed be found in a mind.... not YOURS!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:26)", "body": "\"A yo-yo heart upon a string\""}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:25)", "body": "Or a string of mind on a yo-yo!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, May 10, 1999 (07:10)", "body": "A strung-out yo-yo that don't mind?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 10, 1999 (16:46)", "body": "and with too many strings attached..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (05:44)", "body": "You know what? A british colleague once said to me, I had many strings to my bow. He meant that as compliment. Maybe those strings are not the negative thing you may think them. Obviously, you have several conflicting roles... but at least you don't really seem isolated and all on your own. And this is the true curse: isolation you can't escape. Doesn't seem to be your problem; so perhaps you are better off than you may think. And as for people and obligations you can't escape, grab some gear and go off for a week. Camp out. Count stars. Follow a river. Come back, and start again. Just tell folks before you walkabout; they deserve such basic courtesy, even if it doesn't feel like that. (Excuse me for getting serious here and boringly lecture you.)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (11:10)", "body": "not a problem...sometimes each of us need that... (and you'd be surprised how correct you are in that suggestion...)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "yep... nothing like a week long escape to the mountains of COlorado to set your mind straight... when do you arrive?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (15:17)", "body": "when the money fairy pays the bills and leaves me a plane ticket, too!!!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (15:41)", "body": "Get this straight: You're unemployed (you say). You have an attitude (I see). Get rid of this first (I say). Money-fairies don't like tense folks (I know; that's why she doesn't drop by THIS place). All else will then fall in place (I guess). Or not (who knows). But I don't think things will get much worse in these few days (I hope). Perhaps your environment grants you this break, if it's clear you'll seriously \"git to it\" afterwards. At least your attitude might improve. How far am I off the mark?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (15:58)", "body": "dead center and a million miles away... (helpful, aren't I?)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (16:53)", "body": "man... you two were MADE for each other!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (16:56)", "body": "(Sometimes, very much so. But I should stop this guessing game. \"dead center and a million miles away\" is too dangerous. I'm not in the business of talking people into things, even if it might be sense. Or what I think that would be. You can start vicious things in other folks heads.)"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (17:12)", "body": "(speaking of things that go together, vicious things and my head are two more!)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, May 16, 1999 (08:00)", "body": "(Exactly. That's why I'll try to cut back on this. It might create a monster. I mean, an even bigger one. The Mother of all Monsters. Like really BIG. Godzilla's dad. Get the picture?)"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, May 16, 1999 (14:19)", "body": "(already working on the script...)"}, {"response": 21, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, May 16, 1999 (14:57)", "body": "NO YOU WON'T ! You be a good boy, aim to do your best, struggle hard, and never, YOU HEAR ME - NEVER !!! give up."}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jun 13, 1999 (15:14)", "body": "Obviously I don't support it, but I support the impulses that are giving rise to it. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 151, "subject": "Laughing Sky's Cloud", "response_count": 139, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (22:06)", "body": "Hey! You! Get offa my cloud... (sorry - I just HAD to say that...) ;) Can this be the cloud that hangs out over the Mountainside?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Feb 16, 1999 (23:54)", "body": "sure, as long as it doesn't rain on my parade... (so, how did it feel to get screwed?)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (09:36)", "body": "It's much different than I'd remembered... ;)"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (14:06)", "body": "is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (20:20)", "body": "good and bad....I'm laughing (laughingSKY, by the way...), so, that is a good thing...bad, because...well, I...I can't seem to remember...(?) (...going for my medication...)"}, {"response": 6, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (20:59)", "body": "can I have some, too?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Fri, Feb 19, 1999 (20:11)", "body": "Only if you're good...you have to be good on Laughing Sky's cloud...at, least, I think so...if I remember correctly...I.... (gone wandering around, again...)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Feb 19, 1999 (23:30)", "body": "but, won't the medication help with that?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "LaughingSky", "date": "Sat, Feb 20, 1999 (07:16)", "body": "what medication?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Feb 20, 1999 (11:31)", "body": "maybe we should just try therapy first..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Thu, Apr 22, 1999 (22:03)", "body": "Jeez...look at the dust on this cloud...wer, haven't you been keeping this thing clean? AaaCHOOOooooo!!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 22, 1999 (23:47)", "body": "I'm sorry...think that sneeze took care of most of it... shall we dance?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr 23, 1999 (05:20)", "body": "(Come on over, everybody! Wer's dancing with this lady, dunno, never met her. But my! Wer's so graceful today! Most elegant flowing moves...)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Apr 23, 1999 (10:30)", "body": "the high heels do it for him everytime!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr 23, 1999 (15:31)", "body": "(Yeah, stretches him nicely, oh Boy! Does Wer look great with stilettos!)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Sat, Apr 24, 1999 (18:19)", "body": "Gawsh, wer...you really know how to steal the limelight away from a gal, hmmmm?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 24, 1999 (23:27)", "body": "maybe I should just set over here on the edge and be quiet, no?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Apr 25, 1999 (03:28)", "body": "(Oh! Stacey, come quick - Wer's QUIET! Got a film in that camera? Left mine at home...)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:31)", "body": "Alexander he's usually pretty quiet... that's how come he knows so much... he listens!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:32)", "body": "Now, who you're talkin' 'bout - him or Jim or me?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:33)", "body": "(Which - in my case would be wrong on all counts.)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:35)", "body": "Quiet or not, you're still drawing alot of attention in that sexy attire...but, that's ok, wer; anything is apt to happen on Laughing Sky's Cloud...right?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:40)", "body": "you can paint your face and dance around the fire in your birthday suit with a feather in your hair, and, it's OK...really...O-K........really..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:44)", "body": "(Or left, as the case may be...) Hello! Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt your dance at all..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:44)", "body": "and, Annette, I find the face paint and feather far more attractive than my stilletos and fishnets... (would probably look better if I had shaved my legs first though...)"}, {"response": 26, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (09:26)", "body": "awwww, what's a little hair peeping out through your fishnets? Heck, if some fellow starts coming on too strong, you just rub your leg against his and he runs away screaming in pain...right? ;) Then, again, face paint and feathers would be fun..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (09:36)", "body": "Oh, Alexander - we did almost bump into each other, yesterday, but, you didn't interrupt my dance...I just swayed right around you...didn't you feel that ghostly draft? (\"Hmmm..what was THAT?\") *grinning*"}, {"response": 28, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (09:39)", "body": "Hello Annette, very happy to meet you. Yes, there was something, but decidedly not ghostly, or ghastly for that matter. Nice cloud you got here!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (12:11)", "body": "How does a NICE cloud look, Alexander? Bunny-shaped?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:29)", "body": "depends on what the particular cloud is nice for right, Alexander?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:24)", "body": "getting wet?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:43)", "body": "they're all nice for that..."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:01)", "body": "And hitting one with a fire lash from hell! In Africa, when I visited my mum and brother, we were standing outside in the rain one night, and lightning struck the big palm tree next to which we were standing, and the whole tree split in 2! I had such a fright, I peed in my pants. So that time the cloud was pretty much good for both."}, {"response": 34, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (07:47)", "body": "But this is a NICE cloud...comfy...friendly...soft...calm and peaceful... ( For NOW, anyway...heh-heh...) Jeez, Riette - you only PEED your pants after that episode under the palm tree? ;)"}, {"response": 35, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Sat, May  1, 1999 (10:58)", "body": "Happiness is a warm fuzzy... Any comments?"}, {"response": 36, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, May  1, 1999 (15:06)", "body": "...furby? Werby? Wolf? Cloud? Annette?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, May  1, 1999 (23:48)", "body": "looks like you've got the right idea!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Sun, May  2, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "*giggle* hey, folks - when you get some time, please drop in on my good friend, Jim, at his new site; Peace!~Pass It On!~ http://passiton.freeservers.com/index.htm (Now back to our regularly scheduled program)"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:05)", "body": "I'm not sure anymore about the time of occurrence, Annette, but I knew it happened, because of that very warm and fuzzy feeling that you describe. Pity it's wet, otherwise I wouldn't mind peeing in my pants more often!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:22)", "body": "Right...it's that \"stuck-to-me\" feeling, along with the sloshy, squishy noise that always makes one hesitate to actually enjoy it..."}, {"response": 41, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:40)", "body": "just do it when you're caught in the rain and soaked anyway... or swimming...or..."}, {"response": 42, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Thu, May  6, 1999 (22:54)", "body": "or...hmmmmm.... (wandering away in search of her medication)"}, {"response": 43, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May  7, 1999 (00:22)", "body": "for incontinence or?"}, {"response": 44, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May  7, 1999 (10:09)", "body": "for Depends... ,"}, {"response": 45, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Sun, May  9, 1999 (11:12)", "body": "Well, that depends...wait...did someone just say that?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, May  9, 1999 (23:48)", "body": "could be..."}, {"response": 47, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Wed, May 12, 1999 (17:01)", "body": "Boy...YOU'RE awfully quiet, wer...what'sa matter? Morning after the night before? Maalox moment?"}, {"response": 48, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, May 12, 1999 (17:29)", "body": "it might have something to do with the unemployment..."}, {"response": 49, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Fri, May 14, 1999 (06:35)", "body": "uh-oh...been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Just don't get TOO quiet, ok? It's not like you..."}, {"response": 50, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 14, 1999 (10:49)", "body": "but it's very much like me as I be cyclic..."}, {"response": 51, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 17, 1999 (10:07)", "body": "like Celtic, but different"}, {"response": 52, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 17, 1999 (11:27)", "body": "more or less..."}, {"response": 53, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (16:59)", "body": "ah-CHOOooo! (uh-oh, time to clean the cloud, again...)"}, {"response": 54, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (17:05)", "body": "suggestions on how to this time?"}, {"response": 55, "author": "laughingskye", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (17:14)", "body": "vewy, vewy cawrfuwwy...we don't want to stir TOO much up....or, do we?"}, {"response": 56, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:12)", "body": "I think we should!!! Stuff has gotten way too settled around here!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Jan  6, 2000 (01:42)", "body": "Laughingsky lives... (*acHOO!)"}, {"response": 58, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan  6, 2000 (12:57)", "body": "Welcome back and I return the ACHoo! and add a few *coughs* to that. Whatcha been doing?"}, {"response": 59, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (04:03)", "body": "New job, Christmas, etc... one can seeemingly get lost for so long! Couldn't get onto Spring Austin for the last few days...has the server been down? ??"}, {"response": 60, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (04:03)", "body": "New job, Christmas, etc... one can seemingly get lost for so long! Couldn't get onto Spring Austin for the last few days...has the server been down? ??"}, {"response": 61, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (04:04)", "body": "Am I..er...repetitous? Repetitous? ;)"}, {"response": 62, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (08:19)", "body": "We're moving the server, Annette, so there may be temporary interuptions, we'll try and keep 'em to a minimum. How's Farm life these days, I sent a check to Karen Flaherty for the Farm Net News."}, {"response": 63, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (12:12)", "body": "Hello Annette, how's the music playin' been?"}, {"response": 64, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (12:23)", "body": "And: Ever got any of your gear back? Were you insured? That made me so sad then..."}, {"response": 65, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Jan 12, 2000 (04:10)", "body": "Hi, Terry! Moving the server...ahhh, that explains it. I'm living off the Farm, again, but, I visit friends, often. The Unity Festival should be happening around April, so, Iam looking forward to that. Hi to Alexander, too! Never heard another word about my stuff. I purchased another bass, a Peavey Milestone II. No insurance...had to stash cash to pay for it. I know that renter's insurance is available, but, I slid on it, and, I'm paying the price! Lesson learned...everything is insured, now. How are things at your end?"}, {"response": 66, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 12, 2000 (12:58)", "body": "Annette, just in case you have not read all of the posts and had not heard, Terry's mom passed away yesterday...He might have to be missing for Spring for a little while Most are expressing condolences on Porch 56. Amazing how we sometimes get older AND wiser...re your renter's insurance."}, {"response": 67, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan 12, 2000 (15:33)", "body": "Well, things were a bit slow, Annette, as I took it easy for a couple weeks, through Christmas and over New Year's. Right now, business picks up, as we prepare the next issue of that mag. Still hitchin' a ride on the trip to riches and fame - seems I only get broke and infamous on the way, though. I actually PREFER infamous, but broke?"}, {"response": 68, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Jan 13, 2000 (04:06)", "body": "Post-Christmas and the word \"broke\" just seem to go hand-in-hand, eh, Alexander? If you can find a gravy-train to ride, for a while, you'd best jump on and enjoy the ride, while it lasts! I had one of those, several years back, and, ahhh...I do miss it. Thanks for letting me know about Terry's mom, Marcia. I'll head over to the porch..."}, {"response": 69, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Jan 13, 2000 (12:49)", "body": "Well, also the words \"chronic\" and \"broke\" go well together, as do \"helpless\" and \"dreamer\"."}, {"response": 70, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Jan 13, 2000 (13:07)", "body": "Or \"old\" and \"fool\". But I've never denied the latter."}, {"response": 71, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 13, 2000 (14:23)", "body": "...Alexander, in your case older goes with wiser. Trust me on this, I know!!! Annette, I knew you'd want to know...thanks for posting on porch...Poor Terry!"}, {"response": 72, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Fri, Jan 14, 2000 (17:36)", "body": "Alexander, I know where you're coming from. I live from payday to payday. But, I somehow cling to the idea that wisdom might carry me through. I've been the fool, too - trying to only do that, now, when I want to be silly or...maybe...somewhat intoxicated? (*hiccup) :) Marcia, my heart goes out to Terry. He did post, recently, so, maybe he is doing as well as can be expected. He just needs a break, right now, to get his thoughts together. The support that he has here at The Spring is astounding!"}, {"response": 73, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 15, 2000 (01:15)", "body": "You really are a neat a lady as I was told you were! I staggered out of the confines of Drool just about the time you too a hiatus from Spring, so I only knew you from old posts. I am delighted you have returned! Terry is the most terrific guy...Anything he needs done that I can do, he can consider it done. Alexander, too. I guess if we have our own topics in Screwed, we are special after all (and all three of us do as well as Terry. *grin* Aloha Alexander!!!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Jan 15, 2000 (07:29)", "body": "(*blushing) Why, thanks, Marcia! I do appreciate those kind words. I have seen your posts in many conferences, as well, and, remember you to be a kind and unique person. Alexander, too...LOL, he listened to my whining about having my house broken in to, back in spring of last year, and we moaned together about having my bass guitar stolen! Dear Wer took it upon himself to start this conference in my name, and, I have enjoyed it so much! By the way, has anyone seen wer, lately? I have missed his posts, lately... And, it is MY pleasure to be back in the company of such good kind folks here at the Spring! :)"}, {"response": 75, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 15, 2000 (13:39)", "body": "Wer is busy and on hiatus. BTW, does your email work? Mine does and I could explain things better there...I am marci@aloha.net (hard to tell I am in Hawaii, huh?! *lol*) Your kind words are much appreciated by this lady who is trying to keep Spring from drying out while the guys are busy elsewhere. Yup! There is my topic in here and one in Babes (me?!) thanks to the same talented and generous gentleman. We all miss him."}, {"response": 76, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Jan 16, 2000 (09:33)", "body": "Yes, my e-mail address is current. Do drop me an e-mail with the details. I seem to have been away for too long, these days! A topic in Babes? Alright! :) An honor, indeed! I'll have to wander over and check it out."}, {"response": 77, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 16, 2000 (18:57)", "body": "Oh, and did I mention a conference? Geo, it is and covers everything from Volcanology to precious stones to ecology to outer space happening and weather plus lots more. I'd love to have you run through the place and let me know what you think! http://206.97.234.70/yapp-bin/restricted/browse/geo/all/new Tbe Babes topic is on http://206.97.234.70/yapp-bin/restricted/read/babes/45/new My portrait has been posted on Spring Gallery on Porch conference. I'll email you!"}, {"response": 78, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 17, 2000 (06:44)", "body": "Wer is incredibly busy with 16 hour days and double shifts at his Italian Restaurant. I had no idea how busy he was till I spoke with him recently. But he's definitely a potent creative force on the Spring, and his contributions are invaluable. He's the main architect of the Yapp interface here."}, {"response": 79, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 17, 2000 (14:16)", "body": "Amen, Terry! Thanks for telling us about his fiendishly difficult (self-imposed, no doubt) work schedule. I thought the 14-hour shifts were killing him. Thank him for us. Abundantly, gratefully and most sincerely, of course!"}, {"response": 80, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Mon, Jan 17, 2000 (18:56)", "body": "Yes, thanks, Terry! I hope that he doesn't wear himself out with all of those long hours. We all know the song; \"Hi-ho! Hi-ho! It's off to work we go...\" Heading over to Geo, Marcia - thanks!"}, {"response": 81, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 17, 2000 (19:12)", "body": "I'm right behind you!"}, {"response": 82, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Jan 18, 2000 (15:18)", "body": "If a person owns a computer and has one mouse, he has a mouse. If he owns two, does he have two mouses, or mice?"}, {"response": 83, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 18, 2000 (17:01)", "body": "Over here, in pidgin English you \"get plenty mouses\""}, {"response": 84, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (19:52)", "body": "Aye - plenty mouses it 'tis... Just checkin...a curiosity thing, ya know... :)"}, {"response": 85, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (20:16)", "body": "Understand, completely...*lol*"}, {"response": 86, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (20:21)", "body": "However, should you ever find yourself in the tedious company of the cyber-cognicenti who are naturally humor-challenged, you'd better use \"plenty mices\". That way they will understand you mean plural. Sometimes you gotta draw them a picture and then they still might not get it! *sigh*"}, {"response": 87, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (07:28)", "body": "Then, again, if you want to get really specific, I suppose it could be mouses x2. (Isn't it amazing what thinking aloud can accomplish?) *"}, {"response": 88, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (12:21)", "body": "Oh Yeah! I do it all the time just in case I think of something relevant - in which case someone might just have been listening (though I think that is unlikely) and will confirm my relevancy....but, not likely, as I said...*sigh*"}, {"response": 89, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (19:36)", "body": "Heh-heh... Do I know that feeling...! :-)"}, {"response": 90, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (22:22)", "body": "Who knows...perhaps lurking head hunters and cloud dusters are out there checking for relevancy and likely-looking clouds. We probably have the most productive clouds in the world in Hawaii - dust doesn't stand a chance. We call it \"dust control\" or blessings or whatever positive 'cause we get lots and lots of it all year long. Check my lament about the eclipse...*sigh* Just came from a day of softball at the UHHilo and when the ball plunked into the outfield a big splash of water shot up into the air. After a while it got really funny!"}, {"response": 91, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (08:32)", "body": "Wolf had some great pics of the eclipse, eh? Loved them! I saw some of the eclipse, but, I had gotten up really early that morning for work, and, my poor body gave in to sleep before I could watch! :("}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (10:03)", "body": "Yup! A son armed with photography experience and a really good digital camera is a blessing the Bible never thought of. To a mother whose eclipse was being rained out even as he was sending pictures, it was salvation! I know about those eclipses one sleeps through. It happened often enough when I lived on the East Coast."}, {"response": 93, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Mon, Jan 24, 2000 (04:04)", "body": "Dropping my latest cheer in... Tennessee Titans are going to the SuperBowl!!! (*sigh) Now...that's better... Just getting it off my chest for the 150th time...! (*LOL)"}, {"response": 94, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Feb  1, 2000 (10:03)", "body": "(*pouting) Ok...so, the Rams beat the Titans at the SuperBowl...but, just barely!"}, {"response": 95, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb  1, 2000 (19:57)", "body": "just a few seconds longer...*sigh*"}, {"response": 96, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (08:38)", "body": "Just barely by a yard. I was pulling for my old home town, St. Louis, nothing against the Oilers though."}, {"response": 97, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (09:11)", "body": "Ah, amongst us Titans fans, there were a few Rams fans, but we didn't treat them too badly...;) You have to admit, it was a true heart-stopper, indeed!"}, {"response": 98, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (12:28)", "body": "Beware of new virus outbreaks on computers everywhere, such as... Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by c:> Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a \"virus\", but instead refers to itself as an \"electronic microorganism.\" Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole dang thing quits. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network. Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore. Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard. Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self distructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Ollie North virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. Nike virus: Just does it. Sears virus: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks. Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again. Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. Imelda Marcos virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. George Bush virus: It starts by boldly stating \"Read my docs...No new files!\" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus. L.A.P.D. virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in \"self-defense.\" Oral Roberts virus: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back."}, {"response": 99, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (13:31)", "body": "LOL, Annette...just when I thought it was safe to come back into Spring... (I was rooting for Tennessee because they have Penn State players and the Rams don't...)"}, {"response": 100, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Fri, Feb  4, 2000 (12:51)", "body": "Not safe?? Wha....where? (theme from \"Jaws\" playing in the background)"}, {"response": 101, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Fri, Feb  4, 2000 (12:55)", "body": "LOL, something else to ponder, which I totally agree with: The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What is that, a bonus? I think the cycle is all backwards. You should die first. Get it out of the way. Then live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs and alcohol. You party. You get ready for High School. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a baby. You go into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating...you finish off as an orgasm."}, {"response": 102, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb  4, 2000 (21:57)", "body": "Amen, Honey! Please let it be so!"}, {"response": 103, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Feb  5, 2000 (03:03)", "body": "Just imagine how things would be different if the above was the scenario: the elderly would get to razz the youth, and, you could honestly \"finish\" life knowing that your working days were well over. Religious organizations would argue over what exactly happens for that last nine months in the womb, and ponder if we were really worthy of that last orgasm! LOL, the makings of a real sci-fi novel, I'd say!"}, {"response": 104, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb  5, 2000 (11:03)", "body": "What a concept. If we all get it in the end, are some of the less-worthy treated to faked orgasms? The worthy get the real thing and sublime into the eternal void? Gotta think about this a little deeper (sun not up yet and not enough caffeine in me yet!) when I fully wake. LOL...love it!"}, {"response": 105, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Feb  5, 2000 (11:59)", "body": "That's something to visualize alright!"}, {"response": 106, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (07:09)", "body": "Imagine playing with another toddler and talking about what your boss used to do to you....or, telling another 6-yr-old,\"Don't do that - my husband used to act like that!\" LOL...!"}, {"response": 107, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (12:46)", "body": "They always talked about the wisdom of the innocents and how they saw the world as it truly was. No inhibitions, either? Whoopie! I'm gonna be first in line to sign up for that program. Of course, if your boss de-aged like the rest of us he just might turn into the little boy who used to show off the goodies in the bushes. They had to come from somewhere!"}, {"response": 108, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (09:50)", "body": "Heeeeey...true... He/she could end up being the bully that beats you up in kindergarten, too... only, this time, it's for all of the things that you ever did wrong at work, NOT just because you looked like a sucker that could be mowed down...! Interesting, indeed!"}, {"response": 109, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (10:03)", "body": "OK, guys - Happy Valentine's Day! Facts of Marriage The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, \"What's on the TV?\" I said, \"Dust!\" - - - - - - - - - - - In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. - - - - - - - - - - - My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. - - - - - - - - - - - Why do men die before their wives? They want to. - - - - - - - - - - - What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. - - - - - - - - - - - A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said \"I haven't eaten anything in four days.\" She looked at him and said, \"Man, I wish I had your willpower.\" - - - - - - - - - - - Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mother-in-laws. - - - - - - - - - - - Young Son: \"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?\" Dad: \"That happens in every country, son.\" - - - - - - - - - - - A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: \"Wife wanted\". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: \"You can have mine.\" - - - - - - - - - - - The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - - - - - - - - - - - First guy (proudly):\"My wife is an angel!\" Second guy:\"You're lucky, mine's still alive.\" - - - - - - - - - - - How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. - - - - - - - - - - - Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. - - - - - - - - - - - If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. - - - - - - - - - - - Then there was a man who said, \" I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.\" - - - - - - - - - - - A little boy asked his father, \"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?\" And the father replied, \"I don't know son, I'm still paying.\" - - - - - - - - - - - The bumper sticker read: \"I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her.\" - - - - - - - - - - - Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bumper sticker - \"My wife says I never listen to her...or something like that"}, {"response": 110, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (16:42)", "body": "LOL, Annette! Gonna snitch this and send it to someone I know who needs to read it...*grin*"}, {"response": 111, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2000 (10:59)", "body": "After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife (cousin) didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, \"I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.\" So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. \"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . \", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand."}, {"response": 112, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2000 (11:06)", "body": "The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas. THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN (HONEST AND NO KIDDING): A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. However when using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words \"Uh-oh\", it's already too late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. Super glue is forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy......."}, {"response": 113, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2000 (12:56)", "body": "It is true! Insanity is hereditary. We get it from our children! LOL, Annette!"}, {"response": 114, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (04:06)", "body": "(*snickering) It's too hard to try and define \"normal\", anyway, eh? :)"}, {"response": 115, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (12:50)", "body": "(Yup! And...who decides what is \"normal\"???!)"}, {"response": 116, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Feb 24, 2000 (04:08)", "body": "Definitely not I......! ;)"}, {"response": 117, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 24, 2000 (12:54)", "body": "In fact, who wants to be \"normal\"? Sounds terribly boring...*grin*"}, {"response": 118, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Feb 26, 2000 (09:45)", "body": "Thought for the day; If you always take time to stop and smell the roses...sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. :)"}, {"response": 119, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 26, 2000 (12:44)", "body": "*lol* Guess I am overdue for an unpleasant encounter of the painful kind. There is just no resisting inhaling deeply when a rose it accessable to me."}, {"response": 120, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Feb 27, 2000 (23:25)", "body": "Smells good here, I'm buring Primo Incense. Extra Special Chompa. I pick it up in Wimberly today at this nice lady's little shop. I've got primoincense.com and I'm getting a distributorship because this is the best smelling incense."}, {"response": 121, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 27, 2000 (23:35)", "body": "What sort of fragrance? (the wailers are on now...I liked Terry better!) Woodsy? floral? Resiny? Sweet? Musky? Fresh?"}, {"response": 122, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Feb 27, 2000 (23:37)", "body": "Musky, like body odor a bit."}, {"response": 123, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 27, 2000 (23:42)", "body": "Very sensual, in that case...yes???"}, {"response": 124, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Feb 27, 2000 (23:55)", "body": "Pretty much. That Wailer's tape is running, you're seeing it direct digital for the only time, from now on it will be on VHS tape so this is a premium run. You can catch frames by right clicking your mouse. How about posting one?"}, {"response": 125, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 28, 2000 (12:48)", "body": "Terry, I tried and tried to capture you. The right mouse button does not work on Realplayer - not my Realplayer, anyway. So, I made the prealplayer image twice original size then used Lview Pro to capture the whole desktop after finding just the Terry image I wanted and pausing on it. Worked fine and I saved it to file. When I try to check it I get the entire desptop but where you were is an entirely pink blank screen. Any suggestions?"}, {"response": 126, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Mar  5, 2000 (14:15)", "body": "Hey, Annette, how's your music doing? What do you like, BTW? Jump to http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/browse/music/all and let us know... Eh?"}, {"response": 127, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:06)", "body": "Hey ya, Alexander! I'll be over...let me get my sneakers on...;)"}, {"response": 128, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:08)", "body": "You think a gallon of gasoline is expensive? Diet Snapple 16oz for $1.29 equals $10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea 16oz for $1.19 equals $ 9.52 per gallon Gatorade 20oz for $1.59 equals $ 10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray 16oz for $1.25 equals $ 10.00 per gallon Pint of milk 16oz for $1.59 equals $12.72 per gallon STP Brake Fluid 12oz for $3.15 equals $ 33.60 per gallon Vick's Nyquil 6oz for $8.35 equals $ 178.13 per gallon Pepto Bismol 4oz for $3.85 equals $123.20 per gallon Whiteout 7oz for $1.39 equals $25.42 per gallon Scope 1.5oz for $0.99 equals $ 84.48 per gallon And this is the REAL KICKER...... Evian water 9oz for $1.49 equals $ 21.19 per gallon .....$21.19 FOR WATER!!"}, {"response": 129, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:31)", "body": "They Have Finally Released The Ingredients In Viagra. 2% aspirin 2% ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C 95% Fix-A-Flat"}, {"response": 130, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:44)", "body": "A keen Texas lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. The store was the biggest in the world and sold everything under the sun. \"Have you ever been a salesman before?\" the boss asked during his interview. \"Yes, I was a salesman in Texas,\" the lad answered. The boss took an immediate liking to him and told him he could start the next day. \"I'll come and see how you made out after we close up,\" the boss said. The day was long and hard for the young man, but finally it was 5 o'clock. The boss closed up the store and found the lad sitting, slumped and exhausted, in a chair. \"How many sales did you make today?\" the boss asked. \"One,\" said the lad. \"One?\" said the boss, obviously displeased. \"Most of the sales people on my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?\" \"Exactly $101,334.53,\" said the young man. \"How did you manage that?\" asked the boss, flabbergasted. \"Well,\" said the lad, \"this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one, and huge one. I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said he was going down the coast. I said he'd probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that fancy 22foot Chris Craft with twin engines. Then he said his Honda Civic probably wouldn't be able to handle the load, so I took him to the vehicle department and sold him a new GMC 1-ton pickup truck.\" \"You sold all that to guy who came in for a fish hook?\" the boss asked in astonishment. \"He didn't come in to buy a fish hook,\" the Texas boy explained. \"He came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot. You might as well go fishing.' \""}, {"response": 131, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (10:02)", "body": "Three LOL ones in a row and an invite fro Alexander...Annette, you are living right this week! btw, love the Viagra ingredients...sent it to the appropriate people."}, {"response": 132, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (09:08)", "body": "LOL, here's another: After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was: \"Don't\". \"Don't what?\" Adam replied. \"Don't eat the forbidden fruit.\" God said. \"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got forbidden fruit!\" \"No way!\" \"Yes way!\" \"Don't eat that fruit!\" said God. \"Why?\" \"Because I am your Father and I said so!\" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry. \"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?\" the First Parent asked. \"Uh huh, \" Adam replied. \"Then why did you?\" \"I dunno\" Eve answered. \"She started it!\" Adam said. \"Did not!\" \"Did too!\" \"DID NOT!!\" Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children."}, {"response": 133, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (14:06)", "body": "AMEN! *lol* Annette! Perfect for a Monday morning read."}, {"response": 134, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (22:06)", "body": "Aye, thought that would go over well...:)"}, {"response": 135, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (13:04)", "body": "Think I should post the Garden of Eden over here in screwed 163? I posted it in Geo where just a few will see it..."}, {"response": 136, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (03:59)", "body": "Sure! Let's spread the smiles! :)"}, {"response": 137, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (18:40)", "body": "Gotcha! Gonna do it now!"}, {"response": 138, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May  4, 2001 (00:00)", "body": "Wonder how Annette's doing back down on the Farm?"}, {"response": 139, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:45)", "body": "I wondered that, as well. I heard from her sometime back - cannot remember, but too long ago. I hope she is well. I'll email her to check on her. I miss her! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 152, "subject": "*SWAK*", "response_count": 3, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (15:26)", "body": "\"One special form of contact, which consists of mutual approximation of the mucous membranes of the lips in a kiss, has received a sexual value among the civilized nations, though the parts of the body do not belong to the sexual apparatus and merely form the entrance to the digestive tract.\" --Sigmund Freud, The Sexual Aberrations"}, {"response": 2, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Jan  2, 2002 (11:36)", "body": "... or exit."}, {"response": 3, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 10, 2002 (16:03)", "body": "*grin* You read my mind. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 153, "subject": "ratthing's excuses for not creating any new topics in here recently", "response_count": 7, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Feb 17, 1999 (22:28)", "body": "too busy with my new career as a porn star? surgery to correct problems with the metal plate in my head? abducted by aliens? a really bad yeast infection?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (10:35)", "body": "add: too busy creating new spring domains (thanks! thanks! thanks!)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (17:54)", "body": "hey, Ray, you know that all four of those could have resulted from the same thing..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (21:20)", "body": "don't make me smack you, Beavis..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb 18, 1999 (21:45)", "body": "yeah, 'cause then I'd have to kick your ass..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 23, 1999 (11:29)", "body": "hu hu huh..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 23, 1999 (11:30)", "body": "(he said ASS!) hu hu huh! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 154, "subject": "popcorn", "response_count": 5, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 23, 1999 (11:30)", "body": "with LOTS of REAL butter and salt!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (01:30)", "body": "yummmmeeee"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:23)", "body": "Just LOTS AND LOTS. Butter, salt, pepper, sugar - what does it matter? It is QUANTITY! WHether it explodes outta yer throat or not after 2 hours. Whether you puke corn on the cob or not."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:45)", "body": "like on \"2 Stupid Dogs\"?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (00:58)", "body": "Hey hey, don't get poisonal here! My sister isn't THAT stupid! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 155, "subject": "Bolshevism and the ULC Inquisition", "response_count": 3, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Mar  2, 1999 (19:47)", "body": "go on..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Mar  2, 1999 (20:18)", "body": "ULC?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Mar  2, 1999 (21:31)", "body": "yep... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 156, "subject": "Alex explains The Spring", "response_count": 46, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (02:22)", "body": "Well, everybody, seems some Kitchen screwed me again. Gotta sort this out first, but stay tuned for further transmissions."}, {"response": 2, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (08:47)", "body": "Let's start this gently: Wer didn't like something I wrote in http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/environment/9 , felt like making me aware of that, but used a pseudonym (Wer, I don't like what I wrote, either, but used my name nevertheless) as pseudo and as login. I checked the e-mail address, and that was the same, as the adress on a message I got from Wer answering a question I sent to Terry. So, I figured this: If I get a reply from RoTaZo@, and that's Wer, and I sent my question to Terry - doesn't that mean Terry is a Visitor and Wer is Anon? And how come I sometimes feel as if thousands of angels watch over my steps (at least in certain topics)?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (12:00)", "body": "hmmm... perhaps I am just confused (as usual) but I didn't see anything offensive written by either of you (towards each other) in the topic... and if I missed it...go ahead and let me live in the bliss of semi-ignorance!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (12:38)", "body": "(Well, it's just my hypersensitivity, and my reading meaning into anything (but I guess Wer knows what I mean). Wasn't really harsh, either. We're all happy bunnies. But hold tight, there's more to come!)"}, {"response": 5, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (12:45)", "body": "I mailed Wer: Date: Mon, 8 Mar 1999 09:20:34 -0800 (PST) Subject: I found out ALL about you... Dear William, now I think I got it all sorted. Anon is Visitor. Proven fact. Visitor is RoTaZo@aol.com. RoTaZo is William's address, who is Wer. Wer is sometimes played by Stacey V., so Stacey is Wer. You two are not always CONfused, you ARE fused. If Terry is Visitor, too, and Wer is Anon, then Terry is Wer, as (see above) Anon is Visitor. If Terry is Wer, and Wer is Stacey, then it can be deducted that Stacey is Terry, too. Terry isn't Bruce Sterling, though Terry invited me to join the Spring on Bruce's request (I think). Stacey is Bruce, though. Since Stacey is also Terry, Terry is Bruce, too, but forgets this sometimes. If Terry is Bruce, Bruce himself DID invite me over to the Spring. What this comes down to, is basically this: William, you don't exist. All the others don't exist. Stacey does, however. Wolf exists, too. But please don't feel too bad about it. And do not tell the others that they don't exist, please. They might be upset about finding out. With the very best regards, Alexander Schuth."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (13:33)", "body": "oh my gosh..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (16:02)", "body": "That's totally clear! (not)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (16:33)", "body": "he's certainly in the correct conference though!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (22:57)", "body": "he's not done yet, either..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Mar 13, 1999 (09:22)", "body": "Rrrright, of course Wer knows that! He wrote to me: ---RoTaZo@aol.com wrote: > If it was only this easy, Alex... > > wer What can I say, I but my thinking cap on, and kept investigating. And what I found out! I immediately informed Wer about the following facts: Date: Tue, 9 Mar 1999 02:20:04 -0800 (PST) Subject: Re: I found out ALL about you... Ok, now I got the last bit: You are sad, because Wolf doesn't exist either. You are Wolf, too. Proof: Wolf comes from Germany. In German, Wolf means Wolf, which is a male specimen (!!). Female would be W\ufffdlfin, but she calls herself Wolf (rather you call youself so). What the Americans call a werwolf, the Germans call Werwolf, too. Werwolf minus Wolf is Wer. Gotcha, ya schizoid creature! It came crawling from the swamp, greets with the finest regards and remains yours virtually, Alexander. P.S.: Huh, I I keep digging around like this, I might prove the Spring is just me, you and an old 386. And I'm just a newbie! What a sorry thought..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Mar 13, 1999 (10:27)", "body": "then I created this topic, and poof! we are where we are now..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Mar 13, 1999 (10:31)", "body": "Wer, doesn't this make the whole thing most EPIC storytelling, or what!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Mar 13, 1999 (10:36)", "body": "my money is on what! however, EPIC does have a certain ring to it!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Mar 14, 1999 (03:46)", "body": "The good part in that story is, that it'll just have the most amazing twist in plot. See, here I am, upset for reasons nobody quite understands, going through the Spring and finding all this hints that something is very wrong at this here place... Where will this lead to? Can I find my way back to planet earth? What does Terry or Wolf think of their respective non-existencies? What does Stacey make of being the only non-fictional character I'd met by then (that was before my paths crossed with Autumn and Mike)? Let's wait for some responses, before going on to the next chapter, ok?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Mar 15, 1999 (00:22)", "body": "I hate waiting... (makes me smoke more...)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 1999 (12:24)", "body": ""}, {"response": 17, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (16:35)", "body": ""}, {"response": 18, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (18:32)", "body": ""}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (18:45)", "body": "i wanna hear, I wanna hear!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (00:14)", "body": "trust me, Alexander, it's better to please her than tease her..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (10:48)", "body": "cuz I bite!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (12:42)", "body": "(yeah, but you occasionally do that while you're being pleased...)"}, {"response": 23, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:40)", "body": "how'd you know???"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:48)", "body": "oh, that's it, rub it in..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "(Quick, Wer, check this: http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/screwed/157.3 , I think she has a soft spot somewhere!)"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (14:10)", "body": "speaking as I do...she has several..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (14:34)", "body": ""}, {"response": 28, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (14:42)", "body": ""}, {"response": 29, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (18:55)", "body": ""}, {"response": 30, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr  9, 1999 (08:49)", "body": "(Don't matter now, catalog 'em all, let our future needs sort 'em out!)"}, {"response": 31, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Apr  9, 1999 (12:55)", "body": "sounds like toilet paper ratings to me!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Apr 10, 1999 (13:15)", "body": "(Pshhhht, Werby, I think that one over there noticed something...)"}, {"response": 33, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 10, 1999 (13:41)", "body": "(both more and less gets noticed around here than we may think...)"}, {"response": 34, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 12, 1999 (04:00)", "body": "Well, anyway, I'll continue to display my research on you people soon, but for now, I would like to present waht I found at this place: http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/porch/43.111 ***************************************** Response 113 of 113: Alexander Schuth (aschuth) * Mon, Apr 12, 1999 (03:58) * 14 lines Oh, Werby, look! Terry changed the batteries in Rayby, too! Now I wonder who his third furby is... Could be Vurby, or mayby Wolfsby? Nah, don't think so. Perhaps Mikeby. But that doesn't ring that way, either... Ooooooh! I got it, it think! It's gotta be the incrediple le Plepby !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***************************************"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Apr 12, 1999 (23:38)", "body": "kinda like nanby, myself..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (12:33)", "body": "and now, it seems, Alexander and I are the same person... I wonder what that will do to this topic...hmmm..."}, {"response": 37, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 1999 (11:49)", "body": "Why, you'll change my batteries, Alexander, and keep working on that magazine of yours nobody has ever even seen! And I'll, uh, I'll, err, I'll..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 1999 (12:12)", "body": ""}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (08:22)", "body": ""}, {"response": 40, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (13:41)", "body": "I guess so... Is that why we have never seen them together?"}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 13, 1999 (00:19)", "body": "...but I still don't understand Spring. What is it?"}, {"response": 42, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:25)", "body": "Some bytes on a disk in Austin? More bytes?"}, {"response": 43, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:26)", "body": "Something in the user's heads?"}, {"response": 44, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:28)", "body": "Ah So! And one manipulator of said bytes in Hawaii ?! Bytes are good!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (10:13)", "body": "Now you two... stop byting each other!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (12:35)", "body": "*laugh* screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 157, "subject": "The Spring explains Alexander", "response_count": 28, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (12:02)", "body": "there are things we 'see' in everyone here. They're assumptions based on electronic interaction. Sometimes they have merit and sometimes they do not. Either way, sometimes it's helpful to have a forum where people can speak freely about how they interpret you based on their limited information. I am simply not brave enough to sign up for such an onslaught! *grin*"}, {"response": 2, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (12:52)", "body": "See, where I come from, they say don't deal any harder than you can take yourself. Well, I stomped around this here virtual garden of Eden of yours, and voiced my opinion, and will continue to do so. But I thought it would be ok for you people to have a place to seriously talk to me. Consider this my soft spot. Also consider it's not at all WHAT people think one is, or HOW one is. One is. That's important."}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (13:34)", "body": "umm... I can dish it out but I can't take it. is that so wrooooong? *laugh*"}, {"response": 4, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (16:04)", "body": "And every now and then some of intersect in real time and gain a whole new perspective on the conversation. And via the webcam we can experience each other via vhs tapes that get sent in. Are you taking a camcorder on your trip Stacey. Gee, I wish Ree would let me run the video of her that she sent, but I'm holding off pending her permission. I finally got it converted from that Swiss tv forat (PAL? SECAM?) to good 'ol American tv format (the world's worst)."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (16:34)", "body": "no video camera... just one of those antiquated 35mm... STILL shots (the shame of it all!)"}, {"response": 6, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Mar 13, 1999 (09:26)", "body": "Haha, here you finally admit it, Terry! NTSC sucks! PAL rulez OK! On the intersect thing - Stacey, Can you guess who you won't meet at the airport tomorrow? I miss the chance in my lifetime, etc. (flatter, flatter). Next time around, maybe..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 1999 (12:40)", "body": "Oh, how come you can convert RI\ufffdTTE's tape, but not one I might send ya, Terry? You better come up with a good one, too! Stacey, if you feel like doing black and white fotography on this trip, try the Ilford XP2 film if you haven't yet. This is a 400 ASA film (quite sensitive, set camera according), that will be developed used C41 process, which is the same as colour film. Yes, with this very very fine grained film you can do really nice pics, and have them developed in any \"process-while-U-wait\"-lab or any overnight shop. Prints on color paper will have not grayscale tone, but purpleish-bluish (haven't tried THAT yet myself). On b/w paper as usual. This film can also be shot as 800 ASA (or even 1600 ASA), but will get more grainy (might be nice effect/sometimes neccessary in severe no light, no flash situations). The lab will have to \"push\" develop the film, so tell them about any different than standard settings. The XP2 is my favorite film, available in any good camera-shop. I use it a lot e.g when I go to parties, concerts, bars, everywhere light is bad, and shot what I may without a flash (I don't like that). I've even started to use it as my standard daylight film (at least fall to spring, when it's not soo bright outside) in the camera I alway cary with me at all times."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:21)", "body": "Oh Jesus, Terry, you KEPT THE TAPE??? God, no wonder you haven't been talking to me a great deal!!! You're embarrassed, aren't you?? ha-ha!! I have a question. I just bought a PAL/NTSC video recorder. So, why is my TV not compatible with the NTSC part??? It's only 4 years old, so what's wrong??=?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (08:55)", "body": "I'm not a physics or electronics expert, but may I try?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (09:10)", "body": "If you'll ever let us, I'll run it on a secret url."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:47)", "body": "which we'll only post the url of in inner..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:52)", "body": "and sure, Alexander, give it a whirl!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (00:56)", "body": "I'm not sure... I mean, you guys will laugh yourselves into a coma over that thing, I swear. It'll be so embarrassing. You know how on the spring.cam the picture that comes on the computer is always a still. Now, I know this thing'll catch me every time a bit of drool spurts outta ma ear or something. Or when that one little bit of snot tries to trickle out. And then Mike will kill my topic in Babes, and stick it into a whole new conference called, 'Freak'. Yes, Alex, please tell me about the tv thing. Is there anyway I can MAKE it play NTSC? American tapes are so much cheaper to buy than PAL."}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:01)", "body": "can I just go over to Terry's house with some pizza and popcorn and watch it?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:20)", "body": "ha-ha! sure. At least it will cure your insomnia for good!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:37)", "body": "Ok, let's try. But promise not to laugh, Riette, and Terry, pls. help if I go wrong. Riette, that VCR is sold for the European market? Then the signal-out to the TV ought to be PAL, the European TV standard. If you bought it in a country where NTSC is used - the lower-quality, older US-standard -, then the signal-out would be NTSC. NTSC and PAL are different formats/ways to display video information on TVs, which are unfortunately incompatible. If you have a PAL/NTSC-VCR, your machine will - through some fancy juju - play tapes of either format to an attached TV-set. The output will be most likely in that country's typical format PAL *or* NTSC. One of them, mind you, not either of them. Unless, that is - and here you have some investigating to do - the voodoo priest who charmed the device into being was really having a good day. I could imagine somewhere a toggle to exist to change format of the output signal, too. Consult the manual for that."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:40)", "body": ""}, {"response": 18, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (16:42)", "body": ""}, {"response": 19, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (05:16)", "body": ""}, {"response": 20, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (11:47)", "body": "that you're always thinking, always coming up with new and interesting and sometimes freakishly odd ideas... actually I meant exactly what I said!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (15:19)", "body": "don't you hate it when that happens!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May 13, 1999 (22:50)", "body": "Hey, Ree what if I just run it *once*, I really didn't see any drool, maybe we could put a black box over the drool like they do with women's tits on tv. You're great in the video, you give such a great guided tour of your little scene and your artwork, and you worked in some shots of other places. But I'd be glad to have a little private show over her for wer, ratthing, et al."}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 14, 1999 (01:17)", "body": "a stag party? for Ray's wedding?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, May 14, 1999 (17:14)", "body": "Naw, Stacey, it's just being accused of \"thinking\". I'm through with that. Used to do that all the time. Didn't do me much good. Thinking is an evil way to ruining yourself. Don't think, do. Be. One might not look as smart and reflective as the others guys, but maybe you're not as unhappy, either. And what you described is simply the result of my declaring unilateral ceasefire to reasoning and coherence in thought. No mas! Ignorance Is Bliss."}, {"response": 25, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jul 20, 1999 (15:03)", "body": "Since I've been around here for a while, and there are questions about Alexander, I have taken the liberty to use this dedicated topic to explain my current acts to the Spring. Or to attempt to. I hope that if I fail (once more and most likely), I do so graciously.- For starters, please reread http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/public/read/screwed/157.24 (above posting).- Now, there has been extensive discussion somewhere and a while ago on this here Spring, which - if I recollect it properly - fueled itself from the two extremes of my self-made claim of ignorance on one side, and certain topics created by me in the Cultures conference on the other side. Looking back, that discourse seems to have been motivated by several elements - an assumption of my incompetence, disappointment with personal traits of this here author, and most likely hurt feelings from a perceived aggression or transgression on my side. I was also experiencing interesting sensations myself, which I tried to contain, as I did not (and do not) want to cause any grief, especially not over myself. And I don't want to complicate matters unnecessary, since I believe in - who would've guessed - simplicity. I have let this exchange come to a rest. I have found out with this that is is very hard for me to transport certain concepts and perceptions into the English language (which is not my native tongue, remind you). This is true the more I see how I sometimes have problems articulating what I estimate to be ideas as fair as any other fellow's EVEN IN MY OWN LANGUAGE and get away with it unscalded. Call it ignorance or arrogance, if you wish, but I assume this is not my fault or due to any vicious intention or complete inability; neither is it the intended receipient's fault. It is - as far as my best guess gets me - the different interpretation of words assumed to have the same meaning for all parties involved. Difficulties in communication. Different cultural, social and personal images. Difficulties in letting differences be differences and accepting them as given (what people also call tolerance). So, any attempt to explain complex matters around here is a very challenging, romantic and naive task to me. Naive, because I never manage to explain myself to others intelligibl , but still try - especially when I try to explain things I do or feel about while I do not have have the slightest care in the world why I feel or act that way. Not everything need to be understood, just accepted (well, most of it, at least). (This communications disaster gets worse - or more interesting - whenever I happen onto the occasional sociologist who wants to tell me about the true teaching and how everybody else is wrong, because they are stupid. This works on me as sure as an allergy, makes me want to scratch myself and howl and run away. With which I don't want to put down the noble caste of sociologists, nor anybody about this here Spring; it's spectres of my past haunting me. I would like to state for the record - just to mak sure and for good measure - that I appreciate idealism and interest and caring a lot. Or at least as much as my capabilities allow me, since I don't know how much is a lot to you.) Huh. So many words. Gonna get worse. Get out now or stick around. Lately, I have been wondering again about, well, things. Based on my assumption that most of the Springizens are US-residents, and on the tremendous coverage of certain unhappy events in the USA in the last couple of years, I have taken the liberty to keep my eyes open and assimilate impressions. I have compared them against what I found to be general knowledge, personal experience and customs of other places. There are trends and patterns I sense, but I can't really reach them. Other features are rather obvious. Anyway, I have tried some things, put them up for incrimination (if that's the word) and comment. Again, a discourse grew out of this and developed in unexpected ways; there were personal agendas on the sides of all involved, presented in fascinating patterns and behaviors. At one point I realized that I did not deal with the subject I put up for discussion anymore. I experienced reactions that targeted me, questioning - again - my integrity, intention, interests. What I felt was something like, \"Does he do that to cause grief?\", and \"He has no right to say things like that.\" Now, this all may not have been intended and it may all be just my imagination, which makes no difference at this point - it was was I gathered from it nevertheless, no matter if misreading innocent things or not. It got me thinking. I guess you realize by now that I do not appreciate thinking a lot. The whole concept is questionable. Vain rationalism or rationalistic vanities, doesn't matter. There are other ways to cope with life, and most days of the week, I do not fare ill with the means I prefer. Prefer for myself, mark that! I am not a missionary preaching an only truth, the only path, etc. I am. And that is goo"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jul 20, 1999 (15:25)", "body": "excellently worded, Alexander! and, possibly unbeknownst to you, your phrase: \"Thinking is a vicious curse. Once you're at it, you can't stop it. Plus it accelerates and gets more intense; even the more so, the more creative a person is in coming up with stupid things. It eats at your heart. Or whatever you work with. \" very accurately explains wer and thanks for the post!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jul 20, 1999 (16:43)", "body": "Passion and deep thought can mix, I actually enjoy the intensity of a passionate arguement (as long as it doesn't jump in my pocket and climb on my back and as long as it has nothing to do with romantic love...) but I appreciate your feelings. Thinking is indeed a vicious curse. I am truly a masochist and continue to call upon its voodoo presence again and again. But I think with my heart and my head in no apparent order with nothing but free verse... I'm sorry if my passion for the topics mentioned in the US Culture topics had anything to do with your hurt feelings or perceived aggression. But please explain to me (because I now perceive aggression and am beginning to feel like a frekin' dolt for not getting the 'joke' about bigot). Did someone call you a bigot (did I??) Did someone imply you were one? I suppose I'm extra curious because I'm taking your 'what I feel are snide' remarks personally and wonder what I did/said to deserve them? (or perhaps I am the one being self-centered and assuming I am the source of your frustration!) Alas... it must be the curse of the thinking woman... Regardless of whether or not I am the bane upon your existence, thanks for posting! (And don't you DARE point out all my spelling errors! *grin*)"}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (08:28)", "body": "screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 158, "subject": "Behold The Power Of Cheese", "response_count": 26, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (16:51)", "body": "oh my gosh.... not without my Lactaid thank you!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (00:18)", "body": "you're lactose intolerant? with the amount of cheese you like to eat? really?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (10:55)", "body": "for years I thought it was the beer (pizza and beer) and then the wine (wine and cheese) in college I lived off of cheese and chipotle quesadillas and just thought I had a nervous stomach... whelp... no... it was the cheese. Processed cheese is the WORST. Cream cheese is killer! But really hard cheeses like aged cheddar and parmesean aren't so bad... Now I just pop a \"monkey\" (lactaid pill -- the monkey on my back..) and all is well!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:07)", "body": "supporting one habit to enjoy another... I like it!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:40)", "body": "yeeee haaaw!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:18)", "body": "Hey, Wer. Last week in Lugano I heard 2 words, which sounded vulgar. Do you speak Italian? The words are: pompino AND catso (or something like that) What do they mean?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:54)", "body": "I don't, but I can find out, I think..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (00:51)", "body": "Good! I hope my spelling is correct."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:02)", "body": "that would make it easier, yes..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:18)", "body": "I FOUND them!!! ha-ha!!! The spelling IS correct, and I nearly laughed my head off in the serious nerdy bookshop where I looked them up this morning. pompino = blow job catso = swear word concerning the male organ JEEZ, Italians are vulgar! And I only asked the guy for directions!!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:39)", "body": "he was very specific in his directions then, no?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "directions/instructions, what's the difference?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (02:38)", "body": "BLAAH \ufffdsticking tongue out at you\ufffd I don't need INSTRUCTIONS! yet"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (11:52)", "body": "as far as you know..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:02)", "body": "oh GOD, Wer!! You don't think??? Do you think that virgin thing grows back after a while?.... I think I shall sign up for horse riding lessons this week, just in case...."}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:43)", "body": "you can have it surgically re-built..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (08:29)", "body": "What for???"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:10)", "body": "more power over the next one?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:45)", "body": "It makes Cauliflower edible in the cooked form."}, {"response": 20, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:46)", "body": "...sigh...unless you really did not want to talk about cheese, in which case it would be in food, so I guess I am in another wrong topic...sorry again!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:58)", "body": "Cauliflower is good in vegetable soup, too..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (15:07)", "body": "Early on or just at the end so it isn't cooked to mush?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug  7, 1999 (22:05)", "body": "not mush but not crisp, either...hmmm..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug  7, 1999 (22:44)", "body": "Fork tender?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 1999 (23:03)", "body": "that's the phrase!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 1999 (23:10)", "body": "Ah....Thank you! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 159, "subject": "STOP:  DRIVE SIDEWAYS", "response_count": 21, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (11:28)", "body": "So, anyone think we should kill this topic?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (11:34)", "body": "What is it for? And....what does mafia taste like???"}, {"response": 3, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (11:35)", "body": "Don't kill it yet, I just may be thinking of something to put on here..!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (11:57)", "body": "you'll have to ask Ree what mafia tastes likes...she came up with the descriptive..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (12:02)", "body": "Probably heavy on the Garlic..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (19:45)", "body": "On Topic again...I just might learn to drive if I could park this way! How do we do that...?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (19:49)", "body": "Anyone off hand know of anyone making hover cars with large rubber bumpers all around? I could learn to love one of those, I think."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (01:12)", "body": "not off hand, no"}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (01:59)", "body": "That is disappointing. Oh well... (I am on the laptop run by squirrel cage - Please pardon any typos...it has a mind of its own!)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (08:30)", "body": "The taste of mafia is the taste of a white strawberry smoking a cigarette."}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (13:00)", "body": "Have you ever seen a white Strawberry? They grow here and taste just like the red ones. Can you imagine how nasty white strawberry Jam must look - all gray and thick? It is not something you'd immediately want to taste on sight alone."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:12)", "body": "especially with a cigarette in it's mouth..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:18)", "body": "...why do I have the feeling that White Strawberry means something entirely different from what I think it does?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:32)", "body": "(I was hoping someone could explain it to me...)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (14:37)", "body": "Perhaps is it an Boer-Namibian-Swiss-British inside joke and you'd have to be there to understand it?!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (15:01)", "body": "maybe so"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (00:59)", "body": "I think so...."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (07:41)", "body": "Must be something Boerish about it. We onlie eet whaait str\ufffdwb\ufffdrries - no cullird ones."}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:41)", "body": "Huh! I never realized that when I use W3.1 and the little laptop it enables me to read Afrikaans...or Boerish...or whatever that is on post 18. hmmm..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (17:34)", "body": "And! You're much bolder then otherwise..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 11, 2000 (18:20)", "body": "Oops! Now, meeker at the same time... ...*lol* screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 160, "subject": "Future Use of Possibly Sensitive Data", "response_count": 18, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Mar 29, 1999 (22:19)", "body": "I'll have a burger and fries..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 31, 1999 (01:58)", "body": "... coming right up, Sir. Would youn like a soft drink with it? (Yo, Istvan, file \"Burger and fries\" under Wer, aka KitchenManager...)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 1999 (00:44)", "body": "yeah, something nice and wet..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "Alright, Sir, here we'd have a nice extra large extra slushy maple milk shake. (Istvan, note that this bloke can possibly be opened via carbohydrates withhold!)"}, {"response": 5, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 1999 (12:57)", "body": "mmm...tree milk..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (18:34)", "body": "(Istvan, take a note - possibly a food fetish-thing. Definitely explorable...)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (00:22)", "body": "Hey, everybody, Alexander wants to explore my fetishes!!!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (10:55)", "body": "clean those toenails then willya before we gotta see the pics!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (12:44)", "body": "you wish!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:40)", "body": "*cackle*"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "hehe..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:59)", "body": "(Arh, Istvan, no, I don't think the observed subject noticed anything. These bourgois virtualites are too... - Quick, duck, they turn around!)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Jan 13, 2004 (22:52)", "body": "But we turn around ever so s l o w l y . . ."}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 23, 2004 (19:30)", "body": "If not slowly, we'd fall off..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "visitor", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (16:43)", "body": "Good point!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:50)", "body": "And now we even rotate more s l o w l y since that B I G earthquake. I wondered..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Sun, Aug 28, 2005 (16:33)", "body": "Hmmm...wonder if we're still being watched in here...hmmm...I'm spinning so slowly now that I can't tell for sure."}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  1, 2005 (20:08)", "body": "It is best if the spin is coordinated with the spin built into us genetically so so don't evolve a large gut as the result of poor design. Is THAT that causes them?! Here I thought it was beer. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 161, "subject": "Monkeys and Large Breasts", "response_count": 15, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 17, 1999 (13:47)", "body": "$h!t...I thought it said, Monkeys with Large Breasts...my mistake..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Apr 18, 1999 (20:38)", "body": "and how has this tainted your perspective of this very important topic?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Apr 18, 1999 (21:02)", "body": "fetally, I believe, in a post-Jungian quasi-Freudian way..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (10:01)", "body": "FREAKS!!!!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 20, 1999 (19:59)", "body": "and why are you in here?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr 21, 1999 (10:31)", "body": "scientific curiousity??"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 21, 1999 (11:03)", "body": "wistful thinking in my case .... one of those up in the cloud things"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr 21, 1999 (11:20)", "body": "what... you want a monkey to fondle your large breasts?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 22, 1999 (01:05)", "body": "now THAT is an intriguing visual..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:15)", "body": "ha-ha! No, I'd like a large breasted monkey to fondle my chest - I wouldn't go so far as to call them breasts...."}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (10:13)", "body": "hey desperate (per yer moniker)... don't do silicon... just have em fondled more often"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:56)", "body": "or suckled a lot... \"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkey?\""}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (00:50)", "body": "ha-ha! PLEASE buy me a monkey, Wer!!!! THAT'll make them bigger, Stacey?? However, not much chance of that right now...... I'm going to end up with inverted boobies, you realize!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (00:50)", "body": "Ho-hey! Hey-ho! Perhaps 2 extra holes isn't the worst thing that can happen to a gal!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:03)", "body": "true... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 162, "subject": "dodging work by getting screwed", "response_count": 74, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "any takers?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (15:56)", "body": "here i am!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (18:21)", "body": "you gonna be here Monday afternoon?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (18:30)", "body": "i would think so..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (19:16)", "body": "I would think so, too, however what I think and what goes on in reality usually don't coincide..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (09:18)", "body": "but here I am nonetheless!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (11:16)", "body": "and/or all the more!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (15:27)", "body": "here her!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (15:49)", "body": "think I'd rather hear you...here or there... (if given the options and all...)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (18:32)", "body": "just kind of an esoteric response to get your mind thinking"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 24, 1999 (18:45)", "body": "esoteric...erotic... hey, I'll take what I can get!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (10:01)", "body": "*laugh* great word association!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (13:04)", "body": "*simile*"}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (18:46)", "body": "how metaphorical!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:13)", "body": "at least it's not metamorphical!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (19:20)", "body": "but it seems metaphysical"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, May 25, 1999 (23:13)", "body": "and, as we all know, physical is good"}, {"response": 18, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "does that make meta bad?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, May 26, 1999 (12:08)", "body": "not implicitly, but we could probably make it so if we tried real hard..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, May 29, 1999 (05:26)", "body": "...aw, keedz, don't try so hard, y'all only get all cramped up over it. Go eeeeasy, right? Easy does it!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (01:16)", "body": "Oops, interrupted another conversation at the wrong time. Aloha, Alexander!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 1999 (13:03)", "body": "Aloha, Marcia!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 1999 (23:29)", "body": "...and I am not dodging work, either...! *sigh*"}, {"response": 24, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (15:19)", "body": "No Work, or no dodging?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (15:29)", "body": "Not much reason to dodge...as in this topic...unless I do it solo while O'O is off trying to insure a monument to him is erected in his lifetime...*frown*"}, {"response": 26, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 1999 (15:37)", "body": "hmh."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 1999 (12:56)", "body": "What does he want a monument for, Marcia? And does he KNOW what birds do to monuments, regardless of how wonderful the people are they're dedicated to???"}, {"response": 28, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 1999 (15:31)", "body": "*sigh* There is not enough applause for this man in the entire world. He keeps needing more. One is never grateful enough. I am always accused of taking him for granted... Anyhow, when I volunteer my services, I am busy looking for what needs to be done and doing it quietly in the background. I think it is unnecessary to make a big show of gratitude...it makes what I did seem somehow purchased rather than given freely by me. On the other hand, he makes a show of doing what he does, does things very w ll, incidentally, but HE decides what someone needs and it might not be what was desired or needed. He built a Hall of Fame Room of Koa Panelling and indirect lighting - all very lovely. He now needs to be a member of it. To gain this end, I am to importune everyone I can collar to vote for him. I have done this before and hated doing it. If one merits something, it should come as a delightful surprise, not as a bribe. So, I am supposed to be collaring the committee again to get him in - for the thi d time. I absolutely HATE this!!! He wants the softball field named after him, too. Originally he wanted an honorary Doctorate (out of the question)... He must not be as secure about himself as I thought he was...or something! I will hire pigeons if they erect a statue and chain the little buggers to his ears!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 1999 (18:44)", "body": "Our little university doesn't even confer real doctorates, let alone honorary ones. He WILL one day be elected to his Hall of Fame, but the more he electioneers for it, the more people will (silently, because they don't want to lose his work) resist it. But I think the original members of the Boosters will have to get their consideration first before he gets his (BTW, he is worthy of conclusion--but just like anyone who builds a body of work waiting for that lifetime achievement award, he has to wait hi turn until the other worthy ones who came along before are considered)."}, {"response": 30, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 1999 (18:46)", "body": "Dang this YAPP--that is \"inclusion\""}, {"response": 31, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 1999 (18:51)", "body": "(I knew!) Of course, what you say is true, and it is humiliating to be dragged into it each year. One of the stipulations when I returned to Hilo with him last year was I was NOT going to do this again. Well, where his ego is concerned, I do not matter. As for the degrees, I told him that too, when he first proposed it. My least favorite people are glory hounds, and he is a prime example. I am embarrassed by his behavior and do not know how to extricate myself from it. I will not alienate myself fr m any more people by doing his bidding. I have HAD it!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (09:06)", "body": "Why did you say you were still with him, again? I keep forgetting."}, {"response": 33, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (10:08)", "body": "I think she said something about him having the energy of a 15-year-old in bed *SMILE*"}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (12:18)", "body": "Yes, John, there is that, and Ree, I do need some looking after. He is good for that, makes sure I eat regularly even if it is some interesting concoction he has invented just for that meal. He loves me enough to put up with what he calls my \"nonsense\" online all day and part of the evening. He is always good for a hug when I need one. As long as these factors outweigh the negatives, he will be here with me. Slowly, but surely, they are eroding the good parts. We will see. Taking it slowly enables e to judge my options and to make carefully thought-out decisions. I am not so sure that once my son gets settled with Iris, I will not split from here...but some of that depends upon him."}, {"response": 35, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (22:38)", "body": "Despite his insecurity and his ever-growing need for recognition, those of us who know Ray recognize and value his talents, and although he may not be intellectual or understand the need for stimulation in that area, he is a basically decent fellow."}, {"response": 36, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (22:45)", "body": "Yes, John. Thank you for pointing that out. At times I lose sight of that fact, but in the end, when all else is pared away, there is a very decent man who loves me more than perhaps I deserve. I shall try harder to understand him."}, {"response": 37, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (00:47)", "body": "I would consider myself very lucky if someone loved me in that manner. But you are deserving. I only wish he were a little more secure, as you do."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (02:48)", "body": "I would consider myself unlucky. It is unfair to put people on pedestals - there is no way one can live up to such a distorted image."}, {"response": 39, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (04:17)", "body": "I'd settle for the pedestal. I'm 46 and no one has never really loved me. For real, for a distorted image, anything. I've had girlfriends--and one wife, but when push came to shove, none who loved me."}, {"response": 40, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (04:19)", "body": "Don't get me wrong. I don't feel sorry for myself. But I would like to know what it feels like to have someone worship the ground I walk on (not the \"I love you as a friend biz\")."}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (12:33)", "body": "It is a double-edged sword, John, to have someone worship you in that manner. They become possessive and are offended if you have any interests whatever that are not their interests. I thought it would be flattering and wonderful. Now, I consider it obsessive and manipulative...I am a means to an end and a trinket to dangle in front of others - \"look at the brilliant wife I managed to land and she is all mine!!!\" (despite the fact that I am not married to him)...He is also costing me my credibility at UHHilo by requiring me to plead against my wishes for his HoFame deal. How does one balance these things so I do not self-destruct? I have been almost that desperate. He has already cost me all of my friends...!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (13:43)", "body": "There IS something between friendly love and worship. If a guy has the guts to put me in my place when I need it, I feel far more loved than if he allows me to grow more and more selfish, which is a big tendency with me. When one person worships another it is not love, it is loving the IDEA of being in love. There's nothing real about that."}, {"response": 43, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (13:49)", "body": "I think John would like to experience the sensation, but would find it cloying and stifling in short order. I think we are all selfish creatures when given the chance...I am reminded not to be so every once in a while, and the point is well taken. Good points, Ree!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (04:14)", "body": "I've never experienced the in-between either. As for what you said, Marcia, it hasn't cost you ALL your friends. I also think that people are smart enough to know where the real pressure is...just as when O'O cornered me once several years ago and said that something I said or did (I don't remember what it was--it was eons ago) \"offended Marcia.\" I am smart enough to know that he was the one who was offended and if you were offended, you would have told me. BTW, it was him I apologized to, because I k ow if you felt I owed you an apology, you would tell me (wouldn't you?)"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:19)", "body": "Sounds to me like O'O also needs a good bollocking every once in a while .... Hope you DO that, Marcia,"}, {"response": 46, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:30)", "body": "Bollocking? Is that, like, knocking something over his head? 8={}"}, {"response": 47, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:45)", "body": "Oh John, I would have spoken to you directly, and I know what it was with which he was offended on my behalf...those wonderful humor files you send *grin* which never offend me...in fact, I do not think it would be possible for you to offend me because we like each other too much! I would never send someone else to deliver a message to you. I like talking to you too much. I am just sorry he felt it necessary to protect the purity of my mind...or whatever. Thank you for being so perceptive *hugs*"}, {"response": 48, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:47)", "body": "Umm...Ree, dear, could you tell me a little more specifically what I am to do in order to bollock this man...I'd hate to hurt something I enjoy using, by mistake!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:52)", "body": "As to the friends...John is right that I have not lost them...they all know what the problem is. It is just their conversation which I have lost unless there is an unguarded moment or two that I can steal. I still get benevolent smiles from Alton when I am alone, and such sweet things as that...makes me yearn for the Volleyball game this weekend just to see friends again *happy smile* Get better fast, John...I need to see you at the game!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (15:13)", "body": "Thanks. I'll do my best."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (04:25)", "body": "A 'bollocking' is putting one's foot down. FIRMLY. As in, 'If you really want to show me that you love me, mind your own goddamn business! Give me space and I'll come to you; otherwise, don't expect ANYTHING from me.' And act accordingly."}, {"response": 52, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (11:33)", "body": "I think I am being bollocked myself. I have scarcely had three words from him and it is not getting any better. I like what you say about love and giving space, but this antedeluvian male I am cohabiting with is of the old school - the little woman follows ME...she needs no space! With this stubborn man I must be prepared to live with the consequences of putting that firm foot down."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:17)", "body": "NO, NO, NO! You HAVE A CHOICE, Marcia. Is the idea of being alone and open to new friendships really more scary than living with a man who sees you as 'the little woman'? You are unhappy, and obviously growing unhappier as time goes on. You say it is love, but I tell you it is not: it is abuse when there is an opresser and an opressed in a relationship. What he feels is not love for you, it is love of power. If he cannot respect you, then TEACH him respect for you; if he cannot be taught, then l t him rot in his ignorance."}, {"response": 54, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:30)", "body": "You are not the first to tell me this is abuse. I guess I really know that it is, and is the reason I went missing for 4 months last year. Perhaps the men (Hello, John) who see him as decent mean it in a whole different context. He is all sweetness and light to everyone else. He saves the prison for me in the privacy of my OWN home!"}, {"response": 55, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:34)", "body": "I only see his public face. But my dad was a terrible husband (albeit a good father) at home, but highly respected in the community. But Ree is right. If you feel trapped, you do have a choice, but it's you who have to put the foot down. No one else will."}, {"response": 56, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "amen.."}, {"response": 57, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:40)", "body": "BTW, being home sick is a type of dodging work by getting screwed..."}, {"response": 58, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 1999 (03:08)", "body": "Hmmm. Defenitely. Damn, now I'm getting homesick as well! And I was already yesterday!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 1999 (06:18)", "body": "There's a difference between \"home sick\" and \"homesick.\""}, {"response": 60, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 1999 (09:34)", "body": "John are you sick AGAIN!?!?!"}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (03:00)", "body": "What is the matter, John?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (14:18)", "body": "He had laryngitis and the flu...tis going around and I am knocking on everything wooden in the hope I do not get it. I am off to the doctor's in an hour to find out how to handle what I am going through - to keep me from the depression which is rendering me incabible of action...and to check on my general health. Aloha!"}, {"response": 63, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (14:36)", "body": "Depression? Everything ok with you Marcia? Makes me worry..."}, {"response": 64, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (15:21)", "body": "yeah MArcia! Take care of yourself!"}, {"response": 65, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (15:27)", "body": "I'm praying for you, Marcia"}, {"response": 66, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (16:42)", "body": "I'm pulling for ya' too, Marcia."}, {"response": 67, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (16:50)", "body": "I'm, uh, doing whatever I always do..."}, {"response": 68, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (17:18)", "body": "Stop picking yer nose Alexander!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (17:23)", "body": "NOBODY WAS WATCHING! Damn, this is MY office!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (17:25)", "body": "Big Brother is ALWAYS watching"}, {"response": 71, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (17:35)", "body": "Aw, behave! That guy? On my paylist!"}, {"response": 72, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (18:04)", "body": "Thanks all...those encouraging words mean a terrific amount to me right about now. My really cool MD took a look at me (know us from Softball) poked and listened and pronounced me fine. Stuck me with a flu shot and laughed sadly about the 174/98 BP - when I told him what was causing it. His advice was to let it blow over and die an natural death then resume normal life as before. I think that merits following - because you all said it one time or another, too. I am still tall, svelte, limber and have a sparkly personality - he said I could not miss with that combo...so I am renewed, got my self-worth in prospective and to he\ufffd\ufffd with the resident drain cleaner. *grinning happily and smugly*"}, {"response": 73, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (03:57)", "body": "WAY TO GO, GIRL!!!!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (19:01)", "body": "you betcha...working on it! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 163, "subject": "screwed finally welcomes (MarciaH)", "response_count": 1066, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (11:43)", "body": "About time this here showed up! Where is everybody? Oh, hiya, Wer! Where's the toast of the party?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "still trying to wake up, I think..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (11:54)", "body": "Party Girl reporting for same. One never knows what one will find their name attached to when they pry their eyes open in the morning. Thank you, gentlemen!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (12:08)", "body": "Oh, that's just my William, he's like that. (*pat on the head*) But he doesn't mean ill, so... WILLIAM! Stop playing basketball in the livingroom! Excuse me, I've gotta go and look what the little critter is up to... William!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (12:15)", "body": "I didn't do it!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (12:21)", "body": "You did!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (12:36)", "body": "Did not! I, I don't even know what you're talking about!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (12:41)", "body": "You did, too! Now, go outside and beat up the neighbours! Miss Marcia and I want to talk a bit..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (12:42)", "body": "Aw, boy, don't cry - what's our guest to think? Miss Marcia, he's not like this normally, I don't know what is with him right now!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (13:49)", "body": "Alexander, be gentle with him...see how cute and disarming he is? I would forgive him any transgression. (He is very young, you know, but isn't he shaping up nicely?!)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (13:52)", "body": "Rather tall and good looking, too, don't you think? Nice and solidly built!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "*blush* *scuffing toe on floor* Yessir."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (13:57)", "body": "Oh, and he's wondrously clever and intelligent. Almost anything in in the world I want to know or discuss, he is right up there with me. I find that most enchanting. We must be good to this man. He is one of a kind!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:03)", "body": "Ooops! leaving on tiptoe"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:04)", "body": "and the world is better off without more of me...had a boss once tell me he wished he could clone me...so I told him one of us would kill the other one...I could not work for myself... (spoke over the shoulder and out the door...)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:06)", "body": "and grabbin Gi so I can tag along with her... so, Gi...you used to visit in screwed...what happened? (and don't give me that marriage nonsense!)"}, {"response": 17, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:12)", "body": "It got too screwed even for me!:-) I wonder how you ladies and gentlemen manage to be everywhere... You may talk of \"marriage nonsense\", but I assure you I must have some time with the DH or he'll have grounds for divorce :-("}, {"response": 18, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:13)", "body": "Remember, I almost only visited Word Association."}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:20)", "body": "I know...but you were still missed when you quit showing up in there..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:28)", "body": "Thank you, that is very kind :-)"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:28)", "body": "And you seem to be posting here, too...?!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:31)", "body": "Welcoming you wherever and whenever I can...:-)"}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (16:25)", "body": "Deteriorata Go placidly amid the noise and waste, And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss, and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, There is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember The Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, Especially with those persons closest to you - That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls Would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan. And let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken. Take heart in the deepening gloom That your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot, It could only be worse in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not, The universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore, make peace with your god, Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, The world continues to deteriorate. Give up! copyright 1975, National Lampoon"}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "\"A TEXAN'S GUIDE TO LIFE\" Don't squat with your spurs on. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. Always drink upstream from the herd. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. Never miss a good chance to shut up. There are three kinds of men: The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."}, {"response": 25, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (14:25)", "body": "Right! Neither one works."}, {"response": 26, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (14:50)", "body": "Neither one of those three Texans has a job? That's why they hafta spend their days peeing on fences? How sad!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (15:53)", "body": "That was sent to me by my ex from Pennsylvania...so I posted it where I thought I would offend the fewest Texans. *lol* Sorry to hear neither one works...!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 1999 (15:05)", "body": "Have you ever wondered who has the time to figure all these things out????? Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is \"screeched.\" On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. All of the clocks in the movie \"Pulp Fiction\" are stuck on 4:20. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. \"Dreamt\" is the only English word that ends in the letters \"mt.\" All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill."}, {"response": 29, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "RANDOM THOUGHTS 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is like night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you. 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 8. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 9. Remember half the people you know are below average. 10. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. He who laughs last thinks the slowest. 13. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 14. When everything's coming your way, chances are that you're traveling in the wrong lane. 15. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 16. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. 17. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 18. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 19. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. 20. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 21. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. 22. Two wrongs are only the beginning. 23. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. 24. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 25. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. 26. Plan to be spontaneous-tomorrow. 27. Two wrongs may not make a right; but two Wrights made an airplane. 28. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 29. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 30. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."}, {"response": 30, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 1999 (18:48)", "body": "PENN STATE 41 ARIZONA 7"}, {"response": 31, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 1999 (23:47)", "body": "And, In Honor of Our Adopted Home State of Texas, I offer the following: A rich Texan walked into the offices of the president of a small Texas college and said, \"I'd like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution. But there's a condition. I would like to have an honorary degree.\" The president nodded agreeably, \"That's not a problem. We can certainly arrange that!\" The rich man said, \"An honorary degree for my *horse*.\" \"For your horse???\" \"Yep, you betcha. She carried me for many years and I owe her a lot. I'd like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation.\" \"But . . . we can't give a degree to a *horse*!\" \"Then I'm afraid I'll have to take my million dollars to another educational institution.\" \"Well, wait a minute,\" said the president, seeing the million slip through his fingers, \"Let me consult with the school's trustees.\" A hurried trustee meeting was brought to order and the president related the deal and the condition. All of the board reacted with shock and disbelief -- except the oldest trustee. He appeared almost asleep. One trustee snorted, \"We can't give a *horse* an honorary degree -- no matter HOW much money is involved.\" The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, \"Take the money and give the horse the degree.\" The president asked, \"Don't you think that would be a disgrace to us?\" \"Of course not, \" the wise old trustee said. \"It would be an honor. It'd be the first time we ever gave a degree to an ENTIRE horse.\""}, {"response": 32, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 1999 (23:59)", "body": "Okay...I see the Penn State score posted here, also, but thanks for posting \"Deteriorata.\" It has been one of my faves for 24 years!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (14:53)", "body": "From my ex I give you another view of Texas: Subject: Just moved to Texas May 30th Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. June 14th Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper. June 30th Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. July 10th The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected. July 15th Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. July 20th I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shit. No more pets in this heat! July 25th Dry #@*&$!% heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. July 30th Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here? Aug 4th 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this #@*&$!% state. Aug 8th If another wise ass cracks, \"Hot enough for you today?\", I'm going to tear his #@*&$!% throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like Roasted #@*&$!% Garfield!! Aug 10th The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to #@*& for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the #@*&$!% pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat. Aug 14th Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the #@*&$!% windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, \"Hot enough for you today?\" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Aug 30th Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The #@*&$!% monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500 windshield. That does it, we're moving to Illinois for some peace and quiet"}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (15:04)", "body": "Things to Ponder 1. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? 2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? 3. How do a fool and his money GET together? 4. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? 5. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down? 6. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax? 7. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 8. If you throw a cat out the car window, does it become kitty litter? 9. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald? 10. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 11. Why do banks charge you a \"non-sufficient funds\" fee on money they already know you don't have? 12. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 13. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? 14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? 16. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? 17. How come there aren't B batteries? 18. How do \"Do not walk on the grass\" signs get there? 19. How do I set my laser printer on stun? 20. How is it possible to have a civil war? 21. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 22. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 23. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2? 24. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? 25. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 26. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? 27. If crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime? 28. Did Noah keep his bees in archives? 29. How can there be self-help \"groups\"? 30. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? 31. How do you know honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others? 32. How do you throw away a garbage can? 33. How does a Thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold? 34. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? 35. If a word in the dictionary is misspelled, how would we know? 36. If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers? 37. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? 38. What happens to an 18-hour bra after 18 hours? 39. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 40. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up? 41. Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong? 42. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him? 43. Why is it that night falls but day breaks? 44. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about? 45. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (23:16)", "body": "Real Rules Charles Sykes is the author of DUMBING DOWN OUR KIDS. He volunteered to give high school and college graduates a list of things he did not learn in school. In his book he talks about how some of the liberal, feel-good, politically correct garbage has created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and set them up for failure in the real world. These are the RULES they should learn: Rule 1 Life is not fair; get used to it. Rule 2 The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. Rule 3 You will not make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone until you *earn* both. Rule 4 If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. Rule 5 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger-flipping; they called it opportunity. Rule 6 If you screw up, it's not your parents' fault so don't whine about your mistakes. Learn from them. Rule 7 Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning your room, and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. So before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule 8 Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. Rule 9 Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. Rule 10 Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule 11 Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."}, {"response": 36, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (00:33)", "body": "I can't tell you how many times I've had kids look at me like I was off my -------- rocker for telling them some of these, especially #3, #4, and #11."}, {"response": 37, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (00:36)", "body": "Oh yes, I'll bet you have gotten a lot of grief over them. With a little luck they will remember them long enough to realize their value. Thanks for trying to teach those little skulls full of mush...*smile*"}, {"response": 38, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (12:35)", "body": "Your tax dollars at work: One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisorthe situation. The supervisor radios back and says, \"Don't worry, we'll send some shovels... just lean on each other until they arrive.\""}, {"response": 39, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (13:35)", "body": "*lol* Dear! It would be a lot funnier if it weren't so true!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 1999 (18:56)", "body": "A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, \"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?\" The crow answered: \"Sure, why not.\" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up."}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (01:42)", "body": "Stecey gave me this idea inadventently (she is so clever, she knew...) and Wolf made a request to see the print bigger, so I am purposely leaving the bold HTML tag open so all posts are emboldened. Please leave it this way on this topic. Thank you!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (07:29)", "body": "An eagle swoops down on a frog and swallows the hapless amphibian whole. The frog remains alive through the eagle's entire digestive tract until it can see the ground far below while peeking out the bird of prey's anus. \"Hey, Eagle, how high up are we?\" asked the frog. \"Oh, about a mile,\" replied the eagle.\" \"You wouldn't shit me, now, would you?\""}, {"response": 43, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (15:09)", "body": "Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, \"What are you in here for?\" The second kid says, \"I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.\" The first kid says, \"You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!\" The second kid then asks, \"What are you here for?\" The first kid says, \"A circumcision.\" And the second kid says, \"Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!\""}, {"response": 44, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (15:16)", "body": "A man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after careful examination said, \"We can replace it with a small size for $5,000, a medium size for $15,000, or an extra-large size for $30,000. I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it over with your wife.\" When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring sadly at the floor. \"My wife says she'd rather have a new kitchen.\""}, {"response": 45, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (15:19)", "body": "*lol* the first one, and poor choice for the second one...(leaving the bold HTML tags open on purpose so we can read what is posted...)"}, {"response": 46, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (15:30)", "body": "\"That's your analysis,\" said the lab tech."}, {"response": 47, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (15:32)", "body": "indeed...*smile*"}, {"response": 48, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (15:40)", "body": "It's still August and already I'm playing hooky. Had no energy this morning...was afraid I'd fall asleep in class, so called for sub."}, {"response": 49, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (16:14)", "body": "There was a Texan living in Bristol a while back. Huge fellow he was, had to duck under all but the highest of doorways, and often had to go through sideways. And he was always going on about how much bigger things were back home, used to really bore everyone senseless with his bragging. Anyway, he died one day, and wound up in a mortuary where a friend of mine worked. Charlie was telling me about the trouble they had, trying to find a coffin big enough to plant him in. They looked everywhere, but there was nothing that even came close, and it would take time to have one specially made.\"So what did you do?\" I asked. \"Oh,\" said Charlie, \"it was simple, really. We gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.\""}, {"response": 50, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (16:59)", "body": "The sky was dark, the moon was high, All alone, just she and I. Her hair so soft, her eyes so brown, Her hair so smooth like eider down. Her skin so soft, her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn't know how but I tried my best, I placed my hands upon her breast. I felt my fear, my beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart. And as I tried to hide my shame all at once the white stuff came. I've finished and it's over now, the first time that I've milked a cow."}, {"response": 51, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (17:00)", "body": "Two lines about hair...that's what I get for posting my uncle's redneck doggerel."}, {"response": 52, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (20:41)", "body": "Redneck doggerel edited for form and content. The sky was dark, the moon was high and all alone was she and I. Her lines so soft, her eyes so brown her hair as smooth as eider down, her skin just right, her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn't know how but tried my best, I placed my hands upon her breast. I felt my fear, my beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart I had just overcome my shame when all at once the white stuff came. And that's the end, it's over now, the first time that I've milked a cow."}, {"response": 53, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (20:44)", "body": "That is sooo goood ... *lol* Thank you, John!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (20:46)", "body": "Welcome, ma'am..."}, {"response": 55, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (20:50)", "body": "That is sooo goood ... *lol* Thank you, John!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (20:51)", "body": "How are we doing that? It happened in art this morning. I do not double post! ...the joys of yapp software..."}, {"response": 57, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (23:02)", "body": "News Headlines Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee * Toronto Star headline Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6. * Entrepreneur Magazine ad Gators To Face Seminoles With Peters Out * The Tallahassee Bugle Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs * The Anchorage, Alaska Times Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming * The New Haven, Connecticut Register Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity To Goose Hunters * The Tallahassee Democrat Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! * The Houston Chronicle Governor's Penis Busy [should be \"Pen Is\"] * The New Haven, Connecticut Register Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son * The Arkansas Plainsman Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands * Bangor Maine News Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position * The Washington Times Clinton Stiff On Withdrawal * The Bosnia Bugle Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow * Newsday Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax * San Antonio Rose Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-free * Chicago Daily News Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders * The Miami Herald"}, {"response": 58, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (23:14)", "body": "Hilo's own Hawaii Tribune-Herald headlined Connecticut's NCAA women's basketball championship a couple of years ago with: Husky Women Are Best Good, show MarciaMarciaMarcia"}, {"response": 59, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (23:18)", "body": "Thanks for adding the local touch - I had quite forgotten about it."}, {"response": 60, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (23:25)", "body": "Top ten things that would be different if the 12 apostles had been gay: 10. The Last Supper would have been brunch. 9. The Beatitudes would start, \"Fabulous are they...\" 8. Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem screams for a production number, with ostrich feather palm fronds and a large oyster shell instead of just a donkey. 7. The water at the wedding feast of Canaan would not have been changed to wine, but extra dry Bombay Sapphire martinis with a touch of Curacao for color. 6. The temple would not only have been cleansed of moneychangers, but redecorated as well. 5. Mary's hair would have been flawless. 4. The Gospels would be Mathew, Mark, Lance, and Bruce. 3. Priests would have torrid affairs with altar boys... wait....never mind. 2. Jesus would never wear white after Labor Day. 1. The Sermon on the Mount would have been a musical."}, {"response": 61, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 1999 (23:33)", "body": "*lol* I wonder how many people this managed to offend. Very funny and Thanks for contributing to my delinquence."}, {"response": 62, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (01:01)", "body": "I thought offending was the basic premise of \"Screwed.\" Pardonez-moi, s'il vous plait!"}, {"response": 63, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (01:05)", "body": "But it is...it is the place where no holds are barred - that is why there is word association and word disassociation topics, and all sorts of other things. and, what better place to put sightly wild humor than in screwed?!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (07:43)", "body": "Ha-hA!!!! Good stuff, John!!!"}, {"response": 65, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (15:41)", "body": "In the immortal words of the father of my illegitimate birth, Elvis Presley (Lisa Marie got the money, I got the waistline), \"Thankya, thankya verramuch...\" More mangled language: On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hopefor. In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotelporter. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life. Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream."}, {"response": 66, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:57)", "body": "T-shirts for Women 1- I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. 2- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. 3- Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later. 4- Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time. 5- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? 6- I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. 7- Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win. 8- You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. 9- Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. 10- Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares? 11- I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. 12- Next mood swing: 6 minutes. 13- I hate everybody, and you're next. 14- Please don't make me kill you. 15- And your point is... 16- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. 17- All stressed out and no one to choke. 18- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. 19- How can I miss you if you won't go away? 20- Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not."}, {"response": 67, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:02)", "body": "Good stuff Marcia...and you have your topic back... 21. Are you stoned? Or just STUPID!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:04)", "body": "Most of those comments above do not reflect this poster's thoughts. I just posted it for the truly screwed members of the audience..."}, {"response": 69, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:05)", "body": "John - Visit often...I shall miss you if you do not!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:28)", "body": "Having a car accident can be a confusing experience for many people, especially when asked to write down the details of the accident in a few well-chosen words. The following words were chosen by drivers in the summaries purportedly submitted to police when asked. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him. The proximate/indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I saw her look twice, she appeared to be making slow progress, then, we met on impact. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went into the bush with just his rear-end showing. I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep and had the accident. I had been learning to drive with power-steering. I turned the wheel, what I thought was enough, and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way. I was on my way to the doctor's with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured scull. I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the highway when I struck him. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's lap. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of it's path, when it struck my front end. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obstructing my vision. I did not see the other car. The accident occurred while I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering into the other vehicle. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished. When I saw I could not avoid the collision. I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. And finally, one driver willing to admit he was less than totally innocent: No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."}, {"response": 71, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (21:12)", "body": "OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know about: 660 Approximate number of the Beast DCLXVI Roman numeral of the Beast 666.0000 Number of the High Precision Beast 0.666 Number of the Millibeast / 666 Beast Common Denominator (-666) ^ (1/2) Imaginary number of the Beast 6.66 e3 Floating point Beast 1010011010 Binary of the Beast 6, uh... what was that number again? Number of the Blonde Beast 1-666 Area code of the Beast 00666 Zip code of the Beast 666mph The speed limit of the Beast $665.95 Retail price of the Beast $699.25 Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax $769.95 Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul $656.66 Walmart price of the Beast $646.66 Next week's Walmart price of the Beast Phillips 666 Gasoline of the Beast Route 666 Way of the Beast 666 F Oven temperature for roast Beast 666k Retirement plan of the Beast 666 mg Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast 6.66 % 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit. $666/hr Beast's lawyer's billing rate Lotus 6-6-6 Spreadsheet of the Beast Word 6.66 Word Processor of the Beast i66686 CPU of the Beast 666i BMW of the Beast DSM-666 (revised) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast 1232 Octal, Apt. 29A Beast's hexed address 668 Next-door neighbor of the Beast 333 The semi-Christ 665.9997856 The Number of the Beast on a Pentium"}, {"response": 72, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (23:18)", "body": "The Beast in Mathematical Terms 666.66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666 Repeating decimals are worse than repeating chili..."}, {"response": 73, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (23:36)", "body": "If you say so...*lol*"}, {"response": 74, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (01:21)", "body": "Ha-HA!!!! Hey have any of you read about the 2 new space telescopes built in America. This is no joke. The one is called the VLT - which apparently stands for .... can you guess??? VERY LARGE TELESCOPE. And then there's and even larger, more advanced one, called the OLT. For OVERWHELMINGLY LARGE TELESCOPE!!!! ha-ha! Is that to die for or what??? Says something about scientists and the imagination, and I hope Ray never ever reads this, 'cos I'll be dead meat!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (01:28)", "body": "Hey, lets hide it in Screwed where the print is small (oops!) and the background is confusing...he'll never see it clear from Corpus!!! They also have VLA telescopes which are Very Long Arrays!!! Usually radio telescopes...!"}, {"response": 76, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (05:20)", "body": "ha-ha! NUTS!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (15:30)", "body": "Eleanor Roosevelt wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart. Anger is only one letter short of danger. If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; If he betrays you twice, it is your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all. Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. Friends, you and me.... You brought another friend.... And then there were 3.... We started our group.... Our circle of friends.... And like that circle.... There is no beginning or end.... Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's the Present."}, {"response": 78, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (15:49)", "body": "It is evident where FDR drew upon a great deal of his wisdom...and why the nation was in good hands when FDR was too infirm to take care of the presidential business himself. Thanks Marcia, for these inspiring words!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (12:39)", "body": "The History Of, \"Giving The Finger\" In the film, Titanic, the character Rose is shown giving the finger to Jack (another character). Many people who have seen the film, question whether \"giving the finger\" was done around the time of the itanic disaster, or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant young punk. According to research, here's the true story: GIVING THE FINGER BEFORE THE BATTLE OF AGINCOURT IN 1415: The French, anticipating victory over the English, intended to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. They waved their middle finger towards the British signaling their intent. You see, without the middle finger it is impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and, therefore, the disfigured British soldiers would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous weapon (the longbow) was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as \"plucking the yew\" (or \"pluck yew\"). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, \"See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!\" Over the years some \"folk-etymologies\" have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since \"pluck yew\" is rather difficult to say (like \"peasant mother pheasant plucker\"; which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is known as \"giving the bird\"."}, {"response": 80, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (13:24)", "body": "For my Aloha piece \"If Tomorrow Never Comes\" If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say \"I love you,\" instead of assuming you would KNOW I do If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right. There will always be another day to say our \"I love you's\", And certainly there's another chance to say our \"Anything I can do's?\" But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget, Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear Take time to say \"I'm sorry,\" \"Please forgive me,\" \"thank you,\" or \"its okay\". And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today."}, {"response": 81, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (16:58)", "body": "hello to you too..."}, {"response": 82, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (21:38)", "body": "Hi Stacey! Thanks for dropping by. Please ignore the email I sent you this morning. I hope Alexander deletes his, as well. I spent the day communing with gravel and have a tbsp of olivines (peridots) to show for it and a back ache from crouching for five hours (after trying to play a piano which has missing notes and octaves...) And a headache from thinking things over..."}, {"response": 83, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (21:39)", "body": "(BTW, thanks for taking that Aloha as hello! I meant goodbye when I wrote it...but I am afraid there is too much of Spring in me to go that route.)"}, {"response": 84, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (16:01)", "body": "LOVE VS LUST VS MARRIAGE LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room. LOVE - When intercourse is called \"making love.\"' LUST - When intercourse is called \"screwing.\" MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids. LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything. LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - When ... uh ... what's a climax? LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, \"Hi.\" LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room. MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch about work. LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks. LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings. LUST -When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around. MARRIAGE - When you're only concern as to what's on TV. LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner. LUST - When you only see each other naked. MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake. LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them. MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them. LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio. LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about. LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about. MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought. LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score. LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk. LUST-When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex. MARRIAGE- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement. LOVE- You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts. LUST- You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline. MARRIAGE- You only leave the house when you're allowed."}, {"response": 85, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (16:37)", "body": "*LOL* To me, intercourse has always been \"talking!\""}, {"response": 86, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (23:29)", "body": "ALWAYS???? Oh John, I am sooo sorry!!! Subject: \"Keep Your Fork\" There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things \"in order\", she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. \"There's one more thing,\" she said excitedly. \"What's that?\" came the pastor's reply. \"This is very important,\" the woman continued. \"I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.\" The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say. \"That surprises you, doesn't it?\" the woman asked. \"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request,\" said the pastor. The woman explained. \"In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say,'Keep your fork'. It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder \"What's with the fork?'. Then I want you to tell them: \"Keep your fork....the best is yet to come\". The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman goodbye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She knew something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing anothher favorite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question \"What's with the fork?\" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh so gently,that the best is yet to come."}, {"response": 87, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (23:43)", "body": "Beautifully put."}, {"response": 88, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (00:09)", "body": "John,what color should I dye my hair?"}, {"response": 89, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (02:47)", "body": "Auburn"}, {"response": 90, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "Why did I know you would say that? And, I know I would kill the first person who called me a redhead...better try for something more subtle. Meanwhile...for Ri\ufffdtte, Alexander, Elena and the rest of you who speak and write English better than the natives: -- The English Language -- (author unknown) We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese ... Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice, But the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, When couldn't the plural of pan be called pen? The cow in the plural may be cows or kine, But the plural of vow is vows, not vine. And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet, But I give a boot... would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? If the singular is this and plural is these, Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese? Then one may be that, and three may be those, Yet the plural of hat would never be hose; We speak of a brother, and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. The masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim! So our English, I think you will all agree, Is the trickiest language you ever did see. I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through? Well done! And now you wish, perhaps, To learn of less familiar traps? Beware of heard, a dreadful word That looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead; it's said like bed, not bead; For goodness sake, don't call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat, (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt) A moth is not a moth in mother. Nor both in bother, broth in brother. And here is not a match for there. And dear and fear for bear and pear. And then there's dose and rose and lose -- Just look them up -- and goose and choose. And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword. And do and go, then thwart and cart. Come, come, I've hardly made a start. A dreadful language? Man alive, I'd learned to speak it when I was five, And yet to write it, the more I sigh..."}, {"response": 91, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (21:41)", "body": "MENtal illness - MENstrual cramps- MENtal breakdown - MENopause- Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN??"}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (21:55)", "body": "THE PERFECT MAN The perfect man is gentle Never cruel or mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man likes children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father As well as a good husband to his bride. The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming, too He'll do anything in his power To convey his feelings of love on to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your name He's a best friend to your mother And kisses away your pain. He never has made you cry Or hurt you in any way To hell with this endless poem The perfect man is gay."}, {"response": 93, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (22:13)", "body": "If Riette does kill me, this is evidence you suggested it (conspiracy). She wouldn't actually have to kill me. If she planted an adder in my car or apartment, I'd have a heart attack if I saw it before it bit me!"}, {"response": 94, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (22:32)", "body": "*lol* she would have to get it from Zurich to Hilo, something of a daunting proposition in the best of times. Then through animal quarantine...You will most likely die of old age before all of that transpires, or the snake will...!"}, {"response": 95, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (23:32)", "body": "People seem to be able to smuggle reptiles into Hawaii at will. If she does pull it off, I may be the only person ever killed for mistaking auburn for 'ehu (Hawaiian for red hair) and admitting to liking Benny Hill!"}, {"response": 96, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:19)", "body": "Not to worry. Ree can get her back up in indignation, but she is not willfully cruel or malicious. You are too much fun to do away with, I am pretty sure! (and, yes, I know all about the crazies who smuggle \"pets\" into Hawaii...)"}, {"response": 97, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 1999 (23:59)", "body": "The Hawaii County Fair started at 6pm this evening. At two minutes before that hour the rains descended as they do each and every year. 4 more days of rain!"}, {"response": 98, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 1999 (14:30)", "body": "Wow, what a fascinating tradition!"}, {"response": 99, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 1999 (21:45)", "body": "Alexander, the arrival of the County Fair is more reliable predictor of the weather for that weekend than any witching method or science known to mankind. I think it is God's little reminder of just who is in charge down here...not the winner of the most blue ribbons for orchid plants or fattest pig or biggest (and saltiest) pumpkin...*smile*"}, {"response": 100, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (00:14)", "body": "The Top 37 Oxymorons 37. Act naturally 36. Found missing 35. Resident alien 34. Advanced Basic 33. Good grief 32. Same difference 31. Almost exactly 30. Sanitary landfill 29. Alone together 28. Legally drunk 27. Silent scream 26. Small crowd 25. Soft rock 24. Butt head 23. New classic 22. Sweet sorrow 21. Childproof 20. Now, then ... 19. Synthetic natural gas 18. Passive aggressive 17. Taped live 16. Clearly misunderstood 15. Peace force 14. Extinct Life 13. Temporary tax increase 12. Computer jock 11. Plastic glasses 10. Terribly pleased 09. Political science 08. Tight slacks 07. Definite maybe 06. Pretty ugly 05. Twelve-ounce pound cake 04. Diet ice cream 03. Working vacation 02. Exact estimate 01. Microsoft Works"}, {"response": 101, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (12:21)", "body": "Here it is, the secret chart used by bachelors worldwide, because they don't have wives who can recognize on sight (and sometimes before) when the Big Mac has become one with the special sauce. FREEZER FOODS: ICE CREAM - If you can't tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out. FROZEN FOODS - Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife. IN THE FRIDGE: EGGS - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway -- if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetite! MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. EMPTY GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: - Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this. ON THE SHELF: CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of ... Very carefully. POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth. THE GAG TEST - Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night). BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable \"spots\" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time, depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date, or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it. PRETZELS: Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there's nothing to stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000 years ago. RAISINS: Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth. SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can't chip off reasonable amounts from the block, maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt usually pours. SPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in your will. VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probably still good. EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen"}, {"response": 102, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (16:34)", "body": "TOP TEN PROPOSED HILLARY CLINTON CAMPAIGN SLOGANS 10. \"Read My Lips -- No New Interns\" 9. \"Reward Me For Putting Up With Bill's Crap For So Long\" 8. \"Isn't It Time You Were Disappointed By A Different Clinton?\" 7. \"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask How You Can Illegally Contribute To My Campaign\" 6. \"Vote For Me Or My Husband Will Nail Your Wife\" 5. \"You Give Me A Vote, I'll Get Vernon Jordan To Give You A Job\" 4. \"Still Not Indicted As Of Early '99!\" 3. \"From Perjury To Albany\" 2. \"Building a Bridge To The 21st Century, and Pushing My Husband Over It\" 1. \"Oh Lord, Please Don't Make Me Go Back To Arkansas!!!\""}, {"response": 103, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (07:48)", "body": "Good ones. I hear Hill isn't doing so great with her campaign. She just can't feel the pain I guess."}, {"response": 104, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (14:56)", "body": "*lol* That must be it!"}, {"response": 105, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (15:07)", "body": "My source in New York says they have bumper stickers which say \"Run Hillary Run.\" Democrats put them on their back bumpers, Republicans on the front!"}, {"response": 106, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (19:48)", "body": "\"Winterize your lawn,\" the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency. Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this: \"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.\" \"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass.\" \"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?\" \"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.\" \"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.\" \"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week.\" \"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?\" \"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.\" \"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?\" \"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.\" \"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?\" \"Yes, sir.\" \"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.\" \"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.\" \"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.\" \"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away.\" \"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?\" \"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.\" \"And where do they get this mulch?\" \"They cut down trees and grind them up.\" \"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?\" \"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about...\" \"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story.\""}, {"response": 107, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (11:59)", "body": "The Business World: When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, \"I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions.\" The feet said, \"We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.\" The hands said, \"We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.\" Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit! Moral Of The Story: You don't need brains to be a Boss; any asshole will do."}, {"response": 108, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:05)", "body": "Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, \"Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention...the assembly line for the automobile...changed the world. \"As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want.\" Ford thinks about it, and says, - \"I want to hang out with God Himself.\" So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, - \"When you invented Woman, what were You thinking?\" God asks, \"What do you mean?\" \"Well,\" says Ford, \"You have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much front end protrusion. 2. It chatters way too much at high speeds. 3. Maintenance is extremely high. 4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing. 5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days. 6. The rear end wobbles too much. 7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust. 8. The headlights are usually too small. 9. Fuel consumption is outrageous. Just to name a few.\" \"Hmmm...,\" replies God, \"Hold on a minute.\" God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, \"It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."}, {"response": 109, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 1999 (18:56)", "body": "Subject: y2k WARNING!!! Please take time out of your busy lives to check your toilet paper stockpile. Make sure it's Y2K compliant!!! Word has it, if it isn't, come Jan 1, 2000, it will roll back to 1900, then turn into a Sears Catalog!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!"}, {"response": 110, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 26, 1999 (09:27)", "body": "Time to run to Target and buy more. I'll check for the y2k compliant label."}, {"response": 111, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (20:05)", "body": "A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: \"PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS\" The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: \"PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT\" The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: \"BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS\" This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: \"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN\" The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: \"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00\" This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: \"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE\" The Bishop was buried the next day."}, {"response": 112, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (20:45)", "body": "Confutatis maladictis!"}, {"response": 113, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (20:51)", "body": "Watchit there, Buddy...ladies may be reading this...*LOL*"}, {"response": 114, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (20:58)", "body": "Translated roughly from the Latin, it means \"consigned to flames of woe.\" I was, of course, referring to the dearly departed Bishop."}, {"response": 115, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "According to my Latin dictionary it is more like \"silencing abusive speech\""}, {"response": 116, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (14:10)", "body": "A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, \"I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?\" The woman replied, \"Well, the first hearse is for my husband.\" \"What happened to him?\" The woman replied, \"My dog attacked and killed him.\" She inquired further, \"Well, who is in the second hearse?\" The woman answered, \"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.\" A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. \"Could I borrow that dog?\" \"Get in line.\""}, {"response": 117, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (23:53)", "body": "Response 25 of 26: Wolf (wolf) * Fri, Oct 1, 1999 (19:26) * 2 lines well, just like some folks like math and others english, there are people people and animal people. i am of the latter, for sure. there are some things i condone that some of these radical protestors would be infuriated over. you know, stuff like eating meat! wearing fur coats if you can't get a synthetic coat (i.e., native peoples), hunting but only if you eat what you hunt, etc. everything in moderation, you know? people just want to belong to something and then lose their mind in the middle of a \"herd\" movement. for this reason, i am against greenpeace, who promote violence in their efforts to help animals, and abortion clinic protestors who kill the doctors. Topic 8 of 27 [SpringArk]: Captivity If you value Spring and the discussions herein (not to mention the venting going on), do you realize this is Terry's web site for which he pays all the bills? Please, it is time to help with any donation you can afford. He has some pretty big bills to pay and he needs your (and my) help to sustain all of the stuff we are posting. Think if he had to cut back and eliminate some of - or all of - the conferences?! Please! Send contributions to: Paul Terry Walhus The Spring 9011 Quail Creek Dr Austin, TX 78758"}, {"response": 118, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 1999 (00:35)", "body": "Addendum...if you would like to see the stats for Spring to check and see all that encompasses: Our stats, for anyone interested, are at http://www.spring.net/stats/stats.cgi Visto is supposed to pay quarterly, but we haven't seen our first check yet. We may be stepping up our shopping areas and going after more clickthrough revenue."}, {"response": 119, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 1999 (15:15)", "body": "BRIGHT WOMEN..... We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. Taxis stop for us. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We have the ability to dress ourselves. If we marry someone 20 yrs younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes."}, {"response": 120, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 1999 (15:17)", "body": "Stacey sent this to me... Why Yelling at a Man Doesn't Work What a woman says: \"This place is a mess! C'mon You and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, And you'll have no clothes to wear If we don't do laundry right now!\" What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW"}, {"response": 121, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (15:47)", "body": "Hi Amy..we are safe in here and will not clutter up the other boards with out lamentations and pain...!"}, {"response": 122, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (15:50)", "body": "I am emboldening it so we can see what we are writing. Please don't close the tags unless you like to start them each time we write."}, {"response": 123, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (16:03)", "body": "Okay, I'm here. I sent your email with the address so you can see him--I'm very anxiously waiting to see what you think! I don't care very much for that picture at all, but since I don't have a scanner, I can't send you one I do like. This is some background! Psychadelic!"}, {"response": 124, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (16:17)", "body": "That is something we chose together before he had to become scarse. I think when he gets back from his hiatus I will encourage him to change it back to something less wild. BTW, is this not the best title for a topic discussing our \"problems?!\" *lol* There are some pretty funny files in here - it is where I put the ones I deem worthy of a larger audience than my email list."}, {"response": 125, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (16:21)", "body": "So, did you see him? Some time in the near future, my picture is going to be there too. All teachers get their pix on there, so you can see mine whenever it goes up. I'll let you know when it does."}, {"response": 126, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (16:26)", "body": "OK! Excellent! (I gather you got my Email about the man in question.) My photograph is http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/porch/35.162 My geologist son is http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/public/read/porch/35.197"}, {"response": 127, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (17:33)", "body": "Sorry I sort of disappeared for a while--things got a little hectic around here! I read your email, and it was very sweet. I'll write you a proper response when I get a chance! I'm going right now to look at your picture!"}, {"response": 128, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (17:40)", "body": "Saw the pix--man, I wish I had a scanner! My sister walked by as your picture came up and said, \"Boy, she looks real happy!\" *giggle* Surprisingly enough, you look quite like I imagined you. Your son is very handsome--he bears a slight resemblance to Alan Rickman, I think. And geology is my lost career!"}, {"response": 129, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:15)", "body": "ok, i'm here too....btw, i liked all the antedotes, marcia!! really laughed at the oxymorons. have you heard \"awfully good\"? (oh, marcia, when you posted my quip from springark, were you hinting that i should send money?? *grin*)"}, {"response": 130, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:20)", "body": "Moi...Wolfie? No...not unless you can afford to - but I have concentrated on Drool all of the other times, and I thought perhaps other conferences could help Terry, too. Nothing personal meant, whatsoever!!! *hugs* Happy you enjoyed the humor (yup...awfully good!) Geology is my lost career, as well. Please visit my conference and post from time to time - It gets lonely in there!!! http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/browse/geo/all/"}, {"response": 131, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:24)", "body": "and please visit: http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/browse/springark/all/ http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/browse/paraspring/all/ had to put in a plug or two! and marcia, no offense taken, my dear! *hugs*"}, {"response": 132, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:29)", "body": "Everybody ready to launch into a conversation about hopeless romances?"}, {"response": 133, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:48)", "body": "Sheesh...does this mean we can call ourselves The Academia Nuts?!"}, {"response": 134, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:51)", "body": "Vent, my dear!!! The older but not a whole lot wiser are here with their velvet gloves at the ready to rub down all that anguish..."}, {"response": 135, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (18:53)", "body": "Yes, we shall be the Academia Nuts! Very clever! I don't know if I have anything else to say right now--somebody give me an idea!"}, {"response": 136, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (19:50)", "body": "First a little levity thanks to John: The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, \"Pastor, I will gladly contribute $1,000.\" Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, \"Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000.\" Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, \"Pastor, I will double my last pledge.\" He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, \"Pastor, I will give $20,000!\" This prompted a deacon to shout, \"Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!\""}, {"response": 137, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (19:53)", "body": "Perhaps we have cried ourselves out for the present...does not mean we will not have a fresh flood of anguish in the near future...we are just regrouping. I found it very comforting talking about it with someone who knew exactly and acutely what I was feeling...and I still love him...!"}, {"response": 138, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (21:20)", "body": "If you really want to read some funny posts that I considered to risque for here, read John's screwed site at 169. Very funny, indeed."}, {"response": 139, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:09)", "body": "Okay, since I think we have the weepy business out of the way for the moment, I believe this calls for a poem which I find highly appropriate. Sonnet xli by Edna St. Vincent Millay I, being born a woman and distressed By all the needs and notions of my kind, Am urged by your propinquity to find Your person fair, and feel a certain zest To bear your body's weight upon my breast: So subtly is the fume of life designed, To clarify the pulse and cloud the mind, And leave me once again undone, possessed. Think not for this, however, the poor treason Of my stout blood against my staggering brain, I shall remember you with love, or season My scorn with pity,--let me make it plain: I find this frenzy insufficient reason For conversation when we meet again. (If we were brave, we would each send this to our exes!)"}, {"response": 140, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:22)", "body": "Oh yes! But I have not that venom in my heart nor the courage to back it up. 'tis wonderful, though, and I would encourage YOU to send it to yours!!!"}, {"response": 141, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:28)", "body": "A bit of Dorothy Parker for a lesson tonight: The Lady's Reward Lady, lady, never start Conversation toward your heart; Keep your pretty words serene; Never murmur what you mean. Show yourself, by word and look, Swift and shallow as a brook. Be as cool and quick to go As a drop of April snow; Be as delicate and gay As a cherry flower in May. Lady, lady, never speak Of the tears that burn your cheek- She will never win him, whose Words had shown she feared to lose. Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did."}, {"response": 142, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:35)", "body": "Oh no--I could never, never send that to him! I'm not supposed to be angry with him at all, considering that I told him I'd forgiven him for what he did. I hate feeling that I'm at a state of war with him, but it seems that way sometimes because we are both so dad-blasted proud and stubborn that we'll never let the other have the \"one-up\" on us. That is a marvelous poem. It rather reminds me of something Mammy told Scarlett in \"Gone With the Wind,\" remember?"}, {"response": 143, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:36)", "body": "BTW, there's an email waiting for you!"}, {"response": 144, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:45)", "body": "...and now there is one waiting for you...*smile* ...going to post a poem at loss..."}, {"response": 145, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (00:20)", "body": "Another email for you, Marcia!"}, {"response": 146, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (00:32)", "body": "and one back to you *smile*"}, {"response": 147, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (00:34)", "body": "Here's another goodie from Edna St. Vincent Millay (whom I think deserves her own topic:) Sonnet xcv Women have loved before as I love now; At least, in lively chronicles of the past-- Of Irish waters by a Cornish prow Of Trojan waters by a Spartan mast Much to their cost invaded--here and there, Hunting the amorous line, skimming the rest, I find some woman bearing as I bear Love like a burning city in the breast. I think however that of all alive I only in such utter, ancient way Do suffer love; in me alone survive The unregenerate passions of a day When treacherous queens, with death upon the tread, Heedless and willful, took their knights to bed. (Oh, my Chevalier!)"}, {"response": 148, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (00:38)", "body": "We know that feeling, do we not?! Oh my! And for so long I thought I was the only one since time began who ached like that and yearned so acutely..."}, {"response": 149, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (00:42)", "body": "we must get a list together for Wolfie for her conference (poetry) so she can make Millay and D Parker Topics...! Or one called Sardonic verses perhaps?"}, {"response": 150, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (01:58)", "body": "What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now forever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind; In the primal sympathy Which having been must ever be; In the soothing thoughts that spring Out of human suffering; In the faith that looks through death, In years that bring the philosophic mind. from William Wordsworth \"Ode: Intimations of Immortality\", stanza 10. I love Millay's and Parker's sardonic wit, but being male (and yes, one who has had my heart crushed as well...), thought I might bring another perspective (albeit, at the risk of it--and me--being unwelcome)."}, {"response": 151, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (08:03)", "body": "No no, you're not unwelcome at all! Being a Romanticist, I think that poem is highly appropriate. As a matter of fact, when I started scrolling down the page, I was reciting along with it! Wordsworth talks about finding \"strength in what remains behind,\" but what if you have nothing? I find your perspective very interesting, John--I'm curious to see how men handle the same situation when faced with it."}, {"response": 152, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (10:26)", "body": "I just remember this variation of \"The Serenity Prayer\": Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to forever hide the bodies of the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. But seriously, Amy, call me hopelessly \"Romantic.\" I don't believe that one is ever left with nothing, as long as one has not sold his or her soul. And yours is the soul of a poet. I go through anger, denial, grief, and then somewhere down the road, acceptance. It took me a long time with my last one, who I was not with for long, but loved intensely (she was my Muse). I think the old cliche \"Women fall faster; men fall harder\" is true."}, {"response": 153, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (13:21)", "body": "John, I feel immensely guilty for having ever been nasty to you. You are a kind and gentle soul! Do you really think I have the soul of a poet? Wow! I don't think anyone has ever said that about me before. No, I don't think I sold my soul--Good God, I hope not! I only feel like I was left with nothing because I spent ten months of my life consumed with him--he was everything that meant anything to me--and now I have nothing to show for it except for a box of momentoes under my bed. A book he gave me. Some department newsletters with stories about him in them. A letter he wrote to me. My reading journal from his class. Nothing that amounts to much of anything for all of the time and effort I put into p easing him."}, {"response": 154, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (13:33)", "body": "I am searching for evidence that men fall harder than women. If I had fallen any harder I'd be splat on the windshield of life. I did fall sooner. If nothing else, you take away experience...this is what I kept telling my son as he sobbed out the anguish of a broken heart. It made him more compassionate toward the next young lady who came into his life. He agreed with me, but still wishes he could have avoided learning such a painful lesson. So do I...! As far as I know, I have been forgotten...but I hope not...I am pretty hard to forget."}, {"response": 155, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (16:28)", "body": "This is a really bizarre thing for him to say, but my ex (I can't think of anything else to call him,) said that I \"shouldn't have any regrets about it,\"(probably because he doesn't,) and that I should \"chalk it up as a learning experience.\" And if there were such a thing as dying of a broken heart, I would have already done it. Just as Rosalind said in As You Like It : \"But these are all lies: men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.\""}, {"response": 156, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (16:57)", "body": "It is easy to put one's anguish before all others. I wonder how it is quantified...not an easy thing to measure. Thanks for quoting Rosalind...it is one of my favorite lines. (Your ex sounds very cold-hearted...not even an \"I'm sorry\" ??? Has he done this to anyone else?)"}, {"response": 157, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (16:59)", "body": "I think we should form a lit circle with John at the center and we could revolve around him and satisfy his need for discourse with the feminine gender on an intellectual level...! What say you?"}, {"response": 158, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (18:05)", "body": "Oh, he did say he was sorry--sorry that he hurt my feelings and that things had to turn out the way they did. I think he just didn't know of any other way to break the relationship off. Although I am hesitant to \"revolve\" around any man, even one as enlightened as John, I think it would be a great idea. So says I. Oh, I got the email from TFB--I knew she'd get around to it eventually!"}, {"response": 159, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (18:12)", "body": "As soon as TFB's email came through it went out to you...too amazing especially when I had spent the last 24 hours with an SO of her SO...so to speak. Whew! I meant to revolve in the manner of taking turns rather than inflict just one of us on him...as in my case, I am sure he would feel it would be. Variety and all that."}, {"response": 160, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (18:53)", "body": "An SO of her SO? Hmm, I don't think I was ever his SO, not by a long shot. I think I could maybe warrant being called \"a dalliance,\" or \"a fancy,\" or \"a pretty plaything,\" or something to that effect, but not an SO."}, {"response": 161, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (19:15)", "body": "AhSo...screwed indeed, but in John's sense of the word...the worst possible way. You are far more worthy of better than plaything dalliance than just about anyone I can think of - shame on him for taking advantage of your vulnerability! (Didn't work, did it? Still carrying that flaming torch, as I am...!)"}, {"response": 162, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (19:31)", "body": "Ah yes, I know...but I can't throw ten good months out the window just because it ended badly! Up until that point, he was absolutely angelic to me and did anything I asked, and if he hadn't come along, I don't know where I would be right now. Probably not in graduate school and certainly not teaching--all of that was his idea!"}, {"response": 163, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (23:21)", "body": "Ok, you redeemed him in my eyes...he has done a great service to you. He should have completed it =) One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, \"God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost.\" God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, \"Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest.\" To which the scientist replied, \"Okay, great!\" But God added, \"Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.\" The scientist said, \"Sure, no problem\" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, \"No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!\""}, {"response": 164, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (23:26)", "body": "German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibre net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing... They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones."}, {"response": 165, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (03:28)", "body": "I don't need anyone to revolve around me (lord knows that's a year-long trip anyhow). But I am enjoying the poetry in the posts, and am glad that my Masters advisors are male. Who knows what will happen when and if I attempt a doctorate. Amy, despite the fact that teaching is indeed a noble profession, if you get into teaching full-time at the university level, watch your back! I teach high school and I don't really trust some of my administrators and colleagues, but I am politically active and a u ion activist, so they don't dare pull nasty stuff with me. My poetry professor as an undergrad, who is one of the finest young poets out there today, although not well known, was denied tenure by a committee containing a couple of jealous colleagues--just as his first novel got a Pushcart award. Marcia knows his work, although I don't think she's met him. Unfortunately, he's having to cobble a meager existence as a freelance writer. But use your heart wrenching experience to your creative best. You d have the soul of a poet. I am seldom wrong about these things. And when you are the powerful prof and there is some young grad student who worships the very lectern you lean on, please be kind."}, {"response": 166, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (07:16)", "body": "Somehow, I can't imagine my students worshipping me--right now, they don't even have enough respect to pay attention, stop talking when I tell them to, read aloud when asked, or turn in their papers on time (if at all.) They told me that I'm not a \"real teacher,\" whatever that means--but they'll be getting real Fs on their grade reports! Thank God I haven't the slightest interest in younger men!"}, {"response": 167, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (08:07)", "body": "Life can be a bitch for TAs. They're the student-teachers of the college food chain. But one day, it will be your turn...and I'm not asking you to be interested (other than in a professorly way)...just to be kind. There will be some student (either male or female, it doesn't matter in affairs of the heart) who feels about you the way you feel about this (obviously married) prof. I am pushing 50, quite overweight, but I can see that even considering that, there is the occasional high school girl who has more than a teacherly interest in me. Quite obviously, nothing can come from that, but I have no choice but to be flattered and to be as humanly considerate of the poor girl's feelings as I can. There is a slim, sultry, 17-year-old, Tahitian hula dancing young woman who makes it a point to visit me every recess and lunch (and I have mastered the art of grading papers while talking to her, so she doesn't interfere withmy work). Even though she has a boyfriend, she has thoughts of me beyond a teacher y way--and they will disappear the minute she graduates! (Forbidden fruit). That's all it could be. I'm not the least bit physically attractive. I am, however, a good teacher and somewhat of a local celebrity (Marcia has probably told you that)."}, {"response": 168, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (09:19)", "body": "I don't think I have the personality to do to someone what my professor did to me--I'm terribly shy, very withdrawn, and I don't generally let people get too close to me, which I've found is a bit off-putting for those who don't know me that well (like my students.) I don't have the charisma that he has, either. I just don't think, after what has happened, that I could even dream of doing that to a student."}, {"response": 169, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:07)", "body": "I'm glad you couldn't do what he did to you. I just hope that when the inevitable happens--and someday some student will be attracted to you (if one isn't already)--that you recognize it."}, {"response": 170, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:20)", "body": "If one isn't already--what a riot! You can't imagine how rotten these little buggers are. I don't know how most of them even got into college. And if one is attracted to me, I certainly haven't noticed it. One person has come to my office all semester, and that's because she wanted to try to talk me in to letter her rewrite her paper!"}, {"response": 171, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:21)", "body": "Oops, that should have been \"letting her\"--I'm trying to catalogue shop and write at the same time!"}, {"response": 172, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:24)", "body": "If one isn't already--what a riot! You can't imagine how rotten these little buggers are. I don't know how most of them even got into college. And if one is attracted to me, I certainly haven't noticed it. One person has come to my office all semester, and that's because she wanted to try to talk me in to letter her rewrite her paper!"}, {"response": 173, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:26)", "body": "Oh Splendid - a worthy unscrewed conversation going on in here. John makes a good point about being careful with the adoration of your students...sometimes it is difficult to tell the career brown-nosers at first from the smitten, but it comes with time and experience. John, dear, you are far too hard on yourself. You are seeing yourself through the eyes of a man who is attracted to the external and is all visual. Women are not like that...*grin* Alas, I have never met your worthy poet. I was in a l rge group of faculty schmoozing with the Chancellor (who happened to enjoy my company)...but I never actually personally met or talked to him. My loss. for certain!"}, {"response": 174, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:29)", "body": "I'm tired of this \"teacher/student romances\" topic. Can we go on to something else? This has stirred up the pond of my heart, bringing up silt that had been left on the bottom for some time, and I haven't slept in two nights thinking about it."}, {"response": 175, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:49)", "body": "Be my guest - something healthy - like what do you like to do when they let you escape from that ivory tower prison???"}, {"response": 176, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (12:54)", "body": "An Oldie, but still good: Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. Well, as you might have guessed, they didn't get any studying done. When they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. \"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.\" At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued... \"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was.\""}, {"response": 177, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (13:15)", "body": "I assume you're talking about school being my ivory tower prison? Well, it does so happen that I have many other interests besides just literature--I really enjoy studying historical costume (I considered going to art school to become a costume designer for the theatre,) I collect paper dolls and Irish porcelain dolls, I like to draw, I like foreign films, I like studying caves (I live in a karst valley, Marcia--I shall have to tell you about it some time,) I cross-stitch and embroider on occasion, I lov to shop, I listen to Irish and Renaissance music, I write lots of letters to my friends and family, I'm on a mission to find a) the best nachos in town and b) the best Irish Cream Latt\ufffd in town, I like creating desktop themes for my computer, I do calligraphy...how's that?"}, {"response": 178, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (13:32)", "body": "That is better than I dared hope. I have known so many narrow visioned intellectuals that I had given up hope that \"normal\" ones still existed! You are my kind of a lady. Much diverse interest. Want me to open a cave topic in Geo for you? I'd be delighted to do so. I need to attract people into there to see how fun it really is - not all cut and dried and everyone must think it is. Even my best bud, John, does not go there...! He never gave it a chance, I think...! Costume design sounds marvelous.. I think you would be splendid in the theater where all of your creative outlets could be put to use. There is surely a Theater department at SMSU?! Btw, where are you located?"}, {"response": 179, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (13:38)", "body": "I was looking for a cave topic in Geo, and I was very surprised not to find one. If you open one, I would be most happy to post there. I have considered theatre, and I really wanted to be in a play in high school, but I have always been too shy to try out. I certainly can't write plays (mine was a disaster--a real closet drama,) and theatre people just really aren't my types, so I've never done anything with it. Yes, there is a theatre department at SMSU--John Goodman, Kathleen Turner, and Tess Harper all got their degrees here! I live in Springfield, the third largest city in the state, located in the southwest corner of Missouri. Look me up in the atlas!"}, {"response": 180, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (13:44)", "body": "I'm on my way!!! Meet ya there!! Yippee!!!"}, {"response": 181, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (19:45)", "body": "Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm also an Irish dancer, although I stopped taking lessons in May because the teacher and I had a disagreement about tuitions!"}, {"response": 182, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (20:08)", "body": "Oooh! You have leg muscles that don't quit! My nephew's wife is a long-time Irish dancer, also. Lovely stuff, that! Stirring, too!"}, {"response": 183, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (20:19)", "body": "ok, i had to rush through the last few posts because i wanted to invite john to invite the poet and get him to post some pieces of his work for us. this way, we can all read his stuff and with our connections, maybe help him out a bit. at least get him some attention in the cyber world (e-zines, e-zines, e-zines!!)"}, {"response": 184, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (21:34)", "body": "Wolf, he says he's considering e-zines, but he has no problems getting published in good old hard copy, so I don't think he's ready to make the transition yet. I think he's also trying to stay as far away as possible from \"academics\" and \"intellectuals.\" Although I can invite, I think the reality of the Spring would probably not be good for him. Amy, so you're at Southwest Missouri State. My dad (deceased) got his B.A. in English at SE Missouri State in Cape Girardeau. He did his graduate work at M Gill University in Montreal."}, {"response": 185, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (22:05)", "body": "What was your father's field of interest? I have never heard you speak of him."}, {"response": 186, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 1999 (22:06)", "body": "check your email, john"}, {"response": 187, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (20:29)", "body": "The Five \"Bs\" of middle age Baldness, bifocals, bridgework, bunions and bay windows. ********* Getiing old is just a matter of feeling your corns more than your oats ******** You can tell when you hit middle age by the way it hits back. *********** Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age looks worried. ********* By the time we get to greener pastures we're not able to climb the fence. ******** Of all the things I've ever lost I think I miss my mind the most."}, {"response": 188, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (20:54)", "body": "The really idle man gets nowhere. The perpetually busy man does not get much further. - Sir Heneage Ogilvie (thanks for the invite, Marcia! My eyeballs are still in recovery. ;)"}, {"response": 189, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (23:31)", "body": "Sorry I ever suggested it(the background, that is..!) Welcome to the wilder side of Spring, Nan !B Beware of posting too profound of a lament. I used an event from my past and brought it into the present for purposes of lamenting with Amy...it was read and misinterpreted and caused grief all over the place. Lament as you wish - I shall be a shoulder to cry on, but not one to speak of her past as though it were the present. Sorry for the problems it caused. I am lots older this evening...and, I hope, a lot wiser."}, {"response": 190, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (00:01)", "body": "OH, OUCH!!! I'm sorry to hear that. Hope the bruises are better quickly."}, {"response": 191, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (00:57)", "body": "Thanks! *hugs* They will be with ladies like you for friends."}, {"response": 192, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (10:36)", "body": "I just want to say that NO ONE is going to ruin my good time in the Spring! I'm going to post what I want, when I want, and anyone who doesn't like it can KISS MY IRISH A**!!!! If anyone misunderstands me, tough noogies!"}, {"response": 193, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (11:31)", "body": "Bless you for your straightforwardness, Amy. Your comments are always welcome here =) (I think I might be a little picky about who gets to kiss any part of me...let alone where I can not watch what else they might be doing ;)"}, {"response": 194, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (11:55)", "body": "Ohh, Marcia, you're baaaad!"}, {"response": 195, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (12:06)", "body": "*grin* ...but apparently I am pretty good at it...! Loved your comment, Dear!!! Right on the mark!"}, {"response": 196, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (13:28)", "body": "Amy I certainly wouldn't want to deny your right to free speech, and although I may misunderstand you from time to time, be assured that it's not out of malice. May I pucker now????"}, {"response": 197, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (13:29)", "body": "used wrong HTML tag and am now closing it *embarrassed blush*"}, {"response": 198, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (13:34)", "body": "See, Amy! I told you to be specific! You don't know who is going to show up back there when you are not watching your backside...*lol*"}, {"response": 199, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (13:38)", "body": "My mama said there's always one snake in the garden!"}, {"response": 200, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (14:17)", "body": "Your Mama was right...(and a clever one, at that!)"}, {"response": 201, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (15:41)", "body": "Call 1-800-578-7453. It's the customer service line for Brown & Williamson, the tobacco company. It's unbelievable. Seriously, call it. You'll get a recorded message and it's toll free. You'll be glad you did. **** I passed on to John to call (being chicken) and he emailed me that I should call it - so I did. It is amazing...please try it!"}, {"response": 202, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (15:53)", "body": "Oh no, I said to the people who might misunderstand me \"tough noogies\" (my graduate teaching advisor says that.) The only people who can \"embrasse mon derri\ufffdre\" are those who would want to limit my free speech. Everyone got that straight now?"}, {"response": 203, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (16:16)", "body": "I certainly do (and I know all about tough noogies)!"}, {"response": 204, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (17:08)", "body": "And I'm terribly disappointed *oh well*"}, {"response": 205, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (17:30)", "body": "(i know...!) *hugs*"}, {"response": 206, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (18:28)", "body": "What exactly did you mean by \"and I'm terribly disappointed,\" John?"}, {"response": 207, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 1999 (19:47)", "body": "Until John gets time to answer your burning question...I have also read NZB's Forest House. I'd like to get all of her books, but I really think I am most satisfied re-reading Mists of Avalon...! I keeep trying to make the others into it and am disappointed each time."}, {"response": 208, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (10:04)", "body": "I know what you mean--I read \"The Lady of Avalon\" and it just wasn't the same. I think I tried to read \"The Forest House,\" but I never finished it."}, {"response": 209, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (13:46)", "body": "Whatever you do - don't waste your money on the anthology of other authors who write similar-type stories \"in honor\" of NXB. It is a waste of time to read and hou will resent the money you spent to achieve this book...it's really disappointing. I think I shall stick with re-reading MoA and be happy with that!"}, {"response": 210, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (16:06)", "body": "\"The Mists of Avalon\" is kind of like \"Hamlet\"--no matter how many times you read it, you can always find something new and it's always interesting!"}, {"response": 211, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:06)", "body": "Indeed - and the mark of a truly great book. If you have not yet read Mary Stweart's Crystal Cave, Hollow Hills, and The Last Enchantment....RUN and secure these little gems for your very own...my entire family (my ex and my son included) read my copies...and I re-read them regualrly. It is the Arthurian story from Merlin's viewpoint and superbly done!"}, {"response": 212, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:13)", "body": "Have you read Bernard Cornwell's The Winter King , Enemy of God , and Excalibur ? They are quite good--told from the point of view of Derfel Cadarn, one of Arthur's warriors who eventually becomes a saint. Cornwell brings back some of the characters that were taken out of the original Welsh versions of the story by the French."}, {"response": 213, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:15)", "body": "Oops, sorry! Have you read \"Guenevere, Queen of the Summer Country,\" by Rosalind Miles? It's a really different take on the King Arthur legend."}, {"response": 214, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:16)", "body": "Have you read Bernard Cornwell's The Winter King , Enemy of God , and Excalibur ? They are quite good--told from the point of view of Derfel Cadarn, one of Arthur's warriors who eventually becomes a saint. Cornwell brings back some of the characters that were taken out of the original Welsh versions of the story by the French."}, {"response": 215, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:19)", "body": "I learnt what Welsh I know translating The Mabinogion and The Welsh Triads which Rachael Bromwich kindly left in the original language. Have not read the books you mention, but I am surely going to look them up!"}, {"response": 216, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:21)", "body": "Holy cow, you translated those?!? How amazing!"}, {"response": 217, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:23)", "body": "I am probably one of the few people in Hawaii with a Welsh Dictionary and Welsh grammar books...Cymric, that is *smile* It was the very thing that set me off on my five year search for the Kelts...!"}, {"response": 218, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:28)", "body": "I have tried to teach myself Irish Gaelic, but it is almost impossible to do on your own. About all I can say is \"C\ufffdad M\ufffdle F\ufffdilte\" and \"Pog Mo Tho\ufffdn\"! The pronounciation is so much different than the spelling! Is Cymric the same way?"}, {"response": 219, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (17:44)", "body": "It is far worse than Cymric...all they did with that language was to replace the vowels with consonants and to string all the words of description together as though in English we wrote Thechurchofsaintmaryinthewoodsbesideawaterfall. Gaelic, the brother language to brythonic, is far more difficult...at least it appears to be to me..."}, {"response": 220, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 1999 (19:55)", "body": "Discussion of things Arthurian and The Matter of Britain: http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/books/23/new"}, {"response": 221, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (16:18)", "body": "EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE: One old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come. Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place on Her own, even if she never wants or needs to. Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella she's not ashamed to be see carrying. A youth she's content to move beyond. A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age. The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and money set aside to help fund it. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. One friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry. A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family. Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded. A feeling of control over her destiny. A skin care regime, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW: How to fall in love without losing herself. How she feels about having kids. How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. When to try harder and when to walk away. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what she would and wouldn't like to happen next. How to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend. How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it. That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents. That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over. What she would and wouldn't do for love or more. How to live alone, even if she doesn't like it. Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally. Where to go - be it her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods - when her soul needs soothing. What she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year. Why they say life begins at 30."}, {"response": 222, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (16:27)", "body": "John sent me the above 2 lists when I was not feeling very good about myself due to \"environment\" problems which were NOT my fault but was unable to rectify at the time. I did not score very well the first time I read it, but upon rereading it for posting, I have just about everything in line except for one here and there. I cannot imagine a woman who has been in long term relationships having an old lover she could imagine going back to - unless it is totally imaginary. He surely has gotten on with hi life, as surely as she has. But, it is nice to think back...! College is a particularly fertile place for my imagination!"}, {"response": 223, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (17:47)", "body": "Hey, everybody, I'm back after having gotten rid of my dastardly boring weeekend company! That list, Marcia, was being passed around the GA office a week or so ago, and we had some very funny conversations about not having wine glasses with stems or any, for that matter--we just drink it out of the bottle. (Actually, I have one very beautiful French crystal champagne flute, but that's it as far as stemware goes.) I used to have a black lace bra, too, but it must have been entirely for looks because it was so itchy that I could barely stand it. I think that list actually applies to women who are out of college, because being a student is a whole different ballgame."}, {"response": 224, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (17:52)", "body": "You're right about the lacy bra - have one which also itches like crazy. My tools are the only ones we can find around here. OO has a complete set and then some but can never find his so he borrows mine!. As to the stemware...you get stuff like that for wedding and house warming gifts. Besides you can buy clear plastic stemware in most large stationary warehouse outlets and Costco-type and party places. Being a student means making do with what you have. jelly glasses are most servicable *smile* I remember!!!"}, {"response": 225, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (17:54)", "body": "BTW, Dear, welcome to your quiet hom again. With you occupied and John getting studious again, I was in here talking to myself yesterday. Most despressing!"}, {"response": 226, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "Alas! Really, I would have preferred you to my company, who seemed more interested in reading my books than talking to me!"}, {"response": 227, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (18:00)", "body": "How very odd...and more than a little incorrect as to manners and all that. It is just as important to be a gracious guest as it is to be a gracious hostess!"}, {"response": 228, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (18:04)", "body": "She's very peculiar--I don't even know why she comes to visit, because she almost always ends up disappearing into my room and I find her in there with a book. It's rather odd when I try to engage her in a conversation and she's reading...I think I shall stick to my school friends!"}, {"response": 229, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (18:10)", "body": "...I tend to agree with you...that is not the sort of person I would go out of my way to entertain. You, on the other hand...*smile* !!!"}, {"response": 230, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (18:30)", "body": "My mother taught me how to be a good guest--take a gift; clean up after yourself; offer to help with dishes, cooking, etc; don't eat like a pig; be sure to tell your host several times how much you appreciate being invited; always have enough money to pay for dinner, entertainments, etc.--I guess some people just weren't raised right!"}, {"response": 231, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:04)", "body": "Ah...I am not surprised to know that you were raised correctly; your mother loved you enough to spend the time to make you gracious as well as lovely. I am almost afraid it is a lost art! You hit on all the social niceties - and I'll bet your \"guest\" hit on none of them."}, {"response": 232, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:17)", "body": "I know...I think common courtesy is a dying art, and some people think it's \"affected\" and \"snobbish\"!"}, {"response": 233, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:28)", "body": "...I have has this conversation with other women who think as we do - and common sense went the way of common courtesy. Very uncommon these days! (You did not go the cotillion route, too, did you?!)"}, {"response": 234, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:30)", "body": "No, I wasn't raised in that kind of family...I think we're what Victorians would have called \"shabby-genteel\"--working class, not by any means wealthy, but with strong morals and very strict ideas about what is proper. You don't have to be rich to have manners."}, {"response": 235, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:38)", "body": "This is true...you did not miss anything, and most likely gained more self-esteem than knowing a large group of phonies ever could. Your kind of family (not so different from mine, I think) is what made America as good as it once was and no longer is. But that screwed topic is too messed-up for even this topic!"}, {"response": 236, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:44)", "body": "I used to be very worried about what people would think of me because I didn't grow up with much of anything as far as material goods are concerned. I once had a conversation with my Belov\ufffdd about people thinking I was white trash, and he said, \"I don't think you'll ever have to worry about that, Amy.\""}, {"response": 237, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:48)", "body": "He is right. Anyone who write and gracefully as you write and is temperate in all things not involving John (hee hee)is a lady in every meaningful sense of the word. I might not like you as much if you were not!"}, {"response": 238, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (19:51)", "body": "I knew he was! (Right, that is.)*smile* I just wrote a personal narrative essay for my teaching methods class about \"proper ladylike behavior\" and how I sabotage myself sometimes--I would email you a copy but it is so long! It's very funny (so I was told,) and my classmates have not stopped teasing me yet!"}, {"response": 239, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (20:11)", "body": "send it to me as a file...! My ISP can handle it! We all manage to sabotage ourselves from time to time and grasp our heads in our hands and wonder what ever were we thinking...!!!"}, {"response": 240, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (21:46)", "body": "Okay, I'll work on it--I'm not entirely certain how to do it, but I'll figure out how."}, {"response": 241, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (21:58)", "body": "Okey-dokey, I've sent it and I believe that the essay should be attached. It's coming from my school email account, so it won't say \"Irishprincess\"--it will probably say \"amk995s.\" Let me know as soon as you get it!"}, {"response": 242, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 1999 (22:29)", "body": "...Ihave read it and enjoyed it hugely and emailed you at your regular email about it...Thanks!"}, {"response": 243, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 1999 (22:36)", "body": "The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer was so \"profound\" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrotethe following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no soulsare leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, \"that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,\" and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze. The student received the only \"A\" given."}, {"response": 244, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (07:16)", "body": "Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! Where do you find all of these things, Marcia?"}, {"response": 245, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (21:02)", "body": "Thanks for inviting me over here, Marcia. Lovely furniture, though the carpet makes me dizzy. ;) I'll be a good guestie -- my mom taught me those same courtesies, Amy, and they've stood me well against the \"fish and visitors stink after 3 days\" maxim."}, {"response": 246, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (21:15)", "body": "Not if you are invited to stay by the hostess, and I invite you to stay here where no troll have yet ventured... At least you do not get angry email from people as regards what they think you meant a dozen or so posts back...!"}, {"response": 247, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:13)", "body": "YAY! Maybe this is what happens to the trolls before they get here?"}, {"response": 248, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:34)", "body": "Oooch! That looks painful... Thanks for posting it here. How timely!"}, {"response": 249, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:38)", "body": "I aim to please! :)"}, {"response": 250, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:39)", "body": "*dig* *oof* dig* (shovelling and throwing and planting and packing) *oof* *pat* There! The troll-eating trees are all planted just waiting for one of the nefarious beings to intrude on our special place. he he he"}, {"response": 251, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:40)", "body": "LOL you sure 'nuf did! I am pleased as pussywillows in spring!"}, {"response": 252, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (12:24)", "body": "Take that, ya mean old witch!"}, {"response": 253, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (21:37)", "body": "She did take it smack in the Uff da, didn't she!"}, {"response": 254, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (21:39)", "body": "I was imagining that it was a particular \"mean old witch\" that I know!d :-)"}, {"response": 255, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (22:15)", "body": "Yup - it's her!!! *chortle*"}, {"response": 256, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (22:17)", "body": "Hope it took the spring out of her step...*wink*"}, {"response": 257, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (22:47)", "body": "*clicking my tongue at you disapprovingly* Naughty Marcia!"}, {"response": 258, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 1999 (11:39)", "body": "Hey, she is a wicked stepmother - what can I tell you?! Tis not my fault that I am just a kid and she isn't...=P"}, {"response": 259, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (13:24)", "body": "A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy costume company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. \"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate\". The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says, \"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part\". Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads, \"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your backside and go as a caramel apple!\""}, {"response": 260, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (21:03)", "body": "A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife that reads: \"Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.\" When he arrived at the hotel there was a fax waiting for him that read as follows: \"Dear Husband, I, too, am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton with my handsome and virile 18 year old boytoy. You being an accountant will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.\""}, {"response": 261, "author": "dorothy", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (21:26)", "body": "oh drool...."}, {"response": 262, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (21:31)", "body": "We should all have one issued to us, should we not?! Of our choice, of course! Welcome to Screwed, Dorothy! Aloha!"}, {"response": 263, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (21:40)", "body": "I have no desire for a boytoy! I want a smart one! Once, a literature professor of mine (you know the one) asked everyone in the class if we were prefer a spouse who was ugly and faithful, or beautiful and unfaithful? Everyone of course said ugly and faithful, except, of course, me. I said, \"All I want is a smart man. If he's smart, I don't care what he does.\" My professor didn't dignify it with a response, but he was dying to."}, {"response": 264, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (22:42)", "body": "This was posted \"anonymously\" in the English Department office of my university: Question 3A: In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person? Answer: I am a dynamic figure, often scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winner operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty mi utes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract ar ist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with dea ly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I knnow the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weav , I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a moulinex and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. B t I have not yet gone to college."}, {"response": 265, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (13:14)", "body": "Love that one, Amy. ;)"}, {"response": 266, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (14:22)", "body": "Great posts, all! Thanks for adding a touch of class to this decidedly low-brow site (that is its purpose, actually!)"}, {"response": 267, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (15:02)", "body": "A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association, although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, What gender is a computer?\" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so she divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it."}, {"response": 268, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (15:10)", "body": "And? What opinion made it?"}, {"response": 269, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (15:58)", "body": "It think it is a split personality thing with computers. At times mine is all male, at others, it is the most capricious of females. Yours?"}, {"response": 270, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (20:34)", "body": "Mine too. At times, it can be everything I hate about both sexes. I suppose I am a computer misanthrope...would that be a miscomprope? *silly laugh*"}, {"response": 271, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (18:46)", "body": "*giggle* I guess it might just be! I have made love to mine and spat venom at it as well. Depends on the circumstances..."}, {"response": 272, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (19:15)", "body": "Whenever life get's a little to heavy it always helps to review the words of a great Swami. by Swami Beyondananda 1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity. 2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for entering - so you are already a winner! 3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel. 4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. 5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.* 6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere. 7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it. 8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again. 9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left unlocked. 10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don't have to go through channels."}, {"response": 273, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 1999 (17:27)", "body": "From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children: 1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42- pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape. 5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room. 6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings. 7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit. 8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. 9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways. 10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words \"uh- oh\", it is already too late. 12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke----------lots of it. 13. A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60-year old man says it can only be done in the movies. 14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. 15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes. 16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft house almost 4 inches deep. 17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old. 18. Duplos will not. 19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence. 20. Super Glue is forever. 21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. 22. So can Tarzan. 23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water. 24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do. 26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 28. You probably don't want to know what that odor is. 29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. 30. Plastic toys do not like ovens. 31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response. 32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 33. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life. (....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)"}, {"response": 274, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 1999 (17:31)", "body": "Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! I'm cracking up as I'm typing this! Whoever wrote it must live with my brother!"}, {"response": 275, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "...or most assuredly had children of his own!!! It is amazing the little scapers survive!!! Or their parents, for that matter =)"}, {"response": 276, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 1999 (23:09)", "body": "*ROTFL*"}, {"response": 277, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 1999 (01:04)", "body": "I thought it was hilarious...house gorilla did not think it was funny. Oh well."}, {"response": 278, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 1999 (19:16)", "body": "This is the transcript of an Actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations. 10-10-95... a.. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision. b.. Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. c.. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. d.. Canadians: No. I repeat, divert YOUR course. e.. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT IS ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. f.. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call."}, {"response": 279, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (00:17)", "body": "Ha!! that's a golden oldie and I love it every time I read it!"}, {"response": 280, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (00:38)", "body": "Me too - I put it on just in case anyone had missed it. Talk about arrogance and the last word...even if it is apocryphal."}, {"response": 281, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (14:06)", "body": "HAPPY HALLOWE'EN - SAMHAIN The latest Dumb Blonde story: Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. \"That's a nice flock of sheep.\", she said. \"Well thank you.\", said the herder. \"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.\", said the woman. \"Okay.\", replied the herder. \"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?\", asked the woman. \"Sure.\", said the sheepherder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, \"382\". \"Wow.\", said the herder. \"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.\" So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, \"Okay,now I have a proposition for you\". \"What is it?\", queried the woman. \"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?\""}, {"response": 282, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (11:02)", "body": "Remember when: You were born a daughter. You looked up to your mother. You looked up to your father. You looked up to everyone. You wanted to be a princess. You wanted to own a horse. You wanted your brother to be a horse. You wanted to wear pink. You never wanted to wear pink. You wanted to be a veterinarian. You wanted to be president. You wanted to be the president's veterinarian. You were picked last for the team. You were the best one on the team. You refused to be on the team. You wanted to do well in algebra. You hid during algebra. You wanted boys to notice you. You were afraid the boys would notice you. You started to get acne. You started to get breasts. You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts. You wouldn't wear a bra. You couldn't wait to wear a bra. You couldn't fit into a bra. You didn't like the way you looked. You didn't like the way your parents looked. You didn't want to grow up. You had your first best friend. You had your first date. You spent hours on the telephone. You got kissed. You got to kiss back. You didn't go to the prom. You went to the prom with the wrong person. You spent hours on the telephone. You fell in love. You fell in love. You fell in love. You lost your best friend. You lost your other best friend. You really fell in love. You became a steady girlfriend. You became a significant other You became significant to yourself. Sooner or later, you start to take yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about, and what to get rid of. You know when it's time to take care of yourself, when it's time to do something that makes you stronger, faster & more confident. Because you know it's never too late to live life and never too late to change one. \"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble.\" Send this to 5 phenomenal women today in celebration of Women's History Month. \"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.\""}, {"response": 283, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 1999 (17:31)", "body": "Actual answers given by contestants in the game show Family Feud: Name something a blind person might use - A sword (Zatoichi, maybe?) Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers - A horse Name something that floats in the bath - Water Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair Something you do before going to bed - Sleep Something you put on walls - Roofs Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters Something associated with the police - Pigs A sign of the zodiac - April Something slippery - A conman Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog A food that can be brown or white - Potato Something with a hole in it - Window A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate"}, {"response": 284, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 1999 (17:35)", "body": "It Happened One Day In Eden... \"Lord, I have a problem!\" \"What's the problem, Eve?\" \"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.\" \"Why is that, Eve?\" came the reply from above. \"Lord, I am lonely and I'm sick to death of apples.\" \"Well, Eve; in that case, I have a solution.\" \"I shall create a man for you.\" \"What's a 'man,' Lord?\" \"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly.\" \"He'll basically give you a hard time.\" \"He'll be bigger, faster, and more muscular than you.\" \"He'll be really good at fighting, kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants.\" \"But, he'll be pretty good in the sack.\" \"I can put up with that,\" says Eve with an ironically raised eyebrow. \"Yeah well, he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.\" \"But, there is one condition.\" \"What's that Lord?\" \"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.\""}, {"response": 285, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 1999 (22:20)", "body": "The Top 14 Biblical Ways to Get a Wife 1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3) 3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) 4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) 5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) 6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. [Note: this will cost you.- Adam] (Gen 2:19-24) 7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30) 8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife - David (I Samuel 18:27) 9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) 10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4) 11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, \"I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me.\" If your parents question your decision, simply say, \"Get her for me. She's the one for me.\" - Samson (Judges 14:1-) 12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11) 13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth) 14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)"}, {"response": 286, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (08:51)", "body": "The only easy one is 9, wandering around. I'll skip the foreskins, that's for overacheivers."}, {"response": 287, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (13:25)", "body": "And they say finding a spouse is difficult these days!"}, {"response": 288, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (13:35)", "body": "Wandering around seems to be the only practical one up there. Think I'd skip the rest as well. The remainder seems little like a Crap-shoot...I like better odds than that. Thanks for posting it, Nan!"}, {"response": 289, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (11:43)", "body": "The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto maker for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, \"Oh, Shit!\" Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: \"Hold my beer and watch this!\""}, {"response": 290, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (15:29)", "body": "Figgers, in Texas, until recently, it was legal to drive while drinking a beer."}, {"response": 291, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (15:38)", "body": "You were allowed an open container in the vehicle? Not in Hawaii. You'll be arrensted and charged so quickly your head'll spin! (Glad they tightened up on that since some very special people navigate Texas roads...*smile*)"}, {"response": 292, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (01:25)", "body": "The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused an autopsy. 9. The patient has no past history of suicides. 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities."}, {"response": 293, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (11:24)", "body": "Oooh, Nan! These are really funny!!! Thanks for posting them. Semantics...I wonder if the same things happen in other languages!"}, {"response": 294, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (13:13)", "body": "*LOL* That's great! Thanks for posting it, Nan!"}, {"response": 295, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 1999 (12:33)", "body": "It sounds like a good idea! YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN..... 1. You and your teeth don't sleep together. 2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. 3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. 4. Your back goes out but you stay home. 5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture. 6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. (Love this one!) 7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 8. When happy hour is a nap. 9. When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does. 10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it. 11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. 12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. 13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. 14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer. 16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend. 19. Getting \"lucky\" means you found your car in the parking lot. 20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals. 21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good. 22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work. 23. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there. 24. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. 25. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore. 26. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. 27. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it."}, {"response": 296, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 1999 (17:24)", "body": "Dear Santa: I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply. I want to slap Martha Stewart. Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living. We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it. OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last week's USA Weekend. I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego. We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, \"I don't have a microwave.\" The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow, noted that she said this \"in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either.\" Well, lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa! That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha. What next? The coffee maker? In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell \"overkill\"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that qualifies as \"put away\" in my house! Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. \"Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone,\" she boasts. Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with such frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue. She goes on to tell us that \"homemaking is glamour for the 90s,\" and says her most glamorous friends are \"interested in stain removal, how to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel.\" I have one piece of advice, Martha: \"Get new friends.\" Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet bowl sanitation. Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Theresa, Madeline Allbright and Maya Angelou, no doubt). The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, \"People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone.\" I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge. A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to rollerblade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast. This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to rollerblade. What a show off. If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price friendship, right? When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, \"Don't envy me. I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers. You should listen to them.\" Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back. \"Being an overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower your standards,\" says Martha. And of her Web Page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an \"important presence\" as she graciously helps people organize their sad, tacky little lives. There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year. You probably want to smack her yourself."}, {"response": 297, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 1999 (18:03)", "body": "Two men were boasting to each other about their old Army days. \"Why, my outfit was so well drilled,\" declared one, \"that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.\" \"Very good,\" conceded the other, \"but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle.\" \"What was the jingle?\" asked the first. \"Oh,\" replied the other off hand, \"just our medals.\" --------------------------------------------------------- \"Squawks\" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews: (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order (P) Autopilot in Altitude Hold Mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground (P) IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick (S) That's what they're there for (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search (P) Aircraft handles funny (aughing. Saddam doesn't get it - what the hell is going on here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Clinton presses the final button. This time, Saddam stays sitting, but Clinton isn't: He's is rolling on the floor, doubled up in laughter. Saddam is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: \"I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad!\" (Through tears of laughter from the floor) - \"Baghdad? .....what Baghdad?\" --------------------------------------------------------- A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: \"Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?\" The voice on the other end asked. \"Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep.\" \"Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?\" \"No sir.\" \"This is Major Johnson, your commander!\" \"Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?\" \"Not yet!\" \"That's good! Bye, Fat-Ass!\" --------------------------------------------------------- The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. \"Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?\" \"Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?\" \"Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our pricks with leaves . . . \" --------------------------------------------------------- Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. \"How do you account for this?\" he asked the brothers. \"It's hereditary, sir,\" the older one replied. \"I see,\" said the doctor, writing in his file. \"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?\" \"No sir, our mother.\" \"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!\" \"I know, sir,\" replied the recruit, \"But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.\" --------------------------------------------------------- A couple of A-10's are escorting a C-130 Hercules and their pilots were chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell on the subject of relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding their planes were better because of their maneuverability, weaponry and the like. The C-130 pilot replied \"Yeah? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about.\" Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. \"Just watch,\" he tells them. The C-130 continues to fly straight and level, and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says, \"There! How was that?\" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, \"What are you talking about? What did you do?\" He replies, \"Well, I got up, stretched m"}, {"response": 298, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 13, 1999 (14:34)", "body": "Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: \"Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine.\" Second Bull: \"That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS.\" Third Bull: \"I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to \"take care of\". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.\" They no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen- wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. First Bull: \"You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.\" Second Bull: \"I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument.\" They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. First Bull: \"Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.\" Third Bull: \"Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!\" *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*"}, {"response": 299, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 1999 (13:35)", "body": "ollowing were actual answers to a 6th grade history test: 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, \"Am I my brother's son?\" 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: \"Tee hee, Brutus.\" 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. 13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense. 14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. 15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. 16. Queen Elizabeth was the \"Virgin Queen.\" As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted \"hurrah.\" 17. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. 18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 20. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. 21. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. 22. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. 23. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, \"A horse divided against itself cannot stand.\" Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 24. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. 25. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 26. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees. 27. Joha"}, {"response": 300, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 1999 (13:40)", "body": "dont need the bold letters anymore, thank you!"}, {"response": 301, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (13:06)", "body": "USEFUL PHRASES: 1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 4. No, my powers can only be used for good. 5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. 6. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication. 7. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 8. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? 9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again... 11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 12. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 13. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 14. How about never? Is never good for you? 15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 16. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 17. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... 18. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 19. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 20. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 21. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."}, {"response": 302, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (11:18)", "body": "The Top Things Overheard at Medieval Medical School \"Don't bite it! You need to swallow it alive for it to work!\" \"They should translate these obscure medical terms into something easy, like Latin.\" \"It may seem like pointless superstition to you youngsters, but I haven't washed these hands since my first delivery 37 years ago.\" \"What do you mean we're out of wild boar snout?!?\" \"Headache? Take two spotted salamanders and call me in the morning.\" \"Arthur, Schmarthur. What kind of insurance dost thou have?\" \"Goodwoman Thurmond, to you a son is born. 'Strom' shall he be called.\" \"Now, remove the speculum from the fire and insert it thusly...\" \"No, no, push that yellow stuff back in. That's pus from the *good* fairy!\" \"Good knight, thy speed at treating boils is unsurpassed in all the kingdom! Thou shalt be called 'Sir Lance-a-lot'.\" \"Come now Hypoglycies, how can too much sugar possibly be bad for you?\" \"Gesundheit! Now be sure to wipe that off his liver.\""}, {"response": 303, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (13:08)", "body": "Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mom And it surely makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!"}, {"response": 304, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (18:12)", "body": "A dog owner in Dallas had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash. The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was creating a . . . bottomless pit! I have a dog that talks in its sleep but one day a visitor was astonished to hear the dog bellow \"My name is Christopher Columbus! I am seven hundred years old! I own America! I married Marilyn Monroe!\" When the visitor asked what was going on, I replied,... \"Don't worry about it. . . . just let sleeping dogs lie.\" In the early 1700s, the captain of a Spanish pirate ship was very proud of his mongrel pet for its ability to bark once for \"Si,\" and twice for \"No.\" After being captured by a British commander, the dog was taught the same trick in English. He thereby became . . . the world's first \"Si\" and \"Aye\" dog! One time my father accompanied me when I took my dog out for his evening constitutional. My dog is rather finicky about where he \"does it.\" I wondered aloud about the criterion he uses to select a spot. My father replied, ... \"it's a process of elimination!\""}, {"response": 305, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (20:55)", "body": "Hey, when did you change the wallpaper? Have I been away that long?"}, {"response": 306, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (23:09)", "body": "It was done a few days ago. This was the first choice but I had to pick the really weird one through which no one could read and it was put up instead. This is much better. Originally, it had a beautiful blue sky with puffy white clouds..."}, {"response": 307, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 21, 1999 (13:32)", "body": "THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH He went into his father's business He lived at home until he was 33 He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and His Mother was sure he was God THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH He never got married He was always telling stories He loved green pastures THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN His first name was Jesus He was bilingual He was always being harassed by the authorities THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN He talked with his hands He had wine with every meal He worked in the building trades THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK He liked Gospel He called everybody \"brother\" He couldn't get a fair trial THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN He never cut his hair He walked around barefoot He started a new religion THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. Even when He was dead He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do."}, {"response": 308, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 22, 1999 (16:58)", "body": "We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less. We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16. Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property, or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that we have left home, we are all God-fearing, educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that's what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms anymore."}, {"response": 309, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 22, 1999 (17:01)", "body": "I am sending this to my son (the meanest mom story)...he will say it applies to me very well. Excellent. Motherhood is not a popularity contest...and you have to love them enough to take the extra effort to teach them the right way. It is so much easier and less painful than correcting errors once they are made."}, {"response": 310, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (13:50)", "body": "HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring food."}, {"response": 311, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (15:07)", "body": "GUY DEFINITIONS \"I'M GOING FISHING\" Translated:* I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.\" \"IT'S A GUY THING\" Translated:* \"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical\". \"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?\" Translated:* \"Why isn't it already on the table?\" \"UH HUH\", \"SURE, HONEY\", OR \"YES, DEAR\" Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. \"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN\" Translated:* \"I have no idea how it works.\" \"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU* IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.\" Translated:* \"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra.\" \"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD\". Translated:* \"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.\" \"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.\" Translated:* \"Are you still talking?\" \"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.\" Translated:* \"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.\" \"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES\". Translated:* \"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.\" \"OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.\" Translated:* \"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.\" \"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING\". Translated:* \"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.\" \"I CAN'T FIND IT.\" Translated:* \"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.\" \"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?\" Translated:* \"What did you catch me at?\" \"I HEARD YOU.\" Translated:* \"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.\" \"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.\" Translated:* \"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.\" \"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.\" Translated:* \"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.\" \"I'M NOT LOST.* I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.\" Translated:* \"No one will ever see us alive again.\""}, {"response": 312, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (18:02)", "body": "One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, he used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, \"Okay, time for a quiz.\" Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, \"Is this jar full?\" Everyone in the class said, \"Yes.\" Then he said, \"Really?\" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, \"Is the jar full?\" By this time the class was on to him. \"Probably not,\" one of them answered. \"Good!\" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, \"Is this jar full?\" \"No!\" the class shouted. Once again he said, \"Good.\" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, \"What is the point of this illustration?\" One eager beaver raised his hand and said, \"The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it.\" \"No,\" the speaker replied, \"that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all.\" What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Your significant other. Your children... Your health... Your loved ones... Your job... A worthy cause... Teaching or mentoring others.... Doing things that you love... Time for yourself... Your dreams... Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. This example equally illustrates how if you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you'll fill your life with little things that don't really matter, and you'll never have the time you need to spend on the important stuff (the big rocks). So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself: \"What are the 'big rocks' in my life?\" Then, put them ALL in your jar first."}, {"response": 313, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (22:51)", "body": "NEW HOLIDAY First MCI and Sprint, now ~ Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to \"A great miracle happened there,\" the message on the dreydl will be the more generic \"Miraculous stuff happens.\" In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticky points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this. A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of \"Oy, Come All Ye Faithful.\""}, {"response": 314, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec  3, 1999 (11:25)", "body": "A Programmer's Christmas 'Twas the night before implementation and all through the house, Not a program was working not even a browse. The programmers hung by their tubes in despair, with hopes that a miracle would soon be there. The users were nestled all sung in their beds, while visions of inquiries danced in their heads. When out in the machine room there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a super programmer (with a six-pack of beer). His resume glowed with experience so rare, he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair. More rapid than eagles, his programs they came, and he cursed and muttered and called them by name: On update! on add! on inquiry! on delete! on batch jobs! on closing! on functions complete! His eyes were glazed-over, fingers nimble and lean, from weekends and nights in front of a screen. A wink of his eye, and a twitch of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk; And laying his finger upon the \"ENTER\" key, the systems came up and worked perfectly. The updates updated; the deletes, they deleted; the inquiries inquired, and closings completed. He tested each whistle, and tested each bell, with nary an abend, and all had gone well. The system was finished, the tests were concluded. The users' last changes were even included. And the user exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, \"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!\""}, {"response": 315, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (15:06)", "body": "A selection of carols for your dysfunctional friends: SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do You Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented Are DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and . . . PARANOID: Santa Claus Is Coming to Get Me. PERSONALITY DISORDERS: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why. DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away). BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire. OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle"}, {"response": 316, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (15:13)", "body": "LOL! too funny Marcia! :-)"}, {"response": 317, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (15:24)", "body": "If this is anything like Happy99 you will hate yourself for opening it. I hand-picked the files out of my system files just to get rid of it - TWICE!!! Warning: On December 31, 1999, you may receive an email called, \"Happy New Year\"... Do not open it, it contains a deadly virus...it will erase windows from your computer along with many other program files. Please pass this message along to your friends as soon as you can... This is not a hoax.... This was reported on CNN on Tuesday the 2nd November 1999!"}, {"response": 318, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (15:26)", "body": "What if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men? They would have asked directions Arrived on time Helped deliver the baby Cleaned the stable Made a casserole, and Brought practical gifts! Thanks, Esbee!"}, {"response": 319, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (15:33)", "body": "Seasons Greetings (after the lawyers are done) Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only \"AMERICA\" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee. (By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.) -=+=-"}, {"response": 320, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (15:46)", "body": "EMERGENCY CAMPING TIPS Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills. While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle. Modern rain suits made of fabrics that \"breathe\" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience. You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass. You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese. The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians. When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on. Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home. Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears. When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate. -=+=-"}, {"response": 321, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (18:00)", "body": "22 Signs That You Have Had Too Much of the '90s 1. You tried to enter your password on the microwave. 2. You now think of three espressos as \"getting wasted.\" 3. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. 4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 5. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back \"What's for dinner?\" 6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site. 7. You chat twice daily with a stranger from Perth, but haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. 8. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page. 9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play. 10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains echinacea. 11. You check your blow dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant. 12. Your grandma e-mails you asking for a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver. 13. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. 14. Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen. 15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid. 16. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you. 17. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. 18. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 19. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. 20. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet. 21. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. 22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person."}, {"response": 322, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 11, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "MORE BUMPER SNICKERS - thank you, John! Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it, Done it, Can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dumb, he's electroencephalographically challenged. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June flower. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be Misquoted, and used against you. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Atheism is a nonprophet organization. On the other hand, you have different fingers. All generalizations are false. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart... He who laughs last thinks slowest. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. I get enough exercise pushing my luck Sometimes I wake up grumpy+ADs- other times I just let him sleep Sorry, I don't date outside my species Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. I took an IQ test and it came back negative. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check. I don't suffer from insanity -- I enjoy every moment of it. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."}, {"response": 323, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Dec 12, 1999 (17:39)", "body": "The Three Trees Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, \"Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty. \"Then the second tree said, \"Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull.\" Finally the third tree said, \"I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me.\" After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, \"This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter\" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest. At the second tree a woodsman said, \"This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard.\" The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship. When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, \"I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one,\" and he cut it down. When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said, \"Peace\" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat. Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it. The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best."}, {"response": 324, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 15, 1999 (14:15)", "body": "HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO TO MARRY? \"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.\" Alan, age 10 \"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.\" Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? \"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.\" Camille, age 10 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? \"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.\" Eddie, age 6 \"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.\" Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? \"Both don't want no more kids.\" Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? \"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.\" Lynnette, age 8 \"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.\" Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? \"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.\" Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE? \"When they're rich.\" Pam, age 7 \"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.\" Curt, age 7 \"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.\" Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? \"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.\" Anita, age 9 \"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.\" Kirsten, age 10 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? \"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?\" Kelvin, age 8 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? \"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it.\" Lori, age 8"}, {"response": 325, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (15:26)", "body": "* Martha Stewart's Holiday Calendar * December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine tails. Flog gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7 Debug Windows '98. December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11 Lay Faberge egg. December 12 Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. December 13 Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house. December 15 Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade \"holiday scents\" in case tires are shot out at mall. December 17 Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire. December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat. December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive touch to the pasture. December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices, and cinnamon sticks. December 22 Float votive candles in toilet. December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas. December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phyllum. December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God. December 31 New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country."}, {"response": 326, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (09:00)", "body": "Billionaire Martha can just about do what she wants since her IPO."}, {"response": 327, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (14:28)", "body": "This is true, but it does not make me like her one iota more than I do right now, and that is about zilch. No jealousy - I just cannot stand to be around pushy women..."}, {"response": 328, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (15:24)", "body": "A snail can sleep for three years. All polar bears are left handed. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats urine glows under a black light. China has more English speakers than the United States. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. Humans and monkeys are the only species that have sex for pleasure. I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (knowledge IS power) If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (but not in this case) In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. (or was that twelve) Michael Jordan gets more money from Nike annually than ALL of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. No word in the English language rhymes with month. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 1930's lobbied against hemp farmers-they saw it as competition. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'. Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (wow!!...\"here kittykitty..!!! :) Starfish haven't got brains. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (WHY does this not surprise me??) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. (I thought it was Ching) The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with. The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'. The Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as necessary. When it was built in the 1940's, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. (I thought it was because the military is full of sh*t!) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. (To the mental defective who had the time on his or her hands to compile this stupid list, there is a word for that. It's called a \"pallindrome.\")"}, {"response": 329, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (15:51)", "body": "Automobile Acronyms AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented BMW Beautiful Mechanical Wonder Big Money Works Bought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICK Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGE Darn Old Dirty Gas EaterDrips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FIAT Failure in Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the TimeFix It Again, Tony! FORD First On Recall DayFirst On Rust and DeteriorationFix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Fault Of Research & Development Fast Only Rolling Downhill Features O.J. & Ron`s DNAbackwards; Driver Returns On Foot GM General MaintenanceGMCGarage Man`s CompanionGot A Mechanic Coming? HONDA Had One, Never Did Again Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing`s Driveable And Inexpensive MAZDA Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILE Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday. Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment SAAB Send Another Automobile BackSwedish Automobiles Always Breakdown. TOYOTA Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object VW Virtually Worthless *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*"}, {"response": 330, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (16:05)", "body": "30 Signs You Are No Longer A Kid...... 1.) You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 2.) Your back goes out more than you do. 3.) You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 4.) You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 5.) You are proud of your lawn mower. 6.) Your best friend is dating someone half their age ..... and isn't breaking any laws. 7.) Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 8.) You sing along with the elevator music. 9.) You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 10.) You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. 11.) You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 12.) You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. 13.) You make an appointment to see the dentist. 14.) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 15.) Neighbors borrow your tools. 16.) People call at 9 p.m. and ask, \"Did I wake you ?\" 17.) You have a dream about prunes. 18.) You answer a question with, \"because I said so!\" 19.) You send money to PBS. 20.) The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 21.) You take a metal detector to the beach. 22.) You wear black socks with sandals. 23.) You know what the word \"equity\" means. 24.) You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 25.) Your ears are hairier than your head. 26.) You talk about \"good grass\" and you're referring to someone's lawn. 27.) You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 28.) You got cable for the weather channel. (My uncle calls the Weather Channel \"Old Folks MTV.\") 29.) You can go bowling without drinking. 30.) You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*"}, {"response": 331, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (18:09)", "body": "Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year's incoming freshmen. Here is 1999's list: 1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. 2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and didn't know he had ever been shot. 3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. 4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression. 5. There has been only one Pope. They can only really remember one President. 6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War. 7. They haven't ever feared a nuclear war. \"The Day After\" is a pill to them, not a movie. 8. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. 9. Tianamen Square means nothing to them. 10. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 11. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. 12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums. 13. The expressions \"you sound like a broken record\" means nothing to them. 14. They have never owned a record player. 15. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong. 16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic. 17. There have always been red M & M's and blue ones are not new. There used to be beige M & M's? 18. They may have heard of an 8 track tape player, but probably have never actually seen or heard one. 19. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were one year old. 20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents. 21. They have always had an answering machine. 22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they ever seen a black and white TV. 23. They have always had cable. 24. They have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is. 25. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. 26. They were born the year that the Walkman was introduced by Sony. 27. Roller-skating has always meant inline skating for them. 28. The Tonight Show has always been with Jay Leno. 29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. 30. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. 31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. 32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. 33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII, or even the Civil War. 34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. 35. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. 36. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. 37. They have never hear: \"Where's the beef?\", \"I'd walk a mile for a Camel\", or \"de plane, de plane\". 38. They do not care who shot J.R., and have no idea who J.R. is. 39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was. 40. Michael Jackson has always been white. 41. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. 42. There has always been MTV. Do you feel old yet?"}, {"response": 332, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (18:53)", "body": "That creaking and groaning noise you hear is coming from this antedeluvian reader. Thanks Nan - scary though, indeed!"}, {"response": 333, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (21:44)", "body": "This thoughtful post comes courtesy of Wolfie who forwarded it to me: Some new billboards are popping up all along major highways all over the country depicting some things God might say. The billboards are a simple black background with white text with no fine print or sponsoring organization listed. Here's a list of all variations of the \"God Speaks\" billboards. Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God C'mon over and bring the kids. -God What part of \"Thou Shalt Not...\" didn't you understand? -God We need to talk. -God Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God That \"Love Thy Neighbor\" thing... I meant it. -God I love you and you and you and you and... -God Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God Follow me. -God Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God My way is the highway. -God Need directions? -God You think it's hot here? -God Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God Do you have any idea where you're going? -God (And my personal favorite...) Don't make me come down there. -God"}, {"response": 334, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (14:47)", "body": "\"The Ant and the Grasshopper\" CLASSIC VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with \"green bias\", and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings \"It's Not Easy Being Green.\" Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the \"Temperatures of the 80's.\" Dick Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his \"fair share.\" Finally, the EEOC drafts the \"Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act\", retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3pm when there are no talk shows scheduled. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of \"fairness\" has dawned in America."}, {"response": 335, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (12:49)", "body": "Politically Corrct NFL Football The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the team rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced, yesterday, its name changes and schedules for the '99 season: The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers. In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches. The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals. Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country."}, {"response": 336, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (18:38)", "body": "How about the Minnesota Raping and Pillaging Nordic folks?"}, {"response": 337, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (19:07)", "body": "I like your description of what the verb to go Viking really means. They just said the Plundering Norsemen. It involved more personal contact than plunder."}, {"response": 338, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 31, 1999 (14:02)", "body": "> > Enclosed with this memo is a \"Y2K Backup System\" device designed > > to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer > > operations failure, or operational delay.\ufffd This device is the > > company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison > > device (P.E.N.C.I.L.). This device has been field tested > > extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume > > and stress testing.\ufffd Properly maintained, the device meets all > > the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the > > P.E.N.C.I.L., will require preparation and testing. Tools > > and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding > > device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes). > > > > Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or > > grind the wooded end until it has a cone-like appearance.\ufffd The > > dark core area must be exposed to properly function. (Left-handed > > employees should read this sentence backwards, and then go to > > your supervisor for assistance.) > > > > Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface. > > Take the backup device, place the sharpened point against the > > paper, and pull it across the paper.\ufffd If properly done, this will > > input a single line. > > > > \ufffdCAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or > > damage the data reception device.\ufffd If either the P.E.N.C.I.L. or > > the paper are damaged, go back to the preparation instructions > > above. > > > > Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by > > the operator. Placing the device against the computer page > > forming symbols as closely resembling the computer lettering > > system you normally use. At the completion of each of the > > simulated letters, lift the device off the page, move it slightly > > to the right, replace it against the page, and form the next > > symbol. This may appear tedious, and somewhat redundant, but, > > with practice, you should be able to increase your speed and > > accuracy. > > > > The P.E.N.C.I.L. is equipped with a manual deletion device.\ufffd The > > device is located on the reverse end of the P.E.N.C.I.L. Error > > deletions operate similarly to the \"backspace\" key on your > > computer. Simply place the device against the erroneous data, and > > pull it backwards over the letters.\ufffd This should remove the > > error, and enable you to resume data entries. > > > > \ufffdCAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data reception device. > > Insufficient force, however, may result in less than acceptable > > deletion, and may require re-initialization of action as above. > > This device is designed with user maintenance in mind.\ufffd However, > > if technical support is required, you can still call your local > > computer desk supervisor at (800)-YOU-DUMMY. > >"}, {"response": 339, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (10:32)", "body": "R.I.G.H.T."}, {"response": 340, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (12:45)", "body": "Hmmm Another acronym. Shall we know for which it stands? Ot what it stands for or whatever it means. This way too curious mind wants to know."}, {"response": 341, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (19:54)", "body": "STUPID CRIMINAL STORIES --------------- * Two thieves did a smash-and-grab robbery of a display window at a cellular telephone store in Winston-Salem, NC. The next morning, the store manager noticed the damage when he opened for business and filed a report with the police. When investigators asked for the estimated value of the phones the manager said, \"About $10. They were dummy models made out of solid plastic.\" * Three teenagers who grabbed a package from a woman's car in Des Moines, Iowa recently were in for an unpleasant surprise. The package contained droppings from the woman's dog. The victim said she had been walking her Cairn terrier and had used the bag to pick up after him. She said when she finished, she wrapped the 4-by-5-inch package and set it down on her car trunk. That's when the three teenagers rushed by. One grabbed the bundle and yelled, \"Thank you.\" The victim said she looked up, saw the trio racing away, and replied, \"You're welcome.\" She told police, \"I just wish I could have seen their faces when they opened it up.\" * A Columbus, Ohio police officer who was instructing bank employees on what to do during a robbery was interrupted by a bank robbery. The suspect entered the bank and handed a teller a note demanding cash. He had somehow missed the uniformed police officer standing at a nearby teller window. The officer interrupted his class and tackled the robber after a short foot chase. * In a recent interview in the Los Angeles Times, \"The Newlywed Game\" host Bob Eubanks recalled one of his most memorable moments on the show. Eubanks asked one female contestant to remember something her husband had told her not the talk about. \"She said her husband and her cousin were going to kill her uncle for the insurance money,\" Eubanks said. \"I was even more shocked when her husband came back and matched her answer.\" Police officers were waiting for the husband after the show finished taping. * A New Jersey state employee resigned recently after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. He lost his job as the director of the New Jersey Division of Alcoholic Beverage Control. * A Mexican man arrived at an airport in Oakland, California carrying a faked American ID. What he apparently didn't know was that the man he was impersonating was a fugitive wanted on burglary and concealed weapons charges. * A man in Little Rock, Arkansas started a fire that destroyed a mobile home and injured the home's owner. The blaze started when the man used a cigarette lighter to look inside a gasoline can to determine if there was water inside. Our only hope is that this individual has not contributed to the human gene pool."}, {"response": 342, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (23:36)", "body": "Maybe I have posted this before but it still applies: 11 RULES OF REAL LIFE Charles Sykes is the author of DUMBING DOWN OUR KIDS. He recently gave high school and college graduates a list of eleven things they did not learn in school. In his book, he talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and set them up for failure in the real world. You may want to share this list with kids and parents you know... Rule #1: Life is not fair; get used to it. Rule #2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule #3: You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule #4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. Rule #5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. Rule #6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes. Learn from them. Rule #7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule #8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of course, doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. Rule #9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off. And very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. Rule #10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule #11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."}, {"response": 343, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 10, 2000 (17:24)", "body": "From John Burnett \"If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog\" - Mark Twain A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' The woman wrote 'When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptapble for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote 'I love sex.' A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one. A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, \"I was a fool when I married you.\" she replied \"yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.\" Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no point in two people remembering the same thing... Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying, Lady make note of this: One of you is lying. - Dorothy Parker Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. Don't be sexist. Broads hate that. (Sinatra???) Don't bother getting married - just find a woman you hate and buy her a house. First, God created man. Then he had a better idea. Grow your own Dope. Plant a man. I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures. I haven't found Mr Right, but I have found Mr Cheap, Mr Sleazy and Mr Wrong. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink. Make love, not war - hell, do both, get married! Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished... Marriage is much like communism, it works best in theory. Men have feelings too (but who really cares) My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.' My wife told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. Never appeal to a man's 'better nature.' He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage. - Lazarus Long Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. - Henry Kissinger Some say a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it. Some say a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katharine Hepburn"}, {"response": 344, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 14, 2000 (16:15)", "body": "SHORTEST BOOKS EVER WRITTEN 23. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson 22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT 21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA 20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman 19. THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore 18. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN 17. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS 16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS 15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE 14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB 13. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES 12. EASY UNIX 11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE 10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN 9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN 8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY 7. GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES 6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER by Art Garfunkel 5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE 4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by the EPA 3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS 2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY And the Number one World's Shortest book.... 1. THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton"}, {"response": 345, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Jan 16, 2000 (09:41)", "body": "*ROTFLMAO! Goes great with the morning coffee...! (*snickering mischeivously)"}, {"response": 346, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 16, 2000 (18:46)", "body": "1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions. 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 8. Spend some time alone. 9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time. 12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home. 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. 14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. 15. Be gentle with the earth. 16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before. 17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. 19. Call your mother. 20. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."}, {"response": 347, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 18, 2000 (14:27)", "body": "Childrens Books that Didn't Make the Cut 1. You Are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book 4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking 5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 7. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way 8. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School 9. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things"}, {"response": 348, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (19:12)", "body": "You Might Be A Rural Texas Peace Officer if... If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm. If you know what a 'court gun' is. If you have a 'court gun'. If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words \"When you get off the pavement.\" If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last year's Homecoming Queen. Dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt. If anyone on the Department is named 'Bubba'. If you don't know Bubba's real name. If Bubba is his real name. If you've ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God. If your interview for the job involved the question: \"Can you take a whuppin'?\" If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies. If you've ever had an 'Officer Involved Shooting' where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter with an appetite. If the calibre of your sidearm is regarded as an artillery round in Europe. You've ever had to mediate a dispute concerning the paternity of a litter of puppies. If you have the impression that the Feds regard your department as being marginally more civilized than the Viking Hordes. If you think all back-up is 30 miles away and asleep in bed. If you've ever gone to an emergency wearing only your hat, pajamas, gun and boots. If spurs are a department-issued item."}, {"response": 349, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (19:27)", "body": "Last week I went to a seminar called STRESS AND DISEASE, by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in Psychobiology. He gave an example of a coping skill for job stress that I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this: On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that \"every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested.\" Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, \"I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company.\""}, {"response": 350, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (19:38)", "body": "Survival kit for everyday living. Items Needed: Toothpick Rubber Band Band Aid Pencil Eraser Chewing Gum Mint Candy Kiss Tea Bag Why??? TOOTHPICK - to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others. RUBBER BAND - to remind you to be flexible, things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out. BAND AID - to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else's. PENCIL - to remind you to list your blessings everyday. ERASER - To remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and its OK. CHEWING GUM - to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything. MINT - to remind you that you are worth a mint. CANDY KISS - to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday. TEA BAG - to remind you to relax daily and reflect on all the positive things in your life. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, share a word of praise and they always open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care."}, {"response": 351, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 21, 2000 (21:20)", "body": "Send Page Last updated: Friday - 21:53 01/21/2000, EST Incompetent People Rarely Know They Are WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The truly incompetent may never know the depths of their own incompetence, a pair of social psychologists say. ``We found again and again that people who perform poorly relative to their peers tended to think that they did rather well,'' Justin Kruger, co-author of a study on the subject, said in a telephone interview Thursday. Kruger and co-author David Dunning found that when it came to a variety of skills logical reasoning, grammar, even sense of humor people who essentially were inept never realized it, while those who had some ability were more self-critical. It had little to do with innate modesty, Kruger said, but rather with a central paradox: Incompetents lack the basic skills to evaluate their performance realistically. Once they get those skills, they know where they stand, even if that is at the bottom. Americans and Western Europeans especially had an unrealistically sunny assessment of their own capabilities, Dunning said by telephone in a separate interview, while Japanese and Koreans tended to give a reasonable assessment of their performance. In certain areas, such as athletic performance, that can be easily quantified, there is less self-delusion, the researchers said. IGNORANCE IS BLISS But even in some cases in which the failure should seem obvious, the perpetrator is blithely unaware of the problem, This was especially true in the area of logical reasoning, where research subjects students at Cornell University, where the two researchers were based often rated themselves highly even when they flubbed all questions in a reasoning test. Later, when the students were instructed in logical reasoning, they scored better on a test but rated themselves lower, having learned what constituted competence in this area. Grammar was another area in which where objective knowledge was helpful in determining competence, but the more subjective area of humor posed different challenges, the researchers said. Participants were asked to rate how funny certain jokes were, and compare their responses with what an expert panel of comedians thought. On average, participants overestimated their sense of humor by about 16 percentage points. This might be thought of as the ``above-average effect'' the notion that most Americans would rate themselves as above average, a statistical impossibility. The researchers also conducted pilot studies of doctors and gun enthusiasts. The doctors overestimated how well they had performed on a test of medical diagnoses and the gun fanciers thought they knew more than they actually did about gun safety. So who should be trusted: The person who admits incompetence or the one who shows confidence? Neither, according to Dunning. ``You can't take them at their word. You've got to take a look at performance,'' Dunning added."}, {"response": 352, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (07:31)", "body": "Top Ten Things Men Know About Women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10."}, {"response": 353, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (12:23)", "body": "*LOL*"}, {"response": 354, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2000 (13:22)", "body": "Dear Lord, So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self indulgent. I have not whined, bitched, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have not charged on my credit card. However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that. Amen."}, {"response": 355, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (08:19)", "body": "(*snickering)"}, {"response": 356, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (10:07)", "body": "(*smirking*) That is my feeling at 6am on this Sunday morning..."}, {"response": 357, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 24, 2000 (15:03)", "body": "Some real ads found in the classifieds: FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG ----------------------------------- FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. ---------------------------------- 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer ---------------------------------- AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. ---------------------------------- SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. ---------------------------------- FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG ---------------------------------- 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 ---------------------------------- TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 ---------------------------------- COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. ---------------------------------- 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000 ---------------------------------- SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents ---------------------------------- GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. ---------------------------------- FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. ---------------------------------- FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. ---------------------------------- NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED *************** CALL CHUBBIE *************** ---------------------------------- BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING \"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS\" ---------------------------------- SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS ---------------------------------- FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD. ---------------------------------- HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER \"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!\" ---------------------------------- GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER. ---------------------------------- HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB ---------------------------------- NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED ---------------------------------- FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. ---------------------------------- AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100 ---------------------------------- TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. ---------------------------------- EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175. ---------------------------------- OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. ---------------------------------- JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300. ---------------------------------- LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. ----------------------------------- ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER ---------------------------------- GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb. ---------------------------------- GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. ---------------------------------- FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb."}, {"response": 358, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 25, 2000 (00:58)", "body": "From John: PROVERBS FOR THE NEXT MILLENNIUM 1) Home is where you hang your @. 2) The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3) A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4) You can't teach a new mouse old clicks. 5) Great groups from little icons grow. 6) Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7) In some places, C:\\ is the root of all directories. 8) Oh, what a tangled web site we weave when first we practice. 9) Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish. 10) The modem is the message. 11) Too many clicks spoil the browse. 12) The geek shall inherit the earth. 13) There's no place like http://www.home.com . 14) Don't byte off more than you can view. 15) Fax is stranger than fiction. 16) What boots up must come down. 17) Windows will never cease. 18) Virtual reality is its own reward. 19) Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks."}, {"response": 359, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 25, 2000 (11:59)", "body": "THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS 'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste All the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, \"No thank you, please.\" As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt-- I said to myself, as I only can \"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!\" So, away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie, not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!"}, {"response": 360, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb  2, 2000 (19:39)", "body": "Won't post the missing ones unless they are asked for...*grin*"}, {"response": 361, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (08:39)", "body": "OK. There will be a short window where you can do this. The new site was moved from the old site at midnight, roughly, on Feb 1 2000."}, {"response": 362, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (09:06)", "body": "MISSING? Whooooo's missing? ;-)"}, {"response": 363, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (12:09)", "body": "You know its going to be a bad day ahead when... You wake up face down on the pavement. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any. You turn on the news and they are showing escape routes out of the city. Your twin sister forgot your birthday. You wake up to realize your waterbed broke and then discover you don't have a waterbed. Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose. You call your answering service and they tell you it's non of your business. Your blind date turns out to be your ex. Your income tax check bounces. You put both contacts in one eye."}, {"response": 364, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (13:39)", "body": "Not to worry, Terry, I have just about everything active during those crucial days (outside of Drool) copied to file on my hard drive. Man...talk about bad ways to start the day. Sheesh!"}, {"response": 365, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  3, 2000 (16:53)", "body": "This is from an anonymous female system user: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!! Jane ******* Dear Jane: This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 , because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation to play some of their \"old time\" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under \"Warnings: Divorce/Child Support\". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3 I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command \"C:\\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME\" Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! void excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\\ APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!\" Norma"}, {"response": 366, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Fri, Feb  4, 2000 (13:00)", "body": "Heh-heh...I think I'll hold on to my Boyfriend 5.0, for a while. The conversion to Husband 1.0 doesn't fit in to my finances, right now! :)"}, {"response": 367, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Feb  4, 2000 (17:06)", "body": "Plus there's the possible incompatabilities with your current systems config..."}, {"response": 368, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Fri, Feb  4, 2000 (19:03)", "body": "LOL, Alexander, it's good to see ya, again! Where have you been keeping yourself?"}, {"response": 369, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb  5, 2000 (10:59)", "body": "Things You Will Never Hear A Woman Say: 1. I'll sacrifice my career goals and dreams to stay home and cook for you. 2. Biologically my body is built to serve you and nothing else. 3. Oral sex is my favorite hobby. 4. During my bad week, I'll get you a hooker. 5. Does this make my butt look too small? 6. PMS is just a myth. 7. That guy has great breasts. Things You Will Never Hear A Man Say: 1. I'll sacrifice my career goals and dreams to stay home and cook for you. 2. Sure she has a great body, but how's her personality? 3. Beer leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 4. When Bambi's mother was shot I cried. 5. Forget the game, Oprah's on! 6. It's your decision. 7. I care."}, {"response": 370, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Feb  5, 2000 (11:59)", "body": "You could always upgrade boyfriend 5.0 to 5.1 Annette."}, {"response": 371, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb  5, 2000 (13:27)", "body": "Or even the 2000 edition of Boyfriend 6.0"}, {"response": 372, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Feb  6, 2000 (10:45)", "body": "Did you hear about the poor man who drowned in a bowl of muesli? He got pulled under by a strong currant, althugh the police have not ruled out a cereal killer."}, {"response": 373, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb  6, 2000 (14:42)", "body": "*Groan* Thanks, maggie *giggle*"}, {"response": 374, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb  7, 2000 (11:36)", "body": "Subject: Changing a light bulb in cyberspace How many people does it take to change a light bulb in cyberspace?... 1 to successfully change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this list, saying that, \"We are all using light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.\" 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brands of light bulb work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and to post corrected URLs. 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list, which makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 33 to collate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add \"Me Too.\" 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 19 to quote the \"Me Too's\" to say, \"Me Three.\" 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 47 to say that this is just what this list was meant for, leave it here. 143 votes for a new list alt.lite.bulb. 38 votes proclaiming the advantages in using vintage light bulbs."}, {"response": 375, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb  7, 2000 (14:37)", "body": "I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said, \"Call 911!\" But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled \"Join the crew!\" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who worked on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolled around. And it's a little known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages. His program prevented a global disaster in which all the computers would get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true-I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, \"Welcome to the world of AIDS.\" Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital-the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck; but if you send it to only 10 people, you will only have OK luck; and if you send it to less than 10 people, you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which clogged the pores under her arms, and the U.S. government will put a tax on your emails forever. -John Quist offers this \"gentle summary of this year's e-mail junk and fraud...\" tftd attempted to change the tense of some verbs to update it for 2000. tftd truly apologizes for the fact that the ten pages of addressing that normally accompanies these type notes are missing."}, {"response": 376, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb  8, 2000 (12:53)", "body": "from John Computers in the future may weigh no more than 15 tons.\" --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949. \"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.\" --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 \"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year.\" --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957 \"But what ... is it good for?\" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. \"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.\" --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 \"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.\" -- Western Union, internal memo, 1876. \"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?\" --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. \"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible.\" --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?\" --Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. \"I'm glad it's going to be Clark Gable stumbling around on screen and not Gary Cooper.\" --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in \"Gone With The Wind.\" \"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.\" -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting her company, Mrs. Fields' Cookies. \"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.\" --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. \"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.\" --Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895. \"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this.\" --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives on 3-M \"Post-It\" Notepads. \"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you; you haven't got through college yet.'\" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer. \"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.\" --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work. \"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.\" --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the \"unsolvable\" problem by inventing Nautilus. \"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy.\" --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. \"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.\" --Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929. \"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.\" --Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre. \"Everything that can be invented has been invented.\" --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899. \"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction\". --a Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 \"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon\". --Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873. \"640K ought to be enough for anybody.\" --Bill Gates, 1981 ______________________________________________________"}, {"response": 377, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb  8, 2000 (16:11)", "body": "WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER the actual AP headline Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. ----------- -------------- ------------ I forwarded this to John Burnett and he replied with the following: This is a true story (no relation, thank God). And guess what old Linda's natural hair color is??? The story is over a year old so it's really no longer news, but it is a blonde joke. You can see where they changed the Burnett to Linda from the original news story (something that people would generally do only with women, called in linguistics terms \"feminine diminuition.\" But I saw the actual AP newswire copy when it happened."}, {"response": 378, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb  8, 2000 (16:12)", "body": "thus spake John and thus I close my tags"}, {"response": 379, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 10, 2000 (12:22)", "body": "Modern Aphorisms (@phorisms?) 1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.. 4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.. 5. Great groups from little icons grow.. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.. 7. C:\\ is the root of all directories.. 8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.. 9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.. 10. The modem is the message.. 11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.. 12. The geek shall inherit the earth.. 13. A chat has nine lives.. 14. Don't byte off more than you can view.. 15. Fax is stranger than fiction.. 16. What boots up must come down.. 17. Windows will never cease.. 18. Virtual reality is its own reward.. 19. Modulation in all things.. 20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted. 21. There's no place like http://www.home.com 22. Know what to expect before you connect.. 23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice... 24. Speed thrills.. 25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Web and he won't bother you for weeks.."}, {"response": 380, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 10, 2000 (12:38)", "body": "Without comment from John: I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. \"Great,\" he thought, \"I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks ...\""}, {"response": 381, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Feb 10, 2000 (15:36)", "body": "[Annette, I'm on and off, as I got loads of real-life issues... Especially the VERY real issue 1/2000 of the mag, that we work on right now. Why don't you stroll over to all the other topics, there's always something happening, too - though admittedly things ARE slow at this time...]"}, {"response": 382, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 10, 2000 (16:42)", "body": "Aloha, Alexander! It's ok if you use my screwed topic for a message board for other ladies. I don't care that you did not say hello....*sniff*"}, {"response": 383, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 10, 2000 (17:11)", "body": "A few words from the visionary Steven Wright ------------------------------------------ All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case.....coincidence? When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism -- to steal from many is research. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. A fool and his money are soon partying. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back. Half the people you know are below average. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."}, {"response": 384, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (19:08)", "body": "This is probably a good place for this little news item: Vain Venezuelans Also Lead Sex Happiness Survey NEW YORK (Reuters) - It turns out that Venezuelans, who topped a survey last year as the vainest people in the world, are also happiest by far about their sex lives. A Roper Starch Worldwide survey released Thursday found that 46 percent of Venezuelans were ``very happy'' with their sex lives followed by Brazilians at 32 percent and U.S. residents at 27 percent. People in Hong Kong, which was surveyed separately from the rest of China, were the least satisfied with their sex lives only five percent said they were ``very happy.'' Russia followed at six percent, then China at nine percent and Germany, Italy and Malaysia all tied at 14 percent."}, {"response": 385, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (10:09)", "body": "Hmmmmm...it must be something to do with the altitude...? ;-)"}, {"response": 386, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (16:57)", "body": "...or the attitude?!"}, {"response": 387, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (11:23)", "body": "Happy Valentine's Day, all you lovers of great poetry: Straight from L.A. (Lower Alabama) Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as \"snuff\" right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. \"That's impressive,\" I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. \"Diamonds are forever,\" they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!! Luv, from yor romeo"}, {"response": 388, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (12:44)", "body": "A counsellor tried to help a wife understand her marriage problems. \"I want you to think why it was that you woke up grumpy this morning\" he said \"But I didn't\", the wife protested. \"I let him sleep\""}, {"response": 389, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (14:11)", "body": "*rim shot* Yesssss!!!"}, {"response": 390, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (14:55)", "body": "Fits nicely with other themes going at the moment diesn't it!"}, {"response": 391, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (16:40)", "body": "Indeed! Anything goes here, but that especially goes here!"}, {"response": 392, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (17:11)", "body": "The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze our one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, \"I'd like to try the bet.\" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked the little man, \"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, a martial artist or what?\" The man replied, \"I work for the IRS.\""}, {"response": 393, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (14:48)", "body": "From John Burnett: Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement. QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors. TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited. TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors. INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors. STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk. TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut. APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job. A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused. NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college. EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together. SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life. CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared. METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker. DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice. JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky. MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob. KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes. STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn. GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward. SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid. OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time. IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else. ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip. REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed. HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way. ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do. HAPPY: Paid too much. WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork. COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Pain in the ass. WILL GO FAR: Relative of management. SHOULD GO FAR: Please. USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher. VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work. USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything. DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated."}, {"response": 394, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 16, 2000 (14:26)", "body": "THINGS YOU' D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T! 1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 2. Do I look like a people person? 3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 6. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 7. You!... Off my planet! 8. Does your train of thought have a caboose? 9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 10. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 11. A PBS mind in an MTV world. 12. Allow me to introduce my selves. 13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 14. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 15. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. 16. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. 17. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 18. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 19. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 20. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 21. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1? 22. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 23. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 24. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 25. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 26. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks"}, {"response": 395, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 17, 2000 (12:04)", "body": "1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 2. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 3. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 4. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 5. Why does \"slow down\" and \"slow up\" mean the same thing? 6. Why does \"fat chance\" and \"slim chance\" mean the same thing? 7. Why do \"tug\" boats push their barges? 8. Why do we sing \"Take me out to the ball game\" when we are already there? 9. Why are they called \"stands\" when they are made for sitting? 10. Why is it call \"after dark\" when it really is \"after light\"? 11. Doesn't \"expecting the unexpected\" make the unexpected expected? 12. Why are a \"wise man\" and a \"wise guy\" opposites? 13. Why do \"overlook\" and \"oversee\" mean opposite things? 14. Why is \"phonics\" not spelled the way it sounds? 15. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 16. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 17. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 18. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 19. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 20. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 21. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 22. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 23. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?"}, {"response": 396, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 18, 2000 (15:13)", "body": "A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the call, closes his door and kneels pleadingly. \"I would do anything to pass this exam.\" She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes, \"I mean,\" she whispers, \"I would do anything...\" He returns her gaze, \"Anything?\" \"Anything.\" His voice softens, \"Anything\" \"Anything,\" she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. \"Would you...study?\""}, {"response": 397, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 18, 2000 (15:19)", "body": "Troubles The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward, he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. \"Oh, that's my trouble tree,\" he replied. \"I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again.\" Funny thing is,\" he smiled, \"when I come out in the morning to pick em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before\". -------TFTD-L@TAMU.EDU"}, {"response": 398, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 18, 2000 (15:48)", "body": "Do-it-yourself Country & Western Song Kit I met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________ (1) (2) (3) 1. 2. 3. on the highway in September that purple dress in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants on probation all hunched over the stolen goods in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin incognito with joggers the neon sign in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid dead all over the boxer shorts she wore; She was ______ _____, (4) (5) 4. 5 sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra smellin' kind of funny when she shot me crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu and I knew _______; _______ (6) (7) 6. 7. no guy would ever love her more I promised her I knew deep down she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink I'd never rate her more than \"4\" The judge declared they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain we really lost the last World War The painters knew I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said I'd ______ forever; She said to me ____; (8) (9) 8. 9. stay with her our love would never die warp her mind there was no other guy swear off booze man wasn't meant to fly that Nixon didn't lie punch her out her basset hound was shy live off her that Rolaids made her high have my rash she'd have a swiss on rye stay a dwarf she loved my one blue eye hate her dog her brother's name was Hy pick my nose she liked \"Spy vs. Spy\" play \"Go Fish\" that birthdays made her cry salivate she couldn't stand my tie But who'd have thought she'd _____ ___________; (10) (11) 10. 11. run off with my best friend wind up in my Edsel boogie on a surfboard yodel on \"The Gong Show\" sky dive with her dentist turn green on her \"Workmate\" freak out with a robot blast off make it at her health club black out in her Maytag bobsled with her guru grovel while in labor _________ goodbye. (12) 12. You'd think at least that she'd have said I never had the chance to say She told her dumb friend Grace to say I now can kiss my credit cards I guess I was too smashed to say I watched her melt away and sobbed She fell beneath the wheels and cried She sent a hired thug to say She freaked out on the lawn and screamed I pushed her off the bridge and waved But that's the way that pygmies say She sealed me in the vault and smirked."}, {"response": 399, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 19, 2000 (13:33)", "body": "A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,\"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?\" The man below says: \"Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.\" \"You must be an engineer\" says the balloonist. \"I am,\" replies the man. \"How did you know?\" \"Well,\" says the balloonist, \"everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone.\" The man below says, \"You must be in upper management.\" \"I am,\" replies the balloonist, \"but how did you know?\" \"Well,\"says the man, \"you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.\""}, {"response": 400, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 20, 2000 (23:35)", "body": "Top Ten signs you're at a Redneck Church 10. The Preacher says, \"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering\" -- and five guys stand up. 9. First day of deer season is an official church holiday. 8. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service. 7. The church directory doesn't have last names. 6. There's no such thing as a \"secret\" sin. 5. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer -- and only so their neighbors won't leave them a bag of squash. 4. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank. 3. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable. 2. People wonder if Jesus fed the 5,000 with two bass or two catfish. ...and the number one sign you're at a redneck church... The final words of the benediction: \"Y'all come back now, ya hear?\""}, {"response": 401, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (11:39)", "body": "Top Ten marketing mistakes 1. Coors put its slogan, \"Turn it loose,\" into Spanish, where it was read as \"Suffer from diarrhea.\" 2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: \"Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.\" 3. Clairol introduced the \"Mist Stick\", a curling iron, into German only to find out that \"mist\" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the \"manure stick.\" 4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read. 5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine. 6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of \"I saw the Pope\" (el Papa), the shirts read \"I saw the potato\" (la papa). 7. Pepsi's \"Come alive with the Pepsi Generation\" translated into \"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave\", in Chinese. 8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, \"it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken\" was translated into Spanish as \"it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.\" 9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as \"Ke-kou-ke-la\", meaning \"Bite the wax tadpole\" or \"female horse stuffed with wax\", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent \"ko-kou-ko-le\", translating into \"happiness in the mouth.\" 10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, \"it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you\". Instead, the company thought that the word \"embarazar\" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: \"It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant"}, {"response": 402, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (13:15)", "body": "21 REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of injections my jaw got number. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?"}, {"response": 403, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (13:44)", "body": "Surgeon Chat Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, \"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.\" The second responds, \"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.\" The third surgeon says, \"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.\" The fourth surgeon chimes in: \"You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.\" But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: \"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.\""}, {"response": 404, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (13:55)", "body": "The Transistor The transistor was invented on Christmas Day, 1948, by Emily Gerund, a high school teacher of English from Boston, Massachusetts, who was serving a 20 years-to-life sentence in the state penitentiary for throwing her husband's coat under a speeding truck. The judge was rather severe with her because her husband was still in the coat at the time. The Governor of the state owned an electronics firm and so was able to provide surplus vacuum tubes to the prisoners so that they could decorate their Christmas trees. Now Emily had an extremely tiny tree, much too small for a string of SV6s or even for a single QL4. But she just happened to find some germanium crystals lying around. She stuck three wires in each one and used them to decorate her tree. She was quite surprised when after she completed the tree, it started picking up the Jack Benny Show. The Governor, upon learning about this and realizing its implications, immediately rushed to the prison and offered the English teacher a full pardon in exchange for the manufacturing rights to her invention. \"Of course, Governor,\" she replied. ... \"In this case, I'll be glad to let you end a sentence with a proposition.\" Received from the Groaners list. *************** In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public."}, {"response": 405, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (14:07)", "body": "HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM: 1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY 4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON 5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES 6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in CALIFORNIA 7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY 8. One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE 9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS"}, {"response": 406, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2000 (19:37)", "body": "Annette said I should post this and I would still remain a lady. Let's see: THREE CORPORATE LESSONS Lesson Number One: =============== A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, \"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?\" The crow answered: \"Sure, why not.\" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: ------------------- To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Number Two: =============== A turkey was chatting with a bull. \"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,\" sighed the turkey,\"but I haven't got the energy.\" \"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?\" replied the bull. \"They're packed with nutrients.\" The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: ------------------- Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Lesson Number Three: ================ A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him! The morals of this story: ------------------------ 1 ) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 2 ) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3 ) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut"}, {"response": 407, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (01:44)", "body": "I think that rates with the postbox story!"}, {"response": 408, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (04:10)", "body": "See, Marcia? Everyone learns a few lessons, and, you're still a lady! LOL!"}, {"response": 409, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (10:44)", "body": "Mahalo*thank you*Mahalo*thank you* Ten reasons your candidate for president is underqualified: 10. Thinks \"Upholding the Constitution\" means a daily dose of Metamucil. 9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. 8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on \"The West Wing.\" 7. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is \"That Bob Vila guy.\" 6. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares. 5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, \"The state or the DC thingie?\" 4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, \"You wanna wrestle?!?\" 3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all. 2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, \"I win!\" 1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE."}, {"response": 410, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (18:25)", "body": "What a I want in a man (at age 21) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things in life 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative and Romantic Lover ---------------------- What I. Want In A. Man, Revised List ... (at age 42) 1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant 4. Listens more than he talks 5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times 6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal 9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week ---------------------- What I. Want In A. Man, Revised List ... (at age 52) 1. Not too ugly -- bald head OK 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion 4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down 10. Shaves on most weekends ---------------------- What I. Want In A. Man, Revised List ... (at age 62) 1. Keeps nose and ear hair trimmed to appropriate length 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emotional 5. Doesn't retell same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner 9. Remembers your name 10. Shaves on weekends ---------------------- What I. Want In A. Man, Revised List ... (at age 72) 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep) 5. Doesn't forget why he's laughing to often 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers when... ---------------------- What I. Want In A. Man, Revised List ... (at age 82) 1. Breathing ________________"}, {"response": 411, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Feb 24, 2000 (04:19)", "body": "*LOL, still a lady.....!"}, {"response": 412, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 24, 2000 (12:52)", "body": "Goodness knows, I try...*grin*"}, {"response": 413, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Tue, Feb 29, 2000 (09:33)", "body": "*LOL, maybe this should keep things calm......;) Thoughts on... PEACE Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Do not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life. Do not give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other. Do not be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly. Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope is to be without purpose. Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way."}, {"response": 414, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 29, 2000 (12:14)", "body": "Oooh, Thank you, Lady Cloud-dweller. I can think of some people I need to forward this to - they are always sending things like this to me."}, {"response": 415, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  1, 2000 (13:37)", "body": "* The Bill Gates Diner Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup? Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now. [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.] Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. [Waiter leaves.] Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! The check: Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50 Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00"}, {"response": 416, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Mar  2, 2000 (09:50)", "body": "LOL, remind me NOT to dine there...!"}, {"response": 417, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Thu, Mar  2, 2000 (09:51)", "body": "Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. If you haven't much education you must use your brain. Never mess up an apology with an excuse. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. Diplomacy is the art of saying \"good doggie\" while looking for a bigger stick. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."}, {"response": 418, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar  2, 2000 (12:37)", "body": "Love the practical twist to this one. Keeps the saccharine from gagging the honey bees. Thanks, dear!"}, {"response": 419, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar  2, 2000 (18:19)", "body": "THE BASIC RULES OF \"SHOTGUN\" OR THE ETIQUETTE OF RESERVING THE FRONT PASSENGER SEAT Section I The Basic Rules 1. In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word \"Shotgun\" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call as long as the driver verifies the call. 2. Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle. 3. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediately forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey. 4. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons. Section II Special Cases These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable. 1. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun. 2. If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline. 3. In the instance that the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline. 4. In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window. 5. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline. 6. In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three-hour trip with him crammed in the back. Section III *The Survival of the Fittest Rules * 1. If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival of the Fittest Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting I-4, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force. 2. The driver must announce the institution of the Survival of the Fittest Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle. Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule I-4."}, {"response": 420, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  3, 2000 (21:48)", "body": "WHEN GOD MADE MOMS By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime.\ufffd An Angel appeared and said \"Why are you spending so much time on this one?\"\ufffd And the Lord answered and said, \"have you seen the spec sheet on her?\ufffd She has to be completely washable, but not all plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands.\"\ufffd The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one.\ufffd \"Six pairs of hands!\ufffd \"No Way!\", said the Angel.\ufffd The Lord replied, \"Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem.\ufffd It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!\"\ufffd \"And that's just on the standard model?\", the Angel asked.\ufffd The Lord nodded in agreement, \"Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing, even though she already knows.\ufffd Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can.\ufffd And the third pair are here in the front of her head.\ufffd They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understnads and loves him or her without even saying a single word.\"\ufffd The Angel tried to stop the Lord.\ufffd \"This is too much work for one day.\ufffd Wait until tomorrow to finish.\"\ufffd \"But I can't!\", the Lord protested, \"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.\ufffd She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower!\"\ufffd The Angel moved closer and touched the woman.\ufffd \"But you have made her so soft, Lord.\"\ufffd \"She is soft\", the Lord agreed, \"but I have also made her tough.\ufffd You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.\"\ufffd \"Will she be able to think?\", asked the Angel.\ufffd The Lord replied, \"Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate.\"\ufffd The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek.\ufffd \"Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model.\ufffd I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.\"\ufffd \"That's not a leak\", the Lord objected, \"That's a tear!\"\ufffd \"What's the tear for?\", the Angel asked.\ufffd The Lord said, \"The tear is her way\ufffdof expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her lonleliness, her grief, and her pride.\" The Angel was impressed.\ufffd \"You are a genius, Lord.\ufffd You thought of everything.\ufffd WOMEN are truly amazing!\"\ufffd Pass this to all amazing women that you know.\ufffd"}, {"response": 421, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar  5, 2000 (17:46)", "body": "Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married: Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering that I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she? Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now don't you even think about sending any more money because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to my darling grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is -- the one with the black roots who stole you screaming from my bosom. Merry Christmas. Love, Mom"}, {"response": 422, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar  5, 2000 (19:20)", "body": "In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: * On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. * On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. * On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. * Some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. * On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. * On Tesco's Tiramisu desert: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) * On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. * On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: Do not iron clothes on body. * On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. * On Nytol (a sleep aid): Warning: May cause drowsiness. * On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. * On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. * On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. * On Sainsbury's Peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. * On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. * On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."}, {"response": 423, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar  7, 2000 (11:57)", "body": "THE RULES: 1. The FEMALE always makes the Rules. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No MALE can possibly know all the Rules. 4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the Rules she must immediately change some or all of the Rules. 5. The FEMALE is NEVER wrong. 6. If however the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding, which was as a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong. 7. If Rule 6 above applies, the MALE must apologise IMMEDIATELY for causing the misunderstanding. 8. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time with or without notice. 9. The MALE must NEVER change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE. 10. The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE WANTS him to be angry or upset. 12. The FEMALE must under no circumstances let the MALE know whether or not see wants him to be angry or upset. 13. The MALE is expected to read her mind at all times. 14. The MALE who does not abide by the Rules or can not take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp. 15. Any attempt to document the Rules could result in bodily harm. 16. If the FEMALE has PMT, all the Rules are null and void. 17. The FEMALE is ready when she is ready. 18. The Male must be ready at all times."}, {"response": 424, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar  7, 2000 (11:58)", "body": "I do not subscribe to the above rules. The scary thought is that some women do."}, {"response": 425, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:23)", "body": "During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: \"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out.\" He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: \"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?\" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, \"Yes,\" then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: \"I thought we had a deal.\" The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: \"She made me a better offer.\""}, {"response": 426, "author": "Laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:26)", "body": "Some things are just funny due to the fact that one sex can't figure the other out, true...it just gives us all a good laugh about it. I, too, though, know women who are serious about stuff like that, and, well, what miserable lives they lead!"}, {"response": 427, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (09:33)", "body": "Amen and *Hugs* Annette!"}, {"response": 428, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (15:01)", "body": "Attn: IRS Enclosed is my 1999 tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat. Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the \"Presidential Election Fund,\" as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw.\" (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch phillips head screw.) It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. Sincerely, A satisfied taxpayer"}, {"response": 429, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (14:31)", "body": "Anagrams --------------- Dormitory = Dirty Room Desperation = A. Rope Ends It The Morse Code = Here come Dots Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em Animosity = Is No Amity Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness = Genuine Class Semolina = Is it No Meal The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one Contradiction = Accord not in it Astronomer = Moon Starer Princess Diana = End Is A Car Spin Year Two Thousand = A Year To Shut Down"}, {"response": 430, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (15:25)", "body": "A hobo came up to the front door of the neat looking farmhouse and knocked gently on the door. When the owner answered, the hobo asked, \"Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days.\" The owner said, \"I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I never give anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal.\" So the hobo went around back and a little later he again knocked on the door. The owner said, \"Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.\" The hobo said, \"Thank you very much, sir. But there is something that I think you should know. It's not a Porch, it's a BMW.\""}, {"response": 431, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (22:07)", "body": "AAAArrrrrrggggghh!! LOL! Oh, my...!!! :)"}, {"response": 432, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (13:33)", "body": "Understanding Your Paycheck: Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 County Tax City Tax Rural Tax Back Tax 6.11 12.22 4.44 1.11 Front Tax Side Tax Up Tax Down Tax 1.16 1.61 2.22 1.11 Tic-Tacs Thumbtacks Carpet Tacks Stadium Tax 1.98 3.93 0.98 0.69 Flat Tax Surtax Ma'am Tax Parking Fee 8.32 3.46 2.60 5.00 No Parking Fee F.i.c.a. T.g.i.f. Life Ins. 10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 Health Ins. Disability Ability Liability Ins. 16.23 2.50 0.25 3.41 Dental Ins. Mental Ins. Reassurance. Coffee 4.50 4.33 0.11 6.85 Coffee Cups Calendar Floor Rental Chair Rental 66.51 3.06 16.85 4.32 Desk Rental Union Dues Union Don'ts Cash Advances 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69 Cash Retreats Overtime Undertime Eastern Time 121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 Central Time Mountain Time Pacific Time GMT 8.00 7.00 6.00 24.00 Bathroom Time Time Out Oxygen Water 4.44 12.21 10.02 16.54 Electricity Heat Air Conditioning 38.23 51.42 46.83 Misc 144.38 Take Home Pay: $0000.02 (this is where the expression \"just my 2 cents\" came from)"}, {"response": 433, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (18:46)", "body": "One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... \"Lord, I have a problem!\" \"What's the problem, Eve?\" \"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy.\" \"Why is that, Eve?\" came the reply from above. \"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.\" \"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.\" \"What's a 'man,' Lord?\" \"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your ah, physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly. \"Sounds great,\" says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. \"What's the catch, Lord?\" \"Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition.\" \"What's that, Lord?\" \"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's our secret...Woman-to-woman!\""}, {"response": 434, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 16, 2000 (19:03)", "body": "You know you're drinking too much coffee when ... you answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. you ski uphill. you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. you lick your coffeepot clean. your eyes stay open when you sneeze. you chew on other people's fingernails. your T-shirt says, \"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.\" you can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet. you can jump-start your car without cables. All your kids are named \"Joe.\" you don't need a hammer to pound nails. your only source of nutrition comes from \"Sweet & Low.\" you don't sweat, you percolate. you buy Half & Half by the barrel. you've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. people get dizzy just watching you. you've worn the finish off your coffee table. the Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. instant coffee takes too long. when someone says \"How are you?\" you say, \"Good to the last drop.\" your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. you're offended when people use the word \"brew\" to mean beer. you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. you short out motion detectors. you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. you think being called a \"drip\" is a compliment. you don't tan, you roast. you can't even remember your second cup. you help your dog chase its tail."}, {"response": 435, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (16:30)", "body": "Proverbs Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. Indecision is the key to flexibility. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I always wanted to be a procrastinator; I never got around to it. I am a nutritional overachiever I am having an out of money experience. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. A day without sunshine is like night. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Age doesn't always bring wisdom, Sometimes age comes alone. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing."}, {"response": 436, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (21:52)", "body": "U"}, {"response": 437, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 19, 2000 (14:33)", "body": "*Mathematician Vs Physicist Vs Engineer* What is \"pi\"? Mathematician: Pi is the number expressing the relationship between the circumference of a circle and its diameter. Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927 plus or minus 0.000000005. Engineer: Pi is about 3. -- An Engineer, a Physicist, and a Mathematician all go to the same conference. University budgets being what they are, they all stay in the same cheap hotel. Each room has the same floor plan, has the same cheap TV, the same cheap bed, and a small bathroom. Instead of a sprinkler system, the hotel has opted for Fire Buckets. The Engineer, Physicist, and Mathematician are all asleep in bed. At about 2AM, the Physicist wakes up because he smells smoke. He looks in the corner of the room and sees that the TV set is on fire! He dashes into the bathroom, fills the Fire Bucket to overflowing with water, and drenches the TV set. The fire goes out, and the Physicist goes back to sleep. A little while later, the Engineer wakes because he smells smoke. He looks in the corner of his room and sees that the TV set is on fire. He grabs a handy envelope, estimates the BTU output of the fire, scribbles a quick calculation, then dashes into the bathroom and fills the Fire Bucket with just enough water to douse the flames. He puts the fire out and goes back to sleep. In a little while, the Mathematician wakes up to the smell of smoke. He looks in the corner of his room and sees the TV on fire. He looks into the bathroom and sees the Fire Bucket. Having determined that a solution exists, he goes back to sleep. -- Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer? A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own. -- Engineering is the art of molding materials we do not fully understand into shapes we cannot fully analyze and preventing the public from realizing the full extent of our ignorance. -- Q: Why did the engineers cross the road? A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year."}, {"response": 438, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (12:11)", "body": "Top 41 tactful ways to say someone is stupid 1. About as sharp as a marble. 2. A few clowns short of a circus. 3. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. 4. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 5. I wish I had a blueprint for his brain; I'm trying to build an idiot. 6. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 7. He only has one oar in the water. 8. A few beers short of a six-pack. 9. Dumber than a box of hair. 10. A few peas short of a casserole. 11. Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box. 12. One Froot Loop shy of a bowl. 13. One taco short of a combination plate. 14. A few feathers short of a whole duck. 15. All foam, no beer. 16. The cheese slid off her cracker. 17. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 18. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 19. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 20. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 21. As smart as bait. 22. Chimney's clogged. 23. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. 24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 25. Forgot to pay her brain bill. 26. Her sewing machine's out of thread. 27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. 29. If she had another brain, it would be lonely. 30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. 31. No grain in the silo. 32. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. 33. Receiver is off the hook. 34. Twenty-four cents short of a quarter. 35. Skylight leaks a little. 36. Slinky's kinked. 37. Surfing in Nebraska. 38. Too much yardage between the goal posts. 39. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 40. The lights are on, but nobody's home. 41. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead."}, {"response": 439, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 21, 2000 (13:53)", "body": "Mergers of the future: 1. XEROX and WURLITZER (They're going to make reproductive organs) 2. FAIRCHILD ELECTRONICS and HONEYWELL COMPUTERS (The new company will be called Fairwell Honeychild) 3. POLYGRAM RECORDS, WARNER BROTHERS, and KEEBLER (The new company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker) 4. W.R. GRACE CO., FULLER BRUSH CO., MARY KAY COSMETICS, and HALE BUSINESS SYSTEMS (The company will be called Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace) 5. 3M and GOODYEAR (MMM Good) 6. JOHN DEERE and ABITIBI-PRICE (Deere Abi) 7. HONEYWELL, IMASCO, and HOME OIL (Honey, I'm Home) 8. DENISON MINES, ALLIANCE, and METAL MINING (Mine All Mine) 9. 3M, JC PENNEY, and THE METROPOLITAN OPERA COMPANY (3 Penney Opera) 10. GREY POUPON and DOCKERS PANTS (Poupon Pants) 11. KNOTT'S BERRY FARM and THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR WOMEN (The new company will be called Knott Now) 12. ZIPPO MANUFACTURING, AUDI, DOFASCO, and DAKOTA MINING (The new company will be called Zip Audi Do-Da) 13. NETSCAPE and YAHOO (Net n' Yahoo)"}, {"response": 440, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (12:46)", "body": "A warning for computer users: I like my new spell checker, It came with my PC. It plainly marques four my revue, Mistakes I can not sea. I\ufffdve run these verses threw it, I\ufffdm sure your please two no. Its letter perfect in its weigh, My checker tolled me sew. Who is the smartest monster of them all? A: Frank Einstein Did you know there are basically only three types of people in the world? - those who can count, and those who can\ufffdt."}, {"response": 441, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (13:55)", "body": "You have the same spell checquer that I have! *lol* thanks for these goodies. You did not know abut this conference berfore, did you?! Tread carefully lest your eyes fall out in horror *grin*"}, {"response": 442, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (14:37)", "body": "Ten things it is not a good idea to say when stopped by the police: 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are you Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary. 9. Thanks, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too. 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the officer says \"Son, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?\" you probably shouldn't respond with, \"Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?\""}, {"response": 443, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (16:53)", "body": "Oh I've visited here before just hadn't pressed the all button and seen the lot!"}, {"response": 444, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (17:14)", "body": "Amazing, is it not?! Imagine my surprise when I logged in and found a newly created topic for me here ...! The only more surprising place was http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/babes/45/new"}, {"response": 445, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (22:43)", "body": "TOOL DESCRIPTIONS HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing leather goods. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads and transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, \"Ouc....\" HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the fender. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, \"the sunshine vitamin,\" which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. ***"}, {"response": 446, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (12:26)", "body": "PREFERENCES Dentists do it orally Cops do it with cuffs DJ's do it on request Truckers do it in the road Soldiers do it under orders Detectives do it under cover Australians do it Down Under Zoologists do it with animals Gardeners do it in the bushes Gas attendants Pump all day Firemen do it with a big hose Frank Sinatra does it his way Engineers do it to specification Garbage men come twice a week Chess players check their Mates Ambulance drivers come quicker Pianists touch, tickle, and titillate! Housewives do it for an allowance Jockeys gallop hard and finish fast Mountain Climbers like to be on top Waiters and waitresses do it for tips Accountants do it with Double Entry Landlords do it every 1st of the month Acupuncturists do it with a small prick Travel Agents do it in lots of different places Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free Bankers do it with interest, Bartenders do it on the Rocks Watch out for tennis players - love means nothing to them! Postal Workers - Lick It Before We Stick It Computer wizards do it with plug-ins"}, {"response": 447, "author": "laughingsky", "date": "Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (06:28)", "body": "(*snickering) :)"}, {"response": 448, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (16:24)", "body": "*looking around aprehensively* is my lady-status still intact?"}, {"response": 449, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (00:09)", "body": "definitely not! *grin*"}, {"response": 450, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (13:27)", "body": "*giggle* Good! I found it was stunting my growth up there on that rickety pedestal."}, {"response": 451, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (13:28)", "body": "sshhhhh! I just might still be fooling some others, though...*smiling like the lady I try to be most of the time*"}, {"response": 452, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (13:35)", "body": "THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH 1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... \"Just wait until your father gets home.\" 2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.... \"You are going to get it when we get home!\" 3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... \"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!\" 4. My Mother taught me LOGIC... \"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.\" 5. My Mother taught me AGRICULTURE... \"If you don't stop swallowing those seeds you're going to have watermelons growing out your nose.\" 6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... \"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job.\" 7. My Mother taught me ESP... \"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?\" 8. My Mother taught me HUMOR... \"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.\" 9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... \"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.\" 10. My Mother taught me about SEX.... \"How do you think you got here?\" 11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS... \"You're just like your father.\" 12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... \"Do you think you were born in a barn?\" 13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... \"When you get to be my age, you will understand. 14. And my all time favorite ... JUSTICE... \"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like.\""}, {"response": 453, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (15:29)", "body": "Worst Things To Say On A First Date I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem...but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control. I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden... but could I borrow $500 Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today. Something tells me that you're very special...but with medication I can usually ignore it. I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much...thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice. Do you want to play doctor? That'll be $500 Wait till my wife hears about this! I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight months with good behavior."}, {"response": 454, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (14:19)", "body": ""}, {"response": 455, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (14:44)", "body": ""}, {"response": 456, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (14:46)", "body": "I am expecting to get some really risque email from you shortly, Maggie. It is nice to share =)"}, {"response": 457, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (15:07)", "body": "Oh no, sorry, it was in confidence! *huge grin*"}, {"response": 458, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (15:15)", "body": "*Applause*"}, {"response": 459, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (15:28)", "body": "remove please????? *pleads*"}, {"response": 460, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 31, 2000 (15:32)", "body": "You gotta do it - I can only do my own on other people's conferences. See your email..."}, {"response": 461, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  2, 2000 (18:00)", "body": "Would you believe this actually came from the New England Journal of Medicine? Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, \"Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out\" declared Dr. Karen Weatherby. Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. \"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation,\" explains Dr. Weatherby. \"There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier.\" \"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.\""}, {"response": 462, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  2, 2000 (18:11)", "body": "A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. \"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?\" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. \"ALL RIGHT I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!\" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, \"Say partner, before you go... what did happen in Texas?\" The cowboy turned back and said, \"I had to walk home.\""}, {"response": 463, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr  3, 2000 (12:35)", "body": "What Your Computer Is Trying To Tell You: It says: \"Press Any Key\" It means: \"Press any key you like but I'm not moving.\" It says: \"Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E\" It means: \"... where you will be kept on hold for 30 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem.\" It says: \"Installing program to C:\\ ....\" It means: \"... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\\windows and c:\\windows\\system where you'll NEVER find them.\" It says: \"Please insert disk 11\" It means: \"Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks.\" It says: \"Not enough memory\" It means: \"I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K.\" It says: \"Cannot read from drive D:....\" It means: \"... However, if you put the CD in right side up...\" It says: \"Please Wait....\" It means: \"... Indefinitely.\" It says: \"Directory does not exist....\" It means: \".... any more. Whoops.\" It says: \"The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.\" It means: \"....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back. Kiss your afternoon goodbye...\" ----------------------------------------------------------------------"}, {"response": 464, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr  3, 2000 (14:26)", "body": "TRIVIA Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs. People Do Not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop...even your heart! Only 7% of the population are lefties. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines. The toothbrush was invented in 1498. The average housefly lives for one month. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute. Eating breakfast cereals like \"Fruity Pebbles\" and \"Cap'n Crunch Berries\" will cause your stools to come out green. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.( SO ONLY BUY SHOES IN THE MORNING OR AT NIGHT). About 20% of all adults in the US have or have had a cockroach that called their inner ear canal HOME. They enter while you sleep! (((This rates a good 10 on the ewwww-yuck scale and right up there with the fact that many of us have eaten a spider in our sleep tooooo EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!))) The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in \"An Officer and a Gentleman\" and \"Tootsie\". Among the music catalogues that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is the South Carolina State anthem. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were seventh cousins. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green."}, {"response": 465, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr  3, 2000 (17:19)", "body": "Because everything you read on the internet is true . . . I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is \"MM\" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC. Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said \"Call 911!\" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled \"Join the crew!\" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that said, \"Welcome to the world of AIDS.\" Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms, but if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the anti-perspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet."}, {"response": 466, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 11, 2000 (13:37)", "body": "A guy walks into this sporting goods store in Alaska, immediately spies a rather haggard-looking old salt of a store clerk sitting by the cash register. \"Hear ya got a lotta' bears 'round here?\" \"Yep,\" answers the clerk. \"Big bears?\" \"Yep.\" \"Mean bears?\" \"Yep.\" \"Black bears?\" \"Yep.\" \"GRIZZLIES???!\" \"Yep.\" \"Got any bear bells?\" \"What's dat?\" \"You know, them little dingle-bells ya put on yer backpack so bears know yer in the perimiter so's they can runs away ...\" \"Yep. Over yonder ...\" \"Great. I'll take one fer black bears, and one fer grizzlies. Say, how'd you know if yer in black bear country anyway?\" \"Look fer scatt.\" \"Oh. Well, how how'd you know if there's GRIZZLIES????!\" \"Look fer scatt.\" \"You just said that!\" \"Yeah. But grizzly scatt's different.\" \"Well now, just what's IN grizzly scatt that's different?\" \"Bear bells.\""}, {"response": 467, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 12, 2000 (11:12)", "body": "After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were: His dizzy aunt......................................Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes..........................Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle...............................Cant Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store.......Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia.....................U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white..........Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois............................Chica Gogh His magician uncle.............................Wherediddy Gogh His Mexican cousin..................................Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother..........Grin Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt...........................Tan Gogh A sister who loved disco............................Go Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach ...............Wellsfar Gogh The bird lover uncle................................Flamin Gogh His nephew psychoanalyst............................E Gogh The fruit loving cousin.............................Man Gogh An aunt who taught positive thinking................Wayto Gogh The little bouncy nephew............................Poe Gogh And his niece who travels the country in a van....Winnie BayGogh"}, {"response": 468, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 13, 2000 (20:51)", "body": "Top ten reasons why America is the best country in the world 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. 11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House."}, {"response": 469, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 14, 2000 (19:57)", "body": "Three engineers There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, \"Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?\""}, {"response": 470, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 16, 2000 (21:28)", "body": "We've all needed tech support at one time or another, and have often felt a bit goofy when the seemingly impossible answer was made blindingly obvious by a friend, family member, or the computer's tech support line. But after you read these, you'll realize that goofiness is entirely relative... ---- A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was \"running it under Windows.\" The woman then responded, \"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.\" ---- Tech Support: \"How much free space do you have on your hard drive?\" Customer: \"Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet,and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?\" ---- Tech Support: \"Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.\" Customer: \"I don't have a 'P'.\" Tech Support: \"On your keyboard, Bob.\" Customer: \"What do you mean?\" Tech Support: \"'P' on your keyboard, Bob.\" Customer: \"I'm not going to do that!\" --- Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: \"I'd like a mouse mat, please.\" Salesperson: \"Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.\" Customer: \"But will they be compatible with my computer?\" ---- I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it. ---- Customer: \"Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?\" ---- I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: \"Hi. Is this the Internet?\" ---- Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to \"The Internet.\" ---- Customer: \"So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?\" Tech Support: \"Yeah.\" Customer: \"And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?\" Tech Support: \"Uhh...uh...uh...yeah.\" ---- Tech Support: \"All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon.\" Customer: \"That's why I hate this Windows-because of the icons- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons.\" Tech Support: \"Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-\" Customer: \"I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons.\" Tech Support: \"Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' ok?\" Customer: [click] ---- Customer: \"My computer crashed!\" Tech Support: \"It crashed?\" Customer: \"Yeah, it won't let me play my game.\" Tech Support: \"All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.\" Customer: \"No, it didn't crash - it crashed.\" Tech Support: \"Huh?\" Customer: \"I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't work.\" Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship. Tech Support: \"Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'\" Customer: [pause] \"Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?\" ---- Now don't you feel better?"}, {"response": 471, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 18, 2000 (01:20)", "body": "-----CHILDREN'S ANSWERS IN MUSIC EDUCATION---- These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state of Missouri, circa 1989. Source: Missouri School Music Newsletter. I can't reach the brakes on this piano! Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed. It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm. My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best. I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow or Friday be best? Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra. Tubas are a bit too much. A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so. The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose. The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument. Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types. Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor. The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up. For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line of flute music. You just watch. The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a person is elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin real good. Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument? Answer: Yes. Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble. A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard. Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS! Question: What are kettle drums called? Answer: Kettle drums. When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody. The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge. While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves. A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound. Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just stick with the first name and learn it good. Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras. You should always say 'celli when you mean there are two or more cellos. A tuba is much larger than its name. A harp is a nude piano. My favorite composer is Opus. My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby. Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago. Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy. A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the odium. Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America. I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say. Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel. When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting. In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live happily ever after. An opera is a song of bigly size. Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead. Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large. John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present. A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music."}, {"response": 472, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (19:22)", "body": "IF MEN WERE IN CHARGE OF WEDDINGS There would be a \"Rehearsal Dinner Kegger\" Party. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue-jean cutoffs and halter-tops. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball playoffs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that \"forsaking all others\" part. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '69 Camaro or some other Chevy with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley! Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of Best Man. Tailgate receptions. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at halftime or between innings. Short ceremonies and long honeymoons. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. Strippers and liquor add up. Men wouldn't ask, \"Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine-colored napkins?\" They'd just grab extras from their local tavern. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza, and plenty of barbecue. No one would bother with the \"veil routine.\" But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral or something. The \"bride's father pays\" tradition could stay. All dance-floor songs would be by Iggy and the Stooges, Ted Nugent, the Smashing Pumpkins, 2Pac, and Sir Mix-A-Lot. Invitations would read as follows: Tom is getting the old ball and chain. He either: a) knocked her up; b) couldn't get a different roommate; or c) caved in to her ultimatum. Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field on the 50-yard line at halftime during Sunday's game. Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game for beer, nachos, and pizza. BYOB."}, {"response": 473, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (20:47)", "body": "Good thing men aren't in charge."}, {"response": 474, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (22:37)", "body": "Yup! Does it sound more appealling than what we arrange?"}, {"response": 475, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 20, 2000 (13:19)", "body": "Observations on Horses Tying your horse's reins to a post does no good if you then remove the bridle. When throwing your saddle over your horse's back, do not let go. See Law of Inertia: a body in motion tends to remain in motion. Forgetting to tighten the girth before swinging into the saddle gives you a whole new perspective of your horse. Before using a crop to encourage your horse to move, be sure it is facing the direction you wish to go. On a five mile long road with a single mud puddle in it, your horse will shy when you are most likely to fall in the puddle. Same for a single cactus in the desert. It is a mistake to believe horses have no sense of humor. They think we are funny. A neophyte rider need waste no time being concerned for his horse's welfare. Your horse knows all about being a horse. Concentrate on your own well being. Horses smell FEAR. Deodorant won't help."}, {"response": 476, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 20, 2000 (14:03)", "body": "HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN AND STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT! He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY. He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED."}, {"response": 477, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Apr 20, 2000 (23:17)", "body": "I'm getting tired, I guess I'm awake-challenged."}, {"response": 478, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 21, 2000 (19:26)", "body": "*lol* Sounds like...!"}, {"response": 479, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (13:38)", "body": "Actual signs seen in London England. 1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. 2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs 3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. 4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. 5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance) 6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. 7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. 8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. 9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness. 10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car 11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor. 12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. 13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. 14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work) 15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below."}, {"response": 480, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 23, 2000 (13:52)", "body": "Grandma Shoes When I was very little All the Grandmas that I knew Were wearing the same kind Of ugly grandma shoes.. You know the kind I mean.. Clunky heeled, black, lace-up kind, They just looked so very awful That it weighed upon my mind, For I knew, when I grew old . I'd have to wear those shoes, I'd think of that, from time to time It seemed like such bad news. I never was a rebel, I wore saddle shoes to school, And next came ballerinas Then the sandals, pretty cool. And then came spikes with pointed toes Then platforms, very tall, As each new fashion came along I wore them, one and all. But always, in the distance, Looming in my future, there, Was that awful pair of ugly shoes, The kind that Grandmas wear. I eventually got married And then I became a Mom Our kids grew up and left, And when their children came along, I knew I was a Grandma And the time was drawing near When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes Was what I'd have to wear. How would I do my gardening Or take my morning hike? I couldn't even think about How I would ride my bike! But fashions kept evolving And one day I realized That the shape of things to come Was changing, right before my eyes. And now, when I go shopping What I see, fills me with glee For, in my jeans and Nike's I'm as comfy as can be. And I look at all these teenage girls And there, upon their feet Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes, And I really think that's neat!"}, {"response": 481, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 23, 2000 (17:32)", "body": "Inspiration from Ginny - Thanks dear! One day a father and his well-to-do family went on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing their young son how poor some people can be. They spent a day and a night at the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, \"How was the trip?\" \"Very good, dad.\" \"Did you see how poor people can be?\" the father asked. \"Yeah\" said the son. \"And what did you learn?\" asked the father. The son answered, \"I saw that we have a dog at home and they have four. \"We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end. \"We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars. \"Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have the whole horizon.\" When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless. His son added, \"Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.\" Isn't it true it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life --- you've got everything...... You can't buy any of these things. You can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing"}, {"response": 482, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 23, 2000 (23:08)", "body": "Snappy Comebacks to the Age Old Question \"Why Aren't You Married Yet?\" 1. You haven't asked yet. 2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. 3. Nobody would believe me in white. 4. Because I just love hearing this question. 5. Just lucky, I guess. 6. It gives my mother something to live for. 7. My fianc\ufffd is awaiting parole. 8. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America. 9. I'm waiting until I get to be your age. 10. It didn't seem worth a blood test. 11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. 12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. 13. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses. 14. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. 15. They just opened a great singles bar on my block. 16. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. 17. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals. 18. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? 19. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. 20. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation."}, {"response": 483, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 24, 2000 (14:51)", "body": "READ THE SIGNS: On an Electrician's truck: \"Let us remove your shorts.\" Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: \"Best place in town to take a leak.\" In a Non-smoking area: \"If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.\" On Maternity Room door: \"Push, Push, Push.\" At an Optometrist's Office: \"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.\" At a Car Dealership: \"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.\" Outside a Muffler Shop: \"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.\" Outside a Hotel: \"Help! We need inn-experienced people.\" At an Auto Body Shop: \"May we have the next dents?\" In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: \"Drop your pants here.\" In a Veterinarian's waiting room: \"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!\" On a Music Teacher's door: \"Out Chopin.\" At the Electric Company: \"We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.\" On the side of a Garbage Truck: \"We've got what it takes to take what you've got.\" On the door of a Computer Store: \"Out for a quick byte.\" In a Restaurant window: \"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.\" Inside a Bowling Alley: \"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.\" In the front yard of a Funeral Home: \"Drive carefully, we'll wait.\""}, {"response": 484, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 24, 2000 (17:57)", "body": "60 Actual Newspaper Headlines, Collected by Journalists 1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case 5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies In House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope 11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again 13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands 14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms 15. Eye Drops Off Shelf 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax 21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told 22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death 23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant 24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies 26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter 27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years 28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One 29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84 30. War Dims Hope For Peace 31. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 35. Deer Kill 17,000 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 37. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge 38. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group 39. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy 42. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire 43. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing 49. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing 50. Air Head Fired 51. Steals Clock, Faces Time 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff 53. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni 54. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board 55. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors 56. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction 57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training 58. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 59. Police Discovered Pot Plants Were Really Cannabis 60. Headless Body Found In Topless Bar"}, {"response": 485, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 25, 2000 (19:46)", "body": "These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them atest booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. \"Cool,\" they thought at the sametime,each one in his separate room. \"This is going to be easy.\" Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?"}, {"response": 486, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 25, 2000 (22:16)", "body": "Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, \"Cool it. I am going to set up a timed test that will run two hours, and I will judge who does the better job.\" So, Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made greeting cards. They did every job known to computer nerds. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and both restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, \"It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!\" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. He protested, \"Wait! He cheated - how'd he do it?\" God just shrugged and said; \"Jesus saves.\""}, {"response": 487, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 25, 2000 (23:34)", "body": "Airline Original Humor Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the \"in-flight safety lecture\" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... \"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...\" 2. Pilot - \"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.\" 3. After landing: \"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride. 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: \"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!\" 5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: \"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.\" 6. From a Southwest Airlines employee....\"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. 7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.\" 8. \"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.\" 9. \"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.\" 10. \"Last one off the plane must clean it.\" 11. From the pilot during his welcome message: \"We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...! 12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, \"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!\" 13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: \"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.\" 14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a \"Thanks for flying XYZ airline.\" He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally,everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, \"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?\" \"Why no, Ma'am,\" said the pilot, \"what is it?\" The little old lady said, \"Did we land or were we shot down?\" 15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, \"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal. 16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: \"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways.\""}, {"response": 488, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 28, 2000 (14:58)", "body": "The TRUTH, The WHOLE TRUTH, And NOTHING But The TRUTH! A fairy tale for the assertive woman of the new millennium Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, on a repast of lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't think so."}, {"response": 489, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Apr 29, 2000 (13:53)", "body": "Marcia, that's one of my all-time faves -- THANKS! :)"}, {"response": 490, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 29, 2000 (14:21)", "body": "Nan! How I've missed your gentle humor. Aloha and welcome back!!! How are things going for you?"}, {"response": 491, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (10:36)", "body": "Really, moonbeam, hope you're doing well. Email received. Hope we can fix you up."}, {"response": 492, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (19:23)", "body": "Aloha, Marcia! I'm trying to catch up but I'm real real REAL behind. ;) Feeling stronger every day, and am about to take off for New Mexico to spend the summer shuttling between Taos (where I hope to get centered and finish a book) and my family home in Los Alamos, where my dad is dying. Terry, I'm guessing you must be referring to e-mail from Debra about our posts here being publically findable with a google.com search? She said she wrote to you but she didn't copy me on it."}, {"response": 493, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (22:56)", "body": "Ah, so this is where all the interesting post(s) are.... Have to come here more often. Mike aka Cosmo \"Caution, Distance Ahead....\""}, {"response": 494, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (23:51)", "body": "Aloha Mike *grin* Welcome to the good stuff. When you finally wander over to Geo conference, you will see what really interests me, though I do post other places. I am delighted to talk to you on other subjects. Please don't be a stranger!"}, {"response": 495, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (23:52)", "body": "*ahem* There is even a topic with my name on it (three times) in Babes conferences....if you are REALLY curious..."}, {"response": 496, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (00:56)", "body": "And...why \"Caution, Distance Ahead....\" , Mike? Long load? Sailing a snake wake? You have piqued my curiousity..."}, {"response": 497, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (14:28)", "body": "STUPID CRIMINAL STORIES --------------- * A masked man in Suffolk, VA was shot during an apparent robbery attempt at a downtown store according to authorities. The suspect was wearing a ski mask when he leapt over the counter, apparently intending to rob the place. The suspect was not armed. Unfortunately for him, the clerk behind the counter was. But this should not have surprised the suspect since the establishment he chose to rob was a gun store. * A silent burglar alarm went off in a local deli in Bloomfield, NJ. As the police arrived they could see that the front door of the deli had been smashed out and it appeared to be a typical \"smash and grab.\" It was apparent that the suspect had cut his hand on the door and was bleeding pretty badly, and investigation also revealed that he had stolen the cash register off the counter. A short while later, another officer radioed in stating he was in back of a small compact car. The trunk was open and a cash register was in plain view. As if that wasn't suspicious alone, the suspect had not bothered to take the cash drawer out of the register and what little change and cash was left in the drawer had been blowing out of the car leaving a trail of money. Want more proof of this guy's stupidity? The cash register was so large he couldn't close the trunk, so he tried tying the lid closed with the same torn blood-soaked T-shirt he was wearing to stop the bleeding on his hand. Once the vehicle was pulled over, the officer asked the driver, \"Where you going with the cash register?\" The suspect replied, \"What cash register?\" * A prisoner in New Liskeard, Ontario, waiting for his case to come up decided to escape. He ran out of the courthouse with guards right behind him. The suspect ran through the downtown area and out onto the town dock and jumped into the lake. However, the escaped prisoner immediately began screaming to be saved. He forgot he couldn't swim. * An armed robber planned to rob a regular cash pick-up from a Prince William County bowling alley. However, the robbery did not go according to plan. As a vehicle pulled up to the bowling alley, which the robber thought was an armored car, he accosted the driver at gunpoint and fled with a bag. Unfortunately for him, the vehicle was a cleaning supplies truck and the bag contained a dozen mop heads. The robber was arrested minutes later."}, {"response": 498, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (22:15)", "body": "Hiya \"Caution...\" was a cryptic phrase that was once spoken during a strange night in Austin - many years ago in a parallel universe where I once habitated.... M -aka- cos"}, {"response": 499, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (22:27)", "body": "ah...yes! I remember (I think) those parallel universes... NEW PROVERBS If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no feet. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes."}, {"response": 500, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (22:35)", "body": "And a special cosmic greet to all. Have a groovy day -M- Galaxy 500"}, {"response": 501, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (22:52)", "body": "Always! and the same to you *M* Extra-Gallactic"}, {"response": 502, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (23:14)", "body": "A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the world. Being from the United States, he thought the place to start is San Francisco and work toward the East coast. He went to the very large Grace Cathedral in that city and began taking photographs. Suddenly, he spotted a golden telephone on a wall with a sign which reads $10,000 a minute. Intrigued, he sought out the priest and asked about the phone and the cost of calls. The priest advised him that this golden phone, in fact, is a direct line to Heaven. If he wished to use it, he could talk directly to God. \"Thank you very much,\" he says and continues on his way. Next, in both Milwaukee and Chicago, he finds duplicate copies of the San Francisco phone with exactly the same notices on them. He again inquires of the local priests and receives exactly the same answers. He thanks them and resumes his investigation for his book. The writer continues on through many other states and finds the identical phones and signs until, finally, he arrives in Texas. Upon entering the Cathedral in Houston, lo and behold, he sees the familiar golden telephone with a sign. But this time the sign reads \"Calls 35 cents.\" Fascinated, he rushed to the Bishop and said, \"I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I found a golden telephone. I was told that it was a direct line to Heaven. I also was told I could talk to God. But in all of the other churches, the toll was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 'Calls 35 cents'. Why? The Bishop smiled at him benignly and said, \"My son, that's easy to explain. You see. You're in Texas. It is a local call from here.\""}, {"response": 503, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Tue, May  2, 2000 (22:22)", "body": "Oy! Time to plan another trip to Texas! M i k e"}, {"response": 504, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  2, 2000 (22:25)", "body": "Oy?! Texan for Auwe? M a r c i a"}, {"response": 505, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  2, 2000 (23:32)", "body": "Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a. Present it to the president of the United States. b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations. c. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youth do you miss the most? a. Innocence. b. Idealism. c. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male? a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.) c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: a. A cat. b. A dog. c. A dog that eats cats. 5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy--you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers--when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say? a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen. 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do you tell her? a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her. c. Tell her what? 7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is: a. \"Do they need to eat or anything?\" b. \"They're in school already?\" c. \"There are three of them?\" 8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land? a. He was being tested. b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there. c. He refused to ask directions. 9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement? a. Democracy. b. Religion. c. Remote control."}, {"response": 506, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, May  5, 2000 (02:51)", "body": "A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly! I asked for Strength......... And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong. I asked for Wisdom......... And God gave me Problems to solve. I asked for Prosperity......... And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work. I asked for Courage......... And God gave me Danger to overcome. I asked for Love......... And God gave me Troubled people to help. I asked for Favors......... And God gave me Opportunities. I received nothing I wanted ........ I received everything I needed! May God Bless You. May the desires of your heart come true, and may you experience Peace in everything you do. May Goodness, Kindness, and Mercy come your way."}, {"response": 507, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, May  5, 2000 (02:53)", "body": "We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights: 1. \"... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.\" 2. \"She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.\" 3. \"A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.\" 4. \"... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.\" 5. \"... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve\" 6. \"Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.\" 7. \"Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.\" 8. \"When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.\" 9 . \"At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.\" 10. \"... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.\" 11. \"Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.\" 12. \"While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.\" 13. \"During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.\" 14. \"A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: \"'Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?' I said, 'I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further.' He promptly responded, 'I am as long as you'll pay me more.' I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.\" 15. \"His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.\" 16. \"Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.\" 17. \"... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.\" 18. \"Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.\""}, {"response": 508, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, May  5, 2000 (03:11)", "body": "Over 3 million households around the country had to do without watching ABC TV earlier this week because of a quarrel over transmission rights between Time Warner Inc. and The Walt Disney Co., owners of ABC. The Top Things Overheard in the Disney/Time Warner Negotiations \"So we are agreed, you rule the world Monday through Wednesday, we rule the world Thursday through Saturday, and on Sunday we let Cher have a crack at it.\" \"Here's the thing: Time? Loves the mouse. Warner? Not so much.\" \"Give in, or you'll hear 'It's a Small World' once an hour for the rest of your lives!!!\" The splintering of wooden doors as a Janet Reno's swat team rushes in to free Regis. \"So let's recap: you rename one of the dwarfs 'Katzenbergey', and we can get the little mermaid alone in a Motel 6 for three hours.\" \"Uh, Mr. Eisner -- just because Mickey wears no pants doesn't mean you have to.\" \"I'm afraid you don't understand -- what Goofy wants, Goofy gets.\" \"Alright, who put the frozen head of Walt in my bed?\" \"Is that your final tantrum?\" [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]"}, {"response": 509, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May  5, 2000 (14:37)", "body": "Thanks for the great additions to this compilation of the best and worst of human endeavors. It is so good to have you posting again *Big Smiles and Hugs*"}, {"response": 510, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  7, 2000 (13:24)", "body": "21 Reasons the English Language is Hard to Learn 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18. After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?"}, {"response": 511, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  7, 2000 (13:29)", "body": "There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a pound where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: \"Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?\" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: \"Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!\""}, {"response": 512, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, May  7, 2000 (22:12)", "body": "In a large Florida city, the local rabbi developed quite a reputation for his sermons; so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbos. Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his nephew's Bar Mitzvah. But he didn't want to miss The Rabbi's sermon. So he decided to hire a \"Shabbos goy\" to sit in the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it when he returned. Other congregants saw what was going on, and they also decided to hire \"Shabbos goys\" to tape the sermon so they could play golf instead of going to shul. Within a few weeks time there were 500 gentiles sitting in shul taping the Rabbi. The Rabbi got wise to this. The following Shabbos he, too, hired a Shabbos goy who brought a tape recorder to play his prerecoded sermon. Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history of \"artificial insermonation.\""}, {"response": 513, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  7, 2000 (22:41)", "body": "* G R O A N * *giggle*"}, {"response": 514, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  8, 2000 (14:25)", "body": "MERGERS In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape/Time Warner deals, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see: Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker. 3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home. Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine, All Mine. Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to become Knott NOW."}, {"response": 515, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  9, 2000 (00:09)", "body": "WHY MEN ARE PROUD OF THEMSELVES 1. We know stuff about tanks. 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase. 3. We can open all our own jars. 4. We can make decisions without a support group. 5. We can leave a motel bed unmade. 6. We can kill our own food. 7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 8. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 9. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend. 10. Underwear is $10 a three-pack. 11. Three pairs of shoes is more than adequate. 12. We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming. 13. Car mechanics tell us the truth. 14. We can sit quietly and watch TV with a friend for hours without thinking \"He must be mad at me.\" 15. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. 16. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 17. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends. 18. Your pals will never trap you with: \"So, notice anything different?\" 19. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colors. 20. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes. 21. The same hairstyle lasts for years-maybe decades. 22. We don't have to shave below the neck. 23. A few belches are expected and tolerated. 24. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 25. We can do our nails with a pocketknife. 26. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and be done in 45 minutes."}, {"response": 516, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (00:18)", "body": "The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could handle the story tactfully. The book appeared. It said, \"Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.\""}, {"response": 517, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (00:20)", "body": "Got this e-mail from my 17-year-old daughter this morning -- Dear mom: Today has been the mega henious morning of my life. And it all started before I woke up this morning. Sometime during the night, I was abducted by hostile anal-probe toting aliens. So I woke up this morning smelling like stale piss-water beer. Then, as if that weren't bad enough, I realized that I had slept on my head wrong and my neck wouldn't move without the use of plumbing tools. But I knew this was no excuse to skip class, so I went to my first class, Elbow Macaroni Throughout the Ages. While I was sitting in class picturing the prof naked, I began to develop a horrible case of gas. I don't know what to do, Mom. I wanna curl up with my blankie. But that's hard to do when you look like an old Indian man. Anyway, I'll be alright. Don't worry about me. Too much. I went through five boxes of \"Ding-Dongs\" every hour this morning. I'm sure a crutch'll do me good. But if you sent me $10,000 now, I might not have to sink to those depths. --- This letter was sent by the Student.Com Mom-O-Matic http://www.student.com/feature/momomatic Student.Com: http://www.student.com"}, {"response": 518, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (12:35)", "body": "Nan! They are great. I am pasting them to email and sending it to those in the world who I have not enticed into Spring as yet. Thanks for some really clever goodies!"}, {"response": 519, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (15:08)", "body": "A friend sent this to me saying we could all use a reminder of what's important. And it was fun. (Love the last one!) This is what The Dalai Lama has to say on the millennium, all it takes is a few seconds to read and think. Instructions For Life 1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 3. Follow the three Rs: a) Respect for self b) Respect for others and 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 8. Spend some time alone every day. 9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time. 12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. 14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. 15. Be gentle with the earth. 16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before. 17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. 19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."}, {"response": 520, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (15:16)", "body": "Remembering our conversation about John Brown on History conference, John added this comment to the one he made there: \"I believe in judging John Brown, you need to take the Dalai Lama's sayings #1, #5, and #9 into consideration. Yes, Brown took his principles beyond non-violent resistance, but war and a changing economic paradigm was the only thing caused freedom for the slaves, not nonviolent resistance or the Emancipation Proclamation.\""}, {"response": 521, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (15:20)", "body": "Very true, and definitely worth considering when contemplating John Brown's influence on American History."}, {"response": 522, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (15:48)", "body": "Did you read the comment I posted after your thoughtful one on the fact of John Brown and his controversial life? I am about to post what happened today..."}, {"response": 523, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 10, 2000 (17:07)", "body": "Some hymns to consider for future services. The Dentist's Hymn - Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman's Hymn: There Shall be Showers of Blessings The Contractor's Hymn - The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn - Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn - There is a Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn - Standing On the Promises The Optometrist's Hymn - Open My Eyes That I May See The IRS Agent's Hymn - I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn - Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn - Send Out Thy Light The Shopper's Hymn - Sweet By and By Hymns to Sing while driving - 45 mph - God Will Take Care of You 55 mph - Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah 65 mph - Nearer My God to Thee 75 mph - Nearer Still Nearer 85 mph - This World is Not My Home 95 mph - Lord, I'm Coming Home Over 100 mph - Precious Memories"}, {"response": 524, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, May 11, 2000 (17:28)", "body": "Yes, I did read them, Marcia. Sorry I should have posted and let you know."}, {"response": 525, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 12, 2000 (15:59)", "body": "HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY You Know You're a Mom When... 10. You automatically double-knot everything you tie. 9. You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes. 8. You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school! 7. You can never go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming outside the door. 6. You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce. 5. You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you. 4. You actually start understanding the Klingon language. 3. You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells. 2. You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, \"Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?\" 1. You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!"}, {"response": 526, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 14, 2000 (16:21)", "body": "DEEP THOUGHTS 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. 3. I am in shape. Round's a shape... 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 5. Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? 6. I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 7. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. 8. Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. 9. You have to walk to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is. 10. I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. 11. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you 12. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. 13. I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her. 14. A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. \"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, \"I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.\" 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the James Carter Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore."}, {"response": 527, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 15, 2000 (10:44)", "body": "Children have a way of making the complicated, very simple The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom. It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places. Momentum is something you give a person when they go away. Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers. When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy. One of the main causes of dust is DIRT. A monsoon is a French gentleman. To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow. Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should. Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days. The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."}, {"response": 528, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 15, 2000 (16:12)", "body": "Not so long ago... (thanks, Hannah!) An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to garbage not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile! Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode! Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!"}, {"response": 529, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 16, 2000 (00:03)", "body": "Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . . I'm sorry... what did you ask me?"}, {"response": 530, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 16, 2000 (00:06)", "body": "RANDOM THOUGHTS Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor. You can't have everything - where would you put it? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray! A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."}, {"response": 531, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 16, 2000 (00:08)", "body": "Sayings for a High Stress Day 1. You! Off my planet!! 2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? 3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 5. And your crybaby whiny-arsed opinion would be...? 6. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. 7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 8. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 9. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 10. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. 11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 13. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. 14. How many times do I have to flush before you go away. 15. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 16. You say I'm a witch like it's a bad thing. 17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? 18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 19. Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done. 20. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. 21. Earth is full. Go home. 22. Is it time for your medication or mine? 23. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? 24. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 25. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. 26. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."}, {"response": 532, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, May 17, 2000 (01:50)", "body": "* still LOL and gasping for breath -- thanks for the PMS & lightbulbs!!! *"}, {"response": 533, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 17, 2000 (16:28)", "body": "My pleasure! Here's another couple to pixillate you: POOR BILL, THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN! Bill Gates passes this mortal life and to nobody's surprise including his own, arrives in hell. Satan greets him: \"Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Frankly releasing Windows 95 two years early, would by itself, have landed you here. But enough of that. You've arrived on a day when I'm in a good mood, so I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.\" Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young, dark-skinned blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says \"I'll take this option.\" \"Fine,\" says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan then locks the door, and swallows the key. As Satan turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. \"That was Bill Gates!\" cried Lucifer. \"Why did you give him the best place of all!\" \"That's what everyone thinks,\" snickered Satan, \"the bottle is empty and the girl is RuPaul!\" \"What about the PC?\" \"It's got Windows 2000,\" laughed Satan, \"and it's missing three keys!\" \"Which three?\" \"Control, Alt and Delete.\""}, {"response": 534, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 17, 2000 (18:29)", "body": "*WOMEN* By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said \"Why are you spending so much time on this one\"? And the Lord answered and said, \"Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time, and disappears when she stands up. Have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands.\" The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. Six pairs of hands ! \"No Way!\" said the Angel. The Lord replied, \"Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!\" \"And that's just on the standard model?\" The Angel asked. The Lord nodded in agreement, \"Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head, are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her, without even saying a single word.\" The Angel tried to stop the Lord. \"This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.\" \"But I can't!\" The Lord protested, \"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower.\" The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, \"But you have made her so soft, Lord.\" She is soft\", the Lord agreed, \"but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.\" \"Will she be able to think?\", asked the Angel. The Lord replied, \"Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate.\" The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. \"Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.\" \"That's not a leak.\" The Lord objected. \"That's a tear.\" \"What's the tear for?\" the Angel asked. The Lord said, \"The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride.\" The Angel was impressed. \"You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything --- for WOMEN are truly amazing!\""}, {"response": 535, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 17, 2000 (18:41)", "body": "THINGS ARE BIGGER BACK IN TEXAS... A young man who left his home in Texas at an early age, finally purchased his own ranch in Oklahoma. He invited his father out for a visit, and took him on a tour of the property. Driving along in the son's pickup truck, a jack rabbit hopped onto the road in front of them. The son stopped the truck to let the rabbit pass, and the father queried: \"What in tarnation is that!?\" The son incredulously replied, \"That's a jackrabbit, Dad, what did you think it was?\" The father shrugged and said, \"We grow 'em a lot bigger'n back home in Texas.\" So they went on and a little farther on they came to a few buffalo roaming the range. The son stopped the truck and the father again said in a puzzled tone \"What are those?\" The son hesitantly said \"Those are buffalo, Dad; you gotta be kiddin me, you really don't recognize them?\" The father replied \"Well, I guess they're kinda familiar -- it's just that we grow 'em so much bigger back in Texas.\" The son, a bit disgruntled, drove on in silence. At length they approached a low part in the road with marshy wetlands on either side. A large snapping turtle lumbered onto the road. The father peered intently at the creature and said \"Now what the heck is that thing!?\" Without missing a beat, the son replied, \"wood tick\"..."}, {"response": 536, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 18, 2000 (01:34)", "body": "Corporate Talk Helping you figure out those slick and glossies from companies recruiting here are what they actually mean. \"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY\" We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers. \"IMMEDIATE OPENING\" The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad. \"PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS\" After 3 years, we'll allow you to fund your own 401(k) and, if you behave we'll give you a 5 percent matching contribution. \"COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT\" We have a lot of turnover. \"EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT\" Guys in grey suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts. \"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM\" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes. \"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED\" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. \"FLEXIBLE HOURS\" Work 40 hours; get paid for 25. \"DUTIES WILL VARY\" Anyone in the office can boss you around. \"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL\" We have no quality control. . \"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE\" You'll need it to replace three people who just left. \"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST\" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. \"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS\" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. \"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS\" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do. \"ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD\" You whine, you're fired."}, {"response": 537, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 18, 2000 (13:02)", "body": "NEW WORDS FOR 2000 (Part 1) BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators running. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. \"We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: \"You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn:decruitment.) CLM (Career Limiting Move): Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM."}, {"response": 538, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 18, 2000 (13:03)", "body": "WORDS FOR 2000 (Part 2) ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. DILBERTED: To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.\"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.\" 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message \"404 - File Not Found,\" meaning that the requested document could not be located. \"Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man.\" OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. UMFRIEND: A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship. SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive, Mortgage) STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, \"We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps.\" GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in \"We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in.\""}, {"response": 539, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 18, 2000 (13:50)", "body": "Things I Learned as a Child ~ No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. ~When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. ~If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. ~You can't trust dogs to watch your food. ~Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. ~Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. ~Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac. ~Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. ~School lunches stick to the wall. ~You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. ~Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. ~The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap. ~It's hard to unlearn a bad word. ~It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper. ~A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen. ~Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines. ~Twelve is a lot older than eight. ~Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers. ~Don't say that the \"Last One is a Rotten Egg\" unless you're absolutely sure there's a slow kid behind you. ~If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. ~Your room gets smaller as you get bigger. ~You can't start over just because you're losing the game. ~A snow day is more fun than a vacation day. ~All libraries smell the same. ~If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it. ~Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying. ~Silence can be an answer. ~If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it back. ~Don't nod on the phone."}, {"response": 540, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 18, 2000 (13:59)", "body": "There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, \"Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work!?\""}, {"response": 541, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 18, 2000 (18:48)", "body": "HIGH-TECH HAIKU A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. - - - - - - - - - - - - Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. - - - - - - - - - - - - Wind catches lily scatt'ring petals to the wind: segmentation fault - - - - - - - - - - - - ABORTED effort: Close all that you have. You ask way too much. - - - - - - - - - - - - First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. - - - - - - - - - - - - With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: \"My Novel\" not found. - - - - - - - - - - - - The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner. - - - - - - - - - - - - The Web site you seek cannot be located but endless others exist - - - - - - - - - - - - Stay the patient course Of little worth is your ire The network is down - - - - - - - - - - - - A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. - - - - - - - - - - - - Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that - - - - - - - - - - - - To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy - - - - - - - - - - - - You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. - - - - - - - - - - - - Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will."}, {"response": 542, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 21, 2000 (20:36)", "body": "TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES 10. They ask for all their money in quarters. 9. They're not sure what season, or year it is. 8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends). 7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards. 6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams. 5. Their fingers twitch all the time. 4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right. 3. They can play 2 player games by themselves. 2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name. 1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered."}, {"response": 543, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 21, 2000 (23:41)", "body": "There was once a monk who liked to peddle flowers in front of a large shopping establishment. He was a very annoying fellow, who would constantly beseech you to buy his flowers, and when you refused he would curse you with all the fire and brimstone he could muster. This was very annoying to the patrons of the shopping center, and they began to take their business elsewhere. The businessmen became upset, because this fellow was driving away all the shoppers. One day, one of them got an idea. He ran off to the cattle yard, and purchased a lamb. He then came back and climbed to the roof of the building, threw the lamb over the side, killing the monk below as he was selling his flowers. The other businessmen came up to him and asked, \"Why did you do that?\" He replied, \"I had to. Only ewes can stop florist friars.\""}, {"response": 544, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 23, 2000 (15:26)", "body": "[Source unknown - I got it from Ginny] THE YOUNG PERSON'S GUIDE TO THE CHORUS In any chorus, there are four voice parts: soprano, alto, tenor, and bass. Sometimes these are divided into first and second within each part,prompting endless jokes about first and second basses. There are also various other parts such as baritone, countertenor, contralto, mezzo soprano, etc., but these are mostly used by people who are either soloists, or belong to some excessively hotshot classical a cappella group (this applies especially to countertenors), or are trying to make excuses for not really fitting into any of the regular voice parts, so we will ignore them for now. Each voice part sings in a different range, and each one has a very different personality. You may ask, \"Why should singing different notes make people act differently?\", and indeed this is a mysterious question and has not been adequately studied, especially since scientists who study musicians tend to be musicians themselves and have all the peculiar complexes that go with being tenors, french horn players, timpanists, or whatever. However, this is beside the point; the fact remains that the four voice parts can be easily distinguished, and I will now explain how. THE SOPRANOS are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They have longer hair, fancier jewelry, and swishier skirts than anyone else, and they consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go at least to a high F in every movement of any given piece. When they reach the high notes, they hold them for at least half again as long as the composer and/or conductor requires, and then complain that their throats are killing them and that the composer and conductor are sadists. Sopranos have varied attitudes toward the other sections of the chorus, though they consider all of them inferior. Altos are to sopranos rather like second violins to first violins - nice to harmonize with, but not really necessary. All sopranos have a secret feeling that the altos could drop out and the piece would sound essentially the same, and they don't understand why anybody would sing in that range in the first place - it's so boring. Tenors, on the other hand, can be very nice to have around; besides their flirtation possibilities (it is a well-known fact that sopranos never flirt with basses), sopranos like to sing duets with tenors because all the tenors are doing is working very hard to sing in a low-to-medium soprano range, while the sopranos are up there in the stratosphere showing off. To sopranos, basses are the scum of the earth - they sing too damn loud, are useless to tune to because they're down in that low, low range - and there has to be something wrong with anyone who sings in the F clef, anyway (although while they swoon while the Tenors sing, they still end up going home with the basses). THE ALTOS are the salt of the earth - in their opinion, at least. Altos are unassuming people, who would wear jeans to concerts if they were allowed to. Altos are in a unique position in the chorus in that they are unable to complain about having to sing either very high or very low, and they know that all the other sections think their parts are pitifully easy. But the altos know otherwise. They know that while the sopranos are screeching away on a high A, they are being forced to sing elaborate passages full of sharps and flats and tricks of rhythm, and nobody is noticing because the sopranos are singing too loud (and the basses usually are, too). Altos get a deep, secret pleasure out of conspiring together to tune the sopranos flat. Altos have an innate distrust of tenors, because the tenors sing in almost the same range and think they sound better. They like the basses, and enjoy singing duets with them - the basses just sound like a rumble anyway, and it's the only time the altos can really be heard. Altos' other complaint is that there are always too many of them and so they never get to sing really loud. THE TENORS are spoiled. That's all there is to it. For one thing, there are never enough of them, and choir directors would rather sell their souls than let a halfway decent tenor quit, while they're always ready to unload a few altos at half price. And then, for some reason, the few tenors there are are always really good - it's one of those annoying facts of life. So it's no wonder that tenors always get swollen heads - after all, who else can make sopranos swoon? The one thing that can make tenors insecure is the accusation (usually by the basses) that anyone singing that high couldn't possibly be a real man. In their usual perverse fashion, the tenors never acknowledge this, but just complain louder about the composer being a sadist and making them sing so damn high. Tenors have a love-hate relationship with the conductor, too, because the conductor is always telling them to sing louder because there are so few of them. No conductor in recorded history h"}, {"response": 545, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 24, 2000 (18:26)", "body": "+------------------- Bizarre Inventions -------------------+ 1. The Tonya Tapper - A personal security steel club named after the notorious skater; suitable for all knee whacking purposes. 2. Sweet Jesus Chocolate - Tasty milk chocolate crucifix candies that ooze red jelly when bitten. 3. Insecticide Pantyhose - Bug resistant pantyhose sure to repel spiders, cockroaches, [and probably dates.] 4. Artificial Spray-On Dirt - For the yuppie whose tired of looking wuss in his luxury S.U.V. This is sure to provide that rugged four-wheeling look. 5. Drive-Through Window at Funeral Homes - For the more somber drive-by. 6. .45 Semiautomatic Telephone - A novelty phone sure to please the darkest sense of humor. The caller must hold the gun against their head to make a call; let the fun begin. 7. Bird Diaper - For Polly when potty training is not an option. 8. Snif-T-Panties - Women's underwear with built in fragrance to capture the right mood; scents include rose, banana, pickles, pizza and, of course, whiskey."}, {"response": 546, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 30, 2000 (00:01)", "body": "INTERESTING ANAGRAMS \"Dormitory\" - Dirty Room \"Desperation\" - A Rope Ends It \"The Morse Code\" - Here Come Dots \"Slot Machines\" - Cash Lost in 'em \"Animosity\" - Is No Amity \"Mother-in-law\" - Woman Hitler \"Snooze Alarms\" - Alas! No More Z's \"Alec Guinness\" - Genuine Class \"Semolina\" - Is No Meal \"The Public Art Galleries\" - Large Picture Halls, I Bet \"A Decimal Point\" - I'm a Dot in Place \"The Earthquakes\" - That Queer Shake \"Eleven plus two\" - Twelve plus one \"Contradiction\" - Accord not in it \"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.\" Anagram: \"A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!\" \"President Clinton of the USA\" Anagram: \"To copulate he finds interns.\""}, {"response": 547, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  2, 2000 (20:05)", "body": "13 REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN: You can buy a silencer for a handgun. You can trade a .44 for two .22's. You can have a handgun at home and another for the road. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup. Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. Handguns function normally every day of the month. A handgun won't ask, \"Do these grips make me look fat?\" A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it. You can have more than one handgun living in the same house without having problems. A handgun doesn't care how big your trigger finger is. A handgun won't tell all of its friends if you are a \"little fast on the trigger\"..."}, {"response": 548, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  4, 2000 (00:50)", "body": "You know you are addicted to coffee if ... You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. You don't sweat, you percolate. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without a remote. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. You short out motion detectors. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. You help your dog chase its tail. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You answer the door before people knock."}, {"response": 549, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 12, 2000 (17:44)", "body": "This from John Burnett IF WOMEN RAN THE UNIVERSITIES A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man--as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline. FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule: MEN 101 Combating Stupidity MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas Winter Schedule: MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II ECON 001 A What's Hers is Hers Spring Schedule: MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule: SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down Elective (See Electives Below) Winter Schedule: MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1 Spring Schedule: MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary(Pass/Fail Only) MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2 Course Electives: EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly MEN 231 Mothers-in-law MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening MEN 233 Just Say \"Yes, Dear\" ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her"}, {"response": 550, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 13, 2000 (18:17)", "body": "ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You A Straighten it B Ignore it C Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron. The correct answer is \"C\" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes \"It depends\" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on \"Marketing\" SOCIAL SKILLS Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction \"Normal\" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction: *Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation *Important social contacts *A feeling of connectedness with other humans In contrast to \"normal\" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions: *Get it over with as soon as possible *Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant *Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects FASCINATION WITH GADGETS To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys. FASHION AND APPEARANCE Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste. DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function. Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity. Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions: * Bill Gates * MacGyver * Etcetera Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day. HONESTY Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth. Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected. to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below \"I won't change anything without asking you first.\" \"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow.\" \"I have to have new equipment to do my job.\" \"I'm not jealous of your new computer.\" FRUGALITY Engineers are notoriously frugal (i.e. cheap). This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, \"How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?\" POWERS OF CONCENTRATION If there is one trait that best defines an engineer, it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it. RISK Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something. EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS * Hindenberg * Space Shuttle Ch"}, {"response": 551, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 20, 2000 (00:26)", "body": "MILLENNIUM VOCABULARY The latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the Y2K office environment: * Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. * Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. * Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands. * CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. * Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. * Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. \"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.\" * Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon. * 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message \"404 Not Found,\" meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: \"Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man.\" * Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in: \"We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in. * Ohno-second - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. * Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. * Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in \"This is , my... um... friend.\" * Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles. * Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running. * Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato."}, {"response": 552, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 20, 2000 (23:35)", "body": "Results of a \"theories\" contest sponsored by Omni magazine: GRAND PRIZE WINNER When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. RUNNER-UP #1: If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille. RUNNER-UP #2: Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out. RUNNER-UP #3: Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate. RUNNER-UP #4: The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast."}, {"response": 553, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 22, 2000 (21:22)", "body": "GOD SURVEY God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following 8 questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. 1. How did you find out about God? __ Newspaper __ Other Book __ Television __ Divine Inspiration __ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience __ Tabloid __ Burning Shrubbery __ Bible __ Torah __ who? (specify): _____________ 2. Which model God did you acquire? __ Yahweh __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet Bundle __ Jehovah __ Jesus __ Allah __ Satan __ God __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god __ I don't know what you're talking about. 3. If taken in by a false god, which one were you taken in by? Please check all that apply. __ Odin __ Zeuz __ Bill Gates __ The Almighty Dollar __ Apollo __ Left Wing Liberalism __ The Radical Right __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ The great Spirit __ Cindy Crawford __ The Moon __ A burning cabbage __ Other: ________________ 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god? Please check all that apply. __ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Wanted to piss off parents __ Needed a day away from work __ Desperate need for certainty __ Like Organ Music __ Need to feel Morally Superior __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it __ I don't know 5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers __ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry __ Self-help books __ Biorhythms __ Alcohol __ Tea Leaves __ Mantras __ Jimmy Swaggert __ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle) __ Wandering around a desert __ Burning Shrubbery __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Barney Fife __ Other:_____________________ __ None 6. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)? a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention? 7. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent): a. Disasters: flood 1 2 3 4 5 famine 1 2 3 4 5 earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 war 1 2 3 4 5 pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 plague 1 2 3 4 5 SPAM 1 2 3 4 5 AOL 1 2 3 4 5 b. Miracles: rescues 1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5 crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks 1 2 3 4 5 Saddam Hussein still alive 1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever 1 2 3 4 5 8. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by August 30 you will be entered in the One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are approx. 1x10^256, depending on number of beings entered)."}, {"response": 554, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 22, 2000 (21:31)", "body": "Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God ... \"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you did enormously help society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world; and yet you created that ghastly Windows System. You know... Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows 2000. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!\" Bill replied, \"Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?\" God said, \"I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.\" \"Fine, but where should I go first?\" God said, \"I'm going to leave that up to you.\" Bill said, \"OK, then, let's try Hell first.\" So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. \"This is great!\" he told God, \"If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!\" \"Fine,\" said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. \"Hmm, I think I prefer Hell\" he told God. \"Fine,\" retorted God, \"as you desire.\" So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. \"How's everything going, Bill?\" God asked. Bill responded-his voice full of anguish and disappointment, \"This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?\" God says, \"That was the screen saver\"."}, {"response": 555, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 23, 2000 (17:06)", "body": "YOU KNOW IT'S A \"NO FRILLS\" AIRLINE WHEN ... ...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. ...before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. ...if you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back. ...you cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change. ...before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. ...the Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. ...when they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. ...the Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. ...you ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, \"Just once.\" ...no movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes ...you see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. ...all the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel."}, {"response": 556, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 28, 2000 (13:38)", "body": "Top 10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked 10. Your boss is always yelling, \"I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!\" 9. You can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 8. An inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources. 7. \"I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.\" 6. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. 5. You want to see if it's like the dream. 4. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. 3. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 2. Gives \"bad hair day\" a whole new meaning. And the number 1 reason to go to work naked: 1. No one steals your chair."}, {"response": 557, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 28, 2000 (22:35)", "body": "HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY 1) You wake up - face down on the pavement 2) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold 3) You see a \"60 minutes\" news team waiting for you in your office 4) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles 5) Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business 6) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city 7) Your twin sister forgets your birthday 8) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke. And then you realize you don't have a waterbed 9) Your carhorn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway 10) Your wife wakes up feeling amourous and YOU have a headache 11) Your boss tells you to not bother taking off you coat 12) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard 13) You wake up and your braces are locked together 14) You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business 15) Your daughter just got a job at the White House. As an intern 16) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife"}, {"response": 558, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 30, 2000 (15:17)", "body": "People Who Should Be Phased Out (by George Carlin) ** Guy's who always harmonize the last few notes of \"Happy Birthday.\" ** People over 40 who can't put on reading glasses without making self-conscious remarks about their advancing age. ** Guys who wink when they're kidding. ** Men who propose on the giant TV screen at a sports stadium. ** Guys in their fifties who flash me the peace sign and really mean it. ** People with a small patch of natural white hair who think it makes them look interesting. ** Guys with creases in their jeans. ** People who move their lips when I'm talking. ** Guys who want to shake my hand even though we just saw each other an hour ago. ** A celebrity couple who adopt a Third-World baby and call it Rain Forest. ** Guys who wear suits all day and think an earring makes them cool at night. ** Old people who tell me what the weather used to be where they used to live. ** Men who have one long uninterrupted eyebrow. ** Guys who wink and give the peace sign simultaneously. ** People who say, \"Knock, Knock,\" when entering a room and \"Beep Beep\" when someone is in their path. ** People who have memorized a lot of TV-show theme songs and are proud of it. ** Women who think it's cute to have first names consisting solely of initials. ** People who give their house or car a name. ** People who give their genitals a name. ** Guys who can juggle, but only a little bit. ** Actors who drive race cars. ** Men who wear loafers without socks. Especially if they have creases in their jeans. ** Athletes and coaches who give more than a hundred percent. ** Guys who still smell like soap even in the late afternoon. ** Guys who wear their wristwatches on the inside of their wrists. ** Any man who wears a suit and a tie to a ball game. ** Guys who flash me the thumbs up sign. Especially if they're winking and making the peace sign with their other hand."}, {"response": 559, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 30, 2000 (15:27)", "body": "UNDERSTANDING YOUR PAYCHECK Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax -244.40 Outgo Tax -45.21 State Tax -5.89 Interstate -61.10 County Tax -6.11 City Tax -12.22 Rural Tax -4.44 Back Tax -1.11 Front Tax -1.16 Side Tax -1.61 Up Tax -2.22 Down Tax -1.11 Tic-Tacs -1.98 Thumbtacks -3.93 Carpet Tacks -0.98 Stadium Tax -0.69 Flat Tax -8.32 Surtax-3.46 Ma'am Tax -5.00 Parking Fee -2.60 No Pkg Fee -5.85 F.I.C.A. -10.00 T.G.I.F. -81.88 Life Ins. -9.95 Health Ins. -3.41 Disability -16.23 Ability -2.50 Liability Ins. -0.25 Dental Ins. - 4.50 Mental Ins. -4.33 Reassurance -0.11 Coffee -6.85 Coffee Cups Calendar -66.51 Floor Rental -3.06 Chair Rental -16.85 Desk Rental -4.32 Union Dues -5.85 Union Don'ts -3.77 Cash Advances -0.69 Cash Retreats -121.35 Overtime -1.26 Undertime - 54.83 Eastern Time -9.00 Central Time -8.00 Mntn Time - 7.00 Pacific Time -6.00 GMT -24.00 Bath Time -4.44 Time Out -12.21 Oxygen -10.02 Water - 16.54 Electricity -38.23 Heat -51.42 Air -46.83 Misc -144.38 Take Home Pay: $0000.02 [This is where the expression \"just my 2 cents worth\" came from...]"}, {"response": 560, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Jul  1, 2000 (07:30)", "body": "That Outgo tax really gets you."}, {"response": 561, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul  1, 2000 (12:16)", "body": "Every time, it gets you...Dontcha wonder where it is outgoing?!"}, {"response": 562, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul  7, 2000 (23:46)", "body": "Jesus Genealogy Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence............. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN: 1. His first name was Jesus 2. He was bilingual 3. He was always being harassed by the authorities But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS BLACK 1. He called everybody \"brother\" 2. He liked Gospel 3. He couldn't get a fair trial But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS JEWISH 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS ITALIAN 1. He talked with his hands 2. He had wine with every meal 3. He used olive oil But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN 1. He never cut his hair 2. He walked around barefoot 3. He started a new religion But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS IRISH 1. He never got married 2. He was always telling stories 3. He loved green pastures But perhaps the most compelling evidence ......... THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN ..... 1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food 2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT 3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work"}, {"response": 563, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 12, 2000 (13:58)", "body": "Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced American Traveler * Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase \"Free Ammo\" * There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare. * Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars. * Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms. * In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami. * Consider very carefully visiting a country where the license plate motto is \"Die American Pig\""}, {"response": 564, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jul 17, 2000 (23:19)", "body": "ADVANCED DEGREES In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, \"Hi, junior, what are you up to?\" \"I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes,\" said the rabbit. \"Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible!\" \"Well, follow me and I'll show you.\" They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face. Comes along a wolf. \"Hello, what are we doing these days?\" \"I'm writing the second chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves.\" \"Are you crazy? Where is your academic honesty?\" \"Come with me and I'll show you.\" As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge lion sitting next to some bloody and furry remnants of the wolf and the fox. The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts."}, {"response": 565, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 18, 2000 (19:58)", "body": "A first grade teacher explained to he class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands exploded into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Jolene has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked her why she has decided to be different. \"Because I'm not a liberal Democrat.\" Then, asks the teacher, \"What are you?\" \"Why I'm a proud conservative Republican,\" boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks why she is a conservative Republican. \"Well I was brought up to believe in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too.\" The teacher is now angry. \"That's no reason,\" she says loudly, \"What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?\" The youngster paused and smiled. \"Then,\" said Jolene, \"I'd be a liberal Democrat.\""}, {"response": 566, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 18, 2000 (20:03)", "body": "Words of Wisdom: ** The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. ** A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ** Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines. ** Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. ** A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. ** For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. ** He who hesitates is probably right. ** Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. ** No one is listening until you make a mistake. ** Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. ** The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. ** The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. ** The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. ** To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. ** Two wrongs are only the beginning. ** You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. ** Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. ** The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. ** A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ** If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. ** Change is inevitable....except from vending machines. ** Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. ** If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. ** Attempt to get a new car for your spouse: it'll be a great trade! ** Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. ** Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. ** Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. ** Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. ** Borrow money from pessimists: they don't expect it back. ** Half the people you know are below average. ** 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."}, {"response": 567, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 18, 2000 (20:07)", "body": "In the Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void. And darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, \"It doesn't get any better than this.\" And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female He created them. And God looked upon Man and Woman. And saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach. And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, \"You want fries with that?\" And Man said, \"Super size them.\" And Man gained five pounds. And so God created healthful yogurt, That Woman might keep her figure But the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds. And God said, \"Try my crispy fresh salad.\" And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said, Why doth thou eatest thus? \"I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables. And olive oil with which to cook them.\" But the Devil brought forth a chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds. And his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And so God brought forth running shoes. And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds. And so God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy enter into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, \"It is good.\" And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil cancelled Man's health insurance. So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body, while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another 10 pounds. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva chocolate, and upon returning asked Man, \"Do I look fat?\" And the Devil said, \"Always tell the truth.\" And Man did. And Woman went out from the presence of Man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, East of the marriage counsellor. And the Devil said, \"It doesn't get any better than this.\""}, {"response": 568, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 21, 2000 (00:52)", "body": "Thank you, Ginny, for this: 19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be \"meetings\". 3. There is a very fine line between \"hobby\" and \"mental illness.\" 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11. 16. \"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that WE are above average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 19. Your friends love you, anyway."}, {"response": 569, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 27, 2000 (17:59)", "body": "Success (in a nutshell) At age 4, success is: not peeing your pants. At age 12, success is: having friends. At age 20, success is: interest in the opposite sex. At age 35, success is: making money. At age 60, success is: interest in the opposite sex. At age 70, success is: having friends. At age 80, success is: not peeing your pants"}, {"response": 570, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  2, 2000 (17:57)", "body": "Driving rules in Dallas 1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for: (A) getting out of your car and moving the barrels (B) straddling both lanes to block the jerks behind you 2. Turn signals provide clues to your next move in the road battle, so don't use them. 3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by some clueless jerk, putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chances of getting hit. 5. If you have a green light while at least 100 yards from an intersection, you can go on through, even if the light changes to red before you get there. 6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible, to insure that your anti lock braking system kicks in. This will give you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. 7. Construction signs are very carefully and thoughtfully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass your last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic comes to a complete halt. 8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Dallas look progressive. 9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. Passing on the shoulder is actually encouraged. That's why they're paved. 10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms with other states' policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable. 11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot. 12. Please remember there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic on I-35 or the I-75 Central Expressway. 13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even a person changing a tire. It could be someone you know. 14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Dallas is the home of very high speed slalom driving, thanks to the City Fathers, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways (where potholes haven't yet been established) for the same purpose. 15. It is considered correct in Dallas to honk your horn at drivers who don't move the instant the light changes, unless that driver is on the phone. See #18. 6. Eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way. 17. Making rude gestures may invite armed retaliation. Be sure your combat shotgun is on the gun rack in the rear window (and therefore visible), rather than lying on the seat. 18. If you drive while using a cell phone, none of the usual rules apply, and you always have the right of way. 19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway. Just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everybody else. This is how Dallas residents notify the Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built."}, {"response": 571, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  4, 2000 (22:49)", "body": "YOU HAVE BEEN INFECTED WITH THE HONOR VIRUS! Since I'm too lazy to program a real virus, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard disk drive. Then forward this message to everyone you know... Thank you for your cooperation."}, {"response": 572, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  9, 2000 (17:18)", "body": "Thank Gi for this contribution: WOMEN Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. MEN Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders."}, {"response": 573, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 21, 2000 (15:19)", "body": "Some Quick Thinking A feisty 70 year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection, the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. \"Labor charges! One hour?\" she exclaimed. \"It only took you five minutes!\" The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. \"Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor,\" the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves."}, {"response": 574, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 21, 2000 (15:26)", "body": "Things My Mother Taught Me My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - \"If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!\" My mother taught me RELIGION - \"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.\" My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: \"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!\" My mother taught me LOGIC: \"Because I said so, that's why.\" My mother taught me FORESIGHT - \"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.\" My mother taught me IRONY - \"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about.\" My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - \"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!\" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - \"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!\" My mother taught me about STAMINA - \"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished.\" My mother taught me about WEATHER - \"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.\" My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - \"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?\" My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - \"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!\" My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - \"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.\" My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - \"Stop acting like your father!\" My mother taught me about ENVY - \"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!\" THANKS, MOM!"}, {"response": 575, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 29, 2000 (00:57)", "body": "Some funny Headlines: \"Infertility unlikely to be passed on\" --Montgomery Advertiser \"Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men\" --The Sunday Oregonian \"Man shoots neighbor with machete\" --The Miami Herald \"Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear\" --Journal of Commerce \"Some phone psychics provide useless, erroneous information\" --StatenIsland Sunday Advance \"Iowa moves back to Pittsburgh\" --The Flint Journal \"Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism\": --The Los Angeles Times"}, {"response": 576, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 30, 2000 (14:21)", "body": "You Know You're from Texas When You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ Sauce, and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and Cowboy Boots. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more miles on your tractor than your car. You have 10 favorite recipes for Deer meat. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside. Driving is better after it's rained because the potholes are filled with mud and you don't have to take those backroads to go \"mudding.\" You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. You owe more money on your bulldozer than your car. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local sports. You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. Your leaf-blower gets stuck on the roof. You think the start of Deer season is a national holiday. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the coyotes won't prowl on your deck. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making. You find 70 degrees Fahrenheit a little chilly. The trunk of your car doubles as a sauna. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots. You know 4 seasons - Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Deer Season You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Texan friends."}, {"response": 577, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 13, 2000 (01:09)", "body": "Thank you, Ginny!!! The Lesser Known Gods And Demi-Gods Of Greece: Listed below are a selected list of many of the lesser-known gods and demi-gods of Greece that have apparently been ignored or forgotten by historians for various and sundry reasons. Some of these gods were obviously important and useful in everday life habits, others apparently had no redeeming value whatsoever, but somehow achieved god- or goddesshood. Arabinose - one of the Sugar Gods. Brother of Fructose and Glucose. These three together were known as the gods of dessert [not to be confused with their father, Pancreas, the Demi-god of Dessert - see below]. Singly, but more often in threes, these largely overweight gods waddled through the countryside helping themselves to baklava and other sweet Greek pastries, often to the surprise and dismay of the citizens of the unfortunate towns and small villages they encountered. Aroma - Demi-god of Aftershave. Aroma never attained real god status and was a mere mortal. Apparently, or so the story goes, Aroma caused much irritation among the other gods because of the heavy amounts of pungent aftershave he wore each day around Mount Olympus. His smell caused so much consternation among the other Greek gods that he was soon shunned to Isle de Brut, off the coast of France, where he was left to die. However, he soon was able to fashion a raft out of used aftershave bottles and floated to Germany and eventually made his way to Cologne, where he lived out the remainder of his mortal life. Chlorox - Demi-god of Laundry. Chlorox was at one time a highly exalted god on Mount Olympus. His hand-washing methods were unparalleled and he was admired by all who employed his talents as the God of Laundry. He was doing great, well... that is, until the god Maytag appeared. Maytag immediately challenged Chlorox to a duel. They were both to take on the underwear laundry of Zeus. Chlorox used a bleaching action; Maytag used some new fangled machine action. It was doom for Chlorox. Not only did Chlorox lose to Maytag, but the bleach caused some problems with some of Zeus's colored bikini briefs. As a result, Chlorox was relegated to be sold on supermarket shelves for eternity, while Maytag was rewarded by Zeus with never having to worry about repair problems. Corolla - God of Compacts. Corolla was far ahead of his time, but never made it big with the major Olympian goddesses due to his small size. They all wanted a full-size god and Corolla could never match up. The Greek goddesses always compared him (unfairly) with the Amer-Indian gods, Buick and Cadillac. He maintained that he could far outlast Buick or Cadillac in any competition that dealt with endurance, but the goddesses didn't care. They were more interested in size than quality. Corolla eventually left Mount Olympus and travelled to the Far East, where he ended up in Japan. At least there, size did not matter. Diabetes - Goddess of Ice Cream. Mother of the sugar gods, Arabinose, Fructose, and Glucose. Diabetes hardly worked, and was often seen either sleeping or eating sweets of all kinds. Diarrhea - Goddess of Bad Water. Daughter of Peristalsis, q.v. She never married, or really did much of anything. Her pitiful eternal life was spent in the bathroom. Dyslexia - Goddess of Spelling. Unfortunately, Dyslexia failed as a goddess. Upon gaining goddesshood, Dyslexia was asked by Zeus to choose a subject for which she could be revered by Greeks for all time. She chose spelling, but had a terrible time accomplishing much in that endeavor. Though she was the Goddess of Spelling for only a very brief period, she was in that position of authority long enough to have forever established certain conventions that have endured for eons. Some of these include establishing the Greek alphabet which, like Cyrillic, is totally undecipherable to most mortals. She is also known for coining the phrase \"It's Greek to me\" when asked by the other gods and goddesses what a particular word meant that she created. Egregious - God of Errors. Though he spent virtually all his life with the other gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus, he is rumored to have left for a short vacation to the south of France where he met and had an affair with the French goddess, Faux Pas. Egregious was one of the smartest gods on Mount Olympus. In fact, many thought he might be as smart as Zeus, though no one would ever admit this publicly. However, his unfortunate habit of making so many mistakes kept him from becoming one of tha better-known gods. When asked how someone so smart could make so many stupid mistakes, his reply was always \"You learn from your mistakes. Obviously, I've made so MANY mistakes, I've become a genius!\" Melanoma - God of Tanning. Often seen away from Mount Olympus and down along the sandy beaches of southern Greece, Melanoma could have been ranked up there with the other major gods of his time. He was strong, handsome, and had a body that attracted all the goddesses. His only major fa"}, {"response": 578, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Sep 16, 2000 (12:52)", "body": "Newspaper Readers The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't understand the Washington Post. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country, as long as they do something scandalous. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country."}, {"response": 579, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Sep 16, 2000 (12:53)", "body": "Ginny, the Lesser Known Gods and Demi-gods of Ancient Greece was just too funny. It was great."}, {"response": 580, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 20, 2000 (15:31)", "body": "Cheryl, I tried reading it aloud to the house male and fell on the bed in helpless and incoherent laughter. He just shook his head in dismay. OH well... TEXAS SAYINGS 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & ammunition & bait in the same store. 5. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. 6. Get used to hearing, \"You ain't from around here, are you?\" 7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle. 8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, \"Hey, y'all, watch this!\" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. 9. Get used to the phrase \"It's not the heat, it's the humidity.\" And the collateral phrase \"You call this hot? Wait'll August.\" 10. There ain't no deli's. Don't ask. 11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar. 12. Chili does NOT have beans in it. 13. Brisket is not \"cooked\" in an oven. 14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares. 15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down -- in December. 16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer! 17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is. 18. If someone tells you \"Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot,\" you can be certain they are. 19. If you fail to heed the warning in #18, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it. 20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask. 21. If someone says they're fixin to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken. 22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is \"margarita.\" 23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football, just keep your mouth shut. 24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade. 25. If you are a slow-moving vehicle on a two-lane road, pull onto the shoulder. That is called courtesy. 26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors. 27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime. 28. Tea = Iced Tea. There is no other kind. 29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing."}, {"response": 581, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 20, 2000 (19:08)", "body": "THINGS DOGS MUST TRY TO REMEMBER THE GARBAGE COLLECTOR IS NOT STEALING OUR STUFF. I DO NOT NEED TO SUDDENLY STAND STRAIGHT UP WHEN I'M LYING UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE. I WILL NOT ROLL MY TOYS BEHIND THE FRIDGE. I MUST SHAKE THE RAINWATER OUT OF MY FUR BEFORE ENTERING THE HOUSE. I WILL NOT EAT THE CATS' FOOD, BEFORE OR AFTER THEY EAT IT. I WILL STOP TRYING TO FIND THE FEW REMAINING PIECES OF CLEAN CARPET IN THE HOUSE WHEN I AM ABOUT TO GET SICK. I WILL NOT THROW UP IN THE CAR. I WILL NOT ROLL ON DEAD SEAGULLS, FISH, CRABS, ETC. \"KITTY BOX CRUNCHIES\" ARE NOT FOOD. I WILL NOT EAT ANY MORE SOCKS AND THEN REDEPOSIT THEM IN THE BACKYARD AFTER PROCESSING. THE DIAPER PAIL IS NOT A COOKIE JAR. I WILL NOT CHEW MY HUMAN'S TOOTHBRUSH AND NOT TELL THEM. I WILL NOT CHEW CRAYONS OR PENS, ESPECIALLY NOT THE RED ONES, OR MY PEOPLE WILL THINK I AM HEMORRHAGING. WHEN IN THE CAR, I WILL NOT INSIST ON HAVING THE WINDOW ROLLED DOWN WHEN IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE. WE DO NOT HAVE A DOORBELL. I WILL NOT BARK EACH TIME I HEAR ONE ON TV. I WILL NOT STEAL MY MOM'S UNDERWEAR AND DANCE ALL OVER THE BACK YARD WITH IT. THE SOFA IS NOT A FACE TOWEL. NEITHER ARE MOM & DAD'S LAPS. MY HEAD DOES NOT BELONG IN THE REFRIGERATOR. I WILL NOT BITE THE OFFICER'S HAND WHEN HE REACHES IN FOR MOM'S DRIVER'S LICENSE AND CAR REGISTRATION. I WILL NOT PLAY TUG-OF-WAR WITH DAD'S UNDERWEAR WHEN HE'S ON THE TOILET."}, {"response": 582, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 20, 2000 (20:17)", "body": "RULES OF THE AIR 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal. 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago."}, {"response": 583, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 23, 2000 (01:41)", "body": "New measurements Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: EskimoPi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Wonton 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1microscope Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1billigram Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 liteyear 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 RodSerling Half of a large intestine: 1semicolon 1000 aches: 1megahurtz Basic unit of laryngitis: 1hoarsepower Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake 1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles 365.25 days: 1 unicycle 2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 10 cards: 1 decacards 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 FigNewton 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin 10 rations: 1 decoration 100 rations: 1 C-ration 2 monograms: 1 diagram 8 nickels: 2 paradigms 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V.League 100 Senators: Not 1 decision"}, {"response": 584, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 28, 2000 (00:45)", "body": "HOW TO KEEP A HEALTH LEVEL OF INSANITY 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it \"IN.\" 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.' 10) Reply to everything someone says with, \"That's what you think.\" 11) Finish all your sentences with \"In accordance with the prophecy.\" 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. 13) Don't use any punctuation 14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 15) Ask people what sex they are. 16) Specify that your drive-through order is \"to go.\" 17) Sing Along at the opera. 18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) 20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. 21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. 24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, \"Guess\" 25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard. 26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream \"I Won!\", \"I Won!\" \"3rd time this week!!!\" 27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling \"Run for your lives, they're loose!\" 28) Tell your boss, \"It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do\" 29) Tell your children over dinner. \"Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go\" 30) Everytime you see a broom yell \"Honey, your mother is here\""}, {"response": 585, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  6, 2000 (15:24)", "body": "If men truly ran the world . . . Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a \"Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time\" would pretty much do it. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. Garbage would take itself out. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history. The only show opposite \"Monday Night Football\" would be \"Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle\". Instead of \"beer-belly\", you'd get \"beer-biceps\". Tanks would be far easier to rent. Two words...\"Ally McNaked\". When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: \"You know how fast you were going?\" You: \"All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.\" Cop: \"Nice one, That's $10.00 off\". People would never talk about how fresh they felt. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said \"You're #1!\". When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to \"I love you\". The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. \"Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night\", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right Into your car like Fred Flintstone. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the \"public ugliness\" ordinance. Hallmark would make \"Sorry, what was your name again?\" cards."}, {"response": 586, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct  9, 2000 (01:02)", "body": "THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three martinis. 2. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 3. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. 4. Never continue dating anyone whom is rude to the waiter. 5. Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny! 6. A person needs only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. 7. Never ride a motorcycle when you're drunk. 8. Never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom. 9. Work is good but it's not important!"}, {"response": 587, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 11, 2000 (01:11)", "body": "*****T-Shirt Sayings***** - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. - A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. - Put on your seatbelt... I wanna try something. - The Universe is a figment of its own imagination. - There's no future in time travel. - Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn. - Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! - If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? - Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. - Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. - A day without sunshine is like night. - There are three kinds of people: Those who can count; those who can't. - Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. - Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. - If you can't convince them, confuse them. - Death is hereditary. - I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. - Multitasking - screwing up several things at once. - Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon! - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. - Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth. - Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. - Polynesia: memory loss in parrots. - A good pun is its own reword. - Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them. - I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. - I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. - Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? - Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! - To err is human, to moo bovine. - For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. - Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. - Man who smoke pot choke on handle. - Kurt Cobain Soft Drink: it's extremely bitter and it has no head. - MicroSloth: \"Bringing you ten-year-old technology, tomorrow, maybe.\" - How does Teflon stick to the pan? - OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Teacher: \"Simon, can you say your name backwards?\" Simon: \"No Mis\" - Why is \"abbreviated\" such a long word? - Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! - Black holes are where God divided by zero. - All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. - Mary had a little lamb....and Mulder was determined to find out why. - There's an exception to every rule, except this one. - In Dog Years I'm Dead - I am Woman, I am invincible, I am tired - Age and Treachery will always Overcome Youth and Skill - TEAM EFFORT Is a lot of people doing what I say - I'm not unemployed, I'm a consultant"}, {"response": 588, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 17, 2000 (00:24)", "body": "Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. \"Squawks\" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough, (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid, (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a200 fpm descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground (P) IFF inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick (S) That's what they're there for (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search (P) Aircraft handles funny (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, \"flyright\" and be serious (P) Target Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words"}, {"response": 589, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 17, 2000 (00:30)", "body": "earn money by reading email on the net??!! @themail.com Get paid to read email... well, that's what this site is trying to promote. You get a free email account, and then you have to try to persuade other people to join TheMail and use their email account. Every time the people you refer send a message, you earn $0.0025 (no, that's not a mistake, it's really as low as 1/4 cent!). For every email read by people your referrals refer, you'll get $0.0005. Since the minimum payment level is $30, the chances you'll ever get paid are astronomically small - so treat this as a normal free email service and forget the earning money nonsense that goes along with it!"}, {"response": 590, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Oct 17, 2000 (03:45)", "body": "loved the maintenance complaints ..I know just who to send that to!!!!!!"}, {"response": 591, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 17, 2000 (18:28)", "body": "*grin* Yup!!! Signs Found in Kitchens 1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious. 2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 3. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. 4. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap. 5. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 6. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 7. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 8. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. 9. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. 10. Housework done properly can kill you. 11. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. 12. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines."}, {"response": 592, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 19, 2000 (14:38)", "body": "An Internet Fairy Tale Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. The Executive Branch said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job. Then the Executive Branch said, How does the watchman do his job without instruction?\" So they created a planning position and hired two (2) people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-11. Then the Executive Branch said, \"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?\" So they created a Q. C. position and hired two (2) people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then the Executive Branch said, \"How are these people going to get paid?\" so they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two (2) people. Then the Executive Branch said, \"Who will be accountable for all of these people?\" So they created an administrative position and hired three (3) people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08. Then the Executive Branch said, \"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost,\" So they laid off the night watchman."}, {"response": 593, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 19, 2000 (16:02)", "body": "In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. ------------------------------------------------------------ On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, NM, an incident they say has been covered up by the military. On March 31, 1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born. That clears up a lot of things."}, {"response": 594, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Oct 23, 2000 (08:28)", "body": "That explains it!"}, {"response": 595, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 23, 2000 (12:31)", "body": "The Bell Curve of Life: At age 4...success is....not peeing in your pants. At age 12...success is....having friends. At age 16...success is....having a drivers license. At age 20...success is....having sex. At age 35...success is....having money. At age 50...success is....having money. At age 60...success is....having sex. At age 70...success is....having a drivers license. At age 75...success is....having friends. At age 80...success is....not peeing in your pants."}, {"response": 596, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 23, 2000 (16:04)", "body": "GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. 1. How did you find out about your deity? __ Newspaper __ Bible __ Torah __ Television __ Book of Mormon __ Divine Inspiration __ Dead Sea Scrolls __ Near Death Experience __ Near Life Experience __ National Public Radio __ Tabloid __ Burning Shrubbery __ Other (specify): _____________ 2. Which model deity did you acquire? __ Jehovah __ Jesus __ Krishna __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak] __ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak] __ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak] __ Allah __ Satan __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature __ God 1.0a (Hairy Thunderer) __ God 1.0b (Cosmic Muffin) __ None of the above (taken in by a false god) 3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? __ Yes __ No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply: __ Not eternal __ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos __ Not omniscient __ Not omnipotent __ Permits sex outside of marriage __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage __ Makes mistakes __ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people __ Makes or permits good things to happen to bad people __ When beseeched, He doesn't stay beseeched 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply. __ Indoctrinated by parents __ Needed a reason to live __ Indoctrinated by society __ Needed focus in whom to despise __ Imaginary friend grew up __ Hate to think for myself __ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Fear of death __ Wanted to piss off parents __ Needed a day away from work __ Desperate need for certainty __ Like organ music __ Need to feel morally superior __ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool __ Shit was falling out of the sky __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it 5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply. __ Baal __ The Almighty Dollar __ Left Wing Liberalism __ The Radical Right __ Beelzebub __ Bill Gates __ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur __ The Great Spirit __ The Great Pumpkin __ The Sun __ The Moon __ Elvis __ Other: ________________ 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers __ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry __ Alcohol __ Amway __ CompuServe __ Jimmy Swaggert __ Wandering around a desert __ Insurance policies __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Other:_____________________ 7. God attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent): a. Disasters: 1 2 3 4 5 flood 1 2 3 4 5 famine 1 2 3 4 5 earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 war 1 2 3 4 5 pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 plague 1 2 3 4 5 Spam 1 2 3 4 5 AOLers b. Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5 rescues 1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over jerkwater towns 1 2 3 4 5 crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever 8. From time to time God makes available the names and addresses of His followers and devotees to selected divine personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions on His behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings? __ Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit of my immortal soul __ No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamoring for my money 9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)"}, {"response": 597, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 24, 2000 (01:57)", "body": "Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car? Why is there a road sign that says \"Braille Institute, Next Exit\"? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If procrastinators had a club, would they ever have a meeting? If the No. 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2? Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there? When you go into a hotel, you always see reception. Why do you never just see ception? If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same? If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously? If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra, would they get a four-legged chicken with its own bar code? If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? Why is there always one in every crowd? If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit? Who decided \"Hotpoint\" would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?"}, {"response": 598, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 24, 2000 (15:30)", "body": "TECHNOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED Just in case you think you are TC (\"Technologically Challenged\"). The following is an excerpt from an article in the Wall Street journal: 1. Compaq is considering changing the command \"Press Any Key\" to Press Return Key\" because of the flood of calls asking where is the \"Any\" key. 2. AST Technical support has a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes, then rolled them into his typewriter to type on the labels. 4. Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later, a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies. 5. A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room. 6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the \"send\" key. 7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling a tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washed them individually. 8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was \"bad and an invalid\". The tech explained that the computer's \"bad command\" and \"invalid\" responses shouldn't be taken personally. 9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it \"couldn't find printer\". The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer still couldn't \"see\" the printer. 10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, \"I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened.\" The \"foot pedal\" turned out to be the computer's mouse. 11. Another customer called a Compaq Tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen, When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked \"What Power switch?\" 12. True story from a Novel Net Wire sysop: Caller: \"Hello, is this Tech support?\" Tech: \"Yes, it is. How may I help you? Caller: \"The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?\" Tech: \"I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?\" Caller: \"Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer,\" Tech: \"Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive This as part of a promotional, at a trade show?\" Caller: \"It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it!\" At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He Was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM Drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive! 13. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. \"I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with that disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in.\" The user hadn't realized that \"Insert Disk 2\" meant to remove Disk 1 first. THERE NOW, DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER!"}, {"response": 599, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Oct 25, 2000 (18:34)", "body": "I feel better."}, {"response": 600, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 25, 2000 (19:19)", "body": "*laugh* This May Explain A Lot New research indicates that incompetent people tend not to know they are incompetent. Not only that, they also tend to be very confident that they know what they're doing -- even more confident of their own competence than people who really do know what they're doing. The New York Times reports that Cornell University psychology professor David Dunning reached those conclusions in a study he conducted with a graduate student, and wrote about his findings in the December 1999 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The researchers concluded that one reason incompetent people do not know how much they do not know, is that the cognitive skills required to be competent are also required for recognizing actual competence. Researcher Justin Kruger told the Times that the incompetence of incompetent people \"robs them of their ability to realize\" they have a problem. It also makes it difficult for incompetent folks to recognize competence in others. By the way, the researchers say they also noticed that people who can't tell a joke tend not to realize that they're not funny -- and as a result they persist in telling jokes badly. -From the National Association of Science Writers"}, {"response": 601, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 25, 2000 (19:20)", "body": "By the way, my source of the Technologically Challenged got his copy from an employee of Samsung..."}, {"response": 602, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 25, 2000 (19:32)", "body": "Every time a new pope is elected, there are a lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well, there's one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new pope is enthroned, the chief rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope. The pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The chief rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next pope is elected. John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the chief rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the chief rabbi turned to leave, he called him back. \"My brother,\" the pope whispered, \"I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?\" The chief rabbi shrugs and replies: \"But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history.\" The pope said: \"Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret.\" The chief rabbi agreed. Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the chief rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock. It was the check for the last supper."}, {"response": 603, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 27, 2000 (12:11)", "body": "For my Birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of private lessons at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape,I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Tony,who identified himself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress: Monday: Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Tony waiting for me. He is something of a God with blonde hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. (WOO HOO!!!) Tony gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to all those ripplingmuscles.(I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his weight training class after my own workout today. Very inspiring.) Tony was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door. Tony made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air...then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tony's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!!!! It's a whole new life for me. Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Geo in the club lot. Tony was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. (His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning, and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.) My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tony put me on the stair master. (Why in HELL would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?) Tony told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too. Thursday: Tony was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. (I couldn't help being a half hour late. It took that long for me to tie my fricking shoes.) Tony took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the Ladies' room. He sent Barbie to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine which I sank. Friday: I hate that SUCKER Tony more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. (Stupid, skinny,puffed-up peacock.) If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Tony wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me fricking barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you ttended and graduated magna cum laude from, you Nazi Punk.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and P.E. teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? Saturday: Tony left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength even to use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the weather channel. Sunday: I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the prick) will choose a gift for me that is fun like a root canal or a mammogram."}, {"response": 604, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 29, 2000 (00:28)", "body": "NEW TV SHOW Hey, did you hear about the new Texas version of the TV show,\"Survivor?\" You have to drive from San Antonio to Dallas with a bumper sticker that says: \"I'm a queer...and I'm here to take your guns away from you.\""}, {"response": 605, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 30, 2000 (16:37)", "body": "This is current affairs to me now. I suddenly have a missing man and suddenly I am much smarter than I was last week Thrusday. Talk about weekends from Hell. I've had mine and not gonna do THAT again. Anyione care to be friends with this hurting person?? I am nice, gently, compassionate and honest... BEDTIME PRAYER Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong. He's not afraid to admit when he is wrong. One who thinks before he speaks. When he promises to call, he doesn't wait 6 weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, won't lose his cool when he's annoyed. Pulls out my chair & opens my door, massages my back & begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind. Knows just what to say when I ask \"How fat is my behind?\" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And would never compare me with my best girlfriend. Thank You in advance and now I'll just wait, for I know You will send him before it's too late. Amen"}, {"response": 606, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 30, 2000 (17:32)", "body": "MEMO FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: Everyone RE: Christmas Party DATE: December 1 I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 2 RE: Christmas Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our \"Holiday Party.\" The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now? FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 3 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, \"AA Only\"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 7 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything? FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 8 RE: Holiday Party So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our \"earth-based Goddess-worshipping\" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay??? FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director Date: December 9 RE: Holiday Party People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of \"Santa\" does happen to be \"Satan,\" there is no evil connotation to our own \"little man in a red suit.\" It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 10 RE: Holiday Party Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the \"grill of death,\" as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your damn salad bar, including hydroponics tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: December 14 RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Thank you for your time,"}, {"response": 607, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 30, 2000 (17:38)", "body": "- Handy Latin Phrases - Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat. It's not the heat, it's the humidity. Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit! God, look at the time! My wife will kill me! Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me? Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est. The designated hitter rule has got to go. Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare. I think some people in togas are plotting against me. Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar. Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (At a barbeque) Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri? Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face? Neutiquam erro. I am not lost. Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero? Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it? Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out."}, {"response": 608, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 31, 2000 (21:01)", "body": "TRUISMS All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down. Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either. I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learner's permit. He who dies with the most toys is still dead. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes. \"Time is fun when you're having flies.\" Kermit the Frog Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is. Toilet stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem. A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no. The statement below is true. The statement above is false. If you think there is good in everybody, then you obviously haven't met everybody. Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career. Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks. Remember: First you pillage, THEN you burn. To err is human. To forgive is against company policy. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake. Half the people in the world are below average. Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Strip mining prevents forest fires. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory! If a thing is worth doing, wouldn't it have been done already? If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig."}, {"response": 609, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov  4, 2000 (12:39)", "body": "Things to do in Office Meetings Subject: Things to do in Office Meetings Importance: High 1. Take notes in finger paint. 2. At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition. 3. Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, \"Oh, now I get it!\" 4. Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: \"Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!\" 5. Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so. 6. Make a face like somebody beside you farted. 7. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called. 8. Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely. 9. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table. 10. Bring a noisy electric pencil sharpener. Sharpen your pencil every few minutes. 11. Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it. 12. Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one. 13. Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them \"doctor's orders.\" 14. Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she \"not hurt you anymore.\" 15. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm. 16. Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently. 17. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming. 18. Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared. 19.Rubberneck at the notes of the person next to you. Copy them word for word. Subvocalize as you do. Tell them that they \"understand these things better than you do.\" 20. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points. 21. Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer. 22. Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting. 23. Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously. 24. Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying. 25. Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to \"prevent the seizures.\" 26. Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say \"It's pitiful. But what can you do?\" 27. At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply. 28. Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you \"so you can hear better.\" Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space. 29. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it. 30. Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it. 31. Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are. 32. Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that \"my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings.\" Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder. 33. Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody \"My doctor's appointment is tomorrow.\" 34. Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: \"Just in case.\" 35. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say \"uh-huh, uh-huh!\" 36. Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation. 37. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directl"}, {"response": 610, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Nov  6, 2000 (07:51)", "body": "This is a prescription not to ever get invited to meetings again!"}, {"response": 611, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov  6, 2000 (14:03)", "body": "Perhaps that is the point?!"}, {"response": 612, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 13, 2000 (18:23)", "body": "While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, \"Are you a cop?\" \"Yes,\" I answered and continued writing the report. \"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?\" \"Yes, that's right,\" I told her. \"Well, then,\" she said as she extended her foot toward me, \"would you please tie my shoe?\" ~~~~~~~~~~ It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. \"Is that a dog you got back there?\" he asked. \"It sure is,\" I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, \"What'd he do?\" ~~~~~~~~~~ While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, \"The tooth fairy will never believe this!\" ~~~~~~~~~~ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, \"Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.\" \"And why not, darling?\" \"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.\" ~~~~~~~~~~ To close each day's activities in summer and on holidays in the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World at Lake Buena Vista, Fla., a huge fireworks display lights up the sky. One night I noticed a small boy about three years old perched on his father's shoulder. The child sat mesmerized, aware only of what was exploding in the heavens. When the fireworks were over, the little boy looked up into the sky again and said, \"Thank you, God.\" ~~~~~~~~~~ My best lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year- old, Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash. Suddenly his fuming father appeared and asked, \"Do you want to tell me how sorry you are?\" \"I don't know how much you saw!\" Steven stammered. ~~~~~~~~~~ When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peekaboo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor. I rushed to her side and asked where it hurt. She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, \"It's the piggy that ate roast beef.\" ~~~~~~~~~~ We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2-year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. \"Mommy, Mommy,\" he exclaimed, \"everybody has doorbells - and they all work.\" ~~~~~~~~~~ One day Mother sent my little brother to the post office to mail a letter. A few minutes later he came back with a suspicious smile on his face. \"What happened?\" my mother asked. \"I just fooled the people at the post office. When no one was looking, I dropped the letter into the box without buying any stamps.\" ~~~~~~~~~~ A little girl had just finished her first week of school. \"I'm wasting my time,\" she said to her mother. \"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!\""}, {"response": 613, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 15, 2000 (14:45)", "body": "Date: Wed, 15 Nov 2000 07:32:36 -0800 From: Modern Humorist Subject: TAKE BACK FLORIDA! I know I haven't talked to many of you in years except to send mass e-mails (btw, is Emily really two already? It seems like only yesterday that I thought about calling you that time when she was born), but this e-mail is REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT. We must make our voices heard in Florida -- almost as if we lived there! That's why a new Web page has been set up to send e-mail directly to Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. If you've ever signed an online petition before, you know how successful they are! If you've never signed an online petition, this is the one to start with! http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0011/petition/ Like other direct action Web sites, the goal of this one is not merely to persuade you to change your long distance service, but to make it easy for you to share your opinion. You don\ufffdt even have to come up with your opinion yourself -- just sign one of the pre-written letters. http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0011/petition/"}, {"response": 614, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 15, 2000 (14:54)", "body": "GEORGE CARLIN-ISMS How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world \"up over\"? Does that screwdriver belong to Philip? Can a stupid person be a smart-ass? Does killing time damage eternity? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? Do pilots take crash-courses? Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How can there be self-help \"groups\"? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How many weeks are there in a light year? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? Why do the signs that say \"Slow Children\" have a picture of a running child? Why do they call it \"chili\" if it's hot? Why do we sing \"Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing? Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow hips change places"}, {"response": 615, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 19, 2000 (14:45)", "body": "*WITH APOLOGIES TO CHARLIES DANIELS* (forwarded by John Burnett) The devil went down to Florida, he was lookin' for some votes to steal He was in a bind 'cuz he was way behind and he was willin' to make a deal. When he came across his brother sittin' in the mansion and playing it cool And the devil piped up to his brother and said \"Jeb, they know that I'm a fool. And Pappy's gonna kill us if we don't do like he says And I'm ascared, if this votes fair, they won't make me the Prez. Now here's the way we'll fiddle it, Jeb, to give your brother his due Blacks young and old, we'll stop them cold, from gettin' their ballots through\" Then Jeb said, \"I'm the Guvner, and it's against the law But I'll save your hide and the family pride, 'cause this one here's for Pa!\" Jebbie call some Cubans up and start to fiddle hard 'Cause Hell's broke loose in Florida, and the devil needs some cards And if you double-punch enough your brother's sure to win. And if he don't, then come up with some spin... Jeb, he opened up a case and then as if by rote Fire flew from his fingertips as he punched a double vote He pulled on Pat Buchanan's chad and it made an evil hiss. And a band of Cubans joined in behind Katherine Harris... And then when Jebbie finished, he said, \"You can now fill Pappy's shoes, So get some slaw with Ma and Pa and y'all can watch it on the news.\" Then the story broke on CNN Maybe they should count the votes again Double punched ballots and Jim Crow Granny, did your vote count? No, child no Then Pappy slapped him 'cross the face, cause he knew that he got beat And he had to wear a band-aid on the welt upon his cheek And Pappy said, \"I'll fix this like I did with Pinochet I told you once, you son of a bitch, I ran the CIA!\""}, {"response": 616, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 21, 2000 (19:49)", "body": "Happy Thanksgiving - this from Cheryl... A Change In Plans Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method."}, {"response": 617, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 29, 2000 (14:00)", "body": "Nativity Scene The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin."}, {"response": 618, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec  4, 2000 (17:09)", "body": "Heaven vs. Hell In Heaven: the cooks are French, the policemen are English, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and the bankers are Swiss. In Hell: the cooks are English, the policemen are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss and the bankers are Italian."}, {"response": 619, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec  4, 2000 (17:33)", "body": "take a look all you anti SUV lovers http://slate.msn.com/Features/GodzillaSUV/page2.asp"}, {"response": 620, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Dec  5, 2000 (07:44)", "body": "I like some of the safety features: Cell-phone air bag for ear protection during collisions. Retro rockets, drogue chute. PLEASE NOTE: For added safety, vehicle will operate only when cell phone is in use."}, {"response": 621, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec  5, 2000 (14:39)", "body": "*Laugh* I agree... Three strikes and you're President. Nicaragua was only practice. Florida was the real thing. Don't Blame Me - I voted for Gore...I Think. Error 404- File \"Florida Electoral Votes\" not found. Please check the URL of the website. Who punched the chads out? Whoo Whoo Whoo? UNPRESIDENTED! Ralph Happens If God Meant Us to Vote, He Would Have Given Us Candidates. My other President is a Republican. Honk If You Love Al Gore! (use the button on your steering wheel). My 2nd Grader is Smarter than 19,000 Florida voters! Jews for Buchanan What popular vote? \"Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.\" -Joseph Stalin I voted - Didn't matter My parents retired to Florida and all I got was this lousy President. I know I voted on a butterfly ballot, but how come I feel like I just ingested a pupa? Mi brudder sed I were elected. Im going too DizzyWerld Disney gave us Mickey, Florida gave us Dumbo. Grant? Harding? Nixon? Reagan? You ain't seen nothing yet! I Invented the Bumper Sticker - A.Gore DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR VOTE... LET KATHERINE HARRIS DO IT FOR YOU! Chad happens Who is this Chad guy and why is he pregnant? I hope Bush wins, that way the loaded gun I'm stroking right now will be legal. Bush trusts the people, but not if it involves counting. Let them fight to the death. Trust the Machine Now do you understand the importance of user-testing? George III ... George sr, George jr ... hereditary monarchy has been restored! To you I'm a drunk driver; to my friends, I'm presidential material! One person, one vote (may not apply in certain states) I DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIS DADDY EITHER IT AIN'T OVER 'TIL YOUR BROTHER COUNTS THE VOTES Holocaust Survivors for Holocaust Deniers The election can't be broken. We just fixed it. Will Rogers never met W The skies (wheeze) of Texas (cough) are upon you! (choke) Damn! Al's brother wasn't governor of Tennessee! Banana Republicans OK, forget votes. How many guns do you have? George W. Bush: The President Quayle We Never Had DON'T BLAME ME- I VOTED FOR... D'OH! Bradley vs. McCain: Sounds Better Now, Huh? Campaign spending: $184,000,000. Having your little brother rig the election for you: Priceless. The last time somebody listened to a Bush, folks wandered in the desert for 40 years \"Space is the breath of art\" Frank Lloyd Wright"}, {"response": 622, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec  5, 2000 (18:46)", "body": "Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. Roseanne Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Billy Crystal You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, \"My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!\" Sean Connery According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. Robert DeNiro I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it. Bill Cosby In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts? Hugh Grant We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, \"You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.\" Elayne Boosler There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? Dustin Hoffman When the sun comes up, I have morals again. Elizabeth Taylor There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, \"I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.\" Jerry Seinfield If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Clooney Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. Rod Stewart The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. Jeff Bridges"}, {"response": 623, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Dec  6, 2000 (08:38)", "body": "RRod Stewart, what a nice guy."}, {"response": 624, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Dec  9, 2000 (11:22)", "body": "I don't know if this is the \"best chicken joke\" ever, but it does answer an age old question. POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST CHICKEN JOKE EVER A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, \"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.\""}, {"response": 625, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec  9, 2000 (23:56)", "body": "Oh yes!!!! A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down going the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, \"PIG!\" The man immediately leans out his window and yells, \"BITCH!!.\" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve.... he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen..."}, {"response": 626, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 12, 2000 (17:09)", "body": "This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results. The first result showed: 428,534,120 Good 428,523,119 Bad The second result showed: 428,534,118 Good 428,523,121 Bad So you see, I can't, with good faith, go out and deliver presents while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny was good for once, then again, maybe not. So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. to help do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer. You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I made them myself, I forgot what they meant. You know, Good...and Bad??? And the check marks I used were not all the same, some went left, some right, some were just a mark. Some went through both boxes, and some didn't even have much of a mark on them. I leave it up to them to decide what I meant. So if you wake up on Christmas morning, and there are no presents under your tree, at least you can tell the kids the story. Thank you for your patience and understanding in these trying times, Santa"}, {"response": 627, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Dec 13, 2000 (11:17)", "body": "Santa better do a recount, this time taking stock of the dimpled and pregnatn chads."}, {"response": 628, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 15, 2000 (20:02)", "body": "GIFTS FOR MEN Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. \"Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?\" \"OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?\" Again, no one knows why. Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer. Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. \"Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.\" You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says \"some assembly required\" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. \"From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.\" Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. \"Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?\" Rule #12: Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to \"A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.\" Everyone knows why. Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8\" manilla rope. No one knows why."}, {"response": 629, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 18, 2000 (16:49)", "body": "*************** ELECTION REDUX *************** Top Ten #10: Gore is president on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, Bush on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and alternate Sundays. Bush gets the presidency for two weeks during the summer; Gore gets all major holidays #9: Laura Bush and Tipper Gore mud wrestle for Presidency live on pay per view. #8: Get Martin Sheen to play the president, and outside of the improvement, most people won't notice the difference. #7: Bush & Gore sue each other in Federal Court. Winner gets the presidency; Winner's lawyer gets Oregon, Indiana and one of the Carolinas. #6: One round of paper-scissors-rock, no flinches, no do-overs.. #5: Person chosen to co-host with Regis Philbin also to be president. #4: Run the election again on Thursday and Saturday (best two out of three wins). #3: Two Words: swimsuit competition. #2 Al Gore and George W. Bush ride Disney's Magic Mountain continuously until one of them falls off. If both fall off simultaneously, Ralph Nader is named the winner, and gets to declare Disney ride unsafe at any speed. #1. Just let Bill Clinton keep on being President. You know he wants to."}, {"response": 630, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 20, 2000 (23:54)", "body": "GREEN SNAKES I BET YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT GREEN SNAKES WERE OK -- RIGHT? WELL, READ ON........ Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous, Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that alittle green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him in the butt. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed inand loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury required hospitalization. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch, One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire. Meanwhile the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area. Time passed. . . Both men were discharged from the hospital, The house was re-built, The police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world . . . Last night they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night. She shot him dead."}, {"response": 631, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 23, 2000 (16:52)", "body": "TWELVE POLITICALLY CORRECT DAYS OF CHRISTMAS On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...), TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.) FOUR hours of recorded whale songs, THREE deconstructionist poets, TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree."}, {"response": 632, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 26, 2000 (17:15)", "body": "Martha Stewart's Holidays \"To Do\" List ------------------------------------ December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o'-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7 Debug Windows '98. December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11 Lay Faberge egg. December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. December 13 Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house. December 15 Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade \"holiday scents\" in case tires are shot out at mall. December 17 Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire. December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat. December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture. December 21 Drain City reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks. December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank. December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas. December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God. December 31 New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country."}, {"response": 633, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 26, 2000 (17:25)", "body": "While in art school, where we mostly worked with Amigas and Macs, a Spanish exchange student asked me if I ever worked with MS-2. I thought he meant OS/2 but he didn't know what that was. It took me some time to figure out that he meant MS- DOS. \"Dos\" in Spanish means \"two.\" My grandfather has recently started a course called \"Computers for the Terrified.\" He's nearly eighty and, although used to be an engineer within the British Royal Airforce, is completely stuck when it comes to computers. He came back from his first evening at this course. When asked how it had gone, he replied, \"Yes, it was really good. I really enjoyed it, but I really couldn't get to grips with my mole.\" I stopped for a second, completely puzzled, until I realized he was talking about the mouse. Customer: \"I have a scummy card in my system.\" Customer: \"I have a cursing flasher.\" Customer: \"I am getting an error on my computer\" Tech Support: \"What kind of error?\" Customer: \"It says I have a corrupted file on my hard drive, and I should run 'Check Disk'.\" Tech Support: \"Ok, we need to call in a ticket, and someone will be down shortly.\" Customer: \"Can you make sure you bring some extra Check Disks, because mine does not work.\" Tech Support: \"Uh. We're out of stock right now, but I'll order some.\" The place where a friend of mine works was going through the process of upgrading all of their computers. On one computer in particular, they had determined they needed more memory. One of the senior partners got it into her head that they needed more \"MEG.\" My friend tried to tell her that what they needed was RAM, but she insisted that the machine had plenty of RAM and that they needed more Meg -- specifically, about 16 megabytes of Meg. He got tired of arguing with her and said to go down to the computer store and buy some Meg. She came back with an envelope with RAM in it -- on the envelope was written \"16 megabytes of Meg.\" \"The salesman tried to tell me the same thing you did,\" she told my friend, \"but then he went and talked to his manager, and he set him straight. Now go install this Meg.\" Quickies: Customer: \"I have Microword Soft.\" Customer: \"Microwave Windows?\" Customer: \"Will this upgrade include Microwave 97?\" Customer: (Referring to Microsoft Defrag.)=A0 \"I ran Microwave Defrost, but it didn't help.\" Customer: \"I have Microsoft Exploder.\" Customer: \"I have Microscope Exploiter.\" Customer: \"I have Netscape Complicator.\" Customer: \"I have Netscape Regulator.\" Customer: \"Uhh...I have Newscape and Outlook Exposure.\" Customer: \"I use Outlook Explorer.\" Customer: \"I have a US Robotics Sportscaster modem.\" Customer: \"It's not my computer that is slow. I have a 200 horse power hard drive.\" We were looking to hire a secretary. She needed to know WordPerfect, Dbase, and Lotus. This one candidate had no clue as to any of 'em (as I quizzed her on how to do different things). When I got to the spreadsheet, I asked her if she knew Lotus 1-2-3. She said that her boyfriend was helping her and she was through Lotus 1 and 2, and was working on 3."}, {"response": 634, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 26, 2000 (23:51)", "body": "Tribal Wisdom Vs. Business Practices A little supervisory humor before the holidays. Credit is given to Thomas Steffen for passing this on to me. The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following: 1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Threatening the horse with termination. 4. Appointing a committee to study the horse. 5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses. 6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included. 7. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired. 8. Change the form so that it reads: \"This horse is not dead.\" 9. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse. 10. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed. 11. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost. 12. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance. 13. Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity. 14. Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better. 15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position. Seymour Samuels Ed.D. Director of Institutional Effectiveness Palm Beach Community College 4200 Congress Avenue Lake Worth FL 33461"}, {"response": 635, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 29, 2000 (17:42)", "body": "There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer. When asked to define \"great\" he said, \"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!\" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages."}, {"response": 636, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  3, 2001 (17:57)", "body": "The following guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks. Example: Gross pay $1,222.02 Deductions: Income tax 244.40 Outcome tax 45.21 State tax 11.61 Interstate tax 61.10 County tax 6.11 City tax 12.22 Rural tax 4.44 Back tax 1.11 Front tax 1.16 Side tax 1.61 Up tax 2.22 Tic-tacs 1.98 Thumbtacks 3.93 Carpet tacks .98 Stadium tax .69 Flat tax 8.32 Surtax 3.46 Corporate tax 2.60 Parking fee 5.00 FICA 81.88 TGIF fund 9.95 Life insurance 5.85 Health insurance 16.23 Dental insurance 4.50 Mental insurance 4.33 Reassurance .11 Disability 2.50 Ability .25 Liability 3.41 Unreliability 10.99 Coffee 6.85 Coffee cups 66.51 Floor rental 6.85 Chair rental .32 Desk rental 4.32 Union dues 5.85 Union don'ts 3.77 Cash advance .69 Cash retreats 121.35 Overtime 1.26 Undertime 54.83 Eastern time 9.00 Central time 8.00 Mountain time 7.00 Pacific time 6.00 Oxygen 10.02 Water 16.54 Heat 51.42 Cool air 26.83 Hot air 20.00 Miscellaneous 113.29 Various 8.01 Net Pay $0.12"}, {"response": 637, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan  5, 2001 (17:47)", "body": "THINGS TO PONDER Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out? Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. I don't mind going anywhere as long as it's an interesting path. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Indecision is the key to flexibility. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. If it ain't broke, fix it till it is. I don't get even, I get odder. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. I am a nutritional overachiever My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. I am having an out of money experience. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. A day without sunshine is like night. I have kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. I am not a perfectionist. My parents were, though. Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing."}, {"response": 638, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan  5, 2001 (18:00)", "body": "Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge--into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen! \" Look at the size of that bird, Paw!\" she exclaims. Paw raises up,\" Git my gun, Maw.\" She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.\" \"I think ya missed him, Paw,\" she says. \"Yeah,\" he replies, \"but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!\""}, {"response": 639, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  6, 2001 (16:10)", "body": "NEWEST PERMUTATIONS OF COMPUTER VIRUSES THE ALGORE Virus.... (Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting and counting) THE CLINTON Virus.... (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory) THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy) THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did) THE RONALD REAGAN virus.... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored) THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes) THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb) THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files) THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus... (Disks can no longer be inserted) THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care) THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files) THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back) THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)"}, {"response": 640, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 10, 2001 (21:17)", "body": "TEN REASONS WHY PEOPLE OF THE WORLD THINK AMERICANS ARE CRAZY: 01. A pizza gets to our house faster than an ambulance. 02. There are handicap parking places in front of skating rinks. 03. Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 04. People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 05. Banks leave two sets of front doors unlocked and open and then chain their pens to the counters. 06. We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 07. We use answering machines to screen calls and then have \"call waiting\" so we won't miss a call from someone we don't want to talk to in the first place. 08. We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in package of eight. 09. We use the word \"politics\" to precisely describe our crazy process: \"Poli\" in Latin means \"many\" and \"tics\" means \"bloodsucking creatures\". 10. We have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering."}, {"response": 641, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 11, 2001 (23:22)", "body": "POLITICALLY CORRECT GUIDE TO GUYS He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility. He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist. He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations. You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange. He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive. He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically-Related American. He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He does not have a rich daddy; he is a Recipient Of Parental Asset Infusion. He does not hog the blankets; he is Thermally Unappreciative. He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has Swine Empathy. He is not afraid of commitment; he is Monogamously Challenged ...thanks JSK..."}, {"response": 642, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 13, 2001 (11:46)", "body": "Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1,343 - 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed; 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently; 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs; 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs; 53 to flame the spell checkers; 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames; 6 to argue over whether it's \"lightbulb\" or \"light bulb\"; another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive; 156 to write to the list administrator about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list; 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to litebulb-l; 203 to demand that cross posting to grammar-l, spelling-l and illuminati-l about changing light bulbs be stopped; 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mail list; 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty; 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs; 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and to post the corrected URL's; 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list; 33 to link all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers and then add \"Me too\"; 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy; 19 to quote the \"Me too's\" to say \"Me three\"; 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ; 44 to ask what is \"FAQ\"; 4 to say \"didn't we go through this already a short time ago on Usenet?\" 143 to ask \"what's Usenet?\" THE END. (think Ian is trying to tell me something...?!)"}, {"response": 643, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 16, 2001 (19:55)", "body": "- A LAWYER'S TOMBSTONE A lawyer named Mr. Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. \"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,\" responded the lawyer. \"Sorry, but I can't do that,\" replied the stonecutter. \"In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave.\" Mr. Strange was not amused by the stonecutter's attempt at humor and asked if he had another suggestion. The stonecutter said, \"I could write, 'Here lies an honest lawyer'.\" The lawyer protested, \"But that won't tell people who it was.\" \"It most certainly will,\" retorted the stonecutter. \"People will read, 'Here lies an honest lawyer' and exclaim, 'That's Strange!'\" (Thanks JSK)"}, {"response": 644, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Jan 17, 2001 (08:43)", "body": "Strange indeed."}, {"response": 645, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 27, 2001 (00:25)", "body": "THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD 1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying \"Why, thank you\" (though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent). 2. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. 3. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. 5. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter. 6. Good sex should involve laughter. Because think about it, it is funny. 7. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. 8. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: \"I apologize\" and \"You are right\". 9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 10. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 11. The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was \"Go! You might meet somebody!\" 12. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her--believe it. 13. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day? 14. Never pass up an opportunity to pee. 15. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 16. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you. 17. Knowing how to listen to music is as great a talent as knowing how to make it. 18. Work is good but it's not THAT important. 19. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man. 20. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan."}, {"response": 646, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 28, 2001 (13:23)", "body": "Psalm 23 THE THESIS The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break He restores my faith in study guides He leads me to better study habits For my grades' sake Yea,though I walk through the valley of borderline grades I will not have a nervous breakdown For thou art with me My prayers and my friends, they comfort me Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness Thou anointest my head with understanding My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me All the days of my examinations And I shall not have to dwell in this stupid uni forever."}, {"response": 647, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 28, 2001 (23:20)", "body": "For those who don't read Austin Conference: Rules for Living in Austin 1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is AWS-TUN and it does not matter how people pronounce it in other places. 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Austin has its own version of traffic rules. There's no book about them. You've just got to get in your car and hope you survive to learn them. 3. All directions start with, \"Go down Mopac...cause you don't want to get on 35.\" 4. Burnet, Braker, and Lamar have no beginning and no end. 5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a \"scenic drive.\" 6. The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30pm to 7:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from Austin.You may only apply your brakes when the end of the yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a \"burnt-orange\" hue. 8. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for Dell. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your \"Dell tag\" around your neck or clipped on your belt loop. 98% of the people within a 200 mile radius work for Dell. When someone says, \"Michael Dell\", Dell employees are trained to face Round Rock, hit their knees, put their face to the ground, weep, and rock back and forth. 9. Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1 and Research IS 183. 2222 is Northland or Allendale or Koenig. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. 10. If moisture is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease; ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eyeshadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow or South X Southwest. 11. Construction on I-35 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it! 12. Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed \"hippie\" in sandals and earrings is probably the latest IPO millionaire around here. 13.Stay away from the Congress bridge at sundown if you do not like the thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. 14. And yes we all know that's a man in a teddy and tiara on Congress.It's Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do."}, {"response": 648, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 29, 2001 (16:44)", "body": "The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners: Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't _get it. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. And, the pick of the literature: Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole."}, {"response": 649, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 31, 2001 (18:36)", "body": "************** Born Southern ************** \"Southerners have a genius for psychological alchemy... If something intolerable simply cannot be changed, driven away or shot they will not only tolerate it but take pride in it as well.\" Florence King \"Southerners can never resist a losing cause.\" Margaret Mitchell \"The Southerner always tended to believe with his blood rather than his intellect.\" Marshall Frady \"I don't think of myself as a Negro. I'm a Southerner. I just like the Southern way of life.\" Julian Bond \"I love everything about the South; I even love hate.\" Brother Dave Gardner \"O magnet-South! O glistening perfumed South! My South! O quick mettle, rich blood, impulse and love! Good and evil! O all dear to me!\" Walt Whitman \"I like the South because of the people. They are loyal. Once they love a team, they're fans forever.\" Dominique Wilkins \"Because I was born in the South, I'm a Southerner. If I had been born in the North, the West or the Central Plains, I would be just a human being.\" Clyde Edgerton \"Everyone from the South knows who Jefferson Davis was, and this is one thing that distinguishes the South from other parts of the country.\" William F. Buckley \"The only place in the world that nothing has to be explained to me is the South.\" Woodrow Wilson \"The South may not always be right, but by God it's never wrong!\" Brother Dave Gardner \"I suggest that the true Southland is that territory within which, when asked by an outsider whether he is a Southerner, the reply almost invariably is 'Hell yes!' This 'Hell yes' line has the advantage of eliminating the ambivalent wishy washy fringes, and leaving the unquestionably defiant, hard-core Southland.\" Hamilton C. Horton, Jr. \"Southerners make such good novelists; they have so many good stories because they have so much family.\" Gore Vidal \"I'm Southern and I know neurotic behavior.\" Faye Dunaway \"Southern barbecue is the closet thing we have in the U.S. to Europe's wines and cheeses; drive a hundred miles and the barbecue changes.\" John Shelton Reed \"My mother's people, the people who captured my imagination when I was growing up, were of the Deep South - emotional, changeable, touched with charisma and given to histrionic flourishes. They were courageous under tension and unexpectedly tough beneath their wild eccentricities, for they had an unusually close working agreement with God.\" Willie Morris \"Anyone with a lick of sense knows that you can't make good barbecue and comply with the health code.\" John Edgerton \"The summer picnic gave the ladies a chance to show off their baking hands. On the barbecue pit, chickens and spareribs sputtered in their own fat and a sauce whose recipe was guarded in the family like a scandalous affair.\" Maya Angelou \"Next to fried food, the South has suffered most from oratory.\" Walter Hines Page \"When the taste changes with every bite and the last bite tastes as good as the first, that's Cajun.\" Paul Prudhomme \"True grits, more grits, fish, grits, and collards. Life is good where grits are swallered.\" Roy Blount, Jr. \"Memphis Martini: Gin with a wad of cotton in it.\" Fred Allen \"What you need for breakfast, they say in East Tennessee, is a jug of good corn liquor, a thick steak and a hound dog. Then you feed the steak to the dog.\" Charles Kuralt \"The tragedy of the redneck is that he chose the wrong enemy.\" Will D. Campbell \"Yes, charisma is the middle name of scads of Southern cads.\" Rosemary Daniel \"Southern women see no contradiction in mixing strength with gentleness.\" Sharon McKern \"The friend asked why the Rebel army had continued to fight when defeat was certain. They were simply afraid to go home and face their women.\" Gordon Cotton \"I've always said that next to Imperial China, the South is the best place in the world to be an old lady.\" Florence King \"The remark has been made that in the Civil War the North reaped the victory and the South the glory.\" Richard Weaver \"The young bloods of the South; sons of planters, lawyers about towns, good billiard players and sportsmen, men who never did any work and never will. War suits them. They are splendid riders, first rate shots and utterly reckless. These men must all be killed or employed by us before we can hope for peace.\" General W. T. Sherman \"When the smoke and fire was over, the Negroes had nothing gained, the whites had nothing left, while the jackals have all the booty.\" R.H. Cain \"In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere; they date from it.\" Mark Twain \"As long as the Negroes are held down by deprivation and lack of opportunity, the other poor people will be held down alongside them.\" Governor Big Jim Folsom \"We went across the South on Super Tuesday without a single catcall or boo, without a single ugly sign. Not until we got to New York and the North did the litmus test of race and religion spout from the mouths of public officials.\" Jesse Jackson \"Every time I look at Atlanta I see what a quarter of a million Confederate soldiers died to preven"}, {"response": 650, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  1, 2001 (12:47)", "body": "*********** Oxymorons *********** 50. Act naturally 49. Found missing 48. Resident alien 47. Advanced BASIC 46. Genuine imitation 45. Airline Food 44. Good grief 43. Same difference 42. Almost exactly 41. Government organization 40. Sanitary landfill 39. Alone together 38. Legally drunk 37. Silent scream 36. British fashion 35. Living dead 34. Small crowd 33. Business ethics 32. Soft rock 31. Butt Head 30. Military Intelligence 29. Software documentation 28. New York culture 27. New classic 26. Sweet sorrow 25. Childproof 24. \"Now then ...\" 23. Synthetic natural gas 22. Christian Scientists 21. Passive aggression 20. Taped live 19. Clearly misunderstood 18. Peace force 17. Extinct Life 16. Temporary tax increase 15. Computer jock 14. Plastic glasses 13. Terribly pleased 12. Computer security 11. Political science 10. Tight slacks 9. Definite maybe 8. Pretty ugly 7. Twelve-ounce pound cake 6. Diet ice cream 5. Rap music 4. Working vacation 3. Exact estimate 2. Religious tolerance 1. Microsoft Works"}, {"response": 651, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Feb  1, 2001 (17:04)", "body": "Just under this list at numbers 51 is television personality. There was also the restaurant and bar which was named the Temperenceville Tavern. Still, I want to know why is the most famous oxymoron of all missing from this list? That being \"jumbo shrimp\"."}, {"response": 652, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb  4, 2001 (15:45)", "body": "Thanks, JSK: WORDS TO LIVE BY Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at ex-lovers, and miss. Cooking lesson #1: Don't fry bacon in the nude. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes. If you're not part of the solution, start another problem! If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick boxing. If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Never buy a car you can't push. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."}, {"response": 653, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb  4, 2001 (15:48)", "body": "Rubber cork and plastic straw were also left off the Oxymoron list. I think they are supposed to be NEW ones?!"}, {"response": 654, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb  4, 2001 (19:23)", "body": "+----------- Bizarre Excuses for Missing School -----------+ [These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) from some schools in Texas.] My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak."}, {"response": 655, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb  4, 2001 (20:58)", "body": "~*~ 100% TEXAN ~*~ 1. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash. 2. You use the phrase \"fixin' to\" almost daily. 3. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. 4. You've ever been excused from school because \"the cows got out.\" 5. You can properly pronounce the names of the towns Mexia, Waxahachie and Mesquite. 6. You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration and he didn't mean farm animals. 7. You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway. 8. You can recall hot summers by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday. 9. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies. 10. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade. 11. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist. 12. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first. 13. When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel. 14. Your \"place at the lake\" has wheels under it. 15. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. 16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is. 17 . You know that everything goes better with Ranch. 18 . You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. 19. You know that \"y'all\" is singular and \"all y'all\" is plural. 20 . You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation: \"You wanna Coke?\" \"Yeah.\" \"What kind?\" \"Dr. Pepper.\""}, {"response": 656, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb  4, 2001 (20:58)", "body": ""}, {"response": 657, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Feb  4, 2001 (22:03)", "body": "Yep, dp. I haven't had that exact conversation, but one similar. Did you watch the NFL All Pro Game in Hawaii, Marci? A \"bad traffic jam\" in Austin is many notches worse that the one described above. I got the town pronounciation test right, but for the life of me I don't have a clue who that castration legislation was introduced by, nor do I have a need to know!"}, {"response": 658, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb  5, 2001 (09:16)", "body": "Watched the Pro Bowl yesterday. Pretty good considering, as all pro Bowls are, mostly offense. How did you like the XFL, Terry? Pretty weird! I figured the bad tradffic jam in Austin was worse than they said. None of us need to know about the castration legislation, I think. Dp anytime!"}, {"response": 659, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Feb  5, 2001 (09:34)", "body": "I've missed the xfl so far, your impressions, Marci?"}, {"response": 660, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 12, 2001 (23:41)", "body": "It's not bad for just watching the game. These guys want to get back into the NFL. However, the color guys are pathetic, the cheerleaders are gross, and the ads definitely gender-specific. I wish the hype would die down and let them get on with football. I enjoyed it when two teams actually showed up. How about you, Terry?"}, {"response": 661, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 12, 2001 (23:43)", "body": "I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN....... I'm the life of the party, even when it lasts until 8 P.M. I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my-aspirin-beano-antacid. I'm the first one to find the bathroom, wherever we go. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying. I'm very good at telling stories.... over and over and over and over. I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm so cared for, long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care... I'm not grouchy. I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians. I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...... I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate. I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory. I'm walking more (to the bathroom and enjoying it less). I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors -- absolutely nothing! I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. I'm in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP. I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel. how could I be alive at 150? I'm supporting all movements now by eating bran, prunes and raisins. I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the storeroom I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN AND I THINK I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!! --- Incoming mail is certified Virus Free."}, {"response": 662, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Feb 13, 2001 (08:38)", "body": "I have yet to see much of the XFL. I dug watching the NBA All Star Game, I can't believe the East came back from 21 points and there was some defense played. I thought Mutombo was the MVP,not Iverson. I like the way Mutombo is building hospitals and helping out his homeland in Africa."}, {"response": 663, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 16, 2001 (14:02)", "body": "XFL and I come and go as I have to retrieve something from the TV room. Not into floozy cheerleaders and tacky ads... **************** The First Gore **************** Tipper Gore, an amateur genealogical researcher, discovered that her husband's great-great uncle, Chadsworth Gore, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Tennessee in 1889. The only known photograph of Chadsworth Gore shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the Picture was this inscription: \"Chadsworth Gore; horse thief, sent to Tennessee Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Tennessee Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.\" After letting Al Gore and his staff of professional spin consultants peruse the findings, they decided to crop Chadsworth's picture, scan it as an enlarged image, and edit it with image processing software so that the following biographical sketch was sent to the Associated Press: \"Chadsworth Gore was a famous rancher in early Tennessee history. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Tennessee railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. \"In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Chadsworth Gore passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.\" And thus passed the very first \"hanging Chad.\""}, {"response": 664, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 17, 2001 (18:31)", "body": "You know you are in Pennsylvania when: (these are true - ask me!!!) 1. You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word \"snow.\" 2. You say the correct pronunciation LANG-kist-er instead of the mispronounced Lan-CAST-er, and LEB-en-in instead of the equally incorrect Leb-a-NON. 3. You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD. 4. You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna. 5. You ask the waitress for \"dippy eggs\" for breakfast. 6. You do things \"once,\" as in \"I'll go check in the back room once.\" 7. You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the \"honor system.\" 8. You know what REAL pot pie is. 9. YOUR turkey has \"filling,\" not \"stuffing,\" and most certainly, NOT \"dressing.\" 10. You know that chicken corn soup from a firehouse is the most perfect food on earth. 11. Your neighbors' names are Driebelbis, Stoltzfus, Lebo, Peachey, Yoder or anything ending in \"- baugh or -ouch.\" 12. You say things like, \"Outen the lights,\" \"I'm calling off today,\"and \"They're calling for snow.\" 13. You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs. 14. Red Beet Eggs makes your list of top ten favorite foods. 15. You pronounce \"Suite\" as SUIT, not SWEET. 16. You say you're going out to the shed \"AWHILE,\" instead of \"FOR AWHILE.\" 17. You only buy your beer and soda by the case. 18. You think the roads in any other state are smooth. 19. You know the Penn State cheer. (WE ARE...PENN STATE!) 20. Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside. 21. You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield. 22. You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva. 23. You consider Pittsburgh to be \"out west,\" and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike. 24. School closings due to snow take the radio stations half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district. 25. When someone says 1972, you think \"Agnes,\" and when someone says 1979, you think \"TMI.\" 26. You call sloppy joes \"barbecue.\" 27. You think Medium Rare equals Well Done. 28. When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand. 29. You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face. 30. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup. 31. You have 10 favorite recipes for venison. 32. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 33. The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1 page, but requires six pages for sports. 34. You think the start of deer hunting is a National Holiday. 35. You find -20F \"a little\" chilly. 36. You remember fondly days of youth known as \"Snow Days\". 37. Words like: gumband; buggy; hoagie; chipped beef; scrapple; actually mean something to you. 38. You can use the phrase \"Firehall Wedding\" and not even bat an eye. 39. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Pennsylvania friends."}, {"response": 665, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 18, 2001 (19:02)", "body": "TOP 20 SHORTEST BOOKS 20. BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno 19. HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver 18. HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL by Dan Marino 17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton 16. MY LIFE'S MEMORIES by Ronald Reagan 15. THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD by Bill Gates 14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman 13. THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore 12. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN 11. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS 10. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE 9. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES 8. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN 7. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN 6. ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres 5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE 4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the Sierra Club 3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY 2. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O. J. Simpson 1. MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton"}, {"response": 666, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 21, 2001 (17:19)", "body": "NORTH/SOUTH The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes - The South has 'mater samiches. The North has coffeehouses - The South has Waffle Houses. The North has dating services - The South has family reunions. The North has switchblade knives - The South has Lee Press-on Nails. The North has double last names - The South has double first names. The North has Ted Kennedy - The South has Jesse Helms. The North has an ambulance - The South has an amalance. The North has the Mafia - The South has NASCAR. The North has Indy car races - The South has Swamp Buggy races. The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal - The South has grits. The North has green salads - The South has collard greens and chitlins. The North has lobsters - The South has crawdads. The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores - The South has stills, shine, and them ridge runners. The North has the rust belt - The South has the Bible Belt. Finally, if you are from the North and plan to visit or move to the South, there are a few things you should know: 1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup with a 12- pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store. 3. Remember, \"ya'll\" is singular, \"all ya'll\" is plural, and \"all ya'll's\" is plural possessive. Get used to hearing \"You ain't from around here, are ya?\" 4. You may hear a Southerner say \"Ought!\" to a dog or child. This is short for \"Ya'll oughta not do that!\" and is the equivalent of saying \"No!\" 5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you, either. 6. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is \"big'ol,\" as in \"big'ol truck\" or \"big'ol boy.\" Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way, though most are in denial about it. The pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 7. Be advised that \"He needed killin'\" is a valid defense. 8. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, \"Hey, ya'll, watch this,\" stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. 9. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not; you just have to go there. 10. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle. 11. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to shoot. 12. In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush, green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway. 13. If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits. ============================================"}, {"response": 667, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Feb 23, 2001 (11:37)", "body": "Rye grass works pretty well in the Winter."}, {"response": 668, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 24, 2001 (19:04)", "body": "I'll remember that if I ever end up where I hope I do... Not JUST A Mom... A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation. \"Do you know what you and I are?\" she demanded. Before I could answer and I didn't really have one handy - she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at The County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. What I mean is,\" explained the recorder, \"do you have a job, or are you just a .....?\" \"Of course I have a job,\" snapped Emily. \"I'm a mother.\" \"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it,\"said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like \"Official Interrogator\" or \"Town Registrar.\" \"And what is your occupation?\" she probed. What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. \"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.\" The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. \"Might I ask,\" said the clerk with new interest,\"just what you do in your field?\" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, \"I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). \"Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money.\" There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than \"just another mother.\" Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door. Send this to another Mother you know. Whether a stay at home Mom or a career Mom, we should all carry this title. ---------------------------------- The Images of Mother: 4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything! 8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn't really know quite everything. 14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either. 16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned. 18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman? She's way out of date! 25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it. 35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion. 45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom would have thought about it? 65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom."}, {"response": 669, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 27, 2001 (00:07)", "body": "A few clues to being a true Texan. 1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2. \"Vacation\" means going to the family reunion. 3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular. 4. You measure distance in minutes. 5. You know several people who have hit a deer. 6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold. 7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. 8. You've ever had to switch from \"heat\" to \"A/C\" in the same day. 9. You think ethanol makes your truck \"run a lot better.\" 10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. 11. Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies. 12. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals. 13. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with noone in it, no matter what time of the year. 14. You use \"fix\" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store. 15. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable, grain, or animal. 16. You install security lights on your house and garage and leaveboth unlocked. 17. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer,and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. 18. You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car. 19. You know what \"cow tipping\" and \"snipe hunting\" is. 20. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 21. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. 22. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts. 23. The local paper covers national and international news on onepage but requires 6 pages for sports. 24. You think that deer season is a national holiday. 25. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. 26. You find 90 degrees F \"a little warm.\" 27. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer,Still Summer,and Christmas. 28. You know if another Texan is from south, east, west, or northTexas as soon as they open their mouth. 29. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000or more. 30. You describe the first cool snap(below 70 degrees) as good gumboweather. 31. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop- it'sa Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. 32. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as \"goin' wal-martin'\" 33. You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself 34. You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour water (a delicacy known as \"biscuit n'gravy\") 35. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Texas."}, {"response": 670, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Feb 27, 2001 (07:06)", "body": "These are Texans, not Austin folks. You won't find many of these stereotypes any more in the land of Beamers and high class Bistros, except those of course about the summers and the weather. There are lotsa Dairy Queens in the small towns."}, {"response": 671, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Feb 27, 2001 (12:33)", "body": "Hiya ... got online at long last. Could see IM but not receive any replies. Oh to be in England!!!!! Hugs anyway. Oh yes, and greetings and stuff from Mali. Where it's Hot Hot Hot - 103 today. School was meltingly hot this morning - no electricity so no fans."}, {"response": 672, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 27, 2001 (15:37)", "body": "Maggie!!! Aloha! airlifting CARE packages of Tradewinds to you! Terry, so good to khow it is NOT the urbane Austinite to which the stereotypes referred. But, then, I already knew that from the two gentlemen I know from Austin! **************** Technology **************** Jake is struggling through an airport terminal with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks: \"Have you got the time?\" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. \"It's a quarter to six\", he says. \"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!\" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. \"Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out...\" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropoli. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says \"The time is eleven till six\" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues \"I've put in regional accents for each city. The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.\" The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. \"That's not all...\", says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution map of New York City appears on the display. \"The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning\", explains Jake. \"View recede ten\", Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. \"I want to buy this watch!\" says the stranger. \"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs\", says the inventor. \"But look at this\", and he proceeds to demonstrate that \"the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard size books, though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far\" says Jake. \"I've got to have this watch!\" says the stranger. \"No, you don't understand; it's not ready.\" \"I'll give you $1000 for it!\" \"Oh, no, I've already spent more than ...\" \"I'll give you $5000 for it!\" \"But it's just not ...\" \"I'll give you $15,000 for it!\" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8,500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. \"Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it.\" Jake abruptly makes his decision. \"OK\", he says, and peels off the watch and hands it to the stranger. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. \"Hey, wait a minute\", calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he had been trying to wrestle through the terminal. \"Don't forget your batteries.\""}, {"response": 673, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Mar  4, 2001 (14:07)", "body": "Back again for a little bit Marcia ... temp hit 118F yesterday on our trip, got up to today. I think I'm melting!!!! Where did you put my pix on here?"}, {"response": 674, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar  4, 2001 (15:37)", "body": "You didn't say which ones to post so I am waiting to hear. You and Tony in full regalia???"}, {"response": 675, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar  5, 2001 (15:42)", "body": "YUP - thought I sed"}, {"response": 676, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar  5, 2001 (15:43)", "body": "Sorry I can't wait around on IM. Too expensive. Hugs (You disappeared yesterday too)"}, {"response": 677, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Mar  6, 2001 (08:49)", "body": "It's great you're checking in Maggie, too bad about the This Day in History thing, Marci. You were using a completely different source, maybe you can find a totally different source or we could just pick out one thing a day to comment on."}, {"response": 678, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 14, 2001 (21:23)", "body": "will do so.. reagardijng spring5 and Maggie's requests... have to make photo smaller before ftping them - shortly!!! FROM THE MOUTH OF A HUSBAND I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ************************************************** I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. ************************************************** Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. ************************************************** The last fight was my fault. My wife asked: \"What's on the TV?\" I said: \"Dust!\" ************************************************** In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. ************************************************** Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ************************************************** What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. ************************************************** A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said: \"I haven't eaten anything in four days.\" She looked at him and said: \"God, I wish I had your will power.\" ************************************************* Do you know the punishment for bigamy?: Two mothers-in-law. ************************************************* Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. ************************************************* A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: \"Wife Wanted.\" Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: \"You can have mine.\" ************************************************* The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ************************************************* First guy: \"My wife's an angel!\" Second guy: \"You're lucky, mine is still alive.\" ************************************************* How do men define marriage?: An expensive way to get laundry done for free. ************************************************* Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ************************************************* If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word=A0 you say, talk in your sleep. ************************************************* Then there was a man who said: \"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.\" ************************************************* A little boy asked his father: \"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?\" And the father replied, \"I don't know son, I'm still paying.\""}, {"response": 679, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 16, 2001 (11:57)", "body": "*************** RESPONSIBILITY *************** Let me get this straight? \"Let's see if I understand the state of personal responsibility in the America of the 1990s. If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll musician he liked. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer your family blames the tobacco company. If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender. If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If you back up and run over a Trooper ,and he shoots you; you blame it on racial profiling. And, if a deranged madman shoots your friend, you blame the gun manufacturer. God bless America, land of the free, home of the \"blame.\"* (* BLAME THE LAWYERS!!)"}, {"response": 680, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 17, 2001 (23:26)", "body": "Thanks for this, JSK *hugs* JOB DESCRIPTIONS A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a \"brief.\""}, {"response": 681, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Sun, Mar 18, 2001 (00:28)", "body": "A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. I couldn't agree more :-)"}, {"response": 682, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 19, 2001 (14:07)", "body": "Hi Mike! You're right!!! *Hugs* It is so good to see you ! Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotations from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions: 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.) 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping) 3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) 4. This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) 5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) 6. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claimed the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers) 7. Quote from the Boss: \"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.\" (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) 8. \"How About Friday?\" My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, \"That would be better for me.\" (Shipping executive, FTD Florists) 9. \"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.\" (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division) 10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying, \"This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.\" (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division) 11. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, \"If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!\" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.) 12. Speaking the Same Language: As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the \"pedagogical approach\" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for \"perverts\" working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired - and the word \"pedagogical\" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary, and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words that could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation) 13. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company: \"(Company name) is endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations of quality!\" (Lucent Technologies"}, {"response": 683, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 19, 2001 (15:03)", "body": "MARRIAGE MADE IN HEAVEN On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, \"I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out.\" and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months...and they discussed if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. \"What if it doesn't work?\" they wondered, \"Are we stuck together forever?\" After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. \"Yes,\" he informs the couple, \"you CAN get married in Heaven.\" Great!\" said the couple, \"But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?\" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. \"What's wrong?\" asked the frightened couple. \"OH, COME ON!\" St. Peter shouts, \"It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?!\""}, {"response": 684, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 19, 2001 (18:24)", "body": "PITHY APHORISMS If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. A closed mouth gathers no foot. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."}, {"response": 685, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, Mar 19, 2001 (19:30)", "body": "Its pretty scarry that it is more complicated to simulate artifical stupidity than artificial intelligence. 73 de Cosmo back amongst the living"}, {"response": 686, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 21, 2001 (15:30)", "body": "Welcome Home, Cosmo! *Hugs* New State Slogans (Thanks, Ian!) Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put The \"Fun\" In Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the \"S\" Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets) Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada: Whores and Poker! New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ... North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee: The Educashun State Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English) Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont: Yep Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really! Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared!!!"}, {"response": 687, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 23, 2001 (14:38)", "body": "This is funny. If you don't think so you may be upper management at McDonnell-Douglas.This allegedly was posted very briefly on the McDonnell-Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor and made the web department take it down immediately..... Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires. 1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrad [_] Classified [_] Other First Name: ................................ Initial: ........ Last Name: .................................. Password: ............................. (max. 8 char) Code Name:.................................. Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ..................... 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? [_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../......./...... 4. Serial Number:......................................... 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased: [_] Received as gift/aid package [_] Catalogue/showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend/relative/ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell-Douglas product: [_] Style/appearance [_] Speed/maneuverability [_] Price/value [_] Comfort/convenience [_] Kickback/bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used: [_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iran [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Europe [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Africa [_] Asia/Far East [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Classified 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply.) [_] Communist/Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? [_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check 12. Your occupation: [_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister/General [_] Retired [_] Student 13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Boating/sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running/jogging [_] Propaganda/misinformation [_] Destabilization/overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market/smuggling [_] Collectibles/collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation/torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage/reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnellDouglas serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division."}, {"response": 688, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 23, 2001 (23:53)", "body": "IT'S GOOD TO BE A MAN Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Same work...more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood, ALL the damn time. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can \"do\" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes. THE ONLY WAY TO GO !"}, {"response": 689, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 24, 2001 (14:39)", "body": "I nearly put this in poetry conference, but di dnot want to offend the Hostess. Cat Haiku To all you cat lovers... You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. And that will show you. You must scratch me there! Yes, above my tail! Behold, Elevator butt. I need a new toy. Tail of a black dog keeps good time. Pounce! Good dog! Good dog! The rule for today. Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow. In deep sleep hear sound Cat vomit hairball somewhere. Will find in morning. Grace personified I leap into the window I meant to do that. Blur of motion, then- Silence, me, a paper bag What is so funny? The mighty hunter Returns with gifts of plump birds Your foot just squashed one. You're always typing Well, let's see you ignore me Sitting on your hands. My small cardboard box You cannot see me if I Can just hide my head. Terrible battle I fought for hours. Come and see! What's a term paper? Kitty likes plastic Confuses for litter box Don't leave tarp around. Small brave carnivores Kill pine cones and mosquitos Fear vacuum cleaner Want to trim my claws? Don't even think about it! My yelps wake the dead. I want to be close to you. Can I fit my head inside your armpit? Wanna go outside. Oh, no! Help! I got outside! Let me back inside! Oh no! My Big One has been trapped by newspaper. Cat to the rescue. Humans are so strange. Mine lies still in bed, then screams! My claws aren't that sharp... Cats meow out of angst \"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! We could break so much.\" Litter box not here You moved it on me again I'll crap in the sink The Big Ones snore now Every room is dark and cold Time for \"Cup Hockey\" We're almost equals I purr to show I love you Want to smell my butt?"}, {"response": 690, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 24, 2001 (22:20)", "body": "Southern Football Trivia What does the average Mississippi State player get on his SATs? --Drool. What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? ---A full set of teeth. How do you get an LSU cheerleader into your dorm room? ----Grease her hips and push like hell. How do you get a South Carolina graduate off your porch? -----Pay him for the pizza. Why do the Alabama cheerleaders wear bibs? -----To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms. Why is the Vandy football team like a possum? -----Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road. What are the longest three years of a Florida football player's life? ----His freshman year How many Ole Miss freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? -----None.....That's a sophomore course in Mississippi. Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco? -----Lexington, Kentucky .......He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner. AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.......) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color? ---You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week."}, {"response": 691, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 24, 2001 (22:47)", "body": "You Know You're a Redneck Jedi When . . . Your Jedi robe is camouflage color. You use your lightsaber to open your bottle of Bud. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder. You use your lightsaber to pick your teeth. At least one section of your X-Wing is bondo colored. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder. You can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks. You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets. A peaceful meditation is one without gas. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force. You have an X-wing up on blocks in your front yard. You lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you stopped to spit. You think the worst part about spending time on Dagobah is the \"dadgum skeeters.\" Wookies are offended by your B.O. You use the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. Your father said to you, \"Shoot, Son, com'on over tuh the dark side, it'll be a hoot.\" You use your R-2 unit's self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue to light. The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it. You have a stuffed womp rat over your fireplace."}, {"response": 692, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 25, 2001 (14:49)", "body": "MORE REDNECK HUMOR Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it until she's fourteen. _____________________________________________ How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, \"I've gotta leak in my sink\" and the person at the front desk says, \"go ahead.\" ____________________________________________ How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married? There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.. _____________________________________________ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.. ________________________! ______________________ What do they call reruns of \"Hee Haw\" in Mississippi? A documentary.. ______________________________________________ How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat and one to watch for traffic.. ______________________________________________ Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.. ______________________________________________ Arkansas State Trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, \"Got any ID?\" The driver says \"Bout what?\" ______________________________________________ Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.. _______________________________________! _______ Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Nearly everyone has the same DNA.. _____________________________________________ Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas Burned Down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.. ______________________________________________ A new law recently passed in North Carolina: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.. ______________________________________________ What's the best thing ever to come out of Arkansas? I-40.. _____________________________________________ What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.. ______________________________________________ A Mississip! pian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, \"Hurryover here. My house is on fire!\" \"OK,\" replied the fireman, \"How do we get there?\" \"Shucks, don't you still have them big red trucks?\" _____________________________________________ Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movies theater in groups of 18 or more? 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.. ______________________________________________ What do you have when you have 32 Rednecks in the same room? A full set of teeth..."}, {"response": 693, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Tue, Mar 27, 2001 (17:50)", "body": "Howdy Howdy One thing I would add to the state mottos for Colorado would be: \"If God meant Texans to ski he would have made bullshit white.\" Although not a state motto, a popular Chicago slogan still in use is: \"VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN!\" de Mike radio cosmo international Not broadcasting from scenic Lake Michigan....."}, {"response": 694, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 28, 2001 (15:42)", "body": "LOL Mike!!! Love the Texas one... and on that note here is the scenario for a new Survivors series: A major network is planning the show \"Survivor 4\" this winter. In response, Texas is planning \"Survivor, Texas Style.\" The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio,on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas. Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, \"I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns.\" The first one to make it back to Dallas wins."}, {"response": 695, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 29, 2001 (13:39)", "body": "FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK Researchers Shocked to Finally Find Virus That Email App Doesn't Like Outlook Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com)_ Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus. \"Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, unexpected,\" said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit. The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. \"Up until now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook,\" said Nick Brown, Britain's Agriculture Minister. \"By eliminating it, we can focus our resources elsewhere.\" However, researchers in the Netherlands, where foot-and-mouth has recently appeared, said they are not yet prepared to disqualify Outlook, which has been the progenitor of viruses such as \"I Love You,\" \"Bubbleboy,\" \"Anna Kournikova,\" and \"Naked Wife,\" to name but a few. Said Nils Overmars, director of the Molecular Virology Lab at Leiden University: \"It's not that we don't trust the research, it's just that as scientists, we are trained to be skeptical of any finding that flies in the face of established truth. And this one flies in the face like a blind drunk sparrow.\" Executives at Microsoft, meanwhile, were equally skeptical, insisting that Outlook's patented Virus Transfer Protocol (VTP) has proven virtually pervious to any virus. The company, however, will issue a free VTP patch if it turns out the application is not vulnerable to foot-and-mouth. Such an admission would be embarrassing for the software giant, but Symantec virologist Ariel Kologne insisted that no one is more humiliated by the study than she is. \"Only last week, I had a reporter ask if the foot-and-mouth virus spreads through Microsoft Outlook, and I told him, 'Doesn't everything?'\" she recalled. \"Who would've thought?\""}, {"response": 696, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (11:12)", "body": "They'll never make it back to Dallas, they'll do ok in Austin though."}, {"response": 697, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (11:53)", "body": "The part about taking away the guns would be the biggest pisser! de cosmo"}, {"response": 698, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr  3, 2001 (13:50)", "body": "Ya mean the pink car is not a problem? You're probably right about the guns. Anywhere is the south you don't even THINK about that! Austin is Way Cool. Big D... not! ~*~Signs of the Times~*~ Electrician's Truck: Let us remove your shorts. Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day. On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. Scientist's Door: Gone Fission Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff. Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels. Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. Hotel: Help! We need inn - experienced people. Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you. Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman,and the 2nd one just left. Veterinarians Waiting Room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! The Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be. Beauty Shop: Dye now! Garbage Truck: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Computer Store: Out for a quick byte Diner Window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want. Music Library: Bach in a minuet. Funeral Home: Drive carefully, we'll wait."}, {"response": 699, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr  5, 2001 (00:23)", "body": "On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: * Two Italian men and one Italian woman * Two French men and one French woman * Two German men and one German woman * Two Greek men and one Greek woman * Two English men and one English woman * Two Irish men and one Irish woman * Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman * Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman * Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman * Two American men and one American woman One month later on these stunning islands, the following events have transpired: * One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. * The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a- trois. * The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of visits with the German woman * The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the woman is cleaning and cooking for them * The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. * The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun. * The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming. * The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. * The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquorstore/restaurant/Laundromat and got the Chinese woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. * The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving."}, {"response": 700, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Apr  5, 2001 (10:03)", "body": "The French figured it out!"}, {"response": 701, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Thu, Apr  5, 2001 (19:12)", "body": "Why is sex alot like playing bridge? If you have a good hand, you dont need a partner!"}, {"response": 702, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr  6, 2001 (22:16)", "body": "Gads - ok... conversation afterward gets a bit boring, though... ANAGRAMS An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has far too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!) George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He bugs Gore Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in em Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity Mother-in-law: When you rearrange the letters: Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms: When you rearrange the letters: Alas! No More Z's A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes: When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one And for the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: It can be rearranged (with no letters left over, and using each letter only once) into: TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS"}, {"response": 703, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 11, 2001 (13:27)", "body": "Subject: Points to Ponder...! Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why don't you ever see the headline \"Psychic Wins Lottery\"? Why is \"abbreviated\" such a long word? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why is it that doctors call what they do \"practice\"? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on \"Start\"? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?"}, {"response": 704, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 17, 2001 (14:39)", "body": "In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton had a big red slap mark on his cheek. (1) The blonde thought - \"That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face\" (2) The fat lady thought - \"That dirty old Bill Clinton laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him\". (3) Bill Clinton thought - \"George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me\". (4) George Bush thought - \"I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again\"."}, {"response": 705, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 17, 2001 (15:10)", "body": "EXERCISE 1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month. 2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where she is. 3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing. 6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, we would have been made with them farther up our bodies. 7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. 8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. 9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. 10.If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. 11. And last, but not least, I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass."}, {"response": 706, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 17, 2001 (16:58)", "body": "Pass the word around quietly that spring.net is moving to a new server, I'm doing this by remote control while I'm on vacation. Folks need to \"save their work\" as a precaution. I got *soaked* big time by our currnet hosts this month on bandwidth charges, I haven't notified them yet so I don't want to blast this all over porch or drool, but Marci please email appropriate folks (ann, etc) and let them know to make backups. I'm available by email or 512 680 4888 while I'm in SF, CA this week."}, {"response": 707, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (08:50)", "body": "Did that and are well on our way to being reinstated - Telnet too - on new server!!! Now, to get it to accept my posts......sigh. This serveris far superior - Mahalo Nui Loa, Terry!"}, {"response": 708, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (10:49)", "body": "Inappropriate Children's Books 1) You Are Different and That's Bad 2) The Boy Who Died From Eating All of His Vegetables 3) Dad's New Wife Robert 4) Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share 5) Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book 6) The Kid's Guide to Hitch-hiking 7) Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 8) Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 9) All Cats Go to Hell 10) The Little Sissy Who Snitched 11) Some Kittens Can Fly 12) That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption 13) Grandpa Gets a Casket 14) The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 15) Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 16) The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 17) Strangers Have the Best Candy 18) Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way 19) You Were an Accident 20) Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 21) Pop! Goes the Hamster, and Other Fun Microwave Games 22) The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan 23) Your Nightmares Are Real 24) Where Would You Like to Be Buried? 25) Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School 26) Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Can Be Friends 27) Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things 28) Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"}, {"response": 709, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 30, 2001 (08:16)", "body": "Thanks JK *Hugs* Bumper Stickers that SHOULD exist 1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. 2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. 3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me 4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. 7) WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 8) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 9) BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. 10) I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. 11) So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute 12) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 13) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 14) To all you virgins, thanks for nothing. 15) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. 16) My kid had sex with your honor student. 17) Earth first...we'll mind the other planets later. 18) I'm just driving this way to piss you off. 19) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 20) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 21) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ. 22) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 23) God must love stupid people, he made so many. 24) The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 25) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 26) It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. 27) I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 28) It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. 29) Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 30) I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself. 31) Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself. 32) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 33) Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes. 34) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 35) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 36) CAT----- The Other White Meat 37) Beer----- The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon 38) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes 39) I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed-----What More Do You Want? 40) Remember My Name------You'll Be Screaming It Later. 41) Welcome To Shit Creek-----Sorry, We're Out of Paddles 42) If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother. 43) Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're an asshole"}, {"response": 710, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  8, 2001 (11:43)", "body": "In the Birmingham Sunday Mercury (7th Jan 2001): WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend. His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: \"George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. \"He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself.\" A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts for medical textbooks when he died. You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally. And the moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway."}, {"response": 711, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  8, 2001 (11:50)", "body": "************************* We Have Been Diagnosed ************************* Friends, I'm writing you to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with a very serious condition and there's no hope I will ever get over it... It may be hereditary as well... The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure. This is an ailment many of us suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed... However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn't... It's called the \"Butfirst Syndrome.\" It's like when I decide to do the laundry -I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. Okay, I'm going to do the laundry - Butfirst I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table... Okay, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack, Butfirst I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Now where's the checkbook? Oops! There's the emptyglass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for thatcheckbook, Butfirst I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away, Butfirst I need to water those plants. Head for door and Ack! Stepped on the dog. :x Dog needs to be fed... Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants... Butfirst I need to feed the dog! At the end of day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still missing, and the dog ate the remote control... AND, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled,because I KNOW I was BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious....and I should get help, Butfirst I think I'll read all my email!"}, {"response": 712, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  8, 2001 (12:53)", "body": "*************************** Real Southerners know.... *************************** The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit. Pretty much how many fish make up a mess. What general direction cattywumpus is. That \"gimme sugar\" don't mean pass the sugar. When somebody's \"fixin\" to do something, it won't be long. The difference between Yankees and damn Yankees. How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store. Knows what, \"Well I Suwannee !!\" means. Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits!! A good dog is worth its weight in gold. Real gravy don't come from the store. The War of Northern Aggression was over state rights, not slavery. When \"by and by\" is. How to handle their \"pot likker\". The difference between \"pert near\" and \"a right far piece\". The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash. Never to go snipe hunting twice. What happens when you swallow tobacco juice. Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows. You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to anybody. A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up. Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers. Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons. GOD BLESS DIXIE , Flag and All !!! ------------------------------ AND PS: Did you know the Confederate flag was Originally Designed by a Negro??? Bet ya didn't ;-)"}, {"response": 713, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  9, 2001 (11:07)", "body": "***************** Aimless thoughts ***************** The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here. \"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.\" I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that. I got a sweater for Christmas... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. I see your IQ test results were negative. Regular naps prevent old age .....especially if you take them while driving. When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shit head's. Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are enough Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. \"Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.\" Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted. I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: \"CHECKOUT TIME IS 18.\" How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. I mixed Rogaine with Viagra... now I've got hair like Don King. The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: \"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.\""}, {"response": 714, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 10, 2001 (13:54)", "body": "Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery this morning. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that the number will climb as the digging continues into the night."}, {"response": 715, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 10, 2001 (13:55)", "body": "For the above I thank an eminent American archaeologist who wishes to remain anonymous! Thanks anyway, Don!"}, {"response": 716, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 11, 2001 (12:53)", "body": "This clever piece reprinted from the Taiwan daily Gazette, by staff writer Wun Wing Lo: In a heroic dogfight fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60's era American built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passenger/observers aboard chewed up one of China's best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft. The Americans, utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on autopilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of the EP-3's four formidable rotating air mass propellers. After the action the crew and passenger/observers dropped in on China's Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government."}, {"response": 717, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 14, 2001 (15:34)", "body": "******************** Very Special People ******************** 1. When his. 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked. 2. Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure have got fat in four years'. 3. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 4. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a passing car. 5. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he leapt into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish. 6. A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from trees demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course when it leapt onto the shoulders of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off. The man was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck. 7. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged with beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his toy pistol. 8. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. [Understandably,] he shot her dead. 9. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing. 10. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 11. In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E. Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver, instead put a semi-automatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semi-automatic. 12. Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health. 13. An American teenager was in a hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told the police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 14. Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a Filipino man to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol - after he was caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport. 15. Following the initiatives of the Afghan Taliban government - which has banned kite-flying, TV watching and wearing white socks - Iran is also cracking down on its more decadent citizens. Ayatollah Mohammed Yadzi has decreed that dog walking is to be made illegal, saying that taking dogs out onto the streets was 'a public insult', as it was a blind imitation of Westerners."}, {"response": 718, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 15, 2001 (21:27)", "body": "China Blames U. S. for Yet Another Midair Collision BEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated that they are holding the United States, \"fully responsible\" for today's mid-air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American craft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U. S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8:25 a. m., GMT, a squadron of Chinese F-8 fighters collided with an American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese planes downed and the blimp's electronic billboard damaged. Sources say the billboard's scrolling marquee had been advertising the soft drink 7-UP, but after the collision, only the words \"Up yours\" could be seen. A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision between his squadron, nicknamed, \"Panda Rash\" told China's Xinhua news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and crash into wingman Sum Yung Gui's F-8 jet. \"I told Yung Gui his tail was all broken. 'Keep it straight. Keep it straight'\", said the pilot. \"He just couldn't shake the American foreign-devil!\" The blimp then reportedly veered hard left and then right, taking out the rest of the squadron. Pilot Chawp Suey told Xinhua the American blimp is \"fully responsible for the incident\", repeating the language Beijing has used in the earlier incident. China blames this new accident on the Goodyear blimp, saying it rammed the supersonic fighters, and has demanded an apology. Officials from the Goodyear Company have said it is unlikely that the slow propeller-driven blimp could turn inside and ram a dozen nimble fighters, unless the Chinese were testing chimp pilots. \"The direct cause of the collision was that the American blimp made a sudden big move toward the Chinese planes, making it impossible for the Chinese planes to get out of the way\", Suey was quoted as saying. \"The savage act of American blimps colliding with Chinese planes while conducting spying activities at sporting events makes us indignant\", he was quoted as saying."}, {"response": 719, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 23, 2001 (20:01)", "body": "For someone very special - I have not forgotten! If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.\" --- Winnie the Pooh \"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.\" ---Charles Caleb Colton \"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.\" \"Friendship is one mind in two bodies.\" ---Mencius \"Friends are God's way of taking care of us.\" \"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend.\" ---Stone Temple Pilots \"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay.\" ---dave Mathews band \"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.\" \"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.\" \"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.\" --- Tim McGraw \"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.\" ---Lee Iacocca \"Hold a true friend with both your hands.\" ---Nigerian Proverb \"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.\" ---unknown"}, {"response": 720, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 24, 2001 (22:34)", "body": "*************** The Pharmacist *************** Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, \"It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.\" Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, \"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.\" \"Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.\" He continued,\"Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it...half of them hit the floor and broke.\" \"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer...and believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell here how to use it."}, {"response": 721, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 27, 2001 (23:28)", "body": "For the religious, the less religious, and those who just need English practice .... Background: Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. _____ Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them: a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan"}, {"response": 722, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 28, 2001 (08:01)", "body": "That would keep Dr. Laura pretty busy."}, {"response": 723, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 30, 2001 (13:04)", "body": "In the Beginning... In the Beginning, God created heaven and the earth. Quickly He was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why He began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that He just liked to be creative. Then God said \"Let there be light\", and immediately the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the fire; that He would obtain a building permit; and to conse! rve energy, would have the light out half the time. God agreed and said He would call the light 'Day' and the darkness 'Night'. Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics. God said, \"Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed\". The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, \"Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth\". Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society. Everything was fine until God said he wanted to complete the project in Six days. Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the application and impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-! 12 months before ..... At this point, God created Hell."}, {"response": 724, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, May 31, 2001 (10:58)", "body": "To celebrate Marcia's birthday let's all go and learn a little Hawaiian!!!! Go look at this site ... it's a beauty! http://www.geocities.com/~olelo/ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"}, {"response": 725, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  1, 2001 (16:28)", "body": "Why Engineers Don't Write Cookbooks (source unknown) Thanks for sending this, JSK. *Hugs* Chocolate Chip Cookies Ingredients: 1. 532.35 cm3 gluten 2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite 4. 236 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein ovoids 9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao 10.) 236 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium."}, {"response": 726, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  1, 2001 (16:31)", "body": "Maggie! Thank you! How did you know Kealii Reichel is my favorite Hawaiian singer? His stuff is so gloriously beautiful. Kawaipunahele is my favorite but I like anything he does. What a lovely site. Mahmlo Nui Loa!"}, {"response": 727, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  8, 2001 (20:47)", "body": "WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS 1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME. 2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS. 3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING. 4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS. 5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG. 6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH. 7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN 8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN. 9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF. 10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN. 11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES? 12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES 13. AND YOUR POINT IS?"}, {"response": 728, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  8, 2001 (20:49)", "body": "Knowing when to scream Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave and they're getting a little impatient. But the airport staff has assured them that the pilots will be there soon and the flight can take off immediately there after. The entrance opens and two men walk upthe aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses. One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a white, tipped cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin as the men enter the cockpit. The door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing around, nervously, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the edge of the water at the end of the airport's property. It begins to look as though the plane will never take off - that it will plow into the water!! Panicked screams fill the cabin -- but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly. Soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, \"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die?!\""}, {"response": 729, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  8, 2001 (21:20)", "body": "Son of YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.... You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. Your boat / 55 Chevy has not left the driveway in 15 years. You burn your yard rather than mow it. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. You come back from the dump with more than you took. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. Your grandmother has \"Ammo\" on her Christmas list. You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. You've bathed with flea and tick soap. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture. You took a fishing pole to Sea World. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. You have a rag for a gas cap. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. You can spit without opening your mouth. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say \"Cool Whip\" on the side. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler. You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph."}, {"response": 730, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 11, 2001 (22:51)", "body": "THIS EXPLAINS IT ALL... All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts. This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls. This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside. Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as \"Engineers.\" Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as \"Fighter Pilots.\" A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as......\"Mr. President.\""}, {"response": 731, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 11, 2001 (23:08)", "body": "************** Bra Shopping ************** A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, \"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife\" What type of bra?\" asked the clerk. \"Type?\" inquires the man. \"There is more than one type?\" \"Look around,\" said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. \"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,\" replied The salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied \"The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?\" Still confused the man asked, \"What is the difference between them?\" The lady responded, \"It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.\""}, {"response": 732, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 13, 2001 (21:01)", "body": "In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third. Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen: ------------------------------------------ Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone. ------------------------------------------ The Website you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist. ------------------------------------------- Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. --------------------------------------------- Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much. ------------------------------------------------ Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. -------------------------------------------------- Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. -------------------------------------------------- First snow, then silence. This thousand-dollar screen dies So beautifully. -------------------------------------------------- With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: \"My Novel\" not found. --------------------------------------------------- The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao-until You bring fresh toner. ------------------------------------------------- Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down. -------------------------------------------------- A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone. -------------------------------------------------- Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred. ------------------------------------------------- You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here. -------------------------------------------------- Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. ------------------------------------------------- Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. -------------------------------------------------- Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank."}, {"response": 733, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 13, 2001 (22:55)", "body": "***************** LAWYER IN SPACE! ***************** NASA was interviewing professionals they were figuring on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. \"One million dollars,\" the engineer answered. \"And I want to donate it all to my alma mater--Rice University.\" The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question. \"Two millions dollars,\" the doctor said. \"I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.\" The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, \"Three million dollars.\" \"Why so much more than the others?\" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, \"You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer.\""}, {"response": 734, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 13, 2001 (23:00)", "body": "After first seeing Microsoft's slogan for its upcoming Windows XP operating system, \"it just works,\" I couldn't help wondering: what were the slogans for all the previous releases? After thinking about it for a while, they became obvious. Windows 1.0: Good joke, eh? Windows 2.0: Still funny, isn't it? Windows 286: Yeah, we're still kidding. Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years. Windows 3.0: It's finally worth buying! Windows 3.1: It's finally worth using! Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years. Windows 98: More usable! Less stable! Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable! Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable! NT 1.0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!! NT 2.0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!! NT 3.0: Which part of \"more hardware\" do you not understand? NT 3.5: With enough hardware, I'd work. Honest. NT 4.0: Does less than Win98 with twice the hardware at one-half the speed. Windows 2K: Works almost as well as Windows 98! Honest! Windows XP: It just works."}, {"response": 735, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 14, 2001 (00:33)", "body": "Aloha Gary! Welcome to Spring. Where better to greet the funniest man on the planet than here?! Make yourself comfortable, take off your shoes and get laid back (Watchit!) *Hugs* is how we greet special newcomers. Consider that you have also been bedecked with a lei. I'd put it another way but I do not want to hurt your delicate sensibilities. *;)"}, {"response": 736, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 14, 2001 (23:48)", "body": "Buying a Modern Bathing Suit I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture & humiliation known as buying a bathing suit. When I was a child, bathing suits for women with a \"mature\" figure was designed for a mature figure. Reinforced, and not so much sewn as engineered to hold back & lift up where necessary. Todays stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip! The mature woman has a choice....she can either shop in the maternity department & try on a floral suits with a skirt and come off looking like a hippo from Disney's Fantasia, or wander from store to store only to find what amounts to a designers idea of fluorescent rubber bands. I made what I thought was a sensible choice from the non-maternity dept. and entered into the \"chamber of horrors\" known as the dressing room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary strength of the stretch material. I believe the Lycra used in this suit was developed by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot! I fought my way into the suit of choice but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror.....my bosom had disappeared! Eventually, I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit and it took a while to find the other flattened against my seventh rib. I eventually figured out the problem. These modern suits have no bra cups! The mature woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed bump. As I realigned my \"speed bump\" and turned toward the mirror to take a full view assessment of the fit, I found only bits of me willing to stay inside where they belonged. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of playdough wearing undersized cling wrap! As I tried to work out where all those extra bits of me had escaped from, in pops the prepubescent sales girl to see if I needed any assistance. I replied that I would be grateful if she would show me some other designs. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a wad of masking tape; two floral numbers that gave me the appearance of an oversized napkin in a napkin ring and a leopard skin suit with ragged frill which made me look like Tarzan's Jane pregnant with triplets and having a rough day! The black number with a midriff gave off the thought of a jellyfish in mourning and the bright pink pair had such high cut legs I would have had to wax my eyebrows to wear them! Finally I found a suit that fit...a two piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was comfortable, inexpensive and bulge friendly so I bought it. When I got home, I read the label which said \"Material may become transparent in water\". Oh goody!.......I'm determined to wear it anyway. I'll just try to remember leave the towel by the step as I crawl out of the pool, or do a breast stroke maneuver in the sand if at the beach. A mature woman can only take so much torture in one year."}, {"response": 737, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun 15, 2001 (09:06)", "body": "Sounds like you're trapped in that suit for life. It's the last outfit you'll ever need. Have you tested the water theory yet, be sure to have your webcam on when you do this test as you'll need some scientific observers to validate the findings. And send some pictures of you doing that breast stroke in the sand."}, {"response": 738, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 15, 2001 (13:59)", "body": "I am happy to report that this lady is not so over-bountifully endowed that I have that sort of abundant poundage to squash into the suit of choice. However, locals swim in cutoff shorts and tank tops. No one buys store-bought swim suits except for the tourists. I'll make certain you have the front row when next I strip down for a dive in the drink! See that Hilo Webcam I mentioned? That's the Pacific you see and it is right where some surfers gather when the swell direction is just right. Marci, hangin' ten"}, {"response": 739, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun 15, 2001 (15:39)", "body": "What's that webcam address again?"}, {"response": 740, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 15, 2001 (16:24)", "body": "http://www.tsunami.org/hilobaycam.htm (it works best on Netscape!) ************************************ STEVEN WRIGHT'S BEST DEADPAN HUMOR! ************************************ I put Instant Coffee in a Microwave and went back in time. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station... Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? Does fuzzy logic tickle? If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery? I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, \"Quit while you're ahead\"? Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? What WAS the best thing before sliced bread? Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow. I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing. I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it. I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, \"I think I might have written that.\" I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, \"Got any shoes you're not using?\" My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open. I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open. You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time. I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. \"What are you making?\" \"A salt lick.\" There aren't enough days in the weekend. My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on. The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards. Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill. Is \"tired old clich=E9\" one? If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows. Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business. I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension. I went into a clothes store the other day and a salesman walked up to me and said, 'Can I help you?' And I said, 'Yeah, do you got anything I like?' He said, 'What do you mean do we have anything you like?' I said, 'You started this'. If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word \"lisp\" to have an \"s\" in it? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? How come abbreviated is such a long word? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do banks charge you a \"non-sufficient funds fee\" on money they already know you don't have? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, 'Give me two boys and a girl'. What's another word for Thesaurus? If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie "}, {"response": 741, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 15, 2001 (16:37)", "body": "To all those who strive for higher learning: A pre-med student had to take a difficult class in physics. One day, the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, \"Why do we have to learn this stuff?\" \"To save lives,\" the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. \"So, how does physics save lives?\" he persisted. \"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school,\" replied the professor."}, {"response": 742, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun 16, 2001 (19:09)", "body": "************************************** A few of lifes unanswered questions ************************************** Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why don't you ever see the headline \"Psychic Wins Lottery\"? Why is \"abbreviated\" such a long word? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it that doctors call what they do \"practice\"? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?"}, {"response": 743, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 17, 2001 (01:13)", "body": "****************** Hold Your Horses ****************** President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England. Air Force One stops at a bright red carpet along which the President strides to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeds through the streets of London en route to Buckingham Palace, the Queen and the President waving to the cheering throngs. Then suddenly the right rear horse produces a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberates through the air and rattles the doors of the coach. Uncomfortable, the reaction of the two powerful figures is to focus their attentions elsewhere and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened. But, the Queen is the first to realize that ignoring what had just happened is ridiculous. She explains, \"Mr. President, please accept my regrets - - - I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.\" President Bush replies, \"Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought --- you know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses.\""}, {"response": 744, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 17, 2001 (18:29)", "body": "******************************* Bad American by George Carlin ******************************* I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it! I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang. I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English. I don't use the excuse \"it's for the children\" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality. My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it. I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter? I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-#$%!-up already. I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years. I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets. I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again. I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. I think Dr. Seuss was a genius. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States. If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American. If you too are a BAD American please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back!"}, {"response": 745, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 17, 2001 (21:20)", "body": "8888888888888888888888888888 HAPPY FATHER'S DAY *HUGS* 8888888888888888888888888888 EXCERPTS FROM \"A CAT'S GUIDE TO HUMAN BEINGS\" 1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans? So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train. 2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want: Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children. Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's \"golden time\" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious. 3. Punishing Your Human Being Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives: * Use the cat box during an important formal dinner. * Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude. * Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack. * After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling. * While your human is sleeping, lie on its face. 4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive? The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented. After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it. 5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human? You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far."}, {"response": 746, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 19, 2001 (17:15)", "body": "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she=A0=A0 caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon, which activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 3 A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote \"this iz a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag.\" While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, \"OK\" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 4 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.=A0 Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 5 Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, \"Because I don't believe you are over 21.\"=A0=A0 The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 6 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.=A0 The first one shouted, \"Nobody move!\" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 7 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 8 Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said they wouldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away."}, {"response": 747, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 20, 2001 (17:15)", "body": "Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets, but are amazed to see that the three engineers only buy a single ticket. \"How are all three of you going to travel on only one ticket?\" asked one of the lawyers. \"Just watch and you'll see,\" answered an engineer. They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats. All three engineers, however, cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, \"Ticket, please.\" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea: So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip. Hey, if a bunch of engineers can run this scam, why not some sharp lawyers, they thought? When the lawyers get to the train station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't even buy a ticket at all. \"How are you going to travel without a ticket,\" asks one perplexed lawyer. \"Just watch and you'll see\" says an engineer. When they board the train the three lawyers immediately cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. As soon as the train is underway and has cleared the station, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, \"Ticket, please.\""}, {"response": 748, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 20, 2001 (23:06)", "body": "Just in case you ever had gotten the two mixed up. This should make things a bit more clear for you . . . IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISON... you get three meals a day. AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON... you get your own toilet. AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat. IN PRISON... they allow your family and friends to visit; AT WORK... you can't even speak to your family. IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON... you spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out. AT WORK... You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK... they are called managers (Just so you're clear on this)"}, {"response": 749, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun 23, 2001 (20:41)", "body": "************************** The Essential Toolbox ************************** HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. A perfect thumb locator too. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and leather jackets. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VICE-GRIPS: Also used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing grease out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, \"Ouc....\" HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a vehicle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a vehicle upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build up. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your tool box after determining that your battery is dead as a door nail, just as you thought. METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, \"the sunshine vitamin,\" which is not otherwise found under vehicles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads and can double as oil filter removal wrench by stabbing through stubborn oil filters. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off. PRYBAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short."}, {"response": 750, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 25, 2001 (22:23)", "body": "DOGS AND COMPUTERS: SAME OR DIFFERENT? - Favorite Food Dogs: kibbles Computers: bits - Method used to end undesirable behavior Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper Computers: hit control-alt-delete - After destruction of personal property D: dog not found C: file not found - Favorite trick D: roll over C: play dead - Comic-page hero D: Dogbert C: Dilbert - Fun way to mess with their heads D: peanut butter on roof of mouth C: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive - Consequence of virus D: replace valuable carpeting C: replace valuable data - Widely ignored government mandate D: leash law C: Communications Decency Act - Waste disposal tool D: pooper-scooper C: uninstaller (necessary only on Win-tel machines!) - Sensitive internal procedures D: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional C: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed \"one kind-of like this\" once - Method of marking territory D: lifting leg C: \"Designed for Windows 95\" - Unique behavior D: lick and drag C: click-and-drag"}, {"response": 751, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 28, 2001 (21:02)", "body": "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OU ***************** THE SUBURBANITES ***************** GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought ?and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers \"weeds\" and went to ?great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these suburbanites really want ?all that Grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the homeowners happy. ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it ?grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it ?up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they ?sell it? ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will Grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay ?to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir. GOD: These Earthlings must be relieved in the summer ?when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. ?When the grass Stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water ??it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the ?trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The ?trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the ?summer. In the autumn they fall on the ground and form a natural blanket ?to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The ?Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home ?and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they ?scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: \"Dumb and Dumber\", Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. ?Francis."}, {"response": 752, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul  7, 2001 (18:20)", "body": "*************************************** Why a Handgun is Better Than a Woman *************************************** You can buy a silencer for a handgun. You can trade a 44 for two 22's. You can have a handgun at home and another for the road. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup. Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. Handguns function normally every day of the month. A handgun won't ask, \"Do these grips make me look fat?\" A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it. You can have more than one handgun living in the same house without having problems."}, {"response": 753, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 12, 2001 (17:21)", "body": "The following are all quotes from 11 year old children's science exams: 1) When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire. 2) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. 3) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. 4) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. 5) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state. 6) Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. 7) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. 8) Blood flows down one leg and up the other. 9) Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. 10) The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader. 11) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. 12) Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. 13) A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. 14) Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. 15) The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, & u. 16) The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. 17) The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. 18) The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to. 19) A permanent set of teeth consists of 8 canines, 8 cuspids, 2 molars, & 8 cuspidors. 20) The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. 21) A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. 22) Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception. 23) Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. 24) Germinate: To become a naturalized German. 25) Liter: A nest of young puppies. 26) Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. 27) Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. 28) Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky. 29) Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. 30) Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives. 31) Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. 32) To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. 33) For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops. 34) For drowing: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration. 35) For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor. 36) For dog bite: Put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. 37) For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. 38) To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. 39) For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. 40) To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."}, {"response": 754, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 12, 2001 (21:48)", "body": "Hugs of Mahalo to Cheryl for this bit of good stuff: Cat Physics by Steve Bernard Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for him to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter"}, {"response": 755, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 13, 2001 (17:15)", "body": "When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven. One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. \"That is a nice suit, my friend,\" said Gates. \"Where did you get it?\" \"Actually,\" the man replied, \"I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces.\" \"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?\" asked Gates. \"No,\" said his new friend, \"Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic.\" Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St.Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, \"How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!\" \"Yes, but we use Windows,\" replied Peter, \"and the Titanic only crashed once.\""}, {"response": 756, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 17, 2001 (23:29)", "body": "AND NOW FOR SOME STATISTICAL INFO From recent US Dept. of Health and Human Services official figures... Number of physicians in the US: 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician ... 0,171 Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) 1,500. Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188 Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a Public Health Measure I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid."}, {"response": 757, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (02:40)", "body": "TECHOMETER (Brit techie jokes) 1. Not tonight, I've got a headache from staring at the screen all day. 2. Oh gosh, your e-mail literally arrived just before you called, literally, let me read it literally right now. 3. I'm afraid you're breaking up, darling. The train's going into a tunnel. 4. honest, miss, my dad's robot dog ate my homework. 5. Er, I'd love to see you again but I've emigrated to Peru .... Yes, aren't mobiles wonderful. 6. I coundn't make breakfast in bed because the intelligent toaster is on strike for better working conditions. 7. My car's satellite navigation thought I ment Bedford in Wisconsin ad drove me into the sea. [Remember this is Brit joke!] 8. No, I'm not here, I mean he's not here. I mean. er, I've stolen this phone. 9. I have to take my mouse to have his ball fixed. 10. I never wrote that! It must have been a hacker."}, {"response": 758, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (17:59)", "body": "lolol Maggie, I think this is just about universal. Bedford I did understand - you gotta be VERY specific with those GPS thingies. I get those headaches too. But, mine are real and earned! Thanks!"}, {"response": 759, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (18:01)", "body": "I loved the mouse ball ..... (well I need cheering up just now ....)"}, {"response": 760, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (18:02)", "body": "Although I got a late birthday pressie from a lad in Arizona yesterday ... an Amazon voucher .. just spent a lovely evening choosing my pressie ..."}, {"response": 761, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (20:10)", "body": "Aren't you the fancy one. My men are lucky to remember I even have a birthday - whch is fine with me. Their best wishes were lovely and all I wanted. (I sure would like to know what it is about you who never gets anything from anybody...) Just Kidding, m'dear! ************************************ And now for a little dose of truth! ************************************ 1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 24. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."}, {"response": 762, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (20:11)", "body": "Oh, the above is from my most valued friend and AMERICAN archaeologist who is still plying his trade and writing Melungeon books. Thanks Don! *Hugs*"}, {"response": 763, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 18, 2001 (22:50)", "body": "And this lovely bit of humor from Mike. There is only one of him on earth, of that I am certain! *Hugs* An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so. The mother pushed and, after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. The little boy responded: \"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.\"\"Spank him again.\""}, {"response": 764, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 19, 2001 (20:45)", "body": "Thanks Lucie, for this one: Junk Mail When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes! Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Or a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their application back! Just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. Heck, you can send it back empty if you want to--just to keep them guessing! Let's turn this around, and eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting mostly crap back in the mail. Let's let them know what it's like to get junk mail, and best of all... THEY'RE paying for it! Twice! Let's help keep our postal service busy since they say e-mail is cutting into their business and that's why they need to increase postage again! Please think about sending this note to a friend or two or three...or fifty...."}, {"response": 765, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 20, 2001 (14:57)", "body": "From Mike - my Cajun connection: Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50? A: Your honor. Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator. Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? A: Depends on how thin you slice them. Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 36 feet deep? A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys! Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water. Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print. Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant. Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps? A: Because people could not tell which side to spit on."}, {"response": 766, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jul 22, 2001 (00:13)", "body": "From Frank - he finds the most amazing stuff: ************************* What Would Jesus Drive? ************************* One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because \"the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.\" But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to \"pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.\" Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain \"until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast.\" Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, \"For I did not speak of my own Accord...\" Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that \"the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills.\""}, {"response": 767, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 27, 2001 (19:29)", "body": "THINGS MOM WOULD NEVER SAY \"Be good and for your birthday I'll buy you a motorcycle!\" \"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?\" \"Don't bother wearing a jacket--it's quite warm out.\" \"Let me smell that shirt--yeah, it's good for another week.\" \"I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity.\" \"Yeah, I used to skip school, too.\" \"Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house more cheery.\" \"Could you turn the music up louder so I can enjoy it, too?\" \"Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!\" \"Aw, just turn these undies inside out.=A0 No one will ever know.\" \"I don't have a tissue with me--just use your sleeve.\" \"Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me.\" \"Of course you should walk to school and back. What's the big deal about having to cross a few main streets?\" \"My meeting won't be over till later tonight. You kids don't mind skipping dinner, do you?\""}, {"response": 768, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 31, 2001 (16:57)", "body": "WINDOWS 98 - BROOKLYN EDITION Dear Consumas: It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS 98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Broooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da commands. Da Brooklyn edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: \"WINDAS 98,\" wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start da program, instead of da usual \"harpy, stringy\" music, you hear da teme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava. Please also note: --Recycle Bin is labeled \"Staten Island.\" --My Computer is called \"My Friggin' Computa.\" --The Inbox is referred to as \"Da Trunk.\" --Deleted Items are referred to as \"Wacked,\" \"Erased,\" or \"Rubbed Out.\" --Dial up Networking is called \"Da Bar.\" --Control Panel is known as the \"Da Bosses.\" --Performin' an \"illegal operation\" is known as \"enhancin' the family business\" and will=20 actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it down. --Hard Drive is referred to as \"Da BQE Rush Hour.\" --Instead of an error message a \"You ain't gonna friggin' believe dis!\" pop= s up. CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION: OK.....................................Sure ting Cancel...............................Fugetaboutit Reset..................................Start Ova Yes.....................................Yeah No........................................Nah Find.....................................Put a contract out on Browse................................Get a looksee Back....................................U toin Help....................................(Help ain't available - yous don't need no stinkin' help) Stop.....................................Knock it off Start.....................................Move it! Settings................................Here's d' Rules Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN EDITION platform don't recognize da letter \"R.\" Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98: Typa......................................A word processin' program Printa.....................................Printer Calculata...............................Calculator Solitare...................................Seven Card Stud We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. Yous got a problem wit dat? BILL (\"4 eyes\") GATES"}, {"response": 769, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  1, 2001 (14:48)", "body": "(For all the men who like to send blonde jokes, paybacks are hell...). How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened. When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes."}, {"response": 770, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  2, 2001 (00:05)", "body": "WATER OR COKE? This article is a summary of an American study of the effects of dehydration...with a few facts about coke to make it interesting. WATER ***** We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.(Likely applies to half of the world population.) In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%. One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day? ================================================= COKE **** No wonder coke tastes soooo good: 1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. 2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days. 3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and .......Let the \"real thing\" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china. 4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola. 5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. 6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes. 7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, Remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy. 8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, And run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean the road haze from your windshield. FYI: 1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It has a Ph of 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. 2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials. 3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is, would you like a glass of water or a coke? _________________________________________________________________"}, {"response": 771, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  3, 2001 (17:28)", "body": "Stress management technique Just in case you've had a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in the latest psychological tests, the funny thing is that it really works. Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. No one but you knows your secret place. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called \"the world\". The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is crystal clear. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under water..."}, {"response": 772, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  5, 2001 (22:55)", "body": "******* Golf ******* Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind. *** There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies. *** Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players. *** An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging. *** Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, \"Whoa! What are we going to do?\" Said the other ant: \"I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on that ball!\" *** One day there were two guys playing golf on a Sunday, like they have every week possible for the past 3 years. Right when the first man was about to swing his club, a woman in a wedding dress came running down the fairway yelling, \"You bum! You lousy bum! You promised!\" The man said \"Honey, I said only if it rains today.\""}, {"response": 773, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 16, 2001 (13:48)", "body": "God grant me SERENITY to live with the glitches, and cyberspace twitches, the freezes and crashes, and bloated disk caches. COURAGE to download new updates, and send in all rebates, to add some more RAM, and to get a vid-cam. WISDOM to remember that as smart as I am, or how shrewd I might be: Who's really in charge? The Computer, not me!"}, {"response": 774, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Aug 19, 2001 (15:05)", "body": "Hi ... I'm back .. for little while at least ..."}, {"response": 775, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 19, 2001 (15:06)", "body": "Great, what's happinin' Magpie!"}, {"response": 776, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 19, 2001 (16:29)", "body": "Tell us about the fire and trying to get the inflated sheep out of harm's way! (You won't believe this one!)"}, {"response": 777, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Aug 20, 2001 (06:57)", "body": "What's happening??? Chaos that's wot!! Eldest daughter gets married on sept 7th. They are buying our house so we need to find another .. preferably nearer the university. In the past few weeks we have had an offer accepted on an apartment and then pulled out as we found the lease was too short. Now we have had an offer accepted on another apartment .. hopefully it will go through but we don't have a moving date yet and we're still sorting the mortgage out. We got back for Scotland in time for the stag night (batchelor party???) .. and yes, a blow up sheep was involved. We're not quite sure why. The blowling alley where they started off had a fire alarm because a burger caught fire and Glenn (the fiance) had trouble getting his sheep out of the building. They then tanked up on more liquid fuel and went for a curry. Meanwhile the girls and I decided to have a girly night in doing henna tattoing and watching a video. My tatto is around my belly button ..and sorry, no I don't have a pic of it! The guys arrived home and the younger daughter's fiance was definitely worse for wear and made a nuisance of himself. Huband was quite sober but declared he'd enjoyed himself OK. Yesterday morning, avoiding the sleeping bodies around the place we went off to church and enjoyed a picnic lunch by the Thames. Bodies were gone by the time we got back .. clear up starts today. The hen night (batchelorette party??) is on sept 1st. We ar going on the london eye (huge ferris wheel opposite the huse of parliament) and a 1970s disco on the Thames .. haven't decided on my costume yet. Magpie"}, {"response": 778, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Aug 20, 2001 (08:49)", "body": "Wow, these are some major changes in your life, Maggie. You blew up a sheep? Whoa! No tattoo, pic, darn! That Hen Night sounds like one resounding, gala event, you'll give us a full report, right?"}, {"response": 779, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Aug 21, 2001 (04:23)", "body": "Just heard we'd been 'gazumped' on the apartment .... someone put in a much higher offer and we've lost it. ***%%%$$\ufffd\ufffd So back to square one in house hunting again ...."}, {"response": 780, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:36)", "body": "There is lots of unused space at the University. Check for broom closets... Seriously, this sounds very serious. I am delighted my son can take care of himself and his housing and his wedding. I will just show up in my best Hawaiian gown and flowers and be gracious. That's what mothers are supposed to do. I think my dad would have pitched my husband me out on our collective ear to stand on our own feet..but that was then, and this is now. I think you need to stop and think about Maggie for a change! This is insanity! Kids can get along in empty lofts and live on love. Mothers cannot! End of sermon! *********** Chocolate *********** Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, the calories actually counteract each other. Money talks. Chocolate sings! ... Beautifully. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate. Put \"eat chocolate\" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy? If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you? If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?"}, {"response": 781, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (00:49)", "body": "I AM thinking about Maggie! Selling to the kids makes sense .. this house is not rentable and I need to be nearer the university, and its convenient for both of them for work. We keep equity in this house which is good investment. The trouble is that housing is SO expensive in this area .. for all of us. At the moment there is a rush for investment buying .. in the price range we are looking at .. that is a pain for us. Oh well .. something will work out I guess ..."}, {"response": 782, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (01:30)", "body": "ok.. yeah I know! Reading is prime commuting area for London and Swindon AND Reading all of which are growing commercially. *Hugs* I wish you every success!"}, {"response": 783, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (06:09)", "body": "Which of course makes it a good place to buy ... but difficult!"}, {"response": 784, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (14:16)", "body": "It is a great investment area for certain. Great train service and so on. Now, if we were only rich, instead of gorgous... huh, Maggie! *;)"}, {"response": 785, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (12:40)", "body": "Too true Marcia. Saw a nice one again today .. 2 bed maisonette ... upstairs apartment with garage and little garden. BUT seems the lease is short ... may be difficult to sell on ...seeing another upstairs apartment with garage underneath tomorrow evening."}, {"response": 786, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (15:50)", "body": "Let us know how it goes. How exhausting and disheartening! Good luck and *HUGS*"}, {"response": 787, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (17:03)", "body": "Will do ... up early tomorrow meeting friend from Dunfermline's daughter off the plane at Heathrow at 6.30 am ..she's been working in South Africa for a couple of months in one of the townships. Picniced by the Thames with the family of a student of mine who works in Gambia. Heard today from her that four of the five men we worked as a team with In Gambia have died ... none of them was much over 50. Feel really sad. Remind me to tell you the latest on the sheep ...named Baabara of course...."}, {"response": 788, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (17:59)", "body": "Hmmmm count of my asking about Baarbara. How sad about the friends who departed far too soon. What is the cause? Or is life expectancy that low in Africa?"}, {"response": 789, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (17:59)", "body": "Mid-life For Ladies Mid-life is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. Mid-life women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around. Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat! Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, \"Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!\" Mid-life is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar. Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film. Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones. Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, \"For this I have stretch marks?\" Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water. The good news about mid-life is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it."}, {"response": 790, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (18:01)", "body": "The guy who sent me the above is gonna pay for it!!! Btw, none of the above applies to me...YET"}, {"response": 791, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Aug 26, 2001 (08:55)", "body": "Baabara now gets taken to bed to annoy other half ... that's the short story!Yes, life expectacy is very short in Gambia .. 50 is old age! I think 35 is the average age and child mortality is high. It was still a great shock to hear."}, {"response": 792, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 26, 2001 (17:35)", "body": "It sounds like it's working... but don't let on! The life expectancy was not much longer than that at the turn of the last century! Here!!!"}, {"response": 793, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (12:46)", "body": "When Books Get Merged \"Green Eggs and Hamlet\" Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery. (Robin Parry, Arlington) \"Machiavelli's The Little Prince\" Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed. (Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.) \"Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities\" An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice. (Mike Long, Burke) \"Where's Walden?\" Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods. (Sandra Hull, Arlington) \"Catch-22 in the Rye\" Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep school, you're probably not insane. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills) \"2001: A Space Iliad\" The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug. (Joseph Romm, Washington) \"The Maltese Faulkner\" Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil? (Thad Humphries, Warrenton) \"Jane Eyre Jordan\" Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship. (Dave Pickering, Bowie) \"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter\" An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France. \"The Invisible Man of La Mancha\" Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the while singing \"To fight the Invisible Man!\" until he is finally stopped by a windmill. \"Singing in the Black Rain\" A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat the daylights out of Gene Kelly. \"Of Three Blind Mice and Men\" Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life? \"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath\" Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation. \"Paradise Lost in Space\" Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and 2 annoying children. \"The Exorstentialist\" Camus psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to what it's doing."}, {"response": 794, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  3, 2001 (18:35)", "body": "************** Definitions ************** Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent- mindedly answer the door in your nightie. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there."}, {"response": 795, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  4, 2001 (00:56)", "body": "A recent survey listed the top \"party schools\" among the nation's colleges. The top 5 were: 5. University of Colorado 4. Florida State 3. University of California at Santa Cruz 2. Louisiana State University 1. University of Tennessee \"But Chris,\" you ask, \"How can I tell if *my* college is a party school?\" The Top 15 Signs You're Attending a Party School 15. Only three people show up to the 9:00 am Biology class -- and they all bring Scotch. 14. The med school just won the Nobel Prize for discovering a hangover cure. 13. Bookstore's most popular item? The Double XXX: a porn video and 3 tabs of Ecstasy. 12. Crowds at football games are entertained by the sideline antics of the mascot in a giant foam-rubber Charlie Sheen costume. 11. They let you redeem Mardi Gras beads for classroom credit. 10. Calculus final exam problem begins with: \"One hundred bottles of beer on the wall...\" 9. Tuition: $3,250; Books: $510; Bail: $17,900 8. Your school's Alcohol Awareness Counselor: Bud Miller. 7. You can work your way off Academic Probation by chugging a sixer of Meister Brau in front of the Dean. 6. All of the triple-beam scales have been liberated from the Chemistry lab. 5. You're chosen as commencement speaker at your own graduation because you can recite the entire Greek alphabet in one burp. 4. Jell-O shots are half price during Sunday morning chapel services. 3. Question 4 on the Admissions application: \"You're not a cop, are you?\" 2. Someone seems to have taken the alcohol used to preserve the lab's deformed calf fetus. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Attending a Party School... 1. Bill Clinton gave the commencement address in June -- and hasn't left yet."}, {"response": 796, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  8, 2001 (13:53)", "body": "Comments by Ted Nugent with thanks to Don for sending it to me: The follow was written by Ted Nugent, the rock singer, hunter, and naturalist upon hearing that California Senators Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein denounced him for being a \"gun owner\" and a \"Rock Star.\" This was his response after telling the senators about his past contributions to children's charities and scholarship foundations which have totaled more than $13.7 million in the last 5 years!! \"I'm a Bad American - this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing compassionate. \"I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might. I think I'm doing better than the homeless. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations. I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it. I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; just don't feel like everyone else should have to. I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line. don't use the excuse \"it's for the children\" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word \"is\" -- ever. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or any thing else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks. I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box. I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package. Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said - now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble. I don't hate the rich. I help the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots - and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too - it was wrong for every one of them. I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude. I want to know exactly which church is it where the \"Reverend\" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function. I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy Al Gore, the one who invented the Internet, to help you. I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male. If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have. I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake any"}, {"response": 797, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  9, 2001 (20:56)", "body": "Headlines: Year 2055 1. Florida is finally readmitted to the union. 2. Spotted Owl plague now threatens Western crops & livestock. 3. George Z. Bush says he will run for President. 4. 50 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. 5. Nursing home event--Clinton denies Candy Striper allegations. 6. Texas executes last remaining citizen. 7. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. 8. Baby conceived naturally..... Scientists stumped. 10. Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles. 11. Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches. 12. Unionized Chinese workers now making 4,000,000,000 yen an hour. American owned businesses now returning to cheap labor in USA. 13. White minority demands civil rights and reparations. 14. New California law requires that all machetes, steak knives and baseball bats be registered before January 2056."}, {"response": 798, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  9, 2001 (23:33)", "body": "For this one JSK gets the *Hugs* Actual Writings on Hospital Charts 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 15. The skin was moist and dry. 16. Occasional constant infrequent headaches. 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid. 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 25. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree. 28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 29. Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities"}, {"response": 799, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep 18, 2001 (17:31)", "body": "Thanks, JSK.... you are a veritable fount of wonder this week when we could use a little levity. SAY WHAT People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here are some signs seen around the world: Doctor's office, Rome SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES Hotel, Acapulco THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. Car rental brochure, Tokyo WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR. Sign in men's rest room in Japan TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT. On a poster at Kencom ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO. One of the Mathare buildings MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE. A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. In a Pumwani maternity ward NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. In a cemetery PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. In a Tokyo bar SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. In a Bangkok temple IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM. Hotel brochure, Italy THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLI- TUDE. Hotel lobby, Bucharest THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. Hotel, Yugoslavia THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. From the \"Soviet Weekly\" THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. Hotel catering to skiers, Austria NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION. Supermarket, Hong Kong FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE. In an East African newspaper A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS."}, {"response": 800, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 19, 2001 (16:36)", "body": "```````` ** Last Memorable Moments ** ```````` On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. She stands up in front of the plane. Screaming, \"I'm too young to die,\" she wails. Then she yells, \"Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?\" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, eyes riveted, on the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. \"I can make you feel like a woman,\" he says. He is gorgeous. Tall, well built, with long flowing black hair and blue yes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt......... One button at a time........ No one moves...... He removes his shirt......... Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her...... He extends the arm holding his shirt out to the trembling woman........ And whispers........ .............\"Iron this.\""}, {"response": 801, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 19, 2001 (21:31)", "body": "I think I've found inner peace. My therapist told me a way to achieve inner peace was to finish things I had started.... Today I finished 2 bags of potato chips, a lemon pie, a fifth of Jack Daniels and a small box of chocolate candy. I feel better already."}, {"response": 802, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 19, 2001 (22:22)", "body": "Things I Wish I'd Known ... Before I Went Out In The Real World\" 1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying \"Why, thank you\" (though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent). 2. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. 3. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. 5. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiters and doesn't like dogs/cats. 6. Good sex should involve laughter. Because think about it, it is funny. 7. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. 8. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship \"I apologize\" and \"You are right.\" 9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 10. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 11. The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was, \"Go! You might meet somebody!\" 12. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her- -believe it. 13. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?' 14. Never pass up an opportunity to pee. 15. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 17. Knowing how to listen to music is as great a talent as knowing how to make it. 18. Work is good but it's not that important. 19. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man. 20. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan."}, {"response": 803, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Sep 20, 2001 (11:30)", "body": "I don't think you've had this one ... but I'm not sure ... Subject: Memo I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its employees in all seriousness...It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor! (Especially note last sentence.) Replacement of Mouse Balls: If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacture of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items."}, {"response": 804, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  6, 2001 (00:44)", "body": "Lovely Maggie! It is ROTF material and I have not seen it before. Thanks!"}, {"response": 805, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 10, 2001 (14:37)", "body": "Thanks Jsk, for this bit of stuff important to Everyone who calls himself an American GUNS 101 -- A History Refresher Course a. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject. b. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone. c. Smith & Wesson. The original point and click interface. d. Gun control is not about guns, it is about control. e. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? f. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words. g. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms. h. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any. i. Those who trade liberty for security have neither. j. The United States Constitution (C) 1791. All Rights Reserved. k. What part of \"shall not be infringed\" do you not understand. l. The Second Amendment is in place in case the other amendments are ignored. m. 64,999,987 firearm owners killed no one yesterday. n. Guns have only two enemies, Rust and Politicians. o. Know guns, know peace and safety; No guns, no peace nor safety. p. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive. q. What is 911? A government sponsored \"Dial a Prayer\". r. Assault is a behavior, not a device. s.Criminals love gun control. It makes their job easier and safer. t. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson. u. Only a government that is afraid of it's citizens trys to control and disarm them. v. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for. w. Enforce the \"gun control laws\" in place; don't make more. x. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves. y. The American Revolution would never have happened with \"Gun Control\". z. \"....a government by the people, for the people......\""}, {"response": 806, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 11, 2001 (14:08)", "body": "What to do if you happen upon a peace rally by stupid naive college idiots, to teach them why force is sometimes needed: 1) Approach dumb, ignorant student talking about \"peace\" and saying there should be, \"no retaliation.\" 2) Engage in brief conversation, ask if military force is appropriate. 3) When he says \"No,\" ask, \"Why not?\" 4) Wait until he says something to the effect of, \"Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence.\" 5) When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 6) When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would, \"be awful and he should not cause more violence.\" 7) Wait until he agrees that he has pledged not to commit additional violence. 8) Punch him in the face again, harder this time. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until they understand that sometimes it is necessary to punch back."}, {"response": 807, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 24, 2001 (22:22)", "body": "Thanks, Jsk... you did not realize you'd be imortalized here, did you?! Jake Sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention. \"Has anyone seen Brown paper Jake?\", he asks. \"What's he look like?\", asks one shoddy looking cowboy. \"Well\", replies the Sheriff. \"He wears a brown paper hat, a brownpaper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket.\" \"So what's he wanted for?\", asks the same cowboy. \"Rustlin'...\", replies the Sheriff."}, {"response": 808, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov  3, 2001 (15:16)", "body": "thanks to HFL for this: Supposedly a true story: A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive. \"Dead,\" she was informed. \"How do you know?\", she asked. \"Because I pissed in his ear and it didn't move,\" said the child innocently. \"You did WHAT?!?\", the teacher squealed in surprise. \"You know,\" explained the boy, \"I leaned over and went 'pssst' and he didn't move.\""}, {"response": 809, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  6, 2001 (16:04)", "body": "The \"Two Cow Explanation\" of What Makes ... A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN-STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN-STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN-STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them."}, {"response": 810, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  6, 2001 (17:31)", "body": "16 Things To Do In A Drive-Thru LaneActual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 3. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 4. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 7. Stud Tires Out 8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands 10. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms 11. Eye Drops off Shelf 12. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim 13. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax 14. Miners Refuse to Work after Death 15. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 16. Stolen Painting Found by Tree 17. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies 18. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 19. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years 20. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 21. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 22. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 23. Deer Kill 17,000 24. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 25. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"}, {"response": 811, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov  6, 2001 (19:00)", "body": "Thanks Cheryl..... they are VERY good and very funny. It is nice to have a bit of humor again!"}, {"response": 812, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov  9, 2001 (19:50)", "body": "The following contains a much deeper truth. Thanks to JSK for sending it. I was going to bed the other night when Mom told me that I had left the light on in the shed, she could see from the bedroom. As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they became available. I said OK, hung up, waited one minute, and then phoned the police. \"I just called you a minute ago because there were people in the shed taking things. Well, you don't have to hurry now cause I've shot them all.\" Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: \"I thought you said that you'd shot them!\" I replied with, \"I thought you said there was nobody available!\" Moral: Irritation occasionally works where motivation fails."}, {"response": 813, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 10, 2001 (19:32)", "body": "Thanks and Hugs to Barbara for this one. Go 'Noles!!! The Modern Toolbox Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice."}, {"response": 814, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 11, 2001 (23:13)", "body": "Thanks to You-know-who-you-are According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen- had to be a girl. We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!"}, {"response": 815, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 15, 2001 (19:30)", "body": "From B the Immaculate: Ten Rules of Housekeeping 1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh. 2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch \"The Galapagos Islands\" and claim an ecological exemption. 3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone. 4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, \"What? And spoil the mood?\" 5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this. 6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children. 7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, \"I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive.\" 8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that \"THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes...\" 9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, \"Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it...\" 10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspi cuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, \"I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere...\""}, {"response": 816, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov 16, 2001 (19:58)", "body": "You Must Be A Teacher If... You believe the staff room should have a Valium salt lick. You want to slap the next person who says, \"Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free.\" You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside. You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, \"Boy, the kids are sure mellow today.\" When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior. Marking all A's on the report card would make your life SO much simpler. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac. You really encourage an obnoxious parent to check into home schooling. You've never had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job. You can't have children of your own, because there is no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, \"Why is this kid like this?\" ~~~~~~"}, {"response": 817, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 17, 2001 (21:42)", "body": "Headlnes in the year 2035 (thanks L_McL) *Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon) * Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. *Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. * Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock. * George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. * Nursing home event... Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper. * Texas executes last remaining citizen. * Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. * Baby conceived naturally.....scientists stumped. * Authentic year 2000 \"chad\" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million. * Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles. *Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches. * Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. * New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036."}, {"response": 818, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 20, 2001 (14:45)", "body": "Thanks to D&FL) Subject: Advice from kids \"Never trust a dog to watch your food.\" -Patrick, age 10 \"When your dad is mad and asks you,\"Do I look stupid?' Don't answer.\" -Hannah, age 9 \"Never tell your Mom her diet's not working.\" -Michael, age 14 \"Stay away from prunes.\" -Randy, age 9 \"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to.\" -Emily, age 10 \"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.\" -Taylia, age 11 \"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.\" -Traci, age 14 \"A puppy always has bad breath-even after eating a Tic-Tac.\" - Andrew, age 9 \"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.\" - Kyoyo, age 11 \"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.\" -Amir, age 9 \"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.\" -Kellie, age 11 \"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.\" -Naomi, age 15 \"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.\" -Lauren, age 9 \"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.\" -Joel, age 10 \"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone.\" -Alyesha, age 13 \"Never try to baptize a cat.\" -Eileen, age 8"}, {"response": 819, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 21, 2001 (16:53)", "body": "Thanks DB... It was just a matter of time: Merry Christmas Bin Laden 'Twas the night before Payback and all through the Land, They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan, Osama's been praying, he's down on his Knees, He's hoping that Allah will hear all his Pleas. He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and Shatter, But all that he's done is just make us Madder. We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut, And we'll kick your butt, with one heavy Boot. And yes we remember the USS Cole, And the lives of our sailors that you bastards Stole. You think you can rule us and cause us to Fear, You'll soon get the answer if you live to Hear. And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam, And he ain't forgotten the sound of our Bombs. You think that those mountains are somewhere to Hide. They'll go down in history as the place where you Died. Remember Khadhafi and his Line of Death? He came very close, to his final Breath. So come out and prove it, that you are a Man, Cause our boys are coming and they have a Plan. They are our fathers and they are our Sons, And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns. They would have stayed home with children and Wives, Till you bastards came here and took all those Lives. Osama I wrote this especially for You, For air mail delivery by B-52. You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle, Old Glory is coming, attached to a Missile. I will not be sorry to see your ass Go. It's Red, White, and Blue that is running this Show"}, {"response": 820, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 26, 2001 (13:11)", "body": "Memo for Civilians Dear Civilians, We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with: 1) The next time you see someone (an adult) talking during the playing of the National anthem.....kick their ass. 2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest...kick their ass. If you see this on television, as many of us have, you are simply required to have a deep burning suddenly arise inside of you....then go and kick their ass. 3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all Veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while the Veteran kicks their ass. 4) If you are not in the military, DO NOT pretend that you are. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs), telling others that you used to be \"Special Forces\", and collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been okay if you were still seven, but now it will only get your ass kicked. (Veterans are exempt from this rule) 5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine \"Sir,\" stand back.....a Marine will kick their ass. 6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them \"Do you fly a jet?\" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. A Marine will be called to kick your ass. (Children are exempt) 7) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper....it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh and sooner or later, your ass will be kicked. 8) Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her and the military member or Veteran lucky enough to carry her. Your stupid funnel cake will forgive you if you stand for 5 minutes with your hand over your heart. You might as well be throwing the funnel cake at the flag if you don't stand.....of course, either will earn you a severe ass kicking. 9) What Jane Fonda did about Vietnam makes her the enemy....hate her or else. (Asses will be kicked) 10) Don't try to discuss politics to a military member. We might vote as separate parties, but that doesn't mean we don't all bleed the same. We are, simply put, Americans. Our military Chain of Command, to include our Commander in Chief...the President... (for those who didn't know) is all that we acknowledge. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those \"representatives\" meet. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.) 11) \"Your mama wears combat boots\" never made sense to me....stop saying it! If she did, I'm damn proud of her and she would most likely kick your ass! 12) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists. So stop saying, \"Let's go kill those Commie's!!!\" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me...if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know. So I can kick their ass. 13) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families!! Every Thanksgiving and Christmas that you enjoy with family and friends, there are thousands of troops overseas. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked."}, {"response": 821, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 26, 2001 (20:46)", "body": "From Lucie.... our mothers told us about this (yeah , sure!) REMEMBER.... When the worst thing you could do at school was smoke in the bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the banquets were in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and all the girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits for the first time and we were allowed to stay out till 12 p.m.... When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, and people went steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish so it would fit her finger. And no one ever asked where the car keys were 'cause they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally locked the doors at home, since no one ever had a key. Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like \"That cloud looks like a...\" And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a psychological group learning experience, it was a game. Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger. And...with all our progress...don't you just wish...just once...you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace...and share it with the children of the 80's and 90's ...... So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, baseball games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive by shootings,drugs, gangs,etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we all survived because their love was greater than the threat. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that! And was it really that long ago?"}, {"response": 822, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 29, 2001 (21:00)", "body": "From the inestimable Poubelle - again! *Hugs* ************************************* Bubba and Cooter go to College ************************************* Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic. \"What's logic?\" asked Bubba. The professor answered, \"Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-eater?\" \"I sure do.\" answered the redneck. \"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,\" replied the professor. \"That's real good,\" the redneck responded in awe. The professor continued: \"Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house.\" Impressed, the redneck shouted, \"GAWL-LEEE!!\" \"And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife.\" \"Sally Mae! This is incredible!\" (Bubba is ob! viously catching on.) \"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual rather than homosexual\" said the professor. \"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class.\" Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting. \"So what classes ya takin?\" Cooter asks. \"Math, history, and logic,\" replies Bubba. \"What in tarnation is logic?\" \"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?\" \"No.\" \"You're a queer, ain't cha.\""}, {"response": 823, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Dec  2, 2001 (23:49)", "body": "According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be a female. We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost."}, {"response": 824, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec  3, 2001 (00:07)", "body": "From a very wise and wonderful woman close to my heart: Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all! We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare. Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help! Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!"}, {"response": 825, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec  6, 2001 (19:56)", "body": "************************************ Politically Correct Office Party ************************************ MEMO: December 1st TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MEMO: December 2nd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our \"Holiday Party.\" The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director ---------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMO: December 3rd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, \"AA Only,\" you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money. Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director ---------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMO: December 7th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now? Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses Director ---------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMO: December 9th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of \"Santa\" does happen to be \"Satan,\" there is no evil connotation to our own \"little man in a red suit.\" Patty Lewis, Human Ratraces ---------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMO: December 10th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the \"grill of death,\" as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me? The Bitch from Hell ---------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMO: December 14th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director"}, {"response": 826, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 10, 2001 (17:35)", "body": "This is good enough to put in Geo, but knowing the source as I do, I'll put it here. Thanks, Sweetie! *************** Good Advice *************** 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. 3. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying \"Why,thank you\"... (helps if you say it with a Southern accent). 4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. 5. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiters and doesn't like dogs/cats. 6. Good sex should involve laughter. Because think about it, it is funny. 7. You need only two tools. WD-40 & duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. 8. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship \"I apologize\" and \"You are right.\" 9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 10. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 11. The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was, \"Go! You might meet somebody!\" 12. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her-believe it. 13. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, will this matter one year from now? One month? One week? One day?' 14. Never pass up an opportunity to pee. 15. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 16. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you. 17. Knowing how to listen to music is as great a talent as knowing how to make it. 18. Work is good but it's not that important. 19. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man. 20. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan."}, {"response": 827, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 10, 2001 (19:26)", "body": "Poubelle strikes again. This is from him: *************************************** Things you'd like to say if you dared *************************************** I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. How about never? Is never good for you? I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again... I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a darn. Visualizing? I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."}, {"response": 828, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 13, 2001 (17:50)", "body": "For Wolfie if she is home-sick. With thanks to Poubelle Cajun Night Before Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, an' all t'ru de house, Dey don't a t'ing pass, not even a mouse. De chirren been nezzle good snug on de flo', An' Mama pass de pepper t'ru de crack on de do'. Den Mama in de fireplace done roas' us de ham, Stir up de gumbo, an' make de baked yam Den out on de bayou dey got such a clatter... Make soun' like old Boudreaux done fall off his ladder. I run like a rabbit to got to de do'... Trip over de dawg an' fall on de flo'! As I look out de do' in de light o' de moon, I t'ink, \"Manh, you crazy, or got ole too soon.\" Cuz dere on de bayou when I stretch ma' neck stiff... Dere's eight alligator a-pullin' de skiff... An' a little fat drover wit' a lone polein' stick... I know r'at away got to be ole St. Nick... Mo' fas'er an' fas'er de 'gator dey came. He whistle an' holler an' call dem by name: \"Ha, Gaston! Ha, Tiboy! Ha, Pierre an' Alcee! Gee, Ninette! Gee, Suzette! Celeste an' Renee!\" To de top o' de porch dem ole 'gator clime! Wit' de skiff full o' toy an' St. Nicklus behin'. Den on top de porch roof it soun' like de hail When all dem big 'gator done sot down dey tail!---- Den down de chimney he fell wit' a bam... An' St. Nicklus fall an' sit on de yam! \"SACRE!\" he axclaim \"Ma pant got a hole. I done sot mase'f on dem red hot coal!\" He got on his foots an' jump like a cat... Out to de flo' where he lan' wit' a SPLAT! He was dress in musk-rat from his head to his foot An' his clothes is all dirty wit' ashes an' soot. A sack full o' playt'ing he t'row on his back. He look like a burglar, an' dass fo' a fack! His eyes how dey shine...his dimple, how merry! Maybe he been drink de wine from blackberry! His cheek was like rose...his nose like a cherry... On secon' tought maybe he lap up de sherry! --- Wit' snow-white chin whisker an' quiverin' belly, He shook when he laugh like de stromberry jelly! But a wink in his eye...an' a shook o' his head... Make my confidance dat I soon got to be scared. He don' do no talkin'...gone straight to his work... Put playt'ing in sock an' den turn wit' a jerk! He put bot' his han' dere on top o' his head, He cas' an eye on de chimney an' den he done said: \"Wit' all o' dat fire an' dem burnin' hot flame... Me I ain' goin' back by de way dat I came.\" So he run out de do' an' he clime to de roof... He ain' no fool, him for to make one more goof. He jump in his skiff an' crack his big whip. De 'gator move down an' don' make one slip. An' I hear him shout loud as a splashin' he go: \"Marry C'rismas to all...till I saw you some mo'!\""}, {"response": 829, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 14, 2001 (16:15)", "body": "Recently The Washington Post printed an article explaining how the appliance manufacturers plan to drive consumers insane. Of course they don't SAY they want to drive us insane. What they SAY they want to do is have us live in homes where \"all appliances are on the Internet, sharing information\" and appliances will be \"smarter than most of their owners.\" For example, the article states, you would have a home where the dishwasher \"can be turned on from the office\" and the refrigerator \"knows when it's out of milk\" and the bathroom scale \"transmits your weight to the gym.\" I frankly wonder whether the appliance manufacturers, with all due respect, have been smoking something. I mean, did they ever stop to ask themselves WHY a consumer, after loading a dishwasher, would go to the office to start it? Would there be some kind of career benefit? YOUR BOSS: What are you doing? YOU (tapping computer keyboard): I'm starting my dishwasher! YOUR BOSS: That's the kind of productivity we need around here! YOU: Now I'm flushing the upstairs toilet! Listen, appliance manufacturers: We don't NEED a dishwasher that we can communicate with from afar. If you want to improve our dishwashers, give us one that senses when people leave dirty dishes on the kitchen counter, and shouts at them: \"PUT THOSE DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER RIGHT NOW OR I'LL LEAK ALL OVER YOUR SHOES!\" Likewise, we don't need a refrigerator that knows when it's out of milk. We already have a foolproof system for determining if we're out of milk: We ask our wife. What we could use is a refrigerator that refuses to let us open its door when it senses that we are about to consume our fourth Jell-O Pudding Snack in two hours. As for a scale that transmits our weight to the gym: Are they NUTS? We don't want our weight transmitted to our own EYEBALLS! What if the gym decided to transmit our weight to all these other appliances on the Internet? What if, God forbid, our refrigerator found out what our weight was? We'd never get the door open again! But here is what really concerns me about these new \"smart\" appliances: Even if we like the features, we won't be able to use them. We can't use the appliance features we have NOW. I have a feature-packed telephone with 43 buttons, at least 20 of which I am afraid to touch. This phone probably can communicate with the dead, but I don't know how to operate it, just as I don't know how to operate my TV, which has features out the wazooty and requires THREE remote controls. One control (44 buttons) came with the TV; a second (39 buttons) came with the VCR; the third (37 buttons) was brought here by the cable-TV man, who apparently felt that I did not have enough buttons. So when I want to watch TV, I'm confronted with a total of 120 buttons, identified by such helpful labels as PIP, MTS, DBS, F2, JUMP and BLANK. There are three buttons labeled POWER, but there are times -- especially if my son and his friends, who are not afraid of features, have changed the settings -- when I honestly cannot figure out how to turn the TV on. I stand there, holding three remote controls, pressing buttons at random, until eventually I give up and go turn on the dishwasher. It has been, literally, years since I have successfully recorded a TV show. That is how \"smart\" my appliances have become. And now the appliance manufacturers want to give us even MORE features. Do you know what this means? It means that some night you'll open the door of your \"smart\" refrigerator, looking for a beer, and you'll hear a pleasant, cheerful voice -- recorded by the same woman who informs you that Your Call Is Important when you call a business that does not wish to speak with you personally -- telling you: \"Your celery is limp.\" You will not know how your refrigerator knows this, and, what is worse, you will not know who else your refrigerator is telling about it (\"Hey Bob! I hear your celery is limp!\"). And if you want to try to make the refrigerator STOP, you'll have to decipher Owner's Manual instructions written by and for nuclear physicists (\"To disable the Produce Crispness Monitoring feature, enter the Command Mode, then select the Edit function, then select Change Vegetable Defaults, then assume that Train A leaves Chicago traveling westbound at 47 miles per hour, while Train B...\"). Is this the kind of future you want, consumers? Do you want appliances that are smarter than you? Of course not. Your appliances should be DUMBER than you, just like your furniture, your pets and your representatives in Congress. So I am urging you to let the appliance industry know, by phone, letter, fax and e-mail, that when it comes to \"smart\" appliances, you vote NO. You need to act quickly. Because while you're reading this, your microwave oven is voting YES."}, {"response": 830, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 15, 2001 (14:40)", "body": "Thanks to Ian for the following: Only available on Sky Digitaliban......TALIBAN 6.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers. 8.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say \"Ah-ah\". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher. 9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers. 11.00 Jihad's Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels. 12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of every day objects. 12.30 Panaramadan. The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world. 13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking. 14.00 Only Fools and camels. Dhal-boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas. 14.20 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk top bottle appeal is revealed. 15.30 I Love 629 (the year according to the Koran). A look back at the events of the year, Including the prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols. 16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders. 17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery. 17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behavior. 18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again. 18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running? 19.00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'insallah', or ask the Islamic council. 20.00 Film: Shariah's Angels. The three burka-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women. 21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week? 22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate evil destroyers of the infidel. 23.30 They think it's all Allah over. Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the Mullah' round. 00.00 When Imams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot. 12.30a.m. The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories. 1.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer. 2.00 The Gaza strip. The adult hour where couples discuss their favorite strategic positions. 3.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran . Again."}, {"response": 831, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 17, 2001 (19:02)", "body": "*I think Santa Claus is a woman* I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th-hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds, and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: - Men can't pack a bag. - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. - Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves. - Men don't answer their mail. - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a \"bowlful of jelly.\" - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance."}, {"response": 832, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan  4, 2002 (21:18)", "body": "************** One Texan ************** (With thanks to Poubelle) A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. \"One Texas soldier is better than ten taliban\". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out \"One Texan is better than one hundred taliban\" Furious, the taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The Texan voice calls out again \"One Texan is better than one thousand taliban\". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, \"Don't send any more men; its a trap. There's actually two of them.\""}, {"response": 833, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan  4, 2002 (21:57)", "body": "From *Doc* with thanks. DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. \"I love snow\"! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea \"I ever had\". Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a \"White Christmas\". No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8\" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my but on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like the dickens. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Gosh I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14\" of the white stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Freaking' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think that he is lying and playing games; and I am it. December 23: Only 2\" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying again. December 24: 6\". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his feet. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that jerk with that lousy snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Gosh I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch \"It's a Wonderful Life\" one more time, I'm going to kill her. December 26: Still snowed in. Why on earth did I ever move here? It was all \"HER\" idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the water pipes all froze solid and then all broke apart What a mess that is now and no water now at all. December 28: Warmed up to above-50. Still snowed in. and SHE is driving me crazy!!! December 29: Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel "}, {"response": 834, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 12, 2002 (16:45)", "body": "From Poubelle with thanks. He does tell a good story! A new two year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Husband That's right! In just six trimesters, you too can be a great husband as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline. FIRST YEAR Fall Schedule: MEN 101 Combating Stupidity MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104 Women Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas Winter Schedule: MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook I EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers Spring Schedule: MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers SECOND YEAR Fall Schedule: SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down Elective (See Electives Below) Winter Schedule: MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important part Sring Schedule: MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/FailOnly) MEN 221 Fanning the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important part II Course Electives: EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly MEN 231 Mothers-in-law MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening MEN 233 Just Say \"Yes, Dear\" ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her"}, {"response": 835, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan 13, 2002 (04:59)", "body": "What's the degree called that they give you for passing all these courses?"}, {"response": 836, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 21, 2002 (22:41)", "body": "MA for Male Arts. Bet your MA stood for something else. Mine did! ***************************** How'd you break your arm? ***************************** With thanks to JK from whom some pretty good stuff flows! The Story: Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, the 'tell me when we're having fun' kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the urgency did not go away. If you've had nature hit the panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So, with time running out, the lady weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. \"The white will provide more than adequate camouflage,\" he assured her. So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without warning the lady found herself skiing backward, out of control, racing through the trees, somehow missing all of them and into another slope. Her reverse side was still bare, her ski pants around her knees and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued backwards, totally out of control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The lady skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, put and end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol to transport her to a hospital. While she was in the emergency room, a man with a leg obviously broken was put in the bed next to hers. \"So, how'd you break your leg? she asked making small talk. \"It was the darndest thing you ever saw,\" he replied. \"I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backwards down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out of her clothes, and her pants down around he knees. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift,\" he explained. \"So, how'd you break your arm???"}, {"response": 837, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jan 23, 2002 (21:11)", "body": "*LAUGH*"}, {"response": 838, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan 28, 2002 (11:27)", "body": "(I thought that one was so funny, I had to take time out away from my monitor until I could breath again. The picture is invokes...!) Redneck Medical Terms Artery......................The study of paintings. Benign......................What you be after you be eight. Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria. Barium......................What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty. Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her. Colic.......................A sheep dog. Coma........................A punctuation mark. D&C.........................Where Washington is. Dilate......................To live long. Enema.......................Not a friend. Fester......................Quicker than someone else. Fibula......................A small lie. Genital.....................Non-Jewish person. G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball. Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on. Impotent....................Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane. Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates. Node........................I knew it. Outpatient..................A person who has fainted. Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test. Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative..............A letter carrier. Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery. Rectum......................Darn near killed him. Secretion...................Hiding something Seizure.....................Roman emperor. Tablet......................A small table. Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport. Tumor.......................More than one. Urine.......................Opposite of you're out Varicose....................Near by"}, {"response": 839, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jan 28, 2002 (21:14)", "body": "oh, i've seen this one make the rounds via email and it's still funny!"}, {"response": 840, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 29, 2002 (18:12)", "body": "yup! Some of the best ones are the oldest ones."}, {"response": 841, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan 29, 2002 (20:41)", "body": "Only some of these are factual but all are great. Thanks Pou! Interesting........................................... Did you know ......... It is impossible to lick your elbow. A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out. A shrimp's heart is in their head. People say \"Bless you\" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ). It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. Rats and horses can't vomit. The \"sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick\" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die, if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles? In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders. Most lipstick contains fish scales. Cat's urine glows under a black-light. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow."}, {"response": 842, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (19:25)", "body": "(oooo, i'm a statistic, i tried to lick my elbow, you'd think it'd be easy since i'm part canine!)"}, {"response": 843, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (20:30)", "body": "you have that long flexible tongue - should be easy for you - and totaly natural. I can't wait to see you do this little maneuver. I'm booking my flight to CA now!"}, {"response": 844, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Feb  8, 2002 (09:54)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 845, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 10, 2002 (19:01)", "body": "I just looked at the comment I made on post 843 and even I was shocked! I had no idea what I meant by that but prayed I did not need to delete it!"}, {"response": 846, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 16, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "Bumper Stickers for Women SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE. I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY? DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES. And my favorite ......... IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN."}, {"response": 847, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 16, 2002 (19:39)", "body": "From Don with thanks: True Southerners Know... Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption. Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish make up a mess. A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of cattywumpus. A true Southerner knows exactly how long \"directly\" is as in \"Going to town, be back directly.\" Even true Southern babies know that \"Gimme some sugar\" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All true Southerners know exactly when \"by and by\" is. True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold tater salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add some hot biscuits and nanner puddin.') True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between \"pert' near\" and \"a right far piece.\" True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' White trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. True Southerners know that \"fixin\" can be used as a noun, verb and adverb."}, {"response": 848, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 17, 2002 (19:30)", "body": "From Pou the amazing, FOUR MEN WENT GOLFING ONE DAY. THREE OF THEM HEADED TO THE FIRST TEE AND THE FOURTH WENT INTO THE CLUB-HOUSE TO TAKE CARE OF THE BILL. THE THREE MEN STARTED TALKING AND BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR SONS. THE FIRST MAN TOLD THE OTHERS, \"MY SON IS A HOME BUILDER, AND HE IS SO SUCCESSFUL THAT HE GAVE A FRIEND A HOME FOR FREE.\" THE SECOND MAN SAID, \"MY SON WAS A CAR SALESMAN, AND NOW HE OWNS A MULTILINE DEALERSHIP. HE'S SO SUCCESSFUL THAT HE THAT HE GAVE A FRIEND A NEW MERCEDES, FULLY LOADED.\" THE THIRD MAN, NOT WANTING TO BE OUTDONE, BRAGGED \"MY SON IS A STOCKBROKER, AND HE'S DOING SO WELL THAT HE GAVE HIS FRIEND AN ENTIRE PORTFOLIO.\" THE FORTH MAN JOINED THEM ON THE TEE AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS. THE FIRST MAN MENTIONED THAT THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR SONS AND ASKED THE FOURTH MAN HOW HIS SON WAS DOING. THE FOURTH MAN REPLIED, \"WELL, MY SON IS GAY AND A GO-GO DANCER IN A GAY BAR.\" THE OTHER THREE MEN GREW SILENT AS HE CONTINUED, \"I'M NOT TOTALLY THRILLED ABOUT THE DANCING JOB. BUT HE MUST BE DOING WELL. HIS LAST THREE BOYFRIENDS GAVE HIM A HOUSE, A BRAND NEW MERCEDES, AND A STOCK PORTFOLIO.\""}, {"response": 849, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Feb 17, 2002 (19:56)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 850, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 18, 2002 (18:31)", "body": "I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English. I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer. I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I don't use the excuse \"it's for the children\" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it. I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter? I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut up already. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years. I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again. I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food. I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. I think Dr. Seuss was a genius. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American. If you too are a BAD American please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back!"}, {"response": 851, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 19, 2002 (22:32)", "body": "While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, \"Are you a cop?\" \"Yes,\" I answered and continued writing the report. \"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?\" \"Yes, that's right,\" I told her. \"Well, then,\" she said as she extended her foot toward me,\"would you please tie my shoe?\" While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances used by the elderly, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a set of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, \"The tooth fairy will never believe this!\" A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, \"Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.\" \"And why not, darling?\" \"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.\" A little girl had just finished her first week of school. \"I'm just wasting my time,\" she said to her mother. \"I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!\" A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. \"Mama, look what I found,\" the boy called out. \"What have you got there, dear?\" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, \"I think it's Adam's underwear!\""}, {"response": 852, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 21, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "Special 13-week Men's Course *** NOTE : Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants. Topic 1 : How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays Step by step with slide presentation Topic 2 : The Toilet Paper Roll : Do they grow on the holders? Round Table discussion Topic 3 : Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat up and avoiding the floor/walls and nearby bathtub? Group practice Topic 4 : Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor Pictures and Explanatory graphics Topic 5 : The after dinner dishes and silverware : Can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on Video Topic 6 : Loss of Identity : Losing the remote to your significant other. Online Support and Support Groups Topic 7 : Learning How to Find Things, Starting with Looking in the Right Place instead of Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Topic 8 : HealthWatch : Bringing Her Flowers is Not Harmful to Your Health Graphics and Audio Tape Topic 9 : Real Men Ask for Directions When Lost Real Life Testimonials. Topic 10 : Men as copilots : Is It Genetically Impossible to Control Our Impulse to Back-seat Drive ? Driving Simulation including the most difficult -- Sitting Quietly as She Parallel Parks Topic 11 : Learning to Live : Basic Differences between Mother and Wife Online Class and Role Playing Topic 12 : How to Be the ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques Topic 13 : How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy : Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy sessions and Full Lobotomies offered. *** Upon completion of the Course diplomas will be issued to the Survivors"}, {"response": 853, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Feb 21, 2002 (20:08)", "body": "*giggling*"}, {"response": 854, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 25, 2002 (19:19)", "body": "From my twin - I love it!!! Subject: Government Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator, Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc. Now Congress is considering a proposal for another agency:The \"Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service.\" Can't you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs? \"FATASS\""}, {"response": 855, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 25, 2002 (19:21)", "body": "From JK who really was once a blond - but a guy blond... Attention all blondes SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST. IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS. THIS IS A SCAM, HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid."}, {"response": 856, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 25, 2002 (19:44)", "body": "Cats and Dogs What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 7. They're moody. 8. They leave hair everywhere. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a Dog? 1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They leave their toys everywhere. 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. 9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats."}, {"response": 857, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  1, 2002 (13:42)", "body": "From Don with thanks and *Hugs* An Atheist In Nature An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. \"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!\" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out: \"Oh my God, save me\" Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: \"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?\" The atheist looked directly into the light, \"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?\" \"Very well,\" said the voice. The light went out and the sounds of the forest resumed. Then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, and bowed his head and spoke: \"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful.\""}, {"response": 858, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar  2, 2002 (13:54)", "body": "Computer illiterate Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged, you \"ain't seen nuthin' yet.\" This is an excerpt from a \"Wall Street Journal\" article. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command \"Press Any Key\" to \"Press Return Key\" because of the flood of calls asking where the \"Any\" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door. 4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the \"send\" key. 5. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually. 6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it \"couldn't find printer\" The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn't \"see\" the printer. 7. An exasperated caller to Dell Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, \"I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.\" The \"foot pedal\" turned out to be the computer's mouse. 8. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under \"Windows.\" The woman responded, \"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.\" 9. Tech Support: \"O.K. Bob, let's press control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter \"P\" to bring up the Program Manager.\" Customer: \"I don't have a \"P\". Tech: \"On your keyboard, Bob.\" Customer: \"What do you mean?\" Tech: \"P\" on your keyboard, Bob.\" Customer: \"I'm not going to do that!!!\""}, {"response": 859, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar  3, 2002 (14:48)", "body": "Different OATHS OF ENLISTMENT for each branch of service US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT \"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of \"Basic Training\", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!\" Signature ____ _______________ Date _____________ US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT \"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean \"Basic Training,\" I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to \"COMPANY.\" I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!\" Signature _____________________ Date_________________ US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT \"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too \"corporate,\" because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, \"Hey, I like to swim...why not?\" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like \"deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head,\" when I really mean \"floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet.\" I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completel different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon,and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound \"colleagues.\" So Help Me Neptune!\" Signature _______________________Date_______________ US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT \"I, (make up a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh.... high-and-tight.... grunt...cammies....kill....fix bayonnets and ....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!.... whiskey....liberty call....salute....Oo"}, {"response": 860, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 14, 2002 (22:15)", "body": "Three Sons Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, \"I built a big house for our mother.\" The second said, \" I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.\" The third smiled and said, \"I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.\" Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: \"Milton,\" she wrote the first son, \"The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.\" \"Marvin,\" she wrote to the second, \"I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!\" \"Dearest Melvin,\" she wrote to her third son, \"You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious!\""}, {"response": 861, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 18, 2002 (18:29)", "body": "There are the only ten times in history where the \"F\" word has been considered acceptable for use...they are as follows: 10. \"What the @#$% was that?\" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. \"Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?\" -Custer, 1877 8. \"Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.\" -Einstein, 1938 7. \"It does so @#$%ing look like her!\" -Picasso, 1926 6. \"How the @#$% did you work that out?\" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. \"You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?\" -Michelangelo, 1566 4. \"Where the @#$% are we?\" -Amelia Earhart, 1937 3. \"Scattered @#$%ing showers....My ass!\" -Noah, 4314 BC 2. \"Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?\" -Bill Clinton, 1999 And . . . drum roll . . . . . 1. \"Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad.\" Osama Bin Laden, November 2001 Author Unknown Source of the above is anonymous but related to me =)"}, {"response": 862, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 24, 2002 (19:59)", "body": "************** State Mottos ************** Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It - Yet ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Georgia: We Put The \"Fun\" In Fundamentalist Extremism ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the \"S\" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Rightwing Crazies, And Very Little Else ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nevada: Hookers and Poker! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tennessee: The Educashun State ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vermont: Yep ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wyoming: Where Men Are Men . . . and the sheep are scared!"}, {"response": 863, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (16:39)", "body": "For Ladies Only 1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? - You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. 6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. 7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity! to make some woman miserable. 8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it. 10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. 14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. 15. Sadly, all men are created equal."}, {"response": 864, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:48)", "body": "*Applause*"}, {"response": 865, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (16:12)", "body": "*standing ovation* *LAUGH*"}, {"response": 866, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (17:45)", "body": "Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it. *falling over laughing*"}, {"response": 867, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:23)", "body": "I can see you incorporating that into your next Lizzie and Darcy story, EsBee. I really enjoyed that, myself."}, {"response": 868, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:49)", "body": "Thanks and hugs to Ami for the following: HEALTH BULLETIN A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you."}, {"response": 869, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:55)", "body": "that's what i'm talking about!"}, {"response": 870, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (19:43)", "body": "I suggested he resume his German for the sake of self preservation."}, {"response": 871, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (11:19)", "body": "I can see you incorporating that into your next Lizzie and Darcy story, EsBee. hmm.... actually this is a V.V. good idea.... ;-) love the 'health tip' above...."}, {"response": 872, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (19:33)", "body": "I did too... ergo the suggestion he resume German, though it is not known how healthy or not that might be!"}, {"response": 873, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (02:29)", "body": "Hi all I must tell you the mottos of the provinces of New Zealand. Northland: Auckland: Nothing south of the Bombay hills or north of Waitemata Harbour. Waikato: Mooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Taranaki: The mountain IS the province. Manawatu: Cheesy (interpret it how you like) Wellington: We haven't been blown away yet... Wairarapa: Shaky province... Hawkes Bay: Art Deco land. East Cape/Gisborne: Bay of Plenty/volcanic Plateau: mmmm.... Sulphur. Nelson: Sunshine province. Marlborough: Good w(h)ine. West Coast: That province deserves a Monteiths! Canterbury: The folk at Jade Stadium have two eyes, not one. Otago: GOLD!!! Southland: Speights - pride of the south for over a hundred years. Rob"}, {"response": 874, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (02:31)", "body": "Umm with all due respect to East Cape/Gisborne, and Northland at the time of posting, I had not worked out motto's for them. Rob"}, {"response": 875, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (14:26)", "body": "They would probably be hysterical if I weren't so ignorant about New Zealand's geography and culture, Rob!"}, {"response": 876, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:34)", "body": "There is a topic for NZed in both travel and in Geo. But, you know us, we talk about whatever, wherever without the slightest remorse for wandering off topic!"}, {"response": 877, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:36)", "body": "Happily for us, Any topic is off-topic here!!! *removing my shoes and wiggling my toes in the sand*"}, {"response": 878, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:55)", "body": "LOL - that's right. This is the place for free thought assoication. We leap from topic to topic freely, often with no apparent rhym or reason. :-) *attempting to tap dance* ....*falling on my nose & wishing i was in the sand wiggling my toes with Marcia*"}, {"response": 879, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (16:00)", "body": "lovely day here - bring your sun block. It is almost painfully bright outside today. My flowers are ecstatic, and I seem to have has someone bring a few fleas into the house. No matter how much I try, the mangy guy and his dog keep following me into the house!"}, {"response": 880, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (05:29)", "body": "Hi all I hear so much about American nationalism and the strong sense of patriotism, but when I look at my homeland, I see a people almost reserved in it's displays of patriotism. Though perhaps provincialism is alive and kicking, especially in my home province of Canterbury (P.S thanks to Vangelis for writing Conquest of Paradise - every time the Crusaders play at Jade Stadium, the stadium reverberates to the roar of 30,000 people, some wicked music and the rush of 6 horsemen dressed as Crusaders galloping around the edge of the field whipping up a storm). Every time we win the Super 12 Rugby, there is a parade down Colombo Street for the Crusaders and the schools usually let their kids out to have a look. The America's Cup has an unofficial home in New Zealand where it has resided since 1995. Sir Peter Blake might be dead and the tactician, plus the skipper might have jumped overboard, but we have assembled another good team and there is no guarantee the cup will be going anywhere in a rush (up for grabs - at a price starting this October). But New Zealand pride is based on far more than just sport. It is based on a free nation and her citizens having a right to freedom of speech, freedom from fear, a right to peaceful protest among other things. We fought in two world wars with an appalling cost to a nation of only 1.2 million in 1914 and 1.6 million in 1939. 10000 Kiwi's died in the blood bath at Gallipoli which was masterminded by Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill. We also fought in Passchendaele and the Somme, again with massive loss of life. In World War 2 the New Zealanders again lined up alongside our faithful friends and good mates, the Australians. Joining us were British and Canadians, Indians, Fijians, South Africans, Irish, Welsh, and Scots. THE COMMONWEALTH FIGHTS TOGETHER. New Zealand fought the brilliant Deutsche Afrika Korps in the desert and the fact that World War 2 did not last even longer than the 6 tortuous years it did, is in part because Hitler failed to give the Afrika Korps 3 divisions when they would have used them to overrun Egypt. On Thursday April 25, New Zealand and Australia mark ANZAC DAY. ANZAC Day is Australia and New Zealand Army Corp Day which is for New Zealanders and Australians to give thanks to the returned servicemen and those who lie in graves across Europe, North Africa and in the Pacific. Rob"}, {"response": 881, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (14:10)", "body": "What a great summary of your country's patriotism! I remember writing a paper on the ANZUS treaty in college and that was the first time I really learned anything about Oceania (until today). Happy ANZAC Day, Rob! (also my daughter's birthday)"}, {"response": 882, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "That was Beautiful, Rob. It belongs in a far better forum than Screwed. Americans can get all teary-eyed patriotic when the occasion calls for it, but mostly it is latent waiting for the appropriate time. We wax absolutley sappy over our college teams, though. Ask me! Thanks for reminding me of ANZAC day. I'll post in the appropriate place!"}, {"response": 883, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "Happy Birthday to your daughter, Autumn! I'll bet they are both getting tall and beautiful just like their mother!"}, {"response": 884, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:32)", "body": "1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant a lot like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 3. OK....so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the \"Jags\", and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the \"Bucs\", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does that mean than one enjoys it? 5. The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 326 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean God doesn't love heterosexuals-He just thinks they need more supervision. 6. \"I am\" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. 7. Could it be that \"I do\" is the longest sentence? 8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? 9. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 10 . Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. 11. When someone asks you, \"a penny for your thoughts\", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? 12. Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker? 13. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? 14. Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? 15. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted and musicians denoted? 16. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 17. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 18. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 19. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? 20. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 21. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. 22. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? (Thanks HFL)"}, {"response": 885, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:44)", "body": "Subject: How It All Began In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. She said unto Abraham, her husband, \"Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?\" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, \"How, Dear?\" And Dot replied, \"I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).\" Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the newriches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum.maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' 2 drumheads and drumsticks. Dot did say, \"Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.\" And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known as \"eBay\" he said, \"we need a name that reflects what we are,\" and Dot replied, \"Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner operators.\" \"YAHOO\", said Abraham. And that is how it all began."}, {"response": 886, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (17:09)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 887, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (21:49)", "body": "*G R O A N* with great appreciation! The discovery of heaviest element yet known to science A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named \"Administratium.\" Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 5 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as \"Critical Morass.\" You will know it when you see it. With thanks to my hero, Ami."}, {"response": 888, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (00:47)", "body": "Tis how I feel today Maggie Now I lay me Down to sleep. I pray the Lord My shape to keep. Please no wrinkles Please no bags Please lift my butt Before it sags. Please no age spots Please no gray As for my belly, Take it away. Please keep me healthy Please keep me young, And thank you Dear Lord For all that you've done. Foot Note: One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: \"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.\""}, {"response": 889, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (18:40)", "body": "*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!*"}, {"response": 890, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (20:05)", "body": "*Picking myself up off the floor* Beatuiful. Maggie! You're ready for the 5 word continuing story elsewhere one Screwed!"}, {"response": 891, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:22)", "body": "*snicker* -so that's my problem, i've been saying the wrong prayer every night.... :-D"}, {"response": 892, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:54)", "body": "I've been praying for anti-gravity. You can tell how successful I was - or not!"}, {"response": 893, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (04:11)", "body": "Hi all Lol. I imagine most men would be praying that the chest of their woma(e)n are able to defy the law of gravity and form nicely. Rob"}, {"response": 894, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (14:51)", "body": "If you believe the cartoons in Playboy, all women are 36DD and stick straight out into cute little points. Oh Rob, I hate to break this news to you. What doesn't work for you also does not work for us! *;)"}, {"response": 895, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (17:41)", "body": "Most of the country has heard of the Darwin Awards given annually to the individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the gene pool. Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. The following are candidates for the award: 1.) January, 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son. 2.) June, 1998: 19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. 3.) October, 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars. 4.) October, 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought, because the jury felt the dog might have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun. 5.) December, 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. 6.) December, 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, DE, successfully sued the owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. And now, a recent addition. 7.) January, 2002: Police in Vermont stopped a man. After running his name, it came back that there were warrants for his arrest from Florida. Before the police could arrest him, he fled into a nearby forest (in the middle of winter). The police searched for him, but were unable to find him. Three days later, the suspect turns himself in to police and was taken to the hospital with frostbite. He ended up having several fingers and toes amputated. He is now suing the police. Why? The police didn't look for him hard enough! He stated in an interview, 'If they had searched harder, they would've found me'. He's accusing the police of dereliction of duty leading to his loss of limbs. Go figure. DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH OUR JUDICIAL SYSTEM, OR WHAT???"}, {"response": 896, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (19:58)", "body": "the problem is with the jurists who are presented the facts and decide in the favor of the stupid."}, {"response": 897, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (20:27)", "body": "Sooner or later the fee to insure against such stupidity will make it out of reach for everyone EXCEPT for the lawyers."}, {"response": 898, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (05:27)", "body": "Hi all Well Marcia, I was not actually praying that the breasts of any woman I go with are able to defy the law of gravity. Doubtlessly some will though I favour natures course to silicon valley. Rob"}, {"response": 899, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "rob's a \"real\" man!! *WOOHOO*"}, {"response": 900, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "*giggle*"}, {"response": 901, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:22)", "body": "Oh my!!! That pleases the all-woman subject of this topic."}, {"response": 902, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (22:44)", "body": "From a Wolfie who wants to remain anonymous: Ducks in Heaven Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, \"We only have one rule here in heaven: \"Don't Step on the Ducks.\" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, \"Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!\" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together for eternity as well. The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. Then one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid her eyes on. Very tan, muscular and sexy. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, \"I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?\" The guy says, \"I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.\""}, {"response": 903, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (09:39)", "body": "*sputtering* LOL! :-)"}, {"response": 904, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:01)", "body": "It's been around before but it is still VERY funny!"}, {"response": 905, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:56)", "body": "it has? i've never seen it before!!"}, {"response": 906, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (19:33)", "body": "You guys are gonna give me some sort of heart failure on Word association and story in five words... *wiping eyes*"}, {"response": 907, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (09:38)", "body": "What? *blinking eyes innocently* ;-P"}, {"response": 908, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (22:34)", "body": "YOU especially. I REALLY have missed you!!! *HUGS*"}, {"response": 909, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (09:45)", "body": "And I You! *Big HUG Right Back*"}, {"response": 910, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (21:05)", "body": "DOG'S DIARY/ CAT'S DIARY Thanks Ami! EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 PM OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer. 4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called \"shampoo.\" What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call \"beer..\" More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of \"allergies.\" Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time..."}, {"response": 911, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (10:13)", "body": "ROTFLOL! *wiping eyes*"}, {"response": 912, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (17:03)", "body": "*LAUGH*"}, {"response": 913, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:33)", "body": "Having both cat and dog, I KNOW this is \"spot on\"!"}, {"response": 914, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (15:31)", "body": "Thanks to Lew for the following: Leaving Chicago for Boston, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I went into the restroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I had just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall... \"Hi there, how's it going?\" OK, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in restrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I just said, \"Not bad...\" Then the voice says: \"So, what are you doing?\" I am starting to find this a bit weird, but I say: \"Well, I'm just going to the bathroom, then I'm heading east...\" Then I hear the person say all flustered, \"Look I'll call you back... Every time I ask you a question - this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!\""}, {"response": 915, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:41)", "body": "*snort*"}, {"response": 916, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (21:00)", "body": "Thanks JK. He says he has experienced all of these exvept the bra. We should take up a collection! Warnings for Alcohol use: Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible or worse, bulletproof. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you! WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may mack you tink you can tipe reel gode."}, {"response": 917, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:53)", "body": "*guffaw*"}, {"response": 918, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (05:24)", "body": "Hi all A cats revenge: I was at my Uncle Bruce's bach in the Easter break and we were all in the garden. And their cat comes up to us. It reminded Bruce to tell us a story. The story goes like this. NOTE the incident occurred a couple weeks prior. Dusky, a big male cat catches a bird and brings it inside leaving feathers strewn across the kitchen floor. Bruce comes inside and sees the feathers lying across the floor as well as a badly mangled bird. He puts a growling Dusky in his bedroom and shuts the door, while he cleans the mess on the floor. Dusky was enraged and decided on revenge. He must have been ready to relieve himself because he went to Helens (Bruce's wife)pillow and peed on it. Then he went to Bruce's pillow and dropped a load of dung on it. As soon as Bruce opened the door he shot out and ran outside, vanishing onto the property next door, while Bruce and Helen confronted another mess....... Rob"}, {"response": 919, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (05:34)", "body": "Hi all Saw a copy of Playboy in the mens restrooms at University the other day. Don't ask me how it got there, but I would be lying if I said I did not pick it up and leaf through it. It was the end of the working (lectures/labs) day and I had some time on my hands to spare. Anyway I got up to leave and took one last look back and saw two more magazines hidden behind the toilet.... Rob"}, {"response": 920, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (13:38)", "body": "You must've stumbled onto one of your colleague's secret stash! Now the fun begins--figuring which one is the perv..."}, {"response": 921, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:45)", "body": "Rob, I'll talk to you later and tell you what they (the Playboy and other magazines) were doing there. Oh Surely you can figure it out... Cats are known to leave signs of their displeasure in the most unpleasant places. Ours always chose the living room upholstered chairs. Mymother's favorites, of course!"}, {"response": 922, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:41)", "body": "Hi all Anyone here from Toledo, Ohio?? Got a song for you sung by John Denver but written by Randy Sparks. From \"An Evening with John Denver\". ENJOY!!!!!! Saturday night in Toledo, Ohio Saturday night in Toledo, Ohio, is like being nowhere at all All through the day how the hours rush by You sit in the park and you watch the grass die Ah, but after the sunset, the dusk and the twilight When shadows of night start to fall They roll back the sidewalks precisely at ten And people who live there are not seen again Just two lonely truckers from Great Falls, Montana And a salesman from places unknown - ces unknown Oh add all together in downtown Toledo To spend their big night all alone You ask how I know of Toledo, Ohio Well I spent a week there one day They've got entertainment to dazzle your eyes Go visit the bakery and watch the buns rise Ah, but let's not forget that the folks of Toledo Unselfishly gave us the scales No springs, honest weight, that's the promise they made So smile and be thankful next time you get weighed And wive and wet wive Let this be our motto Let's let the sleeping dogs lie - ping dogs lie And here's to the dogs of Toledo, Ohio Ladies, we bid you goodbye Words and music by Randy Sparkes Rob"}, {"response": 923, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:19)", "body": "Hum it for us, Rob. I can't quite place the tune. (Someone wants to know how well you sing. Do you?)"}, {"response": 924, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:20)", "body": "Are those REALLY John Denver lyrics? I had no idea..."}, {"response": 925, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (22:44)", "body": "Will Rogers said this about gasoline prices in the early 1930's: \"...there you have a business that is in the hands of a few men, and they see that the price is kept up. It's not regulated by supply and demand, it's regulated by manipulation.\" I guess we haven't learned much since then!"}, {"response": 926, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (03:31)", "body": "Hi all I said it was written by Randy Sparks, but John Denver sung it. I think I would have avoided Toledo for a bit if I had written that. Rob"}, {"response": 927, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:26)", "body": "*Laugh* I stand corrected. In any case I would avoid Toldeo. Not the most savory part of America, actually. I wonder what was beind the choice by John Denver to record that song. I HAS to have some ulterior motive!"}, {"response": 928, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (02:20)", "body": "Hi all Marcia, I know your birthday is coming up but I do not know what day it is... Rob"}, {"response": 929, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:30)", "body": "Heheh. Does any one? I could exact the ultimate punishment by making you read back through drool to where my last one was celebrated or on Geo 20, but never mind."}, {"response": 930, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (02:56)", "body": "Hi all Too easy. I know where else I can look anyway. Hehehehehe!!!!!!!! *GRINS* But I am not going to tell you, so you cannot lock it down and force me into Drool. Hehehehehe!!!!!!!!! Rob"}, {"response": 931, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (13:16)", "body": "*wailing* Marcia!!! if you make me wade through back years of Drool....... although, on the upside, think of all those yummy pics of Colin i'd come across..... *sigh* * drifting off in dream land *"}, {"response": 932, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:09)", "body": "April 61st"}, {"response": 933, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "Rob if you missed my offline message to you, you are wicked indeed!"}, {"response": 934, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:15)", "body": "i could actually hear him laughing!!!"}, {"response": 935, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (20:01)", "body": "I thought I heard him begging his brother for the use of his fingers and toes."}, {"response": 936, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (20:09)", "body": "Where on earth is he checking. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Oh NO!!!"}, {"response": 937, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (20:11)", "body": "EVOLUTION OF MOTHERHOOD Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first. Clothes 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. Preparing for the Birth 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. The Layette 1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? Worries 1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown -- you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. Pacifier 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. Diapering 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. Activities 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. Going Out 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. At Home 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. **from Wolfie**"}, {"response": 938, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (03:25)", "body": "Hi all Hehehehehe!!!!!!!! *Grins wickedly* Dancing of to Geo (Introductions and suggestions). Ooooppppppsssss. Gave the game away *slaps himself*. Oh well, Miss Marcia will be kind, and once I see the date, it will be logged in my head for forever. *Grins* Rob"}, {"response": 939, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (03:32)", "body": "Me again Is it May 31st??? Or was Wolfie one day late or early when she posted. Rob"}, {"response": 940, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:53)", "body": "LOL, Wolf!! It's a good thing I didn't have a third--I was doing most of that stuff with my first!"}, {"response": 941, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "i did all of that with my second!!!!"}, {"response": 942, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:29)", "body": "Rob read your offline messages. It is the 31st. I promise"}, {"response": 943, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "Hi all Cool. Which brings me to my next point. I was thinking that should you come to NZ, make it November so that we can go to Last Night of the Proms and celebrate our English heritage. Sound cool? The Last Night of the Proms are immensely popular and nearly always have a full house. Plus the audience involvement is really cool. We get to throw streamers and pop balloons which is great fun during Pomp and Circumstance No.1. There is a different theme every time. Last year it was Spanish, and a few years before that it was English. So last years programme had excerpts from Carmen, and a Opera singer sung Golden eye which was neato. And of cause they had the usual hit parade - Fantasia on British Sea Songs, Rule Britannia, Pomp and Circumstance - Land of hope and Glory, Jerusalem and Halleujah. Rob PS Americans: If you think a good example of pomp is the Presidential Inaugaration, you have not seen anything until you see what will happen when the Queen of England dies. That will be pomp on a GRAND scale."}, {"response": 944, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "Rob, they did well by the Queen Mother at her funeral. I am still looking for a copy for you in PAL."}, {"response": 945, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "You will be in University in November! Last Night at the Proms is my dream! It has been since childhood. Hold that thought. I'd love to take you up on it!"}, {"response": 946, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (03:23)", "body": "Hi all I will hopefully be out by mid November for summer (University semester work ends later this year because we started later). Don't worry if you cannot do it THIS November. Last Night of the Proms is guaranteed to reappear next year because of it's immense popularity. I will be absolutely delighted to take you. My friends will think I am nuts and all the rest of it but hey, if they have learnt anything by now it should be that I am quite tolerant of people across the age spectrum. But Marcia, I have this dream of us singing Rule Britannia along 2700 others at Last Night of the Proms. Rob"}, {"response": 947, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (20:19)", "body": "Watching a Presidential inauguration is like watching paint dry. Now, the opening/closing ceremonies of the Olympics--that's pomp!"}, {"response": 948, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (06:01)", "body": "Hi all English pomp is when the coffin of a royal or the Prime Minister is carried on a gun carriage with the guard marching in step, the Royals and the mounted guard behind. A spectacle in Canterbury is a Super 12 game at Jade Stadium. A capacity crowd of 36000 being whipped into a frenzy by 6 horsemen dressed as Crusaders riding their horses around the field perimeter to the tune of Conquest of Paradise. The crowd goes nuts. In recent years a castle facade has been added and a gas powered flame is fired for every try the Crusaders score. The last three weeks have been phenomenal for Canterbury rugby and it is expected that 14 Cantaburians will be in the All Black squad to be announced on Monday. Following the announcement all focus will be on the New Zealand Womens Rugby team who are in the final of the Womens Rugby World Cup against France. Rob"}, {"response": 949, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (15:07)", "body": "Rob, I Know the words to \"Rule Britannia.\" I committed them to memory many years ago (comparatively) and will fit right in as I look very like my British heritage. However, I would hate to ruin your reputation amongst your companions. Perhhaps we might make them a little jealous?! Older women can have a mysterious air and danger about them that is intoxicating. I'd do my best for you! Nothing quite moves me like the Olympics except a truly noble British ceremonial. Watching paint dry is an appropriate estimation of a presidential inauguration. But, in all fairness, we are still rather new at it!"}, {"response": 950, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (17:18)", "body": "A doctor invented a pain-sharing device that could ease one person's pain by giving some of their pain to another person. A woman went into labor, and her pain was to be shared by the father-to-be. At first the doctor turned up the shared pain to 10%. The husband said he didn't feel any pain at all, and that the doctor should turn up the apparatus. There still was no pain for the husband at 50 %, so the doctor turned it up to 80%. Again, the husband had no pain; so the doctor turned it up to 200%! Neither the woman or her husband had any pain, so the delivery of the baby went very smoothly. The woman was released from the hospital the next day, and they went home to the suburbs. When they arrived home, they discovered the mailman lying dead on the front porch."}, {"response": 951, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (17:20)", "body": "Blame DB for these: 1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backwards poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. 16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 17. Every calendar's days are numbered. 18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. 19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. 21. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 29. Acupuncture is a jab well done. 30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat."}, {"response": 952, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (20:14)", "body": "har-dee-har-har, Marcia! It kills me that people still make those mailman jokes, it must mean that someone, somewhere actually knows their mail carrier's name. I never saw ours growing up and now I see her from a distance filling the box occasionally. Never had a mailbox on my front porch."}, {"response": 953, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (22:20)", "body": "Ours lives a few streets from us but we have several postmen and women depending on how much mail is waiting. I really do know his name and he is a prince of a man. I always thought it was milkmen who did all of the fooling around. I lead a very sheltered life, apparently!"}, {"response": 954, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (17:59)", "body": "For those of us who did not learn English as our Mother Tongue: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't \"Buick\" rhyme with \"quick\" ?"}, {"response": 955, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "*LAUGH*"}, {"response": 956, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (23:13)", "body": "My Daughter-in-law sent it to me. She is a native German speaker."}, {"response": 957, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (14:39)", "body": "V. funny Marcia :-D"}, {"response": 958, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (21:50)", "body": "HOW TO BATHE THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean toilet. 2. Lift both lids and add shampoo 3. Find and soothe cat as you carry it to the bathroom. 4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close and stand on lids, so cat cannot escape. 5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this). 6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective. 7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids. 8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where it will air dry. Sincerely, The Dog"}, {"response": 959, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (21:50)", "body": "Blame the kindly cat owning DB for the above contribution."}, {"response": 960, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (22:31)", "body": "This is SO depressing: \"Older than Dirt\" First lets start with this one. You find an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top is a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. No, it is not an attempt to make a salt shaker. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to \"sprinkle\" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old! How Many Do You Remember?? * Head lights dimmer switches on the floor * Ignition switches on the dashboard * Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall * Real ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that] * Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. * Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. * Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. Older Than Dirt Quiz -- Count all the ones that you remember, NOT the ones you were told about! (Ratings at the bottom.) 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle 5. Snack shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P. F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers"}, {"response": 961, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (01:45)", "body": "Hi all I would prefer your mysterious air Marcia, to their inability to comprehend the fact I have found someone, who genuinely likes me. It was common knowledge when I was in High School that no one really expected me to find someone, and the fact that you are that someone is probably a bit like revving a car engine to 7000 rpm when It can only do 6000. They would probably balk before then. Its not that I have pulled of the shock of the 21st century, it is just that certain individuals cannot fathom having at their age for a friend, someone of your outstanding qualities. Rob"}, {"response": 962, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (02:23)", "body": "*Hugs* Rob. On a night like this when I am consigned to house \"Siberia\" your warming words are precious, indeed! Here are more memories for you to share with your grandmother *;) (Iris sent them to me!) \"Hey Dad,\" one of my kids asked the other day, \"what was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?\" \"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,\" I informed him. \"All the food was slow.\" \"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?\" \"It was a place called 'at home,' \" I explained. \"Grandma Stewart cooked every day and when Grandpa Stewart got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.\" By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: My parents never owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died. My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. But also because we didn't have a car. We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza. It was a Luigi's Pizza on the west side of Cleveland and my friend, Ronnie, took me there to try what he said was \"pizza pie.\" When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Plymouth. He called it a \"machine.\" I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered the Cleveland \"News\" six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing"}, {"response": 963, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (02:24)", "body": "Go ahead and rev up that engine. It just might give you a very big surprise *;)"}, {"response": 964, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:35)", "body": "Uh-oh, I remember 13 of the above."}, {"response": 965, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "You must remember being told by your grandmother, Autumn. I know you could NOT possibly have experienced it for yourself! Starting Friday, I'm going to count backward! This day-brightener from DB who will not admit to sending it to me: === The Mood Ring === My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead. === The Water Pistol === When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, \"I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?\" Mom smiled and then replied.....\"I remember.\" === Half Price === USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, \"What trip?\" === Life After Death === \"Do you believe in life after death?\" the boss asked one of his employees. \"Yes, Sir,\" the new employee replied. \"Oh, that explains it then,\" the boss said. \"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.\""}, {"response": 966, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "*laugh* i remember a few from the list....but i'm at a disadvantage-most of my childhood was spent chasing dad back and forth to germany (disadvantage?) i only had candy cigarettes once and then used to play with the plastic pipes my brother had to go with his truck (they were the same size as cigarettes). we had one tv and one phone. the tv was in the living room and the phone in the kitchen. i had to sit at the table til i liked what was cooked too. i also had a ton of chores to do and got $10 a month. we always had dinner as a family. we had an atari when i was a teenager but only 4 or 5 games and then i could only play on it if i behaved myself. i watched a rated r movie on tv with my parents only because my mom liked scott bao (however you spelled his name). i had to be in bed by nine as a teenager (lights off) and home by ten if i went to a dance. anyway, guess you could say i can relate to the poor guy with no fast food! (we went to mcdonalds rarely and my brother and i had to share shasta sodas)."}, {"response": 967, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (22:44)", "body": "Sounds familiar, Wolfie. Me too but I never got that much money. I was put on a budget in high school so I would know how to manage the vast sums allotted to me in college for frivolity. All $15 of it per month. I actually saved it for a few months when there was something I really wanted. The chores - I got 50 cents for anything I did from shovelling the snow to mowing the lawn and if Ihad to be reminded, I HAD to do it and got no pay at all. But, I think I am better than those who have never had to budget and now have huge credit card debts. None here! Our one phone was in the hallway and EVERYONE could hear what you were saying. *sigh* As for R rated movies... I am certain none were watched in the house of my parents. We had television for my entire life but only watched it when something world-shaking was occuring."}, {"response": 968, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (21:33)", "body": "i was punished if my chores weren't done or if they weren't done right (as in restriction). but that was a blessing because during my restrictions i learned the love of books and writing. my allowance money wasn't for spending--i put it in savings (and i only earned that during my teenage years) and i am grateful for my chores because i can take care of myself. my kids now enjoy the luxury of being placed on restriction and having chores to do."}, {"response": 969, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (01:38)", "body": "Hi all I budget too. I have expenditure of $100 a week out of $290 weekly income plus $30 weekly board (Mum and Dad are pretty lax so it is usually $30 fortnightly). $4000-5000 annually is for university and the rest is being saved. Not bad, eh?? Rob"}, {"response": 970, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (09:38)", "body": "Happy Birthday Marcia!!! *hugs*"}, {"response": 971, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:12)", "body": "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCIA!"}, {"response": 972, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:13)", "body": ""}, {"response": 973, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:13)", "body": "sorry about that *hugs*"}, {"response": 974, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (20:18)", "body": "It's nice to hear that kids still have to pay their parents room and board. My friends look at me like I have two heads when I mention paying $15/week to live at home while I worked and went to college. What a bargain! I wish I could move back in, LOL!"}, {"response": 975, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (20:26)", "body": "Wow!!! I am impressed with Rob's foresight and for WOLFIE'S Gigantic good wishes. *Cough* Now I need to get closer and take Mmme Pele's photo of the whole thing for you!"}, {"response": 976, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (00:17)", "body": "There is a serious message at the end, you get to laugh on the way to it. Finally, something other than smiley faces.... Perfect breasts (o)(o) Fake silicone breasts ( + )( + ) Perky breasts (*)(*) Big nipple breasts (@)(@) A cups o o D cups ( O )( O ) Wonder bra breasts (oYo) Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ ) Lopsided Breasts (o)(O) Pierced Breasts (Q)(O) Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p) Grandma's Breasts \\ o /\\ o / Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( ) Android Breasts | o | | o | Martha Stewart's Breasts ($)($) And God created woman and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, \"Is there anything you'd like to have changed?\" She replied, \"Yes, could get rid of this middle breast?\" And so it was done, and it was good. Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand, \" What can be done with this useless boob?\" And God created man. For three years of good plumbing luck, mail this to 13 other females. Don't break the chain! One female broke the chain, her plumbing became so bad, she now has an outhouse. OK - now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness - so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy. Thanks to Gi for sending this. The life you save may keep her from having to reconstruct your missing breasts. I am up to date on exams. I trust you are!"}, {"response": 977, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Jun 30, 2002 (05:05)", "body": "A businessman walked into a New York City bank. After asking for the loans officer, he explained that he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and wanted to borrow $5,000. The loans officer said that the bank would need some sort of collateral for such a loan, whereupon the businessman handed over the keys to his Rolls Royce, parked on the street in front of the bank. After everything checked out, the loans officer accepted the Rolls as collateral and an employee then drove the car into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned and repaid the $5,000 with accumulated interest, which worked out to $15.41. Not surprisingly, the loans officer was just a bit curious about the whole thing: \"We do appreciate your business and all, and this transaction has worked out very nicely -- but you are a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?\" The businessman shrugged: \"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?\""}, {"response": 978, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (10:55)", "body": "LOL! :-)"}, {"response": 979, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (17:44)", "body": "that's a good one, maggie!!"}, {"response": 980, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Jul  6, 2002 (03:54)", "body": "Hi all I know what I would not mind seeing here... a table dance. *Grins wickedly* Rob"}, {"response": 981, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (10:45)", "body": "Ah yes, I seem to remember owing one or two of them to very carefully chosen people. *grin* Rob, are you sure you are ready for this? (I wonder if anyone teaches how to do this...!)"}, {"response": 982, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (06:50)", "body": "Hi all Marcia, I direct you attention back to message 861 in this subject. There was another appropriate time in 1995 when the Dennis Conner's Star and Stripes team could not find Black Magic during the last race of the America's Cup. So the quote would be: Where the @#$% has Black Magic gone? Rob"}, {"response": 983, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (22:49)", "body": "Alas, YES!!! I remember all too well. Is ths America's Cup race this summer?Where?I sure don't want to miss that!"}, {"response": 984, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Jul 18, 2002 (04:48)", "body": "Hi all Auckland. Racing of Rangitoto Island in the Hauraki Gulf. Rob"}, {"response": 985, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (15:34)", "body": "WHEN Rob??? I am going to search for the answer then we all will know. Thanks!"}, {"response": 986, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (16:02)", "body": "America's Cup Race Calendar http://xtramsn.co.nz/teamnewzealand/0,,7152,00.html The trouble is I cannot understand the calendar numbers. I need an American version!"}, {"response": 987, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Aug  3, 2002 (05:58)", "body": "Hi all Okay then. 15/02-01/03 is February 15 to March 1. Thus the period between my birthday on December 2 and Julie's on December 17 is 02/12-17/12. Rob"}, {"response": 988, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (03:27)", "body": "Hi all Marcia is almost a 1000-message lass. This is message 988. Marcia dear, how are you today? Rob"}, {"response": 989, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (18:09)", "body": "Hi Rob! HUGS!!! I have been negligent coming here since my online time is limited to when I am awake and Don is not using the line for REAL life stuff like research. I am well, thank you. HOT, but well. I will be returning to Hilo soon. *sigh*"}, {"response": 990, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (18:11)", "body": "ONLY a thousand miles? It is really a whole different planet! December for the Yacht races. Excellent"}, {"response": 991, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (14:25)", "body": "This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its employees in all seriousness.. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences. Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls. If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer."}, {"response": 992, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (17:55)", "body": "*LAUGH* I read this as a joke that was passed around!!"}, {"response": 993, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (18:59)", "body": "LOL! made me laugh out loud at work. now will have to send out as a company email to explain sudden out burst :-D"}, {"response": 994, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (04:57)", "body": "Hi all Cool things are afoot in World Seismicity (my earthquakes group on Yahoo), where I have started installing the images I took in Franz Josef of the Alpine Fault. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/worldseismicity Only three at this stage but it is a start. Rob"}, {"response": 995, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (16:49)", "body": "Yo Rob!!! send them to me and I will make them available for you to post in your topic on Geo. It's easy and a whole lot more permanent and visible on the search engines."}, {"response": 996, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 22, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "You know you're living in the 02's when: 1. You have 5 passwords, but can only remember one. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a \"9\" to get an outside line. 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro. 10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. 11. You can only write on 'sticky pads'. 12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes. 13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. 14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. 15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined. 16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary. 17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet. 18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up. 19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital. 20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy. 21. Your relatives and family describe your job as \"works with computers\". AND THE CLINCHERS ARE.. 22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling. 23. As you read this list, you THINK about forwarding it to your \"friends.\""}, {"response": 997, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (12:13)", "body": "LOL! Great List :-D"}, {"response": 998, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Aug 29, 2002 (21:04)", "body": "Hi all I am up to the 12th part of the 12 part Volcanoes of New Zealand series, dealing with the Volcanoes of New Zealand. This is the Grand Finale of the series which in the past month has seen Ruapehu, Ngauruhoe, Taranaki, Tongariro, the Auckland Volcanic Field, Mayor Island, White Island, Edgecumbe, Okataina, Tarawera and Tauhara take the stage in a New Zealand volcanic extravaganza. As we now prepare for the final stage of the series, I read a few of the highlights from the tour of the volcanoes. -At Ruapehu, I told the story of Cyril Ellis who tried in vain to stop a train approaching the lahar-swollen Whangaehu River on Christmas Eve 1953, and who helped evacuate an entire carriage load of passengers to safety from the sixth carriage on the train which plunged into the lahar. Despite his brave efforts 151 people died on that very dark night. -When dealing with Tongariro I made mention of a myriad of vents and explosion features formed by the volcano erupting through numerous features - Te Maari, Red Crater, South Crater, North Crater to name a few features. -The narrative that formed my personal experiences with White Island based on a visit in January 1991, where I visited the volcano and saw the ruins of the sulphur works. -The Mount Tarawera Rift walk which I have just put up in World Volcanism In addition pics of Ruapehu, Taupo and Tarawera are coming.... Rob"}, {"response": 999, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (13:54)", "body": "SPORTS SPEECH BLUNDERS 1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: \"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.\" 2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: \"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.\" 3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: \"The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.\" 4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: \"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.\" 5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: \"Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious.\" 6. Baseball announcer: \"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.\" 7. Basketball analyst: \"He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.\" 8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: \"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew.\" 9. Metro Radio, College Football: \"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.\" 10. US Open TV Commentator: \"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?\""}, {"response": 1000, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Sep 14, 2002 (05:49)", "body": "Hi all MARCIA, THE THOUSAND MESSAGE LASS!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Rob"}, {"response": 1001, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Sep 14, 2002 (05:50)", "body": "THREE CHEERS FOR MARCIA HIP HIP HOORAY HIP HIP HOORAY HIP HIP HOORAY Rob"}, {"response": 1002, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 24, 2002 (09:45)", "body": "Real Dilberts A magazine recently ran a \"Dilbert Quotes\" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists: 1. \"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.\" (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) 2. \"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.\" (Lykes Lines Shipping) 3. \"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.\" (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) 4. \"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.\" (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) 5. \"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. 6. \"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.\" (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) 7. \"My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.\" (CIO of Dell Computers) 8. Quote from the Boss: \"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.\" (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) 9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, That would be better for me.\" (Shipping executive, FTD Florists) 10. \"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division) 11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: \"This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo mentioned above.\" (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division) 12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, \"If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!\" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards) 13. And the winner!! As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the \"pedagogical approach\" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired-and the word \"pedagogical\" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words, which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)"}, {"response": 1003, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct  1, 2002 (16:12)", "body": "Wooooooooo 1000 posts!!! Fantastic stuff you are finding, Cheryl. Beautiful! NEWSPAPER HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2035 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock. Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped. Authentic year 2000 \"chad\" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.) Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels."}, {"response": 1004, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar  3, 2003 (12:41)", "body": "NEWEST MEDICATIONS FOR WOMEN D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. St. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent antibiotic for women. Increases resistance to such lines as, \"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?\" B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength BUY-ONE-ALL When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. R A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. Thanks to FL"}, {"response": 1005, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar  9, 2003 (12:40)", "body": "This was written by a black guy in Texas....... what a great sense of humor! When I been born, I black. When I grow up, I black. When I go in sun, I black. When I'se cold, I black. When I scared, I black. When I sick, I black. And when I die, I'se still black. You white folks...... When you born, you pink. When you grow up, you white. When you go in sun, you red. When you cold, you blue. When you scared, you yellow. When you sick, you green. When you bruised you purple. And when you die, you gray. So who you callin' colored?"}, {"response": 1006, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 18, 2003 (22:53)", "body": "William! Welcome back. You cannot imagine how much you were missed!"}, {"response": 1007, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 19, 2003 (18:46)", "body": "ditto!!!!!"}, {"response": 1008, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Mar 30, 2003 (10:55)", "body": "Yep."}, {"response": 1009, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Apr 25, 2003 (04:43)", "body": "Hi all Missed me? Sorry I neglected this place. Rob"}, {"response": 1010, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Apr 25, 2003 (04:54)", "body": "Hi all Marcia. Watch your e-mail for incoming pics. Rob"}, {"response": 1011, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 28, 2003 (16:33)", "body": "Hey, Rob! Happy belated ANZAC Day!!"}, {"response": 1012, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May  2, 2003 (18:27)", "body": "ROB!!! Welcome back from wherever. I am eager to hear of your adventures. YES!!! I missed you! I think we all did. I am also worried about John in Greece. He has never been missing this long!"}, {"response": 1013, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (12:04)", "body": "I can think of worse places to disappear in!"}, {"response": 1014, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (13:58)", "body": "Yeah, like Detroit? They never find you again! So I hear, anyway!"}, {"response": 1015, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, May  4, 2003 (06:07)", "body": "Hi all Then watch Geo over the next few days. I will put something in there. Rob"}, {"response": 1016, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  4, 2003 (15:54)", "body": "*HUGS* Rob, It is very good to have you back!"}, {"response": 1017, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (05:24)", "body": "Hi all Shortly before 10PM NZST the lava dome of Robert Glennie loosed off a literary pyroclastic flow. Please go to Geo 64 to see it. Rob (the lava dome lives on)"}, {"response": 1018, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (00:05)", "body": "Yay! (sorry I have not gotten your photos on line yet, but I still cannot access the hard drive because I do not have the security program for it)"}, {"response": 1019, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 10, 2003 (09:57)", "body": "they don't find you again in L.A. either.....i've missed all of you! *HUGS*"}, {"response": 1020, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, May 11, 2003 (04:54)", "body": "Hi all How are we all? New Zealand is having a power crisis because we have below normal inflows of water to the hydro storage lakes. The summer saw very few northwesters with large amounts of rain falling so the hydro catchments are still dry despite recent rains. I have exams in June, but in the mean time am enjoying University and I think I am on track to earn a degree in December. I am doing Geographic Information Systems, which is really interesting to put it mildly (I got a B+ for a project I did last term and am confident I can do it again)because GIS trained students are in short supply here, and Regional Councils (local government)almost guarantee you a job if you have GIS experience. Rob"}, {"response": 1021, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, May 11, 2003 (04:56)", "body": "Hi all I will put more stuff in Robs Geo World shortly - that will be my main focus in Spring for awhile. I might even include highlights of my high scoring GIS laboratory folio. Rob"}, {"response": 1022, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (01:15)", "body": "That sounds great,Rob. Do put the information on Geo. That would be sensational."}, {"response": 1023, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (01:17)", "body": "Hi Woolfie! I'll boot the MSN from tomorrow onward and see if I can get you. I miss talking with you, too! *Hugs*"}, {"response": 1024, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 23, 2003 (16:25)", "body": "Was it here we were discussing Hominy? Grits I do not love... I was mistaken. Hush puppies are the delicous and lightly sweeteened deep fried munchie. Grits is like cream of wheat for breakfast. I hear cheese grits is (are?) good, but I have never had the opportunity to eat any. They seem not to be served at buffet tables."}, {"response": 1025, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (14:09)", "body": "Hi Marcia, thought you'd find this funny too -hope you dont mind if i post here!! :-D Updated Employee Handbook DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25 RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the \"Chronic Offenders\" category. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. The Management"}, {"response": 1026, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (22:58)", "body": "Oooh lovely! Thanks, EsBee. I love it!"}, {"response": 1027, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (23:16)", "body": "Vanilla Pudding This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, \"At least we'll have a bit to eat.\" The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: Are you ready for this??????????????? IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING..."}, {"response": 1028, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (23:18)", "body": "The above is thanks to Ami *;)"}, {"response": 1029, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jul 15, 2003 (22:32)", "body": "Ewwwww!"}, {"response": 1030, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 26, 2003 (11:47)", "body": "\"It doesn't SMELL like Vanilla Pudding...\" (but it makes a good story) Hey guys, I am back in America on the mainland !!! Yay!"}, {"response": 1031, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jul 27, 2003 (12:04)", "body": "Congratulatons. You're in Kentucky?"}, {"response": 1032, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (11:31)", "body": "California till Friday. After Friday I may not surface for a while :))"}, {"response": 1033, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (17:26)", "body": "The guy I'm working for, building a website, might announce a run for Gov. We'll see."}, {"response": 1034, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (19:39)", "body": "You only have a short time to file in CA. ;-)"}, {"response": 1035, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (13:39)", "body": "Good for you, Terry. Be sure to let us know where it is so we can admire it."}, {"response": 1036, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:15)", "body": "Fun Facts From Around the World In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than \"going blind!\") There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only \"in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.\" (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the govt. pay for this research??) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez) An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too) And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?)"}, {"response": 1037, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:46)", "body": "As a life-long Marylander, I can attest to the condom vending thing--only in seedy bars! Very ironic, considering no one would want to have sex with anyone who frequents those dives..."}, {"response": 1038, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (18:26)", "body": "Great stuff Cheryl! Thanks. BTW, if you have been used to emailing me, please do so again. My address book was wiped out by some unknown freeze that also took out my entire old email program. Thanks!"}, {"response": 1039, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (14:35)", "body": "You're welcome! I have another one, which is about computers. COMPUTER, HERE'S YOUR LAUGH FOR TODAY!!! This will make you feel like a PC wizard! Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged, you \"ain't seen nuthin'\" yet. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command \"Press Any Key\" to \"Press Return Key\" because of the flood of calls asking where the \"Any\" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper- by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the \"Send\" key. 4. Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually. 5. A Dell technicia n received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was \"Bad and an invalid.\" The tech explained that the computer's \"bad command\" and \"invalid\" responses shouldn't be taken personally. 6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it \"couldn't find printer.\" The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't \"see\" the printer. 7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician aske! d her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, \"I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.\" The \"foot pedal \"turned out to be the computer's mouse. 8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, \"What power switch?\" 9. Another IBM customer had trouble in! stalling software and rang for support \"I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...\" The user hadn't realized that \"Insert Disk 2\" implied to remove Disk 1 first. 10. A story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: CALLER: \"Hello, is this Tech Support?\" TECH: \"Yes, it is. How may I help you?\" CALLER: \"The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?\" TECH: \"I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?\" CALLER: \"Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.\" TECH: \"Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?\" CALLER: \"It came with my computer. I don't know! anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it.\" At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive. 11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if neshe was \"running it under windows.\" The woman responded, \"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.\" 12. And last but not least: TECH SUPPORT: \"O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter \"P\" to bring up the Program Manager.\" CUSTOMER: \"I don't have a 'P'\". TECH SUPPORT: \"On your keyboard, Bob.\" CUSTOMER: \"What do you mean?\" TECH SUPPORT: \" 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.\" CUSTOMER: \"I ain't gonna do that! For some reason I don't feel so stupid any more."}, {"response": 1040, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (18:39)", "body": "This is so funny. No matter how often I read it, I am still ROTF when I do. Thanks Cheryl, and thanks for emailing me."}, {"response": 1041, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug  7, 2003 (21:45)", "body": "Cheryl! I LOVED the FUN FACTS! I'm still giggling... Thanks!"}, {"response": 1042, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  4, 2003 (10:32)", "body": "*Hugs* Stacey!!! It is so good to see you basking in the Spring again! You might check Geo 15. It's geosites for kids and I post NASA for kids weekly there *;)"}, {"response": 1043, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  4, 2003 (10:32)", "body": "Geo 15 for your son, of course! Moms get to learn the neatest stuff while showing their kids how it's done!"}, {"response": 1044, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 29, 2003 (17:40)", "body": "This was copied to me by my precious daughter-in-law: Dear Friends and Family, I hope that you will spare me a few minutes of your time to tell you about something that I saw on Monday, October 27. I had been attending a conference in Annapolis and was coming home on Sunday. As you may recall, Los Angeles International Airport was closed on Sunday, October 26, because of the fires that affected air traffic control. Accordingly, my flight, and many others, were canceled and I wound up spending a night in Baltimore. My story begins the next day. When I went to check in at the United counter Monday morning I saw a lot of soldiers home from Iraq. Most were very young and all had on their desert camouflage uniforms. This was as change from earlier, when they had to buy civilian clothes in Kuwait to fly home. It was a visible reminder that we are in a war. It probably was pretty close to what train terminals were like in World War II. Many people were stopping the troops to talk to them, asking them questions in the Starbucks line or just saying \"Welcome Home.\" In addition to all the flights that had been canceled on Sunday, the weather was terrible in Baltimore and the flights were backed up. So, there were a lot of unhappy people in the terminal trying to get home, but nobody that I saw gave the soldiers a bad time. By the afternoon, one plane to Denver had been delayed several hours. United personnel kept asking for volunteers to give up their seats and take another flight. They weren't getting many takers. Finally, a United spokeswoman got on the PA and said this, \"Folks. As you can see, there are a lot of soldiers in the waiting area. They only have 14 days of leave and we're trying to get them where they need to go without spending any more time in an airport then they have to. We sold them all tickets, knowing we would oversell the flight. If we can, we want to get them all on this flight. We want all the soldiers to know that we respect what you're doing, we are here for you and we love you.\" At that, the entire terminal of cranky, tired, travel-weary people, a cross-section of America, broke into sustained and heart-felt applause. The soldiers looked surprised and very modest. Most of them just looked at their boots. Many of us were wiping away tears. And, yes, people lined up to take the later flight and all the soldiers went to Denver on that flight. That little moment made me proud to be an American, and also told me why we will win this war. If you want to send my little story on to your friends and family, feel free. This is not some urban legend. I was there, I was part of it, I saw it happen. Will Ross Administrative Judge United States Department of Defense"}, {"response": 1045, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov 30, 2003 (20:07)", "body": "Just as I was thinking \"urban legend\" I got to the closing line."}, {"response": 1046, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec  1, 2003 (09:03)", "body": "Marci, is there a Spaulding Laundry in Louisville?"}, {"response": 1047, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (19:48)", "body": "I'll check the phone book (downstairs) Don says it is between here and downtown and still in business. Why do you ask?"}, {"response": 1048, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:12)", "body": "Beethoven The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, \"Hey! We need to get back!\" \"No need to panic,\" said a fellow bassist. \"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled.\" A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. \"Well, of course,\" said her companion. \"Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.\""}, {"response": 1049, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:31)", "body": "The Supreme Court has ruled that there can be no Nativity Scene in Washington D.C. this year. There is not religious reason. They simply cannot find three wise men or a virgin the Capitol. There is no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable."}, {"response": 1050, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:33)", "body": "The above was sent to me by a timid lady who shall remain namelss. Thanks, Lucie *;)"}, {"response": 1051, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 12, 2004 (14:04)", "body": "Thanks for this - hfl Subject: In The Beginning...... In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, \"You want chocolate with that?\" And Man said \"Yeh,\" and Woman said, \"and another one with sprinkles.\" And they gained 10 pounds. The stockholders were very happy. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, \"Try my fresh green salad.\" And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. Then God said, \"I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.\" And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. Outback Steak House thrived! And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God created a light, fluffy white cake, named it \"Angel Food Cake,\" and said \"it is good.\" Satan then created chocolate cake and named it \"Devil's Food.\" God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. Satan created McDonald's and its 99 cent double cheeseburger and said ''You want fries with that?\" And Man replied, \"Yeh! And super size 'em.\" And Satan said \"It is good.\" And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs."}, {"response": 1052, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (08:47)", "body": "For All the Lexophiles (Word Lovers) A bicycle can\ufffdt stant alone because it is two-tired. What\ufffds the definition of will? (It\ufffds a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy it\ufffds your vote that counts; in feudalism it\ufffds your count that votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don\ufffdt pay your exorcist you get repossessed. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I\ufffdll show you A-flat minor. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You fell stuck with your debt if you can\ufffdt budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn\ufffdt find the key. Every calendar\ufffds days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. \ufffdTaint yours and \ufffdtaint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. When you\ufffdve seen one shopping center you\ufffdve seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she\ufffdd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. Santa\ufffds helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. That which is Irish and sits out all night would be Patio Furniture."}, {"response": 1053, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (20:24)", "body": "*ROTFL*"}, {"response": 1054, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (07:02)", "body": "25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as \"dressed up.\" 10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer \"pretty good stuff.\" 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. \"I just can't drink the way I used to,\" replaces, \"I'm never going to drink that much again.\" 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. You read this entire list looking desperately for just one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find a single one to save your sorry old ass."}, {"response": 1055, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (10:12)", "body": "OUT OF THE MOUTH'S OF BABES A first grade teacher selected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It\ufffds hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these, keep in mind that these are first graders \ufffd 6 year olds. Better to be safe than . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . punch a 5th grader. Strike while the . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . bug is close. It\ufffds always darkest before . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Daylight Saving Time. Never underestimate the power of . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . termites. You can lead a horse to water but . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . how? Don\ufffdt bite the hand that . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . looks dirty. No new is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . impossible. A miss is as good as a . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mr. You don\ufffdt teach an old dog . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . math. If you lie down with dogs, you\ufffdll . . . . . . . . . . . . stink in the morning. Love all, trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . me. The pen is mightier than the . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pigs. An idle mind is the . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the best way to relax. Where there\ufffds smoke, there\ufffds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pollution. Happy the bride who . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . gets all the presents. A penny saved is . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . not much. Two\ufffds company, three\ufffds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the Muskateers. Don\ufffdt put off to tomorrow what . . . . . . . . . . . . you put on to go to bed. There are none so blind as . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not . . . . . . . . . . . . . . spanked or grounded. If at first you don\ufffdt succeed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . get new batteries. When the blind leadeth the blind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . get out of the way. Better late than . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pregnant!!!"}, {"response": 1056, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 2004 (11:58)", "body": "The Parrot A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to \"clean up\" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, \"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.\" John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, \"May I ask what the turkey did?\" HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"}, {"response": 1057, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 25, 2004 (09:38)", "body": "*laugh* i've heard this with chickens in the freezer too! Happy Thanksgiving!!!"}, {"response": 1058, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:48)", "body": "What good stuff is here!!! Thanks Cheryl !!! I love this sort of stuff."}, {"response": 1059, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 20, 2005 (15:18)", "body": "The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has released a list of the symptoms of Bird Flu: If you experience the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1. High fever 2. Congestion 3. Nausea 4. Fatigue 5. Aching in the joints 6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield."}, {"response": 1060, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov 20, 2005 (16:49)", "body": "6 is telltale."}, {"response": 1061, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov 20, 2005 (18:19)", "body": "*ROTF*"}, {"response": 1062, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec  2, 2005 (14:44)", "body": "Thanks to DB, we have that bird flu story. I still laugh thinking about it."}, {"response": 1063, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 26, 2006 (15:51)", "body": "The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by circumcised men."}, {"response": 1064, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan 26, 2006 (19:17)", "body": "My frisbee caught caught in a tree on the disc golf course the other day. That makes me a frisbeetarian."}, {"response": 1065, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  1, 2006 (01:57)", "body": "YES!!! add that to the list"}, {"response": 1066, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  1, 2006 (02:32)", "body": "Good grief ! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 164, "subject": "screwed even more belatedly welcomes (Gi)!!!!!!!", "response_count": 18, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:15)", "body": "I have just realized it, Wer..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:18)", "body": "Ok, Ma'am, we gotta welcome you good and proper as a poster in Screwed should be. And none of that tippy-toeing out like you did not come here intentionally in the first place...we will bwe gentle."}, {"response": 3, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:20)", "body": "I came here intentionally to meet you guys, but it seemed a rather intimate conversation that I did not want to screw..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (14:22)", "body": "and yet another opportunity out the window..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (01:03)", "body": "I promise to handle this delicately...come aside, Dear Gi...I have something to tell you...*smile*"}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (01:05)", "body": "You see, I was told I could talk to you about this privately and there would be no interference from others...so we are quite alone now, and I can tell you of the plan in mind..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "patas", "date": "Sun, Aug 22, 1999 (07:40)", "body": "I hope we did talk about whatever it was, Marcia... I only got back here today:-)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 22, 1999 (11:29)", "body": "Alas, it has been a week I'd rather forget, and along with that forgetting was that little item I had planned to discuss with you. It shall return to me, I surely hope. Some thing deeply profound, I'd imagine, to have it discussed in this particular forum *lol*"}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (01:43)", "body": "And now it is a month later and we are still lost in the shuffle and you are off for a holiday in Tunisia. Check in when you return. It sounds fantastic!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (01:45)", "body": "Actually, I did not know how long months could be, nor how lonely..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (01:46)", "body": "And now it is a month later and we are still lost in the shuffle and you are off for a holiday in Tunisia. Check in when you return. It sounds fantastic!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 1999 (08:19)", "body": "I thought this topic was dead."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 1999 (13:41)", "body": "Surprise! Nothing about the circumstances under which this was created is dead...it liveth within my heart and I give it daily nourishment. =)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 1999 (13:46)", "body": "Sorry for posting my lamentations in here...but I had to vent and this is a realtively private place...like all of screwed is lately...How much an one person miss another? You truly do not want to know!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "patas", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (09:59)", "body": "Those of us who have missed others, at one time or another, know... and comiserate."}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (12:16)", "body": "Thank you...! I know...and I appreciate it. Sometimes it is just overwhelming and I have to write it somewhere...just to ease the longing..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Tue, Aug 30, 2005 (21:32)", "body": "So, is Gi living happily ever after?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  1, 2005 (20:04)", "body": "Apparently so though it has been a few years ( !! ) since last we emailed. I think surgeons (reconstructive) have better things to think about... They have had bad fires in the area where her husband's main hotel is located. I hope all is well. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 165, "subject": "Make quoteable quotes here!", "response_count": 16, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (18:43)", "body": "Are these our own or are we allowed to import and cite, too?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (18:46)", "body": "it's about time, Ray! \"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how...\""}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (21:37)", "body": "nah, its like masturbating on a bike. once you learn, you never forget."}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (22:11)", "body": "*lol*"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (09:14)", "body": "make sure you're wearing a helmet on your bike Ray!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (10:04)", "body": "its not the helmet that gets in the way so much as the gloves. :)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (10:20)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 1999 (15:05)", "body": "then, may I suggest, different gloves?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 1999 (15:37)", "body": "palmless?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 1999 (15:50)", "body": "*shrug*"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 1999 (15:56)", "body": "very soft and supple suede, perhaps?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:23)", "body": "\"What the...!\" and after the crash \"It wasn't me, officer!\", optionally accompanied by \"I was mindin' my own business, when...\""}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:48)", "body": "my latest officer conversation went something like: Officer: I pulled you over ma'am because it's illegal to drive in the state of Colorado with a broken windshield... visual obstruction. Me: Omigosh.. THAT Just happened. How could I do anything anbout that? Officer: well ma'am, I'm just informing you. You've also got a rear tail light out. Me: (knowing that the light has been out since last December- and now it's August) REALLY?? Is it my brake light or jst the regular light (knowing their all one light) Officer: Well ma'am, they're all one light. Just one bulb. Me: oh. okay (cute smile) Officer: COuld I see your license and registration and proof of insurance please. Me: (handing him the license, and thinking, 'damn I wish I kept better track of my paperwork) Brandon: (in passenger seat, diging through glove box) *sigh* Me: well I've got this... (handing him a coupon for free carwashes given to me when I bought the car Officer: well... sure this will do Me: ?!?!??! Me again: (giving him a copy of my insurance bill) Well here's the bill... I don't have a card, I called and asked them to send me one just the other day Officer: well I'll just check on the computer ma'am, all the information I need should be in there Me: *sigh* (smile) B: I can belive you *#&@*#&@(#&*@&$&@&$#*@(&$ and why don't you keep track of your *&(@*#&(*@$&(*@$&. (basically not amused) several minutes pass... Officer: Here yougo ma'am. Looks like everything's in order. You just need to get those taken care of Me: (big smile) Thank you! oh, was that the brake light or regular light that was out again? Officer (walking back toward his car, turns around, walks back toward mine) Well ma'am, it's the same light bulb that controls both so you really just need to replace one bulb... Me: (just grinning cause I got outta a ticket and know damn well what's wrong with my car and that I should keep better track of my paperwork!) Okay, thanks again!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:25)", "body": "Ok, lemme try to memorize this, uh, quote... \"my latest officer conversation went ....\""}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:30)", "body": "*laugh* good start Alexander... keep repeating it in small sections aloud..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 1999 (12:52)", "body": "\"...uh, went...\" screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 166, "subject": "Ask Autumn", "response_count": 231, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (00:12)", "body": "Autumn, when is Maryland gonna get some rain?! (New Jersey and the entire DelMArVa peninsula, too, for that matter!)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:17)", "body": "This is a simple question for frugal Autumn: How are you?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:49)", "body": "he meant, Ms. Frugal Autumn... how MUCH are you? and how does he go about getting a discount."}, {"response": 4, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "OooooOOOH! See who knows what I mean! Miss Something-Or-Another Pasquina! So, how about that discount? Plus, does it come with any good salty pumpkin recipes?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:31)", "body": "THERE's a one track mind for ya!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (16:21)", "body": "'Tis the season, Autumn is here...so what do I ask?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 1999 (17:51)", "body": "Huh, I guess, that's a pretty cool question, John!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:17)", "body": "autumn, where's wer?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:33)", "body": "(Please, oh please answer this one for Wolfie!)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:33)", "body": "...and, does he still taste like Mafia? *grin*"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Feb  4, 2002 (07:27)", "body": "I'm around"}, {"response": 12, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (19:26)", "body": "he's around. does that mean in place or in shape?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "*Gasp* I'm delighted you are around. *HUGS!* *Fainting dead away*"}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (20:33)", "body": "The offer about the table dance still stands. Now, to find one with longer legs than I have..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "stonedlover", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (20:41)", "body": ""}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (21:19)", "body": "Subliminal posts are the most challenging. Come back, Emily Bronte !!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 16, 2002 (15:47)", "body": "ROFLOL!!! I haven't been to Screwed in years and I find a tribute topic to yours truly? Art thou poking fun at my legendary tendencies towards minimalism, frugality, and voluntary simplicity? Not to mention baseball, apple pie and the American Way??? If I had known wer would actually come and visit this topic, I would've checked in years ago! (*sigh*)"}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 18, 2002 (18:31)", "body": "We were finding a suitable way to honor someone who creates \"TOFURKEY\" on purpose! (I still can't believe that even though I love tofu!)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 18, 2002 (18:32)", "body": "Yup *sigh* and *HUGS*"}, {"response": 20, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (18:31)", "body": "Ahem, actually I much prefer Unturkey to Tofurky. Much better texture and flavor. Neither goes over well with the extended family at holidays. *sigh*"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (19:08)", "body": "What kind of sandwiches does it make? Unturkey? I learn something new every day. To me the best part of turkey is cold sandwiches forever after. I'm hungry!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (06:48)", "body": "Who makes \"unturkey\"? Is this Morningstar?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "Nope, Now and Zen. Sorry, Marcia, leftovers are icky."}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (23:18)", "body": "Fudge! Next you will tell me there is no crispy skin to peel off and eat in the kitchen! *sigh*"}, {"response": 25, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Mar 22, 2002 (21:16)", "body": "The skin is called yuba, and while it \"crackles\" off during slicing it's not the same as the real thing."}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 22, 2002 (21:22)", "body": "*sigh* The skin's the best part. Not good cold, either, I suppose, but you have a clear conscience when you celebrate a holiday. What are the giblets like for making gravy - or is that out of the question?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:40)", "body": "It comes with a tub of questionable-looking, gelatinous gravy that will insure no one overeats."}, {"response": 28, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:47)", "body": "Yak! Hard to make soup or stock out of the bones, too, I'd guess. Sometimes we just cannot improve on Mother Nature no matter how lovely the name of ersatz turkey!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 30, 2002 (19:09)", "body": "No one who truly loves turkey would be satisfied with this product! What are you all having for Easter?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (16:37)", "body": "I had a cold so I had soup (from a can - my house male is not great at making soup)"}, {"response": 31, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (17:59)", "body": "aww...when are you going to CA (am I remembering right that you planned to move there??)"}, {"response": 32, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (19:47)", "body": "Sooner than I thought we will be going there. Perhaps to southern Cal. Wolfie, are you listening? I will be within the same area as you are. Check out Northridge. Yes, I know - big earthquakes! Not my first choice, but I will fly east to visit my sister with perhaps a few \"side\" trips along the way. *grin* No, not moving there at the moment. Not moving anywhere though there is a distant possibility out there. I'd really like to be closer to my son, but he is so busy I might as well communicate with him by IM and email from here!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (09:58)", "body": "Are you going to be staying with your son when your in CA???? we really HAVE to try to get together!! :-)"}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:21)", "body": "He is midstate - this visit may entail a stay in Northridge with HM's brother and family. I'd really LOVE to get together with you!!! BTW, Wolfie, Julie is from your neck of the woods, too. She's our newest geoite and my \"little sister.\" Does that make you an auntie or something?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:56)", "body": "no, a sister too! EsBee, are you a misplaced californian? (and i saw, marcia, you're little bit about a visit *giggle* wonder how i could swing it....)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:57)", "body": "i meant to type julie but your name came out EsBee--think i just read one of your posts somewhere and it was stuck in my doggie brain!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (19:20)", "body": "They're BOTH Californians... reluctantly, even as you are, Sweetie! Yup, you have a little sister, coz I have one, too! Guess John has one, also. I wonder if Julie had any idea...*grin*"}, {"response": 38, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (11:26)", "body": "You can use EsBee Wolf, Marcia gave me that nick name and i'm plenty fond of it.. :-) and i live in CA - East San Fran Bay. Marcia and i have been attempting to meet up whenever she's in state, but somehow it never seems to work out... :-("}, {"response": 39, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (12:42)", "body": "My sister lives East of San Fran, well east of Oakland actually, in Alamo and Walnut Creek, they have two houses, one under construction."}, {"response": 40, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (13:06)", "body": "Hey, your sis and i are practically neighbors! :-)"}, {"response": 41, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (13:33)", "body": "Don and Alice are living in the house in Walnut Creek and building the one in Alamo. They'll move in to it when it's finished."}, {"response": 42, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (15:42)", "body": "I just bought my first home in Livermore (okay, its actually a condo -but it's mine! WoHoo), and i work in Pleasanton and San Ramon! If they're readers i can recommend a great bookshop in San Ramon.... ;-)"}, {"response": 43, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (16:46)", "body": "i'm down here in the South Bay area....marcia, you just have a whole family here in cali!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (17:19)", "body": "i was just in Fremont about an hour ago Wolf! :-) We could have met for lunch or something..."}, {"response": 45, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 46, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (05:46)", "body": "They took me to a great bookshop in Berkeley, Builders Books, have you been there? Nothing but books on construction, architecture, design and home improvement."}, {"response": 47, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (09:39)", "body": "Nope, havent been to that one - Berkeley is fun though, isnt it? ...well on a small scale. Dont know if i could deal with it on a daily basis. :-) I work in a New & Used Book Shop on the weekends. It's right on the San Ramon/Danville border. -Alamo is right on the other side of Danville."}, {"response": 48, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (11:14)", "body": "Yeah, I remember 20 years ago it was mostly walnut orchards and farmland. It's a bustling suburb now. My sister's new house has a gorgeous view of the mountain, what is it called, Mt. Diablo? Her husband, Don, is a builder who did 90% of the work himself on this 4,000 sf plus house."}, {"response": 49, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (19:23)", "body": "I have to get there. That's all there is to it. My friend with the Cobra is from East Bay area. Imagine the possibilities!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (19:25)", "body": "Yup Mount Diablo. My son has mountain-biked that place in both directions. Talk about cardio-vascular workout!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 14, 2002 (09:22)", "body": "Have you ridden BART?"}, {"response": 52, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (10:20)", "body": "Have you ridden BART? *laughing* unfortunately..... yes."}, {"response": 53, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (11:09)", "body": "That kind of freaks me out...if an earthquake hit while you were underwater you wouldn't stand a chance. What a way to go!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (13:10)", "body": "It beats driving to downtown SF if you don't have a lot of running around to do, doesn't it?"}, {"response": 55, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (16:35)", "body": "Remember the Bay Bridge that dropped a whole section? I'm not all that fond of going over that bridge, either. But, going all the way around the Bay is quite a trip."}, {"response": 56, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (17:16)", "body": "what's a BART???"}, {"response": 57, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (17:34)", "body": "Bay Area Rapid (*laughing hystically at THAT*) Transit i'd rather drive into San Fran than take Bart- unless you're by yourself its cheaper to pay the bridge fair and parking fees than to pay for BART. The most annoying thing about BART however,(imho) -well, aside from the scary people, is how infrequently the trains run."}, {"response": 58, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (19:18)", "body": "My sister missed that section drop by about 15 minutes, I seem to remember something like that. What's the cost of a trip from Walnut Creek to SF?"}, {"response": 59, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (19:32)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 60, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (19:32)", "body": "not about your sister, terry, how scary for her! i've seen some scary looking folks just down the street from my house! and i'm afraid to take the metro or the city buses!"}, {"response": 61, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (20:29)", "body": "Terry !!! Things like that give me the shakes in the dark of night, My son had just been over it an hour before it dropped. How much does BART cost to ride, EsBee?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (20:32)", "body": "Hi all I wonder how long the Wellington Fault has to go before it ruptures, because it crosses two tunnels in the heart of Wellington City connecting roads. Rob"}, {"response": 63, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "That is as bad as the tunnel and bridge they are building over faults in Greece. It seems to be a crap shoot if you get over alive or not. I like better odds than that, Rob. Of course, so does Wilson tunnel in Honolulu cross faults. It has caved in a few times in recent years."}, {"response": 64, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (21:13)", "body": "i think i've only been through one real tunnel here (right through a mountain) but the rest are under other roads (but closed in on the sides). the bridge you guys are talking about in SF--isn't it a double one--is it the one where folks were trapped in the bottom?"}, {"response": 65, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (21:59)", "body": "Yes! Eest bound on the bottom and west bound on the top!"}, {"response": 66, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (10:05)", "body": "Will have to check on the current cost for BART from East Bay into the city, but am guessing round trip is about $7ish- (could be way off on that) Public Trans here is truely scary. What kills me (almost literally) is how often the evening news starts out with: \"And there was another fatal accident on Muni today...\""}, {"response": 67, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (10:05)", "body": ""}, {"response": 68, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (10:06)", "body": "*laughing* oops- (still getting the hang of the submit button vs. the back button...) *snicker*"}, {"response": 69, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:31)", "body": "lol, Esbee, join the crowd. When I want to go back 10 posts I have hit the sumbit button by mistake. Talk about embarrasing. One cannot delete stuff like that!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:57)", "body": "it's cold(ish) and windy here today - i wish i was in warm Hawaii with you Marcia...."}, {"response": 71, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "It was gloriously sunny and summery again. It is kind of unreal because I keep thinking the whole world is like Hawaii. Weirder still, Rob is entering winter because he lives on the bottom side of the globe where people stick out like pins on a tennis ball - sticking straight down!"}, {"response": 72, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (07:51)", "body": "Going to be in the eighties here today, how's the weather in Autumn's neck of the woods?"}, {"response": 73, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (09:41)", "body": "my toes are cold. (should have perhaps worn socks today...)"}, {"response": 74, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (19:22)", "body": "How is Balimer, Autumn? Have you broken through the ice? I heard from Louisville and it is warm there - almost hot. Especially for this time of year!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (14:13)", "body": "We had a crushing week of 90 degree temperatures--believe it or not, they closed the schools early a couple of days because the air conditioning is not set to switch over until May 1. Today it's a much more normal 65. LOL about the ice--we didn't even need gloves this winter, thanks to global warming. :-("}, {"response": 76, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:10)", "body": "What a mess. Poor sunngy Greece got snowed under for the first time in recorded history (and they have a VERY LONG history) - from November clear through to now. Snow and ice. Ancient olive trees are dying, farmers are desperate, and now they have flooding. What on earth is causing such strange weather? Ours stays in the 70's and low 80's and is absolutely beautiful. New Zealand also had a wet cold summer. They're heading into winter so who knows what they will have for weather. Stay tuned!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (02:20)", "body": "Autumn what were you doing right before you logged in here?"}, {"response": 78, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (14:35)", "body": "Probably reading my email...how specific are you trying to get??"}, {"response": 79, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (01:28)", "body": "This is, after all, ask Autumn so, very specific. What's the most embarassing thing that's happened to you lately?"}, {"response": 80, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (14:15)", "body": "ooooh...let me think a sec. OK. Last weekend I went with a friend somewhere for the day. When we got back I went inside her house to use the bathroom real quick before I drove home. While I was in there, I could easily hear her and husband having a huge argument about how late she had stayed out, how worried he was, etc. I waited until I heard him go upstairs and slam a door, and then I sauntered out like nothing happened (although the look on her face said it all) and told her good-bye. I got in the car and just felt embarrassed for overhearing the argument and ashamed at having been a party to his anger (because I really respect him a lot) and her \"getting in trouble\" with him."}, {"response": 81, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (21:38)", "body": "Isn't it better to know the truth?"}, {"response": 82, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "This is when friendship really mean something, Autumn. Be there for her and watch her carefully for bruises. I'm NOT kidding. Yes, knowing the truth could save a life!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:33)", "body": "No, no, it was nothing like that. It was one of those things that goes on between married people that you'd be embarrassed to have your neighbors or friends overhear. I ran into her the next day at the library and didn't say anything about it. She brought it up (I guess she actually doesn't realize that I overheard) and said in the future she's just going to be more open-ended about when she's coming home or call during the evening. He's a major worrier and apparently had been crying and ready to call the police. He's the gentlest, most sensitive man I know and I wish I didn't know I was a party to hurting him."}, {"response": 84, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (18:57)", "body": "It's good to hear that, Autumn. I guess we are still a little shell-chocked from the OJ travesty. I tend to take such things very seriously until I am certain I worry needlessly!"}, {"response": 85, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (12:25)", "body": "I know what you mean, Marcia, but in this case I'm talking about the most \"functional\" couple I know!"}, {"response": 86, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (16:02)", "body": "That's super! Often, selective deafness is the greatest kindness. Thanks for the reassurance and your friend's safety."}, {"response": 87, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (12:16)", "body": "\"selective deafness\"--I like that!"}, {"response": 88, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (17:47)", "body": "that is a good one!"}, {"response": 89, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (19:59)", "body": "Autumn, what's the most fun you've ever had?"}, {"response": 90, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:30)", "body": "Hey, Autumn and anyone else who has eaten it, What is Feta cheese supposed to taste like? The stuff I got was very strong and more than desirably like eating the goat. Is this usual?"}, {"response": 91, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (13:53)", "body": "Incredibly salty and strong!! The most fun...that's tough because my definition of \"fun\" has definitely changed over the years. I would say that the constants always include friends or family, good food, and preferably booze."}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (22:28)", "body": "I kept thinking it would taste like cottage cheese or cream cheese. *cough* It had definitly come from a goat and not all that long ago!! Pass the Mai Tai and Long Island Iced Tea and settle down for an \"Autumn moment.\""}, {"response": 93, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (09:47)", "body": "So, what sort of things are we supposed to be asking Autumn here?"}, {"response": 94, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (12:20)", "body": "Anything. Everything."}, {"response": 95, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (12:41)", "body": "Oh Boy! *rubbing hands together* Hmm... my first question: what is your favorite flavor of tea? (will get to the harder questions later -i like to build up to these things) :-)"}, {"response": 96, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (19:47)", "body": "Green, thank you for asking. And yourself? (I assume I am allowed to ask questions as well, no?) These \"Autumn moments\" are sort of cross between senior moments and a slumber party, LOL! Next up is Truth or Dare!"}, {"response": 97, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (23:27)", "body": "*also rubbing hands and waiting for Truth or dare*"}, {"response": 98, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (10:15)", "body": "favorite tea: Breakfast Tea specifically -in this order: Scottish Breafast Tea, English BT and Irish BT. Oooo.... Truth or Dare! Cant wait! :-) who'se going first?"}, {"response": 99, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:24)", "body": "I suppose we will find out when the whip-wielding Mistress Autumn returns..."}, {"response": 100, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (14:05)", "body": "Ha-ha!! This is how it's going to work. We are going to play a drinking game called \"I Never\". Someone--I'll start--will make a statement of something they never did. All others must drink if it's something you have done. If not, you do NOT drink. OK, choose your poison and prepare to drink or not drink (of course, you will have to chime in and let us know whether or not you have to drink). Hopefully there will be some funny stories generated, and if not, then just out-and-out humiliation. Ready? \"I NEVER slept with anyone on the first date.\""}, {"response": 101, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "no root beer for me..."}, {"response": 102, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (21:49)", "body": "no iced water for me..."}, {"response": 103, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (10:01)", "body": "no diet coke for me. (we're such a conservative lot)"}, {"response": 104, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:08)", "body": "so who's next?"}, {"response": 105, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:59)", "body": "You are Wolf! *grin*"}, {"response": 106, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (00:17)", "body": "(this conversation belong in the Unscrewed Conference...)"}, {"response": 107, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:08)", "body": "i forgot already how to play the game....hmmmmm....."}, {"response": 108, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:41)", "body": "Autumn, you'd better start again...."}, {"response": 109, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:55)", "body": "(*sigh*) OK, now pay attention!! Remember, if you did it, you drink. If not, you don't. Last one to chime in comes up with the new \"I never\" statement. I never lied about my age."}, {"response": 110, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (10:01)", "body": "still thirsty..."}, {"response": 111, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "me too...."}, {"response": 112, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (13:39)", "body": "Marcia?"}, {"response": 113, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (14:56)", "body": "*whispering* Ooooo..... Marcia's afraid to answer... ;-)"}, {"response": 114, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "*giggle*"}, {"response": 115, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (20:46)", "body": "Autumn, why did they name you Autumn?"}, {"response": 116, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:47)", "body": "*Glub* I never mention it if I can get away with it!"}, {"response": 117, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (09:40)", "body": "Is Autumn your real name??"}, {"response": 118, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (13:38)", "body": "Nope, just a nickname because--this is the beauty part--I was born in November. Autumn baby, Autumn girl, evolved into just plain Autumn. Aha, Marcia!! That means you must be next to tell us what you never did. Terry, why aren't you playing??? I command it!"}, {"response": 119, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:34)", "body": "I never got drunk on a date."}, {"response": 120, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "me either!"}, {"response": 121, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (12:24)", "body": "(*glub, glub*) Always!"}, {"response": 122, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (18:23)", "body": "lolol Autumn?! The luscious, auburn-haired lady of Spring?! *;)"}, {"response": 123, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "Ahh, I have bid adieu to the auburn. Back to my ordinary golden brown. At least I haven't got any gray yet, thank God. Ever since I heard of the definitive link between hair color and bladder cancer, I am no fun. How about it, SB? Ever get drunk on a date??"}, {"response": 124, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (22:52)", "body": "Methinks EsBee is hiding behind that blush. Come out Come out wherever you are!"}, {"response": 125, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (22:54)", "body": "(My silvery sparkle is quite pretty when mixed with chestnut of the rest of my hair. Actually, my white is spectacular in sunlight. It really does sparkle. I refuse to dwell on what might get me. Something has to, but it has to be fast to catch me! I'm running as fast as I can for as long as I can!)"}, {"response": 126, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (09:43)", "body": "(Marcia) Methinks EsBee is hiding behind that blush. Come out Come out wherever you are! LOL - no, i was'nt hiding *grin* just having a computer-free weekend :-) and -nope. Never been drunk on a date. (Autumn) definitive link between hair color and bladder cancer *slightly hysterical gasp* Why didnt i know this? Why? Is it on the back of the box???? My poor hair. No more red, no more blond. Hello roots.... :-("}, {"response": 127, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (13:03)", "body": "Odds are worse if you dye a darker color than a lighter one for some reason. The washes-out-in-X-shampoos type are fine as is henna. :-( I NEVER shave anything."}, {"response": 128, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:15)", "body": "EsBee?! You are NOT really blond? What on earth color is your hair? I was planning to hunt for you as you look in the photos you sent me. *sigh* *Whew* about the bladder cancer. I don't want to dye to die. I shave LOTS of things but nothing unnatural on my corporeal being. My sister who dyed everything she could find died of a combo of uterine, breast and brain cancer. All for vanity's sake?! Horrible."}, {"response": 129, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "Was white blond (we're talking Casper here) until about 22 or so, when i suddenly started growing dark blonde hair. Was very bizzar. As i had long hair had to either cut it off or bleach the new growth. After a couple of years of bleaching decided -what the heck! i'll dye it red! Looked V. Irish :-) People stopped asking me if i was from Copenhagen and started asking me what part of Ireland i was from. Am back to blond again. look V. saxon wench -round face, pink cheeks, blond hair... *drinking diet coke* (literally *grin*) as shave whatever needs shaving. -Marcia, i'm so very sorry about your sister. *BIG HUG*"}, {"response": 130, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (16:03)", "body": "Thans Sweetie, but she sewed her own trouble by being the queen of my family and claiming to be the only child. Alas, she remained a spoiled child until fate caught up with her. Yea, I shave what needs shaving too. As for the blond stuff, my son was almost white blond then was a pretty bright golden blond with no trace of brown when he left here for California after college. Suddenly (to me it was sudden) it turned medium brown - more like the color of mine. I was amazed. It has to be the *cough* atmosphere in California that is doing it. Now he is getting some white amongst the brown. Eeeeek! Now how can I pretend to be his youthful mom if he is going to be doing that?!"}, {"response": 131, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:19)", "body": "*yuck* about the dying but that's the reason i won't get plastic surgery (ok, not all of the reason) but do i really want people to dig me up and find everything still there after a hundred years? poor cher! i shave too and i use the washes out in x shampoos and it's usually an auburn/chestnut color--to bring out the red in my dark brown hair. *ahem* so who's next??? EsBee????"}, {"response": 132, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:47)", "body": "-more importantly, do you really want people to dig you up???? *double yuck* okay - i have one that NOBODY else will be able to match.... :-) i've never had a cup of coffee."}, {"response": 133, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:50)", "body": "*sipping my iced water daintily and realizing you know not what you are missing*"}, {"response": 134, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "tried a sip once and nearly hurled. -otherwise could claim never had a sip of coffee. i cant even eat mocha ice cream. makes me nauseous. *shudder*"}, {"response": 135, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "I never drank it until I was twice as old as you are and then only to keep HM company. It seems to grow on you in cold weather."}, {"response": 136, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:48)", "body": "sipping on my root beer (i had a sip of coffee, EsBee, and nearly hurled and then i found general foods coffee mixes-those are yummy)."}, {"response": 137, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:23)", "body": "you and your acroynms.... HM? HeeMan??? :-) my \"sip\" was at age 8 -have been seriously addicted to tea & diet coke ever since. (caffeine is my friend)"}, {"response": 138, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:34)", "body": "House Male. Polite way to mention Hairy Chest Pounder in residence."}, {"response": 139, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (09:38)", "body": "Since you all drank, do i have to go again???"}, {"response": 140, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "*drinking decaf espresso, which pleasure SB will never know* I was last, so I'll go...I never got arrested."}, {"response": 141, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (15:20)", "body": "me neither- *looking longily at my diet coke*"}, {"response": 142, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:43)", "body": "me either *pushing the root beer away*"}, {"response": 143, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:52)", "body": "oh Marcia..... *rubbing hands together gleefully* :-D"}, {"response": 144, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:25)", "body": "Me?? You gotta be kidding. My thirst groweth."}, {"response": 145, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (13:17)", "body": "*laughing*"}, {"response": 146, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:54)", "body": "OK, Marcia, what else have you never done?"}, {"response": 147, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:28)", "body": "I've never chewed tobacco"}, {"response": 148, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (10:29)", "body": "me either...."}, {"response": 149, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (22:45)", "body": "(somehow I expected this to go unclaimed)"}, {"response": 150, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (09:49)", "body": "i havent either..."}, {"response": 151, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (21:57)", "body": "I have never made an unladylike bodily function sound when on a date."}, {"response": 152, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (09:55)", "body": "*laughing hysterically* Oh Marcia! *wipes eyes* -neither have i ...but, have you seen that commercial? *snicker*"}, {"response": 153, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (14:43)", "body": "*blame it on the dog* Yup!"}, {"response": 154, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:17)", "body": "(*gulping my water*) Not about the bodily sound, but about the snuff! Hey, you're only 16 years old and dating hillbillies in West Virginia once! Don't think I've ever made an unauthorized sound on a date...It's been so long!"}, {"response": 155, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "me either!! (am i last?)"}, {"response": 156, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:26)", "body": "Think so - you get to go i believe..."}, {"response": 157, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (20:13)", "body": "um.....ok, i've never told my boss off"}, {"response": 158, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:35)", "body": "me neither -am not that brave (luckily - i currently have a wonderful boss) :-D"}, {"response": 159, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:57)", "body": "*sigh* I've always had too much class to tell them what I really think..."}, {"response": 160, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (14:00)", "body": "discrection, valor, etc. :-) (hopefully their guilty conscience ate away at them did the dirty work for you) ;-)"}, {"response": 161, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (15:36)", "body": "Me either. I believed in utmost power over me of people in authority. That fact that I exist indicates that some divine lightning bolt did not vaporize me on the spot for daring to do so. W Va? Oh yesh! Where? David was born there. I do know a bit about it."}, {"response": 162, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (19:48)", "body": "Thought this might make Marcia smile: How to say \"I love you\" in several languages: English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love You Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Te Amo French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Je T'aime German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ich Liebe Dich Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Ai Shite Imasu Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Ti Amo Chinese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jag Alskar Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Indiana, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, and Kentucky .......................................................... Nice ass. Get in the truck."}, {"response": 163, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 27, 2003 (22:22)", "body": "LOLOL Yes!!! Copying it to Don..."}, {"response": 164, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jul 25, 2003 (23:32)", "body": "*ROTFLMAO* oh those are good 'uns!!!!!!!!!!"}, {"response": 165, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul 26, 2003 (01:47)", "body": "Autumn, what are some notable events for your summer so far?"}, {"response": 166, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (19:47)", "body": "Notable events: 1. trip to Iceland/Scotland/England/Norway 2. Harford County Farm Fair 3. weekend getaway with ya-ya sisterhood to Georgetown (tony neighborhood in DC) 4. weeklong seminar nearby re: Christian homeschooling 5. new cabinets/granite countertops/ceramic tile walls in kitchen 6. physical therapy 3x a week for degenerative discs and pinched nerve 7. day at the beach in Wildwood, NJ"}, {"response": 167, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (13:33)", "body": "Ouch on the 6th and amen to the 7th. The rest sounds a bother but look at what you will have for a long time to enjoy (including the Christian scjooling!) My last few weeks have been as eventful but not as pleasant as yours."}, {"response": 168, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:47)", "body": "I command everyone to list their notable events for summer 2003!!"}, {"response": 169, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (18:29)", "body": "Sending my entire library to Louisville Visiting my son and daughter-in-law in California Moving to Louisville Living happily ever after *;)"}, {"response": 170, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (17:59)", "body": "WOW, what a great list!!!"}, {"response": 171, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (18:41)", "body": "It's the best one I have ever had. The BOLD entry happens tomorrow quickly followed by the last one. :) This is one very happy lady! I finally found the right man at the right time."}, {"response": 172, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug  1, 2003 (02:48)", "body": "1. swimming 2. building the guest house 3. swimming 4. land a bunch of new web customers 5. swimming 6. some great parties with friends, mostly swim parties 7. swimming 8. going to First Thursday on South Congress in Austin 9. oh, and swimming"}, {"response": 173, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  1, 2003 (15:18)", "body": "We've had great swimming weather here too, Terry, tho' not as hot as you've had it! What is \"First Thursday\"?"}, {"response": 174, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug  2, 2003 (18:36)", "body": "It's the big event in Austin along South Congress AVenue every first Thursday of the month. http://www.firstthursday.info The First Thursday of each month, merchants of the historic, pedestrian-friendly South Congress Avenue keep their doors open until 10 pm (and later in some cases), playing host to an array of events and activities. The Merchants taking part: 2020 Apartments Funky Apartment Community Antigua Eclectic mix of treasures from around the world. Jewelry, Blown and stained glass by local artists. Antiques and folk art. aqua 20th century modern furnishings and home decor. featuring both new and vintage items! Austin Motel A Quaint, Quirky, Quiet, Convenient And Still Affordable Place to Stay And Enjoy Austin. Avenue Gallery Custom picture framing and gift store Bellagente Massage at Hairy Situations Massage salon in the back of the hair salon Hairy Situations Blackmail Doc's Motorworks Inc. Auto repair and sales of pre-owned vehicles GALLERY SOCO Art and Framing goodie two shoes shoes - clothing - middle eastern home decor Gueros Taco Bar is my favorite place to go out on Fridays. I was just there! Wonderful margueritas! Hot Rod HardWear Co. Retail outlet inside Southside Tattoo JO's Hot Coffee outdoor coffee shop with great people watchin', coffee sippin', and beer drinkin' on a big porch facing South Congress Kim Soo Martial Arts Traditional martial arts, contemporary self-defense for adults and children 6 and up. Lone Star Illusions A Unique, Eclectic Gift Store for Austin Hipsters Everywhere!!! Long's Vacuum Vacuums, Supplies, Fragrances, Pottery, Etc. Mi Casa Gallery New Bohemia Vintage Clothing, Housewares, Furniture and Funky Junk from All Eras NiaSpace Mind Body Fitness Off the Wall furniture - gifts - art - antiques - odd things - old and new Pieces of the Past >Architectural Antiques And Other Fun Stuff Pink Hair Salon + Gallery Prima Dora gifts and clothing Rue's Antiques, Inc. Service Menswear Street, Skate, Surf and Vintage Menswear Southside Tattoo Custom Tattoo art and Body Piercing Texas Folklife Resources gallery featuring folk arts of Texas The Great Outdoors A unique and funky garden center where you can stroll under ancient oaks. therapy clothing + fashion accessories + body care + homewares WET Salon and Studio Style Connoisseurs & Art Gallery White Crane Herbal Medicine Chinese Herbs, Teas, Asian Arts, Fengshui items, books Wizard of Austin Computer Training School Yard Dog Folk Art >Folk Art of the South Your Living Room furniture, modern, urban, classic, contempory"}, {"response": 175, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug  3, 2003 (17:15)", "body": "Sounds very hip and upscale--there must be a lot of money there! Shops like that would never make it here. Now, if you had a live bait store, you'd be in business..."}, {"response": 176, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug  5, 2003 (08:26)", "body": "I'm pretty sure there's a live bait store on S Congress. I remember passing by one a while back."}, {"response": 177, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Aug  5, 2003 (19:47)", "body": "I have even seen vending machines that dispense the stuff. I swear, it looks just like a Coke machine except it's black with a big fish on it. Just insert your money and push the button for the type of bait you need."}, {"response": 178, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug  6, 2003 (10:16)", "body": "Something I never knew about. Till now."}, {"response": 179, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug  6, 2003 (13:44)", "body": "It's a big world out there, ain't it? :-)"}, {"response": 180, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug  6, 2003 (22:02)", "body": "I;'ll do my Johnny Carson imitation. \"This I did not know.\""}, {"response": 181, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  8, 2003 (11:18)", "body": "I'm picturing you with your hands in your pockets, rocking back and forth on your heels..."}, {"response": 182, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (12:38)", "body": "my summer list was: WORK"}, {"response": 183, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (17:20)", "body": "Ugh! What's on your fall list?? Make it something good! We are going to France in November. I'm most looking forward to seeing the prehistoric cave art."}, {"response": 184, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (18:21)", "body": "more work and maybe winter in the sandbox *yikes*"}, {"response": 185, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (15:52)", "body": "Ack! You might be going to Iraq?? I thought you were nearing retirement?!"}, {"response": 186, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (18:01)", "body": "they can send me until within a month of my papers--double yikes!!!"}, {"response": 187, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (17:17)", "body": "Oh, man! That is such a bummer. When will you know one way or the other?"}, {"response": 188, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (18:07)", "body": "won't know for sure until the end of March (am on the hook til then for this cycle of rotations)"}, {"response": 189, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  8, 2003 (12:57)", "body": "Any chance you'll be reassigned (out of CA) before then?"}, {"response": 190, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  8, 2003 (18:21)", "body": "am trying real hard--job i applied for has a report date of Feb (will know for sure this month)."}, {"response": 191, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 10, 2003 (12:01)", "body": "YES! Keeping my fingers crossed for you...where is the job?"}, {"response": 192, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 10, 2003 (19:43)", "body": "texas (san antonio) thanks!!!"}, {"response": 193, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (13:04)", "body": "Aw geez, you'll be able to have a \"spring\" IRL w/Terry and wer!"}, {"response": 194, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 12, 2003 (19:53)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 195, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (13:35)", "body": "Wolfie, you are done with sand, I thought. Not fair!!! My list is to unpack more stuff and get the house in Hilo sold. I am happily where I belong. Oh, and to talk to Wolfie with fingers. FINALLY... *hugs*"}, {"response": 196, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (15:38)", "body": "Marcia, I am glad to hear that KY agrees with you! Any word from the ex, or did he go quietly into that good night?"}, {"response": 197, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (09:10)", "body": "Right, the ex factor."}, {"response": 198, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (21:58)", "body": "hi MARCIA!!!!!!!! (not done with sand.....YET)"}, {"response": 199, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (06:57)", "body": "Autumn, what's hot? And what's not?"}, {"response": 200, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (12:42)", "body": "HOT: bands with nonsensical names, hybrid fruit, dissing cell phone owners, bowling shoes, mainstream porn acceptance, free trade coffee NOT: Ben & J-Lo, animal prints, personal responsibility, Calif. politics, Halloween, the economy"}, {"response": 201, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 25, 2003 (12:36)", "body": "Halloween!"}, {"response": 202, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 25, 2003 (19:27)", "body": "Yup, ever since 9/11 it hasn't been the same. Nobody really decorates anymore, and fewer kids go out trick or treating."}, {"response": 203, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (07:44)", "body": "Leighton's parties never seem to diminish. They get bigger every year. But even they are touched by 9/11. This year's theme was injured people."}, {"response": 204, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (14:00)", "body": "I don't get it. Like famous injured people throughout history?? Or just come in a wheelchair with your arm in a sling?"}, {"response": 205, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (13:35)", "body": "To quote: Costume Suggestions: Come as your favorite disaster scenario: In case of the rapture this costume will be unoccupied; the comet smushed me; aliens abducted me and this is why I have all this important aluminum foil around my head; my portfolio tanked and this is all the Goodwill store would let me have for free, and George Bush is taking us all to Armageddon anyway, so this is what I am going to be wearing. http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?inviteId=ZCSKZXQRZOWNWZYQTXJS has the rest of the gory details."}, {"response": 206, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (16:57)", "body": "I like his ending--\"Keep Austin Weird!\" From the sound of it, that's going to be quite a party. It sounds terribly organized compared to the parties I attend."}, {"response": 207, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:18)", "body": "It was very organized. A lot of fun. Leighton is legendary for his Austin parties."}, {"response": 208, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (13:12)", "body": "Did you enjoy the bands?"}, {"response": 209, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (13:24)", "body": "yeah, they were great!"}, {"response": 210, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 30, 2003 (20:56)", "body": "Did they play \"Celebration\"? LOL!"}, {"response": 211, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:07)", "body": "Someone mentioned Hm otherwise known as \"Troll\" who managed to knock himself unconscious by falling off the roof (don't ask) in Hilo. I wish it were all over!!! I will get nasty as soon as I have everything I want out of there and he will be the first to go. I am heartily tired of this. Thanks for asking. I tend to bury my head in the sand to forget about it."}, {"response": 212, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (08:46)", "body": "I can totally sympathize, I'm dealing with the rentor from hell also."}, {"response": 213, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (10:02)", "body": "What's his story, Terry?"}, {"response": 214, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 26, 2003 (12:16)", "body": "Her. She's gone on a two year tear that she goes on every two years. Extremely paranoid and delusion, add a dash of mean. But haven't seen her for 3-4 days so it's chilled out. wer is out here working at the Spring today, doing some construction work on another website. All is quiet, calm and peaceful at least for now."}, {"response": 215, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 27, 2003 (17:52)", "body": "You don't need that! Why don't you just give her the boot? Sounds like you and wer are having a good time."}, {"response": 216, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Dec 27, 2003 (19:12)", "body": "Yep. We are. And yep, boot is what we did. But eviction an take up to a couple of months."}, {"response": 217, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Dec 28, 2003 (21:37)", "body": "Ah well, at least you've got the ball rolling. I suppose the \"perfect tenant\" is hard to find anywhere..."}, {"response": 218, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 29, 2003 (12:17)", "body": "In the future, excruciating care will be taken in choosing tenant. Shawn would be our model tenant, Shawn the Viola player."}, {"response": 219, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec 29, 2003 (16:00)", "body": "See, in my book anyone playing an instrument or who owns a dog would be out of the running."}, {"response": 220, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 29, 2003 (17:14)", "body": "Dog agreed. the music was ok. Considering he built out our entire top floor over a year and a half period. Too bad http://symphonysociety.com didn't take off."}, {"response": 221, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 23, 2004 (19:32)", "body": "I'mn dealing with cutting my losses in Hilo and wondering if a PTSD sufferer (major disability) makes a suitable mate..."}, {"response": 222, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (20:59)", "body": "Uh-oh, hope you're not second guessing your decision to leave HI for KY... Hang in there, the transition is bound to be difficult. Get your hands on everything you can read about PTSD, especially how to cope w/someone who lives with it. I bet there are a bunch of resources on this (perhaps all written by veterans' wives). (((Marcia)))"}, {"response": 223, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan 25, 2004 (16:16)", "body": "Louisville's a great place. I think you'll enjoy being there. I don't know about the PISD thing, but I'd start doing some heavy googling to find out."}, {"response": 224, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jan 29, 2004 (11:39)", "body": "Re response 221 Don't know if you've been, or if it will have the information you are looking for, but this looks like the best place to start researching on the web: National Center for PTSD http://www.ncptsd.org/"}, {"response": 225, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jan 29, 2004 (11:44)", "body": "If that doesn't help, you might want to look around in here, when you've got the time. http://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Anxiety/Post_Traumatic_Stress/"}, {"response": 226, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (02:16)", "body": "Thanks, all. Yes, I have done Google as has he. It is not easy, but knowing another who had \"moods\" has helped me immeasurably. We're doing ok, and knowing what to avoid is half the fight. Hugs are good, too. That mental health site is excellent. Thanks for suggesting it. Curious how not just war can do this. One's own family can be just as damaging. Fathers, especially,but I suspect there are mothers out there who can do it too. Louisville is lovely and has the kindest people. I feel very at home here. Hmmm.... has anyone besides me spent the night in Springfield, Tennessee?"}, {"response": 227, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (02:21)", "body": "I'm currently looking for what family memebers/friends can do to help and to avoid pushing the wrong buttons. There are many pitfalls, but I have been mostly lucky. He is also trying very hard. Fatigue is a danger. Separate and go to sleep!"}, {"response": 228, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Feb 18, 2004 (08:22)", "body": "Great, sounds like you're progressing well and turning in to a regular Louvillian."}, {"response": 229, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 22, 2004 (16:53)", "body": "Luavillian is what I am before becoming a Volunteer (orange and white are college colors??!!) for Tennessee. He's worth it."}, {"response": 230, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 2004 (20:40)", "body": "*HUGS* Marcia, PTSD is hard to deal with. i think my father suffers from it many years after V-N. could be where my anxiety stems from. (and mothers can be the central force too). the thing to remember is that everyone reacts to things differently. anyone can suffer from PTSD even if the cause is something most folks find trivial or a \"just get over it\" type of thing. in other words, what affects me one way, may affect you an entirely different way. not sure if \"avoiding\" things helps (it doesn't with anxiety). but there are good meds out there to help while a person gets things sorted out in their own time. and groups are always a good thing."}, {"response": 231, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:44)", "body": "Now if only he would stay away from things that make it worse. He seems unable to do that but I will keep encouraging. I guess I am doing the right things. He said I'd have huge gold medals on each shoulder if they were given for patience... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 167, "subject": "wer - the tantalizing troll", "response_count": 27, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "Tell me about it ! (not sure of the troll, part, though...)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (16:46)", "body": "(you haven't seen my feet...)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (17:09)", "body": "Very little of that nature frightens me - I just may be able to get them fit to hike the lava fields!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (23:34)", "body": "they can hike, that's not the problem...most trolls would be jealous of their hideous good looks..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 1999 (23:36)", "body": "Sounds good to me =)"}, {"response": 6, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Sat, Dec  2, 2006 (18:14)", "body": "Seems as good of a place to post this as any... People on the street seem to think I'm homeless. Perhaps I should work on my appearance."}, {"response": 7, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec 13, 2006 (17:18)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 8, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Mon, Dec 18, 2006 (14:06)", "body": "Or, now that I'm unemployed, perhaps I should work on my sign-making skills before I become homeless..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec 19, 2006 (18:14)", "body": "i'll give ya money if i see you on a street corner *smile* the family might be upset if i took a trip up your way just to see if you're on the streets yet *HUGS*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Wed, Dec 20, 2006 (13:31)", "body": "I understand!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Dec 21, 2006 (17:00)", "body": "how are things today? any luck?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sun, Dec 24, 2006 (11:05)", "body": "Yeah, same question. There are no shortages of restaurants or high tech companies in Austin. Call me and I'll give you some suggestions."}, {"response": 13, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 24, 2006 (19:19)", "body": "Merry Christmas to all my friends here at Spring. I wish you all nothing but the best!! *HUGS*"}, {"response": 14, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Wed, Dec 27, 2006 (10:26)", "body": "Nope, nothing yet. Hitting some places today. We'll see...and A Happy New Year to all!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Fri, Jan 12, 2007 (16:59)", "body": "Still nothing...*sigh*"}, {"response": 16, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sat, Feb 24, 2007 (20:51)", "body": "Yet?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Feb 27, 2007 (20:06)", "body": "yeah, wer, keep us posted....you got folks rooting for you!! (wish i could wave my wand and make it happen)......did we talk about you starting your own diner before?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Sat, Mar  3, 2007 (11:55)", "body": "Well, I have a little part time job, so it will help subsidize my subsidization from Unemployment. That agency is making life extremely difficult for me at the moment..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Mar  4, 2007 (20:06)", "body": "i believe it....."}, {"response": 20, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sat, Mar 17, 2007 (17:40)", "body": "Don't let them push you around. Hey, let's meet up for coffee some time. Twitter me, by http://twitter.com name is springnet."}, {"response": 21, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Mar 20, 2007 (18:46)", "body": "you guys won't believe this but i was in austin this weekend.....i walked all over 6th street too. couldn't believe it but all that was there were rinky dink bars and atm machines. those atms were EVERYWHERE--even in alleys! my girlfriends and i went to the city garage sale/flea market and decided to explore....it was St. Patty's Day and SXSW too (we had lunch at the Spaghetti Warehouse off of 4th)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Wed, Mar 21, 2007 (19:18)", "body": "you should have called...my daughter was sick, so I didn't get to spend the day with her..."}, {"response": 23, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Mar 27, 2007 (18:37)", "body": "i know, i thought about you guys too but didn't have any numbers with me. hope your daughter is feeling better. how are you doing?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Fri, Apr 13, 2007 (22:25)", "body": "Yeah, look us up next time!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Mon, May 21, 2007 (17:53)", "body": "Okay, so I had a little part-time job for awhile, but get this...it closed! ACK! Fortunately, this time the place I was working closed the night before I started my new, full time job. I was hoping to keep both, but I at least have secured full time again. Five months to the day that Tuscany closed, almost. Anyway, I now work for Grapevine Market in Austin. http://www.grapevinemarket.com/"}, {"response": 26, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 22, 2007 (18:45)", "body": "*BIG WOLFIE HUGS*"}, {"response": 27, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sun, May 27, 2007 (16:33)", "body": "Cool, wer. Wine is their thing. I see they have a neat deli menu. I'll have to check out this place, I've been by it. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 168, "subject": "troll the tantalizing wer", "response_count": 14, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 15, 1999 (15:09)", "body": "Hey, sounds good to me...How do we go about it? Or is this another foot discussion? He is pretty awesome to have two sites calling him a troll...I can think of a better term, but that is our secret...!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 15, 1999 (15:24)", "body": "This doesn't have anything to do with Yuletide Carol, does it?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 1999 (23:08)", "body": "nope... first thing you do is tie a big hook to each hand and foot..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 1999 (23:12)", "body": "Are you absolutely sure about this? Sounds like preparation for draw and quartering..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 1999 (12:26)", "body": "...what I have here? Hoh, if that ain't four cutie horsies..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 1999 (14:01)", "body": "Oh no!!!! Must I ride my gallant steed to the rescue again?! (slingling saddle over him as I write)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "Ree", "date": "Thu, Mar 16, 2000 (12:40)", "body": "Wer, get your fat ar$e back here!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 16, 2000 (13:43)", "body": "...something like that...*grin* Aloha, Ree! *hugs*"}, {"response": 9, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May  4, 2001 (00:01)", "body": "Talked to wer, got him hooked up with new pwd and login, he's at Pizza Nizza now, pretty good pizza joint. I'll have to stop by and check this joint out."}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:39)", "body": "I wish I had read this earlier. Thanks, Terry! I hope all of the above still is true. He knows I wish him only the best... =)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (13:12)", "body": "I try to stay in touch every now and then. I see he's got pretty many logins in our stats ( http://www.spring.net/webstats )"}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (14:12)", "body": "Happy me and I find him on occasion loggen into other conferences *grin* I could not access that link. Got the old 404 message"}, {"response": 13, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (16:07)", "body": "Whoops, http://www.spring.net/webtrends"}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (21:12)", "body": "How edifying. I see I am quite chatty...or nosy, or something! Now eat the link so the aliens do not see it and ... *sigh* Thanks, I really appreciate this! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 169, "subject": "<b>Screwed welcomes John Burnett</b>", "response_count": 238, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:01)", "body": "Ohmigod, preserved for posterity. Mummified in cyberspace! There is a God, but what a screwed-up sense of humor she has. Thank you...thank you...thank you"}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:01)", "body": "html does not work in the creation process. hmmm... Welcome, John...how about a few well chosen words for your fans...?!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:02)", "body": "Well, Marcia, there's you...and my Mom, if she is my fan, is not cyber capable"}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:03)", "body": "Man, you're quick! I barely had it created when I posted and you had gotten there ahead of me. Well done! I thought this might be something you would appreciate!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:04)", "body": "a well-placed kiss on your umlaut bedecked feet might be appropriate!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:06)", "body": "There are more...just hang around and watch the latest posts on http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/confifty/food or whatever conference has the least distracting background..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:07)", "body": "Oooh...you say the nicest things...*smile*"}, {"response": 8, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:15)", "body": "Yo, John, congrats! I only got Screwed by a hairy Texan in a dress... Who is one heck of a guy, though... Anyways, you got any fancy dresses around, hmh? Die Sache mit dem Umlaut habe ich nicht ganz verstanden, but then, somethings must be left unexplained, to leave at least some thrill and mystery in our miserable existence, no?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:22)", "body": "That was the same hairy Texan who did me, but I do not recall a dress..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:23)", "body": "I didn't know that someone could bust me for cross-dressing from cyberspace! Mathmaticians would call my knowledge of German language \"the empty set.\" But I did laugh at an aside in the menu in the Nietzsche Deli (home of the Ubersandwich) which proudly proclaimed, \"Gouda is Dead!\""}, {"response": 11, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:48)", "body": "The Millenium Bug (original author unknown--rewritten/edited by John Burnett) T'was the eve of Two Thousand, And all through the nation We awaited The Bug, The Y2K sensation. The chips were replaced In computers with care, In hopes that ol' Bugsy just might not stop there. While some people thought They were snug in their beds There were others with visions Of dread in their heads. My Ma with her PC, And I with my Mac Had just logged on the Net and kicked back with a snack. When over the server, arose such a clatter I called Mister Gates To see what was the matter. But he was away, So I flew like a flash To my bank's ATM To withdraw all my cash. When what with my wondering eyes should I see? My trusty old Mac looking sickly to me. The hack of all hackers Was looking so smug, I knew that he must be The Y2K Bug! His image downloaded in less than a flash, He whistled and shouted, Let all systems crash! Go Intel! Go Gateway! Now HP! Big Blue! Celeron, K6 and Pentium, too! All processors big, and all processors small, Crash away! Crash away! Crash away all! Air traffic control and all airplanes in flight All microwaves, railroads, and all traffic lights. As slowly I inhaled and turned back around, then out through the modem, He came with a bound. He was covered with fur, and slung over his back Was a sack full of viruses, set for attack. His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples--how merry! As midnight approached, though things soon became scary. He had a broad face and a round little belly, And his bag filled with viruses quivered like jelly. He was chubby and plump, and perpetually grinning, and he seemed overjoyed as my hard drive stopped spinning. With a wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, I started to know the true meaning of dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, He changed all the clocks, and then turned with a jerk. With a twitch of his nose, and a quick little wink, all things electronic soon went on the blink. He zoomed from my system, to others online. He caused such disruption, could this be a sign? Then I heard him exclaim, with a loud, hearty scream, \"Happy Y2K all!\" As I woke from my dream."}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:49)", "body": "Translation available: http://www.tu-chemnitz.de/urz/netz/forms/dict.html"}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:52)", "body": "Yours is better, John (the Y2K poem) - the submission was by someone named Michael C. Vinson."}, {"response": 14, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:55)", "body": "Thank you for that Marcia and Mr. Vinson (whoever you are)...I often see parodies with uneven meter and rewrite/edit them before sending them on. I also posted it in \"Poetic Caricatures\""}, {"response": 15, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:51)", "body": "Pretzel Logic Thought it's been baked, it's not still hot. One side is burned, the other not. It's dough is twisted, tied, and turned and for its crunch my taste buds yearned. Some salt on one side was employed, but on the other side, devoid. Oh pretzel, small and golden brown I want a beer to wash you down!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:52)", "body": "That last piece of food related doggerel is original, copyright 1993, John Burnett"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:55)", "body": "You are making me hungry and I have already eaten lunch...I like that one...I really like pretzels...and cold draft Michelob..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:57)", "body": "Oh, and BTW, there is a \ufffd next time you need to mention your copyright..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:00)", "body": "Too lazy to look at the moment...will give myself an HTML crash course when not posting"}, {"response": 20, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:03)", "body": "....but it is in the Character map with the umlaut and \ufffd thingy."}, {"response": 21, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "mahalo"}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:43)", "body": "*smile* ...anytime!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (06:27)", "body": "A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way again, the driver says to the hippie, \"I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.\" The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. \"If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you.\" The hippie decides this is a great idea, so the next Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying so the hippie jumped out from hiding and says, \"I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me.\" The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she can keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes he stands up, rips off the mask and shouts, \"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!\" Then the nun jumps up and shouts, \"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!\""}, {"response": 24, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (06:32)", "body": "Now, I've done it! I think I've offended myself..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (18:54)", "body": "Why do you think I sent it to you rather than posting it?! (from my ex, too!)"}, {"response": 26, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (21:23)", "body": "I'm not aware of getting that joke from you. The e-mail I copied came from another friend. Maybe yours is still waiting for me to be checked. ;) We seem to get a lot of the same stuff from both each other and independent sources, as well."}, {"response": 27, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (21:47)", "body": "Q. What is the toughest golf foursome to play behind? A. Monica Lewinsky, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. Monica is a hooker, OJ is a slicer, Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton doesn't know which hole to play."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (02:39)", "body": "HA-HA!!!!! That nun joke is BRILLIANT, John! And, in Afrikaans we have a saying when something that we use when something is very funny - I shall use it here: \ufffdlaughing like a nun on a carrot truck\ufffd"}, {"response": 29, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (03:21)", "body": "John looked fabulous tonight. It was such fun talking to a real live guy for a change. Happpy Marcia *grin*"}, {"response": 30, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (03:34)", "body": "Thanks, Marcia...as always, I appreciate your support!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (03:40)", "body": "The nun on the carrot truck is a funny line. I've always wondered about nuns and produce!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (07:19)", "body": "ha-ha! Yeah! MARCIA, DETAILS PLEASE!!!!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (09:20)", "body": "I'll give you honest details. I'm still, as you put it \"a bear.\" Am still over 300 pounds. But a slowly shrinking one. If you need independent confirmation, I'm sure Marcia (who has always been wonderful to me no matter how I've looked) can talk to you in INNER where she can say whatever she wants without me seeing it."}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (00:06)", "body": "His outsides are getting very distingusihed-looking. His neat beard is greying nicely, and his blue eyes still sparkle with great humor. But what I have always appreciated was the man inside. He has always been the Southern Gentleman, except for the time he implied that the only ladies who appreciated him were either old enough to be his mother (hush your mouth, John!) or already married...or some such line... He sells himself short on occasion, but when he has whipped himself into shape, he is gonna e one Hell of a Great looking guy - as well as a truly nice guy to know with an intellect and sense of humor which does not quit. He is very special, indeed!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (00:10)", "body": "Oh, John, BTW, I would have given some serious part of my life to have been able to sit with you and Alton at last night's game. Two of my favorite real-life brains and me in the back/middle/front - wherever - would have been such fun. Alas, my O'O (Obsessive Other) would not tolerate that for a second and there would have been a terrible scene...*sigh*...and all we would have done is to talk...! And, not even dirty or suggestive or anything O'O could not have heard."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:16)", "body": "It's the gentleman, intelligent, funny, suggestive and dirty bit I was interested in! John, honestly, you should not be so over-concerned with the way you look. The whole bother of appearance; I just don't understand it. I mean, whether people weigh 300 pounds or 200 or 100, whether they're pretty or ugly or tall or short - it won't last either way. People grow old and die. Even Tom Cruise - who, as I said is pretty uncool."}, {"response": 37, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:24)", "body": "Hear! hear! ...and John is very cool, IMHO *smile* and I can eyeball him and listen to his dulcet tones live and in person. I am a happy person, but he will not be at the games tomorrow - he has radio show till noon our time then has to chaperone a dance in the evening, which does not explain why he cannot come to the Civic and entertain me - O'O will be absent all day working on another guy's house..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (03:16)", "body": "I might show up for a short time in the afternoon. But also need to grade papers and take a nap. Here is a classic, timeless piece of wisdom that may deserve a better forum than \"Screwed.\" But this allegedly is MY forum, so I post this as proudly as I post the poems of e.e. cummings and W.B. Yeats and more proudly than my own. The Invitation By Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Native American Elder It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from God's presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, \"Yes!\" It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me to know who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."}, {"response": 39, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (03:18)", "body": "Even if I never meet my S'O, I can be alone with myself as I have for nearly a decade, and even if I talk to myself, I know someone intelligent is listening!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (05:24)", "body": "Remember the song \"Diana\" by Paul Anka? Earlier this year, I wrote some new lyrics for it and recorded it. It became kind of a cult item locally when I played it on the radio--even though my boss hated it and told me to cease and desist after a couple of weeks. I still get requests. Here are the lyrics. Viagra (tune \"Diana\" by Paul Anka, lyrics by John Burnett (STANZA I) When I'm down and want some love, there's an angel from above Just ten dollars, a blue pill, and it gives me such a thrill... Pretty soon I'm feelin' up, makes me frisky like a pup Oh, please, stay with me, Viagra (STANZA II) Some who've tried it, they have died, but their joy they could not hide and the smile upon their face, undertakers could not erase And their caskets could not close, rigor mortis had arose Oh, Please stay with me Viagra CHORUS Oh, Viagra, it's for sure You're the miracle impotence cure You make me feel so secure Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh REPEAT STANZA I (repeat final line three times and fade)... lyrics, copyright 1999 John Burnett"}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (05:34)", "body": "Ha--ha!!! The other one was really nice though..."}, {"response": 42, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (06:00)", "body": "Yes, really, it's too beautiful for \"Screwed.\" Maybe it should be in another conference like \"Made Love with Words...\""}, {"response": 43, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (06:30)", "body": "Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as squawks, recently submitted by Quantas Pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilots squawks. (P = The problem logged by the pilot; S = The solution and action taken by the maintenance engineers) P - Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S - Almost replaced left inside main tire. P - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P - #2 propeller seeping fluid. S- #2 propeller seepage normal - #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage. P - Something loose in cockpit. S - Something tightened in cockpit. P - Dead bugs on windshield. S - Live bugs on order. P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S - Evidence removed. P - DME volume unbelievably loud. S - Volume set to more believable level. P - Friction locks cause throttles to stick. S - That's what they're there for. P - IFF inoperative. S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P - Number 3 engine missing. S - Engine found on right wing after brief search. P - Aircraft handles funny. S - Aircraft warned to \"Straighten Up, Fly Right, and Be Serious.\" P - Target radar hums. S - Reprogrammed target radar with words."}, {"response": 44, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (06:36)", "body": "As an experiment, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are placed in separate rooms and left with a can of food, but no can opener. A day later, the rooms are opened, one-by-one. In the first room, the engineer is snoring, with a battered, opened and emptied can. When asked, he explains that when he got hungry, he beat the can to its failure point. In the second room, the physicist is seen mouthing equations, with a can popped open beside him. When asked, he explains that when he got hungry, he examined the stress points of the can, applied pressure, and \"pop!\" In the third room, the mathematician is found sweating, and mumbling to himself, \"Assume the can is open, assume the can is open...\""}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (16:07)", "body": "ha-ha!!! Great stuff! Where do you get it all??"}, {"response": 46, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (17:43)", "body": "Maybe a tenth of my stuff is original. I've also got about a half-dozen e-mail correspondents, including Marcia. Some are fellow radio people and some are writers themselves. Stragely enough, no fellow teachers--except for Marcia's ex (who sometimes e-mails me directly, but I usually get his stuff through her). Many of my teaching colleagues consider my humor obsession frivolous, but I do keep my classes entertained generally, as well as informed. Thanks for looking, posting, and asking, Ree!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (00:05)", "body": "John! You're kidding...Frank sometimes emails you?! How neat!!! BTW, I saw John this afternoon at the tournament and we talked a little while during which I discovered that when he was in the Navy he was a radio technician who was also a person who parachuted out of perfectly ok planes. (I would imagine it was to set up a base camp complete with communications behind enemy lines or wherever ordered) Tell us about it, John!!!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (04:53)", "body": "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you... A. I like you too much and B. Killing is not my basic nature!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (08:39)", "body": "Oh, damn! That would've been interesting. Especially if you did it with bare hands ..."}, {"response": 50, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (09:39)", "body": "That's \"bear\" hands. So, technically, they would be paws."}, {"response": 51, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (10:54)", "body": "Riette, would that be the worst case you would like to watch somebody die...? I thought we had this settled...;-)"}, {"response": 52, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (13:44)", "body": "ha-ha! Under bear hands? No, that one sounds rather pleasant to me. I think I'd go for something like Medea when she poisoned old Jason's lover. 'There followed the most horrible sight I have ever seen. Her complexion changed, she staggered to and fro, she tried desperately to run, her limbs were trembling like leaves when the year is failing, and finally managed to sink into her chair.' And then: '...foam furious on her lips, the pupils of her eyes rolled up, and every drop of blood abandoning her skin. From the circlet of beaten gold upon her head there flowed a pure consuming fire while the incomparably beautiful robes, the gifts of your innocent children, began, with slow, efficient savagery, to eat her immaculate white flesh.' It is stunning to hear on stage; my all-time favourite play. Medea is my heroine."}, {"response": 53, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (23:08)", "body": "As cool as I think Greek drama is, I wonder if this doesn't belong in \"What is the worst way you'd like to see someone die...\""}, {"response": 54, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (00:00)", "body": "Speaking of death: FELIX THE FLYING FROG, a Parable About Modern Management. Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich. \"Felix!\" he said one day, hit by sudden inspiration, \"We're going to be rich! I will teach you to fly!\" Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect. \"I can't fly, you twit! I'm a frog, not a canary!\" Clarence, disappointed at the initial response, told Felix: \"That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem. I'm sending you to class.\" So Felix went to a three-day course and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication - but nothing about flying. On the first day of the \"flying lessons,\" Clarence could barely control his excitement (and Felix could barely control his bladder). Clarence explained that their apartment building had 15 floors, and each day Felix would jump out of a window, starting with the first floor and eventually getting to the top floor. After each jump, Felix would analyze how well he flew, isolate the most effective flying techniques, and implement the improved process for the next flight. By the time they reached the top floor, Felix would surely be able to fly. Felix pleaded for his life, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. \"He just doesn't understand how important this is,\" thought Clarence. \"He can't see the big picture.\" So, with that, Clarence opened the window and threw Felix out. He landed with a thud. The next day, poised for his second flying lesson, Felix again begged not to be thrown out of the window. Clarence opened his pocket guide to \"Managing More Effectively,\" and showed Felix the part about how one must always expect resistance when introducing new, innovative programs. With that, he threw Felix out the window-THUD! On the third day (at the third floor), Felix tried a different ploy: stalling. He asked for a delay in the \"project\" until better weather would make flying conditions more favorable. But Clarence was ready for him: He produced a timeline and pointed to the third Milestone and asked. \"You don't want to slip up the schedule, do you?\" From his training, Felix knew that not jumping today would only mean that he would have to jump TWICE tomorrow. So he just muttered, \"OK, yee-ha, let's go.\" And out the window he went. Now this is not to say that Felix wasn't trying his best. On the fifth day he flapped his legs madly in a vain attempt at flying. On the sixth day, he tied a small red cape around his neck and tried to think \"Superman\" thoughts. It didn't help. By the seventh day, Felix, accepting his fate, no longer begged for mercy. He simply looked at Clarence and said, \"You know you're killing me, don't you?\" Clarence pointed out that Felix's performance so far had been less than exemplary, failing to meet any of the milestone goals he had set for him. With that, Felix said quietly, \"Shut up and open the window,\" and he leaped out, taking careful aim at the large jagged rock by the corner of the building. Felix went to that great lily pad in the sky. Clarence was extremely upset, as his project had failed to fly, he hadn't even learned to steer his fall as he dropped like a sack of cement, nor had he heeded Clarence's advice to \"Fall smarter, not harder.\" The only thing left for Clarence to do was to analyze the process and try to determine where it had gone wrong. After much thought, Clarence smiled and said, \"Next time, I'm getting a smarter frog!\""}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (01:23)", "body": "WHAAA!!!! I'm SORRY, John!!! I must've gotten the topics mixed up! God, what a horrible thing to have in your topic. Fergive me, I'll do ANYTHING to make it up! Except sell my virginity..."}, {"response": 56, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (01:31)", "body": "It's okay...I love Medea , too."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (05:22)", "body": "OH, that's great! Shall I post the bit where she slays her children now?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (09:05)", "body": "I guess this IS SCREWED , isn't it?"}, {"response": 59, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (11:13)", "body": "At least she does not feed them to her husband...read Coriolanus for a really nasty dinner scene."}, {"response": 60, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (11:16)", "body": "Oh...and there is no man on Earth worth the life of my \"child\"...not even close! I never quite understood that except as some sort of madness...(of which Greek tragedies are full.)"}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (11:25)", "body": "No, no, it WASN'T madness, you see. See, Jason, through her betrayal of Medea, forfeited the 'right' to be the hero of the play - right? So, Euripides, enlightened soul that he was, sort of switched their roles; Medea was the real hero. And as a hero she took on certain qualities traditionally associated with being male. Had she been male and the hero, killing her enemy's children, thereby destroying his household, would have been the most logical way to punish him. IS there anything cooler than hat?? I bet all those guys attending the theatre the first time the play was performed sat there all smug and sure of their place in society as breadwinners and defenders of their country, until Medea cried out, 'I'd rather stand in the front line three times than give birth to one child!' She is the ultimate heroine, and when I grow up I want to be her."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (11:25)", "body": "No, no, it WASN'T madness, you see. See, Jason, through his betrayal of Medea, forfeited the 'right' to be the hero of the play - right? So, Euripides, enlightened soul that he was, sort of switched their roles; Medea was the real hero. And as a hero she took on certain qualities traditionally associated with being male. Had she been male and the hero, killing her enemy's children, thereby destroying his household, would have been the most logical way to punish him. IS there anything cooler than hat?? I bet all those guys attending the theatre the first time the play was performed sat there all smug and sure of their place in society as breadwinners and defenders of their country, until Medea cried out, 'I'd rather stand in the front line three times than give birth to one child!' She is the ultimate heroine, and when I grow up I want to be her."}, {"response": 63, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (11:49)", "body": "Enlightenment! You are right, of course. The fall of the house of Atreus was a many-fold tragedy, and I would also liked to have been in the audience to watch the smug men. It makes me wonder about the man who wrote it...but, that is why it is still relevant and stuff written today will be forgotten tomorrow!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (12:28)", "body": "Wow...feminist historical and tragedic discourse...although I'm impressed, I probably should bow out completely, being male and all. Except to say that Coriolanus was not some of Shakespeare's better work, madness or no madness. That's why Hamlet is still performed and filmed extensively, and Coriolanus, except for a few Shakespeare festivals, is basically consigned to academic study by those who need to get a life (which, of course, included me, as an English major)."}, {"response": 65, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "It was good enough for Olivier to keep it in rep when he was at Old Vic... But, you are correct. It is not a great play and it is not a good evening at the theater with which you leave having experienced catharsis or enlightenment."}, {"response": 66, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (23:09)", "body": "Olivier could read a laundry list and make it dramatic. So can Kenneth Branagh, Patrick Stewart or James Earl Jones. I'd pay to see them in anything, Coriolanus included! ;)"}, {"response": 67, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (23:46)", "body": "Absolutely! And there is a large contingent of hightly intelligent ladies who would add Colin Firth to that list. I shall not commit myself on this issue, however."}, {"response": 68, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (00:10)", "body": "Your views of the issue of CF are already well known by Springeurs!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (00:29)", "body": "Moonshadow Medicine A Mellow Monday Morning Memo for a Lazy Labor Day Weekend Ray Bard is the owner of Bard Press, widely considered to be the most prestigious publisher of business books in America. Like you and me, Ray Bard lives a frantic, hurly-burly life with far too much to do each day and too little time to do it. Recently, Ray clicked my e-mail address by mistake and I was accidentally treated to a rare insight into the mind of this most elite and powerful of publishers. My only question is \"Who is Maria?\" Maria, Back today and swamped.... Sorry to be so long getting back to you. On Tuesday I woke up and asked myself, \"Do I have to go to work today?\"...the answer was \"no.\" Ate a quick bite of breakfast, pointed my auto west. One advantage of living on the eastern edge of the Texas Hill Country is that when you head west, you're almost immediately in \"The West,\" and can feel the spirit of the space. There is an old used bookstore about 200 miles away in a town called San Angelo, where stacks and stacks of books from one doorway to another lead to little, crowded rooms packed with tomes from the past. Those books were calling me. The Texas Hill Country is full of rolling hills, live oaks, cedars, rocks of all sizes and lots of livestock, with the occasional human here and there. Most towns have seen their day...shriveling in the hot sun...peeling paint on the houses, some vacant, some not. I stop for gas in tiny Eden, which has a new penal facility -- Texas is big on locking up folks who used nasty drugs and do other things that offend sensible people -- then pass through booming Brady, pop. 5,946, which is getting ready for its annual World Championship Goat BBQ contest on Labor Day weekend. As I get closer to San Angelo, the Hill Country begins to turn into farm country...long rows of cotton, all green and alive, as far as the eye can see on this flatland fed with water gushing forth fro hundreds of feet below the surface. Soon arrived at my old haunt. Talked awhile about the Wild West with the bookstore owner, then asked him where I could find the best chicken-fried steak in town. He directed me to the Dunbar Cafe. Sure enough, a sweet, red haired beauty wearing blue jeans and a big smile brought me two huge slabs of breaded beef with lots of gravy on the side. At the end I was \"plumb full,\" but was somehow able to manage a slice of their homemade coconut cream pie. One of the things that wandering off like this does is to let me see how the rest of the world lives. How that cordial waitress treats everyone like we are really being served. An old couple, barely able to walk, joins the bustle of the place, looking for their usual table. My red-haired angel of country Epicurean delights treats them really special, making sure their every need is catered to...their wish is her command. The sun is still up and I'm hankering for the wide-open spaces again, so I head south to see how far I can make it before it's time to pull over for the evening. Local travelers in pickup trucks, old beat-up autos from Detroit (not many foreign cars out here), and clean Cadillacs wave a greeting as they approach. Usually just a forefinger raised off the steering wheel or some other small signal that says \"howdy.\" An important protocol of the road out West. I'm about out of gas (me, not my auto) by the time I hit the city limits of El Dorado (pop. 2,019). The Shaw Motel (only one in town) has a Vacancy sign lit so I pull in. The squeaky screen door to the office leads me to a small registration window that has an old-fashioned ringer on the side. I push the white button and it goes zzz...zzz? A little white-haired lady, no more than four feet tall and at least eighty years old appears and gently offers me her evening greeting. I, in my best West Texas m nner, offer her the same and inquire about the cost of lodging at her fine place. She replies \"Twenty-five dollars and forty-nine cents\". I say, \"Mighty fine,\" and fish my money clip out of my pocket (people out here are partial to cash). She offers a receipt, which I decline. As I head out the door, key in hand, she tells me to be sure to let her know if there's anything that I need. I tell her thanks, but that I'm pretty sure I've found what I needed. Ray Bard"}, {"response": 70, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (01:58)", "body": "BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES: CLINTON VIRUS Gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory. VIAGRA VIRUS Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. LEWINSKY VIRUS Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did. RONALD REAGAN VIRUS Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. MIKE TYSON VIRUS Quits after two bytes. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB. DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS Deletes all old files. ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS Disks can no longer be inserted. TITANIC VIRUS (A strain of the Lewinsky Virus) Your whole computer goes down (but I think \"we go on\"). DISNEY VIRUS Everything in your computer goes Goofy :). PROZAC VIRUS Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS Only attacks minor files. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAAACK. LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS Re-formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows."}, {"response": 71, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (02:51)", "body": "Shop early for Christmas:"}, {"response": 72, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (05:07)", "body": "Yet another sign that the apocalypse is upon us!: The World Wrestling Federation has a new theme restaurant opening up in New York City... The Top 12 Menu Items at the WWF Theme Restaurant [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ] 12. Fried Potatoes Slivers that Would Be French Fries if the French Weren't Such Wusses 11. Masked Potatoes 10. Hulk Hoagie 9. Chili Con Carnage 8. Turnbuckleberry Pie a la Moan 7. Omelet made with Egg Substitute and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, served with a Side of Meatless Soy Protein Sausages 6. Sham Pain 5. Veal Creatine 4. Raging Roidberry Milkshakes 3. In Your Open-Face Pork Butt Sandwich 2. \"Definitely Not Fake!\" Crab Salad and Topfive.com's Number 1 Menu Item at the WWF Theme Restaurant... Jesse \"The Vegetable\" Tempura"}, {"response": 73, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (05:20)", "body": "I got this one (and the one about viruses) from a fellow Springeur who liked them but thought them inappropriate for her site (guess who!) Mahalo (thanks!) A fellow enters a confessional. \"Father, he said, \"forgive me for I have sinned.\" The priest asked, \"What did you do, my son?\" \"I lusted,\" the fellow replied. \"Tell me about it,\" the priest said. The fellow then related his story. \"Father, I am a delivery man for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in.\" \"And, what did you do, my son?\" asked the priest. \"Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I lusted,\" replied the man. \"Your sin has been forgiven,\" replied the priest. \"You will get your reward in heaven, my son.\" \"A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?\" the fellow asked. The priest replied, \"I think a bale of hay would be appropriate, you jackass.\""}, {"response": 74, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (10:29)", "body": "LOL LOL LOL!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (15:15)", "body": "Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, \"I'm Stupid\". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, \"Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign.\" Before my wife and I moved from Texas to California our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, \"Hey, you moving?\" \"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.\" A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, \"Hey, y'all catch all them fish?\" \"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.\" I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. \"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite ou.\" \"Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it.\" Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into a roadside gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, \"Tire go flat?\" I couldn't resist. I said, \"Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.\" We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, \"Darn, that's hot!\" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him."}, {"response": 76, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (13:34)", "body": "The Top 11 Signs Someone's Been Using Your Hotmail Account [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ] 11. \"Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?\" 10. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you. 9. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly. 8. When you log on, your computer says \"You've got lawsuits!\" 7. Your inbox is filled with porno and you're not a porno kind of person. 6. You're suddenly getting more SPAM than the Hormel outlet store. 5. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change. 4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week. 3. Terse \"Knock it off, Oedipus\" email from your Mom. 2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Someone's Been Using Your Hotmail Account... \"The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately.\""}, {"response": 77, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (13:59)", "body": "ha-ha!!! You're a disturbed person, aren't you?"}, {"response": 78, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (14:04)", "body": "Yes...I can't distinguish auburn from carrot. At least I can't if I know it will get a rise out of you! *SMILE. You're on CANDID CURSOR*"}, {"response": 79, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (17:16)", "body": "Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve: 10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him. 7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone! And the number ONE reason that God created Eve: When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, \"I can do better than THAT!\""}, {"response": 80, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (17:37)", "body": "A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, \"Ribbit, 9 Iron.\" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, \"Ribbit 9 Iron.\" He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, \"Wow, that's amazing! You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, \"Ribbit. Lucky frog.\" The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. \"What do you think, frog?,\" the man asks. \"Ribbit, 3 wood.\" The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of his life and asks the frog, \"OK where to next?\" The frog replies, \"Ribbit. Las Vegas.\" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, \"OK frog, now what?\" The frog says, \"Ribbit, Roulette.\" Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, \"What do you think I should bet?\" The frog replies, \"Ribbit, $3000, black 6.\" Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, \"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.\" The frog replies, \"Ribbit, Kiss Me.\" The man figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. \"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton!\""}, {"response": 81, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better. I'd really like for them to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would. My cherished grandson, I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. I hope you have a job by then. It will be good if at least one time you can see a baby calf born and your old dog put to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him. When you want to see a Disney movie and your little brother wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him. I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have to catch a ride I hope your driver doesn't have to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use those newfangled computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head. I hope you get razzed by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like. May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn you hand on stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole. I hope you get sick when someone blows cigar smoke in your face. I don't care if you try beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend. I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa and go fishing with your uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and the joy of holidays. I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window and that she hugs you nd kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster of Paris mold of your hand. These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. Written with a pen by your Grandfather, Paul Harvey...Good Day!"}, {"response": 82, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a \"barrier method\" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is \"early.\" Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all- knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and ear y, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine."}, {"response": 83, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (21:16)", "body": "If George W. Bush is elected, Clinton will achieve his proper place in history as the president who was sandwiched between two Bushes!"}, {"response": 84, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (21:17)", "body": "closing my own damn HTML tag, sorry ar$e that I am!"}, {"response": 85, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (00:54)", "body": "An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He also had black makeup around his eyes. The old man couldn't help but stare at him. Finally, the boy said, \"What's the matter old man--didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?\" \"Well, yes I have,\" the old man answered. \"I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.\""}, {"response": 86, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (06:40)", "body": "This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. \"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse. I'm sending him over.\" The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. \"A female horth,\" the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. \"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?\" The owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. \"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyeth?\" Again, the owner picks up the midget and shows him the eyes. \"Ok, what about the earth?\" By now the owner is getting a bit irritated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears. \"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat.\" With that, the owner roughly picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, \"perhapth I should rephrath. I'd like to thee her run!\""}, {"response": 87, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (12:09)", "body": "Ooooh, John...funny!!!"}, {"response": 88, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (16:42)", "body": "I thought tho."}, {"response": 89, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (17:10)", "body": "hmmmmmmm...never noticed his speach impediment before. Must have been due to a surfeit of watching horses twat...*lol*"}, {"response": 90, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (17:11)", "body": "...speech, either..."}, {"response": 91, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (18:36)", "body": "remember \"peech impediment\"?"}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (18:44)", "body": "Indeed, I did...just as my copy was disappearing into permanent immortality, *lol* How could I forget?! (If we go to that game tonight, the Alums never buy anything, there is nothing to sell except tournament left-overs. Someone dropped the ball...and it was not this volunteer. I just may have to watch the game!)"}, {"response": 93, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (18:46)", "body": "Big Daddy B.T.?"}, {"response": 94, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (18:49)", "body": "None other than...! Wait till you see where the NAIA banners are. They were taken down and cleaned then rehung by BD-BT and guess who. Neither of them is a light-weight (huge understatement) and they were climbimg little ladders up to the roof rafters. Some day...!"}, {"response": 95, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (19:03)", "body": "Scary."}, {"response": 96, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (19:45)", "body": "..and watching it happen was not fun, either. Sadly, BT was in worse shape than O'O who thinks he is still 15 yrs old (I'm not going to tell him he's not...not when he performs like one !) Think of the dent in that already-warped maple floor they would have left!"}, {"response": 97, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (21:04)", "body": "O'O looked like he had lost some weight and looked pretty darn solid to me last time I saw him, and if he performs like a 15-year-old, lucky you (who needs Viagra???)"}, {"response": 98, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (21:08)", "body": "Indeed! Considering the capricious nature of my recent past I think I shall tend the home fires lest they extinguish themselves. Now, if he would only let me have a friend or two... We do not get ESPN2 here, do we? I am listening to the UT - Rutgers game on Broadcast.com (half time and it has been all UT 28-6)"}, {"response": 99, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (21:21)", "body": "If I keep repeating what I wrote up there on 98 perhaps it will become fact, or at least I will be able to delude myself into believing it. I told someone he was a poet in bed...Edgar Allen Poe...! After this many years he keeps loving me; there is definitely something to be said for that!"}, {"response": 100, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (21:22)", "body": "Off to grab something to eat then to the UHH gym. See you later!"}, {"response": 101, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (21:23)", "body": "Shakespeare said \"perception is more important than reality.\""}, {"response": 102, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (10:33)", "body": "This is true, and I shall remember that. You missed a good Volleyball match last night. Per usual, the alumnae took it to 5 sets, but the varsity team won in the end. Actually, lots of people missed it. It was to benefit the Booster club but none of the Board members were there. Interesting...!"}, {"response": 103, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (15:12)", "body": "I fell asleep watching the Rainbows...woke up at the beginning of the fourth quarter. The paper this morning said that the alumnae won the match."}, {"response": 104, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (15:41)", "body": "I put it on College Football for you. How did Texas do yesterday - 'snot in our paper this morning."}, {"response": 105, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (15:45)", "body": "You are right, the Alumnae won 8-15, 51-3, 15-7, 1-15, 15-3. And I guess I put it in the above post. Wait'll the ladies in Drool hear that our cheerleading captain looks just like Colin Firth! Softball practice begins on the 25th. Good stuff, Softball!"}, {"response": 106, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (23:18)", "body": "With all of the sharp minds and senses of humor of differing sorts, why is there no Monty Python topic in TV? I cannot believe it has passed them by !"}, {"response": 107, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 1999 (23:27)", "body": "They haven't done a show (except an anniversary show) in over 20 years and time passes everyone by. You can argue that time has not passed by Shakespeare, but it has. In his day, he was the playwright to the masses--everyone from the street vendor to Queen Elizabeth I. Now, Shakespeare is considered stuffy and intellectual, definitely not the stuff of the great unwashed."}, {"response": 108, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:16)", "body": "...but...but...but Rocky and Bullwinkle are still popular....! Yes, I know...they are shown regularly, but would it not have been a splendid topic for Spring?! Re Shakespeare, after last year's Shakespeare in Love and all that, he is as popular as ever!"}, {"response": 109, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:18)", "body": "I don't buy that. Try teaching it to high school kids who can barely speak English."}, {"response": 110, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:23)", "body": "I got my first taste of it in school in Jr High school. But we had sizeable vocabularies and knew instinctively whether a sentence had the correct grammar or not. What happened?! (My first volume of Unabridged Shakespeare I asked for and received for my 14th Birthday. Still have it!)"}, {"response": 111, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:35)", "body": "I have mine as well. Now to sell it to the majority of these MTV mind-numbed, self-esteemed dumbed-down teens, you have to put Leo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, and John Leguizamo in it. Then you have to set it in a modern urban setting and use 9 mm pistols instead of swords. As for Shakespeare in Love, it was a critical success and a success with audiences 35+. Only the truly elite of the next generation will hjave any working knowledge of the Bard at all. When we go to it in class, a collective groan goe up. I'm trying to work something out with Jackie Johnson to get her acting students to portray scenes and answer questions for my classes. My kids don't have the verbal, reading, or acting skills to make it come to life in class and no matter how much I love it, I can't put on an hour and a half show all by myself. It's fairly easy to teach it to the GTs and the Honors classes. But the regular \"heterogeneously grouped\" humanities classes, 90 percent of which are convinced they are going to college an are college material...it's tough to reach all but the top few. I hate the way we English teachers try to teach it, almost as a foreign language, but unless I get help from drama instructors and actors, I don't have a better idea. I'm open to suggestions. At this point, I think you're the only one besides me who reads this \"conference.\""}, {"response": 112, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:46)", "body": "..it is worse than I though. Thanks for taking the time to write out a well reasoned answer to my comments. Yours and Jackie's colaboration sounds just like what is needed. Unfortunately, the kids on this Island do not hear standard English in the home, and we are turning out more and more teachers who have never heard it or used it. Either we are heading for 3rd world status, or there has to be some huge upheaval in the educational system. What will be your major emphasis in your Doctoral program?.. and what is now, in your Masters?"}, {"response": 113, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (00:50)", "body": "It is the weekend, John. With the work week the readers and posters will come back. Hunt out where Stacey is posting and pose the question to her. She taught Special Ed, but she quit and went into commerce. She is a good thinker with small mind development at heart. She would give you good suggestions, if there, indeed, are any to be had."}, {"response": 114, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (03:29)", "body": "My masters is curriculum instruction. Basically worthless, but the only thing available to me without quitting my job and leaving Hilo. Now Manoa is offering a masters in administration here. Thanks, ---holes. Right when I finish this useful degree, which will get me a small raise, but not a promotion. There's still too damn much build up their self-esteem b.s. in the TECS (Teacher Education and Curriculum Studies) masters, and not enough real instructional improvement training. With the economic ecovery hitting every state but Hawaii and our liberal lack of leadership here and entitlement mentality among those who have been receiving welfare or who have been displaced by the sugar daddy plantation, I don't have a lot of hope for this state. Once our best and brightest leave after high school to go to college, they're out of here. We have nothing to bring them back to. O'O may have chased off your son, but in reality, he probably unintentionally did the young man a favor."}, {"response": 115, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (03:33)", "body": "As for a doctorate, I'm 30 grand in debt already. Despite being a good candidate for a doctoral degree, it's not going to happen anytime soon."}, {"response": 116, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (12:13)", "body": "You can always continue at your pace later. Doctorates may be accomplished at any time in life. You are right about David and leaving Hilo. He worked in Honolulu in his field, but it was a fairly lonely existance and they paid him minimum wages for his efforts. He needed to get away, and that is the sorry fact. There is nothing that I can foresee that a continuing downward spiral in both education and in the economy. We refuse to enable new clean insustry to develop, but when they manage to, the also impost their own best and brightest. Hawaii - at least this island - is a dead-end street!"}, {"response": 117, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (20:43)", "body": "Ain't it a shame? At least we two older intellects are still here...and there are some first rate minds like Alton's still at the university, even though they were stupid in what they did to Alan McNarie. Speaking of universities: In a public restroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows. He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, \"I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.\" The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, \"I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.\" The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, \"I graduated from the University of Texas--and they taught us not to piss on our hands.\""}, {"response": 118, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 1999 (23:33)", "body": "The Lord spoke to Noah and said, \"In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark.\" And,in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for the ark. \"OK,\" Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blue prints, \"I'm your man.\" Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark. \"Noah!\" shouted the Lord, \"Where is My ark?\" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah. \"Lord, please forgive me!\" begged Noah. \"I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system. My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board. Then, I h d a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the US Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls. Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind. Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark ithout filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunitiy Employment Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a n tice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years.\" With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. \"You mean you are not going to destroy the world?\" he asked hopefully. \"No,\" said the Lord. \"The government already has.\""}, {"response": 119, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (04:07)", "body": "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out? Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Indecision is the key to flexibility. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. If it ain't broke, fix it till it is. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. I am a nutritional overachiever. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. I am having an out of money experience. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. Practice safe eating-always use condiments. A day without sunshine is like night. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though. Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Age doesn't always bring wisdom, Sometimes age comes alone. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing."}, {"response": 120, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:06)", "body": "NEWS FLASH! Scientists at MIT (Mammary Institute of Technology) have discovered a new force, quite possibly the most powerful yet. Researchers have dubbed this new force ``breast gravity.'' It is the nearly irresistible force that draws men's eyes down to women's breasts. ``The idea came to me out of the blue,'' says team leader Frank Leerer. ``I was walking along the beach with a colleague of mine, and we saw a woman in a string bikini. `Check out the globes on her!' he said. That's when the idea hit me like a brick house.'' Theorists have been working around the clock to explain the biophysical mechanism behind the phenomenom. It is believed that like the other fundamental forces of the universe, breast gravity is mediated by an elementary particle. MIT scientists have named this theoretical particle the ``boobon.'' Many aspects of the new force have now been determined empirically. It is known that breast gravity grows exponentially with breast size. Also, experimentalists think that many materials must absorb boobons, because layers of clothing can significantly decrease the force. (A large parka can sometimes nullify the effect completely.) Still, there are mysteries yet to be solved. For example, why are almost all men's eyes affected, but only a small fraction of women's? How can it be that the force is transmitted even through televised and printed images of breasts? Scientists everywhere are looking into it."}, {"response": 121, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:11)", "body": "A young lad's father picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. The boy enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. \"I play a man who's been married for twenty years.\" Upon hearing this, the father replied, \"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part.\""}, {"response": 122, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "A young man walks into a drug store and asks the cashier for some condoms. The cashier says \"Got a good one?\" \"Yup, hot date tonight! This one's pretty much in the bag. She's sexy and givin' it up tonight!\" the man replies. A little while later the man goes to his girlfriend's house and they sit down to eat dinner with her parents. They ask him to say grace. So he starts saying grace quickly and nervously. He prays and prays and prays some more. The girl looks over to the young man and says to him \"I didn't know that you were so religious!\" The young man stutters, \"I didn't know your father worked at a drugstore!\""}, {"response": 123, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:28)", "body": "The teacher had given the class an assignment. She stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except your own death (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up, \"What about extreme sexual exhaustion, Miss?\" Without missing a beat the teacher replies, \"Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand.\""}, {"response": 124, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (13:37)", "body": "At Hebrew School, the Rabbi finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. \"Rabbi?\" asked little Melvin \"there's something I need to know.\" \"What's that, my child?\" asked the Rabbi. \"Well, according to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?\" \"Right.\" \"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?\" \"Uh ... right.\" \"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?\" \"Again you are correct.\" \"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?\" \"All that is correct,\" agreed the Rabbi. \"So what's your question?\" \"What I want to know is this,\" demanded Melvin. \"What were all the grown-ups doing?\""}, {"response": 125, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:31)", "body": "I always wondered about that , too...where were the Grown-ups of Israel?!"}, {"response": 126, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:36)", "body": "working in a kosher deli?"}, {"response": 127, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (16:37)", "body": "wrong html tag opened, closed"}, {"response": 128, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 1999 (03:11)", "body": "Okay, here's my new Jewish jokes. What does the perfect jewish home look like? It has 10 rooms, no bathroom, no kitchen. And, why do jewish women have gold plaited diaphrams? They like their men to come into money! ha-ha! I heard that at the synagogue!!! Sick stuff!"}, {"response": 129, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 1999 (06:09)", "body": "Sick, maybe. Funny, yes!"}, {"response": 130, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 1999 (02:19)", "body": "My Scariest Things (with apologies to Oscar Hammerstein) Copyright 1999, John Burnett Hissing pit vipers and nasty puff adders Cobras that blow their face up like air bladders beautiful coral snakes with colored rings These are a few of my scariest things Venomous rattlesnakes ground up for chili When beef's available, this seems so silly There's the black mamba that kills when it stings These are a few of my scariest things When the snake bites Neurotoxins Spin around my head If there's an antidote Give me it, please! And then I won't feel So dead!"}, {"response": 131, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 1999 (07:47)", "body": "The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners: * Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. * Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. * Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high up on walls. * Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. * Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it. * Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. * Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. * Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. * Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer. (Ya 'no) * Glibido: All talk and no action. * Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. * Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. *Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole."}, {"response": 132, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 1999 (13:06)", "body": "Loved your stuff, John...especially your \"scariest things\" The vocabulary is excellent, too. Very clever - as always!"}, {"response": 133, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Sep 26, 1999 (16:25)", "body": "Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancy Street one day wishing something wonderful would happen into his life, when he passed a Pet Store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish: \"Quawwwwk... vus macht du... Yeah, du... outside, standing like aputzel... eh?\" Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it. The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by the sleeve. \"Come in here, fella, and check out this parrot...\" Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his little head and said: \"Vus? Kenst reddin Yiddish?\" (Loosely: Do you understand Yiddish?) Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner. \"He speaks Yiddish?!?\" \"Vuh den? Chinese maybe?\" said the bird. In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed five hundred dollars down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot. In Yiddish. He told the parrot about his father's adventures coming to America. About how beautiful his mother was when she was a young bride. About his family. About his years of working in the garment center. About Florida. The parrot listened and commented. They shared some walnuts. The parrot told him of living in the pet store, how he hated the weekends. They both went to sleep. Next morning, Meyer began to put on his tfillin, all the while saying his prayers. The parrot demanded to know what he was doing and when Meyer explained, the parrot wanted some too. Meyer went out and hand-made a miniature set of tfillin for the parrot. The parrot wanted to learn to daven, and learned every prayer. He wanted to learn to read Hebrew so Meyer spent weeks and months, sitting and teaching the parrot, teaching him Torah. In time, Meyer came to love and count on the parrot as a friend and a Jew. He had been saved. One morning, on Rosh Hashana, Meyer rose and got dressed and was about to leave when the parrot demanded to go with him. Meyer explained that Shul was no place for a bird but the parrot made a terrific argument and was carried to Shul on Meyer's shoulder. Needless to say, they made quite a spectacle, and Meyer was questioned by everyone, including the Rabbi and Cantor. They refused to allow a bird into the building on the High Holy Days but Meyer convinced them to let him in this one time, swearing that parrot could daven. Wagers were made with Meyer. Thousands of dollars were bet (even odds) that the parrot could NOT daven, could not speak Yiddish or Hebrew, etc. All eyes were on the African Grey during services. The parrot perched on Meyer's shoulder as one prayer and song passed - Meyer heard not a peep from the bird. He began to become annoyed, slapping at his shoulder and mumbling under his breath, \"Daven!\" Nothing. \"Daven...parrot, you can daven, so daven... Come on, everybody's lookingat you!\" Nothing. After Rosh Hashanah services were concluded, Meyer found that he owed his Shul buddies and the Rabbi over four thousand dollars. He marched home, upset as hell, saying nothing. Finally several blocks from the Temple the bird began to sing an old Yiddish song and was happy as a lark. Meyer stopped and looked at him. \"You miserable bird, you cost me over four thousand dollars! Why? After I made your tfillin and taught you the morning prayers, and taught you to read Hebrew and the Torah. And after you begged me to bring you to Shul on Rosh Hashana, why? Why did you do this to me? Why?\" \"Don't be a schmuck,\" the parrot replied. \"Think of the odds on Yom Kippur!\""}, {"response": 134, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep 26, 1999 (16:39)", "body": "Ooooh! You do not have to be from the Yiddish 'hood to understand this one!"}, {"response": 135, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (03:01)", "body": "ha-ha!!!"}, {"response": 136, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (09:25)", "body": "Heavenly Father, we come before You today to ask Your forgiveness and to seek Your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, \"Woe on those who call evil good,\" but that's exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We confess that: We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism. We have worshipped other gods and called it multi-culturalism. We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn children and called it a choice We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. We have abused power and called it political savvy. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, O God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent to direct us to the center of Your will. I ask it in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen."}, {"response": 137, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (13:39)", "body": "Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,\" I think I'll get up and get acoke.\" \"No problem,\" said the attorney, \"I'll get it for you.\" While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, \"That looks good, I think I'll have one too.\" Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. \"How long must this go on?\" he asked. \"This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?\""}, {"response": 138, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (14:07)", "body": "Touche'! *LOL*"}, {"response": 139, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (23:37)", "body": "Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't! 1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 2. Do I look like a people person? 3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 6. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 7. You!... Off my planet! 8. Does your train of thought have a caboose? 9. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 11. A PBS mind in an MTV world. 12. Allow me to introduce my selves. 13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 14. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up. 15. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. 16. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. 17. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 18. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 19. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 20. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 21. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1. 22. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 23. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 24. Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done. 25. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 26. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."}, {"response": 140, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (23:52)", "body": "A Christian couple wanted to get a family pet. They felt it important to own a Christian trained pet. So, they went pet searching. At a kennel specializing in Christian trained pets, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new dog and his major skills, that they called the dog over and had him show off his Bible fetching ability. The friends were very impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about \"normal\" tricks. Well, they said, \"let's try this out.\" Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, \"Heel!\" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head."}, {"response": 141, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (01:46)", "body": "WHY AMERICANS SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO TRAVEL The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, \"Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?\" A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, \"Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.\" I got a call from a man who asked, \"Is it possible to see England from Canada?\" I said, \"No.\" He said \"But they look so close on the map.\" A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that! I just got off the phone with a man who asked, \"How do I know which plane to get on?\" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, \"I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.\" A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. \"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.\" I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, \"Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.\""}, {"response": 142, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (10:35)", "body": "One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, \"Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt.\" After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. \"Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with a lot of other women. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him.\" Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, \"Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June.\" Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. \"Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this.\" Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. \"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married,\" she complained. \"Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother.\" Hillary just shook her head. \"Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father.\""}, {"response": 143, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (12:43)", "body": "An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. \"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.\" \"Why?\" asked somebody from the audience. \"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,\" the expert explained. \"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'\" \"Did it save time?\" the guy in the audience asked. \"Actually, yes,\" replied the expert. \"It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast ... now I do it in seven.\""}, {"response": 144, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (14:47)", "body": "A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: \"You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?\" Guy says, \"I'm from Iowa.\" Bartender asks, \"Whadaya do in Iowa?\" Guy responds, \"I'm a taxidermist.\" Bartender asks, \"A taxidermist... now just what the hell is a taxidermist?\" Guy says \"I mount animals.\" Bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, \"It's OK boys, he's one of us!\""}, {"response": 145, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (14:56)", "body": "The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came... Little Johnny walked up to the front of he class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. \"It's a period,\" reported Johnny. \"Well, I can see that,\" she said, \"but what is so exciting about a period?\" \"Damned if I know\", said Johnny, \"but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself.\""}, {"response": 146, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (19:02)", "body": "*lolrotf*"}, {"response": 147, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (20:38)", "body": "PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM \"HOLLYWOOD SQUARES\" 1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann Margaret would like to start having babies, soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town. 2. What are \"dual-purpose cattle\" good for that other cattle aren't? PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies. 3. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant? 4. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. 5. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and as actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet. 6. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What? PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring. 7. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What? CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking. 8. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them. CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 9. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the kabuki. Why? PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride. 10. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 11. Do female frogs croak? PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water. 12. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake. 13. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas. PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos. 14. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy? PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some? 15. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn. 16. Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born? PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the rest of us."}, {"response": 148, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (23:38)", "body": "A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor.....says: \"Doc, I'm having problems hearing!\" Doctor says \"Lets check this out.\" He looks into the man's ear with his flashlight and says, \"There's a foreign object in here.\" So he takes his tweezers and pulls it out ... and says to the old man, \"It's a suppository!!\" The old man takes one look, and asks the Doc, \"Can I use your phone?? I need to tell the wife that I know where I put that hearing aid!!\""}, {"response": 149, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (23:43)", "body": "*lol* John, you are full of it tonight! Getting any of these off those papers you are grading?!"}, {"response": 150, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 1999 (23:47)", "body": "I've got to get to those papers. I am in denial. If my kids wrote papers like that, I'd be into them already. BTW, I am always \"full of it.\" Ask Karen. (*bullshit* *cough*)"}, {"response": 151, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (00:10)", "body": "I beg your pardon! I've been close enough to you to tell, and even hugged you on occasion. No Bull$hip I could discern. Perhaps it is because she is so close to the Chicago Sotck Yards?! And, I have been super quiet so you could grade papers and you have not gotten to them yet?! ASuwe!!!"}, {"response": 152, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (00:11)", "body": "Sorry for the typos which Ifound just as yapp was casting them in concrete...!"}, {"response": 153, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (02:23)", "body": "Yapp is better at concrete casting than the Mafia."}, {"response": 154, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (13:57)", "body": "Oh, Indeed it is! The bigger the goof, the quicker it snatches it away to show the world in all its misbegotten glory!"}, {"response": 155, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (22:38)", "body": "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to forever hide the bodies of the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I have to kiss tomorrow. Help me always give 100% at work...12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday. And help me to remember...When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying their best to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to extend my middle finger."}, {"response": 156, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 1999 (23:30)", "body": "This is the sort of thing old ladies should cross-stitch and frame...and one might hang from their rear-view mirror for quick reference in tight situations... Love it!"}, {"response": 157, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (02:20)", "body": "To: All EMS PersonnelFrom: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following. 1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). 2) Stroke patients are NOT \"Charlie Carrots.\" Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. 3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or \"hamburger helper.\" Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like \"negative vehicle to vehicle interface\" or \"terminal decelerationsyndrome.\" 4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not \"glow worms.\" 5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered \"pharmaceutically gifted.\" 6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not \"trans-occipital implants.\" 7) The homeless are not \"urban outdoorsmen,\" nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a \"PVC Challenge.\" 8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being \"paws up,\" ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records). I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries."}, {"response": 158, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (14:15)", "body": "I just sent this to two ER nurses. I am sure it will be printed out and posted in hospitals across the world as they send it farther afield. Very funny!"}, {"response": 159, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (21:00)", "body": "Microsoft Dinner 98 INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat Then enter: ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme. If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner. If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification. Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter: ms.nodarn.good/tryagain\\again/again.darnit This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink. Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging. Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway."}, {"response": 160, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (21:07)", "body": "After spending some time telnetting just prior to seeing this, I can appreciate even more the Unix instructions. Someone who has \"been there\" obviously wrote this. Thanks for sharing! Love it (and sent it to those in the family who do not frequent Spring - like David and Frank!)"}, {"response": 161, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (21:10)", "body": "After re-reading it and wiping my eyes and catching my breath...I think you should send BG several hundred copies of it!"}, {"response": 162, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 1999 (21:14)", "body": "Dear Friends and Family, This is a really terrific thing. The Hunger Site at the U.N. This is a really cool website. All you do is click a button and somewhere in the world some hungry person gets a meal to eat at no cost to you. The food is paid for by corporate sponsors. All you do is go to the site and click. But, you're only allowed one click per day so spread the word to others. Visit the site and pass the word. http://www.thehungersite.com"}, {"response": 163, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 1999 (15:41)", "body": "Top Ten Warren Beatty for President Campaign Slogans copyright 1999, John Burnett 10. Experience makes the difference in domestic and foreign affairs. 9. I promise my sister Shirley won't be an advisor. 8. Lewinsky can't touch the babes I've had. 7. You bought my Bullworth once before. 6. Doesn't Annette look good after eight years of Hillary? 5. Beatty--First in Warren Piece. 4. Do you really want to sandwich Clinton between two Bushes? 3. I Can Handle My Intern, I Mean Internal Affairs. 2. I'll Kiss Chelsea Goodbye For You 1. Booze, Broads and Beatty!"}, {"response": 164, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (03:44)", "body": "FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-low at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Fung Shui is bad. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You neighbors decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair \"Cattlegate.\" BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You cognate the concept of \"ownership\" as symbolic of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past. In enlightened terms, you participate in a mutually beneficial domestic and economic partnership with two differently aged/but no less valuable to society/bovines of non-specified gender. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. you just got to have some of this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons."}, {"response": 165, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (03:53)", "body": "1. Constipated people don't give a crap. 2. Practice safe sex, go screw yourself. 3. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people. 4. Please tell your pants it's not polite to point. 5. Thank you for pot smoking. 6. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling. 7. Impotence: nature's way of saying \"No hard feelings.\" 8. Horn broken...watch for finger. 9. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer. 10. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put your booger."}, {"response": 166, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (04:03)", "body": "Lessons I've learned... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more fucked up than you think. I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. I've learned to say \"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke\" in 6 languages. Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen. If not ... tough shit."}, {"response": 167, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (13:52)", "body": "I thought you might have posted your picture here this morning...I think it belongs here more than Spring Gallery, but that is ok, too...!"}, {"response": 168, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (15:36)", "body": "I can't post a picture. I don't have a website and I'm not a host. That's why I sent it to you."}, {"response": 169, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (15:45)", "body": "Check your email..."}, {"response": 170, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 1999 (15:57)", "body": "Thank you, Marcia. This is me, January 30, 1981."}, {"response": 171, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 1999 (03:08)", "body": "Memorandum from God To: The members of the Kansas Board of EducationFrom: God Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science. Thank you for your support. Much obliged. Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their children's children after them. And in time the genes that have made you such pinheads will be eliminated through natural selection. Because that is how it works. Listen, I love all my creatures equally, and gave each his own special qualities to help him on Earth. The horse I gave great strength. The antelope I gave great grace and speed. The dung beetle I gave great stupidity, so he doesn't realize he is a dung beetle. Man I gave a brain. Use it, okay? I admit I am not perfect. I've made errors. (Armpit hair--what was I thinking?) But do you Kansans seriously believe that I dropped half-a-billion-year-old trilobite skeletons all over my great green Earth by mistake? What, I had a few lying around some previous creation in the Andromeda galaxy, and they fell through a hole in my pocket? You were supposed to find them. And once you found them, you were supposed to draw the appropriate, intelligent conclusions. That's what I made you for. To think. The fol s who wrote the Bible were smart and good people. Mostly, they got it right. But there were glitches. For one thing, they said that Adam and Eve beget Cain and Abel, and then Cain beget Enoch. How was that supposed to have happened? They left out Lilith entirely! Well, they also were a little off on certain elements of timing and sequence. So what? You guys were supposed to figure it all out for yourselves, anyway. When you stumble over the truth, you are not supposed to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and proceed on as though nothing had happened. If you find a dinosaur's toe, you're not supposed to look for reasons to call it a croissant. You're not big, drooling idiots. For that, I made dogs. Why do you think there are no fossilized human toes dating from a hundred million years ago? Think about it. It's okay if you think. In fact, I prefer i . That's why I like Charlie Darwin. He was always a thinker. Still is. He and I chat frequently. I know a lot of people figure that if man evolved from other organisms, it means I don't exist. I have to admit this is a reasonable assumption and a valid line of thought. I am in favor of thought. I encourage you to pursue this concept with an open mind, and see where it leads you. That's all I have to say right now, except that I'm really cheesed off at laugh tracks on sitcoms, and the NRA, and people who make simple declarative sentences sound like questions? Oh, wait. There's one more thing. Did you read in the newspapers yesterday how scientists in Australia dug up some rocks and found fossilized remains of life dating back further than ever before? Primitive, multicelled animals on Earth nearly 3 billion years ago, when the planet was nothing but roiling muck and ice and fire. And inside those cells was . . . DNA. Incredibly complex strands of chemicals, laced together in a scheme so sophisticated no one yet understands exactly how it works. I wonder who could have thought of something like that, back then. Just something to gnaw on. \ufffd Copyright 1999 The Washington Post Company."}, {"response": 172, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 1999 (18:46)", "body": "One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, \"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?\" \"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,\" advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. \"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?\" Clinton asked. \"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,\" advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. \"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?\" Clinton asked. \"Go to the theater.\""}, {"response": 173, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 1999 (18:49)", "body": "(taking up a collection for theater tickets....rummaging around in pockets to see how much I can come up with...*smirk*)"}, {"response": 174, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 1999 (23:48)", "body": "Why the State of Hawai`i's economic recovery plans depend on a nuclear holocaust in Australia: 1. We will become the world's main supplier of raw materials for eucalyptus cough drops. 2. Hawaiian surfers will again dominate the field, leading to skyrocketing North Shore real estate values. 3. The place is full of snakes. Every Qantas airliner is a potential ecological catastrophe. 4. Without Aussie peacekeepers to interfere, Indonesia will stay happier and keep that oil flowing. 5. Now that Ross Furniture has been bought out, we don't ever want a repeat of those damn commercials. 6. Aussies have too much fun at home. It's giving other tourists the wrong idea. 7. They aren't accepting convicts anymore, and the the prison-for-profit people want to keep it that way. 8. Aussie men will stop fueling the Bangkok sex market, subsidizing cheap competition for Waikiki. 9. Once Australia is gone, the only place where tourists can see wild wallabies will be Oahu. 10. Baywatch will never be tempted again."}, {"response": 175, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (02:16)", "body": "Give Me a Sign, Lord ....In a Nonsmoking Area: \" If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.\" On Maternity Room Door: \"Push, Push, Push.\" At an Optometrists Office: \"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place.\" On a Taxidermist's window: \"We really know our stuff.\" In a Podiatrist's office: \"Time wounds all heels.\" On a Butchers window: \"Let me meat your needs.\" On a fence: \"Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive.\" At a car Dealership: \"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.\" Outside a Muffler Shop: \"No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming.\" Outside a Hotel: \"Help! We need inn-experienced people.\""}, {"response": 176, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (06:06)", "body": "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was homosexual! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the \"other side.\" That's what \"they\" call it, the \"other side.\" Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white-washes with seemingly harmless phrases like \"the other side.\" That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be judged not by the color of their plumage, but by the content of their character, a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSAIN The chicken has crossed the line of death. This was an unprovoked act of aggression and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? KEN STARR I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and subvert the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken immunity provided he co-operates fu ly with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Reverend Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released e-Chicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook--and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of e-Chicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you please define chicken? THE BIBLE And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, \"Thou shalt cross the road.\" And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS Y'mean I missed one?"}, {"response": 177, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:24)", "body": "Just Click Here!"}, {"response": 178, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:44)", "body": "Does it ever end???? LOL!!!"}, {"response": 179, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:45)", "body": "Nan!!! I am going to sit on you till you say uncle - that blasted thing won't close nor anyhing!!!"}, {"response": 180, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (18:16)", "body": "Then I know what it is. I've seen the silly site before."}, {"response": 181, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (19:13)", "body": "Sorry I spoiled it for you...!"}, {"response": 182, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 1999 (03:09)", "body": "I'd already seen it. My cousin Tom thinks things like that are funny, too."}, {"response": 183, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 1999 (11:33)", "body": "Poor John! (We all have relatives like that, I guess!)"}, {"response": 184, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (01:24)", "body": "One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, \"My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!\" A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. \"Thank you! Thank you!\" the father cried. \"Are you a paramedic?\" \"No,\" replied the man. \"I work for the IRS.\""}, {"response": 185, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (01:26)", "body": "*grin* They know how to extract every last cent, do they not?!"}, {"response": 186, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (01:03)", "body": "The Court of King George III London, England July 10, 1776 Mr. Thomas Jefferson c/o The Continental Congress Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Dear Mr. Jefferson: We have read your \"Declaration of Independence\" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision: 1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase \"the Laws of Nature and Nature's God.\" What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature. 2. In the same paragraph you refer to the \"opinions of mankind.\" Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us the \"opinions of mankind\" are a matter of opinion. 3. You hold certain truths to be \"self-evident.\" Could you please elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics. 4. \"Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness\" seem to be the goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say that \"among these is the ability to sustain an average life expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to enable newspapers in the colonies to print news without outside interference, and to raise the average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years,\" these could be measurable goals. Please clarify. 5. You state that \"Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government....\" Have you weighed this assertion against all the alternatives? What are the trade-off considerations? 6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement. 7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You state that the colonies \"ought to be Free and Independent States,\" and that they are \"Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown.\" Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In what way must they change? What specific steps will you take to overcome the resistance? How long will it take? We have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are your strategies? 8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory committee? Please submit an organization chart and vitas of the principal investigators. 9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this since Queen Anne's War. What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include any assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range prospects of your undertaking. 10. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, and manpower utilization matrix. We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your \"Declaration of Independence.\" We welcome the submission of your revised proposal. Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required. Sincerely, Management Analyst to the British Crown"}, {"response": 187, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (16:43)", "body": "Thos Jefferson, welcome to the 21st Century!"}, {"response": 188, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 25, 1999 (13:40)", "body": "Since he is on the air as I post this, I post it on his topic and hope for his speedy return to our midst. The 12 Days of Christmas - Hawaiian style On the First day of Christmas my Tutu (grandmother) give(sic) to me - One Mynah Bird in one Papaya Tree 2nd day - Two Coconuts 3rd day - Three Dried Squid 4th day - Four Flower Leis 5th day - Five Big Fat Pigs 6th day - Six Hula Lessons 7th day - Seven Shrimps a-swimming 8th day - Eight Ukuleles 9th day - Nine pounds of Poi 10th day - Ten Cans of Beer 11th day - Eleven Missionaries 12th day - Twelve Televisions"}, {"response": 189, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan  4, 2000 (13:59)", "body": "From John-the-Shy... An old cowboy went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him, \"Are you a real cowboy?\" He replied, \"Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cattle.\" He then asked her what she was. She replied, \"I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.\" A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, \"Are you a real cowboy?\" He replied, \"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!\""}, {"response": 190, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (10:17)", "body": "Now, where's the chief?"}, {"response": 191, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (11:37)", "body": "I'm a lesbian too, I love women."}, {"response": 192, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (15:27)", "body": "In that case that makes me gay, 'cause I love men! Fraught with misunderstanding possibilities...*grin*"}, {"response": 193, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (16:00)", "body": "As to John: He wrote this in regards to the pleas on food for his return: Please tell everybody hello. But Ray still has to talk to me and tell me it's okay from his own mouth. That may or may not happen (I won't hold my breath), but I don't feel like another threatening round of e-mails, whether he means to make good on the threats or not. Sorry I did not get your permission to post private email, but I thought you should know that this rather ordinary and truly peace-loving lady is still the cause of the absence from Spring of the best minds out there. I feel very sad and angry about that. It almost came to blows the other day..."}, {"response": 194, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (16:03)", "body": "...make that SOME of the best minds...there a great number of them in here and the loss of even one is a tragedy to me...and we know it is more than one...."}, {"response": 195, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan  9, 2000 (09:13)", "body": "I hope all these great minds can resolve whatever differences and join together again. Y'all are too cool to have differences that rip us apart."}, {"response": 196, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan  9, 2000 (13:06)", "body": "This is for sure. I think I shall make it mandatory this weekend upcoming that to have my cooperation with his relatives, that O'O will talk to John IRL. I make very few requests from him, but this one I shall insist on. Don't have a clue about the other and I am staying as far from that as I possibly can."}, {"response": 197, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (19:48)", "body": "From the Man, Himself! ALL-TIME GREAT COUNTRY-WESTERN TITLES 1. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 2. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly 3. I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart 4. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 5. She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft 6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him 7. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life 8. Drop-Kick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts Of Life 9. Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone 10. If You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will 11. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger 12. I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line 13. I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me. 14. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart. 15. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight Because I'm Afraid She'd Win. 16. They May Put Me In Prison But They Can't Stop My Face From Breaking Out"}, {"response": 198, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan 19, 2000 (20:57)", "body": "There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim says \"No, that's ok. God will take care of me.\" So, the man in the boat drives off. The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in. Jim replies, \"No, that's ok. God will take care of me.\" The person in the boat then leaves. The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim tells her \"That's ok.\" The woman says \"Are you sure?\" Jim says, \"Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me. Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. Jim says to God \"You told me you would take care of me! What happened?\" God replied \"Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?\""}, {"response": 199, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 20, 2000 (22:33)", "body": "From the man Himself again: Winners of a New York magazine contest were asked to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter and provide a definition for the new expression. The result is the following. ======= RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you're Scottish HARLEY-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? EX POST FUCTO: Lost in the mail. VENI, VIPI, VICI: I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered. COGITO EGGO SUM: I think; therefore I am a waffle. RIGOR MORRIS: The cat is dead. QUE SERA SERF: Life is a feudal. LE ROI EST MORT: JIVE LE ROI: The king is dead. No kidding. POSH MORTEM: Death styles of the rich and famous. PRO BOZO PUBLICO: Support your local clown (or politician, your call) MON AGE A TROIS: I am three years old. FELIX NAVIDAD: Our cat has a boat. HASTE CUISINE: Fast French food. QUIP PRO QUO: A fast retort. ALOHA OY: Love, greetings, farewell: from such a pain you should never know. IL DEUCE: The second banana. AD HOCK: A commercial pitch. ______________________________________________________"}, {"response": 200, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (15:07)", "body": "\"HARLEY-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle?\" Name one! Great cars, ok, but bikes?"}, {"response": 201, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (15:40)", "body": "Cannot!...but it is the only language which fit..."}, {"response": 202, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb 10, 2000 (13:07)", "body": "John's comment: I don't know if this is a true story or urban legend--it is, however, classic in a sick way. Granny Hunts Down, Carefully Identifies and Shoots in Groin Men who Raped her Granddaughter MELBOURNE, Australia -- Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot their testicles off! \"The old lady spent a week hunting those bums down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way,\" said admiring Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. \"Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.' Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the seedy hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up. The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, policy said. \"The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to,\" Detective Delp told reporters. \"Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through.\" The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. \"When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the police would go easy on them,\" recalled the retired library worker. \"And I wasn't scared of them, either -- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' it all my life.\" So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos' car, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place until she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their fleabag hotel. \"I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them,\" the ornery oldster recalled. \"So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door -- and the minute the big one, Furth, opened the door, I shot 'em both right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.\" Now, baffled lawmen are tying to figure out how to deal with the vigilante granny. \"What she did was wrong, but you can't really throw an 81-year-old woman in prison.\" Det. Delp said, \"especially when all 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for sainthood.\" ______________________________________________________"}, {"response": 203, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 16, 2000 (11:46)", "body": "The Maiden's Prayer Forgive me for what I did Last Night. It was the drinks that threw me. Make me what I was Before. O'h Please Dear God. Un'Screw Me."}, {"response": 204, "author": "Ree", "date": "Thu, Mar 16, 2000 (12:39)", "body": "PAAAAH!!! That's a good one!!"}, {"response": 205, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 16, 2000 (13:56)", "body": "Alas, it is not that easy...Though I knew a girl in college who was able to convince many gullible young men that she was - on successive nights, no less. They must have been straight off the farm or really wanted to believe the myth. Whatever, she had three fraternity pins and 2 engagement rings from guys who thought they were her one and only! (all from different colleges, of course!)"}, {"response": 206, "author": "Ree", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (12:44)", "body": "my my ... what a talented young mistress of disguise ..."}, {"response": 207, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (13:52)", "body": "Mistress is definitely the operative word. At the college both she and I attended she was known as anyone's good time... I wonder what became of her?! Bet she married a hig-powered political manipulator. She would have been be a perfect hostess in a situation like that!"}, {"response": 208, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (13:59)", "body": "I think I must have led a very sheltered life ....... *grin*"}, {"response": 209, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (14:41)", "body": "..So did I...Dormitory life was a real eye-opener. I am still leading a sheltered life with my very own self-appointed morality watchdog!"}, {"response": 210, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (14:46)", "body": "I was actually joking!!!!!!!!!! As a youth counsellor I guess you could say I've seen life in the raw (too many morning's after, relationship probs. you name it I've had it). Am I sheltered now? Not sure?"}, {"response": 211, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (14:35)", "body": "Your own personal self has not experienced these things is what I meant. I have heard just about everything, as well - hang around freshman college kids a while and you become a surrogate mom-cum-big sister...as close to any of these problems as I ever wish to get!"}, {"response": 212, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (13:12)", "body": "I think I'll stay sheltered!!!! *grin*"}, {"response": 213, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (13:49)", "body": "Safest that way unless you have an expert guide. Then, it can be an adventure of a lifetime...*sigh*"}, {"response": 214, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (16:56)", "body": "Getting too old for adventures! *sigh*"}, {"response": 215, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 23, 2000 (17:35)", "body": "When they nail down the lid is when I'd admit to that, but I am not the one who is going to darkest Africa in a little while...where they are having wars and plagues, famine and pestilence. Talk about adventures?! Sheesh! Wish John would come back - but he knows how time-stealing being on the Spring can really be. *sigh*"}, {"response": 216, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 24, 2000 (01:27)", "body": "Mmm I'm still in trouble - but not that sort!"}, {"response": 217, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 24, 2000 (14:09)", "body": "How did your unpleasant encounter go this morning - bright and early, as I recall...?"}, {"response": 218, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 24, 2000 (14:31)", "body": "Seems a long time ago now. He was with me two and half hours, wanted all my output charts transferred to Excel which I had to do there and then - and i hate working with someone breathing down my neck. He's got a lot of work to do to finish things off. He'd like me to do more work for free, but I''ve said my thesis has to come first. I've already put in a lot of unpaid hours. I really don't have time and energy. This project has really wacked me out. Anyway, I gave him the invoice and a cheque should be forthcoming soon. I felt a bit aimless after he'd gone. I'd been pushing so hard to finish it was a real anticlimax."}, {"response": 219, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 24, 2000 (16:49)", "body": "Sheesh! Nothing like working under the gun. Never mind! You survived and you will be paid. That is the good news. *hugs*"}, {"response": 220, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 24, 2000 (16:52)", "body": "From John: Everyone knows Barney,... that cute purple dinosaur. But here's something that you may not know: 1. Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR 2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway) CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR 3. Extract all Roman Numerals: CV V L DI V 4. Convert these into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 5. Add these numbers up: 100 5 5 50 500 1 + 5 ---- 666 There you have it: A mathematical proof that Barney is the Antichrist!"}, {"response": 221, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 10, 2000 (16:02)", "body": "From The Man, Himself: A managed care company president was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Since she was unable to go, she gave the ticket to one of her managed care reviewers. The next morning she asked him how he had enjoyed it. Instead of a few observations about the symphony in general, she was handed a formal memorandum which read as follows: 1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, avoiding peaks of inactivity. 2. All 12 violins were playing identical notes. This seems an unneeded duplication, and the staff of this section should be cut. If a volume of sound is really required, this could be accomplished with the use of an amplifier. 3. Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes. This appears to be an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes be rounded up to the nearest 8th note. If this were done it would be possible to use para-professionals instead of experienced musicians. 4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant passages were eliminated then the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes. 5. The symphony had two movements. If Mr. Schubert didn't achieve his musical goals by the end of the first movement,then he should have stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut. In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Mr. Schubert given attention to these matters, he probably would have had time to finish the symphony."}, {"response": 222, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 16, 2000 (14:46)", "body": "This came to me from John - the least I could do was to post it here: The Saga of Management Reviews Question: How many feet do mice have? Original Reply: Mice have four feet. Mgmt comment: Elaborate. Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, four of which are feet. Mgmt comment: No discussion of fifth appendage. Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet and one is a tail. Mgmt comment: What? Feet with no legs? Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per mouse. Mgmt comment: Confusing. Is that a total of 9 appendages? Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body. Mgmt comment: Does not fully discuss the issue. Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not equipped with a foot. Mgmt comment: Descriptive but not decisive. Revision 6: Allotment for mice will be: FOUR LEG-FOOT ASSEMBLIES, ONE TAIL. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets. Mgmt comment: Too authoritative, stifles creativity. Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non functional and ornamental in nature. Mgmt comment: Too verbose and scientific. Answer the question. Final Revision: Mice have four feet. Mgmt comment: Approved."}, {"response": 223, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  2, 2000 (19:36)", "body": "This came to me from John so I am posting it here for your entertainment: I thought, just in case Dr. Laura doesn't answer this, someone else may have answers to these religious questions: Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I Have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. a. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this? b. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? (Ok, this is for a \"friend\") c. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. d.. Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? e.. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? f.. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? g.. Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."}, {"response": 224, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  5, 2000 (15:21)", "body": "This lovely bit from our John: FEMALE CHAUVINIST STATEMENTS Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: ONE ... He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Q: What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? A: Exchange him. Q: What should you give a man who has everything? A: A woman to show him how it all works. Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say? A: \"My wife says...\" Q: Why do jocks play on artificial turf? A: To keep them from grazing. Q: Why is it good that there are female astronauts? A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions. Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there."}, {"response": 225, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 20, 2000 (22:33)", "body": "This came from John Burnett so I am posting it on his topic: The City of Los Angeles is putting the finishing touches on its preparations to host the Democratic National Convention in August. Here are the top ten telltale signs that the Dems will be arriving any minute: (10) Bars posting \"Off Limits to Teddy\" signs (9) Tripp and Lewinsky both working corners on Hollywood Boulevard (8) Homeless pushing red, white and blue shopping carts (7) James Brolin announces his intention to run for Governor of California\ufffd (6) Hookers setting up car pools from Tijuana (5) Secret Service presence causes rumors of a Blues Brothers concert (4) Pinatas on telephone poles shaped like Geedubya (3) President Clinton says to hell with the convention, I'm gonna party with Rodman! (2) Taco Bell Chihuahua takes leak on Al Gore's leg\ufffd and the number one telltale sign that the Dems might be arriving any minute: Free Chinese buffet lines\ufffd"}, {"response": 226, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 19, 2000 (15:14)", "body": "I refuse to admit I'm posting this one: Issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Northerners And Northeastern Urbanites: 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. 2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your ass. 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass. 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Bush). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass. 6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass. 7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass. 8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. 9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked. 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked. 11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass. 12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor. 13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours. 14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass. 15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass!"}, {"response": 227, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 28, 2001 (17:07)", "body": "Happy Birthday John! Old Age Ain't No Place For Sissies The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. [Helen Hayes, at 73] I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. [Janette Barber] Whoever thought up the word \"Mammogram\"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. [Jan King] A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. [Carrie Snow] Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. [Laurie Kuslansky] My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. [Erma Bombeck] Old age ain't no place for sissies. [Bette Davis] A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. [Rhonda Hansome] The phrase \"working mother\" is redundant. [Jane Sellman] Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. [Jennifer Unlimited] Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. [Caryn Leschen] I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. [Jennifer Unlimited] If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. [Catherine Aird] When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss and they called ME slow! [Kathy Buckley] I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. [Dolly Parton] You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. [Erica Jong] If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. [Sue Grafton] I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. [RoseanneBarr] I think - therefore I'm single. [Lizz Winstead] When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. [Elayne Boosler] Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. [Maryon Pearson] I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. [Gloria Steinem] I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. [Marie Corelli] If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? [Linda Ellerbee] I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. (Eva Garbor) Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. [Eleanor Rosevelt] _____________________________________________"}, {"response": 228, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Dec 16, 2001 (21:08)", "body": "This is a version of \"A Visit From St. Nicholas\" I recently published in a Big Island rag called \"Hawaii Island Journal.\" It's not by any means the equal of the original, but at the risk of immodesty, I think it's not half bad. 'Twas the night before Christmas and all was serene the night air was fresh and the palm trees were green. There were red trails of lava all down Kilauea, the only snow found was atop Mauna Kea. Beautiful, yes\ufffd but a Christmassy setting? If Santa came here it's for sure he'd be sweating. With all the tin roofs not a chimney was found so the reindeer would have to land right on the ground. No, I'm not a cynic but it's hard to believe when it's 70 Fahrenheit on Christmas eve. Yes, that was the circumstance as I retired, so please pardon me if I seem uninspired. No sugar plum fairies to dance in my head so I dreamed of haupia and pao duce sweet bread. I awoke to a noise that came from my own house. It wasn't the stirring of some little mouse. I expected a fat man bent down by my tree, I wasn't prepared for the sight I would see. A shaggy-haired guy took the rum off my shelves, he was with menehune instead of some elves. He mixed rum with some Coke and started his ventage, he said \"Suck 'em up, Brah, 'cause I get percentage.\" The guy looked familiar, his smile was disarming, he might be a burglar but still he was charming. I wondered if I was alive, dead or dreaming, there was something about him that kept me from screaming. He stirred his concoction with a swizzle stick, and smiled as he said, \"You expecting St. Nick?\" He broke into song; it was not \"Jingle Bells.\" He sang \"Tiny Bubbles\" and then \"Pearly Shells.\" He said, \"You're as lucky as lucky can be. I always charge cover, Tonight, though, it's free.\" Then the head menehune, You know, Sam Kapu, said \"It's time to leave, Boss, we've got more shows to do.\" So Kapu snapped his fingers and out of nowhere, a big flying longboard appeared from thin air. They all climbed aboard and as they turned to go I heard, \"Goodnight to all, and a Don Ho-Ho-Ho!\" --by John Burnett \ufffd 2001"}, {"response": 229, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:15)", "body": "/ (had to get rid of the bolding)"}, {"response": 230, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:16)", "body": "*oops*"}, {"response": 231, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:31)", "body": "Thanks! Did I do that? Probably! Aloha nui, John Burnett! (if you ever wander this way.) We miss your stimulating posts."}, {"response": 232, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (15:42)", "body": ""}, {"response": 233, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (15:51)", "body": "Brian Shul ... A Vietnam era USAF fighter pilot, 212 combat missions, shot down near the end of the war, was so badly burned that he was given next to no chance to live. He did live, went on to fly SR-71s and completed a 20 year career in the Air Force. He has written four books on aviation and runs a photo studio. Sometimes someone says something you would have liked to say and does it better than you ever could.His words below ... This just about says it all ... you decide. Also included are some prefacing remarks from a couple of people in the line who passed it on to me. If I had the power to do so, I would make the below article \"Mandatory\"-no, not Required, but Mandatory Reading for every man, woman and child over 7, in our whole country; and for those who were not literate, I'd have it read to them. It will probably take you about 5 minutes to read, but well worth it.-Brian Shul,sure can express himself. John Taber, Lt.Col., U.S. Army Veterinary Corps, Fellow Q.B., and Aerobatic pilot extraordinaire I saw Brian Shul speak once (at the NAS Jax Naval Hospital Christmas Ball). He spoke that day about the value of compassion in medicine.He talked about how he was so horribly burned and disfigured that even the docs and the nurses turned away from him, and about how the human attention meant so much to him at that point that he would resort to trickery to try and engage the medical staff. The example he gave was of the time he had someone make a large sign that said \"kisses $1\" which was then placed next to his bed. The smiles that folks flashed after reading the sign was enough to keep him going. It took him a year to get out of the hospital and yet he went on to fly A-7s, A-10s, and finally the SR-71. If you're a fan of Naval Aviation and the Blue Angels and you don't own a copy of his photo album \"Blue Angels a Portrait in Gold\" you are missing out on some of the best photographs ever taken of the world s best formation aerobatic team. At any rate, the attached speech by Brian is right on and should be posted on every bulletin board. JT Brian Shul's Chico Rally Address: October Thank you for the opportunity to address this rally today. It is not often that a fighter pilot is asked to be the keynote speaker. There is a rumor that they are unable to put two sentences together coherently. I'd like to dispel that rumor today by saying that I can do that, and in fact that I have written several books. I always wanted to be an author,and I \"ARE\" one now. I'm a pretty lucky person really. I'm like the little boy who tells his father that when he grows up he wants to be a jet pilot, and his father replies, \"Sorry son, you can't do both.\" I made that choice a long time ago and flew the jets. I was fortunate to live my dream, and then some. I survived something I shouldn't have, and today, tell people that I am 28 years old, as it has been that long since I was released from the hospital. It was like I received a second life, and in the past 28 years, I have gotten to see and do much, so much that I would not have thought possible. Returning to fly jets in the Air Force, flying the SR-71 on spy missions, spending a year with the Blue Angels, running my own photo studio ... and so much more. And now, seeing our country attacked in such a heinous way. Some of you here today have heard me speak before,and know that I enjoy sharing my aviation slide show. I have brought no slides to show you, as I feel compelled today, to address different issues concerning this very difficult time in our nation's history. I stand before you today, not as some famous person, or war hero. I am far from that. You know, they say a good landing is one you can walk away from, and a really great one is when you can use the airplane again. Well, I did neither ......... and I speak to you today as simply a fellow American citizen. Like you, I was horrified at the events of September 11th. But I was not totally surprised that such a thing could happen, or that there were people in the world who would perpetrate such deeds, willingly, against us. Having sat through many classified briefings while in the Air Force, I was all too aware of the threat, and I can assure you, it has always been there in one form or another. And those of you who have served in the defense of this nation, know all too well the response that is needed. In every fighter squadron I was in, there was a saying that we knew to be true, that said, when there was a true enemy, you negotiate with that enemy with your knee in his chest and your knife at his throat. Many people are unfamiliar with this way of thinking, and shrink from its ramifications. War is such a messy business, and there are many who want no part of it, but rush to bask in the security blanket of its victory. I spent an entire military career fighting Communism, and was very proud to do so. We won that war, we beat one of the worst scourges to humankind the world has known. But it took a great effort, over"}, {"response": 234, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 28, 2003 (18:18)", "body": "I am so proud to be an American *wild applause* Me Too! :-)"}, {"response": 235, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 30, 2003 (20:10)", "body": "This original poem from JohnBurnett: \"Shock and Awe\" (with apologies to Dr. Seuss by John Burnett In Baghdad in the Middle East There lived a man who was a beast A leader ruthless and insane Who called himself Saddam Hussein. Saddam was evil beyond words He gassed some people known as Kurds And to the horror of us all He murdered his own son in law. Next to Iraq there was a state Geographers knew as Kuwait A place with oil that was so rich It gave Saddam a nasty itch For even though he had no need His heart was filled with oil-fueled greed. Saddam said, \"No I cannot wait To take the oil that\ufffds in Kuwait I\ufffdll send my troops across the border They\ufffdll wreak chaos in short order Then I\ufffdll launch SCUDS into the night And they\ufffdll give up without a fight.\" In Washington there was a man Who had a vision for his land Where gas was cheap and flowing free To fill up every SUV But with Saddam in charge of oil It set George Bush\ufffds blood aboil. He chased the tyrant from Kuwait To liberate the oil-rich state And then again the oil flowed free To power U.S. industry The war was done, there was no need To kill Saddam, they all agreed. A decade passed Saddam remained Still power hungry and insane He was accused of mass production Weapons meant for mass destruction Though he agreed to be inspected The U.N. guys he misdirected. The U.N. sent a guy named Blix To stop Saddam and end his tricks And find the plants of mass production Weapons meant for mass destruction Hard evidence Blix could find none \"Not good enough,\" said Bush the son. \"You know Saddam, the man\ufffds a liar who set Kuwait\ufffds oil fields afire Yes he is evil, mean and bad He even tried to kill my dad I know that he has backed Osama And that just gives me major trauma. \"So send a message to Iraq They\ufffdve got two days or I\ufffdll attack Surrender now or abdicate It is your choice, I will not wait And if you don\ufffdt do what I say The Gulf War will look like child\ufffds play. \"Now since Saddam chose to resist I\ufffdll keep my word, I must insist He\ufffdll find out about real production Weapons meant for mass destruction Missiles, bombs, both smart and cluster Not to mention bunker busters From the sky, a fiery rain Will help root out Saddam Hussein. \"So send the bombs of shock and awe Just like I promised my dear pa I\ufffdll rain destruction on his head I won\ufffdt stop till Saddam is dead. For me, it\ufffds glorious panacea Are you listening, North Korea?\""}, {"response": 236, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 10, 2003 (10:00)", "body": "*APPLAUSE* that is great!!!!!!"}, {"response": 237, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (01:20)", "body": "Our Guy, John is ever sharp and insightful. I'll let him know you appreciated his poem!"}, {"response": 238, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  4, 2003 (10:25)", "body": "From the good man himself: SADDAM'S OFFSPRING Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: Sooflay ............the restaurateur Guday...............the half-Australian brother Huray...............the sports fanatic Sashay..............the gay brother Kuntay & Kintay.....the twins from the African mother Sayhay..............the baseball player Ojay................the stalker/murderer Gulay...............the singer/entertainer Ebay................the Internet czar Biliray.............the country music star Ecksray.............the radiologist Puray...............the blender factory owner Regay...............the half-Jamaican brother Tupay...............the one with bad hair Among the sisters: Lattay..............the coffee shop owner Bufay...............the 300 pound sister Phayray.............the zoo worker in the gorilla house Sapheway............the grocery store owner Olay...............the half-Mexican sister Finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about him. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 17, "subject": "help terry find a new wife", "response_count": 24, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "Aged? Haircolour? Eyecolour? Size? Voice type? I'll catch him one, and wrap her in some fancy paper, and take her along with me next year..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (14:43)", "body": "Maybe we could hook him up on-line at a singles site, like match.com!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (15:48)", "body": "Autumn, you are a woman of many talents. Practicality is not one of them. Why go to all that trouble when we could merely help him catch that Kristen woman he raves about so much!?!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (20:06)", "body": "You mean his roommate?? A little obvious, don't you think?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "Perhaps, but so practical. Neither of them will have to give up their homes! And what better person to mate with than one's roommate?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:04)", "body": "Where's your sense of adventure? What about the seamy bars, late night rendezvous, early morning \"who in the hell\"s? We gotta get Paul out and A-bout so he can have a little fun before settling down in bliss eternal with a wifey. The Body Choir sounds (and feels no doubt) great but where's your sense of SCREWYNESS?!?!??!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "With you as a cousin, who NEEDS an extra sense of screwyness?!?!?!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "Score!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (08:21)", "body": "The game's far from over yet...."}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:15)", "body": "perhaps 'an extra sense of screwiness' shall breed tolerance within... YOU!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:42)", "body": "http://www.jailbabes.com"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (01:41)", "body": "ROTFLMATO!!!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:07)", "body": "great site Ray!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "Is Ray the host?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:20)", "body": "he's the jailwarden..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:22)", "body": "Well, he can guard my jail any day!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep  1, 1998 (21:31)", "body": "http://www.realdoll.com"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (01:17)", "body": "ha-ha!!!! Ray, where on earth do you come up with these places??? They sound like something from the Cycle Slut Magazine, or something."}, {"response": 19, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:18)", "body": "well, when you spend as much time as i do on-line, you are just bound to run into something interesting!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (15:21)", "body": "Have you you applied for a beta tester position with Realdoll Ray?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (16:46)", "body": "hey! that's an idea! i'll wait 'til they come out with the Riette model."}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (18:41)", "body": "They're coming out with a boy toy too. No wife yet, y'all keep them suggestions coming. The rubbery surrogate was a hell of an idea Ray, but a bit pricey at $5,000. If I was Howard Stern I could get one for free like he did. What a biz these guys have going. And they say the Japanese model even has secretions."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "Made of?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (21:11)", "body": "Oil probably. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 170, "subject": "Smile drool, you're screwed", "response_count": 101, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KarenR", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (11:07)", "body": "??????"}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (11:10)", "body": "I'm just kidding!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KarenR", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (11:24)", "body": "OK. So this is just another place where you can diss us, huh? ;-D"}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (21:04)", "body": "Karen, this is the place we make fun of ourselves. Check out my screwed topic, for an example. Not to worry, I shall be watching over the Firthians from this prospective, and I think what develops will be good-natured poking and fun. Example, who else has caused so many ladies to learn HTML programming through watching a performance of Pride and Prejudice than Colin Firth? I'll bet no other actor can boast that accomplishment! That is why I learned it all those years(!) ago...*grin*"}, {"response": 5, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (21:09)", "body": "Oh, BTW, this is a tribute and an honor to be \"screwed\". Like a roast of a celebrity, it is supposed to be an acknowledgment to Drool's accomplishments and the respect with which it is held. But put away your sensitivities when you read in here. They will poke at you unmercifully...and laugh all the while with you!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (13:09)", "body": "It's Spring Sleuth!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (15:35)", "body": "Ree, is THAT who you are?! *lol*"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (09:09)", "body": "ha-ha! Only when I'm flattering myself!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (12:48)", "body": ";=}"}, {"response": 10, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (02:01)", "body": "Hi all No dissing here Karen. Or if there is I am not part of it. The Geophiles (Marcia, myself, John, Wolfie, Julie (most of you have not met yet))community has its faults, some are gneiss and some of them are tuff. I have not a pyrotemper, but consider myself a lava dome instead. Rob"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:25)", "body": "OH ROB!!! You do know how to get into the spirit of Screwed. Gneiss work! Geo's full of pussycats. Karen give me a sanity check when I think Geo and Spring have fallen into a black hole! I aboslutely need her!!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:28)", "body": "About lava-ing your dome, I don't know, but when you get to Hawaii, you will be required to be attired in lava lava! Whoopee *;D"}, {"response": 13, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (05:13)", "body": "Hi all My lava dome is a reliable indicator of the mood I am in. If it is gently steaming then I am in a calm mood and safe to climb. If steaming vigorously something is bothering me. If small pyroclastic flows are coming off, then I am best left alone. If there is dome collapse.... god help you all. At the time of writing this I was gently steaming. Rob"}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:43)", "body": "I'll be sure to make note of this most important indicator. I usually give off harmoic tremors (vibes?!) and then blow only if it is the last option. Actually, this volcanic lady would much rather flow gently into the sea making little secluded black sand beaches than to pave over housing and earthly inhabitants. YOU need to be recognized too - but let us make our \"venting\" on 173 where John can msasure the magnitude of our frustrations. Hugs, Rob, for creating 173. John will be amazed. I wonder if he has translated the meaning of \"screwed\" - there are several options."}, {"response": 15, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:34)", "body": "I still haven't figured it out!!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (18:59)", "body": "I dopn't think we're supposed to. One guy here is still bent on being the main course of a feast. I guess that doesn't appeal to you - unless he is a member of the Tofu family. Talk about Screwy..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (18:59)", "body": "*gotta cut those fingernails or type more slowly or proof read twice...*"}, {"response": 18, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (12:26)", "body": "hmm...Tofuman, anyone? :-)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (16:10)", "body": "Love it, Autumn, though this guy has his heart bent on grossing us out. Perhaps HE was the cause of the demise of Tofurkey. No one ever seemed to want to consume him and I dared not ask the questions begging to be asked ;p"}, {"response": 20, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (12:16)", "body": "ROTFLOL!!!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:41)", "body": "Hi all A Garrick Tremain cartoon for you (the white washing of the New Zealand Black Caps). For those of you who don't know what happened, the Black Caps were defeated by a mammoth innings and 324 runs (Pakistan scored 643/9, in reply the first time we were bowled out for about 70, and sent back to bat needing 574 to win - we were bowled for 249. This is our heaviest ever test defeat): http://www.stuff.co.nz/inl/index/0,1008,1190279a2580,FF.html Rob"}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:10)", "body": "Oh Rob!!! How terribly sad. It must have been a real rout! My shoulder is always availble for you to cry on!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (02:33)", "body": "Hi all That is disappointing, but this is shocking!!!!!! http://www.stuff.co.nz/inl/index/0,1008,1194950a10,FF.html Rob"}, {"response": 24, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (13:41)", "body": "Good God, that's what you call a close call. Those poor, unlucky people who were outside the hotel, though..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:50)", "body": "Most of the news we are getting is about the 9 French Engineers who were killed. Very sad."}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:37)", "body": "This is to let you know that The AFirthionado site has recently vacated the firth.com and colinfirth.com (which are owned by Spring) and moved to an independent location. Please bookmark the following link to THE AFIRTHIONADO: http://www.afirthionado.com It is our intention to reorganize and rebuild the site. It already has some new interactive features: an open communication forum (or a message board in simple terms) and an ever growing mega-collection of Firth-links to which anyone can contribute. We hope our visitors will find these facilities useful. These features will normally be accessed from the main (home) page, but while the linking and reorganizing is going on, the following direct links will work better: The AFirthionado Forum: http://www.f50.parsimony.net/forum200368/ The Interactive Link List: http://links.parsimony.net/links8507/ Renate (webmistress) and Maria (archivist) P.S. Please pass the information to any other interested party. P.P.S. This message will not appear in Drool (Spring) for various administrative reasons, but if anyone wishes to pass it on to the Droolers, they are welcome to do so."}, {"response": 27, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (05:39)", "body": "Hi all Canterbury Crusaders won the Super 12 Competition tonight, comfortably beating the Australian Capital Territory Brumbies 31-13 before a capacity crowd at Jade Stadium. The Crusaders are the ultimate team in the competition now having won every game that they have played this season, and thus setting a record that might be matched but not beaten. CANTERBURY!!!!!!!!! CANTERBURY!!!!!!!!! And so the supporters shall sing far into the night, on a day when Red and Black was the only permissible colour combination in town. CANTERBURY!!!!!!!!! CANTERBURY!!!!!!!!! Rob"}, {"response": 28, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (14:56)", "body": "How fortunate those hot colors come to the fore during such cold weather. Canterbury is also my favorite for obvious reasons. If only I could figure a better way to dress in their colors! Maybe one of our local spirits dealers might bring in some of your brew for my sampling. I wonder, is it exported?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (02:22)", "body": "Hi all I composed a poem for Marcia, which I will post at a latter date, when my University calendar is not so messy as it is at present.... and I wrote a very good poem for Julie in her babe topic not so very long ago that you might want to check out. Still Rob prefers to write scenario's and short stories like the scenario for Orting in http://groups.yahoo.com/group/worldvolcanism (track back to about March for the post). Rob"}, {"response": 30, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (02:36)", "body": "Hi all This is a scenario I wrote for Orting based on the mudflow hazard that Mount Rainier poses: March 21, 2001 A cold wind blew up the valley, as a lone policeman gingerly makes his way through the cold night air to a pole with a steel bin dug deep into the ground, high on a ridge overlooking a valley. He opens the lid on the steel drum which houses a seismograph and geophone system hooked to the Orting Police Station, some 35 miles downstream. All is normal. Down the verdantly beautiful valley with douglas firs and pines draining the slopes of Rainier, flows a river cutting through the forest in a gorgeous glacial blue ribbon. It discharges into a wider valley downstream and flows across the plains before entering the sea near Seattle. As dawn breaks over the Puyallup River, seismograph needle wobbles on a machine at the Orting police station before reverting back to a normal straight line. It has picked up a small flood originating from the the glacier system that mantles the 14,410 foot high volcano. Nothing to worry about. But three days later, something more sinister emerges. A volcanologist goes up to Rainier and checks the vents temperature as well as a report of a steam vent on the lip of the crater. The police and chiefs call a meeting with the mayor of the town. They decide to keep watch on the volcano and make an announcement if things worsen. For the next couple days a 24 hour vigil is kept on the seismographs and warnings are posted for climbers to avoid the glaciers and crater lip of Rainier. March 25 Two climbers approaching the summit feel an earthquake. Although high on the mountain, they opt to descend incase of more earthquakes. They descend to the carpark and one of them calls the police. Aware of the mountain's volatile history and reputation, they are worried about it being the opening note of an overture that no one wants to hear. That night an announcement is made to the people of Orting about the earthquake and a small flood four days ago. The media largely ignore it wholly unaware of the importance of the small flood and the earthquake. Another earthquake rocks the volcano that night loosening up rock and allowing magma to enter the cracks. It's presence as scribbles on the seismograph reading the following morning turn's the gut of the police chief ice cold. Something is wrong. Another meeting is hold, this time involving the county sheriff, his deputy, the State Governor, the fire chief and the local representative of the Federal Emergency Management Authority. More small earthquakes rock the mountain, and small rock slides distort the reading on the seismograph. The people are starting to feel the tremors and the media is interested. Not wanting to create an atmosphere of panic, the Governor calls for calm, assuring the people that the warning system will provide enough time for an evacuation in the worst case. To reassure them further, a test is run on the sirens to check they are working. The result is reassuring. The sirens are working and are being heard clearly. Night fell on March 27 as the town of Orting watched the local news for information, on the unfolding crisis. They were scared. For years the people had been educated on the huge lahar deposits 500ft deep that blanketed the valley floor. At school the following day teachers began teaching the students what to do if the warning to evacuate was given. The students were frightened. Most did not know what a volcano was and the thought of the only home they knew being swallowed by a huge lahar scared them. It scared their teachers that they now had to teach something they had hoped would not be needed. It scared the authorities who knew that a false alarm would destroy their credibility and that not warning the people in time would also destroy their standing. It scared the geologists who were watching the volcano and the State Governor despite her interest in volcanology. Geologists began speculating on the possible causes of a lahar. Could it be a volcanic eruption melting the glaciers? Could it be an earthquake loosening weakened rock and ash, thus mixing it with the water from the glacier? People were warned about straying into the valleys and climbers were told to stick to the ridges on the east flank if they had to climb. Dawn came at 7.00AM on March 28 and was accompanied by the wailing of a siren. A disused and derilict house down the road had been torched. It was just the Fire Brigade. Two climbers on their way to the east flank of Rainier had reported a man running away. They had spoken to police about the fire. Near the mountain a sheriff asked them where they were going. After checking their permit, he let them pass. High up on the flank of Rainier at Sunset Amphitheatre, a huge gash where a segment of the volcano had cascaded down the valley in a huge avalanche, the volcano was cracking and crumbling. Mount Rainier would not hold on much longer. Earthquake activity was steady but the magma was almost to t"}, {"response": 31, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (02:40)", "body": "Hi all This is my best scenario yet and in the future I have scenario's planned for several more volcanoes. One might involve a repeat of the 79AD eruption of Vesuvius which destroyed Pompeii and Herculaneum (Marcia, you and I need to figure out at some stage whether it was pyroclastics or ashfall that was the knock out blow to Pompeii - or locate a copy of \"The riddle of Pompeii\"). Rob"}, {"response": 32, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (04:04)", "body": "Rob, your stuff is too good for the frivolity here. But you just may reach a wider audience. Great reading!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (17:34)", "body": "We went to Pompeii in October--too cool!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (13:58)", "body": "Pompeii??? I am so envious!! h well, I am being immersed in America's past still live and well in the hills of the southeastern states. Appalachia is not wrich in anything but history and memories and beauty of a raw kind. The people are wonderful though they call themselves hillbillies and rednecks. Not so! Not by MY definition! Pompeii, however, I have not been invited to. I'll put that on some other wish list."}, {"response": 35, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (21:25)", "body": "It probably used to be full of hillbillies and rednecks, but they all got vaporized by Mt. Vesuvius. :-)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (13:37)", "body": "Quite probably! Bet they were proud of it, too! Btw, I am still trying to find a self-professed redneck hillbilly without at least one college degree. Is this part of the persona I missed before? I had a rather different image of that hillbilly redneck implied *;)"}, {"response": 37, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (23:16)", "body": "Oh, a lot of 'em have had some fancy book learnin'..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (04:34)", "body": "Hi all And she will vape again soon Autumn, because Vesuvius is due for an eruption that every volcanologist in Europe knows is coming. The Mayor of Naples knows it - it must be his worst nightmare. The archaeologists who marvel over the ruins of Pompeii and Herculaneum know that their offspring will be marvelling over even more at a latter date. The geologists know it - it's every Italian volcanogists nightmare. I know it - Julie and I both want to see Pompeii preferably before it is recovered by nature. The documentary \"The Riddle of Pompeii\" tells the agony of a city that Vesuvius laid siege to for 30 odd hours ending in (and Marcia and I cannot agree on this)a massive pyroclastic surge that went 30 kilometres into the Bay of Naples killing maybe 20,000 people. On top of a layer of ash that evidently accumulated at a rate of 20 centimetres or 8 inches an hour, there were five pyroclastic surges. The ashfall killed a few people from collapsing buildings, but what would not when you have 6 metres of ash drop on y u. It fell slowly enough that people just moved from house to house as the buildings collapsed. So then why are so many preserved bodies found on the pyroclastic flow deposits? Not sure, but I am sticking to the idea that after a sustained ash fall, people cowering in caves from the ceaseless bombardment were overwhlemed when the huge over-weighted column of volcanic debris pouring from the crater, began collapsing. The 1st 2nd and 3rd flows heated the air suffocating and choking some of the victims. The fourth one raised the curtain for the all conquering knock out. The power of the fifth flow rammed the ash and debris solidly into their throats, clogging them. They dropped like flies under the searing heat which also evaporated their body fluids. And so 20,000 people died from suffocating heat and asphyxiation. Rob"}, {"response": 39, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (20:46)", "body": "Given that, I certainly hope you get your visit in before it is recovered by nature!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (21:15)", "body": "Hi all Status of the lava dome has changed. From Steaming vigorously to steaming gently (see message 13). Safe to climb. Rob"}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (10:42)", "body": "I want to see it, too! I've Dug Pompeii since I was a tiny kid. It is both geology and archaeology. What can be better than that? I'd really prefer not to become part of it!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jul 14, 2002 (15:14)", "body": "Ha-ha! Don't want to be part of living history, huh Marcia? :-)"}, {"response": 43, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (06:19)", "body": "Hi all More specifically she does not want to be carbonised by the superheated lick of a pyroclastic flow, or find her stuck in a lahar that has the consistency of concrete. A pyroclastic flow either leaves you carbonised in the shape it found you, or horribly disfigured by the king of all blowtorches. On the other hand, picture if you can a slow rising sea of mud burying you slowly but systematically - the terror of mud rising over your head filling your mouth and nose, and setting like concrete leaving you entombed for eternity. Rob"}, {"response": 44, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "wouldn't the mud be hot? so she wouldn't suffer long, right? and her skin would look great underneath all that! *giggle* (marcia, never in a million years would i wish you to be entombed in muddy concrete *HUGS*)"}, {"response": 45, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (23:21)", "body": "Gee, Rob, do you do kids' parties?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (19:42)", "body": "*giggle*"}, {"response": 47, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (00:24)", "body": "Hi all Since I am not a kid and don't get invited to the birthday parties of the kids next door I only host adults - like you people and Julie, who despite her age is every inch the mature adult I see myself to be. We display an incredible likeness, with the only exceptions being the most obvious *GRINS BRILLIANTLY*. Rob"}, {"response": 48, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (22:54)", "body": "I thought flying was dangerous! Thanks for suggesting I be the demo model. you are right, I don't want to be part of the scenery now or in the future. Obvious?In this topic we expect examples. Quit grinning quite so brilliantly and let us know how deep your lahar really is. On the other hand, no! Spare us the envy and petty jeaousies it would engender! *;)"}, {"response": 49, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Jul 19, 2002 (06:29)", "body": "Hi all While we are on the subject of Lahars, I want to mention that Julie went to Orting in WA, which is in the shadow of Rainier volcano. Orting is a town built on the deposits of vast lahars that originated high on Rainiers flanks and which were up to 500ft high, or so estimate the USGS scientists probing the remains of ancient forests torn down by the lahars. Orting is in danger because it has been several centuries since the last one came thundering down the valleys of the Carbon and Puyallup Rivers. During that time a lot of snow would have been melted and the liquid turned into an acid eating away the volcano, thus priming it for the next big lahar. Rob"}, {"response": 50, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jul 20, 2002 (13:41)", "body": "julie already left for that trip? wow!!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "cascadeclimber", "date": "Sat, Jul 20, 2002 (16:19)", "body": "*giggles* No Wolfie, I am right here. Rob was talking about the trip I took the end of May and begining of June. I took some great shots of Orting while I was there and as soon as I get the other half of my film developed I will upload them on Geo for all of you to see."}, {"response": 52, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jul 21, 2002 (12:02)", "body": "when are you supposed to leave for your second trip? i can't wait to see the pics!"}, {"response": 53, "author": "cascadeclimber", "date": "Sun, Jul 21, 2002 (16:07)", "body": "It looks like we will leave Aug. 8th and come back on the 19th."}, {"response": 54, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (15:31)", "body": "SOON, then!!! What will Rob do without you? Pester me, is what. Just as you did when he was away. *SIGH* *;D"}, {"response": 55, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (15:32)", "body": "Being a surrogate sweetheart is not my favorite occupation but I'll do it for you! sheesh"}, {"response": 56, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Jul 25, 2002 (01:22)", "body": "Hi all Not to worry Marcia. Since it is keeping Julie sane **grins mischevously**, what do you worry about? Rob"}, {"response": 57, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 26, 2002 (14:11)", "body": "Nary a thing, Rob! I have enough trouble practicing that little dance I promised you. I have just found out what it entails. EEeeeeeeeeK Are you sure you want ME to do this?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 26, 2002 (14:12)", "body": "mmm Rob, Sweetie. You DO know that Julie and I have the power to turn youj back into a frog?! Behave!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Jul 28, 2002 (03:10)", "body": "Hi all What??!! Prince Charming, a frog??? NEVER!!! Prince Charming also Prince Good Man for helping a thoroughly drunk student to her bed after she fell off her seat and could not get up. She would not respond to questions coherently and was about to chuck. We (myself and another guy)put her in the recovery position while two girls cleared the floor of obstacles. We later put her into bed after she tried to get up and fell over. This was last night in Wainui where I have been on field work for the past two days, and where I am going back in two months time. Rob"}, {"response": 60, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Jul 29, 2002 (05:40)", "body": "Hi all Marcia: re table dance. If you are going to humiliate yourself, the answer is no. But tell me just what it is that you don't like about it. Rob"}, {"response": 61, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:16)", "body": "I hate disappointing people. Nothing at all wrong with it in the right company!"}, {"response": 62, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:55)", "body": "can't disappoint your friends though *HUGS*"}, {"response": 63, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Aug  3, 2002 (05:51)", "body": "Hi all What makes you think you would disappoint me. You have exceeded my fondest expectations. Rob"}, {"response": 64, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (22:03)", "body": "*blush* (I am the shy modest sort. You'll see!)"}, {"response": 65, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug 11, 2002 (06:03)", "body": "Hi all This I know very well and which many would do well to model. Thy gracious modest one does very well. Rob"}, {"response": 66, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (22:32)", "body": "*Sigh* Rob,I miss talking to you. I miss listening to cricket with you and actually being able to imagine what is happening. *sigh* We both miss Julie!"}, {"response": 67, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (04:48)", "body": "Hi all I do too. That girl is one cool person. But she is doubtlessly enjoying her time in the Cascades and let her be in peace. Summer for her has not been the greatest this year so I am happy to let her have her break. School starts again soon for Julie so she is going to be pretty busy in the months coming up. I, on the other hand have holidays starting on Friday August 23 (the last thing I have for the term is the Geology 112 short answer test - the one Geology assessment I did well in last year). So I will be on holiday soon and have a couple weeks up my sleeve. I have a plan to buy a cellphone and will probably do that then. Marcia dear, you will take care on returning to Hilo won't you? The HM will not like the fact that you are going to try to sell, and things might get a bit ugly. I do want to see you in person in a couple years time, as will your \"little sis\". Rob"}, {"response": 68, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (16:45)", "body": "I promise to be careful. This will be a most unpleansant time and I do not look forward to going back. My return to the mainland will be accomplished as quickly as possible. Lance has suggested I not return there alone. The only trouble is, Who do I get to come with me? I can get restraining orders and police and lawyers but I also need to be in Hilo to do it. I also need some help getting boxes of what I want to keep packed and to the post office. This is going to be a very educational exit. I just don't want to be one of the sacrifices to the volcano! Julie has had a rough summer. I suspect a full schedule of normal activities and classes will do more for her than all the medicine in the world. I know she is thinking of us just as we are of her. *HUGS* Julie!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug 19, 2002 (09:39)", "body": "take your son with you!!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Aug 20, 2002 (02:52)", "body": "Hi all Marcia, Madame Pele's current flood of lava may be sign of distress that her admirer and worshipper is going to the mainland. I am sure that she respects you, just as you do her. I respect the mighty goddess that created the beautiful islands of the Hawaiian chain, and I know that we are on her turf. Will Durant had this to say: Mankind exists by geological consent alone, subject to revocation without warning. Rob"}, {"response": 71, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 24, 2002 (12:04)", "body": "*Sigh* Mme Pele is putting on aspectacular show.I hope I might get to see it. Going back is gonna be VERY unpleasant - alas I can only find ME to go there with. Son does not get time off and others are also in a similar bind.I'm on my own in this and that is making the hugest knots inside me."}, {"response": 72, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (01:04)", "body": "Hi all Marcia, if you can, watch for me on Yahoo! I am on holiday so I have a bit of time up my sleeve, some of which I want to spend with you online. Rob"}, {"response": 73, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 30, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "Okay, this is just for fun. It's a link to the Celtic Zodiac, which is based on a 13 sign lunar calendar. The signs are mostly trees, atleast all are plants; as it was originated by Druids that would make sense. I just find astrology fun in general and hope that this site being essentially a Wiccan site doesn't upset anyone. http://www.ladytia.com/celt/zodiac.htm"}, {"response": 74, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (07:03)", "body": "Hi all Three years ago if asked about the New Zealand Tall Blacks making the Basketball World Cup, most people would have said dream on. That was then, a time when New Zealand basketball was in decline. In a nation where Rugby, Cricket, Hockey and Netball are the biggest team sports, basketball lagged a distant 7th or 8th on the list. That was then. A century ago or so it would seem. But in the last 2 years there has been a steady stream of New Zealand generated earthquakes in the basketball world. The first was making the Sydney Olympics. We finished 11th out of 12. A year later we bet Australia in the Oceania qualifer and thus had the right to appear at the World Cup. This was history in itself. But much MUCH better was to come and possibly still IS to come. In July things stepped up a notch, with Hungary being dispatched by the Tall Blacks on our home turf. They were beaten 4-1 in a five match series. This was significant. Most people did not expect a Tall Black series win. In August things stepped another notch with a win against the DEFENDING WORLD CHAMPS, Yugoslavia. But it was in the last week that things have gone through the roof, the hopes and aspiration soaring to the heavens on the back of something that maybe the earthquake of the year in World Basketball. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am talking about a nation that never been to the best of my knowledge, the World Cup of Basketball before. I am talking about a nation of 4 million people where basketball is one of the smaller sports played. I am talking about a nation that has now made it into the top four teams in the WORLD. But now, as New Zealand prepares to confront the defending World Champion Yugoslavian team, I can say with a degree of real certainty that there will be parties tomorrow night regardless of who wins. The article below is about the New Zealand loss to the United States. It does not account for the victories against China and Puerto Rico since then. Rob - VIVA LA NEW ZEALAND!!!!!!!!!!!!! ---- Basketball: Don't count us out 05 September 2002 By PETER BIDWELL and NZPA New Zealand suffered their heaviest defeat of the world basketball championships yesterday - 110-62 to favourites the United States - but were boosted on two fronts ahead of today's make-or-break match with China. The Tall Blacks need to win in Indianapolis today, and hope Germany beat Russia, to progress to the quarterfinals. The good news was that New Zealand basketball boss David Crocker was not writing off the chances of injured NBA star Sean Marks returning to the court; while the Chinese suffered a pounding at the hands of a side the Kiwis have already beaten at the tournament. Marks sat out the match with the US and Tuesday's game with Germany after suffering an eye injury. But the buzz from Crocker, and whispers out of the team camp in the US, had Marks a chance to start today (live on TV One at 9.30am). \"There's a risk of further eye damage, and potential problems with insurance, but I still think there's a chance of Sean playing,\" Crocker said in Wellington last night. \"I just know how passionate Sean is to play for New Zealand and how crushed he was when he was injured. \"This is the biggest moment in New Zealand basketball's life and Sean would be so disappointed if he can't be a part of it.\" Crocker said if Marks defied advice and played, and suffered further damage, he might not be covered by insurance. Marks had been told by a specialist to have five days of bed rest after the injury occurred. However, he has been courtside. The Tall Blacks will believe they have a decent shot at toppling the Chinese, the tallest team at the event, especially after China's 95-68 thrashing at the hands of Russia yesterday. The Kiwis beat Russia by nine points in the first round of pool play. Even in yesterday's heavy defeat, there were positives for the Tall Blacks. They won the first quarter 25-22 and were still in touch at halftime, trailing by just six points. However, 17-0 and 19-0 scoring runs in the third quarter killed off their chances. Dallas Maverick Michael Finley and Boston Celtic Paul Pierce landed 20-point bags for the US. Kirk Penney top-scored for New Zealand with 16 points, while captain Pero Cameron's 13 and Phill Jones's 11 were the only other Tall Black returns in double figures. Cameron even earned high praise from American coach George Karl. \"Probably my favourite player is the Cameron kid. He is just an all-time good basketball player who knows how to play.\""}, {"response": 75, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (05:55)", "body": "Hi all Basketball fans in the US, Puerto Rico, Spain, Russia, China, and elsewhere, must be wondering what is going on. This must be one of the great upsets in sport... Rob ---- Basketball: Unlikely four get ready for world semi-finals 07 September 2002 INDIANAPOLIS: It will be an unlikely final four when this year's world basketball championship semi-finals take place tomorrow. The much-heralded United States are in the classification round. So are the Russians, along with Spain, another pre-tournament favourite. Taking their place - the Kiwis. New Zealand has without question been the Cinderella story of this tournament. Making only their second appearance at the championship, and the winners of a grand total of one game in the tournament's history before Indianapolis, the Kiwis find themselves in a showdown against defending world champions Yugoslavia. New Zealand has the 12th worst percentage in field goal shooting at the event (41.3). Their top NBA player, Sean Marks, is sidelined with an eye injury. Yet somehow, some way, the Kiwis have survived to take their place among the best four teams in the world - at least for this week. Phill Jones leads the team in scoring and is 10th in the tournament with a 17.3 points-per-game average, but it has been strong team play that has taken New Zealand this far. Mark Dickel, second in the tournament with an average of five assists per game, is symbolic of the team's unselfish nature. You won't find a Kiwi among the individual tournament leaders in any category but this collection of relative no-names has played disciplined, team-oriented basketball all week and deserves it's surprising place in the spotlight. Yugoslavia is quite another story. The defending world champions have five NBA starts on their roster and were widely considered to be the second best team coming into the event. Yet they suffered two early losses, which were marked by their indifferent play, and even faced elimination from the medal rounds at one point. But as the week has progressed, the Yugoslavs have taken their game to a higher level, culminating in an 81-78 upset of the United States in the quarter-final on Thursday. Yugoslavia has shot 50 per cent from the field, second best in the championship, and has hit a tournament-high 42.6 per cent of its three-point attempts. Their top NBA player Predrag Stojakovic has averaged 19 points a game, seventh best at the event, and is fourth in free throw percentage at 89.3. A very deep and talented team, they are now the clear-cut favourites to defend the championship, which would be the country's fifth world title. The other semi-final features unbeaten Argentina against Germany. The Germans are competing in their third world championship and have never finished higher than 12th. Their last appearance was in 1994. In 2002, however, they have been a force. Dirk Nowitzki has been rested wherever possible to keep him fresh and yet he still leads all tournament scorers with a 23.3 points-per-game average, including a tournament best 94.4 per cent from the free throw line. Jorg Lutcke and Mithat Demirel have been the long threats, as both rank among the top 10 in tournament three-point shooting. Like the Yugoslavs, the Germans appear to be getting better as the tournament wears on and they rank in the top seven in most team offensive categories. The Germans have also played strong defence and rank fourth in steals and third in blocked shots heading into the semis. Argentina will be looking for just its second medal at the world championships, with the first coming at the inaugural event in Buenos Aires. The team is unbeaten largely due to its unselfish play. Emanuel Ginobili, who appears to be headed for NBA stardom very soon, typifies that with his 4.6 assists-per-game ratio, fourth best in the tournament. He is also third in steals with 2.3 per game and 10th in field goal percentage at 52.4, ahead of team mate Andres Nocioni who is seventh with 54.3. Lucas Victoriano is 10th in three-point shooting at 50 percent. Hugo Sconochini is seventh in free throw shooting at 86.2 per cent. But it is team play that has made the Argentinians. They lead the world championships in field goal percentage (53) and in assists, with a 23.3 per game average. They are also seventh in free throws (75 percent) and third in steals with 9.9 per game. Reputation would point to a Yugoslavia/Argentina final on Sunday, but given the upsets here already nothing that happens in the semi-finals would be considered overly surprising."}, {"response": 76, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (15:26)", "body": "Go Kiwis!! The new \"dream team\"!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (04:52)", "body": "Hi all It has been a dream 10 days in New Zealand sport. All three events I am about to mention have put smiles back on the face of New Zealanders, after we lost the America's Cup to the Alinghi Syndicate in March and threw away our chances in the Cricket World Cup. They have been in the traditional hotbeds of rugby and netball where events that could be described as earthquakes within the two sports have occurred. Americans unfortunately might not really be able to appreciate the magnitude of the netball success because it is a no-name sport, though I think by New Zealand has a reputation for it's rugby among Americans. Anyway... The rugby success many say is a storm warning for reigning World No.1 Australia because in 74 days time the Holy Grail of rugby will be up for grabs. Between NZ and Australia exists a strong rivalry on the sporting pitch as two sides whose reputations risk being put to the sword by the media every time they play. New Zealand rugby has had mixed results since the Frogs stunned us at the 1999 world cup as well as about 3 coaches. Wayne Smith coached the All Blacks in 2000 after his Super 12 Franchise the Canterbury Crusaders won the Super 12 Competition for the third consecutive year. Smith however resigned the following year, and John Mitchell took over, with Crusaders skipper Todd Blackadder being replaced (Blackadder was skipper under the guidance of Wayne Smith). The annual Bledisloe Cup between NZ and Australia was lost during that time, as was the tri-nations involving the trans-Tasman rivals and South Africa. But in recent months there has been progressively improving results, which suggest the lean period since 1998 may be behind them. New Zealand played England in June and were beaten only narrowly. A week later France came and I think they were beaten 28-23. South Africa has been put away - we thrashed them 52-16, and now Australia has been steamrolled 50-21. All of a sudden things are looking shaky for the Australians who have also registered losses against England and France, and - as so often seems to be the case when Australia is down - looking brighter for the Kiwis. Tomorrow I look at Part 2: the tectonic plates of world netball finally move. Rob"}, {"response": 78, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (07:51)", "body": "Kia Ora Netball is a game where 7 players are spread throughout the court in Wing Attack, Wing Defence, Goal Attack, Goal Defence, Goal Keep, Goal Shoot and Centre. A game lasts 60 minutes, has a scoring system of one point per goal and one point for a penalty. It is conducted by moving a few steps before passing the ball to someone else, and is supposed to be a non-contact game. As you will see it is anything but a non-contact sport. http://netballnz.co.nz/thegame/thegame_subcategory/0,1471,,00.html http://netballnz.co.nz/thegame/thegame_detail/0,1470,42149,00.html - these are the most recent updated rules for the game. The World Championship standings at the end of the 1999 World Cup were: 1)AUSTRALIA 2)New Zealand 3)England 4)Jamaica A few notes about the top four teams and South Africa: -Australia are generally the superpower of international netball. Until July 21, 2003 they had been the reigning champs for 16 years. Doggedly aggressive style which one could never afford to get complacent about. Australia lost several players to retirement after the 1999 World Cup, who had been instrumental in New Zealand's defeat. -New Zealand save for an interlude in 1995 have consistently been World No.2, and until recently the only team capable of standing up to the Australians. In recent years the team has been bolstered by the arrival of a South African sharp-shooter and a vigorous Fijian defender. While several of the 1999 squad have gone into retirement or become mothers, the performance of the team never slackened off and actually slowly improved. Games against Australia have never had more than a few points separating the two teams. -For a country whose people honestly do not give a hoot about netball, the English did very well to get the bronze in 1999. They can on a good day put up spirited fights against New Zealand and Australia. -Jamaica can be summed up in three words: \"the Phantom Menace\". This team is frequently underrated by opponents who have occasionally paid the price with upsets being handed out. On a good day the Jamaican outfit can beat any team, and their fourth place ranking in 1999 was something of a surprise. -South Africa has players of promise, but struggles against all of the above teams and many players from the 1999 squad have shifted overseas to pursue their netball careers in safer lands. Irene van Dyk, the towering 1.90m South African turned Kiwi captained the Proteas in the 1999 competition. ---- So there you go. Does anyone have questions about the above teams or the game? Rob"}, {"response": 79, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (07:52)", "body": "I will put up the story of the 2003 World Championships later."}, {"response": 80, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (13:36)", "body": "I guess New Zealand is the favorite for winning the gold at the Athens Olympics. (or is it a winter sport, and you are now having winter!) - or the next winter Olympics... Well done !"}, {"response": 81, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Jul 30, 2003 (05:23)", "body": "Hi all Winter sport. Netball will remain small because it is not played by many countries, and thus has a very low profile. In England, despite them coming fourth, they apparently take no notice of what happens on netball courts (David Beckham (and to a much lesser extent other big soccer players), cricket, and the English rugby team are the sports that they take notice of). In Australia the media make heroes out of the NRL teams, cricket players, Ian Thorpe(do), while the netballers are doing well if they get any coverage. But in NZ the Silver Ferns are heroines - and the coach revered as the \"First lady of Paeroa\" from where she hails. Rob"}, {"response": 82, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 30, 2003 (07:17)", "body": "Let's hear it for the Netball players. I have only seen it as a demo sport at the Olympics but it is fast and lively and entertaining!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (07:41)", "body": "Kia Ora Continuing from where I left off in message #78. Commonwealth Games 2002, Netball competition final. NZ vs Australia \"...the whistle blew long and hard. But the game was not over... yet. For the score was 55-all, and the race was on to score two unanswered points to win the final. The Kiwis had the ball. It passed to Wing Attack. A lightning flash of yellow as an Australian leaps through the air grabs the ball and passes on the move to their Centre, then to the Goal Shoot and into the net. 56-55... ONE MORE TO WIN. The Australians have possession of the ball and rocket down the court. A New Zealander leaps to stop a pass but is too late. The ball reaches the Goal Attack who calmly slots it into the hoop. Australia have won 57-55. The joy and the relief is written all over their faces as they rush to congratulate each other. They were stoked that Australian netball reigned supreme, and they knew that they had lived to play another day.\" Unbeknownst to Australia, the tide was turning. They had been pushed to the limit by the New Zealand outfit. They had had to play two periods of extra time, and had only won because they scored two unchallenged points. Across the court the NZ camp was subdued. They had been SO DAMN CLOSE yet so DAMN FAR. The agony of losing was hard to take, the prospect of another loss almost too bitter to contemplate. They knew that there was only one more chance to win before players started retiring. Already from the 1999 squad 3 were in retirement or expecting babies. Slowly but surely they began to dig in with grim determination. Next year was World Cup year and all of them realised that Australia's number as world champion must expire. So it began - the Silver Ferns had just embarked on the road to glory.... they were coming.... Rob"}, {"response": 84, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (08:13)", "body": "New Zealand is a small country compared with Australia, but you have the grit and determination and talent to do it. I'm rooting (oops, wrong term down ther!) cheering for you !"}, {"response": 85, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Aug  1, 2003 (05:06)", "body": "Kia Ora Continuing from where I left off Message #83. On the other side of the ditch (what Aussies and Kiwi's call the Tasman Sea), the Australian coach Jill Macintosh, her skipper Kathryn Harby-Williams and a number of others had announced that they would retire after the next World Cup. What better way to end your career than to deny NZ the Holy Grail of world netball? The game they realised had tested them harder than anything previously thrown at them. They had been matched by a team every bit their equal for the whole match, and had only won because the other team turned over ball at a couple crucial moments. Now in World Championships year, they faced the same team, which must be bent on burying their ghosts from the Christchurch Netball World Championships. Even more disturbing was the rise and rise of their South African sharp shooter, whose shooting stats regularly clocked in excess of 90%. At 1.90m Irene van Dyk, a former South African skipper had an eye for accuracy and a calmness that made her just about impossible to shut down. Another disturbance was the call up of a Fijian defender, whose bulk and towering presence in the defensive circle would challenge the goal shooters. Vilimaina Davu has a gentle nature to those who know her, but say she plays like a woman possessed. But inspite of these dark clouds lurking on the horizon, Australia was determined to send their senior netballers out on a high. In the New Zealand camp some big changes were afoot. With ace Centre Julie Seymour expecting another child, a new Centre player to set the ball in motion on court had to be found. Casting around, Ruth Aitken spied Anna Rowberry, a Christchurch Girls High old girl. Rowberry had been part of the 1999 squad who lost to Australia, so she knew the extreme importance of her call up immediately. With Donna Loffhagen concentrating on Basketball, Irene van Dyk needed a mate in the shooting circle. The Kiwi coach had to look around a bit, because the new shooter would have to have worked with Irene van Dyk, and would need that crucial experience against the Australians. At the end of the day there was only one person in the frame: Belinda Colling. You can see the full team here: http://netballnz.co.nz/teams/teams_detail/0,1451,41584,00.html Rob"}, {"response": 86, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug  3, 2003 (05:33)", "body": "Hi all Continuing where I left off in message #85. NZ AT THE NETBALL WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS 2003 In late June 2003 the Silver Ferns left NZ bound for Jamaica. No one was holding their breaths, because the haunting memories of 1999, were all too familiar for the senior players. The spectre of another defeat in double extra time was too much to contemplate But they were determined. Since 1999 the team had undergone a sea change, and no longer did the \"Can do\" attitude exist. In it's place a more hardline \"Will do\" attitude had formed. The mental resolve of the Silver Ferns had hardened, as had their approach to the contact approach of the Australians, the Jamaicans and the English. More and more when the Australians dug their elbows into a soft part, the response became, \"do it back\". The Silver Ferns arrived in Jamaica expecting the contractors to be still scrambling to finish the new stadium on time, and were pleasantly surprised to hear the contractors had finished the day before. The stadium had a capacity crowd of 4000 seats, and two courts. Their daily training regime was demanding - for several hours a day the 12 chosen to represent NZ were made to work in humidity chambers set to simulate the Jamaican summer. Bob Marley music blared in their ears to tone them for the Caribbean welcome they would receive on court. A day before the competition began, the opening ceremony was held in typically colourful Caribbean style. The next 9 days would see NZ play 8 games in conditions where, outside a thunderstorm everyday was a virtual guarantee. It was July 10 and the 2003 World Championships were about to start. NZ on court July 11-21, 2003 First up were our northern neigbours, Niue, whose entire netball team consists of expat Niueans. Niue is a nation of about 1800, whose population has steadily declined over the years from 20,000 when it was granted independence from NZ to 1800 at the last census. So it happens that the entire Niuean netball team is NZ-based and run. It is therefore hardly a surprise that they were sunk 99-11 by the Silver Ferns. Next were Barbados in the Caribbean. This team may have had some Jamaican coaching because the scoreline while very comfortable for NZ, was respectable for Barbados, and at full time it was 84-35. After two days of competition the results were as expected for the super-powers of netball, with Australia putting away the Cook Islands and Samoa very easily. Jamaica and England both had breaks at one time or another during the first two days, but put away South Africa and the Cook Islands when they were on court. The Cook Islands followed. These lovely islands north of New Zealand, whose Government is by arrangement in a de facto marriage with Wellington whereby NZ is responsible for it's security, knew they would be no match for the their southern neighbour. So they concentrated on a more modest target: scoring more than 10. This game lived up to all expectations, with the Cook Islands surrendering completely within 10 minutes of starting. There after the game simply became scoring practise for Irene van Dyk and Belinda Colling, and the scoreline at full time was 107-17. But now things toughened up sharply. New Zealand was now due to play their first big test against England. In England, a country where cricket, rugby and soccer rule, netball lags far behind. The media are largely ignorant of it even on the best of days, and sponsorship is hard to come by. England had played NZ just before the World Championships started with the third game having only 7 points in it. This may have been a wake up call because NZ dispatched them 60-41. In the last pool game, NZ took on Fiji. Until they played England Fiji had been the most successful team in Pool B, behind New Zealand. Despite having lost Vilimaina Davu to the Silver Ferns Fiji's defence still had a degree of respectability to it, with the Fijian's having a rough idea of what Davu would be like on court. Surprisingly, Samoa, which was another minnow at the tournament managed to make it to the Quarter Finals. But there they ran into the most powerful lineup the Silver Ferns could muster. The tiny Pacific nation was sent packing 81-28. Having cleared the Quarters, a suddenly familiar schedule resurfaced. With two games to go between the Silver Ferns and international glory, a long shadowy figure began to emerge from the Championships. The dark horse of the tournament was upon them: Jamaica. Next up: Atmosphere, aerobatics and the crowd. Rob"}, {"response": 87, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug  3, 2003 (05:55)", "body": "Hi all While I am talking about netball, I would just like to mention that one of my reasons for so liking the Silver Ferns is that they do not put money ahead of team, country and leisure. Without meaning to sound disrespectful to the All Blacks who earn about NZ$300,000 per annum and are going to have an $80,000 bonus if they win the World Cup in November, the Silver Ferns are a world class outfit and you never hear them complain about their financial returns. And just so you do not think the Silver Ferns are only good at netball, Lesley Nicol is a student of medicine, Irene van Dyk is a teacher and there are administrators, lawyers among others in the mix as well. The All Blacks have qualifications too, but they do not need to hold down jobs because they can earn enough from rugby. Rob"}, {"response": 88, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Aug  7, 2003 (05:18)", "body": "Kia Ora Before I commence the Grand finale of the 2003 Netball World Cup, I want to comment on the atmosphere of an international netball game, and the crowd. As with big games netball events have an atmosphere. The 2003 Netball World Cup proved to be absolutely no exception. Jamaica was World No.4 at the end of the last World Championships in 1999, and it was a big thing for the Caribbean to be hosting the 2003 Netball World Championships. Jamaica, despite not having made a World Championship Final was the favoured team to win the netball World Championships because it had had stunning upsets against both the Silver Ferns and the Australians. They also had the advantage of home support - all teams will attest there is nothing more intimidating than playing in a foreign country where they have the advantage of home support. The Jamaican crowd is worthy of a chapter to itself. Vocal in the quietest of times and sounding like the audience of a rock concert just before the concert starts in other times, they make for an interesting experience in terms of atmosphere. Rocking with chants, and deafening in celebration every time the home team scored one observer likened it to the atmosphere of a Bob Marley concert. In fact the crowd can be parochial that the umpires have trouble communicating with each other and with players. The crowd loves dynamic players who play out of their depths, which is why the Caribbean netball experience is always a tale unto itself. Perhaps it is also why Jamaica managed to get everyone on their feet during all the games they played. Jamaicans are renown for the aerobatics on the netball court, and in the 1999 World Championships these antics brought them to within 2 goals of NZ in the semi-final. So, when you ask why would I be so interested in international netball? Part of the answer is netball's motto might very well be \"never a dull moment\". It is fast and lively, spectacular and colourful all rolled into one. Need I say more? Rob"}, {"response": 89, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Aug 20, 2003 (03:57)", "body": "Kia Ora What do people think of the atmosphere I described? Rob PS The Grand Finale will follow soon"}, {"response": 90, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  4, 2003 (10:43)", "body": "Sounds like a good place to be, like the Olympics! Is it?"}, {"response": 91, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Sep  5, 2003 (05:58)", "body": "Kia Ora No. It is the semi final of the Netball World Championships. Continuing from message 86. ---- The dark horse loomed large. It was the most formidable lineup Jamaica could assemble, and they had everything to gain playing on their home turf. Kingston was rocking for the locals, and the atmosphere was of the sort you would expect in the seconds before a rock concert started. The Jamaican outfit was dangerous to any team with aspirations of holding the world championship trophy as the victors. But on July 20 they were especially dangerous: their last appearance at the world championships had seen New Zealand snuff their chances out by 2 goals, and with a home crowd expecting nothing less than an upset, losing was not an option. The atmosphere is electric and the crowd sings the Jamaican national anthem with gusto. The Jamaican team knows that this is make or break. Can they topple the World No. 2 and earn the right to challenge the winner of the other semi? Halfway around the world, yet just on the other side of the court Ruth Aitken has given last minute instructions for the New Zealand players. They know that this is a big game, and they know that the history of NZ-Jamaican encounters favours a New Zealand win. But this is THE game to watch. Can NZ topple the Jamaicans to make the final and possible revenge for all those last gasp disasters? The game starts. Jamaica quickly go 1-0. The score goes to 2-0 before New Zealand starts to claw it's way back into the match. The players run and jump about on court taking dazzling aerial intercepts, lightning pace passes. The scoreline tips in New Zealands favour, before a period of point-for-point scoring begins. Half time comes and goes. The New Zealand camp begins to pull away from the Jamaicans, slowly but surely piling on the pressure. The pressure from a team that has been consistently the world's second best is starting to tell, as mistakes creep into the Jamaicans game play. The errors start having a cumulative effect, with the Jamaican shooters struggling to shoot over a live wire New Zealand defence, while at the other end of the court the story is of a towering South African shooter. Full time. The scoreline is an impressive 56-37. Dismay sets into the Jamaican camp. They have come so far in the last year with rare wins against New Zealand and Australia only to have blown it in the Semi Final of a World Championship on their home soil. Connie Francis and Elaine Davis will have to retire without holding the World Championship trophy. And the scoreline!!!! What on Earth happened to the vaunted dark horse of the tournament??? On the day, Jamaica had played it's heart out, but at the end of the day, the Silver Ferns were just too powerful. Oh well, there is still a chance for the bronze medal as they will have to play, presumably England tomorrow. The Jamaican crowd was very disappointed. They had hoped to crown the glory of hosting the championships, by lifting the trophy as victors. But it was not to be. Across the court, joy mixed with surprise at the scoreline greeted the Silver Ferns. A team that they had been beaten by just months before, had been put away by one of the biggest margins in any semifinal. And now the news that had been expected all along was broken to them: the Australians had won the other semi. It was shaping up to be 1999 all over again... Rob"}, {"response": 92, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Sep  5, 2003 (06:03)", "body": "Me again Tomorrow, I will recount the Final of the 2003 Netball World Championships. Rob"}, {"response": 93, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 10, 2003 (10:27)", "body": "(I actually meant the atmosphere being like the olympics!) People wonder why I like to listen to interminable Cricket matches. Rob's recounting will give you a bit of a glimpse at how fascinating it can be through articulate enthusiastic reportage."}, {"response": 94, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Sep 12, 2003 (05:38)", "body": "Hi all Yeah. Anyway, today I shall do the Netball World Championships Final 2003. ---- CONTINUED FROM MESSAGE 91 \"It was shaping up to be 1999 all over again...\" Well, almost. Australia had beaten the English in the other semi-final. But again the English, like the Jamaicans had given them a run for their money, and the Australian response had been scratchy at times with goals and intercepts missed. The hunger that had been the driving force behind the last gasp wins in 1999 was missing. The older players however thought that they had seen it all though and were sure that they could beat their fiercest foe on the day. But deep down the Australian netballers were rattled. Was it an omen when your likely challenger in the Final dismisses their opposition by a Semi-final record of 19 goals? This was unbelievable!!! Yet as unbelievable as it might have sounded, it was true. Never before had the Silver Ferns shown such ruthlessness in dispatching their opposition, let alone in semi-final time against a team with the home advantage. And so the scene was set for the final showdown of the Netball World Championships 2003. THE TECTONIC PLATES OF NETBALL FINALLY SHIFT Monday July 21st dawned. Players had gone to bed early the night before knowing today would be the most important day on the netball calendar. Before the day was out the fate of netball world supremacy until 2007 would be decided. For Irene van Dyk, the South African turned Kiwi the match would be especially important - it would be her chance to make up with her adopted country for ending their netball dreams on the courts of Birmingham 8 years earlier. For Belinda Colling, Sheryl Clarke, Anna Rowberry and Adine Harper the memories of those last few seconds when the ball teetered on the edge of the hoop before falling off, the match was their chance to vanquish the ghosts. For Coach, Ruth Aitken the chance to silence her critics was at hand as was the ticket for another term as coach. Across the court, half a world away in thoughts, yet within yelling distance of the Ferns were the Australians. After this match Liz Ellis would retire from the game, as would Kathryn Harby-Williams and the Coach Jill McIntosh. All three were veterans in their current capacities of the 1999, and 2002 campaigns, and all knew how hard the Silver Ferns could be. They wanted to send their coach, captain and vice-captain out on a high knowing Australia would be No.1 for another 4 years if they won. It was July 21, 2003 and the Netball World Championships Final was about to start... Rob"}, {"response": 95, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Sep 12, 2003 (05:39)", "body": "Kia Ora The game report, and aftermath will follow tomorrow. Rob"}, {"response": 96, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Sep 14, 2003 (07:23)", "body": "Kia Ora Continued from message 94 ---- \"God of nations at thy feet, in the bonds of love we meet, hear our voices we entreat, God defend our free land. Guard Pacific's triple star, from the shaft's of stife and war Make her praises heard afar, God defend New Zealand\" The game was on. Australia quickly pulled away to a 5-2 lead. But the Silver Ferns clawed their way tenaciously back into the game, and hung on for dear life. The crowd roared every time either team scored. Australia was playing for a fourth consecutive crown, while New Zealand had ghosts to vanquish. The ball rocketed backwards and forwards between the players with lightning speed, intercepts were taken in mid air as were passes. Within seconds the ball might travel the lenghth of the court from being within a stones throw of another Australian goal to a sudden Kiwi goal at the end, half a world away. New Zealand take the lead. The crowd goes nuts: they are loving every second of the action and being courtside for the most electrifying netball game ever seen on television. The umpires are being run ragged and while they knew that this game would be tough, no one expected such flair. The lead changes hands again, as it would do once more late in the 3rd quarter. Temepara Clark has been warned about overstepping the line by the umpire who is struggling to keep pace with the lightning paced game. Jill McIntosh's worst fears about the towering Irene van Dyk are coming true, as the South African calmly sinks one shot after another (she would sink 93% of her shots that day). Vilimaina Davu, for all her gentle nature is playing like a woman possessed dominating the defensive circle. Belinda Colling is playing not just to vanquish the ghosts of 1999 but to give her family something to smile about (the day before her uncle, an All Black great had passed away). Anna Rowberry's old school is watching the game live on television half a world away, as are the classes of Irene van Dyk and the school where Ruth Aitken's husband is principal. Courtside, the Jamaicans are very forgiving. Despite having been handed the worst ever netball semi-final drubbing by the Silver Ferns, they are excited at the prospect of new netball world order. \"NEW ZEALAND\"!!! \"NEW ZEALAND\"!!! comes the deafening chant from the crowd. The fourth quarter begins with New Zealand leading by 1. The lead changes hands as the crowd temporarily quietens. But the Australians concede two points in quick succession and the volume increases with the New Zealand score. The game has 10 minutes to go and New Zealand is slowly building a lead. But then.... ... the whistle blows. The referee is motioning to Clark \"You, Centre. Sin bin for two centre passes\" Why? The world might never know. Clark walks \"the longest mile\", thinking if we lose this it's all her fault. On court shock reigns. Anna Rowberry calls the team together for a 2 second conference. In the pre-championships training they had had drills for every possible scenario (power cut, injury, player send off)while hoping none of them would be needed. The game restarts and Australia claws back to within 2 goals of the Kiwi's. Clark sits behind the goal post with a deafening chant behind her: \"NEW ZEALAND\"!!! \"NEW ZEALAND\"!!! How many times host supporters forgive their arch rivals the day after having been handed a record breaking drubbing? Jill McIntosh must have wondered about all of this and why it was proving so damn hard to shut down that South African sharp shooter. Slowly it was beginning to dawn on her that despite all hopes to the contrary that the dawn of a new era might be upon them. Clark came back on. Lightning they say never strikes the same place twice - it had struck the night before when news broke of the Silver Ferns victory against Australia. Now it struck a second time as Clark immediately launched at a high flying ball, grabbed it in mid air and shot before her feet hit the ground. The ball rocketed down to van Dyk who slotted it in a lay up for another goal. The crowd thundered it's approval. A roller coaster ride of cheers and groans ensued until about 3 minutes from time when two more goals were shot by van Dyk. The Australians clawed their way back to be two goals behind. It was 15 seconds from time and the score was New Zealand 49, Australia 47. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.... On the sideline the reserves in the Australian camp had their heads in their hands. Even though the game was stil going the writing was on the wall for all to see. After 12 years as the undisputed World No.1 the sun had finally set. The captain, vice captain and coach would have retire without the knowledge Australia is still No.1. Half a world away on the other side of the court, the entire Kiwi camp was on their feet, impatiently waiting for the whistle to blow.... ...the inevitable happened. The umpire whistle blew one long blast. \"NEW ZEALAND\"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The crowd(s) erupted. A seismograph reading would have r"}, {"response": 97, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (13:58)", "body": "Rob, you are missing your calling being a geographer! or a geologist. How about a writer of some sort? You are that good!!!"}, {"response": 98, "author": "sportsandy", "date": "Sun, Nov  9, 2003 (14:44)", "body": "Hey Rob, stumbled on this board/forum/whatever it is while doing a search for Anna Rowberry. Really enjoyed reading your World Cup stories, brought back some great memories. Im a kiwi and I have my own sports website but its only about our kiwi ladies, not a mention of male sports to be found. Just one thing, Liz Ellis hasnt retired. Apart from that, great reading."}, {"response": 99, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Nov 24, 2003 (05:33)", "body": "Kia Ora Go to the Sports Conference and find the Rugby topic. There is a lovely South African lady in there along with myself and the host for Spring. We have had almost daily conversations since we won the netball world championships. Rob"}, {"response": 100, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:10)", "body": "No one congratulating the Brits for winning the Rugby World Cup? I'll have to go look..."}, {"response": 101, "author": "southernalps", "date": "Wed, May 17, 2006 (06:41)", "body": "Kia Ora #1 \"??????\" Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding... I'm nice - 99% of the time. Rob screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 171, "subject": "Please secure permission to use terry cloth products", "response_count": 41, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (10:01)", "body": "out of deference to your request, and because I could not contact you in the wee hours of my Friday morning, I air dried this morning... (was gonna say I licked myself dry but...)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (13:06)", "body": "Gee, we just go outside and let the trades blow the moisture away. I could be convincing anout this, but Stace already knows how much drying power we had over last weekend!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "Ree", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (08:55)", "body": "I always go for drip-dry."}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (12:08)", "body": "Drip yourself dry or use drip-dry towel? Hmmm...."}, {"response": 5, "author": "Ree", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (13:07)", "body": "That sort of woosh-spinning action that leaves you with nipple frost, orientation difficulties and an otherwise beautifully clean bathroom."}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (13:34)", "body": "*lol* I would imagine! Sounds a little uncomfortable..but, what the heck! Anyhting for a clean bathroom! I'll try it! Does Terry come along to watch that his towels are not misused and are returned promptly? Seems the last time you and I shared a towel we were uncovered and discovered by someone standing on the loose corner!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "Ree", "date": "Sun, Mar 12, 2000 (05:25)", "body": "We were?? By WHOM?? Gosh, I hope the poor creature has the kind of finances that can get a good psychiatrist to help him with post-naked-Boer syndrome! Thank God YOU were there, otherwise he/she might have gone bonkers as soon as the unfortunate incident occured."}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 12, 2000 (10:38)", "body": "*lol* We've missed you! How about the trauma of post-naked-bore (me) syndrome. Not a pretty sight, I/m afraid, but liberal administrations of jelly-sigh salad and candy pills seemed to snap him out of it just fine. We BOTH were there - Do you think blindness will follow?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Jan 30, 2001 (07:58)", "body": "Terry cloth permits will be issued on a limited, first come, first server basis during terry cloth season only."}, {"response": 10, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Mar  7, 2001 (16:49)", "body": "Is that like open season for game????"}, {"response": 11, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (07:35)", "body": "That's right, Maggie."}, {"response": 12, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (09:24)", "body": "aha! Actually towels are getting well worn just now - it's 3 showers a day time. Now, what games can we play with towels .... better go to word association"}, {"response": 13, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (09:25)", "body": "Rat tail. Favorite high school locker room game."}, {"response": 14, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (09:30)", "body": "well, actually being opposite sex never indulged in that ... Hi Terry nice to talk in real time again .... explain more please ......as long as it doesn't make me blush ... who knows who's looking here"}, {"response": 15, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Mar  8, 2001 (14:27)", "body": "You wet a towel, coil it up and snap it like a whip."}, {"response": 16, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (08:53)", "body": "ah ... sort of S & M then??? *grin*"}, {"response": 17, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (11:12)", "body": "All terry cloth products are being retrofitted with gps's, so I know their wehereabouts. You have been warned."}, {"response": 18, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (14:10)", "body": "giggle"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (08:57)", "body": "Did we need special appointment for this retrofit? Let me know and I'll be there!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May  4, 2001 (00:02)", "body": "Yes I'll be issuing authorizations for terry cloth product usage. Take a number please. Everyone's been using authorized terry products, correct?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:37)", "body": "1 Don't want to miss this for anything!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (13:13)", "body": "Question is, if you've been using authorized product."}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (14:10)", "body": "Probably not, and I am not exactly sure as the the purpose to which they might be put. Are they holy towels to heal headaches (as some Eastern sects give out on the New Year) or to be used in some other way. I'd hate to offend The Terry by using them incorrectly... =)"}, {"response": 24, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (15:03)", "body": "Yes, we need some advice on correct usage I think"}, {"response": 25, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (16:08)", "body": "They should be signed by me and registered in the International Terry Cloth register book that I keep. Also, all terry products are required to have a serial number and be registered. Make sure you do not have pirated product!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (21:06)", "body": "Yours, I gather, are NOT made in China, they Seychelles, or Guyana. Ok mine has a Lone Star tag. Is that authentic?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (12:53)", "body": "OOOPs! I think I'm an illegal ...wot's the punishment??? GRIN"}, {"response": 28, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (13:13)", "body": "Illegal terryclothians. They get the wet rat tail treatment."}, {"response": 29, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (16:57)", "body": "Oh Noo!!!! Not that , please not that!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (17:53)", "body": "What is THAT??? Can I help?! May I???"}, {"response": 31, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Aug 30, 2001 (00:45)", "body": "That Marcia is the wet rat tail treatment ......and NO you cant! giggle"}, {"response": 32, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 30, 2001 (20:02)", "body": "Fudge!!! Just when I was getting all excited and anticipatory. *sticking tongue out at you* Gonna tell Mom!!!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (03:26)", "body": "Now, now Dear .. you know what excitement does to you .......(giggle)"}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (12:44)", "body": "I think the whole world knows that...*sigh* I'll behave... Actually I think my Terry-cloth is a knock-off. The tag, on second reading says \"Long Star\" I think it is wrong, but you never know about Texans. From what I've heard..."}, {"response": 35, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Sep  3, 2001 (08:47)", "body": "Need mine to mop up the tears ....mind's a blank ..... stress stress. No oomph for cultures I'm afraid .. just as well Terry's filling in there just now."}, {"response": 36, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  3, 2001 (23:22)", "body": "Mine is blank. Have piles of stuff I should have done a week or month ago. Better wring mine out and have a go at this pile of stuff to be done. *HUGS* Maggie!!!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Sep  4, 2001 (02:38)", "body": "Check your IM again Marcia ..dont think I'm getting through! 4 days to go to wedding ...terry cloths at the ready ...."}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  6, 2001 (21:22)", "body": "Maggie!!! so soon?! My son's is a month and some away... I need airline tickets and hotel room and rental car!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  6, 2001 (21:26)", "body": "Which of us gets to be Granmother first???!! Get out those towels! Do they make good diapers? (Nappies to you across the Pond)"}, {"response": 40, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Sep  7, 2001 (01:49)", "body": "Today Today!!!!!!! Terry cloths at the ready ..."}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep  7, 2001 (14:58)", "body": "Oh Maggie! Best wishes on your being Mother-of-the-Bride for the first time! *BIG HUGS* and lots of Terry's best for your tears and stress-twisting. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 172, "subject": "What the f*ck is the deal with all the pop-ups?", "response_count": 15, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 28, 2001 (10:08)", "body": "alt f4? Whazzat? I haven't seen WER around here, but I keep in touch via phone from time to time. He lurks, I believe. Call me if you need a number, email me his current email address if you will."}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 28, 2001 (14:09)", "body": "alt+ F4 will close the current \"live\" box including a popup!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 28, 2001 (14:13)", "body": "I'm glad someone is keeping in touch with William. It simply isn't the same without him."}, {"response": 4, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Jan  2, 2002 (11:33)", "body": "I'm also a'dyin' to know what finally killed the restaurant. I think I'm gonna have to sneak over there sometime late at night and steal the sign to hang in my garage..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  2, 2002 (12:44)", "body": "Ya' mean the place went under?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Jan  3, 2002 (11:18)", "body": "Si. Es no mas."}, {"response": 7, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:13)", "body": "i wanted to add my 2 cents worth about the pop ups----i'm getting tired of seeing that stupid amazing cam show up on everything i click $.02 *cha-ching* hi cotc, haven't see you in these parts in quite a while! if you hear from william again, tell him we miss him!!! oh, and whomever changed the background, i like it!!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:28)", "body": "Wolfie \"we\" found it a few years back when \"we\" redid the Tv conference and went out hunting for something wild for this one. I found the one from before which was so irritating we had to embolden our type to read our posts. I sent up begging flares while the master programmer and prettifier of conferences was about and he used this one we had also found. *sigh* It seems like ages ago! Our browser advertizers are getting irritatingly clever. They make those cam ads in boxes so large it fools the popup box programs I am running. *cah-ching* may I add mine to yours?!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:29)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:32)", "body": "*HUGS* Wolfie. I miss you!!! Mindy says a sweet \"arf\""}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:33)", "body": "you named her already? i miss you too *HUGS*"}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:37)", "body": "She was a rich elderly lady's lap dog and she got to be too much to take care of. It was love at first sight for the House Male - and Mindy had had already been named. She's so happy here. I am delighted, and I don't LIKE dogs!!! Or thought I didn't. Mindy came complete with food (but she prefers the cat's food), shampoo and all sorts of bells and whistles. I'm locking up my jewelry! Btw, I sent JK an email and suggested he read your post about the puppy mills, and how to respond to it. I hope he will."}, {"response": 13, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan  5, 2002 (22:38)", "body": "me too. i'm glad you have a new friend at home! any idea how old she is? (mindy, not her previous owner)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 10, 2002 (16:06)", "body": "We are guessing less than 2 years old. I'll check with her master to see exactly! She has HIM vacuuming the house because of my allergies. Talk about silver linings! This little dog definitely qualifies for pop-up status! How to you keep teeny dogs from trying to climb your leg? (Back to SpringArk!)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 20, 2005 (15:21)", "body": "If anyone still has trouble with popups install either Zone Alarm or sygate - both are free and both work equally well. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 174, "subject": "In HONOR of GEO-guys", "response_count": 164, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (00:37)", "body": "Gentlemen, you smoking room awaits. Brandy is on the bar and ice is in the keeper. If you need anything, just ring the bell."}, {"response": 2, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (10:05)", "body": "*peeking in to see what the gentlemen are doing* (and if i can snag a scotch on the rocks)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (10:56)", "body": "Maguerita please."}, {"response": 4, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (14:00)", "body": "Greetings all! (wanders in, orders an absinth, and sits by the chess board....)"}, {"response": 5, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (15:06)", "body": "Can you still buy absinth this side of N'awlins? Making mine tonic and lime. Okole Maluna, all. How lovely to have a lounge in which to let the proverbial hair down. Passing the springrolls and other lovely Hawaiian tropical snacks. You have to have something for all that fine strong drink to land on,"}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (15:07)", "body": "(Waiting to see who makes the first chess move....)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (15:08)", "body": "Thanks, Terry! *;)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:46)", "body": "wait, is this one of those \"gentleman clubs\" where we're not allowed unless we're the dancers?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:49)", "body": "LOL - good thing i just bought a Belly Dancing for Beginners DVD. :-) (~you think i'm kidding~)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (18:52)", "body": "I'm in big trouble. Seems I owe at least one Geo-guy a table dance. He reminds me every so often. Wolfie, we have a corner with a lovely view of your choice. Shall it be of space? A volcano? Stonehenge? Perhaps a magic window through which we can escape to the place of choice and have it change according to whim. I rather fancy that idea. I suspect some of the guys would also opt to come along wirh us! I'm in high hilarity picturing our illustrious EsBee doing belly Dances. Perhaps Lizzie is going to do one in that little carriage if she forgets the rubber hose? *;P"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (20:13)", "body": "me too (about belly dancing)! and i love the virtual corner!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (22:23)", "body": "This cozy little corner of ours is catered. If we are dreaming this up, make it as perfect as we wish."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (01:53)", "body": "A little light entertainment: Subject: Burned A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost \"in a series of small fires.\" The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.... and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be \"unacceptable fire,\" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the \"fires.\" NOW FOR THE BEST PART. After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and he was sentenced to 24 months in jail and ordered to pay a $24,000 fine. I am told that this is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest."}, {"response": 14, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (03:42)", "body": "Hi all Canterbury Draught please *all the way from NZ*. Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me about the you-know-what, Marcia *grins*. Rob"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (14:27)", "body": "WoooooooooHooooo The Fantastic Blond blue-eyed Kiwi has joined us. Rob, pull up a comfy chair or join Cosmo at the chess table. We're delighted to see you! Now, do you think we will corrupt Julie by telling her where we hang out after excursion into the field for rocks, astronomical or radio wave exploration? She is, after all, \"of age\" ... *;)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (14:36)", "body": "Got enough of that Canterbury's best to share? Do they sell it draft? Chill a keg and let's see what makes it so special. The water? I'll bet!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (01:54)", "body": "Hi all Just good beer, that's all. Canterbury Draught is not bitter or harsh. Unlike some beers I have tasted it is fairly gentle. Rob"}, {"response": 18, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "Sounds positively palatable. Do we have to dress in Balck and Red to drink it? Or would something tasteful in black and silver suffice? One can get hungry and thirsty doing field work. Do you think we might need to establish our own microbrewery? Still?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (09:45)", "body": "Hi all Just deciding what opening I shall use."}, {"response": 20, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (13:20)", "body": "Hi all Here is a computer science/AI philosophical question... artificial intelligence is used for computers to display humanistic characteristics - now, what about artificial stupidity? Which of these constructs would allow a computer to more closely reason in a humanistic sense? Also, which would be more complex in emulation - artificial intelligence or artificial stupidity? Anyway, something to mull over."}, {"response": 21, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (17:47)", "body": "interesting point!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:00)", "body": "How about a Guinness Draught?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:04)", "body": "Mike, I forwarded your question via email to a few people who seldom have reason to come here but might have a plausable answer for you. Do we REALLY want the stpidity of the humans messing around in my computer? I have enough trouble undoing my own stupidity. I was taught most of what I learned externally by my son who kept reminding me that computers work logically. To get myself out of a jam, I had to think like the computer - and for the most part, it worked splendidly. If we put in the possibiity of irrationality and emotions I suspect we would need more than scandisk and defrag to undo the messes we would get into."}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "Make mine Shandy. Mike, have you ever partaken of Shandy whilst visiting the UK? Is it as appalling as it sounds? I suspect if they made it cold enough on a hot day it might be very refreshing. Has anyone had Sandy? It's beer mixed with what we call in the US, Lemonade and the Uk calls lemon squash."}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:43)", "body": "Ok Mike, I got a rsponse to your \"stupid\" question: Firstly you need to define stupidity. If it's inability to reason then it would seem all ya need to do is reduce the computer's ability to procss data"}, {"response": 26, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:44)", "body": "The thought of adding artificial stupidity is so amazing I cannot stop thinking of it. Have you posed this question in the academic circles in which you revolve?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (02:40)", "body": "Hi all Mum and Dad probably have. They often have rum and diet coke (coke has 10 teaspoons of sugar so it wrecks your teeth). I have had midori and lemonade - NICE. For a green melon liquer you would never have known it is so potent. Rob"}, {"response": 28, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (08:42)", "body": "Hi all A 'shady thing' would be good - this is a concoction I have when I vist a particular restaurant in Austin. Re artificial stupidity... Yes - a definition of what is considered 'stupid' is required - thus a measure if intelligence must be defined - i.e. when hearing about the 'Darwin Awards' contenders - one would say: \"Boy, that was dumb....\" but was the person performing the act doing so as a indicator of their lack of intelligence or maybe not running all the scenarios to completion to determine that the chosen logical path would not reach the desired result. Plus, one reading about the hapless dolt is imposing their level of intelligence/reasoning as the measuring standard. Has that person been 'perfect' all their life - i.e. not doing anything 'dumb'. Using AI principles, computers can approximate human intelligence in a finite number of states/scenarios but has any system been able to successfuly complete the Turing test? There is still that bit of randomness that makes humans think the way they do. Side note - I had a funny thougth that computers could almost be considered idiot savants since they do one thing incredibly well but are inept at most other things. Creating a machine that displays artifical intelligence is an incredible feat but a machine with A.S. would take a greater degree of humanistic emulation (i.e. make the machine approach the characteristics of human thought and behavior by introducing that extra bit of 'randomness'. Anyway, just some random musings - A.S. was a funny term I thought of while doing some writing back in the mid 80's - imagine my suprise when I did a Google search and found many sites mentioning A.S. I guess that I should shoot this question to a philosophy doc that I know. Regarding being random, I originally was going to post a question about whether electromagnetic waves passing through dark matter would have any effect on the wave's velocity. Boy, now I do need a drink.... :) 73 de Mike aa9il r-c-i"}, {"response": 29, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (17:58)", "body": "Think I need some of Rob's potent but sneaky melon liqueur. Mike, I got some really weird answers from people whose intellgence I know is superior to mine. I have often thought of the \"idiot savant\" connection with computers. My son's comment: It certainly seems that stupid behavior requires less up-front processing, but requires more after the stupid actions occur. He should know. He is always the one who has to pluck me out of my cyber disasters, but they are far less frequent than they used to be. I'd love to hear what the philosophy PhD has to say - mine were to a Zoology PhD and to a few other scientists of lesser degree."}, {"response": 30, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:58)", "body": "stupid intelligence: or give it a human brain *giggle*"}, {"response": 31, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (19:29)", "body": "Isn't \"stupid intelligence\" some form of oxymoron?! Or is that the affliction the bright eager new politician catches just after being elected?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (21:19)", "body": "I have heard military intelligence is an oxymoron"}, {"response": 33, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (21:21)", "body": "anyway.... this was just some goofy thought that pops to the top of the question queue every so often. One that could warrant lots o' philosophical discussion but I still need to determine my opening move for that chess game"}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (23:20)", "body": "I was waiting for your first move. The only other time I played chess on the internet was with a 15 year old girl. I was bad but she was worse. In fact so bad that I took pity on her and let her take a few of my pawns. Suddenly she swooped in and wiped me off the board. Aghast, I challenged her beginning innocence. It turns out she got her dad to play the second half of the game under her guise. It was fun and we all enjoyed meeting one another... but I have been forewarned. Are you gonna bring your dad is as your ace in the hole? The people not in Geo I asked about your question wanted to know what followed in the discussion. It IS an interesting question. Trouble is I do know too many people with REAL stupidity to even contemplate artifical stupidity. You have heard of military intelligence, too? plastic straws plastic glasses rubber corks jumbo shrimp"}, {"response": 35, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (13:55)", "body": "Midori and club soda used to be my summer drink order staple! I'm more likely to choose Long Island iced tea or lemonade/wild berry schnapps cooler."}, {"response": 36, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:39)", "body": "*laugh* about military intelligence and the whole oxymoron thing!! it's awfully funny *GRIN*"}, {"response": 37, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (05:58)", "body": "Hi all I think we can corrupt Julie into spending a bit of time here. After all the chapesses are also readily visible in the work of art that Marcia created. It is not just the chaps. What would you say to that? Rob"}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (18:22)", "body": "Guys is a colloquial American term for any of your friends collectively - as in, \"Hey, you guys!\" You want everyone to pay attention! Julie fits, of course! I had hoped John might wander down here too, but I think his time is so precious that he limits himself to Geo where our true heart's home lies. I did try to get Julie to post here. I KNOW she has read some of these posts!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (18:07)", "body": "Rob, I posted something in the NZ topic in travel...help!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (03:09)", "body": "Hi all I know, because \"HEY YOU GUYS!!!\" is one way we try to get attention here, and \"Hi Guys\" is an informal Kiwi greeting. There is also \"G'day mate\". Rob"}, {"response": 41, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:04)", "body": "Excellent! I was trying to achieve infomality with that wording. I hope Julie feels \"like one of the guys!\" I do *;)"}, {"response": 42, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:20)", "body": "i've always said \"hi guys\" and it was totally gender neutral. i use it with the dogs, the kids, my friends, my co-workers, etc."}, {"response": 43, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:41)", "body": "Species neutral too. I even talk to my plants that way. I guess we covered all animate and inanimate objects so Julie surely fits !"}, {"response": 44, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:49)", "body": "who is this mystery Julie??? we've never met, and i dont remember seeing seeing her post anywhere."}, {"response": 45, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:05)", "body": "Sure you have. She's Cascadeclimber and is going to hike Mount St Helens and take digitals so we can hike vicariously with her! She has created her own topic on Geo for the Cascades! (She's adorable and young enough to make me feel very protective.)"}, {"response": 46, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:10)", "body": "LOL -am having a blond moment. :-) i even asked her a question re: MSH.... *shaking head* Julie, come join the fun!!! (sorry i didnt remember you... *welcome to screwed hug*)"}, {"response": 47, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:49)", "body": "y'know, at first i thought this place was for our geo dudes, not dudettes, but i'm glad to see all of us here!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:33)", "body": "This is where the rest of the world can see that we are just as weird and/or normal as the rest of the Spring. Nothing beats comfy chairs and good friends for pondering the infinte variety of things what enter our little idle minds. *;)"}, {"response": 49, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (03:51)", "body": "Hi all Julie is a bit busy since school clears up in a couple weeks for the summer break so I doubt you will see her immediately. Rob"}, {"response": 50, "author": "cascadeclimber", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:45)", "body": "Hmmmmmmm....You seem to be having an interesting conversation about me. *laughs* See? I know EVERYTHING that goes on, even if I am too busy to post. *laughs evily* Be careful, I'm watching you!! *laughs evily again and vanishes from sight*"}, {"response": 51, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:59)", "body": "Go hit the books, girl!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (15:21)", "body": "*humming* she sees you when your sleeping, she knows when your awake..."}, {"response": 53, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:43)", "body": "*giggle*"}, {"response": 54, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:24)", "body": "Julie, as your older twin sister, I am gonna have to sit on you till you get through the semester. This place is absolutely addictive!"}, {"response": 55, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (02:41)", "body": "Hi all Hitting the books? She tells me she just cannot wait to get out of school for the summer and go to Mount St Helens. But again why should I be surprised? Her room is decorated with volcano posters of every size and description, to the point her Mum said to her a few months ago that she thought the room looked at bit fearsome. But that is Julie for you, and love or hate the volcanoes, she is a very dear friend. Rob"}, {"response": 56, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "Julie has her CEILING covered with posters too. Some of them are the exact same ones I have *;) I wonder why!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "cascadeclimber", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (18:55)", "body": "You guy's are halarious!!*laughs* Okay, so I bet you want to know how many volcano posters I have in my room. This is a shocking number so please don't pass out....60 and that includes 1 seismogram of Mt. St. Helens and a map of plate tectonics. Yes, I know, I am crazy, thats why my parents and some of my friends think my room looks scary. But I like it, it helps me go to bed at night! Hehe!"}, {"response": 58, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:16)", "body": "*LAUGH*"}, {"response": 59, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (20:15)", "body": "Julie, we BOTH nave awesome posters of Ruapehu on our walls. Plus some other choice goodies. *grin*"}, {"response": 60, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (02:21)", "body": "Hi all I have a Ruapehu poster identical to Marcia's on my wall, plus I have a Canterbury Regional Council earthquake hazards map, and a seismogram of the May 18, 1980 Mount St Helens eruption. Rob"}, {"response": 61, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (10:17)", "body": "feeling v. dull here. i have a tapestry on my wall..."}, {"response": 62, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:56)", "body": "I have a bunch of unique Mother's Day artwork--all handmade! LOL"}, {"response": 63, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (14:45)", "body": "Aaaa.... your's is sweet :-D"}, {"response": 64, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "i have various mumbo-jumbo on my walls. (mostly my cross stitch endeavors, so don't feel bad EsBee)......"}, {"response": 65, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:25)", "body": "I also have geckos on my walls but only at night. They scamper up and down rather impressively only occasionally losing their footing and landing on a startled human sleeping below."}, {"response": 66, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (10:30)", "body": "startling the gecko too, i imagine! *laugh*"}, {"response": 67, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (22:45)", "body": "I suppose that is true, but the cool clamminess (only in our minds and not in reality) one does not expect. It is a rare occurrance that they lose their grip but it is memorable when they do."}, {"response": 68, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (02:29)", "body": "Hi all I have white tailed spiders running around on my wall from time to time, but they never last long. I trap them in a jar or knock them to the floor and use the face of my cricket bat to crush them. Sounds revolting but they are actually quite tough and often survive the first blow. Go below to see a white tail spider (NOT for the ARACHNOPHOBICS!!!) http://www.pharmacology.unimelb.edu.au/pharmwww/avruweb/wtspage.htm Rob"}, {"response": 69, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (02:40)", "body": "Hi all I have found a page with the main spiders of New Zealand. Although the White tail and Katipo (our variant of the Red Back and Black Widow)are the most commonly known types that have unpleasant bites several others can bite to varying degrees. http://www.tepapa.govt.nz/our_resources/Bugs/Spider_page/collection_spiders.html Rob"}, {"response": 70, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (09:50)", "body": "Well, between Rob's spiders and Marcia's geckos my skin is crawling. *shudder* thank you very much. :-P"}, {"response": 71, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (21:56)", "body": "Nothing in Hawaii is toxic. White tailed spiders are like the brown recluse spiders of the Southwest whose bite causes serious necrosis of the tissue. I'd squash them, too, but surely not with my willow bat! I only saw one back widow in my life - it reeled down out of my post box in West Virginia one day when I went out for the mail and that was the last time I stuck my hand into anything of that sort. *shudder*"}, {"response": 72, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (23:08)", "body": "Sorry I can't come in today, I'm suffering from 'Mundialitis' By Soteris Charalambous AN EPIDEMIC is about to hit Cyprus and it appears that nobody from the government is prepared to do anything about it. The condition is called 'Mundialitis', a particularly virulent and debilitating infection mainly affecting men. The last major outbreak was four years ago: the symptoms include stomach cramps, nervous tension and in the worst cases involuntary bouts of swearing. The new strain, which originates from the Far East, leaves the sufferer unable to concentrate on work. Attacks are most common during the morning and early part of the day. The condition lasts for approximately 30 days, worsening until the fever reaches its peak resulting in more and more time off being taken. Fortunately, most sufferers recover completely and can resume their normal lives once the infection has run its course. If you haven't realised already the common term for this condition is 'The World Cup'. Across Europe, governments and businesses have made special provisions for the inevitable outbreak of 'Mundialitis' because this World Cup is being staged in Japan and South Korea. Kick-off times start as early as 8.30am, with the latest games starting at 2.30pm. Many large organisations in Europe with employees wishing to follow the tournament are being provided televisions or radio and have been told they can watch or listen during normal working hours on the condition that they make up the time later in the day or the week. Given the response given by the government and businesses in Cyprus, it appears that either Cypriots have no interest in 'the beautiful game' or they expect every employee to carry on with their daily routine in a disciplined manner during the live transmissions. According to Government Spokesman, Michalis Papapetrou, \"It is not possible to shift the working timetable around the scheduling of the World Cup. But I don't think it is going to be a problem.\" When presented with the solution being proposed around Europe Papapetrou dismissed it's relevance to Cyprus, suggesting the problem would only occur in countries whose national teams were taking part in the tournament. However, he conceded, \"It might become an issue for Cypriots when it comes to the final or the semi-finals, but not now.\" Simon Kuper, author of the award-winning book _Football against the Enemy _offered his insight on what the sport means to people worldwide. \"Football is more than just the most popular game in the world. It can start - or stop - wars, it can fuel revolutions or it can keep dictators in power.\" Given that the World Cup represents the very pinnacle of the game it might be suggested that the relevant authorities are taking the potential problem a little too lightly. When presented with the 'Mundialitus' scenario, a Laiki Bank spokesman said: \"No special provisions are being made for the World Cup\" but he did suspect that employees wishing to follow the tournament \"would be slipping out of their offices to find the nearest television to keep up to date with what is going on.\" A spokesperson at Orphanides supermarket also said that there were no plans to provide televisions or radios for employees; however, she felt that it wouldn't be a problem. When the potential problem was suggested to Andreas Pavlitas, Head of Research and Studies for the Pancyprian Federation of Labour (PEO) trade union, he agreed that something needed to be done and that if their members wanted to watch games, their needs should be accommodated. However, he admitted that nothing had yet been discussed within PEO. Nicos Moyseos from the Cyprus Workers Confederation (SEK) was equally unprepared when presented with the potential problem and admitted that it hadn't been brought up in the recent congress. However, he believed the matter was worth considering and said he would be discussing it with the heads of his organisation over the next few days. Melios Georgiou, Head of the Retailers' Association, hadn't considered the issue either, but believed that the organisation would consider putting proposals to its members if the unions made representations. He also admitted that he could see the possibility of retailers bringing in televisions to accommodate workers. The CyBC plans to show every game of the tournament live and follow up its coverage with a daily highlights programme at 9pm every evening, showing extended highlights of the best match followed by goal highlights of any other games played on the day. Copyright Cyprus Mail 2002"}, {"response": 73, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (03:12)", "body": "Hi all Brilliance is... Being asked by your geography teacher to tutor students having trouble getting to grips with the subject. Now you might ask why the subject has been brought up here. Well it is really quite simple. One of our own, a 19 year from California with considerable talent for the subject, Julie has been asked by her teacher to tutor students who are having greater problems than she, in the subject. Now we can hardly complain about that sort of brilliance can we?? HUGS and CONGRATS JULIE. Rob"}, {"response": 74, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (14:36)", "body": "Well Done Julie! :-D"}, {"response": 75, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:09)", "body": "Julie is not only beautiful inside and out, she is also funny and wonderful to know. My little twin sister deserves our plaudits for her excellence. I think wiht her writing talents and gift for science she might just plan a career to use both abilities. Since I do that, and it is often done so poorly, I will aid her every step and help her when she requests it. I just can't figure why it took 19 years for me to find her!!! Hugs Julie"}, {"response": 76, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:34)", "body": "great job julie!!!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (22:37)", "body": "WoooooHooooo! Julie is in the field with the family digital to record their adventures. I can hardly wait to see what they come back with, other than bruises and scrapes."}, {"response": 78, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (01:07)", "body": "Hi all Julie was on or probably close to Mount St Helens today, when on Mount Hood a Black Hawk helicopter crashed killing three and injuring several more. Mount Hood is a volcano in northern Oregon near Portland and is about 11000 feet high. Amazing how the weather can vary over 100km. Mount St Helens was evidently in sunshine today while conditions were so-so on Hood. Rob"}, {"response": 79, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (23:19)", "body": "I am sending Julie special volcano goddess protection for her travels."}, {"response": 80, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Jul  9, 2002 (05:02)", "body": "Hi all Where is everyone?? Where are the geophiles?? Rob"}, {"response": 81, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul  9, 2002 (10:38)", "body": "don't worry rob, we're still here! *HUGS*"}, {"response": 82, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (10:35)", "body": "I'm here. I just forgot to look. I miss talking to you, Rob! Soon!!!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (06:49)", "body": "Hi all New Zealand is strangely quiet. No volcanism to speak of, and earthquake activity is steady, with nothing untoward happening. Is that good or bad? Hard to tell, though one notable thing to occur was a landslide near Turangi at the south end of Lake Taupo. No ordinary landslide, this one may have been a combination of the geothermal plumbing and the high water table getting the overlying soil and rock mobile. Has happened in the past. Rob"}, {"response": 84, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (22:48)", "body": "Hi Rob! Hawaii is still quiet. Wait till I get back home...!!! Most of the world is silent waiting for the onset of John's seismic Big Ones. Head for the hills. This is going to be a bumpy ride! Keep your finger in Lake Taupo's dike. That sounds really deadly!"}, {"response": 85, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Jul 21, 2002 (04:42)", "body": "Hi all Lol. Yeah right. Taupo seems to be managing on her own. 1800 years off inactivity have given the caldera a chance to let fresh water crayfish grow (a German submersible went to the bottom of the lake - some 520 odd feet down and took pictures of the lake bed). It picked up some sediment for scientists to examine and played video coverage of the exploration, shot by the submersible. Rob"}, {"response": 86, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (15:28)", "body": "How super that they let you see what they saw. I wonder if anything or anyone has checked the bottom of Lake Waiau - one of the highest lakes in the world - on the upper reaches of Mauna Kea at the 13,020 foot level. http://www.ifa.hawaii.edu/info/vis/waiau.html"}, {"response": 87, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (15:29)", "body": "That is really hostile territory for most life forms. I suspect it is pretty sterile on that lake bottom!"}, {"response": 88, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 29, 2002 (22:02)", "body": "We're planning a trip to Costa Rica in Nov. Supposedly they have volcanoes one can explore there that we may check out (I don't think they're active)."}, {"response": 89, "author": "cascadeclimber", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (00:25)", "body": "Awesome! I would love to go to Costa Rica. Costa Rica has plenty of volcanoes. The most famous one being Arenal, but there is plenty of others. Orosi, Rincon De Vieja, Miravilles, Tenorio, Poco Sol, Platanar, Poas, Barba, Irazu, and Turrialba. All of them are quite active and have erupted recently in the past 50 years or so. Arenal erupts quite frequently but its last BIG eruption was on July 29, 1968. 4,000 people were evacuated and the areas between Tabocon and Pueblo were destroyed."}, {"response": 90, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (11:41)", "body": "Sorry, I used the wrong word--forgot that you are all vulcanophiles! By active, I meant putting on a constant show like the ones in Hawaii. I'm sure there are specific terms, but I don't know them. All I know is we think it will be too cool to see Arenal, as well as rainforest and cloudforest."}, {"response": 91, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:09)", "body": "Autumn, have I got a guy's websiite for you. He does the hiking and watching ertuptions for the Costa Rican government and he is also a vegetarian and quite handsome: Pictures and much more about Costa Rica: http://www.geocities.com/explorermathiew/l/index.html"}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:11)", "body": "That is Rodolfo Mathiew on the rim or Arenal Volcano. Yes they are currently erupting. I posted the Global Volcanism report on Geo 2."}, {"response": 93, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:55)", "body": "what happened to the pic?"}, {"response": 94, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (03:13)", "body": "Hi all Please go to Robs Geo World for the first installment of the VOLCANOES OF NEW ZEALAND series which examines in depth the volcanoes of New Zealand and their geological past, and what we can expect in the future. http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/Geo/64 Rob"}, {"response": 95, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (15:49)", "body": "Thanks for the link, Marcia!!!"}, {"response": 96, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (17:23)", "body": "Enjoy the link. I have no idea where the photo went. Autumn, I'll post what is erupting in Costa Rica here so you don't have to brave the wilds of Geo. *;)"}, {"response": 97, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (22:19)", "body": "*wiping sweat off brow* Phew! That's a relief...those geophiles would chew me up and spit me out! ;-)"}, {"response": 98, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "Nah!!! Geo is full of sweet and kind people who are fun and informative. If you just looked, you would see that it is all just bluffing! Warm and cuzy is more like it!"}, {"response": 99, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Aug 11, 2002 (05:54)", "body": "Hi all Geo is like a second home. Great family, cool place and some wicked subjects. What more can I say? Rob"}, {"response": 100, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (22:30)", "body": "...even graphics to make it easier on the eyes. And, GREAT people like Rob and the rest of the lurkers and regulars. Hugs Rob! Happy Birthday, Don!!! ( I suggested to him he might appreciate dead flowers better than a lei but he assured me he was mortal like the rest of us.)"}, {"response": 101, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Aug 17, 2002 (03:27)", "body": "Hi all GREAT NEWS!!!! The first ALPINE FAULT images have gone up in World Earthquakes - the old World Seismicity group and will be coming here in short order. I will post the pics online there first so the Group for which they were originally intended gets them, and then I will distribute image via e-mail to all interested. Rob"}, {"response": 102, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (16:38)", "body": "Please, Rob!! Me !! Pretty Please?! They sound fantastic. If you'd like I will put them on Spring's hard drive so you can post them on Geo!! I'll teach you just as I did Julie. Folks would love to see your photos. Not just the ones who come out of lurkdom!"}, {"response": 103, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Aug 19, 2002 (05:10)", "body": "Hi all Then check kilauea83@yahoo.com, for the first image. I cannot send stuff to marci@aloha.net without it screwing. Rob"}, {"response": 104, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (21:47)", "body": "OK going to Yahoo. I seldom check that email. BTW, beginning Sunday use only marci@aloha.net. I will not be using BluegrassHula@aol.com for a while and will not have access to it."}, {"response": 105, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Thu, Aug 29, 2002 (21:14)", "body": "Hi all Be careful Marcia!! Rob"}, {"response": 106, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (06:25)", "body": "Hi all Where is everyone? Hope this place is still rocking. Rob"}, {"response": 107, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (07:43)", "body": "Still kickin' Rob. What's going on with you today?"}, {"response": 108, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "Whazzup??"}, {"response": 109, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (17:29)", "body": "are we going to party in here?"}, {"response": 110, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (05:52)", "body": "Hi all For something that is the agony of American basketball fans, the pure joy of every New Zealander, and the hopes of the Yugoslavs, go here: http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/screwed/170 Rob"}, {"response": 111, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (15:26)", "body": "Bring on the party!!!"}, {"response": 112, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (15:49)", "body": "If you wait about a month, I will personally toss a party of liberation and joy for all. At the moment, with the help of a few very special people I am barely hanging onto my sanity. But this is one thing I REALLY want."}, {"response": 113, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Sep  8, 2002 (03:28)", "body": "Hi all Marcia, one thing. Are you physically okay, or has WW3 started? Rob"}, {"response": 114, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep  8, 2002 (10:40)", "body": "*HUGS*"}, {"response": 115, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep  9, 2002 (10:45)", "body": "*more hugs*"}, {"response": 116, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Sep 10, 2002 (03:30)", "body": "Hi all *HUGS*. To all who love freedom and democracy, who promote cultural understanding, regardless of whether you are conservative, moderate, socialist, Green, Communist, Republican or Democrat, you are the people of the future upon which nations can be built. September 11 was a strike against humanity, against every human being on earth, in New York, in the US, in the West and everywhere whose people love democracy and freedom. The magnitude of the impact around the world should not be underestimated for in various ways it has changed most people. It has made me more aware of who I am, I never did take any day for granted and I sure don't now. I have become more outgoing and more appreciative of family and friends. It has changed the cultural face of New Zealand too I think. More people are more aware of the nation they are in and many appreciate that there are advantages to being small. Many before hand thought we were too small. Let me read out a list of nations that lost people aside from the United States and you will all get an idea just how much of a world disaster September 11 really was: Argentina Australia Bangladesh Belgium Brazil Canada Chile China Colombia Denmark Dominican Republic Egypt El Salvador Finland France Germany Great Britain India Indonesia Ireland Israel Italy Japan Lebanon Malaysia Mexico New Zealand Norway Pakistan Paraguay Peru Philippines Portugal Puerto Rico South Africa South Korea Spain Sweden Switzerland Taiwan Zimbabwe People, whether we agree or not on how to deal with terrorism, and whether it is appropriate for the US to attack Iraq, lest anyone mistake anyone else, I think we are all in one boat. Some people, in particular Muslims might be getting discriminated against, but they are suffering just like us. It is a world thing. Take care. I love you all Rob"}, {"response": 117, "author": "cascadeclimber", "date": "Tue, Sep 10, 2002 (07:56)", "body": "I agree with everything you said, Rob. September 11th was a world disaster.It effected everyone from every single country. I am up at 5:30am right now. I never get up at this time EVER. I just can't sleep. I keep thinking about September 11th. I admit that I am scared. Scared for my country, scared for other countries, scared for the world. Sure its not my job to worry about this, but the memeory of what happened last year is still fresh on my mind. Its fresh on everyone's mind. I hope this Sept.11th is just a day of memory for all of us and not a day of terror and fear. Stay safe everyone and take care. Love and hugs to all of you."}, {"response": 118, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Sep 10, 2002 (21:44)", "body": "Thanks for the great tribute, Rob, I appreciate your sharing it with us. Love is what it's all about; it's what we're all here for. God bless on 9-11 and every day."}, {"response": 119, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep 10, 2002 (22:51)", "body": "This is for all who care and love - every moment of life http://www.funstun.com/Think_It_Over.swfb"}, {"response": 120, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 11, 2002 (09:01)", "body": "Will you take time today to post something in the Spring's news topic about the meaning and significance of September 11th? It's topic 43 in news which was started a year ago today."}, {"response": 121, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 13, 2002 (23:53)", "body": "OOps, I'm late and we had an all-conference topic into which I poured all my 9-11 stuff. Is it the same???????"}, {"response": 122, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (11:11)", "body": "It's the same."}, {"response": 123, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (00:46)", "body": "Hi all Maybe in recognition of the Bali attacks, we should do something for it. Rob"}, {"response": 124, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (07:28)", "body": "The Bali attacks, the sniper, I hope this isn't crescendoing into something more frightful."}, {"response": 125, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (18:57)", "body": "that and the port lockout--they had on the news that the latest video by what's his face threatened economic strikes."}, {"response": 126, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (23:36)", "body": "The sniper has this whole area in total panic. Schools have ceased extracurricular activities, events are being canceled, etc. until this guy is caught."}, {"response": 127, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (07:41)", "body": "I saw that on the news, people are running back to the safety of their cars while their gas pumps or they are crouching in fear while they pump gas. Sounds like they have some solid clues though."}, {"response": 128, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (19:59)", "body": "autumn! are you in that vicinity (i've forgotten)?"}, {"response": 129, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 17, 2002 (00:24)", "body": "Yes and no--about 1.5 hours east of where the action is (focused on 3 counties in MD and VA). We're not \"living in fear\", but you do think about it when you're coming and going at a public place. We'll all sleep better when this nut job is caught."}, {"response": 130, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Sun, Oct 20, 2002 (04:55)", "body": "Hi all I do not think anyone here knows how serious the Bali attacks were. US media, and in particular, the newspapers, and television stations hardly covered the attacks, which killed over 100 Australians alone, numerous foreigners from other nations including at least 3 New Zealanders. I place the blame not on Americans, whom I am sure are horrified at what happened, but the inward self-interested values that some segments of the US media value more than good journalism. This I think is part of the reason why so many other people think Americans are arrogant. Because US media concentrates on America and Americans so much, they get the impression that there is no world beyond their borders, which the people of this board know could not be further from the truth. Thus one columnist I happened on said that Americans learn geography when there is a terrorist attack. Hollywood is to blame as well for feeding the \"We are the world\" myth that run rampant in the minds of some. Their movies, notably Armageddon which portrayed the US as the saviour of the world from a massive meteorite strike, also fuel that notion. Bali was a place of great popularity among the younger generation of New Zealanders, Australians and western people in general who frequented the nightclubs, took advantage of the first rate surf, which generated a healthy economy based on tourism. Many Bali businesses were Western owned and operated, but they employed Balinese locals to work for them, and the locals mingled with the tourists just as easily. The people of Bali are not to blame for the actions of the bomber and they demonstrated this by the manner in which they rushed to help the wounded, and authorities. The bombings were a strike at them as well as the West and were in a Hindu enclave. On this day October 20, 2002 Australians had a national day of mourning for the more than 100 dead and at least 100 still in hospital. Prime John Howard declared the day of mourning to occur on Tuesday when it became obvious that there was going to be a horrendously high death toll. I finish this message on the following note: ---- A nation in mourning October 20 2002 Thousands of people have been attending church and memorial services around the country to honour the the victims of last weekend's bombing in Bali. Australian singer John Farnham kicked off a ceremony in Sydney by singing Amazing Grace. People of all ages draped in Australian flags have gathered at The Domain to pay their respects to the more than 100 Australians killed and many more injured when a bomb ripped through the popular tourist strip in Kuta Beach. NSW Governor Marie Bashir welcomed the crowd, saying she did so with a heavy heart and great sadness. She said the cruel act and flagrant disregard for human life in Bali last weekend had left Australians with a sense of pain, rage and sorrow. Premier Bob Carr was attending a ceremony for the Coogee Dolphins which lost six of its rugby league players in Bali. \"There is still grief and anger and a rage against the dark and random shattering of so many lives,\" Mr Carr told the crowd. \"These are good people and this is a wonderful part of the world and we did not deserve to be so smashed of our hopes.\" Hundreds of people streamed into Coogee Oval today to pay tribute to the victims. As part of the national day of mourning, families bearing sprigs of wattle and green and gold ribbon laid flowers in the memory of those lost. A survivor of the blast, Eric Da Haart from the Coogee Dolphins Rugby League Club, gave an emotional and rousing address to the crowd. Mr Da Haart told how he and his teammates went to Bali for their end of year footy celebrations. \"We went expecting a great time and we were having a great time and then hell happened,\" he said. In a video message, Prime Minister John Howard urged mourners at the Sydney service for victims of the Bali bombing to preserve Australia's open, tolerant and generous society. Mr Howard told the crowd at the Australians Together ceremony that victims of the Bali bomb attack would want that harmonious society maintained. Mr Howard vowed the government would hunt down those responsible for the Kuta blast which killed more than 180 people - more than 100 of them Australians - and injured hundreds more. \"Let us remember the people for their love of life and what they gave to others and to their country,\" he told the service, one of many around Australia on a national day of mourning. \"Let us resolve to find those who committed this foul deed and bring them to justice. \"But let us also embrace not only each other but all the peoples of the world in peace. \"Let us preserve the open, tolerant, harmonious, outward-looking generous Australian society for which Australia is so widely respected. \"That is what they would wish and I know it is what all Australians would wish.\" Mr Howard was attending a service in Canberra today. At midday, the mourners paused for a minute's silence as the church bells from S"}, {"response": 131, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 20, 2002 (13:32)", "body": "I sympathize with you, Rob, and am sorry for your loss. I would agree that the attacks received scant coverage here, and the story has dropped off the evening news altogether. Our complacency probably has a lot to do with our relative isolation from that part of the world, the minimal (2-3?) loss of American lives, and the fact that we live in a country rife with violent crime on a daily basis. I live near one of the larger US cities (in the top 15), and it averages two murders/day and God only knows how many lesser violent crimes are committed each day. It's all senseless."}, {"response": 132, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 20, 2002 (16:04)", "body": "not much on the news here either except that some surfer dude was killed....not that that was insignificant but unless it touches the southland (as they say here), they don't report much (unless it can be sensationalized)..."}, {"response": 133, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Oct 23, 2002 (18:07)", "body": "Hi all This came by e-mail. Rob ---- Dear Terrorist, You hurt us bombing Bali, but we can take the pain, But if you think you'll beat us, you can think a-bloody-gain We battled at Gallipoli and we fought the bloody hun Of all the arseholes we've had to face, you're just another one You won't get your hands dirty, you won't fire a gun Whenever danger threatens you just pack your gear and run You brainwash innocent children to do your evil deeds Careful not to let them know just where it really leads You teach them to believe all your bigotry and lying Until they cannot see that there's no glory in their dying Now we'd like to pose a question, answer if you can Where does your holy book tell you to kill your fellow man? Now listen hard and listen well, we're giving you the word You're never gonna beat us, you spineless bloody turd You'd never face us personally, you haven't got the guts You know that if you ever did we'd have your bloody nuts Our spirit is unbroken, and our heads are still unbowed We sure as hell aren't scared of you and your gutless crowd So get your act together -- you'll never win because What you're really up against is the spirit that is OZ WE WILL OVERCOME \"Lest we forget\""}, {"response": 134, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 23, 2002 (22:13)", "body": "There are some more items on this in the news conference 'sniper' topic."}, {"response": 135, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 12, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "Thanks Rob. Terrible things happening world wide and Al Quaeda is all too ready to claim the honor of being the cause. Thanks to them, I got singled out at the airport for several examinations since I look so dangerous."}, {"response": 136, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (15:33)", "body": "EsBee, I did get your messages and your phone number. It was just about impossible to do anything about it, though. I'll be back!!! We simply must do lunch. Nut Tree airport has a lovely restaurant. How about there?"}, {"response": 137, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (15:35)", "body": "OK, get out the chess pieces and get moving. Cosmo is growing spider webs waiting for someone to make the first move. His absinthe is long gone. I'd better refresh it. Belly dancing DVD? Is that for Lizzie's benefit? EsBee, you are something else! *Hugs*"}, {"response": 138, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Fri, Sep  2, 2005 (18:07)", "body": "I just had to come back here and say 'Hi All!' for old time sake. Mike"}, {"response": 139, "author": "weroland", "date": "Fri, Sep  2, 2005 (18:23)", "body": "Been doing things like that myself lately."}, {"response": 140, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  1, 2005 (19:32)", "body": "Me too. I wondered if I had died... Welcome all"}, {"response": 141, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Wed, Oct  5, 2005 (15:24)", "body": "Ok, Marcia is here, the room is back in session!"}, {"response": 142, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct  6, 2005 (16:56)", "body": "Aha !! There are pythons eating alligators in Geo these days. Is nothing sacred? See what happens when you actually bite off more than you can chew! Ewwwwwww ! Next it will be the brown tree snakes invading Hawaii. You all know how each state has a tree and flower and bird. What are the eyesores for your state. Indiana claims all those orange cones marking the eternal road building."}, {"response": 143, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  6, 2005 (18:33)", "body": "that was one hungry snake! *off to see geo*"}, {"response": 144, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (09:22)", "body": "State eyesores... In Illinois: road construction, town houses where there use to be farms. In Wisconsin: Illinois drivers more to come....."}, {"response": 145, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (09:36)", "body": "In Bastrop, it's the homey little pecan stores GIANT LED SCROLLING SIGN that you can see for 10 miles aways. It's gross. It's huge, towering above Highway 71."}, {"response": 146, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (18:13)", "body": "I LOVE THIS DISCUSSION !!! we're still sorting out the eyesores of KY. Hawaii's eyesores are two fold. Natural eyesore are once beautiful beaches now under 50 feet of lava. Man made are junked cars in front yards."}, {"response": 147, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (18:14)", "body": "That is funny about the Illinios drivers being eyesores. I am guessing that is what Oregon thinks of California drivers."}, {"response": 148, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (20:01)", "body": "some texas drivers are eyesores too! and we've got those stupid concrete barriers (because the cones weren't working) all over the place...... homesteads at the end of a runway....we should start a screwed eyesore topic!"}, {"response": 149, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (22:42)", "body": "Concrete barriers. Scary stuff."}, {"response": 150, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (01:34)", "body": "Indiana has millions of them and they change postion from trip to trip. California uses them and they take root where they're put looking terrible all the while. We need a topic!"}, {"response": 151, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (16:27)", "body": "A topic for concrete barriers? Uh, ok, but do you think we might run out of things to talk about? relating to concrete barriers. I'd hate to run up against a brick wall."}, {"response": 152, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (16:36)", "body": "Nope, world eyesores. Right now we are working on state eyesores to keep up wiht state songs, state birds, state flowers etc. Leave the topic here. It'll die on its own."}, {"response": 153, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (17:49)", "body": "terry, how long did it take you to pun that one? *grin* i thought the new topic would be eyesores like marcia was just saying! you know we can NEVER stay on topic no matter WHERE we go so you know that there will be traffic in them if not on the subject matter *giggle* i would love one about pet peeves......"}, {"response": 154, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (17:49)", "body": "i've got one right now but i'd better go to inner to spill the beans..."}, {"response": 155, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (21:22)", "body": "following you !"}, {"response": 156, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 11, 2005 (22:33)", "body": "It took about 5 seconds."}, {"response": 157, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 19, 2005 (22:35)", "body": "The Funeral Service The funeral was held way back in the country and the young minister got lost on the way. When he arrived an hour late, he saw a backhoe and crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The workmen were eating lunch. The diligent pastor went to the open grave to find the vault lid in place.... but still he poured out his heart and preached an impassioned and lengthy service. Returning to his car, the young minister felt that he had done his duty and he would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of his tardiness. As he got into his car, he overheard one of the workers say, \"You know George, I've been putting in septic tanks for 25 years, and I ain't never seen nothin' like that before. Thanks to Lucie. I loved this !!"}, {"response": 158, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 26, 2005 (11:30)", "body": "Oh, that is too funny! Thanks, Marica."}, {"response": 159, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 29, 2005 (19:23)", "body": "Speaking of grave yards, we p[rowled the finest in Frankfort, KY yesterday. Daniel Boone and his wife, Rebecca are buried there on a high bluff overlooking the Kentucky River. The fall colors were just coming in. It was beautiful. We also had a quick tour thru a black cemetery which was the first in the state. It was created in the 1840s and contains Civil War dead."}, {"response": 160, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 31, 2005 (08:12)", "body": "What's the name of this locale?"}, {"response": 161, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 13, 2005 (20:49)", "body": "It was all around Frankfort. That is the most amazing state capital. It is set in a mountain hollow surrounded by trees and wilderness. The town is just a few blocks wide and a few more long. The best part is the Capitol itself. It is every bit as grand as the United States Capitol building in Washington, DC. Marble throughout it has grand staircases and formal plantings all around it. A golden dome completes the setting. Terry, if you know Frankfort I can tell you it was in the lesser parts of town on one side. We had to go thru a parking lot to get to the drivway into the cemetery. I can get better directions if you need them. The cemetery with Daniel and Rebecca Boone is on the heights overlooking the capitol building."}, {"response": 162, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 13, 2005 (20:50)", "body": "1.) Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2.) A day without sunshine is like, night. 3.) On the other hand, you have different fingers. 4.) I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 5.) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6.) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7.) I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 8.) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 9.) I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 10.) Honk if you love peace and quiet. 11.) Remember half the people you know are below average. 12.) Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? 13.) Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool. 14.) Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 15.) He who laughs last thinks slowest. 16.) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 17.) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 18.) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 19.) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 20.) I intend to live forever -- so far so good. 21.) Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. 22.) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 23.) My mind is like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in 37 states. 24.) Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. 25.) The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 26.) Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have. 27.) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. 28.) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 29.) A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 30.) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 31.) For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. 32.) Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 33.) Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 34.) No one is listening until you make a mistake. 35.) Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. 36.) The colder the x-ray tables the more of your body is required on it. 37.) The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. 38.) The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. 39.) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 40.) To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. 41.) How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand... 42.) You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 43.) Two wrongs are only the beginning. 44.) The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 45.) The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. 46.) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 47.) Change is inevitable except from vending machines. 48.) If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 49.) Always try to be modest and be proud of it! 50.) Get a new car for your wife... It'll be a great trade! Thanks to DB for this"}, {"response": 163, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 13, 2005 (20:53)", "body": "Look skyward even if you don't muchlike science and never read Geo. This meteor shower might be very nice, indeed. LEONID METEOR SHOWER Space Weather News for Nov. 13, 2005 http://spaceweather.com THE LEONIDS: The most famous of all meteor showers, the Leonids, peaks on Thursday, Nov. 17th. A few years ago, the Leonids were storming, filling the skies with bright meteors. But not this year. The 2005 Leonids are expected to be few (less than 20 per hour) and hard to see because of the glaring full Moon. Nevertheless, if you're an enthusiast, you might want to go outside before sunrise on Nov. 17th and look up. The sparkling stars of northern winter will be on full display, along with Saturn and the full Moon, and you might spot a few meteors, too. THE MOON & MARS: This is good: The Moon and Mars are getting together for a beautiful close encounter. You can see them rising in the east, side-by-side, at sundown on Monday, Nov. 14th. Visit http://spaceweather.com for sky maps, pictures and more information."}, {"response": 164, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov 18, 2005 (14:43)", "body": "For those of you who don't read Geo I thought you might like this: Ten top worst jobs in science 10. Orangutan-Pee Collector Their work is noninvasive\u2014for the apes, that is . . . \"Have I been pissed on? Yes,\" says anthropologist Cheryl Knott of Harvard University. Knott is a pioneer of \"noninvasive monitoring of steroids through urine sampling.\" Translation: Look out below! For the past 11 years, Knott and her colleagues have trekked into Gunung Palung National Park in Borneo, Indonesia, in search of the endangered primates. Once a subject is spotted, they deploy plastic sheets like a firemen's rescue trampoline and wait for the tree-swinging apes to go see a man about a mule. For more pee-catching precision, they attach bags to poles and follow beneath the animals. \"It's kind of gross when you get hit, but this is the best way to figure out what's going on in their bodies,\" Knott says. more plus the other nine ... http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/806ffb24a5f27010vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 175, "subject": "Sports Screw-ups", "response_count": 8, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:16)", "body": "Fro Rob : Hi all A Garrick Tremain cartoon for you (the white washing of the New Zealand Black Caps). For those of you who don't know what happened, the Black Caps were defeated by a mammoth innings and 324 runs (Pakistan scored 643/9, in reply the first time we were bowled out for about 70, and sent back to bat needing 574 to win - we were bowled for 249. This is our heaviest ever test defeat): http://www.stuff.co.nz/inl/index/0,1008,1190279a2580,FF.html Rob Black Caps Sale - Garrick Tremain http://www.stuff.co.nz/inl/index/0,1008,1190279a2580,FF.html"}, {"response": 2, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "Pull up the chessboard and Mike will make his move. The steeds beneath the knights grow restless."}, {"response": 3, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (13:59)", "body": "Oh no, my favorite Nittany Lioness is now saying that Penn State football has become a sports screw-up. It's just too sad. I hope that your team does better this year. These aren't really sports screw-ups, per se. What the following list is faux pax committed by sport announcers. One of my favorites ever, was when a local sport announcer came up with this gem: \"And we'll be back after these messages with more on sports.\" What exactly are \"moron sports\". Hopefully, Penn State football hasn't sunk quite that low. SPORTS SPEECH BLUNDERS 1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: \"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.\" 2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: \"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.\" 3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: \"The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.\" 4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: \"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.\" 5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: \"Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious.\" 6. Baseball announcer: \"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.\" 7. Basketball analyst: \"He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.\" 8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: \"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew.\" 9. Metro Radio, College Football: \"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.\" 10. US Open TV Commentator: \"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?\""}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 13, 2002 (23:52)", "body": "Talk about bad timing. I have found that NOT following Penn State footall this year has been more beneficial than all the antics and tee-shirts I have ever worn in their behalf. That is hilarious, Cheryl... I tried to read it aloud and was unsuccessful."}, {"response": 5, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (11:11)", "body": "Penn State's doing great, aren't they. Unlike our Horns of late."}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 23, 2002 (20:18)", "body": "We are going BOWLING against Auburn on New Year's Day. Wish us luck! What happened to the Horns? You still have the same QB!!!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (07:08)", "body": "Simms had a decent year, he just didn't win the big ones but that wasn't his faault. He may go surprisingly high in the draft. They have a young kid coming up named Vincent Young and Roy Williams will be back next year."}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (14:11)", "body": "Just as Marino discovered at Miami, it takes more than a really good QB to win games. It sounds as though your next year will be better. I had a really funny story to post but I can't find the link today. I was about a 50 mile run. Two of the runners got lost for 18 hours because they had forgotten to bring their glasses! That is really a screw-up! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 176, "subject": "Word Association Yet Again", "response_count": 1179, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 21, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "Autumn: \"feasts\" repasts"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 22, 2002 (16:01)", "body": "represents"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 22, 2002 (18:15)", "body": "ooops, I posted an associated word in dissociation, that's because the order of the topics changed. agent"}, {"response": 4, "author": "bubbles12291", "date": "Fri, Nov 22, 2002 (18:52)", "body": "hi my name is stephanie and i am kindove lost can enyone help me"}, {"response": 5, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 22, 2002 (18:57)", "body": "Yeah, but in another topic, this is word association. Try the topics in the 'porch' conference for starters. There is one particularly that points you to other topics."}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov 24, 2002 (20:21)", "body": "Terry: agent me: realtor"}, {"response": 7, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 25, 2002 (07:39)", "body": "house"}, {"response": 8, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Nov 26, 2002 (20:27)", "body": "property"}, {"response": 9, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 27, 2002 (18:10)", "body": "land"}, {"response": 10, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 27, 2002 (19:38)", "body": "acreage"}, {"response": 11, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov 27, 2002 (21:05)", "body": "surveyor"}, {"response": 12, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 27, 2002 (21:54)", "body": "assessor"}, {"response": 13, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 28, 2002 (08:16)", "body": "evaluator"}, {"response": 14, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec  4, 2002 (23:22)", "body": "analyst"}, {"response": 15, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  5, 2002 (08:27)", "body": "shrink"}, {"response": 16, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec  7, 2002 (19:45)", "body": "reduce"}, {"response": 17, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Dec  8, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "limit"}, {"response": 18, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec  9, 2002 (12:39)", "body": "restrict"}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec  9, 2002 (14:26)", "body": "reduce"}, {"response": 20, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Dec 12, 2002 (19:20)", "body": "lower"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 23, 2002 (20:36)", "body": "cow"}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 23, 2002 (20:37)", "body": "(It's a Christmas thing. Think about Away in a Manger...)"}, {"response": 23, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (07:08)", "body": "hay"}, {"response": 24, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (14:11)", "body": "Jude"}, {"response": 25, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (14:12)", "body": "Yeah, I know the spelling is different. I couldn't resist."}, {"response": 26, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (17:47)", "body": "obscure"}, {"response": 27, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jan  6, 2003 (09:37)", "body": "hidden"}, {"response": 28, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan  6, 2003 (16:26)", "body": "concealed"}, {"response": 29, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jan  7, 2003 (09:43)", "body": "opaque"}, {"response": 30, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  8, 2003 (17:51)", "body": "clear"}, {"response": 31, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jan  8, 2003 (18:49)", "body": "terry, you forgot which topic we're in (opaque=clear?) *LAUGH* skies"}, {"response": 32, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan  9, 2003 (08:14)", "body": "blue"}, {"response": 33, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan  9, 2003 (08:14)", "body": "you makin' fun of me"}, {"response": 34, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jan  9, 2003 (10:17)", "body": "*laugh* sad"}, {"response": 35, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan  9, 2003 (14:52)", "body": "depressed"}, {"response": 36, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jan  9, 2003 (19:47)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 37, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 10, 2003 (21:20)", "body": "out"}, {"response": 38, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jan 11, 2003 (20:42)", "body": "about"}, {"response": 39, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 18, 2003 (10:54)", "body": "re"}, {"response": 40, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 20, 2003 (15:52)", "body": "latin"}, {"response": 41, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 21, 2003 (00:21)", "body": "Roman"}, {"response": 42, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jan 21, 2003 (16:16)", "body": "gladiator"}, {"response": 43, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jan 23, 2003 (13:39)", "body": "Crowe"}, {"response": 44, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan 23, 2003 (18:21)", "body": "Raven"}, {"response": 45, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jan 26, 2003 (10:50)", "body": "Edgar Allen Poe"}, {"response": 46, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 27, 2003 (08:22)", "body": "horror"}, {"response": 47, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 27, 2003 (21:42)", "body": "macabre"}, {"response": 48, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (13:40)", "body": "Danse"}, {"response": 49, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 15, 2003 (20:55)", "body": "ballet"}, {"response": 50, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 18, 2003 (22:39)", "body": "barre"}, {"response": 51, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 19, 2003 (18:47)", "body": "wilkes"}, {"response": 52, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 19, 2003 (19:56)", "body": "(ooh, good one!) John"}, {"response": 53, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 22, 2003 (20:20)", "body": "assassin"}, {"response": 54, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 22, 2003 (20:58)", "body": "Booth"}, {"response": 55, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Mar 24, 2003 (16:22)", "body": "telephone"}, {"response": 56, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 24, 2003 (21:52)", "body": "Cell"}, {"response": 57, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 25, 2003 (23:32)", "body": "prison"}, {"response": 58, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 26, 2003 (20:10)", "body": "Clink"}, {"response": 59, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Mar 27, 2003 (19:05)", "body": "gulag"}, {"response": 60, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 28, 2003 (01:47)", "body": "Archipelago"}, {"response": 61, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Mar 29, 2003 (07:23)", "body": "island"}, {"response": 62, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Mar 31, 2003 (18:32)", "body": "ocean"}, {"response": 63, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  1, 2003 (20:30)", "body": "waves"}, {"response": 64, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (15:00)", "body": "surf"}, {"response": 65, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (16:04)", "body": "turf"}, {"response": 66, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (18:01)", "body": "home"}, {"response": 67, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (21:58)", "body": "house"}, {"response": 68, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr  3, 2003 (13:50)", "body": "mouse"}, {"response": 69, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr  3, 2003 (15:15)", "body": "vermin"}, {"response": 70, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr  4, 2003 (17:06)", "body": "rats"}, {"response": 71, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr  4, 2003 (18:24)", "body": "cats"}, {"response": 72, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr  5, 2003 (18:23)", "body": "mice"}, {"response": 73, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr  5, 2003 (19:05)", "body": "laboratory"}, {"response": 74, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr  6, 2003 (09:21)", "body": "computers"}, {"response": 75, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr  7, 2003 (13:57)", "body": "technology"}, {"response": 76, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  7, 2003 (23:18)", "body": "science"}, {"response": 77, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  8, 2003 (20:23)", "body": "chemistry"}, {"response": 78, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr  9, 2003 (18:08)", "body": "biology"}, {"response": 79, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 10, 2003 (18:48)", "body": "class"}, {"response": 80, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr 10, 2003 (23:12)", "body": "school"}, {"response": 81, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (13:07)", "body": "yard"}, {"response": 82, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (14:04)", "body": "stick"}, {"response": 83, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (16:48)", "body": "twig"}, {"response": 84, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (18:11)", "body": "branch"}, {"response": 85, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr 12, 2003 (11:58)", "body": "arm"}, {"response": 86, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 13, 2003 (20:24)", "body": "leg"}, {"response": 87, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (13:38)", "body": "limb"}, {"response": 88, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (17:17)", "body": "tree"}, {"response": 89, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (19:22)", "body": "shrub"}, {"response": 90, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (21:22)", "body": "bush"}, {"response": 91, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 16, 2003 (14:01)", "body": "president"}, {"response": 92, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 16, 2003 (15:00)", "body": "company"}, {"response": 93, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 16, 2003 (15:54)", "body": "visitors"}, {"response": 94, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (06:48)", "body": "tourists"}, {"response": 95, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (12:53)", "body": "travelers"}, {"response": 96, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (13:50)", "body": "insurance"}, {"response": 97, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (14:42)", "body": "policy"}, {"response": 98, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (18:02)", "body": "wonk"}, {"response": 99, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (20:30)", "body": "???"}, {"response": 100, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (20:45)", "body": "It was a popular word during the Clinton administration, for example, Clinton was an economy wonk . . ."}, {"response": 101, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr 19, 2003 (21:55)", "body": "proponent?"}, {"response": 102, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (21:04)", "body": "supporter (glad we got wonk behind us, or did we?)"}, {"response": 103, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (22:21)", "body": "athletic (I was throwing out \"proponent\" as both a possible synonym for wonk, based on your example, as well as the next word. So yes, we are safely past it!)"}, {"response": 104, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 21, 2003 (10:41)", "body": "jock"}, {"response": 105, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 22, 2003 (10:56)", "body": "strape"}, {"response": 106, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 22, 2003 (15:10)", "body": "duct"}, {"response": 107, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 22, 2003 (20:18)", "body": "tape"}, {"response": 108, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 23, 2003 (09:06)", "body": "casette"}, {"response": 109, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 28, 2003 (16:33)", "body": "barrette"}, {"response": 110, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 30, 2003 (15:20)", "body": "pig tail"}, {"response": 111, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 30, 2003 (20:36)", "body": "Charlotte's Web"}, {"response": 112, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  1, 2003 (08:12)", "body": "book"}, {"response": 113, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  1, 2003 (12:34)", "body": "reading"}, {"response": 114, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  1, 2003 (20:18)", "body": "romance novels"}, {"response": 115, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (12:05)", "body": "bodice ripper"}, {"response": 116, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (14:03)", "body": "palpitations"}, {"response": 117, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (16:08)", "body": "heartbeats"}, {"response": 118, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  4, 2003 (15:53)", "body": "Life"}, {"response": 119, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  4, 2003 (19:45)", "body": "support"}, {"response": 120, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  5, 2003 (10:41)", "body": "backing"}, {"response": 121, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  5, 2003 (11:41)", "body": "lining"}, {"response": 122, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (08:37)", "body": "stomach"}, {"response": 123, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (13:21)", "body": "ache"}, {"response": 124, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (15:33)", "body": "pain"}, {"response": 125, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (00:08)", "body": "soothing"}, {"response": 126, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (19:56)", "body": "massage"}, {"response": 127, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (20:37)", "body": "body"}, {"response": 128, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 10, 2003 (10:02)", "body": "parts"}, {"response": 129, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 11, 2003 (12:32)", "body": "automotive"}, {"response": 130, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 12, 2003 (08:01)", "body": "car"}, {"response": 131, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 12, 2003 (14:15)", "body": "pool"}, {"response": 132, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 12, 2003 (15:13)", "body": "swim"}, {"response": 133, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 13, 2003 (13:25)", "body": "laps"}, {"response": 134, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 13, 2003 (14:22)", "body": "track"}, {"response": 135, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 13, 2003 (18:05)", "body": "field"}, {"response": 136, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 13, 2003 (20:13)", "body": "theory"}, {"response": 137, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 14, 2003 (15:14)", "body": "hypothesis"}, {"response": 138, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May 15, 2003 (07:35)", "body": "idea"}, {"response": 139, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 15, 2003 (12:57)", "body": "epiphany"}, {"response": 140, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (01:24)", "body": "eureka !"}, {"response": 141, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (10:33)", "body": "vacuum"}, {"response": 142, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (23:41)", "body": "Hoover"}, {"response": 143, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 17, 2003 (20:54)", "body": "president"}, {"response": 144, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May 18, 2003 (11:33)", "body": "Washington"}, {"response": 145, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 19, 2003 (19:41)", "body": "DC"}, {"response": 146, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 19, 2003 (19:59)", "body": "AC"}, {"response": 147, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 20, 2003 (11:01)", "body": "air cleaner"}, {"response": 148, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 20, 2003 (12:52)", "body": "infomercial"}, {"response": 149, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 20, 2003 (14:12)", "body": "Suzanne Summers"}, {"response": 150, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 20, 2003 (19:20)", "body": "thigh master"}, {"response": 151, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 21, 2003 (08:31)", "body": "exercise"}, {"response": 152, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 21, 2003 (10:11)", "body": "workout"}, {"response": 153, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 23, 2003 (12:25)", "body": "health"}, {"response": 154, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 23, 2003 (16:26)", "body": "ageing"}, {"response": 155, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, May 24, 2003 (17:30)", "body": "growing"}, {"response": 156, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 25, 2003 (18:23)", "body": "bean stalk"}, {"response": 157, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 28, 2003 (12:26)", "body": "Jack"}, {"response": 158, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May 29, 2003 (09:02)", "body": "box"}, {"response": 159, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 29, 2003 (12:09)", "body": "fox"}, {"response": 160, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May 29, 2003 (12:59)", "body": "news"}, {"response": 161, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 29, 2003 (16:20)", "body": "fair & balanced"}, {"response": 162, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 31, 2003 (17:42)", "body": "O'Reilly"}, {"response": 163, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  2, 2003 (12:31)", "body": "tall (that man is huge! have you ever seen him standing next to someone else?)"}, {"response": 164, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun  3, 2003 (07:16)", "body": "big"}, {"response": 165, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  4, 2003 (18:20)", "body": "large"}, {"response": 166, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun  4, 2003 (20:55)", "body": "huge"}, {"response": 167, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun  6, 2003 (05:55)", "body": "gargantuan"}, {"response": 168, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun  9, 2003 (14:26)", "body": "giant"}, {"response": 169, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  9, 2003 (22:29)", "body": "centipede"}, {"response": 170, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun 10, 2003 (11:36)", "body": "insect"}, {"response": 171, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun 11, 2003 (18:35)", "body": "butterfly"}, {"response": 172, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (14:00)", "body": "firefly"}, {"response": 173, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (23:24)", "body": "evening"}, {"response": 174, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 16, 2003 (15:41)", "body": "twilight"}, {"response": 175, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 16, 2003 (16:22)", "body": "romantic"}, {"response": 176, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 17, 2003 (11:14)", "body": "poetry"}, {"response": 177, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 17, 2003 (13:24)", "body": "Alfred, Lord Tennyson"}, {"response": 178, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 18, 2003 (11:03)", "body": "Westminster Abbey (just visited him a few weeks ago!)"}, {"response": 179, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 18, 2003 (23:18)", "body": "Lord Rutherford (my visits were long ago)"}, {"response": 180, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jun 19, 2003 (13:32)", "body": "Lord of the Rings"}, {"response": 181, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 22, 2003 (21:42)", "body": "Hobbit"}, {"response": 182, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 23, 2003 (14:22)", "body": "Tolkien"}, {"response": 183, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 23, 2003 (15:51)", "body": "Fantasy"}, {"response": 184, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (12:36)", "body": "Island"}, {"response": 185, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (14:20)", "body": "Hopper"}, {"response": 186, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (17:26)", "body": "Skipper"}, {"response": 187, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (18:46)", "body": "jumper"}, {"response": 188, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (19:43)", "body": "dress"}, {"response": 189, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 27, 2003 (22:30)", "body": "frock"}, {"response": 190, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun 29, 2003 (18:36)", "body": "priest"}, {"response": 191, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jul  6, 2003 (18:38)", "body": "Catholic"}, {"response": 192, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jul 10, 2003 (19:21)", "body": "church"}, {"response": 193, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jul 15, 2003 (22:33)", "body": "pew"}, {"response": 194, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 16, 2003 (08:44)", "body": "church"}, {"response": 195, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 16, 2003 (20:09)", "body": "Christ"}, {"response": 196, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul 17, 2003 (18:36)", "body": "Jesus"}, {"response": 197, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jul 20, 2003 (19:43)", "body": "Savior"}, {"response": 198, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Jul 24, 2003 (00:28)", "body": "heretic"}, {"response": 199, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jul 24, 2003 (21:39)", "body": "blasphemer (wer sighting!!!)"}, {"response": 200, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 25, 2003 (07:21)", "body": "infidel"}, {"response": 201, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jul 25, 2003 (23:35)", "body": "castro"}, {"response": 202, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul 26, 2003 (01:47)", "body": "Cuber"}, {"response": 203, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (19:49)", "body": "tuber"}, {"response": 204, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (13:57)", "body": "tater"}, {"response": 205, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:20)", "body": "tomato"}, {"response": 206, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:47)", "body": "sandwich"}, {"response": 207, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (19:20)", "body": "club"}, {"response": 208, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (18:00)", "body": "foot"}, {"response": 209, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (18:44)", "body": "toe"}, {"response": 210, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug  1, 2003 (02:48)", "body": "head"}, {"response": 211, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  1, 2003 (15:18)", "body": "toilet"}, {"response": 212, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug  2, 2003 (18:36)", "body": "head"}, {"response": 213, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug  7, 2003 (21:48)", "body": "trip"}, {"response": 214, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  8, 2003 (11:19)", "body": "travel"}, {"response": 215, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug  9, 2003 (14:56)", "body": "agent"}, {"response": 216, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Aug 11, 2003 (05:11)", "body": "Scully"}, {"response": 217, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Aug 11, 2003 (08:45)", "body": "Mulder"}, {"response": 218, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 11, 2003 (20:07)", "body": "x-files"}, {"response": 219, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Tue, Aug 12, 2003 (00:16)", "body": "The"}, {"response": 220, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 12, 2003 (09:00)", "body": "a"}, {"response": 221, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Aug 12, 2003 (12:59)", "body": "article"}, {"response": 222, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 12, 2003 (17:22)", "body": "confederation"}, {"response": 223, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 14, 2003 (09:05)", "body": "confederacy"}, {"response": 224, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 16, 2003 (10:10)", "body": "South"}, {"response": 225, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Aug 18, 2003 (23:54)", "body": "deep"}, {"response": 226, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 21, 2003 (14:42)", "body": "throat"}, {"response": 227, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Aug 25, 2003 (06:46)", "body": "neck"}, {"response": 228, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 25, 2003 (11:06)", "body": "slit"}, {"response": 229, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 25, 2003 (21:47)", "body": "incision"}, {"response": 230, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 26, 2003 (13:03)", "body": "cut"}, {"response": 231, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Aug 26, 2003 (15:17)", "body": "scissors"}, {"response": 232, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Sep  7, 2003 (15:38)", "body": "hands"}, {"response": 233, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  7, 2003 (19:10)", "body": "off!"}, {"response": 234, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Sep  7, 2003 (22:27)", "body": "skintastic"}, {"response": 235, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep  8, 2003 (13:01)", "body": "repellent"}, {"response": 236, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Sep  8, 2003 (17:48)", "body": "bush"}, {"response": 237, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Sep  9, 2003 (19:27)", "body": "president"}, {"response": 238, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 10, 2003 (10:29)", "body": "chief"}, {"response": 239, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 10, 2003 (16:01)", "body": "Indian"}, {"response": 240, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 10, 2003 (20:39)", "body": "motorcycle"}, {"response": 241, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Sep 11, 2003 (02:06)", "body": "momma"}, {"response": 242, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 11, 2003 (22:26)", "body": "mia"}, {"response": 243, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Sep 15, 2003 (14:24)", "body": "meatballs"}, {"response": 244, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep 15, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "spaghetti"}, {"response": 245, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 18, 2003 (06:46)", "body": "sauce"}, {"response": 246, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 18, 2003 (19:34)", "body": "saucy"}, {"response": 247, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 20, 2003 (10:06)", "body": "racy"}, {"response": 248, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep 20, 2003 (21:02)", "body": "risque"}, {"response": 249, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Sep 21, 2003 (02:18)", "body": "handcuffs"}, {"response": 250, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 21, 2003 (08:44)", "body": "restrained"}, {"response": 251, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 21, 2003 (17:08)", "body": "self-control"}, {"response": 252, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 21, 2003 (21:04)", "body": "restraint"}, {"response": 253, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Sep 26, 2003 (14:20)", "body": "diet"}, {"response": 254, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep 27, 2003 (10:20)", "body": "overweight"}, {"response": 255, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (02:29)", "body": "plump"}, {"response": 256, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (12:52)", "body": "fat"}, {"response": 257, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (19:45)", "body": "obese"}, {"response": 258, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (21:20)", "body": "disease"}, {"response": 259, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  1, 2003 (09:26)", "body": "sick"}, {"response": 260, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  1, 2003 (13:20)", "body": "vomit"}, {"response": 261, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (11:02)", "body": "spew (good grief where is this going?)"}, {"response": 262, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (14:12)", "body": "toilet (it was inevitable, wasn't it???)"}, {"response": 263, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (22:03)", "body": "drain (it contiinues on it's journey)"}, {"response": 264, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (22:40)", "body": "clog"}, {"response": 265, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct  3, 2003 (10:35)", "body": "plumber"}, {"response": 266, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct  4, 2003 (14:17)", "body": "pipe"}, {"response": 267, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (12:39)", "body": "dreams"}, {"response": 268, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (17:20)", "body": "ambitions"}, {"response": 269, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (20:26)", "body": "blond"}, {"response": 270, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (15:52)", "body": "jokes"}, {"response": 271, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (18:01)", "body": "kids"}, {"response": 272, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (22:35)", "body": "children"}, {"response": 273, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (17:17)", "body": "blessing"}, {"response": 274, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (18:07)", "body": "miracles"}, {"response": 275, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (19:28)", "body": "jesus"}, {"response": 276, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  8, 2003 (13:00)", "body": "messiah"}, {"response": 277, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  8, 2003 (18:21)", "body": "emanuel"}, {"response": 278, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Oct  8, 2003 (19:36)", "body": "lewis"}, {"response": 279, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  9, 2003 (19:32)", "body": "and clark"}, {"response": 280, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 10, 2003 (12:02)", "body": "Louisiana Purchase"}, {"response": 281, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 10, 2003 (19:43)", "body": "gumbo"}, {"response": 282, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 10, 2003 (22:59)", "body": "gumby"}, {"response": 283, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (00:50)", "body": "okry"}, {"response": 284, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (13:05)", "body": "Grand Ole Opry"}, {"response": 285, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (17:49)", "body": "Yee Haw"}, {"response": 286, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (19:33)", "body": "Arkansas"}, {"response": 287, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Oct 12, 2003 (02:46)", "body": "bugtussel"}, {"response": 288, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 12, 2003 (20:31)", "body": "Hillbilly"}, {"response": 289, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (09:37)", "body": "deliverance"}, {"response": 290, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (12:56)", "body": "redemption"}, {"response": 291, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (15:39)", "body": "atonement"}, {"response": 292, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (16:53)", "body": "redress"}, {"response": 293, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "change"}, {"response": 294, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (23:43)", "body": "impeachment"}, {"response": 295, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (09:10)", "body": "Clinton"}, {"response": 296, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (14:38)", "body": "Hillary"}, {"response": 297, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (20:31)", "body": "Swank"}, {"response": 298, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (21:59)", "body": "fancy"}, {"response": 299, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 15, 2003 (12:13)", "body": "snazzy"}, {"response": 300, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Oct 16, 2003 (02:34)", "body": "snooty"}, {"response": 301, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 16, 2003 (13:58)", "body": "snobby"}, {"response": 302, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (00:36)", "body": "sneezy"}, {"response": 303, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (01:11)", "body": "grumpy"}, {"response": 304, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (12:42)", "body": "doc"}, {"response": 305, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (02:54)", "body": "fascist"}, {"response": 306, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (06:58)", "body": "dictator"}, {"response": 307, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (12:25)", "body": "Hitler"}, {"response": 308, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (17:56)", "body": "Nazi"}, {"response": 309, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (19:20)", "body": "swastika"}, {"response": 310, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (03:35)", "body": "arnold"}, {"response": 311, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (13:01)", "body": "Schwarzeneggar"}, {"response": 312, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (15:41)", "body": "groper"}, {"response": 313, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (17:32)", "body": "*LAUGH* brush-upitance"}, {"response": 314, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (18:48)", "body": "??? clueless"}, {"response": 315, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (01:13)", "body": "california"}, {"response": 316, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (10:09)", "body": "sunshine"}, {"response": 317, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (18:12)", "body": "skin cancer"}, {"response": 318, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (19:23)", "body": "sara jessica parker"}, {"response": 319, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "Sex and the City"}, {"response": 320, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (03:03)", "body": "Hookers"}, {"response": 321, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (03:06)", "body": "(cancer-- sarah? oh, from honeymoon las vegas, right? um... nevermind)"}, {"response": 322, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (18:40)", "body": "Tramps (thx for the info on the cancer/sarah connection, i was scratching my head)"}, {"response": 323, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (18:54)", "body": "pierced ears"}, {"response": 324, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (23:36)", "body": "church of christ"}, {"response": 325, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (04:44)", "body": "(*shrug*) manic"}, {"response": 326, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (13:26)", "body": "depression"}, {"response": 327, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (18:08)", "body": "blues"}, {"response": 328, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 23, 2003 (13:43)", "body": "doldrums"}, {"response": 329, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 24, 2003 (19:20)", "body": "Snare Drums"}, {"response": 330, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 25, 2003 (12:36)", "body": "percussion"}, {"response": 331, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 25, 2003 (19:28)", "body": "drummer"}, {"response": 332, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (07:44)", "body": "boy"}, {"response": 333, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (14:01)", "body": "George"}, {"response": 334, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (16:13)", "body": "curious"}, {"response": 335, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 27, 2003 (14:06)", "body": "cats"}, {"response": 336, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 27, 2003 (23:38)", "body": "muslim"}, {"response": 337, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (13:36)", "body": "mohammed"}, {"response": 338, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (14:49)", "body": "ali"}, {"response": 339, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (16:57)", "body": "boxer"}, {"response": 340, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:06)", "body": "skivvies"}, {"response": 341, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:18)", "body": "shorts"}, {"response": 342, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:40)", "body": "wedgie"}, {"response": 343, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (19:24)", "body": "*haha*"}, {"response": 344, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (00:38)", "body": "ho-ho"}, {"response": 345, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (08:32)", "body": "laugh"}, {"response": 346, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (12:25)", "body": "no, wait, i was just laughing at the underwear stuff...... guffaw"}, {"response": 347, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (12:29)", "body": "crackup"}, {"response": 348, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (13:12)", "body": "breakdown"}, {"response": 349, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (13:24)", "body": "fall"}, {"response": 350, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (14:53)", "body": "ooooohhh---AUTUMN *grin*"}, {"response": 351, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (15:05)", "body": "leaves"}, {"response": 352, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Nov  1, 2003 (21:02)", "body": "rustling"}, {"response": 353, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Nov  1, 2003 (23:57)", "body": "stealing"}, {"response": 354, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (03:10)", "body": "snatching"}, {"response": 355, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (14:50)", "body": "swiping"}, {"response": 356, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (19:48)", "body": "card"}, {"response": 357, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (09:19)", "body": "underage"}, {"response": 358, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (17:04)", "body": "young"}, {"response": 359, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (18:54)", "body": "naive"}, {"response": 360, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (20:36)", "body": "evian"}, {"response": 361, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (20:46)", "body": "(gulp) spring"}, {"response": 362, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Nov  4, 2003 (19:27)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 363, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Nov  5, 2003 (03:21)", "body": "chortle"}, {"response": 364, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov  5, 2003 (04:10)", "body": "chuckle"}, {"response": 365, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Nov 10, 2003 (16:43)", "body": "santa"}, {"response": 366, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 10, 2003 (17:57)", "body": "claus"}, {"response": 367, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov 16, 2003 (12:59)", "body": "Barbie"}, {"response": 368, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 17, 2003 (06:20)", "body": "Doll"}, {"response": 369, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Nov 18, 2003 (09:23)", "body": "toy"}, {"response": 370, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 18, 2003 (20:45)", "body": "store"}, {"response": 371, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov 19, 2003 (10:56)", "body": "hoard"}, {"response": 372, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 20, 2003 (18:08)", "body": "amass"}, {"response": 373, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 21, 2003 (12:38)", "body": "accumulate"}, {"response": 374, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Dec  8, 2003 (13:36)", "body": "keep"}, {"response": 375, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec  8, 2003 (19:48)", "body": "castle"}, {"response": 376, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec  9, 2003 (18:51)", "body": "palace"}, {"response": 377, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Dec 11, 2003 (07:57)", "body": "royalty"}, {"response": 378, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Dec 13, 2003 (02:29)", "body": "aristocracy"}, {"response": 379, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 13, 2003 (11:59)", "body": "bluebloods"}, {"response": 380, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Dec 14, 2003 (21:24)", "body": "great danes"}, {"response": 381, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Dec 14, 2003 (22:49)", "body": "clair danes"}, {"response": 382, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (13:10)", "body": "sexy"}, {"response": 383, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (22:34)", "body": "sadie"}, {"response": 384, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Dec 16, 2003 (00:36)", "body": "lovely rita"}, {"response": 385, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 16, 2003 (13:49)", "body": "meter maid"}, {"response": 386, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (16:59)", "body": "violation"}, {"response": 387, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (21:20)", "body": "governor of california"}, {"response": 388, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (22:25)", "body": "Arnold"}, {"response": 389, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (06:28)", "body": "Tom"}, {"response": 390, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (11:40)", "body": "moved"}, {"response": 391, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (13:18)", "body": "motioned"}, {"response": 392, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (22:20)", "body": "pictured"}, {"response": 393, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (22:32)", "body": "framed"}, {"response": 394, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (23:56)", "body": "Roger Rabbit"}, {"response": 395, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (08:51)", "body": "cartoon"}, {"response": 396, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (10:43)", "body": "cel"}, {"response": 397, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (13:05)", "body": "phone"}, {"response": 398, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (10:52)", "body": "call"}, {"response": 399, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (12:14)", "body": "ring"}, {"response": 400, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (14:34)", "body": "engagement"}, {"response": 401, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (15:38)", "body": "appointment"}, {"response": 402, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (21:40)", "body": "rendez-vous"}, {"response": 403, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (22:28)", "body": "ninfas"}, {"response": 404, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Dec 21, 2003 (14:20)", "body": "??? (is that Mexican food, Nick?) ninjas"}, {"response": 405, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Dec 21, 2003 (14:29)", "body": "(mmmm.... ninfas.... enchiladas... *drool*) kung-fu"}, {"response": 406, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:20)", "body": "Tai-chi"}, {"response": 407, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (12:30)", "body": "Taiwan"}, {"response": 408, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (13:16)", "body": "imported"}, {"response": 409, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (19:59)", "body": "foreign"}, {"response": 410, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (22:23)", "body": "exotic"}, {"response": 411, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (08:46)", "body": "bizarre"}, {"response": 412, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (10:02)", "body": "freaky"}, {"response": 413, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (13:54)", "body": "please"}, {"response": 414, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (15:14)", "body": "thank you"}, {"response": 415, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Dec 25, 2003 (09:30)", "body": "no problem"}, {"response": 416, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 25, 2003 (19:06)", "body": "my pleasure"}, {"response": 417, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 26, 2003 (12:17)", "body": "gratis"}, {"response": 418, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 27, 2003 (17:52)", "body": "freebie"}, {"response": 419, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Dec 27, 2003 (19:12)", "body": "perk"}, {"response": 420, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Dec 28, 2003 (21:37)", "body": "coffee"}, {"response": 421, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 29, 2003 (12:17)", "body": "half and half"}, {"response": 422, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec 29, 2003 (16:01)", "body": "50/50"}, {"response": 423, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 29, 2003 (17:14)", "body": "chances"}, {"response": 424, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Dec 30, 2003 (14:23)", "body": "raffle"}, {"response": 425, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 30, 2003 (18:35)", "body": "game"}, {"response": 426, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 31, 2003 (15:15)", "body": "hunt"}, {"response": 427, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 31, 2003 (17:09)", "body": "fish"}, {"response": 428, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan  1, 2004 (17:23)", "body": "cards"}, {"response": 429, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Jan  1, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "stud"}, {"response": 430, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan  2, 2004 (17:15)", "body": "lumber"}, {"response": 431, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jan  2, 2004 (20:13)", "body": "logging"}, {"response": 432, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Jan  3, 2004 (14:00)", "body": "forestry (sp?)"}, {"response": 433, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan  3, 2004 (14:40)", "body": "Right spelling. Horticulture"}, {"response": 434, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jan  3, 2004 (19:56)", "body": "botany"}, {"response": 435, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan  3, 2004 (21:06)", "body": "plants"}, {"response": 436, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Jan  3, 2004 (22:02)", "body": "zeppelin"}, {"response": 437, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jan  4, 2004 (16:50)", "body": "dirigible"}, {"response": 438, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jan  5, 2004 (19:56)", "body": "balloon"}, {"response": 439, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan  5, 2004 (22:11)", "body": "Montgolfiers"}, {"response": 440, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan  6, 2004 (07:54)", "body": "no clue on this one uh, um, athletes?"}, {"response": 441, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jan  6, 2004 (17:35)", "body": "(French brothers who invented the hot air balloon...) sports"}, {"response": 442, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (11:46)", "body": "basketball"}, {"response": 443, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (18:48)", "body": "baseball"}, {"response": 444, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (19:03)", "body": "ESPN"}, {"response": 445, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (19:29)", "body": "nachos"}, {"response": 446, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jan  8, 2004 (17:19)", "body": "cheese"}, {"response": 447, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan  8, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "smile"}, {"response": 448, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (01:42)", "body": "caps"}, {"response": 449, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (17:58)", "body": "hats"}, {"response": 450, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (19:26)", "body": "berets"}, {"response": 451, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (12:32)", "body": "poets"}, {"response": 452, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (16:21)", "body": "bards (hi wer!)"}, {"response": 453, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (17:10)", "body": "shakespeare"}, {"response": 454, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan 11, 2004 (20:18)", "body": "fishing"}, {"response": 455, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (11:33)", "body": "compliments (hey, Wolf!)"}, {"response": 456, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (11:46)", "body": "flattery"}, {"response": 457, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (11:48)", "body": "praise"}, {"response": 458, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (17:26)", "body": "blame"}, {"response": 459, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (22:27)", "body": "fault"}, {"response": 460, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 13, 2004 (12:36)", "body": "Balcones"}, {"response": 461, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jan 14, 2004 (15:01)", "body": "???"}, {"response": 462, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan 14, 2004 (15:12)", "body": "(It's a fault lline that runs through Texas, Aut.)"}, {"response": 463, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jan 14, 2004 (18:49)", "body": "in that case...san andreas"}, {"response": 464, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan 15, 2004 (20:40)", "body": "earthquake"}, {"response": 465, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jan 16, 2004 (16:14)", "body": "San Francisco"}, {"response": 466, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 16, 2004 (16:15)", "body": "Calyfornyia"}, {"response": 467, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 23, 2004 (19:36)", "body": "Richter"}, {"response": 468, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (01:15)", "body": "conan"}, {"response": 469, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (14:46)", "body": "barbarian"}, {"response": 470, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (15:25)", "body": "fabio"}, {"response": 471, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (20:59)", "body": "hunk"}, {"response": 472, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (01:39)", "body": "a-hunka"}, {"response": 473, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (10:42)", "body": "burnin'"}, {"response": 474, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (12:28)", "body": "fire"}, {"response": 475, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (15:06)", "body": "alarm"}, {"response": 476, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (17:29)", "body": "dismay"}, {"response": 477, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (21:39)", "body": "chagrin"}, {"response": 478, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (22:57)", "body": "guilty"}, {"response": 479, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jan 27, 2004 (10:01)", "body": "verdict"}, {"response": 480, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan 28, 2004 (08:11)", "body": "innocent"}, {"response": 481, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Jan 28, 2004 (23:43)", "body": "pure"}, {"response": 482, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan 29, 2004 (23:40)", "body": "100%"}, {"response": 483, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 30, 2004 (05:20)", "body": "all"}, {"response": 484, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jan 30, 2004 (15:18)", "body": "detergent"}, {"response": 485, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Feb  2, 2004 (13:53)", "body": "stain"}, {"response": 486, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Feb  2, 2004 (21:57)", "body": "blemish"}, {"response": 487, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Feb  3, 2004 (13:53)", "body": "concealer"}, {"response": 488, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Feb  3, 2004 (19:18)", "body": "makeup"}, {"response": 489, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Feb  5, 2004 (20:15)", "body": "composition"}, {"response": 490, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Feb  6, 2004 (14:44)", "body": "essay"}, {"response": 491, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Feb  7, 2004 (19:54)", "body": "story"}, {"response": 492, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (02:25)", "body": "fable"}, {"response": 493, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (22:28)", "body": "Aesop"}, {"response": 494, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Feb 12, 2004 (21:09)", "body": "fractured"}, {"response": 495, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Feb 13, 2004 (09:09)", "body": "skull"}, {"response": 496, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Feb 15, 2004 (23:20)", "body": "pirate"}, {"response": 497, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Feb 16, 2004 (16:00)", "body": "treasure"}, {"response": 498, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Feb 16, 2004 (20:51)", "body": "island"}, {"response": 499, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Feb 17, 2004 (14:53)", "body": "deserted"}, {"response": 500, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Feb 17, 2004 (18:20)", "body": "national guard"}, {"response": 501, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Feb 18, 2004 (08:23)", "body": "Bush"}, {"response": 502, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Feb 18, 2004 (19:51)", "body": "George"}, {"response": 503, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Feb 22, 2004 (13:38)", "body": "JohnJohn"}, {"response": 504, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Feb 23, 2004 (12:32)", "body": "JFK Jr."}, {"response": 505, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Feb 23, 2004 (12:56)", "body": "Caroline"}, {"response": 506, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Feb 24, 2004 (18:13)", "body": "no"}, {"response": 507, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Feb 25, 2004 (02:06)", "body": "brian"}, {"response": 508, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Feb 26, 2004 (15:43)", "body": "Dennehy"}, {"response": 509, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Feb 27, 2004 (08:58)", "body": "lawyer"}, {"response": 510, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Feb 28, 2004 (18:11)", "body": "shyster"}, {"response": 511, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 2004 (18:29)", "body": "politican"}, {"response": 512, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "corruption"}, {"response": 513, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 2004 (07:26)", "body": "disoluton"}, {"response": 514, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 2004 (14:18)", "body": "???"}, {"response": 515, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 2004 (17:56)", "body": "answers"}, {"response": 516, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Fri, Apr  2, 2004 (17:02)", "body": "solutions"}, {"response": 517, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr  3, 2004 (13:35)", "body": "chemistry"}, {"response": 518, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr  4, 2004 (19:47)", "body": "biology"}, {"response": 519, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Apr  5, 2004 (15:00)", "body": "botany"}, {"response": 520, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr  5, 2004 (19:51)", "body": "plants"}, {"response": 521, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (07:40)", "body": "growth"}, {"response": 522, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (14:11)", "body": "evolution"}, {"response": 523, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (18:28)", "body": "creation"}, {"response": 524, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (22:53)", "body": "masterpiece"}, {"response": 525, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 2004 (22:05)", "body": "theater"}, {"response": 526, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 2004 (19:40)", "body": "cinema"}, {"response": 527, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Apr 13, 2004 (21:05)", "body": "scope"}, {"response": 528, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 14, 2004 (22:34)", "body": "mouthwash"}, {"response": 529, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 2004 (06:19)", "body": "floss"}, {"response": 530, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 2004 (17:44)", "body": "string"}, {"response": 531, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 2004 (13:25)", "body": "bikini"}, {"response": 532, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 2004 (20:34)", "body": "atoll"}, {"response": 533, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 2004 (11:39)", "body": "island"}, {"response": 534, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 20, 2004 (14:24)", "body": "Caribbean"}, {"response": 535, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 21, 2004 (05:55)", "body": "beach"}, {"response": 536, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 23, 2004 (20:57)", "body": "ocean"}, {"response": 537, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 2004 (18:49)", "body": "liner"}, {"response": 538, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 2004 (20:12)", "body": "pool"}, {"response": 539, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  3, 2004 (20:44)", "body": "betting"}, {"response": 540, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 11, 2004 (11:28)", "body": "race"}, {"response": 541, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 12, 2004 (21:37)", "body": "marathon"}, {"response": 542, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sat, May 15, 2004 (21:52)", "body": "runner"}, {"response": 543, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 16, 2004 (20:46)", "body": "carpet"}, {"response": 544, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 18, 2004 (12:26)", "body": "rug"}, {"response": 545, "author": "paul", "date": "Tue, May 18, 2004 (13:58)", "body": "floormat"}, {"response": 546, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, May 19, 2004 (20:42)", "body": "entrance"}, {"response": 547, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, May 21, 2004 (01:50)", "body": "exit"}, {"response": 548, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 21, 2004 (20:46)", "body": "sign"}, {"response": 549, "author": "austinblog", "date": "Sun, May 23, 2004 (15:19)", "body": "post"}, {"response": 550, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 23, 2004 (17:12)", "body": "army"}, {"response": 551, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 25, 2004 (18:40)", "body": "navy"}, {"response": 552, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 26, 2004 (18:56)", "body": "marines"}, {"response": 553, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 27, 2004 (21:54)", "body": "grunts"}, {"response": 554, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 28, 2004 (07:10)", "body": "groans"}, {"response": 555, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 28, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "moans"}, {"response": 556, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, May 30, 2004 (10:10)", "body": "dreams"}, {"response": 557, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  2, 2004 (11:21)", "body": "fantasizes"}, {"response": 558, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jun  2, 2004 (17:10)", "body": "sins"}, {"response": 559, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jun  5, 2004 (09:11)", "body": "transgressions"}, {"response": 560, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun  5, 2004 (14:55)", "body": "trespasses"}, {"response": 561, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Jun  8, 2004 (09:54)", "body": "secrets"}, {"response": 562, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (18:44)", "body": "victorias"}, {"response": 563, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (18:47)", "body": "wrinkles"}, {"response": 564, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (20:24)", "body": "lines"}, {"response": 565, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (20:30)", "body": "script"}, {"response": 566, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (21:16)", "body": "blooper"}, {"response": 567, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (22:50)", "body": "mishap"}, {"response": 568, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 12, 2004 (15:32)", "body": "accident"}, {"response": 569, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun 13, 2004 (03:41)", "body": "wreck"}, {"response": 570, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun 13, 2004 (08:22)", "body": "disaster"}, {"response": 571, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jun 16, 2004 (18:29)", "body": "life"}, {"response": 572, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 17, 2004 (17:05)", "body": "support"}, {"response": 573, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Jun 21, 2004 (20:55)", "body": "systems"}, {"response": 574, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 23, 2004 (20:10)", "body": "analyst"}, {"response": 575, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 24, 2004 (14:04)", "body": "equipment"}, {"response": 576, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jun 25, 2004 (17:33)", "body": "recreation"}, {"response": 577, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 25, 2004 (18:37)", "body": "sports"}, {"response": 578, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 26, 2004 (09:15)", "body": "jocks"}, {"response": 579, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (10:39)", "body": "athletes"}, {"response": 580, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (12:36)", "body": "sweat"}, {"response": 581, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (13:31)", "body": "B.O."}, {"response": 582, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 29, 2004 (13:13)", "body": "deoderant"}, {"response": 583, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 30, 2004 (07:51)", "body": "smell"}, {"response": 584, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 30, 2004 (12:53)", "body": "oder"}, {"response": 585, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 30, 2004 (18:37)", "body": "stink"}, {"response": 586, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul  2, 2004 (13:24)", "body": "bug"}, {"response": 587, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jul  3, 2004 (13:18)", "body": "annoy"}, {"response": 588, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul  3, 2004 (15:05)", "body": "irritate"}, {"response": 589, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jul  5, 2004 (21:10)", "body": "aggravate"}, {"response": 590, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul  5, 2004 (22:14)", "body": "annoy"}, {"response": 591, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 2004 (14:13)", "body": "agitate"}, {"response": 592, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 2004 (14:52)", "body": "stir"}, {"response": 593, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 2004 (15:38)", "body": "spoon"}, {"response": 594, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 2004 (15:53)", "body": "fork"}, {"response": 595, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (12:19)", "body": "knife"}, {"response": 596, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (17:05)", "body": "spoon"}, {"response": 597, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (17:15)", "body": "tick (cartoon reference: The Tick used to say, \"Spoon!\")"}, {"response": 598, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (18:15)", "body": "tock"}, {"response": 599, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (22:19)", "body": "thanks (that's about the only word we learned when we went to Scandinavia)"}, {"response": 600, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul  8, 2004 (13:25)", "body": "de nada (continuing with the international theme...) ;-)"}, {"response": 601, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jul  9, 2004 (18:20)", "body": "merci beaucoup!"}, {"response": 602, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul 10, 2004 (22:21)", "body": "thanks"}, {"response": 603, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 13, 2004 (19:29)", "body": "Donka!"}, {"response": 604, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jul 14, 2004 (17:07)", "body": "Tonka"}, {"response": 605, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 15, 2004 (13:49)", "body": "Truck"}, {"response": 606, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul 17, 2004 (20:20)", "body": "Dodge"}, {"response": 607, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Jul 18, 2004 (21:09)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 608, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul 19, 2004 (05:18)", "body": "basket"}, {"response": 609, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Jul 20, 2004 (17:17)", "body": "casket"}, {"response": 610, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jul 25, 2004 (08:02)", "body": "grave"}, {"response": 611, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Jul 26, 2004 (07:44)", "body": "Doubts"}, {"response": 612, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 29, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "Fears"}, {"response": 613, "author": "visitor", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 2004 (17:33)", "body": "tears"}, {"response": 614, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 2004 (10:24)", "body": "Rips"}, {"response": 615, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 2004 (14:55)", "body": "saws"}, {"response": 616, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 2004 (16:48)", "body": "all"}, {"response": 617, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 2004 (17:08)", "body": "everything"}, {"response": 618, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (05:26)", "body": "anything"}, {"response": 619, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (07:08)", "body": "something"}, {"response": 620, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (11:21)", "body": "wonderful"}, {"response": 621, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (15:17)", "body": "tonight"}, {"response": 622, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (17:30)", "body": "evening"}, {"response": 623, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 2004 (08:33)", "body": "gown"}, {"response": 624, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 2004 (18:15)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 625, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 2004 (20:34)", "body": "game"}, {"response": 626, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (07:57)", "body": "Blackjack"}, {"response": 627, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "poker"}, {"response": 628, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (15:10)", "body": "Vegas"}, {"response": 629, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (15:33)", "body": "Lights"}, {"response": 630, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (18:50)", "body": "camera"}, {"response": 631, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (19:27)", "body": "action"}, {"response": 632, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (20:26)", "body": "CUT!"}, {"response": 633, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 2004 (07:16)", "body": "off"}, {"response": 634, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 2004 (08:46)", "body": "on"}, {"response": 635, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (07:39)", "body": "top"}, {"response": 636, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (17:52)", "body": "blouse"}, {"response": 637, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (19:48)", "body": "sweater"}, {"response": 638, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 2004 (05:22)", "body": "shirt"}, {"response": 639, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 2004 (08:45)", "body": "tails"}, {"response": 640, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 2004 (09:29)", "body": "heads"}, {"response": 641, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 2004 (10:56)", "body": "home"}, {"response": 642, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 2004 (21:41)", "body": "abode"}, {"response": 643, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 2004 (07:11)", "body": "domicile"}, {"response": 644, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 2004 (07:57)", "body": "maison"}, {"response": 645, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 2004 (12:07)", "body": "casa"}, {"response": 646, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 2004 (19:55)", "body": "nova"}, {"response": 647, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 13, 2004 (07:53)", "body": "stellar"}, {"response": 648, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 13, 2004 (10:02)", "body": "cosmic"}, {"response": 649, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 13, 2004 (20:38)", "body": "quantum"}, {"response": 650, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 13, 2004 (21:13)", "body": "leap"}, {"response": 651, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 2004 (08:43)", "body": "frog"}, {"response": 652, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 2004 (10:25)", "body": "Kermit"}, {"response": 653, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 2004 (17:43)", "body": "washington"}, {"response": 654, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 15, 2004 (09:41)", "body": "jefferson"}, {"response": 655, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug 15, 2004 (19:16)", "body": "money"}, {"response": 656, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 16, 2004 (09:36)", "body": ""}, {"response": 657, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 16, 2004 (09:38)", "body": "cash"}, {"response": 658, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 16, 2004 (10:23)", "body": "cow"}, {"response": 659, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 2004 (07:37)", "body": "poke"}, {"response": 660, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 2004 (09:50)", "body": "pig"}, {"response": 661, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 2004 (16:30)", "body": "farm"}, {"response": 662, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (07:35)", "body": "tractor"}, {"response": 663, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (13:16)", "body": "pull"}, {"response": 664, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (14:18)", "body": "taffy"}, {"response": 665, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (15:22)", "body": "salt-water"}, {"response": 666, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (15:28)", "body": "saline"}, {"response": 667, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (08:59)", "body": "solution"}, {"response": 668, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (11:23)", "body": "puzzle"}, {"response": 669, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (12:59)", "body": "enigma"}, {"response": 670, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (13:29)", "body": "mystery"}, {"response": 671, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (16:11)", "body": "novel"}, {"response": 672, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (22:50)", "body": "idea"}, {"response": 673, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (06:55)", "body": "concept"}, {"response": 674, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (09:17)", "body": "vision"}, {"response": 675, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (17:53)", "body": "dream"}, {"response": 676, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (18:47)", "body": "catcher"}, {"response": 677, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 21, 2004 (12:12)", "body": "mitt"}, {"response": 678, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 22, 2004 (03:21)", "body": "glove"}, {"response": 679, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Aug 22, 2004 (08:41)", "body": "rubber"}, {"response": 680, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (07:00)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 681, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (14:25)", "body": "socket"}, {"response": 682, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (15:36)", "body": "outlet"}, {"response": 683, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (15:40)", "body": "power"}, {"response": 684, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (07:35)", "body": "influence"}, {"response": 685, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (08:14)", "body": "sway"}, {"response": 686, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (08:44)", "body": "swagger"}, {"response": 687, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (09:14)", "body": "buckaneer"}, {"response": 688, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (10:32)", "body": "pirate"}, {"response": 689, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (10:37)", "body": "pillage"}, {"response": 690, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (20:18)", "body": "plunder"}, {"response": 691, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (22:14)", "body": "steal"}, {"response": 692, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (07:13)", "body": "pilfer"}, {"response": 693, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (07:58)", "body": "take"}, {"response": 694, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (08:53)", "body": "two"}, {"response": 695, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (13:11)", "body": "couple"}, {"response": 696, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (14:28)", "body": "few"}, {"response": 697, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (14:31)", "body": "insufficient"}, {"response": 698, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (15:53)", "body": "funds"}, {"response": 699, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (16:17)", "body": "money"}, {"response": 700, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (17:55)", "body": "moolah"}, {"response": 701, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (18:04)", "body": "bucks"}, {"response": 702, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (18:07)", "body": "stag"}, {"response": 703, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (07:51)", "body": "antlers"}, {"response": 704, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (09:28)", "body": "horns (hookem)"}, {"response": 705, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (12:23)", "body": "thorns"}, {"response": 706, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (13:40)", "body": "blackberry"}, {"response": 707, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (15:42)", "body": "thimbleberry"}, {"response": 708, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (17:08)", "body": "strawberry"}, {"response": 709, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (18:19)", "body": "jello"}, {"response": 710, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 2004 (21:10)", "body": "Bill Cosby"}, {"response": 711, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 2004 (06:34)", "body": "tumultuous"}, {"response": 712, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (10:12)", "body": "throng"}, {"response": 713, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (11:27)", "body": "crowd"}, {"response": 714, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (12:20)", "body": "mob"}, {"response": 715, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (12:47)", "body": "gang"}, {"response": 716, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:10)", "body": "crowd"}, {"response": 717, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:12)", "body": "audience"}, {"response": 718, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:15)", "body": "applause"}, {"response": 719, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "cheering"}, {"response": 720, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (14:06)", "body": "ole'"}, {"response": 721, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 2004 (07:56)", "body": "hooray"}, {"response": 722, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 2004 (09:20)", "body": "Hollywood"}, {"response": 723, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 2004 (09:47)", "body": "players"}, {"response": 724, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (06:31)", "body": "athletes"}, {"response": 725, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (06:40)", "body": "sports"}, {"response": 726, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (07:06)", "body": "wears"}, {"response": 727, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (07:12)", "body": "well"}, {"response": 728, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (08:05)", "body": "done"}, {"response": 729, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (19:51)", "body": "steak"}, {"response": 730, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (20:27)", "body": "T-Bone"}, {"response": 731, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (21:03)", "body": "Walker"}, {"response": 732, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (08:51)", "body": "Texas"}, {"response": 733, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (12:38)", "body": "Austin"}, {"response": 734, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (13:36)", "body": "Jane"}, {"response": 735, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (14:27)", "body": "Dick"}, {"response": 736, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (14:32)", "body": "schlong *sorry, had to go there :o}"}, {"response": 737, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (17:15)", "body": "johnson"}, {"response": 738, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (17:49)", "body": "member"}, {"response": 739, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (19:01)", "body": "willy"}, {"response": 740, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (20:04)", "body": "knob"}, {"response": 741, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (03:28)", "body": "drawer"}, {"response": 742, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (07:02)", "body": "desk"}, {"response": 743, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (08:03)", "body": "jockey"}, {"response": 744, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (08:33)", "body": "horse"}, {"response": 745, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (10:18)", "body": "shoe"}, {"response": 746, "author": "wingnut", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (10:29)", "body": "nike"}, {"response": 747, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (10:48)", "body": "swish"}, {"response": 748, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (14:36)", "body": "whoosh"}, {"response": 749, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (16:33)", "body": "hoop"}, {"response": 750, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (17:10)", "body": "earring"}, {"response": 751, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 2004 (19:20)", "body": "jewelry"}, {"response": 752, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 2004 (09:47)", "body": "heist"}, {"response": 753, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 2004 (10:03)", "body": "lift"}, {"response": 754, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 2004 (12:32)", "body": "separate"}, {"response": 755, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 2004 (06:20)", "body": "different"}, {"response": 756, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 2004 (09:06)", "body": "other"}, {"response": 757, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (10:53)", "body": "another"}, {"response": 758, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (11:13)", "body": "synonym"}, {"response": 759, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (13:05)", "body": "similar"}, {"response": 760, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (13:09)", "body": "opposite"}, {"response": 761, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (14:37)", "body": "unlike"}, {"response": 762, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (14:54)", "body": "differing"}, {"response": 763, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (15:13)", "body": "similar"}, {"response": 764, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (16:34)", "body": "like"}, {"response": 765, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (17:28)", "body": "valley girl"}, {"response": 766, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (19:53)", "body": "OhmyGod"}, {"response": 767, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (21:31)", "body": "forsure"}, {"response": 768, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (09:19)", "body": "San Fernando"}, {"response": 769, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (12:30)", "body": "San Francisco"}, {"response": 770, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (13:17)", "body": "sourdough"}, {"response": 771, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (13:45)", "body": "whole wheat"}, {"response": 772, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (14:35)", "body": "fiber"}, {"response": 773, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:06)", "body": "gruel"}, {"response": 774, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:51)", "body": "Oliver"}, {"response": 775, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:51)", "body": "oatmeal"}, {"response": 776, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (17:18)", "body": "cookies"}, {"response": 777, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (22:56)", "body": "Oscar"}, {"response": 778, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (07:50)", "body": "award"}, {"response": 779, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (08:38)", "body": "commendation"}, {"response": 780, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (10:50)", "body": "praise"}, {"response": 781, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (11:03)", "body": "hallelujah"}, {"response": 782, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (14:16)", "body": "chorus"}, {"response": 783, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (15:03)", "body": "choir"}, {"response": 784, "author": "sandyw", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (16:10)", "body": "boy"}, {"response": 785, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:24)", "body": "toy"}, {"response": 786, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:52)", "body": "whind-up"}, {"response": 787, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:57)", "body": "mechanism"}, {"response": 788, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (21:32)", "body": "means"}, {"response": 789, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (21:40)", "body": "intends"}, {"response": 790, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (22:09)", "body": "wants"}, {"response": 791, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (12:58)", "body": "desires"}, {"response": 792, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (13:52)", "body": "virgos"}, {"response": 793, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (13:53)", "body": "(Sorry...though I was disassociating!!) yearns"}, {"response": 794, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 2004 (13:16)", "body": "wants"}, {"response": 795, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (14:08)", "body": "has"}, {"response": 796, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (14:37)", "body": "possesses"}, {"response": 797, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (16:15)", "body": "own"}, {"response": 798, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (17:58)", "body": "buy"}, {"response": 799, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (08:47)", "body": "sell"}, {"response": 800, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (08:54)", "body": "trade"}, {"response": 801, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:12)", "body": "embargo"}, {"response": 802, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:33)", "body": "blockade"}, {"response": 803, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:35)", "body": "clog"}, {"response": 804, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:37)", "body": "snarl"}, {"response": 805, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (16:44)", "body": "argue"}, {"response": 806, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (08:43)", "body": "disagree"}, {"response": 807, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (08:51)", "body": "fight"}, {"response": 808, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (11:24)", "body": "altercation"}, {"response": 809, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (12:15)", "body": "row"}, {"response": 810, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (13:19)", "body": "boat"}, {"response": 811, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (14:05)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 812, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (15:09)", "body": "flood"}, {"response": 813, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (17:59)", "body": "Hurricane Ivan (hang in there, you guys)"}, {"response": 814, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (19:13)", "body": "National Guard (Hurrah! for America's Brave men & women in Uniform!)"}, {"response": 815, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (09:24)", "body": "combat boots"}, {"response": 816, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (09:56)", "body": "shoes"}, {"response": 817, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (11:03)", "body": "sneakers"}, {"response": 818, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (14:35)", "body": "converse (the brand) (God bless our American Soldiers!!)"}, {"response": 819, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (17:53)", "body": "allstars"}, {"response": 820, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 17, 2004 (19:53)", "body": "high tops"}, {"response": 821, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 2004 (08:40)", "body": "Chuck Taylor"}, {"response": 822, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 2004 (10:02)", "body": "Chuck Norris"}, {"response": 823, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 2004 (10:09)", "body": "Walker"}, {"response": 824, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep 19, 2004 (18:58)", "body": "Texas Rangers"}, {"response": 825, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (10:19)", "body": "John Wayne"}, {"response": 826, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (14:02)", "body": "Duke"}, {"response": 827, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (19:14)", "body": "Bo"}, {"response": 828, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (20:04)", "body": "Daisy"}, {"response": 829, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (21:29)", "body": "Rose"}, {"response": 830, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (09:06)", "body": "Lily"}, {"response": 831, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (10:49)", "body": "flower"}, {"response": 832, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (10:59)", "body": "bloom"}, {"response": 833, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (12:45)", "body": "blossom"}, {"response": 834, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (16:32)", "body": "cherry tree"}, {"response": 835, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (20:25)", "body": "George Washington"}, {"response": 836, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (07:36)", "body": "Carver"}, {"response": 837, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (09:18)", "body": "deli"}, {"response": 838, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (10:28)", "body": "Carnegie"}, {"response": 839, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (10:57)", "body": "Andrew"}, {"response": 840, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (13:10)", "body": "Jackson"}, {"response": 841, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (20:15)", "body": "duel"}, {"response": 842, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (20:24)", "body": "epee"}, {"response": 843, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (20:42)", "body": "foil"}, {"response": 844, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 2004 (07:38)", "body": "aluminum"}, {"response": 845, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 2004 (15:44)", "body": "siding"}, {"response": 846, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (13:13)", "body": "Sears"}, {"response": 847, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (13:58)", "body": "catalogue"}, {"response": 848, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (14:32)", "body": "order"}, {"response": 849, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (15:15)", "body": "take-out"}, {"response": 850, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (16:25)", "body": "food"}, {"response": 851, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (16:27)", "body": "fad diets"}, {"response": 852, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 2004 (07:39)", "body": "Atkins"}, {"response": 853, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 2004 (07:58)", "body": "meat"}, {"response": 854, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 2004 (15:09)", "body": "beef"}, {"response": 855, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 2004 (16:36)", "body": "yum"}, {"response": 856, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 2004 (07:58)", "body": "delicious"}, {"response": 857, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 2004 (20:03)", "body": "scrumptious"}, {"response": 858, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 2004 (18:04)", "body": "lip-lickin'"}, {"response": 859, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 2004 (18:46)", "body": "kissing"}, {"response": 860, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (08:38)", "body": "smooching"}, {"response": 861, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (08:42)", "body": "hugging"}, {"response": 862, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (08:45)", "body": "loving"}, {"response": 863, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (16:54)", "body": "confessions"}, {"response": 864, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (17:37)", "body": "problems"}, {"response": 865, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (19:25)", "body": "solution"}, {"response": 866, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (20:21)", "body": "mixture"}, {"response": 867, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (21:21)", "body": "blend"}, {"response": 868, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 2004 (17:12)", "body": "puree"}, {"response": 869, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 2004 (18:52)", "body": "pate"}, {"response": 870, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 2004 (19:29)", "body": "head"}, {"response": 871, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (07:23)", "body": "toe"}, {"response": 872, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (08:14)", "body": "tow"}, {"response": 873, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (11:05)", "body": "bar"}, {"response": 874, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (11:40)", "body": "pub"}, {"response": 875, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (11:59)", "body": "tavern"}, {"response": 876, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (12:30)", "body": "cavern"}, {"response": 877, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (12:51)", "body": "cave"}, {"response": 878, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (15:02)", "body": "tunnel"}, {"response": 879, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (15:35)", "body": "vision"}, {"response": 880, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (16:04)", "body": "future"}, {"response": 881, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (18:24)", "body": "destiny"}, {"response": 882, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (19:23)", "body": "manifest"}, {"response": 883, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (19:53)", "body": "paper"}, {"response": 884, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 2004 (07:07)", "body": "moon (I love that movie :o)"}, {"response": 885, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 2004 (21:12)", "body": "sun"}, {"response": 886, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 2004 (19:20)", "body": "shine"}, {"response": 887, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 2004 (21:08)", "body": "glow"}, {"response": 888, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 2004 (22:11)", "body": "salt (just got a salt glow at the Spa, was sheer heaven!) :-)"}, {"response": 889, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 2004 (12:50)", "body": "pepper"}, {"response": 890, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 2004 (16:03)", "body": "corn"}, {"response": 891, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 2004 (20:13)", "body": "dog"}, {"response": 892, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (08:17)", "body": "cat"}, {"response": 893, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (13:32)", "body": "pet"}, {"response": 894, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (17:12)", "body": "collar"}, {"response": 895, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (18:34)", "body": "spiked"}, {"response": 896, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "Angel"}, {"response": 897, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (09:05)", "body": "wings"}, {"response": 898, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (09:08)", "body": "gaurdian"}, {"response": 899, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (12:00)", "body": "parent"}, {"response": 900, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (12:38)", "body": "uh-ohhh"}, {"response": 901, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (15:36)", "body": "oops"}, {"response": 902, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (17:58)", "body": "broken"}, {"response": 903, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (07:49)", "body": "record"}, {"response": 904, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (09:15)", "body": "tape"}, {"response": 905, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (10:39)", "body": "sticky"}, {"response": 906, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (13:23)", "body": "goo"}, {"response": 907, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (16:05)", "body": "baby."}, {"response": 908, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (16:36)", "body": "innocent"}, {"response": 909, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (16:53)", "body": "pure"}, {"response": 910, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (20:09)", "body": "unadulterated"}, {"response": 911, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (20:14)", "body": "natural"}, {"response": 912, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (20:32)", "body": "Woman"}, {"response": 913, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (23:06)", "body": "man"}, {"response": 914, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (07:23)", "body": "person"}, {"response": 915, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (08:09)", "body": "individual"}, {"response": 916, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (14:20)", "body": "singleton"}, {"response": 917, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (14:58)", "body": "ameoba"}, {"response": 918, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (15:34)", "body": "asexual"}, {"response": 919, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (15:37)", "body": "pope"}, {"response": 920, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (22:25)", "body": "catholic"}, {"response": 921, "author": "sandyw", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (01:25)", "body": "conservative"}, {"response": 922, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (08:46)", "body": "narrow"}, {"response": 923, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (11:13)", "body": "slim"}, {"response": 924, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (16:36)", "body": "lithe"}, {"response": 925, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (07:14)", "body": "limber"}, {"response": 926, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (12:18)", "body": "Gymnast *LOL* (Gena) asexual = Pope"}, {"response": 927, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (15:13)", "body": "svelte"}, {"response": 928, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (16:03)", "body": "willowy"}, {"response": 929, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (17:33)", "body": "tree *bayouvetty - thought it more subtle than pedophile)"}, {"response": 930, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (17:39)", "body": "trunk"}, {"response": 931, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (06:55)", "body": "suitcase"}, {"response": 932, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (14:06)", "body": "travel"}, {"response": 933, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (18:17)", "body": "vacation"}, {"response": 934, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (09:18)", "body": "voyage"}, {"response": 935, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (09:50)", "body": "journey"}, {"response": 936, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (12:18)", "body": "trip"}, {"response": 937, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (16:14)", "body": "safari"}, {"response": 938, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (16:34)", "body": "exotic"}, {"response": 939, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (23:40)", "body": "Tropics"}, {"response": 940, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (05:34)", "body": "Cancer"}, {"response": 941, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (09:34)", "body": "cure"}, {"response": 942, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (11:41)", "body": "heal"}, {"response": 943, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (12:45)", "body": "hope"}, {"response": 944, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (19:50)", "body": "Springs!!!"}, {"response": 945, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (12:01)", "body": "(LOL Yvette!) Colin Firth"}, {"response": 946, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (12:09)", "body": "movies"}, {"response": 947, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (13:31)", "body": "quotes"}, {"response": 948, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (15:28)", "body": "speeches"}, {"response": 949, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (16:22)", "body": "writer"}, {"response": 950, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (00:20)", "body": "Stephen King"}, {"response": 951, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (06:27)", "body": "horror"}, {"response": 952, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (08:40)", "body": "aghast"}, {"response": 953, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (09:32)", "body": "agog"}, {"response": 954, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (10:11)", "body": "stunned"}, {"response": 955, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (13:23)", "body": "shocked"}, {"response": 956, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (13:52)", "body": "awed"}, {"response": 957, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:14)", "body": "amazed"}, {"response": 958, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:35)", "body": "speechless"}, {"response": 959, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:43)", "body": "mum"}, {"response": 960, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (15:17)", "body": "Queen"}, {"response": 961, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (15:51)", "body": "transvestite"}, {"response": 962, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (17:39)", "body": "San Francisco"}, {"response": 963, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 16, 2004 (08:52)", "body": "Golden Gate"}, {"response": 964, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 16, 2004 (16:01)", "body": "bridge"}, {"response": 965, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 2004 (13:43)", "body": "span"}, {"response": 966, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (07:38)", "body": "transverse"}, {"response": 967, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (15:46)", "body": "transvestite (or did we go there already?)"}, {"response": 968, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (16:03)", "body": "(i think we did!) transportation"}, {"response": 969, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (16:47)", "body": "taxi ( my primary mode )"}, {"response": 970, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (17:47)", "body": "driver"}, {"response": 971, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (18:12)", "body": "9 iron"}, {"response": 972, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (10:53)", "body": "golf"}, {"response": 973, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (13:39)", "body": "Tiger Woods"}, {"response": 974, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (14:23)", "body": "Nike"}, {"response": 975, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (14:49)", "body": "Endorsment"}, {"response": 976, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (20:54)", "body": "sponsor"}, {"response": 977, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (08:34)", "body": "commercial"}, {"response": 978, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (10:34)", "body": "advertising"}, {"response": 979, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (16:03)", "body": "plug"}, {"response": 980, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (17:53)", "body": "cork"}, {"response": 981, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (06:07)", "body": "bottle"}, {"response": 982, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (11:51)", "body": "glass"}, {"response": 983, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (12:59)", "body": "wine"}, {"response": 984, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (15:48)", "body": "relax"}, {"response": 985, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (15:49)", "body": "vacation"}, {"response": 986, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (09:21)", "body": "Disney"}, {"response": 987, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (10:38)", "body": "land"}, {"response": 988, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (12:21)", "body": "property"}, {"response": 989, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (13:40)", "body": "deed"}, {"response": 990, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (19:09)", "body": "trust"}, {"response": 991, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (19:17)", "body": "worthy"}, {"response": 992, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 2004 (08:15)", "body": "meritorious"}, {"response": 993, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 2004 (08:59)", "body": "conduct"}, {"response": 994, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 2004 (18:18)", "body": "behavior"}, {"response": 995, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 2004 (20:55)", "body": "modification"}, {"response": 996, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 2004 (07:53)", "body": "change"}, {"response": 997, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 2004 (08:24)", "body": "metamorphasis"}, {"response": 998, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 2004 (17:47)", "body": "butterfly"}, {"response": 999, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (06:46)", "body": "caterpiller"}, {"response": 1000, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (13:08)", "body": "leaf"}, {"response": 1001, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (16:37)", "body": "tree"}, {"response": 1002, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (17:23)", "body": "hugger"}, {"response": 1003, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (08:16)", "body": "The Lorax"}, {"response": 1004, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (15:41)", "body": "Dr. Seuss (??sp?... you know who I mean!!)"}, {"response": 1005, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (17:00)", "body": "Green Eggs"}, {"response": 1006, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (17:20)", "body": "St. Paddy's Day"}, {"response": 1007, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (18:43)", "body": "gold"}, {"response": 1008, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (08:34)", "body": "wheat"}, {"response": 1009, "author": "wingnut", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (10:31)", "body": "rice"}, {"response": 1010, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (16:11)", "body": "sushi"}, {"response": 1011, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (17:19)", "body": "raw fish"}, {"response": 1012, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (06:13)", "body": "seafood"}, {"response": 1013, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (14:14)", "body": "buffet"}, {"response": 1014, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (15:15)", "body": "Cheeseburger in Paradise"}, {"response": 1015, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 2004 (10:38)", "body": "margarita"}, {"response": 1016, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (10:16)", "body": "tequila"}, {"response": 1017, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (15:42)", "body": "patron"}, {"response": 1018, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (16:46)", "body": "?? donor"}, {"response": 1019, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (16:58)", "body": "philanthropist"}, {"response": 1020, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (09:19)", "body": "tax deduction"}, {"response": 1021, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (09:42)", "body": "child"}, {"response": 1022, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (17:20)", "body": "exemptions"}, {"response": 1023, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (18:08)", "body": "exceptions"}, {"response": 1024, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (18:44)", "body": "rules"}, {"response": 1025, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 2004 (13:07)", "body": "regulations"}, {"response": 1026, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 2004 (14:20)", "body": "criteria"}, {"response": 1027, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 2004 (18:39)", "body": "means"}, {"response": 1028, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 2004 (08:45)", "body": "ways"}, {"response": 1029, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 2004 (17:37)", "body": "emigration"}, {"response": 1030, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 2004 (12:15)", "body": "immigration"}, {"response": 1031, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 2004 (18:34)", "body": "Ellis Island"}, {"response": 1032, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 2004 (20:21)", "body": "New York"}, {"response": 1033, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (07:52)", "body": "Manhattan"}, {"response": 1034, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (10:56)", "body": "Island"}, {"response": 1035, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (15:54)", "body": "shoreline"}, {"response": 1036, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (21:09)", "body": "beach"}, {"response": 1037, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 2004 (11:27)", "body": "palm tree"}, {"response": 1038, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 2004 (20:30)", "body": "coconuts"}, {"response": 1039, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Nov 11, 2004 (08:43)", "body": "monkeys"}, {"response": 1040, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Nov 12, 2004 (18:59)", "body": "animal"}, {"response": 1041, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Nov 13, 2004 (16:35)", "body": "beast"}, {"response": 1042, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 13, 2004 (18:36)", "body": "burden"}, {"response": 1043, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov 14, 2004 (21:03)", "body": "load"}, {"response": 1044, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 2004 (06:54)", "body": "weight"}, {"response": 1045, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 2004 (11:40)", "body": "stone"}, {"response": 1046, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 2004 (18:07)", "body": "rock"}, {"response": 1047, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 2004 (13:26)", "body": "roll"}, {"response": 1048, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 2004 (01:19)", "body": "bun"}, {"response": 1049, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 2004 (15:59)", "body": "school marm"}, {"response": 1050, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 2004 (16:39)", "body": "uptight"}, {"response": 1051, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 2004 (17:50)", "body": "religious"}, {"response": 1052, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 2004 (18:44)", "body": "devout"}, {"response": 1053, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 2004 (19:37)", "body": "fanatic"}, {"response": 1054, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (06:36)", "body": "avid"}, {"response": 1055, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (10:45)", "body": "rabid"}, {"response": 1056, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (15:39)", "body": "rabbit"}, {"response": 1057, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (16:05)", "body": "test"}, {"response": 1058, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (16:50)", "body": "exam"}, {"response": 1059, "author": "visitor", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (17:44)", "body": "pelvic"}, {"response": 1060, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (20:25)", "body": "bone"}, {"response": 1061, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 2004 (01:18)", "body": "skeleton"}, {"response": 1062, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 2004 (08:20)", "body": "key"}, {"response": 1063, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 2004 (10:56)", "body": "lock"}, {"response": 1064, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 2004 (11:02)", "body": "tress"}, {"response": 1065, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 22, 2004 (12:36)", "body": "hair"}, {"response": 1066, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 23, 2004 (20:40)", "body": "spray"}, {"response": 1067, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 2004 (13:46)", "body": "foam"}, {"response": 1068, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Dec  8, 2004 (09:09)", "body": "rubber"}, {"response": 1069, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec  8, 2004 (20:18)", "body": "band"}, {"response": 1070, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 2004 (02:22)", "body": "music"}, {"response": 1071, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 2004 (19:34)", "body": "harmony"}, {"response": 1072, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (09:07)", "body": "melody"}, {"response": 1073, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (13:13)", "body": "counter-melody"}, {"response": 1074, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (13:59)", "body": "song"}, {"response": 1075, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Dec 11, 2004 (18:11)", "body": "dance"}, {"response": 1076, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 2004 (07:05)", "body": "nia"}, {"response": 1077, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 2004 (12:22)", "body": "center"}, {"response": 1078, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 2004 (16:59)", "body": "forward"}, {"response": 1079, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 19, 2004 (11:40)", "body": "ahead"}, {"response": 1080, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 2004 (03:24)", "body": "beyond"}, {"response": 1081, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 2004 (16:59)", "body": "frontiers"}, {"response": 1082, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 2004 (08:55)", "body": "Dan'l Boone"}, {"response": 1083, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 2004 (15:23)", "body": "coonhat"}, {"response": 1084, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (15:34)", "body": "Davy Crocket"}, {"response": 1085, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (19:41)", "body": "alamo"}, {"response": 1086, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (20:15)", "body": "cottonwood"}, {"response": 1087, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (09:54)", "body": "baseball bats"}, {"response": 1088, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (12:32)", "body": "clubs"}, {"response": 1089, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (17:06)", "body": "hearts"}, {"response": 1090, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (17:27)", "body": "Valentines"}, {"response": 1091, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 2004 (14:38)", "body": "ill-fated romances"}, {"response": 1092, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 2004 (17:52)", "body": "life"}, {"response": 1093, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 31, 2004 (09:33)", "body": "energy"}, {"response": 1094, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (21:00)", "body": "mass"}, {"response": 1095, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2005 (10:09)", "body": "solid"}, {"response": 1096, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Mar  2, 2005 (17:55)", "body": "liquid"}, {"response": 1097, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Mar  2, 2005 (18:43)", "body": "fluid"}, {"response": 1098, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar  3, 2005 (06:41)", "body": "wet"}, {"response": 1099, "author": "visitor", "date": "Thu, Mar  3, 2005 (16:37)", "body": "paint"}, {"response": 1100, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Mar  3, 2005 (17:47)", "body": "color"}, {"response": 1101, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar  4, 2005 (07:23)", "body": "green"}, {"response": 1102, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Mar  9, 2005 (17:51)", "body": "knight"}, {"response": 1103, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (16:30)", "body": "Gawain"}, {"response": 1104, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Mar 13, 2005 (03:11)", "body": "berzerk"}, {"response": 1105, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Mar 14, 2005 (12:13)", "body": "wild"}, {"response": 1106, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Mar 16, 2005 (00:28)", "body": "co-eds."}, {"response": 1107, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Mar 17, 2005 (01:41)", "body": "pig (as in, p-i-g, pig)"}, {"response": 1108, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar 17, 2005 (07:34)", "body": "hog"}, {"response": 1109, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Mar 17, 2005 (19:18)", "body": "swine"}, {"response": 1110, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 18, 2005 (09:17)", "body": "pig"}, {"response": 1111, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Mar 18, 2005 (16:29)", "body": "sow"}, {"response": 1112, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 18, 2005 (18:56)", "body": "reap"}, {"response": 1113, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Mar 20, 2005 (02:51)", "body": "oyster"}, {"response": 1114, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Mar 20, 2005 (06:36)", "body": "clam"}, {"response": 1115, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Mar 21, 2005 (18:01)", "body": "mussel"}, {"response": 1116, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Mar 22, 2005 (06:00)", "body": "beach"}, {"response": 1117, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Mar 22, 2005 (19:28)", "body": "music"}, {"response": 1118, "author": "mittens", "date": "Tue, Mar 22, 2005 (20:09)", "body": "lawrence w(h)elk"}, {"response": 1119, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 23, 2005 (06:44)", "body": "bubbly"}, {"response": 1120, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Mar 23, 2005 (19:02)", "body": "champagne"}, {"response": 1121, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 25, 2005 (06:48)", "body": "wine"}, {"response": 1122, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Mar 26, 2005 (16:13)", "body": "grapes"}, {"response": 1123, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Mar 26, 2005 (17:04)", "body": "muscat"}, {"response": 1124, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Mar 26, 2005 (19:46)", "body": "mascot"}, {"response": 1125, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Mar 26, 2005 (21:23)", "body": "pal"}, {"response": 1126, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Mar 27, 2005 (10:10)", "body": "friend"}, {"response": 1127, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Mar 27, 2005 (11:04)", "body": "buddy"}, {"response": 1128, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Mar 27, 2005 (23:09)", "body": "sally"}, {"response": 1129, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Mar 28, 2005 (08:06)", "body": "girl"}, {"response": 1130, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Mar 28, 2005 (17:50)", "body": "gal"}, {"response": 1131, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Mar 28, 2005 (21:44)", "body": "chick"}, {"response": 1132, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Mar 29, 2005 (18:12)", "body": "hen"}, {"response": 1133, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Mar 29, 2005 (19:02)", "body": "nest"}, {"response": 1134, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Mar 29, 2005 (19:38)", "body": "bird"}, {"response": 1135, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Mar 30, 2005 (18:01)", "body": "feeder"}, {"response": 1136, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar 31, 2005 (23:05)", "body": "food"}, {"response": 1137, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Fri, Apr  1, 2005 (22:15)", "body": "thought"}, {"response": 1138, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr  2, 2005 (10:50)", "body": "idea"}, {"response": 1139, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  4, 2005 (06:19)", "body": "concept"}, {"response": 1140, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct  6, 2005 (17:56)", "body": "proposition"}, {"response": 1141, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Thu, Oct  6, 2005 (18:57)", "body": "offer"}, {"response": 1142, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  6, 2005 (20:11)", "body": "bid"}, {"response": 1143, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (09:36)", "body": "vie"}, {"response": 1144, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (18:16)", "body": "bout"}, {"response": 1145, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (20:01)", "body": "contest"}, {"response": 1146, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  7, 2005 (22:42)", "body": "game"}, {"response": 1147, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (01:36)", "body": "possum"}, {"response": 1148, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (14:37)", "body": "overgrown rat"}, {"response": 1149, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (16:25)", "body": "Bush"}, {"response": 1150, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (17:12)", "body": "Texas"}, {"response": 1151, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (16:27)", "body": "Austin"}, {"response": 1152, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (16:37)", "body": "city limits"}, {"response": 1153, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (17:49)", "body": "\"you are now leaving ________\" road signs"}, {"response": 1154, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (21:41)", "body": "DOT"}, {"response": 1155, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (21:43)", "body": "traffic jams"}, {"response": 1156, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 10, 2005 (21:16)", "body": "sirens"}, {"response": 1157, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 11, 2005 (16:31)", "body": "wails"}, {"response": 1158, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 11, 2005 (22:57)", "body": "suttee"}, {"response": 1159, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 12, 2005 (18:28)", "body": "forbidden mourning rituals (aha, i had to look that one up)"}, {"response": 1160, "author": "weroland", "date": "Wed, Oct 12, 2005 (18:58)", "body": "sex"}, {"response": 1161, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 12, 2005 (21:43)", "body": "(that's forbidden?) coursing"}, {"response": 1162, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 13, 2005 (05:47)", "body": "(is that a word?)"}, {"response": 1163, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 13, 2005 (17:59)", "body": "yup....."}, {"response": 1164, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 15, 2005 (17:09)", "body": "with dead people - yah it is forbidden charger"}, {"response": 1165, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jul  3, 2006 (01:12)", "body": "cellphone"}, {"response": 1166, "author": "WERoland", "date": "Wed, Jul  5, 2006 (06:13)", "body": "number"}, {"response": 1167, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul 10, 2006 (17:04)", "body": "integer"}, {"response": 1168, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 11, 2006 (16:15)", "body": "math"}, {"response": 1169, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 11, 2006 (16:52)", "body": "yuck!"}, {"response": 1170, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 12, 2006 (16:34)", "body": "(LOL!) nasty"}, {"response": 1171, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jul 15, 2006 (17:37)", "body": "gross"}, {"response": 1172, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 19, 2006 (17:35)", "body": "net"}, {"response": 1173, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jul 21, 2006 (17:35)", "body": "stockings"}, {"response": 1174, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sat, Jul 22, 2006 (08:48)", "body": "leggings"}, {"response": 1175, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 25, 2006 (12:15)", "body": "tights"}, {"response": 1176, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sun, Aug  6, 2006 (13:16)", "body": "spandex"}, {"response": 1177, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug  6, 2006 (13:53)", "body": "bike shorts"}, {"response": 1178, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Mon, Aug  7, 2006 (09:41)", "body": "pants"}, {"response": 1179, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug  9, 2006 (17:41)", "body": "slacks screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 177, "subject": "(Austin) Band Name Ideas", "response_count": 84, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (12:46)", "body": "Band names used to make sense--they embodied some concept or ideal. Now they're so abstract, or arbitrary. I mean, what about Coldplay or Matchbox 20? See, back in the day, the latter would've been formed by a group of 20 guys who grew up together playing with their Matchbox cars. Now I don't know what the hell it means."}, {"response": 2, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (02:48)", "body": "jym danyls would be a good name ( he was my sadistic phys.ed. coach) also, something with the word 'horde' in it... i dunno, i think band names are actually cooler now than they used to be (though i must confess i thought matchbox 20 was comprised of twenty guys who grew up together playing with matchbox cars)..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (06:59)", "body": "Love Hungry Mountain Gals. I like that."}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (12:21)", "body": "yeah but it would just get abbreviated since we are too damned busy these days--lhmg? no....probably just \"the gals\" i thought matchbox 20 had to do with the cars too....."}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (12:31)", "body": "LOL...ok, maybe the cars make sense. Bad example. Let's go with Coldplay, Everclear, and a whole horde of others. I can't even remember their names because they don't make any sense! I think the best new band names should borrow some of our Word Disassociation words, frankly. Just randomly pair two of them together, like Chipotle Hotbed."}, {"response": 6, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (17:51)", "body": "horde .... heh, heh... (beavis moment... don't ask) *L, yeah, autumm, I was coming on to say just that... like, a name lottery, y'know? pick numbers-- say, 342, and 561, and combine that for a name.... (hmm... gonna look that up, i think...) Chipotle Hotbed? Was that just off the top of your head? Damn.... That's a good name... they can be one of those hybrid bands, like... a mariachi-metal-jazz fusion.... Coldplay's just a pretty sucky name. It doesn't mean anything- just bland and vague. And anything with numbers, really, (sum 41's just boring) there are so many lame ones out there. I just think, if you're gonna be obscure- go all the way, y'know? have some fun with it... But, if the rule was- having a band name that makes sense, describes it's members and is literal- then there is a band I just read about recently that wins the prize. It was in the austin chronicle and they were called \"Big Hairy Dudes From Kentucky\" . and they had a picture-- lead guitarist i think-- and he really was big, and hairy, and they're all really from Kentucky! I'm fixing to clip the article and paste it here, once I figure out how to. Wolf's right about the abbrev. tendency-- in that same article they referred to them as BHDFK. And the band called \"I love you but I've chosen Darkness\" is most often referred to as just \"The Darkness\" or \"Darkness\". Hmm... one can have some fun with that... like, have a name that when abbreviated read something else... heh... i just thought... uh, nevermind. jeez- I'm so juvenile... Along with thinking up the names, I like to imagine the band itself... Like what kind of music would a band like... \"The Spasmodic Horde\" play? And what would their lead singer look like... Or maybe something hipper, more artsy, like \"Nouveau Gauche\". They'd all wear black turtlenecks and leather pants and they'll have an androgynous harpsichord player named \"Franz\". Love Hungry Mountain Gals, though, was actually from a preview for an Elvis movie. It was running on Turner Classic Movies, and the premise of the movie was Elvis and his hillbilly mountain twin, or cousin, or something, and the hordes of lusty mountain babes that inhabited the village. ... oh hey- I just remembered the name: Kissin Cousins.... Kissin Cousins. hmm.... that might be good..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (18:05)", "body": "(342, 561, just for kicks--) Transuranic Courtyard. (ehhh... hmm... i don't know...)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (18:07)", "body": "Hybrid Fruit ! yeah! dig it..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (18:13)", "body": "this screwed forum is a bubbling vat of inspiration! \"Bulimic Cannibals\" although it's not very p.c...."}, {"response": 10, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (19:30)", "body": "I do like a band whose name tells you something about their music. Like the Dixie Chicks--you know it's all girls singing something with a twang. Same with the Big Hairy KY Dudes. Probably pure bluegrass sung by mountain men in flannel shirts. Nouveau Gauche sounds pop/new wave, like Depeche Mode. Spasmodic Horde sounds like latino guys that wear their pants down around their thighs with their underwear hanging out. Hybrid fruit sounds like gays in drag singing pop music, sort of a reinvented Village People. Bulimic Cannibals conjures up too much of a visual to be a mainstream name; I just picture a guy throwing up someone's toe or something."}, {"response": 11, "author": "JonquilFlower", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (20:13)", "body": "Yeah, well...I have an answer to a July 1998 post from wolf. (a bit late, I know, but I just came across it.) According to a book of selected E. E. Cummings poems edited by Richard S. Kennedy, \"somewhere i have never travelled\" was a tribute to Anne Barton, Cummings' second wife."}, {"response": 12, "author": "JonquilFlower", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (20:14)", "body": "thanks"}, {"response": 13, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (04:01)", "body": "bubbling bulimics bulimics on dope paunchy balding and a little pissed-off bulimic horde bulimic love-monkeys bulimic balding and a little pissed-off love me love my bulimia love-hungry bulimics bulimic latino guys with their underwear hanging out"}, {"response": 14, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (13:04)", "body": "LOL, Nick! paunchy balding and a little pissed-off: I think this is the name of Simon & Garfunkel's reunion tour..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (15:59)", "body": "*L.... \".. and a little pissed off\" they're paunchy, balding but EDGY ! Grrr... oh, just to note- I was wrong about that band called Big Hairy Dudes From Kentucky. They're actually called \"My Morning Jacket\". The article called them that, and even abbreviated the name.... *shrug... I dunno, I think they'd be better off with \"Big Hairy Dudes...\", I mean, what's \"My Morning Jacket\" supposed to mean? It's very -yawn- very unmemorable. The journalist writing the article has better sense."}, {"response": 16, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (17:38)", "body": "*LAUGH* this whole thing is crackin' me up!! like the big hairy dudes bandname--my morning jacket? ok, how'd you get those two mixed up? oh, and as to posts 11 & 12, thanks for posting my response jonquil flower--eventually i would've read it and thanked you personally. so, thank you! the spasmatic horde would always be a new gig since they're spasmatic, you never know what might come out of them!! how about a one-hit-wonder!! bulimic love-monkeys!! *LOL*"}, {"response": 17, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (01:25)", "body": "i thought we saw a big hairy dudes video on austin music... (almost sure we did)... spastic cannibals spastic monkey-love simian horde simian nation simian rice 10,000 bulimiacs"}, {"response": 18, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (02:19)", "body": "BIG HAIRY DUDES FROM KENTUCKY article i think this is how..... hope this works..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (02:42)", "body": "Just your everyday music listings for a local club here in Austin there's a band playing there, i think next week called \"Crippled Bastards\". Nick just suggested: \"Spastic Bastards\" some more: Crack Bastards Dainty Bastards Bulimic Bastards (??) Ballyhoo's Yo' Daddy Bovine Romeos The Burning Sensations Redneck Neurotics Redneck Crackheads The Reluctant Rednecks D aughters O f R edneck K lepto's D elusional O verachieving R abid K leptos (what else starts with a \"K\"?) Vegan Rednecks on Speed"}, {"response": 20, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (18:13)", "body": "Reluctant Rednecks! *LOL*"}, {"response": 21, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (19:32)", "body": "sensitive bastards vegan bastards vegans with bad attitudes vegans with bad haircuts (probably too, i dunno, true) vegans with bulimia vegans with fair posture (alt.- the sporadically erect) prissy vegan poseurs prissy vegans on crack vegans who smell like brussel sprouts the spastic poseur horde (i really like that one) spastic bowel syndrome"}, {"response": 22, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (03:01)", "body": "eeyuw... i told you- that last one's just seriously gross... Here are some real live bands with interesting names- -The String Cheese Incident -Dead Kennedys -The Sex Pistols -The Kinks -Grand Funk Railroad -The Who -Alice in Chains -The New Pornographers -All American Rejects -Lynrd Skynrd -Oingo Boingo there's also a band hereabouts- \"Cobo Foofaroo\". i'm not sure i like the name, but it's weird enough to make the list. hmmm.... i know there's more- i'll have to think about it... more ideas: -The Bad Eggs -Bored Senseless -The Yoga Killers -The Low Level Rebels (rip-off a line from a \"The Odds\" song- canadian band...) -We're Not Funny, We're Sick -The Holey Leotards -Patchouli Stank -Renegade Vegans -Drunken Monkeys -Leatherettes (actually, i think this is an actual band) -The Disgruntled -Vegan Rednecks -Foible Schmoibles -The Scallywags -The Waifs -Snooty Poodles -Chewy Nougat"}, {"response": 23, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (03:02)", "body": "Vegans Who Smell Like Brussel Sprouts... !!??!! (delayed reaction...) (L!)"}, {"response": 24, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (18:42)", "body": "Qkumba Zoo (S. African band)-got their name whilst boredly whittling animals out of cucumbers.... those band name ideas---spastic bowel syndrome holy leotards??? *LAUGH*"}, {"response": 25, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (04:43)", "body": "\"Cucumber Dingos\" ehh.... *shrug. interesting name.... is that pronounced \"Kyuu Koomba?\" or maybe \"Kuh Koomba\". Ah well. some others-- Siouxsee(sp?) and the Banshees The Cramps (local band, i think) The Yeah Yeah Yeah's ...."}, {"response": 26, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (18:10)", "body": "basically the letter Q and comebah the cramps? no wonder folks use their first names (either that or they're really vain)"}, {"response": 27, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 24, 2003 (19:19)", "body": "actually, i think they were referring to a specifically female problem.. in the zoo/animal vein (real bands) - A Tiger Named Lovesick - Pedro The Lion - Kid Koala some other (fictional names) - A Vegan Named Eunice - A Vegan Named Bulimic - The Stomach Disorders - Three Boys Named Tad - Malodorous Megadorks - Affection Deprived CEO's - The Repressed Belles of St. Mary's - Blonde Bastards - The Histrionics"}, {"response": 28, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (16:18)", "body": "(found this on word dissociation, posted by Stacey) - Great Green Globs of Mutilated Monkey Meat (now THAT's a great name)"}, {"response": 29, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 27, 2003 (14:07)", "body": "Actually, Paula, that's a song! Geez, weren't you ever a girl scout?! LOL"}, {"response": 30, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (13:36)", "body": "Good band name. When's your next gig?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (14:50)", "body": "autumn, i remember that ditty but it's a bit different version (i think...) piles and piles of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, chopped up baby parakeet.....*laugh*"}, {"response": 32, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (16:58)", "body": "Yes!! We know Wolfie's logged some hours around the campfire! (*wink*)"}, {"response": 33, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:25)", "body": "sick bastards, those girls scouts.... heh... actually, no, i never had the privilege. how does it go? i'm really curious... does it rhyme? what's the tune? i know several versions of the \"Comet\" song... ( \"...it tastes like gasoline, COMET! la da da COMET... ) i wish i DID play an intrument, and really was in band... then i could answer terry and say \"We're playing our next gig at emo's\" and then i'd get to say other cool things like \"our bass player is passed out in a pool of her own puke in the tiki lounge\" or... \"Love Hungry Mountain Gal's artistic ambition is to unite the world with the power of punk\" or... \"Check, check, 1-- 2-- 3-- check, check, is this mike on?\" *sigh... rock stars have all the fun....."}, {"response": 34, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:36)", "body": "- The Tiki Lounge Cats (grass skirt wearing, coconut bra sporting, Vegas show tune crooners. On the bongos: Lucille, hepcat stand up bass: Bernadette, swinging voval vixen: Alma, and ukelele picker: Dolores) - Ultra Gangrenous Horde, or UGH. umm.... experimental industrial noise band. Rocco, Basher, and Gunther. - Bad Girl Scouts Living on the Edge (what's the girl scouts motto? is it \"Be prepared\"? or is that just for the boys scouts.... and what are Brownies? are they the same thing?)"}, {"response": 35, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (19:26)", "body": "it's been soooo long since i was a girlscout-all i remember is making these plastic woven cushions with newspaper between and walking a brownie over the bridge into girlscoutdom *LAUGH* don't remember the motto-isn't that sad-i've got a sash full of badges too!! boy scouts are \"be prepared\" (you can see where my priorities are-oops-were!!)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (19:28)", "body": "i wish i could sing so i could be in a band--at least look good enough to be in a band...damn, all i can do is maybe set up the stage or something...or the ticket taker..... i like band names using some obscure character in a classic novel...makes you wonder if they can really read or not..."}, {"response": 37, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (00:37)", "body": "i dunno, i think gangrenous horde sort of says it all... ultra gangrenous horde would just be overkill... swinging voval vixen works"}, {"response": 38, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (13:15)", "body": "Ahem--that was a \"situpon\" you made, Wolfie! Is it terribly pathetic that I still have mine? Wait, don't answer that. I think the GS motto is \"Buy our cookies.\" A Brownie is a girl scout in grades 1-3. And yes, there are many songs..."}, {"response": 39, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (14:56)", "body": "yeah-a situpon, you REMEMBER that? i do remember that mine was aqua plastic but don't know where the thing went. we sat upon it during our meets. did GS in the 4th grade and was given a new badge for the beret--the one with the green/red/white ruffly thing around the GS logo--can't remember what it was for. does GS go into high school like the boy scouts turning into eagle scouts?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (15:06)", "body": "What are you talking about? No idea."}, {"response": 41, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 30, 2003 (20:59)", "body": "Yup, GS in high school are Seniors. My daughter (6th grade) is a Cadette. Don't know what the aforementioned ruffly thing is, though."}, {"response": 42, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Nov  1, 2003 (21:17)", "body": "i saw an old girl scout uniform at the thrift store. it looked cute, and i really wanted it, but i thought maybe it was a little strange to wear around... i had this idea that maybe i could wear it for halloween, all smeared and bloodied up- y'know, girl-scout-attacked-by-bear or something-- but then i figured that might just be too dark or scary for the trick or treaters... we had quite a few of them too, more than we expected-- had the stereo blaring halloween noises through the window, and spiderwebs, and a stuffed pumpkin man, and a skeleton.... watched old horror movies, ate schlotskies sandwiches and candy.... *sigh... and now its all over.... *sigh... now theres thanksgiving and christmas.... already feel the shopping-cooking-stress anxiety coming on...."}, {"response": 43, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (00:00)", "body": "there was also a stuffed pumpkin boy (funny how you forgot him, isn't it?)"}, {"response": 44, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (10:09)", "body": "didn't have as many kids this year and not too many homes were giving out candy either--saw about 50 of those scream characters from scary movie *sigh* have already begun christmas shopping (actually started in late September)--got a long way to go though and with the way this year has been flying, it'll be here tomorrow!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (14:52)", "body": "We had maybe 20, tops. My older daughter was a spy and the younger was a Chinese girl. It was a perfect night for trick-or-treating, though, almost balmy at 68 degrees (very warm for Oct in MD). It's supposed to be 76 tomorrow... What in the heck are schlotskies sandwiches?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (17:49)", "body": "OMG--those are the best!! and there are none in SoCal......"}, {"response": 47, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (19:49)", "body": "How 'bout Arm A Dillo."}, {"response": 48, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (09:20)", "body": "Yeah! Their posters/album covers could have an armadillo wielding a sawed-off shotgun. I bet that one earns a parental advisory sticker based strictly on that!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (18:54)", "body": "i could see that one turning into a political statement too!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (20:35)", "body": "(i think your affection for pumpkin boy is unhealthy. now that halloween's over, he needs to be put away. maybe you need to be put away too, dear... in a nice fluffy room.) damn, september? that's the way to do it though.... nothing quite as hazardous and ultimately unpleasant as a crowd of frenzied holiday shoppers. i wish we could just get everybody fruitcake and be done with it. Arm. A Dillo, eh? yeah.... ooh... how bout-- The Hot Mamadillos or.... Armadillo Pie (like Humble Pie, except, well...) maybe a Southern Fried Motown trio... Armadillouttes actually, the football cheerleading team of San Saba are called the Dilloettes and they just won first prize for something or other and get to dance with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders at some event. - The Fruitcake Project - And they will know us by the trail of dead armadillos - Armadillogedon oh, and schlotsky's sandwiches are these round toasted sourdough bread sandwiches with olives and salami and ham and... um... cheddar and.. a buncha good stuff. i've heard it's kinda like a muffeletta, although i've never had one of those myself."}, {"response": 51, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (21:00)", "body": "Right the big original. Big cheeses. Good article today about Wi Fi Hot Spots around Austin, that AAS Section is going to travel in my laptop bag. It's in Tech Monday business section. Bigcheeseadillos http://www.statesman.com/business/content/norails/business/1102wifi.html is the map to wi fi heaven."}, {"response": 52, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Nov  4, 2003 (00:34)", "body": "Dilloettes is actually pronounced 'dillerettes', for some reason or other..."}, {"response": 53, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov  4, 2003 (08:25)", "body": "hotdangdillers?"}, {"response": 54, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Nov  4, 2003 (19:29)", "body": "and where'd the name come from anyway (dilloettes)??? muffeletta's are yummy too and are usually served warm. they have a great olive mix piled on top of the fixin's and that's the best part! i always got the turkey sourdough at schlotsky's-my favorite!!"}, {"response": 55, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov 16, 2003 (13:01)", "body": "You can buy the olive mixture at Trader Joe's (and possibly other stores)--it's just called Muffaletta spread. It's yummy on pasta and veggie burgers."}, {"response": 56, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov 16, 2003 (19:24)", "body": "oh that's great to know! thanks!!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 18, 2003 (20:46)", "body": "Veggie and the Burgers?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov 19, 2003 (10:56)", "body": "hee hee"}, {"response": 59, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:16)", "body": "Sounds like a winner to me. Green or ripe olives? I am still getting over eating slimy \"fried\" okra."}, {"response": 60, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (16:37)", "body": "This was actually a 'working name' for a punk band I wanted to start back in my college days: 'Screaming Lutherans From Whittenberg' album title: 'A diet of wurms'"}, {"response": 61, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (17:11)", "body": "I LOVE IT!!!! hahahaha"}, {"response": 62, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (17:11)", "body": "What's your instrument?"}, {"response": 63, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (21:03)", "body": "that made me laugh too!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "weroland", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (21:06)", "body": "His instrument?"}, {"response": 65, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (21:13)", "body": "*LMAO* we should've known that was coming (*blush* did i pun again?)"}, {"response": 66, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Sat, Oct  8, 2005 (23:06)", "body": "A big ol' Gibson Bass Guitar, that is...."}, {"response": 67, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (01:02)", "body": "Uh huh. The little kids were entertaining but Mike did answer my question. Do I have to expurgate my own posts? *sigh* you guys !!! *;)"}, {"response": 68, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (01:05)", "body": "Good thing Mike said his big old Gibson was a bass guitar. The little kids of Spring would have had a field day if Johnson had made it. never mind"}, {"response": 69, "author": "weroland", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (08:15)", "body": "True."}, {"response": 70, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (15:13)", "body": "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! wer, how did you and i become \"the little kids of Spring\"? actually, i don't mind that title at all *grin*"}, {"response": 71, "author": "weroland", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (15:17)", "body": "I don't know, I'll be 40 next summer..."}, {"response": 72, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (15:43)", "body": "you Can't be!!! I thought Terry connected Spring to the Fountain of Youth. NO wonder they never found it. And I should quit posting at 2 am. I never know what might appear in the cold light of dawn that sounded so good the night before."}, {"response": 73, "author": "weroland", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (15:49)", "body": "No problem here..."}, {"response": 74, "author": "weroland", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (15:50)", "body": "(well, not entirely true, just unrelated)"}, {"response": 75, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (16:35)", "body": "mm yes, know all about those. Actually I attracted a lot of attention sneaking in here at 2 am and collapsing helplessly laughing about the \"instrument\" in question. So I had to read the posts aloud. We were indulged with a smile and he went back to work on the grave houses paper."}, {"response": 76, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (17:50)", "body": "wer, i can't believe you'll be over the hill next year!!! don't worry, honey, i'm right behind you..... marcia, we weren't offended in the least---i thought it was too funny!!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (21:41)", "body": "Oh good ! If laughter is good for the soul, I got a huge helping last night and really enjoyed it *;)"}, {"response": 78, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  9, 2005 (21:44)", "body": "good! nothing beats a good laugh that brings tears to the eyes!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, Oct 10, 2005 (14:18)", "body": ""}, {"response": 80, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, Oct 10, 2005 (14:21)", "body": "no..., not taking 60 as my age or name just yet... keyboard foobar... If I had an instrument named johnson, I would have listed it... Ok, I meant MUSICAL INSTRUMENT...."}, {"response": 81, "author": "aa9il", "date": "Mon, Oct 10, 2005 (14:24)", "body": "Good thing it wasnt a flute...."}, {"response": 82, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 10, 2005 (16:13)", "body": "not a flute!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 10, 2005 (21:14)", "body": "I am so disappointed. Wow ! the possibilities! (I love laughing at this stuff!)"}, {"response": 84, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 11, 2005 (16:31)", "body": "me too! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 18, "subject": "screwed's first 5-word story", "response_count": 788, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (10:53)", "body": "It was a dark and"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (14:44)", "body": "musty closet they found themselves"}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (14:58)", "body": "eating in. Pizza and rat"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (15:49)", "body": "thingies. Tasty thingies, those."}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (20:07)", "body": "So anyway, they decided to"}, {"response": 6, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (21:17)", "body": "leave the closet and head"}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "to the bomb shelter for"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (23:14)", "body": "a quick game of Monopoly."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "But it was boring with"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (02:26)", "body": "no extra bananas or ice"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:22)", "body": "to mash up inside"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:05)", "body": "their panties. So they crawled"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:02)", "body": "out of the closet towards"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "the bed. Under it they"}, {"response": 15, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (08:55)", "body": "found what appeared to be"}, {"response": 16, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:31)", "body": "funky little pieces of"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (01:03)", "body": "baby crap. How these got"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (23:41)", "body": "under the grilled cheese sandwiches"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "nobody knew. But hunger is"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (07:39)", "body": "is an obvious choice for"}, {"response": 21, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:37)", "body": "people without food. So they"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "ate dinner and built a"}, {"response": 23, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:44)", "body": "model airplane to hang in"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:56)", "body": "the refrigerator with both of"}, {"response": 25, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:22)", "body": "the model Panzer tanks. Next"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:23)", "body": "to the pickled turkey gizzards,"}, {"response": 27, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:37)", "body": "sat the Commandant, with four"}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:43)", "body": "inches of salami extruding from"}, {"response": 29, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:53)", "body": "his left ear. Under the"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:11)", "body": "tattoo of Great Britain he"}, {"response": 31, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:32)", "body": "had an extra finger growing"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:36)", "body": "there as well. Now, however,"}, {"response": 33, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:36)", "body": "both the finger and tattoo"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "popped off in what seemed"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:15)", "body": "to be a defensive measure"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:20)", "body": "against acute bodily disintegration."}, {"response": 37, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (23:43)", "body": "Terrified, the homosexual midgets that"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (01:12)", "body": "were admiring the tattoo, dashed"}, {"response": 39, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (16:24)", "body": "out to their waiting car."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 31, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "The got in, closed the"}, {"response": 41, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep  1, 1998 (21:27)", "body": "open festering wound on the"}, {"response": 42, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  1, 1998 (23:20)", "body": "Real Doll that came in"}, {"response": 43, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (15:22)", "body": "with the extra orifices included"}, {"response": 44, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (16:34)", "body": "(at no extra charge) for"}, {"response": 45, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:19)", "body": "the FE secretions! What a"}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (05:31)", "body": "bloody mess. Now somebody would"}, {"response": 47, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (09:32)", "body": "normally be repulsed by this"}, {"response": 48, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "but we are just amused."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "Rolling on the floor laughing"}, {"response": 50, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:21)", "body": "at the five-toed sloth that"}, {"response": 51, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (15:53)", "body": "looked as if it had"}, {"response": 52, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (22:10)", "body": "just gorged itself on a"}, {"response": 53, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (07:43)", "body": "nice, big, fat potato patty"}, {"response": 54, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (03:56)", "body": "with some dip to go"}, {"response": 55, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:24)", "body": "along with it, ya know."}, {"response": 56, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Then the following thing happened:"}, {"response": 57, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "Time, as we know it"}, {"response": 58, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (09:42)", "body": "backed up a step, turned"}, {"response": 59, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (22:07)", "body": "back two centuries, then began"}, {"response": 60, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "the singing of the famous"}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "Z\ufffdrich gay choir."}, {"response": 62, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:36)", "body": "Then they all went straight"}, {"response": 63, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (11:21)", "body": "and obsessed over pornographic images"}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:03)", "body": "of naked turtles in Gstaad."}, {"response": 65, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (12:00)", "body": "Centuries later, the turtles are"}, {"response": 66, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (13:02)", "body": "taken to Hollywood, where they"}, {"response": 67, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (12:43)", "body": "make money at being naked."}, {"response": 68, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:25)", "body": "One of these famous turtles"}, {"response": 69, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (21:30)", "body": "sold statuettes of his own"}, {"response": 70, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:29)", "body": "Naked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."}, {"response": 71, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "The fortune they made from"}, {"response": 72, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:21)", "body": "their honey mustard empire was"}, {"response": 73, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:01)", "body": "handed over to the Swiss"}, {"response": 74, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:25)", "body": "Cheese Authority, which is responsible"}, {"response": 75, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:54)", "body": "for punching holes in them."}, {"response": 76, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (03:27)", "body": "Never ones to be discouraged,"}, {"response": 77, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:17)", "body": "they ordered a revolutionary punch"}, {"response": 78, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:21)", "body": "bowl to use as a"}, {"response": 79, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (10:35)", "body": "odd sex toy to attempt"}, {"response": 80, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (11:33)", "body": "the political coup of the"}, {"response": 81, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "White House."}, {"response": 82, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:32)", "body": "Easily accomplished with a cigar,"}, {"response": 83, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:08)", "body": "and navigated through the hallways,"}, {"response": 84, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (00:47)", "body": "in all SORTS of ways"}, {"response": 85, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (22:13)", "body": "at all SORTS of times"}, {"response": 86, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 27, 1998 (03:51)", "body": "and sordidly."}, {"response": 87, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (20:25)", "body": "But on the eve of"}, {"response": 88, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "the attacks from Mars, they"}, {"response": 89, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (20:00)", "body": "put Monica on the lawn"}, {"response": 90, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (03:00)", "body": "calling out all of the"}, {"response": 91, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (07:30)", "body": "cigars that didn't have sex"}, {"response": 92, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (11:43)", "body": "but really, really wanted to."}, {"response": 93, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (13:29)", "body": "Now president Clit-on stepped forward...."}, {"response": 94, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (20:37)", "body": "tripping over the old Ford"}, {"response": 95, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "advert lying on the pavement."}, {"response": 96, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (15:54)", "body": "Helping Monica to her knees,"}, {"response": 97, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (16:58)", "body": "thereafter introducing her to the"}, {"response": 98, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "Spice Girls, dressed in their"}, {"response": 99, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (21:10)", "body": "bras and skimpy panties only."}, {"response": 100, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (23:54)", "body": "Feeling as overdressed as always,"}, {"response": 101, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (03:41)", "body": "pouting like constipated horse backsides,"}, {"response": 102, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (18:06)", "body": "and wagging their tails likewise,"}, {"response": 103, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 10, 1998 (20:15)", "body": "they strutted the lawn while"}, {"response": 104, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:17)", "body": "having their own patches of"}, {"response": 105, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:21)", "body": "insidious-looking welts and lesions that"}, {"response": 106, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "generally have the ability to"}, {"response": 107, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (14:49)", "body": "tend-to heal up rather quickly"}, {"response": 108, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (15:04)", "body": "especially considering all of the"}, {"response": 109, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (20:12)", "body": "bacteria that thrive in there."}, {"response": 110, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (20:23)", "body": "CDC is researching their immune"}, {"response": 111, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (20:31)", "body": "enhancing properties, in the hopes"}, {"response": 112, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "that they may enhance our"}, {"response": 113, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:43)", "body": "sense of vision? (not very good with this sort a' thing)"}, {"response": 114, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (10:31)", "body": "Sense of vision, yes. Because"}, {"response": 115, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:12)", "body": "one cannot truly see until"}, {"response": 116, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:16)", "body": "one opens one's eyes."}, {"response": 117, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:21)", "body": "Therefore, taking the CDC's lead,"}, {"response": 118, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (00:41)", "body": "smearing some on my eyes,"}, {"response": 119, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "and both my....toe nails"}, {"response": 120, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (21:26)", "body": "I quickly followed the turtles"}, {"response": 121, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "down to the raging river"}, {"response": 122, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (22:48)", "body": "and drank it right up"}, {"response": 123, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (10:58)", "body": "before resuming my journey to"}, {"response": 124, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (11:05)", "body": "the flip side. Once there,"}, {"response": 125, "author": "sonja", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (10:11)", "body": "I felt hungry, so I"}, {"response": 126, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (19:52)", "body": "began carving BitOHoney's out of"}, {"response": 127, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (23:17)", "body": "my dog Sparky, the pride"}, {"response": 128, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:01)", "body": "of the neighbourhood. He tasted"}, {"response": 129, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (18:21)", "body": "french fries with mustard and"}, {"response": 130, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (23:04)", "body": "parsley and a pear tree."}, {"response": 131, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (09:59)", "body": "*laugh* I didn't feel well so"}, {"response": 132, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (18:56)", "body": "I hung with the wolves"}, {"response": 133, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (22:58)", "body": "and retched behind a shrub."}, {"response": 134, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (10:30)", "body": "(LOL) I got up and yawned."}, {"response": 135, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (23:14)", "body": "After pouring myself a drink,"}, {"response": 136, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (22:54)", "body": "and buying a round for"}, {"response": 137, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (13:40)", "body": "some of my best friends,"}, {"response": 138, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (15:49)", "body": "I looked down only to"}, {"response": 139, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (20:15)", "body": "find my shoelaces tied together."}, {"response": 140, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (20:31)", "body": "\"What a bitch!\" I shouted"}, {"response": 141, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (20:36)", "body": "at the midgets and the"}, {"response": 142, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (21:54)", "body": "ducklings they were sheepishly chasing"}, {"response": 143, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (22:28)", "body": "over the hills and through"}, {"response": 144, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (16:55)", "body": "heroic doses of psilocybin mushrooms"}, {"response": 145, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (14:01)", "body": "where they collapsed. I say"}, {"response": 146, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:39)", "body": "once more, \"What a bitch!\""}, {"response": 147, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (14:05)", "body": "\"Damned straight and fuckin' a!\""}, {"response": 148, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (14:10)", "body": "responded the ducklings in unison."}, {"response": 149, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (20:13)", "body": "After finally untying my shoelaces,"}, {"response": 150, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:22)", "body": "and publicly adjusting myself, I"}, {"response": 151, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:22)", "body": "made my way to the"}, {"response": 152, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (19:18)", "body": "Port-O-John, located conveniently next to"}, {"response": 153, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (22:36)", "body": "the boarded-up snowball stand."}, {"response": 154, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "Knocking twice before opening the"}, {"response": 155, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (21:58)", "body": "flimsy door, I was surprised"}, {"response": 156, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:16)", "body": "to find myself already there."}, {"response": 157, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (21:49)", "body": "\"What are you doing here?\""}, {"response": 158, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:15)", "body": "I said to myself. Then"}, {"response": 159, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "I realized that I was"}, {"response": 160, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:07)", "body": "looking in a mirror at"}, {"response": 161, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:49)", "body": "this beast I didn't recognize."}, {"response": 162, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:49)", "body": "I realized that it wasn't"}, {"response": 163, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "a practical thing to be."}, {"response": 164, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (23:16)", "body": "And even less practical is"}, {"response": 165, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "not being that unpractical thing."}, {"response": 166, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:57)", "body": "Practically speaking, the french elves"}, {"response": 167, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (03:28)", "body": "made their dough, and kneaded"}, {"response": 168, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 23, 1999 (00:38)", "body": "the buttocks of the elf"}, {"response": 169, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:52)", "body": "pummeling it all the way."}, {"response": 170, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:04)", "body": "Over the river and through"}, {"response": 171, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (03:00)", "body": "the dale and under the"}, {"response": 172, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (12:55)", "body": "purple mountains majesty, the parade"}, {"response": 173, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:12)", "body": "followed the road to the"}, {"response": 174, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (14:27)", "body": "scene of the gruesome butchering"}, {"response": 175, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (16:56)", "body": "of all the king's men"}, {"response": 176, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (09:19)", "body": "and all the kings arses"}, {"response": 177, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:07)", "body": "farted together in perfect harmony."}, {"response": 178, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:29)", "body": "Which of course, meant that"}, {"response": 179, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:41)", "body": "a great and holy aroma"}, {"response": 180, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (09:06)", "body": "wafted from the arena football"}, {"response": 181, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (23:23)", "body": "arena when one of the"}, {"response": 182, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Apr 30, 1999 (13:39)", "body": "group of wer's women suddenly"}, {"response": 183, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, May  1, 1999 (00:11)", "body": "started liking him the way"}, {"response": 184, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:11)", "body": "he would like being liked."}, {"response": 185, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:10)", "body": "Or was that being licked?"}, {"response": 186, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 16, 2002 (16:04)", "body": "Well, as I was saying,"}, {"response": 187, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 18, 2002 (18:33)", "body": "Autumn, we are all ears!"}, {"response": 188, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "It's been a long time"}, {"response": 189, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (19:04)", "body": "No time like the present..."}, {"response": 190, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (19:05)", "body": "'Twas Dark and Stormy Night..."}, {"response": 191, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (06:47)", "body": "And the creek started to rise up . . ."}, {"response": 192, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (14:18)", "body": "My boat had a hole..."}, {"response": 193, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (17:03)", "body": "and the paddles floated away."}, {"response": 194, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (23:04)", "body": "They were up the creek..."}, {"response": 195, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (23:12)", "body": "Dispair was quickly setting in"}, {"response": 196, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Mar 22, 2002 (21:14)", "body": "when, ahead in the distance,"}, {"response": 197, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 22, 2002 (21:23)", "body": "was it??? Could it be...?"}, {"response": 198, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:07)", "body": "It was! A great big..."}, {"response": 199, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:38)", "body": "St. Bernard with a bottle"}, {"response": 200, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "We were saved! But...LOOK!!!"}, {"response": 201, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (11:02)", "body": "With the St. Bernard was,"}, {"response": 202, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (19:39)", "body": "The Abominable snowman lunging at"}, {"response": 203, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 30, 2002 (19:07)", "body": "the Loch Ness monster, visible"}, {"response": 204, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr  1, 2002 (12:14)", "body": "through the telescope, attached to"}, {"response": 205, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (13:59)", "body": "the prow of our boat."}, {"response": 206, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (14:57)", "body": "The boat was pink and"}, {"response": 207, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (16:27)", "body": "sinking rapidly into the sea"}, {"response": 208, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (17:57)", "body": "We swam towards the shore"}, {"response": 209, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (19:43)", "body": "chased by an enormous menacing"}, {"response": 210, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (16:06)", "body": "shark, a great big white"}, {"response": 211, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "It raced forward, jaws snapping"}, {"response": 212, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "spurring us onward faster still"}, {"response": 213, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (11:04)", "body": "until, panting, we flopped onshore."}, {"response": 214, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "Exhausted, we slept till sunrise"}, {"response": 215, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (17:15)", "body": "despite the strange noises from"}, {"response": 216, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (17:28)", "body": "the wild tropical birds flying"}, {"response": 217, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (20:31)", "body": "over the erupting volcano"}, {"response": 218, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (20:44)", "body": "as the ground shook the"}, {"response": 219, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (20:46)", "body": "and the earth opened up."}, {"response": 220, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (21:11)", "body": "But we were wore-out, nothing"}, {"response": 221, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (23:21)", "body": "left to do but pray"}, {"response": 222, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (09:59)", "body": "that we would be rescued"}, {"response": 223, "author": "AotearoaKiwi", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (01:54)", "body": "In the meantime a new"}, {"response": 224, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (09:40)", "body": "problem arose. We were attacked"}, {"response": 225, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (14:24)", "body": "by killer bees swarming us"}, {"response": 226, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:22)", "body": "but instead of stinging us"}, {"response": 227, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:30)", "body": "they burst into song; \"Oklahoma...\""}, {"response": 228, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:39)", "body": "accompanied by their whirring wings"}, {"response": 229, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:41)", "body": "& a flock of nearby geese."}, {"response": 230, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:56)", "body": "honking and buzzing was deafening"}, {"response": 231, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (14:07)", "body": "so we killed them all."}, {"response": 232, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (14:09)", "body": "Stranded on a deserted island,"}, {"response": 233, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (17:01)", "body": "I'm sure glad I had"}, {"response": 234, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (17:03)", "body": "a sexy Navy Seal to"}, {"response": 235, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "share the dark of night"}, {"response": 236, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:09)", "body": "and protect me from harm."}, {"response": 237, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:19)", "body": "which was lurking in the"}, {"response": 238, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:25)", "body": "dark, creepy night. A breeze"}, {"response": 239, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (14:32)", "body": "stirred over our sweaty, naked"}, {"response": 240, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (16:14)", "body": "toes. Luckily, i had painted"}, {"response": 241, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "them neon green so that"}, {"response": 242, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "i could find them in"}, {"response": 243, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (14:08)", "body": "the dark. On the island"}, {"response": 244, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (18:39)", "body": "there were many caves and"}, {"response": 245, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (20:02)", "body": "bats and other crawly things"}, {"response": 246, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:20)", "body": "That SEAL came in handy. (bug killing detail)"}, {"response": 247, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:46)", "body": "He was the Navy's finest"}, {"response": 248, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:51)", "body": "and my personal hero. Unfortunately,"}, {"response": 249, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "Because he brought along a"}, {"response": 250, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (15:42)", "body": "Big Bird doll, i thought"}, {"response": 251, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "does he have any friends?"}, {"response": 252, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (17:53)", "body": "Maybe Bert and Ernie? Or"}, {"response": 253, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (17:59)", "body": "someone without a big bird?"}, {"response": 254, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "Like another Navy SEAL? or"}, {"response": 255, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (19:50)", "body": "even a geologist with a"}, {"response": 256, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (19:50)", "body": "(This is getting hilarious!!!)"}, {"response": 257, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (10:02)", "body": "Blue Tooth named Harold. So,"}, {"response": 258, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (15:52)", "body": "taking up my rock hammer"}, {"response": 259, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:15)", "body": "i put up the hammick"}, {"response": 260, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:23)", "body": "Harold motioned to join me"}, {"response": 261, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:27)", "body": "but brought Big Bird too."}, {"response": 262, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "*Laughing* So i brought Bert & Ernie"}, {"response": 263, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:44)", "body": "and Oscar the Grouch who"}, {"response": 264, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:58)", "body": "sneezed and sprayed cookie crumbs"}, {"response": 265, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (18:53)", "body": "all over the jellyfish I"}, {"response": 266, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (20:11)", "body": "had just rescued from the"}, {"response": 267, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (22:24)", "body": "clutches of a huge hungry"}, {"response": 268, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (12:01)", "body": "giant turtle who was at"}, {"response": 269, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (14:44)", "body": "was basking just off shore"}, {"response": 270, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (15:37)", "body": "but close enough to me"}, {"response": 271, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (17:45)", "body": "to bite my finger off"}, {"response": 272, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (12:23)", "body": "We roasted the jellyfish and"}, {"response": 273, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (15:46)", "body": "made a sauce from the"}, {"response": 274, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (09:40)", "body": "left over cookie crumbs. Next,"}, {"response": 275, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (12:12)", "body": "took a hike to investigate"}, {"response": 276, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (12:44)", "body": "the alligator swamp near by."}, {"response": 277, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (17:45)", "body": "I wish Steve Irwin was"}, {"response": 278, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "here, but alas, he was"}, {"response": 279, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "one swamp ahead of us"}, {"response": 280, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "wearing Bert & Ernie underwear."}, {"response": 281, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:00)", "body": "tucked into his turban which"}, {"response": 282, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:14)", "body": "gave him a huge wedgie. (*snicker* i couldnt resist) ;-)"}, {"response": 283, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:55)", "body": "*LAUGH* So, I continued with my"}, {"response": 284, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (19:30)", "body": "*laughing too hard to see my monitor* scavaging for dinner on the"}, {"response": 285, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "beach. Luckily i found three"}, {"response": 286, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (13:48)", "body": "crocodile eggs and fried them."}, {"response": 287, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (15:15)", "body": "Yum, yum! they were tasty"}, {"response": 288, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:37)", "body": "but mama croc wasn't happy!"}, {"response": 289, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "So i killed her and"}, {"response": 290, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (21:10)", "body": "made a nice handbag to"}, {"response": 291, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (22:32)", "body": "coin purses from the kids"}, {"response": 292, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (09:43)", "body": "& hat with the left overs."}, {"response": 293, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (19:44)", "body": "How very chic I looked!"}, {"response": 294, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (23:21)", "body": "and no place to go"}, {"response": 295, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (10:10)", "body": "but up a tree and"}, {"response": 296, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (17:01)", "body": "knock down some coconuts and"}, {"response": 297, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (17:38)", "body": "make a coconut bra. However,"}, {"response": 298, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (23:40)", "body": "looking around for a skirt"}, {"response": 299, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (11:22)", "body": "I found the most interesting"}, {"response": 300, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (20:44)", "body": "length of snakeskin with the"}, {"response": 301, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (12:18)", "body": "fangs still attached. I also"}, {"response": 302, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (12:25)", "body": "made earrings out of the"}, {"response": 303, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (13:52)", "body": "pretty shells I found beachcombing."}, {"response": 304, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (16:29)", "body": "and made a shark tooth"}, {"response": 305, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "hatchet so i could easily"}, {"response": 306, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (21:38)", "body": "carve myself an ornament for"}, {"response": 307, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (21:39)", "body": "notching my bedpost each time"}, {"response": 308, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (09:42)", "body": "the 'caught' the Navy SEAL."}, {"response": 309, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:58)", "body": "LOL! I was pretty proud of"}, {"response": 310, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (00:15)", "body": "my rapport with marine animals"}, {"response": 311, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (09:54)", "body": "*giggling* in uniform and out. However,"}, {"response": 312, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (14:47)", "body": "This SEAL brought a friend"}, {"response": 313, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (14:48)", "body": "whose green bean casserole was"}, {"response": 314, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "topped with those cruncy things"}, {"response": 315, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:39)", "body": "and bacon bits. We ate"}, {"response": 316, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (19:01)", "body": "until we were stuffed before"}, {"response": 317, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (20:53)", "body": "we noticed lurking in shadows"}, {"response": 318, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:48)", "body": "an elephant seal, who challenged"}, {"response": 319, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (09:55)", "body": "the Navy Seal to Limbo Contest."}, {"response": 320, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "I thought this should be"}, {"response": 321, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (09:47)", "body": "a fun way to check"}, {"response": 322, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (13:36)", "body": "out who was more limber."}, {"response": 323, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (14:54)", "body": "Not to mention their abs!"}, {"response": 324, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:32)", "body": "Seal knees are famous for"}, {"response": 325, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "their curly, pretty hair, that"}, {"response": 326, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:24)", "body": "can be braided in three"}, {"response": 327, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:27)", "body": "corn rows complete with beads"}, {"response": 328, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:28)", "body": "that dangle around their ankles"}, {"response": 329, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:43)", "body": "*giggling* and make little jingling sounds."}, {"response": 330, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:12)", "body": "The evny of all who"}, {"response": 331, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (10:16)", "body": "could hear it over the"}, {"response": 332, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (12:20)", "body": "dull roar of the surf."}, {"response": 333, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (17:19)", "body": "Found an empty turtle shell"}, {"response": 334, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "just the right size for"}, {"response": 335, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "a cup. I poured some"}, {"response": 336, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (22:45)", "body": "intoxicating liquid for both SEAL"}, {"response": 337, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (09:34)", "body": "and seal, and then myself."}, {"response": 338, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (12:57)", "body": "We quickly became intoxicated and"}, {"response": 339, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:11)", "body": "danced by the light of"}, {"response": 340, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:29)", "body": "a firefly. Until we heard"}, {"response": 341, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:34)", "body": "a Marimaba band coming closer"}, {"response": 342, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "accompanied by 50 trumpeting elephants"}, {"response": 343, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:49)", "body": "all wearing pink tutus, and"}, {"response": 344, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:54)", "body": "large purple hats with ostrich"}, {"response": 345, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (16:04)", "body": "feathers dyed green, orange and"}, {"response": 346, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:13)", "body": "yellow. The parade finished out"}, {"response": 347, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:42)", "body": "with a Tucan Sam clutching a"}, {"response": 348, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "with a resplendant fire engine"}, {"response": 349, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "lol ROTF kmfita"}, {"response": 350, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:54)", "body": "followed by street sweepers from"}, {"response": 351, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "London. They magically disappeared when (what is kmfita?) :-)"}, {"response": 352, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "(kicking my feet in the air) a brigade of Blues and Royals"}, {"response": 353, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:08)", "body": "stopped in to have tea. (ahh... *kicking right back at 'cha*)"}, {"response": 354, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:14)", "body": "with the Queen at the"}, {"response": 355, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:41)", "body": "bea hive, nesseled nearby. We"}, {"response": 356, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:45)", "body": "found bees in our bonnets."}, {"response": 357, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:30)", "body": "and honey in our money"}, {"response": 358, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (09:34)", "body": "and rocks in our socks"}, {"response": 359, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:52)", "body": "and it was all good."}, {"response": 360, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (15:04)", "body": "(espically the Wiskey) Soon we"}, {"response": 361, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:41)", "body": "found ourselves at the foot"}, {"response": 362, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:43)", "body": "of a huge mountain. It"}, {"response": 363, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:44)", "body": "had smoke coming from the"}, {"response": 364, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (21:19)", "body": "the foot and summit caldera"}, {"response": 365, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:16)", "body": ". Seal wanted to know what"}, {"response": 366, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:21)", "body": "that gooey stuff felt like"}, {"response": 367, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:22)", "body": "so he climbed up and"}, {"response": 368, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:26)", "body": "stuck his tool into the"}, {"response": 369, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (13:12)", "body": "hot moist center. He hickuped"}, {"response": 370, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (16:48)", "body": "belching flaming fumes dragon-like"}, {"response": 371, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:04)", "body": "in their heat. I saw"}, {"response": 372, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "visions of the lost Atlantis"}, {"response": 373, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:28)", "body": "& Disneyland Paris -which made me"}, {"response": 374, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:13)", "body": "*HAHAHAHAHAHAHA* laugh with girlish delight and"}, {"response": 375, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:38)", "body": "grabbing a lollipop I boarded"}, {"response": 376, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (10:01)", "body": "a nearby camel & set off"}, {"response": 377, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:50)", "body": "for the caldera's hot interior."}, {"response": 378, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (14:43)", "body": "The camel's name was"}, {"response": 379, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:27)", "body": "Madame Pele and I knew I"}, {"response": 380, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (09:47)", "body": "was in trouble because she"}, {"response": 381, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (21:43)", "body": "made the ground quake violently"}, {"response": 382, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (09:52)", "body": "Thankfully, the Navy SEAL was able"}, {"response": 383, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (14:42)", "body": "to offer Pele a virgin"}, {"response": 384, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "-himself (much to my shock!)"}, {"response": 385, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:12)", "body": "Struggling mightily she pulled him"}, {"response": 386, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:16)", "body": "back from the edge, determined"}, {"response": 387, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:13)", "body": "to spare him certain death."}, {"response": 388, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:16)", "body": "and if i was lucky,"}, {"response": 389, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "I'd get to him first!"}, {"response": 390, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:25)", "body": "He was quite Hot from"}, {"response": 391, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (23:29)", "body": "struggles with Pele, but hungered"}, {"response": 392, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:30)", "body": "for vegetable soup and perhaps"}, {"response": 393, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:55)", "body": "a goathead floating in it."}, {"response": 394, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (13:57)", "body": "Where we'd get the goat"}, {"response": 395, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (15:31)", "body": "He's Greek! He goes nowhere"}, {"response": 396, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (17:06)", "body": "without wearing his special thermal"}, {"response": 397, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "mittens. His fingers were so"}, {"response": 398, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:36)", "body": "delicate they could discern detail"}, {"response": 399, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:37)", "body": "***oops, make that sensitive , not delicate!"}, {"response": 400, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (09:40)", "body": "invisible to the naked eye."}, {"response": 401, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (20:16)", "body": "After chopping off his head,"}, {"response": 402, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (11:14)", "body": "and watching it run around"}, {"response": 403, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "we prepared a delicious stew."}, {"response": 404, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (14:57)", "body": "complete with a large salad"}, {"response": 405, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "and coconut dressing on the"}, {"response": 406, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (19:13)", "body": "side. French bread was served"}, {"response": 407, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (20:09)", "body": "with a wheel of Camembert,"}, {"response": 408, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (22:13)", "body": "and luscious sweet ripe mangoes"}, {"response": 409, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (11:19)", "body": "we picked ourselves. Soon we"}, {"response": 410, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "found ourselves full and sleepy."}, {"response": 411, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (21:40)", "body": "and on soft grass under"}, {"response": 412, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (14:32)", "body": "a mango tree. There were"}, {"response": 413, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:01)", "body": "a zillion fruit flies there (Hey, I know these things - we have mango trees along some highways!)"}, {"response": 414, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:04)", "body": "Our fly swatter had a"}, {"response": 415, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "handsome bone handle set with"}, {"response": 416, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:12)", "body": "pretty pink sea shells. It"}, {"response": 417, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:22)", "body": "was at least a foot"}, {"response": 418, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (22:34)", "body": ""}, {"response": 419, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (22:35)", "body": "longer than Seal's. It worked"}, {"response": 420, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (09:43)", "body": "beautifully, despite the big hole."}, {"response": 421, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (20:14)", "body": "in the back where the"}, {"response": 422, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "splinters were particularily sharp. We"}, {"response": 423, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:08)", "body": "laid some coconut hulls in"}, {"response": 424, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (23:17)", "body": "the pattern of an elaborate"}, {"response": 425, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (09:43)", "body": "Tic Tac Toe board. Next,"}, {"response": 426, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:09)", "body": "we had to find the"}, {"response": 427, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:19)", "body": "little pink bottle Genie lived"}, {"response": 428, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (20:08)", "body": "in before she moved in"}, {"response": 429, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (23:43)", "body": "with the Navy SEAL. Where"}, {"response": 430, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (10:24)", "body": "Major Nelso found her and"}, {"response": 431, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (03:40)", "body": "Thinking quickly won her in"}, {"response": 432, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (10:18)", "body": "a minute by kissing her"}, {"response": 433, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (14:49)", "body": "Violins played. Dolphins danced. Euphoria"}, {"response": 434, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (15:13)", "body": "filled the night. The AirForce"}, {"response": 435, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "painted the scene on an"}, {"response": 436, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (09:54)", "body": "old canvas left over from"}, {"response": 437, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:38)", "body": "a FedX box that washed"}, {"response": 438, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:45)", "body": "ashore & was bleached dry by"}, {"response": 439, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (20:54)", "body": "the salt, sun, and wind."}, {"response": 440, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (09:42)", "body": "CHAPTER FOUR A New Beginning:"}, {"response": 441, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 16, 2002 (00:51)", "body": "Deep in the woods of"}, {"response": 442, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 17, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "100 Acres, there lived a"}, {"response": 443, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (13:50)", "body": "Lovely young maiden of wealth"}, {"response": 444, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (13:51)", "body": "three eyes and a pet groundhog"}, {"response": 445, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (14:31)", "body": "who wore a yellow ribbon"}, {"response": 446, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 24, 2002 (11:49)", "body": "& gold pearl earrings on"}, {"response": 447, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jul 26, 2002 (14:14)", "body": "her peachy pink ear lobes."}, {"response": 448, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 29, 2002 (11:10)", "body": "They were stunning. How she"}, {"response": 449, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jul 29, 2002 (18:35)", "body": "wished he would return! Long"}, {"response": 450, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (16:27)", "body": "lonely months she had waited"}, {"response": 451, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (19:52)", "body": "lamenting her lost knight in"}, {"response": 452, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (10:58)", "body": "Sleeping Beauty's Castle. He had"}, {"response": 453, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (17:21)", "body": "taken the key to her"}, {"response": 454, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (18:31)", "body": "(ok, i've completely lost track of this tale)"}, {"response": 455, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "(we started a new chapter ....location is now a castel rather than island)"}, {"response": 456, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (18:02)", "body": "Chastity Belt when he went"}, {"response": 457, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "On the Crusades leaving her"}, {"response": 458, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (19:10)", "body": "alone with his disabled valet."}, {"response": 459, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (22:02)", "body": "\"Pox!\" she cried in vexation."}, {"response": 460, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  8, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "His only disability was his"}, {"response": 461, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  9, 2002 (18:25)", "body": "inability to quote Shakespeare properly."}, {"response": 462, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (22:27)", "body": "His love was obvious, but"}, {"response": 463, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (12:05)", "body": "alas, she loved another. So"}, {"response": 464, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (21:48)", "body": "Heart-broken he rode off seeking"}, {"response": 465, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (12:06)", "body": "his own true love. He"}, {"response": 466, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 12, 2002 (20:08)", "body": "was still disguised as a"}, {"response": 467, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jan  6, 2003 (09:36)", "body": "loch ness monstor wearing a"}, {"response": 468, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (13:38)", "body": "kilt, Glengary cap and sporran"}, {"response": 469, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Mar  9, 2003 (16:56)", "body": "-causing the ladies to swoon (hi Marcia! missed you *blowing kiss*)"}, {"response": 470, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 10, 2003 (10:31)", "body": "A gentle breeze lifted his (EsBee, I got your messages but was unable to return them.I'll be back! We NEED to do lunch!)"}, {"response": 471, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Mar 11, 2003 (19:39)", "body": "kilt, showing off his large *wicked laugh* ;-P"}, {"response": 472, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 12, 2003 (14:55)", "body": "(you are SO naughty) ego and the reason for"}, {"response": 473, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Mar 12, 2003 (17:33)", "body": "so many racing female hearts ;-P"}, {"response": 474, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 18, 2003 (22:38)", "body": "A surprise breeze caught him"}, {"response": 475, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 28, 2003 (14:19)", "body": "unawares, and he shivered in"}, {"response": 476, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr  1, 2003 (00:45)", "body": "anguish as he tried to"}, {"response": 477, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr  1, 2003 (12:45)", "body": "block the cold wind from"}, {"response": 478, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (21:51)", "body": "freezing his assets. Suddenly a"}, {"response": 479, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 22, 2003 (10:55)", "body": "beautiful young nymph appeared before"}, {"response": 480, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May  2, 2003 (18:25)", "body": "a pond with a serpent"}, {"response": 481, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (13:20)", "body": "clasped in her hand. It"}, {"response": 482, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (00:03)", "body": "had a long tail and"}, {"response": 483, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 10, 2003 (09:52)", "body": "*LAUGH* eyes that could steal your"}, {"response": 484, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 11, 2003 (00:59)", "body": "soul. Despite the scales on"}, {"response": 485, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 20, 2003 (14:10)", "body": "it's nose, it had a"}, {"response": 486, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 23, 2003 (16:22)", "body": "pompon on his impressively huge"}, {"response": 487, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 28, 2003 (12:24)", "body": "wart, which looked remarkably like"}, {"response": 488, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 31, 2003 (17:39)", "body": "Queen Victoria in high dugeon"}, {"response": 489, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  2, 2003 (12:28)", "body": "after secretly kissing Mr. Brown."}, {"response": 490, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  9, 2003 (22:17)", "body": "They were secluded and apart"}, {"response": 491, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  9, 2003 (22:24)", "body": "wrestling in the undergrowth for"}, {"response": 492, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun 11, 2003 (18:34)", "body": "the set of keys to"}, {"response": 493, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (14:00)", "body": "the secret meeting room, where"}, {"response": 494, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (22:56)", "body": "her lace chamise had fallen"}, {"response": 495, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 16, 2003 (16:23)", "body": "to the floor, leaving her"}, {"response": 496, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 18, 2003 (23:15)", "body": "quite compromised. He offered her"}, {"response": 497, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (18:46)", "body": "Chocolate, roses and love notes"}, {"response": 498, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (01:51)", "body": "scrawled in blood. An amputated"}, {"response": 499, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (17:57)", "body": "limb lay beside her on"}, {"response": 500, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (17:13)", "body": "her bed of nails. Aghast,"}, {"response": 501, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jan 16, 2004 (16:09)", "body": "she scrambled away towards the"}, {"response": 502, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jan 16, 2004 (16:15)", "body": "dusty desert cactus flower patch"}, {"response": 503, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 23, 2004 (19:29)", "body": "brushing aside the occasional repulsive"}, {"response": 504, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (15:30)", "body": "iguanas that swarmed her path."}, {"response": 505, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (02:23)", "body": "Gadzooks! She shouted as a"}, {"response": 506, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Feb 15, 2004 (23:22)", "body": "particularly hairy creature with terrifying"}, {"response": 507, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Feb 18, 2004 (08:21)", "body": "dreadlocks and particularly dark skin"}, {"response": 508, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 2004 (18:27)", "body": "rushed towards her! In vain"}, {"response": 509, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 12, 2004 (14:39)", "body": "she crept as her dress"}, {"response": 510, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 25, 2004 (18:39)", "body": "flowed daintly around her elegant (Hi Marcia!!)"}, {"response": 511, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 2004 (17:09)", "body": "toenails. But, wait, she heard"}, {"response": 512, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (11:40)", "body": "screaming coming from the yellow"}, {"response": 513, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (15:21)", "body": "banana bird perched on the"}, {"response": 514, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 2004 (17:29)", "body": "*laugh* (sorry, the image was just too funny)"}, {"response": 515, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 2004 (08:32)", "body": "Lotus tree. Suddenly, without warning"}, {"response": 516, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 2004 (18:15)", "body": "a purple people eater sprang"}, {"response": 517, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (07:55)", "body": "up and cried \"Never staple"}, {"response": 518, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (13:20)", "body": "when you can glue! She"}, {"response": 519, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (14:42)", "body": "then danced and danced and"}, {"response": 520, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 2004 (15:07)", "body": "danced with her best friend's"}, {"response": 521, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (15:32)", "body": "pet monkey, Ivan. He was"}, {"response": 522, "author": "visitor", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (16:26)", "body": "a startling handsome, if somewhat"}, {"response": 523, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (18:20)", "body": "hairy creature -covered in fleas"}, {"response": 524, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (18:48)", "body": "and dreamily licking a big }:o)"}, {"response": 525, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (19:28)", "body": ";-) banana the size of a"}, {"response": 526, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (20:25)", "body": "*LAUGH* submarine. It was the same"}, {"response": 527, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 2004 (07:26)", "body": "size as the one used"}, {"response": 528, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 2004 (13:28)", "body": "by John Lenon in the"}, {"response": 529, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 2004 (15:13)", "body": "bathtub. Meanwhile, back at the"}, {"response": 530, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 2004 (17:25)", "body": "ranch, the monkey was very"}, {"response": 531, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Aug  7, 2004 (09:06)", "body": "much in need of a"}, {"response": 532, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 2004 (17:48)", "body": "salad. Not the kind where"}, {"response": 533, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 2004 (16:09)", "body": "scary items masqueraded as vegetables,"}, {"response": 534, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 2004 (16:41)", "body": "Rather, the kind where dressing"}, {"response": 535, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 2004 (16:57)", "body": "was abundant and tomatoes were"}, {"response": 536, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 2004 (18:16)", "body": "both a fruit and vegetable."}, {"response": 537, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 2004 (20:19)", "body": "The kind of salad other"}, {"response": 538, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (07:38)", "body": "folks might enjoy at a"}, {"response": 539, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (17:52)", "body": "Renaissance Festival. But, of course"}, {"response": 540, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 2004 (19:52)", "body": "no one could have forseen"}, {"response": 541, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 2004 (21:40)", "body": "the catastrophic event that was"}, {"response": 542, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 2004 (09:40)", "body": "to be the monkey's final"}, {"response": 543, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 13, 2004 (21:12)", "body": "act of betrayal. It was"}, {"response": 544, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 2004 (10:31)", "body": "Ivan's brother Ringo, you see"}, {"response": 545, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 2004 (16:29)", "body": "who had noticed the great"}, {"response": 546, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 2004 (20:58)", "body": "grandmother's frustration at the monkey's"}, {"response": 547, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (14:17)", "body": "obbession with purple flowers. He"}, {"response": 548, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (15:30)", "body": "gave lilacs to everyone he"}, {"response": 549, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (17:29)", "body": "shared bananas with. Grandmother always"}, {"response": 550, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (20:58)", "body": "felt the need to wear"}, {"response": 551, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (22:18)", "body": "rubber undergarments because of this."}, {"response": 552, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 19, 2004 (11:24)", "body": "The monkey, in a drunken"}, {"response": 553, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (06:53)", "body": "stupor smoked an overripe banana"}, {"response": 554, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (09:49)", "body": "til his lips were numb."}, {"response": 555, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (17:53)", "body": "*LAUGH* \"That's what you get, Monkey.\""}, {"response": 556, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (18:46)", "body": "replied grandma, AKA Sister Agatha-"}, {"response": 557, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 21, 2004 (12:12)", "body": "who went down in history"}, {"response": 558, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 22, 2004 (03:20)", "body": "101 class after passing his"}, {"response": 559, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (15:08)", "body": "Kidney stone. Soon after that"}, {"response": 560, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (17:12)", "body": "the monkey started showing signs"}, {"response": 561, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (17:45)", "body": "to passing motorists as he"}, {"response": 562, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (19:35)", "body": "hitchhiked to a Phish show."}, {"response": 563, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (07:43)", "body": "An icecream truck stopped to"}, {"response": 564, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (08:18)", "body": "get directions and was surprised"}, {"response": 565, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (19:54)", "body": "to learn that the monkey"}, {"response": 566, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (08:52)", "body": "hates Phish food. He prefers"}, {"response": 567, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (10:09)", "body": "chunky monkey when it's available"}, {"response": 568, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (10:37)", "body": "*LOL* in Argentina, which is where"}, {"response": 569, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (20:16)", "body": "he lived with his new"}, {"response": 570, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (22:09)", "body": "speech therapist. She is trying"}, {"response": 571, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (14:27)", "body": "to teach him to gargle"}, {"response": 572, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (14:39)", "body": "while humming the theme from"}, {"response": 573, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (15:52)", "body": "\"Peter Gunn\" in C major"}, {"response": 574, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (16:16)", "body": "The monkey was very proficent"}, {"response": 575, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (17:57)", "body": "at Scrabble. Conversely, he sucked"}, {"response": 576, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "at Life. Clue was his"}, {"response": 577, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (18:06)", "body": "Tim Curry film. Miss Scarlet"}, {"response": 578, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (12:18)", "body": "was the monkey's life long"}, {"response": 579, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (13:46)", "body": "au pair. They always traveled"}, {"response": 580, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (15:40)", "body": "incognito during this time of"}, {"response": 581, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (17:07)", "body": "year. The monkey was very"}, {"response": 582, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (18:18)", "body": "secretive with his new found"}, {"response": 583, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 2004 (21:09)", "body": "fetish. So secretive was he"}, {"response": 584, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 2004 (06:38)", "body": "that he soon forgot all"}, {"response": 585, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (19:47)", "body": "about his banana. This was"}, {"response": 586, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (20:26)", "body": "completely against everything he knew."}, {"response": 587, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (08:50)", "body": "At last he knew what"}, {"response": 588, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (12:36)", "body": "unadulterated bliss was all about."}, {"response": 589, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (13:35)", "body": "Being a Char Monkey. It"}, {"response": 590, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (14:28)", "body": "*LOL*-you're on a CM roll today :o)"}, {"response": 591, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (14:30)", "body": "was, of course, his duty (oops...I didn't mean to submit that all by it's self...)"}, {"response": 592, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (16:33)", "body": "to guard the sacred temple (LOL! it's cause he's such a cute little Char-Monkey) ;-)"}, {"response": 593, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (17:37)", "body": "from wanton jollyhose throwing strumpets."}, {"response": 594, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (17:42)", "body": "The strumpets' jollyhose were very (okay -now we've totally confused everyone who does keep up with the news at Drool) ;-)"}, {"response": 595, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (20:12)", "body": "stretched out from too much sod 'em ;o}"}, {"response": 596, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (07:01)", "body": "overindulgence in the sacred places"}, {"response": 597, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (08:04)", "body": "Being a dutiful char monkey,"}, {"response": 598, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (14:35)", "body": "he carefully replaced those things"}, {"response": 599, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (16:32)", "body": "with yellow sunflowers and new"}, {"response": 600, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (17:10)", "body": "riding chaps. Now it's off"}, {"response": 601, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (17:59)", "body": "to the wine festival where"}, {"response": 602, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (22:10)", "body": "sampling certain sauternes seems sexy."}, {"response": 603, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (13:08)", "body": "However, the wine was not"}, {"response": 604, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (14:52)", "body": "even a very good vintage"}, {"response": 605, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (15:12)", "body": "so the char monkey decided"}, {"response": 606, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (17:28)", "body": "to make his own. He"}, {"response": 607, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (19:58)", "body": "had nubile virgins crushing grapes"}, {"response": 608, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (12:30)", "body": "with Lucy Ricardo when suddenly"}, {"response": 609, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (13:21)", "body": "Ricky sang \"Baba Loo.\" That's"}, {"response": 610, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:03)", "body": "when the monkey knew he"}, {"response": 611, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (08:36)", "body": "was out of his depth"}, {"response": 612, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (11:05)", "body": "quickly he tugged at his"}, {"response": 613, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (14:15)", "body": "wet shirt and said \"Happy"}, {"response": 614, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:23)", "body": "groundhog day!!\" But he didn't"}, {"response": 615, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:51)", "body": "know that it was really"}, {"response": 616, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:56)", "body": "dirty. He thought he should"}, {"response": 617, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (12:58)", "body": "drink more wine, so he"}, {"response": 618, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (13:51)", "body": "popped his cork and guzzled"}, {"response": 619, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (14:07)", "body": "WOW! that wasnt wine -it"}, {"response": 620, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (16:14)", "body": "must have been relly old"}, {"response": 621, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (17:56)", "body": "whiskey. The monkey was so"}, {"response": 622, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (08:45)", "body": "ambivilant to all the happenings"}, {"response": 623, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (08:53)", "body": "he rolled over to sleep"}, {"response": 624, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:11)", "body": "at last. He awoke feeling"}, {"response": 625, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:34)", "body": "refreshed and ready to try"}, {"response": 626, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (16:42)", "body": "anything! First, he signed up"}, {"response": 627, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (08:43)", "body": "for bungee (sp?) jumping. After successfully"}, {"response": 628, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (14:04)", "body": "repelling his way to the"}, {"response": 629, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (17:59)", "body": "bottom of Mt Everest, he"}, {"response": 630, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (19:10)", "body": "got a tatoo of the"}, {"response": 631, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (11:03)", "body": "secret society of tea sippers"}, {"response": 632, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (14:34)", "body": "*laugh* which ran the length of"}, {"response": 633, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 17, 2004 (19:50)", "body": "his very manely and impressive"}, {"response": 634, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 17, 2004 (19:51)", "body": "ROTF -hello spell check! that would be: His very Manly and Impressive"}, {"response": 635, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 2004 (08:38)", "body": "proboscis. He was proud of"}, {"response": 636, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (21:27)", "body": "the way it glowed in"}, {"response": 637, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (10:54)", "body": "technicolor. He never saw the"}, {"response": 638, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (20:25)", "body": "lovely female monkey with the"}, {"response": 639, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (07:34)", "body": "rockin' caboose. She usually stayed"}, {"response": 640, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (10:55)", "body": "in the shade to insure"}, {"response": 641, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (19:47)", "body": "her lily white skin was"}, {"response": 642, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (20:24)", "body": "always wrinkle-free and soft."}, {"response": 643, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (20:41)", "body": "She would venture to Karaoke"}, {"response": 644, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 2004 (13:14)", "body": "to sing her favorites only"}, {"response": 645, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 2004 (15:43)", "body": "when the moon was full."}, {"response": 646, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (13:12)", "body": "Today she was so excited"}, {"response": 647, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (13:57)", "body": "about attending the very first"}, {"response": 648, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (14:31)", "body": "showing of the EOR movie"}, {"response": 649, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (16:26)", "body": "that she forgot to wear"}, {"response": 650, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 2004 (07:37)", "body": "jollyhose. Luckily, she sat beside"}, {"response": 651, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 2004 (20:02)", "body": "the Char monkey, and he"}, {"response": 652, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "was able to keep her"}, {"response": 653, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 2004 (18:43)", "body": "and her jollyhose where they"}, {"response": 654, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (19:25)", "body": "would live happily ever after."}, {"response": 655, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (20:21)", "body": "*laugh* ok, i've got to ask, what is \"jollyhose\"? is that the end of this story?"}, {"response": 656, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 2004 (19:25)", "body": "I think \"jollyhose\" is a term Colin Firth used in an interview referring to undergarments he had recived by mail. (From adoring fans) There once was a taxidermist"}, {"response": 657, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (15:00)", "body": "who really wanted to be"}, {"response": 658, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (15:36)", "body": "nominated for a Nobel prize"}, {"response": 659, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (16:03)", "body": "he dreamed everyday that he"}, {"response": 660, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (18:23)", "body": "would win. He decided to"}, {"response": 661, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (19:23)", "body": "live in London in a"}, {"response": 662, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 2004 (07:10)", "body": "Spotted Dick canning factory. People"}, {"response": 663, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 2004 (22:03)", "body": "often wonder why anyone would"}, {"response": 664, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 2004 (20:15)", "body": "name a snack food after"}, {"response": 665, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (08:15)", "body": "a delicately placed dermatological condition"}, {"response": 666, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (13:32)", "body": "This mystery kept him up"}, {"response": 667, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (17:13)", "body": "but he knew it wasn't"}, {"response": 668, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (18:47)", "body": "the prize winner. So he"}, {"response": 669, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "thought about how the new"}, {"response": 670, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (09:34)", "body": "process for preserving a critter"}, {"response": 671, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (15:34)", "body": "might be made possible with"}, {"response": 672, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (07:48)", "body": "limited expenditure of time involved"}, {"response": 673, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (09:22)", "body": "He displayed his critters at"}, {"response": 674, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (10:38)", "body": "the World Series of Taxidermy"}, {"response": 675, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "Many people came and were"}, {"response": 676, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (20:06)", "body": "mortified at the positions he"}, {"response": 677, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (14:17)", "body": "placed the little monkeys in"}, {"response": 678, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (14:55)", "body": ",but what really encited riot"}, {"response": 679, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (15:32)", "body": "was the baby seal holding"}, {"response": 680, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (15:34)", "body": ""}, {"response": 681, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (15:35)", "body": "a club and a shotgun."}, {"response": 682, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (11:11)", "body": "He called it a statement but"}, {"response": 683, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (15:08)", "body": "it was really a very"}, {"response": 684, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (16:33)", "body": "defined look at his psyche."}, {"response": 685, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (12:14)", "body": "He went to lunch with"}, {"response": 686, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (15:10)", "body": "several anatomically incorrect variants of"}, {"response": 687, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (16:01)", "body": "his extended family, only to"}, {"response": 688, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (17:31)", "body": "discover he'd left home without"}, {"response": 689, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (17:36)", "body": "his breeches. He was releived"}, {"response": 690, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (09:43)", "body": "to learn they weren't required."}, {"response": 691, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (18:16)", "body": "when skinny dippin! It was"}, {"response": 692, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (16:13)", "body": "such a cold day but"}, {"response": 693, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (16:34)", "body": "he really fancied a swim,"}, {"response": 694, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (20:50)", "body": "so without further adieu (sp), he"}, {"response": 695, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (23:37)", "body": "took a deep breath and"}, {"response": 696, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (11:40)", "body": "plunged beneath the waves only"}, {"response": 697, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (12:31)", "body": "to discover a beautiful mermaid"}, {"response": 698, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (19:46)", "body": "toying with a sea cucumber."}, {"response": 699, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (12:02)", "body": "She was very surprised to"}, {"response": 700, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (13:27)", "body": "receive a call from Mr."}, {"response": 701, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (15:27)", "body": "Bubble on her very own"}, {"response": 702, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (16:21)", "body": "pink barbie phone, espically since"}, {"response": 703, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (00:19)", "body": "he died last year. Usually"}, {"response": 704, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "when he met women, they"}, {"response": 705, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (13:51)", "body": "greeted him with a big"}, {"response": 706, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:13)", "body": "raspberry blown in his face."}, {"response": 707, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:40)", "body": "Today, as luck would have"}, {"response": 708, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:40)", "body": "Mr. Bubble is survived by"}, {"response": 709, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:41)", "body": "oops... disregard as Gena and I were typing at the same time ;o}"}, {"response": 710, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (17:36)", "body": "it, the mermaid was completely"}, {"response": 711, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 16, 2004 (08:49)", "body": "fagged. She had been up"}, {"response": 712, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sat, Oct 16, 2004 (12:45)", "body": "partying with Nemo all night"}, {"response": 713, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 2004 (13:40)", "body": "at the Blow Fish Club."}, {"response": 714, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (15:45)", "body": "That didn't stop her from"}, {"response": 715, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (16:00)", "body": "hitting on the Char Monkey"}, {"response": 716, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (16:44)", "body": "with the cute arse. They"}, {"response": 717, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (17:47)", "body": "danced the night away and"}, {"response": 718, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (18:10)", "body": "ate sushi. Sadly, they were"}, {"response": 719, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (10:51)", "body": "stricken with seafood poisoning, alas,"}, {"response": 720, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (13:38)", "body": "and died. The End. Chapter 15 -"}, {"response": 721, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (20:53)", "body": "*LAUGH* how sad!!! Though Mr. Bubbles was presumably"}, {"response": 722, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (17:53)", "body": "an imaginary character, he had (*Ha Ha Ha* i just couldnt resist ;-) i like the fresh start with Mr. Bubbles though!)"}, {"response": 723, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (09:18)", "body": "real life issues. His therapist"}, {"response": 724, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (12:12)", "body": "was Mr. Rogers. He warned"}, {"response": 725, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (13:38)", "body": "that \"the land of Make-believe\" (took a little poetic licence w/ the hyphen to keep it a 5 word story)"}, {"response": 726, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (17:16)", "body": "was for Bush's campaign managers"}, {"response": 727, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (19:08)", "body": "and Kerry's christmas in Cambodia. (Hi zx6rider! let's try to keep this story unpolitical :-) i won't Kerry bash if you won't Bush bash!)"}, {"response": 728, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (19:15)", "body": "Mr. Bubble hoped to achieve"}, {"response": 729, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 2004 (17:45)", "body": "political peace but, alas, his"}, {"response": 730, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (16:36)", "body": "hopes were in vain. He"}, {"response": 731, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (17:19)", "body": "started a chinchilla ranch in"}, {"response": 732, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (19:29)", "body": "Waxahachie Texas, down the road"}, {"response": 733, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (15:38)", "body": "from Renee' Zellewgger's ex boyfriend"}, {"response": 734, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (16:58)", "body": "who liked her better blond."}, {"response": 735, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (18:42)", "body": "Mr. Bubbles did too and"}, {"response": 736, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (16:13)", "body": "told her so. She decided"}, {"response": 737, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (17:18)", "body": "to seek the advice of"}, {"response": 738, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (07:56)", "body": "Star Jones and Sandra Bullock"}, {"response": 739, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (15:27)", "body": "as they were authorities on"}, {"response": 740, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (16:54)", "body": "this kind of thing. First,"}, {"response": 741, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 2004 (08:36)", "body": "they went shopping, then they"}, {"response": 742, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 2004 (10:21)", "body": "had a Botox treatment. Everything"}, {"response": 743, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 2004 (15:55)", "body": "was going as planned until"}, {"response": 744, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 2004 (16:57)", "body": "they ran into Cher at"}, {"response": 745, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 2004 (22:32)", "body": "Hills and Dales. She had"}, {"response": 746, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 2004 (09:10)", "body": "just finished eating an enormous"}, {"response": 747, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 2004 (10:06)", "body": "cheeseburger and 54 beers. They"}, {"response": 748, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 2004 (10:45)", "body": "made her feel bloated. She"}, {"response": 749, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 2004 (21:18)", "body": "took Gas-X and was fine."}, {"response": 750, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 2004 (17:22)", "body": "Afterwards Star, Cher and Sandra"}, {"response": 751, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 2004 (19:49)", "body": "went to see Alice Cooper"}, {"response": 752, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 2004 (20:55)", "body": "in concert at the local"}, {"response": 753, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (07:53)", "body": "piano bar. They drank Cosmopolitans"}, {"response": 754, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (16:44)", "body": "with the Metro Gals as"}, {"response": 755, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (21:07)", "body": "they bemoaned the canceled premier."}, {"response": 756, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 2004 (11:39)", "body": "Something was terribly wrong with"}, {"response": 757, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 2004 (13:25)", "body": "the monkey. He was so"}, {"response": 758, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 2004 (18:43)", "body": "clammy to the touch, it"}, {"response": 759, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 2004 (19:36)", "body": "reminded the ladies of vacationing"}, {"response": 760, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (10:44)", "body": "in a morgue. They quickly"}, {"response": 761, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (15:38)", "body": "decided to move to a"}, {"response": 762, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (16:04)", "body": "bed and breakfast in Derbyshire."}, {"response": 763, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 23, 2004 (20:39)", "body": "Near the town of Lambton,"}, {"response": 764, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 25, 2004 (09:37)", "body": ""}, {"response": 765, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 25, 2004 (09:37)", "body": "*oops* they met up with a"}, {"response": 766, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Nov 26, 2004 (15:28)", "body": "Six fingered Scots man named"}, {"response": 767, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 26, 2004 (16:35)", "body": "Six Fingerered B*****d. He was"}, {"response": 768, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Dec  8, 2004 (09:08)", "body": "known for always carrying a"}, {"response": 769, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec  8, 2004 (20:17)", "body": "pair of mittens ready for"}, {"response": 770, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (09:05)", "body": "dinner. He was married to"}, {"response": 771, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (13:11)", "body": "a woman with three thumbs"}, {"response": 772, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (17:56)", "body": "who was really talented at"}, {"response": 773, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Dec 11, 2004 (18:10)", "body": "oragami. She once folded someone's"}, {"response": 774, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Dec 11, 2004 (18:28)", "body": "underpants into a sushi plate."}, {"response": 775, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Dec 15, 2004 (16:26)", "body": "Besides having three thumbs, she"}, {"response": 776, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec 15, 2004 (17:15)", "body": "could contort her ears into"}, {"response": 777, "author": "visitor", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 2004 (20:32)", "body": "various animals, like clowns make"}, {"response": 778, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 2004 (12:21)", "body": "animals from twisted up balloons."}, {"response": 779, "author": "57loulou", "date": "Sun, Dec 19, 2004 (03:47)", "body": ""}, {"response": 780, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 2004 (08:53)", "body": "They sat down to enjoy"}, {"response": 781, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 2004 (15:21)", "body": "a piping hot cup of"}, {"response": 782, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (15:33)", "body": "lobster stew, the specialty of"}, {"response": 783, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (20:14)", "body": "a former zoo where the"}, {"response": 784, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (09:54)", "body": "only beast on display was"}, {"response": 785, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (17:26)", "body": "elusive tri-tongued gecco. Known for"}, {"response": 786, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 2004 (14:37)", "body": "its innate ability to sense"}, {"response": 787, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 2004 (17:51)", "body": "when something needed to be"}, {"response": 788, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:58)", "body": "eaten from the wall lingually screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 19, "subject": "Word Association", "response_count": 1999, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (15:50)", "body": "screw"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (16:14)", "body": "driving"}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (16:31)", "body": "golf"}, {"response": 4, "author": "patas", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (16:39)", "body": "hole"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (17:59)", "body": "pole"}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (09:38)", "body": "mic"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (10:34)", "body": "jagger"}, {"response": 8, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (15:00)", "body": "edge"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (16:35)", "body": "fallen"}, {"response": 10, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (17:29)", "body": "angel"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (18:16)", "body": "wings"}, {"response": 12, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (20:08)", "body": "dove"}, {"response": 13, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (21:17)", "body": "soap"}, {"response": 14, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "opera"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (22:59)", "body": "castrati"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "viagra"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "falls"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:23)", "body": "\ufffdrotflmbo\ufffd hair"}, {"response": 19, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (09:23)", "body": "pubic"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (10:12)", "body": "conference"}, {"response": 21, "author": "patas", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (12:03)", "body": "table"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (12:32)", "body": "leg"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (13:25)", "body": "thigh thigh"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (13:41)", "body": "muffin"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (14:11)", "body": "yummy!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (14:25)", "body": "tummy"}, {"response": 27, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:35)", "body": "ulcer"}, {"response": 28, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:57)", "body": "ior motive"}, {"response": 29, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:07)", "body": "hors de'ovres"}, {"response": 30, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:00)", "body": "cheese"}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:02)", "body": "Stacey crackers"}, {"response": 32, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (08:55)", "body": "animal crackers"}, {"response": 33, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:32)", "body": "vegetarian crackers"}, {"response": 34, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:33)", "body": "lowfat"}, {"response": 35, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:44)", "body": "no taste"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (01:04)", "body": "glue"}, {"response": 37, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (09:09)", "body": "elmer"}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (23:42)", "body": "Tommy"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "Gotchi"}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (07:40)", "body": "girl"}, {"response": 41, "author": "patas", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (07:48)", "body": "madonna"}, {"response": 42, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (07:57)", "body": "lunch"}, {"response": 43, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (09:12)", "body": "hunch"}, {"response": 44, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (10:29)", "body": "screwed"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:36)", "body": "woof!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:38)", "body": "dog"}, {"response": 47, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:38)", "body": "howl!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "slobber"}, {"response": 49, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:47)", "body": "wet kisses"}, {"response": 50, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:50)", "body": "Will B."}, {"response": 51, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:53)", "body": "done"}, {"response": 52, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:18)", "body": "burnt"}, {"response": 53, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:23)", "body": "toast"}, {"response": 54, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:24)", "body": "buttered"}, {"response": 55, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:38)", "body": "buns"}, {"response": 56, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "seconds"}, {"response": 57, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "count"}, {"response": 58, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:11)", "body": "repetitions"}, {"response": 59, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "monotony"}, {"response": 60, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:23)", "body": "monogamy"}, {"response": 61, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:35)", "body": "sex"}, {"response": 62, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:39)", "body": "yes"}, {"response": 63, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:50)", "body": "NOW"}, {"response": 64, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:59)", "body": "YES!!!"}, {"response": 65, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:02)", "body": "MORE!"}, {"response": 66, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:08)", "body": "LOTS!!!"}, {"response": 67, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:17)", "body": "MORE!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:19)", "body": "WIDER!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:21)", "body": "ocean *laughing*"}, {"response": 70, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:27)", "body": "wet *cleaning up*"}, {"response": 71, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:31)", "body": "salty..."}, {"response": 72, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:34)", "body": "sailor"}, {"response": 73, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:35)", "body": "moon"}, {"response": 74, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:38)", "body": "WOLFIE!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:41)", "body": "tail"}, {"response": 76, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:42)", "body": "teefers"}, {"response": 77, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:44)", "body": "babies"}, {"response": 78, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:44)", "body": "reefer"}, {"response": 79, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:45)", "body": "Jimmy Buffet"}, {"response": 80, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:48)", "body": "cheeseburger"}, {"response": 81, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (15:51)", "body": "paradise"}, {"response": 82, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (16:07)", "body": "death"}, {"response": 83, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (16:17)", "body": "fear"}, {"response": 84, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (17:50)", "body": "empty"}, {"response": 85, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (17:54)", "body": "exactly"}, {"response": 86, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (17:59)", "body": "pinpoint (feeling a bit down WER?)"}, {"response": 87, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:02)", "body": "inside (periodically...)"}, {"response": 88, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:03)", "body": "warm (is now one of those periods or are you just word associating in the past?)"}, {"response": 89, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:10)", "body": "snuggle (mostly, because of associating the past with an improbable future) ((are these allowed in here?))"}, {"response": 90, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:11)", "body": "allergies (allergic to the fabric softener of the same name) ((yes))"}, {"response": 91, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:15)", "body": "itches ((good))"}, {"response": 92, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:23)", "body": "scratches"}, {"response": 93, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:24)", "body": "evidence"}, {"response": 94, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:25)", "body": "plastic baggies"}, {"response": 95, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (18:33)", "body": "rolling paper"}, {"response": 96, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (19:06)", "body": "art projects (sorry you're sad, wer *hug*)"}, {"response": 97, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:24)", "body": "body paints (not your fault!)"}, {"response": 98, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:57)", "body": "demi moore"}, {"response": 99, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "tits"}, {"response": 100, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (22:04)", "body": "and arses"}, {"response": 101, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (01:43)", "body": "not to mention nipples you can dial a phone with"}, {"response": 102, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:16)", "body": "AMEN"}, {"response": 103, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:08)", "body": "holy rollers"}, {"response": 104, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:21)", "body": "inline skates"}, {"response": 105, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "asphalt"}, {"response": 106, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:47)", "body": "tar"}, {"response": 107, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:07)", "body": "stink"}, {"response": 108, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "skunk"}, {"response": 109, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:46)", "body": "black and white"}, {"response": 110, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (13:03)", "body": "wrong or right"}, {"response": 111, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (13:10)", "body": "judge"}, {"response": 112, "author": "REIDLOS", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (14:48)", "body": "judy"}, {"response": 113, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (15:02)", "body": "toasters"}, {"response": 114, "author": "REIDLOS", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (15:40)", "body": "poptarts"}, {"response": 115, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (15:41)", "body": "dry"}, {"response": 116, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (15:49)", "body": "dessert"}, {"response": 117, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (15:49)", "body": "*blush* i meant desert"}, {"response": 118, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (16:01)", "body": "wolf's assignment"}, {"response": 119, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (20:55)", "body": "if you choose to accept it"}, {"response": 120, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "$hit! JAMES (REIDLOS)"}, {"response": 121, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (08:55)", "body": "bond"}, {"response": 122, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (10:53)", "body": "burger"}, {"response": 123, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (23:42)", "body": "bacon"}, {"response": 124, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (01:13)", "body": "(ha-ha, hi, Thingy!) grasshopper"}, {"response": 125, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (19:21)", "body": "karate"}, {"response": 126, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (02:09)", "body": "kick"}, {"response": 127, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (14:37)", "body": "boxer"}, {"response": 128, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (16:26)", "body": "gloves"}, {"response": 129, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (17:05)", "body": "work"}, {"response": 130, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (23:44)", "body": "ethic"}, {"response": 131, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 31, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "almost non-existent"}, {"response": 132, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug 31, 1998 (12:26)", "body": "black rhino"}, {"response": 133, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 31, 1998 (12:40)", "body": "big horn white rhino"}, {"response": 134, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep  1, 1998 (21:27)", "body": "endangered"}, {"response": 135, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  1, 1998 (23:21)", "body": "reality"}, {"response": 136, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (01:18)", "body": "stinks!!"}, {"response": 137, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:20)", "body": "sewage"}, {"response": 138, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:26)", "body": "rats"}, {"response": 139, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:29)", "body": "fondue"}, {"response": 140, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:34)", "body": "skewers (hi wer *hug*)"}, {"response": 141, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:38)", "body": "hearts (top o' the mornin' to ya, Wolf)"}, {"response": 142, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "card game"}, {"response": 143, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (14:20)", "body": "nudity"}, {"response": 144, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "brief"}, {"response": 145, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (16:35)", "body": "legal"}, {"response": 146, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:02)", "body": "litigation"}, {"response": 147, "author": "isis", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:06)", "body": "law suit"}, {"response": 148, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:09)", "body": "pin stripes"}, {"response": 149, "author": "isis", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:31)", "body": "yankees"}, {"response": 150, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:35)", "body": "dodgers"}, {"response": 151, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:43)", "body": "draft"}, {"response": 152, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:53)", "body": "beer"}, {"response": 153, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (23:25)", "body": "please"}, {"response": 154, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "flute"}, {"response": 155, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "song"}, {"response": 156, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (08:00)", "body": "tone deaf"}, {"response": 157, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (09:00)", "body": "rap"}, {"response": 158, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (09:06)", "body": "sneakers"}, {"response": 159, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (09:09)", "body": "spies"}, {"response": 160, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (11:05)", "body": "CIA"}, {"response": 161, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (11:24)", "body": "KGB"}, {"response": 162, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (14:57)", "body": "Russia"}, {"response": 163, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "turkey"}, {"response": 164, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (16:13)", "body": "dressing"}, {"response": 165, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (16:48)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 166, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (17:20)", "body": "under"}, {"response": 167, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (20:39)", "body": "wear"}, {"response": 168, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (21:14)", "body": "ever"}, {"response": 169, "author": "isis", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (21:50)", "body": "before"}, {"response": 170, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (22:50)", "body": "after"}, {"response": 171, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:21)", "body": "noon"}, {"response": 172, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:55)", "body": "time"}, {"response": 173, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (05:32)", "body": "clock"}, {"response": 174, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (05:40)", "body": "club"}, {"response": 175, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (08:52)", "body": "cracker"}, {"response": 176, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (09:32)", "body": "soup"}, {"response": 177, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (10:22)", "body": "nazi"}, {"response": 178, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (11:13)", "body": "neo"}, {"response": 179, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (11:21)", "body": "logism"}, {"response": 180, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (11:22)", "body": "hi wer (what does logism mean?) uh, organic (dunno the connection, just another word)"}, {"response": 181, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "sex toy (I'll have to look it up, Wolf, as I is very tired right now and can't think)"}, {"response": 182, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (11:36)", "body": "(not in my dictionary, wer....) batteries"}, {"response": 183, "author": "patas", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (15:30)", "body": "rabbit"}, {"response": 184, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (23:31)", "body": "Peter"}, {"response": 185, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "pumpkins"}, {"response": 186, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "halloween"}, {"response": 187, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (09:11)", "body": "costumes"}, {"response": 188, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (12:04)", "body": "fetishes"}, {"response": 189, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (12:38)", "body": "radishes"}, {"response": 190, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (14:39)", "body": "crisp"}, {"response": 191, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (14:50)", "body": "crunchy"}, {"response": 192, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (16:53)", "body": "peanut brittle"}, {"response": 193, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (17:16)", "body": "window panes"}, {"response": 194, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (17:17)", "body": "jack frost"}, {"response": 195, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (17:28)", "body": "toe nibbling"}, {"response": 196, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (18:41)", "body": "finger-licking"}, {"response": 197, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (01:10)", "body": "good"}, {"response": 198, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "ugly"}, {"response": 199, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:33)", "body": "perspective"}, {"response": 200, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:22)", "body": "centering"}, {"response": 201, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (07:07)", "body": "zoom"}, {"response": 202, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (12:12)", "body": "varoom!"}, {"response": 203, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (15:53)", "body": "Batman"}, {"response": 204, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (17:54)", "body": "Robin"}, {"response": 205, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (20:05)", "body": "Hood"}, {"response": 206, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (22:11)", "body": "homeboy"}, {"response": 207, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "houseman"}, {"response": 208, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (07:43)", "body": "AE"}, {"response": 209, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "NBC"}, {"response": 210, "author": "patas", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (13:16)", "body": "Leno"}, {"response": 211, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (16:03)", "body": "horn"}, {"response": 212, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (18:26)", "body": "brass"}, {"response": 213, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (22:56)", "body": "balls"}, {"response": 214, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "(rotflmao!) bugger"}, {"response": 215, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (08:06)", "body": "sinus problems"}, {"response": 216, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "Claratin"}, {"response": 217, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "The Good Witch"}, {"response": 218, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (10:00)", "body": "Dorothy"}, {"response": 219, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (11:20)", "body": "naked"}, {"response": 220, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (12:15)", "body": "haha!! birthday suits"}, {"response": 221, "author": "patas", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "suits me"}, {"response": 222, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (13:54)", "body": "me too"}, {"response": 223, "author": "patas", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (13:55)", "body": "too much"}, {"response": 224, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (15:58)", "body": "not enough"}, {"response": 225, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (16:07)", "body": "to go around"}, {"response": 226, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (05:30)", "body": "upside down"}, {"response": 227, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (07:45)", "body": "inside out"}, {"response": 228, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (08:41)", "body": "upside the head"}, {"response": 229, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (09:37)", "body": "downside the ar$e"}, {"response": 230, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (17:49)", "body": "inside the playground"}, {"response": 231, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (20:31)", "body": "in the house"}, {"response": 232, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:37)", "body": "corners"}, {"response": 233, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:06)", "body": "rounders"}, {"response": 234, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:33)", "body": "actors"}, {"response": 235, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (23:08)", "body": "actresses"}, {"response": 236, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (23:40)", "body": "nudity"}, {"response": 237, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (07:50)", "body": "clauses"}, {"response": 238, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (10:29)", "body": "saints"}, {"response": 239, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (10:50)", "body": "sinners"}, {"response": 240, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (12:36)", "body": "confession"}, {"response": 241, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:25)", "body": "do tell"}, {"response": 242, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (21:00)", "body": "william"}, {"response": 243, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:31)", "body": "roland"}, {"response": 244, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (12:13)", "body": "synthesizer"}, {"response": 245, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (21:36)", "body": "keyboard"}, {"response": 246, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (11:16)", "body": "herby hancock (or something like that)"}, {"response": 247, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:05)", "body": "Yamaha (that would be)"}, {"response": 248, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (11:56)", "body": "motorcycles"}, {"response": 249, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (13:03)", "body": "glorified bicycles street"}, {"response": 250, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (18:59)", "body": "signs"}, {"response": 251, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (21:47)", "body": "apocalypse"}, {"response": 252, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (00:58)", "body": "DIE!"}, {"response": 253, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (12:37)", "body": "wishful thinking"}, {"response": 254, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:26)", "body": "(hope that wasn't your association with my last posting!) wet dream"}, {"response": 255, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (15:21)", "body": "sheet changing"}, {"response": 256, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (16:32)", "body": "daiper changing"}, {"response": 257, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:31)", "body": "wipes"}, {"response": 258, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "wet"}, {"response": 259, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "drool"}, {"response": 260, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (12:13)", "body": "slobber problems"}, {"response": 261, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (12:16)", "body": "last 50 broken"}, {"response": 262, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (13:03)", "body": "mighty cool"}, {"response": 263, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:22)", "body": "outta sight"}, {"response": 264, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (21:57)", "body": "rad!"}, {"response": 265, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (22:09)", "body": "gnarly"}, {"response": 266, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (22:15)", "body": "dude!"}, {"response": 267, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (22:17)", "body": "ranch"}, {"response": 268, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep 19, 1998 (00:08)", "body": "dressing"}, {"response": 269, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 19, 1998 (10:08)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 270, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep 19, 1998 (22:51)", "body": "bottom"}, {"response": 271, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 20, 1998 (23:22)", "body": "rock"}, {"response": 272, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (21:19)", "body": "roll"}, {"response": 273, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:02)", "body": "wriggle"}, {"response": 274, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:13)", "body": "finished"}, {"response": 275, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:25)", "body": "sleep"}, {"response": 276, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:55)", "body": "not for me tonight, it would seem.... damn"}, {"response": 277, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep 22, 1998 (23:29)", "body": "finger (why you not sleeping, mistress?)"}, {"response": 278, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "scratch (worry, for once. Got to MAKE 10 CD covers before end of year. I who are horrible at doing sculptures....)"}, {"response": 279, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "there (gotcha...)"}, {"response": 280, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:18)", "body": "here"}, {"response": 281, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:22)", "body": "beside"}, {"response": 282, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "myself"}, {"response": 283, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (10:37)", "body": "yourself"}, {"response": 284, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (11:29)", "body": "me"}, {"response": 285, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (14:43)", "body": "you (riette, you can do it!! don't worry about impressing anybody, just do your thang, girl!!)"}, {"response": 286, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (17:10)", "body": "us"}, {"response": 287, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "others (will do, Wolf, thanks!)"}, {"response": 288, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (08:03)", "body": "them"}, {"response": 289, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:12)", "body": "circumstances"}, {"response": 290, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:27)", "body": "the way things are"}, {"response": 291, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:42)", "body": "conservative"}, {"response": 292, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:49)", "body": "Rat Wing Oops, sorry! Right Wing!"}, {"response": 293, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:40)", "body": "pigeons"}, {"response": 294, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (20:37)", "body": "poop!"}, {"response": 295, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:20)", "body": "Poo!"}, {"response": 296, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (07:28)", "body": "gas"}, {"response": 297, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (11:17)", "body": "fumes"}, {"response": 298, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (12:18)", "body": "diesel"}, {"response": 299, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (12:57)", "body": "18 wheelers"}, {"response": 300, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:01)", "body": "hitchikers"}, {"response": 301, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "serial killer"}, {"response": 302, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:17)", "body": "green jello"}, {"response": 303, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:33)", "body": "fish sticks"}, {"response": 304, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:10)", "body": "memory"}, {"response": 305, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (16:57)", "body": "concentration"}, {"response": 306, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (20:00)", "body": "a game"}, {"response": 307, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (23:06)", "body": "relationships"}, {"response": 308, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (00:48)", "body": "cinic!"}, {"response": 309, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:03)", "body": "Greeks"}, {"response": 310, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "ancient"}, {"response": 311, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "muscles and balls"}, {"response": 312, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:48)", "body": "over linguini"}, {"response": 313, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "angel hair"}, {"response": 314, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 27, 1998 (03:52)", "body": "halo"}, {"response": 315, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (20:29)", "body": "night vision"}, {"response": 316, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (21:38)", "body": "goggles"}, {"response": 317, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (01:24)", "body": "scuba diving"}, {"response": 318, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (03:21)", "body": "shark attack (that would be my luck anyway)"}, {"response": 319, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (07:31)", "body": "chain mail"}, {"response": 320, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (07:43)", "body": "dungeon"}, {"response": 321, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (07:44)", "body": "dragons"}, {"response": 322, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (07:46)", "body": "maidens"}, {"response": 323, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "hunks (such as yourself)"}, {"response": 324, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (10:14)", "body": "studs"}, {"response": 325, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "testosterone"}, {"response": 326, "author": "patas", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (15:05)", "body": "hair loss"}, {"response": 327, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (17:46)", "body": "cue ball"}, {"response": 328, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (20:01)", "body": "side pocket"}, {"response": 329, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (20:35)", "body": "smoking"}, {"response": 330, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (00:17)", "body": "death"}, {"response": 331, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (03:01)", "body": "\"may you die a thousand little deaths...\""}, {"response": 332, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (07:31)", "body": "Mrs. Pringle"}, {"response": 333, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (11:45)", "body": "wrinkle"}, {"response": 334, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (13:30)", "body": "big ar$e"}, {"response": 335, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (17:45)", "body": "greeting cards"}, {"response": 336, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (20:38)", "body": "pop-ups"}, {"response": 337, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "jack in a box"}, {"response": 338, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (10:54)", "body": "cracker jacks"}, {"response": 339, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (13:52)", "body": "peanuts"}, {"response": 340, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (16:00)", "body": "Jimmy Carter"}, {"response": 341, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (19:28)", "body": "malaise"}, {"response": 342, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (22:26)", "body": "illness"}, {"response": 343, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "headaches"}, {"response": 344, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (05:23)", "body": "a bugger"}, {"response": 345, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (17:44)", "body": "tissue"}, {"response": 346, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (23:37)", "body": "nose"}, {"response": 347, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (05:15)", "body": "snotsies"}, {"response": 348, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (11:14)", "body": "glob"}, {"response": 349, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "gobstoppers"}, {"response": 350, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (16:21)", "body": "sore tongues"}, {"response": 351, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (22:37)", "body": "cunning linguists"}, {"response": 352, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "linging cunguistics"}, {"response": 353, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (19:18)", "body": "Mmmmmmmm..."}, {"response": 354, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "tasty"}, {"response": 355, "author": "patas", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (13:05)", "body": "hasty"}, {"response": 356, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (13:35)", "body": "pudding"}, {"response": 357, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (17:51)", "body": "tapioca"}, {"response": 358, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (21:10)", "body": "vanilla"}, {"response": 359, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (21:13)", "body": "chocolate!"}, {"response": 360, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (23:56)", "body": "bars"}, {"response": 361, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (03:41)", "body": "tiramisu!"}, {"response": 362, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (08:06)", "body": "William"}, {"response": 363, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (10:48)", "body": "WER"}, {"response": 364, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (18:08)", "body": "singular experience"}, {"response": 365, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  8, 1998 (14:55)", "body": "\"ONE, singular sensation, every little step she takes. Da da da daaa da da!\""}, {"response": 366, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct  8, 1998 (21:30)", "body": "Broadway"}, {"response": 367, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Oct  9, 1998 (10:37)", "body": "the Broadway Cafe (at 2 Broadway street here in Denver -- best allnite/latenite dive -- but NEVER go alone!)"}, {"response": 368, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  9, 1998 (13:32)", "body": "Namath (Broadway Joe)"}, {"response": 369, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Oct  9, 1998 (14:14)", "body": "pantyhose"}, {"response": 370, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct  9, 1998 (22:54)", "body": "yeast infection"}, {"response": 371, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct  9, 1998 (23:37)", "body": "bread mold"}, {"response": 372, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 10, 1998 (16:48)", "body": "Cheese"}, {"response": 373, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 10, 1998 (20:12)", "body": "wisconsin"}, {"response": 374, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Oct 12, 1998 (12:58)", "body": "more cheese"}, {"response": 375, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 12, 1998 (13:00)", "body": "and macaroni, please"}, {"response": 376, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:22)", "body": "fish sticks"}, {"response": 377, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:27)", "body": "crunchy"}, {"response": 378, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:37)", "body": "laundry"}, {"response": 379, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:40)", "body": "dirty"}, {"response": 380, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "conversations"}, {"response": 381, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "eavesdropping"}, {"response": 382, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:45)", "body": "intentional misleading"}, {"response": 383, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:46)", "body": "grand jury"}, {"response": 384, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (12:53)", "body": "guilty"}, {"response": 385, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (14:50)", "body": "OJ"}, {"response": 386, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (15:06)", "body": "breakfast"}, {"response": 387, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (20:21)", "body": "what's that?"}, {"response": 388, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (20:33)", "body": "unknown"}, {"response": 389, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (21:08)", "body": "the elusive obvious"}, {"response": 390, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (12:46)", "body": "love"}, {"response": 391, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "colonize"}, {"response": 392, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:24)", "body": "moon"}, {"response": 393, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:36)", "body": "receding hairline"}, {"response": 394, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:46)", "body": "chocolate?"}, {"response": 395, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (14:23)", "body": "candybar"}, {"response": 396, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (15:27)", "body": "fat"}, {"response": 397, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:22)", "body": "voluptuous"}, {"response": 398, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:14)", "body": "tall"}, {"response": 399, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:17)", "body": "willowy"}, {"response": 400, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:22)", "body": "flexible"}, {"response": 401, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (18:19)", "body": "sinewy"}, {"response": 402, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (00:07)", "body": "wicked"}, {"response": 403, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "bad"}, {"response": 404, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "bone"}, {"response": 405, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:27)", "body": "back"}, {"response": 406, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (06:01)", "body": "rub"}, {"response": 407, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (08:58)", "body": "warm"}, {"response": 408, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (09:46)", "body": "hot"}, {"response": 409, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (21:23)", "body": "cold"}, {"response": 410, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "cool"}, {"response": 411, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (22:58)", "body": "will-o'-the-wisp"}, {"response": 412, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:13)", "body": "will-o'-the-wasp"}, {"response": 413, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (07:12)", "body": "nest"}, {"response": 414, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (10:59)", "body": "egg"}, {"response": 415, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (18:19)", "body": "keg"}, {"response": 416, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "leg"}, {"response": 417, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (02:42)", "body": "Foghorn Leghorn"}, {"response": 418, "author": "sonja", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (10:13)", "body": "ahoy!"}, {"response": 419, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (15:45)", "body": "poopdeck"}, {"response": 420, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (19:53)", "body": "litterbox"}, {"response": 421, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (21:28)", "body": "CAT scan"}, {"response": 422, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (03:51)", "body": "I just read this to Sonja, and she shouted, 'PASSION'!!"}, {"response": 423, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (10:29)", "body": "fruit"}, {"response": 424, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:02)", "body": "passion!"}, {"response": 425, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (22:46)", "body": "toad licking"}, {"response": 426, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (03:58)", "body": "cock sucking"}, {"response": 427, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (08:15)", "body": "wishes"}, {"response": 428, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (19:29)", "body": "wishy-washy"}, {"response": 429, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (22:59)", "body": "indecisive"}, {"response": 430, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "maybe"}, {"response": 431, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (08:49)", "body": "perhaps"}, {"response": 432, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (10:31)", "body": "or not"}, {"response": 433, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (11:08)", "body": "fickle"}, {"response": 434, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (11:29)", "body": "women"}, {"response": 435, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (12:24)", "body": "men"}, {"response": 436, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (12:26)", "body": "boys"}, {"response": 437, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "toys"}, {"response": 438, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 24, 1998 (20:15)", "body": "expensive"}, {"response": 439, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 24, 1998 (23:04)", "body": "love"}, {"response": 440, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "FOOD!"}, {"response": 441, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (07:42)", "body": "medium"}, {"response": 442, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (20:39)", "body": "steak"}, {"response": 443, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (21:08)", "body": "door-to-door kitchen nanny"}, {"response": 444, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (23:15)", "body": "confused"}, {"response": 445, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (10:48)", "body": "demented"}, {"response": 446, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:45)", "body": "Down the stairs and outta the house and BOOM!"}, {"response": 447, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (18:25)", "body": "prom night"}, {"response": 448, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (22:55)", "body": "Warren Zevon"}, {"response": 449, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (13:41)", "body": "werewolves"}, {"response": 450, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "Richard Zeeman"}, {"response": 451, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (17:19)", "body": "sailors [as in \"sea men\"]"}, {"response": 452, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (20:12)", "body": "popeye"}, {"response": 453, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (22:06)", "body": "spinach"}, {"response": 454, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "how much"}, {"response": 455, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (17:34)", "body": "all"}, {"response": 456, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (21:57)", "body": "already"}, {"response": 457, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (22:29)", "body": "wept"}, {"response": 458, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (00:43)", "body": "cried"}, {"response": 459, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (10:42)", "body": "lied"}, {"response": 460, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (16:03)", "body": "spied"}, {"response": 461, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (16:48)", "body": "gun crazy"}, {"response": 462, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (12:43)", "body": "individual sovereignty"}, {"response": 463, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:40)", "body": "bug probing"}, {"response": 464, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (12:29)", "body": "turd burgler"}, {"response": 465, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (20:15)", "body": "Hamburglar"}, {"response": 466, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (15:27)", "body": "grimace"}, {"response": 467, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (08:19)", "body": "frown"}, {"response": 468, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (08:54)", "body": "a smile upside down :("}, {"response": 469, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:56)", "body": "contempt"}, {"response": 470, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (14:49)", "body": "dispicability"}, {"response": 471, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:46)", "body": "picador"}, {"response": 472, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (00:37)", "body": "parrot"}, {"response": 473, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (09:45)", "body": "treasure"}, {"response": 474, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (10:12)", "body": "pirate"}, {"response": 475, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:23)", "body": "hook"}, {"response": 476, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (19:20)", "body": "line, and, sinker *kerplop*"}, {"response": 477, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (22:36)", "body": "fishing"}, {"response": 478, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:17)", "body": "tale"}, {"response": 479, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (21:41)", "body": "bare"}, {"response": 480, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:18)", "body": "foot"}, {"response": 481, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:28)", "body": "run"}, {"response": 482, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (23:50)", "body": "away"}, {"response": 483, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:17)", "body": "hither"}, {"response": 484, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:53)", "body": "yon"}, {"response": 485, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "yang"}, {"response": 486, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:15)", "body": "yin"}, {"response": 487, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (09:55)", "body": "hankerin'"}, {"response": 488, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (10:45)", "body": "yearning"}, {"response": 489, "author": "patas", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (16:41)", "body": "bird of my desire"}, {"response": 490, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (18:38)", "body": "bird of paradise"}, {"response": 491, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (20:44)", "body": "exotic"}, {"response": 492, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:41)", "body": "dancer"}, {"response": 493, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:44)", "body": "Texas"}, {"response": 494, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:47)", "body": "star"}, {"response": 495, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:14)", "body": "shoot!"}, {"response": 496, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (11:57)", "body": "re-load"}, {"response": 497, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (16:03)", "body": "Download"}, {"response": 498, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:12)", "body": "pogrom"}, {"response": 499, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:05)", "body": "program"}, {"response": 500, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:08)", "body": "reform"}, {"response": 501, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:48)", "body": "rebellion"}, {"response": 502, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:48)", "body": "Jesuit"}, {"response": 503, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:48)", "body": "Christ"}, {"response": 504, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:48)", "body": "Howard"}, {"response": 505, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (12:31)", "body": "cosell??? (pssst, ray, think it's time for part deaux, huh?)"}, {"response": 506, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (11:40)", "body": "sports (nevuh, Wolf!)"}, {"response": 507, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (00:55)", "body": "play"}, {"response": 508, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (09:52)", "body": "all day"}, {"response": 509, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 1999 (12:11)", "body": "diurnal"}, {"response": 510, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:39)", "body": "triumphal"}, {"response": 511, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:43)", "body": "phallocentric"}, {"response": 512, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (12:58)", "body": "eclectic-electric"}, {"response": 513, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:07)", "body": "trick'n'treat"}, {"response": 514, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:15)", "body": "hat"}, {"response": 515, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:21)", "body": "head-red"}, {"response": 516, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:21)", "body": "head red"}, {"response": 517, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:25)", "body": "Ree-head"}, {"response": 518, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:26)", "body": "Rea-Hed"}, {"response": 519, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (13:28)", "body": "Hedgehog"}, {"response": 520, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (23:52)", "body": "Sonic"}, {"response": 521, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (00:21)", "body": "sound"}, {"response": 522, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (10:58)", "body": "audio"}, {"response": 523, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (11:43)", "body": "stereo"}, {"response": 524, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (11:43)", "body": "video"}, {"response": 525, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (18:35)", "body": "games"}, {"response": 526, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 1999 (23:03)", "body": "Olympic"}, {"response": 527, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (12:08)", "body": "medal"}, {"response": 528, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (12:19)", "body": "congressional"}, {"response": 529, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (12:20)", "body": "senatorial"}, {"response": 530, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep 11, 1999 (12:22)", "body": "privilege"}, {"response": 531, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (13:45)", "body": "abuse"}, {"response": 532, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (13:49)", "body": "loss"}, {"response": 533, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (13:59)", "body": "trains"}, {"response": 534, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 1999 (14:07)", "body": "chains"}, {"response": 535, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:18)", "body": "...of love"}, {"response": 536, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:50)", "body": "lasting forever"}, {"response": 537, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (21:33)", "body": "Forever Young"}, {"response": 538, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (21:49)", "body": "Fountain of Youth"}, {"response": 539, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 1999 (22:19)", "body": "Three Coins in the Fountain"}, {"response": 540, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (00:35)", "body": "Respighi"}, {"response": 541, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (16:48)", "body": "spaghetti!"}, {"response": 542, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 1999 (17:08)", "body": "western"}, {"response": 543, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (13:13)", "body": "How the West was Won"}, {"response": 544, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (16:22)", "body": "Birth of a Nation"}, {"response": 545, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (18:16)", "body": "\"a white sportcoat and a pink carnation...\""}, {"response": 546, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (19:19)", "body": "sock hop"}, {"response": 547, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (19:21)", "body": "(checking...this is not word disassociation...hmmm....ok!)"}, {"response": 548, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "ball hoop"}, {"response": 549, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 1999 (16:17)", "body": "basket"}, {"response": 550, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 1999 (23:33)", "body": "Michael Jordan"}, {"response": 551, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (00:29)", "body": "Nike"}, {"response": 552, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (09:12)", "body": "Reebok"}, {"response": 553, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (18:35)", "body": "He's dead, Jim."}, {"response": 554, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (18:43)", "body": "Klingon"}, {"response": 555, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (22:09)", "body": "cling peaches"}, {"response": 556, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (22:28)", "body": "ice cream"}, {"response": 557, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 1999 (23:01)", "body": "\"you're the cream in my coffee!\""}, {"response": 558, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 1999 (01:07)", "body": "Kona"}, {"response": 559, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 1999 (08:54)", "body": "coffee"}, {"response": 560, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 1999 (17:49)", "body": "coffee, tea, or me?"}, {"response": 561, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 1999 (18:23)", "body": "decisions...decisions...!"}, {"response": 562, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (00:16)", "body": "Hour of Decision!"}, {"response": 563, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (00:36)", "body": "Destiny"}, {"response": 564, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (13:17)", "body": "Tivoli"}, {"response": 565, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (13:28)", "body": "Gardens"}, {"response": 566, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (17:52)", "body": "Hanging Gardens of Babylon"}, {"response": 567, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (19:34)", "body": "Wonders"}, {"response": 568, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (20:15)", "body": "Oregon"}, {"response": 569, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Oct 29, 1999 (21:38)", "body": "Trail"}, {"response": 570, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 1999 (04:03)", "body": "food"}, {"response": 571, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 1999 (17:00)", "body": "gorp ;)"}, {"response": 572, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 30, 1999 (17:31)", "body": "Jerky"}, {"response": 573, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (11:53)", "body": "soda jerk"}, {"response": 574, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "Dr Pepper"}, {"response": 575, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (21:51)", "body": "friendly pepper-upper"}, {"response": 576, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (22:11)", "body": "caffeine"}, {"response": 577, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 1999 (13:26)", "body": "coffee"}, {"response": 578, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 1999 (14:08)", "body": "espresso"}, {"response": 579, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 1999 (16:49)", "body": "frappechino"}, {"response": 580, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 1999 (17:52)", "body": "mocha"}, {"response": 581, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 1999 (00:02)", "body": "polka"}, {"response": 582, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 1999 (11:08)", "body": "jamboree!"}, {"response": 583, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (11:14)", "body": "Boy Scouts"}, {"response": 584, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (11:15)", "body": "Eagle"}, {"response": 585, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (19:34)", "body": "the Eagle has landed!"}, {"response": 586, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (23:03)", "body": "astronauts"}, {"response": 587, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (23:36)", "body": "the man in the moon"}, {"response": 588, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 1999 (17:42)", "body": "crater"}, {"response": 589, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 1999 (18:31)", "body": "Volcano"}, {"response": 590, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 1999 (10:58)", "body": "Haleakula (this will get me in trouble with the Hawaii spelling team)."}, {"response": 591, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 1999 (15:10)", "body": "(close enough) Maui"}, {"response": 592, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 1999 (18:28)", "body": "Kuaii (sp?)"}, {"response": 593, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 1999 (19:39)", "body": "HAWAII (Yippee!!)"}, {"response": 594, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Nov  6, 1999 (22:10)", "body": "hula hoop ;)"}, {"response": 595, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (08:48)", "body": "50s"}, {"response": 596, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (12:43)", "body": "childhood"}, {"response": 597, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (17:21)", "body": "kid"}, {"response": 598, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 1999 (17:49)", "body": "tease"}, {"response": 599, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (05:42)", "body": "strip"}, {"response": 600, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (14:00)", "body": "G String"}, {"response": 601, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (15:27)", "body": ""}, {"response": 602, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 1999 (15:35)", "body": "(Nuthin at all, Terry? Or is that your speechless and aghast amazement?) Violin"}, {"response": 603, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (01:22)", "body": "concerto"}, {"response": 604, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (07:10)", "body": "C flat"}, {"response": 605, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (11:19)", "body": "(there is no such thing as a C flat! *lol*) Tchaikowsky"}, {"response": 606, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (12:00)", "body": "Beethoven"}, {"response": 607, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 1999 (12:07)", "body": "(Ah! You said the magic word...) Moonlight"}, {"response": 608, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 1999 (09:03)", "body": "Midnight"}, {"response": 609, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 1999 (12:36)", "body": "Paul Revere"}, {"response": 610, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 11, 1999 (10:43)", "body": "ride"}, {"response": 611, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 11, 1999 (12:29)", "body": "Red Coats"}, {"response": 612, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Nov 14, 1999 (16:23)", "body": "Tories"}, {"response": 613, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 14, 1999 (16:38)", "body": "British"}, {"response": 614, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 1999 (09:27)", "body": "English"}, {"response": 615, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 1999 (13:26)", "body": "muffins"}, {"response": 616, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (08:13)", "body": "cinnamon rolls"}, {"response": 617, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (12:31)", "body": "Danish"}, {"response": 618, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (12:43)", "body": "Hamlet"}, {"response": 619, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (13:01)", "body": "Hi, EsBee =) Prince"}, {"response": 620, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (13:35)", "body": "Hi, Yourself! :) Duke"}, {"response": 621, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (13:50)", "body": "Duchess"}, {"response": 622, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:00)", "body": "Duke"}, {"response": 623, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:00)", "body": "Windsor"}, {"response": 624, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:03)", "body": "OOps, I did not see Esbee's reply 220.... Duchess potatoes"}, {"response": 625, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "OK Windsor Castle"}, {"response": 626, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:12)", "body": "Moat"}, {"response": 627, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:36)", "body": "Monster"}, {"response": 628, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (14:54)", "body": "Loch Ness"}, {"response": 629, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:02)", "body": "Scotland"}, {"response": 630, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:05)", "body": "Ireland"}, {"response": 631, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:26)", "body": "(is this topic starting to get way too lengthy for you to scroll through each time you want to add a word? Ratthing opened a newer one than this, but in windows it is not a problem.) Gaelic"}, {"response": 632, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:35)", "body": "Sassenach"}, {"response": 633, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:37)", "body": "Stonehenge"}, {"response": 634, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:47)", "body": "Craigh na Dun (a smaller henge near Inverness)"}, {"response": 635, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 1999 (15:58)", "body": "Dunwoodie"}, {"response": 636, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (11:14)", "body": "Dagwood :)"}, {"response": 637, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (12:51)", "body": "Blondie"}, {"response": 638, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (12:53)", "body": "Cookie"}, {"response": 639, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (16:26)", "body": "Oreo"}, {"response": 640, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 1999 (17:30)", "body": "milk"}, {"response": 641, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (07:03)", "body": "honey"}, {"response": 642, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (12:29)", "body": "Pooh Bear"}, {"response": 643, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (14:40)", "body": "Kanga (and little Roo)"}, {"response": 644, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (18:04)", "body": "Seven-acre woods"}, {"response": 645, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 1999 (19:50)", "body": "golf"}, {"response": 646, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 1999 (19:57)", "body": "cart"}, {"response": 647, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 1999 (08:43)", "body": "horse"}, {"response": 648, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 1999 (11:27)", "body": "apples"}, {"response": 649, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Nov 21, 1999 (22:18)", "body": "and oranges..."}, {"response": 650, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Nov 21, 1999 (22:58)", "body": "marmalade"}, {"response": 651, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 22, 1999 (09:13)", "body": "jam"}, {"response": 652, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 22, 1999 (14:16)", "body": "traffic"}, {"response": 653, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 22, 1999 (23:04)", "body": "Winwood"}, {"response": 654, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 23, 1999 (12:23)", "body": "people (guessing that winwood is a street or mall name...)"}, {"response": 655, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 1999 (11:53)", "body": "folks (Winwood as in Steve, the musician)"}, {"response": 656, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 1999 (15:27)", "body": "(...missing the connection between traffic and winwood, but that's ok...) home"}, {"response": 657, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 1999 (15:28)", "body": "house (Steve Winwoods band was Traffic)"}, {"response": 658, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "(...I was afraid of that...) call"}, {"response": 659, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov 24, 1999 (23:57)", "body": "phone"}, {"response": 660, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 25, 1999 (00:38)", "body": "modem"}, {"response": 661, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 25, 1999 (07:31)", "body": "baud"}, {"response": 662, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 25, 1999 (12:54)", "body": "speed"}, {"response": 663, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 26, 1999 (18:30)", "body": "queen"}, {"response": 664, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Nov 27, 1999 (12:02)", "body": "Chess"}, {"response": 665, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (08:58)", "body": "checkers"}, {"response": 666, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "Chinese"}, {"response": 667, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (12:23)", "body": "Marbles"}, {"response": 668, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (13:13)", "body": "Jacks"}, {"response": 669, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (14:26)", "body": "in the boxes"}, {"response": 670, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (15:14)", "body": "jewels"}, {"response": 671, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (15:29)", "body": "engagement ring"}, {"response": 672, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (15:53)", "body": "diamond"}, {"response": 673, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (16:04)", "body": "pearl"}, {"response": 674, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (16:35)", "body": "oyster"}, {"response": 675, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 30, 1999 (06:49)", "body": "bar"}, {"response": 676, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 30, 1999 (12:42)", "body": "Manhattan"}, {"response": 677, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 30, 1999 (20:05)", "body": "NYC"}, {"response": 678, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov 30, 1999 (20:41)", "body": "skyscrapers"}, {"response": 679, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (09:38)", "body": "buildings"}, {"response": 680, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (12:18)", "body": "architects"}, {"response": 681, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (17:38)", "body": "I.M. Pei"}, {"response": 682, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec  1, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "genius"}, {"response": 683, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  2, 1999 (08:28)", "body": "bright"}, {"response": 684, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec  2, 1999 (12:21)", "body": "photons"}, {"response": 685, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  2, 1999 (14:53)", "body": "positrons"}, {"response": 686, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec  2, 1999 (15:12)", "body": "electrons"}, {"response": 687, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Dec  4, 1999 (06:57)", "body": "protons"}, {"response": 688, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec  4, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "orbit"}, {"response": 689, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Dec  5, 1999 (14:22)", "body": "magazine"}, {"response": 690, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Dec  5, 1999 (17:13)", "body": "publication"}, {"response": 691, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec  6, 1999 (08:49)", "body": "magazine"}, {"response": 692, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec  6, 1999 (12:05)", "body": "I noted something familiar about your response 691...The question is, what do I get to do now? It was never explained to me. So, I shall just post something else : SUPERSTAR Response 689 of 690: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Dec 5, 1999 (14:22) magazine Response 690 of 690: Marcia (MarciaH) * Sun, Dec 5, 1999 (17:13) publication Response 691 of 691: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, Dec 6, 1999 (08:49) magazine"}, {"response": 693, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Dec  7, 1999 (15:40)", "body": "Alexander"}, {"response": 694, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec  7, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "philosopher"}, {"response": 695, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 1999 (08:45)", "body": "Aristotle"}, {"response": 696, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 1999 (11:48)", "body": "Plato (sp?)"}, {"response": 697, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 1999 (14:37)", "body": "Socrates"}, {"response": 698, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 1999 (21:53)", "body": "hemlock"}, {"response": 699, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec  9, 1999 (22:49)", "body": "Christmas tree"}, {"response": 700, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (09:25)", "body": "lights"}, {"response": 701, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (11:09)", "body": "bulbs"}, {"response": 702, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "Narcissus"}, {"response": 703, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:09)", "body": "grandmother (hey, it was her middle name!)"}, {"response": 704, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:36)", "body": "maternal (You're kidding?!)"}, {"response": 705, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 15, 1999 (00:43)", "body": "paternal"}, {"response": 706, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 15, 1999 (13:23)", "body": "masculine"}, {"response": 707, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (13:47)", "body": "feminine"}, {"response": 708, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (14:40)", "body": "gender"}, {"response": 709, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (16:17)", "body": "roles"}, {"response": 710, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (16:28)", "body": "characters"}, {"response": 711, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (16:43)", "body": "Disney"}, {"response": 712, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (18:35)", "body": "(though you were going to put Chinese) world"}, {"response": 713, "author": "dorothy", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (22:53)", "body": "blue"}, {"response": 714, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 16, 1999 (22:59)", "body": "(Aloha Dorothy - good to see you here!) marble"}, {"response": 715, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (08:59)", "body": "falls (Marble Falls, Texas, it's in the Hill country)"}, {"response": 716, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (09:05)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 717, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (09:06)", "body": "up"}, {"response": 718, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (09:10)", "body": "high"}, {"response": 719, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (09:11)", "body": "low"}, {"response": 720, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (09:26)", "body": "down, dirty scoundrel"}, {"response": 721, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (10:58)", "body": "George Wickham"}, {"response": 722, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (13:22)", "body": "Pride"}, {"response": 723, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (16:43)", "body": "Glutton"}, {"response": 724, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 1999 (16:51)", "body": "lust"}, {"response": 725, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (17:52)", "body": "blood"}, {"response": 726, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Dec 18, 1999 (19:01)", "body": "blue"}, {"response": 727, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (08:38)", "body": "big"}, {"response": 728, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (13:39)", "body": "IBM"}, {"response": 729, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (15:49)", "body": "Boca Raton"}, {"response": 730, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 20, 1999 (16:20)", "body": "Florida"}, {"response": 731, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (08:54)", "body": "Keys"}, {"response": 732, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (10:32)", "body": "lost"}, {"response": 733, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (10:37)", "body": "world"}, {"response": 734, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (12:50)", "body": "Globe"}, {"response": 735, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (14:39)", "body": "trotters"}, {"response": 736, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (15:08)", "body": "horses"}, {"response": 737, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (15:24)", "body": "Hounds"}, {"response": 738, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (15:33)", "body": "foxes"}, {"response": 739, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Dec 21, 1999 (15:44)", "body": "hunting"}, {"response": 740, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 22, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "fishing"}, {"response": 741, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 22, 1999 (14:29)", "body": "stream"}, {"response": 742, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (18:37)", "body": "field"}, {"response": 743, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 23, 1999 (19:09)", "body": "hockey"}, {"response": 744, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 24, 1999 (10:08)", "body": "Gretzky"}, {"response": 745, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 24, 1999 (11:38)", "body": "Canadian"}, {"response": 746, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 1999 (13:40)", "body": "Northern"}, {"response": 747, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 1999 (13:54)", "body": "Aurora"}, {"response": 748, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 1999 (15:21)", "body": "Borealis"}, {"response": 749, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 1999 (15:36)", "body": "Australis"}, {"response": 750, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (07:33)", "body": "Under"}, {"response": 751, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (12:26)", "body": "Cover"}, {"response": 752, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (19:35)", "body": "Story"}, {"response": 753, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 1999 (20:02)", "body": "Tale"}, {"response": 754, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (09:29)", "body": "Childrens"}, {"response": 755, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (11:33)", "body": "Museum"}, {"response": 756, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (11:38)", "body": "British"}, {"response": 757, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (12:49)", "body": "Scotish"}, {"response": 758, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (15:41)", "body": "tartan"}, {"response": 759, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (16:46)", "body": "plaid"}, {"response": 760, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 1999 (17:59)", "body": "Kilt"}, {"response": 761, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 30, 1999 (09:35)", "body": "Scottish"}, {"response": 762, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 30, 1999 (20:56)", "body": "Highland"}, {"response": 763, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 31, 1999 (09:34)", "body": "Mall"}, {"response": 764, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Dec 31, 1999 (12:19)", "body": "]\\strip"}, {"response": 765, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan  3, 2000 (11:23)", "body": "tease"}, {"response": 766, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jan  3, 2000 (12:52)", "body": "tickle ,"}, {"response": 767, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Jan  4, 2000 (22:32)", "body": "giggle"}, {"response": 768, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jan  4, 2000 (23:05)", "body": "wiggle"}, {"response": 769, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (11:36)", "body": "squiggle"}, {"response": 770, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (12:56)", "body": "squid"}, {"response": 771, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (16:05)", "body": "arms"}, {"response": 772, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan  9, 2000 (09:08)", "body": "race"}, {"response": 773, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan  9, 2000 (13:13)", "body": "marathon"}, {"response": 774, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (12:56)", "body": "another one"}, {"response": 775, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (13:13)", "body": "(Yay!!!) fallen arches"}, {"response": 776, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (13:33)", "body": "ruins"}, {"response": 777, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (13:50)", "body": "archaeology"}, {"response": 778, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (14:14)", "body": "mummy"}, {"response": 779, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (14:32)", "body": "Sarcophagus"}, {"response": 780, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (15:49)", "body": "gold"}, {"response": 781, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (15:59)", "body": "cloisenn\ufffd"}, {"response": 782, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (16:01)", "body": "ear-rings (well I've got them anyway!)"}, {"response": 783, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (16:52)", "body": "milky way"}, {"response": 784, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (17:10)", "body": "chocolate"}, {"response": 785, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 11, 2000 (17:57)", "body": "fudge"}, {"response": 786, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (08:45)", "body": "calories"}, {"response": 787, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (12:41)", "body": "heat"}, {"response": 788, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (12:47)", "body": "exhaustion"}, {"response": 789, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (13:21)", "body": "prostrate"}, {"response": 790, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (14:39)", "body": "prayer"}, {"response": 791, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Feb 12, 2000 (16:26)", "body": "altar (I was wondering if one of our male posters would come in and post \"gland\" after the one above. They have one and do not know how to spell it! *lol*)"}, {"response": 792, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (13:33)", "body": "(we seem to be in here on our own at the moment - where is everybody??) lamb"}, {"response": 793, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Feb 13, 2000 (16:38)", "body": "(They have real lives instead of virtual ones?) chop"}, {"response": 794, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (12:38)", "body": "(oh dear, does that me I am a SAD person *grin*) guillotine"}, {"response": 795, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (14:09)", "body": "(Nevah!) Doctor"}, {"response": 796, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (14:54)", "body": "faustus (ors omething like that spelling)"}, {"response": 797, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 14, 2000 (16:42)", "body": "demonic (spelt correctly, my dear!)"}, {"response": 798, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (09:48)", "body": "possession"}, {"response": 799, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (12:16)", "body": "Priceless"}, {"response": 800, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (12:47)", "body": "credit card ads"}, {"response": 801, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (12:56)", "body": "bankrupcy"}, {"response": 802, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (13:01)", "body": "debtless"}, {"response": 803, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (13:14)", "body": "freedom!"}, {"response": 804, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (13:43)", "body": "sunshine"}, {"response": 805, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (14:21)", "body": "suntan"}, {"response": 806, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (16:03)", "body": "melanoma"}, {"response": 807, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (16:51)", "body": "malignant"}, {"response": 808, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (17:19)", "body": "tumor"}, {"response": 809, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 15, 2000 (18:36)", "body": "lump"}, {"response": 810, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Feb 16, 2000 (12:10)", "body": "breast"}, {"response": 811, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 16, 2000 (12:15)", "body": "remove"}, {"response": 812, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 16, 2000 (12:16)", "body": "Stace, are you ok?"}, {"response": 813, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (17:41)", "body": "pace [I had something cut out of my back a couple years ago, a mark that could have changed.]"}, {"response": 814, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Feb 21, 2000 (18:33)", "body": "(OMG...she mentioned she has breast cancer genes on both sides of her family...) somber"}, {"response": 815, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2000 (15:48)", "body": "concerned"}, {"response": 816, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2000 (19:34)", "body": "worried"}, {"response": 817, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (00:15)", "body": "troubled"}, {"response": 818, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 23, 2000 (12:43)", "body": "distressed"}, {"response": 819, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Feb 25, 2000 (16:31)", "body": "Naked"}, {"response": 820, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (10:06)", "body": "Darcy *giggle*"}, {"response": 821, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (11:52)", "body": "*blush* Handsome"}, {"response": 822, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (12:43)", "body": "(what are you on? - can I have some?) bear"}, {"response": 823, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (13:56)", "body": "(I can do this on imagination...you DO know me...*lol*) male"}, {"response": 824, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (13:58)", "body": "furry"}, {"response": 825, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (14:00)", "body": "bunny (that's not rude in US english is it? I do try and be careful *grin*)"}, {"response": 826, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (14:03)", "body": "(Not that I know of...) hopper"}, {"response": 827, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (15:17)", "body": "bopper"}, {"response": 828, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (15:42)", "body": "teeny"}, {"response": 829, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (15:55)", "body": "weeny"}, {"response": 830, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (15:57)", "body": "bikini"}, {"response": 831, "author": "Tracy", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (16:36)", "body": "impossible"}, {"response": 832, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (16:54)", "body": "atomic"}, {"response": 833, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (16:55)", "body": "dream"}, {"response": 834, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (16:56)", "body": "visionary"}, {"response": 835, "author": "Tracy", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (16:57)", "body": "Vision-On (sad)"}, {"response": 836, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (17:05)", "body": "???"}, {"response": 837, "author": "Tracy", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (17:17)", "body": "(Sorry Marcia my mind went wierd for a moment it was a 70's TV prog aimed at Deaf children in view of your confusion how about) enigma"}, {"response": 838, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (17:18)", "body": "parabola"}, {"response": 839, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar  8, 2000 (19:02)", "body": "hyperbola"}, {"response": 840, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar  9, 2000 (14:08)", "body": "(i'm lost - too erudite for me! he he) pagoda"}, {"response": 841, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Mar  9, 2000 (15:57)", "body": "incensed"}, {"response": 842, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar  9, 2000 (18:37)", "body": "fragrant"}, {"response": 843, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (15:44)", "body": "(expensive) scent"}, {"response": 844, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (15:50)", "body": "perfumed"}, {"response": 845, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (15:50)", "body": "lavender bag"}, {"response": 846, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (15:58)", "body": "sachet"}, {"response": 847, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:03)", "body": "handkerchief"}, {"response": 848, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:05)", "body": "gloves"}, {"response": 849, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:15)", "body": "handkerchief"}, {"response": 850, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:16)", "body": "well, I did not post that twice... velvet"}, {"response": 851, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:18)", "body": "silk"}, {"response": 852, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:20)", "body": "lingerie"}, {"response": 853, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:22)", "body": "lace"}, {"response": 854, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:23)", "body": "BAttenberg"}, {"response": 855, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:24)", "body": "Chantilly"}, {"response": 856, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 10, 2000 (16:25)", "body": "handmade"}, {"response": 857, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (01:36)", "body": "chocolates!"}, {"response": 858, "author": "Tracy", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (03:04)", "body": "temptation"}, {"response": 859, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (06:08)", "body": "Impression [Hey, where do all those folks come from! Great, is this place getting more lively or what?!]"}, {"response": 860, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (13:30)", "body": "dent"}, {"response": 861, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Mar 11, 2000 (14:02)", "body": "depression"}, {"response": 862, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Mar 12, 2000 (03:38)", "body": "regression"}, {"response": 863, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 12, 2000 (18:47)", "body": "backward"}, {"response": 864, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (06:40)", "body": "forward"}, {"response": 865, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (14:03)", "body": "march"}, {"response": 866, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (17:55)", "body": "waltz"}, {"response": 867, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (18:35)", "body": "Viennese"}, {"response": 868, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 13, 2000 (18:35)", "body": "Straight line"}, {"response": 869, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (00:45)", "body": "bee-line"}, {"response": 870, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (12:59)", "body": "haste"}, {"response": 871, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (13:14)", "body": "paste"}, {"response": 872, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (13:39)", "body": "wax"}, {"response": 873, "author": "Tracy", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (13:46)", "body": "lyrical"}, {"response": 874, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (14:06)", "body": "Poetic"}, {"response": 875, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (14:50)", "body": "literary"}, {"response": 876, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (15:51)", "body": "license"}, {"response": 877, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (22:04)", "body": "driving"}, {"response": 878, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 14, 2000 (22:28)", "body": "cattle"}, {"response": 879, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (01:49)", "body": "egret"}, {"response": 880, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (11:34)", "body": "plumes"}, {"response": 881, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (12:41)", "body": "peacocks"}, {"response": 882, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (14:10)", "body": "feathers"}, {"response": 883, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (14:54)", "body": "tickle"}, {"response": 884, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (17:05)", "body": "sneeze"}, {"response": 885, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 15, 2000 (17:29)", "body": "bless you!"}, {"response": 886, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (14:49)", "body": "father"}, {"response": 887, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (14:52)", "body": "Son"}, {"response": 888, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (15:03)", "body": "daughter"}, {"response": 889, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (15:32)", "body": "sister"}, {"response": 890, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (15:54)", "body": "brother"}, {"response": 891, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (16:44)", "body": "fraternity"}, {"response": 892, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 17, 2000 (16:45)", "body": "ring"}, {"response": 893, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (11:35)", "body": "circle"}, {"response": 894, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (14:37)", "body": "hoop"}, {"response": 895, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (14:43)", "body": "hips"}, {"response": 896, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (14:54)", "body": "rose"}, {"response": 897, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (14:56)", "body": "attar"}, {"response": 898, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (15:43)", "body": "fragrance"}, {"response": 899, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (16:07)", "body": "lily of the valley"}, {"response": 900, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (16:11)", "body": "(my favorite flower) Spring"}, {"response": 901, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (16:20)", "body": "daffodils (mine)"}, {"response": 902, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (16:33)", "body": "Welsh"}, {"response": 903, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (16:42)", "body": "leeks"}, {"response": 904, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 18, 2000 (17:27)", "body": "draig goch"}, {"response": 905, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Mar 19, 2000 (04:32)", "body": "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (I can say it too!)(Saint Mary's Church in the hollow of the white hazel near a rapid whirlpool and the church of saint Tysilo of the red cave. - Yes, I knew you knew that!)(check out http://www.nwi.co.uk/llanfair/ )"}, {"response": 906, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 19, 2000 (13:16)", "body": "Croeso! I have a photo of me standing by this train station sign in North Wales. It really does exist."}, {"response": 907, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Mar 19, 2000 (13:27)", "body": "Iyechyd da!"}, {"response": 908, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 19, 2000 (14:38)", "body": "Welsh dictionary (to let the others in on this - cannot find your comment in my dictionary llychd = dusty and da= good, or cattle) Soup (going back to the leeks)"}, {"response": 909, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Mar 19, 2000 (20:54)", "body": "(Mae'n ddrwg gen i (sorry), Iechyd da! (cheers!)) kitchen"}, {"response": 910, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (14:17)", "body": "(See, I know just enough to get into trouble...! Gonna remember those! thanks.) manager"}, {"response": 911, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (14:54)", "body": "(legacy of a welsh boyfriend!) mother"}, {"response": 912, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (15:07)", "body": "(ah....I wondered! mine is from study...*sigh* ...druther have it your way!) comforter"}, {"response": 913, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (15:12)", "body": "blanket"}, {"response": 914, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (15:49)", "body": "soft"}, {"response": 915, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (16:08)", "body": "eider"}, {"response": 916, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (16:20)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 917, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (16:23)", "body": "fluff"}, {"response": 918, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (16:40)", "body": "chick"}, {"response": 919, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (16:42)", "body": "duckling"}, {"response": 920, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (17:29)", "body": "gosling"}, {"response": 921, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Mar 20, 2000 (18:33)", "body": "cygnet"}, {"response": 922, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Mar 26, 2000 (13:10)", "body": "river"}, {"response": 923, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Mar 26, 2000 (16:28)", "body": "Thames"}, {"response": 924, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (00:09)", "body": "River."}, {"response": 925, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (04:30)", "body": "rowing"}, {"response": 926, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (06:48)", "body": "boat."}, {"response": 927, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (09:57)", "body": "regatta"}, {"response": 928, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (18:26)", "body": "crew"}, {"response": 929, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (22:17)", "body": "J"}, {"response": 930, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 27, 2000 (23:15)", "body": "class (I used to do Portsmouth handicapping at regattas)"}, {"response": 931, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (00:23)", "body": "school (we're in the middle of regatta season)"}, {"response": 932, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (00:29)", "body": "fish (all year round here!)"}, {"response": 933, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (00:31)", "body": "rod"}, {"response": 934, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (00:37)", "body": "reel"}, {"response": 935, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (00:44)", "body": "lure"}, {"response": 936, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (08:51)", "body": "fishing"}, {"response": 937, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 28, 2000 (15:07)", "body": "bait"}, {"response": 938, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (03:00)", "body": "lure"}, {"response": 939, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (05:56)", "body": "lorelei"}, {"response": 940, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (16:28)", "body": "siren"}, {"response": 941, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (00:05)", "body": "police"}, {"response": 942, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (13:29)", "body": ""}, {"response": 943, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 30, 2000 (13:37)", "body": "cruiser"}, {"response": 944, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Apr  5, 2000 (15:59)", "body": "squad car"}, {"response": 945, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Apr  5, 2000 (16:02)", "body": "flat hat"}, {"response": 946, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr  5, 2000 (17:24)", "body": "uniform"}, {"response": 947, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Apr  5, 2000 (17:32)", "body": "parity"}, {"response": 948, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr  5, 2000 (18:10)", "body": "equality"}, {"response": 949, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Apr  5, 2000 (18:20)", "body": "liberty"}, {"response": 950, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 11, 2000 (13:45)", "body": "justice"}, {"response": 951, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 11, 2000 (13:54)", "body": "Holmes"}, {"response": 952, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Apr 11, 2000 (16:33)", "body": "violin"}, {"response": 953, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 11, 2000 (18:34)", "body": "fiddling"}, {"response": 954, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Thu, Apr 13, 2000 (15:43)", "body": "whistling"}, {"response": 955, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Apr 13, 2000 (20:13)", "body": "dixie"}, {"response": 956, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 13, 2000 (23:51)", "body": "cups"}, {"response": 957, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 14, 2000 (00:13)", "body": "peanutbutter"}, {"response": 958, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Apr 14, 2000 (04:26)", "body": "jam (jelly?)"}, {"response": 959, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Apr 14, 2000 (06:42)", "body": "I thought you might have said chicks, Marci. traffic"}, {"response": 960, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Apr 14, 2000 (07:51)", "body": "(why chicks??) cops"}, {"response": 961, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 14, 2000 (23:56)", "body": "Thought of it but refrained because it seemed to be a dead end sorta word *grin* (they are a pop rock group... of some pulchritude according to what I hear...) Police (guys, but a rock group, nonetheless. Promise next time not to disappoint...)"}, {"response": 962, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Apr 17, 2000 (18:13)", "body": "Sting"}, {"response": 963, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 17, 2000 (19:06)", "body": "operation"}, {"response": 964, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (09:26)", "body": "medical"}, {"response": 965, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (13:13)", "body": "malpractice"}, {"response": 966, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (17:30)", "body": "lawyer"}, {"response": 967, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (17:43)", "body": "Philadelphia"}, {"response": 968, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (17:52)", "body": "cream cheese"}, {"response": 969, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (19:20)", "body": "cheese cake"}, {"response": 970, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (20:47)", "body": "dairy"}, {"response": 971, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 19, 2000 (22:39)", "body": "milk"}, {"response": 972, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Apr 20, 2000 (08:07)", "body": "cream"}, {"response": 973, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 20, 2000 (11:22)", "body": "whipped"}, {"response": 974, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Apr 20, 2000 (23:16)", "body": "beaten"}, {"response": 975, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 21, 2000 (19:21)", "body": "meringue"}, {"response": 976, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Apr 21, 2000 (19:25)", "body": "tango"}, {"response": 977, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 21, 2000 (19:28)", "body": "Fandango"}, {"response": 978, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 21, 2000 (19:28)", "body": "Waltz"}, {"response": 979, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (06:57)", "body": "minuet"}, {"response": 980, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (09:31)", "body": "duet"}, {"response": 981, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (13:31)", "body": "pair"}, {"response": 982, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (16:25)", "body": "duo"}, {"response": 983, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (16:42)", "body": "tandem"}, {"response": 984, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (17:10)", "body": "axle"}, {"response": 985, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 22, 2000 (19:29)", "body": "bearings"}, {"response": 986, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Apr 23, 2000 (02:40)", "body": "wheel"}, {"response": 987, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 23, 2000 (13:50)", "body": "spinning"}, {"response": 988, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Apr 26, 2000 (18:35)", "body": "turning"}, {"response": 989, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Apr 26, 2000 (18:50)", "body": "changing"}, {"response": 990, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 26, 2000 (21:31)", "body": "metamorphosis"}, {"response": 991, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Apr 27, 2000 (05:47)", "body": "change"}, {"response": 992, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 27, 2000 (21:51)", "body": "transformer"}, {"response": 993, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Apr 28, 2000 (07:53)", "body": "inductance"}, {"response": 994, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 28, 2000 (13:17)", "body": "(Hoped you'd take it this direction) electomotive"}, {"response": 995, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (10:35)", "body": "force"}, {"response": 996, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 30, 2000 (14:25)", "body": "motion"}, {"response": 997, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (08:51)", "body": "movement"}, {"response": 998, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (14:15)", "body": "oscillation"}, {"response": 999, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, May  1, 2000 (14:24)", "body": "vacillation"}, {"response": 1000, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, May 27, 2000 (04:46)", "body": "indecision"}, {"response": 1001, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 27, 2000 (20:18)", "body": "procrastination"}, {"response": 1002, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, May 28, 2000 (17:36)", "body": "delay"}, {"response": 1003, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 28, 2000 (17:42)", "body": "syncopate"}, {"response": 1004, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, May 28, 2000 (17:44)", "body": "rhythm"}, {"response": 1005, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 28, 2000 (18:56)", "body": "& Blues"}, {"response": 1006, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, May 29, 2000 (07:53)", "body": "Antones"}, {"response": 1007, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 29, 2000 (11:09)", "body": "(oh dear...) Soul"}, {"response": 1008, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Jun  3, 2000 (12:04)", "body": "filet"}, {"response": 1009, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  3, 2000 (12:32)", "body": "ornamental"}, {"response": 1010, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Jun  3, 2000 (12:34)", "body": "decorative"}, {"response": 1011, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Jun  3, 2000 (13:16)", "body": "aethestic"}, {"response": 1012, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  3, 2000 (13:45)", "body": "Yosemite"}, {"response": 1013, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Jun  4, 2000 (07:55)", "body": "Sam"}, {"response": 1014, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  4, 2000 (17:11)", "body": "(seems we did this before...with the same response) Miner"}, {"response": 1015, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Jun  6, 2000 (04:41)", "body": "pick"}, {"response": 1016, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Jun  6, 2000 (17:38)", "body": "choose"}, {"response": 1017, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Jun  6, 2000 (18:09)", "body": "snooze"}, {"response": 1018, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun  6, 2000 (23:57)", "body": "nap"}, {"response": 1019, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Jun  9, 2000 (08:28)", "body": "velvet"}, {"response": 1020, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jun  9, 2000 (09:49)", "body": "curtain"}, {"response": 1021, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun  9, 2000 (11:18)", "body": "draw"}, {"response": 1022, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Jun 10, 2000 (07:25)", "body": "paint"}, {"response": 1023, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun 10, 2000 (22:44)", "body": "canvas"}, {"response": 1024, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun 10, 2000 (22:45)", "body": "http://thomaspaquette.com/"}, {"response": 1025, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sun, Jun 11, 2000 (09:31)", "body": "website"}, {"response": 1026, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 11, 2000 (12:06)", "body": "(check it out! He is a friend of mine) Graphics"}, {"response": 1027, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Jun 16, 2000 (16:47)", "body": "pix"}, {"response": 1028, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 16, 2000 (19:46)", "body": "landscapes"}, {"response": 1029, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Jun 17, 2000 (03:30)", "body": "watercolour"}, {"response": 1030, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun 17, 2000 (23:53)", "body": "gouache"}, {"response": 1031, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Jun 19, 2000 (09:59)", "body": "pastel"}, {"response": 1032, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Jun 19, 2000 (12:00)", "body": "blue"}, {"response": 1033, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 19, 2000 (15:39)", "body": "celestial"}, {"response": 1034, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Jun 19, 2000 (16:50)", "body": "heavenly"}, {"response": 1035, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 19, 2000 (17:21)", "body": "angelic"}, {"response": 1036, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Jun 20, 2000 (16:09)", "body": "cherub"}, {"response": 1037, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Jun 20, 2000 (17:04)", "body": "baby"}, {"response": 1038, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 20, 2000 (18:59)", "body": "soft"}, {"response": 1039, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, Jun 21, 2000 (05:21)", "body": "hands"}, {"response": 1040, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Wed, Jun 21, 2000 (07:46)", "body": "on"}, {"response": 1041, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 22, 2000 (00:57)", "body": "experience"}, {"response": 1042, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Jun 22, 2000 (08:42)", "body": "happening"}, {"response": 1043, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 22, 2000 (22:00)", "body": "event"}, {"response": 1044, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Jun 26, 2000 (16:28)", "body": "occurance"}, {"response": 1045, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 26, 2000 (18:14)", "body": "diamonds"}, {"response": 1046, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Jun 26, 2000 (18:25)", "body": "adamant"}, {"response": 1047, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 26, 2000 (19:09)", "body": "unchangeable"}, {"response": 1048, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 26, 2000 (06:16)", "body": "immutable"}, {"response": 1049, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 26, 2000 (19:28)", "body": "eternal"}, {"response": 1050, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, Aug 27, 2000 (03:54)", "body": "immortal"}, {"response": 1051, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 27, 2000 (14:14)", "body": "Deathless"}, {"response": 1052, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Aug 28, 2000 (04:49)", "body": "zombie"}, {"response": 1053, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Mon, Aug 28, 2000 (12:08)", "body": "mask"}, {"response": 1054, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug 28, 2000 (13:53)", "body": "hide"}, {"response": 1055, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, Aug 28, 2000 (14:29)", "body": "inscrutable"}, {"response": 1056, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  7, 2000 (19:05)", "body": "arcane"}, {"response": 1057, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Sep  9, 2000 (07:19)", "body": "mysterious"}, {"response": 1058, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 28, 2000 (23:51)", "body": "puzzlement"}, {"response": 1059, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep 28, 2000 (23:54)", "body": "enigma"}, {"response": 1060, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:01)", "body": "puzzle"}, {"response": 1061, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:57)", "body": "Sphinx"}, {"response": 1062, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (15:02)", "body": "Egypt"}, {"response": 1063, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 27, 2001 (00:13)", "body": "Obelisk"}, {"response": 1064, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Jan 30, 2001 (07:56)", "body": "monument"}, {"response": 1065, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (08:58)", "body": "Washington"}, {"response": 1066, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  3, 2001 (23:58)", "body": "DC"}, {"response": 1067, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, May  6, 2001 (19:47)", "body": "sleaze"}, {"response": 1068, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May  6, 2001 (23:26)", "body": "bag"}, {"response": 1069, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, May  7, 2001 (21:03)", "body": "lady"}, {"response": 1070, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  7, 2001 (22:44)", "body": "woman"}, {"response": 1071, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Mon, May  7, 2001 (23:25)", "body": "passion"}, {"response": 1072, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  9, 2001 (02:41)", "body": "heat"}, {"response": 1073, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  9, 2001 (10:12)", "body": "generation"}, {"response": 1074, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  9, 2001 (12:23)", "body": "x"}, {"response": 1075, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Wed, May  9, 2001 (21:09)", "body": "film"}, {"response": 1076, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  9, 2001 (23:16)", "body": "movie"}, {"response": 1077, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:46)", "body": "kisses"}, {"response": 1078, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:47)", "body": "(sorry, but I got all sentimental in here tonight reading stuff from May 4th. I need a reminder to check here more often!)"}, {"response": 1079, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (13:10)", "body": "wine"}, {"response": 1080, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (14:18)", "body": "Chablis"}, {"response": 1081, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (16:06)", "body": "Chardonnay"}, {"response": 1082, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (21:07)", "body": "bouquet"}, {"response": 1083, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (12:41)", "body": "nose"}, {"response": 1084, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (13:12)", "body": "pin"}, {"response": 1085, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (16:58)", "body": "hat"}, {"response": 1086, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (18:11)", "body": "sombrero"}, {"response": 1087, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (20:58)", "body": "cap"}, {"response": 1088, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (17:55)", "body": "fez"}, {"response": 1089, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (20:56)", "body": "pez"}, {"response": 1090, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 30, 2001 (20:07)", "body": "Collections"}, {"response": 1091, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (09:05)", "body": "ebay"}, {"response": 1092, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (14:49)", "body": "diddled"}, {"response": 1093, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (15:31)", "body": "daddled"}, {"response": 1094, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (15:37)", "body": "dangled"}, {"response": 1095, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (16:36)", "body": "(No...can't say that......) doodled"}, {"response": 1096, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (03:12)", "body": "(giggle) paint"}, {"response": 1097, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (12:45)", "body": "brush"}, {"response": 1098, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (14:10)", "body": "bristles"}, {"response": 1099, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (16:31)", "body": "needles"}, {"response": 1100, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  3, 2001 (23:25)", "body": "Hot!"}, {"response": 1101, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Tue, Sep  4, 2001 (02:42)", "body": "Mali"}, {"response": 1102, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  4, 2001 (08:30)", "body": "island"}, {"response": 1103, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 10, 2001 (20:18)", "body": "Hawaii =)"}, {"response": 1104, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 16, 2002 (16:05)", "body": "hula"}, {"response": 1105, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 18, 2002 (18:33)", "body": "ukulele"}, {"response": 1106, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (15:04)", "body": "banjo."}, {"response": 1107, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (16:02)", "body": "pickin'"}, {"response": 1108, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "grinnin'"}, {"response": 1109, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 19, 2002 (19:07)", "body": "kissin'"}, {"response": 1110, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (06:47)", "body": "cousin"}, {"response": 1111, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (14:18)", "body": "relationship"}, {"response": 1112, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (14:33)", "body": "couple"}, {"response": 1113, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "date"}, {"response": 1114, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (17:04)", "body": "nut"}, {"response": 1115, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (23:23)", "body": "case"}, {"response": 1116, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 20, 2002 (23:30)", "body": "cigarette"}, {"response": 1117, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar 21, 2002 (04:11)", "body": "cigar"}, {"response": 1118, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Mar 21, 2002 (11:34)", "body": "smoke"}, {"response": 1119, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar 21, 2002 (13:02)", "body": "fire"}, {"response": 1120, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Mar 21, 2002 (13:12)", "body": "men"}, {"response": 1121, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar 21, 2002 (13:33)", "body": "women"}, {"response": 1122, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 21, 2002 (14:26)", "body": "neuter"}, {"response": 1123, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Mar 22, 2002 (21:15)", "body": "spay"}, {"response": 1124, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 22, 2002 (21:24)", "body": "doggone!"}, {"response": 1125, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "BowWow"}, {"response": 1126, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:38)", "body": "candy"}, {"response": 1127, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Mar 28, 2002 (18:49)", "body": "jelly beans"}, {"response": 1128, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (08:52)", "body": "ju ju bees"}, {"response": 1129, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (11:02)", "body": "dots"}, {"response": 1130, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (11:33)", "body": "points"}, {"response": 1131, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (11:56)", "body": "score"}, {"response": 1132, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (16:38)", "body": "game"}, {"response": 1133, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (16:41)", "body": "play"}, {"response": 1134, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 1135, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 29, 2002 (19:37)", "body": "bat"}, {"response": 1136, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Mar 30, 2002 (08:33)", "body": "man"}, {"response": 1137, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 30, 2002 (19:08)", "body": "Adam"}, {"response": 1138, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Mar 30, 2002 (20:07)", "body": "Eve"}, {"response": 1139, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr  1, 2002 (12:15)", "body": "Dallas"}, {"response": 1140, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  1, 2002 (14:36)", "body": "Houston"}, {"response": 1141, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr  1, 2002 (18:11)", "body": "Texas"}, {"response": 1142, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr  2, 2002 (07:00)", "body": "Austin"}, {"response": 1143, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (13:59)", "body": "Steve"}, {"response": 1144, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (16:33)", "body": "(I don't KNOW anybody named Steve)"}, {"response": 1145, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr  5, 2002 (16:46)", "body": "(me neither) (btw- Hi Marcia! *hug*)"}, {"response": 1146, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (15:24)", "body": "(*hugs* Esbee!!) Steve... Lawrence"}, {"response": 1147, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "Edie"}, {"response": 1148, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (17:51)", "body": "Gourmet (taking a little license for the sake of continuance of this topic)"}, {"response": 1149, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "food"}, {"response": 1150, "author": "TheMaharaja", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (20:05)", "body": "viands (I hope I know what I'm doing)"}, {"response": 1151, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (20:26)", "body": "staples (you do!)"}, {"response": 1152, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (20:41)", "body": "papers"}, {"response": 1153, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (22:57)", "body": "peepers"}, {"response": 1154, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (23:05)", "body": "spring"}, {"response": 1155, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr  6, 2002 (23:28)", "body": "winter"}, {"response": 1156, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (00:09)", "body": "Olympics"}, {"response": 1157, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (06:24)", "body": "athletes"}, {"response": 1158, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (14:47)", "body": "competition"}, {"response": 1159, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (17:50)", "body": "sports"}, {"response": 1160, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (18:53)", "body": "arena"}, {"response": 1161, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (20:23)", "body": "stadium"}, {"response": 1162, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  7, 2002 (21:21)", "body": "blanket"}, {"response": 1163, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (08:32)", "body": "statement"}, {"response": 1164, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (10:57)", "body": "lawyer"}, {"response": 1165, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (12:35)", "body": "money"}, {"response": 1166, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "dollars"}, {"response": 1167, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (13:25)", "body": "cents"}, {"response": 1168, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (17:12)", "body": "copper"}, {"response": 1169, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (17:47)", "body": "brass"}, {"response": 1170, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr  8, 2002 (18:10)", "body": "tuba (so glad to see this going again)!"}, {"response": 1171, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (08:27)", "body": "trombone"}, {"response": 1172, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (16:24)", "body": "tambourine"}, {"response": 1173, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (16:56)", "body": "stevie nicks"}, {"response": 1174, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (17:58)", "body": "fleetwood mac"}, {"response": 1175, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (19:44)", "body": "Rock"}, {"response": 1176, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr  9, 2002 (21:08)", "body": "paper"}, {"response": 1177, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (00:24)", "body": "scissors"}, {"response": 1178, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (04:34)", "body": "rock"}, {"response": 1179, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (16:05)", "body": "roll"}, {"response": 1180, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "hop"}, {"response": 1181, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "sack"}, {"response": 1182, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (18:54)", "body": "potato chips"}, {"response": 1183, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 10, 2002 (19:42)", "body": "dip"}, {"response": 1184, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (11:26)", "body": "drip"}, {"response": 1185, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (12:40)", "body": "drop"}, {"response": 1186, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (12:47)", "body": "rain"}, {"response": 1187, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (13:33)", "body": "drizzle"}, {"response": 1188, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (16:44)", "body": "monsoon"}, {"response": 1189, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (17:20)", "body": "wet"}, {"response": 1190, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 11, 2002 (19:16)", "body": "suit"}, {"response": 1191, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (05:45)", "body": "tie"}, {"response": 1192, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (09:40)", "body": "strangle"}, {"response": 1193, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (11:11)", "body": "choke"}, {"response": 1194, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 12, 2002 (19:19)", "body": "pedal"}, {"response": 1195, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 14, 2002 (09:22)", "body": "bike"}, {"response": 1196, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Apr 14, 2002 (09:56)", "body": "harley"}, {"response": 1197, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 14, 2002 (11:47)", "body": "davidson"}, {"response": 1198, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (10:20)", "body": "ericson"}, {"response": 1199, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (11:05)", "body": "Leif"}, {"response": 1200, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (13:09)", "body": "tree"}, {"response": 1201, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (16:32)", "body": "ash"}, {"response": 1202, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (17:15)", "body": "volcanoes!"}, {"response": 1203, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (17:28)", "body": "KABOOM!"}, {"response": 1204, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 15, 2002 (19:16)", "body": "boom"}, {"response": 1205, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (09:59)", "body": "bang"}, {"response": 1206, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (12:24)", "body": "whimper"}, {"response": 1207, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (12:28)", "body": "cry"}, {"response": 1208, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (13:44)", "body": "sob"}, {"response": 1209, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (14:56)", "body": "story"}, {"response": 1210, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (18:58)", "body": "soaps"}, {"response": 1211, "author": "elizh", "date": "Tue, Apr 16, 2002 (20:53)", "body": "up"}, {"response": 1212, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (09:39)", "body": "down"}, {"response": 1213, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (10:11)", "body": "town"}, {"response": 1214, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (12:00)", "body": "London"}, {"response": 1215, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (14:24)", "body": "Paris"}, {"response": 1216, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (14:48)", "body": "Venice"}, {"response": 1217, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (15:40)", "body": "Canals"}, {"response": 1218, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (16:07)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 1219, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (18:18)", "body": "ocean"}, {"response": 1220, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (18:24)", "body": "sail"}, {"response": 1221, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (18:34)", "body": "boat"}, {"response": 1222, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 17, 2002 (20:31)", "body": "paddle"}, {"response": 1223, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (07:50)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 1224, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (09:41)", "body": "bat"}, {"response": 1225, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (13:19)", "body": "cave"}, {"response": 1226, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "men"}, {"response": 1227, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (19:20)", "body": "handsome"}, {"response": 1228, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 18, 2002 (19:47)", "body": "ugly"}, {"response": 1229, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 19, 2002 (13:47)", "body": "sucker"}, {"response": 1230, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 19, 2002 (14:30)", "body": "lollie pop"}, {"response": 1231, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr 20, 2002 (04:58)", "body": "sweet"}, {"response": 1232, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr 20, 2002 (15:12)", "body": "sour"}, {"response": 1233, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr 20, 2002 (15:49)", "body": "puss"}, {"response": 1234, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr 20, 2002 (21:07)", "body": "cat"}, {"response": 1235, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 20, 2002 (23:35)", "body": "call"}, {"response": 1236, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Apr 21, 2002 (09:32)", "body": "ring"}, {"response": 1237, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 21, 2002 (15:17)", "body": "bell"}, {"response": 1238, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 21, 2002 (22:39)", "body": "round"}, {"response": 1239, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 21, 2002 (23:09)", "body": "robin (Terry, why can't I telnet?)"}, {"response": 1240, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (05:28)", "body": "You have to use ssh. round"}, {"response": 1241, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (09:45)", "body": "square"}, {"response": 1242, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (12:16)", "body": "root"}, {"response": 1243, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (12:28)", "body": "bulb"}, {"response": 1244, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (12:34)", "body": "tulip"}, {"response": 1245, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (12:57)", "body": "Dutch"}, {"response": 1246, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (13:53)", "body": "Windmill"}, {"response": 1247, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (14:07)", "body": "Don Quixote"}, {"response": 1248, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (14:10)", "body": "Donovan Quick"}, {"response": 1249, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (17:01)", "body": "quick and the dead"}, {"response": 1250, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (17:03)", "body": "Louie Lamour"}, {"response": 1251, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "Lonesome Dove"}, {"response": 1252, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:05)", "body": "plains"}, {"response": 1253, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:09)", "body": "Indians"}, {"response": 1254, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 22, 2002 (18:21)", "body": "Cleveland"}, {"response": 1255, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (02:18)", "body": "Ohio"}, {"response": 1256, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (14:33)", "body": "flat"}, {"response": 1257, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (16:15)", "body": "London"}, {"response": 1258, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "Bridge"}, {"response": 1259, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "falling"}, {"response": 1260, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 23, 2002 (18:58)", "body": "landing"}, {"response": 1261, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (01:26)", "body": "crash"}, {"response": 1262, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (12:12)", "body": "ouch"}, {"response": 1263, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (14:08)", "body": "band-aid"}, {"response": 1264, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (18:39)", "body": "kool-ade!"}, {"response": 1265, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (20:03)", "body": "acid test"}, {"response": 1266, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 24, 2002 (21:27)", "body": "electric"}, {"response": 1267, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:20)", "body": "company"}, {"response": 1268, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:49)", "body": "platoon"}, {"response": 1269, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (14:51)", "body": "uniform"}, {"response": 1270, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (15:36)", "body": "identical"}, {"response": 1271, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (15:43)", "body": "twins"}, {"response": 1272, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "marcia!"}, {"response": 1273, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (17:53)", "body": "Friend"}, {"response": 1274, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (18:00)", "body": "Confidante"}, {"response": 1275, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (18:10)", "body": "trustee"}, {"response": 1276, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 25, 2002 (19:53)", "body": "*blush* will"}, {"response": 1277, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (10:55)", "body": "testament"}, {"response": 1278, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (11:18)", "body": "new"}, {"response": 1279, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (12:04)", "body": "old"}, {"response": 1280, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (12:20)", "body": "wise"}, {"response": 1281, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (13:46)", "body": "smart"}, {"response": 1282, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (15:52)", "body": "sting"}, {"response": 1283, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:15)", "body": "bee"}, {"response": 1284, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:24)", "body": "Quilting"}, {"response": 1285, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:28)", "body": "stitch-and-bitch"}, {"response": 1286, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:35)", "body": "scratch-and-sniff"}, {"response": 1287, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (16:45)", "body": "lick"}, {"response": 1288, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (18:54)", "body": "stamp"}, {"response": 1289, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (20:11)", "body": "tattoo"}, {"response": 1290, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Apr 26, 2002 (22:25)", "body": "rose"}, {"response": 1291, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (12:01)", "body": "garden"}, {"response": 1292, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (14:44)", "body": "compost"}, {"response": 1293, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (15:37)", "body": "pile"}, {"response": 1294, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (17:55)", "body": "atomic"}, {"response": 1295, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (22:05)", "body": "bomb"}, {"response": 1296, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Apr 27, 2002 (22:43)", "body": "beetle"}, {"response": 1297, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (05:58)", "body": "bug"}, {"response": 1298, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (10:38)", "body": "flu"}, {"response": 1299, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (12:24)", "body": "cold"}, {"response": 1300, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (15:47)", "body": "climate"}, {"response": 1301, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (16:59)", "body": "weather"}, {"response": 1302, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "climate"}, {"response": 1303, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (19:52)", "body": "environment"}, {"response": 1304, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 28, 2002 (20:32)", "body": "global"}, {"response": 1305, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (09:41)", "body": "warming"}, {"response": 1306, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (12:13)", "body": "climate"}, {"response": 1307, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (12:44)", "body": "weather"}, {"response": 1308, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "(here we go again!) balloon"}, {"response": 1309, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "pop!"}, {"response": 1310, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (19:58)", "body": "weasel"}, {"response": 1311, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Apr 29, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "spinning"}, {"response": 1312, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (09:36)", "body": "wheel"}, {"response": 1313, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (14:13)", "body": "turning"}, {"response": 1314, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:00)", "body": "lathe"}, {"response": 1315, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:30)", "body": "wood"}, {"response": 1316, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:31)", "body": "pecker"}, {"response": 1317, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:55)", "body": "woodie"}, {"response": 1318, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (18:56)", "body": "*blush* as in woodie wood pecker of course!!"}, {"response": 1319, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Apr 30, 2002 (19:32)", "body": "*ahem* *giggle* cartoon"}, {"response": 1320, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (09:38)", "body": "*still laughing* Mickey"}, {"response": 1321, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (10:23)", "body": "Mouse"}, {"response": 1322, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (10:36)", "body": "house"}, {"response": 1323, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (13:49)", "body": "home"}, {"response": 1324, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (15:15)", "body": "garden"}, {"response": 1325, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:37)", "body": "HGTV!"}, {"response": 1326, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:50)", "body": "satellite"}, {"response": 1327, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:51)", "body": "(*laughing* -great minds Wolf!) :-) decorating"}, {"response": 1328, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:53)", "body": "interior"}, {"response": 1329, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (17:56)", "body": "design"}, {"response": 1330, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (20:01)", "body": "architecture"}, {"response": 1331, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (21:10)", "body": "houses"}, {"response": 1332, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  1, 2002 (22:34)", "body": "adobe"}, {"response": 1333, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (05:41)", "body": "home"}, {"response": 1334, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (09:44)", "body": "garden (i think we're going in circles)"}, {"response": 1335, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (12:20)", "body": "plot"}, {"response": 1336, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (12:42)", "body": "novel"}, {"response": 1337, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (13:34)", "body": "book"}, {"response": 1338, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (13:58)", "body": "report"}, {"response": 1339, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (15:07)", "body": "card"}, {"response": 1340, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (15:27)", "body": "shark"}, {"response": 1341, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (19:16)", "body": "bite"}, {"response": 1342, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (19:44)", "body": "crime"}, {"response": 1343, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  2, 2002 (23:24)", "body": "punishment (Once, I asked William what the penalty was for using the same word twice. He said I would find out when I did so and someone caught me.)"}, {"response": 1344, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May  3, 2002 (06:58)", "body": "approbation"}, {"response": 1345, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:23)", "body": "approval"}, {"response": 1346, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (11:22)", "body": "denied"}, {"response": 1347, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (20:46)", "body": "sanctuary"}, {"response": 1348, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (06:41)", "body": "haven"}, {"response": 1349, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (12:18)", "body": "estuary"}, {"response": 1350, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (12:26)", "body": "tidal"}, {"response": 1351, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (13:52)", "body": "wave"}, {"response": 1352, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (17:16)", "body": "rest"}, {"response": 1353, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (17:44)", "body": "vacation"}, {"response": 1354, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (21:44)", "body": "Hawaii *;)"}, {"response": 1355, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (08:20)", "body": "Honolulu"}, {"response": 1356, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (09:43)", "body": "crowded"}, {"response": 1357, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (09:47)", "body": "overpopulated"}, {"response": 1358, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (10:10)", "body": "NYC"}, {"response": 1359, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (12:46)", "body": "stocks"}, {"response": 1360, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (13:06)", "body": "bonds"}, {"response": 1361, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (13:21)", "body": "ties"}, {"response": 1362, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:02)", "body": "neck"}, {"response": 1363, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "adam's apple"}, {"response": 1364, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:59)", "body": "drag queen"}, {"response": 1365, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (21:15)", "body": "gay"}, {"response": 1366, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (00:25)", "body": "frivolity"}, {"response": 1367, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:06)", "body": "romper room"}, {"response": 1368, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (17:39)", "body": "mirror"}, {"response": 1369, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (19:01)", "body": "reflection"}, {"response": 1370, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (19:28)", "body": "mirror"}, {"response": 1371, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (20:57)", "body": "Alice"}, {"response": 1372, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:49)", "body": "Wonderland"}, {"response": 1373, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:52)", "body": "Alice"}, {"response": 1374, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (09:56)", "body": "The Brady Bunch"}, {"response": 1375, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (11:34)", "body": "tv"}, {"response": 1376, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (11:39)", "body": "land"}, {"response": 1377, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (17:27)", "body": "lubber"}, {"response": 1378, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May  8, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "blubber"}, {"response": 1379, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (09:48)", "body": "cry"}, {"response": 1380, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (13:36)", "body": "baby"}, {"response": 1381, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (14:51)", "body": "doll"}, {"response": 1382, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (14:55)", "body": "toy"}, {"response": 1383, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (20:02)", "body": "store"}, {"response": 1384, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "sale"}, {"response": 1385, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (20:46)", "body": "yard"}, {"response": 1386, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:34)", "body": "stick"}, {"response": 1387, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (05:28)", "body": "walking"}, {"response": 1388, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "shoes"}, {"response": 1389, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (13:17)", "body": "socks"}, {"response": 1390, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (13:31)", "body": "cat"}, {"response": 1391, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (14:42)", "body": "mouse"}, {"response": 1392, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (15:05)", "body": "pad"}, {"response": 1393, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (15:08)", "body": "knee"}, {"response": 1394, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (20:24)", "body": "elbow"}, {"response": 1395, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:21)", "body": "bend"}, {"response": 1396, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (10:17)", "body": "backwards"}, {"response": 1397, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (12:21)", "body": "dumb"}, {"response": 1398, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (17:20)", "body": "mute"}, {"response": 1399, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "trumpet"}, {"response": 1400, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (06:41)", "body": "trombone"}, {"response": 1401, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (12:04)", "body": "slide"}, {"response": 1402, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (18:03)", "body": "swing"}, {"response": 1403, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (22:55)", "body": "low"}, {"response": 1404, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (05:59)", "body": "short"}, {"response": 1405, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (09:35)", "body": "tall"}, {"response": 1406, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (09:50)", "body": "big"}, {"response": 1407, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (10:16)", "body": "small"}, {"response": 1408, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (12:58)", "body": "town"}, {"response": 1409, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (13:15)", "body": "country"}, {"response": 1410, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:29)", "body": "music"}, {"response": 1411, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:37)", "body": "Bazouki"}, {"response": 1412, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "kazoo"}, {"response": 1413, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "harmonica"}, {"response": 1414, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:00)", "body": "blow"}, {"response": 1415, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "job"}, {"response": 1416, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:08)", "body": "(You didn't!!!) training"}, {"response": 1417, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "(LOL! -oh, like nobody else immediately thought that!) ;-) learning"}, {"response": 1418, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:46)", "body": "forgetting"}, {"response": 1419, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:38)", "body": "embarrassed"}, {"response": 1420, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (09:34)", "body": "blushing"}, {"response": 1421, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:53)", "body": "coy"}, {"response": 1422, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (15:18)", "body": "boy"}, {"response": 1423, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:41)", "body": "toy"}, {"response": 1424, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:44)", "body": "play"}, {"response": 1425, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "pretend"}, {"response": 1426, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (05:16)", "body": "act"}, {"response": 1427, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (09:38)", "body": "pretend"}, {"response": 1428, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "*laugh* deceive"}, {"response": 1429, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:29)", "body": "masquerade"}, {"response": 1430, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:34)", "body": "mask"}, {"response": 1431, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "mardi gras"}, {"response": 1432, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (21:33)", "body": "lent"}, {"response": 1433, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (05:46)", "body": "loaned"}, {"response": 1434, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (13:12)", "body": "borrow"}, {"response": 1435, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:13)", "body": "books"}, {"response": 1436, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:29)", "body": "stories"}, {"response": 1437, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:13)", "body": "yarns"}, {"response": 1438, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:55)", "body": "sweaters"}, {"response": 1439, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (10:01)", "body": "jumpers"}, {"response": 1440, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "Tigger"}, {"response": 1441, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:58)", "body": "Pooh"}, {"response": 1442, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (14:44)", "body": "bear"}, {"response": 1443, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:03)", "body": "kodiak"}, {"response": 1444, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:13)", "body": "wet"}, {"response": 1445, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (19:58)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 1446, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (16:46)", "body": "falls"}, {"response": 1447, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "drops"}, {"response": 1448, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:58)", "body": "puddles"}, {"response": 1449, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (05:58)", "body": "mud"}, {"response": 1450, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (10:28)", "body": "pie"}, {"response": 1451, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (12:50)", "body": "cherry"}, {"response": 1452, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, May 19, 2002 (14:24)", "body": "pit"}, {"response": 1453, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (09:48)", "body": "hole"}, {"response": 1454, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (16:42)", "body": "crevice"}, {"response": 1455, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (16:55)", "body": "fall"}, {"response": 1456, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (21:58)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 1457, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (05:55)", "body": "wet"}, {"response": 1458, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (09:52)", "body": "shirt"}, {"response": 1459, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (14:44)", "body": "collar"}, {"response": 1460, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "tie"}, {"response": 1461, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:13)", "body": "ribbon"}, {"response": 1462, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:16)", "body": "bow"}, {"response": 1463, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:14)", "body": "present"}, {"response": 1464, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:16)", "body": "birthday"}, {"response": 1465, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "candles"}, {"response": 1466, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:25)", "body": "matches"}, {"response": 1467, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (23:30)", "body": "tennis"}, {"response": 1468, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (06:20)", "body": "racket"}, {"response": 1469, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:55)", "body": "noise"}, {"response": 1470, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (13:58)", "body": "sound"}, {"response": 1471, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "system"}, {"response": 1472, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (16:08)", "body": "solar"}, {"response": 1473, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "flare"}, {"response": 1474, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "aurora"}, {"response": 1475, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (19:42)", "body": "borealis"}, {"response": 1476, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "alaska"}, {"response": 1477, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (20:17)", "body": "baked"}, {"response": 1478, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (05:43)", "body": "fried"}, {"response": 1479, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (11:14)", "body": "chicken"}, {"response": 1480, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (14:58)", "body": "scaredy cat"}, {"response": 1481, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (18:23)", "body": "coward"}, {"response": 1482, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "yeller"}, {"response": 1483, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 24, 2002 (20:55)", "body": "old"}, {"response": 1484, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (18:05)", "body": "antique"}, {"response": 1485, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (18:14)", "body": "timeless"}, {"response": 1486, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (19:15)", "body": "eternal"}, {"response": 1487, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (20:10)", "body": "flame"}, {"response": 1488, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (22:47)", "body": "Olympic"}, {"response": 1489, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May 26, 2002 (08:16)", "body": "games"}, {"response": 1490, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 26, 2002 (14:54)", "body": "cricket"}, {"response": 1491, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May 26, 2002 (18:56)", "body": "grasshopper"}, {"response": 1492, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 26, 2002 (22:55)", "body": "pie"}, {"response": 1493, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (09:17)", "body": "strawberry"}, {"response": 1494, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (11:53)", "body": "rasberry"}, {"response": 1495, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (14:49)", "body": "bush"}, {"response": 1496, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "burning"}, {"response": 1497, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 27, 2002 (23:22)", "body": "Moses"}, {"response": 1498, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (06:14)", "body": "Commandments"}, {"response": 1499, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "Golden Rule"}, {"response": 1500, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (20:30)", "body": "honest"}, {"response": 1501, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (22:00)", "body": "injun"}, {"response": 1502, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (14:33)", "body": "Tom Sawyer"}, {"response": 1503, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (14:38)", "body": "Finn"}, {"response": 1504, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (14:40)", "body": "Becky"}, {"response": 1505, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:29)", "body": "Sunshine"}, {"response": 1506, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:35)", "body": "Rainbows"}, {"response": 1507, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "Spectrum"}, {"response": 1508, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:23)", "body": "prism"}, {"response": 1509, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (22:59)", "body": "geometry"}, {"response": 1510, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (09:43)", "body": "chemistry"}, {"response": 1511, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (13:38)", "body": "biology"}, {"response": 1512, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (16:27)", "body": "Trig"}, {"response": 1513, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (20:15)", "body": "figures"}, {"response": 1514, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (21:25)", "body": "hourglass"}, {"response": 1515, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (08:56)", "body": "sand"}, {"response": 1516, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "desert"}, {"response": 1517, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (10:54)", "body": "bloom"}, {"response": 1518, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (10:59)", "body": "rose"}, {"response": 1519, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (13:39)", "body": "bud"}, {"response": 1520, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (17:34)", "body": "vase"}, {"response": 1521, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:09)", "body": "urn"}, {"response": 1522, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (20:13)", "body": "ashes"}, {"response": 1523, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (15:34)", "body": "dust"}, {"response": 1524, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (22:05)", "body": "bowl"}, {"response": 1525, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (23:42)", "body": "cheerio"}, {"response": 1526, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (06:18)", "body": "howdy"}, {"response": 1527, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (10:16)", "body": "doody"}, {"response": 1528, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (16:33)", "body": "(thanks Wolfie!) brown"}, {"response": 1529, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (16:50)", "body": "UPS"}, {"response": 1530, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (20:23)", "body": "downs"}, {"response": 1531, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (20:48)", "body": "Marlboro"}, {"response": 1532, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (22:07)", "body": "man"}, {"response": 1533, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (22:31)", "body": "gender"}, {"response": 1534, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (05:17)", "body": "gap"}, {"response": 1535, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (09:45)", "body": "Banna Republic"}, {"response": 1536, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (12:30)", "body": "mall"}, {"response": 1537, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (12:37)", "body": "shopping"}, {"response": 1538, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:09)", "body": "charge it!"}, {"response": 1539, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:19)", "body": "buyer's remorse"}, {"response": 1540, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (18:05)", "body": "regret"}, {"response": 1541, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (20:10)", "body": "rue"}, {"response": 1542, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (23:46)", "body": "anemone"}, {"response": 1543, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (07:35)", "body": "sea"}, {"response": 1544, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (10:24)", "body": "shell"}, {"response": 1545, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (11:47)", "body": "beach"}, {"response": 1546, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (11:52)", "body": "blanket"}, {"response": 1547, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (14:13)", "body": "bed"}, {"response": 1548, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (14:52)", "body": "frame"}, {"response": 1549, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (04:05)", "body": "picture"}, {"response": 1550, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (06:29)", "body": "drawing"}, {"response": 1551, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (10:18)", "body": "prize"}, {"response": 1552, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (15:12)", "body": "ribbon"}, {"response": 1553, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (15:28)", "body": "pony tail"}, {"response": 1554, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (17:31)", "body": "pigtail"}, {"response": 1555, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "french braid"}, {"response": 1556, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "twist"}, {"response": 1557, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (05:26)", "body": "shout"}, {"response": 1558, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (09:54)", "body": "scream"}, {"response": 1559, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (10:05)", "body": "yell"}, {"response": 1560, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (11:10)", "body": "yellow"}, {"response": 1561, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (11:11)", "body": "mellow"}, {"response": 1562, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (11:12)", "body": "jello"}, {"response": 1563, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:39)", "body": "cospy"}, {"response": 1564, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "show"}, {"response": 1565, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (20:55)", "body": "(EsBee, I'm so glad you understood what i wrote) Time"}, {"response": 1566, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (02:17)", "body": "tick"}, {"response": 1567, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (11:52)", "body": "tock"}, {"response": 1568, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (12:23)", "body": "clock"}, {"response": 1569, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (12:47)", "body": "watch"}, {"response": 1570, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (15:15)", "body": "stare"}, {"response": 1571, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun  9, 2002 (05:40)", "body": "look"}, {"response": 1572, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jun  9, 2002 (08:46)", "body": "see"}, {"response": 1573, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun  9, 2002 (14:48)", "body": "hear"}, {"response": 1574, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jun  9, 2002 (19:18)", "body": "senses"}, {"response": 1575, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun  9, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "detects"}, {"response": 1576, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun 10, 2002 (09:54)", "body": "surveys"}, {"response": 1577, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun 10, 2002 (17:01)", "body": "assays"}, {"response": 1578, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 10, 2002 (18:25)", "body": "attempts"}, {"response": 1579, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun 11, 2002 (09:21)", "body": "efforts"}, {"response": 1580, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jun 11, 2002 (17:18)", "body": "exertion"}, {"response": 1581, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 12, 2002 (04:00)", "body": "try"}, {"response": 1582, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun 12, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "stab"}, {"response": 1583, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 13, 2002 (05:25)", "body": "cut"}, {"response": 1584, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun 13, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "lop"}, {"response": 1585, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jun 13, 2002 (18:44)", "body": "rabbit"}, {"response": 1586, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (07:07)", "body": "woods"}, {"response": 1587, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (09:29)", "body": "bear"}, {"response": 1588, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (09:52)", "body": "cub"}, {"response": 1589, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (15:25)", "body": "Chicago"}, {"response": 1590, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jun 15, 2002 (03:56)", "body": "Illinois"}, {"response": 1591, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 15, 2002 (20:35)", "body": "midwest"}, {"response": 1592, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 16, 2002 (01:00)", "body": "Micro"}, {"response": 1593, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jun 16, 2002 (05:56)", "body": "small"}, {"response": 1594, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun 16, 2002 (20:46)", "body": "petite"}, {"response": 1595, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun 17, 2002 (08:27)", "body": "tiny"}, {"response": 1596, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 17, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "little"}, {"response": 1597, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (20:05)", "body": "stuart"}, {"response": 1598, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (05:52)", "body": "little"}, {"response": 1599, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (10:42)", "body": "big"}, {"response": 1600, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (12:41)", "body": "large"}, {"response": 1601, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (14:59)", "body": "marge"}, {"response": 1602, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (17:48)", "body": "simpson"}, {"response": 1603, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (17:54)", "body": "Bart"}, {"response": 1604, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (05:44)", "body": "train"}, {"response": 1605, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (09:50)", "body": "trip"}, {"response": 1606, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (10:12)", "body": "vacation"}, {"response": 1607, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (12:05)", "body": "Europe"}, {"response": 1608, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (20:51)", "body": "holiday"}, {"response": 1609, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun 24, 2002 (06:45)", "body": "trip"}, {"response": 1610, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 24, 2002 (21:50)", "body": "stumble"}, {"response": 1611, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (09:31)", "body": "fall"}, {"response": 1612, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (13:52)", "body": "leaves (We are repeating ourselves and no one has vaporized. Good to know!)"}, {"response": 1613, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (14:32)", "body": "trees *i'm... melting....*"}, {"response": 1614, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (06:35)", "body": "shrubs"}, {"response": 1615, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (12:20)", "body": "tubs"}, {"response": 1616, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (12:45)", "body": "hot"}, {"response": 1617, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (15:27)", "body": "cold"}, {"response": 1618, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (15:54)", "body": "chilly"}, {"response": 1619, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (16:14)", "body": "Hot Chocolate"}, {"response": 1620, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "marshmallows"}, {"response": 1621, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (19:19)", "body": "smores"}, {"response": 1622, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (21:23)", "body": "campfire"}, {"response": 1623, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (22:17)", "body": "woods"}, {"response": 1624, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (11:05)", "body": "trees"}, {"response": 1625, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (13:18)", "body": "shrubs"}, {"response": 1626, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (13:38)", "body": "squirrels"}, {"response": 1627, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (13:41)", "body": "raccoons"}, {"response": 1628, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (14:05)", "body": "beavers"}, {"response": 1629, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (14:24)", "body": "dam"}, {"response": 1630, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (10:27)", "body": "levee"}, {"response": 1631, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (21:58)", "body": "river"}, {"response": 1632, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (23:12)", "body": "rapids"}, {"response": 1633, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (23:47)", "body": "grand"}, {"response": 1634, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (10:53)", "body": "large"}, {"response": 1635, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (10:58)", "body": "big"}, {"response": 1636, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (17:31)", "body": "Tom Hanks"}, {"response": 1637, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (17:42)", "body": "castaway"}, {"response": 1638, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (19:05)", "body": "movie"}, {"response": 1639, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (12:24)", "body": "popcorn"}, {"response": 1640, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (18:30)", "body": "peanuts"}, {"response": 1641, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (18:47)", "body": "snoopy"}, {"response": 1642, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "dog"}, {"response": 1643, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (19:07)", "body": "cat"}, {"response": 1644, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (19:11)", "body": "tiger"}, {"response": 1645, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  2, 2002 (19:15)", "body": "feline"}, {"response": 1646, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul  3, 2002 (20:22)", "body": "canine"}, {"response": 1647, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul  4, 2002 (09:49)", "body": "wolf"}, {"response": 1648, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jul  4, 2002 (12:10)", "body": "oooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!"}, {"response": 1649, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul  4, 2002 (13:08)", "body": "cry"}, {"response": 1650, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jul  4, 2002 (18:32)", "body": "sob"}, {"response": 1651, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul  4, 2002 (19:15)", "body": "tear"}, {"response": 1652, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (10:49)", "body": "drop"}, {"response": 1653, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (11:21)", "body": "eye"}, {"response": 1654, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (11:46)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 1655, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (12:48)", "body": "bat"}, {"response": 1656, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (13:51)", "body": "rat"}, {"response": 1657, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (14:12)", "body": "mouse"}, {"response": 1658, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "Mickey"}, {"response": 1659, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul  6, 2002 (02:51)", "body": "McInnis"}, {"response": 1660, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jul  6, 2002 (22:11)", "body": "Guinness"}, {"response": 1661, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jul  7, 2002 (15:21)", "body": "Stout"}, {"response": 1662, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jul  7, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "ale"}, {"response": 1663, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (09:19)", "body": "beer"}, {"response": 1664, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (20:44)", "body": "wine"}, {"response": 1665, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul  9, 2002 (06:31)", "body": "vineyard"}, {"response": 1666, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul  9, 2002 (10:37)", "body": "napa valley"}, {"response": 1667, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul  9, 2002 (11:30)", "body": "sonoma county"}, {"response": 1668, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (10:47)", "body": "California"}, {"response": 1669, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (14:22)", "body": "DisneyLand"}, {"response": 1670, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (14:22)", "body": "Orlando"}, {"response": 1671, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (14:24)", "body": "Miami"}, {"response": 1672, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (14:36)", "body": "Florida"}, {"response": 1673, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (17:51)", "body": "Pensacola"}, {"response": 1674, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (21:05)", "body": "Navy!!!"}, {"response": 1675, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (22:01)", "body": "Army"}, {"response": 1676, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (11:35)", "body": "Air Force"}, {"response": 1677, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (12:57)", "body": "Navy"}, {"response": 1678, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (14:39)", "body": "SEAL"}, {"response": 1679, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (14:43)", "body": "otter"}, {"response": 1680, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (14:45)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 1681, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (09:12)", "body": "wet"}, {"response": 1682, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (10:02)", "body": "suit"}, {"response": 1683, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (11:09)", "body": "tie"}, {"response": 1684, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (11:58)", "body": "cuff links"}, {"response": 1685, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (12:00)", "body": "jewelry"}, {"response": 1686, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "engagement ring"}, {"response": 1687, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (19:42)", "body": "wedding"}, {"response": 1688, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (20:05)", "body": "bells"}, {"response": 1689, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 12, 2002 (21:13)", "body": "whistles"}, {"response": 1690, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jul 14, 2002 (15:11)", "body": "catcalls"}, {"response": 1691, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jul 14, 2002 (18:59)", "body": "boos"}, {"response": 1692, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (11:30)", "body": "hiss"}, {"response": 1693, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (15:54)", "body": "sound"}, {"response": 1694, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (18:15)", "body": "static"}, {"response": 1695, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "electricity"}, {"response": 1696, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "juice"}, {"response": 1697, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (23:20)", "body": "orange"}, {"response": 1698, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (05:01)", "body": "burnt"}, {"response": 1699, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (09:35)", "body": "crayon"}, {"response": 1700, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (11:43)", "body": "color"}, {"response": 1701, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (13:28)", "body": "purple"}, {"response": 1702, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (14:08)", "body": "grape"}, {"response": 1703, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "nehi"}, {"response": 1704, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (22:24)", "body": "panty hose"}, {"response": 1705, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (09:18)", "body": "stockings"}, {"response": 1706, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (12:45)", "body": "garters"}, {"response": 1707, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (12:55)", "body": "belts"}, {"response": 1708, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (13:51)", "body": "belt loops"}, {"response": 1709, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "pocket watch"}, {"response": 1710, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (22:24)", "body": "time"}, {"response": 1711, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (22:56)", "body": "waltz"}, {"response": 1712, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul 18, 2002 (07:13)", "body": "dance"}, {"response": 1713, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 18, 2002 (11:05)", "body": "jitterbug"}, {"response": 1714, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Jul 18, 2002 (14:41)", "body": "rock"}, {"response": 1715, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 18, 2002 (15:58)", "body": "stone"}, {"response": 1716, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 19, 2002 (11:29)", "body": "wall"}, {"response": 1717, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul 19, 2002 (13:55)", "body": "Jackson"}, {"response": 1718, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 19, 2002 (14:43)", "body": "Stonewall"}, {"response": 1719, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul 19, 2002 (14:49)", "body": "War of Northren Aggression"}, {"response": 1720, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Jul 19, 2002 (19:58)", "body": "civil"}, {"response": 1721, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jul 20, 2002 (13:40)", "body": "decent"}, {"response": 1722, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jul 20, 2002 (14:01)", "body": "proper"}, {"response": 1723, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 22, 2002 (16:38)", "body": "correct"}, {"response": 1724, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul 22, 2002 (17:57)", "body": "right"}, {"response": 1725, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 22, 2002 (18:12)", "body": "wrong"}, {"response": 1726, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jul 22, 2002 (18:30)", "body": "bad"}, {"response": 1727, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 22, 2002 (19:16)", "body": "boys"}, {"response": 1728, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (06:20)", "body": "kids"}, {"response": 1729, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (13:21)", "body": "children"}, {"response": 1730, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (14:32)", "body": "youngsters"}, {"response": 1731, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (15:33)", "body": "Romper Room"}, {"response": 1732, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "magic mirror"}, {"response": 1733, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 23, 2002 (21:14)", "body": "alice in wonderland"}, {"response": 1734, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 24, 2002 (08:46)", "body": "looking glass"}, {"response": 1735, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 24, 2002 (11:43)", "body": "Chessire Cat"}, {"response": 1736, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 29, 2002 (21:59)", "body": "grin"}, {"response": 1737, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (08:07)", "body": "smile"}, {"response": 1738, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (16:28)", "body": "happy"}, {"response": 1739, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (19:12)", "body": "on cloud nine"}, {"response": 1740, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (19:33)", "body": "The Whole Nine Yards"}, {"response": 1741, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (19:51)", "body": "kit and caboodle"}, {"response": 1742, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "comprehensive"}, {"response": 1743, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (11:37)", "body": "all-inclusive"}, {"response": 1744, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (12:39)", "body": "seclusive"}, {"response": 1745, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (12:46)", "body": "hidden"}, {"response": 1746, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "hermit"}, {"response": 1747, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (18:48)", "body": "crab"}, {"response": 1748, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (08:03)", "body": "shack"}, {"response": 1749, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (11:29)", "body": "hut"}, {"response": 1750, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (11:32)", "body": "pizza"}, {"response": 1751, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (13:30)", "body": "dinner"}, {"response": 1752, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (14:13)", "body": "party"}, {"response": 1753, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (17:27)", "body": "tea"}, {"response": 1754, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (19:28)", "body": "social"}, {"response": 1755, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:18)", "body": "climber"}, {"response": 1756, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:54)", "body": "ivy"}, {"response": 1757, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (10:59)", "body": "english"}, {"response": 1758, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "spin"}, {"response": 1759, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (16:15)", "body": "cycle"}, {"response": 1760, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (17:38)", "body": "big wheels"}, {"response": 1761, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (22:17)", "body": "proud Mary"}, {"response": 1762, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (22:34)", "body": "rolling on a river!"}, {"response": 1763, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (11:23)", "body": "Mississippi"}, {"response": 1764, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "Huck Finn"}, {"response": 1765, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (18:48)", "body": "Tom Sawyer"}, {"response": 1766, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (19:08)", "body": "Mark Twain"}, {"response": 1767, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "pseudonym"}, {"response": 1768, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (07:29)", "body": "handle"}, {"response": 1769, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (20:23)", "body": "bars"}, {"response": 1770, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (21:04)", "body": "hershey"}, {"response": 1771, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (22:04)", "body": "Kisses"}, {"response": 1772, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Aug  8, 2002 (07:26)", "body": "hugs"}, {"response": 1773, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug  8, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "love"}, {"response": 1774, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  9, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "marriage"}, {"response": 1775, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 10, 2002 (13:06)", "body": "wedding"}, {"response": 1776, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Aug 10, 2002 (14:03)", "body": "church"}, {"response": 1777, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 10, 2002 (17:30)", "body": "bells"}, {"response": 1778, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 11, 2002 (16:40)", "body": "South"}, {"response": 1779, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 13, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "Dixie"}, {"response": 1780, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 13, 2002 (20:27)", "body": "Chicks"}, {"response": 1781, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 13, 2002 (20:44)", "body": "Babes"}, {"response": 1782, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (14:31)", "body": "topic"}, {"response": 1783, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (17:54)", "body": "thesis"}, {"response": 1784, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (18:54)", "body": "pain-in-the-neck"}, {"response": 1785, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (16:50)", "body": "crick"}, {"response": 1786, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Aug 19, 2002 (10:11)", "body": "gene"}, {"response": 1787, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 21, 2002 (21:49)", "body": "wilder"}, {"response": 1788, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Aug 22, 2002 (09:22)", "body": "billy"}, {"response": 1789, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug 22, 2002 (19:10)", "body": "goat"}, {"response": 1790, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (07:34)", "body": "farm"}, {"response": 1791, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (12:06)", "body": "tractor"}, {"response": 1792, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (13:04)", "body": "trailer"}, {"response": 1793, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (13:16)", "body": "trash"}, {"response": 1794, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (13:52)", "body": "white"}, {"response": 1795, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 24, 2002 (12:05)", "body": "fang"}, {"response": 1796, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (08:24)", "body": "white"}, {"response": 1797, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (13:14)", "body": "christmas"}, {"response": 1798, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (17:51)", "body": "tree"}, {"response": 1799, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (18:22)", "body": "tall"}, {"response": 1800, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (12:07)", "body": "boy friend"}, {"response": 1801, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (12:49)", "body": "girl"}, {"response": 1802, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (22:06)", "body": "daughter"}, {"response": 1803, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 27, 2002 (07:01)", "body": "son"}, {"response": 1804, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 27, 2002 (14:28)", "body": "child"}, {"response": 1805, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Aug 27, 2002 (17:15)", "body": "infant"}, {"response": 1806, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 27, 2002 (17:16)", "body": "baby"}, {"response": 1807, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug 28, 2002 (05:18)", "body": "child"}, {"response": 1808, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 28, 2002 (13:26)", "body": "KID"}, {"response": 1809, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 28, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "goat"}, {"response": 1810, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Aug 29, 2002 (09:11)", "body": "billy"}, {"response": 1811, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 29, 2002 (11:02)", "body": "willy"}, {"response": 1812, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 30, 2002 (08:12)", "body": "nilly"}, {"response": 1813, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  1, 2002 (16:05)", "body": "silly!"}, {"response": 1814, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  1, 2002 (16:12)", "body": "funny"}, {"response": 1815, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep  2, 2002 (15:30)", "body": "clown"}, {"response": 1816, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  3, 2002 (13:14)", "body": "scary"}, {"response": 1817, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  3, 2002 (13:31)", "body": "stuff"}, {"response": 1818, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  3, 2002 (14:39)", "body": "'nuff"}, {"response": 1819, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  3, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "said"}, {"response": 1820, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  3, 2002 (17:56)", "body": "spoke"}, {"response": 1821, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (17:13)", "body": "wheel"}, {"response": 1822, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (17:16)", "body": "axel"}, {"response": 1823, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "truck"}, {"response": 1824, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (21:19)", "body": "dodge"}, {"response": 1825, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  5, 2002 (10:56)", "body": "dakota"}, {"response": 1826, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  5, 2002 (12:55)", "body": "south"}, {"response": 1827, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  5, 2002 (13:09)", "body": "north"}, {"response": 1828, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  5, 2002 (20:22)", "body": "pole"}, {"response": 1829, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (07:43)", "body": "fire"}, {"response": 1830, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (11:35)", "body": "fighters"}, {"response": 1831, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (12:58)", "body": "military"}, {"response": 1832, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (15:43)", "body": "intelligence"}, {"response": 1833, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (16:15)", "body": "smart"}, {"response": 1834, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (17:27)", "body": "thinker"}, {"response": 1835, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (19:10)", "body": "degas"}, {"response": 1836, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (15:24)", "body": "ballerinas"}, {"response": 1837, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (19:06)", "body": "dancers"}, {"response": 1838, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  8, 2002 (20:58)", "body": "topless"}, {"response": 1839, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep  9, 2002 (10:43)", "body": "top heavy"}, {"response": 1840, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep  9, 2002 (11:09)", "body": "weight"}, {"response": 1841, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep  9, 2002 (20:58)", "body": "height"}, {"response": 1842, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 11, 2002 (09:00)", "body": "tall"}, {"response": 1843, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 11, 2002 (15:57)", "body": "tale"}, {"response": 1844, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 12, 2002 (07:23)", "body": "story"}, {"response": 1845, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (14:18)", "body": "book"}, {"response": 1846, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (14:25)", "body": "volume"}, {"response": 1847, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "tome"}, {"response": 1848, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 14, 2002 (07:24)", "body": "book"}, {"response": 1849, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 15, 2002 (13:54)", "body": "novel"}, {"response": 1850, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep 15, 2002 (15:59)", "body": "is it me or are we repeating ourselves? the hound of the baskervilles"}, {"response": 1851, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 16, 2002 (12:50)", "body": "paperback"}, {"response": 1852, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep 16, 2002 (20:36)", "body": "writer"}, {"response": 1853, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Sep 18, 2002 (14:23)", "body": "mcartney"}, {"response": 1854, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 18, 2002 (17:57)", "body": "beatles"}, {"response": 1855, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep 19, 2002 (14:50)", "body": "bugs"}, {"response": 1856, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 19, 2002 (20:18)", "body": "Volkswagen"}, {"response": 1857, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 19, 2002 (20:48)", "body": "beetle"}, {"response": 1858, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 20, 2002 (11:20)", "body": "bug (here we go round the mulberry bush...) ;-D"}, {"response": 1859, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 20, 2002 (14:16)", "body": "ant"}, {"response": 1860, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 20, 2002 (16:37)", "body": "grasshopper"}, {"response": 1861, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 21, 2002 (22:10)", "body": "pebble"}, {"response": 1862, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 22, 2002 (09:27)", "body": "stone"}, {"response": 1863, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 22, 2002 (15:54)", "body": "cold"}, {"response": 1864, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 22, 2002 (20:24)", "body": "hot"}, {"response": 1865, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep 23, 2002 (16:23)", "body": "Daniel Day-Lewis"}, {"response": 1866, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 23, 2002 (17:46)", "body": "Indian"}, {"response": 1867, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Sep 24, 2002 (23:03)", "body": "feathers"}, {"response": 1868, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (07:25)", "body": "turkey"}, {"response": 1869, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (15:46)", "body": "cranberries"}, {"response": 1870, "author": "Lizzajaneway", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (16:22)", "body": "cape Cod"}, {"response": 1871, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (18:08)", "body": "lighthouse"}, {"response": 1872, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (20:59)", "body": "Chesapeake Bay"}, {"response": 1873, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (22:07)", "body": "ocean"}, {"response": 1874, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 26, 2002 (23:19)", "body": "Atlantic"}, {"response": 1875, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 27, 2002 (12:56)", "body": "Pacific"}, {"response": 1876, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 27, 2002 (18:08)", "body": "Rim"}, {"response": 1877, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 28, 2002 (09:29)", "body": "hoop."}, {"response": 1878, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep 29, 2002 (11:05)", "body": "ballgown"}, {"response": 1879, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 29, 2002 (13:01)", "body": "tuxedo"}, {"response": 1880, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep 29, 2002 (18:25)", "body": "tails"}, {"response": 1881, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep 29, 2002 (21:07)", "body": "coat"}, {"response": 1882, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 30, 2002 (15:52)", "body": "paint"}, {"response": 1883, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  1, 2002 (05:52)", "body": "ball"}, {"response": 1884, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  1, 2002 (19:25)", "body": "monster"}, {"response": 1885, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct  1, 2002 (19:35)", "body": "ogre"}, {"response": 1886, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (12:43)", "body": "elve"}, {"response": 1887, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "(is that the singular of elves now?) Santa"}, {"response": 1888, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (20:32)", "body": "Christmas"}, {"response": 1889, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (21:47)", "body": "Grinch"}, {"response": 1890, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (09:30)", "body": "stole"}, {"response": 1891, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (10:47)", "body": "abscond"}, {"response": 1892, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (11:26)", "body": "run"}, {"response": 1893, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (13:59)", "body": "off"}, {"response": 1894, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (15:04)", "body": "bugs"}, {"response": 1895, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (16:25)", "body": "beta"}, {"response": 1896, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (19:58)", "body": "alpha"}, {"response": 1897, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (20:04)", "body": "wolves!"}, {"response": 1898, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (03:13)", "body": "foxes"}, {"response": 1899, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (11:15)", "body": "hen house"}, {"response": 1900, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (14:23)", "body": "rooster"}, {"response": 1901, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (17:32)", "body": "chicken"}, {"response": 1902, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (18:51)", "body": "pot pie"}, {"response": 1903, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (22:28)", "body": "tv dinner"}, {"response": 1904, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct  6, 2002 (21:31)", "body": "aluminum foil"}, {"response": 1905, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  6, 2002 (21:51)", "body": "saran wrap"}, {"response": 1906, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct  6, 2002 (22:52)", "body": "Sarandon"}, {"response": 1907, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (16:13)", "body": "Little Women"}, {"response": 1908, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (18:23)", "body": "Little Men"}, {"response": 1909, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (18:41)", "body": "Jo's Boys"}, {"response": 1910, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (19:01)", "body": "girls"}, {"response": 1911, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (19:13)", "body": "Tom Boy's"}, {"response": 1912, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "Tom Sawyer"}, {"response": 1913, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (05:46)", "body": "Huck"}, {"response": 1914, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (18:32)", "body": "Finn"}, {"response": 1915, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (19:34)", "body": "Dorsal"}, {"response": 1916, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (19:48)", "body": "fish"}, {"response": 1917, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (21:19)", "body": "fry"}, {"response": 1918, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (12:43)", "body": "small"}, {"response": 1919, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (13:19)", "body": "fry"}, {"response": 1920, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (17:58)", "body": "terry, do you even read the posts before posting? *laugh* sizzle"}, {"response": 1921, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (18:17)", "body": "I do it fast. snap"}, {"response": 1922, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (18:41)", "body": "crackle (i've been wondering the same thing Wolfie!) ;-)"}, {"response": 1923, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (21:16)", "body": "pop!"}, {"response": 1924, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (06:49)", "body": "cereal"}, {"response": 1925, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (10:43)", "body": "killer"}, {"response": 1926, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (16:24)", "body": "app"}, {"response": 1927, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (20:01)", "body": "software"}, {"response": 1928, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (20:03)", "body": "hardware"}, {"response": 1929, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (20:04)", "body": "tools"}, {"response": 1930, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (20:05)", "body": "hammer"}, {"response": 1931, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (21:10)", "body": "screwdriver"}, {"response": 1932, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 11, 2002 (11:35)", "body": "drunk driver"}, {"response": 1933, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 11, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "MADD"}, {"response": 1934, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 12, 2002 (06:42)", "body": "angry"}, {"response": 1935, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 12, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "raging"}, {"response": 1936, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Oct 13, 2002 (16:12)", "body": "bull"}, {"response": 1937, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 13, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "moose"}, {"response": 1938, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (14:10)", "body": "elk"}, {"response": 1939, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (15:12)", "body": "deer"}, {"response": 1940, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (19:22)", "body": "antlers"}, {"response": 1941, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (21:08)", "body": "horns"}, {"response": 1942, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (22:18)", "body": "bugles"}, {"response": 1943, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (07:27)", "body": "cigarettes"}, {"response": 1944, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (18:57)", "body": "smokes"}, {"response": 1945, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (19:53)", "body": "fire"}, {"response": 1946, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (23:34)", "body": "flames (bugles - cigarettes???)"}, {"response": 1947, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (07:40)", "body": "There are some cigarette papers called buglers."}, {"response": 1948, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (19:58)", "body": "BBQ"}, {"response": 1949, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (20:12)", "body": "grill"}, {"response": 1950, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 17, 2002 (00:21)", "body": "interrogate"}, {"response": 1951, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 17, 2002 (07:07)", "body": "question"}, {"response": 1952, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 17, 2002 (18:08)", "body": "inquiry"}, {"response": 1953, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 17, 2002 (19:23)", "body": "investigation"}, {"response": 1954, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 18, 2002 (21:22)", "body": "aquittal"}, {"response": 1955, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (08:46)", "body": "release"}, {"response": 1956, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (17:55)", "body": "freed"}, {"response": 1957, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "liberated"}, {"response": 1958, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (19:20)", "body": "emancipation"}, {"response": 1959, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (14:40)", "body": "proclamation"}, {"response": 1960, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (18:30)", "body": "decree"}, {"response": 1961, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (18:46)", "body": "writ"}, {"response": 1962, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (20:16)", "body": "law"}, {"response": 1963, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 22, 2002 (07:44)", "body": "suit"}, {"response": 1964, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 22, 2002 (19:31)", "body": "tie"}, {"response": 1965, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 22, 2002 (20:53)", "body": "vest"}, {"response": 1966, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 22, 2002 (21:23)", "body": "invest"}, {"response": 1967, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 23, 2002 (15:55)", "body": "stock market"}, {"response": 1968, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 23, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "Martha"}, {"response": 1969, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 24, 2002 (15:03)", "body": "Mary"}, {"response": 1970, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 24, 2002 (17:23)", "body": "lamb"}, {"response": 1971, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 24, 2002 (23:52)", "body": "chop"}, {"response": 1972, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 25, 2002 (03:19)", "body": "box"}, {"response": 1973, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Oct 25, 2002 (16:00)", "body": "tape"}, {"response": 1974, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 25, 2002 (22:34)", "body": "measure"}, {"response": 1975, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 26, 2002 (14:04)", "body": "scale"}, {"response": 1976, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (09:05)", "body": "fish"}, {"response": 1977, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (12:22)", "body": "net"}, {"response": 1978, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (13:35)", "body": "earnings"}, {"response": 1979, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (16:42)", "body": "report"}, {"response": 1980, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "numbers"}, {"response": 1981, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (17:21)", "body": "figures"}, {"response": 1982, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 28, 2002 (14:23)", "body": "physiques"}, {"response": 1983, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 29, 2002 (06:30)", "body": "bodies"}, {"response": 1984, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 30, 2002 (21:00)", "body": "corpses"}, {"response": 1985, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (08:03)", "body": "crime"}, {"response": 1986, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (15:25)", "body": "passion"}, {"response": 1987, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (15:30)", "body": "heat"}, {"response": 1988, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (16:06)", "body": "wave"}, {"response": 1989, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Nov  1, 2002 (15:32)", "body": "white"}, {"response": 1990, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov  1, 2002 (20:41)", "body": "wedding"}, {"response": 1991, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov  1, 2002 (23:55)", "body": "marriage"}, {"response": 1992, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov  2, 2002 (08:04)", "body": "vows"}, {"response": 1993, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  2, 2002 (20:56)", "body": "promises"}, {"response": 1994, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  3, 2002 (07:16)", "body": "offers"}, {"response": 1995, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov  3, 2002 (21:56)", "body": "acceptances"}, {"response": 1996, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  4, 2002 (08:37)", "body": "speeches"}, {"response": 1997, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Nov  5, 2002 (18:29)", "body": "banquets"}, {"response": 1998, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov  6, 2002 (12:13)", "body": "dinners"}, {"response": 1999, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Nov 21, 2002 (13:41)", "body": "feasts screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 2, "subject": "huh?", "response_count": 81, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (00:19)", "body": "I think it is very doubtful anything that could reasonably be done would change the military balance of power...in 3 or 5 or 10 years."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (00:36)", "body": "I think it is very doubtful that anything that could reasonable be done would change the way shopping trolleys only roll along sideways, and bump into other people."}, {"response": 3, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (00:39)", "body": "If you are just going to echo what I said, I would appreciate it if you would do so first!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (06:31)", "body": "first-first-first! \ufffdSticking my tongue out at you\ufffd"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (14:55)", "body": "tease..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (03:52)", "body": "grumpy old muffin!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (08:49)", "body": "I happen to like my muffins old and grumpy..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (12:57)", "body": "Then Wer's your man! Were you always this Kinky, Mr. Lummoxlet, or have you just finished reading Alice in Wonderland? And where have you been all this time?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (14:13)", "body": "Yes, I have always been this kinky. And no, one is never finished reading Alice in Wonderland. Where have I been? Carpeting the baby's room, etc..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:31)", "body": "You're expecting a baby!!!! Now I remember. I should stay away from you - nearly went ahead and did it the first time you mentioned that baby. So what's happening? Is he/she there yet?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (21:54)", "body": "huh?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:43)", "body": "We're screwed, Wolf."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:55)", "body": "and doesn't it feel soooooo good?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "\ufffdlaughing myself to bits\ufffd Isn't Wer just the most modest person you've ever met where it comes to the subject of screwing??"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (00:46)", "body": "The conclusion is inescapable: Any highly touted \"threat\" my be, in great measure, the product of domestic propaganda campaigns designed to promote and protect this country's military establishment."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "huh? You've got me on that one!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (09:12)", "body": "WE LIVE IN A WONDERFUL WORLD THAT IS FULL OF BEAUTY We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty. Oh, that I had in the wilderness a lodging-place of wayfaring men! Maybe I'm in NAMBLA because I love boys, too. All sorts of explanations will be offered. Our lawyer at that time thought so too. Who was then the gentleman? Did the persecution team also not have reason to know? They said we would appeal it in Washington. We're the Communication People. Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display vision without action. It is a tale told by an idiot for the rest of us. And just what kind of thing does this pitiful overreacting ALWAYS lead to? Hillary Clinton. Secret of the Hidden Master Socrates: the Church has no native and legitimate right to acquire and hold property. The 'New Creature' that bears this advanced genetic trait came early in February, one wintry day. The sacrament of matrimony is something added to the contract and separable from it. More acronyms will be added as time permits. If the system breaks down the consequences will still be very painful. Pseudo-names are no longer acceptable for donation purposes. You are born to die and die you must. You want to think a little before you do that. How did our behavior come to be aligned by symbolization? Those Christians are unworthy to teach and should confine their eagerness at the prospect of new blood . Take control through liberated weirdness. But I respectfully suggest to the President, body language can help you in every aspect of life and business. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is the texture of oranges, we are never so happy or unhappy as we think. War is the unfolding of miscalculations in its beginning as SEX. Let's do it again, White Man! White Woman! Let's Stand Up and Fight! And know where man's fulfillment lies! 9 MILLION souls saved! The swastika's roots can never be forgotten -- you won't be able to abuse your powers! The Ultimate Embodiment of Evil on Earth: any church that ordains fags (a fag church). All we ask is to be let alone several seconds before the maid or matron of honor reaches the chancel steps. At the core of why people resist the vision I bring is FUCKING SLACK, even unto death! I am a god damn visionary of EVIL HOLINESS! I want to make this place so unpleasant that they won't even think about underestimating the taste of the American public. Each victim on our side is worth in the sight of God a thousa d goyim. Passive activity income does not include the following: income for an activity that is not a passive activity. Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction. And thus the native hue of resolution of the credence table (properly laid out) is a rare exception to this rule of thumb. Anybody who's actually in touch with the facts knows that it's people like you who make me wish an asteroid would drop by and plow the whole pipe-dream to smithereens. A brain phase had thus been induced by the musical excitements. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. Thus questions of origins and destinations are mea ingless. I plan to have Gail undergo hypnosis in the near future by a certified psychologist. Most people desperately want to cup those large breasts, raised to the dignity of a sacrament. They swell up. She let out a yelp...don't know why. It should be noted, we take this sensory deprivation for granted as if it were a natural state: the privilege of absurdity; to which no living creature is subject but man only."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "I don't mind having mine cupped...."}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "didn't figure YOU would..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:21)", "body": "yY know me better than I thought."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:22)", "body": "You that is!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (17:17)", "body": "that it is!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:12)", "body": "i say again, huh???"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:51)", "body": "that, we think, is in the interest of stability of the region..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "Ah, I do so enjoy the cupping of breasts (some of which the Wife finally has (however transiently...). That big pregnant belly's kinda sexy, too..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "Ah, I do so enjoy the cupping of breasts (some of which the Wife finally has (however transiently...)). That big pregnant belly's kinda sexy, too..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:32)", "body": "Sorry about that finger-on-the-submit-button-stutter there. Guinness and Codeine tend to mess with the hand/keyboard coordination just a bit."}, {"response": 28, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 24, 1998 (21:24)", "body": "Glad to see your laying off the stuff since your wife can't partake either!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (09:18)", "body": "Yeah, but she gets to ride the Estrogen Roller Coaster first hand in person and I only get a contact high..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:35)", "body": "Sympathies!!!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:48)", "body": "for tommy or his wife?!?!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:55)", "body": "or the baby?"}, {"response": 33, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:33)", "body": "uh oh..."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "The wife for having to ride that emotional rollercoaster until a month or so after the baby is born, but sure as hell for Tommy also, for he probably gets run over every so often!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:07)", "body": "That would be a pleasant change, actually. Currently I'm being scraped along the tracks under the little cart. Oh, to be run over only once per lap!..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "Just be patient, Tommy. About a month or so after the birth, when one stops hurting, one suddenly gets the urge BIG TIME. During that first few run-overs after my first baby was born, I lost all the inhibitions I might have had before - I was just so DESPERATE for sex! And the inhibitions never returned. How long before your baby comes?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:28)", "body": "November 11th, if she's anywhere near being on schedule."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:34)", "body": "That's so soon! And will you be present? Are you excited yet?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "Is this topic dying? Already dead? Anyway: That's so soon! And will you be present? Yes. Are you excited yet? Yes. I'm actually quite looking forward to being a boring little stereotypical suburban fambly..."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:37)", "body": "It may be little and stereotypical and suburban, but I can assure you it is not boring at all. It's great great fun! Babies are the sweetest, strangest little creatures imaginable!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:16)", "body": "The Wife's dilating and effacing! Any time now! Woohoo!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:43)", "body": "Oh, WOW! Let us know as soon as you can! What's he/she going to be called? But not too many details about how cute the baby is, okay? I'm trying my best not to be a third time mother by the time I'm 25!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:04)", "body": "I've got to wonder about this. Here you are talking about how good this experience is, and you don't want to go through it again."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (00:28)", "body": "ha-ha! Good question! And my answer: It's a brilliant experience - that's why I had it twice within two years. And I would love to have another however many children. But I would like to travel the world with them, to take them back to Africa, and do some travelling/working there, so if I carry on having babies for the next fifteen years, I'll be kindda old to do all the stuff I would like to do with them, by the time number 15 is big enough! Not to mention the cash problem, of course...."}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (19:58)", "body": "I wasn't suggesting 15 babies, merely 3 or 4. Besides, in fifteen years you will not be old, just middle-aged. These days old is more in your attitude than in your chronological age. My best example of this cones from almost two centuries ago. Daniel Boone was a mountain man, at a time when the average life expectancy of mountain men was 36yrs. When he made his last trip into the mountains to trap for the winter, camping out in sub-zero weather, and walking 1500 miles round trip from St.Louis, he was 8 . After that trip he retired. When he retired, he was old, not one day earlier. He lived 8 more years before dying of old age. You won't be 82 in 15 years, Riette. You will still be plenty young with a lot of life still ahead of you. Don't limit yourself."}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:00)", "body": "I meant to say that Daniel Boone was 82 when he made his last trip, and then retired."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (04:57)", "body": "I don't limit myself! I am merely realistic. Life in Africa is very very different from here, especially if one isn't just travelling around for fun; you get very very ill (malaria, cholera, sleeping sickness, all sorts of illnesses), you get bitten by very poisonous snakes and scorpions, and in order to survive and to be able to HELP people, you need to be very healthy, to recuperate fast, and have a strong resistance to these things. While I want my children to learn to know Africa as half their her tage, not just a holiday spot, I don't want to make orphans of them while they're young just because of my roaming nature; I don't want to do these things at their cost. That's how I mean it. Also I'd rather have two children and give them all I've got, than have several with whom I won't be able to afford to do these things, and who would then have to grow up in spoiling spoonfeeding Switzerland having there little backsides and manners polished while not giving a damn about the world out there. It i not quantity, but quality that matters. First hand experience rather than black on white - that's how I see it for right or wrong. If I'm lucky enough to be able to roam with them until I'm 90, that would be great, but if I should fail by the time I'm 50 (which is quite possible in those conditions), I'd like for them to be at an age where they'd be able to survive on their own. And don't worry, I don't plan on getting old until the day I die..."}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (04:59)", "body": "By the way, do you have kids, Tim? How old? Girls, boys? Do you also enjoy it?"}, {"response": 49, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "I have one child, a son age 8. I enjoy him very much. I will have to wait to have more, since I am not married at the present time."}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "That sounds practical to me. Do you sometimes take him along on your trips?"}, {"response": 51, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "I can't just yet. Company policy requires him to be twelve. I also do not have custody, and it's going to be difficult to get his mother to agree to it."}, {"response": 52, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "I see - what a pity. Well, just play it nice to her until he's old enough, so she'll at least agree by then. I must go shopping now with my girls, and who knows what lies in store for us today! I'll see you later. GO TO BED, TIM! Night night, sweet dreams."}, {"response": 53, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:38)", "body": "I have to go to sleep shortly, but it's only 2:30 here. Have a nice trip, and try to stay out of Germany, this time. Twice in two days might be hard for him to take. Have a good day, and we'll talk later. BYE"}, {"response": 54, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (01:59)", "body": "It snowed here yesterday!!! So we baked pancakes, and put up the Christmas decorations. I was great, and didn't annoy Chris for once!"}, {"response": 55, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "That is too bad. But a good thing that you did not annoy Chris. I asked you in another conference how the trip was. Sorry to see it cancelled."}, {"response": 56, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "Oh, heck, Life is a long and liveable thing! I must warn you - I could suddenly dissappear; the girls are waking up. We've got bright sunshine today, so I'll take them to the zoo today. No, really! No wandering off this time! I'm not forgiven enough for that!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:29)", "body": "O K I know how precious sunshine is. Enjoy the day, and have a good time at the zoo."}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (10:25)", "body": "How did the trip to the zoo go? Any spontaneous excursions this time? Did the day stay sunny? By the way what is the temperature there?"}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:24)", "body": "Oh, yesterday wasn't so much fun, I'm afraid. Although it's lovely and sunny, it is bloody bloody cold here, and it was horribly windy at the zoo, so we came back after half an hour, and ate McDonald's, went for ice cream at a caf\ufffd, and then we went to see a Rizzi exhibition, which we all adored. So it was fun anyway. And what were you up to today?"}, {"response": 60, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:36)", "body": "So far I've been just on the net. Shortly I'm going over to a friend's house to take her some things she left behind. then it's off to work. I'll tell you more later."}, {"response": 61, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (15:19)", "body": "I called the candy company to inquire about the candy shipment and I'm glad I did. They had the order still in processing, said it would take two weeks. I told them that I can set things up to have an entire armored division from here sent anywhere in Europe within 48 hours, tanks and all. They had better find a faster route. Anyway they will ship out Monday and should be there Wednesday or Thursday. In addition to the chocolate covered cherries, I also sent some pecan pralines. Hope you enjoy them."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "Don't worry about it! But I'm looking forward to them! I'll be buying your stuff as well today....wonder what chocolate I should buy..."}, {"response": 63, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "Surprise me! Really though, you are the best judge of what Switzerland does best. It's like when I decided to send the pralines. Pralines are a tradition in the South, and the best, are made by the same company I got the cherries from I will warn you though, limit yourself on the pralines to 5 or 6 a day . Pecans are a natural laxative, eat too many, and you won't be able to leave the house."}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "ha-ha!!! I'll remember that! I got your chocolates today. Unfortunately I couldn't find the ones I was looking for, and so I took ones that looked interesting. I apologize now, in case they're not good! Now I just have to get the holey cheese on Monday, and it'll be on its way!"}, {"response": 65, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "I have never known anything from Switzerland to be defective in any way. I'm sure that they will be just fine. I'm really looking forward to it."}, {"response": 66, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "What's your favorite swiss cheese, Ree?"}, {"response": 67, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:29)", "body": "Call me ignorant!! I thought there was only one kind of swiss cheese."}, {"response": 68, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:30)", "body": ""}, {"response": 69, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (22:44)", "body": "Oh, you naive man!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (13:01)", "body": "There was not a breach of security as such. It was a case of someone cutting a hole from the outside and facilitating the escape of three of our inmates."}, {"response": 71, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:13)", "body": "That's right. And a yellow ruby ring is the only evidence we have of his actual existence, but we know for sure that this must mean he has at least one finger."}, {"response": 72, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (01:59)", "body": "or toe."}, {"response": 73, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (13:10)", "body": "Hey Stacey, how did you do that trick with the date of you posting? And what's the future like?"}, {"response": 74, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (13:29)", "body": "ummm... did it say 2036?? (I'm telnetting so I don't get to see all the groovy preview posts...)"}, {"response": 75, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 1999 (08:34)", "body": "Yeah, 2036. Cool, you are definitely ahead of the pack (at least as long as none of the other gals come barking at me with dates like 2041 or so. Oh, barking, say - haven't seen Wolf around lately...). So, what's it like in 2036? How was the trip to Europe you did in 1999? Am I still doing something (and did I make it to retirement, or did some non-crucial part give in and the rest followed)? And did I ever get my car rebuilt (that paint job, and all the good stuff, you know)?, Say, can you find out next weeks lottery numbers for me? And did the end of the world really happen, just they'd gotten the date wrong when they told us? Oh, too late! You're back in 1999. Forget above stuff, it's too late (or too early?). Still: Welcome back now."}, {"response": 76, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 1999 (22:11)", "body": "and welcome back yesterday and tomorrow! (just making sure, you know?)"}, {"response": 77, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 1999 (06:16)", "body": ";=}"}, {"response": 78, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (16:20)", "body": "and now I'm really back!!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (18:29)", "body": "AND? What was the future like? Did I make it to retirement? Or did they ca$h in bigtime on that life-in$urance?"}, {"response": 80, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (18:45)", "body": "you faked your own death and cashed in the life insurance to retire..."}, {"response": 81, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 1999 (13:26)", "body": "Wow, but what a smart cat I am! Thanks for telling me (but obviosly, I would have come up with that idea myself), now all I need is a date with that insurance-guy and sign that dotted line! Wow! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 20, "subject": "alt.religion.barfing-yak", "response_count": 81, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "You're being extremely weird today, Tommy. Are you okay? Or just letting it out?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "that answer would be both d) none of the above and e) all of the above (or not...)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:24)", "body": "No idea what to think of all this, that's all."}, {"response": 4, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:14)", "body": "THE CHANGING CONCEPT OF MEMBERSHIP Recruiting Tips: 1.Walk while ye have the light. 2.Please debate on topic and up to Genesis 6 only. 3.Listen to 'John a Logan is the Head Centre'! It's funny! 4.Give them the address where the meetings are held and your mailing address. 5.Give Kelly a perfect example of the importance of a strategic lick, lick, lick. 6.Conform to many norms of behavior. 7.Put the bowl with the ashes on the credence table in front of the wine cruet. 8.Have a way to be destroyed by God within a homogeneous race (You do have to). 9.Ask him if he knows Yogi and Boo-boo. 10.Tell me to put it back in. 11.Move the mouse cursor until 'Settings' is high-lighted. The WASHINGTON POST said the President was shot at 12:30CST. in the 1960s he was assistant to George Lincoln Rockwell. He wanted to induce the American people to all get used to saying 'nigger.' He had to be banished from the realm. One view is that the president may have been killed for multiple reasons. Theory Two: he was demon possessed and took it out in front of other people. We also avoid the appearance of suspicious behavior. Intervention is to be recommended and observed (for the purpose of keeping the white race alive). What do you think of Jews? What am I saying? I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck slavery. The money-laundering operations have likewise drawn in major banks and brokerage houses. The National Alliance is not a Nazi organization. The Swastika was the official symbol of the Thule Society. Some spiritual groups see this bullshit as nirvana. Knowledge must be gained by ourselves. Mankind may supply us with the Super-Duper Saintly Healer Dedicated to an Advanced Understanding of the Paraphysical Manifestations of Everyday Chaos. It has often been said that the function of the symbol is to disclose structures of the real that are inaccessible to empirical observation; inevitably on an innocent baby or a cute little bunny like the rest. Yet it is the Stupid Brain that controls both the holy functions of the Squirt and of Excremeditation. The concept of Slack (an event produced in a human mind) may be magnified for fear of sabotage and terrorism; right, Cedilla? While Thee I seek, what exactly is wrong with you? It's like the Tao. T e main difference is that these devilish bipeds are conscious. Finally we have the WHITE MALE (citizen and slave). The history of all hitherto existing societies is the history of class struggles. We are asking for an offering of $10.00. We will endeavor to explain some of the things the Bible says. We will go in and look. The desert shall rejoice! a new Universal Order will include all races! Meanwhile the Fucktards proliferated in huge numbers. The fact is that at all major turning points in history, Guido sings louder. See, Choate, I am a White Man, and NEVER forget it! Rise up for me against the wicked alien Jehovah! Attack the lies!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:09)", "body": "OHM. OHM. OHM. pass the peyote... medicinal purposes of course."}, {"response": 6, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (19:43)", "body": "man, and i thought i was gonna get to see a barfing yak...."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 25, 1998 (23:43)", "body": "and you may yet, girlie-girl!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "Would make an interesting change from the yakking barf so far...."}, {"response": 9, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (09:11)", "body": "\"My pussy hurts... wah, wah, wah, boo-hoo...\""}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (10:30)", "body": "What's wrong with the cat? One of the dogs attack it?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "No, it's seven months pregnant... :-)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:37)", "body": "ha-ha!!! What is the father?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (11:42)", "body": "cynical..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:20)", "body": "... needs more Guinness?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:25)", "body": "don't we all?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (01:45)", "body": "Geniusses don't need Guinness. Just thought I'd mention it."}, {"response": 17, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:00)", "body": "However, we CAN spell \"geniuses\". Just thought I'd mention it."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:06)", "body": "Good for you!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:59)", "body": "Damn! Another dead topic. Is the war won or something?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (07:35)", "body": "Well, if someone would get on here and post more often..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (16:25)", "body": "that's part of the plan for screwed: lots and lots of topics and activity, but without any substance!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (17:46)", "body": "Dumb Cluck, Patron Saint of White Trash Substance, standing at the doors of hell while smoking a cigarillo with a loon, she steps out of the body of a dream and begins doing some engine work on a Puritan's Harley, guiding the odors to and fro among the skinnydippers who are exchanging freckles with the Riddler. Dumb says, \"Riddle me this, Batman, why do you keep dawdling if you say you're an active brain donor?\" Batman steps out of the body of the same dream, but sinks into an interior monologue that includes the birthmarks of fish crows and the mountain sickness he once found in Doc Severinsen's diary. In the clearing over here is a barber's chair. We ignore it and descend into hell, closing the doors behind us and paying the peasant fare, but heading directly for the first haunted motel we get directions to. As we pass the Bastards of Basic Science, they tell us, \"We are not like other people and do not need them.\" We decided they deserved one moon poem for that, and made craters for them to kneel down in so no one would ever know they rented out twelfth-century Nebraska to Kerouac so he wouldn't show them that the world had been reversed."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:41)", "body": "That's the spirit!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:11)", "body": "Well said. Thanks!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:47)", "body": "You are welcome. \ufffdbarfing and yakking with wagging tail\ufffd"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (12:23)", "body": "tease..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (01:08)", "body": "hussy..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (08:49)", "body": "tart..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:10)", "body": "\ufffdblushing\ufffd You're too kind, really! And how have you been lately, young man? You've been kindda quiet."}, {"response": 30, "author": "tami", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:20)", "body": "How about alt.religion.emacs?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:27)", "body": "How about them Cowboys?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:32)", "body": "?!?!?! That's it, I'm lost. Somebody get me a compass!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:38)", "body": "Sorry. It's a standard conversation starter among Bubbas in Texas. It's assumed that we're all huge fans of American football and evey bigger fans of the Dallas Cowboys. Hence, when one Bubba meets another Bubba and they feel they have to talk about something because they fear silence, one of them is bound to ask, \"How 'bout them Cowboys?\" and then they can prattle on about absolutely nothing while I get exponentially more annoyed because the damn plane is full and I can't move away from the droning idiot and there's still three-and-a-half hours left of this horrible flight and somebody please just bury a knife in my head and put me out of their misery... As to the compass, sorry, I have a great, visceral fear of having any direction in my life..."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:54)", "body": "I see. And GOOD FOR YOU! Direction is boring, screwing is fun!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:02)", "body": "as long as it is in compatible directions..."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (14:50)", "body": "Screwing if fun in any direction!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "It's more fun if it's done in several directions simultaneously."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (00:38)", "body": "OOH! Kinky! I take it you speak from experience?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (22:05)", "body": "Of course, try it while flying an airplane, where you have true three axis control of the direction. A helicopter would be even better, but, I can't fly a helicopter without using both hands at the same time."}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:18)", "body": "I still think the bungee jumping with a vibrator held internally would probably work. you could put the bungee cord on a winch, and start winching up after the first bounce. that way each succeeding bounce would be quicker, and duration between bounces would get shorter..."}, {"response": 41, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:04)", "body": "I thought it was already attached to a wench in this scenario..."}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:11)", "body": "No, No, No, you've got it all wrong, there is a wench on one end, and a winch on the other end."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "ha-ha! You are two very disturbed men, you know that??"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "Well, The opposite of disturbed is lifeless. I greatly prefer disturbed."}, {"response": 45, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "and I usually see myself as well agitated..."}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:27)", "body": "What? Thouroghly mixed up?"}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:05)", "body": "Agitated is good. Disturbed is good. Lifeless is sad."}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "Yea Team!!!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (07:58)", "body": "ha-ha! We're a bunch of crazy heads!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:27)", "body": "Sure are!! But that is the only way to be!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "And this is where I once again have to go! Damn, I only ever get this far! But my kids are up, and I promised them we'd go for ice-cream this morning before lessons, and then to the library to get them some pop-up books to read. So it's going to be a pretty conventional day, but fun - I love ice-cream! I'll see you later then, Tim."}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "Ok Riette, talk to you later on. Bye for now. Enjoy the ice cream and the library. Let me know how it went when you come back. And, page me when you come back. The first page worked."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:36)", "body": "The library was good - we found some funny books! The one is about numbers, and will help with today's first afternoon lesson, which Isa is quite excited about. Hope you're having a nice day too."}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:53)", "body": "Riette, I'm having a great day. Had breakfast, and now I'm waiting for the rest of the world to wake up."}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (12:58)", "body": "What did you have for breakfeast - I mean, how much food does it take to get that gigantic frame of yours going on a morning?"}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:14)", "body": "I eat pretty light Riette. If I ate everything that I could eat I'd gain weight very rapidly. I just had a couple of sandwiches, and some pickled okra."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "What's that??"}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (09:53)", "body": "Riette, okra is a vegetable, shaped somewhat like a jalapeno pepper, and about the same size."}, {"response": 59, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:29)", "body": "yeah, they use it in gumbo, or fry it up, unfortunately, in gumbo, it's pretty slimy--eeeuwwww, gross!!"}, {"response": 60, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "Hence the name, GUM-bo?"}, {"response": 61, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (12:48)", "body": "Riette, I've often wondered about that. It does seem appropriate."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "Exactly. Do you like eating slimy things?"}, {"response": 63, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "I love raw oysters and okra gumbo, Riette. However, until I wrote this, I never thought of eating them together."}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:52)", "body": "I've never had oysters, would you believe? As a child I was so allergic to fish that I couldn't eat it at all. But somehow my second pregnancy took care of that to a certain extent. I had my first lobster about 4 months ago - I loved it! So maybe i'll try the oysters too some time."}, {"response": 65, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:09)", "body": "Riette, If you don't try them before you get here, I know a couple of places near here that serve them."}, {"response": 66, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "I was hoping you'd say that!"}, {"response": 67, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "Well then, Riette, we shall plan on eating oysters anyway."}, {"response": 68, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "And pray we find some pearls hidden inside!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:09)", "body": "Well now, if you want freshwater pearls, I can take you to a pearl diver and we can buy some!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:14)", "body": "I don't really wear pearls myself - they make me look like a snob. I'd love to find one to sell though. Because they're expensive things!"}, {"response": 71, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:17)", "body": "You'll probably want a couple of these. freshwater pearls come in every color of the rainbow."}, {"response": 72, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:10)", "body": "Really?? Like what colours? I've never heard of that!"}, {"response": 73, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:15)", "body": "Riette, these are freshwater pearls. The most common color is purple, then pink, blue, green, black, white, yellow, orange, and combinations of these."}, {"response": 74, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "That sounds great! Okay, we can go - I'll buy some to use in my art."}, {"response": 75, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "I did not know you did that kind of art, Riette, I thought you painted."}, {"response": 76, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "I paint mostly, but I like texturing some things - and could use interesting beads particularly well for a painting I'm working on."}, {"response": 77, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "Actually, Riette, I didn't know that anybody did that."}, {"response": 78, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:01)", "body": "Wonder how the bead painting of Riette's turned out?"}, {"response": 79, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 27, 2001 (00:21)", "body": "Wonder how Law School is going..."}, {"response": 80, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Jan 30, 2001 (07:56)", "body": "Yeah, what's up with our wild and wonderful Ree Ree?"}, {"response": 81, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (09:00)", "body": "either she has been too busy for us (*GASP*) or she has been lurking using the public URL. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 21, "subject": "The World Will End Tomorrow", "response_count": 32, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (20:10)", "body": "Tommy, if I understood a damned thing you say, you would really frighten me."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "Bull$hit, the world will not end tomorrow."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "The world will end tomorrow. You're welcome. The Caretaker of the Continuum (CotC)"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:25)", "body": "The world will not end tomorrow, and anyone who thinks it will, is going to make a heck of a fool of himself."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (10:14)", "body": "depends upon why one believes that, no?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (10:27)", "body": "and, anyway, this public service is being provided by the ULC Inquisition"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (13:56)", "body": "Oh Jesus! Why do people believe they KNOW when the world is going to end? Please tell me, because I would LOVE to hear this - the kind of motivation, the kind of psychology that sits behind this. In the meantime I'll tell you what I think: I think I read alot of disturbed and disturbing things in this conference today, and I feel angered and anguished when I think that there might be more coming in. I think the sort of secular/fanatic/charismatic/or whatever kind of beliefs that teach people they are 'the chosen ones', that 'the world will end tomorrow', that 'only 7000 or however many people are allowed in heaven', etc. etc. unhealthy and dangerous. There are people in the world who aren't st ong enough by themselves to sit down and think: hey, this is bull$hit - so and so said then and then that the world was going to end, and it didn't, and what in the he\ufffd\ufffd makes them think they know anyway? Is there some new kind of 'dial-an-angel' or 'God-live' service in the yellow pages nowadays? They REALLY believe in these charismatic crackpot morons, and their warped dogmas, because they need to believe in SOMETHING, because they are lonely, because they are afraid, because they ARE IN NEED. But of course they get a load of bull$hit wrapped in pretty paper. And so some of them commit suicide either in anticipation of this false crap, or out of dissappointment when it doesn't happen, or because someone tells them they should. Or alot of emotional damage comes from it. People get hurt. It has NOTHING to do with spirituality or true beliefs, but with fraud and power and greed, and abuse of innocent and sometimes weaker people's deprivations and gullibility. And that is why I WILL discriminate aga nst it. Not ALL people are morons, and I think to try and feed people this nonsense on a conference such as this where there are alot of sane and intelligent people participating, STUPID in itself - because I think most people here are a little bit less gullible than that and might back me up in boycotting topics such as these. I don't come to these conferences to read this sort of crap, and I sure as hell won't tolerate it either. This is not meant against you, Wer, but against those who preach this. Good to know there are still a few atheists left in this world!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:07)", "body": "A DOCUMENT FORGED TO DEFAME A PEOPLE ACTION- THRILLS- SUCCESS in SEX and BUSINESS! to prove this in vast empty spaces? That doesn't explain screwing corpses and babies. There is no peace in the fingerplays that we do. She participates well. She also is not at all necessary. There is something seriously wrong here somewhere. No force on earth can remove it. God is now. Hail Eris! Hail Eris! Let the Goddess be praised! \"My ecstasy that drips forth from your loins.\" We use such terms only as historical and reported references; not as verified identifiable nomenclatures. Their strength is to sit still now and forever. God has given you one face. He spit on me. So hadnt you better get cracking, Established Citizens? But first we must be free from the \"Far-off.\" Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light, from which her weary ovaries promised themselves an awakening, as for centuries we have done. You remember our number! We send these papers out all over the world to communicate with smelly noise, subjected to a great deal of interstellar radiation. Here are a couple things you should know if you are opening a church in your home. There are many ceremonies that take place in churches. That is the cryptic message coming from multiple well-connected sources close to the intelligence community. As a matter of fact he shuffled his feet in a little dance of happiness: \"IA! IA! KUTULU ZI KUR!\" Only purification would do. He plainly can do nothing to protect the people against the oppressions of the government. or even just little nerds with glasses (this a so includes the popular masses and sympathizers). That technique is Bayesian analysis, but there is an underlying faith that sufficient material cause must exist for any event."}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:10)", "body": "the world (as we knew it yesterday) ended last night and, to reiterate... the world will end tomorrow."}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:04)", "body": "you're welcome..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:09)", "body": "Well, that's more like it..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:14)", "body": "or something..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:16)", "body": "...or I'll blow your fucking head off... or not..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:17)", "body": "nite-nite, Tommy..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "No, the world will be no different tonight from this morning. The world of yesterday did not end this morning. A few more bombs, a few more babies are no more significant than getting up on a morning."}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:22)", "body": "the world is VERY different today for those who were born this morning and certainly very different for those who died last night... And, ascertaining of course that were this true, the following would be pertinent... had my child been born this morning the world would also be very different for me today and had my child died last night... would the world not indeed be over?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "But you don't have a child, Stacey! \ufffdsmile\ufffd But seriously. Plenty of people will have been born last night, and plenty will have died at the same time. I don't know who they are, neither do you. It doesn't make any change in the world. And if a child of yours were to be born, or had died, it would begin or end the world for you perhaps, but over all it would carry no importance whatsoever. It is, after all the people we never see or really think of that make up the world of today, isn't it? Not you or me with our snug little houses to live in our lives in which nothing ever REALLY goes wrong, our neat little incomes, and nice clothes to wear, our comfortable, but basically worthless lives. Today's world will have ended tomorrow in that sense if we were to wake up tomorrow, and discover that all the poor people suddenly have plenty; if all the abused people (including those in your classroom) were set free from their tormentors, if JUSTICE were done to their tormentors, if no bombs had been laid and set off, if violence had suddenly stopped e c.etc.etc. Or if everything simply disintegrated. But that will not happen. So I see it more as a topic for philosphy, than a topic for this conference. I don't much like it when people fool around over subjects such as these, whether in the sense that I interpreted it, or the sense that you made out of it; to me that suggests a loss of compassion, humanity if you will. That we're not aware anymore of the tragedy the world we live in has become for some, and that we are not aware of how misleading a concept 'the world will end tomorrow' can be."}, {"response": 18, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:11)", "body": "Ree-head says: it would begin or end the world for you perhaps, EXACTY. The world is only as big as our own brains, hearts and eyeballs in some cases. It is my point that what happens elsewhere doesn't really affect those who aren't around. (sad but true in some cases). That is why (especially when playing devil's advocate) I can say, without remorse or doubt, \"the world will end tomorrow.\""}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:32)", "body": "Sometimes I feel like I live on a different planet from you guys altogether."}, {"response": 20, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:34)", "body": "sometimes I DO live on a different planet... Etherion in the Labrynth Galaxy..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:36)", "body": "Any poor people allowed there?"}, {"response": 22, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:07)", "body": "poor in money??? sure. Just don't be poor in spirit... and love."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:20)", "body": "If you were able to really create this planet for us: would it be capitalist, socialist or communist? (I suppose any planet will turn out to be one of those. And money HAS to be involved, otherwise how would we go on shopping binges?)"}, {"response": 24, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:11)", "body": "If \"I\" were to create it for you, it would be very crowded because I would send ALL of you there so I could finally have this one to myself."}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:27)", "body": "and he would, you know..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:07)", "body": "OOOHH! Trembling in my clothes!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (22:12)", "body": "Well, if the world will end tomorrow, we might as well have fun today!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:18)", "body": "Yep! Just DO IT!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "ANYWHERE.....ANYTIME......SEMPER PARATIS"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "YES YES!! ha-ha, just kidding! When will your world end, Tim?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "When it ends, I want to be caught by surprise. Until then I intend to live life to the fullest and enjoy every single second, and spend as much of that time awake as humanly possible. I do not want to miss anything!!!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (07:59)", "body": "That would be what goes on in my head too. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 22, "subject": "The World Will End Tomorrow", "response_count": 67, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "What in the he\ufffd\ufffd? Tommy, I like you a he\ufffd\ufffd of a lot, but if you're going to start this 'world will end tomorrow' crap here, I'm going to trash you."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "This I've got to see, so hurry it up before the world ends, por favor!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:27)", "body": "The world is not going to bloody end tomorrow!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (07:27)", "body": "What does IOAM stand for, Wer?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (09:24)", "body": "well, if we have to have this topic on the spring, then screwed is the best place for it!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (10:17)", "body": "IAOM is what the Mason's believe to be God's name..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (14:02)", "body": "So, when do you think the world is going to end, Wer? Tomorrow, the next day, two weeks from now? Funny how these dates just move on and on. What could it be? God is taking a nap? Come on, Ray, speak up. When do you think the world is going to end? And one more question: Is this conference going to turn into a Jehova thing now, or what? Because then you should think about changing the name to something like . . . let's see: BULLSHIT?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:39)", "body": "the world will end on October 3, 35982. thank you."}, {"response": 9, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:40)", "body": "this *topic* might turn into a Jehova thing, but the conference won't! i guarantee it!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:13)", "body": "and we've obviously hit a nerve. Ree-head what do non-sensical, albeit pleasurable, comments regarding flesh sandwiches slide down so easily but non-sensical rantings of a certifiable Spring screwatic get your fonduish panties in a knot?!?! (just curious)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:40)", "body": "Ms. Vura, you've seen through me, and far quicker than just about anyone else in my long, bored history with, of course, the notable exception of our beloved WER. I think I probably love you. Or something. Or not... Mr. RatThing, why do my blatherings irk you so? Tell me quickly, please, as The World Will End Tomorrow. You're Welcome."}, {"response": 12, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:45)", "body": "Man, I need to ease up on the Guinness and Codeine (or not). My previous question was intended for Riette, not Senor CosaRaton. At least not consciously, although it's probably safe to assume that my gibbering probably are the fingernails on HIS blackboard as well... By the way, does the October 3, 35982 allow for leap millenia and such?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Fanaticism scares the $hit out of me, that's all. It is exactly the kind of crap my father fed upon - to instill fear in people; it only instilled hatred in me. So forgive me if I react wrongly, it's not something I can laugh off too easily."}, {"response": 14, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (10:46)", "body": "doesn't bother me in the least, CotC, tho i can understand riette's perspective."}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:25)", "body": "were my name and face merely different from my own and my belly round with your child Tommy... you just might love me. but tis trivial as the world shall end tomorrow."}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:28)", "body": "Preach it, my avatarix! (hey, Thomas, me thinks you've got another disciple...)"}, {"response": 17, "author": "REIDLOS", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (15:11)", "body": "just remember that it is better to debate a question without settling it that to settle a question without debating it.......Look what Tommy started (do me a favor Tommy, move the trailer house out from under the power lines)."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:25)", "body": "Hi, James. Are you new here? We debate alot here, but we all like one another enough not to let it get in the way of our friendship. It's great to be here! Did you see all the other conferences we have here too? Check them out, you'll become addicted. Do you like Art?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:25)", "body": "Gee, and I accuse Tommy of being fanatic...."}, {"response": 20, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:50)", "body": "Quite all right. I AM a fanatic."}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:54)", "body": "tis true, as well...if you talk to Michelle anytime soon, tell her Pat really wants to talk to her..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:09)", "body": "So am I Tommy. Trouble is: we're fanatic about matters that clash."}, {"response": 23, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:23)", "body": "I really doubt if she wants to hear about how he wants his money back form buying that piece of shit Acura... No, don't worry, I'll tell her."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:35)", "body": "Doesn't this response belong in 'HUH?' ?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (21:31)", "body": "nope, actually owes her another payment..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (20:31)", "body": "... or else the World Will End Tomorrow!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (22:22)", "body": "Someday, some archaeologist will come across this and wonder which of the lifeforms on this planet were intelligent."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:14)", "body": "I do now..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "Consider yourself ahead of your time."}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (23:35)", "body": "That's already on the list of things that make me different from everybody else..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:19)", "body": "And don't forget the hair."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (16:02)", "body": "What's that? Forget the hair. Is that a new way to say go bald ?"}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "I don't know, honestly! I must have written that during a brief spell of insanity!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:01)", "body": ""}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "Everyone has their moments. Some better some worse. Sanity is like being normal. It's no fun at all."}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:34)", "body": "Riette, if you were normal, the world would be a much duller place. Come to think of it, if all of us were normal the world would be really boring!!! Then again, if we were normal, would we care?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "We'd be too bored and boring to care. I used to think every time I was bored, it was because I had nothing to do. Then I realized one day that the only reason for my boredom was me. When I'm bored, it is because I'm boring."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "I realized the same thing one day on perimeter guard inthe army. There was nothing going on, militarily, and I was bored. At that point I realized that there was a myriad of things going on around me, and all I had was time to watch What a privilege. I was being paid to observe nature for four hours at a time!!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:00)", "body": "And thank goodness the idea came to you! You'd be so BORED otherwise! Did you like the army?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:29)", "body": "I liked a lot of things about the army. There is one place in particular, where I was stationed, that if they had left me there, I'd be there still."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:37)", "body": "Where was that?"}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:56)", "body": "Presidio, Monterey. The language school. The people were wonderful. We students could get away with just about anything, the food was outstanding. Everything was great."}, {"response": 43, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:21)", "body": "But did they have a gym?"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:45)", "body": "Of course, right next to the NCO Club."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (12:59)", "body": "What's a gym? Just kidding! Never been inside one, though."}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:15)", "body": "A gymnasium .A kind of indoor sports arena."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:08)", "body": "That was irony, actually. But don't be offended, please! I won't tease any more, I promise."}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (09:57)", "body": "Don't feel bad, Riette, I did not see the second line in your post until I had already pushed the next topic button. Go ahead and tease! It's one of the things that I like about you. and I like to do it from time to time myself."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "I like it when you tease me too. But I would hate to hurt you by it."}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (12:51)", "body": "Don't worry Riette, even if you get me good, I know that no malice was meant and believe me that makes all the difference in the world."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "Good, and I believe the same of you. Sometimes when my spirits are too high, people mistake my humour for sarcasm, and then I feel like such a jerk."}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "Riette, Believe me, I have been in the same position, and it was no fun."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:53)", "body": "Okay, then we know where we stand. OR sit or lie!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:10)", "body": "Yes Riette!! Whichever is the most comfortable."}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Or appropriate..."}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "Riette, sometimes inappropriate is more interesting. after all, the same people that decide what is normal, decide what is appropriate."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:04)", "body": "Which is highly inapproprate as far as I'm concerned? Haven't we all the right to be free?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:05)", "body": "Oop, the first ? should be a ! Because that silly mistake could make me sound like a silly bitch!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:11)", "body": "Never, Riette. and yes, I think we should all be free."}, {"response": 60, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:15)", "body": "We should all be bad too!"}, {"response": 61, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:18)", "body": "My thoughts exactly, Riette."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:11)", "body": "Really?? But you're so good, so wholesome, so innocent..."}, {"response": 63, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:16)", "body": "Yes, Riette, and all the bears in the woods use a single commode."}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "HAAAAAA!!!! That's so funny! Do they really?"}, {"response": 65, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "Yeah, Riette, the green latrine. It's universal."}, {"response": 66, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "ha-ha!! TEASE!"}, {"response": 67, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "Riette, that was one of the more useful things that they taught in the army. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 23, "subject": "What would you do if the world was going to end tomorrow?", "response_count": 49, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (15:59)", "body": "I'd probably tell you about it and then accept your gratitude. The World Will End Tomorrow. You're Welcome."}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:14)", "body": "Thanks."}, {"response": 3, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:00)", "body": "keep screwing up would be my guess"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "I'd do nothing, because I wouldn't know about it. It would come over me like a big $hit."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:26)", "body": "no need to freshen up pre-apocalypse then..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (22:27)", "body": "Freshening up prior to death is kind of funny, considering what your body does last when you die."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:16)", "body": "assuming, of course, one isn't reanimated..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:33)", "body": "When I said last, I meant immediately after death, before rigor mortis."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:20)", "body": "What DOES it do? Should I even ask?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:59)", "body": "All muscles relax, including the ones controling the bladder and bowels."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Oh my goodness. Like with a sheep!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:17)", "body": "I don't know about that. I've never done a sheep."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "No? Funny - you don't seem the kind of guy.....KIDDING! Really!! My brother told me this one: What does an elephant use for a tampon? A sheep. What do you think of that?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:54)", "body": "HA HA HA HA HA HA NEARLY FELL OUT OF THE CHAIR!!! I'm going to have to call that one in to the local radio station. joke of the day. I wonder if the sheep likes it?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "I found it rather hysterical too. For him it must have been pants-fillingly funny, because he says the thought hit him when he was driving to a friend's farm, and saw sheep along the road; they were marked with red dye.... To see that would've killed me, I swear!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:55)", "body": "It took me a while to answer this one. I literally fell out of the chair! That's really good!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (16:08)", "body": "In the conference on virtual communities we were talking about the symbolism of sheep and grass. The upshot was that sheep existed for non vegetarians to eat. I guess that we\"ll be eating Elephant tampons. Maybe that's why mutton tastes so different."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "That's it, now I'm hysterical!!!! I've always wondered what that WILLLD taste was in mutton - elephant period, of course! It all makes sense to me now!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "O. K. We've explained the slightly gamey flavor of mutton, rather satisfactorily I think. However where do we get white wool from? Real fast sheep? Or perhaps from sheep that are too big to fit. I was told that virgin wool comes from sheep that are faster than the shepherd."}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:36)", "body": "Where does all the red wool go?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:13)", "body": "THAT'S why there's always so many red sweaters on any shelf. Look out the next time you go into a shop - there's ALWAYS more red sweaters than other colours. That's because they don't have to dye the wool! And white wool comes from when Mrs Ellie expects her period to come any day, but it doesn't, because Mr. Ellie has been up to all sorts of things. And so the sheep is discarded after a few weeks, and remains an unused tampon, of course."}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:26)", "body": "I'm beginning to worry about this, It's all beginning to make sense. JUST KIDDING!!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:02)", "body": "About what?? It makes perfect sense to me! Especially since I'm wearing a red sweater today. Ha-ha!!!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:33)", "body": "Red wool must be more common over there than it is here. It's my favorite color and it's hard to find clothes that color. Must be, not enough elephants."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:38)", "body": "That will be it! Perhaps you should go shopping for sweaters at the zoo? There are bound to be elephants there!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:58)", "body": "Yes, Riette, they have elephants at the zoo. However they have no sheep. Poor Elephants!!!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:00)", "body": "They have lamas...."}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:17)", "body": "Yes, Indeed Riette. However they have long legs. Might have a tendency to get stuck."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "I think it would be an advantage! Longer strings to pull them out easier. STOP! I'm getting crass, and that's disgusting. But what do you think the elephant would do if the world WAS going to end tomorrow?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:00)", "body": "Riette, I always thought of the tail as the string. If the elephant thought the world was going to end tomorrow, it'd probably round up a herd of sheep."}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:00)", "body": "After all, when you leave, you gotta pack!!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:28)", "body": "ha-ha!! Love it! You are excruciatingly funny!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "Thanks Riette. I try and occasionally I succeed. But the question is what would the sheep do?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "Put on high heel shoes."}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "HA HAA HO HEE HEE Riette, the Idea!!! Can you imagine a flock of sheep in heels?"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:54)", "body": "Absolutely! You wouldn't want to go to heaven looking like a tampon, would you? There are dino's up there!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:12)", "body": "Good point, Riette. However, a sheep would be just a mite small for a dino."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "What? You want the dino to use a grizzly bear? OUCH!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:43)", "body": "Riette, did you ever think that that is the reason that there are no white grizzlys?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:13)", "body": "HA-HA!!!!! You're impossible!!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:19)", "body": "Riette, I do try. and occasionally succeed beyond my expecataions."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:16)", "body": "Occassionally??? You're the most incorrigible character I have ever met!!! (that's a compliment)"}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:19)", "body": "Thank you Riette, Thanks very much"}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:13)", "body": "You're terribly welcome. If the world was going to end tomorrow, and you knew about it - what would you be doing tonight?"}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "Early this evening, I'd be getting off the concorde at Orly. (I know that they changed the name, I just don't know what to) I think You can fill in the rest."}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "You'd go sight seeing?"}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "Uh, Yeah Riette, that would part of it. And what a sight too."}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "Nice hillocks?"}, {"response": 49, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "Very nice, Riette! and well shaped hollows also. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 24, "subject": "so what's with CotC?", "response_count": 53, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (16:08)", "body": "During the processing of tst.repfile, some data was either missing or not recognized. Please check the report file $HOME/parser.log to determine if an error has occurred and any corrective action needs to be taken."}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (19:16)", "body": "Reload Diskette 71, the client software you have loaded appears not to contain the correct screwapi."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (14:01)", "body": "ULC Ministers Are Worth Their Weight In Love and Light Because They Only Believe In Doing That Which is Right."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (01:10)", "body": "EEEEEOUCH! Baby! Praise the Lord!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (10:51)", "body": "Hey! God's really cool! ...there. How's that?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:12)", "body": "Good God, it's good, it's actually good! Reminds me of 'Leap of Faith' - did you ever see that movie? Hysterical stuff."}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:25)", "body": "Steve Martin, right? I kind of liked that movie."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "I LOVED it, it was on TV the other night, and I was in stiches. That guy is SO funny."}, {"response": 9, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (22:37)", "body": "I remember that being a drama! It had humor?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 10, 1998 (02:38)", "body": "It ain't a drama! It is an absolutely hilarious piece of work, depicting people's gullibility concerning charismatic preachers. Towards the end the preacher accidently performs a miracle, and then it's a bit serious when he's scared $hitless by the whole thing, and buggers off. What appealed to me more than anything, was the way he played the preacher, real bull$hitter, just like real life ones, yet showing the viewer the other side of the 'show'. If you go to a pop concert you pay alot of money, and ome back with a smile, or angry for having spent that money. Charismatic preachers, silly bull$hitters as they are, do exactly the same, but send people away with something different: hope. So perhaps it's not as condemnable as it may seem to people like me. In that sense, I learned something, and thought it was a wonderful, funny movie."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 12, 1998 (22:26)", "body": "Anyway, Tommy's baby girl was born last Sunday and came out 21 inches long and weighed in at 8 pounds, 13 ounces... Yep, you guessed it, that makes his daughter's and my daughter's birthdays the same, just 5 years apart..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (03:52)", "body": "WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! That is so great!!! Please give him a big big hug from me, will you, Wer? Is she a pretty little thing? Is he very happy? Is his wife alright?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (08:01)", "body": "Great news! Congrats to Tommy and Tommy YL!!! That's what's up with CotC!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "Actually, I haven't seen them or talked to him, I got his wife on the phone last night. She and the baby, at least, are doing great."}, {"response": 15, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "Terrific news! And does she have a name? (I'm afraid to ask)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:43)", "body": "Cassidy Morgan Smith although she is semi-officially known to the world at large as Stinky. She was born at 23:53 on Sunday the 8th. She was born with a heart murmur you could hear when you walked in the room and had to stay in the hospital until Thursday because her respiration was screwed up (way too fast) but we're home now, she's fine (well, actually she's PERFECT, in my completely detached, unbiased opinion :-} ). She's a moose. It'll only be a couple of ye rs and I'll be having her open jars for me and such as she is now the World's Smallest Lummox (the torch has been passed). So far we have been incredibly lucky. We were told we needed to learn to interpret the various meanings of all her assorted cries, but she only has one: \"Feed me. NOW!\" When she was 3 days old she let us sleep for an uninterrupted four hours and last night 5 and a half. I suppose this shouldn't surprise me since she is, as I believe I mentioned, PERFECT!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (22:33)", "body": "Fantastic!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:25)", "body": "Oh, cool! Didja ever think you'd hear the little lummox talk like this??? ha-ha!! My husband used to go on about these men who talked only babies the minute the little buggers saw their first light - now he NEVER stops, and drives all his old cronies NUTS with girlie anecdotes... We women at least remain cool and realistic. And in that spirit, may I just take a moment to mention the fact that my MEGA PERFECT youngest slept through by the time she was 8 weeks old, the first time being the 9th of December, my 22nd birthday? BEAT THAT, people!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:01)", "body": "Well, It's bye me."}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (16:19)", "body": "It's official then! Elza-Lotte Walton wins the award for most perfect baby by acclaim. There being no one willing to contest the matter."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "Thank you, people, thank you!!! It's all in the genes.....!!! Yeah, yeah, coming from an insomniac mother and a workaholic father....fat chance!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "If it's not genetic then it must be the ideal environment!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:39)", "body": "Including the love given to them by both of their parents."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:14)", "body": "You're a sweet man."}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "Thank you, Riette What I said is true, However"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:03)", "body": "Thank you. oh boy..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:35)", "body": "Riette, The law of averages says that's probably next, you Know."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:42)", "body": "I know. On the other hand, you don't want a woman who suffers from 24hour morning sickness during pregnancy to go to Mexico in your truck, do you???"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:04)", "body": "Riette, how could I have spent six years in EMS if sickness bothered me. In fact of all my crew, sickness bothered me the least. So, guess who had to clean up all the vomit? Don't get me wrong. I would not want you to be sick, because that would put a damper on your enjoyment. But it would not stop me from taking you where you wanted to go. If it got messy inside the truck, oh well, that's what water hoses are for."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:03)", "body": "No, it would be way way way too embarrassing. I also tend to sleep ALOT during pregnance, so I think I'll stay in the clear at least until after the America trip. I don't want to miss out on a minute on ANY of it."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:04)", "body": "BLUH! Bad english! sorry."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:19)", "body": "OK for American, though, Riette. We are a bit less formal, than the english."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "Your greatest virtue. My husband always corrects my English, and then I get mad! But he's right, I guess. If I'm going to speak English, I should do it right."}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:02)", "body": "THAT'S IT RIETTE! When he corrects you, start speaking Afrikaans."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:30)", "body": "I do! I swear at him in Afrikaans! Then he laughs his ar$e off! It's just not fair, is it?"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (12:58)", "body": "OK Riette, I'm going to have to teach you some americanisms. They'll absolutely kill him. Things like: \"nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers\"."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "ha-ha!!! I can just picture it too! I'll remember it. What else?"}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Lets see, Riette. There is the group of, \"It's so hot that...\" Even the lizards are wearing sneakers, The roadrunners are walking, The snakes are on strike. Or... It's colder than the balls on a brass monkey. Actually we probably ought to start a topic for this."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:55)", "body": "Brass monkey weather! ha-ha!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:56)", "body": "In Namibia the drought is so bad the trees run after the dogs."}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:13)", "body": "That is good,Riette!! Real good. You get the idea."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "And the birds fly on their backs, 'cos there's nothing for them to look at on the ground. How's that?"}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "And the grasshoppers have to kneel when they eat grass. They're popping up like anything in my head now!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:45)", "body": "Riette, you are on a roll!! keep putting them down."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:14)", "body": "They're all gone!!! I can't believe I didn't write down all the ones I had yesterday! I forgot them! Damn!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:20)", "body": "Oh no!! Riette, Yours were so good. I hope you can come up with them again."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:17)", "body": "Me too! I wish I could remember them again. You should do another one to get me thinking again."}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:20)", "body": "I'll think of a couple and email them to you."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:14)", "body": "Happily anticipating it!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:14)", "body": "The other ones you sent today had me in stitches! Where do you come up with them???"}, {"response": 51, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:22)", "body": "Those I sent you today were the ones I was thinking of here. But I'll come up with more."}, {"response": 52, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:06)", "body": "They're brilliant! I could never come up with stuff like that! Damn, I have to go now. But I'll see you real soon."}, {"response": 53, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:16)", "body": "Ok Riette, sorry you have to go! see you later. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 25, "subject": "screwed welcomes (stacey)!", "response_count": 59, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (17:15)", "body": "*tentatively* hi."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:07)", "body": "it's a wee bit late for me to screw Stacey hello..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (23:19)", "body": "?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "i think yer dreamin' deary!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:28)", "body": "were you feeling a change in the overall humidity?!?!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:32)", "body": "I don't know about overall, but I have had the occasion to notice a rise in it in localized spots..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:32)", "body": "btw, to whom was your question addressed, Stacey?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:40)", "body": "now that I consider the question, sense could be made in both directions, no? *grin*"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:46)", "body": "don't know as you could call it sense, however it does stir the emotions... *wink*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "(stirring, stirring)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:13)", "body": "thanks, I needed this... how may I be reciprocal?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:36)", "body": "are you still on your hands and knees?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:40)", "body": "ungph-huh"}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:50)", "body": "sounds as if you already have somthing in your mouth..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:54)", "body": "uh-uhh"}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (16:23)", "body": "Well that has to be the longest single stimulation on record!!! O K Guy, you can come up for air anytime now. After all, It's been nearly 3 months!!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (00:06)", "body": ""}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "actually, it's been in the neighborhood of eighteen months..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "O K If you say so. Don't mind me. I was counting from the last posting."}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "count what you want to..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:40)", "body": "It beats counting sheep!!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "You are also an insomniac??"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "Actually I'm not, or maybe I am. I seldom sleep more than two or three hours a night. Because of this I have a lot of friends that are. We call each other at odd hours just for the hell of it."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:06)", "body": "Then you ARE an insomniac, silly! I'd give you my phone number, but if you were to ring very quietly at odd hours, or I'd be reported to the Swiss foreigner police..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:38)", "body": "The Swiss foreigner police? Sounds like the GESTAPO. If I were to call you at odd hours here, It would be during the day over there. Might be interesting."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:46)", "body": "I think of them as the THOUGHT POLICE. I might call you, but I'd hate to think you'd be nervous if I did..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:09)", "body": "I don't think I'd be nervous, Riette. We talk every day,(almost) electronically, anyway. You mean to tell me that Switzerland actually has foreigner police? I thought you were joking. Oh well, the US has it's SS. I guess maybe it\"s not too far fetched."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:11)", "body": "And how! They're a bunch of racist buggers over here. When I was six months pregnant with Isa, they issued me with a notice to leave the country within 24 hours, even though I had been married for 2 months by then. Didn't know WHAT had hit me; they explained it like this when I got on the phone: in order for me to be granted permission to stay here, my husband had to bring me INTO the country first (????!!!). For that I had to go OUT, of course, and wait for an official invitation from them, the 'Fr mdenpolizei' - which would take anything up to 6 months. Imagine! So I got myself a lawyer, who immediately said she knew exactly what it was all about, and please could I give her a photo of myself. Scarcely 3 hours later, the Fremdenpolizei rang me saying that everything was alright, I could stay. Again I didn't know what had hit me, so I phoned the lawyer. Turns out, she went to them, proved to them that although I came from Africa, I was European featured - and that solved the whole problem. I found it unbelievable, and wrote an article about it, which my husband got published in the Tagesanzeiger; they've been trying to get rid of me ever since. I just wish they'd throw me out! It's so absurd having difficulty to stay in a country you don't even like!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:23)", "body": "Unbelievable, Riette! Well, do they really monitor incoming phone calls? I would not want to get you into trouble with the police."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "I don't think so. I don't care anyway. They CAN'T throw me out really - and so their pestering doesn't really bother me; is it my problem if they want to get themselves worked up over something THEY started?? No way! But if you phone me, you'd have to make sure you say all sorts of dubious things just in case they ARE monitoring - I'd LOVE to annoy them like that!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:07)", "body": "That is a very dangerous game, Riette. Suppose I made some reference to a bomb. Someone blows something up. Even 2or3 years from now, we would be prime suspects"}, {"response": 32, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:02)", "body": "Stacey, they caught the Texas Seven right in your backyard? The Coloradans even gave the last two a hospitality suite and 5 minutes of fame."}, {"response": 33, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (09:01)", "body": "But, you will not let them get away, I trust - either one of you!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  3, 2001 (23:59)", "body": "Stacey's in hibernation I think, she's asleep in a Colorado Cave somewhere, maybe we'll see her on the next Survivor? She should audition for this show! She's a tough little cookie."}, {"response": 35, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, May  6, 2001 (19:44)", "body": "Just very busy with Kendall ... now aged 4 weeks and looking bootiful"}, {"response": 36, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, May  6, 2001 (23:27)", "body": "That's great news."}, {"response": 37, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Oct 13, 2002 (23:35)", "body": "and still very busy with Kendall, now aged 18 moonths and still 'bootiful' but also ready to pop with #2 in about four weeks now... I think I could aim for Autumn's bday (in Nov, right?), Zoe's b-day or Paul's anniversary. I will NOT make it until Thanksgiving however! *smiles*"}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 13, 2002 (23:50)", "body": "*Laugh* If I can recall correctly, babies have their own time zone and usually at the least convenient time is what is chosen for their grand entry. We'll be pushing with you! (I'd say pulling, but I suspect pushing might be more useful.) Keep us posted!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (11:10)", "body": "November 18th then, it's settled."}, {"response": 40, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (19:23)", "body": "I rather think Nov. 2 would be preferable! Not only would he/she share my birthday, but also that of two US presidents! (Polk & Harding, for you overachievers)"}, {"response": 41, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (21:08)", "body": "Would Dec 2nd work, that's my birthday. Common, stretch it a little!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (08:54)", "body": "Anytime after Halloween and before Thanksgiving is a possibility HOWEVER, I am inclined toward Autumn's b-day... just for the sheer pleasure of beginning to shed the extra 23 pounds hanging out on my body! As far as help pushing (pulling)... thanks Marcia! Actually pushing is the EASY part IMHO... Kendall took all of three pushes... 11 minutes worth! It was the four days of prodromal labor and 17 hours of post induction labor that really wore me out!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (08:55)", "body": "And Paul... no offense but December 2nd will most definitely NOT work... I don't wanna be pregnant that long! *grin*"}, {"response": 44, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 23, 2002 (20:39)", "body": "Did Stacey have that little one yet????!!!!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (07:07)", "body": "We're waiting for Stacey's reappearance for an update."}, {"response": 46, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Dec 25, 2002 (14:07)", "body": "That sounds like baby is occupying her time. That is a good sign. I am certain with the holidays she has her hands full."}, {"response": 47, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (12:01)", "body": "Well, Ri wanted to cook a bit longer and missed Autumn's b-day but he couldn't quite wait until Paul's anniversary and came, of his own volition, on November 16th! Ahh... the update is... two kids keep me VERY busy! Kendall turned two just over a week ago. She's a riot! She talks a blue streak, sleeps in a 'big girl bed' now and the two of them share a room. Ri is laughing and rolling and babbling, a very happy kid since we've gotten his reflux under control! I turn the big 3-0 tomorrow. Yes, I am but a baby with two babies of my own! Make that three... Brandon's pretty needy too *grin* All is right with the world, now that Spring has sprung. Hugs and smiles all around!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (17:17)", "body": "Congrats on the big 30."}, {"response": 49, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 16, 2003 (15:53)", "body": "Happy birthday, Stacey! When I turned 30, my girls were 4.5 and 2.5...I thought I was so young to be so tied down! Now I'm 37, the girls are so self sufficient, and I finally feel like I have my life back--and I'm still so young! It's all good, enjoy!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (21:54)", "body": "Happy belated good wishes for all those who had great events in their lives. Wait'll your child passes his 30th Birthday... !!!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Apr 20, 2003 (22:19)", "body": "Ha-ha! Can't even fathom that right now, Marcia!!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr 23, 2003 (21:04)", "body": "Thanks guys for the happy birthday wishes... As far as the actual celebrations go... I wish I were 10 again! *grin* And thanks Autumn for the possibly inadvertant pep talk. I do feel so young to be so 'tied down' and I feel the obligatory pangs of guilt every time I even think that! Just the talk of how big your kids are now and how self-sufficient they've become makes me feel better and also appreciative of these years when they need/want me around! *sigh* And seven years ago, back when you were 30, I was already a spring poster albeit via telnet exclusively! Seems both like the blink of an eye and an eternity!"}, {"response": 53, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Apr 25, 2003 (09:27)", "body": "Congratulations again Stacey."}, {"response": 54, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 28, 2003 (16:32)", "body": "That's exactly what raising little kids is--a blink of an eye AND an eternity! But, like all tunnels, there's a light at the end. Right now it's looking very bright for me! Enjoy this time with your little ones, and unless you're going to prolong child rearing over many years (I have a friend with 10 kids, ages 22 to 18 months), you should still look and feel pretty good when they don't need you so much anymore."}, {"response": 55, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (13:57)", "body": "Tied down is what we all felt from time to time (as well as the guilt.) Not to worry, Stacey. It is perfectly normal! Well, if not perfectly, it is Normal, anyway! It happens so fast looking back. Going through it, it often drags. If I may add a bit of encouragement, my life did not get really exciting until my son was over 30! Now, it is fantastic!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 10, 2003 (09:54)", "body": "Happy Belated Birthday Stacey!!! yeah, the guilt about wanting time to yourself, that's what i go through! (mine are 13 and 10 now)..."}, {"response": 57, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jul 15, 2003 (22:27)", "body": "Thanks again everyone for the camraderie in the department of child-rearing vs. self-rearing. Ri has changed so much in the last month that I am really feeling much more 'capable' as a parent. He is crawling now and quite the rough and tumble kiddo. Very much different from his big sister! We are more mobile, I feel less 'encumbered' and less guilty (at times) for admitting I ever felt those tied down feelings you've all expressed. And, just hearing how big Autumn and Wolfie's kids have gotten actually makes me want to hold on a little tighter to today! *grin*"}, {"response": 58, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (11:35)", "body": "Hug the little ones NOW!!! Looking back, their little-kid times are so brief and precious!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug  7, 2003 (21:41)", "body": "Will do Marcia! *grin* screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 26, "subject": "Female Ejaculate", "response_count": 133, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (03:05)", "body": "You mean weeing?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (10:13)", "body": "nope"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:11)", "body": "girl cum"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:33)", "body": "Really? Perhaps I could get CHRIS pregnant next time."}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "lemme know hoe that works... sounds interesting!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "Yah know, with that extra womb I plan to attach to his stomach - he'll think he's just beginning to get a old guy's belly, and then one day: POP goes the baby!!! I'll have my little boy, and the whole world will be cool!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "From: BraceRunr@aol.com Reply-to: thegspotlist@incontinet.com To: thegspotlist@incontinet.com The ureter is not a single-use/single-function organ. It is merely a sluiceway. A conduit. Paraurethrals do exist and can be dissected in autopsy lab. Male and female develop from the same \"bud embryo\", secondarily differentiating. I discern a completely different, nectar-like substance in my ejaculate. I have very strong pubococcygeal complex as marathon runner and sprinter and have been able to have very forceful and copious ejaculations for many years. I am sorry for Madman and believe that he needs to be pointed in the right direction by someone who knows. Either that or take a trip to Uganda where the tribeswomen train their daughters to be \"marriageworthy\" by teaching them to shoot across the room and hit the wall -- with ejaculate in a spontaneous burst, not with a steady stream of urine. The tribespeople have been practicing this for thousands of years, Madman. There really is nothing new under the sun...lol I really enjoy the postings, especially Celine's sensitive nature...Sherryl"}, {"response": 8, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (11:01)", "body": "see also Dr. Gary Schubach's Bibliography on Female Ejaculation http://www.incontinet.com/articles/art_sex/ejacbib.htm"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (16:31)", "body": "I CAN DO STUFF LIKE THAT?!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (16:37)", "body": "well, i don't know. that's the question we're all asking!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (23:51)", "body": "From: BraceRunr@aol.com Reply-to: thegspotlist@incontinet.com To: thegspotlist@incontinet.com Having amazed myself lately with many episodes of F.E., I am here to report my findings...it seems as if the fluid emission amount is directly proportional to my hydration level. if i drink a beer or wine before stimulating myself, the emission volume is low. if i plan ahead and drink plenty of water, the emission is forceful and copious. I have observed it squirting (with the aid of a strategically placed mirror) about five inches high in a brief spurt that is not a stream. it is an explosion. it is an amazing phenomenon and one that i repeat regularly. gives me great satisfaction..tasting it gives me a nectar flavor...it is odorless yet very sweet to the taste and clear...wow what an incredible thing this is...."}, {"response": 12, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (00:29)", "body": "Read behind the lines, she drank a sixpack of Squirt."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "ha-ha!!!!! I have only four questions: Why is this woman so preoccupied with her woodly-doo? Doesn't she get enough from a MAN?? She has to do it on her own? And why does she EAT the stuff - can't she afford to buy yoghurt? And I've figured out what this femal ejaculate stuff is. It's not a SPURT at all. It's more like a fluid that just sort of drops out all at once when one has an orgasm. It's very pleasant, but sure as hell doesn't hit the wall across the room!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (18:00)", "body": "What bad aim?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "Oh yeah, maybe THAT'S it. Maybe mine just doesn't have that rocketing thrust. And I'm glad it doesn't - 'cos imagine what would happen if it backfired...."}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (02:43)", "body": "...laughing my fu*king ass off Ree-head! Thanks for the visual..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (02:56)", "body": "\ufffdhumble grin\ufffd"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:05)", "body": "Isn't there a song that goes, 'Pop goes the Beaver'?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:21)", "body": "Leave it to Beaver."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:33)", "body": "And what about those two cartoons - 'I.R. Beaver' and 'Beaver Juice'?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (17:10)", "body": ""}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "You wanted to say something? No? You're the quiet type? Although, if you don't say anything, how are we supposed to find out about that grey stuff of yours?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (12:24)", "body": ""}, {"response": 24, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (12:32)", "body": "Dear Riette, soory. Hope this works. I think if a man can give his woman a FE, he should be very happy. I have experianced FE two times only.First was with a woman i met on a ferry between Denmark and Norway. We had no condoms, so we stimulated each other without having intercouse. Suddenly she squirted so violently it hit the cabin door. i was very scared thinking i had her her.I did no know what it was. Many years later i dated a sex therapist and she explaind and we had a wonderful relationship with many FE. Wonderful tasty sweet liquid onderful smell. The FE was most times achied by stimulating her Clitoris and G-spot. I hope I will experianse it again sometime. Malcolm"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "It hit the cabin door?? That's what I call excellent aim! But what does it matter whether it squirts out the door or not? Why so obsessed with technicalities? To me making love is something that makes me forget about the whole worrisome world around me; I don't care what hits the door, and the last thing I worry about is impressing a man with orgasmic canon balls. Where the fluids go isn't something that changes the quality of love-making; it is what goes on between the lovers that makes it great or miserable."}, {"response": 26, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (22:20)", "body": ""}, {"response": 27, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (22:21)", "body": "try"}, {"response": 28, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (22:24)", "body": "Dear Riett walton, i wrote a long answer but it was not accepted. i will submit it in pieces."}, {"response": 29, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (22:25)", "body": "i give up"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (04:25)", "body": "That's okay - I have a good idea about what that answer might be... It won't change my mind though. I'm no macho woman, and I don't go for macho love-making. It never satisfied me."}, {"response": 31, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (21:18)", "body": "Malcolm, sorry you're having trouble responding. Has the server been having problems here, guys?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "milwaukee", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:26)", "body": "While I've read about FE, I've never been lucky enough to be with a woman that experienced it."}, {"response": 33, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (15:11)", "body": "You any relation to the Thomasson's of Clinton White House and Hollywood fame?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (04:06)", "body": "Now if I were a man, and knowing what I know, and I had sex with woman, and that woman did the woosh!-spurt!-sploosh! thing, I'd think to myself, '$hit!'"}, {"response": 35, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (09:38)", "body": "Dear Riette, The two women who I had the honor and pleasure to enjo a FE with, both said the FE orgasm is so many times stronger and so much deeper, that they do not want to experiance any other type. it is a great pleasure for a man to give his woman a pleasure many times more pleasureful than she has ever experianced before. The physical phenomenas you you so profanely describe are a result of a wonderful act between a woman and a man. It is not something desired by itself. hearing you elaborate over FE sounds like someone explaining french quisine and has only eaten hamburgers I hope will al my hart that you will once experiance this. malcolm"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:20)", "body": "Don't worry, Malcolm, I'll survive - really!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:25)", "body": "You will survive-----But how"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:39)", "body": "\ufffdlaugh\ufffd I somehow get the feeling you have a suggestion in mind... I thought about what you said - you know about my being like somebody who eats only hamburgers? I suppose that is a pretty good metaphor. My husband is pretty jealous, so I can't really switch to 'corn-on-the-cob' or 'fried sausage' that easily. Good thing I'm addicted to junkfood, huh? ha-ha! Hey, Malcolm, are you going to come to the other conferences as well? SCREW, might satisfy your verbal needs as FE does your other appetites...."}, {"response": 39, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:50)", "body": "Soory my communication is bad. The hamburger was meant allegorically Where is SCREW Stay with the juncfood(\"dribble\") Malcolm"}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:56)", "body": "ha-ha! Your communication isn't bad at all. If you go to the index of conferences, you'll see that long, long list of conferences. Screw is about the last one on the list. Philosophy is also fun, and Food too. And does that mean you're here to stay?"}, {"response": 41, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:59)", "body": "yes I will be here at least until you say\" I missed the door it was wonderful\" Malcom"}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:57)", "body": "\ufffdlaughing like a nun on a carrot truck\ufffd That's a great response! Are you American, Malcolm?"}, {"response": 43, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (16:26)", "body": "I was born in Sweden came to USA 1979. and have been here ever since. I live in Houston Who are you besides feasting on dribbling hamburgers?"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (17:05)", "body": "Every woman is different, every experience is different. To repeat the same things over and over is boring."}, {"response": 45, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (19:53)", "body": "Tim a true polititians answer go for it Dear Riette I should aplogize for falling in the qute trap playing on words I do not \"care\" if you never find a G spot and a FE function. I HAVE experianced it two times . I will always look for a woman who I can experiance a G spot FE with. You cannot advertise a \"food\" noone knows about. (sorry) The ad \" looking for a woman who has FE \" noone would answer. I would marry her in an instant. We would go to work every morning with a wonderful smile and try to both get home early. A dream I know. We all have our dreams. So have I. I thought likr you I know lovemaking as you think you do until I met my sextherapist in Phoinix , who ex[plained all. That was the moment i understand I know nothing. The stage were you are today. (sorry) the comments by women like Sheryl, we men can talk until blue in our face. She loves her FE. (shery I hope you have exlained all for your man so he can enjoy as much as I did.) Malcolm"}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (02:05)", "body": "Funny, people always say that politicians bull$hit alot - I become more and more inclined to believe it! I'm surprised that anyone can talk like this while keeping a straight face! My husband is twice my age, a fantastic lover, and though I don't care about G spots, FE functions, and all the other nametags put on female sexuality, I never said I didn't experience orgasm - which I do thoroughly, thank you very much. For us variety is what makes it great - different positions, different locations, differ nt moods. There is just so much more to it than the manner of flow. If you think marital bliss lies in whether a woman can ejaculate like a spitting cobra, then you've got a thing or two coming. No intelligent woman is interested in a man who expects of them to perform like some circus animal every time they get intimate. Leave that to women who are too braindead to be anything but submissive to a man's wishes. Intelligent omen want guys with whom they can be completely at ease, who don't tell them what they should an shouldn't experience, and when, and who can manage ood sex without having to see therapists. Futhermore I ca6n for the life of me not imagine what difference it makes whether the fluids merely descend, or whether they spurt. I also take it that for it to spurt you have to masturbate, rather than have intercourse. I mean, I've not noticed my husband hit the door when he has a climax - but correct me if I'm wrong. And I'd have to say that given the choice between sex and masturbation, I'd always choose sex. I like going all the way with the real thing, rather than be poked at with a finger no t icker than a candy stick - if you catch my drift. I am just rather sorry that there are women as well, who promote this kind of narrow minded attitude towards sex and sexual fulfillment."}, {"response": 47, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (11:30)", "body": "a nun in a carrot truck?"}, {"response": 48, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (13:06)", "body": "lol (yeah wondering that myself... though i'm afraid to ask what it means)... just read through this whole thing... particularly enjoyed 'orgasmic cannonballs'... ('woosh!-spurt!-sploosh!') never been to this conference before... um yeah.. (riette, you're amazing) (oh, and i think what you said, you know, the last thing, summed it up really well... very cool)"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:32)", "body": "Thank you, Nick - that's really nice, coming from you. 'Laughing like a nun on a carrot truck' is an Afrikaans saying, going, 'Ek het gelag soos 'n non op 'n worteltrok.' That's the one thing I love about it - it's such a graphic, earthy language. You can say precisely what you mean. Sometimes I can't resist translating it into English, because 'Laughing one's ar$e off' just doesn't describe the way a woman laughs when hilarity strikes."}, {"response": 50, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (17:27)", "body": "Idioms are fun!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (21:56)", "body": "why thanks! oh, i thought you said \"Idiots are fun!\" and, yes, riette is amazing."}, {"response": 52, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (23:02)", "body": "I'm glad the lights were off the only ever time I made a girl quirt, because the look on my face would have been hilarious! Kind of light: wuarrhhhhhhhhhh?!!!!!!! Guys: terrific - make her do it , it's a superb ego boost :-)"}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "Now, correct me if I'm wrong here. I am quite willing to admit that girls are indeed able to squirt. But if squirting happens so rarely among girls, what does that tell us about guys? I mean, I've not yet met a woman who was NOT able to make a guy squirt. So why is it that guys rarely make girls squirt? Could it be that guys simply don't have the same kind of BALLS for making love than girls have? Just stating the facts here. And I know every guy on the spring is now going to claim to be able to do it, so don't even try that one! I got you now!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "Malcolm", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "Dear Riette, sorry for having upset you. I will keep my wonderful experianses for my self. It does not do any good telling about them, they only get twisted. I will from now on only try to find a woman who has experianced FE before and ejoyed it. Rather trying to convinde a woman who has not. \"Every one is happy in her/his way\" a Swedish saying. I will not leave I will stay on but not battle with you, we do not argue in the same plane. I will find my woman and you will be happy with your man Malcolm"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "We do not argue in the same plane? From a person who cannot spell simple words correctly, that sounds a pretty hilarious statement to me."}, {"response": 56, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "Come on you guys. You both have fascinating viewpoints and I'm enjoying both your commentaries."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (11:02)", "body": "I don't mind a different point of view. I mind being patronized."}, {"response": 58, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (11:08)", "body": "OK then maybe there can be a different tone issue from this."}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (11:14)", "body": "Oh well, I don't really care. I've said all I have to say."}, {"response": 60, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (12:07)", "body": "OK Ree, what else is going on?"}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "Nothing else. Don't worry, I don't suffer from FE trauma!! But here's my thing. I don't see the point in a discussion where people claim to be arguing on 'a different plane' when they can't come up with a better argument than sheer egotism."}, {"response": 62, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (04:19)", "body": "Well, I must admit, FE trauma sounds interesting. Why do we have to make each other respond? Isn't the response voluntary? Are we trying to say, that, if the man fails to ejaculate, then it's the woman's fault?"}, {"response": 63, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (11:43)", "body": "What you're saying makes sense to me. Response is voluntary, and I'm tired of talking about FE now. Male ejaculations is much more interesting anyway! No, I don't think it's either the man or the woman's fault if he fails to ejaculate. He's probably just having a bad day, or tired."}, {"response": 64, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 11, 1998 (04:21)", "body": "That is exactly what I meant."}, {"response": 65, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 12, 1998 (14:52)", "body": "But giving a 'good performance' seems to be a big deal amongst males. Why is that do you think? Primal instinct, some sort of insecurity or a macho-thing?"}, {"response": 66, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 12, 1998 (23:32)", "body": "Aren't those three the same thing, Ree? (And, no, I have never \"helped\" any of my partners squirt...*frown*)"}, {"response": 67, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (04:41)", "body": "\ufffdsmile\ufffd (Thank God for that!! It sounds so sleazy to me.) Are they the same things? I can't judge, since I'm not a man. You'll have to explain..."}, {"response": 68, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (15:03)", "body": "I think that both insecurity and macho are a part of primal instinct. i also think that females experience both insecurity and macho, although to a lesser extent than males do. furthermore, it's been my experience, that when a woman is not allowed to express her macho side, she becomes very insecure."}, {"response": 69, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (04:29)", "body": "Just like me! Insecurity oozes from my every hole...."}, {"response": 70, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:59)", "body": "If you\"re insecure, then we're all basket cases."}, {"response": 71, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:26)", "body": "ha-ha! Then you're a basket case every once in a while."}, {"response": 72, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (07:04)", "body": "That's true."}, {"response": 73, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (11:51)", "body": "Of me too. The insecurity bit, I mean. Of course I'm NEVER a basket case...."}, {"response": 74, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (13:29)", "body": "Of course... You've got it all together. It's just that sometimes you forget where you put it. Right? Seriously though, sometimes I am a basket case. Although not very often, in fact, very seldom, and I have wonderful friends that I can turn to when this happens."}, {"response": 75, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "So do I - except I don't. Which is a real pain, because then I (STOOPID) start feeling lonely and unloved, and lock myself away for weeks on end. Not that I'm a basket case or anything.... Feel free to lecture!"}, {"response": 76, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Why don't you go to your friends when you are feeling down? They are the ones who understand you best. My friends sometimes understand me better than I do."}, {"response": 77, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:26)", "body": "also no feelings are ever stupid. If that is how you feel, then that is how it is. It is reality to you."}, {"response": 78, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:55)", "body": "And the reality of it is that I just can't seem to cope with admitting it when I feel bad. The worse I feel, the more I joke around my friends. Then I do the retreat thing instead, because my weaknesses make me very nervous."}, {"response": 79, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:24)", "body": "Are you German? My grandparents were exactly the same way. My father's father was diagnosed with in operable cancer. The doctor told him he had three months to live, he went on doing things as before until he could not get up any more. then he told someone. Five days later, he was dead. Trust your friends. Allowing them to help is good for everybody. You and them both."}, {"response": 80, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (17:37)", "body": "ha-ha, NO! But my father is a rightwing Afrikaner - does that explain anything??? I know it is good to allow people to help - I just feel stupid asking. I can't just go up to someone and say, ahem, sorry to bother you, deary, but I feel like $hit. Know what I mean?"}, {"response": 81, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (18:25)", "body": "I did not think about you being Afrikaner. Yes that explains a lot. I can tell my friends exactly how I feel when I'm down, and they are supportive. I don't know how your friends would take that, specially if they come from the same background as you. But you can come here, and tell how you feel when you are down, and I will be supportive. I am reasonably sure the others will be also."}, {"response": 82, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:07)", "body": "I know, and they are, and the fact that one doesn't have to look them in the eye when telling them, helps a heck of a lot. I'm afraid my last contact with an old AFrikaner school acquaintance occurred three years ago. I ran into him on the street, and we were immediately invited to a barbecue. Good fun, we thought, and went. And fun it was, until this guy and my husband started talking politics. And at one point this guy says: 'Oh, sure I hate the Kaffirs, but actually I'm pretty liberal.' !!!!! At which point we were overtaken by hysterical fits of laughter, and were thrown out!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "Good one!! We had a TV show on in the 70's where the main character kept putting his foot in it like that. It was called: \"All In The Family\", and the name of the bigot was Archie Bunker. Still, it's much more funny in real life."}, {"response": 84, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:17)", "body": "You can say that again! Especially as the guy didn't for one second consider what he had said - he truly, truly believed it!"}, {"response": 85, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:57)", "body": "That is just like the character \"ARCHIE BUNKER\", they still play reruns of that show. when you come over here you'll have to watch at least one episode."}, {"response": 86, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "I will - tape an episode, and keep the crisps and coke ready."}, {"response": 87, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "O K..... I will do that. In fact I'll do one better..I'll tape several episodes and box a synopsis with each, so you can decide which you want to watch."}, {"response": 88, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:29)", "body": "I'm not good at making decisions like that! We'd have to stay up all night, and watch the whole bunch. Which means we'll have to go shopping for LOTS of things to eat beforehand...."}, {"response": 89, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:58)", "body": "Not a problem, several restaraunts in the area deliver. and that Thai place is right around the corner for carryout."}, {"response": 90, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (09:12)", "body": "Oh, cool!!! Then a Thay&Archie night it will be!!!"}, {"response": 91, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (09:19)", "body": "\"All in the Family\" (the show with Archie BUnker) is probably my all time favorite tv show. they replay it nightly on a cable network called \"Nick at Night\" here in the states, riette. you might want to see if you could catch it off of someone's cable or dish where you live!"}, {"response": 92, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (11:34)", "body": "Looking forward to it, Riette, Maybe by then We'll have another microwave and we can make popcorn also."}, {"response": 93, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (01:59)", "body": "I LOVE popcorn! Can you make coloured popcorn? I like orange popcorn. But I'm not picky - white will be fine too; with lots and lots of butter. And comfy pillows! No, no, I promise I won't get arrogant in a strange man's house! Really! And, Tim, what would it take from me to get you to take me for a ride in your little vehicle?...the truck, that is. Ray, we're thinking about getting a dish - you think the Archie argument will help me do the final convincing of the old man?"}, {"response": 94, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (02:08)", "body": "I can make orange popcorn. I was just thinking tonight that you might like to ride along to the restaraunt to pick- up the thai food."}, {"response": 95, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "i think you should definitely get a dish. we just got one and it is a lot of fun!"}, {"response": 96, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Then I must too. But how will I convince the old man??? You CAN, Tim??? And we're really going to go in your truck to buy thai food in the next State? I can't WAIT!!"}, {"response": 97, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "All right then, It's set. Just let me know which state you want to go to, I'll make some orange popcorn and we'll head out. Actually, I had intended to just go around the block, but if you want to go to the next state, or any state on the continent, I'm game."}, {"response": 98, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:43)", "body": "Maybe we'll go to Mexico for some Mexican food, It's only a 3.5 hr drive."}, {"response": 99, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (03:18)", "body": "Yeah??? REALLY? Oh, WOW! I would absolutely LOVE that! We'll have to stay over one night, and stay up all night to explore wherever it is we're going. Damn, a week is so short! Is there a desert in Mexico?"}, {"response": 100, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (03:34)", "body": "You could say that. The Sonoran desert is one of the largest in the world."}, {"response": 101, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:07)", "body": "It will be so wonderful to watch a desert sunset in Mexico. Can we do that too? We could climb onto the roof of your truck, and write postcards to our friends!"}, {"response": 102, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "Absolutely, I love watching sunsets, and sunrises, and thunderstorms, there is this wonderful display going on all around us all the time!!"}, {"response": 103, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:48)", "body": "I love thunderstorms too - we don't really have alot of those over here. But in Africa they are quite spectacular, especially when they happen a few days in a row, and the rivers come rushing down from the mountains. I hope I'll see a thunderstorm in Mexico too."}, {"response": 104, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:11)", "body": "Oh yes, Riette, and we'll have to find a dry wash, so that, right after the storm, you can also see a flash flood."}, {"response": 105, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (14:16)", "body": "That's exactly what I mean - it's when the river comes down, isn't it? We only have sand rivers in Namibia, so when that happens it's a big thing. I just love it, especially that wet, fresh, dusty smell that hangs in the air when that happens. You know what we always do? We get inflatables, and let ourselves be taken once the worst flooding is over. Is there any way we could do that in Mexico? Perhaps we could find a big one to sit on together so we'd be able to help each other if we should fall in. Or at least you'd be able to help me - how my short ar$e will save yours I honestly cannot imagine!"}, {"response": 106, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (14:25)", "body": "We will have to see, Riette. You don't need tw worry about saving me, I did a lot of whitewater canoeing as a youngster. I'm no stranger to bodysurfing the rapids."}, {"response": 107, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (03:18)", "body": "Okay, I'll just sit on your back then! Unless you think that would make you blush..."}, {"response": 108, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:12)", "body": "No problem, Riette. Or I could roll over on my back, and have you sit on my chest. Which could prove MUCH more interesting."}, {"response": 109, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:39)", "body": "Yeah, like a near death experience! But I'll make sure it's an enjoyable one! Show you the light, so to speak."}, {"response": 110, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "YEAH RIETTE!! BUT what a way to go!!"}, {"response": 111, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:57)", "body": "Yes; BUTT all the way!"}, {"response": 112, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (18:15)", "body": "Riette, I think that we could just about justify this under anal sex. In fact, It probably ought to be linked."}, {"response": 113, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "Link Female Ejaculation to Anal Sex? You're going to need real good aim for that."}, {"response": 114, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:47)", "body": "Riette, you got me again!! After I posted this I looked at what I had and said OOPS!!!"}, {"response": 115, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "Ha-Ha!!! Home STRIKES!"}, {"response": 116, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "OK, Riette, explain strikes."}, {"response": 117, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (16:19)", "body": "$hit, I told you I'm no sports person - I don't know these cryptic terms! How about.... Home OWED a strike. Hell, I don't know! Help me, will you???"}, {"response": 118, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (16:21)", "body": "Riette, are you talking about a game that is not played in the US?"}, {"response": 119, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:15)", "body": "NO! Just forget it, before I make even more of a fool of myself!"}, {"response": 120, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:17)", "body": "Hey, Tim, do you have interesting sports matches in Austin? I mean, could we go to a game? Baseball or basketball or even that football thing. Or anything. I may be hopeless at it myself, but I love wathcing sports games - I find them so much fun, and exciting."}, {"response": 121, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:24)", "body": "Emphatically yes, Riette! there are all kinds of sports around here, and in austin proper."}, {"response": 122, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (15:05)", "body": "You going to take me to a game? And I'll bring us each one of those wooden rattling sticks to sway in the air whenever it gets good. Will we be eating hotdogs, and drinking Coke at such a game?"}, {"response": 123, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (15:17)", "body": "Riette! that sounds great! it will be a lot of fun."}, {"response": 124, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (15:18)", "body": "And yes we will be eating hot dogs and drinking coke."}, {"response": 125, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (03:13)", "body": "GREAT! And cheering our ar$es off at both teams!"}, {"response": 126, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (03:23)", "body": "Yes, Riette. Or cheering the referees, I think that they could use a cheering section sometimes."}, {"response": 127, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (03:23)", "body": "Are they like bureaucrats too?"}, {"response": 128, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (03:23)", "body": "No Riette, they spend the whole game telling who is wrong."}, {"response": 129, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 23, 1999 (01:40)", "body": "and who just squirted."}, {"response": 130, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jul  4, 1999 (19:25)", "body": "Was it an inside job?"}, {"response": 131, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 1999 (01:00)", "body": "until it leaked out to the press..."}, {"response": 132, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (09:10)", "body": "Leaked or spurted?"}, {"response": 133, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (13:43)", "body": "Only the leaker knows.. But, if it was any good at all, it spurted! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 27, "subject": "Screwed's 27th Topic", "response_count": 37, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:19)", "body": "Then"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "these"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "would"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "be"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:20)", "body": "the"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:21)", "body": "first"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:21)", "body": "twenty"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:22)", "body": "seven"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:22)", "body": "responses"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:23)", "body": "to"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:23)", "body": "this,"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:23)", "body": "the"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:24)", "body": "twenty"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:24)", "body": "seventh"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:25)", "body": "topic"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:25)", "body": "in"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:26)", "body": "the"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:26)", "body": "Spring's"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:27)", "body": "screwed"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:27)", "body": "conference,"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:28)", "body": "the"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:28)", "body": "home"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:29)", "body": "of"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:29)", "body": "nonsense,"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:30)", "body": "love,"}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:30)", "body": "and"}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:31)", "body": "rutabagas!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:12)", "body": "AMEN"}, {"response": 29, "author": "Fancy", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (13:29)", "body": "I just want to know how to get in ti this .so i can talk."}, {"response": 30, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (15:55)", "body": "You're in and you're talking Joann! But it's not chat. Check back every day, it's day to day rather minute to minute."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:07)", "body": "Yes, indeed. Mighty pleased you're here, Joann! Besides this one, the conferences where most of us go are, TV, movies, music, food, porch, philosophy, Art, babes, news, science, restaurants, drool etc.! Sorry about all the scrollling you'll have to do; in the beginning I just stuck with one conference, and sort of slowly started branching out after I got to know a few people. Will you stay?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:20)", "body": "And the last 50 feature is a great way for newcomers to get going (just saw on your personalized menu that wer added last 333 and last 500 as well)."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "GOOD GOD!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:13)", "body": "Someone called?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:28)", "body": "Not you, the other one!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:41)", "body": "thou shouldn't state my name in vain..."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "What do you mean? I didn't say 'Satan'! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 28, "subject": "screwed up websites", "response_count": 45, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:41)", "body": "http://www.jailbabes.com"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:53)", "body": "no way! this is a website???"}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "way!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (22:08)", "body": "i think that would be a place wer would like to visit *giggle*"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (09:32)", "body": "http://www.rotten.com/"}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:13)", "body": "now he's on a roll."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (11:35)", "body": "Or a rock for that matter."}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug 27, 1998 (12:08)", "body": "Under a rock?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "Hopefully not!!! That would make him a toad!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (09:40)", "body": "http://members.tripod.com/~mofootis/mom/index.html"}, {"response": 11, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (17:57)", "body": "http://www.housecoats.com/play/cumonmonica/ Java-abled browser required. Don't look if Monica's stained dress offends you!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (01:14)", "body": "I always thought she smiled like that because she had a hand up her skirt!!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (11:30)", "body": "International Trepanation Advocacy Group http://www.trepan.com/"}, {"response": 14, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (11:53)", "body": "now *that's* screwed up"}, {"response": 15, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (11:04)", "body": "one of my fave television characters... http://www.goop.com"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (11:47)", "body": "Guns for Kids Webring Homepage http://members.aol.com/Burzmali2/home.html"}, {"response": 17, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (08:23)", "body": "found one: http://www.10k4awife.com check it out, this guy's serious!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:11)", "body": "HA-HA!!! This guy ACTUALLY THINKS HIMSELF ATTRACTIVE!!! Rotflmao! He's like totally uncool to me! Guess that means I don't get the 10,000?? Damn!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 22, 1998 (08:00)", "body": "i think he should open up his eyeballs and look around him (AND open his heart) because it seems he's looking for someone to fit in a picture he's created for himself. probably has a gal pal who is in love with him but because she doesn't fit into his plan, he can't \"see\" her. so sad!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep 22, 1998 (22:11)", "body": "http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect"}, {"response": 21, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:22)", "body": "Soun' | Dive In! Fry mah hide! | Join | Search | View | Buy | He'p | archives | Noo! Fry mah hide! Last 50 Responses (mighty right fine) Sprin'Cam! Fry mah hide! Slide (lef') changes ev'ry 30 seconds Eff'n it don't change, hit reload (usually corntrol-r). Yer watchin' video taken by Kusten Carter at th' Whole Life Expo in Aestin last weekend, cuss it all t' tarnation. Click on soun' t'hear th' realaudio thet goes wif th' slide. Contack us about a holistic website like th' one we did fo' Mangala at http://www.drsin'ha.com"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:25)", "body": "shiit...ya know dat's right!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (21:08)", "body": "Oh my God, I'm ROTFLMAO at the dialectizer!!!! Love that jive!!!!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:15)", "body": "well, then, Momma, jest pull yoself up a chair 'n' jump in!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:35)", "body": "I have been having so much fun with this website! You should see how those Austen lovers' posts look in jive at Pemberley.com! I'm going to have to let some friends in on this one..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:14)", "body": "have you run any of Jim's responses through it?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:19)", "body": "you should also look at news stories on cnn.com with the filter."}, {"response": 28, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (16:57)", "body": "Oh my God!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (16:57)", "body": "remember the Real Doll? ( http://www.realdoll.com ) now take a look at http://www.realhamster.com"}, {"response": 30, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (16:57)", "body": "http://uselessindustries.com/bands.html"}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (13:14)", "body": "Circumcision Information Ring The Anti-Circumcision Information Ring has been developed to help educate people about circumcision and the harm it causes. Some pages contain adult content and graphic details. If you have a problem with this, go elsewheres http://www.4skin.com/chymmylt/anitcirc.html"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (13:17)", "body": "(oops, suffered a typo...the real url is) http://www.4skin.com/chymmylt/anticirc.html"}, {"response": 33, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan  9, 1999 (20:23)", "body": "Raise your hand if you're uncircumcised."}, {"response": 34, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Jan 10, 1999 (11:45)", "body": "http://www.herpeshelp.com/"}, {"response": 35, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Jan 10, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "and for great news clips... http://www.thecorporation.com/news/news.html"}, {"response": 36, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Sun, Jan 10, 1999 (15:28)", "body": "try http://www.theonion.com"}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 10, 1999 (23:31)", "body": "also excellent news clips!!!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:40)", "body": "Guys, you HAVE to check this chat room out. It's really easy to get in. Dig the bit about dirty language on the opening page!!!! ha-ha! And go chat there for a few minutes - it is ar$e boglingly funny! http://www.iwwn.com.na/chatpro/index.html"}, {"response": 39, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (18:55)", "body": "Is that them thar Naby Beans?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:28)", "body": "ha-ha!! Say what, Terry guy??"}, {"response": 41, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (04:25)", "body": "Say hey, Ree girl."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:25)", "body": "Do you still love me, Terry guy?"}, {"response": 43, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (08:22)", "body": "Of course, words can't express my love for you. You are precious."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (10:42)", "body": "\ufffdfalling into your arms\ufffd You are the very light of my life, my sweet one!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Feb 13, 1999 (13:51)", "body": "probably my favorite strictly time-wasting site to date... http://www.superbad.com/ It's wild, baby! It's got colors and lights and shapes and animation and pictures of ape monkey, and I'm just dumb enough to think it's all really important. If anyone figures out what this site means, let me know. TIP: KEEP CLICKING, no matter what you see! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 3, "subject": "Screw Screw Screw!", "response_count": 43, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (00:43)", "body": "Why the hell not?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (06:33)", "body": "That's a bloody silly reason if ever I heard one. Try again, dammit! \ufffdbloody big grin\ufffd"}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (19:23)", "body": "that's the problem around here, not enough use of the work FUCK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (03:53)", "body": "Holy $hit! You can swear?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (09:08)", "body": "fuck, yeah, especially in this conference!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (12:59)", "body": "That's so beautiful - like poetry to me. A fu\ufffdking impressive repertoire too!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "patas", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (16:35)", "body": "Hallo, may I join you? I recently read a book about swearing in different European countries and there's a lot more than fuck to it! Shall I tell you about it?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (17:44)", "body": "fuck, yes!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 19, 1998 (17:57)", "body": "damned straight, fucking a!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (09:18)", "body": "THE POWER PRINCIPLE (Hope for Other News You Might Have Missed) Natural amiableness is too often seen in company with sloth. Spew! They're BEGGING for it! We fail! But screw your courage to the sticking-place. If we do not clean out the corruption within the permanent bureaucracy of the Justice Department, invoke your Dark Side! and what could be more normal than that? The hard-core few that made you what you are have been doing the REAL work of the Church. Hunt them down. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. Our purpose is solely to add other people t God's Kingdom. May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes! My girlfriend is pregnant and currently seeking an abortion. Wouldn't this surprise a burglar! In October, mystify and sanctify irksome duties and roles and thus make them seem desirable with no need to distinguish them with separate names. Wit is educated insolence. His ignorance is encyclopedic, but Larry is a born follower. But as the creatures died, they plunged straight into the middle of Kelley's brain to feed, damn! The first explanation is to be found in Aristotle's \"Topica\". The Larry-Who-Would-Be-Curly is the saddest type of all and is in himself a world view based upon withdrawal from im ediate and intelligible human meaning. The day that these two races go to war is the day that half the Solar System will starve. Now take that towel and hang yourself with it. A sane person might suppose that if you confine a person to twelve years behind barbed wire and surround him with blasphemers, they slap one another on the back. It's true because I feel that it's true. Extreme cases of unique behavior are rewarded with pills. By and by we will become acutely bored and demoralized. You might not like to be faced with that set of alternatives; nonetheless Hope for Other News You Might Have Missed! The citizens of the USA know the newspapers have become pimps, and in this c llaboration we are participating in idolatry. All other forms of flag-burning won't matter much. It's patriotic to prohibit what I say and do here. There are an infinite number of loopholes in what has been referred to as the great Cartesian anxiety over the specter of intellectual and moral chaos. The part that hurts has acquired a glamorous rep of late. Recent literature from the Knights states that the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan do not preach against Negroes. They just use them for their own purposes and to institute new government. The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. Toast the Master of Ceremonies whose beneficent grin spared you that senseless demise (Death, an unpleasant vagueness though so urgent & tangible). If the Father was alive today he'd be turning over in his grave. HOLY WAR NOW! We have taken some important steps where the only relations we have with each other are relations of reciprocal discipline: most of them from individuals soliciting relationships that would lead to sexual activity subjected to a great deal of interstellar radiation. Question: is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? And as to the value of a program of chastity & continence: it is only a rough indication of a general tendency of leftism to achieve in all its dimensions the interplay and int rpenetration of the senses. FARRAKHAN: to whom should we look? The apathy of the people is enough. I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. Nonetheless, intense feeling too often obscures the truth. Nuances of sensitivity and tenderness become lost--CLING to that HOPE! is it an actual anti-human hate trip, or a trenchant, sophisticated comment on racism and extremism in general? (Nits make lice). The White public is a large enough task force without raising the specter of complete mutant freedom! You don't have to leave aside the underclass (aside from the artist). The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge...how do we know? The POWER PROCESS! This view is str ctly enforced, as individuals who see things differently are forced to wear glasses and decay to a futile death. The education of the will is the object of our existence. The purpose of these briefings appears to be to prep key leaders for cataclysmic political events ahead. Enough of this REVEALED WISDOM crap -- His hatred is holy! The only way to get on the mailing list of the chosen! Hope to see you all there! It's only because, for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, screwy as it may be, words belong to those who use them. Our country is still young and its potential is still enormous. The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. Many completely paralyzed persons will have no sensation. Take physical necessi ies for granted! But seriously, in a conflict of law between the two powers the civil law takes precedence. This soul-damning lie is the reason that fags are so out-spoken "}, {"response": 11, "author": "patas", "date": "Thu, Aug 20, 1998 (17:27)", "body": "Wow! As they say in Spain - I shit on the serene seas!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (01:46)", "body": "ha-ha!!!! And I pi$$ in it!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:44)", "body": "oh... *with meaning* DRATS!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (00:56)", "body": "so where the fucky-fuck did all the fucking particpants of this fucking confuckerence get the fuck off to?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "Went fu\ufffdking, of course! Speaking for myself, that is...."}, {"response": 16, "author": "isis", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (21:48)", "body": "okay i think you people are using the fucking word way to fucking much can you like fucking change the fucking subject....lmfao......."}, {"response": 17, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:17)", "body": "Oh, God, I think she's got the hang of it, Terry!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (05:30)", "body": "I love the eyeball!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (23:29)", "body": "I like these candy canes! They're making me hungry--gotta gobble some of this watermelon-flavored salt water taffy!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (23:33)", "body": "now, that's screwed..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "maybe, baby, but the candy sticks are mega cool!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:13)", "body": "HEY!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:16)", "body": "Yes?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (14:48)", "body": "What-ho!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (14:59)", "body": "Something is rotten in Denmark."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:05)", "body": "Yes - Free Willy. HI, TIM!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (16:30)", "body": "Hi Riette. You seem to be the most active participant in these conferences."}, {"response": 28, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (17:21)", "body": "She runs very hot and sometimes cold. But she's a winner!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (00:32)", "body": "Thank you, Terry - I never thought anybody would really get to the BOTTOM of me. You are the first person to describe my bathtub qualities! ha-ha!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:21)", "body": "We are all bottom feeders here...."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "ha-ha!!! TommyCotC, what's happening with your wife?? Any baby yet???"}, {"response": 32, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:28)", "body": "Yup, Cassidy Morgan Smith was thrust into this cesspool of despair at 23:53, Sunday, November 8 CST, 1998. 21 inches (53.3 cm) tall and 8 lb. 13 oz. (3989g). Out of my poor 103 lb., 5 ft. 3 in. tall wife!... I guess there is no question as to the paternity. She has a big round head, long arms, stubby little legs, a hairy back, a grumpy facial expression made all the more expressive by her bushy eyebrow (note the singular) even though she only gets _really_ cranky if you wake her up or don't feed her quick y enough. I hereby renounce my title and will be henceforth known as the World's SECOND Smallest Lummox. Oh yeah, she is 5 years (to the day) younger than the legendary Zoe (spawn of WER)... I am now officially a beaten man - hopelessly in love and residing until further notice tightly wrapped around a one-inch-long little-finger."}, {"response": 33, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (10:52)", "body": "Congrats you bigger lummox!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (18:57)", "body": "She has a beautiful name, and sounds like a pretty baby."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:03)", "body": "That is so wonderful! BIG BIG baby!! Well done! Please give your wife all our best wishes, and little big baby a big kiss. Oh, and tell us all about the sleepless nights, alright? I'm fighting hard agains the broodiness here.... Especially when I think there's a 50 percent chance that number 3 could be a little boy....or another little girl for that matter!!!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (10:31)", "body": "Riette, have you decided to have another baby then? Or, are you already pregnant? It's wonderful if you are. I thought you had decided not to."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:29)", "body": "I have decided not too. But it's not too final .... if an accident were to happen, I'd probably be over the moon! So, no I'm not pregnant. Yet. Just thinking about my little Noah..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:42)", "body": "Is Noah the name you have picked out for a boy? It is a good name. It's got a good solid ring to it. I can see that you really want to have another child. It's just that you have these apprehensions about it that make you just a bit uneasy about the whole thing. I think that you would enjoy it. And you are still plenty young enough to carry on with your dreams yet."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "Yes, I know. I feel ready for another physically, and partly emotionally. In fact, I'm starting to DREAM about having another baby - especially Noah! My only apprehensions are about Isa and Elza. We've been able to do SO many lovely things together since this year that I'm reluctant for them to have to go back to being stuck at home alot of the time, because of a little brother or sister. The last two months of pregnancy will also be tough on them. When I had Elza, it wasn't so bad for Isa, I think, because she was also a baby still. But now it would be different. At this point I'm not sure if it would be fair on them to have another baby. I just don't know."}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "DEFINITELY!! Talk to them about it first. If you ask them, it will make them a part of the decision, and they won't feel left out. If you have a baby boy, they will basically treat him like a big doll, giving him lots of attention. This will make things easier on you. With us, by the time my mother had the fifth child, it was ho-hum, here's another one. Speaking of which. I got in touch with my mother, and she is having her friends gather all the information on home schooling that they can find. She has people working on it in Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Florida, Alabama, Arizona, and California in the US, and Manitoba, Quebec, and Ontario in Canada. She should have her information together by the time we celebrate Christmas, in January. I'll send it to you from there."}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "My mother never does anything halfway. By the way, she now has her own radio program. She is on in the mornings 6-9. Did I tell you she retired? When my father retired, she decided thst she was retired from housework. So, my father does all the cooking, and has a maid come in for the cleaning. He even bakes bread."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "Oh, your mum sounds absolutely brilliant! My mum is very cool too. She is now 49, and the coolest mum ever. She has a 4x4 motorbike, which she drives in the dry river close to her house. When I'm there, I always pester her to take me along, because I can't drive the thing half as fast as she does, and then we go into the river, and she scares the hell out of me! Half the time you're sort of flying through the air as she jumps the bumps. She's a real bush girl, so we always wander through the fields or hours, and she STILL has alot of things to teach me. She can track any animal ANYWHERE. She's really great. Like yours."}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:35)", "body": "Your mother sounds terriffic, kind of like crocodile dundee, only real, not a figment of someone's imagination. Sounds like you get along well with her. And that is very good. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 30, "subject": "who is wer?", "response_count": 58, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "Wer is just a sweety."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (14:18)", "body": "There are, in fact, two wers; there is the one that belongs to our culture and who, obviously, cannot carry out actions through the dreams of another individual; then there is the other wer who becomes part of the magical rapports within another civilization and who, unbeknown to himself, may even be in the \"real\" dream of some native. A third, or \"essential\" wer, who is an absolute truth, who is paradigmatic, exists only within the limits of a polemical attitude, within some metaphysical outgrowth, nourished by cultural presumption, and which historical reasoning must do-away with."}, {"response": 3, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (19:24)", "body": "huh? i agree with riette, we all luvs our wer *smooch*"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "Wer, those three Wers are ALL you. Don't try and do away with one of them, because without the one, the other two will also dissappear, and there will be nothing left of who and what you are. And why want to do away with such a profoundly kind and generous person? Why deprive your friends, but above all, your loved-ones of YOU? Over here you are loved and admired - don't question it, just accept it, for if you didn't deserve it, that would not be the case."}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:23)", "body": "You just keep letting multiple personalities splinter off, we love 'em all."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:56)", "body": "bad timing, Autumn"}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (23:32)", "body": "(oops, sorry)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (23:35)", "body": "(no problem)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:26)", "body": "the multiple personas has given bme a visual WER is budding like a snapdragon going to seed (how's that counseling going?)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (21:13)", "body": "*hugs*"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "This background is just great!!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:38)", "body": "And just what do you mean by that?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:45)", "body": "I mean: The background, you know, the thing, the sight behind our responses, you know, the little typed letters, is not an unsightly kind of sight. All clear now, TammaCotC?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:49)", "body": "Sorta... Anyway, as to the topic: Iknow, but I ain't a'tellin'. Tee hee hee...."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:53)", "body": "And what ain't you tellin'?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (11:10)", "body": "Um... maybe, um... \"who is wer?\"..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "Then tell us, who Wer is not...."}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (00:15)", "body": "Governor of Texas... your lover... Tommy's lover... the newest Texas Lottery winner..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (03:34)", "body": "Wow, that's news to me! Hi, strange man! How've you been?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (10:50)", "body": "you always post the sweetest things!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (01:12)", "body": "Yep - sugar for my honey... (Think they're going to accuse us now of hitting it off, babe?)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:53)", "body": "The World's Biggest Pipsqueak?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:16)", "body": "Ooh! Well, you know, as long as size matters pipsqueaks will always remain sex bombs. What is a Lummox?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (10:50)", "body": "From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) Lummox \\Lum\"mox\\, n. A fat, ungainly, stupid person; an awkward bungler. [Law.] -------------------------------------- From WordNet (r) 1.6 (wn) lummox n : an awkward stupid person [syn: lout, klutz, clod, stumblebum, goon, oaf, lubber, lump, gawk]"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:23)", "body": "How horrible! How can you call yourself that??? I like tammaCotC much better."}, {"response": 26, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:31)", "body": "Actually I always kinda just considered Lummox to mean a big, sorta clumsy person. Which is what I am, only smaller... I kinda like TommyCotC myself..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:42)", "body": "Yes, TommyCotC, that's what I meant - that thing, you know. But if Lummox has something to do with clumsiness, then I should just consider myself low-life member of the tribe!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:48)", "body": "Tommy's got another Siamese cousin?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:58)", "body": "Siamese triplets?? Wonder where I am. In the middle, you suppose?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (16:39)", "body": "It's more fun in the middle."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (01:07)", "body": "I'll stay here - I always dreamt about becoming a sandwich filling!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:47)", "body": "Mmmm, creamy filling..."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:35)", "body": "DELICIOUS!!!!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Feb 13, 1999 (13:55)", "body": "o k a y"}, {"response": 35, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Mar 11, 1999 (09:16)", "body": "I know who Wer is, and I told him! ;=}"}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Mar 11, 1999 (15:44)", "body": "yes, yes you did... glad you finally decided to get screwed, Alex!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Mar 12, 1999 (08:03)", "body": "Mr Slight, it was time to take the fall, wasn't it? I mean, how long can you resist... I tried, and I didn't do my worst, but you are truly a worthy opponent."}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Mar 29, 1999 (22:27)", "body": "even if I am a furby?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Mar 31, 1999 (11:47)", "body": "Arrh, right. Maybe not. But then - maybe an adequate match (is a furby really small and good to kick? With limited brains, too?). Don't overestimate me."}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 1999 (00:41)", "body": "I overestimate no one but myself..."}, {"response": 41, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 1999 (10:42)", "body": "no, my friend, you underestimate yourself!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 1999 (12:01)", "body": "yeah, yeah, yeah...it's all in your point of view..."}, {"response": 43, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Apr 18, 1999 (23:57)", "body": "http://www.amate.at/ asks the eternal (and relevant) question: \"Wer ist Bert Hellinger?\""}, {"response": 44, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (03:56)", "body": "Wow, an Austrian \"Institut f\ufffdr psycho-energetische Integration\" ! Boy, you sure get around!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "DERKAYA", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (07:51)", "body": "hi !"}, {"response": 46, "author": "DERKAYA", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (07:55)", "body": "I said \" Hi \" boys ??"}, {"response": 47, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (08:49)", "body": "hi !"}, {"response": 48, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (08:50)", "body": "I said \" Hi \" , Deniz!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (10:01)", "body": "howdy!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 19, 1999 (10:11)", "body": "Howdy-ho!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:09)", "body": "Alexander, do you realize that every German male I have ever met in my entire life studied physics? How does that HAPPEN??"}, {"response": 52, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:02)", "body": "German males study physics, right Alexander."}, {"response": 53, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 27, 2001 (00:15)", "body": "It is their birthright - genetic engineering, I think..."}, {"response": 54, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (09:06)", "body": "Has anyone heard from Alexander????"}, {"response": 55, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (11:10)", "body": "No, I'd love it if he'd pop back in, why don't you drop him an email?"}, {"response": 56, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (14:06)", "body": "haven't got the address. I haven't heard from him for ages and ages"}, {"response": 57, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Sat, Mar 31, 2001 (13:06)", "body": "I don't know if he's still at Little Italy or not, I haven't eaten their for a while."}, {"response": 58, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Apr  1, 2001 (00:12)", "body": "Please call him to see if he is alright!! I care! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 32, "subject": "all the reasons why ratthing is a useful piece of shit", "response_count": 10, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "There's only one way of finding out IF you're a useful piece of $hit. \ufffdBIG KISS\ufffd Nope, I didn't taste anything brown there. That makes you a useful piece of un$hit."}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:25)", "body": "He knows cool science stuff."}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (09:33)", "body": "why, spank you very much!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "and after the spanking, the oral sex!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "You giving me a job now?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (12:06)", "body": "am not even going there with ya, honey! but I do have a favor I'd like to ask..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "ha-ha!!! Fine, just spurn me the one moment, and ask a favour the next! And what would that favour be? Want a good muffin recipe?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:46)", "body": "nope, actually I was hoping for a good muffin taster..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:29)", "body": "I like my muffins with nuts. I usually eat the tops off first."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (07:04)", "body": "SEND 'EM NOW!!!! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 33, "subject": "Flatter <riette> here", "response_count": 44, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (13:54)", "body": "baaah! I've got nothing you can flatter, so I'll flatter you instead. You are a sweet guy, and look a little bit like a boy."}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:30)", "body": "as opposed to looking a bit like... (what?!?!?!)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (07:03)", "body": "Madonna."}, {"response": 4, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (20:36)", "body": "... like a virgin?!?!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "Like a prayer."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (07:31)", "body": "You Lucky Star, you."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (09:42)", "body": "Aren't we all? I love to tease."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "Really? I never noticed. How did I miss that?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (07:32)", "body": "Lack of keen observation and cunning plans...."}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (11:46)", "body": "or maybe I'm just not a cunning linguist..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (17:45)", "body": "oohh... gotta love the way that sounds (perhaps we should begin another word association?)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (20:39)", "body": "or maybe someone should give me a place to practice..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Aug 18, 2003 (23:57)", "body": "or at least a place to live."}, {"response": 14, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Tue, Aug 19, 2003 (04:10)", "body": "oi! where did you resurface from?!!!!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug 21, 2003 (14:41)", "body": "He's been busy reading Johnny Got His Gun ..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Aug 25, 2003 (11:33)", "body": "Nah, read that some time ago. And, I don't think I've actually resurfaced yet."}, {"response": 17, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 25, 2003 (21:44)", "body": "but your bubbles are coming to the top now... so we are quickly triangulating on your location... [me and my handy GPS] (hiya wer... how the hell are ya??)"}, {"response": 18, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Aug 27, 2003 (23:36)", "body": "(not as well as some, better than others...and, no, I'm not going to elaborate on that yet)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Thu, Aug 28, 2003 (04:02)", "body": "well, good to see you back after a multiple year hiatus...I've recently begun darkening these doors again myself. Was it my magnetic personality and sparkling wit that drew you out of your shell? No, thought not. Oh well. :-)))"}, {"response": 20, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  4, 2003 (10:41)", "body": "GPS! I have one I have not yet opened and a palm top to stash the maps on. Now, if only I knew how to make it work... Welcome back, father of Geo..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (12:34)", "body": "OMG, wer was here and i was too busy to notice--*HUGS*"}, {"response": 22, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Dec  5, 2003 (17:02)", "body": "re response 13...well, I found a place to live, now I desperately need a job (or a Christmas miracle or two...)"}, {"response": 23, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec  5, 2003 (18:01)", "body": "Hi, wer! Don't discount the miracles, they're happening all the time. Are you still a chef? Are you still in Texas? Enquiring minds want to know...not to mention how you're doing re response 18..."}, {"response": 24, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Dec  5, 2003 (18:03)", "body": "hi wer!!!! *HUGS*"}, {"response": 25, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Dec  6, 2003 (14:40)", "body": "Currently unemployed and still in Austin and as for 18, well, I think being sans job clearly fall within the boundaries of my comment there."}, {"response": 26, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Dec  7, 2003 (14:37)", "body": "Are you still interested in the restaurant industry, or are you out of that totally? I figure leading restaurants are always looking for skilled chefs. But I hear it's a very stressful atmosphere and often without benefits--definitely no good if you're trying to support a family. What are your plans?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Dec  8, 2003 (13:28)", "body": "Plans are, pretty much, to work for anyone who'll hire me. And, although I'd love to be a chef, out of respect for those who are, I'm just a cook (and sometimes kitchen manager) who can do a few other things also. I'd prefer to keep working in kitchens, but at the moment, just about anything would be better than my current nothingness of income."}, {"response": 28, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec  8, 2003 (19:47)", "body": "How about catering?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Dec  9, 2003 (12:14)", "body": "There's a bunch of them in town, and most of them prefer someone who already has catering experience and/or a dependable vehicle. (Have you noticed yet I've catalogued all the negatives? *smile*)"}, {"response": 30, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec  9, 2003 (18:51)", "body": "maybe you should try something completely different--what about kitchen management?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec 10, 2003 (11:41)", "body": "I really want something that is close to where I live and to where I use to live so that it will be easy to see my daughter, even when my vehicle finally dies. Oh, and I've been a kitchen manager a couple of different times, Wolf, but I've always moved up to that position after being hired, I've never gotten one when I applied for it."}, {"response": 32, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Dec 12, 2003 (18:05)", "body": "guess i don't understand why you couldn't, with your experience, be hired in straight up as a KM....so what would you like to do?"}, {"response": 33, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Dec 13, 2003 (02:49)", "body": "the job market in austin is pretty tight (all those layed off techies)... there are some jobs, though it depends on what you're willing to do... i know of a few that might lead to something, email me if you're interested (pmnh@sbcglobal.net) anyway, good luck wer (and autumn's right about 'christmas miracles')"}, {"response": 34, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (11:56)", "body": "Yep, Nick's got the tight job market thing correct. And, I'm starting to view my personal circumstances as something of a sitcom, unfortunately. For instance, for the past week I've been dealing with an abcessed tooth and when I finally gave up and went to the emergency room, I was on the mend. During that time, my phone was intentionally disconnected, and although I've signed up for a new service, it has started yet. This, by the way, is making it difficult to turn in job applications. And, although there are several jobs that I could apply for online, I only get 30 minutes at a time of internet use at the library. Wheeeeee!!!!! Anyway, I appreciate the kind thoughts and such, and will continue to document my misadventures for the amusement of more than just myself."}, {"response": 35, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (13:10)", "body": "We're going to have a job pretty soon for a property manager. The place is just about finished now and everyone is either moving out or getting evicted. But it's not a full time gig, just something for someone who wants a little spending money and free rent. And it's going to take an exceptional person."}, {"response": 36, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (11:29)", "body": "Wish my lease was about up, I'd be honored to be considered (even if I'm more of an exception than exceptional). Some good news, though...I bought two connected $1 scratch off lottery tickets yesterday, and won $3 on one and $2 on the other, so a little good luck came my way!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (06:27)", "body": "Riette, wherever you are, you're the greatest. You showed us your world of art. Keep plugging, wer. You have a lot of talent and capability. Have you thought of drumming up some websites to design? We could host 'em and help you with the tools you needed. I have a few projects now. We're shoestringing it, but we do have a few customers."}, {"response": 38, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (11:39)", "body": "That will definitely be a consideration when I have phone, and thus internet, connections at my apartment. And I'll take this opportunity to thank all those who have plugged along here over the years keeping the Spring a viable community!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (13:18)", "body": "And that Ree, she's great."}, {"response": 40, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (22:19)", "body": "Any idea where she is Terry??"}, {"response": 41, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (08:51)", "body": "No idea. Switzerland? South Africa? A hole in Northern Iraq?"}, {"response": 42, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (10:43)", "body": "she was going to school a couple of years ago (law school?)....REE, we miss you!!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (19:57)", "body": "I missed the world and am no longer on an island. I thought it was the location. I guess it is me! Wer needs a website to design... I can wish for whatever I want because it is Christmas and magical things happen... *SIGH* and *Hugs from me, too"}, {"response": 44, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (19:59)", "body": "Yup law school, and we all miss her. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 34, "subject": "And how were you Screwed today?", "response_count": 11, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (14:02)", "body": "Haven't been screwed since Sunday . . . that time of the month. \ufffdBIG SIGH\ufffd But Sunday was really good. Chris has a very funny way of asking (or rather demanding). He says: 'Let's get you naked, baby girl.' And never waits for an answer!!! But I do think it unfair when he does it in the middle of an argument - how is one supposed to stay angry??"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (19:26)", "body": "LOL!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "And how does yours ask, Wolfie?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (14:43)", "body": "they're supposed to ask first?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (23:45)", "body": "not if you're asleep..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 31, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "No, but when he asks/demands! Or aren't any words needed? Wer, nice to hear your voice...."}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:31)", "body": "I LIKE sleepy sex (and no, asking is never necessary if you are being roused from slumber)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (07:02)", "body": "Very true. I love that too. I love waking up with him asking, 'So did you enjoy it?', and I say, 'Enjoy what?', and he says, 'That thing I did last night, you know that thing you like so much...', and I'll think 'Jesus, and I thought I was having a wet dream!'"}, {"response": 9, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (21:10)", "body": "i usually wake up, how can you sleep through it? but he's asked me if i messed with him. then i wonder who the hell he was dreaming about! *grin*"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "ha-ha!!!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (20:38)", "body": "... never want (or can) sleep through it... I just enjoy remaining in the dreamy, drowsy delerium state for as long as possible and then drifting off again... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 35, "subject": "Let's get you naked!!!", "response_count": 5, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 28, 1998 (15:35)", "body": "Not much use getting naked for a person who sits on the other side of the world!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:32)", "body": "unless you had a Spring Cam. ... that leaves Paul! Hey Paul... oh Paul... we have some needs out here!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (06:59)", "body": "Good thing I don't - you'd all think it's a dry bouquet popping up on yer screens."}, {"response": 4, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (17:56)", "body": "Ooops, you missed it. Too late! And there I was nekkid for everyone to see."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Trust me, I wouldn't miss a naked man on my screen! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 36, "subject": "the Edgy and Cool topic", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (01:15)", "body": "This is the wrong topic for me to say: \"Let's rise to the occassion\", isn't it?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (17:12)", "body": "Hey, I feel edgy today and cool too. Are y'all edgy *and* cool?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (19:22)", "body": "ok, the edgy part but cool? nope, too hot!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "The mind is cool, the body on fire!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 23, 1999 (00:25)", "body": "shouldn't this now be, \"the edgy and tres cool topic\"?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:51)", "body": "Absolutely!!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (17:44)", "body": "Hey, where's all the cool and tres edgy folks gone?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 1999 (18:15)", "body": "Oh Alexander, except for you, that is it! I am pining for the old days not so long ago when we were much younger!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (21:00)", "body": "Oh but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now. ;)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 1999 (21:14)", "body": "It's only rock and roll but I like it!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (00:19)", "body": "we built this city on rock and roll!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 1999 (01:21)", "body": "Hot funk, cool punk even if it's old junk It's still rock and roll to me! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 37, "subject": "Terry's Art Language", "response_count": 5, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "wow! terry and i have the same taste in art!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 29, 1998 (17:13)", "body": "Stick with me babe, if it's art language ya need."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "Speakin' of which, Ray. How much longer do I need to pester you, before you'll come and join us? I can't even lure you across with a promise of erotic paintings to look at? Or the fact that you'll laugh yourself into a coma over Terry and Wolf's remarks - yesterday they were speculating over a 19th century lady's shoes ... whether they were Nike adverts or not. I'll even open you a dog painting topic!!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (09:46)", "body": "i have been over there, sweetie! i just don't have anything to say but i will make a concerted effort to begin making some comments over there, esp if you open up the dogs conf!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 30, 1998 (11:14)", "body": "Deal. I'll go see if I can find the dogs first! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 38, "subject": "wer's head: is it safe?", "response_count": 21, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  1, 1998 (07:47)", "body": "yes I hope so damned interesting question"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (01:19)", "body": "You realize we might have to get under your hair in order to find the answer...."}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:22)", "body": "i love it when you talk dirty"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (10:31)", "body": "well, that would be easier now, Riette... have recently had a haircut and shave..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "Doesn't mean we can't get under your hair . . . But I never talk dirty, Ray!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:36)", "body": "is this question directed at WER or are we all speculating? And is the aforementioned head safe for WER, or is it safe for the general populus? Therin lies the question and quite possibly the answer to all. the great Tahini (sauce?) has spoken."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (06:58)", "body": "Saucy."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (12:17)", "body": "Is it really broken? Is it still usable?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:40)", "body": "There are two things I'd like to say here; if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and, if you don't know what it does don't mess with it."}, {"response": 10, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:22)", "body": "La cabeza de WER never harmed me (physically) in any way. Oh, wait a minute... that's as long as we're talking about, ya know, the one with TWO nostrils..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:30)", "body": "And, just what did the other head do to you?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:28)", "body": "That's what I'd like to know too!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (11:04)", "body": "Me too..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (16:05)", "body": "If you don't know, I can't help you. You must sleep real sound. Like a log."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "Not exactly! Tommy, how's it going!! How's the world's microscopic little big lummoxlet doing?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Thu, Aug 28, 2003 (04:04)", "body": "I'm not sure this question was ever resolved..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 29, 2003 (16:49)", "body": "The World Health Organization was looking into it until they were derailed by those nasty anthrax scares..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (12:34)", "body": "*LOL*"}, {"response": 19, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Dec  5, 2003 (16:55)", "body": "Happy Holidays, all!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec  5, 2003 (18:02)", "body": "I wish you and yours a blessed holiday, too!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:04)", "body": "Happy Holidays and a Prosperous New Year, all, from the wilds of Kentucky and Tennessee. I suspect that might be welcome! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 39, "subject": "screwed welcomes isis", "response_count": 13, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (23:25)", "body": "can I take off my clothes?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Sure - some people wait all their lives to see a backside like yours!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (09:03)", "body": "Glad you're here, Isis"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "But she's not!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (17:21)", "body": "just because YOU can't see her, doesn't mean she's not here..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (22:52)", "body": "She collapsed before she made it to this topic. She's undergoing new user overload. Do you remember diving through years of content the first time you logged in?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:29)", "body": "We should start a support group for new users."}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:40)", "body": "let her know it's just all sex and food and stuff... she probably wouldn't want to read it all anyway. Just tell her to jump on in with the responses. No wait, I'll tell her... Isis, oh Isis, just jump on in with the responses! (we wouldn't want to warn her and miss the surprised look on her face when she realizes what she has delved into, now would we?) (Ready the Spring Cam!)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (22:34)", "body": "(um, we haven't run her off already have we, Terry?)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (03:59)", "body": "Does the fact that we stay make us thick skinned? I sometimes wonder."}, {"response": 11, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:25)", "body": "No, she's trying to keep up with 350 folks on ICQ. I got 5 icq messages from her today. Now multiply that times 350. Isis Love Child is very icqued."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (09:14)", "body": "yeah, be that as it may be, tell her she needs to get screwed often, as well..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "Knowledge put into practice, so to speak. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 4, "subject": "If you don't like it, yell at the hosts!", "response_count": 120, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (06:35)", "body": "It's kinda . . . kinda . . . screwy."}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:45)", "body": "What is it about, exactly?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:57)", "body": "What is what about?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:11)", "body": "The true meaningless of screwing."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (00:49)", "body": "not sure, but: paranoia is sitting back and watching the forces at play without noticing that you're the one pulling the strings..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "or the screws, for that matter..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (21:29)", "body": "This might be too profound for me; I'm still trying to figure out that military statement."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (23:34)", "body": "but, Autumn, preservation of Thailand's security, stability and independence will be critical for the maintenance of peace and the security of U.S. interests in the Southeast Asian region."}, {"response": 9, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (00:02)", "body": "That's exactly what I mean!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (07:18)", "body": "then why didn't you say so?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (10:42)", "body": "I was yelling too hard in the background for her to hear you..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:45)", "body": "(the peanut gallery has stepped up the madness)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:11)", "body": "Peanut gallery or whatever, somebody needs to raise a fuss whenever the phrase,\"important to our national interests,\" is used. Otherwise, one day we will wake up and find ourselves in another war like the Vietnam war."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:05)", "body": "That's the problem with Switzerland....except that they won't..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:33)", "body": "They Won't what?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:45)", "body": "Find themselves in a war..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:23)", "body": "Well at least you don't have to worry about your children going off to war and coming back in body bags."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "No, all I'm saying is that it will probably take a war to make these people realize how good they have it - they are a spoilt, ungrateful and feelingless people."}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "They weren't involved in the last several, what makes you think that they'll be in on the next one?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "Oh, I have not illusions - they won't. The only thing that could possibly provoke the Swiss into declaring war, is a doorknob inspection of other countries.....they hate anything that isn't polished."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "God help us all if they ever end up ruling the world."}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (10:37)", "body": "Riette, it sounds to me like you are a little down on the people around you. Are you homesick? Is living in Switzerland starting to get to you? Are somewhat small things becoming a pain? Or, are my perceptions way off?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (10:38)", "body": "By the way, when I spoke of the people around you, I did not mean your family."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:40)", "body": "Don't worry, I didn't think that - after all, they're not Swiss! I've always hated living in Switzerland, I've always found the people cold and cruel (which is probably inevitable coming from a third world country where people have no money, and no worries), and I am chronically homesick. But my husband is a Musicologist, which, together with what I do, is probably the most unpractical professional combination of two people imagineable! We're both desperate to get out to Australia, but it's so hard! My husband is English, and so I'm not sure if he's really keen to g t out, or whether he tries to keep me happy, and I'm not sure how he'd cope in more 'primitive' surroundings. This causes trouble for us, because as much as I love him, I cannot spend the rest of my life so comfy and pretty - it's just not in my blood - and at the same time, and for the same reasons, I cannot expect of him to follow my travelling passions. So I just don't know what the future holds for us. He is not keen on the idea of my doing volunteer work in the developing world, but it is somethin I feel I MUST do, and MUST share with my children; the responsibility of coming from that world is not something I take lightly, and he can't understand why. I guess it's not a rational enough sort of thing for a man to understand. So, I'm not sure where we're going - I guess I'll just have to wait and see; I have promised him that when the time comes, I'll limit myself to 3 months a year for as long as the children are in the house, because I would hate for them not to see him; they're very much i love with him, and we'll see how it goes from there. Why am I telling you all this??"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:46)", "body": "Why not?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:50)", "body": "I understand what you are saying, you feel such a bond with developing nations. There is so much to do, and you want to be a part of taking care of the problems You feel that much of the world has turned their back on the situation and you don't want to do that and you don't want your children to do that either. It makes lots of sense considering your background and your passion for life."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (15:34)", "body": "Riette, I told you before that you could talk to me about anything that is bothering you, or when you are feeling down, or just want to talk. And I'm not the only one. I'm sure that any of us would be more than glad to talk things out with you. So, to answer your question about why you are telling this to me: Because I'm here and I care. And so does everyone else here."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "I know, and it is very kind - I just didn't want you to think I'm complaining over my husband. I'm not, I love him. It is just that we have great differences at times, and that I'm not always quite sure how to compromise without compromising too much. Something I find very hard is the way people here go on about the poor developing world, and how horrible it is that people are being sent up in space while people are dying out there. They go on about it, mumbling and grumbling, but won't even send SFr. 5- as donations when the begging letters arrive in their postboxes. My husband says a hundred franks here or there won't make the slightest difference to their situation. And that is what I find difficult. He is incredibly kind, but I feel he (like most other Europeans) has had it too easy all his life. He grew up comfortably in England, studied in Oxford, Cambridge, Munich, Z\ufffdrich, had a doctoral degree by the time he was 23, has been earning a big wage eversince then. So, while he loves Africa for oliday making, while he's only too keen to give a few sents to street kids there, he cannot even imagine doing more than that. He honestly cannot imagine WHY I would want to 'waste my youth' working in those circumstances when I could be earning my own degrees; he dreams of my working at his side lecturing, and writing books. While these are great and noble aspirations, it would be no achievement for me at all. And that's where our biggest difference lies. We have these vastly different perceptions o achievement and Life's worth. I don't think it's a 'fault' on either our parts - merely a difference, which at times, seems too great to bridge. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining - I just never know how to talk about what I feel without offending people. It's not my intention."}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "First off, when something is bothering you, unload it here. Don't worry about what you sound like. Communicating is what is important. Be blunt if necessary. Don't hide behind semantics. I promise not to get offended. Besides, you don't complain overly much. You need to do what is right for you. When you figure that out. talk to him about it. But, only do this after your mind is made up. When he sees that your mind is made up, he'll be different about it, then he will be, when he thinks he has a chance to change your mind. This is just the way men are. We are kind of hardheaded until things come right down to an impasse."}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "yep, then we give in to those women who are important to us, and let them have their way..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "Hmm, that gives me a certain advantage, doesn't it? Very good to know, thank you, you two! I have made up my mind, but since I have to wait until the kids are big enough, I guess it doesn't feel real to him as it does to me. I find it strange that people don't take one seriously when you make plans for the long-term - they always think it's just dreaming. Then, when the long-term passes, and you do the thing you always knew you would do, they are shocked and say, but you never seemed serious about it! I wonder why that is."}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "more people live for the moment than plan for the future"}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "It won't seem real to him until you put a date to it, and start making preparations. Up until then, He'll think that he either has, or will, talk you out of it."}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:42)", "body": "Also, keep mentioning it to him, not so often so that you are nagging, but often enough that he never gets comfortable with the illusion that you've forgotten completely. This is important, because, if you don't talk about it for years and then, spring it on him, fully formed, you'll blindside him. He may then react in a way he doesn't really intend to, and that could cause unnecessary hard feelings between you."}, {"response": 35, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (20:54)", "body": "can someone please help with the text???? like, make it bolder/larger, or something, pleeeeeezzzeee!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (20:59)", "body": "Can someone put a more read-through-able wallpaper up so we can see what we are reading, please?!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (07:22)", "body": "It's gorgeous, but a little confusing. Can we do something about the text instead of the paper??"}, {"response": 38, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:23)", "body": "Ree, Just start the very beginning of the message (before you type any words) with brackets with b inside of them. At the end you use the same brackets with /b inside to close the HTML tag command."}, {"response": 39, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:26)", "body": "I love this wallpaper - I was the one who found it and encouraged its use. I was just afraid it was getting in the way of reading the posts. Posters of Screwed, embolden your words!!!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:45)", "body": "And Make em bigger too!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:50)", "body": "or just way different!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (11:10)", "body": "Just spare us the blinking ones. That would be worse than the wallpaper!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (11:18)", "body": "But the blue looks good, no?!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (11:19)", "body": "*giggle*"}, {"response": 45, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (15:30)", "body": "Blue looked great when I put all those Penn State scores all over the place last Saturday... Twas the night before Y2K, And all through the nation, We'd soon see the bug that, Caused such a sensation. The chips were replaced, In computers with care, In hopes that ol' Bugsy, Wouldn't stop there. While some folks could think, They were snug in their beds, Others had visions, Of dread in their heads. And Ma with her PC, And I with my Mac, Had just logged on the Net, And kicked back with a snack. When over the server, There arose such a clatter, I called Mister Gates, To see what was the matter. But he was away, So I flew like a flash, Off to my bank, To withdraw all my cash. Then word of the shortage, Caused such a demand, That the money was gone, And the streets were all jammed. When what with my wandering eyes, Should I see on my screen, But Millennium Bugsy, This must be a dream!. The Hack of all hackers, Was looking so smug, I knew that it must be, The Y2K bug! His image downloaded, In no time at all, He whistled and shouted, \"Let all systems fall!\" \"Go Intel! Go Gateway! Now HP! Big Blue! Everything Compac, And Pentium too! All processors big, All processors small, Crash away! Crash away! Crash away all!\" All the controls, That make the planes fly, And the microwaves for, The signals they rely. All through the system, To me, and to you, The predictions they made, Would soon all come true. And then came a twinkling, As midnight drew near, All over the globe, In each hemisphere. As I drew in my breath, And was turning around, Out through the modem, He came with a bound. He was covered with fur, With six legs outspread, Two beady eyes, And a chip on his head. With a sack full of virii, Flung on his back, He looked like a hacker, Just waiting to hack. His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples - how merry! As midnight approached, Though Things soon became scary. His droll little mouth was, Drawn up in a sneer, While he sat like a kid, Waiting out the new year. Two little antenna, Stuck out of his head, (Improved his reception, from what I've heard said.) He had a broad face, and a round little belly, But with six dirty socks, His feet were quite smelly. He was chubby and plump, Perpetually grinning, And I laughed when I saw him, Though my hard drive stopped spinning. A wink of his eye, And a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know, A new feeling of dread. He spoke not a word, But went straight to his work, He changed all the clocks, Then turned with a jerk. With a twitch of his nose, And a quick little wink, All things electronic, Soon went on the blink. He zoomed from my system, To the next folks on line, He caused such a disruption, Could this be a sign? Then I heard him exclaim, With a loud, hearty glee, 'This has been fun, I'll see you next century!'\""}, {"response": 46, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (15:34)", "body": "Oops! Wrong place to put that...but hey, it is screwed!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (02:34)", "body": "Let's see ..."}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (02:35)", "body": "YES YES YES!!!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (18:35)", "body": "GOOD GOOD GOOD!!!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (02:29)", "body": "Now how do I do that colour thing that Stace-face does?"}, {"response": 51, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (17:32)", "body": "well... use your <>'s again and inside put: font color=red and then do another set of <>'s with a /font inside... obviously if you don't want red... use another color! There are of course specific color numbers that you can use within quotes to get the EXACT color you want but... I like the easy way!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (17:33)", "body": "here's the same thing in bold so you can read it better well... use your <>'s again and inside put: font color=red and then do another set of <>'s with a /font inside... obviously if you don't want red... use another color! There are of course specific color numbers that you can use within quotes to get the EXACT color you want but... I like the easy way!"}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (00:56)", "body": "LET THERE BE GREEN!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (00:58)", "body": "'font colour=red' DO IT! '/font'"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (00:59)", "body": "HO HEY!!! I didn't even notice! IT WORKED! COOOOOOOLLLL!!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:02)", "body": "And again: COOL! BLUE BABY!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:03)", "body": "Think I should try yellow?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:08)", "body": "You could just tell us you did and let us puzzle through the wallpaper maze wondering what you were telling us...*grin* and you be giggling in the bushes at us"}, {"response": 59, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:10)", "body": "Blow it out your ear!!!"}, {"response": 60, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:11)", "body": "that was supposed to be in Yellow and therefore not readable. Hmmmm....Ree, try and see what happens when you do it!"}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (05:30)", "body": "Okay, wait. I'D LIKE TO SHAG A GERMAN SHEPERD EVERY THURSDAY OR SO"}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (05:31)", "body": "HA! If you can figure that out, my deepest, dirtiest secret will be out in the open!"}, {"response": 63, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (05:17)", "body": "(Whazzat - the guy or his dog? They come in those two flavors, but only one smell...)"}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (08:30)", "body": "Oh? I wouldn't know - I've only done it with the dog so far ...."}, {"response": 65, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (11:11)", "body": "(...and here I thought dogs were Man's best friend...! ...but I have read stories and seen pictures. Hmmmm....Don't know about the flavors, though)"}, {"response": 66, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (11:21)", "body": "Oh, you have seen PICTURES! *Blush* Tell us more..."}, {"response": 67, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (11:26)", "body": "Not a chance...I thought if I wrote this in regular type font no one would be able to read it...hmmm...perhaps I should have written it in Yellow!!!... Alexander, you are far too young to know about these things!!!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (11:27)", "body": "...or rather, don't. Might hurt male self-consciousness unnecessarily, besides, it's just distasteful. RIETTE! I MUST call you to order! As soon as I find that recipe, that dog is roast!"}, {"response": 69, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (12:04)", "body": "...sorry to have offended you so deeply, Alexander. I shall refrain from being anywhere near screwed in future lest I do more damage. I am tired, you want to talk to Ree, and I am interfering. I know nothing about animals and people - do not even like dogs...good bye!"}, {"response": 70, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (13:28)", "body": "You guys don't have to be angry with each other, because it wasn't anything like a recipe anyway. It read: I love to shag german sheperds every Thursday or so... See? I'm far better at being offensive than either of you! ha-ha!"}, {"response": 71, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (14:04)", "body": "Marcia, my tropical flower, I am not offended a bit. I just took up the cue from Riette, but then, reconsidered that I'd actually rather see a dog barbecued (and I DO have a recipe somewhere! Published in Der Spiegel, late Seventies) than abused. Perhaps that's just because dog roast is something I'd perhaps participate in, who knows? Anyhow, that's why I called her to order (as if that'd EVER work). And my Response 68 was the continuation of my Response 66. You sneaked in, and I hadn't even seen that post until now. I'm sorry you felt I were upset about something you said. I'm not, not at all. (BTW, about the only canine I like is our Wolf - I'm cat-people.) RIETTE! SEE what happened! AND YOU SAID IT AGAIN! I'll go look for my DARNED recipe, then that dog IS roast! Which will (a) be yet another thrilling experience in a life not lacking from thrilling experiences lately, and (b) the end of it.-"}, {"response": 72, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (14:12)", "body": "Don't roast the dog!!! 'Cos that would leave me with at least 2 weird choices: (a) to date you, since the dog will be in you, (b) to date other animals!! No, NO! You're not an animal, really!"}, {"response": 73, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (14:16)", "body": "OOPS! Looks like a big misunderstanding! Communication Breakdown? Ask \"Dr.\" Isabel! - I should know about communication problems between people - seems to be the story of my life! Y'all behave, ok?!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (14:22)", "body": "Interfrugal conversations, I call 'em.... You?"}, {"response": 75, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (15:20)", "body": "Thanks for your sweet comment. My heart is a lot less heavy now. I misunderstood (in my black misery this morning-after-the-tournament)your post, and misplaced posts happen all the time. I appreciate the time you took to explain your comments. You are a dear as I always knew you were. *hugs* And, you are a cat person, too, along with our absent friend and me. BTW, the filipino culture things dog is especially choice food. I can get you a real recipe if you would like!!!"}, {"response": 76, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (21:39)", "body": "thanks alex!! *smoooooch* isabel, tell us more about communication....it's so hard, sometimes, to hear the lilt in one's voice while typing away at the keyboard! ree, i got only as far as shag, the rest blended in too well for this wolfie's eyes. marcia, please don't post the dog food recipe, i would have to eat some grass and go out in the backyard to barf *grin* i am a dog loving wolfie, cats like me, though....can't figure that one out."}, {"response": 77, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Sep  5, 1999 (21:43)", "body": "I shall not ruin anyone appetite or sensitivities by posting such a recipe. As for why cats and dogs love you - we all do...cannot be helped! You are just plain ole lovable *hugs*"}, {"response": 78, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (01:17)", "body": "ha-ha! No, if I have to chose between dogs and cats, I'd choose guinea-pigs. I've still got all four, Tanky-Wanky, Flipsy, La-La and Poo, and they are the most affectionate little sweety pies on earth! And don't any of you even THINK about suggesting a recipe!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (01:25)", "body": "Never mind...my best friend growing up had them and they would call us in the morning to feed them. Soooo Soft...and big black eyes...Don't mention them in the same post with edible human stuff!"}, {"response": 80, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (05:19)", "body": "Hmmm - just edibly cute. And they smell so nice. I love cuddling and smooching them with my nose. I'm allowed to admit that here, because of the nature of the conference. am I not?"}, {"response": 81, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (08:12)", "body": "Hey! Cat-People! Guinea-Pig-Owners! Dog-Lovers (*grin*)! I've got two cats that live with me, and a third baby-kitten-intruder from the neighbourhood, that's visiting every day to eat up all the catfood. If you all like animals,not only stuffed and cooked, why is there no animal/pet conf? I'm new here and i don't know 'nuffin', but couldn't this be fun? Just think about all the pictures we could post! See my cat sleeping, look how she plays with a mousy, see her sitting in the garden, climb up a tree,eat her meal, licking her tummy.... And all the funny topics! \"What did my cat eat today\" \"The Cat Gallery\" \"Cooking for Cats\" \"My cats favourite music\" \"Cats philosophy\" \"Look what the cat dragged in\" Mmmh, sometimes I exaggerate... Oh, and Riette, this will work with guinea-pigs, too! ...and dogs, and horses, and..."}, {"response": 82, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (11:18)", "body": "YEAH! That's cool! And you could be host of the animal conference!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:13)", "body": "Yeah! And it'd be ANIMALKINGDOM !"}, {"response": 84, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:32)", "body": "But, are you not part of the AnimalKingdom?! BTW, Good Morning Alexander Dear!"}, {"response": 85, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:39)", "body": "Good Evening!"}, {"response": 86, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:47)", "body": "*sigh* ...Yes! How was today? We are just getting started on it (just after 8AM)...I hope it was a happy day for you. Must finish your second letter and get it back to you. (Now, if we all used cooridnated universal time...we still would not know whether it was morning or night for other posters whose locals we did not know...)"}, {"response": 87, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:58)", "body": "if we're talking new conferences, can i host an animal one, huh? can i? huh, huh, huh????"}, {"response": 88, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (13:59)", "body": "Hey, thanks very much!...but a little Kitty-Corner would be totally satisfying... and maybe a \"Canine-Corner\" for Wolf? Marcia: \"Other posters whose locals we do not know...\" If You're talking to me: It's about 20:30 Middle-European Time and getting dark outside. Oh, and it's raining a bit."}, {"response": 89, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (14:02)", "body": "Oh, Wolf! Hi to You! Took me so long to write my first posting, so You just \"sneaked\" between me and Marcia. I would be glad to have a little Kitty-Topic on Your Animal-Kingdom- Conference!"}, {"response": 90, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (14:03)", "body": "i don't think she was just talking about you, isabel...i'm not even sure what her and john's time is, or alex. i'm cst so right now it's 1337 (and for non 24 hour clockers, that's 1:37PM) oh, and it's cloudy and muggy. i would be happy to host an animal conference with appropriate topics. terry, let me know...."}, {"response": 91, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "Yes, Yes, Yes!"}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (14:12)", "body": "0830 here in Sunny Hawaii...and, Wolf...The conference has to be yours. Too perfect *lol* and we will all help!"}, {"response": 93, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (14:13)", "body": "is it monday there, marcia? see, cuz it's tuesday in new zealand, so's i was just wonderin'...."}, {"response": 94, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (14:17)", "body": "Like I said once before, we are the last place on earth, just about, to get \"today\" so it is Monday. December 31st (Y2K) all of our computers will still be functioning long after the rest of the world has BIOS'd out...or so the story goes. John and I will be talking to each other !"}, {"response": 95, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (01:06)", "body": "\ufffdVisciously taking pictures of my guinea piggies.\ufffd Think I'll call my topic, 'Wanky and friends'"}, {"response": 96, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (01:11)", "body": "There you go! (I did not know Guinnea pigs were into Wanky activity!)Wolf keeps begging the powers ^up there^ for a furry conference..."}, {"response": 97, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (10:26)", "body": "I would be great fun having a furry conference! Actually that guinea pig's name was originally Tinky Winky - named by my teletubby mad kids - but Elza can't pronounce it right, and keeps calling her Tanky Wanky. And Po she calls Poo. And now I've adopted it too - the vulgar connotation is purely incidental. My language is absolutely ridden with baby pronunciations - quite bizarre stuff!"}, {"response": 98, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (20:10)", "body": "Not bizarre at all, unless we are all guilty of this behavior (in which case it might be termed \"normal?!\") There are still terms I use which are so much more descriptive than the ususal ones which were borrowed from a creative child."}, {"response": 99, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (20:51)", "body": "i had a guinea pig too. her name was charlotte. she would wait for kisses from my big dog. i gave her a bath, she caught a cold, we took her to the vet, gave her shots of vitamin c via a syringe in her mouth and i still lost her. i cried. never thought i could become attached to a rodent! gp's are much different from gerbils. they actually want to have something to do with their owners whereas gerbils and hamsters are always looking for ways to escape! charlotte was all white with a little whirl on her orehead. never did like the looks of the ones that were whirled all over. but the day charlotte died, i had her out of her cage on the living room floor and she kept crawling to find solace between my legs and the floor. loved to hear her squeak when she knew we were home or getting out of bed. what a sweetie! terry, hurry up! *grin*"}, {"response": 100, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (20:54)", "body": "oh, and speaking of kiddie terms, i still call those bows and ribbons that go in your hair \"pretties\" thanks to my daughter. in fact, when i'm talking with adults, i have to force myself to use the correct term!"}, {"response": 101, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (20:59)", "body": "Yup!"}, {"response": 102, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (02:46)", "body": "Ha! I know! My kids call ribbons 'flowers'! You're right about guinea pigs though, Wolf. Not only do they love dogs, but they really like their owners as well - not like hamsters at all. Bunnies are like that too. I had a little black bunny who was potty trained, so I never kept her in a cage, and she followed me absolutely EVERYWHERE - in the evenings we would sit and watch the tennis together! She died of a tumor just 2 weeks after Isa was born, and I was upside down for weeks. I would like t get another bunny, but now I'm afraid of growing too attached again - the guinea pigs are bad enough. I adore them so much. When I lived on my grandfather's farm as a kid, pets were a BIG thing. When I was ten I had about 50 guinea pigs - sometimes less, sometimes more, 3 dogs, 10 cats, an orphan porcupine, a meercat that I found with a severed right front paw one day, some exotic birds in a cage the size of a tennis court, and an orphan kudu baby. It was amazing, and amazingly hard work! I always t ought I'd become a vet. Pity it didn't work out that way - would've been so much more useful than painting."}, {"response": 103, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (11:22)", "body": "ouch about the bunny Ree... Woo woo another topic... what's it called for us telnetters!?!?!"}, {"response": 104, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (11:23)", "body": "oops... sorry 'bout the little text... here it is again... ouch about the bunny Ree... Woo woo another topic... what's it called for us telnetters!?!?!"}, {"response": 105, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (13:53)", "body": "We don't know yet, Stacey. Wolf is trying to get Terry to give us a furry conference, so we can rave about our pets - but we're raving already, so I doubt it'll be necessary!"}, {"response": 106, "author": "Isabel", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (15:19)", "body": "I can't wait any longer! I'm getting impatient! Think of all the funny cat-fotos I have! At my place everything's upside down, because of the intruder-baby-cat! My cat doesn't like him very much and allways spits at him, the second, my tom-cat, fears him and always leaves the house, when the intruder comes. This morning, I woke up because \"something\" was biting into my toes, I opened my eyes and the intruder-kitten was sitting in my bed - purring and biting my hand off..."}, {"response": 107, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (16:32)", "body": "\"Intruder Kitttttten From Outer Space\" - please tell us more in Paranormal! STACEY! I STILL haven't seen a pic of your Alien Tracking Device in the Abductions topic there... PLUS there's some research around your office to do Re: Salty Pumpkin Recipes... *Impatiently tapping the floor*"}, {"response": 108, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (16:15)", "body": "So, has any progress been made in the Conf-matter?"}, {"response": 109, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (16:16)", "body": "And how about Stace's pics?"}, {"response": 110, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (17:47)", "body": "I have emailed Stacey twice that I had put her problem picture on my spring hard drive space and sent her the url to post it. I have heard nothing back from her about it, and she has not posted the picture. I shall soon delete it if I do not hear further so it does not use up space that something else might need (do not know just how these things work.)"}, {"response": 111, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (20:23)", "body": "There's a pic of Stacey floating around? Do we get to see it?"}, {"response": 112, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 1999 (20:46)", "body": "I have it on my space at access.spring.net...I could send it to you...or I could post it for her, but I think that would be a little overbearing...she has the URL for it...suggestions?! It is viewable at http://access.spring.net/~critter/Stacey's%20pix/festivalcropped%20-%20stace.jpg"}, {"response": 113, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (02:42)", "body": "You mean THIS one?"}, {"response": 114, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (02:43)", "body": "It's COOL, Stacey? When/where was that taken? Brandon is not ugly either..."}, {"response": 115, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (02:43)", "body": "OOPS! I meant: it's COOL STacey!!"}, {"response": 116, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 1999 (17:39)", "body": "yeah... I like that T capitalized too Ree-head! *grin* The picture was from a fair last year here in Colorado We were trying on hats at a hat vendor booth... yeah... I think he's pretty 'not ugly' too!"}, {"response": 117, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (07:47)", "body": "Hey, their were a lot of other pix in that directory too! And Autumn Moore looks like Mariel Hemingway, what a bevy of babes we have here!"}, {"response": 118, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (13:16)", "body": "You're RIGHT, Terry! THAT's who she reminded me of! But taller and thinner than Mariel Hemingway."}, {"response": 119, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 1999 (15:00)", "body": "Lots of pictures in that file - and just about every one posted somewhere on the Spring...or waiting for me to post them in appropriate topics."}, {"response": 120, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 1999 (04:18)", "body": "Cool! Bring 'em on! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 40, "subject": "celebrate screwed's 40th topic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", "response_count": 8, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (21:54)", "body": "screwed at 40, what a hyperactive child."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (23:28)", "body": "which, although similar, is quite different than hyper-screwing 40 actively, child!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (23:29)", "body": "or even hyper-screwing actively at 40..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "Oh, you have no idea of how screw-wise guys get at 50; quite an experience, I must say."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (09:04)", "body": "you're right, Riette, I don't..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (11:27)", "body": "I suppose they take lessons from you?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (17:22)", "body": "didn't say that..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (05:35)", "body": "but I'm not too far off? ha-ha! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 41, "subject": "We're screwed because . . .", "response_count": 17, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  2, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "we're easy?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "we're sluts?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (09:06)", "body": "we care?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (11:28)", "body": "Defenitely not! Gosh, I've never talked so much bullshit as I do in here in my LIFE!! What a conference!!!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (17:24)", "body": "now there's a quote for your flyers, Terry..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  3, 1998 (23:30)", "body": "we're Beatrice?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (05:36)", "body": "LOL"}, {"response": 8, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (11:27)", "body": "we're alive?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "visitor", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (16:33)", "body": "we aren't?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (20:27)", "body": "aren't we?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:51)", "body": "I ASSumed we were..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (21:26)", "body": "Odd that there is no conference topic here devoted to the likes of Gilles de Rais or Erzabeth Bathory. I read a book on the latter while disposing of my house and the troll that had become entrenched there. Or is the cannibalism topic the one here that deals with such items?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Mar  2, 2005 (17:54)", "body": "It was my understanding that in Screwed, every topic dealt with every item, or maybe it was that every topic dealt with absolutely no items...hmmm..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar  3, 2005 (06:40)", "body": "It's item by item."}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (16:27)", "body": "actually I had a conversation with a guy who was volunteering self for consumoption... which reminds me of a legal case in Germany. Hmmm..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (17:37)", "body": "eeeuuuuwwww!!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (19:44)", "body": "well.. he asked... !! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 42, "subject": "Screwed Support Area for New Users", "response_count": 56, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep  4, 1998 (10:25)", "body": "Well, as far as you know."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Oh my God, this could get uuuuGLY!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep  5, 1998 (12:40)", "body": "You mean traiditon of high cacaphony?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "Sympathy for new users, is the phrase that Springs to mind."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (02:48)", "body": "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (03:42)", "body": "his wealth lies in his wit and he likes to taste... (suggestions anyone?!?!)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep  6, 1998 (06:57)", "body": "ha-ha!! ...and he likes to taste anything distasteful!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:56)", "body": "Where's the FAQ?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:57)", "body": "Could it maybe that old standby at: www.realtime.net/~abner/faq.html ?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (15:22)", "body": "mayhaps..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:31)", "body": "Weird...."}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:42)", "body": "Normal is no fun."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "Normal is a concept thought up by stick ar$es."}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:07)", "body": "Yes, it is. BUT, the question is: Why?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "To detract from the stick up their ar$e, of course!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "Or what say you?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:29)", "body": "It would seem to be easier to remove the stick. But probably not as much fun for them. Some people enjoy being miserable."}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:17)", "body": "Hey, I get called that a lot!!!(?)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:44)", "body": "WHAT?? Stuck up?? or NORMAL."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "I wonder which of the two would offend me more...."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:09)", "body": "What, being them ,or being called that?"}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:33)", "body": "Both. They're like black and white - I prefer grey."}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:01)", "body": "Good point, that is one of my faults, I tend to see things as black or white."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:14)", "body": "Me too pretty much. But I'm trying hard to be better, and to relax my opinions on things a little, because they're not always particularly tolerant towards others, which is no noble thing to have to admit to..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (10:48)", "body": "I have the same tolerance problem, except that I am very tolerant of other people, just not very tolerant of their viewpoint. I am extremely intolerant of viewpoints that conflict dramatically with mine. I can separate the viewpoint from the person, however. And sometimes just have to agree to disagree on something. which, I'm sure is a step in the right direction. I just have to get into the habit of doing it more often."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "I don't even manage to seperate the people from the viewpoints alot of the time. This is probably my greatest wekaness."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "It is not as hard as you think. Look at the person. look at their good qualities realize that, if you strongly dislike their viewpoint, and you don't separate them from their viewpoint, you'll end up dissasociating yourself from this person. Ask yourself if it is worth it."}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:58)", "body": "If you refuse to deal with someone, you shut yourself off from their good qualities also. Got to make sure it's worth it."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "I know it isn't. I am trying - but sometimes I fail."}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "So you are human, Riette, The world already has enough people that think that they are God. We all fail, Nobody is perfect."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:09)", "body": "No wonder I feel so AT HOME in the world! Sometimes I'm scared that 'nobody's perfect' is too convenient an excuse for my faults. Then I get confused."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:43)", "body": "Nobody's perfect is a fact of life. It means, that no matter how hard you try, you will never be perfect. But then, neither will anyone else."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:50)", "body": "But if you think, oh, nobody's perfect anyway, you might stop trying to be good at all. At least I would - I am by nature a spoilt person."}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:14)", "body": "You are not, Riette. You are a perfectionist. And you know that the only to get close to perfect, is to try to be perfect. Perhaps fudging, a little, here and there."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "Me a perfectionist?? Not at all! I don't know, it's more like I'm scared of dissappointing the people who love me. I would hate to do that. NO, that sounds like perfectionist too. I just want them to know how much I care, and not cause them pain. And then, when I do, I hate myself for it. Something like that. I'm going to go play with my guinea-piggies now, before I start...."}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (13:28)", "body": "Riette, before you start what? Reread what you wrote above. and tell me what a perfectionist would do differently."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "They would fold their socks properly, and iron their clothing. I don't do that."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:14)", "body": "OK you have a point there Riette. I stand corrected."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "Thank you, thank you! And how are you going to make up for calling me a perfectionist?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "OK Riette, How about a thousand lashes with a wet noodle?"}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (06:59)", "body": "Too messy. I was thinking more along the lines of hands and knees."}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:17)", "body": "Riette, that sounds Interesting. And what did you have in mind next?"}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "A head in my lap, humbly begging for forgiveness!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "Oh hey, Riette, that sounds like fun!! When do I start?"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:16)", "body": "As soon as you can get down on your hands and knees!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "OK Riette, I'm in the requisite position. This I gotta see!!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:21)", "body": "Don't you get cocky with me, young man! Keep those eyes lowered! The slave is never allowed to look the mistress in the eyes. He has to shut up, and do everything she wants him to do."}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:23)", "body": "Riette, a promise, is a promise!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:18)", "body": "Then do that bottom thing I like so much to start with..."}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:25)", "body": "Yes Riette, I think that I'll start there and then....."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:03)", "body": "I can't say that word here, Tim!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:20)", "body": "OOPS!!! thats right!! got to be in the other conference for that."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:14)", "body": "But there IS no 'Swear at Will' conference."}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "WELL THEN, Riette, maybe we ought to start one. What say you?"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "As if you swear!!!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "I try not to, Riette, but I occasionally let something slip. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 43, "subject": "Physical Unattractiveness: who is the ugliest muthafucka here?", "response_count": 43, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:28)", "body": "No, dammit...ME ME ME!!!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:31)", "body": "oh puh-leeeeez. i am so ugly my mama used to stick my face in cookie dough to make gorilla cookies!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:35)", "body": "hahaha!! sorry ray, but that was a good one. you know, i gots da botes of you's beat-broke every branch on the ugly tree fer sure dude!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:37)", "body": "since you two aren't completely informed... shave off all this hair, and prepared to face the full force of RADIANT GOD GIVEN UGLY!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:40)", "body": "well, if God gave it to you it can't be all that bad.....you're not going to shave it all off are you? but, we like big tall hairy men! it's just the hairy babes that are pretty scary (esp when we haven't shaved *yikes*) btw: hi wer!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:43)", "body": "hiya, hairy wolfsie! (gotta admit, I wouldn't want to play with a bald wolf...)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:44)", "body": "hahaha!! ooooooouuuuuuuueeewwwwwww!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (04:00)", "body": "Can't believe you've created yet another topic to mock me, Ray!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:26)", "body": "Umly dumly Award?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "You mean I get it? Why, thank you, how very kind!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:41)", "body": "I deserve it--my teeth are so crooked, even a zillion dollars worth of dental work when I was a kid couldn't keep them straight!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:13)", "body": "Teeth are there for eating, not to put on display. These models you see on magazine covers sometimes, with the huge smiles, I always wonder if they're trying to cool off their teeth or something. I mean, it doesn't look like a smile, ya know the kind one gives when being genuinely friendly or amused. So what else could it be? I suppose I'd be hot inside my mouth too after a ten hour make-up session."}, {"response": 13, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "think about it though, if we sat through a ten hour makeup session we'd look' just like them, ugh! they don't look any better than we do, really. heck, even the magazines fess up to fixing these gals through computer technology. see, that's it, why can't people just accept women in all the shapes and sizes we come in? why don't they put REAL women on the covers of magazines? we're the majority who shop for clothing, not the 5 or 6 gals who wear a size 2! get this, i was passing by one of my fav places (though i don't shop there often) and they had this big sign outside that said we now carry size 2! i'm thinking, well that's great, but do you have this in 10-12-14????? one of each please for the different times of the month! maybe some of us real women should put our heads together and design fashion for regular women and regular women would model it, and yes, we'll get their faces and hair done. wouldn't that be cool??? damn, wish i had some monies and a head for business!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (13:18)", "body": "Quite!!! I'm a size 10, and wouldn't get this ar$e of mine into a 2 if I stopped eating for a year! I was probably size 2 the day I was BORN, know what I mean? I wouldn't even WANT to be a 2 - my husband (and previous boyfriends, I may add!) calls my five sizes over that 'soft and curvy'; now, I'd rather be fat and called 'soft and curvy', than be a model, and feel like a skeleton. And anyway, how would one sleep on one's stomach with pelvis bones like a pair of rhino horns???? Some men do like the keleton look/feel, but I've never been with one of those, so they must be about as scarce as that sort of figure. If you were a designer, what sort of clothes would you design for women like us, hey? I suppose we could always go to a photographer and have fancy photos taken to make our mugs look more bearable at least, but the one time my mum dragged me to one, I ended up laughing my butt off at myself. All that hair doing, and unwearable clothes, and the fan blowing one's hair like the 'wind' - ha-ha!!!!! In the end I said, nah, this is not for me, and Mum never got her fancy photos."}, {"response": 15, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (08:02)", "body": "the fancy photo shops around here makes these gals look like sluts, sorry to say. they get to pick out their costumes so maybe that's part of the problem! i'd design clothes for the different shapes we come in, you know, i'm short-waisted so i can't wear hip hugger pants because i feel totally naked, and petit clothes don't help women with short waists and longer legs..so i'd concentrate on those areas-long torso/short torso etc. for example, because i carry my weight in my arse and hips, the pants i wear look humongous compared to my tiny top half so i look way out of proportion because if i tuck my shirts in, my upper half looks even shorter than it is.....oh, riette, i know you understand what i'm saying even if i can't get it out right!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:42)", "body": "Say no more, sister, I understand! At least you can identify your problem. Not so here. I'm not short waisted or short legged or long legged, I have no stomach, my breasts aren't particularly small, and they aren't particularly big - I can't quite figure out which parts exactly are badly arranged. And that's BAD. I can wear everything - I just don't look good in any of it. When other girls wear bootlegged pants, they look cool. When I wear bootlegged pants, I look like a cake tin. How bloody come, I ask thee??? Personally I would design clothes that cover the whole head too; that way nobody would know who the bad shape belongs to."}, {"response": 17, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (15:38)", "body": "ok, let's dress like mummies only with big baggy bags on! i don't like how i look in a lot of things. sometimes i do feel good about myself and don't worry about what other people think. but others, i feel like they're looking at me because they can't believe how ugly i am!! isn't this sad? and then when i break out (do we ever outgrow that?) i feel like the wicked witch. the only part of me that i actually like are my breastages. (funny, i've never told that to anybody before). *cough* maybe we should move this conversation to the inner sanctum where we can start our own topic!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (15:42)", "body": "oh, i have the perfect visual--have you seen the movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs? well, i'm the short, stocky, dark-haired one. people like me because i'm clever with words, not because i'm nice to look at. and that's ok, at least i know i have a personality."}, {"response": 19, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:35)", "body": "Sing it, sisters! This is the story of my life..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "At least you stand head and shoulders ABOVE life!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (08:00)", "body": "yeah you tallll thing Autumn! at least when you bloat no one notices but when we short gals bloat, it's like \"what happened to you?\" someone actually asked me if i was pregnant one time, can you believe that??? i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who feels this way at times, thanks, Autumn and Riette!! *hugs*"}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (08:22)", "body": "We three seem to have taken over this topic! Ugly muthafuckas! ha-ha!!! I actually managed to find some really good photos of Sonja and me, which Wer will hopefully post at some point. Never thought I could look so pretty on a photo...."}, {"response": 23, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:23)", "body": "I wish my sister and I had a picture done together. You have any sisters, wolf?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (21:58)", "body": "no, have a brother though...my daughter and i are practically sisters!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:12)", "body": "Except you always win the make-up fight!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 22, 1998 (07:57)", "body": "haha!! believe it or not, we've been there, done that! (she used to play with my lipstick!!)"}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "My two use any chance they can get to go into mine - luckily I ONLY have lipstick, so there's not much they can ruin!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (14:45)", "body": "halloween is the only time i'll put color of any type on my child's face. she likes her nails done too, so that's something we do all the time. (fingers and toes). once, when she got up too early, she proceeded to manicure all her babies! yup. all her baby dolls have pink nails now....."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "HA-HA!!!!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:16)", "body": "Zoe dyed Robin's hair for her once when she was asleep..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:30)", "body": "What colour???? HOW??? Didn't Robin wake up at some point???!!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:43)", "body": "the one she had bought...she opened the box, got out the dye and put it on, not for a long time (after the carpet and a few towels had been dyed as well)"}, {"response": 33, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (20:39)", "body": "hahahaha!! just keep the scissors away from her, ok?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "OH, boy!!! From now on I'm sleeping with a swimming cap over my head - don't want my hairs cut off or dyed. I might wake up with a perm one morning! \ufffdshiver\ufffd"}, {"response": 35, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:00)", "body": "what's scary about that is it'll probably come out really good!!! Sophia touched her head with scissors once (cut off about 6 inches of just little section of hair. fortunately for her it wasn't a big chunck that couldn't be made to blend in!)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (00:56)", "body": "When we were 11 years old, my sister and I once had a huge row over who really was the bionic woman. The only way to reach a fair outcome, was to measure our hair - the one with the longest hair got to be the bionic woman. And her's turned out to be 2 cm longer than mine, and she was GLOATING over it all day, running around in slow motion, jumping in slow motion, throwing back the hair, the works! So I waited until she was asleep, cut a piece off each of her pony tails, and waited until the next mornin . Same argument, same solution - she never figured out how I managed to win it!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (22:01)", "body": "*rotflmao* i remember the bionic woman!! i used to have the action figure!!!! and did she make the super bionic sound everytime she did those things? *dananana dananana*"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 27, 1998 (04:02)", "body": "Yes! It annoyed my Mum beyond utterance. But she had some really cool outfits from her seventies wardrobe, and let us wear these, so we always had the proper bionic woman outfits to wear! And the ear, remember - \ufffdbleep bleep bleep\ufffd. PLUS: we made ourselves huge platform shoes, using four bricks tied together, and tied to our feet - to be as tall as the bionic woman, you see. But it also helped a great deal with the slow motion running. Very tiring! The funniest thing was that it was all in AFrikaans!! We taped almost all the episodes, so every time I go home, my brother gets out the tapes, and we are like CRAWLING around with laughter."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 27, 1998 (04:03)", "body": "Oops - not finished yet. I wanted to say about how shocked I was when I discovered, aged 16 or so, that Lindsay Wagner and Lee Majors weren't Afrikaners."}, {"response": 40, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 28, 1998 (10:56)", "body": "I bet! With their voices dubbed over. The funniest thing I ever saw was watching the show Dallas (remember that?) when visiting my grandparents in Germany. It was hilarious watching the lips moving but the voices not matching at all! On The Bionic Woman, I never did the platform shoes stuff (bricks?) but did pretend with my brother, who, of course, was the Bionic Man! Another role game we played was Star Wars and Battlestar Gallactica! God did we have fun!!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "Same here! And my brother made a viscious little Darth Vadar with a little plastic sword that Mum bought for him once! And when we played Buck Rogers we used to force him into a paper bin so that he'd make a more convincing Twiggy. He payed us back a few years later when he ended up being twice our size...."}, {"response": 42, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (03:25)", "body": "haha!! we had this running episode of star wars when i was in the fourth grade--every day at recess we'd pick up where we left off the day before! oh, and my brother and i would ride our bikes and pretend to be truck drivers. remember when you had to pretend everything and didn't have all the accessories they have nowadays? we'd be talking on the CB through our hands!! *come in, charlie, do you read, kirrrrschtttt* what a sight we must have been to other people...."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 29, 1998 (09:46)", "body": "hilarious!!!!!!!! How soothing to know we weren't the only crazy childers to walk the earth! I feel so old when I think that Isa and Elza will probably find these persons I so looked up to when I was young, old fashioned squares! Do your kids like any particular movie stars/cartoon characters? screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 44, "subject": "Since ratthing lost weight his _____ looks really nice.", "response_count": 42, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:29)", "body": "butt"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (04:02)", "body": "hair?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:42)", "body": "teeth."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (23:41)", "body": "berga"}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (10:51)", "body": "What the hell is that? (not familiar with rodent anatomy) He's got parts I never even heard of!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:14)", "body": "Yeah, me to - what on earth could that be???"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (16:58)", "body": "and back to the topic's command... latest posting"}, {"response": 8, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:37)", "body": "awwwwww, aint you sweet."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (23:35)", "body": "enough to eat..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:07)", "body": "Don't tempt him!! You must be thin as a rake by now, hey Ray?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:07)", "body": "i have lost 38 lbs thus far and am down to 213, with 180 as my goal weight. i figure i should be there aroun march or april of next year. i have so far spent about $200 to have 3 suits re-cut and have had to have my pants recut as well. i can fit into suits and sportscoats that i have not been able to wear in six years!!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (00:11)", "body": "if I ever hit 180 again Ray, the people around me will go bonkers... haven't weighed that little since sometime between 1982 and 1985... (congrats, by the way!)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "That is so great, Ray. PLEASE send us a photo! How much is 180 pounds?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:39)", "body": "About 88 kilos. That might be a high estimate, but not by much."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:10)", "body": "How does one convert pounds into kilogrammes then? Does it mean I weigh over a HUNDRED pounds???"}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:46)", "body": "Pounds divided by 2.2 equals Kilos. You probably do Weigh over 100 pounds. The normal weight for someone your size is 135."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:51)", "body": "Well, I'm 56 kilogrammes, and I don't care if that's over 135 pounds or not - I'm NOT going on a diet, because I love to eat!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:17)", "body": "Let's see, Riette. 56 Kilos is 123.2 pounds. So, you've got nothing to worry about."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "Guess how much I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant? 72 Kilogrammes!!! ha-ha! So I just kept sending Mum the photos of 4 months and 6 months, and she thought I looked beautiful all through pregnancy!!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:16)", "body": "Wow Riette! I bet It was no fun losing all that weight after the baby was born."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "It was no problem - it went by itself. I could never go on a diet - it would kill me! But I breastfed both babies, and I think that helps to get one back to normal quickly - don't ask me why. The experts say so. I didn't really care at the time though - I was much to excited!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "Riette, If you ever write that piece for a women's magazine, I suggest that you use a fake address, because you'll be the envy of just about all of them. Losing weight without trying."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:04)", "body": "huh? I really don't have the kind of body that other women normally envy; I'm no athlete or anything like that. Just sort of put together and left that way. But it doesn't bother me. As long as it works and takes me where I want to go, I don't care much how it looks. I've just accepted it as it is, and don't push it this way or that. So it sort of looks after itself, I think. Aren't people who are obsessed with their bodies more likely to develop problems anyway? I mean, if you walk around all da , thinking, 'musn't eat that, musn't do that - OF COURSE you're going to get so obsessed that you'll overdo it when you give in.'"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:18)", "body": "Riette, I never thought of it that way. That makes a lot of sense."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "To me anyway; or perhaps it's just a way of justifying an unhealthy life! I don't really care."}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "Riette, If it ain't broke don't fix it."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:17)", "body": "Wisdom wrapped in Yankhood!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:24)", "body": "Riette, What is a yankhood?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:22)", "body": "That tag on your forhead that says, 'I'm a Wank!'"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:24)", "body": "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! That's it, I can't ever show my face here again!!! That was a typing mistake!!!!! Really! NO, REALLY, TIM! I meant: That tag on your forehead that says, 'I'm a Yank.'"}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:25)", "body": "Doggone, Riette, someone must have written something on one of my bandaids!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:27)", "body": "Riette, you must realize that sometimes a freudian slip is a slip of the finger, not always the tongue."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:19)", "body": "And that was Freudian as hell! ha-ha! I rather enjoyed the way it came out actually - was it good for you too, baby?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:27)", "body": "It sure was, Riette, Fantastic!!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:02)", "body": "Consider it foreplay!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:23)", "body": "Riette, I think that there are better kinds of foreplay. However I am always open to new ideas"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "There is bodily foreplay, and there are playful minds...."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "And, Riette, That is a promising combination!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Promise? Oh goodness, I have to go do the cooking! I can hear Chris coming up the stair, and I don't even have clean undies for him for tomorrow! $hit - trouble again!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "I promise, Riette!!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:03)", "body": "head"}, {"response": 42, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 27, 2001 (00:19)", "body": "So, where's an updated photo of the man himself all svelte and suave? Head will do, too. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 45, "subject": "Shaft!", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:39)", "body": "five and half inches, fully (and painfully, I might add...) engorged..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:42)", "body": "ouch, painful?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:45)", "body": "before sweet release, sometimes..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (04:07)", "body": "And for those of you who wondered, like me, what the heck this is all about: 'anything long and straight a stem an arrow a missile (!!!!) the main, upright, straight part of anything the part of a cross below the arms (and I always thought it was part of a cross below the waist!!) the part of a column between the base and the capital (ha-ha!!!!) a straight handle a pole a RAY (Ha-HA!!!!) of light a rotating rod that transmits motion (???)' In other words: Willy Talk!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (07:18)", "body": "actually, and a little late it seems, what Ray was actually talking about is a movie..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:08)", "body": "yo damn right!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:11)", "body": "who is the black dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "The hero of the movie is a dick??? Well, I'll be buggered!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (09:21)", "body": "Shut yo' mouth!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (05:32)", "body": "That's something I generally find very difficult to do."}, {"response": 11, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:43)", "body": "Yo, Superfly!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:09)", "body": "yo yo yo what it is fine foxy mama? screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 46, "subject": "Can you dig it?", "response_count": 13, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:36)", "body": "we can dig it-oh, were we not supposed to sing that song?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:38)", "body": "shut yo mouth!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:40)", "body": "and dig it!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:41)", "body": "alright, hand me the shovel already!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:43)", "body": "just talkin' 'bout Shaft!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:45)", "body": "y'all are nuts!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (04:09)", "body": "You mean you can not only enter, but DRILL a hole with yours, Ratthing?? MAN!!!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:45)", "body": "Solid, man (quoting Link from the Mod Squad.)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:16)", "body": "He should have been in Armageddon! He'd show Bruce Willis a thang or two about boring, I tell ya!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:34)", "body": "With mah pick 'n' shovel! An' way deep!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (18:00)", "body": "There is finally a topic on Spring which leaves me speechless...This one!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (13:06)", "body": "You dig it!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jan  5, 2000 (15:13)", "body": "Yup! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 47, "subject": "Right on!", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep  7, 1998 (15:41)", "body": "damn, I was hoping everyone would take it right off..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (04:10)", "body": "We were thinking about it, and then we thought, naah, a soprano voice won't suit him."}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:46)", "body": "Best keep it on."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (23:43)", "body": "or at least keep it up..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:17)", "body": "Down, you mean."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (12:41)", "body": "actually, in would probably be better..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:28)", "body": "In what way?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (18:26)", "body": "I honestly don't remember."}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:54)", "body": "Memory seems to be the second thing to go..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Mar  2, 2005 (17:53)", "body": "What's third?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar  3, 2005 (06:41)", "body": "The body."}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (16:28)", "body": "Don't tell me that !!! I just got mine and it is hardly used at all. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 48, "subject": "yet another topic to mock riette", "response_count": 64, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:19)", "body": "and/or allthemore..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Sep  8, 1998 (08:27)", "body": "Another one, good grief!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Must be strong, must be brave, I can take this like the man I really am...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (07:34)", "body": "now, I know I'm in lust..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep  9, 1998 (09:23)", "body": "i passed the point of lust with riette a while ago, but it's fun going back!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (05:33)", "body": "You mean you got bored???? \ufffdgrowl\ufffd"}, {"response": 7, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (08:41)", "body": "no not bored. in love!!!!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (09:39)", "body": "Mock mock mock, that's all you ever do! \ufffdsmooch\ufffd"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (18:02)", "body": "nope, I put out, too... (not to mention all the fantasizing!)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:18)", "body": "I'll be sure to include a clip of ma manhood on the video then..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (11:20)", "body": "Ooh, now there are a few spontaneous visuals! Do we mean some footage, an actual little clipped-off piece, or what? Or am I being too flattering by referring to \"foot\"age? :-}. Or do we mean pictures of Ma Manhood, Pa Manhood, and all the Little Manhoods?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (01:07)", "body": "ha-ha! I meant footage that will reveal my true sex..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (00:26)", "body": "all seven of them..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (03:35)", "body": "Flatterer!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (22:52)", "body": "Maybe we can hook that footage up to do a live feed on the website."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:31)", "body": "You'll need 3-d glasses though - and a psychotherapist's support for the gruesome sight!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:10)", "body": "I always liked 3-d glasses, they make things seem so close you can touch them."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Cheeky man!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:36)", "body": "So far, I'm just agreeing with you. Still it would be rather nostalgic, I haven't used 3-d glasses since grade school. Now, you need two video cameras, splice the feed from the two onto one channel of the same deck..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "Oh dear....you think you could drive yourself over here, and help me???"}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:13)", "body": "Sure, why not? Now what did I do with that amphibious vehicle...... I seem to recall having an amphicar around somewhere. Then I got to get a large U=Haul for the fuel... No gas stations in the ocean..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:35)", "body": "Oh, surely you'll run into a sunk oil tanker or two. The very trip will be a constant refuel!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:05)", "body": "I never thought of that, but it is entirely possible that there is a tanker or two sunk out there. It'd be my luck to miss them all."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:15)", "body": "You don't seem the type of person who is plagued by bad luck, so I'm staying hopeful."}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (11:06)", "body": "You are right. I'm the kind of person that relies on luck just a little to much. Sometimes that has gotten me into trouble. I have the attitude that as long as I stay positive, positive things happen. So far, I've been right. It's just that sometimes, it takes a little long for the positive to overcome the negative. Like the time several friends and myself decided to camp out in Death Valley in August. We were using air stills for water. We hit a point where, for a four day stretch, the nighttime humidity was too low for our stills to produce enough water for much activity the next day. So we had to lay low for days on end. But we came out alright. We were in the military then. Had we been civilians, we'd have gone to jail when we came out. Death Valley is closed in August. because of the extreme heat. Daytime temperatures can hit 135 degrees F."}, {"response": 26, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (15:33)", "body": "thinking positive thoughts *does* bring about positive things. it took me a very long time to learn that, but it is a truism that i live by now."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (00:25)", "body": "By being Positive, even when you feel negative, you can make your negative feelings diminish, maybe even vanish."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:09)", "body": "Das Wort zum Samstag."}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:09)", "body": "What does Samstag mean?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "Saturday."}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:43)", "body": "Ok, thank you, Riette. What to say next, I have no idea."}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:11)", "body": "Say something to mock me."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:49)", "body": "Well, That is difficult just now. However I am wondering. What did you do on Sunday, Riette?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:56)", "body": "Oh, because I didn't come here? I thought you didn't even notice. Booh-hoo! Alright, alright, I'll stop moaning, and tell you: I did bugger all! ha-ha! Absolutely nothing! I watched a Disney movie (Robin Hood) with my girls, and the rest of the day I ate and ate and ate, played with them, and, oh, yes, I started work on my new picture, so I wasn't completely decadent!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:24)", "body": "How could you think, for one minute, Riette, That I would not notice. I talk to you more than ten times as much as I talk to anyone else. How could I possibly not miss you? Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the day. I did too. I went to church in the morning and then went to Laura's place, and she BBQed some chicken."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:23)", "body": "You do? You DID? I'm so glad. Can I ask you something about Laura over e-mail?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:17)", "body": "Absolutely, Riette. Akk anything you want."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:19)", "body": "Or, Riette, you could also ask. Sometimes I get a little brain-dead."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:46)", "body": "ha-ha! AKK! I did - and hope you know you don't HAVE to answer it."}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:38)", "body": "Two things I never do, Riette: I never lie to my friends, and I never conceal anything from them either."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:05)", "body": "And I don't want to prod and push to the point where you feel the need to run."}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:20)", "body": "From you Riette? I'd have to be completely out of my mind."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:45)", "body": "ha-ha! I thought you were anyway! (just kidding, really!)"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "Riette, you have a point there. However, I have to be a raving lunatic to run from you."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:22)", "body": "ha-ha! I could always turn you into one - but you have to ask nicely!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:25)", "body": "OOH!! Sounds like fun, Riette!!! Can I?"}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:25)", "body": "Oh, alright, just this once. Come a little closer."}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:30)", "body": "That's great, Riette, Doing it from a distance was getting a little rough."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:21)", "body": "Far too rough. I'll be very tender now, I promise. Do you like it when I do this? And THIS? How about....stop that, Tim!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:28)", "body": "Oh Riette, Do I have to?"}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:01)", "body": "Not really; you know how sometimes when you say stop you really mean, don't stop. Especially when you do THAT! \ufffdshriek\ufffd"}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:25)", "body": "Oh OK riette!! Once more from the top then??"}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "\ufffdgiggling uncontrollably\ufffd Anywhere you like!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "Oh good, Riette, let's go at random then."}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "Sure, Tim - how does that work?"}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "OK Riette, Here goes, start in one place, then somewhere completely different. Repeat."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "How many times?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "As often as you want, Riette!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (00:58)", "body": "And what would your girlfriend think about that, young man??? Do you want me to go strict on you???"}, {"response": 60, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (01:03)", "body": "Well Riette, whatever you think appropriate..."}, {"response": 61, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 23, 1999 (00:29)", "body": "and if nothing is appropriate, just go ahead and get naked..."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:49)", "body": "I am naked. And even that isn't inappropriate, 'cos I just got up. Damn, why do I have to be so uncool??"}, {"response": 63, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:05)", "body": "certain parts of me are up now, as well... (no drafts?)"}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:11)", "body": "ha-ha! And \ufffdpointing at it with my foot\ufffd the drafts are over there....! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 49, "subject": "Ri\ufffdtte (note correct spelling) is a junky", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (08:42)", "body": "one of the many reasons to love her!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (09:40)", "body": "Shay what?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (21:47)", "body": "Riette, are you one of those poor waifs they always show shooting up in the park in Zurich?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:10)", "body": "now *that* is a funny post!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (01:21)", "body": "Yep, that'sh me, Autumn. You know, while the poor little childersh are shooting marblesh with their friendsh, I shniff a couple with mine. I'm the one with the shtriped shtockingsh, by the way."}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:37)", "body": ":-) screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 5, "subject": "Riette:  Queen Goddess of Screwed", "response_count": 72, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (03:54)", "body": "Well, I'll be screwed!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (11:00)", "body": "by each and every one of us..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (13:00)", "body": "starting with?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (13:41)", "body": "not sure...ratthing started this but I'm the only one participating..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:20)", "body": "how shall we show our undying devotion to our queen?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:37)", "body": "\ufffdSCREWING up nose, thinking very hard\ufffd $100,000 000, a plastic tiara and a quick blow job to start with... (Ever since I told him to stop calling me 'good girl', my husband has been calling me 'bad woman', so I've got a reputation to keep up here!)."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:39)", "body": "done that, been there"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:50)", "body": "What? You've been a good girl AND a bad woman? I believe you have managed to get me slightly taken aback..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:53)", "body": "Riette: When she's good, she's good. When she's bad, she's BETTER!!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:47)", "body": "I feel like a voyeur...think I'll be moving along..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (23:00)", "body": "would rather have gotten you on your back, Riette... oh, Please come back and play, Autumn! (someone in here has to make sense...)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:14)", "body": "THAT boring old position?? I'm not sure I even know how to DO that anymore! \ufffdshe says pushing out her lack of bosom proudly\ufffd"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (13:02)", "body": "I didn't finish... on your back on my chest..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (13:40)", "body": "HA-HAAAAA! \ufffdtearing my ar$e to bits with laughter\ufffd And how do you plan to find me hot spots amongst all that hair?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (00:08)", "body": "if everything lines up right, those'll find you..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "You mean I have to wee?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (08:44)", "body": "no, but I suppose you can if you'd llike"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (10:19)", "body": "I'll try not to - - - might spoil your hairdo."}, {"response": 19, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (21:32)", "body": "Have you been reading my mail? How can you possibly know that I am the sensible one??"}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (23:24)", "body": "well, duh..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (00:04)", "body": "God, is it that blatantly obvious? You've never even seen my coupon box. Hey, I can get pretty wild & crazy...."}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (07:20)", "body": "didn't say that you couldn't..."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (10:43)", "body": "Wild, crazy people often seem very sensible on the surface."}, {"response": 24, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug 17, 1998 (22:25)", "body": "yeah, like serial killers..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Aug 18, 1998 (03:51)", "body": "No, serial killers just seem weird. Big difference between being crazy, and being an evil bastard."}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:47)", "body": "WER can do both!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:53)", "body": "don't have a choice, actually..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:52)", "body": "Oh, I see there are already a few interesting topics. Ri\ufffdtte will have to be VERY nice to me the next few weeks, since I could tell you screw stories about her that will make you fill your pants with laughter!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (14:22)", "body": "But she has a few tales about you too?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:19)", "body": "MORE than a few!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:14)", "body": "Yeah right."}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "We'll just have to see, won't we."}, {"response": 33, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (02:35)", "body": "Still cracking up at the thought of \"screw stories that will fill pants with laughter\"."}, {"response": 34, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:23)", "body": "Well, dig this: When we were 18, there was this son of one of the local vicars, who was absolutely NUTS about Ri\ufffdtte. Sundays in church he always managed to sit behind us, drooling like a rabid dog or something. Man, this guy sent her flowers EVERY day for over a year, he asked her to marry (yes, MARRY!) him probably a thousand times. But you can guess for yourself at the chances of Ri\ufffdtte taking interest in a Dutch Reformed Vicar Boy - who was studying that particular theology himself. I mean, for her that would be ore or less the equivalent of marrying a dead fish. (Imagine her as a vicar's wife, though!! lol!) But at first she was nice about it. Said no thank you politely, and that she didn't mind friendship, but didn't want anything more, and so in went on for months and months on end. And the guy really became a pain, starting to quote BIBLE PASSAGES to confirm the fact that she was the girl he HAD to marry, how it was God's will and all that. Seeing as she was so beautiful and kind and untouched and innocent and gentle (don't laugh now!) and stuff - only she could fulfill the role of vicar's wife with dig ity. Warped, isn't it?? Anyway, so Ri\ufffdtte got just a little fed-up when he started following her around. So one night we talk about this problem, and I say to her, \"The only way to get this guy off your back, is to mortally offend him, 'cos he doesn't seem to understand a kind no.\" And we devised the plan of action. As it turned out we didn't need it. We were about to take a bath one night, and I was already in the bath. We had Johnny Glegg's music playing fairly loudly, and didn't hear the knock on the door. And we used to have this really hilarious arse-wiggling, belly-button-swaying mock dance routine that we always danced for Mum, and which used to cheer her up even at the worst of times. So I'm in the bath, I hear Mum shout somehing, but couldn't hear what, because at the same time Ri\ufffdtte shouted, \"Whatch THIS, girl!\", and came into the hallway butt naked, dancing this dance of ours to the music of Johnny Glegg - breasts and backside like ALL over the place. I heard Mum shriek, I heard another person shriek at a more high-pitched level, and then I heard Ri\ufffdtte say sweetly, \"Oh, hello, Ivan, and how are you this evening?\" And he was gone within a matter of seconds - never to be seen again!!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (22:44)", "body": "You say he dropped and left behind his video camera and you got it back to him the next day but kept the video and still look at it from time to time on special fabulous occasions? Too much good luck!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:07)", "body": "ha-ha!!! Absolutely not! I suspect the poor chap is still in therapy after the horrors he had seen!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (07:10)", "body": "Be sure to include a cut of this in the video you're making for us. By the way, Queenie, any eta on this? Any chance of sneaking in a shot or two of Sonja?"}, {"response": 38, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (10:56)", "body": "She can take as many shots of me as she wants - if she can find her equipment, that is...I'll even go so far as to make a promise: if she finds the equipment, I promise to do the dance for the video!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (00:01)", "body": "Oh come one Sonja, cough up the equipment! Let Riette come out and play."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (01:24)", "body": "Yes, you tell her, Terry!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "sonja", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (10:10)", "body": "She can play all she wants - once I'm gone, that is. Fact is, I'm pretty awful looking at the moment - blown-up from cortisone treatment."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (03:49)", "body": "That'll be gone again soon, girl."}, {"response": 43, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:00)", "body": "Yeah, I know. Just don't want to be on no video like this."}, {"response": 44, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:12)", "body": "How about if you're off camera and you just do a voice commentary? See what a skillful negotiator I am?"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (03:57)", "body": "Yes, girl! That's what we could do!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (10:29)", "body": "I don't do that voice thing. That's your department."}, {"response": 47, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "What voodoo do you do?"}, {"response": 48, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:20)", "body": "Doodoo Voodoo? Woo-Hoo!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:46)", "body": "Sonja likes to dissect dead insects under her microscope. And she collects dead snakes in bottles. Like, she sleeps with them next to her on her bedside tables - gives me the creeps! Says they're her surrogate babies...."}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:23)", "body": "I think that it would be worse if they were live snakes, and she slept with them in bed with her. Dead snakes in bottles on a bedside table is merely an eccentric decoration."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (00:37)", "body": "I suppose you're right. Still it's rather foul when you switch on the nightlight to go to the loo, and all you see are these beady little dead eyes staring at you. Not to mention the fact that some of her snakes hardly fit into the bottles, and look like they're going to pop out any second. \ufffdshiver\ufffd"}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:27)", "body": "I have a friend that trains EMT's how to recognize various species of snakes. She does this by bringing with her several examples of each species. She keeps the snakes in a freezer in her house. Imagine getting up for a midnight snack, and opening the wrong freezer. Count your blessings. I used to work security at a museum. while I was working there one of our snakes got loose. His name was, \"Julius Caesar\". He was loose for a month before he ran out of food. Then, one night as my part er and I were making our rounds. I saw him hanging from the ceiling, nearly nose-to-nose with my partner. We got him back into his room and fed him. Julius was a 12 foot Rock Python."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:08)", "body": "OOOOHHH!! How blood clotting a thought! Like the time Sonja and I found a little 'crocodile' in the fields. It was rather heavy, so we dragged it home by the tail to show Mum. Lucky for us it was a cool day, because the little crocodile turned out to be a little spitting cobra...."}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:35)", "body": "WOW!! That was lucky."}, {"response": 55, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (08:00)", "body": "A cobra doesn't even remotely resemble a crocodile does it?"}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (08:05)", "body": "Remotely......Very remotely."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:46)", "body": "We were five at the time."}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:29)", "body": "You were incredibly lucky to make it to six. A friend of mine lost his 7 year old boy. When the boy went to get fishing worms he found some striped ones. He came back with 40 coral snakes. He just made it to his father, and fell over dead. The autopsy showed three times the toxin necessary to kill an adult."}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:08)", "body": "My God, the poor man. Children just don't have a clue about danger, and don't believe that they could die just like old people. At least I never did. We had a brilliant childhood, never listened to my grandpa when he told us to put on our boots (always took them off as soon as we were out of sight, and walked the fields barefoot), never looked out for the things he tought us (investigated them instead), never stayed away from trees that had leopards in, crept up on feeding lions to see better, watching and giggling when wild animals mated etc. etc.. We also used to jump from the house roof, and out of trees, and tease bulls and stuff. It was thrilling and heavenly, but now that I have children myself, the thought of it chills me to the bone. It is probably I good thing I don't live out there, because I'd beat the $hit out of them every time they returned from an excursion, seeing as I know EXACTLY what they'd be up to."}, {"response": 60, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "That is the trouble with an adventurous childhood. You assume that every other kid will try the same things you did. Growing up in a large family the way I did showed me that every child is different. They each have their own completely unique personality. Get to know your children young, because the world is poised to destroy much of that unique quality."}, {"response": 61, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "by the way I was such a terror when I was young, that my father took out a million dollar life insurance policy on me when I was 16. He was certain I'd never see 21."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "ha-ha!!! That's a good one! Mine tried to kill me himself, because I was such a pain in the ar$e! So, what sort of horrible things did you do? And how many brothers&sisters do you have?"}, {"response": 63, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:41)", "body": "I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters. When I was seven my father bought a .22 caliber rifle for my next younger brother and myself. We promptly took up the pastime of shooting the TV antennas off of houses. I climbed up on the roof of our house and built a treehouse up there. I used to climb up in a tree until I couldnot climb any higher, usually 10M up, then swing back and forth until the tree set me down. And many more...."}, {"response": 64, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:00)", "body": "Time for some more. My brother and I had recurved target bows, when I was about eight or so. ( that would make my brother six at the time) We used to go to a large field near the high school and pace off 100M. Then we would turn and face each other, and start shooting target arrows at each other. We would do this for hours at a time. Off and on for 4 years or so. Then, I got a 50lb recurved hunting bow. With this bow I could shoot at a much flatter trajectory, and it was much harder for him to dodge the arrows. He quickly lost interest in our game. We also played a game where we took a sharp, hunting knife, stood facing each other about 1M apart, then I would throw the knife so that it stuck into the ground between my brother's feet. Then he would pick up the knife and throw it between my feet. Then, we would each take a step back and repeat the process. Who ever missed first lost. If the knife struck one of us, he would get a free throw at the other."}, {"response": 65, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:16)", "body": "We would take firecrackers, and blow things up with them, public toilets, mailboxes, fence posts. When we blew the front doors off the school, my father put an end to the firecracker escapades. (firecrackers were and are illegal in Wisconsin. Dynamite, however was available to anybody that had the money to buy it. we were using quarter sticks of dynamite and calling them firecrackers) Then there is the time we decided to go fishing with dynamite. I knew that water deadens the force of the explosion, We watched a lot of silent movies where dynamite is used in five stick bundles a lot. So, we decided to use a five stick bundle. It destroyed the boat and blew us up on the shore a good 20M from where we started. and then rained mud and fish parts. Seemed like forever. We both had our ears ringing so bad we could hardly hear."}, {"response": 66, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "There is a lot more, but I think you get the picture. I don't want to bore you with it."}, {"response": 67, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "ha-ha!!! I love it, go on!!! Your poor parents!!! One thing that really got my mum angry, was when Sonja and I used to fight the 'tough game'. When we got really angry with each other, we used to go into the fields, and find ants' nests. We would see who could bear it longer with the ants crawling all over us, and pinching our feet, to see who really was the toughest. We were both stubbourn, and would stand there for hours, sobbing with pain, but unwilling to be the weaker one. When we couldn't stand it any longer, we'd make a deal to jump off togethe , and then we'd get home with bruised, bleeding feet, and my mum would have to disinfect the bites, and bandage our feet. It made her very angry that we had to prove ourselves to each other like this, but we still laugh about it. We promised each other, the next time we go home together, we're going to do it again!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "MY GOD!!! Don't do that here. You do that to fire ants, they'll kill you, literally. Real dead. More Stuff: I used to go rock climbing. Free climbing, no ropes. I used to get supreme delight at getting to the top of a rock formation and talking to those that had to use ropes to get up top. I used to take my second youngest brother with me. One day, when the preferred way to get down was to leap across a chasm 1.75M wide onto a ledge 25cm wide, with a vertical drop between of 150M, I got to thinking about what would happen to me if my parents found out what we were doing. Anyway I had to stop bringing my brother, of course being only 9, he was telling my parents what we were doing. They just did not believe him. He was a jumper though. One day we were playing hide and go seek, The next oldest brother started yelling that he was on the roof, so my second youngest brother runs thelength of the roof and jumps off the peak, 10M to the ground, hits the ground running and never slows down. As soon as he hits the ground, he starts yelling,\" I'm not on the roof. I'm right here\"."}, {"response": 69, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "Still more: One day I was chasing my next younger brother through the house, down a long hallway. He got to the room at the very end of the hallway, and slammed the door in my face. the door latched a split second before I got there. It was a hollow core door. I went right through it. Splintered that door into many, many pieces. There was no way that I could stop in time. I got out of it thopugh. My father has a sense of humor. I knew that if I could make him laugh, he couldn't punish me. When he asked me why I did it, I told him that I saw superman do it, and I wanted to see how hard it was. He Laughed like crazy, and then advised me not to try flying. And then he laughed some more."}, {"response": 70, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "That's so sweet! MORE, please! What did you do with your sisters? It must have been great growing up in such a big family!"}, {"response": 71, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "It was wonderful. To keep everything straight, I am going to give you the names: In order Mike, Mary, Tracy, Paul, Erich, Chris, Tom II, I am the oldest. When we did team activities, my sisters were included, HOWEVER, anything that was likely to get us in trouble, we did not include them. Anything dangerous, we did not include them. We lived in a subdivision that was very undeveloped when we moved in. and built up slowly as I was growing up. One of the things that Mike and I did was to steal a pallet of plywood and some 2x4s and built a shed at the back of our property. The shed was there for two years before my father found it. Of course he wanted to know where the wood came from. Of course we told him, since there was nothing he could do about it."}, {"response": 72, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:53)", "body": "Another installment in the saga: We had a wooded area behind our house. It had paths all through it. Tarzan was one of my favorite shows on TV. I think it was there that I saw someone dig a Tiger Trap. so, I had to try it on one of the paths. 1.25M square and 2.4M deep, camoflaged it perfectly. It worked too, caught my father quite nicely, and he could not get out until I brought the ladder, that I'd used to dig it. Thank God I did not have sharp stakes on the bottom. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 50, "subject": "Bitches are Hustlers Too", "response_count": 30, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:36)", "body": "\"Tainted Love\" by Soft Cell. Heard it on the radio and can't shake it."}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (03:05)", "body": "ooh Autumn... now you've put it in mine!!! Not exactly a famed lullaby but perhaps it would do the trick!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (15:27)", "body": "\"On the road to rock 'n' roll\" from the new Joe Strummer (ex-Clash!) CD I reviewed last week for a daily. He wrote it for Johnny Cash."}, {"response": 4, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (16:47)", "body": "\"Hail to the Lions..\" The Penn State fight song. I am listening to the game and it is running continuously as it does every time Penn State takes the field."}, {"response": 5, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (22:18)", "body": "\"Fields of Gold\" by Sting. I was listening to a Celtic harp CD that had an instrumental version of it on there, and now I have the original stuck in my head. BTW, would anyone mind explaining to me how this topic got its name?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (23:02)", "body": "Go back to the beginning of the topic where the intro is and you will see: Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:11) | Ray Lopez (ratthing) \"Bitches are Hustlers Too\" is the song that keeps going thru my head right now!!!!!!!!! what song is going thru your head? Ray, our resident PhD and general wiz at anything telnet, vi unix and linux plus other exotica ...(he does NOT do Windows!) was creator of this topic!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (23:14)", "body": "Oh, I see. I just have a huge jumble of songs now."}, {"response": 8, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (23:26)", "body": "Not with just 7 posts. I think Alexander was trying to revive the topic like I do with other ones which seem to be languishing and pique my interest..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (23:26)", "body": "Right now, \"Rocky Mountain High\" is going through my head, thanks to Amy and the Arthurian topic in Books conf."}, {"response": 10, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (23:30)", "body": "Oh, I'm sorry! That's a dreadful song to have in one's head!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 1999 (23:41)", "body": "*lol* I though it approproiate to both topics, and it is wandering around in there annoyingly...!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (18:17)", "body": "\"A white sportcoat and a pink carnation....\" AAARRRRGH!!!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (18:48)", "body": "Ugh! That's almost as bad as \"You're just a Coca-Cola cowboy...\""}, {"response": 14, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Oct 24, 1999 (18:55)", "body": "Don't say that - now that will be going around in my head...! (I must be totally suggestion prone these days...!)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 1999 (23:35)", "body": "\"you ain't nothin' but a hound dog!\""}, {"response": 16, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 1999 (23:38)", "body": "Yikes! But at least Elvis is better than Madonna--I have \"Ray of Light\" stuck in my head, and I keep seeing the video where she looks like she's spazzing out!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (00:28)", "body": "theme song for ABC's Monday Night Football broadcast..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (18:38)", "body": "I'm really uptown today -- it's a Bach fugue, looping through my brain. ;)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (19:01)", "body": "Ummmmm...which one so I might have it looping, as well?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 1999 (19:04)", "body": "Never mind - my mind made the choice and it is the Great Fugue in G minor (I love big loud liver-jarring calssical music!)"}, {"response": 21, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 1999 (15:05)", "body": "Something by Claire Waldoff. German singer from Berlin, since the 1910s and right through the 20ies. Disliked by the Nazis, she nevertheless kept up her VERY cheeky stuff and the poignant hinting at until WWII broke out. She was silenced then, but unlike nearly all her friends - who were killed, interned or driven into exile -, she survived in Germany. Some work after the war includes an autobiography. Kurt Tucholsky wrote couplets for her, too."}, {"response": 22, "author": "Irishprincess", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 1999 (15:26)", "body": "Wow, that's impressive, Alexander! I usually have really stupid songs stuck in my head! I've been listening to the Irish Tenors again, and now it's Anthony Kearns' version of \"The Mountains of Mourne.\" \"Don't go startin' them fashions now Mary Macree/Where the mountains of Mourne reach down to the sea...\""}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 1999 (16:11)", "body": "Midi files...lots of them rattling around in there alternating with what I am reading and trying to access. Very classical and very oddly digital sounding, some of it. Others are good. (I would not mind a bunch of boyo's singing in my head, actually!)"}, {"response": 24, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Thu, Nov  4, 1999 (19:38)", "body": "sometimes I get lucky, like now -- can't get margo timmins' (cowboy junkies) voice out of my head -- like an icy spring creek tumbling over smooth stones -- she's singing acapella, \"we are miners, hard rock miners, to the shaft house we must go...\""}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (10:02)", "body": "The Trinity Sessions.... oooh! I love that CD moonbeam!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (10:03)", "body": "I'm listening to \"'cause cheap is how i feel\""}, {"response": 27, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:11)", "body": "If I have to listen to Neil Diamond murder *ONE MORE CHRISTMAS CAROL* I will go MAD! Whew. Better now."}, {"response": 28, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:33)", "body": "That or 10 year olds who think they have to sing all around the original tune to make a statement. BTW, whatever happened to our National Anthem?!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (15:12)", "body": "It got shot?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jan 23, 2000 (15:36)", "body": "No, but I think it got rearranged so that only the soloist has any idea where the tune is going. I rather thought it was a sing-along sort of thing. Oh well, does this mean I am being ante-deluvian again? I'm like that with Prayers and Hymns, too. Too traditional, I guess, despite the impassioned discussion of Jazz I and with John the other day...*sigh* screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 51, "subject": "50 TOPICS!!!!!!!", "response_count": 41, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (22:37)", "body": "Are you arguing for the existence of topics for their own sake?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (23:09)", "body": "50 posts!!! Go wer."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 10, 1998 (23:48)", "body": "should I just enter the alphabet twice, one letter at a time, or shoot for new ground to break?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:01)", "body": "Here, I'll start:"}, {"response": 5, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:02)", "body": "A"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:28)", "body": "B"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:29)", "body": "C"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:30)", "body": "D"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 11, 1998 (13:45)", "body": "eeeee"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (01:12)", "body": "F (uc .....us)"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (10:36)", "body": "G (y?)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:04)", "body": "H (eck!)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (17:23)", "body": "I (mbibe)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (22:54)", "body": "J"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (03:03)", "body": "K (ool)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:32)", "body": "L"}, {"response": 17, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (21:38)", "body": "Mmmmmmmmmm!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "NNNNNNNo!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:37)", "body": "Oh!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "Pee!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:24)", "body": "Queue up at the bathroom!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep 19, 1998 (00:10)", "body": "R(otflmao)"}, {"response": 23, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (21:26)", "body": "Stop laughing!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:13)", "body": "That's hard!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:16)", "body": "Understandably so..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:56)", "body": "(...and the inevitable....) VIAGRA!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep 22, 1998 (23:31)", "body": "Wow, is THAT for me?"}, {"response": 28, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (21:10)", "body": "Xactly what you need, I understand... :-)"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "Yep, that's right!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:18)", "body": "Zzzzzz"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:31)", "body": "What happens now?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:44)", "body": "start over, or screw it!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "What position?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (07:31)", "body": "doggy, so we can both see the monitor?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (11:18)", "body": "Oh, good, so I just have to stand there panting."}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (12:19)", "body": "as you wish, mistress..."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:41)", "body": "Ooh, I love being called 'mistress' - all that power!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (03:06)", "body": "roflmao! the simpliest things..."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (07:33)", "body": "I know - I'm almost too easy to please, aren't I?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "now that I had heard about you..."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (13:32)", "body": "Yeah? One shouldn't believe all the rumours out there - some of them can be horribly close to the truth. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 52, "subject": "topics for the sake of topics? YES!", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (12:48)", "body": "and then friggin post something in them..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:05)", "body": "What the frig does one post if one has nothing to friggin say??"}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (17:25)", "body": "what do you mean by \"nothing?\" what is the being of nothingness?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (22:47)", "body": ""}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (03:05)", "body": "Great symbolism there, Muffin!!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (21:39)", "body": "Good one, wer! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 53, "subject": "the inner sanctum of wer", "response_count": 68, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "think it should read the inner haunted house of wer..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:03)", "body": "or we could put a porno twist on it and call it Deep Inside Wer"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:07)", "body": "That would depend entirely on how deep a person is willing to go."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:29)", "body": "yeah, how much of a man is you, ratthing?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:51)", "body": "hung like a chimp"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (08:12)", "body": "and damned proud of it, I can see!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (08:12)", "body": "(btw, do you have a prehensile tail as well?)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (08:20)", "body": "oh don't you wish!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (08:51)", "body": "you know dat's right!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:42)", "body": "any visuals available?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (12:02)", "body": "no, let's not go there!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "Yes, let's stay here where it's relatively safe!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (12:02)", "body": "No prehensile tail, but I can milk cows with my inner sphinctum. Does that get me any points?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (01:10)", "body": "Your inner sphinctum??? \ufffdrotflmao!!!\ufffd And whether you get any points depends on whether you can give us a good description of that mysterious inner organ of yours!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:51)", "body": "Well, it has four separate chambers, much like the stomach[s] of a ruminant. Also like a ruminant, it frequently gags what it has swallowed back up in order to chew on it some more while it relaxes in the sun..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:19)", "body": "It that case only one question remains unanswered: can your inner sphinctum mate?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:09)", "body": "If that's a proposition, my answer is \"Yes, yes, Oh my captain, YES!\""}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "Sjjj, my inner shlibilum is trying to say something. Listen listen - did you hear that? It said, 'Take me, baby, make me hit the cabin door!'"}, {"response": 19, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:33)", "body": "If you can still hit the cabin door at your age -- I LOVE YOU! Will you marry me? (for a few hours, anyway...)"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:46)", "body": "Okay sure - shall we have a messy divorce by 14:00 this afternoon, do you think? My ground for divorce will be that you call me old. Yours?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "Exactly where did I call you old? I merely said \"at your age\"... My grounds? I dunno. Maybe that you destroyed my favorite cabin door?"}, {"response": 22, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (12:19)", "body": "How much life is left? What would repair cost?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:53)", "body": "Not nearly enough. Much more than it would be worth."}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:48)", "body": "Paint a target on the door and let her use it for target practice."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:32)", "body": "\ufffdeagerly constructing a slingshot\ufffd"}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:12)", "body": "An old bra works really well for the cup and elastic."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:59)", "body": "Not my old bras! They self-destruct!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:39)", "body": "You ought to buy new ones more often. Just treat yourself to a clothing shopping spree once a month or so."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "I don't like buying new clothes or sexy underwear - they tickle! See, I told you I was a frump!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:17)", "body": "If you don't buy underwear, that can get to be pretty sexy in itself. The only thing sexier than sexy underwear is no underwear."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "In my case, the only thing BAGGIER than sexy underwear is no underwear!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:08)", "body": "O K... I give up how does wearing no underwear increase the volume of your clothes."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:16)", "body": "Not the volume of my clothes, but the earth's gravity!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:09)", "body": "If the earth's gravity is affected when you wear no underwear, you must be REALLY sexy!!!!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:23)", "body": "NO, no no! You misunderstand me on purpose, don't you?? The earth's gravity is what makes all of me head SOUTH the minute I undress! Now you have no excuse to misunderstand me! Don't say it's a bad joke either, because it's funny, and you know it!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:48)", "body": "Is very good joke, Here we use north and south to describe front and rear. you just said that everything heads for the rear the minute you undress. I know what you meant, but the picture of what you said is hillarious."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:12)", "body": "HA-HA!!! I didn't know that!!! I'm thinking inverted nipples here!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:13)", "body": "Holes in places you wouldn't believe!!!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:51)", "body": "That is pretty much what I was thinking!! migratory body parts!!!HA HA HA Is Good."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:58)", "body": "So now you hopefully know that it would be no good playing strip poker with me, young man!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:27)", "body": "IT could be very educational, Riette. I have never witnessed anything of the sort, before. Migratory body parts!! HMMM."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "Depends on WHERE they migrate! I have no control over it, you see."}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:21)", "body": "OH WHAT FUN, RIETTE!!! No control over where they go eh? That makes for some interesting possibilities."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "Such as?"}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "For example: Riette think of the possibilities if a certain orifice was on the bottom of your left foot."}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:07)", "body": "Oh my goodness! How very erotic!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:21)", "body": "My point exactly, Riette! Just think of the range of motion."}, {"response": 48, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (23:05)", "body": "and be afraid be very afraid"}, {"response": 49, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (00:25)", "body": "Some people carry this paranoia bit a little too far."}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:46)", "body": "I like being afraid even very afraid! It's so exciting!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "OK, Riette, we'll have to rent a good horror movie."}, {"response": 52, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (14:23)", "body": "May I suggest \"Killer Klowns from Outer Space\"?"}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:28)", "body": "Only if you're going to join us to watch it, Wer!!!"}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:32)", "body": "Good one, Riette, I don't think that movie exists."}, {"response": 55, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (16:02)", "body": "actually it does, and it is pretty hilarious/"}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:29)", "body": "Hilarious Huh? We were looking for a horror movie. Horror as in scary. Not comedy as in hilarious. However, should anyone have a suggestion for a good HORROR movie as in SCARY we're interested."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:23)", "body": "Then we should go for something psychological - those are much scarier than the gore and blood things; those make me laugh too. Something in the line of 'Misery' - that scared me to bits. But I don't know movies so well, so you guys are going to have to come up with something good. I'll just have to trust you...."}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:30)", "body": "Oh I think that we will come up with something, Riette!"}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:00)", "body": "Good. And it has to be really dark and scary when we watch it."}, {"response": 60, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:27)", "body": "Well let's see dark and scary. Riette, that is just the right kind of year for the proper weather."}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "Yes? Will the weather be dark and scary too?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "I hope so Riette. It gives the proper atmosphere!"}, {"response": 63, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "But I'll be so scared!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "Riette, that is the general idea."}, {"response": 65, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "It is?? But who will protect me?"}, {"response": 66, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "I Will, Riette!"}, {"response": 67, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (00:59)", "body": "Tim, I trust you about as much as a hungry lion begging me for a pat on the head! So,.....sure!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (01:06)", "body": "So, Riette, who says you can't trust a hungry lion? You know exactly what he'll do. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 54, "subject": "which is better for sucking?", "response_count": 14, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "whose toes?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (13:01)", "body": "moot point... as a generalization, right or left?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:10)", "body": "Not Toes!!! Yuk! I'd DIE if my husband were ever to come anywhere near my toes - they're so long and bony! EEEUUUGH!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:33)", "body": "don't know what you're missing..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "I you were him you'd be THANKFUL for what I'm missing!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "i don't like showing off my feet either. my husband calls 'em witches toes cuz they're so long and skinny (see, riette, we ARE twins).....never thought of actually sucking anyone's toes and i would much rather know about toe sucking than any other type (ala ken starr)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (13:24)", "body": "ha-ha!!! We could call ourselves the Pointer Sisters - get it?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (14:37)", "body": "haha!!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (03:12)", "body": "ACCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK! Help me, help, no really, I need someone to stop me... stop me before I do it, I... I... Help... please, please, I'm gonna do it, I can... no, no, no, don't let me do it... Help, please stop me somebody help me before I... before I... get caught up in it... I can't help myself... STOP ME before I press NEXT TOPIC and read on to what is sure to be more senseless babble... HElpppppppppppppp.......... I can't help myself................ ARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (07:34)", "body": "Is masturbating in front of the computer legal?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (11:51)", "body": "depends on how old your audience is..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (13:33)", "body": "In that case - feel free, Stace."}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (17:46)", "body": "yeee haaaaawwwwwww!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "Ride that'a horse! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 55, "subject": "whose pubic hair would you like to find in your food?", "response_count": 84, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:11)", "body": "Not a soul in the world's!!!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (17:26)", "body": "given that wer is a chef, this topic begs many questions."}, {"response": 3, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (22:49)", "body": "then ask, and you might receive..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (03:06)", "body": "Name few pubic hair recipes."}, {"response": 5, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:12)", "body": "actually made one once, goofing off and all..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:44)", "body": "????? How? What did ya call it?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (19:03)", "body": "this is gross!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (00:59)", "body": "It is, but it's also a potential form of money making - ask Monica Lewinsky!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (08:03)", "body": "egad!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:29)", "body": "Say who???"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (15:23)", "body": "yuck!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "More than disgusting is what this topic is."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (09:22)", "body": "it does, however, have a certain magnetism, no?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (13:05)", "body": "Oh, there you are! Yes, one gets entangled, in a manner of speaking."}, {"response": 15, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (03:14)", "body": "I have truly fallen... fallen... fallen... fallen..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (07:37)", "body": "That's okay - we all get these special needs from time to time, and, hey, you just could not help yourself. We understand. And anyway, it expresses girl power - I-can-do-it-on-my-own power...."}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (11:53)", "body": "speaking of, have you been to the inner conference yet, Stace?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (13:34)", "body": "IN A MOST LITERAL SENSE, SHE HAS!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (17:47)", "body": "peeked in this afternoon..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (20:42)", "body": "how about in a moist liturgical sense?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:31)", "body": "I note, however, that none of you have yet answered the question. For me, it would have to be Mr. Tom Petty."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:49)", "body": "You would want to find Mr. Tom Petty's pubic hair in your salad?? Whether that wish be fulfilled, hypothetically speaking, one would have to ask this question: how old is Mr. Tom Petty? Because accordingly it will be juicy, dry bouquet like or non-existent."}, {"response": 23, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:55)", "body": "Oh. Sorry. I thought the question was, \"Whose food would I like to find in my pubic hair?\" My apologies."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (01:14)", "body": "OBHFOL!! (\ufffdovercome by hysterical fits of laughter\ufffd) Now we know all about that perverse little eating habit of yours! I guess you always use a spaghetti fork at mealtime?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (00:25)", "body": "Thomas? and utensils? *gasp*"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (03:42)", "body": "You mean he can reach that far down??? All jokes aside; back when my husband did his doctorate at Oxford, there was apparently a guy from Manchester - poor as hell and all. So he became what one might call a 'performance artist', in order to eat. His special talent was give himself a blow-job. He'd put up notices all over the place, and students would bet against him, because nobody could believe he could reach that far down. Very popular with the female students that was. My husband says that he realized just how much money the guy had ade over the months when he started buying all his sweaters at Mill Shops! Most of the better off people couldn't even dream about buying clothes there. Would've loved to have seen that!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (11:58)", "body": "Yep."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:20)", "body": "You would've loved to have seen it? Okay, you've got me worried...."}, {"response": 29, "author": "tami", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:24)", "body": "I dont get this conversation right now."}, {"response": 30, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (08:20)", "body": "Maybe later?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:13)", "body": "No, my dear Riette, I can reach that far down, and then some... (see other topic re my Inner Sphinctum)."}, {"response": 32, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:32)", "body": "Tami, none of us get this conversation."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:24)", "body": "But that doesn't keep us from participating, right?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (22:41)", "body": "Oh, absolutely not!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 10, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "I sometimes ask myself why there are so few of us here. Then I read through our responses, and think: THAT'S WHY!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (22:01)", "body": "Yes, we're a very esoteric bunch!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:08)", "body": "I think that It's just that there are more and more sites every day."}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:11)", "body": "and only so many eyes... (see bottom of page)"}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:17)", "body": "Very true. also there is only so much time."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:34)", "body": "Tell me about it. Here I sit, two hours later, still in nighties, expecting my partner in 30 minutes, and a four page translation waiting for Friday's deadline - yet unable to tear myself away. How pathetic!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:17)", "body": "I just got up to use the restroom. That was two hours ago."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "You're just as pathetic! ha-ha! We are not alone...."}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:43)", "body": "No we're not. Just after you left, someone else came in and I stayed until 9am."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:23)", "body": "I saw!!! I think if I had your kind of freedom of movement, I'd probably be glued to the screen 24 hours a day."}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:20)", "body": "Sometimes I am. I work irregular hours, and sometimes I get stuck in the office for my whole shift, and I access the internet from there."}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "It's a good thing you came here then, isn't it? It would be so boring otherwise. The best thing one has to sit still, is to sit still with another person."}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:12)", "body": "I agree wholeheartedly, I tremendously enjoy the company. It would be very boring, otherwise."}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:18)", "body": "Quite. Especially as you're such a chatterbox! Not many men are like that, but I feel myself relating well to it! Wonder why?"}, {"response": 49, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:07)", "body": "ok, i came back here after a long absence and want to talk about the tom petty thing. and my question is why tom petty?"}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:37)", "body": "Riette, I enjoy talking in general. I guess I just like to talk. I like to talk to you, in particular, because you have such a nice personality, and because you have such a fresh perspective. Wolf, I have no idea who Tom Petty is. The only Pettys I know of are Richard and Kyle."}, {"response": 51, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (17:51)", "body": "he's a rocker....."}, {"response": 52, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:11)", "body": "I suppose that means he has pubic hair too? I like talking to you too, Tim; you seem to have done alot of stuff, from which you've learned alot."}, {"response": 53, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:11)", "body": "I would not know about the pubic hair. some of these rock stars do unusual things to their bodies"}, {"response": 54, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Special pubic hairstyles, and all that. Wonder if they use a special kind of gel to keep it in place."}, {"response": 55, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:56)", "body": "I think that they just style it with clippers. There is only so much you can do with K-Y Jelly. That reminds me of a funny story. I used to manage a restaraunt. one day we ran out of lube for the shake machine, the lube you use has to be edible and FDA certified food grade. All K-Y Jelly is. So I walked out into the restaraunt abnd asked if anybody had an unopened tube of the stuff handy. K-Y is also used as a sexual lubricant. You should have seen the look on those peoples faces!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:15)", "body": "ha-ha!!! I know what I would think if you came charging in here, asking me for K-Y....I'd think: DAMN!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:53)", "body": "It was in a small town too, so people were commenting on it for days."}, {"response": 58, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (07:59)", "body": "How very embarrassing! But not for you, I suspect...."}, {"response": 59, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:32)", "body": "I only had a couple of people approach me directly, and what I said, bothered them so much, that I was pretty much left out of the loop. What I said was something to the effect of: \"With as much illicit sex as this town has happening Somebody has to be coming up dry sometime.\" Riette, you should have seen the look on the face of the first lady I said that to."}, {"response": 60, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:26)", "body": "That is BRILLIANT! A stroke of genius!! ha-ha-ha!!! And you say you don't come up with masterpieces!"}, {"response": 61, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "Riette, the problem was that the large amount of illicit sex was supposed to be a secret, and I, as an outsider, should not have known about it."}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "OOH! And how did you find out? Or was it THAT obvious?"}, {"response": 63, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:43)", "body": "Riette, I just talked to the right people. No, it was not obvious, but, because I knew, some people thought it was a little too obvious."}, {"response": 64, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:09)", "body": "ha-ha! People can be so silly! I bet they were one inbred bunch!"}, {"response": 65, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:23)", "body": "Riette, In small Texas counties, That is a given."}, {"response": 66, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "I think it must be foul to sleep with one's cousin."}, {"response": 67, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "I agree, Riette. But some of these people did not go that far outside the family."}, {"response": 68, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "YUK!!! BLEUGH! SPIT! RENCH! A brother???"}, {"response": 69, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "And sister, Riette. Father daughter, Mother Son, Etc."}, {"response": 70, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:30)", "body": "That is the worst nightmare I could ever imagine!! IMAGINE, TIM!!!!! The poor kids would look like the missing link between man and ape!"}, {"response": 71, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:34)", "body": "That is about right. Riette, Just wander around backwoods Arkansas, you'll see."}, {"response": 72, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:25)", "body": "I'm not sure I want to! It's too sick to bear!"}, {"response": 73, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:31)", "body": "I've got to agree withyou there, Riette!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:58)", "body": "And, getting back to the subject - what will their pubic hair look like?!!!!"}, {"response": 75, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:59)", "body": "Perhaps their hair and nails change places, Tim! Have you ever thought about that??"}, {"response": 76, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:01)", "body": "Riette, you are just full of interesting possibilities!"}, {"response": 77, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "Maybe!"}, {"response": 78, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "Riette, there is no maybe about it,"}, {"response": 79, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "May it be! May what be??"}, {"response": 80, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "Riette, We were talking about the interesting possibilities you can come up with."}, {"response": 81, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "Interesting possiblities for doing what, Tim?"}, {"response": 82, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "Riette, you seem to be able to come up with interesting possibilities for everything."}, {"response": 83, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (01:00)", "body": "Interesting possibilities can get boring coming from the same person twice. That makes it your turn, baby!"}, {"response": 84, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (01:11)", "body": "OK Riette, How about hare lips, albino coloring, missing limbs, internal organs reversed, etc screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 56, "subject": "cake was invented", "response_count": 47, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (13:04)", "body": "to make icing easier to eat without utensils"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:12)", "body": "to make a woman's behind look like two pigs in a knapsack"}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (21:41)", "body": "because the peasants were out of bread"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (19:05)", "body": "because they knew i would be born and look mighty fine with two pigs bouncing around the backside!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (01:00)", "body": "LOL!!!!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (17:47)", "body": "to break the ice between neighbors"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (20:43)", "body": "I thought that was beer and nudity..."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "Beer and nudity is to break the ice between presidents and interns, not neighbours!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "kristen", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (03:33)", "body": "LOL"}, {"response": 10, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (15:10)", "body": "Wouldn't ice between presidents and interns simply melt, thus obviating the need to break it?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:52)", "body": "And how do you think some presidents and some interns would deal with sweet, melting ice between them, all over them?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:13)", "body": "A bigger orgy in the white house than already exists today."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "If I were them, I'd just EAT it! Silly people! I MUST go now - even though I'd just like to sit here talking to you all day. Expecting my partner in about 5 minutes, and I'm not dressed or washed or anything yet. Looking forward to coming back!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (02:58)", "body": "I am looking forward to having you back, too Riette"}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (03:04)", "body": "I believe the eat it solution has already been tried and look where they are now Actually, Riette if you sat here all day, I'd sit here all day, and then I'd be a bit tired tomorrow, because I go to work about the time you go to bed."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:17)", "body": "Yes, quite - and I hope you're in bed as I'm writing this. Anyway, if I sat here all day, and you sat here all night, you could call in sick, and we could sit another day and night, writing silly responses to each other!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:54)", "body": "Now, that is an Idea!! So, Riette, when do you want to do this?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:02)", "body": "I can't, I simply can't!! Though I'd love to. But when I come to America, we can stay up talking EVERY night, for all I care. 'Cos then I'll have nobody to take care of - except you! In another sense, of course. ha-ha!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:36)", "body": "Riette, that will be wonderful too. Too bad that you don't want to do the other, Wednesday would be the perfect day for it, because Thursday is a holiday, and so is Friday."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "Not here, I'm afraid - the Swiss don't do that! But I could phone you on Thursday. Oh damn!!! I didn't want to tell you when! Then again, I might be teasing..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:28)", "body": "Anytime is fine, Riette. I'll look forward to it."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "Or phoneward! I must warn you though, that my accent is bad. And I sometimes stumble over words like a drunk - but be assured I don't. Bad speech, that's all."}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:48)", "body": "Riette, phoneward is forward. The phone is in front of me. I Won't mind your accent, I promise."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:10)", "body": "But you might giggle, and I'd be very embarrassed. Do you have anything that I can giggle back at?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (08:29)", "body": "If you don't, Tim, I'm sure I have something that you can borrow..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (09:40)", "body": "Like what???"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:25)", "body": "Riette, I enjoy it when you giggle, and when you make me laugh."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "And I enjoy the way you laugh - like a lion!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "Riette, I've never been told that before."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:25)", "body": "They were probably just too scared of your ROOO-AAAA-RRR!!! But seeing as I grew up where there are other lions, I'm not quite so afraid. Only a little...."}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "Why are you afraid, Riette?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (14:24)", "body": "because some people carry the paranoia bit a little too far..."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:35)", "body": "I'm not afraid of paranoia, Wer!! And if you were as used to seeing the creature from the black lagoon in your mirror every day as I am, you'd be quite comfortable with it too! Good to see you! Not afraid, Tim, just a LITTLE little afraid. Nice afraid."}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:32)", "body": "Ok Riette, I thought something was bothering you."}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:34)", "body": "By the way Riette, what kind of neighborhood do you live in, that you see the creature from the black lagoon every morning?"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:27)", "body": "I was talking about myself! ha-ha! Creature from the black lagoon - that's how I look when I wake up!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:32)", "body": "Riette, That's Impossible without makeup or special effects!!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:57)", "body": "Let me put it this way: be glad you're not the one has to see me first thing in the morning! We're talking major trauma here!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:02)", "body": "Now I know you need new glasses, Riette!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "I don't HAVE glasses, Tim. My eyes are good - I think!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "Well,Riette you seem to have a problem seeing your own good qualities."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Maybe. But one can't very well go around saying, gee, you're right, Tim. I'm the most wonderful creature, ain't I? Words like that would trigger some throwing up mechanism in my stomach, and I won't be able to get to the loo soon enough!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "OK Riette, But if you were to do this, you could always stand over the commode prior to the utterance."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "Or I'll tie a sickbag around my neck all the time."}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "I guess that would work too, Riette."}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (01:01)", "body": "So, Tim. Why was cake invented?"}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (01:12)", "body": "Personally, Riette, I think it was invented by someone who got tired of plain bread. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 57, "subject": "lizards & rubber bands", "response_count": 8, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:13)", "body": "the intelligent expression in the rubber bands' eyes"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:35)", "body": "I though maybe it was the soft thrumming and the resilience"}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (21:43)", "body": "Both are made of latex"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:46)", "body": "they're flexible?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (19:06)", "body": "both have nasty snaps?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (15:15)", "body": "No, no, NO... they both help WER maintain a big, throbbing stiffy."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (07:36)", "body": "*blush*"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:53)", "body": "ha-ha!! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 58, "subject": "The Screwed Spring for Dummies, 2nd Edition", "response_count": 42, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:16)", "body": "You mean, like listening to two Bernese people talking to each other? HEre's a conversation I once heard between a woman and a man, concerning their son. See if you can make it out. He: \"Ta Te Ta?\" She: \"Te Ta Ta.\" He: \"Ta Te Ta Te?\" She: \"Te Ta Ta Te.\""}, {"response": 2, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (18:00)", "body": "the boy had to go tee tee?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (03:10)", "body": "Hopefully not! He was about four. I afterwards figured out that they were saying: He: \"Darf er das?\" She: \"Er darf das\" He: \"Darf er das jetzt?\" She: \"Er darf das jetzt.\""}, {"response": 4, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:13)", "body": "well, that just clears it all up, doesn't it?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:52)", "body": "Darf Er es!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:47)", "body": "Jawol, mein Lieber!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:41)", "body": "Ich verstehe nicht Deutsch!!! Anglische bitte!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "Oraait, oraait - Ah do you a good deel. You speak'a dee Ingels, Ah speak'a dee Afrikaner. Oukaai? Oukaai?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:26)", "body": "Thees ees a deel, yes?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:14)", "body": "Jawol, Missus!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:49)", "body": "Blitttssssssss fsshhhhhhht suune, Guurm!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (07:37)", "body": "Ewige Blumenkraft!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (17:12)", "body": "Oh Ewig, I'm snapping beans while looking at the shaft of light inside your left nostril"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:56)", "body": "Gobfriedschtuz nochmal!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:16)", "body": "Gesundheit!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:18)", "body": "We're just a walking pair of dictionaries, aren't we??"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:57)", "body": "Could be, Riette. However I feel handicapped, because I don't have cyrillic letters on my keyboard, I can't write Russian."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:05)", "body": "That's alright, I forgive you - just this once..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:39)", "body": "I hate to transliterate, Riette, because everybody does it differently, and so people that don't speak Russian, get to wondering who is spelling wrong?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "Don't worry, I would not notice if your spelling were FLYING! Where did you learn Russian though? Do you speak it fluently? Just think, if you were Russian and I spoke only Afrikaans, we'd have to communicate with body language over the internet!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:33)", "body": "The army taught me Russian, Riette. I read, write, and speak Russian fluently. A combination of body language, amslam, and braille, sounds much better in person. Feels better too."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Did I mention that I only WRITE English?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:51)", "body": "Riette, It seems to me that I'm just going to have to expand your horizons."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:13)", "body": "Yep. It is as you say. A woman's got to do what I woman's got to do. Man, all this suffering - where will it end? It's just going to be murderous being with you, I'm sure! By the way!!! Are there any hotels not too far from Terry's house? It doesn't have to be fancy or anything - as long as I can get to you by foot, and don't have to waste time over getting taxi's and stuff."}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:27)", "body": "Riette, I'll get you information on that place we talked about and several alternate places."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "Okay, thank you, Tim."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Anytime, Riette, Anytime."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:25)", "body": "ANY time?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "ANYTIME, RIETTE!!! ANYTIME!!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:37)", "body": "Okay, but not Monday. Monday might be an important day for me."}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:37)", "body": "Ok Riette, not Monday. What's going on monday?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:29)", "body": "A very, very, very important phonecall. It's due to take place around lunchtime - my time of course - I'm very excited about it."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:34)", "body": "Lunchtime your time huh, OK , well that'll be good."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:55)", "body": "Why would that be? Are you going to make an important phonecall?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:04)", "body": "Indeed Riette, sevsera hours earlier than originally planned, but It'll work."}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:05)", "body": "How did you like my new way to spell several? Riette?"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "I assumed you were showing off your Lithuanian...."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "Oh is that what you call it?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (01:59)", "body": "Yes! What do you call it, Tim?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:09)", "body": "Well, Riette, for lack of anything better, OOPS!!!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "ha-ha!!!! Now I don't know what to say! Any ideas?"}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "Not at the present, Riette, maybe later. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 59, "subject": "all the reasons oranges don't grow on breasts", "response_count": 15, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:37)", "body": "maybe they do, and the unknowing just have them removed"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (21:44)", "body": "they make nursing too difficult"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:47)", "body": "Yes, 'cos you'd have to peel them first, wouldn't you?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (19:14)", "body": "ok, who comes up with these things anyway?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "Some very sick minds!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (11:14)", "body": "Aren't we being just a little pretentious here? I doubt if even *WE* can come up with _all_ the reasons. Although at my house it was probably because we planted tangelos..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (01:15)", "body": "What? You have a titty-plantation? Lucky man!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (00:20)", "body": "I think that you are the first person ever to accuse Sharon of being a titty-plantation, Ree..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (03:43)", "body": "No, I'm not accusing her of that any more than I would accuse myself! But he mentioned those things started with 't' - what else could he possibly be talking about?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:11)", "body": "The creative minds on the Spring come down here to let the real stuff out of their minds, I guess, so they can pretend to be on topic elsewhere, whereas I am down here to ask what happens to the seeds and skins once the oranges have been squeezed - and we *know* they will be considering the sorts of activities they get into...and the out-of-body assistance available."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (19:32)", "body": "probably saved to add to the stock on a rainy day..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (19:44)", "body": "(Trying to picture this...) That is as good a reason as anything I can come up with...Perhaps they are a near cousin of the Navel Orange, in which case they would be seedless..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (19:51)", "body": "...but they are too difficult to grow on breasts...we'd have twigs up our noses and in the winter we'd have leaves around our feet. No, the whole deal is too embarrassing to contemplate (but, that does not mean I won't!)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:17)", "body": "contemplate, or start an orchard?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:31)", "body": "contemplate...I already have enough fruit growing hereabouts... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 6, "subject": "What does Riette like?", "response_count": 39, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (03:55)", "body": "not her name"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (22:48)", "body": "chocolate w/champagne grapes inside."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (23:00)", "body": "es verdad"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "naturally"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:48)", "body": "... little fingers sticking outta her bum and wolfie's tail..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:54)", "body": "and little muffins all in a row!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:18)", "body": "tantrums"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "uh oh, should I ask?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 22, 1998 (08:17)", "body": "ask what?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:53)", "body": "Ask her about dancing nude in front of the vicar's boy...."}, {"response": 11, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (14:22)", "body": "Riette, what about dancing nude in front of the vicars boy?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:20)", "body": "NOTHING ABOUT IT!!! It was an accident! These things happen!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:10)", "body": "not for me they don't..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:16)", "body": "Not for me either! But it was the last time that vicar boy tried to hit on her, I can tell you!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (18:19)", "body": "Can you include a re-enactment in the video you're making for Spring, Ree?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "I don't think so!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (02:35)", "body": "Fair enough."}, {"response": 18, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:25)", "body": "Believe me, Terry, it ain't a pretty sight!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (06:00)", "body": "Are you going to be in Ree's video she's sending to us, Sonja?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (08:57)", "body": "No way! Don't think she's not been pestering me about it either. That's why I've hidden the battery and electric cable - not having anyone sneak up on me, and filming my big butt."}, {"response": 21, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (22:28)", "body": "What if you wore pants. It would be ok then, right? Yeah, yeah, that's it! Your butt could be the star of the video. It could go around the studio, pick out certain things and just tell a little something about it. And you could come up with a real special butt voice to use. You could have different things going on, like how about a breeze that comes in the window and blows pieces of paper up against the wall---and on each piece of paper there can be a word on them---words like: \"the\" \"butt\" \"will\" \"now\" \"introduce\" \"the\" \"artist\" \"who\" \"created\" \"all\" \"these\" \"works\" \"of\" \"art\" .....and then the butt could speak, and speak quite frankly."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:12)", "body": "That would have been the ultimate work of art. Especially as her butt has the most beautiful singing voice imaginable! Afraid she's not joking, though. She HAS hidden most of the camera equipment - God knows where, because it's a small flat, and I cannot find it!!! But then again, there's another two weeks to keep searching....and when I do, I'll be sure to get some really sexy shots of her! In the meantime I'll just have to post all the photos I have of her to get you all better aquainted. What do you say?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (07:11)", "body": "I say *GREEN LIGHT*"}, {"response": 24, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "Damn! I don't have THAT many hiding places!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:36)", "body": "So, what ever happened regarding the video and pictures? Riette, is nude dancing the usual way you chase off unwanted people?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (20:38)", "body": "After seeing how pretty you look, I can't beleive that this is effective."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:12)", "body": "These people with their huge, blurry telescopes telling them horrible lies..... I don't normally chase people off like that, but it was effective alright! This, of course, raises a question or two about your judgement of people's outward appearances.... ha-ha!!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:43)", "body": "My judgement of outward appearances seems to be accurate. Whenever i think that a woman is pretty, my friends agree with me. Come to think of it, not many people disagree with me about anything. Might have something to do with my size. Seriously though, my friends are my friends, partially because they're not afraid to tell me when I'm wrong."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "Size doesn't matter! How big did you say you were?...."}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:49)", "body": "I am 2M and 105K. That is as close a conversion as I can get. I am also the shortest guy in my family. My youngest brother is the tallest. He is 2.1M. He plays basketball."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:11)", "body": "Good Lord! I assume that you like tall girls then, like Mike and Wer?! And I don't blame you for it either. Lucky for 1.65 m tall short ar$es like me, not all guys are quite that big!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "I don't limit myself by size or age, in any of my friends, girls or otherwise. When someone limits themselves, they only hurt themselves, depriving themselves of the unique experience of the company of part of the human spectrum. actually you are about average height as far as women around here go. As far as age goes my best friend is a 92 year old electrical contractor. he still works 80 hour weeks, and he says he'll retire when he gets old."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "That's the spirit! That's how I'd like to grow old."}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:43)", "body": "It's the only way. By the way this guy has 3 girlfriends in 3 different states. He sees each of them twice a month."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "ha-ha! And now that there's viagra, he could probably go thrice a month!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "Well, I don't know. He does still work full time. Maybe, with viagra, he can get another girlfriend in each town....Maybe with viagra, he is in danger of being shot by a jealous husband."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "Yes, that would be utterly pointless! Imagine! Still, at the same time it would be pretty flattering getting shot dead by a jealous husband at the age of 92!!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "And, It would be pretty unflattering to the husband."}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:55)", "body": "Think about it. Having word get out that the wife prefers a 92 year old. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 60, "subject": "eyes in your thighs", "response_count": 5, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (03:12)", "body": "BAD idea - I don't ever want a close-up view of my own thighs, or the part surround the area, which would be an inevitable thing with eyes in my thighs! For men it's different, I suppose. They could admire their own . . . knees better that way."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:38)", "body": "there went the picture in my head of you all limber, and bent up welcoming like..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "sweetsexteen", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (08:03)", "body": "friend's"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:49)", "body": "Friend's what? Don't worry, don't worry, I'll use my imagination! Hi, Sweety! You got a real name too? (I don't.)"}, {"response": 5, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Sep 15, 1998 (19:10)", "body": "no thanks, no eyes in the thighs for this gal... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 61, "subject": "The Moot Topic", "response_count": 31, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (16:07)", "body": "oranges on breasts. is this moot?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Sep 12, 1998 (22:52)", "body": "depends on the rest of breakfast..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:39)", "body": "and/or where the vodka is..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:53)", "body": "screwdrivers: they're not just for breakfast anymore!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (08:13)", "body": "however, they do go well with Cheerios..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:51)", "body": "Do they now?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (08:42)", "body": "Yes, both now and later. So?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:14)", "body": "So cotton balls are white too..."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (10:21)", "body": "and that pertains to?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:30)", "body": "The yellowness of nachos, of course."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:36)", "body": "And this affects/effects me how?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (13:57)", "body": "Isn't presentation a part of the picture."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:34)", "body": "doesn't matter"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (02:58)", "body": "It affects you like this, muffin: the nachos will make stains on your white cotton t-shirts, if you don't eat them with a knife and fork..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "Eat nachos with a knife and fork? You have got to be kidding!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (11:58)", "body": "That is something I would pay to see!!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:37)", "body": "My husband eats nachos with a knife and fork..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:29)", "body": "I'd love to see anyone eat nachos with a knife and fork. That is kind of like eating fresh oysters with a knife and fork."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (15:20)", "body": "Well, he will do that too, I'm sure! He even eats ice cream with knife and fork. I don't think he's figured out the spoon in all his half century on earth! It's quite sweet."}, {"response": 20, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (10:50)", "body": "How does he eat soup?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:01)", "body": "My thought exactly... barbequed ribs would be interesting to watch, as well..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:22)", "body": "Not to mention Buffalo Wings."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "He drinks his soup straight from the bowl, and no, I've not seen him eat barbequed ribs or Buffalo wings! All I know is, I've NEVER seen him eat with a spoon, and the funniest thing is to see him eat cereal on a morning!! Cursing and muttering because they fall off his fork. And when you ask him why he doesn't eat with a spoon, he says, because it's like eating from a bedpan. ha-ha!!!! And people don't understand why some women marry older guys - they're just so funny!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:14)", "body": "I hope that when he said that you asked him when the last time he had a meal out of a bedpan was."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:06)", "body": "I did!!! ha-ha!! Oxford, Christ Church College, 1968..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (14:13)", "body": "That is pretty good! I didn't expect him to have a response."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:39)", "body": "Chris always has a response. And he never asks you questions to which he doesn't know the answer already. Such is the mind of a true intellectual!"}, {"response": 28, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:15)", "body": "Why ask a question if you already know the answer?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:15)", "body": "Because you want to see if the other person gets it right, or you want to play with his answer. It's really like a game, you see. For example: We do something great, like stand on top of the Eiffel tower. And he'll ask me if I'm excited. And I say, yes. And he'll ask, in what way, what kind of excitement. And I'll give him some answer about the wind blowing, and the people looking so little below, the thrill of being so high up - something like that. Which tell him my mood. That's always dangerou with him! And then the game starts, 'cos then he'll ask: You know what kind of excitement I feel right now? Which prompts me to say something like, 'Yes, of course I do; the kind of excitement one can't help but feel when you're standing on top of the Eiffel tower.' Ah, but that's where I fall into the trap, you see! Because he knows I'm going to say it! And that's HIS kind of excitement! Trapping me in my OWN excitement! Do you see what I mean?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:15)", "body": "Yes, I do. It sounds like a mind game. Doesn't it make you feel self-conscious?"}, {"response": 31, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:01)", "body": "probably no more so than posting on here some days... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 62, "subject": "Absolute Nonsense Conversations", "response_count": 101, "posts": [{"response": 2, "author": "Wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 21, 1997 (11:13)", "body": "Sorry Sam :)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "Wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 21, 1997 (22:01)", "body": "So, anybody wanna try out this topic?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "Afor", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 1997 (21:13)", "body": "Do y'all ever? Normally (and I use the term in the broadest possible sense), y'all go off on a tangent and drift forever into space. Now, when ya have all the space imaginable, you have nothing to say. Usual thing."}, {"response": 6, "author": "Wolf", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 1997 (21:35)", "body": "takes a while to get used to, Sam :)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  8, 1998 (20:37)", "body": "I'm sure you could instill some grandiose meaning of the sickening sort into it!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 1998 (00:35)", "body": ""}, {"response": 12, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 1998 (18:16)", "body": "surely you personally but probably any one of the posting individuals."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 15, 1998 (18:01)", "body": "And I only speak the truth!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jan 20, 1998 (18:31)", "body": "and then..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan 22, 1998 (16:39)", "body": "because (of course)"}, {"response": 21, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jan 23, 1998 (09:13)", "body": "*giggle*"}, {"response": 23, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 1998 (09:55)", "body": "*long stare* *seductive nod*"}, {"response": 25, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 1998 (23:36)", "body": "wouldn't call it back in control... but I'm feeling pretty good! *wink*"}, {"response": 30, "author": "hany", "date": "Thu, Apr  9, 1998 (07:02)", "body": "this the test"}, {"response": 31, "author": "hany", "date": "Thu, Apr  9, 1998 (07:08)", "body": "hello"}, {"response": 32, "author": "hany", "date": "Thu, Apr  9, 1998 (07:33)", "body": "hello"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jun  2, 1998 (16:14)", "body": "Probably same as all of us - to talk nonsense! Can't help but notice that you and Stacey are especially good at this, Kitchen Man. Lots of practice, or natural (as with me)?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Jun  3, 1998 (10:45)", "body": "yes, but it does help to have a good partner (or two)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Jun  3, 1998 (12:40)", "body": "Oh, you're back. Good - wasn't getting enough nonsense. I mean, Stacey and Autumn and Wolf and Jim are good, but we miss that slight taste of mafia when you're not around . . . no, no, put that breadknife back in the drawer . . ."}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Sep 13, 1998 (07:42)", "body": "I was just gonna butter your muffin..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (09:54)", "body": "Which one of the many? And who is Sam? You all sound like you know him/her."}, {"response": 39, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (11:31)", "body": "i knew sam. he and nick got into a big fight which somehow included me. all over something stupid that sam said and nick was offended and i was in trouble because i didn't slam sam, instead i laughed because it came out funny. sam was from jamaica man......i don't know where he ran off to, but i enjoyed talking to sam."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 14, 1998 (13:27)", "body": "And how can we get Sam to stay? SAAAAAMMMMM!!!! You out there somewhere??? Get your ar$e back over here! I'm African, so you don't have to be scared of me - I never get into fights with people..... Yeah, yeah, laugh your butts off, I don't care. A little modification of the truth never hurt anyone!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (03:52)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:35)", "body": "How tactful you are!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 23, 1999 (00:13)", "body": "tact...hmmm..."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:48)", "body": "Say what?"}, {"response": 45, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:07)", "body": "\"what?\""}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:08)", "body": "That!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (12:56)", "body": "Exactly!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Apr 25, 1999 (10:02)", "body": "not"}, {"response": 49, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Apr 25, 1999 (13:56)", "body": "oh, well..."}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (01:35)", "body": "what-ho?"}, {"response": 51, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:50)", "body": "Yo-HO!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (09:55)", "body": "Now I can't come up with a response...how embarrassing in a topic like this."}, {"response": 53, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (11:46)", "body": "(Hihi!)"}, {"response": 54, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (20:58)", "body": "speechless?"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (02:20)", "body": "hmmm"}, {"response": 56, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, May  2, 1999 (11:38)", "body": "WELL?!?"}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (01:10)", "body": "hell .... would you ever"}, {"response": 58, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May  3, 1999 (22:12)", "body": "what?"}, {"response": 59, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (11:51)", "body": "at this rate, probably not..."}, {"response": 60, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, May 21, 1999 (17:21)", "body": "...but chances are that we could. Definitely."}, {"response": 61, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (12:54)", "body": "that's a given"}, {"response": 62, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, May 29, 1999 (05:00)", "body": "But she not interested, looks like."}, {"response": 63, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, May 30, 1999 (17:37)", "body": "You want to know what the real horror is? The sensual song of the madness of my screams could bring down upon me all the threshold so gruesomely relentless that it grows stronger with haunted houses and riches of pain beyond flesh."}, {"response": 64, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, May 31, 1999 (02:58)", "body": "Aah, yes. Hey, 'keeper, me 'n me mate have two more of these here!"}, {"response": 65, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, May 31, 1999 (13:18)", "body": "and some more pretzels!"}, {"response": 66, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 31, 1999 (20:08)", "body": "That's better. You were saying?"}, {"response": 67, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jun  1, 1999 (06:54)", "body": "Whad'll you have, luv?"}, {"response": 68, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  2, 1999 (11:22)", "body": "Mmm, Long Island iced tea for me. So glad I'm not driving."}, {"response": 69, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 1999 (03:15)", "body": "You still hooked on that stuff, girl?"}, {"response": 70, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 1999 (22:55)", "body": "You know it, baby! 2 of them and I'm under the table..."}, {"response": 71, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 1999 (23:00)", "body": "with the right question, you're under the table... or so I remember you saying... (well, okay, something like that anyway...)"}, {"response": 72, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug  8, 1999 (23:45)", "body": "So I'm easy!"}, {"response": 73, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 1999 (10:59)", "body": "Easy on what? The two of them?"}, {"response": 74, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 1999 (12:06)", "body": "Autumn, if these guys snow you under just call for help. I have the sled dogs all ready to ride to your rescue. Otherswise, I'm outta here. Haven't the foggiest idea what I am doing here...but know that help is ready if you need it."}, {"response": 75, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 1999 (12:44)", "body": "Hawaiian sled dogs? Wow! Marcia, I didn't know - what colour are they?"}, {"response": 76, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 1999 (23:42)", "body": "and, can they hula? (or at least tango?)"}, {"response": 77, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  9, 1999 (23:48)", "body": "we have snow skiing on our two highest peaks...that is what keeps Hilo so nice and cool. check it out! Akita is the dog of choice."}, {"response": 78, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 1999 (09:40)", "body": "How do you serve Akita?"}, {"response": 79, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 1999 (09:51)", "body": "And, to stay on topic - what drinks do you serve with it?"}, {"response": 80, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 1999 (11:55)", "body": "I knew chows and chihauhaus were eating dogs, but hadn't heard that about akitas...hmmm..."}, {"response": 81, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 1999 (11:57)", "body": "Alexander...thought: how can you stray off topic in a topic entitled, Absolute Nonsense Conversations?"}, {"response": 82, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 1999 (12:00)", "body": "We don't generally serve dog as such. However there are ethnics around who favor fat little black ones, and if you have one, better keep it in a safe place. Ummm...could you tell me how we got from sled dogs to eating them? Then I will think on the liquid refreshments which go with them...Yeesh!"}, {"response": 83, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Aug 10, 1999 (12:05)", "body": "Gotcha, Wer! That I lived to see the day...! Marcia, it all was started by Autumn, sure wasn't me! (*innocent smile*)"}, {"response": 84, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 1999 (18:36)", "body": "You da man, Alexander! ;-)"}, {"response": 85, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 11, 1999 (18:51)", "body": "Sorry it has taken me so long to answer how do we serve Akita (which are creamy white)...in large individual bowls of Akita chow, of course. I always serve them that - they love it!"}, {"response": 86, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (04:54)", "body": "haha! took you a while, hehe!"}, {"response": 87, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 12, 1999 (04:56)", "body": "Just wait till I find the recipe for German Shepherd dog - from a chinese cook in Japan!"}, {"response": 88, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (20:18)", "body": "still waiting for that recipe, Alexander...*grin*"}, {"response": 89, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 1999 (16:45)", "body": "It's somewhere in a mag from late Seventies... Somewhere in the boxes still unpacked from moving around for ages..."}, {"response": 90, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 1999 (17:12)", "body": "The story of my life. I am beginning to hope the place bvrns down so I do not have to sift throught all of this stuff before the eventual necessity of doing so takes over."}, {"response": 91, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 1999 (13:05)", "body": "I hate moving, because I love chaos."}, {"response": 92, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 1999 (14:04)", "body": "There you go - I think I shall embroider that on a pillow and make it my personal motto. \"Stuff Rules\""}, {"response": 93, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "And it if gets any more chaotic in here, I won't be able to \"move\" - quite literally! Anyone need more stuff???"}, {"response": 94, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 1999 (16:02)", "body": "But Riette, moving is the mother hell of all chaos! I bet you're like cats - hate new environments. Don't move the furniture!"}, {"response": 95, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 1999 (18:57)", "body": "I'm not Riette, but I am a nester. When I get to an unfamiliar place, I set up my scanner (radio) and short wave receiver and laptop and settle into my own little world which is familiar...but not home."}, {"response": 96, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Aug 28, 1999 (03:16)", "body": "No, you're right. I don't like moving. First of all it is tragic seeing one's place suddenly shiny and hollow, and then the new place being so perfect, like a hotel, and you're afraid of sitting or standing or eating, because it might get dirty. I like the fact that anywhere I sit down in my place, I can touch something I like - paintings bought at fleamarkets, books everywhere, sketching pads, guinea pigs, photo albums, my pinball, souveniers of the places I go, to remind me to go again, and right now my feet are resting on the plastic christmas tree. It feels warm and friendly. Alexander, I bet you like it clean and orderly, huh?"}, {"response": 97, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (06:51)", "body": "Yes, I like it like that; no, I don't have it like that... Marcia, I know what you mean. For me, it meant even as a kid dragging a whole suitcase of my favorite books and tapes around wherever I went for a few days, like for a holiday. Where I went was where I was, so why would I leave a thing behind? Something could happen to it, no?"}, {"response": 98, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (11:03)", "body": "Absolutely. Always have my books with me, too. The house could burn down, I might really need to read one of those books and be miserable without it... I also carry field guides when I go anyplace...and maps. I can't stand not knowing what something is. But, I have always been far too curious... As a kid I kept lists of stuff to take on these family holidays. Did not want something I considered important inadvertantly left behind."}, {"response": 99, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sun, Aug 29, 1999 (13:12)", "body": "MAPS! Yea!"}, {"response": 100, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (07:25)", "body": "What for?"}, {"response": 101, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (08:18)", "body": "Uh, collecting?"}, {"response": 102, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (08:19)", "body": "Decorating?"}, {"response": 103, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (08:23)", "body": "Impressing girls?"}, {"response": 104, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:03)", "body": "OH! And does it?"}, {"response": 105, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (10:30)", "body": "It does this \"girl\"...I am delighted to find anyone interested in cartography and reading maps, but I am interrupting. Carry on...*grin*"}, {"response": 106, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (02:38)", "body": "I believe you have each found a soulmate!"}, {"response": 107, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (18:40)", "body": "HE thinks not (breathing deeply in apprehension - do not take rejection well...)"}, {"response": 108, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (02:34)", "body": "NONSENSE! He's just playing hard to get! \ufffdcovering head with hands in anticipation of blow with Superstar magazine\ufffd Now now, don't do anything silly, Alexander! That's months and months' work you're about to ruin on my thick skull!"}, {"response": 109, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (17:54)", "body": "(He may not ever show up here again!)"}, {"response": 110, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (01:07)", "body": "That'll not be the first time."}, {"response": 111, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (01:14)", "body": "so he told me..."}, {"response": 112, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (03:59)", "body": "I'm sure he did."}, {"response": 113, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 1999 (19:49)", "body": "Do you think he will remember that he did?"}, {"response": 114, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (02:48)", "body": "Of course he will. The question is whether he will admit to it or not!"}, {"response": 115, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (08:34)", "body": "He'll be back."}, {"response": 116, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 1999 (15:10)", "body": "I needed you to say that. Feeling 100% better *right now*.....*hugs* Terry!"}, {"response": 117, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (20:37)", "body": "Sam?! Where's your Maserati? Your Gibson and Martins are parked in the wrong places! Take your pick... ;)"}, {"response": 118, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2002 (20:39)", "body": "Geez, I never guessed that the real Sam would find his way to the surface again. I must have had a bad 1999. (I did!) screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 63, "subject": "jihad", "response_count": 71, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (01:04)", "body": "I don't know WHAT you're talking about!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (08:05)", "body": "me, either...."}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (08:57)", "body": "Holy War!!!!!!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:16)", "body": "Nice picture of a stapler, too."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (14:30)", "body": "Here goes: it's not a stapler, it's a CONDOM!!!! Given your condition, I don't suppose you know what a condom is anymore?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:02)", "body": "I knew you'd love it... click on the word Stapler , and you'll see what he was talkin'bout..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 16, 1998 (22:44)", "body": "Sure looks like a stapler to me."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "Brilliant! A stapler that staples condoms onto naughty willies!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (08:02)", "body": "yeah, well too bad one naughty willie we all know didn't have one to keep his zipper shut!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (08:23)", "body": "ha-ha!!! He probably did - just didn't let it hold him back, that's all!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (12:17)", "body": "yeah, hillary put it there every morning but she didn't know he had a staple remover in his pocket. shoot, he probably let monica remove it with her teefers! you know, we really don't need to know all this stuff.....i really don't need the visuals!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (12:34)", "body": "Wait till the four hour video tape starts playing tomorrow. More than you never wanted to know. (high fives wer for not only a great dinner the other night but, dig this, descending last 50!!!) Her teefers!!! Cigar anyone?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (13:06)", "body": "I had a look at the report today, and was CRAWLING with laughter! The Cigar bit was SO funny - real Jay Leno material - can't wait to see what he's going to have to say tonight."}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (21:21)", "body": "This has been a comedian's paradise. I imagine the video will be playing tomorrow. Maybe we should run it on the Spring too?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (01:03)", "body": "Oh, YES Yes YES!! Did you watch Jay Leno last night. My favourite line was the bit where Clinton's biggest fear must be an intern with braces! HA-HA!!!! The bit I found ar$e crawlingly funny was the way Clinton defines sex and oral sex. Stunning, just stunning!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (14:30)", "body": "Whats the bit about how he defines those?"}, {"response": 17, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Sep 19, 1998 (20:07)", "body": "well, oral sex isn't real sex. so how could he have a sexual relationship with someone and not have intercourse? oh, but the part i loved was when they were in the middle of non sex oral sex, he told her to stop before he ejaculated because he needed to be able to trust her first. HAH!! Shoulda thought of that BEFORE he dropped his pants!!!!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:21)", "body": "I know!!! I was in stitches! He was probably just waiting to see how well she could swallow....Hence the pizza ordering and stuff."}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (03:54)", "body": "Love the stapler."}, {"response": 20, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:06)", "body": "Can't I just use it and set it free?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:10)", "body": "you might unfortunately, however, I can't..."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (14:57)", "body": "Set what free?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:57)", "body": "Stapler?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:54)", "body": "It's just begging to be used."}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (23:38)", "body": "Aren't we all?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:35)", "body": "Only in certain ways."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:20)", "body": "Very true, although we may not be certain of which certain ways."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "Which is why one has to experiment..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (03:51)", "body": "OH YEAH!!! EXPERIMENTS ARE FUN. I have an absolute passion for experimentation. The six most dangerous words in the English language are: \"I wonder what would happen if.\" I trashed the chemistry lab so many times in high school, that I was barred from the lab, after six weeks. barred permanently. One of my what would happen things."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:26)", "body": "Oh, cool! My sister and I once wondered what would happen if we stuck the emergency fire hose into our school's personnel room (my father was headmaster), and turn it in. My boyfriends always wanted to know if I were abused as a child, because I have scars on my backside....each time I had to tell them, nope, they're self-inflicted! ha-ha!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:23)", "body": "Somehow that does not sound funny. Being beaten is no joke."}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:45)", "body": "My father found the dog/stick treatment pretty satisfying - but people like that are too stupid to realize that beating is probably the most uneffective form of discipline ever invented. By the time you're six it rolls off your back like water. Then you just go weird and do more and more horrible things, because you know the worst thing that can happen is a few bruises. So in that sense it IS no joke, I suppose. I wouldn't want my kids to be the kind of raging devil that I was when I was a child - so 've devised more effective punishments, such as no TV, or no chocolate, stuff like that. It works wonders! Some people might call it bribing, but they're brilliantly behaved, and don't hate me for it."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:25)", "body": "I have devised a very effective punishment. Take the offending child aside and inform them that their behavior is intolerable. explain what you want them to do, tell them that you want them to think about it, and , when they are ready to act responsibly, they can come to you and tell you about it. Then, put them into a room by themselves and close the door. Usually you only have to do this one time, after that, the child will skip the solitude step and tell you what they will do to rectify the situation. it's very important that the child know that they can come out of the room, on their own, whenever they are ready."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:21)", "body": "Sounds good for when they're a bit older. At this point mine are simply too young to deal with like that. One has to play hardball every once in a while, but luckily I was blessed with kids who hardly ever need that sort of punishment. I know it's hard to believe of a 3 and 2 year-old, but you'll see on my video - they're really calm and relaxed, and sweet natured. (Not like relatives of mine at all, really!)"}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (11:37)", "body": "You may be surprised to find this out, but a two year old is capable of reason. They just have a very short attention span. I helped to raise my youngest brother, and nearly ruined his life, but I learned from my mistakes. (He did too he still takes everything I tell him to do very doubtfully) Here's what I did: I was determined that he was going to be the smartest kid on the planet, so I started reading to him when he was six months old. I did not read children's books, I read from the encyclopedia. By the time he was two he could hold a fairly intelligent conversation. My brothers and sisters were in on this too. We introduced him to mathematics at two and a half, and he could read and write by the time he was three. by the time he was five he was doing calculus, he could recite quotes from marcus aurelius, socrates, and shakespeare. He could quote from the bible from memory. Then, off to kindergarten, and disaster. He refused to talk to kids his own age, called the teacher, \"a complete idiot\", to her face, and generally exhibited anti-social behavior. It took five years to get him to where he could interact with kids his own age."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:13)", "body": "WOW! That's impressive! Clever brother! Clever big brother! And: poor thing! BAD big brother! Impressively bad!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:13)", "body": "I guess that the most valuable lesson I learned from this is that social interaction is a valusble part of the learning process"}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:22)", "body": "Also if you educate a child above his peers, you had better have an alternate peer group for him to join."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:20)", "body": "He had eight siblings, didn't he??"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:59)", "body": "Sort of. There was more of an age difference between him and myself than there was between my mother and myself."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:09)", "body": "That's hilarious! I think it's great that your mum had so many children - how was she able to afford all of you??"}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:22)", "body": "For a long time, both of my parents worked."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:06)", "body": "Was it a very noisy household? Did you enjoy growing up in such a big family?"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:44)", "body": "Riette, I know that there must have been a downside. But, I can't remember one. I actually wanted to see the family larger, and only recently stopped pressing my mother about when the next one would be. Yes the household was very noisy. Specially when there were five of us in the house with musical instruments at the same time."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "I can only imagine! I cannot imagine what it must be like being a single child. It must be very lonely."}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:38)", "body": "One of my best friends was an only child. He just hung with us though. Whenever we had a group activity, we had every kid in the neighborhood over. Occasionally we'd go to his house for some peace and quiet and watch TV. Which was neat because my family did not have a TV."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "ha-ha! Going to a single child's house for peace and quiet! I can imagine that, actually. We were only three, and the noise level sometimes got so high it drove my mum up the walls. With NINE it must be deafening!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:53)", "body": "Riette, When it got really loud, we were sent outside, or to the basement."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:14)", "body": "ha-ha! Can you imagine having that many kids yourself?"}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:29)", "body": "Actually, Riette, I could. It would have to be up to the woman though she's got the hardest job."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "I guess so. The only thing that puts me off about it is the idea of the last months of pregnance. I like mobility, and each time it drove me nuts not to be able to do all the stuff I normally do, or getting tired doing it. And it just drags on and on. They babies I'd enjoy though. I adore little babies."}, {"response": 52, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "I do too, Riette, but like I said, It's the woman's choice."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "Okay, I'll go for twenty then! But first I have to find out how to lay eggs...."}, {"response": 54, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "OH god, What a painful thought, Riette!!"}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:41)", "body": "I was thinking the size of hen's eggs? Because it's GOT to be less painful than squeezing a watermelon through a little hole like that."}, {"response": 56, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:39)", "body": "I was thinking of eggs the size necessary to insure a live hatch at human size and weight. with a hard shell."}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:30)", "body": "And whyever can't human babies be the same size as chicken babies??"}, {"response": 58, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:36)", "body": "A real simple reason, Riette, Humans are a little larger than chickens, don't ya see?"}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:54)", "body": "My little humans can be smaller. I'll feed them alot though, so they'll grow bigger real soon."}, {"response": 60, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:06)", "body": "If humans grew as fast as chickens, Riette, We'd all be in trouble."}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "You would know! ha-ha!"}, {"response": 62, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "Got me again, Riette, I don't have a clue to what you are talking about."}, {"response": 63, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:00)", "body": "neither do I! But then again, I don't know what jihad means either, and THAT doesn't keep my big mouth shut!"}, {"response": 64, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "Riette, that I know. jihad is arabic for holy war."}, {"response": 65, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (21:58)", "body": "So let the killing for God start again! Anyone seen a heretic lately?"}, {"response": 66, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (00:46)", "body": "So, If you don't want to discuss jihad, why are you in the jihad topic?????"}, {"response": 67, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "He's just trying to piss me off, Tim, don't worry. He knows which buttons to press, but when he does it so openly, I could laugh my ar$e off!"}, {"response": 68, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:41)", "body": "Riette, I'm beginning to wonder if he had a problem with stacey tonight."}, {"response": 69, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (11:42)", "body": "Hard to have a problem with someone you didn't see or talk to..."}, {"response": 70, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (12:30)", "body": "Ahhh! It all becomes clear to me now. Et Tu Riette?"}, {"response": 71, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (12:34)", "body": "Then please let me in on it, Tim, as I am extremely confused! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 64, "subject": "re: head", "response_count": 10, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (00:34)", "body": "re: head is pronounced riette, just so you know."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Just carry on making fun - in your next life I might be your mother, and I'll call you Douw Gerbrandt!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Sep 17, 1998 (21:28)", "body": "what a name! How did you come up with such a clever name?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (01:06)", "body": "My mother did - it's my brother's name! Mum is probably the world's most uncool name-giver! At least Sonja got a proper name, but apparently she was nearly named, Darradi!!!!! ha-ha! Whatever you do, don't tease Sonja with this if and when she logs in - she'll KILL me. Calling her Darradi when we were children was the worst torment I could inflict upon her - I always ended up bleeding for it too!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "mikeg", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (05:26)", "body": "I've seen some funny spellings of Riette's name when people have taken telephone messages from her. How about: Reyed, or maybe Riet? :)"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (07:17)", "body": "I'm used to it. I've seen versions of Ri\ufffdtte you would not BELIEVE on birthday-/X-mas cards. My favourites are: (the afore mentioned) Riet Reed Riedah Rihat (say, what sort of a hat??) Rietie ha-ha!!! My brother is even more unlucky. He's had versions like 'Dough' and 'Dew' and 'Doh' - which absolutely MAKES Sonja's year, because, even though she nearly got the worst name of all, she ended up with the best and easiest. Damn her!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:29)", "body": "Our greatest sibling weapon guaranteed to wound/draw blood was whispering about him/her being adopted."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:28)", "body": "OOH! That's mean! ha-ha! We had a similar one, where we would name the things that Mum lured him/her out of the gutter with. Like sour porridge, or dirty knickers, or dog vomit, or pricked pimples, etc. etc.. Isa already calls Elza 'holletjie', which means, 'little ar$ehole'!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (21:12)", "body": "Dog vomit? That's sick! (LOL) Do you think our little angels will get so mean-spirited?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "I hope so! Otherwise I'd feel so ashamed! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 65, "subject": "Should the Spring air the Clinton videotape in it's entireity?", "response_count": 17, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (08:31)", "body": "Or maybe we should edit it like the play by play of a football game. With commentary and Clinton gaining and losing yardage on each question?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (10:38)", "body": "i wanted to do a MST3000 or Beavis and Butthead treatment on the tape, or at least the good parts!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (11:30)", "body": "That sounds FABULOUS, Ray! Can you DO that?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (11:44)", "body": "from TIME online So you thought the \"server not responding\" and \"site too busy\" messages that followed the Starr report's online release last Friday were fun? Just wait till you see what four hours of streaming video of President Clinton's testimony does to the World Wide Web. When millions of curious web surfers come to news sites this time around, they won't be doing anything as simple as calling up a 445-page document, poking around (or printing it out) and logging off. They'll be staying connected for hours, bulging t eir bandwidth with pipe-clogging video data, and giving webmasters everywhere a week's worth of migraines. It's no small mercy, then, that partisan wrangling in Congress is set to delay the video's release until early Saturday -- when most of the office surfers are at home and won't be tempted by their employers' T-1 connections. What's more, cable stations are maneuvering to take most of the strain. CNN, Fox and MSNBC all plan to run the tape live, unedited and unabridged, just as soon as they get the feed. The big three TV networks are still undecided, but it's quite possible that Saturday morning cartoons w ll be ditched in favor of the President trying to duck explicit sex questions. It's also possible that millions of families will suddenly discover that they know how to use the \"off\" button, after all."}, {"response": 5, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (12:02)", "body": "well, that will be me. even though i'm curious, i don't really want to know and i certainly don't want my kids watching any of that."}, {"response": 6, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (12:05)", "body": "Kids are gonna find this stuff, it will be all over tv and the net on guess when? Saturday morning most likely. \"This cartoon is being pre-empted by the following special broadcast . . . \""}, {"response": 7, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (12:07)", "body": "now that's really sick. they should do it later in the day."}, {"response": 8, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (12:47)", "body": "From AP: WASHINGTON \ufffdThe House Judiciary Committee voted today to release the videotape of President Clinton's grand jury testimony and an additional 2,800 pages of material from Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's investigation. After long hours of partisan wrangling over two days, Committee Chairman Henry Hyde said the committee agreed to release the material after deleting 120 portions deemed sensitive or offensive. Just when the material would be made public was left unclear but Hyde said a timetable was likely to be announced later today. Officials said it was unlikely anything would be released before Monday. The White House immediately denounced the committee's action. \"This appears to be a rush to prejudgment and an effort to get out the most salacious material at the speed of light, not at the proper pace of justice,\" spokesman James Kennedy said. \"But in the end it will have to be the American people who will have to see if this indeed has been a fair process or a partisan effort to embarrass the president.\" Hyde, R-Ill., said the committee sessions were civil but that bipartisanship \"doesn't include surrender to everything the Democrats want.\" \"There was a general view among the Democrats not to reveal anything, and there was a general view among Republicans to reveal as much as possible,\" Hyde said. He added that Republicans agreed to \"responsible redactions to protect people whose names and vital statistics and involvement in this was very peripheral.\" Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., immediately denounced the committee's action as \"an effort to discredit the president.\" He said virtually every vote was a party-line vote. Hyde said there was disagreement within the committee on about 20 deletions, and those were settled along party lines. Frank said that on those votes, Republicans forced release of more salacious material than Democrats favored. \"What we have is a very one-sided, partisan effort to release material before the president gets a chance to review it,\" he said. Rep. Bill McCollum, R-Fla., said it was necessary to release the material because \"the president has put things in dispute.\" As the committee deliberated, Republican congressional leaders appeared before a meeting of the Christian Coalition and told the conservative group they would press ahead with their investigation of the president. \"There is no constitutional crisis, there is only a Clinton crisis,\" said Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, R-Miss. \"We will do our duty,\" said House Speaker Newt Gingrich, R-Ga. \"We in the House won't do an inch more than our duty for partisanship and we don't do an inch less than our duty out of intimidation.\" Republicans argued the additional material is relevant to indicate whether Clinton committed perjury when he testified about his sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Clinton has argued the sexual acts involved did not meet the legal definition of sexual relations approved in the Paula Jones civil case. White House officials complained today that Republican congressmen, meeting in private Thursday, had overruled their own staff's agreement to limit the release of sexually explicit material. Also today, the Democratic and Republican heads of their respective Senate fund-raising committees pledged not to funnel campaign money to candidates who engage in personal attacks on their opponents. Their House counterparts made the same promise a day earlier. Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said use of revelations about politicians' personal lives could \"turn our democracy into a nuclear waste dump of slander, gossip, innuendo and cheap moralizing about other people's problems.\" \"If we do not show some restraint in this cycle, the institutions of democracy will suffer,\" added Sen. Bob Kerrey, D-Neb. The partisan disputes went beyond arguments over what material to release. \ufffdTop House Republicans demanded an FBI inquiry into an alleged \"systematic attempt to intimidate\" Hyde and other lawmakers, and the agency pledged to take \"appropriate steps\" in response. Republicans have blamed the White House for an online magazine story exposing a sexual relationship between Hyde and a married woman in the 1960s. Presidential aides denied involvement. \ufffdSenior committee Democrat John Conyers wrote Hyde a letter, protesting the chairman's acting without his knowledge to seek a copy of Clinton's videotaped deposition in Mrs. Jones' sexual harassment lawsuit, which the president gave Jan. 17. Hyde sent a letter signed only by himself to U.S. District Judge Susan Webber Wright in Little Rock, Ark., asking for the tape, and later told reporters he expects it ultimately will be made public. The judge's law clerk said she was making arrangements to comply. \ufffdClinton's attorney, David Kendall, said in a statement that Starr had earlier refused a request to destroy the Aug. 17 videotape after it was viewed by a grand juror who was absent for the president's testimony. The only purpose for preserving it, the lawyer conten"}, {"response": 9, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (12:51)", "body": "And Times take, to show how even more the American public is going to be screwed With the minority steamrollered, the release shouldn't take long. It will be followed closely by a video of the President's January 17 testimony in the Paula Jones case, which Hyde went out of his way to acquire from Arkansas judge Susan Webber Wright. After that comes the release of thousands more pages of raw undisclosed material that Rep. Chris Cannon of Utah described as \"stuff that makes me blush, makes me sick to my stomach.\" Is America any keener to see it yet? Not according to a CNN/TIME poll rele sed Friday, in which 67 percent said it was a bad idea to broadcast Clinton's video testimony. Considering the ugly mood on the Hill right now, that's one majority that won't matter."}, {"response": 10, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (17:32)", "body": "(*yawn*) I should be outraged or something, but instead I'm just bored by the whole thing."}, {"response": 11, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep 18, 1998 (21:59)", "body": "it's getting like the OJ trial, you know? just be done with it already..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Sep 19, 1998 (00:15)", "body": "hey, this topic is the most I've read and/or seen about the whole thing, myself..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (07:58)", "body": "******************************************************************** EDITORIAL ******************************************************************** Welcome to another weekly edition of Nua Internet Surveys. This newsletter provides information on surveys and reports on the Internet, and is brought to you by Nua - one of Europe's leading Internet consultancies and developers. When the Internet held up to an unprecedented surge in traffic on Friday last, initially I felt proud. Proud that 20 million Americans had used the Internet to gain full access to information which they could not have accessed so readily in any other medium. And proud that the Internet held up to the onslaught in traffic. Like the opening night of the world's biggest play, the Net performed fabulously. The publication of the Starr report and the subsequent visiting of the site by 12 percent of the population seemed to be a testament that the Internet is no longer the domain of weirdos, computer geeks, dodgy entrepreneurs and sex fiends. Rather, it has become the medium chosen by Congress to publish one of the most controversial documents in the history of US politics, all in the name of constitutional rights and the Freedom of Information Act. Then I began to think about the nature of the document and the real reason why those 20 million people (of whom some two thirds were male) scrambled online to access it. While the decision to publish the Starr report online was a huge endorsement of the Internet itself, the report's real attraction for millions of Americans was in its sexual explicitness. Ordinary American people logged on to find out what exactly happened in that dark corridor next to the Oval Office. The report's publishers knew that. If publishing the report is anything other than an attempt to humiliate the leader of the US, and effectively the leader of the Western World, I'll eat my socks. If that document was published purely for the good of the American people, because it was in their interest to know the \"full facts\" or because it was within their constitutional rights, I'll eat my PC. In my opinion the Net was sullied by the US government's publication of that report. Incidentally, it was a Republican politician, Senator John McCain from Arizona, who advocated the mandatory introduction of filters to all schools and libraries benefiting from State grants. This proposed legislation was in the interests of protecting children from the alleged abundance of \"unsuitable\" content readily available to children on the Net. There was no warning on the Starr Report even though the bulk of the document comprised lurid sexual details involving the President. It seems that the very same legislators who in the past have become very animated about \"immoral\" and \"indecent\" content published on the Net, have been the first to use the Net to expose the private life (read sex life) of one of the world's most powerful men. Perhaps they are still not able to think of the Internet without thinking \"sexual perversion\". It's a pity that this is the first major government document to go online in such a public and well publicised way. It's pretty obvious that the surge in traffic was fuelled by the report's sexual content. And it's pretty obvious that those who fought to get it published online wanted to ridicule President Clinton and force him to resign. In the end, this week's much publicised use of the Net by US government fficials does little to quench the theory that the Internet is home to sex maniacs, pornographers, weirdos and paedophiles (sic). A final note: I am not American, and I don't have any right, or wish, to access that document. Yet my Internet experience was held to ransom for up to six hours on the day of the report. The Internet exists outside of the US and the use of the medium for what essentially amounts to US domestic problems is, in my opinion, arrogant and irresponsible. Is mise le meas, Sorcha Ni hEilidhe. mailto:surveys@nua.ie"}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (08:22)", "body": "That was a drop in the bucket compared to the load that will hit us in about an hour from now."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Sep 21, 1998 (22:29)", "body": "I found the tape utterly boring."}, {"response": 16, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (07:26)", "body": "A very cautious man doing very lawyerly things. Playing it safe. Calculated and cool for the most party. We didn't bother airing it. It got enough airplay everywhere else."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "He was lying through his teeth all the way, knowing the American people will believe him - after all it is the land of make-believe... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 66, "subject": "spank <riette> here!", "response_count": 4, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Sep 22, 1998 (23:33)", "body": "no mas, papa, no mas"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "Wait, just let me fetch my sambok!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (06:38)", "body": "Let's give Kristen a birthday spanking! She likes spankings."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (06:57)", "body": "you know, if I show up at your house and start spanking her, things could prove interesting... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 67, "subject": "get screwed on your birthday!", "response_count": 73, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 23, 1998 (03:10)", "body": "Happy Birthday, Kristen!!! (hope that was as good for you as it was for me...)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "Don't steal my line!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:09)", "body": "why can't I borrow your line? you definately have better bait..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:32)", "body": "No no, flattery won't get ya anywhere with me, young man!!! But food might..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:45)", "body": "what do you want, and, possibly more importantly, how do you want it served?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:25)", "body": "Meat...raw...live....served on the carcass..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (07:32)", "body": "moo"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "\ufffdggggrrrrrr\ufffd woof!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (12:22)", "body": "hate to interupt and all, however, bulls don't have udders..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:43)", "body": "I should hope not! I wasn't thinking of a cow either..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (10:07)", "body": "Well, Mrs. Walton(note correct spelling)? Are you ready?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (11:21)", "body": "ohygod! with all of the ruckus here lately, i forgot that it is riette's birthday. HAPPY BDAY REEHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "ha-ha!!! Thanks! You'll never guess what my husband gave me..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (11:51)", "body": "What? Ten days in the Caribean? Happy birthday sweetie!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "WESLEY", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "WHO CARES !!!!!!!!!!!!!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (13:01)", "body": "Thanks, Terry! And the answer is: a thing to take when I go see places, to help me get along faster - a scooter! Is that brilliant or what? Very light, very compact, and with it one can see so much more in a day than just on foot. Is that original or what??? I'm thrilled!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (16:44)", "body": "Sounds like you will put it to a lot of use. A good choice for a present."}, {"response": 18, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (16:55)", "body": "indeed! you are a lucky lady, ree."}, {"response": 19, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:29)", "body": "Welcome, PT!!! What made you decide to get screwed, if I may be so bold as to ask?"}, {"response": 20, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:40)", "body": "Thank you, It seemed like a good idea at the time."}, {"response": 21, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:41)", "body": "Isn't that always the way!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec  9, 1998 (18:58)", "body": "Yes, the way I get myself into trouble most of the time."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (00:52)", "body": "If only screwing weren't so WORTH it!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (01:14)", "body": "I couldn't agree with you more."}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (09:11)", "body": "Preach it, sister!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (09:27)", "body": "ha-ha! Live it, brother! Hey, why don't everyone enter their birth dates here? Then we'll know when to care extra lots about each other."}, {"response": 27, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (23:07)", "body": "June 27, 1966"}, {"response": 28, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (11:06)", "body": "July 12, 1955"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (11:09)", "body": "Anybody else?"}, {"response": 30, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (12:17)", "body": "June 10"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (00:53)", "body": "A round day! How lucky - I always think a round day birthday is a lucky thing. I mean, that doesn't happen so often, does it?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (01:01)", "body": "What is a round day?"}, {"response": 33, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (12:00)", "body": "10, 20, 30??? i've been very fortunate my whole life, i think. when i was born, my mom tells me that it was a very difficult birth and that i failed to breath for a long time. i ended up with spinal injuries, and the doctors told mom i would be mentally retarded. except for the occasional drooling over a woman, i really dont exhibit many signs of being retarded. do i?"}, {"response": 34, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (13:37)", "body": "Since when is drooling over a woman a sign of being retarded?"}, {"response": 35, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (15:46)", "body": "well, the drooling part is. ;)"}, {"response": 36, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (19:52)", "body": "November 2, 1965."}, {"response": 37, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 13, 1998 (00:29)", "body": "Autumn's older than I am..."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 13, 1998 (05:30)", "body": "ha-ha!!! But at least neither of you are OLD."}, {"response": 39, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Dec 14, 1998 (00:02)", "body": "which, of course, has both it's benefits and downfalls..."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 14, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "such as?"}, {"response": 41, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec 14, 1998 (19:26)", "body": "Wer, do I detect a distinct \"nah, nah, na nah na\" quality to your last statement? :-) Older, wiser, maturer (?). I am the Spring Matron."}, {"response": 42, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Dec 14, 1998 (23:24)", "body": "why, yes, I think you did..."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:12)", "body": "Now, now, children. Just remember, I'm 25.... NAH NAH NAH NAH!!!!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:16)", "body": "On the outside, maybe..."}, {"response": 45, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (11:31)", "body": "I get such a kick out of hearing people 10 or more years younger than I, talking about how old they feel!!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (22:55)", "body": "I still feel like I'm 16...but when I was in my late 20's, I felt 50! Things are much more even-keeled these days."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (00:37)", "body": "I feel very comfortable and intellectually challenged around my 3 year-old - I think that's about my level right now. Especially with the new scooter.... Every time I go somewhere, I think, 'Tinky Winky Scoota!'"}, {"response": 48, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:02)", "body": "If you are intellectually challenged around your 3 yr old, she definitely has me scared."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:00)", "body": "She has me scared too sometimes!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:00)", "body": "Maybe you have a little Einstein on your hands."}, {"response": 51, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:42)", "body": "Nah....just a little Walton! Imagine, her speech isn't perfect yet, but she knows exactly what comes where when you change a plug, and tells you what to do...It just reeks of her dad - he built his first radio when he was four. She's very much into wires and stuff as well. You should hear some of the conversations between the two of them!!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:32)", "body": "I'd keep an eye on her. You might wake up one morning and find that your bedroom has been bugged. Or the neighbor's."}, {"response": 53, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:05)", "body": "Actually I was hoping she'd build me a cool stereo system for my 30th birthday..."}, {"response": 54, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (10:53)", "body": "She may even have found a way to make stereo obsolete in favor of something else by that time."}, {"response": 55, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "But an infra-solar-super-sonic egg beater wouldn't make me half as happy as a stereo system!"}, {"response": 56, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:16)", "body": "No, but perhaps something of the nature of an all sensory experience?"}, {"response": 57, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:08)", "body": "I'll see how my current source of all sensory experience is doing by then before wishing for something like that. In the meantime I just say my prostate prayers every night..."}, {"response": 58, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (14:14)", "body": "You may get it without wishing for it. But prayers can be a good idea anyway."}, {"response": 59, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:41)", "body": "It's a sort of back-up for good wishes."}, {"response": 60, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:17)", "body": "True, but be careful what you ask for. You may get it."}, {"response": 61, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:17)", "body": "I only ask for things I want - why should I be careful about getting it?"}, {"response": 62, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:17)", "body": "Some people only ask for what they think that they want. When they get it, they Don't know what to do with it."}, {"response": 63, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "verily, verily"}, {"response": 64, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Apr 17, 1999 (00:46)", "body": "we forgot to get Stacey screwed on her birthday!!!! so, will you take a rainscrew, Stace?"}, {"response": 65, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Sat, Apr 17, 1999 (06:10)", "body": "How about presenting her with a corkscrew, courtesy of some unfortunate Austin restaurant... ?"}, {"response": 66, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 1999 (05:23)", "body": "AND: did she present you with an old wine cork herself? How was the day, ole buddy?"}, {"response": 67, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 1999 (22:33)", "body": "she sent me on on-line birthday card... sucked...I had to work and no one at work remembered..."}, {"response": 68, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Tue, Jun 29, 1999 (05:30)", "body": "Next year it'll be loads better! BTW, : Herzlichen Gl\ufffdckwunsch nachtr\ufffdglich, as I don't know if it was Sunday or Monday."}, {"response": 69, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (20:19)", "body": "I can guarantee that...*smile*."}, {"response": 70, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 1999 (23:04)", "body": "I just did not know about this year until after the fact. Do you accept Hauoli Na Hanau retrospectively?"}, {"response": 71, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:42)", "body": "Do I place my order here? Is three weeks enough time to reserve the one of my choice or do I get the next in rotation?"}, {"response": 72, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (13:53)", "body": "I believe that's privileged information."}, {"response": 73, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (16:31)", "body": "*Sigh* The Big Guys don't tell me anything... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 68, "subject": "in the head", "response_count": 51, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "Don't know - got too many."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (09:10)", "body": "that's okay, there's plenty o' time, just start listing..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (14:38)", "body": "It's about malfunctions, if I remember correctly - that's the only thing I've got in plenitude over here! So, here's number one: I live in mortal fear of being&feeling vulnerable - somehow connect it with being a victim or something. I never want to be a victim of anything. So when I feel that, I lash out at people, so that I'll hurt myself instead of having another hurt me. That's a malfuntion, right?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:47)", "body": "I think that qualifies, yes"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "That makes it your turn."}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (07:33)", "body": "no it doesn't"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (11:22)", "body": "Oh, I get it, now I get it. This was a set-up all along, wasn't it? You just wanted to get me to admit to my malfunctions, and then all pretend like you don't have any...."}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (12:25)", "body": "nope...it's just not my turn at the moment... (paranoid, aren't we?)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:38)", "body": "That's another one of her malfunctions."}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:13)", "body": "okay, okay, my turn, but I'm borrowing the words from the Bare Naked Ladies, \"I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleave. I have a history of losing my shirt.\""}, {"response": 11, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (17:00)", "body": "Don't know what he means? Well, you soon will."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:48)", "body": "(Off! Get off my shoulder, you nasty nasty creature! Pshh!! And shut up, Voice in my head!) Now where were we? Oh, yes. About Wer's mind on his sleave and all that. In your case, deary, it should read: 'I have a tendency to wear my mind in my underpants. Unfortunately I don't have a history of being a flasher...'"}, {"response": 13, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:05)", "body": "I remain the MOST RUGGEDLY HETEROSEXUAL MAN ALIVE."}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (14:12)", "body": "Why the modest confession?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:21)", "body": "He's a mind reader! I was wondering about it less than a second ago! Hail, it's a miracle!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:16)", "body": "C'mon, Terry, I gotta be modest about sumpthin', don't I? No, actually, I can't really remember. At the time I wrote it, I think I thought it had something to do with a previous post. Or something..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:28)", "body": "Uh-huh, uh-huh. So what's it going to be, babe?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (09:01)", "body": "So what's what going to be?..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:28)", "body": "That was an open question, for you to state what you wanted it to be."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:36)", "body": "Not boring."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:24)", "body": "Definitely not boring. May it be extremely interesting."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:02)", "body": "Stimulating?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:28)", "body": "Of course, stimulating beyond belief!!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:24)", "body": "WHAT are we talking about??? What is stimulating and stimulating beyond belief? Mexican food in a Mexican Restaurant in Mexico?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:04)", "body": "I have no Idea, Riette, I thought you knew. And yes, It could apply to the whole Mexico experience. Mexico has a way of assailing the senses."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:10)", "body": "Have you been there alot? What's it like? In which way does it assail the senses? Will I like it?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "You will absolutely LOVE it!! Riette! There is so much to see and experience. I have been there a lot of times, More than 50."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:08)", "body": "I can't wait! If it's so great, we should stay over one night, so we'll have more time to see things."}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:46)", "body": "Absolutely!! I know people that have spent a week there, and still found new things to see and do."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "Wish I had that much time. But we're going to make MORE than the best of that week!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:39)", "body": "Indeed we are, Riette! Why are you limited to a week?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "Studies, work and kids. I could TRY and make it 10 days, but can't promise anything. I'd love to come for two weeks, but it just isn't possible."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:56)", "body": "Well Riette, you see what you can expand it to, and I'll see what we can squeeze in to the time we have."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:15)", "body": "That sounds good. If we don't sleep, it will be like having two weeks. Lots of espresso coffee beans!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:30)", "body": "Oh Yea, Riette! I'll probably be too excited to sleep for at least the first couple of days."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "Me too. I always take a while to settle down - I tend to go hyper in the excitement of going to a place I've never been. But I'll take some sleeping tablets on the plane, and sleep as much as I can - to gather reserves!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "Oh God, Riette! I forgot that you are going to be dealing with jet lag too."}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "Which means we'll have to plan everything for the dark! ha-ha! No, I'll be fine, I'm sure."}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "Riette, I hope you will be. But just to make sure, maybe we ought to go a little light on the first day."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:43)", "body": "I'll probably arrive on the morning, and we can just take it easy - drink tea, talk, whatever, and I'll see to it I get a good night's sleep. After that I'll be ready to GO!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:41)", "body": "OK Riette, sounds like a winner to me."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:31)", "body": "Good. No taking it easy after that though - I want to be totally drained at the end of it; that's how I like to feel after a holiday!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:37)", "body": "Now, that sounds real good, Riette."}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:52)", "body": "But aren't you going to have to work?"}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:07)", "body": "No Riette I'll take off work."}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "You'll be on holiday too, then!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:33)", "body": "Yes, Riette, I will be."}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "What an incredible coincidence!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "Yes Riette, one would almost think that it had been done on purpose."}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "Well now, that never even crossed my mind! How lucid you are today!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "Actually, Riette, that was yesterday, today I'm in my usual fog. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 69, "subject": "and sixty-nined!", "response_count": 9, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (12:51)", "body": "this is the first time I've been part of a non-mutually enjoyable 69... (or, am I just the first one who had to come up for air?)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:46)", "body": "This is one weird conference..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (14:23)", "body": "I know, it's screwed up."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:23)", "body": "It's merely true to it's name."}, {"response": 5, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:18)", "body": "And if you were true to your name? What would you be?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:23)", "body": "as confused as ever?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "And I'd probably had to behead myself every day in order to be Ree Head."}, {"response": 8, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:28)", "body": "That can be arranged!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:14)", "body": "ha-ha! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 7, "subject": "ratthing's favorite sandwich fillings", "response_count": 11, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Aug 13, 1998 (22:41)", "body": "some of riette's love patties, extra hot."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (00:36)", "body": "oughta try stacking on some of wolf's tomatoes and stacey's peaches, too..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (04:00)", "body": "HA! You asked for it, you got it!! Close your eyes if easily embarrassed. My favourite fillings: Ray's cucumber Wer's meatballs enclosed in Terry's bums . . . buns, that is."}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (11:01)", "body": "you gonna sketch that ONE for art, Riette?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (13:03)", "body": "I'd have to have something to work from - I have no idea what Ray's cucumber, your meatballs or Terry's buns look like . . . A photo of each, or a detailed, written description will do just fine. Accept the challenge?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:21)", "body": "well, let's just say i've never had any complaints!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (16:39)", "body": "No ten feet-, no five feet-, or no two feet complaints?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (22:14)", "body": "Let me look in my cupboard and see."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "ha-ha! Now we know how you manage to open your front door when you come home with armsful of groceries and video cams!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:50)", "body": "AAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCK!!!! Contorting with laughter in my office chair and ripping my clothing off because it seems the appropriate thing to do."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:56)", "body": "something here thinks so, as well... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 70, "subject": "The Fabulous Market Blob", "response_count": 9, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Sep 24, 1998 (17:48)", "body": "sell, sell, sell! buy, buy, buy!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "LOL! That's the funniest topic name I've ever seen! Now, what would the Fabulous Market Blob want to sell is, you think?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (07:35)", "body": "its time and talents! it's a whore!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (11:24)", "body": "And how much does she pay people to do it with her? I'm a little short of money, you see..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (12:23)", "body": "market value, so it depends on the day!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:39)", "body": "Buy low, sell high, Blob!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "BLOL!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (22:15)", "body": "You're FABULOUS, Blob Dahling!!!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 27, 1998 (04:05)", "body": "This is one surreal blopic! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 71, "subject": "Screwed Eggs and Ham", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (13:40)", "body": "That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am! I do not like screwed eggs and ham."}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:16)", "body": "I would not screw them here or there. I would not screw them anywhere."}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (14:19)", "body": "i would not screw them with a goat i would not screw them in a boat"}, {"response": 4, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (17:01)", "body": "I would not screw them in a box. I would not screw them with a fox."}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 25, 1998 (17:20)", "body": "i do not screw green eggs and ham, sam i am.. would you screw them in a car? would you screw them with a cigar? ...."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (11:51)", "body": "I would let them screw me in a car. I would let them screw me in a jar. but never, never with a stinkin' cigar! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 72, "subject": "The Special Topic of Mistress Riette", "response_count": 19, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep 26, 1998 (22:17)", "body": "Well, um, she's so--you know...powerful and glorious."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Sep 27, 1998 (04:07)", "body": "Did I just hear the P-word? \ufffdTarzan cry\ufffd"}, {"response": 3, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:10)", "body": "Plus... she's got boobies!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:00)", "body": "ha-ha! Don't make fun, I nearly moaned Mike into a state of panic last night!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:34)", "body": "More phone sex?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "No no. But he's a little shy!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (13:48)", "body": "I wanna see the special topiary of the topical mistress!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (14:41)", "body": "What do you mean?!?!?! I don't wear a wig, I promise!!!!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 16, 1999 (23:24)", "body": "more tropical topiary, if you will..."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:30)", "body": "AAAAH! Well, now that you mention it....I have recently clipped it into the shape of a bunny...."}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Jan 17, 1999 (01:31)", "body": "does it need a long-distance kiss on it's nose?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (01:27)", "body": "\ufffdgiggling with delight\ufffd maybe.... (don't want to sound easy or anything!)"}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Jan 18, 1999 (22:03)", "body": "or maybe a nice, warm \"carrot\"? (yeah, always causes trouble when you sound easy...)"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (00:51)", "body": "\ufffdguffawing all over the place\ufffd As long as it's a juicy one...."}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jan 19, 1999 (21:54)", "body": "depends upon how you devour it, I believe..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Jan 20, 1999 (20:18)", "body": "Or how long you take to devour it."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:47)", "body": "\ufffdsnap, crackle, pop\ufffd \ufffdlicking my lips\ufffd Must have been pret-ty juicy, that one. Just went right down!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:09)", "body": "most of them do when you're done eating them..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:07)", "body": "No, it did that all by itself, swear!! It just WANTED me so bad! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 73, "subject": "Stacey's Very Own Topic!!", "response_count": 61, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (13:35)", "body": "hey ho, ho hey!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (20:44)", "body": "eieio..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (21:40)", "body": "with a moo moo here and a moo moo there..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "Don't mock Stacey's singing - she can't help it!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (04:05)", "body": "Holy COW Batman, All hell's broke loose and I missed half of it! Rock on Cheerios, Rock on. Sing it with Soul... E-I-E-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO yeah baby!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:37)", "body": "Whaaa - she's at it again! We're all going to fu\ufffdkin' die!!! (just kidding!)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (10:15)", "body": "It's my topic woman... I can wail if I want to!!! Na Na Na Na NAAA Na"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (05:26)", "body": "Any way we could turn it into a sound proof topic??!! (You probably have a nice singing voice though, Stacey, and here I am, making fun of it!)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (07:09)", "body": "Nope Ree-head. I believe the proper description is... completely tone deaf!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (05:17)", "body": "ha-ha! But hey, a person can't be mega pretty AND mega athletic AND mega musical - that would be downright unfair!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (11:15)", "body": "yeah, I'd hate the bitch! (who we talking about?)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (01:55)", "body": "That bitch in your mirror!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (19:19)", "body": "*laugh* oops! I get it now... (And I suppose, since I AM the topic diva, I should offer up a nod of acceptance at your observations *grin*) La la LA la la laaaaa"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "No N.... Too late!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:03)", "body": "Stace: Have you realized that you have yet to appear totally naked in this topic? (or is my perception all SCREWED up again and, actually, you have yet to appear fully clothed in this topic?)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:13)", "body": "She has yet to appear in this topic."}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "No, no...she's was singing in here earlier..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (08:53)", "body": "What was she singing?"}, {"response": 19, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (11:34)", "body": "I looked at it, and I can't figure it out."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (00:40)", "body": "Oh, yes I remember now! She was singing a random mish mash of undefinable atonal note-like sounds..... Just kidding, Stace!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:13)", "body": "Sounds kind of like, \"Syncopated Clock\"."}, {"response": 22, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:14)", "body": "ahhhh... but it was distinctly UN-syncopated!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:35)", "body": "AND underappreciated... just gonna ignore the nudity issue huh, Stace?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:02)", "body": "She's dodging!! You trap her in the corner, and I'll fall on her - that way she can't escape..."}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "How about you trap her in a corner, and I'LL fall on her..."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (10:37)", "body": "That may be a good idea. I mean, we want to trap her, not KILL her!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:04)", "body": "I think the idea was positioning, rather than effect."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (23:42)", "body": "Oh, I was thinking of effects as well..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:43)", "body": "Are you saying I'm fat, deary???? Just remember the computer screen always adds at leas 3 kilos to one's weight..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:35)", "body": "If that's the case you must be nearly two-dimensional."}, {"response": 31, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (20:10)", "body": "Nakedness is truly a state of mind."}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:05)", "body": "LOL!!!!, you little pervert!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "She is right though. It is all in the perception."}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:04)", "body": "Wasn't saying that you're fat at all, just implying that I'd rather be on top of Stace than watching you on top of her, especially since that she will always be naked in my perception..."}, {"response": 35, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:25)", "body": "Chrystal clear."}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (01:29)", "body": "Whaaaah!!! I see your point entirely, Wer!!! And, be my guest. If she's going to be naked, there NO WAY I want to be on top of her! YUK! \ufffdcough, spit, rench!!\ufffd"}, {"response": 37, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:18)", "body": "I guess that means that a mud-wrestling match between you two is out of the question."}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:41)", "body": "Not if Jim has anything to say about it..."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:09)", "body": "ha-ha! I'd rather mud wrestle naked with Jim than Stacey, though. (No offence, girl, but your titties don't turn me on one bit!!!)"}, {"response": 40, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:12)", "body": "Mud wrestling is a spectator sport. The intent isn't to turn each other on..."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:42)", "body": "I just don't want to even TOUCH her, okay? (again, no offence, girl, but it's a two-way thing, I'm sure)."}, {"response": 42, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:20)", "body": "OK, Just teasing you."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:20)", "body": "\ufffdrelieved sigh\ufffd"}, {"response": 44, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:20)", "body": "aw... Ree-head... you're crushing me!!! Hey WER... what do I look like naked (in your mind)???"}, {"response": 45, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:03)", "body": "Good enough to eat?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:04)", "body": "(at least when you're not covered in mud)"}, {"response": 47, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:06)", "body": "(probably want more specific answers than that though, huh?)"}, {"response": 48, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:44)", "body": "or maybe not... actually, to be truthful, not sure as I am usually too busy looking into your eyes..."}, {"response": 49, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (19:28)", "body": "can you see the little sleepy goop that builds up in the corner???"}, {"response": 50, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Jan  6, 1999 (21:24)", "body": "if I glance off to the side..."}, {"response": 51, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Jan  7, 1999 (02:31)", "body": "with one eye half shut and the other peeled back..."}, {"response": 52, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (22:29)", "body": "This is a question that only Stacey's beau could answer. What is the best way to soundproof walls? And does regular insulation have *any* soundproofing characteristics to speak of? I know he'll know because he worked at an acoustic outfit in Austin back when they were living here. Sorry to droll down the topic, though!"}, {"response": 53, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (22:34)", "body": "I've been thinking the eggcrate like material they use in the bottom of fruit boxes at HEB and Walmart, or egg crates themselves would be better than regular insulation? I'll google around for this also."}, {"response": 54, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (13:40)", "body": "Stacey has a beau? I thought she was married. (yeah, I know I am old fashioned...) Egg-crate stuff is great insulation. Let us knmow what you decide and how well it works. We'll be building in the next few years, and will need to know this stuff."}, {"response": 55, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jun 25, 2004 (17:31)", "body": "A happy 'hello' to my very own topic... I have completely lost the thread after 5 years... *grin*"}, {"response": 56, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 25, 2004 (18:36)", "body": "start a new one :-)"}, {"response": 57, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (10:39)", "body": "Wow, a blast! Whussup' girl?"}, {"response": 58, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (12:35)", "body": "*grin* HI PAUL!! Still living the life in Colorado... Mommy to two little ones (who are, as I type, dancing next to me), wife to one big one. Traveling a lot this summer: Texas, NYC, San Francisco and, next week, Ohio. (one of these things, doesn't belong here, one of these things, isn't the same) Jim sent me a link to my topic in 'babes' and I just sat giggling over five year old cyber banter! Wondered about all of you. How ARE you? How's the wife, the house, the working world?? *HUG*"}, {"response": 59, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Jun 30, 2004 (07:50)", "body": "The wife's working hard as a rehab nurse at St. Davids. The house project is finally winding down, maybe we can even see some day light. See http://spring.net/home . I'm working on some websites and some real estate deals."}, {"response": 60, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  5, 2004 (20:29)", "body": "funny how that stuff just lingers out there and you can google to find it! *LAUGH*"}, {"response": 61, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:55)", "body": "THAT'S what's scary!! Even stuff we deleted shows up some places! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 74, "subject": "This topic", "response_count": 25, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (21:41)", "body": "this topic is for external use only"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "Why?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (04:06)", "body": "could be habit forming."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:38)", "body": "Why?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (15:26)", "body": "may never answer the burning question of \"Why?\""}, {"response": 6, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (19:29)", "body": "This topic contains explicit lyrics."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (05:26)", "body": "Why not?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:04)", "body": "This topic hasn't been posted to in a while."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:15)", "body": "Love the name, Wer! hahaha!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Dec 15, 1998 (00:20)", "body": "aw, t'anks!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (00:40)", "body": "ha-ha!!! How do you DO that??"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (08:57)", "body": "I don't know, I just do it!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (09:16)", "body": "HA-HA!!!! Wer, you may be prone to depression, but you've got a brilliant sense of humor."}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (10:23)", "body": "Sometimes I wonder if I am depression, with occasional bouts of coherency..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:32)", "body": "LOL! This Slight Taste thing has endless possibilities for fun! How can you BE depression? And, I wanted to ask something else as well. Are you always that talkative? You know..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:41)", "body": "On the phone? if the other person is paying and calling for a specific reason and not just to yap, yes, at other times, yes/no growing up we had a fifteen minute time limit on the phone some habits is hard to break"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (12:43)", "body": "I am much more personable in writing or when I'm drinking..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "PT", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (14:17)", "body": "I just tend to talk until something gets tired. Usually the ear of the person I'm talking to."}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:15)", "body": "*laugh* I have that effect on people as well!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:09)", "body": "You guys should experience phonecalls with my sister. You pick up, and she starts (she speaks really really fast), 'Hi, I was wondering if ....' and goes on for half an hour, non-stop, asking about how you are, and what you're doing, but never waiting for the answer, and then, when she's out of breath, she says, 'Well, don't you have anything to say today? Do I always have to do ALL the talking??' And you try and say that you haven't really had a chance, but by then she's off again for another half hour. When the second breath is up, she says, this time quite annoyed, 'Okay, I see I caught you at a bad time - you're obviously not in the mood for talking today. Bye.' And that's that. And you sit there, kind of stunned, thinking, 'HUH???'."}, {"response": 21, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:06)", "body": "Sounds like talking to her would be a real challenge. I'll bet that I'm up to it though, growing up with eight brothers and sisters prepared me well for that."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (00:45)", "body": "I can only imagine!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 18, 1998 (11:38)", "body": "It also led to some strange culinary practices, lavender tuna, green milk, etc."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (00:06)", "body": "\ufffdrenching visciously\ufffd"}, {"response": 25, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 19, 1998 (11:06)", "body": "That was the whole idea. People are very color oriented. If their food is a different color than they are expecting, they don't want it. So, when I wanted something to last for a while after I made it, I'd color it an unusual shade. Nobody else would eat it, and I could enjoy it at leisure. Otherwise, whenever I made something, I'd get one serving, and the next time I went looking for it, there would be none left. I also discovered that I had a taste for far more spice than most of my family could take.(hot peppers) Even today, when I make chili, it's hotter than most salsa. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 75, "subject": "terry is very obviously ___________", "response_count": 14, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Sep 30, 1998 (21:45)", "body": "... a flaming heterosexual."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:33)", "body": ".... cool and edgy."}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (04:06)", "body": "above senseless albeit tittilating banter."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:40)", "body": "called Paul."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (22:46)", "body": "enthralled with his new server."}, {"response": 6, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (21:10)", "body": "overwhelmed in general."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (12:53)", "body": "not in control of our conversations."}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (19:54)", "body": "cooped up in his home thanks to the deluge of rain."}, {"response": 9, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (03:23)", "body": "...not watching me create new topics."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:48)", "body": "ha-ha! ...not ADMITTING to watching Wer create more topics...."}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:20)", "body": "I think that you are right, Riette. I doubt that much of anything that happens here escapes him."}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (22:43)", "body": "Think you'd be surprised..."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:10)", "body": "One just can't tell, can you? I mean, what with his wild sex life nowadays, one just doesn't know a thing anymore!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:14)", "body": "Well, maybe I'm wrong. I don't think that I am though. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 76, "subject": "Ways for mikeg and riette to pay to come to America", "response_count": 50, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:41)", "body": "Don't worry about me - I'll be able to pay for myself, so between us all we should be able to get our favourite student across too. Perhaps you could find out about hotel costs in America, Ray? And Mike could find out about air tickets from London. (See if you can get a youth fare, Mike), we see how much the approximate cost would be for him, how much of that he'll be able to manage, and then think about scraping the rest together. How does that sound?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (16:11)", "body": "I think they should sell magazine subscriptions door-to-door."}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (23:39)", "body": "Work their way across on a cruise ship?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "I don' think so! There would be no room service and no waiters to be found if we were doing that!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (22:57)", "body": "Porn movies!!!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (00:58)", "body": "Rees don't watch those, they make those!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:25)", "body": "car washes? hey, that's what the schools do around here!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:59)", "body": "Make a new adult web site, plagarize other adult web sites, hook up to a 900 number, and watch the cash roll in."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:38)", "body": "An adult web site??? My guinea pigs would earn more money doing that than I would!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:27)", "body": "Sounds like you have some very talented guinea pigs. Maybe you could make a video with them in it."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "I shall indeed! Just hope you'll be able to contain yourself."}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:00)", "body": "Maybe we could run off several hundred copies and set up a distributor. OH dear, I forgot. How long do guinea pigs live? 'Cause you know, we can't have actors under 18 ."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "About 3-5 years, I believe....OOPS! That might be a problem! Someone in America is SURE to sue me!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "Well that is out of the question, Child pornography is against the law here. Never mind what nature says, the law says they are children til 18yrs of age. (please don't misunderstand this. It's a good law. I'm just having a bit of fun)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (02:47)", "body": "I know, don't worry! I also realize that we'll have to come up with better suggestions. In my case, I think I'll just do as many translations as I can lay my hands on to pay. I'll have to go now, Tim, my girls are very quiet - which means they're being naughty!!! I'll come back when they're having their afternoon nap."}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "O K Riette- Enjoy the day!!!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:24)", "body": "You know what they, those angels of the previous topic, were up to???? Doing their 'toilette', so to speak....that is, combing each other's hair with the toilet brush!!! Yes, and dipping it in the loo to make it look prettier! EUGH! I KNEW they were being naughty! You think I should get another toilet brush, so they'd each have one?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (11:47)", "body": "Why yes... of course!! And get them a bidet so they can wash their faces, too. I enjoy this tremendously, because they're not my kids, I can fully appreciate the humor of the moment, Knowing that I don't have to find a way to convince them that what they are doing is not a good idea. Children are such fun when they are young!!!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "They have a good sense of humour too. Isa has a sort of silently ironic personality. Once I sent her to her room, and she thought she didn't deserve it. So she made a pee in her toybox to show me how disgusted she was. I asked her why she had to pee in her toybox, and she said, because I wasn't nice to her. So I said, she could only not be nice to me back, she didn't have to pee in the toybox. And she said: 'But THAT'S how not nice you are!' So I gave up, and said she was right, and we were friends again!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "I like that! It shows that she is not afraid to express her feelings to you. That is absolutely fantastic! Sounds like you are a really great mother."}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (06:35)", "body": "It also sounds like she is developing a personality similar to yours."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:31)", "body": "God forbid! Poor child! But Isa is not afraid to express her feelings to anyone - I don't think it's due to anything I do; she was born that way, I'm sure. But I love the way she can express herself so coolly, the reasoning behind it; some kids just kick and scream and throw tantrums, but there is nothing of that about Isa's stubbournness. She tells you exactly why she does what she does, and if you don't except that, it's you problem, not hers! I can deal with that."}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:06)", "body": "I love kids period. They are so Individual, and they all have something to say, if you just listen."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:11)", "body": "They sure do. What's your son like? And what is his name?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:21)", "body": "He's nothing but trouble. His name's Jim. He's 5 years old, just like me. He uprooted Tim's palm trees with just one hand when Tim was not nice to him. He doesn't have a toy box. Uh-oh, write now he's righting a letter to Isa."}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:27)", "body": "My son's name is Curtis. He is energy translated into human form. xtremely bright. and personable."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:10)", "body": "Sounds familiar..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:49)", "body": "It does? Like one of your children, Riette? Which one?"}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "Like you."}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:48)", "body": "Thank you, Riette. Merci beaucoups! He looks exactly like I did at his age."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "And until you send a photo, I won't have an idea of what that might be, will I?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:59)", "body": "OK Riette, I'm working on it. I Don't have any recent photos so i\"ll have to get one made."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:17)", "body": "Send an old one - I don't mind. You can e-mail it if you want. I'm just curious to see if you look like I think you do."}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:32)", "body": "Riette, my old ones are very old. I have drastically changed my hairstyle since then."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "Alright, alright, I'll be patient. SIGH!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "I'll send them to you by FED-EX letter as soon as I get them."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:30)", "body": "FED-EX??? That's not a nice thing to call one's former wife, you know! (just kidding!)"}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "I never thought of it that way, Riette. Actually FEDeral EXpress."}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:44)", "body": "My sister says they're very quick, actually. And the are!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:42)", "body": "That's true, Riette, AND, UNLIKE the post office, the packages get to their destination."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:33)", "body": "Even if it IS without the card. HA-HA!!! Cheap shot, I know! Just teasing you, though - you know how I like to."}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:39)", "body": "That's Ok Riette. It's better for the package to arrive without the card, than for the card to arrive without the package."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:51)", "body": "ha-ha! Absolutely! How strict you are with me today!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:09)", "body": "I don't mean to be strict, Riette."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:23)", "body": "You mean you're not going to get even stricter?"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:35)", "body": "I hadn't intended to, Riette, unless...."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:01)", "body": "Yes? Yesssss!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:13)", "body": "Well, I am very glad you see thing that way, Riette!!!!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "Did you ever doubt that I would??"}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "No Riette, I have no doubts about you. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 77, "subject": "is creating new topics a guy thing?", "response_count": 10, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "No, I think it's more of a RatThing!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (04:07)", "body": "Mike is aspiring then..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "Conspiring!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (16:13)", "body": "Perspiring..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (19:29)", "body": "expiring..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (23:31)", "body": "exasperating..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 24, 1998 (12:15)", "body": "Yes?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (01:48)", "body": "It would seem so."}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (12:34)", "body": "from http://www.jbandsandy.com/ LIST OF WHAT \"REAL\" MEN DO 1. Call her the next day. 2. Always laugh at her jokes. 3. Tell her (truthfully) that you can't wait to see her again. 4. Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in return. 5. Call her just to say you were thinking about her. 6. Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when she's sick. 7. Write her a poem. 8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor). 9. Bring her flowers for no reason. 10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello. 11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet. 12. Kiss her in the middle of a sentence. 13. Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look up at the stars. 14. Tell her something about you that no one else knows. 15. Remind her that you still think she's beautiful. 16. Take a bubble bath together. 17. Watch a sappy movie with her. 18. Surprise her with a candlelight dinner. 19. Never stop trying to impress her. 20. Tell her you love her. 21. Never forget how much she means to you. 22. Give her great big hugs for no reason. 23. Send frilly things to her at work 24. Alway walk between her and traffic 25. Go shopping with them 26. Admit when you screw up and apologize without being defensive"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "Oh, how boring! Thank God my husband isn't like that! I hate men who try to impress me or walk between me and traffic like I can't jump out of the way myself, and watch soppy movies, and give me flowers which then have to die to please me, and furthermore, anyone who laughs at my jokes is frankly not in his right mind! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 78, "subject": "depress ratthing!!!", "response_count": 35, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (04:07)", "body": "Your mamma wears Army boots (?)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "ha-ha!! And your grandmamma has to comb her face in the mornings before going shopping."}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (16:15)", "body": "Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism."}, {"response": 4, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (23:31)", "body": "especially if you can't do it right!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (05:31)", "body": "That's plain bloody embarrassing."}, {"response": 6, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (07:10)", "body": "ughgo... I hope it's not too bloody."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (05:18)", "body": "It's bloody bloody!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sat, Oct  3, 1998 (11:15)", "body": "I prefer the less dramatic... less gory means"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "Okay, it's bloody unbloody."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (01:57)", "body": "What were we talking about again????"}, {"response": 11, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (19:20)", "body": "suicide, not doing it right, bloody pathetic, less blood please... (remember now?)"}, {"response": 12, "author": "ricky", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (20:52)", "body": "hi wuz up"}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Oct  4, 1998 (22:22)", "body": "hi!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "Welcome, Ricky! With a vocabulary like that you'll fit right in. Can you swear too?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (07:03)", "body": "ricky ma' man!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Oct  5, 1998 (17:52)", "body": "lol!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct  6, 1998 (21:11)", "body": "wuz up stace? You be chillin'?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct  7, 1998 (10:49)", "body": "actually, I lit the pilot light last night..."}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (17:18)", "body": "Next, light of the engines, light off the afterburners, select zone 5, release the brakes, and go have some fun!!!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:32)", "body": "You sound like you know what you're talking about! Brrrr!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:09)", "body": "There are very few things in this life, that can compete with a vertical climb, at seven thousand feet per min, for sheer EXHILLERATION!!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:12)", "body": "That would not give me exhilleration - it would give me lemonade pants for sure!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:30)", "body": "I don't think so, Riette, you have to wear a pressure suit to avoid blackout. Pressure suits have relief tubes."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:12)", "body": "Mine would explode!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:52)", "body": "That is why a pressure suit has a relief tube. Plug the suit into you. Plug the tube into the aircraft, and awaaay you go."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "Plug the suit into me?? Do I have a plug on my body to do that?? Where?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:50)", "body": "Ever used a catheter, Riette? The suit hooks up to a catheter."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (20:54)", "body": "Depressed yet, Ray? I always thought of suicide as the last gift to one's self. The ultimate form of selfishness."}, {"response": 29, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (21:02)", "body": "aint no way i am *ever* going into that hell hole again! and i will do all i can to help you not go there, wer."}, {"response": 30, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (22:53)", "body": "but, but, but I'd not have anywhere to live..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "Wer, don't GO there! I don't believe in head doctors, but why don't you go to your home doctor? You don't have to tell him anything. Tell him that you feel chronically depressed, and that you need something to get you out of it. A good medication is serophram - don't know what it's called in English. But it really works. It just calms you down, and settles that constant eating away at oneself. But your doctor will know what to give you. You don't have to go through this - there ARE options. Don't hink about suicide until you've tried talking to your doctor. Or have you already?"}, {"response": 32, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (08:27)", "body": "The above statements, real or not, were expressed in keeping with this topic. (btw, I do not have a doctor, nor can I currently afford one for myself)"}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (09:41)", "body": "You mean you don't want to be helped."}, {"response": 34, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (22:32)", "body": "No, I meant what I said. Nothing more, nothing less."}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "No, Wer, it's true. You must know it. When you get that deep down, you get desperate to come out, but your energies and willpower is so drained by depression and sadness that you don't know how, and you simply don't want to make the effort to be helped anymore. Also you start thinking that it will be no good; that even if it does change the way you feel right now, it won't last, and so it won't be worth while. And you feel stupid when you think of having to tell someone, 'Look I'm really depressed.'. But you have to have courage, and you have to be strong just this one more time. ANd if you can then bring yourself to tell a person who knows, it WILL get better, it really will. You just have to be brave. If you can't afford it, send ME the bill. I'm serious. Although alot of us know what depression is, none of us can really make it go away. We simply don't have the knowledge or the means. You MUST keep believing that you can be helped, otherwise you are going to break. We musn't let that happe . screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 79, "subject": "screwed dreams", "response_count": 45, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (04:08)", "body": "oh $hit... here we go again! (Ray you are proving my point!)"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (09:45)", "body": "I think Ray is turning into a compulsive topic creator!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  1, 1998 (10:14)", "body": "As if on cue... I had a doozie of a dream this a.m. ******** After being roused by the low pitched rumble of an approaching trash truck (for which I had inadvertently forgot to bring trash out for), I jumped out of bed, trotted behind the house and dragged the garbage to the front in the nick of time. And then the reality of what was sitting on the back of my mind, what had been so rudely interrupted by the grumble of the trash truck, came into full focus. I had been in the middle of a dream\ufffd a freaky one. Considering I am soaking now in sweat, I shall consider it a fever dream as well. Picture the Ms. America contest; picture the bikini contest, the formal gown competition and then picture one contestant competing by previously taped testimony, er performance. Yep, there's Hillary Clinton, modeling it up with the best of them. She's fresh, she's smiling, and she's in the running! And then the creative performance. Focus on the base of a wide elegant Tara-esque staircase. Carpeted down the center with enough end marble exposed for an excellent tap dancer to grab a few notes here and there. And so it begins, Ms. Clinton begins her top tapping in a floor length, high slit silver gown with those classic high heeled strapped tap shoes. And then I'm realizing she is signing. I can barely hear the words but her body language is telling the whole story. She is back. She is telling HER side of the story. She is skipping the lewd and malicious details but letting the world know that walking all over Ms. Hillary Clinton is NOT acceptable. Once she has toe tapped and side stepped to the top of the staircase, she stops. The lighting changes and she begins singing a ballad, a love song\ufffd again the words are difficult to hear. She is sad, for herself only a little but especially for her daughter. The young woman who had to reveal all of her awkward years to the eyes and unkind mouths of a discriminating (and discriminatory) public. Hillary walks us through the large building that we eventually discover to be the White House. She croons through the rooms showing the public her private domain, not as the focus, merely as a backdrop to her words. She returns us to the stairwell and stops. The music grows dissonant then stops and Hillary is transformed into a thespian of gigantic proportions. Her soliloquy rolls angrily over past wrongs but slows to concentrate on righting a bad situation. She yells, she screams, her hair gets mussed and yet she still looks stunning. \"I refuse to be a pansy. I am a woman, I am a mother, I am a fighter and I am the ex-first lady! I HATE you **** *******!\" And she runs down the stairs, across the hallway and\ufffd The cameraman obviously stunned by this addition to the script wobbles only slightly in his cinematic genius and soon discovers Ms. Clinton dancing and singing again atop the roof of the White House. A crowd has developed and she has reclaimed her independence, her pride and her unsolicited title of role model to women. And then, in the corner a man. Downtrodden and sad, grasping to a pipe distending from the roof (some sort of chimney I suppose) turns his head and the public catches a glimpse of the former Ms. Hillary as a legitimate tear rolls down his cheek."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct  2, 1998 (05:32)", "body": "Your dream seems to be recurrant...."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 12, 1998 (17:01)", "body": "\"If you can dream it, you can do it.\" Walt Disney"}, {"response": 6, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (00:02)", "body": "\"If you can cream it, you can screw it.\" Tawada Wipplewauter (she committed suicide at age 19, 32 years ago)"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (03:54)", "body": "How sad! It seems a good philosophy to me."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (00:02)", "body": "AMEN!!!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:39)", "body": "Bless you, my son."}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:29)", "body": "HA HA!!! GREAT FUN!!! You are young enough to be my daughter."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:05)", "body": "I am? Yes, I am. What can I say - I'm just so maternal! But I can't call you Father, because you don't sound all that holy to me..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:10)", "body": "You got that right. I am definitely not the holy father. I've been called a lot of different names over the years, but never holy father!! Let's see... I guess, since you don't want to call me father, you could always try uncle or something similar. If such a label is needed."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "NO! You're a baby! My mother is older than you, and my husband is older than her!! Age becomes a very relative thing when this is the case.... So I'll call you 'baby' instead!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:31)", "body": "O K If you insist... But then what does that make you?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (16:51)", "body": "in control..."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:26)", "body": "\ufffdshivering all over\ufffd There's that word again! Orgasm alert!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (11:53)", "body": "Control? why? I find this really amusing. To associate control with orgasm. If anything, orgasm should be the most wildly uncontrolled events in your life."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "That's too logical for me. With me it's like this: Control=Power=Great Pleasure=Orgasm"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "Oh wow! I completely missed what you were saying. You posess a biting satire that I never suspected. NEAT! Like stabbing with a Claymore, finesse with great force behind it."}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (17:24)", "body": "Riette, what made you so cynical?"}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:34)", "body": "Am I? I'm sorry - I don't mean to be. Fighting, I suppose."}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:10)", "body": "Fighting who, Riette?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:16)", "body": "I'm not sure this is the place to talk about it....people might think I'm screwed or something. Could you ask me another time, somewhere else?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:33)", "body": "Sure Riette, e-mail me at P_T_GUENTHER@hotmail.com By the way, I also need you to email your phone number, FED-EX needs it before they will accept the package."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:13)", "body": "I hope that's all sorted out now."}, {"response": 26, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (00:12)", "body": "Hey, Stace: I met Brandon in a dream this morning. You did good. I approve. (not that you need my approval, but sometimes these things mean stuff to some people) (btw, who was your cute fried in the dream? you didn't introduce us!!!)"}, {"response": 27, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (04:14)", "body": "Oh, they serve them fried where you're from? Here, if you're lucky, you get them steamed..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (10:22)", "body": "HUH??? oh yeah! THAT dream! My oyster friend? She wasn't fried Alexander... she was broiled. Strange I know, but she is an odd one!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (10:43)", "body": "Odd, eh? Figures... My friends are all even, even the odd ones. It's the other folks that aren't..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (11:06)", "body": "oh yeahhhh??? well all my friends are not only odd... they're also all prime too!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (11:34)", "body": "Gee, aren't we show-offs, acting as if any of us even had friends. Technically impossible, what with the time spent here... Anyway, if your friends were the greatest, they'd all know me, too, 'cause mine would be the best of course, too. I mean, mine ARE, too (if they were...). Ask those who'd be yours if you had any time for them, they ought to know me (if I ever had time for them)..."}, {"response": 32, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr 15, 1999 (11:56)", "body": "*laugh* WAKE up Alexander... you're still having a 'screwed dream'!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 1999 (13:33)", "body": "I'm not sure... *shudder*"}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:12)", "body": "Oh God, I think he's waking up - - - and you know what happens to guys upon waking up...."}, {"response": 35, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:14)", "body": "only if they're lucky!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (01:32)", "body": "or waking up beside the right person... (which could, of course, be considered lucky...)"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (10:09)", "body": "I thought it happened to all of them all the time."}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Apr 27, 1999 (21:09)", "body": "they always get what they want, don't they?"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (05:40)", "body": "Sure. I mean, they can do it on their own, right?"}, {"response": 40, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Apr 28, 1999 (09:07)", "body": "Why can't they do it in the road?"}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:13)", "body": "Because a truck may come along and burst their rubber balls...."}, {"response": 42, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (01:16)", "body": "and we all hate it when that happens..."}, {"response": 43, "author": "jimnd", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (02:19)", "body": "when what happens?????"}, {"response": 44, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:37)", "body": "the pizza gets run over cuz it was doing it in the road and looking stage left instead of right."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 1999 (10:40)", "body": "ha-ha!!!! Hi, Jim! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 8, "subject": "riette's love panties  ERRRRRRRRR  patties...", "response_count": 12, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (00:27)", "body": "they're, uh, like a whole lot better with a good fondue..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (04:03)", "body": "You say my panties can't hold up without a good fondue? I can do it on my own, I tell ya!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (11:03)", "body": "nope, just said they're a lot better with a good, warm dipping sauce..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "And best with some thick, fancy lick-quer to sip on."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (01:54)", "body": "What? Disgusted? Speechless? That was easy!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:27)", "body": "I was just trying to think of a thick liquor. The only ones I can think of are thin, and hot going down."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Gosh, did I write that crap??"}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Surely not! You forgot to sign off the computer, and your sister wrote it. .. ..Or, the milkman did it. Maybe it was the butler, he's the usual suspect."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Yeah, blame it on the butler - the old fart!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Indeed, Dirty old man, Wonder who hired him in the first place. Probably left over from the previous tennants."}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:58)", "body": "Or perhaps, someone killed the original butler, and the man in his place is a spy or something, just yearning secretly to be caught!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (04:59)", "body": "screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 81, "subject": "Word Disassociation", "response_count": 1158, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Oct 14, 1998 (15:08)", "body": "liver"}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (20:16)", "body": "bubble gum"}, {"response": 3, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (21:05)", "body": "simulcast"}, {"response": 4, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (21:23)", "body": "embolism"}, {"response": 5, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 15, 1998 (23:20)", "body": "penmanship"}, {"response": 6, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (09:08)", "body": "solenoid"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (12:48)", "body": "uvula"}, {"response": 8, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:27)", "body": "niminy-piminy"}, {"response": 9, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:48)", "body": "broke"}, {"response": 10, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (15:27)", "body": "quasars"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:24)", "body": "aquarium"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:16)", "body": "erection"}, {"response": 13, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:19)", "body": "viagra-starved"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:25)", "body": "truffle"}, {"response": 15, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (00:20)", "body": "anything"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "nil"}, {"response": 17, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:29)", "body": "lots"}, {"response": 18, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (23:13)", "body": "Riette-Sonja-twinships"}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:15)", "body": "Riette-Sonja-Jim-triplet-boats"}, {"response": 20, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (11:01)", "body": "(LOL!) Riette-Sonja-Jim-Terry-quadruplet-bicycles"}, {"response": 21, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (18:15)", "body": "WER-Stacey-lookalike-dolls-made-in-Swakopmund"}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "Corbo Fix"}, {"response": 23, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Yankees 5, Serbs 4"}, {"response": 24, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (09:39)", "body": "CAT scan"}, {"response": 25, "author": "sonja", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (10:14)", "body": "hotdog"}, {"response": 26, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (15:36)", "body": "horse chestnut"}, {"response": 27, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (19:55)", "body": "petrified PEZ"}, {"response": 28, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (21:33)", "body": "firmament"}, {"response": 29, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (23:23)", "body": "nutmeg"}, {"response": 30, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (22:43)", "body": "Survival Research Laboratory"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (04:00)", "body": "Doctor Death"}, {"response": 32, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (19:26)", "body": "shyness"}, {"response": 33, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (23:01)", "body": "urban legend"}, {"response": 34, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (23:31)", "body": "\"kick me\" sign"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (01:31)", "body": "blow me now!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (08:50)", "body": "bobotie"}, {"response": 37, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (10:33)", "body": "ice cream"}, {"response": 38, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (11:23)", "body": "Dr. Scholl"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (01:50)", "body": "Dr. Strangelove"}, {"response": 40, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (07:43)", "body": "Salt Lake City"}, {"response": 41, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (20:46)", "body": "house sitter"}, {"response": 42, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (23:16)", "body": "hemp"}, {"response": 43, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (08:35)", "body": "triceratops"}, {"response": 44, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (10:57)", "body": "madrigal"}, {"response": 45, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:51)", "body": "Ma (Japanese phonetic Ma)"}, {"response": 46, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (07:38)", "body": "lumberjack"}, {"response": 47, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (17:02)", "body": "turnstile"}, {"response": 48, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (22:53)", "body": "moose"}, {"response": 49, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (13:44)", "body": "epsom salts"}, {"response": 50, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (17:14)", "body": "bowdlerize"}, {"response": 51, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Wed, Oct 28, 1998 (22:07)", "body": "quack"}, {"response": 52, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (15:59)", "body": "tweet"}, {"response": 53, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (17:35)", "body": "body hair"}, {"response": 54, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (22:02)", "body": "Brady Bunch"}, {"response": 55, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (22:30)", "body": "Jungian analysis"}, {"response": 56, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (16:43)", "body": "street hoods"}, {"response": 57, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "zebras"}, {"response": 58, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (03:34)", "body": "secondhand smoke"}, {"response": 59, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 31, 1998 (12:44)", "body": "lambada"}, {"response": 60, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (01:03)", "body": "quick fu\ufffdk"}, {"response": 61, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (11:05)", "body": "ABORT! ABORT! BIST FAIL!"}, {"response": 62, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov  3, 1998 (01:16)", "body": "inverted"}, {"response": 63, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (12:24)", "body": "lunch meat"}, {"response": 64, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (20:24)", "body": "moot court"}, {"response": 65, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (01:13)", "body": "tennis"}, {"response": 66, "author": "CotC", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (12:02)", "body": "Sax-o-ma-phone"}, {"response": 67, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (15:25)", "body": "lettuce"}, {"response": 68, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:22)", "body": "elephant steak"}, {"response": 69, "author": "tami", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:28)", "body": "military intelligence"}, {"response": 70, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "APPBLDR APPBLDR D APQT0CTE APQT0CTE D APS2ECTE APS2ECTE D APS2HDTE APS2HDTE D APS2RETE APS2RETE D APS2SCTE APS2SCTE D APS2TETE APS2TETE D APS2WDTE APS2WDTE D APS30DTE APS30DTE D APS31DTE APS31DTE D APS32DTE APS32DTE D APS33DTE APS33DTE D APS3EETE APS3EETE D APS3LETE APS3LETE D APUBXCTK APUBXCTK D APY8ACTE APY8ACTE D APZ7EETE APZ7EETE D AQ0R2DTE AQ0R2DTE D..."}, {"response": 71, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:29)", "body": "ABC"}, {"response": 72, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "easy as 1-2-3! C'mon, people it's Do-Re-Mi... A-B-C, 1-2-3, baby You and Me, Girl!!!....."}, {"response": 73, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "I got you, Babe, I got you! I got rhy-thm And boobies too!"}, {"response": 74, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:54)", "body": "asparagus"}, {"response": 75, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:59)", "body": "stick"}, {"response": 76, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:04)", "body": "I would like to have your boobies also. May I?"}, {"response": 77, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:12)", "body": "Ponchartrain"}, {"response": 78, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:01)", "body": "I think that was a yes, Tommy, I think he'd love to ... I mean, hey! Whatever comes natural to you guys - don't mind me!"}, {"response": 79, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (09:49)", "body": "Gnomes of Zurich"}, {"response": 80, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (10:13)", "body": "Hom(o)s of America..."}, {"response": 81, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:35)", "body": "body choir"}, {"response": 82, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (00:05)", "body": "surfing"}, {"response": 83, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (23:40)", "body": "Demi Moore's tits"}, {"response": 84, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:40)", "body": "Ri\ufffdtte Walton's titless."}, {"response": 85, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:31)", "body": "Topless"}, {"response": 86, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "knickers on!"}, {"response": 87, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:12)", "body": "Golfing"}, {"response": 88, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:13)", "body": "extra-heavy whipping cream"}, {"response": 89, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (21:46)", "body": "creampuff"}, {"response": 90, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (09:57)", "body": "ice crystals"}, {"response": 91, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (16:07)", "body": "snowflake"}, {"response": 92, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (16:50)", "body": "earthquake"}, {"response": 93, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (17:15)", "body": "falling"}, {"response": 94, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (18:52)", "body": "terrabyte"}, {"response": 95, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (20:40)", "body": "terrapin"}, {"response": 96, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (22:05)", "body": "tongue piercing"}, {"response": 97, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (23:21)", "body": "needle"}, {"response": 98, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:01)", "body": "pancakes"}, {"response": 99, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:38)", "body": "eggs"}, {"response": 100, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:42)", "body": "response"}, {"response": 101, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:54)", "body": "flying"}, {"response": 102, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:57)", "body": "oranges"}, {"response": 103, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:00)", "body": "tomato"}, {"response": 104, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:00)", "body": "septuplets"}, {"response": 105, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:00)", "body": "fish"}, {"response": 106, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:00)", "body": "sherbert"}, {"response": 107, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (14:00)", "body": "cherry"}, {"response": 108, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:35)", "body": "chocolate cherry!"}, {"response": 109, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (10:00)", "body": "parasitic"}, {"response": 110, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (11:21)", "body": "tapeworm"}, {"response": 111, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (12:04)", "body": "marmalade"}, {"response": 112, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (17:27)", "body": "damn wrong topic"}, {"response": 113, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, May 28, 1999 (18:50)", "body": "green and blue"}, {"response": 114, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, May 31, 1999 (22:52)", "body": "raisinettes"}, {"response": 115, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Jun  1, 1999 (07:50)", "body": "steamshovel"}, {"response": 116, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Jun  2, 1999 (17:25)", "body": "frames"}, {"response": 117, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (11:31)", "body": "pocket rocket"}, {"response": 118, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jul 30, 1999 (16:08)", "body": "yaya"}, {"response": 119, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (01:10)", "body": "umbrella"}, {"response": 120, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (03:03)", "body": "syzygy"}, {"response": 121, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:20)", "body": "Eider"}, {"response": 122, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:36)", "body": "Cuddy"}, {"response": 123, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:44)", "body": "toenail"}, {"response": 124, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jul 31, 1999 (22:52)", "body": "Parsimony"}, {"response": 125, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 1999 (11:44)", "body": "caul"}, {"response": 126, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 1999 (12:58)", "body": "inhumation"}, {"response": 127, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 1999 (14:16)", "body": "popsicle"}, {"response": 128, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 1999 (14:27)", "body": "synod"}, {"response": 129, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 1999 (22:53)", "body": "hoagie"}, {"response": 130, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug  1, 1999 (23:01)", "body": "acanthus"}, {"response": 131, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (01:00)", "body": "aureole"}, {"response": 132, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (01:02)", "body": "piquant"}, {"response": 133, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "typical"}, {"response": 134, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:07)", "body": "escheat"}, {"response": 135, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:11)", "body": "chromium compounds"}, {"response": 136, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (14:20)", "body": "Plastic"}, {"response": 137, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (18:08)", "body": "paper mache"}, {"response": 138, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Aug  2, 1999 (18:33)", "body": "diaphanous"}, {"response": 139, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (10:19)", "body": "fried cheese"}, {"response": 140, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (11:11)", "body": "polemic"}, {"response": 141, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (11:38)", "body": "soap box"}, {"response": 142, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (11:44)", "body": "obfuscate"}, {"response": 143, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (12:22)", "body": "color theory"}, {"response": 144, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (12:26)", "body": "architrave"}, {"response": 145, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:06)", "body": "enema"}, {"response": 146, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:10)", "body": "exothermic"}, {"response": 147, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:34)", "body": "sinuses"}, {"response": 148, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:38)", "body": "salmonella"}, {"response": 149, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:50)", "body": "Tabasco jelly bellies"}, {"response": 150, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (13:51)", "body": "great green globs of mutilated monkey meat..."}, {"response": 151, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:01)", "body": "flowing chiffon"}, {"response": 152, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:05)", "body": "cataclysmic frog spawnfest"}, {"response": 153, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:10)", "body": "wet dreams"}, {"response": 154, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:14)", "body": "appreciation"}, {"response": 155, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:20)", "body": "phalloides"}, {"response": 156, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:46)", "body": "sermonizing"}, {"response": 157, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:48)", "body": "proposition"}, {"response": 158, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (14:59)", "body": "fjord"}, {"response": 159, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (15:25)", "body": "overdrive"}, {"response": 160, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (16:36)", "body": "emu"}, {"response": 161, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:09)", "body": "cacophany"}, {"response": 162, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:26)", "body": "dingleberries"}, {"response": 163, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:34)", "body": "Easter bonnet"}, {"response": 164, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (17:35)", "body": "fishmonger"}, {"response": 165, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:00)", "body": "mortar"}, {"response": 166, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:10)", "body": "bored"}, {"response": 167, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:13)", "body": "calligraphy"}, {"response": 168, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:15)", "body": "desire"}, {"response": 169, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (18:48)", "body": "crayons"}, {"response": 170, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (19:06)", "body": "hot dogs"}, {"response": 171, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (19:27)", "body": "starfish"}, {"response": 172, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (19:30)", "body": "pillar"}, {"response": 173, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (19:35)", "body": "occidental"}, {"response": 174, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug  3, 1999 (19:38)", "body": "ribbons"}, {"response": 175, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 1999 (09:32)", "body": "cement glue ,"}, {"response": 176, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  4, 1999 (12:54)", "body": "pecksniffian"}, {"response": 177, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (02:21)", "body": "oligarchy"}, {"response": 178, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (11:50)", "body": "monogamy"}, {"response": 179, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug  6, 1999 (13:57)", "body": "cardamom"}, {"response": 180, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (09:06)", "body": "streptococcous basillica rotunda"}, {"response": 181, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 1999 (14:01)", "body": "hegemony"}, {"response": 182, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (15:35)", "body": "transmogrify"}, {"response": 183, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (15:48)", "body": "prosthetic"}, {"response": 184, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (15:59)", "body": "matriculate"}, {"response": 185, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (16:13)", "body": "persiflage"}, {"response": 186, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:21)", "body": "yabba dabba dooo!"}, {"response": 187, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:32)", "body": "verisimilitude"}, {"response": 188, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:38)", "body": "truculent"}, {"response": 189, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:41)", "body": "phenobarbitol"}, {"response": 190, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (17:51)", "body": "apoplectic"}, {"response": 191, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:27)", "body": "tang"}, {"response": 192, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (18:41)", "body": "portcullis"}, {"response": 193, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (20:35)", "body": "Michelob"}, {"response": 194, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 1999 (20:39)", "body": "tridachna"}, {"response": 195, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (09:29)", "body": "saturn girl"}, {"response": 196, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (13:42)", "body": "clip joint"}, {"response": 197, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (15:57)", "body": "feather in her cap"}, {"response": 198, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 1999 (21:49)", "body": "puckish"}, {"response": 199, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (17:34)", "body": "the cow jumped over the moon"}, {"response": 200, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 1999 (21:51)", "body": "and called it macaroni..."}, {"response": 201, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (01:19)", "body": "grim"}, {"response": 202, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (05:32)", "body": "grin!"}, {"response": 203, "author": "mrchips", "date": "Sat, Sep  4, 1999 (06:12)", "body": "entrophy"}, {"response": 204, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Sep  6, 1999 (17:56)", "body": "exhibitionism"}, {"response": 205, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 1999 (11:25)", "body": "i like myself"}, {"response": 206, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:03)", "body": "smile"}, {"response": 207, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (11:56)", "body": "apostrophe"}, {"response": 208, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Jan 26, 2001 (15:02)", "body": "mucho"}, {"response": 209, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jan 27, 2001 (00:16)", "body": "Gazebo"}, {"response": 210, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Tue, Jan 30, 2001 (07:57)", "body": "Time out! How does word disassociation work? What are the rules here?"}, {"response": 211, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (09:04)", "body": "How about anything as long as it isn't connected to what went before??? I dunno ...who started this??"}, {"response": 212, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (11:11)", "body": "Kitchenmanager did. Speaking of long lost souls."}, {"response": 213, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Fri, Mar 30, 2001 (14:08)", "body": "yes, it seems a little quiet around here ....apart from drool that is. Ree's another one i haven't heard from for ages. Stacey writes and is due her baby any day."}, {"response": 214, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Apr 26, 2001 (09:03)", "body": "So call him and get him an system login what no one but you and he can use - like before! We meed him to do more than lurk!!! Parabola"}, {"response": 215, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, May  3, 2001 (23:59)", "body": "Stacey. Baby."}, {"response": 216, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sun, May  6, 2001 (19:40)", "body": "garden pond"}, {"response": 217, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:48)", "body": "David wedding"}, {"response": 218, "author": "sociolingo", "date": "Sat, Aug 25, 2001 (12:42)", "body": "waves"}, {"response": 219, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (17:56)", "body": "telescope"}, {"response": 220, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Aug 29, 2001 (20:56)", "body": "microscope"}, {"response": 221, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 30, 2001 (20:05)", "body": "Parthenon"}, {"response": 222, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (09:05)", "body": "goo"}, {"response": 223, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Sep  1, 2001 (14:29)", "body": "erudition"}, {"response": 224, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  4, 2002 (00:53)", "body": "phlogiston"}, {"response": 225, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (13:54)", "body": "Pakistan"}, {"response": 226, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May  5, 2002 (16:28)", "body": "carcenogen"}, {"response": 227, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  6, 2002 (18:59)", "body": "tapioca"}, {"response": 228, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (00:23)", "body": "probability"}, {"response": 229, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  7, 2002 (22:49)", "body": "Libra"}, {"response": 230, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May  9, 2002 (21:35)", "body": "caryatid"}, {"response": 231, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (13:31)", "body": "kowtow"}, {"response": 232, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 10, 2002 (22:22)", "body": "frog"}, {"response": 233, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (12:22)", "body": "hypotenuse"}, {"response": 234, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 11, 2002 (18:29)", "body": "phlegm"}, {"response": 235, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "lasso"}, {"response": 236, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, May 12, 2002 (23:06)", "body": "baklava"}, {"response": 237, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (12:59)", "body": "sidled"}, {"response": 238, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (15:39)", "body": "kangchenjunga"}, {"response": 239, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "--i don't get it :("}, {"response": 240, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:05)", "body": "i dont get it either - will someone please explain ???"}, {"response": 241, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:12)", "body": "Kangchenjunga is known as K2 - the second highest peak in the Himalayas. This topic is for words as remote from one another as possible. Unlike word association, they have nothing whatever to do with the one preceeding. apothecary"}, {"response": 242, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:45)", "body": "so we just pick random words? do they have to be nouns? do the words have to be a certain length?"}, {"response": 243, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (18:46)", "body": "and do they have to be opposites?"}, {"response": 244, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 13, 2002 (19:40)", "body": "just any word that has nothing whatsoever with the one before it. Poop deck"}, {"response": 245, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (09:35)", "body": "french fries"}, {"response": 246, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (14:54)", "body": "inflation"}, {"response": 247, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (15:19)", "body": "aspargus"}, {"response": 248, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:41)", "body": "baby barf"}, {"response": 249, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:44)", "body": "Mount Saint Helens"}, {"response": 250, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 14, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "*LAUGH* cabinet"}, {"response": 251, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (09:40)", "body": "Christmas Tree"}, {"response": 252, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (19:17)", "body": "paper mache'"}, {"response": 253, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 15, 2002 (20:41)", "body": "flatulence"}, {"response": 254, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (13:13)", "body": "John Deere Green"}, {"response": 255, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "probability"}, {"response": 256, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (17:29)", "body": "mustard seeds"}, {"response": 257, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:14)", "body": "carpet"}, {"response": 258, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 16, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "Kosmic (the Greek Spelling of course!)"}, {"response": 259, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (10:02)", "body": "Yada Yada"}, {"response": 260, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "anarchy"}, {"response": 261, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (14:44)", "body": "bridge"}, {"response": 262, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:04)", "body": "ice cream sandwich"}, {"response": 263, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 17, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "map"}, {"response": 264, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 18, 2002 (23:59)", "body": "cogitate"}, {"response": 265, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (09:48)", "body": "rubber tree plant"}, {"response": 266, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, May 20, 2002 (21:59)", "body": "Big Bang"}, {"response": 267, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (09:53)", "body": "little green apples"}, {"response": 268, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:14)", "body": "punky"}, {"response": 269, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (15:17)", "body": "weather vane"}, {"response": 270, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:14)", "body": "heyday"}, {"response": 271, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (16:16)", "body": "post card"}, {"response": 272, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "electric eel"}, {"response": 273, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (17:25)", "body": "water slide"}, {"response": 274, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 21, 2002 (23:33)", "body": "lithosphere"}, {"response": 275, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:33)", "body": "rain coat"}, {"response": 276, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (12:55)", "body": "demise"}, {"response": 277, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (13:58)", "body": "Santa Clause"}, {"response": 278, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (15:46)", "body": "dependent clause"}, {"response": 279, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (16:08)", "body": "hair spray"}, {"response": 280, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (17:07)", "body": "golf"}, {"response": 281, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 22, 2002 (18:43)", "body": "pedestrian"}, {"response": 282, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (09:41)", "body": "canoe"}, {"response": 283, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (18:27)", "body": "oars"}, {"response": 284, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (18:27)", "body": "oh wait! i forgot what topic i was in....ice cream"}, {"response": 285, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 23, 2002 (20:17)", "body": "post mortem"}, {"response": 286, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (18:06)", "body": "epoxy"}, {"response": 287, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (18:14)", "body": "hangar"}, {"response": 288, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (19:16)", "body": "blister"}, {"response": 289, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (20:10)", "body": "sin"}, {"response": 290, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 25, 2002 (22:50)", "body": "beans!!!"}, {"response": 291, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (11:21)", "body": "warthog"}, {"response": 292, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "frankenstein"}, {"response": 293, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, May 28, 2002 (22:01)", "body": "fumerole"}, {"response": 294, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (14:33)", "body": "leaf"}, {"response": 295, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:29)", "body": "communism"}, {"response": 296, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:35)", "body": "post card"}, {"response": 297, "author": "g7hvp", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:50)", "body": "Holiday"}, {"response": 298, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (16:59)", "body": "(Great to see you, Joe. Aloha!!) Pahoehoe"}, {"response": 299, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:05)", "body": "Red"}, {"response": 300, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:11)", "body": "ignimbrite"}, {"response": 301, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "happenstance"}, {"response": 302, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (17:23)", "body": "stapler"}, {"response": 303, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May 29, 2002 (23:07)", "body": "paroxysm"}, {"response": 304, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (09:44)", "body": "tea cup"}, {"response": 305, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (20:16)", "body": "phylogeny"}, {"response": 306, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, May 30, 2002 (21:25)", "body": "camera lens"}, {"response": 307, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "shoe lace"}, {"response": 308, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (19:09)", "body": "ice cream"}, {"response": 309, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 31, 2002 (20:13)", "body": "traffic jam"}, {"response": 310, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Jun  1, 2002 (23:39)", "body": "Peanut butter"}, {"response": 311, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (20:24)", "body": "risque"}, {"response": 312, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun  2, 2002 (20:51)", "body": "Phantasmagoria"}, {"response": 313, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (09:45)", "body": "Throne"}, {"response": 314, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:10)", "body": "(marcia, where do you get these words? i have to keep a dictionary at hand to figure out what you're talking about!! *giggle*) aside"}, {"response": 315, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (17:19)", "body": "Wax Figure"}, {"response": 316, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  3, 2002 (23:49)", "body": "(Don't ask! It's all I do know - irrelevant information) Pythagorean"}, {"response": 317, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (10:25)", "body": "snail (i think she makes up half of them *raspberry*) ;-P"}, {"response": 318, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (17:45)", "body": "quilt"}, {"response": 319, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun  4, 2002 (17:48)", "body": "mistletoe"}, {"response": 320, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (17:32)", "body": "respite"}, {"response": 321, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:14)", "body": "puncture"}, {"response": 322, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun  5, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "carbon"}, {"response": 323, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (09:54)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 324, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:40)", "body": "macaroni"}, {"response": 325, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun  6, 2002 (17:47)", "body": "The Knight that go Eeek!"}, {"response": 326, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun  7, 2002 (15:16)", "body": "Elgin's Marbles"}, {"response": 327, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (09:30)", "body": "Fox Hole"}, {"response": 328, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun 14, 2002 (15:25)", "body": "eminent domain"}, {"response": 329, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 17, 2002 (09:37)", "body": "Christopher Columbus"}, {"response": 330, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (16:56)", "body": "hotel california"}, {"response": 331, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (16:57)", "body": "London"}, {"response": 332, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 19, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "polio"}, {"response": 333, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (10:42)", "body": "happenstance"}, {"response": 334, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (17:48)", "body": "scanner"}, {"response": 335, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 20, 2002 (17:54)", "body": "tulip"}, {"response": 336, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun 21, 2002 (20:51)", "body": "flecked"}, {"response": 337, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (13:55)", "body": "polydactyl (they are REAL words. pttt!!! *;D)"}, {"response": 338, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 25, 2002 (16:24)", "body": "basket (okay - i've actually heard of THAT one.) ;-D"}, {"response": 339, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 26, 2002 (21:23)", "body": "mascarpone cheese"}, {"response": 340, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (11:05)", "body": "bonnet"}, {"response": 341, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 27, 2002 (13:38)", "body": "Pseudomorph"}, {"response": 342, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (10:32)", "body": "transuranic"}, {"response": 343, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 29, 2002 (23:13)", "body": "??? polka dots"}, {"response": 344, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (10:53)", "body": "hula hoop"}, {"response": 345, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (17:34)", "body": "urinary tract"}, {"response": 346, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul  1, 2002 (17:43)", "body": "(it has something to do with radioactive products--dunno, read it off the daily paper--trying to keep up with marcia *LAUGH*) lamp post"}, {"response": 347, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul  3, 2002 (20:22)", "body": "skulk"}, {"response": 348, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jul  5, 2002 (10:50)", "body": "property tax"}, {"response": 349, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jul  6, 2002 (22:12)", "body": "sofabed"}, {"response": 350, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Jul  7, 2002 (20:06)", "body": "irishman"}, {"response": 351, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (16:38)", "body": "gold fish"}, {"response": 352, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul  8, 2002 (20:44)", "body": "Charlie horse"}, {"response": 353, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (10:49)", "body": "Archaeologist *;)"}, {"response": 354, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (14:22)", "body": "kilt"}, {"response": 355, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 10, 2002 (21:11)", "body": "Drool"}, {"response": 356, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (11:35)", "body": "gate"}, {"response": 357, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 11, 2002 (14:39)", "body": "bean bag"}, {"response": 358, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jul 14, 2002 (15:11)", "body": "vigilante"}, {"response": 359, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (11:31)", "body": "hook"}, {"response": 360, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (18:15)", "body": "paper"}, {"response": 361, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (18:50)", "body": "plop!"}, {"response": 362, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 15, 2002 (23:20)", "body": "sushi"}, {"response": 363, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (11:49)", "body": "mermaid"}, {"response": 364, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "safe deposit box"}, {"response": 365, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 16, 2002 (22:24)", "body": "vendetta"}, {"response": 366, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (12:45)", "body": "window"}, {"response": 367, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "scaffold"}, {"response": 368, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jul 17, 2002 (22:57)", "body": "supplication"}, {"response": 369, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul 18, 2002 (11:05)", "body": "speakers"}, {"response": 370, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Jul 20, 2002 (13:40)", "body": "laundry"}, {"response": 371, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jul 22, 2002 (16:38)", "body": "pineapple"}, {"response": 372, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 29, 2002 (22:00)", "body": "losing streak"}, {"response": 373, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (16:28)", "body": "reindeer jumper"}, {"response": 374, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (19:12)", "body": "(what's a reindeer jumper?) address labels"}, {"response": 375, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (19:35)", "body": "(Mark Darcy wears it at the Turkey Curry Buffet in Bridget Jones' Diary -basically its a sweater with the face of a reindeer on it) :-D string"}, {"response": 376, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jul 30, 2002 (19:52)", "body": "*LAUGH*"}, {"response": 377, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (11:38)", "body": "LOL!!! Millard Fillmore"}, {"response": 378, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (12:40)", "body": "pinto beans"}, {"response": 379, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (16:36)", "body": "askance"}, {"response": 380, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul 31, 2002 (18:04)", "body": "butterfly"}, {"response": 381, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (11:32)", "body": "shrewd"}, {"response": 382, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (13:31)", "body": "sweet pea"}, {"response": 383, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:21)", "body": "Brigit Jones' Diary (I bought it for my host today - I got tired of too many vampire movies. Speaking of Reindeer Jumpers!)"}, {"response": 384, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Aug  1, 2002 (20:54)", "body": "dog food"}, {"response": 385, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (11:00)", "body": "scary pants (continuring the Briget theme... ) ;-)"}, {"response": 386, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (15:46)", "body": "goiter"}, {"response": 387, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  2, 2002 (17:38)", "body": "pickels"}, {"response": 388, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (02:04)", "body": "cajolery"}, {"response": 389, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (09:14)", "body": "what is this? read the thesarus topic? *LAUGH* i have to look that one up before i can disassociate anything with it! hotdogs"}, {"response": 390, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug  4, 2002 (22:18)", "body": "jostled (I've always loved that word!!)"}, {"response": 391, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (18:51)", "body": "flumoxed (one of my personal favorites) ;-D"}, {"response": 392, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (19:09)", "body": "plethora"}, {"response": 393, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug  5, 2002 (19:23)", "body": "safety pin"}, {"response": 394, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Aug  6, 2002 (12:51)", "body": "nonplussed"}, {"response": 395, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Aug  7, 2002 (22:07)", "body": "evokative"}, {"response": 396, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Aug  8, 2002 (20:21)", "body": "currency"}, {"response": 397, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug  9, 2002 (18:26)", "body": "trumpet"}, {"response": 398, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Aug 10, 2002 (14:04)", "body": "scofflaw"}, {"response": 399, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 13, 2002 (20:20)", "body": "reverberate"}, {"response": 400, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (14:33)", "body": "pretentious"}, {"response": 401, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 16, 2002 (18:54)", "body": "ruffle"}, {"response": 402, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 18, 2002 (16:51)", "body": "snuffle"}, {"response": 403, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Aug 21, 2002 (21:49)", "body": "uppity"}, {"response": 404, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (12:07)", "body": "peanut"}, {"response": 405, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (13:04)", "body": "safe"}, {"response": 406, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 23, 2002 (13:52)", "body": "Safeway"}, {"response": 407, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Aug 24, 2002 (23:43)", "body": "Arboretum"}, {"response": 408, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (08:24)", "body": "rich"}, {"response": 409, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (13:15)", "body": "oxygen"}, {"response": 410, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Aug 25, 2002 (17:52)", "body": "flotsam"}, {"response": 411, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (12:07)", "body": "chuntering"}, {"response": 412, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (18:39)", "body": "*laugh* deduce"}, {"response": 413, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 26, 2002 (22:06)", "body": "??? derelict"}, {"response": 414, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 27, 2002 (14:28)", "body": "Pink Floyd"}, {"response": 415, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Aug 28, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "wait, i thought this was DISASSOCIATION! *LAUGH* macaroni and cheese"}, {"response": 416, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 29, 2002 (11:03)", "body": "Purple People Eater"}, {"response": 417, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  1, 2002 (16:05)", "body": "naturalized citizen"}, {"response": 418, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  3, 2002 (13:15)", "body": "stickey"}, {"response": 419, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (17:14)", "body": "maniacal"}, {"response": 420, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (17:17)", "body": "lunacy"}, {"response": 421, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  4, 2002 (17:33)", "body": "harumphing"}, {"response": 422, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep  5, 2002 (20:22)", "body": "mezzanine"}, {"response": 423, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (11:36)", "body": "revolving"}, {"response": 424, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (15:44)", "body": "pilgrim"}, {"response": 425, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (17:28)", "body": "kilt"}, {"response": 426, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Sep  6, 2002 (19:10)", "body": "underwear!"}, {"response": 427, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep  7, 2002 (15:25)", "body": "multi-tasking"}, {"response": 428, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep  9, 2002 (10:43)", "body": "beavers"}, {"response": 429, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep  9, 2002 (20:59)", "body": "tutti frutti"}, {"response": 430, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (14:19)", "body": "waistcoat"}, {"response": 431, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 13, 2002 (15:45)", "body": "cortege"}, {"response": 432, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep 19, 2002 (14:50)", "body": "clothing"}, {"response": 433, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 19, 2002 (20:18)", "body": "sticktoitiveness"}, {"response": 434, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 20, 2002 (11:19)", "body": "pocket"}, {"response": 435, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Sep 20, 2002 (16:37)", "body": "multicultural"}, {"response": 436, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (15:47)", "body": "horse feathers"}, {"response": 437, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 25, 2002 (21:00)", "body": "Istanbul"}, {"response": 438, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 27, 2002 (18:09)", "body": "candy cane"}, {"response": 439, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep 29, 2002 (11:06)", "body": "attache' case"}, {"response": 440, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 29, 2002 (13:02)", "body": "lachrymose"}, {"response": 441, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Sep 30, 2002 (00:16)", "body": "archdiocese"}, {"response": 442, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Sep 30, 2002 (15:47)", "body": "umm... two children 19 months apart... (apologies for the phrase... I couldn't bear to write Irish twins... How the heck is everyone doing????)"}, {"response": 443, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  1, 2002 (19:26)", "body": "ersatz (great, Stacey! Nice to see you!)"}, {"response": 444, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct  1, 2002 (19:35)", "body": "quilt (hi stacey and there's wer too *HUGS*)"}, {"response": 445, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (08:36)", "body": "hollyhocks (what have you all been up to over the last oh, year or three?? And wer's here too! I never woulda thunk it! I promise to write some type of verbose catching up post over in inner when I get a few extra minutes to compose my thoughts...)"}, {"response": 446, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (12:43)", "body": "I'd love to read that, I'll talk to you over there!"}, {"response": 447, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (19:57)", "body": "misdemeanor"}, {"response": 448, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  2, 2002 (21:47)", "body": "perfection"}, {"response": 449, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (10:48)", "body": "tulip"}, {"response": 450, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (15:04)", "body": "serendipitous"}, {"response": 451, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (16:26)", "body": "chipotle"}, {"response": 452, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (19:59)", "body": "swingline stapler"}, {"response": 453, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  3, 2002 (20:04)", "body": "orchid"}, {"response": 454, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (11:15)", "body": "Mary Poppins"}, {"response": 455, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (14:23)", "body": "effervescent"}, {"response": 456, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  4, 2002 (18:51)", "body": "i almost said bubbly! *laugh* flourescence"}, {"response": 457, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct  6, 2002 (21:31)", "body": "hoi polloi"}, {"response": 458, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct  6, 2002 (21:51)", "body": "what??? halloween"}, {"response": 459, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (16:14)", "body": "Rolli Pollie Ollie"}, {"response": 460, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (18:24)", "body": "*laugh* oshkosh b'gosh"}, {"response": 461, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "Sponge Bob Square Pants"}, {"response": 462, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  7, 2002 (19:41)", "body": "*HAHAHA* conference"}, {"response": 463, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (18:33)", "body": "Doll House"}, {"response": 464, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  8, 2002 (19:49)", "body": "zaftig"}, {"response": 465, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (12:44)", "body": "Round Table"}, {"response": 466, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (17:58)", "body": "cardboard box"}, {"response": 467, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (18:42)", "body": "*snicker* it's DISassocation Wolf! ;-D Gourmet Veggie (no mushrooms, no tomatoes) (if you're going to go 'off topic' might as well be specific)"}, {"response": 468, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  9, 2002 (21:17)", "body": "wha??? what did i do, is it the same thing? *laugh* about the specifics!!! toilet paper"}, {"response": 469, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (06:49)", "body": "What are the rules for this topic?"}, {"response": 470, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (10:44)", "body": "Havent a clue! nail polish"}, {"response": 471, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (20:02)", "body": "your word (phrase) choices must have absolutely nothing to do with the previous posting. the more off the wall, the better!!! butter sticks"}, {"response": 472, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 10, 2002 (20:04)", "body": "iron"}, {"response": 473, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 11, 2002 (11:35)", "body": "pot roast"}, {"response": 474, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 12, 2002 (15:37)", "body": "Tropic of Capricorn"}, {"response": 475, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (19:25)", "body": "dandruff"}, {"response": 476, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 14, 2002 (21:09)", "body": "iron"}, {"response": 477, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 15, 2002 (23:35)", "body": "bullfight"}, {"response": 478, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (10:12)", "body": "refill"}, {"response": 479, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 16, 2002 (12:10)", "body": "return"}, {"response": 480, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 17, 2002 (00:22)", "body": "haughty"}, {"response": 481, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 18, 2002 (21:22)", "body": "dork"}, {"response": 482, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (08:46)", "body": "storage"}, {"response": 483, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (17:55)", "body": "glue stick"}, {"response": 484, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 19, 2002 (19:21)", "body": "backlash"}, {"response": 485, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (14:42)", "body": "Kleenex"}, {"response": 486, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (20:17)", "body": "brazen"}, {"response": 487, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 21, 2002 (20:48)", "body": "carpet burn"}, {"response": 488, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 22, 2002 (19:31)", "body": "kowtow"}, {"response": 489, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 22, 2002 (20:54)", "body": "kiosk"}, {"response": 490, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 23, 2002 (15:55)", "body": "ne'er-do-well"}, {"response": 491, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Oct 25, 2002 (16:01)", "body": "prodromal labor"}, {"response": 492, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 26, 2002 (14:04)", "body": "cockamamie"}, {"response": 493, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (09:05)", "body": "iron"}, {"response": 494, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (13:35)", "body": "hooligan"}, {"response": 495, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (16:42)", "body": "amp"}, {"response": 496, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (17:06)", "body": "pencil holder"}, {"response": 497, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 27, 2002 (17:21)", "body": "day"}, {"response": 498, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Oct 28, 2002 (13:35)", "body": "antiseptic"}, {"response": 499, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 28, 2002 (14:23)", "body": "inchoate"}, {"response": 500, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 29, 2002 (06:30)", "body": "sum"}, {"response": 501, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 30, 2002 (21:00)", "body": "palatial"}, {"response": 502, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (08:03)", "body": "plan"}, {"response": 503, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (15:26)", "body": "relative motion"}, {"response": 504, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (15:30)", "body": "idiosyncracy"}, {"response": 505, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Oct 31, 2002 (16:06)", "body": "ultra"}, {"response": 506, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Nov  1, 2002 (15:35)", "body": "cornucopia"}, {"response": 507, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov  1, 2002 (20:41)", "body": "disk"}, {"response": 508, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov  1, 2002 (23:56)", "body": "curlicue"}, {"response": 509, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov  2, 2002 (08:04)", "body": "power"}, {"response": 510, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  2, 2002 (20:56)", "body": "birthday"}, {"response": 511, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Nov  3, 2002 (07:16)", "body": "remote"}, {"response": 512, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov  3, 2002 (21:56)", "body": "incandescent"}, {"response": 513, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Nov  4, 2002 (08:37)", "body": "truck"}, {"response": 514, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Nov  5, 2002 (18:19)", "body": "keyboard tray"}, {"response": 515, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Nov  5, 2002 (18:30)", "body": "megalopolis"}, {"response": 516, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Nov  6, 2002 (12:13)", "body": "ruby"}, {"response": 517, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Nov 21, 2002 (13:42)", "body": "junket"}, {"response": 518, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 21, 2002 (18:28)", "body": "Thursday"}, {"response": 519, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 22, 2002 (16:01)", "body": "frolic"}, {"response": 520, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Nov 22, 2002 (18:13)", "body": "romp"}, {"response": 521, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov 24, 2002 (20:21)", "body": "This is word DISassociation, Terry! You were supposed to write something like \"inflation\" or \"writhe\", remember?! :-) archipelago"}, {"response": 522, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 27, 2002 (19:38)", "body": "arachnaphobia"}, {"response": 523, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Nov 27, 2002 (21:03)", "body": "swashbuckling"}, {"response": 524, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Nov 28, 2002 (08:15)", "body": "Chicago"}, {"response": 525, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec  4, 2002 (23:21)", "body": "urethra"}, {"response": 526, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 23, 2002 (20:33)", "body": "Floculence (did In spell it right?)"}, {"response": 527, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 23, 2002 (20:34)", "body": "Flocculents :)"}, {"response": 528, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jan  6, 2003 (09:35)", "body": "still don't know what it is!! epiphany (and 12th night--get ready for mardi gras)"}, {"response": 529, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan  6, 2003 (16:25)", "body": "comrade"}, {"response": 530, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Jan  7, 2003 (09:43)", "body": "skittles"}, {"response": 531, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar  7, 2003 (13:41)", "body": "pickles"}, {"response": 532, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Mar  9, 2003 (16:57)", "body": "nail polish"}, {"response": 533, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 10, 2003 (10:31)", "body": "ears"}, {"response": 534, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Mar 11, 2003 (19:39)", "body": "cruise"}, {"response": 535, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 12, 2003 (14:56)", "body": "sphygmomanometer"}, {"response": 536, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Mar 12, 2003 (17:34)", "body": "pink lemonaid"}, {"response": 537, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 15, 2003 (20:54)", "body": "fallout"}, {"response": 538, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Mar 16, 2003 (00:52)", "body": "diachronic"}, {"response": 539, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Mar 18, 2003 (22:40)", "body": "(WOW!!! welcome back Hugs!) diabolic"}, {"response": 540, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 19, 2003 (18:46)", "body": "continuum (geez, first wer sighting in years and I don't even understand what in the hell he said! Where have you been, wer, MIT??)"}, {"response": 541, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 19, 2003 (19:54)", "body": "He used a perfectly good word... (he and I have had vocabulary duels in the past) Dichotomy"}, {"response": 542, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Mar 22, 2003 (20:19)", "body": "zenith"}, {"response": 543, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 22, 2003 (20:55)", "body": "paradox"}, {"response": 544, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Mar 24, 2003 (16:21)", "body": "lambasted"}, {"response": 545, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Mar 24, 2003 (21:51)", "body": "flatulence ( it just came to me )"}, {"response": 546, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 25, 2003 (23:31)", "body": "(LOL!) vestibule"}, {"response": 547, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Mar 26, 2003 (20:08)", "body": "chartreuse"}, {"response": 548, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Mar 27, 2003 (19:04)", "body": "recluse"}, {"response": 549, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Mar 28, 2003 (01:51)", "body": "obtuse"}, {"response": 550, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Mar 28, 2003 (14:21)", "body": "Old Glory"}, {"response": 551, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  1, 2003 (20:30)", "body": "ministrations"}, {"response": 552, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (15:00)", "body": "mortgage"}, {"response": 553, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (16:04)", "body": "fury"}, {"response": 554, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr  2, 2003 (18:00)", "body": "paper clip"}, {"response": 555, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr  3, 2003 (14:57)", "body": "hedgehog"}, {"response": 556, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr  4, 2003 (18:23)", "body": "Go Fish!"}, {"response": 557, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr  5, 2003 (19:05)", "body": "rancid"}, {"response": 558, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 10, 2003 (18:48)", "body": "Old Maid"}, {"response": 559, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr 10, 2003 (23:11)", "body": "harbinger"}, {"response": 560, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (10:34)", "body": "prion"}, {"response": 561, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (13:07)", "body": "Courtyard"}, {"response": 562, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (14:04)", "body": "vigilante"}, {"response": 563, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 11, 2003 (18:11)", "body": "thorn"}, {"response": 564, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr 12, 2003 (11:56)", "body": "smarmy"}, {"response": 565, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (12:01)", "body": "tax return"}, {"response": 566, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 15, 2003 (13:37)", "body": "scion"}, {"response": 567, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 16, 2003 (14:01)", "body": "goggle"}, {"response": 568, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 16, 2003 (15:54)", "body": "bazaar"}, {"response": 569, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (14:42)", "body": "Blue Angel"}, {"response": 570, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr 17, 2003 (20:29)", "body": "Hare Krishna"}, {"response": 571, "author": "janc", "date": "Fri, Apr 18, 2003 (10:13)", "body": "Mathematica"}, {"response": 572, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 18, 2003 (16:20)", "body": "Easter Bunny"}, {"response": 573, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr 19, 2003 (21:53)", "body": "Josef Stalin"}, {"response": 574, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr 22, 2003 (10:56)", "body": "butterfly"}, {"response": 575, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr 22, 2003 (20:17)", "body": "stalwart"}, {"response": 576, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr 23, 2003 (21:06)", "body": "lackluster"}, {"response": 577, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr 28, 2003 (16:32)", "body": "migraine"}, {"response": 578, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Apr 30, 2003 (15:19)", "body": "Scotland"}, {"response": 579, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 30, 2003 (20:36)", "body": "swimmingly"}, {"response": 580, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, May  1, 2003 (20:18)", "body": "potholder"}, {"response": 581, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (12:03)", "body": "rat bastard"}, {"response": 582, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May  3, 2003 (14:00)", "body": "(where did \"prion\" come from?! Looking it up...) synecdoche"}, {"response": 583, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May  4, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "tofu"}, {"response": 584, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (13:20)", "body": "sock monkey"}, {"response": 585, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May  6, 2003 (15:32)", "body": "MRI"}, {"response": 586, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (00:07)", "body": "bovine"}, {"response": 587, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (19:55)", "body": "tornado"}, {"response": 588, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, May  7, 2003 (20:27)", "body": "snowflake obsidian"}, {"response": 589, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, May 10, 2003 (09:55)", "body": "CD Rom"}, {"response": 590, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, May 11, 2003 (12:31)", "body": "acrimonious"}, {"response": 591, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (01:22)", "body": "beluga"}, {"response": 592, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (10:33)", "body": "uppity"}, {"response": 593, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 16, 2003 (23:39)", "body": "Phreatic"}, {"response": 594, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, May 17, 2003 (20:54)", "body": "melancholia"}, {"response": 595, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 20, 2003 (14:11)", "body": "tea cup"}, {"response": 596, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, May 21, 2003 (10:11)", "body": "blood trail"}, {"response": 597, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, May 23, 2003 (16:25)", "body": "nymph"}, {"response": 598, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, May 28, 2003 (12:25)", "body": "pasta"}, {"response": 599, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, May 31, 2003 (17:41)", "body": "basilisk"}, {"response": 600, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun  2, 2003 (12:29)", "body": "Nutter Butters"}, {"response": 601, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jun  6, 2003 (05:55)", "body": "missionaries"}, {"response": 602, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun  9, 2003 (22:27)", "body": "Norwegians"}, {"response": 603, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (14:00)", "body": "chuntering"}, {"response": 604, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jun 12, 2003 (23:30)", "body": "Crampon"}, {"response": 605, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 16, 2003 (15:39)", "body": "ghetto"}, {"response": 606, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Jun 16, 2003 (16:23)", "body": "cheez-it"}, {"response": 607, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 17, 2003 (11:14)", "body": "ouster"}, {"response": 608, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 17, 2003 (13:24)", "body": "poppet"}, {"response": 609, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 18, 2003 (11:03)", "body": "savoir-faire"}, {"response": 610, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Jun 18, 2003 (23:16)", "body": "bonhomme"}, {"response": 611, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jun 19, 2003 (13:31)", "body": "bra strap"}, {"response": 612, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sun, Jun 22, 2003 (21:41)", "body": "sardonic"}, {"response": 613, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 23, 2003 (14:22)", "body": "fisticuffs"}, {"response": 614, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Jun 23, 2003 (15:50)", "body": "punk"}, {"response": 615, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (12:36)", "body": "zeal"}, {"response": 616, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (18:52)", "body": "animosity"}, {"response": 617, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jun 24, 2003 (19:43)", "body": "circadian rhythm"}, {"response": 618, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 27, 2003 (22:32)", "body": ":) Anomoly"}, {"response": 619, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jun 27, 2003 (22:34)", "body": "That should read... anomaly *sigh*"}, {"response": 620, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jun 29, 2003 (18:35)", "body": "frippery"}, {"response": 621, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Jul 15, 2003 (22:28)", "body": "brouhaha"}, {"response": 622, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul 16, 2003 (20:08)", "body": "tussle"}, {"response": 623, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Jul 25, 2003 (23:34)", "body": "wait, fisticuffs is a word????? frippery???? what happened to all the simple things we'd come up with? *LAUGH* french fries"}, {"response": 624, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jul 28, 2003 (19:38)", "body": "Wolfie, we used up all the one and two syllable words last year! ;-) comeuppance"}, {"response": 625, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (13:56)", "body": "fisticuffs is a word. Fulminate"}, {"response": 626, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:17)", "body": "detonate"}, {"response": 627, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (14:41)", "body": "albino"}, {"response": 628, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Jul 29, 2003 (18:33)", "body": "frumpery"}, {"response": 629, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (17:57)", "body": "qualm (does it exist in the singular??)"}, {"response": 630, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jul 31, 2003 (18:43)", "body": "It does pentaquark"}, {"response": 631, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  1, 2003 (15:16)", "body": "sidle"}, {"response": 632, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Aug  7, 2003 (21:43)", "body": "vexation"}, {"response": 633, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Aug  8, 2003 (11:17)", "body": "bullfight"}, {"response": 634, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Aug  9, 2003 (14:56)", "body": "arena"}, {"response": 635, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Aug 11, 2003 (19:01)", "body": "jockstrap"}, {"response": 636, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Aug 11, 2003 (20:06)", "body": "fine print"}, {"response": 637, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Aug 25, 2003 (21:45)", "body": "conundrum"}, {"response": 638, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Aug 26, 2003 (15:16)", "body": "diaspora"}, {"response": 639, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Sep  7, 2003 (15:41)", "body": "canoodle"}, {"response": 640, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep  7, 2003 (19:09)", "body": "bling bling"}, {"response": 641, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Sep 10, 2003 (10:28)", "body": "obfuscate"}, {"response": 642, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Sep 10, 2003 (16:00)", "body": "viscera"}, {"response": 643, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Sep 11, 2003 (02:12)", "body": "mazzletoff (sp??)"}, {"response": 644, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 11, 2003 (22:25)", "body": "Mazel Tov! :-) disheveled"}, {"response": 645, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Sep 15, 2003 (15:21)", "body": "(cool, thnx=') kerfuffle"}, {"response": 646, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Sep 15, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "nix"}, {"response": 647, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Sep 17, 2003 (21:10)", "body": "(my dream-- true calling, if you will-- is to compose an epic poem-- something of a literary masterpiece-- incorporating every one of the words in this topic) suckotash"}, {"response": 648, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Sep 18, 2003 (19:32)", "body": "crescendo (eagerly awaiting the doggerel)"}, {"response": 649, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Sep 21, 2003 (02:20)", "body": "ramalamadingdong"}, {"response": 650, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Sep 21, 2003 (17:05)", "body": "ha-ha! (I loved \"Grease\"!) gaffe"}, {"response": 651, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Sep 26, 2003 (14:19)", "body": "lollygagger"}, {"response": 652, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Sep 27, 2003 (10:20)", "body": "amity"}, {"response": 653, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (02:27)", "body": "hoity-toity"}, {"response": 654, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (19:45)", "body": "turncoat"}, {"response": 655, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Sep 30, 2003 (21:23)", "body": "croissant"}, {"response": 656, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  1, 2003 (13:20)", "body": "chafe ;-)"}, {"response": 657, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Oct  2, 2003 (22:51)", "body": "(*L) foppery"}, {"response": 658, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct  3, 2003 (10:34)", "body": "gerrymandering"}, {"response": 659, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct  5, 2003 (20:30)", "body": "hubbub"}, {"response": 660, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (15:51)", "body": "jake"}, {"response": 661, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct  6, 2003 (18:00)", "body": "shazam (dunno, came right to me for some reason)"}, {"response": 662, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (17:16)", "body": "jury-rig"}, {"response": 663, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct  7, 2003 (19:29)", "body": "gubernatorial"}, {"response": 664, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct  8, 2003 (12:56)", "body": "coup d'etat"}, {"response": 665, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 10, 2003 (23:01)", "body": "crouton"}, {"response": 666, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (13:03)", "body": "debonair"}, {"response": 667, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 11, 2003 (17:47)", "body": "(egad, the beast!! *tremble) higgle"}, {"response": 668, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 12, 2003 (16:20)", "body": "hapless (that describes me after reading your comment--what the ****?)"}, {"response": 669, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Oct 12, 2003 (19:53)", "body": "ombudsman"}, {"response": 670, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 12, 2003 (20:30)", "body": "(666, it was response 666, of 666 responses. *L, sorry.... my weirdities don't translate very well on this format.... it was real strange too, cuz i just saw something on cable access about demonic omens and the evils of rock and roll, and i came on, and there it was.... 666 ! it was like, a warning, or something.... like i should stop my evil rock n rolling ways... heh. yeah, um.... 'pologize for any needless headscratching, i forget my own vague inaninity sometimes. mosttimes.) beffudled."}, {"response": 671, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (12:56)", "body": "baffled"}, {"response": 672, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (15:37)", "body": "LOL! disingenuous"}, {"response": 673, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (16:51)", "body": "candid"}, {"response": 674, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 13, 2003 (19:44)", "body": "rigamarole"}, {"response": 675, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (04:05)", "body": "tortilla"}, {"response": 676, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (14:38)", "body": "revolting"}, {"response": 677, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (20:34)", "body": "rabble-rouser"}, {"response": 678, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 14, 2003 (21:58)", "body": "plethora"}, {"response": 679, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 15, 2003 (12:10)", "body": "Rosetta Stone"}, {"response": 680, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Oct 16, 2003 (02:25)", "body": "willie stargell"}, {"response": 681, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 16, 2003 (13:58)", "body": "torpor"}, {"response": 682, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (00:52)", "body": "horse-radish"}, {"response": 683, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (01:15)", "body": "hurdy-gurdy"}, {"response": 684, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Oct 17, 2003 (12:42)", "body": "thug"}, {"response": 685, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (02:50)", "body": "chipotle"}, {"response": 686, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (12:21)", "body": "hotbed"}, {"response": 687, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (18:02)", "body": "(oh, hey- there it is! amazing... the miracles of randomness. accidental genius. unintentional eloquence....) foible"}, {"response": 688, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 18, 2003 (19:20)", "body": "(I love that word, Paula!!) gangrene"}, {"response": 689, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (03:32)", "body": "mangrove"}, {"response": 690, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (13:01)", "body": "heretofore"}, {"response": 691, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (15:38)", "body": "aphorism"}, {"response": 692, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Oct 19, 2003 (18:47)", "body": "fusillade"}, {"response": 693, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (01:15)", "body": "bacteria"}, {"response": 694, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (10:08)", "body": "gnawing"}, {"response": 695, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (19:19)", "body": "gumming"}, {"response": 696, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 20, 2003 (19:43)", "body": "harpy"}, {"response": 697, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (03:03)", "body": "skeedadle"}, {"response": 698, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (18:53)", "body": "offal"}, {"response": 699, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Oct 21, 2003 (23:33)", "body": "ginjoints"}, {"response": 700, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (04:47)", "body": "dingo"}, {"response": 701, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 22, 2003 (13:25)", "body": "emancipation"}, {"response": 702, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Oct 24, 2003 (19:21)", "body": "malarkey"}, {"response": 703, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Oct 25, 2003 (19:26)", "body": "perspicacious"}, {"response": 704, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Oct 26, 2003 (16:17)", "body": "cantankerous"}, {"response": 705, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Oct 27, 2003 (14:06)", "body": "prophylaxis"}, {"response": 706, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Oct 27, 2003 (23:35)", "body": "malaysia"}, {"response": 707, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (16:53)", "body": "coffers"}, {"response": 708, "author": "paula", "date": "Tue, Oct 28, 2003 (17:07)", "body": "nodule"}, {"response": 709, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (00:22)", "body": "gimlet"}, {"response": 710, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Oct 29, 2003 (13:11)", "body": "circa"}, {"response": 711, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Nov  1, 2003 (21:01)", "body": "boonies"}, {"response": 712, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Nov  1, 2003 (23:55)", "body": "nova scotia"}, {"response": 713, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov  2, 2003 (14:50)", "body": "midwifery"}, {"response": 714, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Nov  3, 2003 (20:39)", "body": "plumb"}, {"response": 715, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Nov  4, 2003 (00:24)", "body": "pistachio"}, {"response": 716, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Nov  5, 2003 (03:22)", "body": "marxism"}, {"response": 717, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Nov 10, 2003 (16:44)", "body": "finagle"}, {"response": 718, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Nov 16, 2003 (12:58)", "body": "Hell's Kitchen"}, {"response": 719, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Dec  8, 2003 (13:24)", "body": "stapler"}, {"response": 720, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Dec  8, 2003 (19:48)", "body": "cottonmouth"}, {"response": 721, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Dec 13, 2003 (02:27)", "body": "labrynth"}, {"response": 722, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 13, 2003 (11:59)", "body": "debauch"}, {"response": 723, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Dec 14, 2003 (21:24)", "body": "codpiece"}, {"response": 724, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Dec 14, 2003 (22:45)", "body": "taupe"}, {"response": 725, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Dec 14, 2003 (22:48)", "body": "('codpiece'? what the hell is 'codpiece'?)"}, {"response": 726, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (00:17)", "body": "medieval crotchwear"}, {"response": 727, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (11:41)", "body": "atmospheric"}, {"response": 728, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Dec 15, 2003 (22:35)", "body": "lava"}, {"response": 729, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Dec 16, 2003 (00:34)", "body": "limpid"}, {"response": 730, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Dec 16, 2003 (12:47)", "body": "index"}, {"response": 731, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (17:00)", "body": "raggamuffin"}, {"response": 732, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (21:17)", "body": "gregory peck"}, {"response": 733, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 17, 2003 (22:24)", "body": "futile"}, {"response": 734, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (11:39)", "body": "puffy"}, {"response": 735, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (22:19)", "body": "missive"}, {"response": 736, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (22:31)", "body": "taco"}, {"response": 737, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Dec 18, 2003 (23:57)", "body": "dreck"}, {"response": 738, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (10:43)", "body": "suction"}, {"response": 739, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec 19, 2003 (13:04)", "body": "guile"}, {"response": 740, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (14:33)", "body": "carrot"}, {"response": 741, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (16:19)", "body": "platypus"}, {"response": 742, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (21:40)", "body": "cerebral"}, {"response": 743, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (22:26)", "body": "tostada"}, {"response": 744, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Dec 20, 2003 (22:27)", "body": "(i'm craving mexican food, i think)"}, {"response": 745, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Dec 21, 2003 (14:19)", "body": "tidings"}, {"response": 746, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Dec 21, 2003 (14:30)", "body": "(LOL) goose liver"}, {"response": 747, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 22, 2003 (20:18)", "body": "trepidation"}, {"response": 748, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (12:27)", "body": "galore"}, {"response": 749, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (13:17)", "body": "mauve"}, {"response": 750, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (19:57)", "body": "preservation"}, {"response": 751, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Dec 23, 2003 (22:21)", "body": "puce (who wants to wear something describing an engorged flea?!)"}, {"response": 752, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Dec 24, 2003 (10:01)", "body": "shepherd"}, {"response": 753, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Dec 25, 2003 (19:05)", "body": "conjunction"}, {"response": 754, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Dec 26, 2003 (11:31)", "body": "soft money"}, {"response": 755, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Jan  1, 2004 (19:28)", "body": "monkey"}, {"response": 756, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jan  2, 2004 (20:13)", "body": "whodunnit"}, {"response": 757, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Jan  5, 2004 (19:56)", "body": "trivet"}, {"response": 758, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan  5, 2004 (22:11)", "body": "thrall"}, {"response": 759, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (18:47)", "body": "sodium"}, {"response": 760, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (19:02)", "body": "mononucleosis"}, {"response": 761, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Jan  7, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "mcguffin"}, {"response": 762, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jan  8, 2004 (17:18)", "body": "emergency"}, {"response": 763, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Jan  8, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "(mcguffin??) leviathan"}, {"response": 764, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (01:48)", "body": "(an alfred hitchcock term.... a mcguffin is a plot device-- a neccessary anything that everything happens because of. like in pulp fiction-- i guess the glowing briefcase would be the mcguffin.... i'm not sure i spelled it right though. ) donkey"}, {"response": 765, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jan  9, 2004 (17:57)", "body": "retailiation"}, {"response": 766, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (12:31)", "body": "foggy (and I know it was a typo, and I'm not trying to poke fun, but I am having loads of fun with the possibilities of re- tail -iation...)"}, {"response": 767, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (12:33)", "body": "nebbish"}, {"response": 768, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (12:43)", "body": "cell"}, {"response": 769, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Jan 10, 2004 (17:11)", "body": "garb"}, {"response": 770, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (11:45)", "body": "behemoth"}, {"response": 771, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (11:48)", "body": "queso"}, {"response": 772, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 12, 2004 (22:26)", "body": "blog"}, {"response": 773, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Jan 13, 2004 (12:36)", "body": "http://bush2004.com/blog ok shameless but it came to mind."}, {"response": 774, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jan 16, 2004 (16:13)", "body": "music box"}, {"response": 775, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jan 16, 2004 (16:31)", "body": "preemie"}, {"response": 776, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Jan 23, 2004 (19:34)", "body": "disassociation (it seemed natural at the time)"}, {"response": 777, "author": "paula", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (15:26)", "body": "cockamamie"}, {"response": 778, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jan 24, 2004 (20:57)", "body": "flippant"}, {"response": 779, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (01:36)", "body": "tuna"}, {"response": 780, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (10:44)", "body": "schnitzel"}, {"response": 781, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (15:05)", "body": "quaff"}, {"response": 782, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Jan 26, 2004 (22:57)", "body": "massage"}, {"response": 783, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Jan 27, 2004 (10:01)", "body": "pilfer"}, {"response": 784, "author": "paula", "date": "Mon, Feb  2, 2004 (13:55)", "body": "noggin"}, {"response": 785, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Feb  2, 2004 (21:57)", "body": "decry"}, {"response": 786, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Feb  3, 2004 (13:54)", "body": "salve"}, {"response": 787, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Feb  3, 2004 (19:17)", "body": "delirium"}, {"response": 788, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Feb  5, 2004 (20:17)", "body": "festivity"}, {"response": 789, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Feb  6, 2004 (14:43)", "body": "politico"}, {"response": 790, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (02:32)", "body": "nonsensical"}, {"response": 791, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Feb 11, 2004 (22:27)", "body": "Taj Mahal"}, {"response": 792, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Thu, Feb 12, 2004 (21:07)", "body": "massachusetts"}, {"response": 793, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Feb 13, 2004 (09:08)", "body": "realm"}, {"response": 794, "author": "paula", "date": "Sun, Feb 15, 2004 (23:20)", "body": "salsa"}, {"response": 795, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Feb 16, 2004 (15:58)", "body": "suave"}, {"response": 796, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Mon, Feb 16, 2004 (20:49)", "body": "condiment"}, {"response": 797, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Feb 17, 2004 (14:52)", "body": "kickass"}, {"response": 798, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Feb 17, 2004 (18:22)", "body": "salsa"}, {"response": 799, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Feb 18, 2004 (19:50)", "body": "uproar"}, {"response": 800, "author": "paula", "date": "Thu, Feb 19, 2004 (18:32)", "body": "salmonella"}, {"response": 801, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Feb 19, 2004 (22:31)", "body": "mundane"}, {"response": 802, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Feb 24, 2004 (18:15)", "body": "tunafish"}, {"response": 803, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Feb 25, 2004 (02:07)", "body": "agog"}, {"response": 804, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Feb 26, 2004 (14:57)", "body": "trailer"}, {"response": 805, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Feb 26, 2004 (15:42)", "body": "lair"}, {"response": 806, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 2004 (18:28)", "body": "perpetual"}, {"response": 807, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Mar 16, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "Colt .45"}, {"response": 808, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 2004 (16:18)", "body": "employment"}, {"response": 809, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 2004 (18:41)", "body": "levy"}, {"response": 810, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Mar 17, 2004 (18:42)", "body": "fine"}, {"response": 811, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Mar 18, 2004 (19:54)", "body": "anthem"}, {"response": 812, "author": "wer", "date": "Fri, Mar 26, 2004 (17:04)", "body": "garnet"}, {"response": 813, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 2004 (13:49)", "body": "chocaholic"}, {"response": 814, "author": "wer", "date": "Thu, Apr  1, 2004 (17:54)", "body": "page"}, {"response": 815, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Fri, Apr  2, 2004 (17:03)", "body": "smirking"}, {"response": 816, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Apr  3, 2004 (13:34)", "body": "stiletto"}, {"response": 817, "author": "wer", "date": "Mon, Apr  5, 2004 (14:59)", "body": "mango"}, {"response": 818, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Apr  5, 2004 (19:51)", "body": "Kojak"}, {"response": 819, "author": "wer", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (14:11)", "body": "anagram"}, {"response": 820, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (18:27)", "body": "quack"}, {"response": 821, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Apr  6, 2004 (22:52)", "body": "vulnerable"}, {"response": 822, "author": "wer", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 2004 (14:31)", "body": "tea"}, {"response": 823, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 2004 (22:04)", "body": "cabana"}, {"response": 824, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Apr  8, 2004 (19:39)", "body": "limestone"}, {"response": 825, "author": "wer", "date": "Sat, Apr 10, 2004 (13:31)", "body": "tissue"}, {"response": 826, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Apr 13, 2004 (21:04)", "body": "jello"}, {"response": 827, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Apr 14, 2004 (22:34)", "body": "fleur-de-lys"}, {"response": 828, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 2004 (13:33)", "body": "London"}, {"response": 829, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Apr 16, 2004 (20:34)", "body": "ignominious"}, {"response": 830, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Apr 29, 2004 (18:49)", "body": "part-time"}, {"response": 831, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, May  3, 2004 (20:43)", "body": "pinprick"}, {"response": 832, "author": "paula", "date": "Fri, May 21, 2004 (01:53)", "body": "matador"}, {"response": 833, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, May 21, 2004 (20:46)", "body": "cunning"}, {"response": 834, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, May 24, 2004 (13:28)", "body": "cabbage"}, {"response": 835, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, May 25, 2004 (14:19)", "body": "lumbar"}, {"response": 836, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, May 25, 2004 (18:39)", "body": "Lisbon"}, {"response": 837, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, May 27, 2004 (21:53)", "body": "ecumenical"}, {"response": 838, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, May 28, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "scheduled"}, {"response": 839, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, May 30, 2004 (10:09)", "body": "anchovies"}, {"response": 840, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  2, 2004 (11:20)", "body": "unscathed"}, {"response": 841, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (18:47)", "body": "blitzkrieg"}, {"response": 842, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (20:30)", "body": "caisson"}, {"response": 843, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jun  9, 2004 (21:17)", "body": "fig"}, {"response": 844, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 12, 2004 (15:32)", "body": "I'd've"}, {"response": 845, "author": "paula", "date": "Wed, Jun 16, 2004 (00:52)", "body": "hunky"}, {"response": 846, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jun 16, 2004 (18:28)", "body": "canary"}, {"response": 847, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 16, 2004 (21:03)", "body": "Plan B"}, {"response": 848, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Jun 21, 2004 (20:55)", "body": "gnats"}, {"response": 849, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 23, 2004 (20:09)", "body": "inkling"}, {"response": 850, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jun 24, 2004 (14:05)", "body": "BlackBerry"}, {"response": 851, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jun 25, 2004 (17:32)", "body": "spork"}, {"response": 852, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Jun 25, 2004 (18:36)", "body": "yellow butterfly"}, {"response": 853, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Jun 26, 2004 (09:15)", "body": "parlance"}, {"response": 854, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (12:36)", "body": "Poissons"}, {"response": 855, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Jun 28, 2004 (13:31)", "body": "isthmus"}, {"response": 856, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jun 29, 2004 (13:13)", "body": "hacking"}, {"response": 857, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jun 30, 2004 (14:40)", "body": "ode"}, {"response": 858, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jun 30, 2004 (18:37)", "body": "avatar"}, {"response": 859, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sat, Jul  3, 2004 (16:05)", "body": "itch"}, {"response": 860, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Jul  5, 2004 (21:09)", "body": "avocado"}, {"response": 861, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 2004 (14:14)", "body": "pleated"}, {"response": 862, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul  6, 2004 (15:35)", "body": "anon"}, {"response": 863, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (17:13)", "body": "vulcanized"}, {"response": 864, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (18:14)", "body": "laughing"}, {"response": 865, "author": "autumn", "date": "Wed, Jul  7, 2004 (22:17)", "body": "kidney pie"}, {"response": 866, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Jul  8, 2004 (13:23)", "body": "Jack the Ripper"}, {"response": 867, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Jul  9, 2004 (18:20)", "body": "yacht"}, {"response": 868, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sat, Jul 10, 2004 (21:54)", "body": "duxelles"}, {"response": 869, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Jul 13, 2004 (19:29)", "body": "Bastille Day"}, {"response": 870, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Aug 14, 2004 (17:46)", "body": "hobgoblin"}, {"response": 871, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Aug 15, 2004 (19:45)", "body": "aioli"}, {"response": 872, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Aug 17, 2004 (16:30)", "body": "New York"}, {"response": 873, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (07:34)", "body": "socks"}, {"response": 874, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (14:18)", "body": "Moronic co-workers (not that i'm having a bad day or anything)"}, {"response": 875, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (15:22)", "body": "airplanes (if morons could fly might you be working at an airport?)"}, {"response": 876, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 18, 2004 (15:34)", "body": "pom poms"}, {"response": 877, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (06:54)", "body": "saddle"}, {"response": 878, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 20, 2004 (09:50)", "body": "peacock"}, {"response": 879, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (10:03)", "body": "fish"}, {"response": 880, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (17:43)", "body": "twenty-three"}, {"response": 881, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 23, 2004 (19:52)", "body": "Velveeta"}, {"response": 882, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (07:35)", "body": "Brazil nuts"}, {"response": 883, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 24, 2004 (08:12)", "body": "toothache"}, {"response": 884, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (07:13)", "body": "monitor"}, {"response": 885, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (10:15)", "body": "lady"}, {"response": 886, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (10:38)", "body": "Koala bear"}, {"response": 887, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (20:17)", "body": "English Tea"}, {"response": 888, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Aug 25, 2004 (22:12)", "body": "thumb screws"}, {"response": 889, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (07:12)", "body": "fudge"}, {"response": 890, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (08:52)", "body": "poker chips"}, {"response": 891, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (13:11)", "body": "chair"}, {"response": 892, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (14:28)", "body": "Bonus Check"}, {"response": 893, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (14:29)", "body": "half life"}, {"response": 894, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (15:53)", "body": "twinkies"}, {"response": 895, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (16:17)", "body": "cruise"}, {"response": 896, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (17:29)", "body": "anamorphic lens"}, {"response": 897, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (18:03)", "body": "invoice"}, {"response": 898, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Aug 26, 2004 (18:06)", "body": "candle stick"}, {"response": 899, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (07:49)", "body": "soap dish"}, {"response": 900, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (12:22)", "body": "Republican Convention"}, {"response": 901, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (13:47)", "body": "hair ball (I swear I thought of it BEFORE I read the previous one)"}, {"response": 902, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (15:41)", "body": "freak show (which may or may not be the Republican convention)"}, {"response": 903, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (17:08)", "body": "LOL! Swift Boat (couldnt resist) ;-)"}, {"response": 904, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Aug 27, 2004 (18:19)", "body": "big dig"}, {"response": 905, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (10:12)", "body": "wading pool"}, {"response": 906, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (11:25)", "body": "ramshackle"}, {"response": 907, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:13)", "body": "brass"}, {"response": 908, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:16)", "body": "spinning wheel"}, {"response": 909, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (13:23)", "body": "monkey wrench"}, {"response": 910, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Aug 30, 2004 (14:07)", "body": "precipitous"}, {"response": 911, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 2004 (09:19)", "body": "swamp"}, {"response": 912, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Aug 31, 2004 (09:48)", "body": "bacon"}, {"response": 913, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (06:39)", "body": "lace"}, {"response": 914, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (07:07)", "body": "astonishment"}, {"response": 915, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (07:11)", "body": "computer"}, {"response": 916, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (08:06)", "body": "Global thermonuclear war"}, {"response": 917, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  1, 2004 (19:50)", "body": "char monkey"}, {"response": 918, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (08:51)", "body": "Chaise and four"}, {"response": 919, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (12:37)", "body": "octopus"}, {"response": 920, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (13:35)", "body": "nephew"}, {"response": 921, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (14:31)", "body": "earplug"}, {"response": 922, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (16:33)", "body": "Bi- Polar"}, {"response": 923, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (17:38)", "body": "empenage"}, {"response": 924, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (17:43)", "body": "Mr. Ed"}, {"response": 925, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  2, 2004 (20:12)", "body": "brie"}, {"response": 926, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (07:01)", "body": "snorkle"}, {"response": 927, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (08:06)", "body": "Chow chow"}, {"response": 928, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (16:32)", "body": "Europe"}, {"response": 929, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep  3, 2004 (17:11)", "body": "jodpurs"}, {"response": 930, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (10:51)", "body": "pie"}, {"response": 931, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (13:09)", "body": "neighbor"}, {"response": 932, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (14:52)", "body": "paper clip"}, {"response": 933, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (15:12)", "body": "resounding"}, {"response": 934, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep  7, 2004 (19:51)", "body": "ribbon candy"}, {"response": 935, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (08:12)", "body": "thread"}, {"response": 936, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (09:20)", "body": "cherub"}, {"response": 937, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (12:30)", "body": "ouch!"}, {"response": 938, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (13:19)", "body": "*Got a boo boo?* ;o( paisley"}, {"response": 939, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (13:44)", "body": "pears"}, {"response": 940, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:04)", "body": "Yellow brick road"}, {"response": 941, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:06)", "body": "(hang nail -all better now) ;-) Mancure"}, {"response": 942, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (15:54)", "body": "(I just did mine) pearlescent"}, {"response": 943, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (17:18)", "body": "pedicure"}, {"response": 944, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep  8, 2004 (22:54)", "body": "welcome"}, {"response": 945, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (08:36)", "body": "oar"}, {"response": 946, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (11:01)", "body": "pink"}, {"response": 947, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (14:16)", "body": "pottery"}, {"response": 948, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (15:03)", "body": "popcorn"}, {"response": 949, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:23)", "body": "pugilist"}, {"response": 950, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:51)", "body": "ping pong"}, {"response": 951, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep  9, 2004 (18:56)", "body": "plonker"}, {"response": 952, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (12:59)", "body": "poppycock"}, {"response": 953, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 10, 2004 (13:52)", "body": "prism"}, {"response": 954, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Sep 12, 2004 (08:13)", "body": "guitar"}, {"response": 955, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (14:07)", "body": "gremblin"}, {"response": 956, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (16:14)", "body": "hobbit"}, {"response": 957, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 13, 2004 (17:57)", "body": "stressed out"}, {"response": 958, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (08:46)", "body": "bamboo"}, {"response": 959, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (08:53)", "body": "chewing gum"}, {"response": 960, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:11)", "body": "jump rope"}, {"response": 961, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (15:36)", "body": "glue"}, {"response": 962, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep 14, 2004 (16:43)", "body": "Judi Dench"}, {"response": 963, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (08:43)", "body": "cartography"}, {"response": 964, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (08:44)", "body": "diner"}, {"response": 965, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (11:24)", "body": "mud"}, {"response": 966, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (12:14)", "body": "carnival"}, {"response": 967, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (14:05)", "body": "chutney"}, {"response": 968, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 15, 2004 (19:11)", "body": "Scotch-on-the-Rocks"}, {"response": 969, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 16, 2004 (09:24)", "body": "bamboo"}, {"response": 970, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 17, 2004 (19:52)", "body": "Smarties!"}, {"response": 971, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 18, 2004 (08:39)", "body": "Red carpet"}, {"response": 972, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (10:18)", "body": "light switch"}, {"response": 973, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (14:01)", "body": "poached eggs"}, {"response": 974, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 20, 2004 (21:28)", "body": "portrait"}, {"response": 975, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (09:06)", "body": "shrimp"}, {"response": 976, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (10:50)", "body": "resume"}, {"response": 977, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (12:45)", "body": "vinyl"}, {"response": 978, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Sep 21, 2004 (20:25)", "body": "Harrods"}, {"response": 979, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (07:35)", "body": "pancakes"}, {"response": 980, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (09:16)", "body": "brass band"}, {"response": 981, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (10:27)", "body": "jade tree"}, {"response": 982, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (10:56)", "body": "wheat"}, {"response": 983, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (13:09)", "body": "witness"}, {"response": 984, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (19:47)", "body": "Husband"}, {"response": 985, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Sep 22, 2004 (20:42)", "body": "Huckabee's"}, {"response": 986, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 2004 (13:13)", "body": "television"}, {"response": 987, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 23, 2004 (15:44)", "body": "Menthol"}, {"response": 988, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (13:12)", "body": "Perfect"}, {"response": 989, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (13:58)", "body": "bandage"}, {"response": 990, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (14:32)", "body": "Bobby Soxs"}, {"response": 991, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Sep 24, 2004 (15:14)", "body": "twigs"}, {"response": 992, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Sep 25, 2004 (07:38)", "body": "poppycock"}, {"response": 993, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 2004 (07:57)", "body": "seeds"}, {"response": 994, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Sep 27, 2004 (20:02)", "body": "travel"}, {"response": 995, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Sep 28, 2004 (18:45)", "body": "spleen"}, {"response": 996, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (08:42)", "body": "paper clip"}, {"response": 997, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (19:25)", "body": "American Express"}, {"response": 998, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Sep 29, 2004 (20:23)", "body": "googly eyes"}, {"response": 999, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Sep 30, 2004 (17:10)", "body": "Brilig"}, {"response": 1000, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (15:01)", "body": "steel wool"}, {"response": 1001, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (15:37)", "body": "clergyman"}, {"response": 1002, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (16:05)", "body": "credible"}, {"response": 1003, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (18:23)", "body": "wisteria"}, {"response": 1004, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  1, 2004 (19:23)", "body": "Raven"}, {"response": 1005, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct  2, 2004 (07:10)", "body": "flaxen"}, {"response": 1006, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Oct  3, 2004 (22:06)", "body": "Dolly"}, {"response": 1007, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 2004 (16:02)", "body": "roller skates"}, {"response": 1008, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct  4, 2004 (20:15)", "body": "Poland Spring"}, {"response": 1009, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (08:16)", "body": "pine"}, {"response": 1010, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (13:32)", "body": "Popular"}, {"response": 1011, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (17:10)", "body": "star"}, {"response": 1012, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct  5, 2004 (19:31)", "body": "Dingy"}, {"response": 1013, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (09:04)", "body": "water"}, {"response": 1014, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (09:28)", "body": "stone"}, {"response": 1015, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Oct  6, 2004 (15:35)", "body": "pedigree"}, {"response": 1016, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (07:49)", "body": "bunk"}, {"response": 1017, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (09:14)", "body": "Freyburg"}, {"response": 1018, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "buttons"}, {"response": 1019, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (16:38)", "body": "politics"}, {"response": 1020, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct  7, 2004 (20:06)", "body": "polar"}, {"response": 1021, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (07:22)", "body": "center"}, {"response": 1022, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (14:18)", "body": "Water Ship Down"}, {"response": 1023, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (14:56)", "body": "tribal"}, {"response": 1024, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct  8, 2004 (15:33)", "body": "tanker"}, {"response": 1025, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Oct  9, 2004 (11:12)", "body": "teapot"}, {"response": 1026, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (11:38)", "body": "angst"}, {"response": 1027, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (12:16)", "body": "Pint o' Guiness"}, {"response": 1028, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (16:02)", "body": "church"}, {"response": 1029, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (17:34)", "body": "prison"}, {"response": 1030, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 10, 2004 (17:38)", "body": "suitcase"}, {"response": 1031, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (14:07)", "body": "cave"}, {"response": 1032, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 11, 2004 (18:16)", "body": "Jack"}, {"response": 1033, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (09:17)", "body": "coffee"}, {"response": 1034, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (09:51)", "body": "fan"}, {"response": 1035, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (16:13)", "body": "bologna"}, {"response": 1036, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (16:34)", "body": "Blog"}, {"response": 1037, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 12, 2004 (23:39)", "body": "cricket (At the risk of sounding dumb...what's a Blog?)"}, {"response": 1038, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (11:40)", "body": "fuzzy"}, {"response": 1039, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (12:44)", "body": "Antigua (Yvette) (At the risk of sounding dumb...what's a Blog?) it's kinda like an online diary e.g.: Wed. October 13th 7:28am \ufffdmy flat Awoke to alarm going off in loud piercing shrieks. Will hit snooze and pretend never heard. 7:39 hate, hate, hate the bloody alarm. was surely invented by Stalin, Hitler or similar 7:54 Gah! Must get up, as have to leave in twenty minutes, and will spend at least ten of those minutes in shower. 8:06 Out of shower and hurrying to towel off and find clean jeans. Thank God is causal day at work \ufffdHurrah! Jeans are clean as is favorite t shirt 8:15 Was cramming feet into shoes, when suddenly remembered is garbage pick up day. Grrhh\ufffd. One of those mornings when wish had man in house. Hurriedly gathered bags together, ran down to garage to stuff in can. Now regret leaving large bag of trash half shoved into top of trash can and great empty space at the bottom. -why is trash can shaped large on top and small on bottom? Is insane design. Who uses small trash bags at the beginning of the week and large trash bags at the end? Why not make it all one size so can consistently use same size trash bag? (Was surely designed by man) Riffled through Jeep to find garage remote, then dragged can out to curb to sit with neighbors\ufffd cans. Hurrah! Have arrived before anal-retentive neighbor, so added mine to jumbled mess at curb. (last week arrived to find someone had lined cans up with military precession. Was scary.) and so on.... :-) (obviously, most people's contain slightly more interesting information, but you get the basic idea...)"}, {"response": 1040, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 13, 2004 (19:49)", "body": "Globetrotter Thanks S B!!"}, {"response": 1041, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (11:59)", "body": "Music Box"}, {"response": 1042, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (12:09)", "body": "shoes"}, {"response": 1043, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (13:29)", "body": "smote"}, {"response": 1044, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (15:27)", "body": "bath"}, {"response": 1045, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 14, 2004 (16:21)", "body": "Union Jack"}, {"response": 1046, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (00:19)", "body": "witch hazel"}, {"response": 1047, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (09:32)", "body": "tires"}, {"response": 1048, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (10:11)", "body": "massage"}, {"response": 1049, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (13:22)", "body": "Europe"}, {"response": 1050, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (13:52)", "body": "z-card"}, {"response": 1051, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:14)", "body": "fishing"}, {"response": 1052, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:36)", "body": "sex ;-b"}, {"response": 1053, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (14:43)", "body": "cheeseburger You're on a roll today Gena!! ;o)"}, {"response": 1054, "author": "wolf", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (15:16)", "body": "flashlight (incidentally, what's a \"z-card\"?)"}, {"response": 1055, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (15:50)", "body": "carpal tunnel (It's a Merchant Mariner's document that I've been trying to get for my [hopefully] new job on an Alaskan oil tanker)"}, {"response": 1056, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 15, 2004 (17:38)", "body": "adoption (Yvette! you brave woman!! -the job WILL start after Nov. 16th -right? Can't miss the all important premier!!) :-)"}, {"response": 1057, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 16, 2004 (08:52)", "body": "anticipation ( !! I don't know!!! It's driving me crazy wondering if I will be around or not for it!! They could call any day. Can't really commit to any NYC plans til right before the date :o{ )"}, {"response": 1058, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sat, Oct 16, 2004 (12:47)", "body": "anxiety"}, {"response": 1059, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Oct 17, 2004 (13:42)", "body": "tuber"}, {"response": 1060, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (07:37)", "body": "shellfish"}, {"response": 1061, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (15:45)", "body": "hootie"}, {"response": 1062, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (16:01)", "body": "East Coast"}, {"response": 1063, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (16:46)", "body": "Bubble Yum"}, {"response": 1064, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (17:47)", "body": "West Coast"}, {"response": 1065, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 18, 2004 (18:11)", "body": "flux"}, {"response": 1066, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (10:52)", "body": "surfing"}, {"response": 1067, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (13:38)", "body": "Restaurant"}, {"response": 1068, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (14:22)", "body": "girder"}, {"response": 1069, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (14:49)", "body": "Lunch"}, {"response": 1070, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 19, 2004 (20:54)", "body": "diskette"}, {"response": 1071, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (10:33)", "body": "bottle"}, {"response": 1072, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (17:53)", "body": "Ruler"}, {"response": 1073, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Oct 20, 2004 (18:27)", "body": "cinnamon"}, {"response": 1074, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (11:50)", "body": "tree"}, {"response": 1075, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (15:48)", "body": "Hotel"}, {"response": 1076, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (15:49)", "body": "river"}, {"response": 1077, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Thu, Oct 21, 2004 (17:27)", "body": "Jack (the cutest baby in the whole world)"}, {"response": 1078, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (07:04)", "body": "radio"}, {"response": 1079, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (09:20)", "body": "bank ( Jack?!?!?! Do tell)"}, {"response": 1080, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (12:13)", "body": "Paris (my nephew -he's a doll!)"}, {"response": 1081, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (13:39)", "body": "gibbon"}, {"response": 1082, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (19:09)", "body": "Opra"}, {"response": 1083, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Oct 22, 2004 (19:16)", "body": "Scrabble"}, {"response": 1084, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 2004 (18:12)", "body": "dyslexia"}, {"response": 1085, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Oct 23, 2004 (20:54)", "body": "sofa"}, {"response": 1086, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (13:07)", "body": "swamp"}, {"response": 1087, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (16:37)", "body": "Pampers"}, {"response": 1088, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (17:21)", "body": "hash"}, {"response": 1089, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Mon, Oct 25, 2004 (19:30)", "body": "Baretta"}, {"response": 1090, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (08:16)", "body": "scarf"}, {"response": 1091, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (15:39)", "body": "swill"}, {"response": 1092, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (17:00)", "body": "(Ouuuu... Swill! good one Yvette!) :-) Pimpernel"}, {"response": 1093, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (17:19)", "body": "far *(Thanks S B. It's one of my favs... I use it a lot!!)*"}, {"response": 1094, "author": "wolf", "date": "Tue, Oct 26, 2004 (18:42)", "body": "yearbook"}, {"response": 1095, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (08:34)", "body": "fan"}, {"response": 1096, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Oct 27, 2004 (16:11)", "body": "knights"}, {"response": 1097, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (07:58)", "body": "obsequious"}, {"response": 1098, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (14:14)", "body": "gruff"}, {"response": 1099, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (14:51)", "body": "yoga"}, {"response": 1100, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Thu, Oct 28, 2004 (15:14)", "body": "purple"}, {"response": 1101, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (10:16)", "body": "color theory"}, {"response": 1102, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (15:43)", "body": "hope"}, {"response": 1103, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (16:40)", "body": "tangerine"}, {"response": 1104, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (16:45)", "body": "spare ribs"}, {"response": 1105, "author": "wolf", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (16:58)", "body": "pledge"}, {"response": 1106, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov  1, 2004 (17:22)", "body": "Dove bar"}, {"response": 1107, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (09:12)", "body": "disenfranchized"}, {"response": 1108, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (09:42)", "body": "tidal wave"}, {"response": 1109, "author": "visitor", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (18:09)", "body": "dust"}, {"response": 1110, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Nov  2, 2004 (18:43)", "body": "pregnant chad"}, {"response": 1111, "author": "zx6rider", "date": "Wed, Nov  3, 2004 (18:47)", "body": "disillusioned"}, {"response": 1112, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 2004 (04:16)", "body": "pole cat"}, {"response": 1113, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 2004 (13:06)", "body": "raspberries"}, {"response": 1114, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov  5, 2004 (14:21)", "body": "blustery"}, {"response": 1115, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Nov  7, 2004 (17:33)", "body": "fraudulence"}, {"response": 1116, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 2004 (12:14)", "body": "plateau"}, {"response": 1117, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Nov  8, 2004 (18:30)", "body": "rankism"}, {"response": 1118, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (07:51)", "body": "paper"}, {"response": 1119, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov  9, 2004 (21:08)", "body": "Union Jack"}, {"response": 1120, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 2004 (11:26)", "body": "tea cozy"}, {"response": 1121, "author": "wolf", "date": "Wed, Nov 10, 2004 (20:29)", "body": "infrared"}, {"response": 1122, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Nov 11, 2004 (08:42)", "body": "honey bee"}, {"response": 1123, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Nov 12, 2004 (18:58)", "body": "Bridget Jones! (Hurrah! it's opening day!) :-)"}, {"response": 1124, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Nov 15, 2004 (11:38)", "body": "anticipation"}, {"response": 1125, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 16, 2004 (13:26)", "body": "tea"}, {"response": 1126, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 2004 (15:58)", "body": "incredulity"}, {"response": 1127, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Nov 17, 2004 (17:50)", "body": "please"}, {"response": 1128, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 2004 (18:44)", "body": "sneeze"}, {"response": 1129, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 2004 (19:37)", "body": "mockingbird"}, {"response": 1130, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (10:42)", "body": "toothbrush"}, {"response": 1131, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (15:38)", "body": "Diet Coke"}, {"response": 1132, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Fri, Nov 19, 2004 (16:01)", "body": "sprocket"}, {"response": 1133, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 2004 (10:56)", "body": "muffin"}, {"response": 1134, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Nov 20, 2004 (11:02)", "body": "bacon"}, {"response": 1135, "author": "visitor", "date": "Sun, Nov 21, 2004 (17:14)", "body": "blondes"}, {"response": 1136, "author": "SBRobinson", "date": "Tue, Nov 23, 2004 (20:39)", "body": "bubbles"}, {"response": 1137, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 2004 (15:38)", "body": "toothpick"}, {"response": 1138, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Wed, Dec  8, 2004 (09:09)", "body": "Zamboni"}, {"response": 1139, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Dec 10, 2004 (13:12)", "body": "ice cream"}, {"response": 1140, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sat, Dec 11, 2004 (18:12)", "body": "villain"}, {"response": 1141, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Dec 15, 2004 (16:26)", "body": "audio"}, {"response": 1142, "author": "CherylB", "date": "Fri, Dec 17, 2004 (12:21)", "body": "chocolate"}, {"response": 1143, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 2004 (08:54)", "body": "yogurt"}, {"response": 1144, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sun, Dec 26, 2004 (15:23)", "body": "over-hyped celebrities"}, {"response": 1145, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (15:33)", "body": "shwing!!"}, {"response": 1146, "author": "visitor", "date": "Mon, Dec 27, 2004 (20:15)", "body": "cheese"}, {"response": 1147, "author": "bayouvetty", "date": "Tue, Dec 28, 2004 (17:26)", "body": "quandry"}, {"response": 1148, "author": "visitor", "date": "Wed, Dec 29, 2004 (17:51)", "body": "orgeat"}, {"response": 1149, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sat, Jan 22, 2005 (21:57)", "body": "nullify"}, {"response": 1150, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Tue, Feb 22, 2005 (20:59)", "body": "cavalcade"}, {"response": 1151, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Wed, Mar  9, 2005 (17:45)", "body": "pathos"}, {"response": 1152, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Mar 10, 2005 (06:56)", "body": "apathy"}, {"response": 1153, "author": "wolf", "date": "Thu, Mar 10, 2005 (12:43)", "body": "gorgonzola"}, {"response": 1154, "author": "cfadm", "date": "Thu, Mar 10, 2005 (13:02)", "body": "grubbing"}, {"response": 1155, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (16:30)", "body": "corpulent"}, {"response": 1156, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (17:38)", "body": "ankle bracelet"}, {"response": 1157, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Sat, Mar 12, 2005 (19:48)", "body": "Ignominious"}, {"response": 1158, "author": "pmnh", "date": "Sun, Mar 13, 2005 (03:09)", "body": "pith screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 82, "subject": "screwed welcomes toe-nail biters", "response_count": 7, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (13:49)", "body": "I do indeed. This topic name is pretty embarrassing though. Could you create one, called, 'Ri\ufffdtte's Receding Daggers'?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "What for??? What rededing daggers? I don't get this."}, {"response": 3, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:20)", "body": "You don't have to get everything. It's a private joke."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "you're too weird"}, {"response": 5, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (19:55)", "body": "Sonja, have they completely receded yet?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (23:24)", "body": "are there enough left for the rest of us to nibble on?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:04)", "body": "How embarrassing! But no, there's nothing left - I keep them short. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 83, "subject": "'Ri\ufffdtte's Receding Daggers", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:26)", "body": "You all maybe - I don't!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:22)", "body": "Will they ever?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "What?? WHAT??"}, {"response": 4, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:32)", "body": "Oh, alright if I have to explain EVERYTHING! Le Plep mentioned something about people with pointed daggers in their eyes, and it kinda reminded me of you. The way you look through people sometimes. So I was wondering whether your daggers would ever recede so that you'd look AT people, and not THROUGH them. Don't be offended though - you wanted the truth, you've got it."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:17)", "body": "I don't mean to look through them - and even if I do, I hardly ever manage to SEE through them. I must have that insane stare due to the effort of keeping my eyes open at all some days!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (11:02)", "body": "LOL! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 84, "subject": "Riettes childhood, as told by Sonja", "response_count": 14, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:27)", "body": "My first story about Ri\ufffdtte's childhood is all about blood. She used to pull her own teeth the minute they felt loose in the slightest by tying one end of a string to the tooth, and the other end to a door. The door she would then slam, and the blood would be like ALL OVER. One day mum asked in despair why she couldn't just wait for them to come out by themselves when they were ready, and she said she had to give the mouse as many of her teeth as she could, otherwise it wouldn't be able to build itself a house before winter came."}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (19:57)", "body": "Ree-head, you were a strange bird. I'm so glad you've grown out of that!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (03:55)", "body": "More like a strange little monster, I suspect! And I'm not sure how far I've grown out of it either...."}, {"response": 4, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:06)", "body": "Neither do I. Another one of her peculiar habits was folding her toes in under her feet, and walking on her toe knuckles. That had us cringing!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "terry", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:14)", "body": "Now, *that's* cool!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "jgross", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (22:55)", "body": "How do you remember all these things about her, Sonja? I don't remember any of them. It's like I'm hearing about them for the first time or something."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (04:04)", "body": "Thank you Terry (she says modestly)! Bad Jim! You were just too busy staring at the neighbouring lady having a tan in her skimpy underwear to notice our tricks, weren't you?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "jgross", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (18:46)", "body": "It's just that Sonja was over there alot and that's who I was noticing. But I am bad to the bone because Sonja would ask me alot whether I wanted to ever meet her sister, and I would just say \"no\", cuz I didn't want Sonja to get jealous over the fact that you and I were doing things together that I'm kinda glad Sonja doesn't remember anymore. The neighboring lady told me I was bad, too. Am I? Am I pretty horrible? Bad to the bone."}, {"response": 9, "author": "autumn", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (23:03)", "body": "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bad."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "Naugh-ty Naugh-ty Naugh-ty Jim!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "sonja", "date": "Fri, Oct 23, 1998 (10:34)", "body": "How shall we punish him?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "We bring him face to face with Raquel Maldonado, and tie him to a tree (head and hands and feet) inches away from her heaving bosom!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (20:40)", "body": "yep, that would be good punishment!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "jgross", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (21:19)", "body": "Excuse me gently, but on each of her noble bosoms was a tv monitor. I just sat there, y'know, and watched what was on. A show I'd never seen before. Looked a little like a rough cut....yeah, maybe not the final version. But since it was on both monitors, I saw it in stereo. Who but who were the two hosts of this show? Why a certain Riette and certainly a somewhat off-camera Sonja. And it was the first look I've had at where Riette lives. Sure did see alot of her studio. I dunno, y'all want me to play it back for ya? Raquel, if they say yes, could you hit the rewind button? Right, and then the play button? Oh, oh, you wanna play with that instead.... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 85, "subject": "Sonja's childhood, as told by Riette", "response_count": 21, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (01:28)", "body": "Well, well, well! Where shall I start? Blackmail?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:28)", "body": "What blackmail?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (18:20)", "body": "Start with the basics, then get to the lurid details."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:41)", "body": "When we were little, and wanted to play different games, she always had me giving in by saying, \"If you don't play this game with me, I'll tell Mum about those ten incredibly naughty things you did.\" And then later it became twenty naughty things. I lied awake in bed every night, wondering what ten or twenty incredibly naughty things were, and fearing what Mum might do to me if Sonja really told her some day. When we were about 15, I asked Sonja once what exactly those incredibly naughty things were, and she said, 'WHAT? You actually believed me???' Which was what made me realize just how stupid I really am!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (02:38)", "body": "What kinds of games?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:39)", "body": "The nice games had mostly something to do with cars and animals. We started building a town in the sand one year, and it didn't rain all year, and by the end of the year we'd built a HUGE town in the sand with many many little matchbox cars and little plastic army men for citizens, and a big zoo full of animals. But we had one very naughty game as well. We would sneak out at night, climb onto people's roofs and walking on it loudly. The story of the terrible ghost called, 'The Man on the Roof' even came in the daily paper, and people started going on ghost hunts and stuff - but they never caught us, and were laughing our butts off inside! But seriously, I don't know how we could have done it anymore; if the dork had caught us, he really would have killed us! But it was GREAT!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "terry", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (06:03)", "body": "Were you two into any sports in your childhood?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (09:00)", "body": "Well, we ran away quite alot, if that's what you mean. But I'll leave the appropriate answer to Ri\ufffdtte...."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (03:19)", "body": "Sonja was a good netball player. (This is YOUR childhood, so I don't have to say what I did.)"}, {"response": 10, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (07:13)", "body": "How do you play netball? What equipment is required? Is this a popular sport in SA?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "sonja", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (11:05)", "body": "Well, yeah. It's just like basketball, except you're not allowed to bounce it or move from the spot where you catch it, until you've passed it over. It's a very popular sport in SA and Australia."}, {"response": 12, "author": "jgross", "date": "Mon, Oct 19, 1998 (20:08)", "body": "You can't score points. You can't tickle the referee. When you move, you can hop on only one foot the whole way. Everyone holds a ten-foot-long pole that stays lit at both ends with green fire. Only immediate family members can play on the same team. You have to be at least 6 months old to play. It's more fun than baseball, basketball, football, soccer, wrestling, boxing, Rastafarianism, bowling, ice hockey, field hockey, polo, birth, calf roping, handball, auto racing, shinnying up a pole or rope competitions, cricket, making out, sumo wrestling, tennis, kickball, volleyball, water polo, roller derby, bobsledding, swimming, diving, going blind, triathlon, arm wrestling, dwarf tossing, tag, freeze tag, decathlon, cross-country skiing, bullfighting, skateboarding, balance beam, archery, ping-pong, walking, jump-roping, ninepins, javelin, golf, cycling, rhinoplasty, surfing, judo, ice dancing, hurdling, hurling, weightlifting, shuffleboard, motocross, luge, lawn darts, ultimate skate Frisby demolition, marathon car-touching, curling, stickball, rugby, hooverball, doubles tennis, whiffleball, yachting, go-carting, wheelchair yo-yo, elegant Boer underarm blowdrying, hang gliding, broomball, tubing, fencing, kickboxing, horseshoes, body surfing, skydiving, underwater synchronized drowning, bronc busting, ball busting, cockfighting, masturbating, backpacking, aikido, boomeranging, snowboarding, steer wrestling, windsurfing, barroom fighting, jet skiing, chuckwagon racing, snorkeling, dogsledding, trampolining, hydroplane racing, waterfall barreling, teeter-tottering, sword-swallowing, chess, speed skating, rock climbing, shot put, softball, tobagganing, croquet, miniature golfing, auctioneering, midget smuggling, tag team wrestling, jai alai, stooping, bench pressing, grocery shopping, three-legged racing, baton twirling, bareknuckle boxing, shooting, squash, tailgating, pole vaulting, racquetball, nose kissing, rafting, earthball, rollerblading, lacrosse, tug-of-war, touch football, frog jumping, steeplechase, kayaking, figure skating, telemarketing, calisthenics, isometrics, woofing, weeping, weeing---heck it's more fun than all these sports combined"}, {"response": 13, "author": "terry", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (00:03)", "body": "More fun than stooping? For real?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (01:32)", "body": "LMAOOL!!!! elegant Boer underarm blowdrying!!!! ha-ha!! Did you know that Boer AWB women shave only one armpit?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "the armpit that isn't shaved always has the most nose pleasing fragrance in all of Africa (and North America) scientists aren't sure why (high levels of raspberry consumption is their best hypothesis)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "autumn", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (09:43)", "body": "that's one more underarm than I shave..."}, {"response": 17, "author": "sonja", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (10:17)", "body": "LOL! I think the do it so that they'll remember to do the heil-E.T.-business with the right arm though; and when that left arm shoot up, it's like . . . DAMN!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "jgross", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (15:25)", "body": "Autumn, so your underarms, do they give off that same wonderful raspberry scent? Oh and do you salute with both arms? If so, do you do them at the same time or one and then the other? How long do you have to hold them up? Does that raspberry fragrance keep giving and giving? Oh man, I'm just thinking about that. I bet I could smell it from a room away....if I rubbed my nostrils a little, first."}, {"response": 19, "author": "stacey", "date": "Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (20:04)", "body": "LOL!"}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (03:57)", "body": "I think with Boer women it's probably more of a rotten egg scent."}, {"response": 21, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:07)", "body": "A Gordon Bleeuugh scent. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 86, "subject": "how do you serve good pork butt?", "response_count": 57, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (16:16)", "body": "from left to right"}, {"response": 2, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Oct 16, 1998 (17:34)", "body": "whatabout *bad* pork butt?"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:28)", "body": "well, that's an entirely different topic, now isn't it? first off, however, it helps to tenderize it..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sat, Oct 17, 1998 (13:28)", "body": "yug!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "You MUST watch 'Cow and Chicken' with me tonight - then you'll understand."}, {"response": 6, "author": "sonja", "date": "Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (05:40)", "body": "No, we were going to watch the 3-d thing, remember?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Oct 26, 1998 (12:53)", "body": "With some fava beans and a nice Chianti?"}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (01:04)", "body": "Whaa!! Stop, stop, it sounds far too delicious!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:08)", "body": "How do you pork a good servile butt?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (12:14)", "body": "With feeling..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:02)", "body": "And a shaved tongue."}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (00:07)", "body": "Ever so gently."}, {"response": 13, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (23:41)", "body": "And with a catapult..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:33)", "body": "Open W I I I I D E ! ! !"}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "Which part goes in first??"}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:16)", "body": "Whichever part gets there first. Just charge on in and let nature take it's course. That's the best way, I think. It works for me."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "I'm not sure how nature is supposed to take its course between people and pork butts though..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:35)", "body": "Some things you just have to do, without thinking. If a centipede had to think about which foot to use next, it'd never get anywhere."}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:37)", "body": "However, if you think about people and pork butts and nature taking it's course, some interesting possibilities come to mind..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:29)", "body": "I suppose you're right. After all, pork butts and people butts are, in principle, two very similar things..."}, {"response": 21, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:39)", "body": "i believe that the post by riette above should be placed on the front page of either the spring or screwed!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (12:00)", "body": "I agree with Ray. Riette, you really outdid yourself here. WoW!! When you're good, you're really good."}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (10:15)", "body": "And when she's bacon, she's better!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "Bite me!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "I suppose that should be upon your butt then, yes?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:21)", "body": "I don't do that. No Way. Bite is definitely abuse."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (17:41)", "body": "Unless that was your way of saying, help yourself to the ham."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:36)", "body": "Let me rephrase: Nibble me!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:12)", "body": "OK, Riette, Anytime!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:17)", "body": "ha-ha! And until then you can nibble my cheese and chocolates!"}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:18)", "body": "Which I'm sure, tastes better!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:36)", "body": "Different, but not necessarily better. Given a choice I'll do both."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:15)", "body": "Wouldn't you just?! I mean, after all, nothing beats a good pork butt! ha-ha - sorry, I coudn't resist that one!"}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:55)", "body": "When you get here, I will introduce you to Smithfield Ham. The best Butt around"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "Good! I love sinking my teeth into a good butt."}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:52)", "body": "All Right then Riette. I shall have to supply you with a butt that you can really sink your teeth into."}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "You don't have to go to a shop for that...."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:04)", "body": "Of course not, Riette, and the other is more fun too!! Such a deal!!!!!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:19)", "body": "ha-ha! Wicked! 'Hi, honey - yeah, dinner was good; what I had? Butt. People butt. Yeah, with Slut Sauce...'"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:34)", "body": "Yum Yum Riette!! You are making my mouth water just thinking of that."}, {"response": 41, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "Expensive slut sauce, of course!"}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:11)", "body": "Grade AAAAA the very best."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:33)", "body": "ha-ha!!! PICKY!!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:35)", "body": "The Best Merits the Best, Riette!!!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:45)", "body": "And so modest too!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:44)", "body": "I was talking about you, Riette."}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:47)", "body": "And if you can figure out what I'm talking about, Riette, you are better at this than I am."}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:34)", "body": "I don't have a clue anymore - not a clue in the world! ha-ha!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:41)", "body": "My thoughts exactly, Riette, Took the words right out of my mouth."}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:50)", "body": "With my hand, or with my mouth?"}, {"response": 51, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:10)", "body": "Your mouth Riette, definitely!"}, {"response": 52, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "That's it, you're asking for it! \ufffdflicking tongue vulgarly!!!!\ufffd"}, {"response": 53, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "Shamelessly, Riette"}, {"response": 54, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:02)", "body": "I was just practising how to lick my pork butt."}, {"response": 55, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:15)", "body": "Riette, Am I supposed to believe that?"}, {"response": 56, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "If you want!"}, {"response": 57, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:46)", "body": "OK Riette, since you never lie, I'll believe It. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 87, "subject": "vacation destination: Swakopmund", "response_count": 5, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (03:58)", "body": "I could post some pictures! It'll make you very very jealous!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "sonja", "date": "Wed, Oct 21, 1998 (11:08)", "body": "Swakopmund is the most beautiful place on earth."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Oct 22, 1998 (04:05)", "body": "sure as hell"}, {"response": 4, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Oct 24, 1998 (12:17)", "body": "And we're just supposed to take your word for it?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Oct 25, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "I'll go through my photo album and find you a picture or two - if I have to prove it. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 88, "subject": "Creating Topics Must Be A Guy Thing", "response_count": 6, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Tue, Oct 27, 1998 (07:40)", "body": "well, it would explain the abundance in drool..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  1, 1998 (01:07)", "body": "ha-ha! Excellent point! The abundance in topics depends on the subject matter, I think."}, {"response": 3, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:22)", "body": "What abundance of drool?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov  2, 1998 (10:51)", "body": "Exactly! My point being that alot of women like to drool, and alot of men like to screw. And women like to screw the object of drooling, whereas men like to drool over the object of screwing. See what I mean?"}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "well, I might, if you'd get off of my face..."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov  4, 1998 (03:45)", "body": "Awe, but I'm so comfortable and thoroughly happe here.... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 89, "subject": "Dr. Atkins' New Screw Revolution", "response_count": 19, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (01:14)", "body": "Now, how would that one work? One has to get screwed with cucumbers in order not to get stuffed?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "milwaukee", "date": "Thu, Nov  5, 1998 (10:12)", "body": "Perhaps something about sleeping with fishes."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (03:23)", "body": "How many?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "CotC", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:59)", "body": "23"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (15:03)", "body": "Ha-ha! 23? Why 23?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (09:10)", "body": "Principia Discordia"}, {"response": 7, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (00:11)", "body": "Sorry, I don't speak Italian."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:42)", "body": "Neither does he, but TommyCotC speaks a more universal language....especially when you discipline him."}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:36)", "body": "Sincere pain? Or pleasure? Or, are they both the same here?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:17)", "body": "Pain has to be sincere to hold pleasure. Pleasure has to be sincere enough to turn to pain."}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:22)", "body": "I never got pain out of pleasure, but I know one or two people who do, they just can't accept a pleasureable experience, without feeling uncomfortable, hence pain. I've seen lots of people who get pleasure out of pain, mostly other peoples pain."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "I think the two belong together somehow. Only if one knows what pain is, can one appreciate the pleasure. But don't worry - I'm not the suffering type!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:42)", "body": "You are right. In the same line of thought, only after a very cold winter can you truely appreciate a hot summer. Other comparisons come to mind but they are too unpleasant to deal with."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (08:32)", "body": "Yes, exactly - the winter, summer thing (very relevant comparison for this time of year - we're in the minus!!). Other comparisons? Such as? Or are they too unpleasant to jot down as well??"}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (12:23)", "body": "All Right, Here goes but they are really gruesome. Only after spending a month in the field, without bathing, can you really appreciate a hot bath and clean clothes. Only after repeatedly resuscitating someone for 10 hours, literally holding life in your hands, can you really appreciate how fragile life is and how precious. Only after holding someone while they vomit their stomach lining, can you truely appreciate the benefits of life without alcohol. Only after being subjected to a three day artillery barrage, can you appreciate the fact that you can ignore anything, when you need sleep badly enough."}, {"response": 16, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (15:39)", "body": "amen to that. i am very appreciative of my current income status because i went thru some hard times some years ago. living on mayonaise sandwiches, not answering the phone cuz of bill collectors, having my phone turned off, declaring bankruptcy, moving in with my folks, looking out for the repo man. going thru all of that made me appreciate a lot of the little things that people take for granted every day."}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (23:40)", "body": "doesn't it just!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (00:39)", "body": "guess I could sum all of this up by saying, the upside to suffering is that it will make the good times, that come later, that much more enjoyable. And the important thing to remember, is that there WILL be good times."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:23)", "body": "An important philosophy. Ray, WAY TO GO! screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 9, "subject": "I want more!!!", "response_count": 34, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Jun 26, 1998 (04:13)", "body": "ha-ha, How inventive you are! I'd like an extra finger just above my backside. One that can zoom in and out like a radia antenna. That way I wouldn't have to practically climb through the roof every time I start itching there in public. My little finger would just slowly zoom out of its hiding place and do a quick, invisible job. I'd also be able to give someone the finger if they pi$$ed me off without offending the person. Not to mention the extra, secret pleasure in bed! I'd feel like I were cheating on poor Chris though!"}, {"response": 2, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Jun 26, 1998 (07:10)", "body": "roflmao! (still thinking about my choices!)"}, {"response": 3, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jun 26, 1998 (10:02)", "body": "let me guess...an extra heart so you could have more endurance, stamina, and an even higher metabolism... your response is a beautiful thing, Riette..."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jun 27, 1998 (06:25)", "body": "Thank you, Wer, but believe me, it isn't!!!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sun, Jul  5, 1998 (23:48)", "body": "More brain power--I feel like all the filing cabinet drawers upstairs are filled to overflowing."}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Jul  6, 1998 (03:35)", "body": "Mine have been since I was five - learning how to read just took up all the intelligence there might have been at birth . . . !"}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (04:05)", "body": "I'd also like a tail that can fall off and grow back, like that of a lizard. Then I could really play hard to get!"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (10:44)", "body": "above or below the aforementioned finger?"}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Aug 14, 1998 (11:23)", "body": "I was thinking more of the sort of tail that sits in the back of the neck area. That way I'd also be able to spank myself when Chris isn't in a kinky mood . . ."}, {"response": 10, "author": "wolf", "date": "Sat, Aug 15, 1998 (22:29)", "body": "nobody touches my tail *growl*"}, {"response": 11, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (00:10)", "body": "at least, not LIKE that..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Aug 16, 1998 (00:34)", "body": "Awe, Wolfie, and I was going to ask you if I could wear you around my neck as a fancy scarf at my next vernisage. You know . . . art on the go. And I was hoping you'd howl loudly every time I pulled on your tail for that audio-visual effect."}, {"response": 13, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:52)", "body": "My body parts suit me just fine at this point but I'd love for B to grow another tongue nearer to his nether regions..."}, {"response": 14, "author": "stacey", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (18:53)", "body": "(the extra dick outta his face just didn't seem appropriate...)"}, {"response": 15, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Aug 21, 1998 (22:57)", "body": "((today, anyway...))"}, {"response": 16, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:03)", "body": "*laugh*"}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:05)", "body": "and, what would you be willing to grow where for him if Sir Brandon could fulfill your request?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:35)", "body": "In your most profound intuition, what would you imagine the 'request' would be?!?!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:38)", "body": "I have a couple of generalized guesses, but I don't know if those are based on my likes or not, as I don't know what he prefers..."}, {"response": 20, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:43)", "body": "lemme hear 'em!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:49)", "body": "a second set of arms and hands at the hips could prove wildly functional, as could a second set of breasts located just below the shoulder blades... (in the right mood, true \"vagina dentata\" could prove quite the bonus, as well)"}, {"response": 22, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (12:53)", "body": "*laugh* you might have similar tastes!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (13:10)", "body": "'tis but one true way to find out, no?"}, {"response": 24, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:34)", "body": "have you two go at it?!?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:38)", "body": "is he willing?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Aug 26, 1998 (14:50)", "body": "hmmm... (visions of Chasing Amy floating about in my head. I dunno. If some random person asked him that question, the answer would be a resounding NO, nope. No, thank you. But deep seated desires... Honestly I think he'd find the situation uncomfortable (maybe not literally) if only because I don't think he likes to share me, well, physically anyway. Only in the last year has he developed a very subtle jealous side..."}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:32)", "body": "There is nothing subtle about jealousy. It's ugly no matter how you look at it. It probably causes more misery than anything else in a relationship except lack of communication."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (13:41)", "body": "and a lot of times, those two go hand in hand..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "I think I'm a little jealous. I don't like it when women come on to my husband. I was nasty to one woman who did that once."}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "The way I look at it is, each person is their own entity. They will do whatever they want, no matter what. Getting upset over a maybe, only hurts you. If he wishes to be faithful, he will be faithful, you just have to decide what you will do if he is unfaithful. Once you have made the decision, shelve it. Forget about it until he is unfaithful. If that happens, pull out your plan and put it into action. Don't change it. You made the plan when you were calm and rational, don't change it when you are upset and angry."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "That's not how my head works. Once we were at a function, and this woman from work, who openly fancies my husband, grabbed him by the ar$e. So I grabber her by the ar$e, and told her to let go."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:53)", "body": "That's not jealousy, its protecting your assets. Sorry, couldn't resist."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (01:53)", "body": ""}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (05:02)", "body": "Actually, there must be a showing of some sort of public display when that sort of thing happens, or other women will start to think he's available. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 90, "subject": "Ferret-Legging vs Crisco Twister", "response_count": 53, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov  6, 1998 (11:52)", "body": "Oh, sure, I get my leggings in a twist all the time! It sort of pull into one's ar$e a bit, but hey, sometimes one just doesn't have the time to mind that bum-floss sensation."}, {"response": 2, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Nov  7, 1998 (16:37)", "body": "Especially if you wear a thong anyway."}, {"response": 3, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov  8, 1998 (01:27)", "body": "You do???? Isn't it uncomfortable??"}, {"response": 4, "author": "autumn", "date": "Mon, Nov  9, 1998 (22:42)", "body": "Lord no, I wouldn't wear one of those things! I have way to much respect for myself and my comfort level."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 10, 1998 (02:43)", "body": "ha-ha! I think it must be horribly uncomfortable. Just picture how one's knickers sometimes do that thing where they sort of get stuck in one's butt crack. Imagine what it must feel having that ALL the time, and with a piece of scraping, itching, irritating string! And it looks so totally silly! Like the person hasn't quite figured out how to use a slingshot."}, {"response": 6, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (22:03)", "body": "It's such a cliche, but do you suppose a man invented them?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:09)", "body": "Men invented everything. That's why we're in control."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (00:16)", "body": "Man invented it, but it was women that made it a fad."}, {"response": 9, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:17)", "body": "[This is supposedly from the November 1992 Harper's.] Mr. Reg Mellor, the \"king of the ferret-leggers,\" paced across his tiny Yorkshire miner's cottage as he explained the rules of the English sport that he has come to dominate rather late in life. \"Ay, lad,\" said the seventy-two-year-old champion, \"no jockstraps allowed. No underpants -- nothin` whatsoever. And it's nogood with tight trousers, mind ye. Little bah-stards have to be able to move around inside there from ankle to ankle.\" Basically, ferret-legging involves the tying of a competitor's trousers at the ankles and the insertion into those trousers of a couple of peculiarly vicious fur-coated, foot-long carnivores called ferrets. The brave contestant's belt is then pulled tight, and he proceeds to stand there in front of the judges as long as he can, while animals with claws like hypodermic needles and teeth like number 16 carpet tacks try their damnedest to get out. From a dark and obscure past, the sport has made an astonishing comeback in recent years. When I first heard about ferret-legging, in 1972, the world record stood at forty painful seconds of \"keepin' 'em down,\" as they say in ferret-legging circles. A few years later the dreaded one-minute mark was finally surpassed. The current record -- implausible as it may seem -- now stands at an awesome five hours and twenty-six minutes, a mark reached last year by the gaudily tattooed little Yorkshireman with the waxed military mustache who now stood two feet away from me explaining the technicalities of this burgeoning sport. \"The ferrets must have a full mouth o' teeth,\" Reg Mellor said as he fiddled with his belt, \"No filing of the teeth; no clipping. No dope for you or the ferrets. You must be sober, and the ferrets must be hungry -- though any ferret'll eat yer eyes out even if he isn't hungry. So then, lad. Any more questions 'fore I poot a few down for ye?\" \"Yes, Reg.\" \"Ay, whoot then?\" \"Well, Reg,\" I said. \"I think people in America will want to know. Well -- since you don't wear any protection -- and, well, I've heard a ferret can bite your thumb off. Do they ever -- you know?\" Reg's stiff mustache arched toward the ceiling under a sly grin. \"You really want to know what they get up to down there, eh?\" Reg said, looking for all the world like some workingman's Long John Silver. \"Well, take a good look.\" Then Reg Mellor let his trousers fall around his ankles... A short digression: a word is in order concerning ferrets, a weasel-like animal well known to Europeans but, because of the near extinction of the black-footed variety in the American West, not widely known in the United States. Alternatively referred to by professional ferret handlers as \"shark-of-the-land,\" a \"piranha with feet,\" \"fur-coated evil, \" and \"the only four-legged creature in existence that kills just for kicks,\" the common domesticated ferret -- Mustela putorius -- has the spinal flexibility of a snake and the jaw musculature of a pit bull. Rabbits, rats, and even frogs run screaming from hiding places when confronted by a ferret. Ferreters -- those who hunt with ferrets, as opposed to putting them in their pants -- tell tales of rabbits running toward hunters to surrender after gazing into the torch-red eyes of an oncoming ferret. Loyal to nothing that lives, the ferret has only one characteristic that might be deemed positive -- a tenacious, single-minded belief in finishing whatever it starts. That usually entails biting off whatever it bites. The rules of ferret-legging do allow the leggers to try to knock the ferret off a spot it's biting (from outside the trousers only), but that is no small matter, as ferrets never let go. No less a source than the Encyclopedia Britannica suggests that you can get a ferret to let go by pressing a certain spot over its eye, but Mellor and the other ferret specialists I talked to say that is absurd. Reg favors a large screwdriver to get a ferret off his finger. Another ferret legger told me that a ferret that had almost dislodged his left thumb let go only after the ferret and the man's thumb were held under scalding tap water -- for ten minutes. Reg Mellor, a man who has been more intimate with ferrets than many men have been with their wives, calls ferrets \"cannibals, things that live only to kill, that'll eat your eyes out to get at your brain\" at their worst and \"untrustworthy\" at their very best. Reg says he observed with wonder the growing popularity of ferret-legging throughout the '70s. He had been hunting with ferrets in the verdant moors and dales outside of Barnsley for much of a century. Since a cold and wet ferret exterminates with a little less enthusiasm than a dry one, Reg used to keep his ferrets in his pants for hours when he hunted in the rain -- and it always rained where he hunted. \"The world record was sixty seconds. Sixty seconds! I can stick a ferret up me ass for longer than that.\" So, at age sixty-nine, Reg Mellor found his game. As he stood in front o"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:37)", "body": "After reading a story like that, one must wonder what the local water is contaminated with."}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:44)", "body": "That was stunning! ha-ha!!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:40)", "body": "It's more than just stunning. It's probably a hallucinogen that makes Lysergic Acid seem mild by comparison."}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "Stop! My tummy is starting to hurt! So do you wear those funny thong underpants, Tim?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:29)", "body": "The closest thing to a thong, that I know of, which is worn by men, is a jockstrap, and yes, occasionally I wear one."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "And what's it like? Does it tickle?"}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:46)", "body": "It does tickle at times, and at times it itches. Sometimes a practical joker will put BENGUE on it and then it burns like crazy."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (13:42)", "body": "AAAAAHHH! Tell me honestly: is it worth it?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (13:43)", "body": "(Personally I've always thought of underpants as a means to an end, nothing more, nothing less...)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (14:30)", "body": "I wonder what the reason for underpants is. I wear them primarily to keep from getting caught in the zipper."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Same here, babe!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Well then, the only way to eliminate underpants is to eliminate the zipper. LEVIs 501s, Here I come. Actually I already have several pairs of 501s. They aren't in fashion now, so they are only 60% of the price of other LEVIs. I like the buttons better anyway."}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:00)", "body": "And now that they eliminated the crotch rivet, they're practical to wear without underwear. Man! that crotch rivet sure taught me to keep my distance from a campfire!!!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:37)", "body": "ha-ha! As long as it didn't frighten you into permanent retreat!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:13)", "body": "No, but it did serve as a constant reminder. Man!! that sucker got hot quick."}, {"response": 25, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (10:24)", "body": "Be careful when putting them on directly from the dryer as well!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:19)", "body": "Yeah? What happens? Quick shave?"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:38)", "body": "Same thing as with the campfire, only Immediately. But, noy anymore. No more crotch rivet."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:17)", "body": "\ufffdcrawling with laughter\ufffd You must show me some time! But we'll have to be close to a hospital - I'm not in a position to kiss it better if necessary! ha-ha!!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:02)", "body": "I think I'll pass on the actual experience. HOwever, Riette, for you , I'll Mime it. What position do you have to be in, Riette? By the way, Austin has so many hospitals, that you are only five min. from the hospital anywhere in town. If you don't need the ambulance, that is. Call EMS, it'll take an hour."}, {"response": 30, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "ha-ha!! Any position you need in order to mime it - you'll have to teach me! And what will I do with you for a whole hour, if I have to call EMS??"}, {"response": 31, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (10:56)", "body": "Ok Riette, I'll teach you a position or two. Or three or four. I can come up with all kinds of interesting things to do for an hour!!"}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "Yes, you know - talking about the weather in every kind of position while giving you mouth to mouth resuscitation; for the sheer purpose of keeping you alive, of course. I'm a good nurse, you'll see."}, {"response": 33, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:09)", "body": "Of course, Riette! You know, we'll just have to schedule a few practice sessions, just to make sure we got down good... The timing I mean. We Will have to do this as soon as we can after you get here, Just so we're ready for sure."}, {"response": 34, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:23)", "body": "Yes, it is always good to be fully prepared for these things. The lungs - you know, the lungs have to be good too. They need to be exercised too. I read somewhere that sucking hard on things (like lollies or whatever) helps with that. And don't forget the target practise that is required for emergency treatment. Lots of training and practise required."}, {"response": 35, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:36)", "body": "Yes, Riette!! Definitely! We'll have to start practicing at the first opportunity!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "At every opportunity!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "OH BOY, Riette!!! I like the way you think!"}, {"response": 38, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:34)", "body": "I bet you do!"}, {"response": 39, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "Yes, Riette, I Do, Very Much."}, {"response": 40, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:47)", "body": "Perverse minds sin alike...."}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:48)", "body": "Together, Riette, together."}, {"response": 42, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:35)", "body": "ha-ha! DAMN, you're good! If we were a couple, we'd probably be more perverse than Dick van Dyke in a pickel advert!"}, {"response": 43, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:43)", "body": "Ha HA HAAA HA! Riette, that tops any of the ones I have been able to come up with!"}, {"response": 44, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:50)", "body": "Oh, that's not so difficult. I mean, if you have a dick AND a dyke in your name, you're just ASKING for it, aren't you?!"}, {"response": 45, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:11)", "body": "Riette!!! Translate the \"van\" in his name!"}, {"response": 46, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "The Dyke's Dick? HAAAAAAA-HAAAAAA!!!! STOP IT! My neighbours must think I'm totally nuts!"}, {"response": 47, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "I knew that you would get a kick out of that Riette!!!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:03)", "body": "Indeed I got a dick out of it!"}, {"response": 49, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "Riette, I just can't type the response that comes to mind."}, {"response": 50, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "Now you've got me all curious! Really not? Mail it!"}, {"response": 51, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:49)", "body": "Riette, It'll be in the next one i send."}, {"response": 52, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (15:29)", "body": "Allright, you two. Go get a room..."}, {"response": 53, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (22:57)", "body": "Riette, do you know what kind of room he's got in mind? screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 91, "subject": "Alert!!!", "response_count": 50, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "jgross", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (12:49)", "body": "go-cart races among the vendors are important to watch out for, too gang way gotta lotta free food that way cuz there's always some that slides off that's the way it's been on the drag street vendor drag racing on the drag gets pretty exciting cuz of all the people rushing out to pick up falling food and trying not to get hit by the slower carts it's just like what it was like to be in Pamplona on the big day and participating in it bulls pulling the carts---that's what should be tried next maybe Bullwinkle could be invited or Paul Bunyan's blue friend"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (12:57)", "body": "or maybe we should just invite the world's smallest lummox..."}, {"response": 3, "author": "autumn", "date": "Fri, Nov 13, 1998 (22:05)", "body": "I would never purchase anything prepared from a food vendor (*shudder*), except maybe a soft pretzel."}, {"response": 4, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (08:06)", "body": "The World's Smallest Lummox don't need no steenking invitation..."}, {"response": 5, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 14, 1998 (23:03)", "body": "I think that they meant your daughter."}, {"response": 6, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (10:59)", "body": "Well, technically, she now IS the World's Smallest Lummox..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 15, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "Of course. And after reading your description of her, I know that we all eagerly await the posting of some pictures."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (05:45)", "body": "hear hear!!! Let's open a topic to show our little lummoxlets off in!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 16, 1998 (06:42)", "body": "A great idea!!! Let's do it!"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (02:20)", "body": "I'm known for that..."}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 17, 1998 (04:35)", "body": "You are known for what? Doing it??"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (02:38)", "body": "Yep. However most of the time without thinking...."}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 18, 1998 (03:49)", "body": "At times thinking can spoil the moment. I try to get the thinking out of the way ahead of time."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (13:44)", "body": "You mean you sympathize? I find that refreshing, because people are generally so against UNthinking."}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (14:34)", "body": "It is difficult to be spontaneous and calculating at the same time. For some things spontaneity is absolutely necessary for full enjoyment."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "Yes, exactly. If I say, alright, today I'm going shopping, then it's no surprise when I do. But when I say, today I'm going to do absolutely nothing, and end up on a huge merry-go-around, then the sheer surprise of it makes the enjoyment that much greater. I can see though, how for some people unpredictability in their day can cause insecurity. Some people need absolute certainty over things - otherwise their day becomes irrational. I find it comforting to FEEL life, but were I sombody else, I'd probably find it comforting to KNOW life."}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:31)", "body": "Life is Unpredictable. It is impossible to know life while you are experiencing it. Every day is a new experience. Nothing happens exactly the same way twice. Let me rephrase that: Nothing natural happens the same way twice. You have the kind of spontaneous spirit that is absolutely invigorating. You are the kind of person that will go out for a loaf of bread, see a poster advertising a circus, realize that the matinee is in 5 minutes, and go catch the matinee, then buy the bread. That is truely refreshing."}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:05)", "body": "In short you are not In a continual rut like most people. You are a free spirit without confinement."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (08:46)", "body": "Stop it, you're embarrassing me! I'm none of those things! Merely impulsive, and childish, and full of trouble; I got into big trouble with my husband again over the weekend, and I'm thinking that if I were able to settle into some kind of routine, my life would at least be a little organized, and I'd be a better wife. I don't know. I just don't want to make him angry anymore. But I don't know how to stop either."}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (09:16)", "body": "What I said is true, Riette, be careful what you do here, you will not be happy in restraint, even self imposed."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:21)", "body": "Oh, but I don't like being careful at all!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:40)", "body": "That's good keep that attitude. That will keep you feeling free, Riette."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:21)", "body": "Well, it's too late to start now anyway. I just dread to think what we're going to get up to next year, because you sound like no angel either!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:13)", "body": "Well now Riette, there's angels and there's ANGELS, all different kinds. Actually, you kind of touched a nerve, when you said that. Riette, I want you to understand, I no longer think like this, but this was our motto in sniper school: YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I FEAR NO HARM, FOR I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH, AND MINE IS THE SHADOW THAT FILLS THE VALLEY. Cute, Huh! The military is great at brainwashing."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:42)", "body": "I think it is horrible to teach people that. I'm sorry if I touched a nerve - I didn't mean to, because you are my friend."}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:04)", "body": "That's OK Riette. I know you did not mean to bring that up from my past. Maybe I should not have told you about it. But that is what I had to get rid of when I left the military. It is not natural for people to want to kill another human that has done no harm to them, so the army brainwashes it's killers. The Trouble is that they never remove that conditioning. If you want it gone It's up to you. I took me 6 years to remove 6 weeks of conditioning."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:08)", "body": "I am glad you told me. Thank you. I am sorry you had to go through all that."}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:14)", "body": "Riette, the truely sad part of all of it is that I did not HAVE to do it. I Volunteered. I just did not know what I was getting myself into until it was too late."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:28)", "body": "That's not your fault. You had the sense to realize at some point what was going on. That is all that matters, and all that should matter to you. If we had to NOT do things, just because we're afraid of what we might get in to, life would simply not be worth living. We need to have our strenghts and weaknesses tested in order to find out what we are. And this experience is one in which you proved that your strengths are greater than your weaknesses."}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:38)", "body": "Thank you Riette! for your vote of confidence. I really appreciate it."}, {"response": 31, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:09)", "body": "No, you deserve it."}, {"response": 32, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:14)", "body": "Well, Riette, Thanks again anyway, on GPs."}, {"response": 33, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "What's that? (My, you're quick today!)"}, {"response": 34, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:24)", "body": "General Purposes, Riette"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:36)", "body": "That could mean anything!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "Riette, it's intended to mean anything!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:49)", "body": "One should never do that! Because people might get seduced that way."}, {"response": 38, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:52)", "body": "I shall have to annotate my little black book to that effect, Riette. Thank you. ( the little black book that measures 15x20 cm)"}, {"response": 39, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:37)", "body": "Eh....little... black book? Okay, you've got me just a little worried here!"}, {"response": 40, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:44)", "body": "Riette, the telephone directory!"}, {"response": 41, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:45)", "body": "A hand written telephone directory."}, {"response": 42, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:46)", "body": "Actually It's navy blue and has more than just phone numbers in it."}, {"response": 43, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:49)", "body": "There you are! I'm so happy to see you! More than just phone numbers???"}, {"response": 44, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (14:13)", "body": "I'm very happy to see you too Riette. And the book has addresses, Directions, Notes and vital statistics in it."}, {"response": 45, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:26)", "body": "Vital statistics - what are those???"}, {"response": 46, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:39)", "body": "Anniversary dates, Riette, Birthdays, Wedding dates, Etc."}, {"response": 47, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:04)", "body": "That's so sweet! You still send your wives anniversary cards? I've never heard of anything so lovely and bizarre!"}, {"response": 48, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:22)", "body": "I have to admit, Riette, That is bizarre. And, I never thought of it. Actually, I send anniversary cards to my brothers and sisters, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and parents."}, {"response": 49, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:38)", "body": "For lack of other utterances: OOPS!!!"}, {"response": 50, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:51)", "body": "That's OK Riette, I did sort of lead you on. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 92, "subject": "The world's sweetest lummoxlets", "response_count": 39, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (00:18)", "body": "Allright! Come on let us see some pictures."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (13:48)", "body": "Yes, I thought it would be nice to start with Tommy's lummoxletly, but he's probably still in a daze (I discovered all the mail from March 30th exactly 18 months after Isa's birth....by which time Elza had also somehow made her way into the world!!!). In the meantime, I'll see to it that my unholy lummoxlets get their evil grins onto the screen!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (14:36)", "body": "GO!!!! RIETTE, GO!!!!"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:32)", "body": "Okay, just hang on...."}, {"response": 5, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (12:42)", "body": "by request, Tommy's Cassidy!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (12:54)", "body": "Ree's are next, so stay tuned..."}, {"response": 7, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (13:02)", "body": "In fact, Isa Walton (3 year-old lummoxlet)"}, {"response": 8, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (13:08)", "body": "Elza-Lotte Walton (2 year-old lummoxlet)"}, {"response": 9, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (13:16)", "body": "and mine, as previously posted in the parents conf, http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/parent/6 Zoe Jessica, taken on Easter of 1996"}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (13:40)", "body": "Well now, that's absolutely wonderful, Those are really nice Pictures."}, {"response": 11, "author": "CotC", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (15:19)", "body": "Thanks, WER... I'm glad one of us got around to putting Stinky's picture up here..."}, {"response": 12, "author": "terry", "date": "Thu, Dec  3, 1998 (06:28)", "body": "Teletubbies t shirt, what a crack up!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (11:11)", "body": "ha-ha! Tommy, little Cassidy is the most gorgeous baby!! She's got the most amazing eyebrows! I've never seen a new born baby with such perfectly formed eyebrows. And her little face - pure sugar! In fact, I think between the three of us we could have our girls take all the prizes in the Miss Universe contest! Wer, Isa has a dress JUST like Zoe's! My sister sent it from America for her birthday this year! One can defenitely see who her dad is too!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Dec 10, 1998 (23:09)", "body": "and I hope she grows out of that..."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (11:11)", "body": "NO! Why spoil her looks like that?? She is such a LOVELY child!"}, {"response": 16, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (11:15)", "body": "I think so too."}, {"response": 17, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (11:58)", "body": "Not sure, but something tells me the beard will be a detraction during the teen years..."}, {"response": 18, "author": "PT", "date": "Fri, Dec 11, 1998 (12:02)", "body": "You never know, beards might be in fashion then. The kids of each successive generation get more outlandish."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (00:54)", "body": "And anyway with girls the beard tend to appear elsewhere...."}, {"response": 20, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (01:02)", "body": "And generally stays in fashion."}, {"response": 21, "author": "autumn", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (19:53)", "body": "And builds character."}, {"response": 22, "author": "PT", "date": "Sat, Dec 12, 1998 (23:57)", "body": "You might say that it's generally uplifting all around."}, {"response": 23, "author": "CotC", "date": "Sun, Dec 13, 1998 (08:16)", "body": "Re: response 13 -- Thanks! If you ever saw a picture of me (fat chance, that!) you'd know where Stinky got her eyebrow. :-) The picture is from when she was 5 days old ( ! ). I'll try to get some more of 'em up here (gotta plug the video capture card back into the printer port...) and maybe y'all can get some more pictures of your little Stinkies up here too!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 13, 1998 (11:02)", "body": "Sure. Send some more soon! She's probably changed alot already? How is she, and how is your wife? How are you coping with the pajama drill? So, we're never going to get to see your amazing brow, hey, TommyCotC?"}, {"response": 25, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Jan 22, 1999 (09:51)", "body": "from Thanksgiving we get another view of Tommy's little one... Please, no pictures!"}, {"response": 26, "author": "stacey", "date": "Sun, Jan 24, 1999 (19:31)", "body": "STOP! (in the name of love... before you break my heart...)"}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (01:46)", "body": "WOW!!! She's grown SO much!!!!! And, GET that camera away from her - she isn't ready!! Can't ya see, Dad? The girl isn't ready yet! I don't know; men are so insensitive..."}, {"response": 28, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Sat, Jan 30, 1999 (02:09)", "body": "which explains, of course, all the babies..."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Jan 31, 1999 (02:05)", "body": "NO! I didn't say that men weren't gorgeous creatures. 'Cos that's what explains babies."}, {"response": 30, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (15:46)", "body": "go check http://www.realtime.net/~abner/skeeter.html , por favor. It's a picture of her from Christmas in her little red Santa hat..."}, {"response": 31, "author": "terry", "date": "Mon, Feb  1, 1999 (18:01)", "body": "That was one cute lummoxlet! She's even winking at Jim because he had just exuded one of those long philosophical, meandering expositions."}, {"response": 32, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Feb  2, 1999 (01:40)", "body": "BEAUTIFUL!!!! What a total sweetie!!!"}, {"response": 33, "author": "stacey", "date": "Thu, Feb  7, 2036 (00:33)", "body": "wow Tommy, it's sounding to these admittedly untrained ears, that you are immensely enjoying your role as 'father' and 'king doter' She's beautiful... more pictures please"}, {"response": 34, "author": "stacey", "date": "Wed, Apr  7, 1999 (16:26)", "body": "more pics, more pics!!"}, {"response": 35, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (10:15)", "body": "Awe, I've got a GREAT one of my gorgeous-lets - I'll send it to Wer straight away!"}, {"response": 36, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Apr 26, 1999 (14:16)", "body": "woo woo!"}, {"response": 37, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Jan  7, 2002 (14:38)", "body": "Is there a way to upload pictures directly to this forum? Mi \u00f1 is just over three years old now, so I think it's high time I stuck another picture of her up here."}, {"response": 38, "author": "CotC", "date": "Mon, Jan  7, 2002 (14:38)", "body": "Oops. I meant \"mi ni\u00f1a\". Sorry."}, {"response": 39, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Jan 10, 2002 (16:08)", "body": "Send them to me and I'll stick them on Spring's hard drive and send you the url so you can post them. marci@aloha.net I'd love to see a few updates of our little spinglets. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 95, "subject": "Ray Lopez:  MAD CREATOR OF SCREW", "response_count": 23, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (15:41)", "body": "xxxx kiss! xxxxx"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:34)", "body": "ooh-ooh MORE!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "wer", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (03:29)", "body": "So, Mr. Creator, where are some new topics?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (15:49)", "body": "Taking on form in his head in an act of intellectual masturbation."}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Sun, Dec 20, 1998 (16:21)", "body": "Sounds like a challenge to me!!"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (05:11)", "body": "Not a challenge, but a fact of life!"}, {"response": 7, "author": "PT", "date": "Mon, Dec 21, 1998 (15:19)", "body": "Intellectual Masturbation. A fact of life. Please Explain."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (03:43)", "body": "If I need to explain, then you're an intellectual virgin, deary!"}, {"response": 9, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:22)", "body": "I have been accused of that before, in somewhat different terms. Still I'd like to see the explanation."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:22)", "body": "Isn't it obvious? Intellectual masturbation is quite a common, boring thing. Like, say you're very interested in dinosaurs. Then, to feed your mind with knowledge on dinosaurs will be very exciting for you. So, when you find out everything about dinosaurs, reading every book, looking at every picture of dinosaurs - that's intellectual masturbation. Ray loves creating topics. So, the act of creating topics is for him an act of intellectual masturbation. Everybody does it all the time!"}, {"response": 11, "author": "PT", "date": "Tue, Dec 22, 1998 (10:22)", "body": "OK, I do it too. I just never heard it called that. What do you consider to be intellectual stimulation?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Dec 25, 1998 (01:10)", "body": "talking to chicks on the Spring!!!"}, {"response": 13, "author": "sprin5", "date": "Thu, Nov  2, 2000 (07:48)", "body": "I need to give Ray a call!"}, {"response": 14, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, May  4, 2001 (00:00)", "body": "Where is that mad man?"}, {"response": 15, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Aug 23, 2001 (23:49)", "body": "For sure!! Talk about MIA... Come back Ray...all is forgiven (whatever that means!)"}, {"response": 16, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (13:11)", "body": "He's doing a lot of Caucus consulting from what I hear."}, {"response": 17, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (14:17)", "body": "That takes a lot of time. I hope someone around him has found the time to have a few little Lopez kiddies for his comfort in old age. He is so neat - I miss him a lot!"}, {"response": 18, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Fri, Sep 14, 2001 (18:08)", "body": "i'm here!!"}, {"response": 19, "author": "terry", "date": "Fri, Sep 14, 2001 (20:21)", "body": "Woo Hoo, glad you're checking in, Ray."}, {"response": 20, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Sat, Sep 15, 2001 (16:29)", "body": "yup, just trying to dip my tootsies back into the Spring."}, {"response": 21, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Sep 15, 2001 (16:31)", "body": "... or jump in to the deep end!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 29, 2001 (21:01)", "body": "Come back Ray!!! We'll behave...!"}, {"response": 23, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 29, 2001 (21:01)", "body": "...or not =) screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 96, "subject": "Riette Walton:  MAD SCREWER OF CREATION", "response_count": 30, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (01:10)", "body": "Aren't we getting just a little crass here?"}, {"response": 2, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (11:02)", "body": "Not really...we have special topics for that!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (12:41)", "body": "OOH GOODY!!! What are they?"}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:36)", "body": "Look under religion!! NO, just kidding! And that should read: MAD SCREWER OF RECREATION, thank you very much!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:15)", "body": "Or, perhaps: MAD RECREATIONAL SCREWER,........or MADLY RECEATIONAL SCREWER?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:24)", "body": "I rather like the last option! To be madly recreational - like being a creative screwer; sounds good, doesn't it?"}, {"response": 7, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:42)", "body": "DEFINITELY!! VERY GOOD!! variety is the spice of life, for sure, Riette."}, {"response": 8, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:25)", "body": "The art of sex. I'll keep a canvas close within reach next time...."}, {"response": 9, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:24)", "body": "And some finger paints too, Riette. Lots of colors. And the canvas should be big enough to lay on."}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:45)", "body": "Sounds good! So, do you do art?"}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:07)", "body": "Not anything that is any good, Riette. But I enjoy dabbling in it?"}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:10)", "body": "Who is to say whether art is good or bad. Good art is art that fulfills the need for creativity. If yours does that, you're good. Will you show me?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:21)", "body": "Sure Riette, but it'll have to be something that I do between now and then, Because , I don't keep anything around. Usually, after I get tired of looking at it I throw it away."}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:31)", "body": "Oh, you don't have to, really! But why do you throw your art away?!?!"}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:42)", "body": "I am a pack rat by nature, Riette, If I do not make an effort to rid myself of excess baggage from time to time, I would live in a warehouse."}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:16)", "body": "Then get rid of the crap, not your art!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Riette, I do keep it until I get tired of it, then I get rid of it."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:37)", "body": "How can you get TIRED of it??"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "I don't know, After awhile I get tired of looking at it."}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "The expression is in the doing, Riette. While it is in progress it is living. When it is done It is frozen. No longer living. After a time I get tired of looking at that frozen moment."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:52)", "body": "I don't. I see it more like a photograph - of what was going on in my mind at the time. Like a memory - reminding me that something DOES actually go on in my head; it's not just a mass (however little!) of grey bits. But don't worry, I'm not going to try and change your mind. You're probably less egotistical than me in NOT keeping them, and that's to be respected!"}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:56)", "body": "Thank you again, Riette, I wish I could aspire to such noble ideals. but, the fact is, I've limited room, and anything non essential goes."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:38)", "body": "That's the kind of practicality I need in my life too! I might be able to walk in a straight, uninterrupted line through my flat for once!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:48)", "body": "Stuff everything into the closet, Riette, that's what I do."}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "The closets are all overflowing. Some of it I just swallow. The rest I live with."}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:40)", "body": "This is my system, Riette, When the closet gets full . throw something away to make room."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:05)", "body": "That sounds incredibly complicated."}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:25)", "body": "Actually, It's quite simple, Riette, You assign a finite amount of space to stuff. When stuff exceeds that space, get rid of some stuff."}, {"response": 29, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "I do that too, except the last bit..."}, {"response": 30, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:52)", "body": "Then it must logically follow , Riette, that stuff will eventually get rid of you. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 97, "subject": "I think i will...", "response_count": 34, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 20, 1998 (01:12)", "body": "OOOH What an open sentence. I always thought that streaking a ski jump would be wild."}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "I think I will stay indoors today - we're having SNOW STORMS over here! Have you had any snow yet? Okay, I know that's a boring 'I will...'. !!!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (02:37)", "body": "We seldom get snow that actually stays on the ground. February 1996 is the last major storm that I remember."}, {"response": 4, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:20)", "body": "I Have always wanted to see a storm hit here like they get at Truckee, CA. 1.5M overnight, and cold enough that it sticks."}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:26)", "body": "I don't like snow storms. I don't like the winter so much at all. It gets too cold and grey, and I can't get used to wearing coats - they're so heavy and uncomfortable - so I just wear a sweater and a scarf, but consequently I freeze my ar$e off every winter."}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:46)", "body": "I grew up with winter, with the temperature at the bottom of the scale -30 C, so, I'm somewhat used to it. You can get by without a coat, just layer your clothes."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:26)", "body": "I don't even want to THINK about temperatures that low! And I never layer my clothes - it's too damned uncomfortable; like a strait jacket or something. I'd rather freeze to bits than feel like that."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:27)", "body": "To layer clothes properly, you need loose fitting stretchy clothes for the outside layers. Riette, If it feels like a strait jacket, the outer clothing is one size too small."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:48)", "body": "No, it's not that. I never wear tight clothes; I always buy a size or two too big, and end up looking like a real frump, but I don't care. The very idea of tight fitting clothes or lots of clothes suffocates me. At least if I freeze, I can still move without things tickling and scratching my skin."}, {"response": 10, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:09)", "body": "No, Riette, you got that wrong. If you freeze, you don't move"}, {"response": 11, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:12)", "body": "I do! To the nearest warmest object! Or I do everything twice as fast as normally to keep warm. And everyone thinks I'm barking mad!"}, {"response": 12, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:24)", "body": "I was just teasing, Riette. But seriously, have you ever been so cold that you started to lose range of motion in your joints?"}, {"response": 13, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:33)", "body": "No. You have?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:45)", "body": "Oh yes, Riette. Many times. I used to target shoot in conditions like that. I'd just warm up my hand and shoot again."}, {"response": 15, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:18)", "body": "That cannot have been fun. Shooting is very difficult when it's cold."}, {"response": 16, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:27)", "body": "I know that Riette. and you are right, It was very painful. But, it was a supreme challenge."}, {"response": 17, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:39)", "body": "But was it worth while?"}, {"response": 18, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:44)", "body": "Yes, Riette!!! Anytime I push the envelope, It's worth wile. Finding out again that I can redefine my own limits is worthwile."}, {"response": 19, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:54)", "body": "Yes, that I can understand, and am able to admire."}, {"response": 20, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (18:57)", "body": "THank you Riette, Not many people would have understood that. I kmew you would."}, {"response": 21, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:39)", "body": "I think I understood you pretty well from the beginning, Tim. You speak a language that makes perfect sense to me."}, {"response": 22, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:50)", "body": "Yes you did, Riette, Probably because we both speak the same language."}, {"response": 23, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "Russian!"}, {"response": 24, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:42)", "body": "peredavaitye mnye!!! Riette!"}, {"response": 25, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:06)", "body": "What does THAT mean?"}, {"response": 26, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:28)", "body": "Riette, I'll have to tell you that verbally."}, {"response": 27, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:41)", "body": "OH! And what do you think you'll be doing next?"}, {"response": 28, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:56)", "body": "If I said it to you in person, Riette, it would depend on your response."}, {"response": 29, "author": "aschuth", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (17:49)", "body": "...log off tonight. Sweet dreams, world!"}, {"response": 30, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Thu, Nov 18, 1999 (18:07)", "body": "...eat lunch and get out of this conference before I become another topic (one is quite enough!)"}, {"response": 31, "author": "stacey", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (10:04)", "body": "... blow my stuffy nose again."}, {"response": 32, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Nov 29, 1999 (12:39)", "body": "...finish eating before posting next time. (Sorry about your stuffy nose, Stace!)"}, {"response": 33, "author": "moonbeam", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:13)", "body": "...take some hydrocodone and let my brain fuzz down into sleep..."}, {"response": 34, "author": "MarciaH", "date": "Mon, Dec 13, 1999 (23:41)", "body": "...ah...g'night Nan...!...me too... screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 98, "subject": "...create more topics...", "response_count": 29, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (15:43)", "body": "I'm not sure I know how..."}, {"response": 2, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 19, 1998 (15:43)", "body": "I know i don't know how!"}, {"response": 3, "author": "terry", "date": "Sat, Nov 21, 1998 (22:03)", "body": "They're falling and they can't get up."}, {"response": 4, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (18:23)", "body": "Falling hell!! I fell along time ago!"}, {"response": 5, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:27)", "body": "For what/who?"}, {"response": 6, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 23, 1998 (11:49)", "body": "Oh several different people at different times in my life. Sometimes I regretted it sometimes not."}, {"response": 7, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (08:29)", "body": "I'm happy for you. And not. I hope you don't regret the regrettable times still."}, {"response": 8, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Nov 24, 1998 (09:30)", "body": "No, I don't. I've gotten over feeling badly about someone else's effect on me. It's like feeling sorry for your self. And thank you, Riette."}, {"response": 9, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:49)", "body": "I don't understand. For what?"}, {"response": 10, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (02:50)", "body": "Oh, the cheese! Has it arrived already??"}, {"response": 11, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Nov 25, 1998 (11:13)", "body": "No, Riette, the cheese is not here yet. I was thanking you for your concern about my regrets."}, {"response": 12, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (02:13)", "body": "OH! How strange."}, {"response": 13, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (03:25)", "body": "Why is that strange, Riette?"}, {"response": 14, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (07:35)", "body": "I'm not sure. I find it strange that you should thank me for something like that. It's very sweet."}, {"response": 15, "author": "TIM", "date": "Thu, Nov 26, 1998 (17:47)", "body": "Riette, my point was that I thought it sweet of you to be concerned about such a thing,"}, {"response": 16, "author": "riette", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:19)", "body": "Well, you are sweeter, so there!"}, {"response": 17, "author": "TIM", "date": "Fri, Nov 27, 1998 (02:29)", "body": "Riette, I'll bet that I can find more people that will say that you are sweet, than you can find that will say that I am."}, {"response": 18, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:40)", "body": "You and what army???? People don't generally consider me to be sweet! They tend to think me a pain in the ar$e! (Don't blame them for it either.)"}, {"response": 19, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (01:47)", "body": "Now, Riette!! I could take a random sample of the next fifty people walking past any point you care to name, and I'll bet that not one would say that you were a pain."}, {"response": 20, "author": "riette", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (15:56)", "body": "You have never even SEEN me, Tim! And I'm willing to BET on it too!"}, {"response": 21, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sat, Nov 28, 1998 (19:01)", "body": "OK, name your point. my only condition is that you can do nothing but stand off to the side, out of the way, while someone else, preferrably me, asks the people if you are a pain."}, {"response": 22, "author": "riette", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:41)", "body": "How can they find me a pain if they don't know me?? But stop it!! What does it matter anyway?"}, {"response": 23, "author": "TIM", "date": "Sun, Nov 29, 1998 (13:52)", "body": "Riette, I just don't like to see you cutting yourself down when there is nothing wrong with you."}, {"response": 24, "author": "riette", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:29)", "body": "I told you it's my sense of humour! I like laughing at myself, because if I had to take myself serious all the time, I'd get very depressed."}, {"response": 25, "author": "TIM", "date": "Mon, Nov 30, 1998 (02:44)", "body": "Well Riette, to each their own, I guess. I'll shut up on this one."}, {"response": 26, "author": "riette", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:07)", "body": "And anyway you flatter me enough to give me a lifetime's ego trip!"}, {"response": 27, "author": "TIM", "date": "Tue, Dec  1, 1998 (02:30)", "body": "Riette, I'm glad you feel that way."}, {"response": 28, "author": "riette", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:42)", "body": "Me too! One could almost get used to it!"}, {"response": 29, "author": "TIM", "date": "Wed, Dec  2, 1998 (01:58)", "body": "Maybe you ought to, Riette. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}, {"num": 99, "subject": "...that will help me snarf...", "response_count": 5, "posts": [{"response": 1, "author": "KitchenManager", "date": "Wed, Dec 16, 1998 (18:54)", "body": "you can post that again"}, {"response": 2, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (03:10)", "body": "What does 'snarf' mean??"}, {"response": 3, "author": "ratthing", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (09:18)", "body": "snarf: (verb). 1. To obtain in a greedy or rude manner. 2. Pertaining to food, to eat food rapidly and hungrily."}, {"response": 4, "author": "riette", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (10:40)", "body": "ha-ha! I like that! Except, one doesn't HAVE to be hungry to snarf. I snarf all the time, and I'm never hungry."}, {"response": 5, "author": "PT", "date": "Thu, Dec 17, 1998 (12:08)", "body": "If you snarf all the time, you wouldn't be hungry. screwed forum profound Main Menu"}]}]}