is that a sigh of relief or of dispair? (or were you just breathing heavy and got confused?)

drinking my tea, having finished my bagel. Fairly happy today Well, certainly not sad And I read a post from many moons ago that mentioned boyce I associate the name, obviously with the spring, but also with the summer months in Austin. And, all of a sudden, I became really homesick for Austin. My old apartment off of Riverside, runs around Town Lake, late night skates around town stopping in assorted coffee houses to play cards... The smell of the air with humidity. The hot sticky feel after exercising in humidity and sunshine. Riding through the Greenbelt, reading off Mt. Bonnell... To no one in particular... Do you ever feel happy and sad at the same time? Odd how this came up so suddenly.

I guess that's me. Yeah, I feel happy and sad simultaneously. Well I got a contract on a house in Austin today. I now have 10 days to change my mind.

(all the time)

Wow, a house--that's a big commitment, Terry. Sometimes I think ours is a full-time job. Stacey, that happy/sad feeling; sometimes. More commonly I feel a persistent undercurrent of restlessness laying in wait beneath the surface.

yes to all of the above...

congrats on the house Paul! and as far as the brief trip into emotional uncertainty... there's nothing like a class full of rowdy boys to bring you back to the here and now! *smile* and nothing like a beer (or four) to make the day a mere memory!

whew! (spamified) found ramble in another conference... that I'd never checked before two plus years of... rambling. (worn out)

ramble rambles all over about 7 or 8 conferences. Ramble really rambles.

nite, all

afternoon...

Evening, ma'am, hain't seen ya 'round none too much lately. Ya'll okay and all?

fine. busy. frustrated with certain things but nothing catastrophic... you know how it is when you begin to vent... a trickle, a stream, a flood...

yes, I know... but, if I gotta talk to ya'll, then ya'll gotta talk to me *wink*

sure you wanna talk??? *wink*

yep, talk would be the correct verb choice (I'll even sit on my hands in case I forget) *wink-wink*

what should I sit on?!?! *grin*

to keep things "easy", my lap, since we already been there... do we need Terry to do the drivin' this time, or are we just gonna "park" while we talk? *crossing fingers*

okay. In an effort to expand our cultural horizons, let's each choose a different language to speak to each other in. (Kind of the way men and women relate anyway) You may speak whatever you like I choose body language!

No problema, mi amiga.

or, I could pretend you were written in Braille, but since I'm sitting on my hands, not sure how I would read you...couldn't guaranty that there wouldn't be a misunderstanding, you know...

Jeez, Wer - the last post was Feb.8th! How long does it take you and Stacey to finish those cheese and crackers? Seems as if everyone's waitin' on you guys to end the snack and get back!~~*

Depends on if we go for all the crumbs... I think it has just been a jam-packed year in reality so far for everyone and we've even gotten on each others' nerves virtually on occasion so periodic breaks seem to be a good thing...I am glad that it seems to be getting back to "normal" and it is nice seeing some other people around here, also... (maybe we just needed you to get our attention!)

Hee-hee!~~* Getting attention is one aspect of my personality that has unwittingly gotten me into trouble, on various occasions! I do appreciate your comments. I AM having a great time with you folks!

I'm glad...

Same here. It's great you're here. I hope we can interest some more Farmfolk. I did get an email from Peter Schweitzer and he was talking about linking the Farm's site to here (http://www.thefarm.org).

Great! I finally got moved in at The Farm (whew!), so, I'll get the word to all the Farmfolk online, ok?

Let us know from "inside" now that you're there. I'd be curious about who you meet and what your life is like now that you've "landed" so to speak.

Sure! Right now, I'm busy getting things together, so, I should be getting more into the activities, this week. Looking forward to it! :)

Great, what part of the Farm are you staying? I may still remember the names of some of the old roads. How will you get your Internet access? Do they have an ethernet running to everyone's home?

I'm out on Oak Ridge, down at the end of Second Road, almost at the very end! Getting on the net - easy! Plug into the phone line, and GO! ;) Everyone has phones, now. Guess it ended up being an easier way of getting info out quickly. Technology has prevailed, here, too. Lots of folks with computers; having the world at your fingertips is JUST too irresistable!

Anyone out there? I'm rambling through the Spring this afternoon looking in places I haven't looked in before, it's been good fun.

Yessum, I am! Lots of interesting stuff in Sports, Internet, web, tv, movies, food...and some topics I should not mention here...*grin*

*sheepish* I had a look last night don't tell anyone!!

(Shhhhhh.....and you noticed that I posted there, as well? Your secret is safe with me...*lol*)

Hey, what's you girls sheshhing about?

Oops we're discovered *grin*

Alexander, Honey, You are far too young to know about these things...*smile*

We jest - you're very welcome to join in! Help me feel better after struggling with scholarship forms and a head cold all day.

(He knows he is welcome anywhere I am...) Poor Maggie...a cold, too?! Not fair. Healing *hugs*

A cold, you can fight valiantly. Heavy vitamin doses, hot grog and drop dead in bed, sleep - new day, new victory! But forms... ... and scholardom... ... one thing I despise, the other I abandoned, or did it abandon me?

Abandoned scholardom? Don't look now, Alexander, but I believe it has merged with you in the night and you are born anew; bright, clever, intelligent, and self-effacing...and totally charming!

Think well of me as I try and find funding for next year's studies and the Africa trip. I got shortlisted last time for the University scholarship (we have very few in education) and had a horrible experience with the research committee. Why the abandonment? For me it's the isolation that hits most.

For me, it was the lack of funds.

And good luck with your application! I think you have a good research project that brings good things and progress with it.

So sad, in both cases...and I guess the will to overcome these obstacles have been sufficient so as to render them as a wall for Alexander (who has already forgotten more than I shall ever know) and a temporary inconvenience for Maggie, I hope!

Alexander, I still see you in tweedy clothing (comfortable, but neat) smoking a pipe, surrounded by shelves of the finest books on absolutely everything, and a large leather chair into which you sink to ponder the universe...

Funding is such a problem for a lot of postgraduate students. I'm at the point of writing letters to charities. I'm so sorry you had to give up your studies Alexander, does it bother you or are you OK about it now?

I positively hate the thought of it, to be honest, and it taught me much. I'm alright with what I do now and how I got there (and I'll be happier if some of my more ambitious plots play out...), but I hate the thought of having lost so many of my dreams and those years, too, and of the circumstances surrounding this. I never got a degree, I had to bail out. It would have been humble what I could have achieved at its best, but it would have been beautiful for me. It's over. It'll never come to be for me. I do different stuff. Stuff that even means something, and to more people than any of my un-undertaken academic undertakings ever would have. Stuff that is fun, that gives R.E.S.P.E.C.T. to wonderful artists that other press ignores. Supporting a scene. Doing stuff that maybe doesn't always make sense or isn't too smart and intelligent, but stuff that FEELS good to me. That's what I prefer, and all I can achieve now.

You broke my heart with the first part of that response, but redeemed all with your life now and how much satisfaction you are finding in it. Perhaps that was meant for you all along. It often takes pretty harsh awakenings for us to admit to what should have been inevitable. And, sometimes, we only come to recognize it when we have no other choice. I am proud to know you, Alexander!

Hey alexander - I thought that too. But look what happened I ended up doing an MA at 40 with no first degree!!! All my work was counted. (Ok, so I've struggled to fund it, and probably will continue to, I don't get a salary for my work anyway and we've not starved for the last fifteen years) So, who knows what will happen in the future??? Yeah, I'm proud to know you too, and I'm really glad you're making a difference to people's lives.

Let's be honest - leaving all my dreams behind, the humble life I was willing to lead for my ideas, that honestly broke my heart. Now, I don't work for myself. I work for the idea superstar is. My job is to help make other people shine, under-publicized artists, the writers and collaborateurs, get this organizised, as Travis said in Taxi Driver. This is a unique thing, I know of no publication that is like it. When we wanted to put it to sleep in 1998, after three years and eleven issues, I got some plans figured out: marketing, akquisistion, distribution. We restarted it within three months, because the beauty of this thing, concept, network superstar was too wonderful, we couldn't let it go without mapping out a new course through certain straits. Know what? This is the chance of my life.

I know very few people whose lives have gone according to their dreams, and we all have suffered the heartbreak of not having what we hoped for... We seem to emerge stronger for it, and perhaps nicer people than the arrogant few who do get what they want and more. You are justifiably proud of SUPERSTAR and I am just as proud of you for having overcome such an obstacle when others would have given up. Huzzah! Aleander, Dear! *applause*

I agree. Your tenacity is amazing, and I'm sure in the end you're having more impact than the academic dream would have done.

But I'm exposed. I never wanted this. I hoped to hold a part time job somewhere, like receptionist or street sweeper (stuff I have on-job experience), and be a private scholar. Just for myself. No profit in any way. No image, no standing.

That is what I am doing here...in my own little conference. I dig through my books and search out information requested by thoughtful posters. There are many ways to accomplish your dream, Alexander. Please don't abandon it. We are ear-deep in Boston muck at the moment in Archaeology. And, those tweeds and leather patches suit you admirably. So does the pipe...*smile*

As soon as we put 'pen to paper' here we are exposed! *smile* At least I feel I am. Yet isn't part of being here sharing dreams, hopes, thoughts etc. Anyway, what is being an academic? I suppose I am one now, but it always sort of takes me by surprise. I think what I was trying to say earlier was that twenty years ago I had abandoned any kind of dream of academia. Pragmatically I became a very practical nurse, then a wife and mum. Yet now here I am, eighteen months off getting my doctorate (if I get some work done). Private scholarship is all very well, but we have to come out of the closet sometime! Trouble is as soon as we open our mouths with an idea someone else is there ready to shoot it down. I'm rambling. It's the shock to the system of being up early.

Well said, Maggie. I am one of those closet academics, as well. Not for all of us is the life of academe...and you are married to the profession, as I was. You should understand that better than most. See, Alexander, you are in good company!

We're trying to be encouraging Alexander!!!!!

Yes!!! We will come to Hessen and spoon-feed you if you feel the need. Never underestimate...*smiling deceptively benignly*

It's Saturday morning and I'm supposed to be working, but I'm not and it's nice! I'll get back to work in a minute. I'm working on a local community survey for my district council which is part of a study on 'deprivation amongst affluence', considering pockets of deprivation in affluent areas. The village I live in is a case study for this. It's divided into 'the village' established since the middle ages complete with village well (bricked and entry down steps), spring, and duck pond, and 'the estate' built in two parts in the 1930s and 1970s which has had 'problem' families shipped out from a neighbouring large town. There is a great socio-economic divide between the two. I live in 'the estate'. As an English village we consider ourselves lucky because we still have local shops, a post office, and a doctor's surgery in addition to the village hall. We used to have a small branch office of a bank but that closed a few years ago. All over England just now village post offices and village shops are clos ng. We have probably retained ours because of 'the estate'.

I hope you're successful in maintaining your independence of the little village. It is so lovely and so close-knit....worth fighting for, it would seem!

I'm dreaming of a virtual site where I could go and take a walk in woods with bluebells and rabbits. It's dark outside and raining and cold, but I'd like to go out and get some fresh air. Pity.

There ARE virtual trips to almost everywhere including Stonehenge. It would be nice to have the entire ambience of the place instead of just the visual. Our weather is nice and comfy for a walk...*smile*

Well, at the moment I would like a virtual office, with space to work, tidy, and not the corner of the bedroom I have to use....I'd like a fairy to do all my sorting out and packing for me, oh and another one to finish off the garden. Most of all I'd like to take time off and walk on a quiet beach listening to the waves and birds and just being .......

Are you near a beach, Maggie?

nope, bang in the middle of the countryside....