....and the title, Louisa, the title, another droolism. ROTFLOL!

Hee hee! Dani, I know you told us some hilarious stories in Chicago but your preface about these episodes really happening... hooey!! Puts a new spin on it! Oh dear.. just reminded me that I'm baking this weekend. ... but NO pies!! :D

Elizabeth Elliot�s Sexcapades! Sexcapade #2 *** "I�ve heard stories�" Mrs. Clay began. "That there are more ways to a man�s heart than through his stomach�" Elizabeth was all ears. "Do tell?!" "Well, there was this one time that I� er, that a friend of mine had�" *** Elizabeth sat in her car, a few blocks away from her rendezvous, in near hysterics! The plan was a good one - she would sneak into his 1st floor apartment window and pretend to be an attacker. He loved aggressive women! She had pulled up in the parking lot and crept into the bushes by his window; he always liked fresh air, so he kept it open. Stealthily she pushed it up far enough so that she could thrust herself through. Since she heard noises from within, she figured that he had caught onto her game and was playing along with it. She heard �Oh please?! Oh God, please?!� spew from his mouth, as though he was afraid. All was dark as she slipped inside the frame; she maneuvered around the chair that was placed in front of the window, although she had bumped into a table or something. A lengthy courtship of 1 1/2 weeks had acquainted her with his bedroom. The voice was raised again in agony, �Oh GOD No! Give it to me ba y� RIGHT NOW!� Her eyesight had nearly adjusted to the darkness, she crossed to the bed to see a figure sitting astride it, writhing and bouncing! Eager for her own desires, Elizabeth grabbed at the figure and a shriek of alarm resounded in the night! A female shriek of alarm� Who knew George Wickham was married?! *** She would kill him later! Of that she was confident! But for now, Elizabeth Elliot had no man and there were plenty of parties to attend during the long summer months� She fibbed to her friend and said they had great sex, but they just didn�t run around in the same circles. To be continued�

That tag slipped, it's supposed to say ...�Oh GOD No! Give it to me baby� RIGHT NOW!� Drat!

I'm sure the three people involved used stronger language than 'Drat!' LOL!! No, no! That wasn't Lydia, was it???? hahahahahahaha!! I don't know who screamed louder!

Loving these tidbits Dani. Can't wait for more! Getting some very interesting ideas!

*chuckle* again,...awwwwwwww poor Elizabeth.....NOT! Not even Wickham does she deserve....!! I love these titbits too. I knew that there was something afoot;-))More, more and soon, please! I hope your ideas develop fast, Gail...I mean we still wait for the continuation of The Wedding Singer and of course WMM!!

Sorry - no time to write between a major project at work and getting ready for the holidays. But I am taking Christmas week off and will finish writing WMM. I don't think I'm going to write any more on The Wedding Singer. I'll just let the version on DWG stand as is.

Elizabeth Elliot�s Sexcapades! Sexcapade #3 *** Oh, he�s going to be a big star one day!" Mrs. Clay gushed. "You had better make him fall in love with you fast�" she implied. "But how do I do that?" "Well� *** He had chosen her to be his date for the premier to the newest release! And she was so excited! Excited, because they had never met, but he had heard all about her and decided to ring her up, he said� She accepted, of course! His name had been bandied about the news as the newest up-and-coming attraction in the theatre. She had worn a simple, yet elegant Vera Wang gown in the palest of purple, making her look the princess! He was debonair and attentive throughout the course of the evening. So when he invited to hot tub at his place in Bel Air, she was delighted. Of course, she had packed no swimwear, so this entendre would be au natural! Prior to making love, he had asked her what was her best side and she advised him that she particularly liked the right side of her face. Gushing, she assumed, that he thought she might be good enough to be in the movies! In the middle of making love, she cried out that she was nearing one of he multiple orgasms, and he yelled �Did you get all that, Chris?!� She was heartbroken and appalled and embarrassed! Elizabeth had run through the house, dripping wet, holding her clothes across her chest to cover her nakedness! People, she knew not who, were laughing as she streaked (literally) out the door! Who knew that John Willoughby was a porn star and that she was making her debut?! *** She called her lawyers after her tearful bout and they assured her that all would be well� Elizabeth Elliot had not shown her face for a few days, praying that the papers had not got wind of it. It was not considered newsworthy by even such as the likes of the Enquirer� She had declared revenge! However, she fabricated to her friend that he was simply �all talk and no show!� To be continued�

Dani, surely that cannot be a true story....can it? Is there any significance to the different colours you use in these vignettes?

Elizabeth Elliot's Sexcapades! Sexcapade #4 *** "Have you any sexy lingerie?" asked Mrs. Clay. "I have some elegant nighties, if that's what you mean," offered Elizabeth. "Let's see them." She opened her special drawer, pulled a few out and passed them along to her friend. "These will not do at all!" Elizabeth pouted. "Yes, they are exquisite, but they lack... the basest, I mean, the basic arousal factors. I'll take you shopping tomorrow and we can pick up a few things..." *** Her evening was a complete disaster! Wearing a thong was a bit risqué, but a leather one, all day, was excruciating! Oh, Robert Ferrars was aroused; he had secret fantasies of being whipped like a puppy and made to obey like the bad little boy that he is... So she had worn a dominatrix get-up to get them in the mood... And those nipple clips...! Who knew that they were for him as an object of torture?! But his wide-eyed anticipation and whimperings made her go on with their little role-playing. However, with every movement, the pain became more piercing! His disappointment, when she could not even raise the cat-o-nine-tails against his bare ass, was quite evident and he turned back into the arrogant prick that he is and tossed her, unceremoniously, out the door. Around midnight, Elizabeth practically crawled through the front door. It hurt to move that mu h! Whenever, IF ever, she reached her room, she was going to toss this apparatus in the trash! *** Although a few weeks had passed, Elizabeth Elliot was still smarting from the friction scars in her nether regions; she was game for another try. She had lied about the whole incident when questioned by her friend, but feigned insouciance at her rapidly changing beau. To be continued...

All true stories, Gail! Seriously! Perhaps the gentlemen's situations/responses don't apply, but these stories are all true! The colors don't mean that much, just to separate the conversations between EE and Mrs. Clay in blue, while the red is how the evening went.

Ah, I still cringe when thinking that these things really happened to people! What a sheltered life I've led!! Oh, I miscounted at first, but I think the next chapter is my fave. ;)

Oh these stories are amusing, Danielle. I'm enjoying each one. But what do you mean they're all true? Are you changing the names to protect the innocent? ;-) Either way, I do like your choice of words - However, she fabricated to her friend that he was simply �all talk and no show!� I wonder if you have a sexcapade for Mr. Collins.

Um, Teg... I changed the order. So you'll just have to wait for your favorite. Heide, I'm glad you're enjoying these. No Mr. Collins, sorry, he was replaced by Elton, but if I think of any more, I will certainly try to abuse him... er, use him. This next one is one of my favorites and every time I think of it or see her, I can't help but smile... Elizabeth Elliot's Sexcapades! Sexcapade #5 *** "He asked me to fly out to London to see him!" Elizabeth cheered. "Really?!" Mrs. Clay returned gleefully. "I have to run and pack!" She ran up the stairs. "He's paying for the ticket and my flight leaves in less than 3 hours!" Her friend yelled after her. "I have a special little something for you to take with you! I'll just run home and get it..." *** Elizabeth dabbed at her swollen eyes. The flight from L.A. to New York's LaGuardia was uneventful, but at least she had someone to talk to. Unfortunately, the flight from N.Y. to London was only 30% filled and dreadfully boring! She fiddled around with the contents in her makeup bag - the little gift she received from her friend rolled precariously across her 48-color eye shadow case. She had received explicit instruction on the use of the gift and now that it was in her sights, she felt extremely horny and impatient to find true pleasure... She grabbed the gift and ran into the bathroom! Any number of stewards and stewardesses that had passed the toilet had heard the moans and groans from within... One of them knocked and asked 'Is everything all right in there?' She quickly paused in her activity and calmed herself before answering 'Yes!' A few minutes later, she exited from the bathroom looking flushed yet satisfied. She stum led to her seat and for the rest of the flight remained tranquil, although her white knuckled grip on the armrest during turbulence may have given her away... Hours later, she walked through the airport in a slow breezy stroll, just so as not to cause any untoward behavior for herself. She stood in the International Line biding her time as they checked passports, etc. Then it was her turn through the detectors... A buzzer went off. 'Madam could you come back, please?' She blushed 'Sure!' She went through the detector once more and the buzzer went off again! She took off her jewelry the 3rd time - same result. The 4th time, she removed her gold belt and shoes. The 5th time through, she had nothing else to remove. They pulled her over to a corner and waved a metal detecting wand - it beeped repeatedly when it came near her... pelvic area. 'Madam... are you...?' 'Absolutely not!' she wailed. Too embarrassed to admit that she was transporting Ben-Wa Balls... in her vagina, they scorted her to the Office and called Interpol. She was trapped in Heathrow Airport's Security Office and might possible be thrown in jail for concealing a weapon or terrorism! And poor, Henry Crawford thought he had been stood up and never called her again... *** The summer was nearly over now... Elizabeth Elliot had had just about enough from the men she knew! When her friend picked her up at LAX and asked her what happened, she merely sniffed that she felt queasy, probably something she consumed on the plane, and returned home... To be coninued...

Oh, sure! Tease me by changing the order! LOL!! Maybe you've put it last now? I can't even imagine the complete and utter embarrassment at the Interpol office. And, of course, upon disclosure of the truth, Elizabeth would be free to go while the officers vainly tried to stop from falling on the floor with laughter!!

*guffaw* ROTFLOLTIME...it is another Arabian Nights;-)) Jolly good, Dani...I have waited patiently and you have given, thank you!!!! Tease me by changing the order! I don't care in which order they come as long as they do!!

okay... here ya go, Teg! Elizabeth Elliot's Sexcapades! Sexcapade #6 *** "What are you wearing tonight?" asked Mrs. Clay. Elizabeth glanced in her closet. "I'm not sure..." "Have you ever tried..." *** Elizabeth banged her head on the steering wheel! Why did she ever agree to go out with the stupidest man alive?! He had been chasing her for months now... he even liked her new haircut! So she agreed to go out with him. They drove in his expensive to car to Rodeo Drive for dinner and she agreed to go to his apartment for a nightcap. All was going well, when he suggested to a little foreplay of the peculiar kind. Fool that she was, she agreed to it. She lay on the bed in all her nakedness (except her stilettos) and he rubbed her down with oils. He was all thumbs, but it felt so good to have his hands all over her body that she ignored his clumsiness. Then he asked her to stand as he wrapped her in cellophane. She had heard of the game and complied with his wishes; eager to know how it would come out in the end. He was dizzy as he ran around her body with the industrial strength wrap. After he had used the whole roll, he fell exha sted onto the bed. 'What now?' she asked. 'I don't know,' he said. 'I never heard the end of the story...' She frowned and rolled her eyes. 'Okay, then unwrap me.' He looked around but could not find the seam, he tugged and pulled, but it only got tighter. 'Cut me out of this!' 'With what?' he inquired. 'Don't you have a knife, scissors?!' 'I just moved in here yesterday, my stuff hasn't come yet.' She screamed at him! When she had done, he threw her purse around her neck, gave her one of his raincoats and watched her bounce down the steps... Thank goodness she had left the top down on her car! She managed to toss herself into the front seat... There was a pair of nail clippers in her purse, but how was she ever to reach it? *** Elizabeth Elliot could not go swimming for a few days; she could not even entertain! That Saran Wrap had bruised her skin tremendously as she wriggled herself out of it. She made a household rule that there shall never be any leftovers! To be continued...

ROTF!! Thanks, Dani!! I just love that image of her snipping the Saran Wrap with nail clippers! LOL!! Even better, trying to get those nail clippers out of the purse with her teeth and manipulating them with her lips to actually start snipping! Bouncing down the steps! Hahahahaha! Are you sure he wasn't Mr. Collins? ;)

She made a household rule that there shall never be any leftovers! Too funny Dani!! I still find it difficult to believe these are true!! I have also led a sheltered life I guess. Or else my friends have just been too embarrassed to tell all?

*ROARING* Dani, these snippets are priceless,...I have walked around with a grin on my face all morning!! Vivid imagination, Teg...but then I knew that;-D Elizabeth as a roll mob;....we do that in PE with toilet paper though!!;-) *bwahahahah*

Ahem . . . two new chapters to "Having Nothing, Nothing Can He Lose" are out there. I'll also post them to this group. BUT, having been gone so long, a refresher of the plot may be in order . . . The story up to this point, and including the new chapters, is at: http://home.hiwaay.net/~icappleg/Darcy/nchl/nchl.html Also, thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. I appreciate it! Irene

Having Nothing, Nothing Can He Lose Chapter 39 Pemberley. Darcy, as always, was staring out the carriage window as the first glorious view of the house and gardens sprang from behind a gentle curve, accosting all who would pass through unaffected. But the scene had long lost its effect on Darcy; the magic and beauty of the lands were lost on him, as he made mental notes to discuss with the gardener. Elizabeth clamped her hand over her mouth, suppressing a snort of laughter, as she watched Mary's reaction to the splendor. Her eyes got bigger, and yet bigger as they approached Pemberley -- and Lizzy wondered that Mary's eyes didn't completely drop out of her head altogether. "Oh, my," Mary stammered. She glanced over at Elizabeth, her jaw hanging open. "Oh, my," was all Mary could utter again. The carriage pulled up to the house, and Darcy sprang out. Suddenly remembering his manners, he turned and assisted Mary and Elizabeth out of the carriage. It had been a peaceful trip; on their arrival, Darcy was not dragged down with exhaustion and headache as he had been on his trip to Pemberley with Mrs. Wickham. Mary, indeed, was Darcy's favorite Bennett sister, save Elizabeth, although Darcy never said or did anything to indicate the favoritism. Stepping out of the carriage, Mary was overwhelmed by Pemberley while a sinking despair almost caused her to weep with grief. Being rather plain, she knew she could not compete with her other sisters in wit, beauty, or talent. Instinctively, she had turned inward, scorning the sparkle of her sisters, while longing to be graceful and free. The ugly, ignored child, longing for once -- just once -- to feel . . . she didn't know. And now there was Pemberley, towering over her in ridicule for her homeliness, her dullness, her complete lack of any grace or beauty a palace such as Pemberley demanded. Staring at the pavement, blinking back tears, Mary concentrated on Darcy's voice as he started issuing orders and strode away, practically glued to someone who appeared to be a combination between a valet and an executive secretary. Elizabeth threaded her arm through Mary's, noticing that Mary looked ill. "We shall settle you inside directly," Elizabeth said, steering her toward the house. "You suddenly look very ill . . ." "Oh, no, I am well," Mary replied, pulling herself together and straightening her back. "Such an ostentatious display of worldly wealth, however . . ." Elizabeth unconsciously released Mary's arm and adjusted her hat as the rest of Mary's impromptu sermon went unheeded.

Having Nothing, Nothing Can He Lose, Chapter 40 Darcy rushed into his dressing room, tossed the mail on top of a bureau, and pulled off his coat. He stood, scrunching his forehead with his fingers, his mind tearing through the huge list of orders he needed to issue. Finally, he shrugged, giving up. He didn't miss anything; he never did. Taking up the mail, he crossed over into the bedroom, and sat on the edge of the bed. Flipping through the large stack of mail, he groaned inwardly as he noticed three addressed from London. One was addressed from an investigator; the others had obviously come from his mother, dated several weeks apart. *** I don't want to know. I'm tired. *** Darcy pushed the two envelopes away, but sat staring at them. *** I really don't want to know. *** He picked up the letters. He read the investigator's report first. Mrs. Wickham, indeed, had arrived at London only to find herself completely unprepared and alone. After making a few inquiries, she was devastated over her dear husband's abandonment and proceeded to wander the streets, stunned. Finally coming to herself and gathering her small resources, she bought a few meager rations, and went to her old associates and creditors, begging fruitlessly for assistance. As darkness fell, her last hope for shelter -- the debtor's prison -- also turned her away. Desperate and tired, she turned into the doorway of a small chapel next to the prison. Darcy skimmed over the remaining details. The central point was that the investigator saw that Mrs. Wickham had been taken in by the Church, and so did not make himself known nor offer aid as Darcy had instructed him to, should Mrs. Wickham find herself completely desolate. Darcy wasn't pleased, but after rereading the report several times and mentally picturing the area of London, Darcy satisfied himself that Mrs. Wickham may be uncomfortable, but was not in harm's way; plus, she could hypothetically be found by anyone determined to find her. If such a seeker had access to skilled investigative services . . . Darcy folded the report and turned it in his hands . . . if such a seeker had the extensive resources to cover London with the needed investigators . . . Darcy put the report away, as Mr. Bennett's angry words resonated through his head once more: "You have no loyalty . . . certainly not to your family. And now you offer to go to London? I think not, Sir! Your attitude toward my daughter Lydia these past weeks has been insufferable; I wonder that she did not run away before now . . ." Darcy returned to the bed and sat on the edge, his head in his hands, plans spinning through his head. *** First, to send this to Mr. Bennett . . . then, to . . . *** His mind went blank. *** I'm just so -- tired. Any assistance from me is clearly unwanted. I just . . . give up. *** Darcy's shoulders sagged. He could rush in, take things over, get things done, but to what end? More resentment and castigation from Mr. Bennett, while the expectations of him are raised crisis after crisis? Laying back on the bed, Darcy put an arm over his face, covering his eyes. He heard shuffling and could faintly hear Elizabeth talking to her maid in her bedroom. Darcy thought it was strange. He thought surely the afternoon would be spent with Miss Bennett talking about . . . well, whatever it was that ladies found to talk about. *** Perhaps Miss Bennett is tired. Tired . . . *** That reminded Darcy. He sat up, took his mother's letters in hand, and opened the one dated most recently. It was a brief missive, to let Darcy know that Mrs. Wickham was under her ministry's care, receiving her personal attention, and that the relationship between herself and Mr. Darcy would not be disclosed. He broke the seal on the first letter, which was dated before Mrs. Wickham's disappearance, and instantly surmised that it was a response to his letter written to her the night of his and Elizabeth's arrival at Netherfield. My Dear Will, the letter began. I am dreadfully sorry to hear of poor Mr. and Mrs. Bingley's loss. My heart truly reaches out to them, as I feel the loss of my own children -- though the fault in that case is entirely my own. The Church of England does indeed teach that Revelation, chapter 21, from which Mr. Bingley read, is to be taken literally. That is, at Christ's return, everything will be made right and all sorrows will be passed. I cling to that hope personally, or the grief of having abandoned my family as well as the grief I see each day in ministry, would be more than I could bear. I could not impose my beliefs unto another, however; for it is for each person to make his own peace with God, as I suspect Mr. Bingley was trying to do in the wake of losing small Elizabeth. And, in a way, as you were trying to do in writing to me. There are no simple answers, no pat cliches that answer the string of trouble known as life. I think for you to have answered Mr. Bingley's queries honestly, as you did, was the best course though understandably the most difficult. And so, let not my personal beliefs sway you. For good people differ in opinion and belief; you must come to these answers yourself. Darcy skimmed through the remaining paragraphs of wishes for his and Mrs. Darcy's health and happiness, etc. Hollow discomfort rose from the pit of his stomach. He pushed the feelings aside, crumbled the letter up, and settled himself at the desk with the other letters, which concerned matters of business.

Ack, Irene! Glad to see you again! thank for posting! Here's another sexcapade... Elizabeth Elliot's Sexcapades! Sexcapade #7 *** "He's a man among men! Tall, dark, handsome, mysterious..." "What does he do?" asked Mrs. Clay. "Well... right now, he's a Captain in the Navy, but he has a large trust fund..." "So, when he decides to settle down...?" "I'm going to be rich!" Mrs. Clay nodded. "Have you slept with him yet?" "No," she whined. "I haven't even been to his apartment yet..." "Do you know his address?" Elizabeth nodded. "Well, then! One night I... um, I was thinking that you could..." *** Elizabeth sobbed in her pillows until she had no more tears to spend! Of all the embarrassing escapades, this was possibly the worst! He had called on Monday to ask her out on Friday... She was all giddy! That man would look good on her arms for the remainder of the summer! Unfortunately, he had called on Thursday to cancel; he said that he had some family business to take care of. She sulked, she pouted, she whined, but only to herself. To him, she only said 'Okay'... because she had a plan. The irony of the situation was quite delicious! She would wear John Thorpe's raincoat to her new conquest's house. She had buzzed up on the outside intercom to his place and a surprised voice let her in. So terribly eager was she that she could not wait for the elevator, she took the stairs and ran up them joyfully! She knocked on the door; he looked through the peephole and opened the door. To her shock and his surprise, it was not Captain Tilney that greeted her at the door! She stood immobile; arms flung wide open as the coat hung vicariously from her right hand. Only until he wiped the drool from his chin did she realize she had been standing in front of a total stranger with nothing on but a blush! The Captain, who had just walked off the elevator, did nothing but laugh... She pounded the pillow in frustration... Why, oh why, did the General have to show up on this night?! *** Elizabeth Elliot refused the Captain's calls; she also refused the General's repeated invites! She kept a low profile for a few weeks or so. However, when asked by her friend, she only admitted to interrupting a family dinner and that the General was more... attentive than his son was. To be continued...

Now I can respond to Irene's chapters... Poor Darcy! I wonder how Mr. Bennet will react once he receives the investigation report? Will he apologize? Or will he seek Darcy out again when Lydia does something else stupid? What is Mary's problem? The former Mrs. Darcy is laying it on thick, isn't she? But then... who could blame her for wanting to be back in her children's lives? *sigh* Our dear boy has so much to think about!

Irene, great to have you back!! ODB is knee-deep in difficult issues,.....will he ever learn to share! Mrs Darcy sr is right he has to work this out for himself first, and then perhaps...... Please go on, Irene!!

How wonderful - 2 chapters from Irene and another Sexcapade! I am in raptures! So nice to hear from you Irene. I hope this means you are feeling at least a little bit well. We have waited eagerly for more of your intriguing story.

Elizabeth Elliot's Sexcapades! Sexcapade #8 "I'm trying a different tactic." "And that is...?" Mrs. Clay questioned. "I want a nice young man that wants to make me his wife..." "So you chose HIM?" "Yes!" she defended. "He's sweet, has a little pocket money, not much, but enough and he's inexperienced." "Is he gay?" "No! Um, I don't know. I'm not sure." "Why don't you know? Hasn't he even tried anything with you yet?" "No," she sulked. "Okay, so he might be a virgin, but I think you'd want to make sure he's on the straight and narrow... right?" "Right..." "Well, let me tell you about something I've tried... *cough* I've read about..." *** Elizabeth Elliot looked good in red, however, not when it covered her face, neck, and arms in a crimson blush! The memory, only a few moments old, was still agonizing to recount... Her father had gone off to Acapulco for some sun and fun and her spinster sister had gone to stay with their other sister. The house was hers and hers alone for the night! She had promised him a night that he would never forget... She had the cook prepare a scrumptious meal full of aphrodisiac foods along with a smooth bottle of Chianti. They ate, they talked, they necked, and before they got carried away, she had pushed him off and ran upstairs to change into something more... comfortable. From the top of the winding stairs, she beckoned him sweetly. He had calmly, or as calmly as he could muster, walked up the first set, then as he turned on the landing to go up to the second set - he froze. The sight rocked him to his very core! His dream woman was standing naked at the top of the stairs with a... strap-on... male appendage! A moment after regaining the ability of his tongue, he shrieked to the high heavens and ran screaming from the house. She heard him exclaiming as he ran down the street 'Hail Mary! Virgin Mother of Jesus Christ! SAVE ME?!?!' Philip Elton took his vows for priesthood the next morning! *** In the middle of night, she could still hear his pleas! Elizabeth, herself, was quite shaken by the incident and made a solemn vow that she would never be in the same room with another man again! She would be a nun... yeah, that's right... a NUN! That lasted about two weeks when it was obvious to everyone that she had 'ants in her pants and she needed to dance!' To be continued...

Elizabeth Elliot's Sexcapades! Sexcapade #9 *** "I like this man!" exclaimed Mrs. Clay. "He's exactly what I need... um, what I think you need!" "He is very charming..." "And attentive," she reminded. "And he's handsome, well-dressed, has money, smells good, and his breath is always fresh... er, he's exactly what you need." "And, he's a friend of Daddy's," Elizabeth smiled dreamily. "Maybe, this one will work out... Otherwise, I might give up." "Let's not even think of that! Anyway, I have a few suggestions for your first night together..." *** Elizabeth, with her head between her legs, answered all the questions the police officer posed to her... The searing pain in her nether regions had nearly faded, but she had blocked that out a few minutes after she drove her car through the front door of an unsuspecting couple's home! This was to be her 3rd date with William Elliot (no relation)! He would cook his specialty for her; they would lounge in front of a roaring fire and sip wine and talk and make love! But she would go the ends of the earth to please him! Taking the advice from her friend about his always having fresh breath and possibly a little tongu-play, she made a stop at a local drug store to pick up a few breathmints. She had never tried these ones, but they were in a pretty package and she was in a hurry. At a stoplight, she opened the package, and inserted one... The next thing you know, she felt a blinding rage that spread from her seat to her hea . Her foot had pressed hard on the accelerator and she sped through the neighborhood! As she waited on her family to pick her up from the wreckage, she read the infamous breathmints package - it said 'ALTOIDS. Curiously Strong... and never to be inserted into the vagina!' *** Elizabeth Elliot when questioned by her family, gushed that she felt like she was having some sort of attack and that she would check in with her OB/GYN the next day... *** Epilogue Elizabeth Elliot had learned from her mistakes and there would be some immediate changes in her life! One - she would never take advice from Mrs. Clay again! And Two - from this moment on, she did not need to please a man, they would please her! Nevertheless, in the words of Jane Austen, 'It would be well for the eldest sister if she were equally satisfied with her situation, for a change is not very probable there. She had soon the mortification of seeing Mr. Elliot withdraw, and no one of proper condition has since presented himself to raise even the unfounded hopes which sunk with him.'   THE END! Unless some of you have some more... stories for me...?

Someone pointed out to me that Secapade #6 (Saran wrap) had no villian... It was supposed to have John Thorpe's name in there somewhere! ARGH! Heide/Karen/Leanne, could you be a doll(s), when you place this in the archives, and replace 'She screamed at him!'with 'She screamed at John Thorpe!' near the end of the act? or should I repost? I'm most obliged...

(Dani) Heide/Karen/Leanne, could you be a doll(s), when you place this in the archives, and replace 'She screamed at him!'with 'She screamed at John Thorpe!' near the end of the act? Will do! <seated half-bow> (Dani) or should I repost? No, no need! Thoroughly enjoying these, BTW!!

(Dani) Unless some of you have some more... stories for me...? Oh my, I don't think so. My life has been positively chaste compared to these stories!!

*delurking* Um, hi! I thought I should finally delurk here, after a looong time of, eh, reading and blushing (happy blushing, I mean). Some of you know (well, know of) me from DWG and the Gate, but now that I've finally dared to post something a bit more... rated... at the Gate, I thought I should jump in here and say it was all our great stories that made me start writing, eh, stuff. - Tea

Sorry, YOUR great stories, of course!

Thanks bunches, Leanne! *smooch!* Welcome Tea! Welcome, welcome! Feel free to put YOUR stories here too! (Gail) My life has been positively chaste compared to these stories!! Um... I beg to differ. you did a fine job with your stories, especially 'what matters most'. there must have been some practical application, somewhere...?

(Dani)there must have been some practical application, somewhere...? Well, I have been married for many years so I can claim some experience. No offense intended to my dear husband, but I also have a vivid imagination! However, in comparison, even my wild & crazy younger days were quite tame next to those of your friends and acquaintances (and perhaps yourself as well?)who inspired these stories.

...(Gail) No offense intended to my dear husband, but I also have a vivid imagination! LOL! Don't we all? (Gail) However, in comparison, even my wild & crazy younger days were quite tame next to those of your friends and acquaintances (and perhaps yourself as well?)who inspired these stories. Although I might not be ashamed to claim a wild & crazy younger day, I cannot. Unfortunately, I was the 'inhibited one'. In my old age, I am much wiser due to my friends and family's follies, so IF I have tried any of these things I could only hope for a better result...

OK sure, Dani. So that's your story and you're sticking to it.

I am.

*smirk*

(teanna)Some of you know (well, know of) me from DWG and the Gate. What is the Gate and what is it's web address? I'm very curious.

Here's the Gate's address, Sarah: http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb752769 It's an alternative site for stories/chapters, some of which are above the DWG recommended rating of PG. It's not confined to Austen, either. Lots of good reading there. :)

Thanks Teg!

Hello, hello! A belated Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Kwanza and etc. to all...and, while I'm at it, an early HAPPY 2001!!! Since there have been no posts for awhile, and since there is a huge blizzard going on outside my home rendering me unable to leave it, I thought a post-Christmas interlude might be welcome. :) Maybe this will inspire the regulars...(hint*hint) THE COLDNESS OF WINTER All was dark and fairly quiet at Pemberley Estate, save for the discreet bustling of a few members of the staff as late-night duties were carried out...but they would be finished, soon enough. Taking away, also, from the stillness of the grand house, was the master and new mistress as they talked in the library. The healthy fire had been kindled right after dinner, and though it was almost eleven thirty, it still crackled invitingly in the grate. Fitzwilliam Darcy and his bride sat on a studded leather couch in a comfortable sort of mesh: Darcy slightly reclining in the corner of the couch nearest to the fire and Elizabeth nestled in between his outstretched legs, her head on his chest, his arms around her slender waist, their fingers intertwined or her hands resting on his arms while his palms rested on her stomach. This position had become a favorite with the newlyweds in the short first weeks of their marriage. It afforded each comfort and the pleasure of being close. It was only the sixteenth day of the Darcy's married lives, and yet sitting thus had already led to many a session of fervent and tender lovemaking. William Darcy's moist lips found their way to his lady's white neck, and Elizabeth sighed contentedly. The curve where her neck met her delicate collarbone, where her lavender scent seemed to linger the strongest, was one of her husband's favorite places to kiss. The skin was so soft, so warm, and the arch of her delicate neck was ever so tempting. He wet his lips once more and breathed words of love against Elizabeth's skin. His warm breath against her moist neck sent a shiver through her, and she cuddled closer to her husband. "My darling, see the snow fall..." he kissed her shoulder twice, slowly "...how beautiful it is, and how the sight of it is enhanced by having you in my arms..." he lightly sucked the side of her throat, softly kissing and licking her sweet flesh "...you taste so good, you are so soft..." five more kisses behind her ear "...I love you. I love you so much..." Elizabeth moaned lightly, and William was instantly aroused at this evidence of his beloved's gratification. He continued to drag his lips up and down her neck and shoulders ashe felt Elizabeth begin to softly undulate against his body. She felt his strong arms tighten around her hips as she moved up and down against his erection. She freed her fingers from his, longing to participate more actively in this delightful game of seduction. She reached up behind her and stroked her husband's soft hair, paying special attention to his scalp and the nape of his neck where her nimble and adept fingers stroked him. She kneaded his flesh lovingly as he deepened his kisses on her throat. She let out a long moan of pleasure and moved her hands lower. His arms needed special attention. Elizabeth caressed his muscled upper arms with adoration, and William began to warm her belly with strokes of his opened palms. His hands wandered without haste over her waist and perfectly curved hips. Elizabeth's breath quickened as her husband touched her thighs, first the top and then the inside. She wished her dress and undergarments off, so as to feel flesh on flesh...but that would come soon enough, she thought to herself. She raised herself up just enough to reciprocate her husband's touch. She boldly ventured to stroke his lean, hard thighs and his pelvic bone. She felt him tighten up slightly in anticipation of where she would touch him next, and although Elizabeth originally had wanted to tease him, she admitted to herself that she could not take much more either, and her fingers found his hard manhood. She stroked him up and down with purpose, and William ran his hands up over her breasts, circling her nipples through her dinner dress. "Williammmm," Elizabeth groaned, "don't stop. Don't stop, my love. Mmmm..." Darcy was so inflamed by her womanly cries of pleasure that he placed his hands around Elizabeth's waist and turned her around so she was facing him. "I want you," he murmured in deep, rich tones that made Elizabeth close her eyes in need. His mouth descended on hers passionately, and their tongues danced together with an urgency so heady that neither could stand it anymore. Darcy had his waistcoat and shirt off in a matter of seconds, and he helped Elizabeth with the buttons of her dress without removing his mouth from hers. They moaned and breathed heavily against each others' lips. "Damn these buttons, Elizabeth...I want you now, I need to see you." Darcy, in a state of madness and lust, ripped Elizabeth's dress of her body. She tore her mouth away from his earlobe and looked at him with a mixture of shock and desire. William was nonplussed, and he growled with just the slightest bit of humor in his voice "I'll buy you a new one" She was able to laugh for but a second, because Darcy's hands had begun to touch her skin all over, igniting a fire in her senses that she neither cared nor wanted to conceal. "Ohhh God, William...touch me...please, I want you to...uhhh...I need to feel you inside me..." "Elizabeth,Elizabeth..." He touched her wetness, and she arched her back in ecstasy. She reached down to unbutton his breeches and freed his hardness, aching with need to bury himself inside her wet folds. She lowered her body over him and they moaned collectively. "You feel so good, Elizabeth.....uhhhh...oh God..." "William, William...mmmm" He thrust into her urgently. For minutes they continued thusly, he thrusting upward, she pushing herself down on him. Neither had ever felt such pleasure. Their hips ground against each others' and moans of the most extreme pleasure echoed in the stately room against the books and shelves and tapestry. The fire crackled and illuminated the two glistening, beautiful bodies joined in need and love. Their fingers were clasped together, and his lips suckled her nipples as she kissed his neck over and over. Her innermost core began to throb and contract, and her sensitive button felt as if it would burst from the delicious pressure created by her husband stroking it with him thumb and pushing himself into her. "Will...Will, I can't take it...I'm going to...oh, mmmm, oh yes, yes..." Magically, they both finished at once, she shaking and crying out with release, he moaning her name as he erupted into her. They lay down against each other, her breasts pooled against his chest, her fingers stroking his back. He kissed her swollen lips and breathed "I love you" against her mouth. As the fire died away, they both lay on the couch, wrapped in a soft blanket, silently thanking the Lord for each other. At half past one in the morning, they both dressed as best they could (Elizabeth wrapped in Darcy's robe to hide her ruined gown) and sauntered contentedly up the grand staircase to their bedchamber. Once there, they again undressed...but this time only snuggled close and murmured sweet nothings to each other. As sleep began to overtake the lovers, they glanced at the snow swirling around their home, aware of the coldness of winter and the warmth of their companionship and mutual adoration.

*fanning vigorously* What a nice anniversary present!! Thank you, Katharine!! HAPPY NEW YEAR

At last...a real Lizzie & Darcy story. Worth the wait.(I read it twice!) ...they glanced at the snow swirling around their home, aware of the coldness of winter and the warmth of their companionship and mutual adoration. What a lovely way for the newly-weds to spend a winter evening...and I bet there was a full moon outside:-)) Thanks Katherine.

Oooh, thanks Katherine! What a lovely way to get warm on a cold winter night :-).

Love the stories set in the library. Thank you, Katherine, this was a marvelous read. While not hoping more snow for you (says she who is miserable with her own snow), I hope we see more stories from you. Brava!!

Ahh, thank you all so much for your kind responses!!! And Karen! I am sorry you aren't happy with your snow. For your sake, I hope it melts right away. I love snow and think it's beautiful, but at the same time, I am feeling cabin fever start to creep in. ;-) Happy New Year's Eve to all!

Love the stories set in the library. LOL. Even though they didn't "read" a lot;-) I hope we see more stories from you. Brava!! I second that! Katherine...go to it...:-))

Lovely Katherine. I hope we see more stories from you. Brava!! Count me in too.

Wonderful story katherine, thank you.... Karen - {says she who is miserable with her own snow} HOw can you hate snow! :) It's snowing/sleeting here in Baton Rouge for the first time in 13 years. I'm loving it. Send your unwanted snow to me please. Sorry, i dont know how to do the italics thing. Help, please. Happy New Year!!! sarah

HOw can you hate snow! :) When it's a novelty, then it's nice, but when you've had snow nearly every single day for a month and have had to shovel not only your sidewalk, but the alley behind your garage and sweep your steep, full-story stairs...then it gets very tiresome and unwanted. Come and get it. I won't even try to get my car out of the alley now. ;-)

(Sarah) Sorry, i dont know how to do the italics thing. Help, please. Pssst...if you're nice to Karen, Drool host, she'll show you...and you can practice on #61 when no one is looking. Great fun:-) You can have my snow too, Sarah. Big Bore!

Having had any snow this winter,...I can't even remember the bother...All I have is a pretty, idyllic picture of snowflakes floating, whirling and settling;-))

The best and easiest place to learn how to do italics and the rest is at Ann's HTML tutorial: http://www.austen.com/tutorial/index.html

The best and easiest place to learn how to do italics and the rest is at Ann's HTML tutorial: Thanks for the help!!! Send your snow Evelyn and Karen. I'll gladly accept it.

Katharine! Like Hanne... *fanning myself vigorously!* Whew! That surely warmed me up! Happy New Year to All!

Happy New Year to All! Haven't had time to stop in since before the holidays and was very pleased to find Katharine's contribution. Thanks! It took some of the sting out of being back at work after a nice vacation.

Helloh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh *wincing at the echo* Anybody here????? And I don't even have a joke I can pin on the P&P(Darcy/Elizabeth) plot!!;-(

Yes, Hanne! I agree wholeheartedly with you. For the longest time, I have come to check on the drool board, and there have been no new messages. Where is everyone??? *desperately in need of a story*

Katherine....you let me down:-( I saw your name on the Drool message roster and ran up here in search of *your* story. C'mon now...give us another one.Pleeeze?

Wow, sure is quiet here!

Bliss. ;-)

Dani, don't you have enough new material for another Sexcapade? Someone? Anyone?