pick up lines guaranteed to fail

~terry Sun, Apr 12, 1998 (09:07) seed

These pickup lines will get you a smack in the face and total rejection.

~KitchenManager Mon, Apr 13, 1998 (08:20) #1

A long enough conversation with me...

~autumn Mon, Apr 13, 1998 (21:40) #2

Ooooh, you're getting me hot! (what can I say, I'm easy, always have been...)

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (00:38) #3

How long has it been since you had a four hour mustache ride?

~autumn Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (17:03) #4

At least a week!

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (17:18) #5

What would YOU do for a Klondike bar? or How do YOU eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?

~mikeg Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (17:30) #6

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (21:41) #7

Excuse me, miss, but my penis has grown too large for me too handle by myself. Would you be willing to give me a hand? Or, two?

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (21:46) #8

why is it 13 inches?

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:07) #9

flacid...

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:15) #10

oh, poor baby, just needs a little workin' out *wink*

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:15) #11

-that is, if we're talking the same definition of flacid-flabby?

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:19) #12

sorta, thirteen in girth would be interestin', however I was referring to thirteen limp...

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:21) #13

*lol*, if that were the case, stay the hell away from me! *blush*

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:27) #14

If that was the case, you think I'd work in a restaurant, instead of bein' in da movies???

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:30) #15

you mean, that wasn't you?

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:34) #16

alack and alas, no... (well, maybe, what and where were the tatoos?) and, back on topic, Mind if kiss yo wife's shot spots?

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:37) #17

they were definately not the focus of the movie! (Now that would be sad, trying to pick up a gal with her husband right there, please tell me you never did that!)

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:43) #18

Did I say that he couldn't come along, too? (and, no, never with him present...but he's always been invited when I found out she had one)

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:47) #19

speechless (sorry)

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:51) #20

hey, that affect is one of my specialties... (it's why I get so confused when someone leaves me speechless...) (besides, this is the guaranteed to fail topic, ain't it???)

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (22:54) #21

yup! me, too, hate it when i'm stumped and then half an hour later a good come back pops into my mind....

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (23:02) #22

or pick up line, for that matter!!!

~Wolf Tue, Apr 14, 1998 (23:03) #23

*lol*

~stacey Thu, Apr 16, 1998 (09:40) #24

wow. I can't be incommunicato for more than a day and all hell breaks loose!

~KitchenManager Thu, Apr 16, 1998 (12:33) #25

hehehe...

~KitchenManager Thu, Apr 23, 1998 (13:16) #26

Can I trace your tan lines with my tongue? and another real loser, May I suck on your belly button until your head caves in?

~stacey Fri, Apr 24, 1998 (09:43) #27

LOL!

~mikeg Mon, Apr 27, 1998 (09:55) #28

nice, wer, nice :)

~Wolf Mon, Apr 27, 1998 (18:27) #29

excuse me, but your, uh, epidermis is showing.

~KitchenManager Tue, Apr 28, 1998 (00:58) #30

You know, you look just like my daughter.

~Wolf Tue, Apr 28, 1998 (17:26) #31

HAH!!! you remind me of my father

~KitchenManager Fri, May 22, 1998 (02:41) #32

Wanna chat one-on-one in my virtual pad, The Fine Line Between Pain & Disfigurement?

~KitchenManager Fri, May 22, 1998 (02:43) #33

Could you help me adjust my butt plug, please?

~stacey Fri, May 22, 1998 (16:37) #34

ugh! (LOL!)

~KitchenManager Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (16:56) #35

Hey, hon, want to come back to my kitchen so's I can butter your muffin?

~Wolf Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (17:15) #36

pardon me, do you have any catsup?

~KitchenManager Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (17:28) #37

nope, just Grey Poupon...

~riette Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (17:41) #38

No, you'll just sigh again.

~KitchenManager Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (17:50) #39

There's a saying that every sigh is a kiss that you've missed...

~riette Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (18:02) #40

Ooh . . . didn't know that. Well, given our position here it isn't exactly hard to miss, muffin! Can't even blow you a kiss - it'll probably end up somewhere in Holland. THE GERMANS ARE OUT OF THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HIP-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

~Wolf Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (18:32) #41

(i guess no one wants to kiss this lil wolfie, lack of sighs in my life)

~KitchenManager Sat, Jul 4, 1998 (18:40) #42

aw, I think you've just temporarily misplaced them...

~riette Sun, Jul 5, 1998 (02:20) #43

Sigh not, just go out there and kiss yer lover - you might end up doing alot more, and can return with a 'wow' or a groan.

~Wolf Sun, Jul 5, 1998 (11:23) #44

*grin*

~riette Sun, Jul 5, 1998 (15:17) #45

Or a grin for that matter!!! Which is alot more than I can say for myself right now - haven't had it for days and days, because Mr. C. has his birthday (a very round one) tomorrow, and has been acting strangely all week. Very, very, very grumpy - has started calling me words like 'girl' and 'child' . . . that really worries me.

~mikeg Sun, Jul 5, 1998 (18:11) #46

eeeek that doesn't sound great :/ *beamz*

~riette Sun, Jul 5, 1998 (18:31) #47

Not at all, and if he keeps it up, I'm going to tell him to go reciprocate himself somewhere - that'll drive the images of 'child' and 'girl' out of his head! No, actually, I'll probably be sympathetic. He only acts like this once a year (normally he's grumpy with everyone but me), so I don't think it's too much to ask of me to be sympathetic once a year.

~KitchenManager Sun, Jul 5, 1998 (23:18) #48

especially when he does it once a month, huh? (or does he?!?)

~riette Mon, Jul 6, 1998 (04:30) #49

More like ALL THE TIME!

~KitchenManager Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (23:51) #50

Excuse me, but would you help me remember how it feels to boink someone I don't know?

~KitchenManager Thu, Oct 29, 1998 (23:52) #51

Did you know that with a little help, that dish can have "special" sauce?

~jgross Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (00:25) #52

Can I get this door for you? [it's to the ladies room, which has room for one person, and the door's stuck, and you keep pulling, and the door comes off by the hinges---the woman on toilet looks at you like huhhhhhhhhh!---and you say: are you doing anything after you get done?]

~osceola Fri, Oct 30, 1998 (12:43) #53

Don't know if this one fits the topic, but it happened to me twice. On two different occasions, women have told me I remind them of their father. One, after telling me that, didn't speak to me again for the rest of the semester. The other and I had a really good summer fling. Score: 50%

~wolf Sun, Nov 1, 1998 (21:06) #54

LOL!!

~riette Thu, Nov 5, 1998 (01:58) #55

That's a good one, George! If only one could tell which women mean it as a compliment, and which ones don't, hey? But fifty fifty is good - there is still the element of surprise in play.