¶:Once upon a time

it was that I found myself down at

the unemployment line repeating that silly man from Nantucket limerick over and over in my head. Some days, I just can't get a grip without those first three or four cups of coffee.

after i got my check, hitched a lift to a local casino.

Damn, I've got to get out of this rut, especially since their coffee rivals

the swill they sell in college vending machines. So clutching my money, I tip my hat to the truck driver kind enough to drop me at the front door of the Cherokee Casino. I know I should be morally outraged at contributing to the corruption of our native brothers, but between the caffeine and the nicotine, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Now I need some chocolate!

In fact, I'd kill for a double mochaccino and a bag of M&M's. Actually did once, too, though I'm none to proud of that period of my life.

But I digress.

Found a phone booth and flipped through the yellow pages. Funny how easy it is to get turned down for job interviews. Now where did I put my pen?

I'll bet I left it in my jacket back at

Sal's. Damn! Now I gotta make another trip back to that freak show they call a hair salon. Well, I'm just going to have to rip the page out that I need and let the next poor bastard worry about what happened to BOWLING - BRAKE. ¶

(LOL!!)

¶Atop the mesa, the fireflies had just begun their dance amongst the sage as the last of the orange in tonight's sunset was fading into purple with the gathering dusk.

Further down the rocky canyon, a grey wolf howled at the setting of the sun, just as his father had done, and his father before him. As the last trace of purple disappeared from the sky, another wolf returned his plaintive call. Night had fallen on the mesa.

¶Looking into the sky, it was hard to distinguish the constellations, because out here away from all the lights of the city, there were just too many stars.

It was as if God had just splattered the sky with a burning paintbrush and the fire had died out, leaving the embers to glow where there once had been flame. The stars were so dazzling it hurt to look at them after a while, yet one was reluctant to look away, for fear of missing some important message communicated from the heavens.

It appeared to be a perfect night for the scheduled meteor shower.

Now, if those winds won't start. The ones that whistle over this mesa, inspiring a loneliness that is only enhanced by the howls of the wolves. The ones that chill your bones so that the cold echoes around in the emptiness inside of you. God, if Yannice had only come along.

Unfortunately, Yannice had to stay home and wash her hair.

Well, enough of the melodrama, got to finish getting this gear set up or I'll never

get it done. Damn, but I hate government contracts.

All that's left is to complete DD Form 1351-2 and DA Form 191 in triplicate, and this gig's up.

Yeah, right. I wish. Unfortunately, that's all that'll be left to finish once I get back to the office on Monday and it ain't Monday. ¶Wonder why I can't concentrate on this run. I mean, I've done this a thousand times, awake, asleep, depressed, horny, it's never mattered before. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe Yannice is right and I need to retire, leave this shit to the fresh meat.

But then what? Sit around eating coffee cake and watching Jerry Springer all day? That's not my scene. Maybe the time has come to think about a new career field...we could open a little shop and sell things to the tourists, like winsome figurines and gourmet salsa.

Yeah right. Clumsy me in a gift shop.

Still, it's worth mentioning to Yannice. Think I'll call her up right now on my new cell phone. It's ringing....

Yannice picks up. Why aren't you home yet?!?! Here I slave away in the kitchen all day, cooking your supper, cleaning behind your fat arse, and what do I get? WHAT do I get for it?! Nothing - no thanks, no 'sorry I'm late honey', no nothing! You're over at Sal's bumping pelvises with that little slut again, aren't you. AREN'T you, you freak pervert?!

¶Calico.

Stoopid Bitch! Makes retirement seem like a fate worse than execution in Calcutta. Ah well, better be making my way to . . .

Calico...

I must have some kind of mild concussion, what with the bitch's constant tantrums and all. This weird word keep popping up in my head . . . CALICO?! Must be a place . . . I ought to know, but I don't. Wonder if I should go there now. But what will I do once I get there? Am I a secret agent? Then why isn't my name Bond? Then again, what if it's the name of a sandwich spread. Shit, I need to sit down or I'm gonna pass out. Perhaps it'll all come back to me . . . ah, that's better. Now:

WHERE THE HELL IS THE MESA?! AND, WHY IS IT DAYLIGHT?!?!?

Should it be night? And what in the hell is the mesa? Damn this concussion.

Am I suffering from amnesia? And if I were, would I even know what amnesia is? Or would I just not be able to account for the last few days? Maybe I should just call 911. Thankfully THEY'LL know where the hell I am, even if I don't. This cell phone is really paying for itself!

That's odd. It was here a minute ago, or was that days ago?

Oh damn, THAT's what's been giving me this feeling of having something stuck up my arse.

Calico...calico...what could it mean?? Is it my cat?

Yes, yes, it must be Tommy. Tommy?! Shit. It could be a town - sounds like it could be in Texas. I'll go have a look on the map.

Wait a minute. MY name's Tommy! Tommy Calico! Eureka, I've recovered my memory!

Thank God for that!! And that's my car standing right there. Great! Let me just find my keys, and I'll be off to head quarters to pick up that plane ticket to Paris. Just hope I won't be too late. Oh, fu�k! The keys are still in the ignition, the doors still locked!! What'll I do??

Good thing I renewed my AAA membership last month. I'll just call them from my handy-dandy cell phone, and then I'll bid this Godforsaken mesa adieu.

'Hello, Hello? Yes, this is Tommy Calico speaking - is this the AAA? . . . It is? Good! Do you think you could . . . or wait, it's okay, I've just spotted a policeman; he'll be able to help me, I'm sure. Yeah. Bye.' Looks like my luck's changing. Finally. 'Officer! Yes, you there. I was wondering if you could help me - see, I've locked my keys in my car.' Wonder what he's staring at - my face dirty or something? 'May I see your driver's licence, Sir?' 'Sure, but it's in the car . . . ' 'Passport, identity card?' 'Sure.' What does he want with it? 'Here you go.' 'Hmm. Tommy Calico, hey? Some nerve you've got walking around in open daylight, and asking for assistence from a police officer. Thought you wouldn't be recognized with that beard, did you?' 'What in the hell . .. ' 'Tommy Calico, you are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.' 'WHAT?? What have I done?!'6

End of Chapter 1