Talking about how windy it is in NYC these days. "Yeah, walking through Central Park on my way to work today, it was windy, boy, and I saw a couple squirrels lashing down their nuts." "First sign of autumn up in Chapaqua Yeah, the first frost of the season. Hillary Clinton came home for the weekend."

Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Fireworks Display 10. What you call a fireworks display, the police call arson 9. Best part was when the bug zapper fell in the pool 8. Only celebrity they could get is the Geico lizard 7. Al Gore shuts it down because of atmosphere-warming sulfure emissions 6. It starts at noon 5. It's just a couple of guys yelling, "Ka-Boom!" 4. Finale of show: A stick of dynamite blows up your car 3. Fireworks form a colorful image of CNN personality Larry King 2. You're handed a program and a business card of several peronal injury attorneys 1. When you complain that it's over after an underwhelming two minutes, your wife says, "Tell me about it"