A sample from a recent show to give you the flavor: "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher" Aired March 13th, 1997 Guests on this program were: Mike Farris Sheryl Lee Ralph Billy Bob Thornton Dom Irrera Bill: Thank you, folks. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. [ Cheers and Applause ] Thank you. I appreciate it. [ Applause ] Thank you. Thank you. Whoo! Whoo! Bill: Lot of barking today. [ Laughter ] Which brings up our first issue, cloning. They've -- the Senate -- have you seen this? They've been having hearings on this. And yesterday -- I thought this was really interesting -- Senator Tom Harkin -- Do you know who he is? Iowa, anybody from Iowa? He's the Senator. He said, "Human cloning will take place in my time �� in my lifetime, and I welcome it," which is pretty interesting. And then he got the Scottish scientist who cloned the sheep to admit that they've already got something in a petri dish that looks a lot like Mickey Rourke, so -- [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and Applause ] No, no -- Well. Well, good news for -- I believe it's the Cheyenne Arapaho tribe. They just got a hundred -- [ Laughter ] What? What's funny about that? They just got back $107,000 from the Democratic committee, because they gave this big donation. The Democrats had to give it back. It's kind of a long story. In 1869, they had some land robbed from them by -- Ulysses S. Grant was president, who they called "The Great Right Father. So last year they went to see Bill Clinton, who they called, uh, "Little Big Horny." That's their -- [ Laughter ] And, well -- [ Applause ] And they're complaining that they didn't get, really, the proper respect. They said not only did the Democratic committee pressure them to give a big donation, but they purposely threw litter at the chief's feet to try to get him to cry. I mean -- [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] The other big fund-raising scandal is the big feud between the White House and the FBI. You know they've been calling each other liars, and yesterday Janet Reno tried to smooth it over. She said it was a misunderstanding, which may seem like an understatement to you. But remember, Janet Reno called the waco thing a "house warming." So -- [ Laughter and applause ] Now, for those of you who watch your cable bills, they will be going up very shortly. TCI, which is the biggest cable provider, just raised their rates 7%, which seems bad, but remember, that is a small price to pay when you consider the alternative is having to talk to your family. So -- [ Laughter ] And -- [ Scattered Applause ] And finally, this story -- a divorced transsexual in Missouri, in the state of -- anybody from Missouri? Wonderful state. He was just denied -- a judge denied him the right to see his two sons. Now, this is a man who had the operation and became a woman, and he wants to see his two sons. The divorce -- the judge said, "No, that is not possible, because it would traumatize the sons, especially because it's the 'Show Me' state." [ Laughter ] Anyway, thanks for coming. It's all been satirized for your protection. [ Cheers and Applause ] Thank you, folks. Bill: All righty, welcome to the show. Let's meet our panel. He is an actor/comedian who will be at the Improv in Tempe, Arizona, March 20th through the 23rd, Dom Irrera! [ Cheers and Applause ] Hello, pally, how are you? Dom: Very funny monologue. Bill: Thank you. [ Continued Applause ] He's President of the Home School Legal Defense Association, author of the child welfare thriller "Anonymous Tip," Mike Farris! [ Cheers and Applause ] Mike, thank you for being here. She is a fabulous singer, actress and co-star of the hit sitcom "Moesha," Sheryl Lee Ralph! [ Cheers and Applause ] Hey, baby. Sheryl Lee: How are you? Bill: God, you look great. Sheryl Lee: You look great. [ Continued Applause ] Bill: And finally, he is an actor/writer/director who has been nominated for two Academy Awards for his phenomenal film "Sling Blade," Billy Bob Thornton! [ Wild Cheers and Applause ] Ouch! A deafening round of applause. There you are. Okay. [ Continued Applause ] Wow! Look at that. Isn't that great? That a little film like that has gotten this kind of acclaim. And I'm glad you're here, because your film brings up a couple of good issues for us, and one of them, I think, is do parents have, really, 100% ownership of their children, or should at any time government agencies be able to step in? Because, I mean, the character you depict in that film had a terrible childhood, he was sleeping in a hole in the dirt. Have you seen this movie? I mean, it's -- And then, the guy, when he gets out of the insane asylum, he goes and lives with another kid who is being abused. Now, some people would say the government has no right to do that, but I would think that they would at a situation like that. Mike, I know you're for -- Mike: Well, I believe in parents' rights, but nobody owns children in the sense of property. But children need to belong, like belonging to a team. And where they belong in that sense, they belong to their family, they never belong to the government. Bill: No matter what the parents do to them? Mike: No, not no matter what. When the parents abuse their parental responsibilities, and they abuse their kids, certainly the government has a responsibility to punish that and to intervene on behalf of the child. But there should be an assumption that parents are good parents. Sheryl Lee: But we can't make that assumption these days. I mean, we have too many facts. I mean, look at that little girl in New York. I mean, if you base it upon the fact that everybody's -- Bill: Which little girl? Sheryl Lee: The little girl that got her head bashed in in the wall in, um -- What's -- There's a day named after her now. Bill: You're thinking about the "Annie" girl that got fired. Sheryl Lee: No! [ Laughter ] She's doing great. Bill: Right. Dom: Andrea McArdle. I was going out with her. [ Laughter ] Sheryl Lee: The other one. Billy Bob: For me, I definitely think that at some point, somebody's gotta come take kids and put 'em somewhere where they can live, because I think maybe the number one problem in America today is the parental unit in a lot of ways. Bill: Yeah. Causing more problems, which brings up another issue, which is home schooling. I know you're very much in favor of it. I am not, I must say. Dom: Can you imagine? My father was almost retarded. [ Laughter ] I mean, if he had -- God forbid, if he hadn't left home. On his way out, he took a pot shot at my mom, by the way, but that's another show. [ Light Laughter ] But thank God we aren't educated by our parents. Mike: Well, not everybody wants a home school nor should, but those who want to, do a really good job. We released a national study just a week ago that shows that the average home-schooled child scores 37 points higher on tests than the average public school kids. Bill: Tests, tests? But what about social life? How 'bout reading? Bill: What about girls? [ Laughter and Applause ] Billy Bob: Well, you know, where I come from, I had my cousins. [ Laughter amd Applause ] Bill: Billy Bob, when you say your had your cousins -- [ Laughter ] Billy Bob: Oh, yeah. Bill: You mean you had your cousins as classmates? Billy Bob: Uh, yes. [ Laughter ] Bill: What state is this? Billy Bob: I'm from around Arkansas. Bill: Oh! Dom: You know what? I think I had your cousins, too. Bill: What do you mean "around" Arkansas? Billy Bob: Well, I was just trying to be nice. No, I actually love my home state, but I have to say something about this, about the home schooling. I'm all for that kind of thing, in one sense. I'm for parents taking more responsibility for their kids, being around their kids more. Where I live out here in California, you see, like, the mother's a lawyer, the father's a movie producer. They come by the park, they see their kid, they give 'em a little peck on the cheek, and say, "So, anyway, Maria, I'll be back at 6:00," and they don't even know their children. Bill: Right. Mike: So I think you should be with your children a lot more. But in terms of -- Bill: There's a big difference between that and home schooling. Billy Bob: Absolutely. Dom: The percentage of people you're talking about probably are people that really try and educate the kids. If everybody had, there's no way they'd put in like five hours a day teaching kids. Imagine what -- "Hey, Mom, hurry up with breakfast, we gotta go to school in the living room." [ Laughter ] Mike: Well, our family's been doing that for 15 years, and I've got a daughter who's a junior in college with a 4.0 grade average. It works really well for those who want to do it. It's not for everybody. But it's a thing that if people are willing to work hard, they do a good job with their kids. And most parents do a good job with their kids. Bill: I don't -- Mike: I mean, maybe not in Los Angeles, but everyplace else. [ Laughter ] Bill: I have a take a break, but I want to come back to this in a minute. [ Applause ] Bill: Okay, we were talking about home schooling, which has gone up phenomenally. There was about 13,000 people in the '70s -- kids who got home schooling. Today, it's 1.2 million. So that means -- yeah, hear that? That's a big issue. And even if you concede that they can get the kind of academic schooling -- which I don't believe. I think in the lower grades, but my mother couldn't have taught me physics. Sheryl: Unless she was a physician. A phys -- [ Laughter ] Physicist! Physicist! Bill: You made my point for me right here. [ Laughter and Applause ] Sheryl: Physicist. Dom: But, Bill -- Look -- Sheryl: You see that? And I got a mixture of public school, Catholic school, as well as home schooling. And you see what happened to me. [ Laughter ] Dom: What happened to you? [ Laughter ] Bill: But if she was a physicist, wouldn't she have a job? Billy Bob: Right. [ Laughter ] Mike: What home schools actually do -- Bill: What parents are home all day? Mike: Yeah, what home schoolers actually do -- my 16-year-old daughter -- of course, you have to keep in mind, I've got nine kids, so I have all kinds of illustration. [ Cheers and Applause ] Sheryl: Nine children? Mike: Until April, then we have ten. Sheryl: Oh, my goodness. Bill: Do you own nine kids? Mike: No, we have nine kids. Sheryl: Then you have to teach them at school. That's an awful lot of tuition. Mike: But, in any event, my 16-year-old daughter is taking calculus and French at a local community college. They adapt -- There's ways to do a good component of your education at home, and what you can't do, you can find another way to get it done. Bill: But what about the social aspect? Mike: They play sports, they go to scouts, they're in Four-H, they're in church, they're in drama. Sheryl: They're a team. They got two teams. [ Laughter ] Mike: They got subs. Billy Bob: It also kinda goes back to the thing we were talking about earlier, it's depending on who's doing the home schooling. Dom: Yeah, that's exactly it. Billy Bob: Because -- Like, if -- In defense of -- the only thing that I can think of that I would ever -- and there's a way around that, too, but you have to have money, and a lot of people don't. And that is that when we were all growing up -- and I include myself in your age brackets, and hopefully I'm not insulting anybody. Dom: I'm a lot younger. [ Laughter ]

Well, you transcripted a particularly good show--I was so excited when PI first showed up, but after a few viewings I gave up in disgust because the guests were so annoying. They tend to just snipe at each other and no one listens to anyone else--they just want to get their point across so it ends up being a series of monologues in strident tones (and since they're often not experts, just celebrities, they're arguing from a position of ignorance). Of course, I'm not a very good audience for this kind of show since arguing vociferously makes me nervous, and ignorance drives me nuckin futs! (I'm new to this kind of chat--what are the limits for cussin like a sailor?) Hmmm, since I hate McLaughlinesque shows, why am I even wasting your time!?

Are there any talk shows you like, the others seem so bland compared to Politically Incorrect because the guests always seem to be plugging their movie or something and that's not the case on PI. I like it that they pick guests that clash.

You're right, PI does pick unusual guests for the topics, compared to the usual McLaughlin format where they're all either politicos or journalists. It is refreshing to hear new voices. I just wish they were a little more informed when the topic is more complex--did you catch Arianna Huffington (sic) ripping into everyone the night she was on? whether or not she had anything to say. So, no there aren't any that I watch because the shouting each other down aspect just ties my stomache in knots. Hmmm--a e you comparing PI to talk shows like Letterman et al? I guess I put it in a different category and therefore judge it by a stricter standard--heck yeah it's better than the Leno/Letterman style of guest-host suck-up-fest.

Hmm, I thought Ariana was being overly ingratiating and was going to take everyone home with her after the show. She's rich too. Real rich.

Plus I couldn't understand her accent totally--maybe I misinterpreted her hauteur as snippiness. Or am I confusing her demeanor with that of Georgette Mossbacher? Or am I now inventing a fictional episode in which G Mossb appeared? Oh, I misread you--I thought you said A Huff is "too rich" and I was about to riposte the old saw about never too rich/too thin. I will definitely set up my VCR and record a few shows to see if I'm just being oversensitive to the banter. Maybe Bill has learned how to wade in when the chat jumps track (tho that's often when it gets most interesting!).

Plus I couldn't understand her accent totally--maybe I misinterpreted her hauteur as snippiness. Or am I confusing her demeanor with that of Georgette Mossbacher? Or am I now inventing a fictional episode in which G Mossb appeared? Oh, I misread you--I thought you said A Huff is "too rich" and I was about to riposte the old saw about never too rich/too thin. I will definitely set up my VCR and record a few shows to see if I'm just being oversensitive to the banter. Maybe Bill has learned how to wade in when the chat jumps track (tho that's often when it gets most interesting!).

now I see all those bozos who repeat themselves on these chats are simply the victims of bad transmitters! Mine is REALLY acting out today: is it the horrific weather? or am I nuts

Short messages seem to transmit better (and they actually get read!): I was really disappointed by James Carville's buffoonery--I haven't read his book yet, but he seems like the only intelligent and fast-talking/quick-witted Democrat out there, and it turns out he's just as annoying as the one-note, foghorn Republicans--again, my biggest beef is when it's a series of vehement monologues that have NO common thread. I want DIALOGUE: when someone brings up a difficult point, I want the opposing team to b FORCED to answer it.

I missed it all last week. I need to program my vcr to capture it next week. It's fun to get a whole weeks episodes and fast forward through them. The transcripts are always on the website but they're nothing like the real thing.

Hmmmm...maybe the transcripts would be better than actual viewing, for a weak nellie like me--I can get the gist without the gut-twisting tonal quality. Let me hie myself over to the aforementioned website and peruse a few!

Wish we had a few politically incorrect programmes over here. Whatever isn't American, is wholesome German Heimat. It's so utterly boring. Thank God for BBC Prime.

hmmm...I liked PI before it went network...it was better on cable...

Terry: Anyway to get aubrey back?