Give a girl a break! I needed to be first. :-(((

Because of my book, I�ve been asked to kick off the festivities this year for a man with a self-proclaimed char-monkey on his back. In the preface, I wrote: "The contents of this book are samples of work I sold in order to finance the writing of the novels." You know, 'ones for the dough,' not for the art. Or maybe I should just call them "fluff." You�d all understand that term, eh? So, without further ado, the Fellowship of the Firth (aka the Ladies of Drool) and I would like to: Get That Char-Monkey Off Your Back Or The Stage Beckons Kilgore and I have plenty of Ice-Nine on hand for our drinks and we�re ready to party!

"I want some serious work that will earn me respect in my career, so I wish to be in a film adaptation of a prestigious novel that will earn numerous awards." RESULT:The English Patient--Colin wears a Santa suit and sings and dances to "Yes, We Have No Bananas". *snort* What a brilliant beginning. Mummified monkey's paws indeed.

Do check out the firth.com entry.

Woo! Hoo! this is going to be fun!!! Kathryn W., Karen, Lesliep and Janet you're practically un toppable already.

First off... HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN!!!!!!! The world is a whole lot more interesting with you in it!! Tress...It must be Time. Nice char monkey pic!! Kathryn...WOW!!! Thanks for those last two pics. *Might need a moment to recover ;O) Leslie...Last call for Mr. D. *LOL* Janet...No kidding...Make MY year!! Karen... Love the collage!!! Great kick off so far. Can't wait to see what's to come.

UH OH Looks like someone's got Char Monkey Happy Birthday, Colin I'm soooo ready to Party!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COLIN!!!-- FROM ANNETTE (who's away on a mini-break).

OH Karen. BEAUTIFUL picture on the home page!!! Am closing my eyes picturing myself delivering those kisses.

Great home page, Karen. Let 'em weep!!

Wonderful start, ladies, to my first non-lurking birthday party. Everyone is so clever. :-) Karen, I love the home page! LOL!

I can see the party is off to a great start. Just one thing some might noit know: Hope Springs--Colin and the film are savaged by most critics and the film never even gets a theatrical release in America. Except in Florida!? And I have the movie poster to prove it. ;-) I'm off to the check on the catering. I've spent a great deal of time on the drinks menu too. See you later. And... Happy Birthday Mr. Char Monkey. ;-))))

(Da Boss) Give a girl a break! I needed to be first. :-((( I'm sorry Karen! Someone let my char-monkey out of his bag! ;-) Ooohhh Peeeeter! I found the cutest little char-monkey in the attic!Can we keep him, can we, huh?? He says he knows how to mix drinks! Ooohhh...wait...maybe he said paints? Happy Birthday Colin!!

Happy 44th Birthday Colin!!! Come and join us at the bar for drinks. I, the drink "fashionista" have created these drinks for your special day I've been told that this one is the drink the monkey loves. Drink up and join us for some delish temptations: Today we need and plan for the char monkey to leave the hut and get off your back for good. You can now So do the Moon a favour and change your tune: No more of this: And I mean, not even behind close doors Next time you sit on your chair to make up for another role. Make sure you throw this book out and hit the stage. The Broadway stage that is in New York City: Me thinks t'is time. : My birthday present to you this year is in theme, one of your favourites, Escher. I hope it inspires you to turn that char monkey off and turn the great actor on. Cheers e tantissimi auguri!

Happy Birthday Colin, from your fans of nursing home movies.

Tress I forgot your opening volley earlier, loved the ape peeking in. Karen, the home page is priceless. How you do all of this artwork is a mystery to me. Moon- your party fare should be the hit of the party season, with sushi even(from Nobu?)and Escher. I really think I belong with Evelyn's group. With those hats are they from your state or mine( don't own one myself)? I'll have to wait til later to send my best wishes,other computer has my bookmarks. For now I am just trying to keep up and give you droolers some well-deserved pats-not monkeys- on the back.

Ohhh look! The celebrities are beginning to drop by...Even the dearly departed ones And look, he's even brought a gift

Great fun everyone. But all that food at lunchtime when I have no time to eat, is unfair. Be back when I have to write something I'm not paid for!

Even in today's world of boy bands, DJs and sampling the age-old art of playing the air guitar still survives and flourishes. But the air guitar is a difficult instrument, taking years of practice to perfect. For your birthday, Colin, I have a special gift, a simple step-by-step masterclass to enable you to recreate the pant-splitting performances of your idols. From the time of the early Egyptians through Clapton and Hendrix to present day giants of rock �n� roll, you and other aspiring bedroom musicians have sought to master this most difficult of instruments. Amaze your friends and thrill imaginary arenas full of screaming fans - even if you are completely tone deaf. And the present would not be complete without your own famous brand air guitar and a personalized pick: Have Fun!!

I love it! You rock Karen! And speaking of rock... here are my pals Franz Ferdinand who will be playing for us this day: Happy Birthday Colin!

These guys would probably be better for the air guitar. Don't you think?

Colin, my darling . . . . For your birthday the temple goddesses are dancing and singing your praises . . I wish you all the best and the happiest of b�day�s today . . Now I know there is this subject of a char�monkey I am told we need to address . . . It�s time, my dear . .just chuck this at it . . . Come dearling . .it�s time to take a deep breath and just get rid of that damn monkey . . .you can do it I know you can . . Some inspiration for you . . . from 3 men in their 50s who took their careers in their own hands at an early age and have been going strong for these past 30 years SHOW DON'T TELL how many times do you hear it? it goes on all day long everyone knows everything and no one's ever wrong until later who can you believe? it's hard to play it safe but apart from a few good friends we don't take anything on faith until later Show Don't Tell SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME You've figured out the score SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME I've heard it all before SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME I don't care what you say SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME you can twist perceptions reality won't budge you can raise objections I will be the judge and the jury I'll give it due reflection watching from the fence give the jury direction based on the evidence I, the jury SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Hey - order in the court SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Let's try to keep it short SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Enough of your demands SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Witness take the stand SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Hey - order in the court SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Let's try to keep it short SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME I don't care what you say SHOW ME DON'T TELL ME Let's see exhibit A Music by Geddy Lee & Alex Lifeson Lyrics by Neil Peart From Presto - Atlantic Records 1989 ****************************************** It's time, Colin for you to show us now . .don't just tell us you'd like to do it! . .Kick some monkey butt! Get rid of the char-monkey once and for all! You can do it!!!

Kick some monkey butt! LOL!

OK . .wait Moon. . . are we talking musicians for the party . .??? Must add a set in for Rush . . My boys, are in the UK and Europe on their 30 year tour . . . but since Colin is in their hometown right now filming, I'm sure we can get them to play a little . . They're a damn good show live, let me tell you . . And you can't beat Alex when it comes to a guitar solo . .if Colin wants lessons:)

Wow! Party is already off to rip-roaring start! Off to the bar for a champagne starter to toast and roast you on your special day. ;-) Will be back later.

Just thought I'd drop in to add my best wishes to Colin for a very Happy B-day. Us Virgos have to stick together... ;-)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COLIN!!!!!! YOU LADIES ARE ALL SO GREAT. LOVE THE PIX AND DANCING GRAPHICS. CANNOT DO THAT YET. THE CHAR-MONKEYS ARE V.V. FUNNY. WHAT A WONDERFUL PARTY. SO GLAD I JOINED IN TIME FOR THE CELEBRATION. WILL BE CHECKING IN THROUGHOUT THE DAY SO I DON'T MISS ANYTHING. PARTY ON!!!!

A special cake for your birthday, Colin, another silly hat for your collection. Really don't think hats do a thing for you, so you may eat this one.

(Karen)thrill imaginary arenas full of screaming fans - even if you are completely tone deaf. *SNORT* Almost lost my latte(free trade of course) over this, air guitar lesson thingee. And to think this is most like the 'real' CF.

Love those air guitar lessons, Karen. But where would the party be without this gang? I think you saw them at least a half dozen times in the '70's. Moon, I haven't had Sushi in months, I'm having it today;-)

NEWS ALERT Reuters:Delft To commemorate this special event crowds are gathering for the unveiling of a new statue:

Love that cake, Peggy! Good grief, the man commemorated in that statue looks pretty old. Gaah! Will Colin have that char-monkey on his back all his life? ;-)

In honor of your birthday, I have commissioned a master to do your portrait. Jan Vermeer is toiling over a self-portrait so that he can feed his growing family and keep the missus happy. CRIKEY!!! It's really that old Char-monkey Colin. I'd recognize that bare foot anywhere and the hat looks familiar ,too.

Colin, do you know...where your Char Monkey hangs out when he's not on your back?

What's a birthday without a bit of horoscope? GEORGIA Nicols' horoscopes for Sept. 10 Chicago Sun Times - Chicago,IL,USA IF SEPT. 10 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: Actor Colin Firth (1960) shares your birthday. You're reliable, conscientious and extremely capable. ... VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It seems impossible to avoid conflict now. But isn't this a test of your intentions? Aren't you striving to achieve something? If you step back, take a breath, and avoid what is particularly aggravating -- at least things won't escalate. (Conflict makes everyone unhappy and unhealthy.) http://www.suntimes.com/output/horoscopes/cst-nws-georgia910.html

Since you are so helpful in the kitchen . .though a bit untidy, I've heard . . How about a few cooking lessons also to go w/ the air guitar ones:) Here's today's b'day recipie Coffee Banana Scones Recipe Ingredients 2 cup all purpose flour 4 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 cup granulated sugar 1/2 cup butter 1/2 cup mashed ripe banana 1/4 cup milk 1/4 cup strong black free trade coffee at room temperature 1 tsp vanilla Directions In large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Cut in butter until mixture resembles fine crumbs. In separate bowl, combine banana, milk, coffee and vanilla; add to dry mixture, stirring lightly to make a moist dough. On lightly floured board, knead dough lightly for about 30 seconds. Roll out dough to 1/2 inch thickness; cut into 3 inch rounds and place on lightly greased baking sheet. Bake in 425 F oven for 15 minutes or until lightly browned. Makes about 10 scones. Source: Canadian Living Magazine Posted by Linda Davis Servings: 10 servings

These are representative of two very important Simian-Free Zones. Think a Tony. Think an Olivier. Think no more Char-Monkeys. For the domesticated Char Monkey, who can drive or be driven to work: Or for the Char Monkey with a world view, who is intimately familiar with the cobbles of New York City: Come on, Give Your Regards to Old Broadway . . .

Wait! . .What is that monkey reading??? OH NO . .now shooo I say . . get outta here . . No more sitting and getting advice from you . . ODB is off heading in a better direction . . . off to bigger and better things. .without you!!!! . . . Come on Colin - time to partay . .it is your b'day after all!

Time's a wasting Dear Colin, get that monkey off your back. Your simian friends Swifty, Kafka, and Milton have been put to work on a script for you. They are feverishly trying to finish it before you are 'too long in the tooth'. Ha!Ha! That'll be the day! Remember Olivier was still playing the Dane when he was past 40. The stage is calling, don't ignore it. Perchance, M. Rylance could be persuaded to share his stage.

This goes with previous post,i.e. Rylance's domain.

Psst! I saw Rylance's private domain in the movie Intimacy. ;-))))

Lesson No. 1 Always take great care in your choice of words. For example, avoid saying, �You might want to vomit once or twice.� Vomit is much too graphic a word. Preferred substitutions include: barf, spew, heave, upchuck, toss one�s cookies or retch. Lesson No. 2: Avoid alienating the gay audience by saying, �Boys don�t go to my movies.� When the movie being promoted is rated R, you should assume potential male audience members are above the age of 10. Preferred substitutions, in America, are limited to men or guys. However, this answer would be acceptable for Nanny McPhee promotions, as no boys will be going to see this either.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN! Thought I'd offer you a recipe which would most cetrainly get that char monkey off you back: Dirty Monkey (recipe from idrink.com) 1.5 oz cognac 1.5 oz Irish Cream 1.0 oz Dark rum Mix as listed & serve in a brandy snifter. (I'm not sure I'd be able to stand up if I drank that:-D) If that doesn't work -- then try one of the following: Brass Monkey, Monkey Wrench, Chunky Monkey, or a Funky Monkey. Remember this is for medicinal or career furtherance purposes only;-)

(Karen)Psst! I saw Rylance's private domain in the movie Intimacy. ;-)))) Guess I'll have to check that one out! Did you say wobbley bits??;-)))

Not everything was wobbley. ;-)

(Karen)Vomit is much too graphic a word. ROTFL He does have a way with words. I see the boss has been working on her lesson plans and giving the thesaurus a workout. Good job!!!

(Karen) Vomit is much too graphic a word. Yes, but I hope he doesn't remove, "you f**cking my wife?" from the repertoire. I still die laughing every time I think about it. This party's fab, ladies. Now.... "this is whadda'Im talkin' 'bout"....Drool at it's absolute best!!

Hmm . .since Gail got some great sounding drink recipies for this party . . Wanted to just give you a bit of a gift . . . Mushimoko dahling!!!!!

Great glass, Kim. It's still early here, so I'm only on mimosas. I'm still hungover from all Moon was serving last night, but you know what they say about "hair of the char-monkey that bit you." ;-)

Happy Birthday Colin So you're now 44 (a lovely age to be sure) and as such, you're probably set in your ways a tad. Understandably a char-monkey may be a hard thing to shake off. They're such cute funny things and so easy to play.... Notice the similarities? Now, instead of jumping headlong into something daring and challenging..why not ease into it. I may have found something just perfect for you.... Turns out that they're a theatre group in St. Louis (remember that place?). It just so happens that they're looking for a few good actors to put on Shakespeare's play, Julius Caeser in January. You're not doing much of anything after WTTL are you? Why not audition for the part of Julius...or if you think you're young enough...Marc Antony. Just think about it....as long as you don't end up like this in a few years.... Happy Birthday dear man!

(Karen), I'm still hungover from all Moon was serving last night, Darling... what do you mean was serving? The bar is still open and please stop drinking Mimosas, try the Spicey Mangotini. :-) One can not speak air guitar without inviting to the party the one that inspired it, my teanage crush, Jimmy Page. And my favoutite album for air guitar play whilst wearing incandescent jewelry and flipping out my friends who were passing the bongs and dropping LSD at a dorm party is: Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon Now you know how my party skills came about. ;-) Peace Out Colin Firth! And Happy Birthday!

Moon, you've centered us, which is not easily fixed. Can you repost (fixing that end tag) and I'll delete #1056?

Never mind. I think I've got it.

More Mushimoko: I hear Waterford is featuring a new line of glassware in your honor, Colin: MUSHIMOKO MOMENTS

LOL! Glad you fixed it, Karen. Centering people is not my specialty, I prefer to lead them astray. ;-)

Here we come Up on the marquee We get the worst reviews From every critic we meet Hey, hey, we're the CHAR MONKEES And people say we monkey around But we say "no more rom coms" Turn the career around . . . Yes, fans, it's the CHAR MONKEES, bringing you their greatest hits, all in one new CD! Featuring their lead singer, birthday boy Colin Firth, this collection is not available in stores! It's all here, all your favorite tunes, including this one from their Hope Springs album, produced by Mark Herman: Take the last train to Marks-ville But I won't be at the station Wave goodbye to Heather Graham I want film fest adulation Here I go . . . oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! And this sneak preview from their upcoming Nanny McPhee LP: I thought big checks only grew in fairy tales But fairy tales were not so kind to me Em was out to get me That's the way it seemed Ugly hats and rug rats made me scream Then I saw the light! Now I'm a real actor! Not a trace Of McPhooey around Drama calls! I'm a real actor Money's no factor I'm Oscar bound! Yes, fans, it's all here for the nominal price of $19.99 just by calling 1-800-OFF-MYBACK. Thrill to all the hits! Who could ever forget this classic? I said I I I I I'm not Mike Binder's drone I I I I I'm not a Binder clone Not a Binder drone Not a Binder clone . . .

Em was out to get me That's the way it seemed Ugly hats and rug rats made me scream ROTFL Mari! Love "Take the Last Train to Marcs-ville" and "I thought big checks only grew in fairy tales" This is a Drool classic. A Drool Hall of Famer! *wiping tears away* Off to order my CD ;-))

No man is ripe until he's 35 and the 40's are the BEST. Happy birthday to you, Colin, You are the BEST of the BEST. (I seem to be stuck on that word, but it is the only one that applies) BEST WISHES.

When the drinks don't get you, Mari will! Picking self up from the floor, LOL! More please. :-) Colin in appreciation of your hosting SNL. So Colin, DUDE, let this be a lesson to you. Whatever you do in the future if it doesn't kick ass, the hip chicks of drool will pick it up and smash it back in your face faster than you can say Pete Townsend. So listen up DUDE they want that spanking (Waynes, World party time, party time), char monkey off your back. So what are you waiting for? A row of naked Rockettes singing "Hurray for Hollywood?" (KACHING!) Party on DUDE. (Waynes, World party time, party time)

Great party Ladies! Mari -LOL! Love the Monkey Album :-D

And the party is just getting into full swing! Love that album Mari:)

A Kumbaya moment....From your friends... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COLIN

Decisions! Decisions! For the Char-Monkey who has everything: A year's subscription to Monkeyphonecall.com, so you can phone in all those "for the dough" roles, and get them out of your system for once and all! Happy Birthday, Colin!

Hey Big Boy,when did you first discover that Char Monkey on your back? Was it here? Didn't realize you needed that scarf to hold the monkey in place Or here? Ok, where did he go? How about, here? Surely not. You had to learn Portueguese! Ah, the moment of truth

OMG, Mari, that was priceless! LMAO!

OMG, Mari, I going to be fired for sure by the end of the day! Here I am at work ROFLOL and I'm sure everyone wants to know what's on my computer that's so entertaining! "Take the last train to Marks-ville" - HEEEEEE!

Colin your birthday parties here are so much fun because we roast as well as toast you. It can't be helped because we have read so many times how you are not afraid of taking the mick out of yourself and have a wicked sense of humour. The problem is, that Char monkey is still trying to stay on your back, just look at the cake he made! After you blow out the candles and make that wish(Roeg, Wenders, Almodovar, Spielberg, Weir - notice the absence of Italian names, hint, hint), you know what you must do: Smash it baby, smash it!!! Happy Birthday Colin!

(Mari)Wave goodbye to Heather Graham I want film fest adulation Mari, you are amazing!!! I was waiting for someone to bring up those guys(the ultimate char-monkees),but this tops all! Could've cracked a rib on that. (Moon)the hip chicks of drool will pick it up and smash it back in your face faster than you can say Pete Townsend. Wayne and Garth give great advice.

Wonderful monkey glasses, Kim and Evelyn. I am off to whip up some Chocolate Banana Martinis for you to create some more Mushimoko Moments;-)

What a great celebration!! Ladies of Drool ROCK. Mari- you kill me!! ;o) I've got "Big cheeks only just in fairy Tales" stuck in my head. Too funny :-}

Ada, wonderful comparison pictures! Mari, I never realized how many shots there were of Colin with a mike. [Over to you, Evelyn, for any symbolic interpretations. ;-D]

Jus got home from DH's birthday lunch!!!!!!! He's 35 today. Celebration wouldn't have been complete without a drink for Colin! A Mongo-Sized Hawaiian Volcano just for you........(my face is totally numb). Happy Birthday, Colin!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ding dang it . .there are char-monkey's everywhere!!!!! Don't let them get the better of you, Colin . . . Look they're just tryin to cut in on your action . .: This one heard you were being considered for the next film on Jimmy Page (threw that one in for you Moon) - that is once you get your air guitar skills set . . And well . .this one heard about the whole masturbatory pervert thing . . Sigh . . I know . . It's not a good thing . . .

Hey, Colin, ran into some char-monkeyettes on the way over and they wanted to come along to celebrate. Surely you'll remember them by their tricks. Found another char-monkeyette en route, but couldn't get her to vacate the lift.

Ending bold

I know that in true char-monkey form you wish to: See No Evil But you seem to be on the road to recovery in your desire to see Renee's wobbly bits.... and, if Where the Truth Lies stays true to form there is a chance to see Kevin's wobbly bits as well.... Have no concerns for you here....your ready to see evil! Hear No Evil The British press has toughed you up a bit these past couple of years (and Osama bin Tookey (thanks Eveyln) has kept you in good training). I think you can hear almost anything now and not flinch! Speak No Evil No worries here atall! Some favorite bits from this past year: "You f*cking my wife!?" "You don't want your Tuscan holiday ruined by an angry penis" I think that given the proper vehicle.... (and this is NOT what I mean): that you are ready to get that triad of char-monkeys off your back and go where the bright lights beckon..... Oh!! I meant here (although Disneyland is the happiest place on earth and I do hear that Alice is very nice! Maybe a stop there first is a good idea...baby steps, you know...): Happy Birthday Colin!!!!!

The following are highlights from a mislaid Inside the Actor�s Studio, which was taped while Colin was last in New York. It�s much too long to post in its entirety. Continuing this season�s theme of actors from the far-flung shores of the British Empire, tonight�s guest hails from Great Britain. He has appeared in more than 40 theatrical and television motion pictures, including two Academy Award-winning best pictures of the year and several that have been rejected by environmentally concerned landfills on two continents. Making an auspicious start at London�s famed Drama Centre, the West End snatched him up -� before he could graduate -- to star in the Play of the Year. From Tommy Judd to Lord Dashwood, this actor has left an indelible imprint on his craft. Another defining role was as an integral link of a protest paper chain in front of Parliament. Unlike Brando, Nicholson, DeNiro, Pacino and Penn, actors who have defined their generation, this actor-chameleon has quietly and subtly submerged himself into his roles to become virtually unrecognizable from one film to the next, yet he�s unforgettable in every single one. The British Academy for Television and Film has honored him numerous times for his eponymous portrayals of characters named Darcy, while the BBC named him Favorite BBC actor in 1996. He has gone on to more acclaim with an Emmy nomination for his chilling work in Conspiracy, alongside Oscar and Emmy winning actor Kenneth Branagh and Emmy and Golden Globe winning actor Stanley Tucci. In 1991, he was a GQ Man of the Year and blanketed the newsstands as one of People Magazine�s 50 Most Beautiful. He continued to ride the crest in 1992, with honors by the European Film Awards� People�s Choice for Best Actor and an MTV movie award nominee for Best Screen Kiss for Bridget Jones� Diary. He is a perennial favorite on most internet polls for Best Eye Candy (wet and dry categories, in or out of britches as well) and has won for four years running the Best British Actor to Have Never Appeared in a Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings Movie But Should Have According to Some. This phenomenon, with the rare ability to take h s anger up an octave or two in every single movie, has a name - and his name is Colin Firth. [wild applause as Colin strides across stage] JL: Where were you born? CF: Greyshott in Hampshire. JL: But you didn�t stay there long, did you? CF: No, at two weeks old, my parents whisked me off to Nigeria for four years. JL: Why was that? CF: It was a job, I expect. One goes where there�s work. All jobbing actors know that. * * * * * JL: Where did they next take you? CF: From about the age of 5 to 12, we traveled about the provinces in England before we were off to St Louis, where I spent a year doing junior high school. JL: Describe that experience. CF: (getting visibly emotional) I find it difficult to discuss that period of my life. I was an outsider. JL: (aside to audience) That�s a common theme here. Many people sitting in your seat have been uprooted and viewed as outsiders. CF: I did go back to England, sounding a bit like an American, or at least I thought so and my mates gave me the nickname �The American.� We did take a marvelous road trip through the western part of America, a memory that I recall with great fondness, although I�ve never returned. * * * * * JL: When was your first experience with acting? CF: At age five, I played Jack Frost in a school production. White satin trousers, blue sash and polystyrene crown. I�m told I brought the house down with my little dance. JL: Dancing became a major passion for you, didn�t it? You dreamt of becoming a rock star? CF: (laughing nervously) Oh, this is so embarrassing! How did you find out about this? I can�t... JL: That�s what you�re here for. CF: Yes, I did dream of becoming a rock star. JL: You played not only the guitar but also the much more difficult air guitar. Isn�t that so? CF: Sure, what boy hasn�t? JL: A great moment has arrived. Our guests are frequently asked to demonstrate those talents which aren�t often on display in their film work. And, because of my long affection for dance, I would ask the audience whether it would like to see Colin�s show us his best moves? [audience members hoot their encouragement] JL: Please, we�d be honored. CF: (mortified look on his face) If I must... JL: The alternative would be to sing. CF: You have me. Here�s a little of what I used to do in front of the hallway mirror and my mother frowned upon it a great deal. [audience gives standing O; three women need to be restrained from rushing the stage] JL: When did you decide to be an actor? CF: I wasn�t cut out for school, traditional school. My grades were utter crap. In fact, most of my exam points were from spelling my name correctly. (audience laughs) And I didn�t want to be a dustman or paperboy either. JL: Where did you go from there? CF: At 18, I did some research, which showed that graduates from the Drama Centre made more money than those from that other posh place where the luvvies go. JL: Tell us about the Drama Centre. CF: It�s much like your school here, all very Stanislavsky. Very Method. An above average amount of weepy sessions. JL: The principal Christopher Fettes said that he "knew instantly that you had quite an extraordinary talent. When he was here we cast him as Hamlet.� (shows picture of Colin as Hamlet) JL: (continuing with Fettes� quote) There are a few students actors who can carry off Hamlet but he did and he was spotted and offered a part in Another Country. CF: Well, everybody�s got to do Hamlet, don�t they? Besides, how else could I be called a classically trained Shakespearean actor? Publicists seem rather impressed with all that. JL: Your burgeon reputation led to instant stage success and you were chosen to replace Daniel Day-Lewis in Another Country. CF: .I didn't pay my dues in the sense of struggling to get employed. I�m not sure if that�s hurt me in the way my career has gone. Might have. JL: After making his big screen debut as Tommy Judd in the film version of Another Country, Colin did a string of stage and TV roles. He made his first TV appearance in a long-running program called Crown Court. * * * * * JL: By 1988, it looked as if Hollywood was beckoning when Milos Forman selected you to play the title role in Valmont, his adaptation of the French classic Dangerous Liaisons, in which you co-starred with Annette Bening. CF: Yes, we were beaten to the punch and it was a major flop. (addressing audience) If you students learn anything from this session it should be never to commit to a role when there�s a similar one in the works. Buy Variety. Read the news. Read the production listings. Recently, I received a call from Oliver Stone to do Alexander the Great, but there were too many other productions under way and then there was Troy as well. How many films could the public handle from that period? I turned it down and believe he�s given it to that other Colin fellow. JL: After the failure of Valmont, you retreated to Canada. What did you do there? (shows picture of Colin in the wilderness) CF: I learned to do some carpentry and even tried to get work at a Vancouver theater company but they turned me down. I would�ve done it for free. Of course, that�ll never happen again. I�ve got bills to pay and vacation homes to buy. * * * * * Commercial Break

Drastic times require drastic measures. To get that char-monkey off your back, Colin, it's been necessary to follow Peter Gabriel's advice to "shock the char-monkey". You may not like the procedure, but it's only being done for your own good. BEFORE AFTER

Bravo! More! More!

Karen That is great! . .As an actress paying her dues I am waiting with bated breath for more of this informational session of The Actor's Studio . .

Karen, come on, please! This is one heck of a long commercial break!!!!!!

LOL! I've got to carefully listen to the tapes and transcribe. Is v. time consuming and I would've had to pull an all-nighter to finish. ;-)

Karen, love the "visual aids" accompanying The Actor's Studio! And, really, isn't a little "all-nighter" a small price to pay when it comes to entertaining the Droolers? ;-D ROFLMAO

Ladies, this party is really rockin'! Karen, I'll do your dishes and mow the yard so you'll have more time to transcribe. ;)

including two Academy Award-winning best pictures of the year and several that have been rejected by environmentally concerned landfills on two continents. ROTF, Karen! *wiping tears* Love the backwoodsman monkey as well. Yes, we were beaten to the punch and it was a major flop. (addressing audience) If you students learn anything from this session it should be never to commit to a role when there�s a similar one in the works. Buy Variety. Read the news. Read the production listings. Excellent advice! Great stuff, Karen, now cut thatcommercial break short! Off to view the others . . .

I can't wait for part deux and these guys are hanging on to every word.

From a 'newbie' to all you fellow firth fans - thanks for making me welcome and giving me a laugh this evening. I've been quietly following your party but have to go now(boo hoo)hopefully I'll catch up again sometime...continue having fun...Jenny

Karen! ROTFL! Can't wait for the questionnaire at the end. :-)

OMG, KAREN, WHAT A HOOT!! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IF ANYONE WILL BE TOPPING YOUR SPOOF OF ACTOR'S STUDIO.

Actually, it was the questionnaire that got me started, which is why the rest is like pulling teeth. :-(

Karen! There is too much to comment on. That was brilliant! Am waiting patiently. :-D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR COLIN Late to the party this year, fellow droolers, but brilliant birthday wishes and commentary from all. Karen: Obviously, our friends at Actor's Studio have been monkeying around with us in not broadcasting this long forgotten installment. Can't wait for next segment. Well, I'd best stop monkeying around myself, and get down to working on some serious birthday business.

Brilliant! Karen (CF)�The American.� We did take a marvelous road trip through the western part of America, a memory that I recall with great fondness OH LOL. Memories from last year. I love Colin age 12 on horseback. Still LMAO. Just a quick Thank you to the Boss for this wonderful party. I'm so glad I'm here!!!