stupid things in the news

Yeah, it's way too broad.

More stupid things in the news dept: the whole Lewinksy affair. Had too much? Will it ever end? The media and net seem obsessed with it and it's actually seemed to boost Clinton's job approval rating and interest in his programs.

No, no. Don't take sex and scandal out of the headlines... Why, I'd just DIYIYIYE (Scarlett O'Hara)

karla faye is dead... guess it's safe to walk the streets again... (makes you proud to be a texan, don't it? we kill 'em better than anybody else...)

Not especially proud, it wasn't a great moment for Texas. It shows emphatically that there's no such thing as clemency in Texas. She erred, no doubt, but she changed and went out as graciously as circumstances would allow.

i agree- 'twas only my half-assed attempt at mockery... really got to me, actually... i don't believe in capital punishment, of course, under any circumstances (not even sting)... but this really made me ill... makes me ashamed (did you hear the crowd cheering?)...

crowd, you mean, lynch mob. I heard it live on local tv. The Fox affiliate carried it last night. Did anyone catch the story on Ira Einhorn, the hippie guru from the 60s and 70s Philadelphia scene, who killed his girlfriend and split to France and was just found after 14 years on the run? It was on Dateline NBC the other night and there's a website that's pretty informative. Check out http://www.amgot.org/holly.htm This page recounts this amazing, bizarre tale of a 60s/70s hippie flower child gone awry and the demise of a beautiful, poetic woman.

gary davis' execution was handled in much the same, unsavory manner... Coloradoans were none too proud of that one. the monkey problem in Ito, Japan. Now THERE's a story.

do tell...

yeah, what is the nature of ito's monkey problem? (are they like driving pick-up trucks and voting and stuff, like they do around here?)

no. they are entering people's homes and attacking them (by biting ankles) three foot monkeys attacking people in the street and in the markets. experts (?!?!?!) figure they are seeking food but don't understand the aggression. individuals are beating them off with sticks and shooting blanks but it doesn't seem to be working.

Kind of like the cat problem in Australia? Cats have been made illegal in Australia because they were eradicating about 100 endangered species a day.

(guess that precludes stacey's ever going australian)... the ankle-biting monkey thing is really cool... perhaps they're approaching the situation with the wrong attitude... could have real growth industry potential... can think of several practical applications for these animals (having recently spoken with my ex-wife)...

*smile*

Any stupid thangs in the news lately?

There was that girl in New England who shoplifted some merchandise totaling $103. She claimed that since some of it was on sale, the total was actually $97, which made her eligible for the lesser offense of theft under $100. It worked for her, anyway!

Welcome to New England! And ya'll though Texas justice was strage...

Where in NE are you, Gena?

Did I mention how Jerry Springer got busted from politics and thus got into shock tv? He wrote a bad check to a prostitute.

I'm in Massachusetts, where if you're a Kennedy you get away with murder (literally), but they'll comb the earth looking for you if you're a dead beat dad.

my god... are you referring to chappaquidick? (been a long time since i've heard that dredged up... don't attend many chamber mixers these days, though)... and- speaking of dead beat dads- what IS ol' newt up to, anyway?

Don't say you werent' warned department: From: 13011516@32045.com Date: Mon, 09 Mar 98 23:40:06 EST To: Friend@public.com Subject: Sanctuary.... SACRED LAND-SACRED SKY SANCTUARY As the mellininum comes to an end, so does the time that certain land areas and populations have left. A look at the El Nino storms and rain patterns show the areas of the USA THAT WILL BE GONE. There are areas left where it will be safe for you and your family...send for the maps of these areas....the maps are free to land buyers through my buyer represented land company--SANCTUARY. ... SANCTUARY also can provide for your security needs, personal body guards to bullet resistant vehicles-such as Explorers, Suburbans, and normal street cars. We also have qualified police instructors for any and all type of carriable weapons. ... ONE HINT--Florida, California, land touching the Mississippi river, the Atlantic or Pacific oceans, New York City, DC, vast areas of Texas, and the gulf area are as good as gone...if you live in these areas this info is a must.

Wow, that's beyond alarmist...those people are scary!

But they can't spell millenium!

kirt the computer geek told me once that he'd had a vision in a dream, pretty much describing what was depicted above... in his version, though, he'd been chosen by these sort of alien space gods to inform the people of earth re: the pending catastrophe, and to then lead the "select" (those heeding the warning) into a new millenium of human-alien-kirt brotherhood or something... of course, he was far less paranoid then...

IT IS NOT PARANOIA! DO NOT FALL ASLEEP! YOU CANNOT GET RID OF THE IMPLANTS!

DON'T BE TO AMUSED, LAST YEAR I HAD A DREAM {in the condensed version here) WERE I SAW A MULTITUDE OF PEOPLES LIVING ON SHIPS OF EVERY KIND. I (in my dream) WAS ON A SMALL ISLAND AND AS I WATCHED THESE BOATS LEAVING I FELT VERY SAD FOR THEM. AND I AM NOT IN THE LEST BIT AN ALARMEST. IT WAS VERY SCARY AND I AWOKE IN FLOOD OF SWEAT. I WOULD IMAGINE THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE DREAMS AS THIS..... OR AM I??? MAKE YOU WONDER?, DROOL

Did you see Titanic that night before you went to bed, drool?

Kitchen manager is *spreading all caps*.

Yes, but can he spell "millenium" correctly?

Sure, what language, Autumn? Terry, do you know of a good clinic where I can get that treated?

TERRY Acutually ,if you read my scriblings at a slower speed,you would notice I had the dream a year ago.I did not even know who leanardo de'crapio was, and the movie wasn't even out. don't you know how to read freind? or did I spell it wrong? drool

(kirt?)

Well, then I stand corrected drool. Those caps threw me I guess. I wonder if we have a dreams topic somewhere.

that would really be cool!

It's been a month or so, ago, since I saw this on the news, but it was one of those stories that made you think, "Well, DUH...!!!" Marine life is , apparently, washing up on the shores of the Atlantic, being found to have tumors. Scientists are "working hard to solve this mystery"... Excuse me...mystery? I wonder if the "hard-working" scientists have made any connection to this event with the toxic chemicals that we are dumping into our waterways? I figure that it will take years and years of spending our tax dollars to come up with that answer...

From: http://www.sightings.com/political/clinton2.htm CLINTON HAS A CLONE!!!!! By Sherman H. Skolnick Long whispered about, a file now has surfaced from the KGB, the secret police of the former Soviet Union. Several commentators have the file and are silent cowards. Some declare the death of network broadcaster Brit Hume's son is linked to this. Was it murder or suicide? The KGB file shows that the person identified as or calling himself William Jefferson Clinton has an exact double, except for a few details such as a recently removed mole and distinctive private parts. Hey: Do Paula Corbin Jones and Monica Lewinsky know the truth? For some 70 years, Russian scientists have perfected ways to create doubles. Mass media items about animal clones may be the way the press fakers skirt around the truth. And who publicly condemned the idea of manufacturing humans? Why, the alleged Clinton. (Which "Clinton" made the public statement?) The KGB file details the relationship of the alleged Clinton -- actually the alleged CLINTONS, plural -- with the Czechoslovak Communist Party Chief's son in Prague and at Oxford. The KGB threw junior off a roof to his death (the file gives the grisly details) because he discovered about the clone. The file, step by step, gives the chronology of how the alleged Clinton was groomed from an early age by both the CIA and the KGB. Useful was his split personality syndrome which often makes "Clinton" forget who he is and makes him not know murder from love. With young "Clinton" supposedly under =his= wing, the CIA Station Chief in London went along, hoping to unravel KGB methods, the file asserts. The alleged Clinton was tracked as he attended anti-war rallies in Europe -- set up by the American CIA but actually by KGB. Sort of a series of Chinese trick boxes. ...and much, much more.

Has anyone noticed the recent hype about asteroids. Think there trying to get us ready for the worst. I remember all the hype about earthquakes and then, one day while watching the world series my apartment began to rumble. 7.1 '88 Loma Prieta, I was living in frisco. that scared the crap out of me. good thing I wasn't on I 180 or the bay bridge when it hit. funny thing I don't even like baseball that much. saw some really ugly s--t in that one. drool

We have a whole Asteroid! topic here. No one can seem to find it, it's lost in space right now.

correct me if I'm wrong but... that quake was not during the world series, in fact the nation debated on whether or not to have the world series after such a tragedy... I only remember because I wrote an editorial about the debate (that was back in my sports reporting days!)

Terry, You know I don't really remember the game all that much. i do remember running into the parking lot a watching as the telephone poles swayed back and fourth, and feeling the asphalt rolling under my feet like waves in the ocean. I am sure I stand corrected, thank you.... drool

there was a game scheduled that evening... (a's & giants, series on the bay, '89, right?)... it occurred just minutes before gametime, and al michaels (on hand to do the game) basically covered the thing for abc... guess the debate centered on whether or not to move the series in the aftermath, because of the possibility of aftershocks... was postponed for awhile, if i remember correctly, but continued on the bay without further incident (esp. from the giants, who were swept)...

I was wacthing the game in progress. I am not much of a sports fan but I remember that a pitch was thrown just before it {the quake} started. I was to busy fighting fires and pulling people out of fallen buildings to remember anything else about the game. I was in the army there at the time. If anyones interested I have a lot of storys and pictures of that one. DROOL.... P.S. Would this be a good topic. IE. {how I survied a natural disater}? or something like that... I could be the host you know. Two quakes, three huricanes, five tornados, ect.. I just realized I don't know how to pick were to live to get away for these events.. hahahahahahahah..,...

yikes! certainly deserves its own topic or at least it sure doesn't fit with 'stupid things in the news' as a kid I was in two tornados. Both scary, both destructive. One earthquake (barely felt anything). I cannot imagine the scale and scope of some of the events you're talking about and I hope talking about them will be the closest I ever come to experiencing such awesome powers of nature!

My region is pretty free of natural disasters/weather extremes: too far east for tornadoes, too far north for hurricanes, not a tectonic plate in sight, nice mix of sun and rain (usually)...now if only we weren't the #1 cancer state in the union...

So, I should come up there to smoke, Autumn?

In Maryland, half the people diagnosed with lung cancer don't even smoke, so hey, what the hell?

all those cars... close proximity. (or just bad luck)

(probably all those low-salt, low-fat diets... classic sign of fast-food deprivation)...

(you know dat's right)

Actually they say it's the jet stream funneling all your exhaust fumes, pollution, etc. across the continental US and dumping it over the stretch of coastline from Virginia to New York (we're smack dab in the center). It's just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. :-(

Just heard on the news, tonight, where two biologists in CA are "looking into" the possibility that all of those deformed frogs/marine life with tumors "could be a result of toxins in the water from chemicals". Hmmm... where have I heard that, before...

Wow, what a revelation! What was their first clue?? (heavy sarcasm)

(whoever paid for the research...)

Man Injured When Bathroom Blows Up (June 4, 10:55 am) WEST ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) - A West St. Paul man was severely injured when his bathroom blew up. Robert Orenstein, 29, was in critical condition with burns this morning at Regions Hospital in St. Paul. Fire officials said Orenstein was hurt Wednesday morning when he tried to clean himself with gasoline. Vapors from the gasoline were ignited by candles and incense Orenstein was burning in the bathroom. The force of the flash fire blew out all of his apartment windows and moved the bathroom walls. Fire damage was limited to the bathroom.

Ouch! at least glad to hear it wasn't something he ate.

Read in tonight's paper about a guy who eluded the police on foot and apparently climbed a tree. Police were stymied until his cell phone started ringing above their heads.

duh!

Pat Robertson warns of hurricane for Gay Days By The Associated Press Virginia Beach, Va. -- Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Orlando, Fla., should beware of hurricanes after allowing Gay Days to be held there last weekend. ``I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you,'' Robertson said Monday on ``The 700 Club,'' his Christian Broadcasting Network talk show. Robertson also said the widespread practice of homosexuality ``will bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor.'' Gay organizations sponsor the annual Gay Days in Orlando. The flags Robertson referred to have a rainbow design and flew from downtown utility poles during the celebration. Robertson said his warning ``is not a message of hate. This is a message of redemption.'' Mitch Rosa, president of Hampton Roads Pride, a regional gay rights group, laughed when he heard of Robertson's remarks. ``I feel sorry for him, I really do,'' Rosa said. ``... If he's worried about a hurricane, he should worry first about his own roof.'' ``Politicians who take their marching orders from Pat Robertson ought to consider finding a new meteorologist,'' said Barry Lynn, director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, which monitors Robertson's statements.

A Holiday Greeting Networks Won't Air: Shoppers Are "Pigs" Still, One Activist pursues "Buy Nothing Day"; a Call To Cut Up Credit Cards By Robert Berner Staff Reporter of The Wall Street Journal Picture the Scene: Katie Couric and Willard Scott all bundled up and cozy on Thanksgiving morning, watching the Cat in the Hat and Spider man float above Macy's department store. Cut to a commercial: An animated pig superimposed on a map of North America smacks its lips and says: "The average North American consumes five times more than a Mexican, 10 times more than a Chinese person, and 30 times more than a person from India... Give it a rest. Nov. 28 is Buy Nothing Day. Can't see it happening? Neither can the networks. That's what's driving Kalle Lasn crazy. For five years now, the former advertising executive turned anticonsumerism activist has been waging a grassroots campaign against Christmastime commercialism. His strategy: Attack Christmas shopping one day at a time, beginning with the season kickoff on the day after Thanksgiving. Each year, Mr.Lasn calls for a 24-hour shopping moratorium on the Friday, which he has dubbed Buy Nothing Day. The commercial trashing commercialism is just his way of reaching the masses. Not Ready for Prime-Time But the Big Three networks aren't having any of it. "We don't want to take any advertising that's inimical to our legitimate business interests," says Richard Gitter, vice president of advertising standards at General Electric Co.'s NBC network, which refused to take the 30-second spot. Westinghouse Electric Corp.'s CBS, in a letter rejecting the commercial, went as far as to say that Buy Nothing Day is "in opposition to the current economic policy in the United States." Nevermind that few viewers would even see the commercial if it did air: Mr. Lasn's budget for the one network commercial is about $15,000, enough for only the worst of slots. Not surprisingly, the networks have also refused Mr.Lasn's repeated requests to run his 30-second spot encouraging viewers to participate in "TV Turn-off Week." "I came from Estonia where you were not allowed to speak up against the government," says the 55-year-old Mr.Lasn, whose family fled to the West in advance of the Russian takeover in 1944. "Here I was in Norht America, and suddenly I realised you can't speak up against the sponsor. There's something fundamentally undemocratic abour our public airways." A Clear-Cut Case After working in advertising in Tokyo in the late 1960s, Mr. Lasn moved to Canada and became a documentary filmmaker. It was in the 1980s that his activist streak got sparked while he was watching a local forestry company's commercial promoting clear-cutting as "forest management." Outraged, he put together his own TV ad documenting the downside of clear-cutting and the need to save old-growth trees. But local TV stations "refused to sell us the air time even as they were running the other side's campaign," he says. In 1989, Mr.lasn founded the Media Foundation in Vancouver, British Columbia. The group -- which he says had revenue of $500,000 last year and has five full-time employees -- produces alternative advertising for student and environmental gourps, including on antiautomobile commercial for Greenpeace. The foundation also publishes a quarterly magazine called Adbusters that sells for $5.75 a copy and, according to Mr. Lasn, has 40,000 subscribers. The magazine lambastes advertising's effect on popular culture and includes lampoons of famous ads: One parody of Camel cigarettes features a cartoon character called "Joe Chemo"; a jab at Calvin Klein's Obsession campaign shows a slender model seductively caressing a toilet, vomiting; and a "Big Mac Attack" ad displays a man on an operating table, hooked up to a heart monitor aglow with the Golden Arches. Mr. Lasn counts among his supporters the Foundation for Deep Ecology, a San Francisco environmental group that says it has given him four $25,000 grants; the Centre for a New American Dream in burlington, Vt., which espouses eliminating debt and living simply in the tradition fo Henry David Thoreau; and the like-minded Northwest Earth Institute in Portland, Ore., which plans to hit the streets in Buy Nothing Day to issue "Christmas Gift Exemption" vouchers. The biggest Buy-Nothing celebration is planned for Seattle. There, organisers will cut up their credit-cards outside of downtown's West Lake Center mall. Entertainment will be provided by a group of elderly women called the Raging Grannies, who will perform to the tune of "Down by the Riverside" their song, "I Ain't Going to Run Up Debt No More." And Vicki Robin, author of the book "Your Money or Your Life," will be dressed as a doctor, dispensing medical advice on the materialistic malady known as "affluenza." As for the snorting-pig commercial, at least some consumers will get to see it: For the third year in a row, Cable News Network Headline News has agreed to air the ad, and Mr. Lasn as paying $10,000 for a slot. "We should make our commercial space available to debate issues os our day," says Steven Haworth, a spokesman for the Time Warner inc. network. Mr. Lasn is also asking local and cable-access stations to take the commercial. That other networks refuse to broadcast the swinish swipe doesn't bother most constitutional-law experts, who point out that the networks aren't under any legal obligation to do so. "At least the networks make it clear who butters their bread," says Laurence Tribe, the Harvard Law School professor. But he adds: "The networks seem to have a short-sighted lack of wit."

hi wer! *hug*

how's my favorite bayou-turned-desert babe?

this desert babe is going back to the bayou. (might be leaving today!!!!!)

ain't gonna be any cooler, hon... heat index up to 115 expected here tomorrow...

shoot, that's a cold wave, the highest so far here has been 164, and that ain't no lie! It's been 130 or so on the average! *whew*

i keep telling myself that but......

imagine 164 in the bayou...

don't even think it!

stupid, albeit sad, thing in the news... 27 y.o. grad student blading down Flagstaff mountain in Boulder, CO... trailing behind friend's car bumper... let go to catch the majority of the swing turn and descent... slammed head on into a car coming up the hill... killed instantly... stupid... needless... (FABULOUS news you're on your way home Wolf!!!) (it might be hot, but at least it's your own damn neighborhood's 'hot')

ST HELENA, South Africa, June 22 (Reuters) - The witch hunt began in the mud-caked hut of a wizened soothsayer. It ended with an angry crowd of neighbours and friends casting Makgobo Setumu out of the village she had known all her life. ``They threatened to burn me. I had to leave my property, my house, my cows,'' said the frail grandmother who four years ago fled to St Helena, better known as ``Witches' Hill.'' Setumu and six others were accused of using supernatural powers to kill a six-year-old girl. Despite their pleas of innocence, they were banished from their homes. ``There is witchcraft, but I am no witch,'' Setumu said, tugging at a faded shawl as she stooped to patch her two-room hut with a cement-like mixture of dirt and cow manure. There are no road signs to St Helena -- a dusty, remote village born from the ancient superstitions that still grip modern-day South Africa. Set among the cacti and parched plains of the Northern Province, St Helena is one of five safe havens for victims of witch purgings and their families. The 30 or so families who live here have no running water or electricity. They are shunned by a nearby village. Some are lucky to own a cow, while others depend on charity to survive. ``This place is very dry and we can't grow enough to eat,'' said Setumu, adding she often relies on a neighbour for food. The Northern Province is reputed to be the witchcraft capital of South Africa where 1,000 cases of witch purgings were reported to police and other authorities last year. The so-called crimes ranged from conjuring up lightning storms, turning people into zombies or causing mysterious deaths. Sometimes a witch hunt is used to settle an old score or to discredit a political rival or a business competitor. Most victims are banished from their homes, which are then set on fire to exorcise the evil spirits dwelling inside. Many are burnt alive according to beliefs that fire will destroy the soul and prevent the witch from sending her spirit back to seek revenge on the killers. Since the early 1990s, more than 300 people have been killed in the Northern Province after being singled out as witches. Those who escape end up in places like St Helena with little hope of returning home. ``They do not have a life. They are just surviving,'' says Pinkie Mbowane, chair of the public education committee of South Africa's Gender Equality Commission. Despite what has happened, St Helena's residents have not abandoned their beliefs in supernatural forces, she said. ``When they get drunk and argue, they sometimes accuse each other of being witches. They say, 'If you were not a witch, you would not be here'.'' The Gender Commission is criss-crossing the province, gathering victims' testimony to pressure lawmakers for tougher sanctions against witch purgings. About 300 km (185 miles) west of St Helena in a schoolhouse on the outskirts of Tzaneen, the commission listened to 30 men and women tell their horrific stories. Phakula Mdabazi, a plump mother of two and a traditional healer, recalled the day in her village when a neighbour's two sons died within a short time of each other. Villagers often consult traditional healers, known as sangomas or inyangas, who scatter bones or use mirrors to sniff out a witch. Sometimes the healers are themselves blamed for evil happenings. In Mdabazi's case, her neighbours consulted several sangomas to ferret out the witch. A few days later, a gang of youths marched to Mdabazi's thatched hut and soaked it in petrol. ``I just saw flames and I ran outside. All my property burned and I lost everything,'' she said. ``I don't know why they suspected me but people believe I am a witch because I am a healer,'' Mdabazi said. Dan Ndlottu, president of the Traditional Healers Association in Northern Province, said 200 of his members have been falsely accused of witchcraft since 1995. Some healers are unscrupulous, accepting up to 3,000 rand ($549) to help settle a dispute by accusing someone's rival of witchcraft, he said. ``It is because of money they do such things,'' said Ndlottu, dressed in a crisp white shirt, pressed slacks, leather loafers and carrying a cellular phone. He said healers should be certified to prevent such abuses and also blamed chiefs for not curbing the villagers' urge to kill. ``I do believe there is witchcraft,'' he told the panel. ``I can't say how, but since I was born I have believed.'' When the Gender Commission ends its work in a few months, its report will be the latest in a long line of studies and inquiries. The issue peaked in 1996 when the Ralushai report proposed new laws to deal with witch purgings but little progress was made, said Anthony Minnaar, a political science professor who has published several papers on the deadly practice. ``People in authority don't acknowledge that it is a widespread problem. They think it's just isolated incidents,'' Minnaar said. It is illegal to name or punish alleged sorcerers in South Africa but prosecutors are hard pressed to win convictions. ``You can't take 200 people to court,'' said Captain Sarel Botha, a veteran police officer who headed a special anti-witchcraft squad four years ago. In 1994, the squad's only year in operation, officers investigated 23 cases but few witnesses were willing to testify in court. Witch hunts are usually sanctioned by the community and its chief while youth gangs carry out the sentences. Botha's squad charged 54 people under the Suppression of Witchcraft Act but only two were convicted. ``Isn't that horrifying? I tell you, it's a losing battle,'' he said. Critics call the legislation antiquated and Euro-centric because it does not acknowledge that witchcraft is a legitimate belief for many people. The challenge is convincing them to respect others' rights and not to resort to violence. ``We are saying to people that those who accuse others of witchcraft are violating their civil rights. Nobody has a right to take a life,'' said Mogale Mashiapata of the Institute for Multiparty Democracy. ``We also promote reconciliation. We will speak to a village and ask if they can take these people back.'' But forgiveness does not come easily to victims like Makgobo Setumu. ``We left our farms and our property and we had done nothing wrong,'' she said. ``If they ask for forgiveness I will forgive. But I will not forgive first.''

Don't talk about South Africa - I love that country, and my heart bleeds for its people. It seems to me that it's not just white against black anymore, but white against white, black against black. It really saddens me.

My heart bleeds for all people. People like to talk. Sometimes they like to talk about South Africa. It really doesn't sadden me that my heart really doesn't bleed for all people. But I do like non-censorship. That whole attitude of non-censorship. Freedom (and the feeling of freedom) to talk is a gooooood thing, eh? **smile** My heart bleeds for people who take things too seriously. They tend to overdo it in the accusation department. Like those uptight nutty guys who accuse people of censoring people. *smile*

That's really unfair, Jim Gross. I think you're very intelligent, but you seem to have your mind bent on misinterpreting the things I say - does it give you pleasure to do so? You fool around with me alot, but you're sometimes even quicker at telling me off. I don't mind that, except when I feel I really don't deserve it. So, if there is anything at all that you like about me, could you just say so right now? I think it should have been obvious that I wasn't attacking Wer for talking about South Africa or the problems they are having. 'Don't talk to me about S.A. did not mean', 'I don't allow you to', it meant, 'I agree', 'I find it sad'. It was a way of expressing something I felt when reading Wer's response, and a complete generalization which had absolutely nothing to do with the article itself, but with the overall picture down there; if you don't like my responses, that's fine by me, but if they don't please you in the way you think they ought to, then why don't you simply ignore them? Sorry if that sounds harsh - I just get a little upset, because at times I feel like you have this fixed picture of me in your head . . . me with a little square moustache and a khaki suit, right hand raised in the air.

Riette, you said: "that's really unfair" "you seem bent on misinterpreting the things I say" "does it give you pleasure to do so?" "you're even quicker at telling me off" Don't your statements, above, imply that you felt I knew your meaning ("I agree" "I find it sad") because you felt that your meaning was obvious to me, therefore it was, and therefore I was deliberately attacking you for supposedly attacking wer? If I misinterpreted your statement ("Don't talk about South Africa"), wouldn't it be unfair of you to accuse me of those statements you made (in the first paragraph of this response)? It wouldn't be unfair of you if you thought it was obvious to me what you meant when you said "Don't talk to me about South Africa". Is it true that you believe that if a person is intelligent, then they will not misinterpret what you say if you feel that your meaning is obvious? If that belief is one you hold, I would like to question the fairness of that belief. There's this story about Albert Einstein: he rode his bicycle home to lunch from work, at Princeton University. On his way back to work after lunch, he fell off his bike. Some students rushed up to him to help him back on his bike and to ask him if he was okay. Einstein was confused. He couldn't remember if he had eaten lunch and was on his way back to work, or if he was on his way home to eat lunch. So he asked the students what time it was. They told him, and he said, "oh, okay, then I should ride this way, back to work." What's obvious to most people, wasn't obvious to Einstein, and what's obvious to you or me may not be obvious to another person, even if they're the genius of the century. First of all, I made a mistake, which was that I misinterpreted your meaning. Second of all, I could have simply questioned your statement, to see from you what your meaning for it was, but I didn't do that, which was my next mistake. One thing you could have done was to ask me if I misunderstood your original statement ("Don't talk about South Africa"), and then, in your next sentence, let me in on its meaning. We both misinterpreted the other person. I misinterpreted your original statement, and you misinterpreted my reply to mean that I understood exactly what you meant and was deliberately using it against you by knowingly twisting your meaning around on you and accusing you of attacking wer. Is that a fair assessment of what occurred? Another interesting question is why did the misinterpretations happen? Did I picture you in a Nazi outfit? Do I do that? You said that is what makes you upset (that at times you feel I have that fixed picture of you in Nazi getup in my head). Wouldn't it be natural for you to turn aggressive towards me if you had that image of me having a Nazi image of you? I think what may have led to my misinterpretation of your original statement, is that I thought I had noticed a pattern in some of your responses over the last couple months---and these were only the ones that looked like aggressive responses---that pattern was that it seemed to me that you had a tendency to start your responses off with a bashing of the other person, and then shift into words that were more accommodatingly friendly, or at least no longer nearly so aggressive. That may've been what triggered my misinterpretation. On the other hand, other people who don't know you, might have also misinterpreted your original statement. I would like to know how others in Spring feel about this whole episode, including whether they misinterpreted or not your "Don't talk about South Africa" statement. We're a community here, and we can use that to our advantage by being also, at times, a community of inquiry and group learning. It could be considered constructive, helpful, but only if it's completely voluntary, on one's own initiative and free choice. Two people can very easily lock horns and develop their own preferential blindspots that can head in a destructive direction. Community (or group) feedback can help minimize the distortions by enlarging the perspective. How do y'all feel about this? Sometimes misinterpretations just happen, in the same way that we error by being human, by being not perfect. A request that you made of me, Riette, was for me to say to you what I like about you, as a way to make you feel better about having received from me something you felt you didn't deserve. I'm not into that. I'm into understanding what's going on. Where are the errors being made? Correcting those errors so that they stay corrected can lead people to feel better about themselves, if it's all done in an atmosphere that's conducive to free and informed choices being made. How does that sound?

So much for branching out . . .

that's okay, this here tree is big enough for all of us to swing amongst the branches...

shall we make a tire swing?!?!

we shall, we shall! (wanna sit in my lap again, little girl?)

WooWoo!

I can't help but notice that every time you say Woo Woo it's dark. Were you bitten by Wolf at any point? 'Cos I'm getting worried about all this howling going on at night - gives me shivers down my spine . . .

gives me shivers, too... especially when she does it in my lap...

(HINT-HINT)

Happens in America all the time.

in fact, it's almost that time again...

not here, unless we get a few good showers....(imagine that, with the water table only two inches beneath the soil)

Where do you live, Wolf? The Amazon jungle?

similiar...dem Louisiana bayous...

How do you know all this, Wer?! You must have a HUGE telescope and a bionic ear!

no joke, he pays attention, eh?

and, it's not like it's my choice...

am back now, had some probs with the server....

PARIS (CNN) -- A sacred eternal flame at the Arc de Triomphe honoring France's war dead was extinguished Tuesday night by apparently intoxicated World Cup fans from Mexico, sparking outrage in France. Paris police officials told Reuters that a male Mexican soccer fan put out the flame by pouring an unidentified liquid on it and was arrested on charges of offending the dead and being drunk in public. But a member of the Committee for the Flame, speaking anonymously to The Associated Press, said two Mexicans -- one male, one female -- urinated on the flame. A statement from the French Defense Ministry said the flame, which has been burning since 1921, was "soiled" in an "unspeakable act." The alleged perpetrators were released without any charges being filed. "I just hope they were drunk," said Genevieve Senechal, spokeswoman for Anciens Combattants, an association of French war veterans, "That wouldn't excuse them, but at least then it might not have been premeditated." On Wednesday, French and Mexican officials, along with about 20 war veterans, attended a ceremony to relight the flame. Mexico's ambassador to France, Sandra Fuentes, laid a wreath, saying she wanted to attend the ceremony to express her regrets. However, plans to play the Mexican national anthem during the ceremony were canceled after protests from French military officials. The flame burns over the remains of an unnamed French soldier killed in World War I. Members of the Committee for the Flame and police stand guard day and night. Incidents involving the flame are rare. However, last October, an Australian was arrested for using it to cook an egg.

Yes, the football hooliganism really is very unpleasant. We've had neo-nazi demonstrations, the works. And that over a little leather ball! How obsessed can a person be?!

Lots of people have been killed/crushed to death in soccer melees. It's insane.

that happens at concerts too

About Opera Browser 3.21 I`ve been using Opera as a registred customer for about four days; In these few days these are my conclusions: 1/Opera 3.21 is a very fast browser. Moreover you can do it faster if you don�t want to download photos or colours. It is faster than Internet Explorer and Netscape. 2/Good value for money.It is not free like the ones from the major companies but you pay a reasonably price. If you are a student you can get a 50% of discount!!. 3/It offers the possibility to open severals windows at the same time. Now the cons: 1/The download screen is very poor. You do not know how many time will it take to download something. 2/The mail option is also very poor: It has been designed to be used with an other e-mail program. 3/The feauters for the news are just o.k. Spain-03.06.98

And the biggest pro you forgot, Carlos!!! You managed to get to the spring!!!! Make sure you come back and stay - we just love new participants. If you're willing to take a bit of time to browse, you'll have a he�� of a lot of fun here, and on the other conferences. Once you get to know us you'll love and hate us!

we're just that kind of folks...

Think between the two of us we've already scared him off. Just his luck to have found US here! CARLOS, come back here!!!! There ARE some nice people here, promise!!! carlos?

Netizens whose appetites for real-life drama have been whetted by Jennicam and last month's live Internet birth now have something else to look forward to: Two teenagers are planning to Webcast the loss of their virginity next month. It was unclear Wednesday whether the site, which Internic lists as registered to a Toluca Lake, Calif. company called First Time Productions, actually is what it purports to be -- a site put up by two 18-year-old lovebirds. Neither the couple's lawyer nor officials at First Time Productions could immediately be reached for comment. "Diane" and "Mike," both age 18, whose real names were not released, plan to have their first sexual encounter on Aug. 8, and the event will be broadcast on their Web site, ourfirsttime.com, their lawyer told Reuters on Tuesday.

�Vomiting Visciously� Vain, horny little buggers.

I read in USA Today (so it has to be true!) that these are really 30-something porn stars out to make a buck.

�Vomiting Visciously� Greedy Ar$eholes.

Their faces are all blacked out on the website, I wonder if that will be the case during the live webcast of this teenybopper de-virgination event.

And then there is the news about the Spice Girl that quit. The one that can't sing, can't act or can't dance. I guess she has to prove she can't do something else and make more millions at it. Like give self help advice. It gives the talentless of the world help. Actually, I shouldn't be so harsh, the girls are amusing and entertaining. If you were a spice girl, what would be your spice name?

joey skaggs, media manipulating artist (see www.stopbiopeep.com) sent me this last night re: ourfirsttime.com (for those that don't know of msr. skaggs he's rather infamous for perpetuatung media scams, e.g., "Stop Biopeep" protest against chicken bioengineered to make the meat addictive; "Fat Squad Commandos" to follow you around, making sure you stick to your diet; "Baba Wa Simba", a healer who traveled the world teaching people a new therapy which heals the 'wounded animal inside us all' -- the therapy involved roaring and acting like a lion. All his stories have been picked up and run as true events before being exposed as hoaxes.) July 16, 1998 For More Information Contact: Joey Skaggs, Artist/Media Activist 212-254-7878 Numerous journalists and individuals have contacted me in the last 24 hours to ask if I am responsible for the live virgin lovefest that's about to take place on the Internet at . I'm not. But here's my take on it: It's a scam. It's an ad. It's porno. Somebody's doing this for money. And it's so obvious that I can't believe the attention the media is giving this story. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my shorts -- on the Internet. Even I might have given the media more credit than this. This is a blatant example of advertising and marketing executives taking advantage of the media's vulnerability to yank-the-wanky, more-to-cum stories. And the media is obliging by helping to promote large scale participatory voyeurism. They should know better. They've bought into their one of their own tease tactics -- "Will they or won't they? Tune in August 4!" Hey guys, let's question the intent of this promotion. It's so obviously transparent. The identities of the two kids are vague and withheld. They look like they are straight from central casting. The site is sophisticated and slick. It's really a sophomoric attempt at culture jamming. And they've got a lawyer spokesperson. (The latter should be enough of a clue right there. Because in my book "lawyer" is synonymous with "liar"). And if that's not enough, they've resorted to planting a controversy within a hoax -- one of my tactics -- suggesting that "individuals and religious groups" are spamming them, trying to shut them down. This is an attempt to deflect serious questioning of their basic premise. Suddenly the media is reporting these allegations without smelling the rotten fish here. So, what exactly is the media helping them sell? Everybody needs to question the intent of this "news" item. Because essentially what we're getting here is media masturbation. It amuses me to see a hoax used as a form of advertising and marketing. But this is nothing new. Mainstream advertisers have traditionally co-opted new trends and alternative culture, i.e., beatniks, hippies, punks, Gen X'ers... and turned the "alternative" into the mainstream. Their tactic is to clone cultural trappings so they can be perceived as hip and trendy and thereby appeal to a non questioning consumer audience. I call it "faux-radical" advertising. They're using subversive advertising techniques for mainstream advertising on the Internet, attracting mainstream media. Here's a good example -- the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe meme. A woman thought she bought the Neiman Marcus chocolate chip cookie recipe for $2.50. When she got her credit card bill, she'd been charged $250. She called to protest but was told there was no mistake and that she could not have a refund because she already had the recipe. To get revenge she posted the recipe on the Internet, making it free and available to the public. This urban legend was widely reported by the press. The reality is that the Neiman Marcus marketing department created this story and posted it on the Internet themselves to generate controversy for the purpose of attracting name recognition. Soon I expect to see mainstream advertisers creating their own anti-billboard billboards to advertise their products. But I have confidence that people will see right through to the heart of this advertising ploy. Which doesn't do anything to help the already tarnished image of the media these days. This co-opting of culture jamming techniques just makes the artists/activists job more challenging. But, unfortunately, this doesn't worry me. It seems the media is slow to learn. That's my take on it. Enough said. Stay tuned. *****************

I would be Bookish Spice. Not entirely flattering, but there it is.

ha-ha!!! I'd call myself Stoopid Spice.

guess I'd be Hairy Spice or Grumpy Spice or Bitter Spice...

Two days ago, the headline news carried on the front-page of every local and regional newspaper across the nation was not only the President's ongoing investigation regarding Lewinsky, Microsoft's monopoly, or the impact of El Nino on agriculture - the headlines announced to the world that two purported virgins were going to lose their virginity live in front of the world on the Internet. The self-proclaimed virgins named themselves, "Mike and Dianne." They said they were going to make history and consummate their relationship after a loving courtship that was also to be followed live on the Internet. However, "Mike and Dianne" have fallen short of being coined, "Internet Legends," and will be remembered as nothing more than master con-artists who not only ATTEMPTED to dupe an Internet leader in "IEG," but average citizens around the world who were genuinely interested in the plight of these to reported love birds. "IEG" can EXCLUSIVELY report that those behind "OURFIRSTTIME.COM" had attempted to mastermind a plot to not only MANIPULATE the WORLDWIDE MEDIA, MISLEAD the PUBLIC, STEAL MILLION'S of DOLLARS in SITE ADMISSION FEE's from the POCKET'S of HARD WORKING VIEWERS AROUND the GLOBE-but in their own word's, " . . . in tribute to Orson Welles and the 60th anniversary . . . this worldwide hoax will be bigger than his 'War of the Worlds as we tell the world we will consummate our relationship at 8PM sharp-the same time War first began to play on the radio back in 1938.'" On their web site, the alleged virgins answered the repeated question, "Is it real?" with the word, "YES." However, as smart as selecting "IEG" was for "MIKE and DIANNE," it would also lead to their fall from grace. As the mastermind behind this massive media hoax dreamed of sitting on a white sandy beach, sucking down a drink with an umbrella in it, thinking about the estimated five million dollars in revenue to be generated and reading about his scam on the cover Time Magazine. "IEG" had their staff not only looking into how to resurrect the most beautiful site for these lovebirds, but also to look into the authenticity of the event. Soon, the man who called himself, "Oscar Welles," checked into a $144 a night room with a double-bed at Holiday Inn in Glendale, California, with a woman called, Lydia Rawlings [after "IEG" exposed them they fled the hotel room without checking out] -- was having his intentions dissected in a swank high-tech conference room in Seattle-"IEG" headquarters. It was here, last night, that "IEG" officials discovered the truth behind "MIKE and DIANNE," a truth that not only horrified them, but angered them for what is nothing less than an assault on society and those who relish the Internet. And for no other reason than to create havoc, those behind the hoax directed their site to DISNEY.COM. "IEG" has provided Disney executives with this information. Who is "OSCAR WELLES," the man who bragged to family and friends he'd go down in history along side "ORSON WELLES?" His name is Kenneth Tipton. Tipton was once indicted on obscenity violations for selling videos such as "Hale Mary." His legal defense cost him everything he had and to this day blames the "religious right" for what he claims was, " . . . an overzealous criminal prosecution." For simplification, we will refer to them as they so deservingly do, "THE SCAMMERS." How they did it: The Scammers issued a press release, a form of an advertisement that costs very little. The press release invited Internet users to a web site to view, "Mike and Dianne" living until the big day when they would lose their virginity on the net. But here's what Mr. Tipton, or the SCAMMERS, EXCLUSIVELY told "IEG" was really planned for the site, on a daily basis they would keep viewers updated: The couple would pretend to intend to lose their virginity. They would go get AIDS tests. The couple would discuss how excited they were. On the big day - the day the couple claimed they would lose their virginity - the web site would no longer be free. The web site would cost $5.00 per person. Then, when the moment comes to do the deed in front of the audience paying five bucks a connection, the couple would abstain. "Nobody has any intention of having sex," said Tipton. "You won't even see them naked. Christ, I wouldn't be surprised to find out Dianne lost her virginity years ago in the back-seat of a Chevy." Mr. Tipton said that he, and the Scammers who worked with him, pulled this ploy for two basic reasons: (I) to make money; and (ii) to get back at the "religious right." It was Tipton who added the Welles mystique to the game plan. "We needed a peg," added Tipton. "I wanted to link it to another great historical hoax." When "IEG" and the Scammers first talked, neither Mr. Tipton, nor his other Scammers, told "IEG" the true story; they fed the same misrepresentations to "IEG" as they did the world. Based on what "IEG" thought was the truth, "IEG" agreed to host the Scammers' web site. But, "IEG" staff questioned a few statements made, beginning a hunt for the truth. As soon as "IEG" learned the truth about the scandal, they pulled out of the deal. "IEG" has never and will never mislead the public or their subscribers. When "IEG" announces an event, you can be assured their staff has diligently researched the issued and parties involved thoroughly. Then, and only then will the event take place. Unless a catastrophe hits, or barring any court order, all events announced will occur as promised by "IEG." "IEG" has a team investigative journalists and photographers working on this attempted hoax.

ha-ha!!! That's so funny! Almost a pity it didn't work!

So there's still an opening for two first time virgins to "do it" on the net. Anyone here qualify?

Eh, almost.

I am a non-practicing virgin.

umm, our kids, but they ain't even old enough...

I'm sure Terry is still a virgin. He looks so sweet and innocent on the spring cam . . .

Aw, gee. Keep spreading *that* rumor.

TERRY IS A VIRGIN, EVERYONE!!!!!!! Who is going to deflower him?

Wow, these rumors get better all the time.

Well, it's easy to be cocky (ha-ha!!!!!, so to speak!!) when one is ten thousand miles away!

Keep dreamin'

or maybe Eyeore Spice... looks like Terry gets to be Hard Spice...

No, Purity Spice . . .

Which spice girl name did you say you would have Riette?

I thought about Stoopid Spice, but if I carry on teasing you, I might have to change it to . . . Dead Spice?

I don't know, Riette, I think this one of these possibly fits you... Direct Spice Blatant Spice Smart Arse Spice Artist Spice (although it reminds me of Artist Smurf...) Spice Blend

How am I to understand this? You think me direct, blatant, smart (but only around the arse), artistic and a blend of other nasty things? Why, thank you - I do what I can . . . HA-HA!

in a friendly teasing sort of way... usually, at times, much like me, very much so as it is your profession and I didn't say it was a nasty blend... You're welcome - don't we all... *wink*

ha-ha!!! I'll have to return that, won't I? So here are my spice names for you: Darn Spice Dry Spice Spew Spice Peculiar Spice Delicious Spice (not only profession-wise)

And tiramisu spice

What is tiramisu spice? Because you musn't flatter Wer - he doesn't like it. Right, Wer?

TERRY: Big Boss Spice Purity Spice Party Spice Naughty Spice Spicey Whiskers

Hey thanks, Swiss Spice!

�ROAR� Nevva Evva call me Swiss - it is a direct insult...

Ooops, sorry!

ha-ha!! No problem, Terry, I didn't really take offence.

It was the kind of insult like if I were to call you Winter boss instead of Spring boss.

Um that bad!

Holy $hit, there are some sick people in the world!

BUILDING COMMUNITY FOR BUSINESS SITES see topic 3 in the vc conference. I post this because we're looking for a model to support the Spring. I would appreciate it if folks would help me evaluate some of these strategies.

I keep trying...

You do. And I really appreciate your superhuman efforts to keep this place pumped up. I saw something you did last night and thought, wow, what's this new option? I've got to try it.

I'll go find it.

Well, did ya?

Wait!!! Haven't looked properly, so won't express an opninion yet!! I'll have more time over the weekend, so be patient! Demanding little cook!

wait! what's the new option? i did the scholar thing and looked at the search. what else? huh? huh? huh? *tail wagging, tongue hanging out, ears forward*

BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, March 15, 2000 Reaching out to 188,700 Bizarre News readers around the globe Greetings Fellow Bizarros: Every time I write about an infirmity, we get a ton of e-mail suggesting that I am an insensitive clod. While this might be true, I just have to tell you about the weirdest disease on this planet; Tourettes Syndrome. For those of you who are not familiar with this affliction, this is a disease whereby a person has an uncontrollable tic. The tic most often is a verbal tic where the person swears uncontrollably. So imagine if our President was misfortunate enough to have this affliction. A speech might go something like this: ********************************** Greetings Fellow (douche bag) Americans: I speak to you (shit, turd-face, bastards) tonight about a grave (asshole) problem facing our nation (f*$#in' jerkoffs). The NRA wants to have me shot... ********************************** Now, I have only met one person who definitely had this. When I first met TZ, the editor of Laffaday, I thought he had it. I am not convinced he is free from the disease and all you have to do is spend 15 minutes with him before a string of obscenities fill within earshot. The person who had the disease was Seth Lipschitz. With a name like Lipschitz, having the disease was almost secondary. You could always count on good old Lipschitz to make an impression. I wonder what he is doing now? What kind of profession could accommodate him? What about an air traffic controller? Priest (or Rabbi in his case)? Someone told me Seth had become a Mambo instructor in Chicago, but this seems highly unlikely. So, I ask you gentle readers, what kind of profession do you think someone with Tourette's should have? Send me your suggestions (mailto:Lewis@BizarreNews.com) as to what Seth's occupation should be. Anyway, we have a great issue for you so I hope you enjoy. Bizarrely yours, Lewis ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ +---------------------- BIZARRE BOOKS ---------------------+ Real Books... Unreal Titles! Teach Yourself Sex; 1951 [For the slow learner.] Teach Yourself Alcoholism; 1975 [For the folks who couldn't teach themselves sex.] How To Become a Schizophrenic; 1992 [For folks who read too many "How to" books.] How To Avoid Huge Ships; 1993 [.....?] How To Abandon Ship; 1942 [I assume it's the companion to "How To Avoid Huge Ships."] How To Do It; or, Directions for Knowing or Doing Everything Needful; 1864 [Just in case we missed anything.] *** -------------------- The New Beer Diet --------------------- A bizarre ad campaign is being waged by the People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals. It seems that they take issue with the consumption of milk that is extracted from animals (except "Mother's milk). The ads claim that people should switch from milk to beer because it has a much lower fat content. MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) has waged a counter campaign stating that this is a ridiculous diet that will kill thousands of people on the highways of America. [Ahh, you gotta love political correctness gone mad.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ --------------- If Thy Left Hand Offend Thee --------------- SEATTLE, WA - Sam Ketterling has recently petitioned the court to have a local surgeon cut off his left hand although there is no physical reason to do so. In 1908 a German neurologist discovered a disorder called Alien Hand Syndrome whereby a person loses control of one's hand. Ketterling said in court papers that his hand was trying "to kill him" and that it was only because his right hand was stronger that he could rest the left hand away from his throat. The court denied Ketterling's request after acknowledging this rare condition. ---------------Cab Drivers Have Larger Posteriors----------- A study in London yields surprising results about the size of the rear of a taxi driver's brain. Due to the amount of driving this profession entails, the brains of London cab drivers grow and adapt to help them store a detailed mental map of the city. According to new research, drivers of the famous London black taxis who had their brains scanned were found to have unusually large development in one area of the hippocampus; the part of the brain which deals with navigation which is critical for learning. "One particular region of the hippocampus, the posterior or back, was bigger in the taxi drivers," researcher Dr Eleanor Maguire told the BBC. The scientists at the University College of London also found that the hippocampus grew even more as the drivers spent longer on the job. [Proctologist Study? Just a thought.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ---------- Internet Newest Playground for Losers ----------- CYBERSPACE - Inhabitants from the lower end of the social food chain have a new home on the internet. Appropriately named LoserNet, this hip new site for the hopeless features gripping diaries like "The Loser Living Upstairs" and "The Life and Times of a 41-Year-Old Virgin." Featuring zero useful content and guaranteeing the lowest level of Web technology available, sites like LoserNet provide a plethora of unworthy activities designed for minimum stimulation and maximum time-suckage. ------------- If You Think LoserNet Is Bad... -------------- It seems there are different hardness levels of rock bottom. If LoserNet is sandstone then www.dullmen.com is definitely granite. Dullman.com is a place where the bereft of charm or character can share thought(s) and experiences, free from the pressures to be witty, urbane, or even conscious. Dullman features include: Watching Paint Dry, Tractor Spotting, Dull Man of the Year and Dull Book Reviews. If your adrenaline level can stand it click on March's Featured Event: "Watching Sap Drip!" And, of course, Dull Chat Rooms and dating tips to ensure a painfully average evening. [I'm afraid to know how many Bizarre News readers are going to visit this site.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ------------ Ninja Nanny Arrested in Drug Bust ------------- Gail Mathews is known on her street as a gentle grandma - tending her hibiscus, doting on her granddaughter. But the Feds have a different take: They say the 56-year-old Broward County woman donned jet-black ninja gear by night and peered through infrared binoculars as she called the shots for her international cocaine smuggling ring. ============================================================ Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Inmate Ronald Eroh was so sure of himself that he left Auburn Hills, Michigan jail deputies a note: "By the time you read this, I'll be halfway to Europe." Police caught up with him three miles from the jail.

Surgeons Restore Texas Boy's Arm Torn Off by Tiger HOUSTON (Reuters) - A 3-year-old Texas boy whose arm was ripped off above the elbow by a caged pet tiger had the limb successfully reattached in overnight surgery, hospital officials said on Thursday. Surgeons at Houston's Memorial Hermann Children's Hospital worked for nine hours through the night to restore the arm to Jayton Tidwell. ``It will be weeks or months before it is known whether or not Jayton will have full use of the reimplanted arm,'' a hospital statement said. The boy lost his arm in the Houston suburb of Channelview, where his uncle Larry Tidwell keeps a Bengal tiger. The boy stuck his arm through one of the gaps in the tiger's chain-link cage and the animal ripped it off about midway between shoulder and elbow, a Harris County sheriff's deputy told the Houston Chronicle. While a neighbor and Tidwell's wife coaxed the animal to one side of the cage, Tidwell's son went inside to retrieve the arm, the newspaper said. They packed the severed limb in ice and Channelview Emergency Medical Services took it to the hospital with the boy. Hospital officials said the boy was awake and alert when he arrived about 7:30 p.m. EST (0030 GMT on Thursday) Wednesday. ``As he was being evaluated and prepared for surgery, he was able to read a storybook with a member of the child life staff,'' the hospital statement said. The surgical team headed by orthopedic trauma specialist Dr Mark Henry began work about 10 p.m. EST (0300 GMT on Thursday) and continued until the arm was reattached about 7 a.m. EST (1100 GMT) on Thursday, the hospital said.

Bizarre news for March 18, 2000 +-------------------- BIZARRE PATRONS ---------------------+ Say Your Prayers Apollonia - Patron Saint of toothaches. Fiacre - Patron Saint of venereal disease and taxi drivers. Gengulf - Patron Saint of unhappy marriages. Vitus - Patron Saint of comedians and mental illness. Matthew - Patron Saint of accountants. Bernardino of Siena - Patron Saint of advertising executives. Luke - Patron Saint of butchers. Marin de Porres - Patron Saint of hairdressers. Joseph of Arimathea - Patron Saint of grave diggers and funeral directors. [According to The Best Book of Lists; Carlton Books, 1999] *** ----------- Man Gets 10 Months For Mooning judge ----------- RUSSELLVILLE, Ark. - A man recently gave graphic expression to his contempt of court received 10 months in jail for mooning a judge. Robert White, 50, who is unemployed, was representing himself on a disorderly conduct charge Wednesday for allegedly causing a disturbance at a hospital. White objected that he was being tried in a "kangaroo court" and began using foul language, witnesses said. Then he dropped his pants, bent over and gave Municipal Judge Dennis Sutterfield a view of his rear end. Sutterfield cited White for contempt. The judge said it was the first time in his 14 years on the bench that he had been mooned. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ --------- Political Correctness From Head To Toe? ---------- PARIS, France In an unusual case of discipline, French officials have made it illegal for Muslim schoolgirls to wear the traditional scarves over their heads called the "hijab." The "hijab" is a prescribed Muslim scarf that encourages modesty. When asked why this extraordinary step had been taken, an official proclaimed, "While it is true that these girls do not smoke or drink and have the lowest teen pregnancy rate in the country, wearing these scarves disrupts the national character of our school system. It is not like wearing a cross or a Star of David where these things remain hidden." [I'd say France has a lot to worry about if scarves disrupt the social fabric.] ----- Florida Considers Possible Secretary Of Barbecue ----- Tallahassee, Florida has experienced its latest legislative epiphany. House Bill 1737 proposes a new (and slightly odd) cabinet post: Secretary of Barbecue. The governor's appointee would have the daunting responsibility of promoting the enjoyment of barbecue and barbecue culture. State Representative George Albright, who filed this task said, "It's a serious subject. Barbecue is big business in this state." Coincidentally, he also owns two barbecue restaurants. Possible candidates for the posting can expect to serve a one-year term for no pay. [The fringe benefit is all the deep-fried pig skin you can eat.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ----------------- With Friends Like These ------------------ BRISBANE, Australia - A recent party turned gruesome after a group of drunken Aussies decided to perform a makeshift operation on their drunken friend. The operation? You guessed it; a circumcision. They did not even use a knife, for one was not available so they used a broken beer bottle. The "patient" was so drunk he slept through the operation and was rushed to the hospital bleeding, but still passed out. The "friends" were charged with unlawful wounding. [I wonder if this guy's friends were women.] ------------------ Like Father; Like Son ------------------- NEW ORLEANS, LA - A recent court case has brought father and son together after a thirty year estrangement. 71-year-old Rene Puissance failed a Breathalyzer test after a head on collision with another drunk driver. The driver of the other vehicle was Harold Porter, a 31-year-old out of work boilermaker who took the name of his adopted father after the divorce and remarriage of his mother. [As fate would have it, they were meant to meet, apparently head-on!] ------------- British Thieves Bungle Burglary -------------- SOUTH SHIELDS, England - Three armed robbers planning to raid a travel agency, missed their intended target and burst into the optician's office next door, waving a knife and an imitation sawed-off shotgun. Realizing they were in the wrong office, they made a hasty exit and finally made it to the travel agent's. They demanded to know where the safe was but lost their nerve and, instead of a large haul of travelers checks, they ended up with a whisky bottle full of mostly foreign coins donated to charity. Their getaway car then ran out of gas and they abandoned it, leaving behind obvious clues which quickly led to their arrest. [Robin Hood these guys are not.] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Doctors in Milwaukee tried for seven days to cure a patient's painful hiccups with assorted therapies, including drugs and acupuncture, to no avail. According to the medical journal The Lancet, the man tried some marijuana in hopes of relieving some of the pain. The hiccups abruptly stopped. Drs. Ian Gilson and Mary Busalacchi said that although marijuana is forbidden in the U.S. for therapeutic use, "the drug should be considered when other treatments against persistent hiccups fail..." of all the hiccup remedies that don't work, I like this one best.

**************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ***************** ---------------Cab Drivers Have Larger Posteriors----------- A study in London yields surprising results about the size of the rear of a taxi driver's brain. Due to the amount of driving this profession entails, the brains of London cab drivers grow and adapt to help them store a detailed mental map of the city. According to new research, drivers of the famous London black taxis who had their brains scanned were found to have unusually large development in one area of the hippocampus; the part of the brain which deals with navigation which is critical for learning. "One particular region of the hippocampus, the posterior or back, was bigger in the taxi drivers," researcher Dr Eleanor Maguire told the BBC. The scientists at the University College of London also found that the hippocampus grew even more as the drivers spent longer on the job. ********************** WEEKLY TRIVIA *********************** WHAT ARE THE THREE LARGEST ISLANDS IN THE MEDITERRANEAN? Sicily, Sardinia, and Cyprus. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF HAVING AN EAR OF CORN WITH AN ODD NUMBER OF ROWS OF KERNELS? Zero. There are always an even number of rows.

I have to find the news story about the woman who just missed being hit by a falling wild turkey next to the PPG building in downtown Pittsburgh. Did you know that mongrel dogs worldwide average about 30 lbs. in weight.

Amazing! Now I have learned something new and the day is not an entire waste! *laugh* Thanks! I did not know....especially about the turkey..!

It was in the "Pittsburgh Post-Gazette"; I'll post the details when I find them.

It could be. The turkey was showing off is flying prowess for the females, didn't look where he was flying, and smack -- right into Philip Johnson's tribute to the product produced by Pittsburgh Plate Glass.

Enough said?! Body Piercing Betrays Suspected Smuggler ISTANBUL (Reuters) - A Turkish court Tuesday remanded in custody a British woman whose intimate body piercing set off airport metal detectors that led to the discovery of heroin strapped to her chest, newspapers said. Alison Mary McKinnon, 37, was remanded on drug smuggling charges. Tall, blonde and dressed in black, McKinnon covered her face with her arms as a narcotics police squad escorted her past the press and inside an Istanbul courtroom. The charges, linked to what police said was 6.6 pounds of heroin bound to her body, carry a jail term of up to a 30 years but sentences can often be greatly reduced. British consulate officials said McKinnon appeared calm. They said she had told them she was not a heroin user. Her family in Britain had been notified of her arrest but had not decided on a course of action. Turkish newspapers reported that it was McKinnon's body piercing which activated metal detectors at Istanbul airport and gave her away. Police said they body-searched her and found heroin bandaged to her chest. ``Her piercing did her in,'' the mainstream Hurriyet daily said. McKinnon's destination was Britain. It was her first trip to Turkey, which is a key transit point for drug trafficking to Europe from Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The turkey could have seen his own reflection in the glass and thought it was a rival male. Birds do that, you know...! (Actually, some human ones, too...)

You're right, on both counts. The body piercing story is right up there with the man who that he'd rob small stores with his face masked, but otherwise in the nude. He felt it would make him more difficult to discribe, if there were clothes to indentify him. People could, however, identify him by his moles and other distinguishing physical characteristics. I don't even want to begin to think about that police line-up.

LMHO...too terrible to contemplate - or too funny *lol* Gotta be really out there to think of something like that...!

Go read the snake story in SpringArk...it's right up there with these guys!

Bizarre News +---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ ILLINOIS You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. It is a felony offense to eavesdrop on your own conversation. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. The English language is not to be spoken. Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. Chicago, Il. It is an offense to feed whiskey to a dog. Chicago, Il. It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits. Chicago, Il. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. Zion, Il. *** ------------ Scissors Sewn Up In Woman's Chest ------------- GEORGETOWN, Guyana - In a perfect example of how a day can go from bad to worse, Roman Soman, 43, was recently admitted to state-run Georgetown Hospital after her husband had attacked her with an ice pick and a knife. When the X-rays were developed the doctors found the silhouette of a pair of surgical scissors which had apparently been sewn up inside her body during a chest operation 10 years earlier. Despite the hospitals insistence that instruments are counted before and after every surgery, an official investigation has begun and a compensation suit is pending. Soman is having an operation to operate to remove the scissors. [Since the first attempt didn't quite cut it, they're going to take another stab at it.] --------------- Jesus Causes Acne Down Under --------------- CANBERRA, Australia - The folks down under really get into the Easter spirit. A local candy maker thinks that he has an exceptional idea. Enter; Sweet Jesus Chocolate. The chocolate crucifix with a Christ figure that "bleeds" red jelly when bitten into has caused quite a controversy. The creator defended his actions to critics and said, "People who are offended by the icon have lost touch with reality. A Sweet Jesus crucifix will remind them that Easter is more than three days on the beach." --------------- Don't Forget the Motor City ---------------- DETROIT, MI - One of the most bizarre airplane hijack attempts recently occurred on a flight from New York to Detroit. The incident did not make national news, but we have uncovered it in a local paper. A man jumped out of his seat, brandished a gun and declared, "This is a hijack, take me to Detroit." When the stewardess informed him that the plane was already heading to Detroit, the man sat down without another word. He was arrested immediately after the plane landed. [Is it me, but who WANTS to go to Detroit?] ------------------ No Breast; No Marriage ------------------ CAIRO - A man filed suit in an Egyptian Court to get his marriage annulled because he had recently discovered, after 20 months of marriage, that his wife only had one breast. He accused his wife of deliberately misleading him by omitting the fact that she was born without her right breast. He argued that this compromised her femininity, and could pose potential health risks during pregnancy. A medical examiner was consulted and reported that she was perfectly healthy and able to fulfill her marital obligations. Puzzled about the 20 month discovery time? Some couples in rural Egypt practice conservative sex, and generally do not take off all of their clothes. ------- Blind Beauty Contest Judge Sees Inner Beauty ------- EDMONTON - The Miss Alberta Beauty Contest selected a blind judge in order to fulfill their new emphasis on personality, and intelligence over bathing suit aesthetics. Harold Grace who had lost his vision some fifteen years earlier was just as surprised to be asked, but he felt he could sense their personalities based on how they sounded. "When a contestant was answering a question I would listen to how they would project their answer, the emphasis in their voice and the firmness of their tone," he replied. Bathing suits and evening gowns were replaced by interviews, and written exams. Grace currently works at the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. [No Braille jokes please.] -------------- What's In My Pants This Time? --------------- PARIS - Bizarre news is pleased to bring you yet another tale from the "or are you just happy to see me" file. In addition to our previously reported snapping turtles, spiders, and lizard melange, French police caught a man trying to smuggle a 16 inch boa from Columbia into Roissy Airport via his underpants. Security dogs deftly recognized the reptilian scent, and the snake was confiscated. The boa was outlawed as an endangered species which the man wanted to add to his personal reptile collection. [I wonder if the authorities bothered to check if the snake had one eye or two when they pulled it out?] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* A man in Dublin is suing the Bank of Ireland for damages after he lit himself on fire. John Coffey was denied a $2900 loan by bank officials, so he went to his car, returned with a can of gasoline, and doused himself. He took out his cigarette lighter and asked to "see his file again." When three police officers grabbed him, the lighter sparked, and Coffey went up in flames.

------------------------ STUPID CRIMINAL STORIES ------------------------ * A Tustin, CA woman, apparently angry that a truck was moving too slowly in traffic, pulled up alongside it in her car, held an aluminum baseball bat out the window, and took several swipes at the truck as both were moving down the highway. Police who arrested her noticed her personalized license plate read "PEACE 95." When one of the arresting officers asked about the tag, she told him she got it because she thought there was so much violence going on in today's society. * A Bridgeport, Connecticut man had a very short career with the state police force. He was arrested his first day on the job, just after typing his name into a computer. The man was being trained to use the system that holds records of outstanding police warrants. The system matched the man's name and birth date to a warrant charging him with passing bad checks. He was arrested on the spot. * A man in Vienna, Austria who made over 40,000 obscene phone calls over a three-year period was finally caught when he left his own home number with one of the victims. The woman says the man called her nearly every day for almost six months. She was able to get his number by telling him she was busy at the moment and would return his call when she had more time to talk. * A suspect in a robbery was arrested at Florida's Miami Shores Country Club, where he had been hiding from police in a tree next to the golf course. He gave himself away when he called out to a golfer who hit his ball into the rough, "Hey, your ball is over there." * Two animal rights activists holding an illegal demonstration against pigs being sent to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany were rudely interrupted. During their protest, 2,000 pigs burst through a barbed wire fence and trampled both activists to death.

certainly was an attention getter and probably responsible for their share of road accidents! my fave ads are the messages from God (have you read my best seller? there will be a test) that we posted somewhere......

I think I posted them in screwed 163 (my screwed topic - as in if you have made it on The Spring you have a screwed topic named for you *lol*). I think they were billboards in and around Los Angeles, and I am sure I saw some of them when i was there a few years ago - the God ones, not these.

I know this guy and his wife in Austin, Jan and Neil, and they do most of the billboards around town. They're doing the new ballpark now, the one for the new minor league team, the Round Rock Express.

How do you like what they are doing?

Haven't got the full info - but a pig is standing for Mayor of London. it's actually a desperate attempt by british farmers to get their plight noticed. But the pig is definitely marked as a paid upcontender for the fight.

Hmmm... what if the pig wins? In a pig's eye will take on a whole new meaning!

Useless trivia: St. Paul Minnesota used to be called "Pig's Eye". (Named after a Frenchman who lived there and was known as Pig's Eye.

Unreal! No such thing as useless trivia. I created "News that doesn't fit" in the News conference for stuff not stupid enough to go here. Thanks for aiding and abetting my addiction to trivia.

Just testing, because these servers /tmp areas have been getting pretty full and this is first topic I come to when I log in. The rest of the server has a lot of room.

Idumped things from your hard drive - as much as I could. We need to know what to do that will help. Good to see some posting this morning!

Perhaps unlinking a bunch of topics might be a good idea. I put news in News and what I did today in Today, but they show up here, as well. Might that not add to the over load?

Boring Brotherhood Comes Out LONDON (Reuters) - Stand up and be counted as long as you do it quietly. From Sydney to Bombay, from London to New York, it is time for the dull men of the world to have a truly tedious celebration they now have their own proudly turgid Web site. Once you have passed the tough entrance test Is grey your favorite color? Ever had an urge and not been able to get over it? then the Washington-based National Council of Dull Men is ready to accept you into the boring brotherhood on dullmen.com. And April provides plenty of reasons to wear down your friends with some truly tedious celebrations it is soon to be National Folding Road Maps Week and, if that is not exciting enough, then how about Check Your Batteries Day? But at least dull men have been given a guide on the most lugubrious conversational gambits when if, by some miracle, they are invited to a dinner party. If conversation dries up, why not try telling your fellow guest ``Did you know that Heinz Ketchup leaves the bottle at a speed of 25 miles a year?'' If that fails, then why not inform them that an ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain or warn them that nutmeg can be extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. And once the excitement of dining out has worn off, there are some scintillating daily pastimes observing the sap drip on a maple tree, tractor spotting, enjoying the muzak while elevator riding or the well-worn classic watching paint dry. And you cannot beat feedback from grateful readers. Dullmen.com has now been able to build up a comprehensive data base of airport luggage carousels and give intrepid travelers the one piece of information they really needed to know do the carousels go clockwise or counterclockwise. It is eager to reassure dull men who are brave enough to venture abroad ``so there will be no surprises when you land.''

Probably shoulda put the above piece in Travel 20 / England, but no one goes there anymore...*sigh* (not to England - to the website!)

Russian Bullfighter Survives Debut BARCELONA, Spain (Reuters) - A former Russian air force captain survived his debut as a bullfighter in Spain on Sunday, but was savaged by the country's notoriously critical fans. Cushions rained down on the sand of the Monumental arena in Barcelona and spectators whistled their disapproval after Roman Karpoukhine sank his sword into a young bull three times before having to kill the wounded animal with a knife stab to its neck. Karpoukhine, 32, claimed to be the first Russian to take up the cape and sword in Spain where he has studied between shifts as a warehouse worker. Visibly nervous, he fought in a navy blue costume similar in color to the uniform of his previous career in the Russian air force. He left Russia amid the country's economic chaos. ``What a fight!'' a dazed-looking Karpoukhine said as he left the arena. Assistants told him he might improve in his next bullfight, but the Russian did not say whether he planned to face a bull again.

What would Ernest Hemmnigway have had to say about that, er, spectacle.

He would have been aghast, no doubt, as he thought of bullfighting as a rite of passage and somewhat sacred.

He liked to exagerate his own exploits. He wanted to be a hero very badly.

..and lacked the courage to do it right, I'm afraid. There have been many psychologists analyzing him since he is dead and cannot defend himself.

Yep, Papa took a hit on biography, that's where I got that. But it was narrated by his grand daughter in part.

Still not a totally unbiased profile of the man if his granddaughter narrated. I think we need more distance to determine his character with greater clarity.

Watch This Space And Win Bigger Breasts VIENNA (Reuters) - An Austrian television station is offering women a breast enlargement operation in a bid to boost viewing numbers for its tabloid program. Interested viewers must send a photograph of themselves to the program, ``Check It,'' together with a few sentences on why they want to enhance their bust. Thomas Gauss, editor-in-chief of private ATV television, said the winner would be chosen by viewers. The program targets the 12-29 age group. ``There'll be only one winner, but of course two silicone implants,'' Gauss told Reuters. The prize is worth 70,000 schillings ($5,000).

Good luck in the contest.

I'm not entered... Wonder who will air the results...Howard Stern?!

Man Fearing Gators Tapes Himself to Tree TAMPA, Fla. (Reuters) - A man who became lost in a Florida swamp during a trip to photograph alligators was rescued by police after taping himself high up in a tree to ensure the reptiles didn't attack him while he slept. Gemini Wink, 26, of Louisville, Kentucky, was still taped to a tree limb 40 feet (12 meters) off the ground when Hillsborough County deputies found him late Saturday night, sheriff's deputies said on Wednesday. ``The deputies arrived and helped him get down,'' sheriff's office worker Vilma Bean said. ``He'd been up there several hours.'' Wink, who was visiting friends in Tampa, set out on his alligator trek using duct tape to mark his trail. After taking shots of an alligator Wink realized he was lost and found himself in waist-deep water with night falling. Fearing an alligator attack, Wink climbed a tree, secured himself with duct tape and resolved to sleep there. His friend grew worried when Wink did not return and called sheriff's deputies. Meanwhile, Wink heard noises from a nearby house and yelled for help. Someone at the house heard his cries and also called deputies, who launched a search. With a helicopter overhead and police dogs sniffing his trail, Wink continued to call out. Deputies found him about 400 yards (meters) from his friend's home, untaped him and drove him back. ``I'll definitely visit again, I'll probably stay out of the swamps,'' Wink told the Tampa Tribune from Louisville.

Duct tape is *so* useful. It just leaves a sticky mess behind.

What did we use before duct tape??!! Amazingly adaptable by thieves, kidnappers and gaffers, too!

Speaking of stupid things in the news, I shall be away for most of the day at softball games...and egg-hiding activities...*sigh*

Makes you wonder what they did before we got to meddling: Sex Videos Teach Pandas to Copulate BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese research institute is showing low libido giant pandas videotapes of others of their extinction-threatened species copulating in hopes of prodding them to mate. It appears to be working, a Chinese panda expert said on Friday. ``As part of the pandas' education, we make those which are sexually inept watch videos of other pandas having sex,'' said Zhang Hemin, director of China Giant Panda Research and Conservation Center in the southwestern province of Sichuan. ``This has proved to be effective,'' Zhang told Reuters in a telephone interview. The center's extensive panda sexual reproduction program has reduced the number of its impotent males to 60 percent from 80 percent, he said. Zhang said the center, which has 46 pandas, about half of them males, constantly finetunes a program aimed at reviving China's population of pandas, which produces few young in captivity and is declining in the wild.

Panda Porn. They could try duct taping them together if this fails.

*lol*

or artificial insemintation....

Where's the fun in that?

i know but it would solve the problem *grin*

Yeah...it would. *sigh* Where's the foreplay? Somebody needles you?!

haha...maybe mr panda isn't excited by ms panda. they need to find him a bar!

(i gotta go, work in the morning and i didn't realize how late it is) g'night! *HUGS*

G'night - I gotta go eat supper...

I'm back but nobody else is awake...

Yep, I was asleep.

That is not unusual, but not unheard of. There is company who is here even if nothing ever appears on the topics... (checking my crystal ball)

...uh...yeah...sumpthin like that...

Couple Seized With Cocaine in Bible MEDELLIN (Reuters) - A husband and wife were seized at a Colombian airport on Good Friday as they tried to smuggle almost seven pounds (3 kg) of cocaine hidden in the pages of a Bible on to a flight bound for Mexico, police said. The couple, in their late 50s, were arrested at Rionegro airport on the outskirts of the northwest city of Medellin, the former power base of the infamous cocaine mob run by Pablo Escobar. ``Our suspicions were aroused when we picked up the Bible and saw how heavy it was,'' regional police chief Col. Ruben Carillo told reporters. He said the couple had also concealed an unspecified quantity of the drug in the heels of their shoes and the lining of their clothes. Colombia is the world's leading cocaine producer with an annual output estimated at 520 tons.

Judges Tough on Mother, Easy on Ectoplasm NEW YORK (Reuters) - Order in the court? Jailing a woman with a newborn baby for a traffic offense and allowing testimony from a 500-year-old spirit are just two stories recounted in the National Law Journal's ``Stupid Judge Tricks,'' a compendium of injudicious judicial behavior. The weekly Journal issued its third annual list on Monday to mark Law Day, May 1. The new mother, appearing before Judge Fred Heene of the San Bernardino, California, County Court, asked for more time to complete community service for a previous traffic violation. She said she had not put in enough time because her doctor had ordered her to stay in bed in the final stages of her pregnancy. But Heene sentenced her to 44 days in jail. ``I have a 7-day-old baby at home,'' the woman reportedly complained. ``Ma'am, you should have thought of that a long time ago,'' Heene reportedly replied. More other-worldly was what the Journal called the ``novel'' approach of Judge J. Michael Flournoy of the Coconino County, Arizona, Superior Court at a 1995 pretrial hearing in a slander case. Citing press accounts, the Journal said Flournoy allowed his courtroom lights to be dimmed as the audience sang the Beatles song ``In My Life,'' which refers to ``people and things that went before.'' Then a medium took the witness stand and channeled the testimony of a 15th-century Englishman. ``The spirit wanted the case to settle, and Judge Flournoy noted that it promptly did,'' the Journal said.

Snoring Prisoner Stabbed to Death DUBLIN (Reuters) - A prisoner was stabbed to death in an Irish jail over Easter after his snoring drove a cellmate into a violent rage, newspapers reported Tuesday. Thomas Brady, 22, was stabbed with a sharpened table knife as he slept in his cell at Dublin's Mountjoy prison early on Easter Sunday. He was rushed to a hospital but could not be saved. ``The Gardai (police) have told me that Thomas was stabbed in his sleep because he was snoring,'' the victim's father told The Star newspaper. Police said they were questioning a man over the killing but did not disclose his identity.

Prostitutes, Dogs Found in Prison BOGOTA (Reuters) - They made their own booze, hired prostitutes and kept Rottweilers as pets ... until the police retook control of Colombia's largest prison from the inmates. In a massive weekend raid on the Modelo penitentiary, police said on Monday they discovered a private sauna and gym, distilleries, drugs and dogs. And there were weapons everywhere. Police were also surprised to find 511 women in the all-male prison, allegedly prostitutes hired to stay for several days to offer their services to inmates. National Police Chief Rosso Jose Serrano described the prison as a hotbed of corruption and a center of extortion, kidnapping, drug trafficking and prostitution. Inmates hid radios, cellular phones, and computers in their cells, which police said they used to manage criminal bands outside the prison. ``In each wall there was a false tile or brick and behind that tile (there was) a radio, a weapon, marijuana, ammunition,'' Serrano said. One inmate, a leader of the leftist Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC), enjoyed a sauna and a private gym in his cell, police said. He has been ordered transferred to another prison. The massive sweep of the prison came after 25 inmates were killed in bloody clashes between rival gangs in the penitentiary in a 12-hour battle on Thursday. The search of the overcrowded prison also yielded 35 firearms including two AK-47 assault rifles -- nearly nine pounds (four kg) of explosives, knives and grenades.

British anarchists plan mass "moon" at monarchy LONDON, May 8 (Reuters) - British anarchists said on Monday they were planning a series of demonstrations, including a mass baring of backsides, to protest against the British monarchy. On their website, the Movement Against the Monarchy (MAM) said they planned the first ever mass public "mooning" outside Buckingham Palace. "We want 2,000 bare butts," said the MAM site. A spokesman for MAM, Steve Edwards, 53, said the protest would be a "cheeky" way of gaining the monarchy's attention and would make a change from violent disorder. "We would like to see the monarchy got rid of and we do think that we could only get rid of the monarchy as they did in Russia and France," said Edwards, who has been arrested 33 times, mainly for public order offences. "If you get rid of the monarchy, the rest of the in-bred establishment will follow," he added. Police said they were aware of the planned protests. "We are aware of the potential for demonstrations to take place later this year. It is too early to speculate whether there will be violence. Any demonstrations will be policed appropriately and proportionately," a police spokeswoman said. MAM, which plans the mooning protest on June 3, also plans to attend the Queen Mother's 100th birthday on August . "Hell if we're paying for it we might as well be there," MAM said. MAM would not only be targeting the monarchy but planned to gatecrash a banquet at London's Bankside Arts Centre on May 11 which they believe Prime Minister Tony Blair and pop star Madonna will be attending. Members of MAM took part in this month's Mayday anti-capitalist demonstrations in London, which degenerated into running battles with the police. Edwards said he thought protesters who had destroyed a McDonald's restaurant during the riots had behaved in an "exemplary" fashion. "We're all in favour of property damage," Edwards added.

Policeman wronged by fertility rite Pouring buckets of water on young women is an Easter Monday tradition in Poland. But a policeman was not amused when two teenagers also went after him. 'Wet Monday' is the day when young Polish men pour water on young girls and women in a fertility rite dating to pagan times. Often, other people in the street are also drenched. Police detained the young men in the southern city of Wroclaw after they drenched an officer and threw stones at him, taking the Wet Monday custom a bit too far. Police increased their presence in the streets to prevent Wet Monday excesses, but the only reported intervention was the one in Wroclaw.

Police in Albuquerque, N.M., say Edward Hall, 50, stole a utility trailer from a Home Depot store by hitching it to the back of his pickup truck and driving away. A few miles from the store, it came loose and crashed beside the road, so he went back to the store and stole a second one. The second also came loose and crashed just 75 yards from the first. As a Bernalillo County Sheriff's deputy investigated the crashes, Hall clipped the deputy's parked patrol car with, yes, a third trailer as he drove by. A chase ensued as Hall tried to get away -- at a mere 25 mph, "probably because he knows the trailers, at high speeds, don't stay on very well," a detective said. Hall was charged with possession of burglary tools, three counts of unlawful taking a motor vehicle, and leaving the scene of an accident. (AP)

He shoulda been charged for more than that - like the cost of the trailers and the things he smashed into. I trust he is not still on active duty...

Birthday Photo Betrays Peeping Tom STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - Women bathers at a nudist beach in Sweden tracked down a peeping tom who spied on them with binoculars and camera after his wife published his name and photograph in the local paper to mark his 50th birthday. The newspaper Hallards Nyheter at Varberg on Sweden's west coast, which carried the birthday message, reported Tuesday that the man had been charged with breach of the peace.

This should be required reading to get an e-mail account. Whoever decided to create this note and forward it on should receive some type of Humanitarian Award. It would be hopeful, yet doubtful, that this will clean up some of the junk that comes across the net. 1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. MTV will not give you backstage passes if you forward something to the most people. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true. 2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued quests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have. That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your friend's cousin. 3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they did, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html. Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on (without the fake story please). 4. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter? 5. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it through an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try: http://www.norton.com/ And you cannot get a virus from a flashing IM or email, you have to download it....ya know, like, a FILE! 6. If your cc: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you probably already have it stored in your old 8088, Franklin, or Adam computer. 7. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the " " or that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times we've probably already seen it anyway. 8. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc.) in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either. 9. The "Make a Wish" foundation is a real organization doing fine work, but they have had to establish a special toll free hot line in response to the large number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and reputation. It is distracting them from the important work they do. 10. If you are one of those insufferable idiots who forwards anything that promises "something bad will happen if you don't", too late... you're a lost cause already! 11. The CEO Proctor & Gamble has NEVER been a guest on any of the TV talk shows to proclaim P&G's allegiance to Satan...even Sally Jesse's (see for yourself at: http://www.sallyjr.com/faq.html). All the disclaimers to this fact are posted on the various shows web sites. This is one of the longest running hoaxes anywhere...way before email was ever known by most people. (For a complete list of the info, ref: http://www.pg.com/rumor/) P&G is NOT a satanic organization, although I'm sure Satan sure is smiling over all the prolific emails that, says it is and probably says thanks to all the 'lost souls' who pass this garbage on ! 12. I am not even gonna touch the red spiders in the commode, the hypodermic needles in the theater seats, the car headlights/gang hoax, etc, etc, etc..... Bottom Line... composing e-mail or posting something on the Net is as easy as writing on the walls of a public restroom. Don't automatically believe it until it's proven false...ASSUME it's false, unless there is proof that it's true. --Kramer Wetzel, Fishing Guide to the Stars http://www.astrofish.net

NEVER MIND THE PRICE OF GAS - GET IN THE CAR, WE'RE LEAVING Travel experts say Americans will hit the road in record numbers this Memorial Day weekend, regardless of the high price of gasoline. The American Automobile Association says it will be the 10th straight year of increased Memorial Day holiday travel, with 34.4 million Americans expected to travel 100 miles or more from home. That's up 3 percent from last year, and 31 percent from the 1991 holiday weekend. Most of those travelers -- 28.4 million -- will be going by car, light truck or recreational vehicle, even though AAA's pre-holiday Fuel Gauge Report shows self-serve regular gasoline averaging $1.465 per gallon nationally, 30.8 cents higher than last Memorial Day.

Internet Hoax -- Time To Clean Out The Web! A nice and tidy Internet hoax traveling around is "Internet Cleaning Day." This e-mail states that there is going to be a national day of cleaning to help speed up the World Wide Web. The message usually includes something about disconnecting servers, hard drives, monitors, etc. from the Internet. The e-mail is not true. There is no such thing as "Internet Cleanup Day." Anyway, I'm sure they don't do Windows.

Internet Hoax -- When Bananas Bite Back! A relative of mine introduced me to this one. In this hoax, the e-mail states that the deadly disease "necrotizing fasciitis" has somehow found its way onto bananas being shipped from Costa Rica. In case you don't know, necrotizing fasciitis is better known as "flesh-eating" bacteria. The story goes on to state that the FDA won't admit anything to avoid a panic. Nice of them, huh? This is totally bogus! The author attempts to use the clout of the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) as proof. The CDC has this Web site posted to refute the claim: http://www.cdc.gov/od/oc/media/pressrel/r2k0128.htm

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY! Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..." THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" OUCH, THAT SMARTS!! A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around with an explosion taking place inside his pants," said police spokesman Mike Carey. Police have the man's charred trousers in custody. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "this is her husband!" NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

Internet Hoax -- Cockroaches and ATMs This is nasty! Supposedly, a woman came into the hospital with a lesion on her tongue. Apparently, she had licked an envelope, and a cockroach egg became imbedded in her tongue. During the exam, the cockroach (this is gross) emerged from her tongue, much to the horror of the nurse, doctor, or whoever "witnessed" the event. OK, even I must admit this is so stupid, anyone who actually believes this needs help. Ewwww!!!!

Darwin Winner -- Cobra Kills Moron! Wayne Roth, 38, was bitten by his friend's pet cobra. He refused to go to the hospital, saying "I'm a man, I can take it." He then went to a local bar for drinks. Cobra venom is very slow acting but quite potent. Wayne died within a few hours. He later went on to win the 1997 Darwin Award, having qualified by committing a fatal stupidity.

KLINGERMAN VIRUS' HYSTERIA The "deadly sponges in the mail" hoax resulted in the evacuation of a West Palm Beach, Florida neighborhood on Monday. A woman called the police after receiving a blue envelope, thinking it might contain the rumored virus. After evacuating the woman and some of her neighbors, the bomb squad examined the blue envelope, which turned out to be a sweepstakes entry from Publisher's Clearinghouse. http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bldrumbeat.htm

Even Killers Can Sue Convicted serial killer Peter Moore won nearly 13,000 pounds in damage from a couple of family friends who were supposed to look after his home in North Wales. The couple sold off Moore's belongings, including some prized gnomes, and refused to give him any of the cash from the sale. The fact that Moore was jailed for life for his crimes may have had something to do with the couple's attitude. The judge in the theft cash awarded Moore damages and said he could claim legal costs. The couple did not appear in court.

(AP)A Texas death row inmate reportedly tried to auction off five seats to his execution on eBay. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram said Michael Toney's sales pitch was on the Web site for several hours Wednesday before being removed by managers of the San Jose, Calif.-based company. The 34-year-old Toney -- who was convicted of killing three people near Fort Worth in a 1985 bombing attack -- said in his listing that he wanted the money to establish a trust for his two estranged daughters. Condemned killers in Texas are allowed to have five witnesses at their execution. Usually, they invite family members or friends. State prison spokesman Glen Castleberry said even if someone had bid on the offer, they would not have been allowed to attend the execution, "period, end of story." An execution date for Toney has not been set. He's currently appealing his conviction.

News of the Weird LEAD STORIES * In March, Milwaukee lawyer Robin Shellow agreed to settle the slander lawsuit filed by former client James Hermann, stemming from a statement she made on his behalf at his 1996 sentencing for armed robbery. To help explain his behavior to the judge, Shellow said Hermann was a heroin user, but Hermann said he was merely a cocaine addict and that to hear himself described as a heroin user gave him post-traumatic stress disorder resulting in lessened "self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image." * In April, the Orange County (Calif.) Register revealed that human tissue banks, which are widely believed by the donating public to be either government- or non-profit-operated, are highly profitable commercial concerns, with annual revenues of $500 million and rising. Today, a cadaver "donated to science" actually brings up to $200,000 for tissue banks and their contractors. The companies argue that if they paid for cadavers, the costs would rise to tissue recipients (who range from blind people receiving corneas to makeup models who want fuller lips). ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Who Cares? The I Am Hurt Corp. lawyer-referral company filed a lawsuit in Edmonton, Alberta, in March against a competing lawyer who advertises his phone number, 428-HURT. And in November, a New York grand jury indicted three principals in a Maryland distributing company for fraudulently substituting common fish eggs for caviar. And in March, the Securities and Exchange Commission filed a complaint against four Georgetown University law students, accusing them of recommending an obscure stock on an Internet bulletin board and then exploiting people who bought that stock, even though the buyers put their money down apparently knowing nothing about the stock except that these anonymous strangers recommended it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Entrepreneurial Spirit * Exciting New Products: the Vast-ity Belt, which contains a microchip that flashes and beeps when the wearer has eaten too much at a meal (from Piero De Giacomo of Bari, Italy); The Gooser, a computer program that automatically inflates lawyers' billed hours (according to a November federal indictment against the developer, a Wayne, Pa, consultant); and sliced peanut butter, packaged like single slices of cheese, from researchers at Oklahoma State University. * Latest from the Restaurant Industry: A Nazi-themed restaurant called The Third Reich (with Gestapo-clad waiters) has been open for about a year in downtown Seoul, to little criticism, perhaps because of South Korea's minuscule Jewish population. However, an unaffiliated eatery called Jail (with a prison motif) in Taipei, Taiwan, was forced to apologize in January for including Holocaust prison scenes on its walls. Yet another Taipei theme restaurant opened in January, built on a smokestack at the city's biggest garbage incinerator, with picturesque views of trucks bringing in the trash. * In London, England, in December, a completely automated tavern, Cynthia's Cyberbar, opened, featuring a robot that mixes drinks perfectly and carries on recorded conversations to simulate a friendly bartender. * New York City psychotherapist Marilyn Graman recently offered a $9,600-per-person set of classes that she describes as "a step-by-step intensive program designed to lead (a woman) down the aisle." According to a December Philadelphia Inquirer report, the course covers 276 hours over six months, full of such tips as how a woman can visualize herself as a wife and how to make your closet "man ready," but she offers no nuptial guarantee. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chutzpah * Wilhelm Krumwiede asked the Nebraska Supreme Court in December to rule that his estranged (and possibly dead) wife is also liable for the $120,000 in legal fees he has amassed defending the charge that he murdered her. (She has been missing since 1995, but in two trials, Krumwiede has not been convicted.) And in December, after estranged wife Cora Caro was arrested in Ventura County, Calif., and charged with murdering three of her four children, she demanded $550,000 from her husband (the kids' father) as a "loan" from the future division of the community property in order to fund her expectedly elaborate defense. * In November, testifying before the state gaming commission in Indianapolis, principals of Caesars Indiana apologized for falling far short of the commission rule requiring that 10 percent of casino contracts go to minority businesses. Caesars said it had greatly improved over 1998's dismal one-half of 1 percent, but then revealed that that improvement was produced by counting its major engineering firm as minority-owned because its owner claims to be 1/16th American Indian. * Ronald Bell Jr., 18, was convicted of murder in Shalimar, Fla., in March; part of the evidence against him was a surveillance video from a Target store showing Bell and two accomplices returning the murder weapon (a $9.99 meat cleaver) for a refund. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Recent Fire News A brand-new, $1 million fire station in Charleston, W.Va., as well as the Southampton Street headquarters of the Boston Fire Department, were closed (in January and November, respectively) because of fire-code violations. And fires demolished a fire station in Allentown, Fla. (in January), the Mercury Candle Co. factory in Newark, N.J. (in January), and the Argo Co.'s fire-extinguisher plant in Detroit (in November). ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Recurring Themes * In 1992, News of the Weird reported the onstage death of a nightclub comedian in Tempe, Ariz., who keeled over from a heart aneurysm while emceeing a show. In March 2000, a performer who worked as Uncle Ron the Magician collapsed and died during a show in Hamilton, New Zealand, and as with the 1992 incident, some in the audience applauded, thinking the collapse was a pratfall that was part of the show. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Least Competent Criminals Easy IDs: Four men escaped in March after robbing a Mellon-PSFS Bank in downtown Philadelphia, but police got a clear photo of one of the men, who had inadvertently stood on the sidewalk directly facing the bank's surveillance camera while getting up the nerve to put on his mask. And Cedrick Washington, 33, was arrested in November and charged with robbing a Kenner, La., sandwich shop; according to police, he had stood in front of the shop (again, inadvertently facing the surveillance camera), repeatedly practicing pulling his shirt over his head as a disguise. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Also, in the Last Month ... Four kindergartners were suspended for three days for pretending to shoot each other with their fingers (Sayreville, N.J.). The real name of a man charged with attempting via the Internet to lure an underage girl into a sexual tryst: Mr. Dirk Lust (Merrimack, N.H.). A 38-year-old inmate, who might have been released next month, was sentenced to 50 more years for assaulting a guard (Huntsville, Texas). Clyde Charles, 47, was freed from the Angola prison in Louisiana (after serving nearly 20 years for rape) when a DNA test implicated his brother Marlo, instead. A Tucson, Ariz., schoolteacher who claimed an Hispanic student shot her confessed that she had shot herself to draw attention to school security problems.

Man Pays Victim's Husband in Fondling Case LUSAKA (Reuters) - A Zambian hotel supervisor who touched a woman employee's breasts has been ordered by a court to pay her husband nearly $300 in compensation, The Post newspaper reported Thursday. The paper said Bertha Kosamu told the court she was ironing in the hotel laundry room when her supervisor, Obert Siyankalanga, reached from behind and slipped his hand into her blouse, touching her breasts. ``I clobbered him on the head with the iron to ward off his unwanted advances,'' said the 24-year-old Kosamu, pointing at deep scars on Siyankalanga's head and face. Judge Alfred Shilibwa found Siyankalanga guilty of defilement and interference in a marriage, ruling that the victim's husband and not the victim required compensation. ``There is evidence of sexual harassment and defilement. Bosses should not intimidate their workers in the manner adopted by the accused,'' Shilibwa told the court.

Suck-And-Sniff Narco Lollipops Seized BOGOTA (Reuters) - Even die-hard chocoholic and candy addicts may draw the line at the latest ``treat'' dished up by Colombian narco-traffickers cocaine-filled lollipops. Police at Bogota airport seized late Thursday a package of 215 ``Bon-Bon-Bum'' lollies destined for New York and discovered the traditional bubble-gum centers had been replaced with drugs. Each lollipop was filled with around 3/4 ounce of pure cocaine, worth as much as $7,000 once cut and sold on U.S. streets. Col. Mauricio Agudelo, head of Bogota airport police, said a total of about 10 pounds of cocaine was concealed in the candies, which had been made in the northwest city of Medellin, the former powerbase of Pablo Escobar's notorious drug mob. ``This is the first time we have seen this method being used. This is just another sign of the inventiveness of Colombia's drug traffickers,'' Agudelo said. In the past, police have seized Colombian cocaine packed in the stems of export-ready flowers, mixed with cement and shaped into concrete fence posts and even combined with plastic compounds and made into dog kennels. The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration estimates Colombia provides up to 80 percent of the world's cocaine and up to two-thirds of the high grade heroin sold in the United States. Genuine Bon-Bon-Bum lollipops, manufactured by Cali-based Colombina SA, are sold throughout the world.

From the Tallahassee (Florida) Police Department: STUPID CRIMINAL STORIES --------------- * A prison inmate in Honolulu, Hawaii walked away from a work detail just five months shy of finishing an eight-year sentence. The fugitive apparently couldn't wait for parole because he wanted to get married to his longtime girlfriend. The pair never got to go on their honeymoon because an employee at the marriage license bureau alerted police when lover-boy tried to use his prison ID to apply for the marriage license. * A career criminal in Portland, OR hatched a scam to earn some easy pocket cash. He printed up some phony charity raffle tickets and made quite a bundle selling them around town. Police received numerous complaints, but were never able to crack the case until the man sold one of the phony tickets to someone who already had cause to be a bit suspicious of him - his parole officer. * A computer hacker in Fort Collins, CO discovered a security flaw in an Internet company's e-commerce Web site. The hacker threatened to reveal the weakness publicly unless the company paid him thousands in cash, along with a new Volvo station wagon. He was busted when he gave the target company his name and home address for delivery of the Volvo. * A man in Chester, SC was arrested on a weapons charge after he pretended to be shot. The convicted felon fired a .22-caliber rifle out the window of his house and then put ketchup on his head and lay on the floor. The man's wife called 911 when she found him, and deputies responded. He told deputies the shooting was a joke, but federal law makes it illegal for convicted felons to handle or fire guns. * A Detroit shoplifting suspect was crushed to death after fleeing the store's security guards. As the guards spotted the woman and approached her, she made a break for it and hid in the store's trash compactor. The woman was crushed after workers who were loading trash into the compactor started the machine. They had been on a break when the woman hid inside the machine and didn't notice she was there until they restarted it. * A bride-to-be in Prestonburg, KY didn't show up at the church for her wedding, but it wasn't because she got cold feet. In fact, it was because she had hot fingers. The woman had been jailed for shoplifting her wedding gown and several other accessories from a local bridal shop. * A Wesley Chapel, FL man suffered a self-inflicted gunshot wound while working on his car. Apparently, the repairs involved drilling a hole into the car's exhaust pipe. The man couldn't find a drill, but he was able to lay his hands on a pistol, so he decided to try to shoot the hole instead. His aim apparently wasn't any better than his idea, and the bullet ricocheted back at him.

------------ Crash and Burn for Copycat Failure ------------ SACRAMENTO, California - A 17-year-old copycatter did not demonstrate the agile reflexes of a feline when he fell through the ceiling of two stores that he was trying to rob. The boy was allegedly trying to emulate an infamous "rooftop robber" who is believed to have committed more than 40 crimes in California. According to Placer County Sheriff Department Lt. Rick Armstrong, "The first store had bars on the doors and windows so the boy couldn't get out. So he went onto the ceiling of the next store and fell 20 feet to the floor." It should be safe to say that becoming a Roofer is definitely not in the boys future.

---- Iran Transsexual Unhappy With Experience As Woman ----- TEHRAN - An Iranian man who recently had a sex change to become a woman wants to reverse the operation because she finds life as a woman insufferable in Iran, a newspaper said on Monday. The 25-year-old Maryam, formerly Mehran, underwent a sex change last year, despite strong parental opposition. But she soon regretted the decision, finding it difficult to cope with "restrictions" surrounding a woman's life in the conservative Islamic society. While almost everything else in Iran is illegal, sex change operations are, but there are no provisions for would-be transsexuals to test out their new identity first.

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the Lawrenceville jail. Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are making love to a pumpkin?" He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?"

+---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ Arkansas The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw" A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

TORONTO - A study recently published in "PsychologyBulletin," finds homosexual men and women are more likely to be left- handed than their heterosexual counterparts. Canadian researchers say these findings indicate sexual orientation, like handedness, may be determined before birth. A statistical analysis of 20 studies involving more than 23,000 men and women had found that gay men were 34 percent more inclined toward left-handednesss than non-gay men while the chances were even greater among homosexual women, where they were 91 percent more likely to be left-handed than heterosexual women.

-------- Retiree Drives Across Country In Golf Cart -------- SOMEWHERE BETWEEN CONNECTICUT AND CALIFORNIA - What do you do if you're a retiree from California with nothing better to do with your time? If you're George Bombardier you take cross-country road trips in a golf cart. Bombardier lives in a trailer and can't do much with his emphysema and heart problems so for the past few years he has been driving to Connecticut in a golf cart to see his kids. Among the amenities he carries with him are a television, radio, tape player and makeshift bed. This most recent trip will make his fourth circuit in two years. [Bizarre News readers will not be surprised to learn that old George is also a divorcee.] ---------- Who Wants Jet Boots? We Want Jet Boots! --------- MOSCOW - You would think these little gems came out of Japan, but the inventor of the world's first gasoline-powered boots is Roman Kunikov, one of the professors at a prominent Russian engineering institute. The boots incorporate one-foot pistons that strap along the calf and fire downward after the wearer steps down, pushing a metal plate away from the bottom of the shoe - and the wearer up into the air. Tests have shown that wearers can achieve speeds of up to 25 mph. "A person can move with significant jumps or strides," said Kunikov, "there have not been any accidents so far." [Is is just me, or can the rest of you not wait for these things to hit the market?]

-------------- STUPID CRIMINAL STORIES --------------- * A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies and other events. One day, a middle-aged woman in Austin, TX called to inquire if they could kill her husband. She was sentenced to four-and-a-half years in prison. * This guy wasn't a criminal as far as we know - but he sure was stupid. A very macho colonel in the Ivory Coast army bought a magic belt that would supposedly protect him from bullets. The colonel had one of his soldiers fire several bullets at him to test the belt. He died instantly. * Two Jacksonville, FL brothers convinced a dentist into letting them chop off his finger. They would claim it was an accident and the three would split the insurance money. The dentist at first agreed, but quickly changed his mind. The brothers became infuriated, held the dentist down and forcibly cut off his index finger. The dentist could no longer practice and collected over one million dollars. When the brothers tried to extort money from the dentist, he reported them to the FBI. They were promptly arrested. * An inebriated man in Hopedale, MA stood naked in his front yard one night and began shooting at cars that passed by. Finally someone called the police. When the officer passed by, the drunk shot at his car also. The policeman got out of the car. In an attempt to escape, the man jumped on the back of the officer's German shepherd. The dog became angry and viscously attacked the man while the officer handcuffed him. * A Peeping Tom was arrested in Newport News, VA. The pervert had left his lip prints on the window. A few days later, he returned to the apartment complex where he was arrested for indecent exposure. The officer lifted the lip print from the window and the state crime lab made a positive match. The man is now behind bars. * Police reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, MI, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. * A thief in California, after robbing a bank, ran out in the middle of a busy street to try to blend in to escape from the police who were chasing him. So, the crook ran into the middle of a group of runners. What the thief didn't know was that the group of joggers was actually a group of police academy recruits out for a morning run. Guess who got caught? * In Seattle WA, some employees of Boeing Aircraft stole a large life raft that is used on the 747. They went to the river and inflated it. Shortly thereafter, the Coast Guard showed up. The thieves didn't know that a locator beacon signal was activated when the raft was inflated. They no longer work for Boeing.

--------------- STUPID CRIMINAL STORIES --------------- * An 18-year-old thrill seeker got a little carried away while robbing a branch of Bank of America in Sacramento, CA recently. As he was leaving with the loot, the man turned to bank personnel and yelled, "I'm goin' to Lake Tahoe!" -- an apparent salute to the famous "I'm goin' to Disneyworld" television ads. The man then hopped into his waiting limo -- yes, he was using a rented limo for a getaway car -- and told the driver to take him to Lake Tahoe. The limo driver realized what was going on and alerted his company dispatcher, who called the cops. Needless to say, the suspect never made it to Tahoe. He was arrested just outside the Sacramento city limits. * A somewhat meticulous drug dealer in Victoriaville, Canada ran into trouble in the course of his carefully run crack cocaine business. It seems that when the dealer delivered a package to a customer, he added local sales tax to the purchase price. One of the man's customers was so incensed by the extra charges that he actually complained about it to Victoriaville police. It wasn't tough for the cops to track their man down, since the dealer had also provided an itemized and signed sales receipt for each purchase. * A couple in Chula Vista, CA went on a shoplifting spree at a local discount store, swiping a variety of items from the store's shelves, and hiding them in the baby carriage they were pushing. The haul got so big that the carriage finally collapsed, spilling the couple's baby onto the store floor, along with the loot. The baby wasn't injured, but the commotion attracted the attention of store security officers, who made a quick arrest. * A Sullivan, NY man was charged with forcing another motorist off the road, even though he wasn't in the car at the time of the accident. Several friends had tried to talk the drunken man out of driving home after a party, but he drove off anyway. Police say the man stopped at an intersection, then made an abrupt right turn, falling out of the car in the process. The car rolled on, causing several drivers to swerve out of the way and forcing one woman's car completely off the road. The man was charged with DWI, failure to keep right, and driving without a seat belt. * An Oklahoma City man, who had a court date on a marijuana possession charge, had trouble finding a parking space, so he decided to park in the police lot. Not a good idea. Two plainclothes police officers approached the man and asked him to move his car, but he refused, another not-so-good idea. When the officers asked to see the man's identification, he went back to the car to look for his driver's license. While rummaging through the glove compartment, the man pulled out several bags of pot, which was bad idea number three. The cops arrested the man on the spot, and he's now facing two marijuana possession charges. And by the way, the license the man was looking for was in his pants pocket the entire time. * An extortionist in Osaka, Japan sent anonymous letters to several large Japanese drug companies, demanding money and threatening serious consequences if his conditions weren't met. The case was cracked when a clerk at an Osaka convenience store found one of the blackmailer's originals that he had left behind in the store's copy machine. Police reviewed tapes made by the store's security camera and were able to quickly identify and arrest the suspect. * A Washington, NC man was charged with voter fraud after voting more than once in the state's May 2nd primary election. Elections officials say the man voted twice -- once in his own name, and once using the name of his father, who died in 1995. He might have pulled it off, if a volunteer at the voting booth hadn't noticed the man was already wearing a small "I voted" sticker on his lapel.

--------------- Stupid Criminal Stories --------------- * A prison inmate in Honolulu, HI walked away from a work detail just five months shy of finishing an eight-year sentence. The fugitive apparently couldn't wait for parole because he wanted to get married to his longtime girlfriend. The pair never got to go on their honeymoon, though -- an employee at the marriage license bureau alerted police when loverboy tried to use his prison ID to apply for the marriage license. * A man carrying a television set hailed a cab in Los Angeles and told the driver he needed to get to Ohio in a hurry. The trip went well until the cab reached Topeka, Kansas, where a sheriff's deputy stopped the cabbie for speeding. During the stop, the deputy noticed the passenger was acting jumpy and had an unusually tight grip on his TV. An investigation revealed the TV set had ten pounds of marijuana hidden inside. * A Richmond, VA woman was arrested and charged with robbing a branch of Bank of America. The woman admitted the robbery, and told police she needed cash for an overdue mortgage payment. In true stupid criminal fashion, the bank that held the woman's mortgage was the same one she had robbed, and she was easily recognized. * A Philadelphia, PA man was arrested for robbery recently. As officers were preparing the paperwork on the arrest, they noticed the man intently chewing his fingernails. Or at least that's what they thought. Turns out the man was trying to chew off his fingerprints so he couldn't be identified. The cops stopped him before he was able to finish the job. * A woman in Oroville, CA who had been the victim of a recent burglary decided to join a local Neighborhood Watch group. The woman could hardly believe her eyes when she arrived for her first meeting - the hostess was wearing a dress that had been stolen in the recent robbery. As the victim wandered around the house, she discovered the rest of her missing furniture and household goods. The woman left the party and alerted police, who dropped by the Neighborhood Watch meeting to arrest the hostess. * A public works employee in Hartford, CT began supplementing his income by moonlighting as a drug dealer. Hartford police arrested the man after they overheard him making drug deals over a radio frequency that city vehicles share with the police department.

Students Arrested for Pumpkin Thefts BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - At least eight college students were facing theft charges after being caught with more than 350 pumpkins and other Halloween decorations filched from homes in south Baton Rouge, city police said on Tuesday night. The cache included 332 pumpkins, most of them carved, and plastic jack-o'-lanterns, 24 scarecrows, nine ghosts, eight skeletons and one straw broom, police said. "We had a lot of families come by tonight looking for their pumpkins and decorations," Lt. Frances Schenk said. "What upset all of us was the little kids who were crying because their decorations had been stolen," she said. "It ruined Halloween for a lot of them." The students, believed to be freshmen at Louisiana State University, were booked on charges of misdemeanor theft and illegal possession of stolen goods. One of the eight also was booked on charges of possessing a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, police said. "The biggest question now is what we're going to do with all the pumpkins that don't get claimed," Schenk said. "It looks like there's enough here to make pies for everybody in south Louisiana."

+-------------------- Bizarre Lawsuits --------------------+ A University of Idaho freshman suffered fractured vertebrae, abrasions and severely bruised buttocks when the dormitory window that he was mooning a group of friends through shattered. The young man and his parents sued the school for $470,000 per cheek. When Minnesota State Bank of St. Paul president Michael Brennan flushed the toilet in the executive washroom, he was blasted with a geyser of 200 to 300 gallons of raw sewage. He sued the city and a construction company that neglected to inform anyone they shut off the sewer line for $50,000 to cover his humiliation and embarrassment. A 25-year-old mortuary driver was cited for driving alone in a High Occupancy Vehicle lane. The man appeared in court and explained to the judge that he was transporting four dozen corpses at the time and wasn't alone. The judge didn't buy it and the mortuary driver was forced to pay a "stiff" fine. A $35 million lawsuit was filed in New York State Supreme Court against Motorola. Ronald Silber claimed Motorola should be held liable for the injuries they sustained when another car collided with them because the driver lost control of the car while reaching for her cell phone.

Temptation Island, episode 2. tv.

Online learning communities, a new topic in the vc (virtual community) conference, with a mention of the Austen community as learning community and other examples. I hope this prompts a discussion. (as the the new President is about to be sworn in)

As I watched the swearing in, I created a topic on politics for the Bush Presidency.

Marci's geo conference features some interesting space news about a new nuclear engine that will slash travel times to Jupiter and a scrubbed Soviet freighter mission to Mir. Marci posts this stuff regularly.

Wow, they caught the "Texas Seven" right in Stacey's backyard, our Stacey! Don't miss: http://search.npr.org/cf/cmn/cmnpd01fm.cfm?PrgDate=01/23/2001&PrgID=5 January 23, 2001 HOUR TWO: P. J. Mark - Senior Correspondent at Inside.com Scott Kirsner - Contributing Editor at "Wired" magazine It's "secret" code-name is Ginger. It's been seen by only a few people. It's a mystery invention by a well-respected, though reclusive, scientist. But what is It? No one knows for sure, but that hasn't stopped the media from massive speculation. Is it a motorized scooter, a personal transport device, a high-tech unicycle? Join Juan Williams and guests as they look at what "Ginger" may be and whether it warrants all the media hype Discuss more in science topic 33.

Let's talk about survivor again in the tv conference. Meet me there.

g home for some pix of my recently finished pool at http://www.wholetech.com/images/pool.html

Just got out of the pool. Too bad the holiday's drawing to a close, it's been really fun.