None of the Above

Hey guys, I'm still getting used to this new format, so please forgive me if I screw up! For example, this message is related to the pact topic, but I think it's more general so I'm posting it here. Jane, I never saw your "pact buddy" post until after I had posted my own pact message. I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you! I'm not sure if I'll be as far along as you by November 15, but I'd be happy to engage in some mutual support and encouragement. I need to do some intense and sustained writing for the first time in a long time, and maybe that's the way to do it. Kharyssa, I'm intrigued by your thesis binder idea, so I'll bite: What the heck is it?     -Tom My Diss Page

Hey Tom! I'm on my way out the door and don't have time right now to describe the thesis binder in detail. Maybe I could scan the directions and email them to you? or fax (would be easier)? It's only one page but a it's alot of typing. -k-

Hey Kharyssa, take your time. Before you take the trouble of scanning the binder directions, maybe you could just post a one- or two-line description of the binder and what it is intended to accomplish. I've never heard of such a thing and I'm just curious in a general sense about what it is.     -Tom

Kharyssa I, too, would like information on the thesis binder. Please please please (no hurry though. You mentioned it in the pacting thread.

Hi Rochelle, I saw your post in the "pacts" topic, and I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't doubt yourself because some doddering old fool is being a jerk. He neither understands your research nor appreciates your approach to it, and he masks his ignorance with a mildly distainful bearing. In a book I've been reading about writing in the social sciences, Howard Becker makes a point on a totally different topic that seems appropriate to this situation. He claims that students make a mistake when they thi k that their professors are all experts: Unless students decide that the educational institutions they attend are frauds (and surprisingly few do, considering the evidence available to them), they will accept the implicit organizational proposition that the people who run the schools know what they are doing... This...is hierarchy, full-blown, at its worst: subordinates taking such evaluations as grades and teachers' comments, which are legitimated by the stratification of schools and scholarship, as ultimate and not-to-be-questioned evaluation of their own personal worth. Please don't let this guy make you loose faith in yourself. You're a great person and a capable scholar, and we all know it!     -Tom

Rochelle, I had a similar experience when I was young and very stupid. I thought the profs knew EVERYTHING and when they beat me down I listened to them. It took me a long time to realize they were JEALOUS, not right at all, and very petty. Don't listen to these people. They are probably feeling threatened by your obvious intelligence and dedication. I'd spew some more but Arjay made lasagna for dinner and it's ready. HANG IN THERE!

Damn it!! I am so sick and tired of feeling like I'm worthless and being shat upon by "my betters". After talking - heh - listening to ex-advisor-to-be talk about how I didn't perform well in the dry run nor the actual comp (DUH!!) because I couldn't recall the stuff they were asking for and then to hear him effectively say I shouldn't be an atmospheric dynamists and should go major in GIS was a slap in the face. Now this is not meant as a put-down to people who are majoring or working in GIS. But the fact that see in multi-dimensional color and it just happens that I've got this idea about something and GIS is the methodology to do it in and then to be told the load of bullshit I've heard from this school is enough to fuel my prodigious anger. I don't get mad as hell very often but I've had enough of this crap. I've almost informed everyone who needs to know that I've got all my data, no thanks to them (thubbbbpppptttt!!!), I've got the methodolgy and the skill to use and develop it, and I'M COPYWRI ING EVERYTHING AND NO ONE ELSE IS GONNA TOUCH IT TILL ITS FUCKING PUBLISHED!!! Oh, yeah, I'm furious. I can't help but remember the fiasco of the last semester of undergraduate school. My QPA was almost nonexistant, I was newly married and leaving, hated the way the school turned out (emphasis on the wrong aspects of aerospace engineer - yuck!) and just praying to get out with the degree. Geez, no one had ever heard of an adult with a learning disability. Plus my dad dieing, the remaining family splintering, I was totally on my own with a monsterous school loan, newby hubby was leaving on military orde s and I wasn't going to be left alone again. One professor finally asked why I had such horrible problems with aircraft structures. My answer was that I couldn't see it in my head. AND THAT'S THE CLUE!!! This dang learning disability ties up the info stored in my head so that I can't recall the "correct" word when an external stimulus asks for it. But I can talk around it, describe it, draw it, see THE WHOLE BEAUTIFUL THING IN MY HEAD and never be able to give the "expert" the one or two words that t ey want to hear. If I can wrap my brain around the concept then I can do it, translate it, and explain it in terms that ANYONE can understand. That undergrad prof told me to not work in engineering, the first place I tried for a job literally laughed at me because of the QPA. And now here I am facing a similar situation. Back then I was too afraid and too beaten down to get mad. Hell, I wasn't ALLOWED to get mad - alway had to smile and be the good girl. Well, to hell with that shit...I'm mad now an sick and tired of hearing the same damn stuff even when it's couched in terms of "you should reconsider..." Just because I'm different and think outside the box (CONSTANTLY), it shouldn't be held against me. So undergrad professor was wrong. I've had a good, 15 year multi-disciplined engineering career. I've published, I've done work that benefited a lot of people, and I've been selected for some damn important work. If I told you guys, you probably wouldn't believe me. So why do I think these guys, surrounded in their ivory tower, where every woman atmospheric person has LEFT for one reason or another, and they have a 50% comp failure rate and of that group 50% don't get their PhDs, why do I think what t ese guys have to say is important and is a true reflection of who I am and what I'm capable of????? Why do I even CARE what they think? Because I need their recommendations to get into another school - that's why. Damn it!!! I hate needing these people!!!!!! Well, I guess it's back to the old tried and true methodology of convincing people to ignore how I look on paper and watch me produce. This time it'll be atmospheric research rather than engineering. So I have to get up off my depressed, angry butt; get certain work projects out of the way; and begin devoting myself to the first major step in this research. It's needed at work, so I can justify working on it there and then I'll work on the PhinisheD book at home in the evenings. But I want to work on hese things because I WANT to and not to PROVE something. (sigh) I'll be glad when this anger is over and I'm back to a more normal roar of frustration. But I want even that to be minimized. I want to be peaceful and feel the creative juices of the artistic scientist flowing again. Yeah folks - creative science IS an art. Whew! Thanks for letting me vent. Rochelle

Oh, Rochelle. This system. It punishes wanting to do the work as opposed to proving something, doesn't it? You're going to have one hell of a story to tell, though, won't you? Which reminds me, I'll FTP those files right this instant.

Rochelle I wish I could come over and help you slap a few faces and wake these people up to reality! Oh well, all I can offer at this time is "Hang in there" the creative juices will come again. Good Luck! Chrissie

Okay here's the gist: the thesis binder is a way to tangibly organize your work and your thoughts while visualizing the finished product. Here's the blurb from the instructions (sorry for the typos): **** Dr. Brown: You have to always keep an image in mind of the final product. People don't have a writing block, they're simply not identifying what they're doing, and therefore not identifying the next thing they need to do. Dr. Brown suggests that you create a loose-leaf, 3-ring binder representing the thesis, with all its chapters, appendices, references, and so on, laid out according to university guidelines for margins and pagination. Put as many blank sheets into the binder as you think you'll need for each chapter. You won't know exactly how many pages to devote to each section, but putting page numbers helps you visually see the relative proportion and importance of each section. Your mock thesis binder will need a tab e of contents, which lets you see the whole as well as the parts of your thesis. Dr. Brown points out that the TOC is different in an important way from the outline. An outline is open-ended, which implies that it can be enlarged and changed ad infinitum. The subliminal message of the TOC is that it is fixed for a completed work. Seeing parts in relation to the whole is helpful when you're reading literature. Instead of reading as if your compiling a reference library, you read only material that relates to a specific part of your thesis. When you read ask yourself "Where will I use this?" rather than "I wonder if I'll have some use for this down the road?". You can begin your binder by putting your prospectus in your methods chapter. And you're on your way. As you read materials, make notes about what your reading and put them into the binder in the appropriate place. You can also 3-hole punch pages to include in the binder--pages, sections, or chapters you've written; articles; xeroxes; etc. Because the binder is loose-leaf, you are free to change your mind, and to change notes from one place to another as your thesis takes shape. Not only will your changes be easier to make because they're concrete (physically moving paper around in your binder), but your decisions will be easier to keep track of than if you'd made them only mentally -- or on a scrap paper or post-it note. Dr. Brown: Moving pieces around is very motivating when your stuck. If you can physically piece things together while writing -- assembling and compiling them -- you'll rarely have the feeling that you're creating something from nothing. You begin to think of writing as the continued organization of bits and pieces. More often than not, while you're shuffling pages around and organizing your binder, you'll be thinking about the project and break through your block. **** Sound cool or what? I went and bought a $6 binder and three packs of tabbed page separators at Office Max. I labelled each separator with a chapter number and started filling it in with pages I''d already written. For chapters I hadn't started, I put in a detailed bit of outline. Just get it going and you'll see how organizing, visualizing, tangible, and motivating it can be. At my meeting with the advisor today, she was very surprised to see that I'd already done a binder -- she was going to suggest it to me! In addition to having all your ducks in a row, you'll also have a portable office. I have happily been changing my working scene from home to office to library and always have my binder with me... and consequently everything I need to work. I hope this helps someone like it has helped me! -k-

Rochelle, your experience solidifies my conviction that a lot of experiences with academia are very similar to sorority/fraternity initiaation and hazing. Which is another experience that can destroy your self esteem and confidence but is based on whim, prejudice, and politics. I hope you are able to move on to a better situation. Anyone who saw your published work (web pages referenced recently) knows that you are a scholar. I really like the binder idea and am adding it to my pact as the next thing to do--Thanks for the idea, Kharissa Adios, I am off to read a little more--Mary Ann

I use an according file folder to do similar stuff to the thesis binder - I think the binder might work better - nothing should fall out of it! Chrissie

Rochelle, Just want to second what others are saying: You most certainly ARE a scholar and worthy and creative. You've already done amazing things with your life. It's a shame (and a sham!) that those high mucky mucks tried to stop you in your tracks. (They sound like real ween . . . er, wimps). They haven't won; you are moving forward--e.g., by proposing that you get funding to work on a doctorate ELSEWHERE, and protecting your work by getting the copyrights in order, etc. I'm totally in awe of you. Barb

Your support is like novacain on an open wound. It's deeply appreciated. -Rochelle

Hey Rochelle! I posted a response to your rant last night and don't see it anywhere! Oh well... it was huge and I don't remember everthing I said but it went something like: elitist bastard, jerk, butt-monkey. His pussy-footing is really a good thing: at least you know clearly where he stands and would only write a poor recommendation - which you neither need nor deserve. Look elsewhere for academic support (maybe a neutral professor in the same dept?). Of course, there is no rule that says your recs must come from the dept - use your boss and a colleague on that WA committee instead. As for GIS... no offense was taken. Most people don't understand that GIS is a means to an e d not an end in itself. It is just a tool. Yes it's a wonderfully useful skill that can get you a job... but it is certainly not it's own discipline. Get this A-hole out of your life. I'm sure you'll find greener pastures someday soon... moving on to a new university will change perspective for you. And, be sure to meditate and get rid of these bad feelings... venting is great, but if you harbour a grudge/angry feelings towards these folks you will only be hurting yourself. I'm sure those bastards will fo get you very quickly - do them the same courtesy and get on with your research. PS. good luck with the book! I hope you'll let the gang here vote on the title! -k-

Rochelle Hope things are little better this afternoon. Your strength truly amazes me. In my other life (the working world), one of the things I use to do as part ofmy job was organize workshops and conferences. We always used to hire a particular facilitator whom the industry admired and respected. She would help us organize our agenda, and when we looked around for "experts", she reminded us that we had the power to make someone an expert just by inviting them to speak. And so we "created" the expert. I thin it's an interesting lesson....I hope it can be applied to your situation. Hang in there!

Kharyssa I like the idea of the thesis binder. Ironically, the things that my supervisor wanted me to by Christmas, in addition to the tasks I'd identified, were and introduction and my conceptual framework. He said they would probably change, but they would serve to guide most of my work. I'll be able to do the intro and binder together. Thanks

Hello, All! I've been away on business for just over a week and return to find the entire world has changed! Seriously, Amy you're a real star for keeping things on the march. Tom: thanks for your e-mail. Rochelle, Hi! And Hi! to all the old gang and all the new guys. This new format has an interesting effect on perception and communication, I find. But we'll get used to it. We have the motivation, after all. Love to all Lou

Hi, all. Chrissie says she's flying around so much just now that she might not show up here for a few days. But she asked me to tell everyone that Liam is doing fine after his ear tube surgery. He wasn't all that freaked by the procedure, apparently. So that's good news! Barb

HEhe Of course as soon as I say I won't have time, Liam takes a nap and Hannah is playing on her computer! So I have about 5 minutes before one or the other needs me again. I should be making dinner but I'm out of dinner ideas so its Ed's turn:) Liam is good - tubes went in with no fuss, but he now has a cold and is very cranky, some Dimatap and a nap should help with that. He has said a couple of new words since the surgery (at 5 hours after the surgery he said shark and even earlier then that he said help, we'll see if he retains the words). Thanks for the good thoughts! Still don't know if my thesis was delivered or not - oh well too much life stress this week to worry about that:) If not the PO will just have to send another one for free. Right now they are trying to figure it out for me:) Chrissie

Literature Review Help! I'm overwhelmed! I don't know what to do, and that's just with the articles I have on my shelf. How do I manage my articles? How do I integrate everything? How do I remember everything? Did you photocopy everything? (I actually wrote a more detailed message about this but it got lost somewhere)

Anita, I sense a bit of panic in your message.... don't freak out. Yes, it's a lot of material to absorb, recapitualte, synthesize, and integrate - we all feel overwhelmed by it. First of all, don't expect yourself to remember *everything* - some bits will get lost along the way. I'm sorry your longer message didn't make it (that has happened to me too, more than once) -- but maybe this will help. I photocopied absolutely everything (even pages from the books I own). After I read them (with lots of notes in the argin and a huge "T" on the front if I wanted to use it for the thesis), I wrote a short abstract (using appropriate key words) on a large, lined post-it note and then filed it away alphabetically by author in my drawer. Once I'd gone through everything once (and everything was filed), I went through each file and pulled out the references I wanted to use. This seemed easier to me than trying to retain it all. Once I pulled out the relevant stuff, I read it all again. Anything that wasn't usable was then anned (ie re-filed). Eventually I had a 'short stack'of usable material. These I read a third time while sitting at the computer, and entered in any quotes/useful bits I wanted to use. Then I structured a super-detailed outline for that chapter and shuffled my notes into the right places. One thing you definitely don't want to do is stack this stuff up on your desk. Everytime you sit down, you'll see the monster pile staring you down and you won't want to work anymore. Try to get it organized and tucked away... clearing your desk often helps to clear your mind. Hope this helps... -k-

Hey, Anita. Another idea to help organize is to use a biblography software program. I use EndNotes (http://www.endnotes.com) and it not only creates a database of all your info, but at the push of a button it will create all your references in a word processing program. There are several folks on the board who use it. The only drawback is if you create the full reference list and then go and change/add the cites within the document, it can become conflicted. A simple think you have to do is remember o keep the document in the EndNotes working text format and only do the full reference list at the end. If you remember (I rarely did) you can "unformat" and go from the full reference list back to the Endnotes coding. Cool package at a decent price. -Rochelle

OK everyone... today's the day. T-minus 3 1/2 hours. I am not that nervous this time and have studied like the dickens. So between noon and 4:30 (2 and 6:30 Eastern) send me lots of good vibes. I've decided that this is the last time I will attempt this... so what I get today is what the PhD schools get as well. I'm visualizing 640, 650, 700.... 640, 650, 700, 640, 650, 700, 640, 650, 700... what the mind sees it will create! -k-

Good luck Kharyssa! I am sure you will do well.

Kharyssa, Yes. Good luck! Hope you get the scores you want. Barb (sending lots of good vibes)

Visualization aid. And I don't mean the club. Good thoughts and vibes of light effortless concentration!

Wow! I guess Amy said it all, didn't she? We're all pulling for you, Kharyssa!     -Tom

Go K Go! You can get those scores. Looking forward to hearing the good news.

Anxiously awaiting Kharyssa's results....

I hope this doesn't mean bad news. She's working so hard on this. I'd hate for her to be disappointed.

Oh it's very good news! I was just busy calling everybody on the planet! And I tracked a good buddy down at the mall... I am still doing a little dance of glee! happy happy joy joy! First THANKS TO ALL OF YOU for the good vibes... that must've helped. I was confident and positive the whole test! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I really loved all your messages, but Amy's made me bust out laughing! OK so I busted out crying when I saw my scores.... the proctor came in to console me but I was blubbering like an idiot. He kept saying "but those are good scores" and all I could say was "I know". So you wanna know what I got? Verbal = 630 Quantitative = 660 Analytical = 690 It is downright creepy that I visualized all of these within 10 points! : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) Well I am going off to glut myself on crawfish and crab legs... some food might help weigh me down a bit ... this floating thing is getting out of hand! ; ) -k-

YAY!!!! Way to go, Kharyssa! But don't eat so much that you get sick :)

Hooray, Hooray! Kharyssa's a super-scorer today! Wonderful news! Happy celebrating! (Eat some nice seafood for me, will 'ya?!) Barb

Kharyssa! Congrats on the scores!! Oh, I remember (and wish I could forget!) my GRE hell. I took that bloody test 5 times, and still had to settle for pretty embarassing scores. Thank god they drop off all the records after 5 years! So, maybe by the time I get around to applying for PhD programs, I can possibly take it over for better scores (or find a program that doesn't consider the test scores as part of the application process!). Finally you can put this annoying little thing behind you and look ahea !

Muy bien! Lots of people were pulling for you! Enjoy your success!! Mary Ann

YEAH! Way to go Kharyssa! I'm proud of you! Chrissie

K I am soooooo happy and relieved for you! You worked so hard, and it's paid off. What an inspiration. I hope you have a super weekend (please - no work!) Hang on to that high.

Kharyssa- Congratulations, they are well deserved scores!! Samantha

Thanks to everyone for their congrats over the last two days. I still have that warm glowing feeling from knowing that I've passed a very big hurdle in the application process. : ) -kharyssa-

I have done a lot of work with the technical communications department here and have gotten to be good friends with the instructors. One of them copied the announcement of my fellowship from the university's newspaper, enlarged it, and laminated it. He gave it to me with the following note: "Congratulations again on your very impressive fellowship award. Being laminated, the announcement is now protected against the blood, sweat, tears, and spilled coffee that may be experienced during the "doctoral journey". All the best, Bill." Isn't that just the nicest thing? What a wonderful gift for me to find , first thing this morning, in my school mailbox.

Sounds like that instructor has ADVISOR-PERSON tatooed on his chest. What a wonderful story! May I use this as a future adventure? -Rochelle

Most definitely. He is so nice.

Sounds like you need two ADVISOR-PERSON characters, Rochelle: GOOD ADVISOR-PERSON and EVIL ADVISOR-PERSON.     -Tom

ADVISOR-PERSON is always fair. The grad student may not like the answer or the decision may be tough, but AP always does the right thing. Concerning evil characters - there will most definately be EVIL Committee Member. Maybe the plague-ridden corpse is a good candidate. Most faculty characters will fall somewhere inbetween. The person who can only speak jargon, the person who doesn't care, the person who steps on others to further their own work. But there will be some good faculty as well - research-guy, professor emeritus, new-kid-on-the-block, idealistic-girl, etc. And another thing, AP is an aspect of any faculty. So AP won't have a single face - AP can be research-guy or person who doesn't care. It's hard to explain, but I think it'll work ok. This comic will definately be for academics - other people probably won't get it. But keep those ideas coming! Rochelle

Hey guys, I also use a binder. I have one general one which is my dissertation in the rough, one for the survey design process, several with output from my survey, and one for my ETHNOGRAPH output from my qualitative interviews (80 in all so I can't afford to have every interview on paper, instead I have two sets of backup diskettes). It is the only way I can keep my brain organized. I started using ENDNOTE and then got sidetracked but now that I am back into the literature I really have to discipline myself so it oesn't get out of hand. I have a file cabinet with all of my literature articles in alphabetical order. I am going through them and rereading them. On the outside of the folder I write a synthesis and what I think it contributes to my dissertation. If I decide that it is critical I take it out and put it in my file draw called literature review. There I have sections which are theoretical arranged and I plop it in the section I think it will be used. This is a dynamic process that changes all the time. Ho efully, I will end up with the articles which really reflect my argument. I don't have a very good long term memory so I really depend on this system to not lose track of the development of my argument over time. I hope some of this advice helps. JaneC Sorry, Tom, I have not been very board attentive. We were on vacation and now my husband is renegotiating his contract and had to go out of town for a week so my life has been a little crazy. I hope to have a draft of a CHAPTER of my dissertation which is probably going to be the heart of the dissertation by November. It's for the interim report to a fellowship I have. I think I am going to make the topic of the fellowship one important chapter of my thesis and for what they want in April I will sort of d a mini thesis focused on gender (in other words there is alot of data that they won't be interested in but that I am for my dissertation. I'd like to share some ideas with you, because I think we are working on a related topic. My e-mail is jclough_riquelme@hotmail.com can you drop me a line so we can go off line?? Jane

Kharyssa and Carol, Just finished reading this topic and found that congratulations are in order. Kharyssa, you have been very deligent in your GREs and I am really glad it paid off. Can't wait to hear where you chose to go for your PhD. Your future is so bright. Carol, congrats on your fellowship. Is this for a year? I don't know any of the particulars but it sounds very impressive. GReat job! Ellen

Ellen, It's a 3-year fellowship with the Department of Energy. They only give out 12 each year, and because of budget cuts this is the last year for a while. So I got in under the gun. I still can't quite believe it! Thanks Carol

Carol, When you receive a fellowship like this..I am still learning about all this...do you stay at your place of employment or do you move to another place like the Department of Energy (that may sound like a stupid question but I am curious how the fellowships work). I have had a few colleagues who have received fellowships but not many and I understand this is a huge honor and an incredible award. Once again, congratulations. Ellen

Ellen, The fellowship covers my tuition and fees up to $15,000 per year (but I go to a public university, so I don't cost much!) and a stipend of $20,000, for a max of three years. At the end of the third year all the award winners go to a symposium in Washington to present our research. Other than yearly progress reports, that's the only obligation we have. There are some fellowships that require a year or so on-site (NASA has some, and I think Oak Ridge) but this fellowship is not like that. Its purpose is to develop integrated manufacturing methods that conserve resources. They preferred projects that worked directly with some industry; mine is with a local company that makes HVAC units for GM and Ford. When I am feeling really stupid I take a look at the website that lists my name as a DOE fellow and then I don't feel so bad anymore! But there is that lingering thought that someone somewhere made a mistake..... :) Carol

CArol, Thank you for explaining. That is really impressive. Print out that WEB site, enlarge it, laminate it and hang it over your computer work station. Please don't question your intelligence or whether "someone, somewhere made a mistake", they didn't, you earned it and it is indeed exciting! Good for you and good for your university to have recognized what a fine scholar you are by recruiting you! Ellen

Carol, that fellowship is quite impressive. I work with PNNL, a DOE lab on a lot of my research. These folks are top notch and cutting edge research as well. Sounds like you would fit right in there. Once you Phinish, you should have contacts with DOE, their labs and the contract organizations that operate some of the labs. If they don't pick you up, then someone's making a big mistake. If you need/want introductions, just give me a yell. Rochelle

I'll keep that in mind, Rochelle. I am looking forward to getting started on this; I'm going to work on a timeline this weekend, backwards from the symposium date so I don't miss anything.

I have finally checked in with a pseudonym because I feel that the posts I made since finding this board during the dissertation process was between kindered spirits. When I read that posts including mine were going to be used in a book I felt my privacy violated. I am disappointed that I can't feel safe in sharing anymore information with the people with whom I have come to regard as friends. I still read the board and I debated on whether or not to make this post. I decided if I didn't tell it nobody would know and maybe this feeling of violation should be considered in the book.

While I am not the one writing the book I do think that Rochelle has taken this into consideration and even asked for feedback on how to protect true identies. I believe she was planing to give us all code names and such :) I do hope you'll come back and keep posting. Maybe if she knows how you feel (and who you are - tell only her not all of us) she can leave your comments out of the book. I'm sure there is a way. Chrissie

Hey eneryone! Just wanted to pass along my feelings on Ben Dean's workshops... they truly are helpful and amazing! I had my first meeting this week and got soooo much out of it. I have a framework in which to deal with my linguistics class and the feelings it generates; a scheduling/time management strategy; and I have a working way to deal with the trepidation I feel about my next chapter (#7-the simulation). One of the things that was very helpful was recognizing the way in which I tend to learn material. I submerge myself into the topic, and when I cannot do that (as of late) I freak out and do poorly. So the pyschologist leading the discussion suggested scheduling large blocks of time for each task (thesis and class)- this way I know that I'll have the time to work through a task thoroughly rather than feeling pulled in different directions every couple of hours. So, I highly recommend that those of you struggling with this process look into these workshops. They are free and so awesome! It's sort of like marriage counseling where your thesis/diss is the partner! TOM -- I thought about you constantly during my session... all we talked about was how to overcome writing blocks, how to get started after a long break, etc. It seemed like something you would really find helpful. -k-

Dear taylorbonkers, I just wanted to write and say I saw your post and am sorry you no longer feel comfortable posting. In research we are used to getting and receiving "informed consent" for a project or study. I can empathize that you would expect the same from this forum. I don't think the book needs to mention anyones name or identifying credentials at all. I also feel pretty confident in saying (and I only know this from reading her posts) that Rochele is a very caring and sensitive individual and I think she would w nt to hear from anyone else who feels that their privacy has been/will be violated. I have gained so much support and good advice from this board...and I have this feeling that your posts were valuable..I am sorry we will not benefit from your contributions anymore. Ellen

Thanks, Kharyssa! How nice of you to think of me, especially since I haven't exactly been an active participant lately. I guess I'm the official poster child of writer's block on the board, and unfortunately, not much has happened lately to change that status. I've been able to write on some days, but even on days when I manage to eke out five or six or seven pages of text I still feel blocked, directionless, and unmotivated. Sometimes I feel like I'm beginning to catch the spark again, but then the f eling just slips away. Pretty frustrating and weird, huh? I'm interested in the Ben Dean stuff, and I've visited the ABD site recently, but I thought it was too late to join one of those teleworkshops. Please set me straight if I'm wrong. Anyway, I'm not sure if that's what I need...my SO made me go to a dissertation workshop in Ann Arbor last week, and although it was interesting it didn't really help much. I feel like I've reached my limit on the self-help approach. What I really need is an attitude adjustment, a shot of inspiration, or maybe just a good s ift kick in the pants! Anyway, I indulged myself on Saturday by hiking in the woods, fixing a leaky faucet, fertilizing the lawn, moping around the house, and otherwise not writing all day. Today I wrote about five pages but consider it to be utter crap and not worthy of becoming ink on paper. I'm not giving up, though, and Monday morning I'm going to sit down with a hot cup of coffee and a crunchy computer keyboard and try yet again to take a bite outta that elephant. If you're so inclined, please feel free to pop in and keep me company for a minute or two. Thanks again for thinking of me, Kharyssa, and hello to all my friends here at PhinisheD. Sorry I haven't been posting much...I guess I'm just having a tough time getting the hang of our new digs. I'll be lurking...     -Tom

Well, my subtle attempt to slip the DissCam URL into my post failed miserably, so here it is, right in your face. I get lonely and stir-crazy being cooped up alone in the house all day, so drop by if you get a chance. See ya! DissCam     -Tom

Tom I was glad to see you again - I was begining to think you had forgotten us. The thing that helped me over my writters block was something you told me in one of our first post each to PhinisheD - do the free writing Bolker suggests in the 15 mins. book. If you are done with the self help approach how about sending me a chapter? By say friday?...remember I know nothing about you subject so I wouldn't be so harsh on what is crap and what is not - I may not know! :) I found setting the goals up publicly on t e pacts helped me a lot! Ask your advisor to met with you and help you determine where you are and where you need to go - set up weekly meetings so you ahve to produce something, even if its crap - at least it gives you a starting point. I'll be checking in on Monday! Chrissie

Hi Chrissie, Thanks for your encouragement! Part of the problem is that the free-writing just isn't working for me any more. I've written about 120 pages that way, which was a great way to get going when I wasn't writing anything at all, but I'm no longer satisfied with that approach. I need to have more organization and direction to what I'm writing so I feel like I'm not just spinning my wheels. Also, I tried it but found that the pact thing really didn't seem to help me either. I e-mailed my advisor about two eeks ago with some specific questions about submitting rough drafts to him and he hasn't responded yet, which is pretty darn annoying. I didn't mean to shoot down all of your suggestions, Chrissie...just knowing that I have your support is a big help! I'm just feeling like I need to find my own way right now, and I'm not sure anyone else can do that for me. I guess I should resist complaining about my lack of progress if I'm not actually looking for advice. It would be nice if my advisor wasn't ignoring me, though.     -Tom P.S. - Kharyssa, I forgot to mention: I was so sorry to hear that your marriage is not working out. I'm a big believer in the sanctity and permanence of marriage, and I always find it regrettable when a marriage can't be held together. However, based on what you've written it sounds like it's time to throw in the towel for the sake of your own safety and sanity. I'm sad for you, and I hope you'll be able to move on with your life all the wiser for your experiences. Best wishes for smooth sailing thro gh the rough seas ahead.

Thanks for your concern! I guess we've been trading sympathies for the last few days... I didn't think of you as the poster child for writer's block at all! Though this made me laugh out loud -- the sheer absurdity of it! Really Tom, the position you are in is quite understandable... you've returned to the diss after a harrowing job which drained your energy and time! It's almost natural that it'll take some time for you to get back into the swing of things. The question is, how long will that time be? As far as the Ben Dean workshop, I still suggest you might try it. The one I'm in is called "Writing the Diss". The great thing about this particular kind of self-help is that you are working with a psychologist who has done a diss; and you really get at the underlying source of your block -- rather than just exercising around it. Though we had six people sign up, only three of us have been coming to the meetings. The leader has been rather disappointed, and I think she'd welcome a late addition to the group. Shoot her an email at vkapur@aol.com... her name is Veena. -k- ps. has your absence from the material over the last few weeks of your job distanced you from the material? I mean... I know you know your stuff, but maybe if you got re-acquainted with the references..? Just a thought...

Just got back and saw your message. I want to assure you and all others who feel similarly that every reasonable precaution will be taken to ensure anonymity. All direct quotes will have written permission from the author. Also, I'm not sure if the original PhinisheD (TOP) postings will be available over the internet in the future. It depends on what Amy wants to do once she is settled and has some free time for us again. At this time, TOP only exists in archive form with both Amy and I having copies Finally, the internet IS a public forum. While what each of us types is supposedly "owned" by use due to intellectual rights I must say that Ben Dean's ABD Guide closely paralleled our on-line discussions at one point several years ago. I don't know what caused this coincident, but ideas and processes are not copywritable - only the way in which we express them. Anyone who has internet access can hop on, surf over and read what we say. It's just there seems to be a small group who actively po t and discuss issues. As Amy said on the other board a while back, she gets e:mail from lurkers occasionally, thanking her for the board even though they chose not to post. Taylor, I hope you feel better after reading this. It is my sincere intent to do no harm to anyone for any reason. If there are things you'd like to discuss off-line, in private, please e:mail me. I'm always open to suggestions. Rochelle

Who's Ben Dean? What's this all about? Sounds exciting! Tom, I too don't seem to benefit from free writing stuff. It takes me awhile to settle into writing - I finally have, after all of September used up worrying about writing. It'll come back...we're all rooting for ya.

I would just like to point out that I can understand Taylor's position about the forthcoming book very well. I do not think it helps to bring up intellectual property rights issues and such we know that what's on cyberspace is not considered private. What Taylor is talking about is the issue of trust. I thought as well I was talking to cyberspace friends and did not know that my comments might be evaluated for a book. Thus I can understand that this is an issue for Taylor. Having said that does not mean that I am necessarily against the book. I just think PHinisheD folks should be aware of that the book wiill shape this board. Folks like Taylow will drop out which in my opinion is the worst side effect. But also people that are aware of the book might well correspond differently on this board. Rochelle herself also has a big issue to face, i.e,. how will she as a participant observer edit or evaluate her own contributions to this board? I just think people just at least be aware of these issues. Taylor at least try to look around for a different cyberspace board if this one has helped you in the past. I also think its was pretty brave of you to raise the issues you did, i.e., when you seem to be in the minority. I myself have some concerns on how the book project will further change this board. I have not resolved for myself yet if I will drop out or not.

These comments about how the book will affect the Board are very interesting. Are there others who feel this way? Please, speak up!

I have no problem posting to this board and to Rochelle using it in the book. I'm sure some of this has to do with my curretnly peachy situation at school - I might feel differently if I was not on such good terms with them (ie being found out for saying nasty things, etc.). Just to throw in my .02, I do believe the issue is trust as well. However I TRUST ROCHELLE 250% TO TAKE EVERY PRECAUTION IN PROTECTING OUR IDENTITIES. This may come from the fact that she and I have actually met, face to face -- she is a GOOD PERSON. You know this the minute you meet her: she just glows with it. Really, this is one of those rare times when there is the possibilty some utility in our anguish -- and I want to share my experience with others in the hope that they will learn. I have stumbled through this process with a blindfold on, and I'd hate to see anyone else go through that. The book will reach such a wide audience... far wider than this web site... and it will resonate with other grad students as a book by current grads for grads (rather than by psychs or by PhDs). How many of us would give ou front teeth for this information *before the fact*? Sorry-- I'm not meaning to rant, though in reading this over it sure sounds like it. I guess I'm just passionate about the idea and can see the good it will do for others -- and these 'others' are likely to be our advisees in the next 5-10 years. I just don't think there is anything to worry about. -kharyssa-

Kharyssa (and others), Just to clarify my earlier comments had nothing to do with Rochelle as an individual. (She sure comes across as a very nice person. No debate here.) May be I did not make myself clear I do not question the issue of maintaining the issue of confidentiality. I am concerned about trust, e.g., people's ability to open up to each other in a "comfortable" atmosphere. Confidentiality can be achieved quite easily. The ability of people to trust each other is much loner and more complicated process. Sure the book will have an impact on the dynamics on this board. (It already had an impact.) This is just something we at least just be aware of. For me on a very personal level the existence if this board was more important than the book. I have all the advice books I need but I sure did not find a lot of personal support along the way. Something this board I know this board has provided to me and others. I very much understand Kharyssa's and others passion about creating the book so that's why the book will go ahead. I just have mixed feelings about it because of the implications for this board.

Anita, I'm with you. Who's Ben Dean. Inquiring minds wanna know. Deb

Ben Dean is the author of the web based "All-But-Dissertation Survival Guide" and used to put out regular e:mail (list-serve type mailings) but he hasn't been very active lately. The most recent stuff I've seen is he sets up free (you pay long distance phone charges) services on various topics that may help grad students. These free services typically have one or two psychology-types leading the discussions. Sometimes they have a lot of experience but other times they may not. Unlike Kharyssa's exper ence, the only one I participated in was absolutely horrible and I quit after the first meeting. One thing of note is that the free services are for a set period of time. If you find the service useful you have the option of contacting the individual's directly and going to a fee based service. This is the equivalent of hiring a consultant to assist with a certain activity, only you get to try it out first. Here's the contact info. Ben J. Dean, Ph.D MentorCoach(tm) Voice: 301-986-5688 Fax: 301-913-9447 E-mail: ben@mentorcoach.com Web: Web:

Hi all-- Well, I finally figured out how to get this new setup working. (Another English major with no clue about technology.) I want to put in a cent or three on the book problem. I'm mostly a lurker on Phinished, and really haven't posted anything "sensitive" or "private" on the board. But I seem to recall a few "break-ins" on the old board (which was far less "public" than this version, it seems to me). The thing is, ANYBODY can EASILY read anything anyone posts here. That's why I'm not worried about the book as a privacy issue. Rochelle will, I am certain, be protective of our identities (and there's no reason anyone can't us a pseudonym on the board--as many already do). The only downside about the book is that it will lack the immediacy of the board. I know that, whether I post a lot or not, the discussions I've followed have helped me get through the PhD process. I do not, though, know whetehr those discussions would have the same effect if they weren't "live." But then I'm a worrier about odd things like that. Richard

How long has this Board been in existance? I always forget that it comes with baggage. What happened with the break-ins?

Nicole, I agree with your comments... I guess I see this as a transformation of function rather than purpose. I think the issue of trust here is being inflated somewhat (nothing against you Nicole of course). But don't you (all) think that the atmosphere of trust between peers will continue despite the new function of the board? It's not like any of us are going to print out a person's post and mail it to their advisor. The same is true of the book, no one's names or posts (word for word) will be used without explicit permission. As I understand it, the board was going to be used as a springboard for topics in th books -- as a heuristic tool to help with the topics and their advice -- rather than as an end-all "print out the archives and publish it" kinda thing. I agree as well that the personal support here far outweighs any benefit of a impersonal print book. But remember that only about 60% of Americans use the internet; and only 25% use it regularly. What about the rest? What about other countries where net use is much less? I have plenty of friends here in Co who know how to use the net, have been told about the board, and yet don't log on more than once a month... and that's just not enough to reap the benefits of this community. We need to reach out to oth rs... and here I am again on the soap box. Gosh, ok, I'm shutting up now.... LOL : ) [My counselor tells me I have the type of personality that won't quit when it comes to just causes. Let's chalk this rant up to tenacity.] ANYWAY, despite what I've been saying I do understand where the reservations about the book's impact on the board are coming from... for me the greater good beckons. However, as I said before, I am not in a sticky political situation at school and my opinion might change if I was to suddenly fear repercussions by the faculty for a hasty post. -k-

Amy started the board in Aug 1997 to help out a friend. It's gone through several format changes but the basic look has been the same since 1998. During the early times, Amy initiated many of the discussions and actively participated in most of them. This is the time period that established the positive outlook, open arms and non-judgemental nature of the board. Some of the early posts were harsh, critical or openly judgemental. Amy jumped right in, spanked some virtual bootie, and the offensive indi iduals shaped up or shipped out. We've changed servers a couple of times in the recent past which seems to correspond to the number of posts. Early times had one or two posts per day if there was a lively topic. We were up to a routine 40 posts per day on the old PhinisheD site just before the move to Spring.net. The number of posts on the main board caused more frequent archiving of the messages which is what prompted the last sysadmin to say bye-bye. The scripts which made PhinisheD feel like home used too much processing time (acc rding to the old sysadmin) affecting other pages residing there. I'm sure some of you webpage programmers could explain better, feel free to jump right in. Amy funds the PhinisheD site out of her own pocket and I'm forever grateful to her for starting it. Back in 1998, there was a thread about problems with the board and I volunteered for Spam-Patrol as my contribution. Because the old site allowed anyone to post, we had occasional (sometimes frequent) spam. A few of these people were persistent and Amy, on occasion, would display the poster's home e:mail address. If they didn't stop, she contacted their internet providers and they went away for a very l ng time. (evil grin!) If and when the book is ever published, part of the proceeds (if any) will go toward maintaining the board. To me, that's just another way of giving back a little bit of what I've recieved from PhinisheD. When we arrived at Spring.net, Amy and our new gracious host Terry set up this site. In addition, Tom and I are given permissions to freeze and delete topics. Unlike our old site, Spring.net requires registration which severely discourages spaming. The downside is that this may discourage posts from new people. Ah, well...I'm just glad we're up and talking again! That's probably more than anyone wants to know about the history of PhinisheD! Rochelle

So what does freezing and deleting topics mean? I guess it refers to getting rid of topics which seem to have dried out, but I'm not sure. I for one really appreciate the hard work that's gone into the Board. And considering I'll probably be around for the tenure of my thesis - 2 years - I don't mind contributing to the cost. Amy, do you need help in that department?

Freezing is when no more posts can be made to a topic but you can still read all of them. I've seen this used in other sites when flame wars break out over the topic subject. Deleting is just that - getting rid of that specific topic, permanently.

I didn't realize Amy had to pay any money to keep this board running! I would also like to contribute a donation if possible! Although I'm just a regular and devoted lurker, the people who freely and openly contribute to this board have made a huge difference in my life, helping me realize I am not alone in this thesis writing process. In July, when I first found this board, I was ready to drop out of school, but with the help of this board (mainly), I've managed to get my act together and actually rec ived official word today that my proposal has been approved. I think the book is a great idea, especially if some proceeds can help maintain this type of support group. If only the book will become required reading for all incoming grad students everywhere, maybe more students will realize everyone feels lost sometimes and there is hope! I wouldn't want anyone to not contribute to the board because their comments might be published, but I would think they could write here fairly anonymously and still a d to the community. Thank you Amy for all of your hard work! --Shawna

Hey, Shawna-- CONGRATULATIONS on the approval of the proposal! It's great to get that hurdle out of the way, isn't it? So glad you didn't give up and drop out. Best of luck to you with the next steps in the thesis process. Barb

Congrats on having your proposal approved! That is a major step! For me it was also an uphill struggle to get approved, and once I did the thesis just flowed out of me. (I was approved in May and am now 2/3 done). Wow! Way to go! Awesome! Be sure you wallow in those warm fuzzy feelings for a while! : ) -kharyssa-

Gee. Wouldn't you know this was the topic I can't get Yapp (conference software at Spring) to remember. Book. Taylor, I guess I have to echo the many votes of confidence in Rochelle's kindness and sensitivity, and hope you may begin to see her authorial efforts not in any exploitative way, but maybe as a translation to another medium. Any more, I think, it's almost more likely that anonymity will be blown on the net, than in paper publishing? Board. Thanks for the offer to help with costs. Rochelle and I have been talking to Tom about maybe using his server, and returning to our beloved threaded format (I miss it, too), but wanted to put a bright face on Yapp at least at first so as not to color your opinions with mine. If any of you are at all interested in virtual community and how software impacts it, there's a pretty interesting conversation about it here at Spring, from back when I brought my marooned Jane Austen site here for four months, in 1996-7. I'll see if I can locate it and post the link.

Here's the old conversation about threaded vs. linear discussion software: http://www.spring.net/yapp-bin/restricted/read/community/3

Thanks for reminding me to wallow! I actually met with my committee last month and knew things were headed in a positive way for me, but just got the official notice in the mail the other day. It does feel good to be on my way. I haven't started writing any chapters yet (guess I'll have to start pacting), but I do have a paper from a class I can probably use. I started a thesis binder (great idea!) and just having the proposal done helps. I hope I can be half as productive as you Kharyssa. Appreciate the encouragement. Shawna

Shawna CONGRATULATIONS! So good to be on your way! Chrissie