When do we start blushing for the relatives for whom we should blush?

I have a feeling she may have never suffered any embarrassment from her father before or even considered the possibility, though we have talked many times about whether or not what Mr Bennet did at the ball was all that bad. The Ball brought all the disparate pieces of the family picture cringingly into focus.

Strangely enough, when Lizzie was reading the letter and flashed back to the Netherfield ball she remembered her father as saying only "You have delighted us long enough" but what came next was, I think, much worse "let the other young ladies have time to exhibit". Maybe it was just implied that she'd remembered the whole of his dialogue. I don't think she'd ever before questioned her father's propriety. In fact, somewhere in the book she thinks that at least her father could not be thought that inferior. The letter really forced Lizzie to look at her whole family in a new light.

I think Amy described Lizzy's familial myopia very well. I think Lizzy knew her mother could be a little foolish but how could her have anticipated that display at Netherfield. In the book and the movie, it is evident that Lizzy is aware of her family's faults, hence her pain at the N. ball in real time and flash back. As Inko states, Darcy's letter made her think of her father as being more of problem than Lizzy had ever considered.

My opinion is that both Lizzy & Jane must have blushed repeatedly at their mother's conduct from Day One. How could they not?

I agree with Amy2, but also I think Lizzy and Jane believed honoring their parents was a grace and a duty -- so they'd never permit themselves to judge.

] I think Lizzy and Jane believed honoring their parents was a grace and a duty -- so they'd never permit themselves to judge. On the contrary, there were several times in the book in which Elizabeth was quite critical of her parents - even her father: Chapter 37: in the unhappy defects of her family a subject of yet heavier chagrin. They were hopeless of remedy. Her father, contented with laughing at them, would never exert himself to restrain the wild giddiness of his youngest daughters; and her mother, with manners so far from right herself, was entirely insensible of the evil. Chapter 42: Elizabeth, however, had never been blind to the impropriety of her father's behaviour as a husband. She had always seen it with pain; but respecting his abilities, and grateful for his affectionate treatment of herself, she endeavoured to forget what she could not overlook, and to banish from her thoughts that continual breach of conjugal obligation and decorum which, in exposing his wife to the contempt of her own children, was so highly reprehensible. But she had never felt so strongly as ow the disadvantages which must attend the children of so unsuitable a marriage, nor ever been so fully aware of the evils arising from so ill-judged a direction of talents; talents which rightly used, might at least have preserved the respectability of his daughters, even if incapable of enlarging the mind of his wife.

They'd never permit themselves to judge openly to anyone. As most did until very recently (60's)

Johanne, that's exactly what I meant. Neither sister was blind to the faults of the parents, but neither would ever be disrespectful or openly judgmental.

No, of course, they would take care not to make such judgements known in public - and in that respect they showed much better judgement than their parents.

They are such dear children Jane and Lizzie.

Don't forget the other relative for whom at least the Bingley sisters should have felt some sound embarrassment, instead of looking down their noses at the Bennet family. Mr Hurst with his bursts of selfishness and his unpleasant habit of letting his snoring belly be exposed in drawingrooms all over the countryside!

Lizzy and Jane understood and accepted their parents' eccentricities and were used to seeing the same acceptance among other people who had either a family interest in the Bennets or eccentricities of their own. I do not think Lizzy ever felt mortified by her relatives before Mrs. Bennet's visit to Netherfield. If she had seen her mother then as she saw her by the end of the book, she would not have suggested the visit. In fact, she would have done everything in her power to discourage it. The younger girls' boy-crazy conduct must have been new to the family dynamics. Lizzy dates it to the arrival of the officers in Merryton. At any rate, Lydia could not have been 'out in company' for very long since she was only 15. Mr. Darcy was so accustomed to believing his family was superior to all others that he never saw his aunt's officious behavior as objectionable until he witnessed her rude behavior to Lizzy and knew, from his prior knowledge of Lizzy, how she must be evaluating Lady C's conduct. That may have been the first time he felt shame for his own family. Mr. Bingley, bless his kind heart, like Jane, accepted his own relatives' follies as well as the follies of others with an open, forgiving (blind, perhaps) heart. So I am thinking that all the surrounding dynamics of the story that we all know so well, are new to the main characters. Before Bingley moved to Netherfield, Lizzy was as satisfied to grin a little about her family as she was to grin about Sir Wm's follies. Before Darcy saw Lady C's conduct towards Lizzy at Rosings, he was satisfied to find his aunt an acceptable bore. And for Jane and Bingley, they can overlook anything but the best in people, so no amount of knowledge of the world will change how they see those people.

Well said, Katy. Exactly my thoughts on the subject.

Mrs. Bennet's sister ' Aunt Philips' apparently was an embarrassment to the family. At the end of Chapter 60 in describing how Darcy tolerated the family he was about to acquire, Austen writes "... and though Mrs. Philips, as well as her sister, stood in too much awe of him to speak with the familiarity which Bingley's good humour encouraged, yet, whenever she did speak, she must be vulgar." I have often wondered how Austen's society defined that word. Any thoughts on why or how her behavior may have me ited that tag?

I wonder if she was vulgar in the same manner as Mrs. Elton of EMMA.