The worst book ever

_Seeds of Change_ by Thomas F. Monteleone (1975), a truly pathetic science fiction nivel.

I know this thread is a little old but I thought I'd pipe in about a set of books I've seen called "It was a Dark and Stormy Night." The books are first sentences only of truly bad novels. I should get the book out, I'm not describing it well. The sentences are awful -- some run ons, some just hilarious. It's a fun read and it can stir up your imagination (yes, even thinking about bad literature can help when you feel uncreative). Has anyone else out there seen these? Anyone else have some much-hated book?

OK, now I've intrigued myself enough to go and actually look up the book. In case anyone is interested, it is called "It was a Dark & stormy Night, the Best (?) from the Bulwer-Lytton Contest" compiled by scott Rice. The subtitle is, "the funniest opening sentences from the worst novels never written." The contest is named for the author who actually penned the words Snoopy uses when writing. An example: "Dawn Esterbrooke looked lovingly upon the gifts which her lifelong childhood friends brought to her wedding shower, but inside her guts churned like an overripe peach in a blender because only two hours earlier she had left a motel with her best friend's homosexual father." This fine example is credited to Steve Garman of Pensacola FL. Ta da.

That's as much in the running as a limpid carrot in the blender, good one.

Terry, are we the only two people here anymore? Not that I mind talking to you...

No, have you talked to aubrey and ginger?

Not here, although I think aubrey has been in the movie and tv conferences with me. So, can I trash Moby Dick here with impunity? It's the worst book I've tried and tried again to read, yet never managed to really plow through. Thank heavens for Cliff's Notes. But even now, as a mature (somewhat mature) adult without deadlines and quizzes, I haven't managed to get into this book. That's all my ranting for today.

Have you talked to Ted Chong? How about Stacey Vura? She's stacey@www.spring.com or stacey@spring.com. Deop an email to her at both places and tell her to come keep you company.

You mean besides The Hobbit and/or The Silmarillion? Actually, my vote goes to Pin, unfortunately(fortunately) I can't remember who "wrote" it. It is the worst book I've ever finished.

LOL! Putting "wrote" in quotes! There are so many losers out there--this topic's way too broad. It's sad how many trees have died for bad books.

Preach it sister!

anything written by a fascist ("see, i told you so"... "in the arena"... "my six crises"...etc...)

what about by a fanatic? I rather enjoy reading fanatical works. Sometimes the twain shall meet! Ever read VOX? SAme author as DAMAGE. I certainly prefer the latter as a book and refused to see the movie. Oh. Another odd one, certainly not all bad was Giraffe. About a young man's obsession sexually as much as sensually a giraffe. If I were to tell you too much more you might be afraid to read it. And if I were to tell you I enjoyed it, you might have an unsavory opinion of my tastes (one of them anyway) in literature. I enjoy variety in my written art as much as I enjoy diversity in music and visual presentations. All mix and make for a very interesting slant on life.

i define "unsavory tastes" as being a predilection for milton friedman... all else requires a look (in spite of native "provincialism", and "squeamishness")... have read neither of these books, but will look them over, and get back with you... thanks... (being irish, of course, predisposes fanaticism... it's inbred)

Vox--is that Nicholson Baker? The phone sex conversation? I rather liked that book...

yes. Have you read Damage? I preferred that. He also wrote Fermata which is an interesting tale with bizarre transgressions of reality.

Ever read Geek Love by Catherine Dunn? If you can find it, you oughta read it, Stacey.

I give it a looksee

Never read Damage, Stacey, but everyone raves about The Mezzanine. Unfortunately, my library doesn't have it, so I'll probably never read it...

Two worst books. 1] the clock work orange. didn't even watch the movie. 2] the thornbirds. thought i was crazy for a while becausei was told it had to be good it was a best seller.

Yeah, that happened with my book club. We read something by Anne Tyler-- "Breathing Lessons" I think--and it sucked, but hey, the Pulitzer Prize Committee can't be wrong....

*chuckle* oh, to be esteemed for no good reason!

yeah, sonny was a lucky guy...

LOL!

hey nick... remember when we were chatting (I was chatting you were listening) about reading children's books when you need to? Completely wrong topic but I wanted to get it out before I forgot... "The Bridge to Terabithia" is one of the best books ever written --- children's or not. I think you would enjoy it... and WER, I think you would too.

Stacey, why don't you just make me one big list o' stuff to read, and e-mail it to me?

ok... but you know how bad I am about follow thru!

(thanks for the tip..."terabithia" was wonderful... half in love with julia edmunds myself...)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I've read it numerous times Truly memories that stay with me... (little scattered this a.m.)

Don't know of which you speak, Stacey... *grin*

Hey, WER, go check out contacts and maybe also Fnord.

hey tommy! you guys preggo yet?!? *yikes*

they're shooting for the middle o' next month...

should I say anything about not "spending it all in one place"? (probably not)

probably not...

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Someone here trashed "Moby Dick"!! I am appalled! :) Actually, I love "Moby Dick". I have also read quite a few BAD books..."The Bridges of Madison County" takes the cake though. Yikes!!! My mom made me read it and I will NEVER forgive her.

Did you read Catcher in the Rye?

(*gasp*) I think you're in the wrong topic, Terry....

we hope so anyway!

the worst book ever, without a doubt, is Catch 22. :-)

Ha ha! I think you're in the wrong topic, Mike! :-) (And you obviously have never read "The World According to Garp".)

did anyone else like Catch 22? I thought it was the most awful thing I'd ever been subjected to. no story. no real characters to get a grip on. nothing. just garbage, written by that prat Heller, who admitted that he just wrote down a load of old pants and it didn't really mean anything. hee:-)

I loved it! But then I've got a thing for old pants. :-)

i found the bit about the crab apples funny at first, but then it didn't have a point, which took away from it a bit, I thought.

Nothing in the book had a point. I think that was the point. Insane times, and all that.

yeah, i liked "catch 22" (a lot)

How ya been, Nick?

pert near good (okay... and you?)

Good; busy summer. What have you been doing with yourself? Do your entrepreneurial activities keep you from getting on the computer? (Or do you have your nose stuck in a poetry book?)

been doing kind of the primitive living thing (spent the past few weeks in a cabin (uh, shack) in the middle of nowhere... no computer, no phone... pretty cool, all in all)...

Cool, Nick, I've done that from time. I spent 3 months in a log cabin in the Oregon wilderness, with a clear mountain stream running by. I had a wood cook stove, and had to fetch water in a bucket. No ethernet, no electricity, not even a notebook on this outing. These kinds of experiences can be very renewing!

Just ask Ted Kaczinski and the guy who shot up the Capitol building...

No, Autumn, that *that* kind of renewal, more like Henry David Thoreau at Walden Pond!

Ah...speaking of Thoreau, did you happen to hear about him plagiarizing "Walden" from his aunt? I read that her diaries turned up and revealed that he had excerpted whole chapters from her work.

Another icon shattered.

BOOM! I have no idea about the worst book I ever read - if it was that bad there's no way I wouldv'e finished it.

Mein Kampf. and no, I did not finish it.

the NECROMICON is a close second. I did not finish it either.

didja attempt the Silmarillion?

I read it and I liked it. But then, I'm a fan of the series.

We won't even talk about Melville, Faulkner or Hemingway.

Or Nathaniel Hawthorne.

I liked Hemmingway. one out of four isn't bad. Actually there are a lot of good authors. Right now we are in the golden age of literature. there are more new authors being published now than at any time in history.

That is because there is more trash fiction than ever. Bestsellers don't equal literature IMO. Authors like Danielle Steel are murdering too many trees!

I happen to like everything that Danielle Steele has ever written. There's no accounting for taste.

My point exactly! There should be accountability! :-)

I'm perfectly willing to listen to them on tape, and save trees.

have you guys seen the new "e books?" they are electronic, book sized tablets for storing and reading. i think levenger is selling them www.levenger.com

Yep, inevitable. $499.

Oh boy! I'm going to have to try one of those.

Do any books go straight to audio, or does a tree always have to die first?

Too weird!