Laser stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. Brandy is from the Dutch brandewijn, meaning burnt or distilled wine. The most abundant metal in the Earth's crust is aluminium. The largest wave ever recorded was near the Japanese Island of Ishigaki in 1971 at 85 meters high. Fulgurite is formed when lightning strikes sand. At the nearest point, Russia and America are less than 4 km apart. The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year. Mars has a volcano, Olympus Mons, which is 310-370 miles in diameter and 16 miles high. The statue "The Thinker" by Rodin is actually a portrait of the Italian poet Dante. X-ray technology has shown that there are 3 different versions of the "Mona Lisa" under the visible one.

WHAT IS THE HIGHEST-SCORING PRO BASKETBALL GAME TO DATE? A 1983 game in which the Detroit Pistons beat the Denver Nuggets, 186-183. WHAT IS CHARLIE BROWN'S FATHER'S PROFESSION? Barber. WHAT ARE SUPERMAN'S SUPER POWERS? He is virtually invulnerable (with Kryptonite being his major weakness; its rays are fatal to him); he is super-strong, super-fast, and supersmart; he can fly; he has heat vision, X-ray vision, telescopic vision, and microscopic vision; he has quick-freezing, gale-force breath; he has supersensitive hearing; and he can hold his breath for long periods. HOW MANY MINKS DOES IT TAKE TO PRODUCE THE AVERAGE MINK COAT? It takes 35 to 65. The numbers for other types of fur coats are: Beaver - 15 Fox - 15 to 25 Ermine - 150 Chinchilla - 60 to 100

YEARLY INTERNET MAINTENANCE ANNOUNCEMENT IT IS URGENT THAT YOU DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM MARCH 31st 23:59 GMT (11:59 PM) UNTIL 00:01 GMT (12:01 AM) APRIL 2nd. It's that time again. As many of you know, each year the Internet must be closed down for a 24 hour period of time in order to receive maintenance, or a "Tune Up" if you will. Many dead links on the World Wide Web will be removed, as well as ftp links that are no longer used. Lost e-mail will also be removed from the system at this time. The White House is very interested in this part of the project. In addition to the normal maintenance to be completed this year, we will also be using new high pressure information jets to clear out the bottlenecks that have plagued the internet so greatly this past year. Although the down time for maintenance will be an inconvenience for many people, you will find this will allow for a much more efficient and faster responding internet. This year, the "Tune Up" will occur from 23:59 GMT (11:59 PM) on March 31st until 00:01 GMT (12:01 AM) on April 2nd. During that 24 hour period, dozens of powerful Internet bots at key locations around the globe will simultaneously scan the Internet and complete the desired maintenance jobs wherever they may be required. To help protect any valuable data you may have on the Internet from possible corruption, we highly recommend you take the following steps before this 24 hour maintenance period begins: 1. Disconnect all terminals and LANs from the Internet. 2. Disconnect all Internet servers from the Internet. 3. Refrain from connecting any computer, or any other Internet connection device, to the Internet in any way. Note: The term "other Internet connection device" includes such devices as WebTV. Again, we understand the inconvenience this will cause many people. And for that, we apologize. However, the great increase in Internet performance you will experience after this short period of maintenance, will far outweigh any problems it will cause. This message comes to you from the Internet via an Internet Service Provider. April 1, 2000

APRIL IS... April is . . . . National Anxiety Month April is . . . . National Humor Month April is . . . . National Welding Month April 1 is . . . One Cent Day April 2 is . . . National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day April 3 is . . . Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day April 4 is . . . Tell-A-Lie Day April 7 is . . . No Housework Day April 9 is . . . Winston Churchill Day and Name Yourself Day April 11 is . . . Eight-Track Tape Day April 12 is . . . Look Up At The Sky Day April 13 is . . . Blame Somebody Else Day April 16 is . . . National Stress Awareness Day April 17 is . . . National Cheeseball Day April 19 is . . . Garlic Day April 22 is . . . National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is . . . Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day April 24 is . . . National Pigs In A Blanket Day April 28 is . . . Great Poetry Reading and Kiss-Your-Mate Day April 30 is . . . National Honesty Day *** ----------- Love Lost Over Daylight-Savings Time ----------- MEXICO CITY - Debate flares over the adoption of daylight- savings time in Mexico. Among the evils of daylight-savings enumerated by Mexican Senator Felix Salgado is the strain it puts on good marital relations. Ever since it was introduced, six years ago, setting the clock back has caused distress among Latin lovers who are unable to engage in their 'mananero' (Spanish for morning quickie - really!) because wives have to take their children to school an hour earlier. In Salgado's defense, he also mentions the risk that school- children face, venturing out on crime-ridden streets in the dark, but with elections just months away he's focusing on the issues that really hit home. ----------------- "Rail Rage" Grips Brazil ----------------- SAO PAULO - This story is dedicated to the disenfranchised huddled masses, urban weary, and loose canons of the rush hour world. Enraged commuters from Sao Paulo waited hours before boarding a suburban train where they were crammed in, and forced so sit motionless for hours. When all patience was finally exhausted, the passengers abandoned the train and promptly set it on fire. A local news helicopter recorded a view showing the chain of smoking cars; some already in ashes. [The unruly mob is available for hire and offer group discounts]. ---------------------- Feng "SCHWING" ---------------------- LONDON - Move over Viagra, we've found the newest trend for putting the tiger back in your tank; Feng Shui! According to 32-year-old Karen May who wrote The London Mirror, redecorating and furniture placement changed her austere celibate lifestyle into a searing pit of sexual satisfaction. Simple changes like moving the bed so the headboard faces Southwest, and painting the bedroom walls red with flaming orange hues eliminated the "dead energy" that plagued her apartment. She finished off the room with a sprinkling of magic gems, and before she knew it; she met the man of her dreams. [Actually, this isn't so far fetched. My wife fell for my magic gems.] --------------- Things Go Better With...Sake --------------- SAPPORO, Japan - A children's baseball manager has finally been sent to jail after a lengthy appeal process. Manager Motoi Tanaka has been convicted of contributing to the delinquency of seven minors after getting them drunk on the Japanese rice wine called sake. After his team won a local championship he celebrated by giving them the sake. All of the ball players were eleven and twelve-year-olds. ---------------- Pervert Teachers In Japan ----------------- TOKYO, Japan - A shocking new study has revealed that one out of seven school girls in the seventh and eighth grades have been sexually harassed by male teachers. The study, conducted by the Teachers Union, has created an uproar after the revelations that teachers have been hitting on these young girls by offering them "geisha-like massages", asking them out on dates, and making the girls bend down to pick up pencils conveniently dropped on the ground. ---------------- Mowing Under The Influence ---------------- BEMENT, IL - The ever vigilant eyes of the law found the next big threat to democracy; the John Deere riding mower. Joe Durban, town lawnmower, was pulled off of his bright yellow seat as he cruised down Bowyer Street for driving a vehicle on a revoked license. For seventeen years nobody knew that the state had revoked Joe's license for drunk driving, so he worked around this snag by cutting grass for a living, and riding his mower between houses. Officer Steven Bien was quick to end his crime spree by issuing a ticket and reminding him that it is illegal for him to operate even a scooter on a city thoroughfare. The town is now in an official uproar, but can do little about it as Bien is the town's only full-time police officer. [What next? Impounding his weed-wacker?] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* BRISBANE, Australia - 24 year old bachelor Stan Melson called police to his bedroom after a sexy, but inebriated lady sauntered into his bedroom, stripped naked and then crawled into bed. "I was standing there in my pajamas when suddenly this gorgeous girl I'd never seen before came bouncing into my bedroom, tore off her clothes and climbed into bed," recounted the blushing Melson. No charges were filed as she apparently lived one floor above his and simply entered the wrong apartment.

Response 15 of 15: Marcia (MarciaH) * Mon, Apr 3, 2000 (13:46) * 45 lines HOW SLOW IS A CRAB? A crab of the species Neptunus pelagines took 29 years to walk 101.5 miles underwater from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean - an average speed of 3.5 miles per year. WHAT DOES THE WORD MAFIA MEAN? WHAT DOES THE WORD COSA NOSTRA MEAN? In Italian, Mafia means "beauty, excellence, bravery"; Cosa Nostra means "our thing." WHEN WAS THE FIRST DEPARTMENT STORE BUILT? In 1848, the Marble Dry Goods Palace opened on Broadway in New York City. Its proprietor and developer was Alexander Turney Stewart, formerly a schoolmaster in Ireland. By the time of his death in 1876, the blocklong store yielded annual earnings of $70 million. WHAT IS THE SHORTEST KNOWN GESTATION PERIOD OF ANY MAMMAL? WHAT IS THE LONGEST? The American opossum, a marsupial, bears its young 12 to 13 days after conception. The Asiatic elephant takes 608 days, or just over 20 months. A pigs snout is called a gruntle. The chemical pectin, found in ripe fruit, causes jam to set when cooling. Mexican jumping beans jump because of a moth larva inside the bean. An electric eel produces an average of 400 volts. A myrmecologist studies ants. To crack a whip, the tip must be travelling faster than the speed of sound. Sugar was first added to chewing gum in 1869 by a dentist named William Semple. According to an old English system of time units, a moment is one and a half minutes. In 1855, dentist Robert Arthur was the first to use gold to fill cavities. The smallest bone in the body is the stirrup.

Because everything you read on the internet is true . . . I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC. Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms, but if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the anti-perspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.

The average mattress contains 2 million house dust mites. No other animal gives us more by-products than the pig. The Australian Emu holds the land speed record for birds at 31 mph. The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva droplets per minute, about 2.5 droplets per word. The Earth experiences about 50,000 earthquakes each year. The lowest temperature ever recorded was 129 degrees below 0 at Vostok, Antarctica, on July 21, 1983. The largest known kidney stone weighed 2.9 pounds (1.36kg). The average human produces 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime, enough to fill two swimming pools. It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years, there has only been 230 years of total peace throughout the civilized world. Bamboo, which is the tallest grass in the world, can grow up to 90cm in a day.

TRIVIA TIME - Tuesday, April 4, 2000 "Items Of Enduring Insignificance" HOW DO ARCHER FISH "SHOOT" THEIR VICTIMS? Archer fish, members of the five species of the family Toxotidae, shoot arcs of water droplets at insects sitting on vegetation near lakes and streams, thereby, knocking them into the water where they become easy prey. HOW LONG DID THE SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE LAST? Eight minutes. Several members of the George ("Bugs") Moran gang were killed that day, February 14, 1929, along with a man in the garage who looked like Moran. Moran himself escaped the massacre to die a natural death of lung cancer on February 25, 1957. WHERE WAS THE FIRST HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION? The first such house on record may have been Ka-Kum, located in the city of Erech (or Uruk) in Sumer and dating back to about 300 B.C. The first brothels in Europe were located in Athens about 600 B.C. These nonprofit operations sanctioned by the leader Solon charged men 1 cent per visit. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MONOPOLY IN THE UNITED STATES? It is considered to have been John Jacob Astor's American Fur Company, which made him the wealthiest person in the United States and allowed him to found the Astor Library, one of the cornerstones of the New York Public Library.

Should not that Sumer house of ill-repute have been dated at 3000BC ?!

HOW MANY WINDOWS ARE THERE ON THE 102-STORY EMPIRE STATE BUILDING? There are 6,000 windows. WHAT EMPLOYEE-GROOMING REGULATION AT DISNEY WORLD WOULD PREVENT THE HIRING OF WALT DISNEY - IF HE WERE ALIVE AND JOB HUNTING TODAY? The ban of facial hair. Disney had a mustache. THE NAMES OF 48 STATES ARE ENGRAVED ON THE FRIEZE OF THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL, WHICH WAS COMPLETED IN 1922. HOW MANY ARE IN THE ETCHING OF THE MEMORIAL ON THE BACK OF THE $5 BILL? Twenty-six. Use a magnifying glass to check - they're in two rows on the frieze above the colonnade. WHERE IS THE LONGEST STREET IN THE U.S.? Los Angeles, where Figueroa Street runs for thirty miles.

Bizarre News +-------------------- Bizarre Phobias ---------------------+ Aeronaunasiphobia - fear of vomiting. Albuminurophobia - fear if kidney disease. Anglophobia - fear of England, or English culture. Anuptaphobia - fear of staying single. Arachibutyrophobia - fear of peanut-butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Automatonophobia - fear of ventriloquist's dummies. *** ------------------- Elvis Runs For Mayor ------------------- PHILLIPS, WI - For once it's not just a sighting story. A man from Price County, WI, has legally changed his name to Elvis Aaron Presley, and is now running for mayor. This proprietor of a local bar (yes, bar), and former Elvis impersonator has decided to try his hand at politics. Inspired by Gov. Jesse Ventura, Presley said, "If the people of that state can put a wrestler in office, I don't see what's wrong with the people of Wisconsin electing an Elvis impersonator." The small town of 1,600 will choose between Presley and Keith Corcilius on April 4. [Mayor Presley's biggest hits include: You Ain't Nothin' But a Cheesehead, I'll Have a Blue Election Without You, Hunk 'o Burning Votes and, of course, Viva Wisconsin!] ----------- The Ups And Downs Of Being A Janitor ----------- BRISTOL, England - This little gem was in a local Chicago newspaper. It is not so newsworthy as it reveals a certain quirk unique to fellow English speakers across the pond. A janitor at a Marriott Hotel was fired for taking four days to clean an elevator. When asked why it took so long, before his dismissal he said, "There are twelve of them, one on each floor, and sometimes some of them are not there." He apparently thought that each floor had a different elevator and cleaned the same elevator 12 times. ---------- The Ups And Downs Of Philippino Pests ----------- MANILA, Philippines - Recently an embarrassed police chief had to explain how 1000 pounds of a combined stash of marijuana, cocaine and amphetamines could disappear from the evidence room. This enterprising chief, when confronted with the missing booty told investigators, "Rats and cockroaches got in through gaps in the locker doors and ate it all, every last scrap." [These were the same critters that ate my homework when I was a kid.] ------------ Country Music Punishes The Wicked ------------- ALEXANDRIA, LA - Violating Rapides Parish's "loud and offensive noise" ordinance is no idle threat. Henry Nelson, age 20, and Jon Driggers, age 26, pleaded guilty when they were charged with playing loud music in their cars. They were both fined, given a suspended jail sentence with probation, and ordered to endure a three-hour "music appreciation" lesson. Judge Tom Yeager said, "I thought if they had to listen to stuff they hate, it would teach them to respect other people's rights." The selected tool of torment? Country music. ------------- If You Sprinkle When You Tinkle -------------- BERLIN - The wall came down, but East Germany is haunted by the ghost of oppression past. Tenants from an eastern apartment block have been banned from urinating while in a standing position. Landlords complained that misdirected urine is causing their radiators to rust, but the men of Radenburg are not sitting for this. Cemetery worker Juergen Galler responded, "I'm not going to let anybody tell me how I take care of business. I'm going to keep on standing." Techniques for enforcing the ban might be tricky, but according to the daily Bild the landlords are quite serious. [I didn't know my wife owned property in Germany.] ----------- Errant Cop Gets Lost On Way to Station --------- PHILADELPHIA - Officer Margo Grady was on her way to deliver a rape victim from a downtown hospital to a police station a few miles away when her car disappeared into the Philadelphia night. After a couple hours city police began a search for the missing officer, even enlisting the help of a police helicopter, but to no avail. It wasn't until seventy miles later that Officer Grady flagged down a trooper in New Jersey to ask for directions. Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Six people near Norias, Texas were hit by a freight train last week. Authorities said the victims were sleeping on the tracks and failed to wake up in time. A Union Pacific spokesman explained that the six were probably sleeping on the train tracks because they believe it would protect them from snakes... and it did.

Most of the vitamin C in fruits is in the skin. The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood up to 30 feet. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue ~ relative to its size. The "You are here" arrow on a map is called the IDEO locator. The fist product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. The highest temperature ever recorded was 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit at El Azizia, Lybia, on September 13, 1922. The world's smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand, weighing less than a penny. Humans and Dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight.

Wow, if I was an ant I could lift 10,000 pounds. Wonder what IDEO stands for?

I wondered about that, as well. I'll check it out and let you know if I find anything. Nothing I can think of has initials anything even close to IDEO...

ON WHAT ISLAND ARE ONE-THIRD OF THE WORLD'S LANGUAGES SPOKEN? On New Guinea, where more than 700 distinct native languages can be heard. HOW DID THE WORLD'S HIGHEST WATERFALL - THE ANGEL FALLS IN VENEZUELA - GET ITS NAME? From American bush pilot Jimmy Angel, who crash-landed nearby in 1937. HOW TALL IS A NEWBORN GIRAFFE? Five and a half feet, head to hoof. HOW MANY TEETH DOES A TURTLE HAVE? None - turtles are toothless, although some have sharp, jagged edges on their horny jaws that function as teeth. publication http://www.shagmail.com Copyright 2000 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved. Copyright 2000 by United Press International

A bowling pin needs to tilt only 7.5 degrees to fall. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on TV at some point in their lives. The study of word origins is called etymology. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. The cells that make up the antlers of a moose are the fastest growing animal cells in nature. Gatorade was named for the University of Florida Gators where it was first developed. The oldest exposed surface on earth is New Zealand's south island. There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower. If Texas were a country, it's GNP would be the fifth largest of any country on earth. At 4,145 miles, the Nile River is the longest in the world.

apes have sex for pleasure as well.... i'd like to know what ideo stands for as well... who knows, it may end up on who wants to be a millionaire!

David worked on it on and off all day and came up empty so he is emailing others in the field. I'll let you know as soon as I know.

...actually, have not had sex with an ape for ages. I forgot...*smirk*

*lol* i'm gonna try and figure it out too.

HOW LONG DID THE LONGEST WRESTLING MATCH IN OLYMPIC HISTORY LAST? 11 hours and 40 minutes. The match, a Greco-Roman middleweight bout at the 1912 Olympics, was between Estonian Martin Klein and Finn Alfred Asikainen. Klein won, but was too exhausted to compete in the final. He ended up with the silver medal; Asikainen with the bronze. WHO WAS THE FIRST MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER TO WIN A BATTING TITLE IN THREE DIFFERENT DECADES? George Brett, of the Kansas City Royals. Third baseman Brett won the title with a .333 average in 1976, a .390 average in 1980 and a .329 average in 1990. WHAT IMMODEST TWO-WORD STATEMENT IS ON BASKETBALL GREAT MICHAEL JORDAN'S ILLINOIS VANITY LICENSE PLATE? RARE AIR. WHOSE TENNIS SERVE WAS THE FASTEST EVER RECORDED? Bill Tilden's. It was measured at 163.6 miles per hour in 1931.

Bizarre News ------------- Porn Queen Worked for Communists ------------- The dignity of Italy's government took a blow when Ilona Staller, a former Hungarian pornography star and current member of the Italian parliament, announced that she had been a communist spy in her youth. The star of numerous pornographic movies, Staller admitted in a television interview that she was recruited as a spy at age 19. Her job was to elicit information from guests staying at the hotel where she worked in Budapest. It is uncertain how this revelation will affect her political career. ------------------------ Hot Sex? -------------------------- Cancun, Mexico - Rita Garcia has fessed up after bragging to friends about how she got even with her ex. Garcia broke into her estranged husband's apartment and located unused condoms in a drawer. She carefully opened a condom and peppered chili powder in one, resealed it and waited for the results. After a moment of passion with his 19-year-old girlfriend Pedro was rushed to the hospital with his manhood on *fire*. Rita, upon her being charged with second degree assault said, "He wanted hot sex with that 19-year- old and he's now had it." -------- Man Kills Villager In Fight, Then Eats Him -------- PORT MORESBY, New Guinea - A village dispute in Papua New Guinea ended with a man tearing out the eyes, testicles and heart of another and eating them, police said on Tuesday. Villagers watched in horror as Moropia Silkapi, 35, attacked the body of Yakamup Makatu, 55, police told Reuters on Tuesday. Police said an argument between Silkapi and Makatu earlier in the day left Makatu's house burnt to the ground. After a fight, "Silkapi caught Makatu and smashed his head with a rock, killing him. He then ate him," Simanjon said. ---- Fake Plastic Surgeon Sought For Botched Operations ---- MIAMI BEACH, FL - Police are looking for a "butcher" with no medical training who, while posing as a plastic surgeon, mutilated at least three people, including a former male champion bodybuilder who received women's breasts instead of pectoral implants. The imposter, Reinaldo Silvestre, and two accomplices used an animal tranquilizer in botched operations including the one preformed on bodybuilder, Mr. Mexico of 1975. The case came to light last month when a videotape was brought to police showing the surgery on the bodybuilder. Miami Beach police Capt. Charles Press spoke about the videotape "... it was obscene. I've been [a police officer] for almost 25 years, and I was repulsed. The guy kept waking up. They told him to lie down and not worry about it. He was in obvious pain." The videotape showed that Silvestre used an instrument that resembled a spatula during the surgery. ----------------- Don't Try This At Home! ------------------ LONDON - What has to be one of the MOST bizarre stories we have heard comes once again from those wacky Brits. Heather Perry, 29, says she has finally cured her chronic fatigue by resorting to do-it-yourself brain surgery and drilling a hole in her own head. It's an ancient technique called trepanning - cutting away a section of the scalp and drilling into the skull. Perry's bid to rid herself of the inflammation of her brain and spinal chord, by drilling a two-centimeter hole to allow blood to flow more easily around the brain, almost went wrong when she drilled too far and penetrated a membrane protecting her brain tissue. She performed the operation under local anesthetic in front of a mirror and a camera crew. ----------------- Y2K Panic Claims Victim ------------------ HICKORY HILLS, Illinois - A 34 year old Cincinnati man driving a rented ford Taurus with two flat tires was arrested at the Hickory Hills/Palos Shopping Center after threatening to slit his throat with a hunting knife. When officers encountered the man he was already suffering from a stab wound. He then produced a pistol from the trunk of his car and threatened to shoot himself in the head. The man was apprehended after collapsing from blood loss. Upon further investigation, the man's girlfriend was discovered, suffering from five stab wounds. She said the man was distraught over a Y2K meeting and wanted to go to California (by way of Hickory Hills from Cincinnati) and live in the desert. -------------- Duct Tape Keeps Wife Faithful --------------- PHOENIX, AZ - There's a long standing saw that says, "If you can't fix it, Duct Tape it." But one Phoenix resident took this axiom too literally when he employed a roll of the tape to bind his wife to her legal obligations. To ensure his wife showed up for her court date, Robert Horton bound her arms, legs and mouth with duct tape and drove her to Maricopa County Superior Court in Phoenix. He dropped her off at the security officer's desk in a very matter-of-fact manner. Wife Belinda was arrested several days prior for aggravated assault and resisting arrest, but was unwilling to talk this time even after the tape was removed. Authorities are still considering whether to bring charges against Robert. ------------- Kidnapped Man Comes Out Blazing -------------- CORAL SPRINGS, Fla. - 21-year-old Carl Lee Reese's luck went from bad to worse when he carjacked a Lexus belonging to Paul Brite, 53. Brite was confronted by the gunman at a carwash and forced to climb into his own trunk. Reese drove off, but pulled to the side of the road a short while later fearing Brite had a cellular phone with him. When he opened the trunk the victim came out brandishing two handguns that he had stored there earlier. The kidnapper refused to comply with several commands to lie on the ground, even after a warning shot. Brite was finally forced to shoot his attacker in the abdomen when Reese reached for his pocket. Police said they do not plan to charge Brite. ----------- Shark No Match For Woman With Stick ------------ NEW PLYMOUTH, New Zealand - Folks from New Zealand take their fishing seriously. Take Bev Marshall-Smith, 56, who was fishing with her husband at a beach on the west coast of New Zealand's North Island. When a large fish chased her lure into the shallows she picked up a piece of driftwood and charged in to claim her prize. When the truculent predator refused to expire quietly Marshall-Smith beat it into submission. It turned out to be a nearly 6-foot blue shark. "I didn't realize it was a shark. I just went and grabbed it," she said, "Every time he wrestled I hit him." --------- Today's Youth Under Increasing Pressure ---------- BANGKOK, Thailand - Your humble editor didn't believe this story until research proved it to be true. Teens everywhere try to get kicks in different ways, but this new craze sweeping Thailand called "pumping" is truly bizarre. What is this you ask? Well "pumping" involves placing the nozzle of a bicycle pump up one's rectum and literally pumping air until the air escapes from the posterior making a loud, vulgar sound. Apparently the louder the sound, the more amusing. A 13-year-old, Charnchai Puanmuangpak planned for a record and proceeded to place an electric air compressor hose up his backside. He was admitted to the hospital with internal bleeding. -------- Magnetic Personality Lands Pervert In Jail -------- SAN FRANCISCO, California - 45-year-old suspect, Harold White has been charged with one of the more bizarre crimes to hit this unusual city. He has been charged with disturbing the peace with a high powered magnet! It seems that White would stake out piercing parlors thereupon following women who recently had body parts pierced. He would then get close to them with his magnet in an attempt to "sexually stimulate" his victims with the magnet. http://www.bizarrenews.com

Andy Warhol created the Rolling Stone's emblem depicting the big tongue which first appeared on the cover of "Sticky Fingers." The tallest monument built in the US, the Gateway Arch, in St. Louis, Missouri, is 630 feet tall. New Jersey, with 96, is the US state with the greatest number of hazardous waste sites. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. Lake Nicaragua boasts the only fresh water sharks in the entire world. Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box. The A&W of root beer fame stands for Allen and Wright. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

WHO WROTE "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB"? One of the earliest and most influential American magazine editors, Sarah Josepha Hale - in 1830. In addition to founding the first national women's magazine, Godey's Ladies' Magazine, and successfully campaigning to make Thanksgiving a national holiday, she was inspired to write the rhyme by an actual case of a child's being followed to school by a pet lamb. WHO IS NIKE? In Greek mythology, Nike was the goddess of victory. She was the daughter of the giant Pallas and the river Styx. In Rome, Nike was called Victoria. WHAT WERE THE MEASUREMENTS OF THE PERFECT ZIEGFELD GIRL? For the showgirls who appeared in the Ziegfeld Follies, which ran from 1907 in to the 1903s, impresario Florenz Ziegfeld insisted on women with the following measurements: bust, 36 inches; waist, 26 inches; and hips 38 inches. It estimated that only 3,000 of the 200,000 applicants over the years met these requirements. HOW LONG DID IT TAKE GERTRUDE EDERLE TO SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL? The first woman to cross the channel clocked in at 14 hours, 39 minutes on August 5, 1926. In doing so, she broke the existing men's record.

From the Times of London: http://www.the-times.co.uk/ April 11 2000 EUROPE Gnomes released into wild FROM ADAM SAGE IN PARIS A SINISTER threat returned to haunt suburban France yesterday when the infamous Garden Gnome Liberation Front (GLF) claimed its most daring exploit to date. In a statement, the Paris branch said that it had "freed" 20 of the 2,000 gnomes on display at an exhibition in the Bagatelle Park on the outskirts on the French capital. A GLF statement said: "We want to end the ridicule to which these garden gnomes are subjected. We want to return them to their natural habitat by releasing them into the forests they should never have left." The theft came more than two years after French justice dismantled a movement that began as a student joke but turned into a wide-ranging social trend that forced home-owners to buy guard dogs and lock up their gnomes at night. On that occasion, in November 1997, three men were given suspended prison sentences and a fourth lost his driving licence.

Next it'll be those pink flamingoes (was gonna put a negative adjective before pink, but there are lots of people who must like them...) inhabiting lawns from Florida to California but not in Hawaii (*whew*) Thanks, Ann, that is Hilarious. Do you know where your gnomes are tonight?! Lock them up at night? I am astounded, again, by The Times.

The only real person that has been used as a Pez head is Betsy Ross. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. The longest U.S. highway is route 6 which starts in Cape Cod, Massachusetts and ends in Bishop, California. In M&M candies, the letters stand for Mars and Merrie. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. The volume of the Earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific Ocean. Samuel Clemens, Mark Twain, was born on a day in 1835 when Haley's Comet came into view and he died exactly 75 years later in 1910 when Haley's Comet came back. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle. The symbol on the pound key "#" is called an octothorpe.

WHAT IS THE LARGEST DESERT IN EUROPE? Europe has no deserts - it's the only continent without one. WHICH STATE AVERAGES THE GREATEST NUMBER OF SHARK ATTACKS ANNUALLY? Florida, with an average of 13 a year. WHAT IS THE LONGEST STRAIT IN THE WORLD? The Strait of Malacca, between the Malay Peninsula and the island of Sumatra. It's about 500 miles long and connects the Andaman and South China seas. WHAT MAMMAL DO FISHERMAN IN CHINA TRAIN TO HELP THEM INCREASE THEIR CATCH? The otter. The Chinese train otters to chase fish under large nets, which are then dropped and pulled in.

The BBC radio dedicated about 3 minutes to the gnome story last night (or this morning their time) Apparently they are very chic in Paris

Yeesh! Perhaps you have to be there to appreciate them...?! Still think it is funny! Guard dogs and locking them up for the night?! Sounds like a scene from The Full Monty...

HOW DID THE TV'S EMMY AWARDS GET THEIR NAME? From the feminized form of "immy", a nickname for the image orthicon - TV camera tube in wide use when the awards were first given in 1949. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE IN THE ORIGINAL DRAFT FOR THE STAR TREK TV SERIES? The U.S.S. Yorktown. WHAT MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER RETIRED IN 1980 AFTER PLAYING IN FIVE DIFFERENT DECADES? Outfielder Minnie Minoso, who started out with the Cleveland Indians in 1949, and ended his career as a pinch hitter for the Chicago White sox. WHO, IN 1954, WAS NAMED SPORTS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE'S FIRST SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR? Roger Bannister, who broke the four-minute mile.

The greatest snowfall ever in a single storm was 189 inches at the Mount Shasta Ski Bowl in February, 1959. The highest waterfall in the world, Angel Falls in Venezuela, has a total drop of 3,121 feet. A person's right lung takes in more air than the left one does. A sneeze expels out of your mouth over 600 mph. An adult golden eagle's claw has 9 times the grip of an adult human male's hand. Lincoln Logs were invented by Frank Lloyd Wright's son. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. The first interracial kiss ever seen on television was on "Star Trek" ~ Kirk and Uhuru. The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver." Any month that starts on a Sunday will have a Friday the 13th in it.

Bizarre News +---------------------- Bizarre Books ----------------------+ Real Books... Unreal Titles! It's a Gas! A Study of Flatulence; 1991 [No explanation needed.] Wrestling for Gay Guys; 1994 For anyone looking to perk up their fitness routine, self-defense, or erotic prowess. [See first story.] Hand Grenade Throwing as a College Sport; 1918 The British Library's only copy was regrettably "destroyed by bombing." [Perhaps the WWF could employ some of these strategies?] The Gentle Art of Cooking Wives; 1900 [Oh no. That's just TOO easy!] Walled Up Nuns and Nuns Walled In; 1895 [Sadly, no sequel was ever printed.] Fashion is Spinach; 1938 [And meat is?] A letter to the Man Who Killed My Dog; 1956 [I'll take a stab: Dear Jerk face, You suck!] Freedom Must Not Stink; 1947 [Followed by the best-seller, "Communism Takes a Bath".] *** ------------- Oily Grapplers Fear Gay Audience ------------- ISTANBUL - Just when you thought that burly, sweaty, Turkish oil wrestlers were synonymous with good, clean heterosexual fun; think again. Residing in our "what were the odds?" file, our glistening leather-clad warriors object to their ancient sporting event being coveted by a group of homosexuals calling themselves the "Bears of Turkey." This group of openly gay men are advertising on the Internet in hopes of booking a tour group to attend the Kirkpinar championships. On July 1, the city of Edirne will be hosting this event, but Chairman Alper Yazoglu was quoted as saying, "We are trying every way to have this stopped...". The event takes place in the hot sun as the wrestlers slather themselves in olive oil before trying to pin each other to the ground. One common tactic includes putting a hand down the opponent's leather trousers to get a better grip. The wrestlers don't see the attraction for their homosexual audience. [Extra virgin olive oil? Probably not macho enough.] ---------------- Mom Packs More Than Lunch ----------------- OKLAHOMA CITY - Just when Oklahoma and violence were finally out of the headlines, enraged mother Sonya Bostic fired a shot at another mother during a track meet. Bostic, age 33, was aiming for Ruthie Pearl, age 35, in what was apparently the climax of a two-year grudge. 500 spectators packed the stadium when the argument began, but the bullet wounded innocent parent Virginia Biggers in the buttocks when she attempted to take cover. While Bostic was still pointing her gun, police disarmed her but found no more bullets. She was arrested and jailed. --------- Dead Husband Stays Home For Four Months ---------- MUNICH - In an effort to postpone reality, an elderly German woman kept her dead husband in bed for four months. The husband's sister became suspicious when she repeatedly called the house, and the wife told her that he did not want to see any visitors. The sister eventually called the police and they confirmed that the 76-year-old man had died of natural causes. Previous to this discovery, in 1998 a man from Hamburg was found sitting in front of his television; he had been dead for five years. [Rest assured, he was found still grasping the remote.] -------------- Family Pet Makes Tasty Snack ---------------- DEMING, N.M. - This culinary curiosity made a lot radio talk shows, so you may have already heard the story, but I just couldn't resist sneaking it into this week's issue. It seems Sadie Emerson of New Mexico recently lost her Vietnamese potbellied pig. The miniature porker named Tiny Boo was a cherished family pet and Sadie and her 3-year-old son began searching the neighborhood for it. Much to their horror they found Tiny Boo was the guest of honor at a barbecue their neighbors were having down the street. The mobile home owner told sheriff's deputies he shot the pig with a rifle after the animal tried to attack him. He has been accused of cruelty to animals and will appear in court. ------------ Is That A Hamster In Your Pocket -------------- SYDNEY, Australia - What would a Bizarre News edition be without a penis tragedy? Brad Smith loved animals and when he found a lost hamster, cold from a rainy morning, he decided to warm it up by placing it in his front pocket. The little rodent wasn't exactly thrilled to be there and proceeded to make lunch out of Smith's manhood. ----------------- Best Man Vows For Groom ----------------- KILETER, England - The time was way back in the 1920's and Albert Muldoon was standing up as the best man at his friend's wedding. But unfortunately for all involved, Muldoon stood at the wrong side of the groom and the Minister mistook him for the groom himself and married him to the bride. The actual groom was so nervous he could not even say, "I do" and Muldoon answered for him, furthering the comedic marriage. The marriage was annulled 24 hours later. Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* IRS agent Larry Wilson of Alhambra, California has been charged with extortion, reportedly demanding more that $57,000 in bribes from taxpayers, in exchange for favors during audits... an IRS spokesman expressed shock at the arrest, since policy clearly caps bribes at $50,000 per agent.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. The Boston University Bridge is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane. Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, while dogs only have about 10. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar. Emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards. The "Yo-Yo" was introduced in 1929 by Donald F. Duncan. The toy was based on a weapon used by 16th-century Filipino hunters. The 7 wonders of the ancient world are The Temple of Artemis, The Colossus of Rhodes, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, The Lighthouse at Alexandria, The Great Pyramids of Giza, and The Statue of Zeus at Olympia. December 25'th was chosen as "Christmas Day" in order to compete with an existing pagan celebration. Scuba stands for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. The 7 Dwarfs are Doc, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, and Sneezy. The 7 wonders of the modern world are The Great Wall of China, The Hagia Sophia, The Leaning Tower of Pisa, The Washington Monument, The Eiffel Tower, The Taj Mahal, and The Empire State Building.

WHERE DOES THE WORD SALARY COME FROM? It evolved from salarium argentium, or "salt money," fees paid to Roman soldiers to buy the then precious commodity. HOW DID THE EXPRESSION "TO MAKE A BED" ORIGINATE? In the evening, citizens of the Roman Empire constructed their beds by placing straw into a cloth sack. The straw had to be emptied every night to dry; therefore, the beds had to be remade every night. This practice continued until the fifteenth century - in some countries even later. HOW DID THE WORD "AIN'T" BECOME UNACCEPTABLE? The use of ain't as a substitute for am not or are not dates back to the reign of King Charles II - about 300 years. It is unclear how or why it became unacceptable.

WHEN WAS CIGARETTE ADVERTISING BANNED ON TELEVISION AND RADIO? It was prohibited as of January 2, 1971. Red stands for the blood of the dead. Black represents pride in the color of the skin. Green is for the promise of a new and better life in Africa. HOW FAST DOES THE EARTH TRAVEL AROUND THE SUN? It moves at 66,641 miles per hour. WHAT MAKES HOUSEPLANTS TURN TO THE LIGHT? Growth hormones called auxins. When light falls on one side of the plant, the auxins tend to concentrate on the shaded side, causing the cells on that side to grow longer. As a result, the plant gradually leans toward the light. This bending movement in response to an outside stimulus is known as tropism; bending in response to sunlight is called heliotropism.

Bizarre News - April 15, 2000 +---------------- Last Week's Bizarre Poll -----------------+ Question: What invention is the most bizarre? Voting Results: Answer: Ronco Egg Beater (scrambles eggs inside the shell), 283 votes (8%) Answer: Flowbee hair cutter (Turns vacuum cleaner into shears), 216 votes (6%) Answer: Epilady Hair remover (Rips the hair out of follicles), 1225 votes (37%) Answer: The Bug Sucker (Insect killer), 414 votes (12%) Answer: GLH (Spray paint your bald spot), 1113 votes (34%) *** ----------- English Inventor Goes Down With Ship ----------- LONDON, England - In yet another attempt to show why the British Empire lost its grip on the world, inventor Terrence Smedley felt an inspiration. His inspiration was to cross the English Channel in a motorized bathtub. The rather odd inventor wanted to be the first man to do so. The tub sank after traveling 500 yards off shore. He was rescued by a ferry that was passing by. [I wonder if he took his rubber ducky life preserver.] ---------------- L'amour...Toujours L'amour ---------------- PARIS, France - Bizarre News scans the globe in search of bizarre rituals, news, or just plain idiocy. This story combines all of these elements. Two teenagers were arrested and were nearly killed after they created a subway disturbance. Apparently they were walking down the tracks in between stations when the young stud began kissing and fondling his girlfriend. One thing led to another and they began to make love in between the tracks. If it were not for a vigilant conductor, authorities said they would have surely perished. [When I was a kid, I thought sticking a quarter in a vibrating bed was "cool".] ---------- Hide Your Women...or Your Garden Gnomes --------- PARIS - It is no longer acceptable to malign or slander your garden gnomes. That's right; someone is fighting to protect your gnomes from captivity and ridicule. The Garden Gnome Liberation Front has emerged from their underground lair long enough to steal 20 gnomes in order to set them free. This same savvy group was responsible for the disappearance of over 150 garden gnomes in 1997, but the ringleader was caught, and fined. Parisians were shocked by the brutal 1998 mass gnome suicide in Briey. 11 were found dangling by their necks under a bridge. The note left behind said, "When you read these few words we will no longer be a part of your selfish world, where we serve merely as pretty decoration." [Leave it to those wacky French. No wonder they love Jerry Lewis.] ---------------------Safe Canadian Sex---------------------- CALGARY - Finally, a study we can all learn from. Queens University in Calgary, Alberta has conducted a survey on the sexual habits of 800 people in five city bars. They discovered that the inebriated were more likely to practice safe sex than their sober counterparts. Tara MacDonald and three other researchers asked some intrusive questions of their liquored-up subjects. They were given a Breathalyzer test, and asked to read a sexual scenario before answering a series of highly personal questions. The bar had stamped hands with "AIDS Kills", "Safe Sex", or a happy face. "We found that a drunk person with a smiley face was more likely than a sober people to have intentions to have unsafe sex, whereas intoxicated persons with Aids Kills stamps were half as likely as sober people to report intentions to engage in sex without a condom." [And no; the study was not funded by Seagram's.] --------------- Banana Peel Thrower Slips Away -------------- KENOSHA - The Sheriff's Department were evaded by a motorist who hurled a banana peel out of their car window at another windshield, then sped away. In addition to the drive-by "fruiting" the offender allegedly made obscene gestures to the 35-year old woman he was tailgating before he slimed her windshield. The police offered no comment; just scratched their heads in confusion. --------------- The Proof Is In The Ordnance --------------- TUCSON, Arizona - In order to prove that the schools are not safe enough for teachers or students, sixth grade teacher Kathy Morris pumped a .38 caliber slug into her own shoulder in an empty classroom and claimed a young Hispanic man had shot her. The 35-year-old Morris broke down under questioning and admitted she shot herself, but not before classes were dismissed for the day and the entire neighborhood was searched. Morris has also, apparently, been sending herself threatening letters, a sheriff's spokeswoman said. She is currently on paid administrative leave pending an investigation. [Tough way to get a paid leave, if you ask me. I'm sure the students were mourning her misfortune on their day off.] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* A new survey of pet fanciers by the American Animal Hospital Association shows that 83 percent of pet owners would risk their own lives to save their pets. Even more disturbing, 89 percent of those polled think their pets understand some or all of what their owners say... so what exactly is wrong with MY dog? For more Classic Bizarre, visit us at: Click Here

In 1920, Terence MacSwiney, Lord Mayor of Cork, Ireland, was sentenced to two years in jail for "being in the possession of seditious documents." He was jailed in Brixton Prison, London, on August 12, 1920. As a protest against the sentence, MacSwiney went on a hunger strike and refused to eat food of any kind while in prison. He did not, however, refuse water and medicines. He died on October 25 of the same year, the 74th day of his fast. While he was subject to fits of delirium from time to time, he retained his consciousness until a few days before his death.

WHAT IS THE ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD WHERE ALLIGATORS AND CROCODILES COEXIST? Southern Florida. AT WHAT AGE DID CLEOPATRA TAKE HER FIRST LOVER? At the age of twelve. WHAT IS THE WORLD'S LARGEST LIVING FISH? The harmless whale shark, which reaches up to 50 or more feet in length and weighs up to 20 tons. WHAT WAS BEATLE JOHN LENNON'S MIDDLE NAME? Winston, after Winston Churchill.

Why are cats attracted to catnip? Catnip has a substance called nepetalactone which comes from small glands on the plant leaves of a mint called catnip. It is believed when nepetalactone is inhaled by cats, it alters the nor brain functions and arouses sexual feelings just as a hormone would. This causes cats to act playful and exhibit behavior seen typically during mating activities.

Bizarre News +---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ KENTUCKY Bees entering Kentucky must have a certificate of health. Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars. Any person who appears on a highway, or the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined not less than five dollars. No person shall sell, exchange or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor sell or exchange baby chicks or other fowl under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. [Well, now that we have that cleared up...] *** -------------------- Sidewalk Delivery --------------------- LOUISVILLE - A Kentucky inmate witnessed a woman giving birth on the sidewalk outside of his cell not realizing that the woman was his wife. Raylette Carr told reporters that her husband was casually describing the event to her when she interrupted by telling him that she was the woman on the sidewalk giving birth. "I told him: 'That was your baby.'" Carr was on her way to a fireworks show when she went into labor with her seventh child. Paramedics arrived too late, but mother and baby are fine. ---------- Easter Floggings Come Early This Year ----------- GUATEMALA CITY - Lent no longer tops the list for Easter hardships. The annual Easter witch hunt began seven days prior to Holy Week this year for Guatemalan students. The ritual consists of 15,000 hooded students (mostly male) who publicly strip suspected criminals, and beat them. This vigilante pummeling, and the accompanying parade, are a sanctioned tradition where last year more than 108 lynching attempts took place. [They did this at a Frat house regularly at the U of I.] ----------------- Hamster Fashions For UK ------------------ LONDON - Conservative clothiers Gieves and Hawkes tried to update their 200 year-old image by appealing to a younger, hipper crowd with hamster jackets. The $4,800 creations only spiced up the ire of The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "We are appalled and we are sure the public will feel exactly the same way," replied coordinator Yvonne Taylor. Gieves and Hawkes quickly backed down, and said they only made one coat - sewn from the skins of 100 farmed animals. --------------- "Hot Wheels" Prompt Gunplay ---------------- STATESBORO - The difference between men and boys is not just the price of their toys, but how pretty their wheels are. A twenty-year-old man was shot at the Player's Ball weekend gathering during an argument over who had the better looking tires. Apparently the man with the gun had the prettiest tires. The victim was from Atlanta, and was hospitalized in stable condition. However his pride may not recover as quickly. ---------- Imposter Hoodwinks Medical Authorities ---------- BONN, Germany - In one of the countries biggest medical scandals, authorities are scratching their heads trying to figure out how a post office messenger with no formal education could impersonate a psychiatrist for two years and commit 34 "patients" to mental hospitals across the country. The culprit, Gert Postel got away with impersonating a psychiatrist by using a lot of psycho babble that made him a convincing con man. -------------- Dutch Research Into Flatulence -------------- AMSTERDAM, Holland - Bizarre News is always on the lookout examining how countries spanning the globe do research. Recently, researchers at the University of Amsterdam have been delving into the hazards of flatulence. Apparently, prolonged exposure of four hours a day to humans "passing gas" can weaken the immune system. The doctor heading this piece of vital research, Dr. Hans Sholten, was quoted as saying, "It would behoove anyone who cares about his or her health to avoid people with chronic flatulence." [Really?] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Another blow for Darwinism: a Brazilian court has ruled that factory worker Valdir Pozza is not entitled to compensation after losing the use of his finger, because "pinkie fingers would disappear with evolution anyway..."

The shrink imposter would be easier to pull off than an MD, I can see where this could be faked.

Skeptic that I am, I wonder if all shrinks aren't imposters of a sort...?!

HOW MUCH DOES THE BLUE WHALE, THE WORLD'S LARGEST MAMMAL, WEIGH AT BIRTH? Two tons. Fully grown, it will weigh as much as 150 tons. HOW MANY MUSCLES ARE THERE IN THE HUMAN EAR? Six. WHY WAS POPCORN BANNED AT MOST THEATERS IN THE 1920S? It was considered too noisy. WHAT CELEBRITY BOUGHT THE FIRST HUMMER MANUFACTURED FOR CIVILIAN USE? Arnold Schwarzenegger, 1992. The 6,300-pound, 7-foot wide vehicle is the civilian version of the military Humvee.

Bizarre News +---------------------- Bizarre Books ----------------------+ Real Books... Unreal Titles! The Foul and the Fragrant: Odor and the French Social Imagination; 1986. Who's Who in Barbed Wire; 1970. The Madman as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution; 1979. Correct Mispronunciations of Some South Carolina Names; 1981. Manhole Covers of Los Angeles; 1974. Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun; 1995. Three Weeks in Wet Sheets; 1856. Be Married and Like It; 1937. Pranks With the Mouth; 1879. Build Your Own Hindenburg; 1983. *** ---------------- Man Ruins Surprise Funeral ---------------- TOKYO - It was a hard day at work for a 60-year-old Japanese shipbuilder who came home and found his family planning his funeral. Police had informed the family that he had been killed in a car accident earlier that day, where his own brother-in-law identified the victim's body as his. The family was in the final stages of planning when he walked into the living room. The funeral has been postponed. --------------------- Virtual Praying? --------------------- MILAN - The country that is synonymous with wine, romance, and pasta now offers a new time-saver with professional praying. For 3,000 lire, "Paradise" agency located in Varese, Italy will send housewife Monica Ballinari to recite a prayer or perform the sign of the cross once a day. She fears that life has become so hectic that many just ignore their spiritual needs, and the salvation of their souls. "If you don't have time to save it, call me; I'll take care of it." [If they take their masturbation seriously over there, this poor woman must be kept busy.] ------------- Real Fake Newscaster Makes Debut ------------- LONDON - Her name is Ananova; she has green hair, big eyes, and moves somewhat erratically. She is a computer created virtual newscaster guaranteed to stay in perfect health, work long-hours for no pay, and never needs make-up. This glamorous cyber-anchor will exude a plethora of internet information complete with commercials, and she'll make her U.K. Internet debut on Wednesday, April 19, 2000. Bearing the likeness of Posh Spice, Ananova claims, "I'm your personal assistant in a digital world." [I wonder if she'll get engaged to Max Headroom?] ---------------- Big Mac Rules Foil Burglar ---------------- SYDNEY, Australia - The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man walked into Brookvale McDonalds at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30am as only the breakfast menu was on offer. Frustrated, the man walked away. ------------ Thieves Yank ATM out Of The Ground ------------ OGDEN, Utah - A couple of thieves came up with a crafty approach for stealing from an ATM -- they took the whole thing. Ogden police say suspects stole a backhoe, hooked it up to a freestanding ATM, uprooted it and hauled it down the road on Monday. Problem was, they couldn't figure out how to get the money out of it. -------- Slick Willie Faces Hollywood's Wunderkind --------- NEW YORK - Savvy and experienced President Clinton will be hard-pressed this Saturday when he sits across the micro-phone from post-pubescent teen heart-throb Leonardo DiCaprio. DiCaprio, who has made his bones in films like "What's Eating Gilbert Grape", "The Quick and the Dead" and "Titanic" will be interviewing Clinton as chairman of the Earth Day 2000 celebration committee. Questions will range from Clinton's policies on global warming to what he thought of that Virginie Ledoyen chick who played with DiCaprio in "The Beach." Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Cleetis Hayseed of Twelve Toes, Arkansas had this lame bumper sticker on his car: "I May Be Slow, But I'm Ahead Of You." After enduring countless beatings, Cleetis cleverly contacted the company which offers the world's best-selling stickers: DARE To Keep Cops Off Donuts, Life is Short - Don't Be a Dick, Discourage Inbreeding - Ban Country Music, WHATEVER, I'd Rather Be Spanking The Monkey, and Your College Sucks. For more Classic Bizarre, visit us at: Click Here

Clinton asked to comment on a chick, he should have some relativity on this!

This is true...! (btw, I do not write those sordid little comments enclosed in square brackets in the Bizarre news. I have more class than that!)

WHAT PART OF THE HUMAN BODY HAS THE THINNEST SKIN? The eyelid - it's less than 1/500 inch thick. WHEN WERE EYEGLASSES FIRST WORN IN EUROPE? They first appeared in Italy in the fourteenth century, supposedly introduced by Alessandro di Spina of Florence. Eyeglasses also appeared in China about this time; it is not clear who got the idea first. HOW DID THE PIGGY BANK GET ITS NAME? In the Middle Ages, people stored money in a "pygg jar," made of clay called pygg. By the eighteenth century in England, the name and shape of the receptacle had evolved to "pig bank" - and from there to piggy bank. WHY DOES SKIN WRINKLE WHEN IT IS EXPOSED AT LENGTH TO WATER? The skin on the foot or palm of the hand wrinkles because it expands. The thick, hardened layers of skin swell as water is retained.

Teenage Boys Face Flogging for Pestering Girls DUBAI (Reuters) - Saudi teenage boys face public flogging and prison sentences for loitering outside girls' schools, a Saudi newspaper reported Saturday. Al-Eqtisadiah reported that the prince of Medina ordered a committee be set up in the holy city to hand out strict punishment to the boys to limit what the newspaper called immoral behavior in the conservative Muslim kingdom. The newspaper said the decision was taken after several complaints were filed from female students and parents about remarks made by the boys milling outside the schools. London-based Amnesty International recently accused Saudi Arabia of ``gross and systematic'' human rights violations, charges which have been rejected by Saudi officials.

Drenchers Out in Force on Easter Monday WARSAW (Reuters) - Polish youths marked Drenching Monday by hurling water at unsuspecting passers-by and tourists in an exuberant reenactment of a rural custom. The festival, also known as St Drencher's Day, began centuries ago as a courtship festival in Poland's villages, where boys would drench maidens to try and win their favor. Unlike many rural customs that have disappeared over the years, ``smigus-dyngus'' has become increasingly popular. And buckets of water are no longer reserved for young women. Police warned there would be fines for anyone caught abusing the custom to ambush churchgoers or passers-by. Tourists were among the victims this year in Warsaw's picturesque Old Town.

HOW DID CHICAGO GET ITS NAME? In 1696 a Jesuit, Father Pinet, established a mission for Indians called the Mission of the Guardian Angel. It was set along a stream the Indians had named Checagon, a word meaning anything big, strong, or powerful. Since the river at that point was sluggish, it is thought that checagon actually referred to the wild garlic along the riverbanks. WHAT WAS THE FIRST SUPERMARKET? Two self-service stores - precursors to supermarkets - opened in California in 1912: the Alpha Beta Food Market in Pomona and Ward's Grocetaria in Ocean Park. The Piggly-Wiggly stores, which opened in 1916 in Memphis, Tennessee, had self- service and checkout counters but did not call themselves supermarkets. The word supermarket was not part of a store name until 1933, when the Albers Super Markets opened. WHAT WERE THE EARLIER NAMES FOR THE BEATLES? There were several. In the late 1950s, John Lennon and Paul McCartney formed a band to play "skiffle" music in local Liverpool clubs. They first called themselves the Quarrymen, then tried several other names: Johnny and the Moondogs, the Moonshiners, Long John and the Silver Beatles. By 1960, however, they settled on the name now known to all - the Beatles. WHO WAS THE FIRST MOVIE STAR? While early American filmmakers refused to reveal the names of their players, fearing the actors would request more money, German filmgoers creates celebrities. The first celebrity actress was Henny Porten, who first appeared in the movie Lohengrin (1907), directed by Oskar Messter. She was known only as the Messter Girl until 1909, when she played the romantic lead in Das Liebesgluck der Blinden (The Love of the Blind Girl) to such fanfare that Messter was requested to reveal her name to the public. Soon thereafter, Porten asked for a raise.

Bizarre News +----------------- Bizarre U.S. Patents -------------------+ Scalp Cooling Device; December 6, 1938 [Looks similar to the electric chair.] Pantyhose Shaping Band for Cheeky Derrier Relief; January 18, 1979 [The name on the patent? Julie Newmar. Who wants to bet she's Julie Newmar of Cat Woman fame?] Eye Protector for Chickens; December 10, 1902 Hay Fragrance; January 6, 1987 Saluting Device/Automatic Hat Tipper; March 10, 1896 Apparatus for Facilitating Childbirth by Centrifugal Force; November 9, 1965 [Looks similar to a medieval rack.] *** ---- You Have The Right To Be Tried By A Jury Of Idiots ---- KENTUCKY - Five men and seven women jurors of the Jefferson County Circuit Court could not come to a decision in the trial of murder suspect Phillip J. Givens II. So instead of wasting the tax-payers valuable dollars they decided to flip a coin. It was tails. Shortly before he was about to pass his sentence, Judge Kenneth Conliffe learned how the jury had reached its verdict and declared a mistrial. "I didn't think we had anything to lose," jury foreman David Melton said. "We were going to be hung without it." The coin used was a silver dollar. [The jury may not have had anything to lose, but Givens did. It's a good thing no one had any dice. Thanks to Jake Hill for the lead on this story.] ---------------- We Said 'Bong' Not 'Bomb' ----------------- WILMINGTON - In light of the Columbine anniversary, North Carolina investigators took no chances when they found an empty cardboard fireworks tube, and evacuated the Roland- Grise Middle School. The bomb squad proceeded to detonate the tube, and found it contained a bong. The seven teenagers in question wouldn't tell the officers what it was for, so they evacuated the school to be on the safe side. --------------- Going 'Postal' Over Manicure --------------- ST. PETERSBURG - Being a postal worker just became more stressful. A Florida Postal Service supervisor has taken a medical leave after she was forced to cut her finger nails. Lolita Dash was first asked to trim her 5-inch thumbnails in 1995, when she violated the local post-master's rule that nails could not be longer than a quarter-inch beyond the fingertip. Soon after this initial cutting, Dash let them grow to the one inch mark, so her bosses started disciplinary proceedings. She was so distraught that she went on medical leave; even though she had her nails trimmed to the proper length. [What next? Hygiene? When will Big Brother be satisfied?] --------------- Pigeons Take a Special Trip --------------- DENVER - Officials in Denver are going to great lengths to rid the city of pigeons, and their flying debris. For $250 a month, the city can buy hallucinogenic corn that causes the birds to convulse and spasm which frightens the other birds away. The feed is laced with Avitrol, and animal rights activists are once again; enraged. "It takes 40 pigeons pooping all day in one place to equal what a dog leaves on my lawn in one drop," says animal lover Catherine Hurlbutt. John Hall, acting manager of public office buildings has a different view, "pigeons are urban vermin." [First the corn. Next the pigeon 12-step] ------------------ Snore At Your Own Risk ------------------ DUBLIN - Prisoner Thomas Brady, 22, was stabbed to death in his cell on Easter Sunday when his snoring proved too much for his cellmate. Police have not disclosed the name of the enraged prisoner who stabbed him with a sharpened table knife. Dublin's Mountjoy prison rushed Mr. Brady to the hospital, but he could not be saved. -------------- Passover Constipates Ethiopians ------------- JERUSALEM - As an act of charity Israel sent three tons of unleavened bread to starving Ethiopians after rabbis ruled against sending regular bread, due to the observance of Passover. What sounded like a good idea only created more digestive problems for the Ethiopians, because "matza" is notoriously dry, and causes severe constipation. On a more positive note, they also sent other food, blankets, and medicine. Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* A Honduran man castrated himself with a machete because he was "frustrated" that his wife refused to have sex with him. The Heraldo Daily said Juan Varels cut off both his testicles and put them on a table. After careful consideration, Varels took them to a health center to have them reattached. For more Classic Bizarre, visit us at: Click Here

WHERE DID THE WORD CRAP COME FROM? DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH SHOOTING CRAPS? No, it derived from the first flush lavatory, Crapper's Valveless Water Waste Preventor, developed in 1837 by English sanitary engineer Thomas Crapper. WHERE DOES THE TERM STARK NAKED COME FROM? It is a corruption of start naked. In the thirteenth century, when the phrase originated, start took the Anglo-Saxon from steort, which meant "tail" or "rump." Therefore, stark naked refers to someone naked to the tail. WHY DO BIRDS SING? In most species of songbirds, only male birds sing, and for only two reasons: to protect territory and to attract a mate. WAS THERE AN ORIGINAL GOODY TWO-SHOES? As the subject of the first children's book of the same name, this character helped to usher in the children's book industry. Goody Two-Shoes was a poor girl, who, when given a pair of shoes, became so happy that she told everyone she met about them. The tale was written by Oliver Goldsmith in 1765.

IS THERE ANY BONE IN THE HUMAN BODY THAT DOES NOT CONNECT WITH OTHER BONES? The hyoid bone resides by itself in the throat. It supports the tongue and its muscles. DO FINGERPRINTS HAVE A FUNCTION? They provide traction for your fingers, helping you to grasp things. DO IDENTICAL TWINS HAVE THE SAME FINGERPRINTS? No. HOW MUCH IS THE HUMAN BODY WORTH? Newspaper columnists and others have claimed that the body's chemical worth is between 98 cents and $5. But one doctor argues that, at the rates currently charged by large chemical distributors, the body's worth is at least $169,834 - not counting $1,200 worth of blood. The key is to market the body's products intelligently and not reduce them to basic elements like carbon and zinc.

Some of these little facts are unbelievable The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Coca-Cola was originally green. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33 Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. The youngest pope was 11 years old. First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =3D 12,345,678,987,654,321 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in theair, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in=20 the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural=20 causes. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. "I do." is the longest sentence. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in The South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards." Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game. The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the rosey..."), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("...a pocket full of posies..."), People who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("...ashes, ashes, we all fall down!") Facts Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? A. Conception. Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show? A. No theme song. Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women. Q. This is the only food that doesn't spoil. A. Honey Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year. A. Father's Day Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic? A. He was allergic to carrots. ----------

Bizarre News - April 29, 2000 Everyone knows that in a couple of months, the Olympics will be held in Australia. But did you know that every four years they try to add new sports to the roster? They actually have a special committee to look over hundreds of requests from organizations wanting their particular hobby included. A recent article in a Chicago paper told of the latest request. It seems that The World Plowing Association has applied to the committee to sponsor plowing contests during the Summer Olympics. Now what the heck is this all about? Plowing? The WPA sponsors plowing events for farmers all over the world and they evidently think that what they do is exciting sport. ---------- Monster Artichokes as Power Source? ------------ SPAIN - Echoing the plot of a bad Japanese Sci-Fi movie, Spanish farmers are growing three-meter high artichokes to be used as fuel. These genetically modified vegetables are part of a new biomass scheme to produce enough electricity for the needs of up to 60,000 people. The towns of Alcala de Gurrea, and Villabilla de Burgos will begin using this new power source in two years. [Mutant vegetables take over Spain? It's too bad Inoshiro Honda is dead.] --------------- New Trial for Junk Food Felon -------------- TEXAS - Currently serving 16 years for stealing a Snickers candy bar, inmate Kenneth Payne III will be retried due to jury misconduct. Payne was caught swiping the Snickers while he was already on parole for Oreo theft. This harsh sentence was handed down after prosecutors tried him as a habitual offender which increased his misdemeanor charge to a felony charge. The judge ruled for a retrial when it was discovered that one juror was found encouraging the other jurors for a harsher sentence. --------- Kentucky Fried Chicken Not Chic Enough ---------- BEIJING - Apparently the KFC located in China's scenic imperial-era park is considered an eyesore. The lease is due to expire in 2002, and they won't be coming back. A parks department spokesman said there were several complaints that the restaurant, "destroyed the original style of the imperial park...it is extremely out of harmony with its surroundings." In addition to the ill-fated KFC, no other fast-food outlets will be allowed in any of the parks in the future. -------------------- Claus the Ripper? --------------------- BERLIN - German department stores fear for their menswear. Police are hunting a new criminal who is slicing and cutting his way through unsuspecting garments. Nicknamed, "KaDeWe Ripper" by the Bild daily, this scalpel-weilding menace has wantonly slashed his way through thousands of dollars worth of men's clothing. Police have distributed photos of the suspect who has an eerie trademark: he likes to cut holes in the left side of jackets, just above the heart. [I'd hate to see what he does to the boxer shorts.] ------------ Beaver College Tired Of The Abuse ------------- GLENSIDE, Pa. - It's bad enough that the students at Beaver Women's College get ribbed about their school's name, but it has gone too far when public figures like Letterman and Stern start taking pot shots. Now internet watchdog programs are censoring any web sites using the word "beaver" keeping high school graduates from finding out about the school. Beaver president Bette Landman has had enough. She wants the school name changed to something less controversial. But some alumni and administrators are proud of their Beaver, and want to keep it just the way it is. The controversy still rages and no new name has yet been adopted. ---------------------- Underwear Sues ---------------------- The Pets.com sock puppet as seen on TV is causing problems. Pets.com is suing "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" writer Robert Smigel, claiming that Smigel, the creator of "Late Night" rubber puppet Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, said the Pets.com's sock puppet is a "rip-off" of Triumph. It seems an old gym sock on somebody's hand has become an intellectual property. Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* In our Giants of Science department, Italian researches claim to be able to cure impotence with a computer. The scientists are using virtual reality technology to "re-awaken" feelings of youth and sexuality in men. The experiment uses "a Pentium 133, a full-immersion VR helmet, and a joystick..."

About those giant artichokes, too bad they're not growing onions 3 meters in circumfrence on Maui. It could be a used as a bit of background in a new Godzilla movie. What could bring the King of All Monsters to Hawaii? The fish of course! Godzilla is a Pacific Rim kind of reptile that eats fish, lots of fish.

This is true...but, he's gonna get a run for his money if he does not eat what we consider "junk' fish (full of bones and non-firm flesh which does not taste very good raw). If he consumes Mahimahi, Ono, Opelu and Ahi on the way over, he's gonna be in big trouble! He's big enough to deplete the stock! Better he stick to Marlin. They are his size and too dense to get your teeth through raw or cooked (they use it to make fish cake here.) I posted a longer article on the artichokes from Reuters on Jurassic Park in Geo

HOW LONG IS THE GRAND CANYON? The gorge of the Colorado River is 217 miles long. Fifty- six miles lie within Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona. The canyon varies in width from 4 to 18 miles. WHAT IS THE APPLE OF ONE'S EYE? It is the pupil, which was likened to an apple because, in the ninth century, it was believed to be a solid round mass. HOW MUCH WATER DOES A PERSON DRINK IN A LIFETIME? About 16,000 gallons. WHEN DOES A HUMAN EMBRYO HAVE ITS FIRST HEARTBEAT? At the age of three weeks, when the heart of the embryo looks like a tube. As it begins to beat, it starts the blood circulating through the few blood vessels that have formed around it.

WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR CAMPBELL'S RED-AND-WHITE SOUP CAN? The Cornell University football team uniform. Campbell's company treasurer was inspired by the brilliant Cornell colors when he attended a Penn-Cornell football game on Thanksgiving Day in 1898. WHAT IS BELIEVED TO BE THE FIRST COIN-OPERATED MACHINE EVER DESIGNED? A holy-water dispenser that required a five-drachma piece to operate. It was the brainchild of the Greek scientist Hero in the first century A.D. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE PLANE IN WHICH ORVILLE WRIGHT MADE HIS HISTORIC 12-SECOND FLIGHT 85 YEARS AGO? Flyer I - now popularly known as Kitty Hawk I, after its North Carolina takeoff site. WHAT LETTER DESIGNATIONS DID HENRY FORD USE FOR HIS CARS BEFORE HE INTRODUCED THE MODEL T IN 1909? Models A, B, C, F, K, N, R and S. He built nearly 29,000 of them between 1903 and 1909.

He like to skip letters. What's wrong with D, E, G, H, I, J, L, M, O, P, and Q?

Yeah, I wondered about that, as well... Bizarre News - May 3, 2000 Q. What is the origin of the popular dog's name Fido? A. It's from the Latin fidus, meaning "faithful." Q. What did President Franklin Delano Roosevelt have imprinted on the White House matchbooks? A. Stolen from the White House. Q. In year's past what was used as transmission oil in Rolls- Royce automobiles? A. Spermaceti oil - from the sperm whale. Q. What reason did Sigmund Freud give for sitting behind his patient's couch during psychoanalytic sessions? A. Freud wrote: "I cannot bear to be gazed at eight hours a day." Q. What would the Barbie Doll's measurements be if she were life-size? A. 39-21-33 *** ---------------------- Moon Over L.A. ---------------------- LOS ANGELES - Among the new breed of fans that Atlanta Braves player John Rocker has earned recently stands one individual who distinguished himself Monday night by running onto the field at Dodger Stadium and dropping his pants in front of the now infamous pitcher. "I thought it was one of the funniest things I've seen in my life, I was laughing my butt off," third baseman Chipper Jones said. "Let's hope that's as bad as it ever gets." commented Braves manager Bobby Cox. The Braves beat the Dodgers 2-1. ----------- Ex-Mrs. Millionaire Sells Her Assets ----------- It seems Ms. Darva Conger - the young lady who married Rick Rockwell on the Fox-TV spectacular "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire" - is cashing in on her fame by posing for Playboy. Conger will reportedly earn a six figure fee for trimming her sails in front of the cameras. Rick Rockwell says he might look at the pictures, but he doesn't plan to buy a copy of the magazine. He doesn't want to give Conger "an extra nickel." ----------- Theme Paper Earns Student Suspension ----------- BOSTON - It's hard for administrators at the Boston Latin Academy to tell where literature ends and death threats begin. So when Charles Carithers was given an assignment to write a horror story for his English class, the work he turned in so unnerved his teacher that school officials gave him a three day suspension. ACLU-Massachusetts Executive Director John Roberts said that Carithers "was so successful in fulfilling the assignment" that instead of getting a high grade he was suspended. Boston School Superintendent Thomas W. Payzant defended school officials, saying they have to err on the side of caution in the aftermath of Columbine. And the story? Carithers wrote about a student athlete who murders a fictitious English teacher with a chainsaw. ----------- Wife Runs Over Husband; After Church ----------- COVINGTON, LA. - Sunday may be the Lord's day, but it didn't stop a jealous wife from correcting her husband's wandering eye. Sedonia Renee Martin, 22, decided to quickly correct her husband's church flirtation after last Sunday's service at St. James Baptist Church. The husband, Tushaun Jamel Thompson, vacated the couple's car to avoid further argument when his wife sped towards him in an effort to scare him. Convinced that she wouldn't actually hit him, Thompson stood his ground; until the front end of the vehicle hit his upper legs, and threw him into a ditch 20 feet away. His injuries were moderate, but his embarrassment was critical. --------------------- More Mutant Food --------------------- MEXICO CITY - Not to be outdone by Spain's monster artichokes, the city of Oaxaca attempted to find fame in the Guinness Book of World Records by building a giant tortilla. This hefty snack was 14-1/2 feet in diameter, and was topped with 70 pounds of beef, 70 pounds of cheese, 45 pounds of beans, and five gallons of salsa. If they don't qualify under the tortilla category; they still have a shot in the taco division. [I wonder how large the margarita was?] ----- Pink Plastic Flamingos Are An Expensive Mistake ------ LAWRENCEVILLE - It's official; bad taste has a price, and it's $3,400. Apparently Doug Henry's fellow Georgians, and subdivision neighbors were not amused by his pink plastic lawn ornaments. According to the homeowners association, all unapproved lawn ornaments will cost the homeowner $25 a day until they're removed. His $15 flamingos have now cost him $3,400, which he was unaware of until he tried to sell his house, and found that the association placed a lien on his home. If both sides don't agree on a settlement, a judge will decide who gets the flamingo funds. Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* A Massachusetts man arrested for driving without a license used his one phone call to tell a friend exactly where to find his stash of crack cocaine, hidden in an alley. Hipolito Vega spoke to his friend in Spanish, not realizing that the booking officer, Manuel Rivera, understood every word. If you give up the right to remain stupid... For more Classic Bizarre, visit us at: Click Here

Maybe the missing Ford model letters were his equivalent of the Edsel?!

Posted without comment...*smile* Tattoo Trend Spreads LONDON (Reuters) - Bankers, accountants and solicitors are just as likely as bikers to sport a tattoo, a survey has found. A quarter of the 1,000 people interviewed with body art were professionals, according to the survey for Lloyds TSB bank. But the tattoo trend has yet to gain universal acceptance in the office. Twenty six percent said they hid them at work for fear they were viewed unfavorably.

Guess They Could Call It Sing Sing BEIRUT (Reuters) - The halls of Lebanon's toughest prison will soon be alive with the sound of music after jail authorities decided to introduce singing lessons to inmates. Prison authorities at the notorious Roumieh jail said Thursday they would also hold concerts from June as part of a campaign to improve inmates' living conditions. With help from the British embassy, the authorities have also set up a library at the jail, which has 190 inmates. Roumieh prison was rocked by riots two years ago in which several inmates were wounded. Since the violent protests, prison authorities have staged several concerts by international and leading Lebanese performers at Roumieh. A football tournament between the inmates and their guards was also played at the prison, northeast of Beirut.

+---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ IDAHO It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing more than fifty pounds. You may not fish on a camel's back. It is an offense to ride on a merry-go-round on Sundays. If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait three minutes before approaching the car. Coeur d' Alene, ID *** ----------- Finally! A Vacuum Women Really Want ---------- WASHINGTON - Score one for the fight against female impotence. The FDA has just approved the Eros system which was designed to increase blood flow to the clitoris. Simply put; its a small tube attached to a suction cup that runs on batteries. Once the clitoris becomes properly engorged, the apparatus is removed, and.... A prescription is required, but there are no reported side effects. [Three speeds: slow, medium, and who needs a man?!] ------------- I'd Walk A Mile...For Insurance? ------------- TEHRAN - The idea is perfectly logical, but camel insurance just sounds funny. The Iranian government has decided to extend insurance to camel owners that would protect against thunder, snake bites, earthquakes, floods, and collisions with various vehicles. Almost 7,000 camels live and work in the province of Khuzestan, and with help from the government owners will soon share the same peace of mind we have with our vehicles. Literally, a new twist in policy "riders." -------------- Life-After-Death; And Stabbing -------------- VANCOUVER - Three hundred people attended the Vancouver Public Library's lecture on life-after-death which was so compelling that no one noticed the man being stabbed. Police reported no argument; someone angered the attacker by bumping his chair which he responded by knifing another man in the leg. The lecture went uninterrupted, and police arrested the suspect afterward. The victim was treated and released from a nearby hospital. ---------------- Swedish Maids Protest Porn ---------------- STOLKHOLM - While the title 'Swedish Chambermaid' conjures images of high-heeled, fishnet-wearing, feather-dusting, mavens of feminine pulchritude; the real story is a perfect example of situational irony. The members of the Swedish Hotel Workers Federation demanded that chambermaids be equipped with alarms, and to work in pairs. Confrontations with overly-excited guests, and cleaning the aftermath of hard-core porn is proving to be problematic for the maids. They feel that hotels should provide clean comfortable rooms, rather than free porn. [What a novel idea; think it'll catch on?] ------------ "Stinky Tofu" Violates Environment ------------ HONG KONG - Popular vending snack, "Stinky Tofu" was fined $1,538 for violating the rights of others to enjoy clean air. Vendors deep-fry the patties and add yeast to ferment the flavor, but the smell was not appreciated by the neighbors. Ng, who sells this tofu in the Mong Kok shopping center has been convicted on three previous occasions for stinking up the air. She claims to have paid $12,800 on an air-purifying unit, but it was obviously no match for the pungent charms of "Stinky Tofu." ------- Who Said It Doesn't Pay To Be Canadian, Ay? -------- ONTARIO - We don't know whether the Canucks should be happy that they're getting a refund, or embarrassed that their government can't count, but the fact of the matter is that the province of Ontario over-collected taxes last year and its finance minister is giving it back to the taxpayers. An estimated 4.9 million people who paid personal income tax in 1999 will be getting a check of up to $200. [This story will seem bizarre mostly to U.S. readers. Once Uncle Sam gets his hands on a greenback, it's gone.] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* An Akron, Ohio man choked to death this week while trying to swallow a live, 5-inch fish on a dare. According to the AP, three unidentified friends had called 911 to say that Michael Gentner had a fish stuck in his throat and was having trouble breathing.

WHAT AMERICAN CITY BOASTS A MOON WALK? New Orleans. The crescent-shaped promenade along the Mississippi River is named for a former city mayor, Moon Landrieu. WHAT FOUR STATES HAVE ACTIVE VOLCANOES? Alaska, California, Hawaii, and Washington. HOW MANY DEGREES CAN A GREAT HORNED OWL TURN ITS HEAD? 270 degrees. WHICH IS THE LONGEST MUSCLE IN THE HUMAN BODY? The satorius, which runs from the pelvis across the front of the thigh to the top of the tibia below the knee

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and the police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

WHERE IN THE HUMAN BODY IS THE ONLY BONE THAT IS NOT CONNECTED TO ANOTHER BONE? In the throat, at the back of the tongue, It's the horseshoe-shaped hyoid bone, which supports the tongue and its muscles. Also known as the lingual bone, it is suspended by ligaments from the base of the skull. HOW MANY TRUE VOCAL CORDS DOES A NORMAL PERSON HAVE? Two. They are called true (or inferior) vocal cords and are involved in the production of sound. We also have a pair of false (or superior) vocal cords that have no direct role in producing the voice. WHERE ON THE HUMAN FACE IS THERE A MUSCLE KNOWN AS THE CORRUGATOR? On the forehead. Its the muscle that contracts the forehead into wrinkles and pulls the eyebrows together. KATARINA WITT & THE SKATING SUPERSTARS - Was $19.98 NOW $2.98 She has been called one of the most beautiful women in the world and now she has her own video filled with spectacular WHAT IS THE MAIN FOOD OF MOSQUITOES? Nectar from flowers, not your blood. The blood we lose to mosquitoes - females only - is needed for protein to help them lay their eggs.

i like all these little quips. those wanna-be-a-millionaire folks need to study up here first!

Yup! This is my sort of expertise! Little bits of stuff so I know just enough to get into trouble...*grin*

--------------- Banana Disobedience in Miami --------------- MIAMI - The media juggernaut of the Elian Gonzalez case rolls on as protestors throw bananas at Miami's City Hall. The bananas are in reference to the old "Banana Republics" where allegedly corrupt governments were financed by the agricultural industry. The fruit started showing up Monday. And what are Miami civil servants doing about it? They're taking the fruit home, of course. "Have any recipes for bananas?" asked Eileen Damaso, an aide to Commissioner Sanchez. --------------- Exorcism For Prison Inmate ----------------- FORT WORTH - Convinced that he was possessed by demons, a Tarrant County inmate was exorcised by the volunteer chaplain. The 38-year-convict was charged with sexually assaulting a child, and requested the ritual to be performed to rid him of evil spirits. The actual exorcism, complete with chanting, was stopped when it "became loud and potentially disruptive to the security of the facility." The chaplain was asked to leave, and his permit was taken away, but he insisted that it was simply an "individual religious service." ---------- Suicidal Bridge Lampooned On Internet --------- ST. PETERSBURG - Largo resident Mike Straub pushed the depraved envelope of entertainment when he started his "Skyway Bridge Jumper" Web site. Surfers with a taste for the dark side can log on and find out how many more will plunge to their demise; last year 11 people jumped. The creator is drawing fire from suicide prevention counselors, and family members of victims claimed by the Skyway Bridge. He argues that the Web site clearly states, "No matter what you read here, please do not jump off the bridge." ---------------- Foot Cult Busted For Fraud ---------------- TOKYO - Arrest warrants were issued to a "foot" cult and their disciples who claim to tell the future and practice medicine by examining the soles of people's feet. Located at the base of Mt. Fuji, they charge huge sums of money and claim to heal their clients. Police found children in one of the cult buildings who had been kept from school and fed only once a day. The Aum Shinri Kyo, or truth cult was also responsible for the 1995 nerve gas attack in the Tokyo subway that killed 12 people, and injured thousands. ---------- UPS Driver Gets DUI For Tea Totaling ------------ SAN FRANCISCO - After consuming 8 to 10 cups of kava tea with friends, UPS driver Taufui Piutau was issued a DUI for driving under the influence of kava. This popular herbal supplement is taken in powder form to reduce anxiety or calm stress, but he was drinking it in tea form; not pill. California Highway Patrol officers pulled him over for driving slow and weaving between lanes. He failed a field sobriety test although no alcohol, drugs, or kava were found in his urine. Despite the lack of hard evidence, authorities argue that California's drunk driving law covers any substance that impairs muscles, central nervous system, or the brain that would affect the operation of a motor vehicle. A jury trial is scheduled for June 26. [Yet another way to properly spend those tax dollars. Thanks to George H. for the lead on this story.] Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Doctors in Milwaukee tried for seven days to cure a patient's painful hiccups with assorted therapies, including drugs and acupuncture, to no avail. According to the medical journal The Lancet, the man tried some marijuana in hopes of relieving some of the pain. The hiccups abruptly stopped. Drs. Ian Gilson and Mary Busalacchi said that although marijuana is forbidden in the U.S. for therapeutic use, "the drug should be considered when other treatments against persistent hiccups fail..." of all the hiccup remedies that don't work, I like this one best.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

HOW FAST CAN A SAILFISH SWIM - IN MILES PER HOUR? More than 60 mph, faster than any other known fish. Humans have been recorded swimming up to 5.19 mph. HOW MANY BONES ARE THERE IN THE HUMAN SKULL? 29 - the cranium has 8; the face, 15 (including the lower jaw); the ears, 6. HOW MUCH DOES AN ADULT GIRAFFE'S HEART WEIGH? About 25 pounds. Its 2 feet long, with walls up to 3 inches thick. It has quite a job pumping blood to the brain - which is sometimes 12 feet above the heart. HOW MANY NEWBORN OPOSSUMS CAN FIT IN A TEASPOON? About 24. They're very small - about .07 ounce each - at birth.

HOW MANY CALORIES DO HIBERNATING BEARS BURN DAILY? About 4,000. HOW MANY TEETH DOES A NORMAL ADULT DOG HAVE? 42 - that's 20 on the upper jaw and 22 on the lower jaw. The adult human has 32, evenly divided between upper jaws and lower jaws. THERE ARE TWO MAIN ATRIA IN THE HUMAN BODY - WHERE ARE THEY? In the heart. They are the two upper chambers (auricles) that receive the blood from the veins and pump it into the two lower chambers (ventricles). WHAT IS A FEMALE RABBIT CALLED? A doe. A male is a buck; a baby, a kit or a kitten. The act of giving birth is known as kindling.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life." A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

Why 10:10? Any reason? Is this a time folks like a lot?

It forms a Vee and each hand is easily visible as are the date window and the maker's mark and country of origin (at 12 and 6 o'clock respectively)...that is the only reason I can think of - and more aesthetic than at the 4 and 8 hours. Space Race... During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

IF YOU HEAR THUNDER 10 SECONDS AFTER YOU SEE LIGHTNING, HOW FAR AWAY WAS THE LIGHTNING? 2 miles away. Sound travels about a mile in 5 seconds. THE NAME OF WHAT FLOWER MEANS "FLESHLIKE"? The carnation, which was named for a rosy pink color developed by artists during the sixteenth century. The first carnations were that color. In Latin, carnis means "flesh." WHAT IS THE LARGEST DEER IN THE WORLD? The Alaska bull moose, which has been known to reach a shoulder height of 7 1/2 feet and a weight of up to 1,800 pounds. IN GEOLOGY, WHAT IS A CALVING? The breaking off or detachment of an iceberg from a glacier that has reached the sea, or the separation of a portion of a floating iceberg.

Artificial Bladder Scientists at Harvard Medical School have managed to grow artificial bladders that have been successfully implanted into dogs. The technique is fundamentally simple. They start with a few healthy bladder cells and let them divide and grow in an incubator. The new cells are built up in layers over a mold, which is maintained in a chemical and temperature environment similar to that of the body. Once the bladder is built up to full size, it is implanted back into the animal. This system shows great promise for growing organs for humans who currently have to wait for donor transplants.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula." A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

News of the Weird LEAD STORIES Synergy!: In October, the pharmaceutical division of Japan Tobacco, the world's third-largest cigarette company, bought the rights to lung-cancer vaccines now under development by the U.S. firms Cell Genesys and Corixa. Now under one roof are the cause, treatment and potential prevention of lung cancer. Officials in Suwon, South Korea, showing off their 580 plush public restrooms to reporters in November, hinted that the toilets were one sure way toward greater world respect. "In this era of globalization," said a government cultural official, "it is important to become the leader in the world in the cleanest bathrooms." Toilet seats are heated, violin music plays, and tasteful paintings and flower arrangements adorn the rooms. There are weekly guided tours, and according to the official, some people arrange to meet inside to have tea. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Kinder, Gentler Judiciary Cuckold Jimmy Watkins, 34, got only four months in jail for killing his wife, whom he caught in the act with her lover; the jury accepted his defense of "sudden passion" even though he fired one shot, then went out for a few minutes before returning to finish her off (Fort Worth, Texas, October). Michael Nikkanen got only probation for rape, in part so he could keep attending his son's hockey games (Ontario Court of Appeal, October). Karine Gaelle Epailly, 25, got a suspended sentence in the death of her infant daughter, whom she abandoned outside in near-freezing rain (Alexandria, Va., October). ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Continuing Crisis In July, Athens, Greece, dentist Theodoros Vassiliadis was sentenced to four years in prison based on the testimony of seven former patients. Though Vassiliadis termed his techniques "pioneering," the patients described odd-looking dental plates that were inserted with screws that were more than an inch long (allegedly taken from Vassiliadis' television set) and that pierced their sinus cavities. After a $20 million school cutback in Ontario earlier in the year that limited funding for special education, three parents of disabled children wrote Premier Mike Harris offering to donate their kidneys to raise enough money to restore the budget. Bill Webb won the annual Rio Vista (Calif.) Bass Derby in October, and his 33-pound catch was so convincing that derby sponsors declined to call private investigator Charley Johnson, who was on standby to administer lie detector tests in suspicious cases. (Increasingly, fishing contest organizers use at least the threat of the polygraph.) In September, Sheriff Charlie Logan (Pickett County, Tenn.) resigned, telling the public that he needed to fight the charges that he had been having sex with a 15-year-old girl. However, according to some observers, that was a distraction for another charge: The Tennessee Bureau of Investigation was inquiring into whether Logan cheated on his GED (high school equivalency test). (Tennessee sheriffs must be high school graduates.) The Loneliest Number: Randy Phillips graduated from Riverside Christian School in Andalusia, Ill., in May, the only member of his class. (For his senior trip, he invited two juniors along.) And an Associated Press report in August on Granby, Vt. (population 90), noted that the town had only one reported crime the previous year: Someone wrote a farmer a $300 check for six piglets, but it bounced, and no one can find the man. (The same farmer said that earlier in 1999, a woman paid cash for more piglets but shorted him, and that that might be the only crime of 1999, but it won't be counted because he didn't report it.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ People With Too Much Time on Their Hands Celebrity mother Jacqueline Stallone, previously known as a mere astrologer, recently began specializing in "rumpology," the study of a person's character and future, based on the contour of his or her butt. Stallone does not conduct hands-on examinations, but rather gets subjects to sit on sheets of inked paper and make impressions ("maps"). The left cheek supposedly indicates natural talents and personality; the right cheek shows reality vs. potential. Medium Suzane Northrop announced that she will lead a week-long, contact-the-dead cruise out of Miami in March, "NowAge 2000," with guests getting free channeling, plus seminars and workshops on psychic powers. Asked about whether the channeling guests will bother the recreational cruisers on board, organizer Cindy Clifford said: "Tough luck. There are people who go on cruises and wind up with the entire Iowa state bowling league." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Hardy Blind Bruce Edward Hall, 48 and blind, was arrested in December and charged with robbing a First Tennessee Bank in Memphis. Hall had pretended to be a customer and was escorted to a teller's window by a guard as a courtesy before presenting the teller with the holdup note. And Leon Grigsby Martin, 33, blind and carrying a white cane, was arrested in Muskegon, Mich., in September and charged with robbing two stores of a total of $340. (He got only $20 from one clerk, who might have tricked Martin into believing he was giving him higher-denomination bills.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Recurring Themes In News of the Weird earlier this year was the report on Virginian Anthony M. Rizzo Jr., who had been granted permanent disability retirement (unable to do his job as school principal) for his "psychosexual disorder," which was that it was impossible for him to supervise females without trying to force sex on them. In October 1999, Paducah, Ky., gynecologist Harold D. Crall filed a lawsuit against Provident Life & Accident Insurance Co., demanding $8,700 a month disability for what he calls a sexual addiction; because of complaints from women, the state licensing board had revoked Crall's ability to practice ob-gyn. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Undignified Deaths In Edwardsville, Ill., in October, a 48-year-old woman was accidentally shot to death by her husband as the couple posed in an Old West-style wedding photo with him holding a rifle. And in Willingboro, N.J., in November, as two partners in a record store were rehearsing what they would do if they ever got robbed, the partner acting as the clerk accidentally shot to death the partner acting as the robber. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Also, in the Last Month ... Shopper Bryan Cote parked his $2,000 bicycle in the wrong spot at the Salvation Army store in Concord, N.H., and a clerk sold it for $15. A group of Albanians demanded that the U.N. Mission in Kosovo put its mascot stray dog, Unmik, to sleep because he is "Serbian." A fastidious fingerprint-wiping burglar was caught in Pittsburgh when he slipped up and left a print on the foil wrapper of a stick of gum. The founder of Cliffs Notes, the aid for the reading-averse, funded an endowed chair in English at the University of Nebraska. A Barbados pet-shop owner was arrested by Customs in Miami trying to smuggle in 55 tortoises (value $75 each) in his pants. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ News of the Weird(tm) by Chuck Shepherd 1999(c) Chuck Shepherd. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate All Rights Reserved. The name News of the Weird is a registered trademark of Chuck Shepherd. NEWS OF THE WEIRD(tm), founded in 1988, is a nationally syndicated newspaper column distributed by Universal Press Syndicate, Kansas City, Mo.

Bizarre News - http://www.bizarrenews.com +--------------------- Bizarre Books ----------------------+ 1. Mated With A Clown; 1884 2. Our Lady of the Potatoes; 1995 3. The Joy of the Upright Man; 1619 4. My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible; 1971 5. Follow Your Broken Nose; 1950 6. The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982 7. Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903 8. Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment; 1887 9. 1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p. 10. Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926 *** -------------- Students Paid To Play ----------------------- FULTON, MO. - The Information Age has caused an apparent reversal in the role of higher education. In the dim, dark time before the 1980's colleges were for studying. But now that students are spending so much time on the internet, William Woods University in Fulton says it's offering a $5,000 tuition rebate to freshmen who agree to participate in extra-curricular activities. Academic Vice President Lance Kramer says the program is designed to make sure students don't lose the ability to deal with real people. [When have kids ever had the ability to deal with people?] -------------- Press 7 To Talk To A Counselor -------------- This week's record jackpot of $366 million has spurred many people to spend more money than they can afford on the astronomically slim chance of cashing in. Because of this trend lottery officials have been cautioning people to play responsibly. Part of this effort includes an 800 help line for compulsive gamblers that appears on the back of lottery tickets. When you call the number a voice prompt gives you six options including: winning lottery numbers, jackpot amounts and lottery subscriptions. It's option number seven that connects you to a compulsive gambling counselor. [Which makes perfect sense. How can the counselors help you unless you become a compulsive gambler first? Thanks to Sandy B. for pointing out this story.] ---------- Tobacconist Makes $4.1 Million Mistake ---------- AMSTERDAM - If its true that you should learn from your mistakes; this was the one to make. The owner of a Dutch tobacco shop accidentally printed up extra lottery tickets. Dutch policy states that any extra tickets must be purchased by the ticket agent. Usually printing happens after the customer has ordered them to avoid being left with remainders. According to law, the merchant purchased the tickets and "accidentally" won 10 million guilders ($4.1 million in U.S. currency). ------ Forward This Legislation To Ten Of Your Friends ------ WASHINGTON, D.C. - If you thought lobbyists, political action committees and curvy White House interns were the only things to sway Washington politics, think again. A recent internet rumor about an email tax has spurred Congressman Fred Upton to propose new legislation. Upton's bill is designed to prevent the FCC from ever imposing an email tax. "The Federal Communications Commission has no plans to impose any such tax at the present," said Upton, "but I am troubled by the fact that there is nothing to prevent them from doing so later." [Nobody's making fun of Congress safe-guarding the freedom of the internet. I just think it's amusing that they have to.] ------- Another Reason Not to Tamper With The Mail --------- MORGANTOWN, WV. - Of all the things to put in the mail, an animal shelter in Arlington, Virginia recently received a large package containing two 10-foot pythons. The package was mailed from a downtown post office with a fake return address. Apparently no one ever gave the box a good shake, because it was delivered without incident. The snakes are reported in stable condition, and so is the woman who opened the box. Classic Bizarre Moments from the Archives *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* A British government agency has issued a health warning this week: don't buy sperm on the internet. The Human Fertility and Embryology Authority warns that there is no way of ensuring that the sperm is of good enough quality... I guess it's just the same old candy and flowers again this year... For more Classic Bizarre, visit us at: Click Here

TODAY'S TOP STORIES Hominids in Europe Pre-humans go out of Africa. ABCNEWS.com http://www.abcnews.go.com/sections/science/DailyNews/hominid_caucasus000512.html Rise in drug cocktails for children Why can't Johnny do math? This may answer that question. BBC News http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/health/newsid_746000/746455.stm Shopping For Surgery Online Hey, how much for an appendectomy? How about an organ transplant? CBS News http://cbsnews.cbs.com/now/story/0,1597,194850-412,00.shtml Salem residents upset by proposed hearse tour of infamous spots It's called the Mass Hysteria Haunted Hearse tour. CNN Interactive http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/05/13/hearse.controversy.ap/index.html Cattle, for hire: FW herd can charge for appearances Are you a long-horned steer looking for part-time work? Dallas Morning News http://dallasnews.com/metro/78561_herd_12met.ART.html Through the Looking Glass Will big mirrors keep people from jumping in front of trains in Japan? FOX News http://www.foxnews.com/etcetera/051400/mirror.sml Beach Closed by Sewage Spill Ah, the smell of the beach in the morning! Los Angeles Times http://www.latimes.com/news/state/20000514/t000045585.html Woman Sues Jack Nicholson for Assault Yet another use for the little black dress. Mr. Showbiz http://mrshowbiz.go.com/news/Todays_Stories/512/nicholsonassault051200.html The Plague of New Orleans, With Jaws of Steel, Swarming in the Streets What's the perfect addition to your New Orleans decor? Termite baits. New York Times - free registration required http://www.nytimes.com/library/national/science/051400sci-animal-termite.html Fossil gives clues into T. rex's behavior Talk about a keen sense of smell! USA Today http://www.usatoday.com/news/ndssun01.htm

THE SPIES DRIVE NICER CARS An FBI official says at least two foreign intelligence officers acting as media correspondents are currently working in the State Department's second floor pressroom enabling them to wander throughout the building. And Section Chief Timothy Bereznay told the House International Relations Committee Thursday that the FBI has been aware of the situation for some time. He said if asked, "the FBI would be willing to identify to the State Department permanent media badge holders identified as hostile intelligence officers so that their access could be restricted or their visits monitored." It's not immediately clear why the information had not previously been disclosed to the State Department. Sources however suggested that the FBI is simply trying to embarrass the State Department into improving its security. At a news conference, Secretary of State Albright joked about Bereznay's remarks. "If any of you are (spies), please identify yourselves," she quipped. According to the Department, a total of 467 press passes have been issued to journalists -- 56 of them to foreign news organizations. While pass holders are allowed to visit the first and second floors of the building, there are no barriers to stop them if they wanted to access any other floor. BUT THEY STILL HAVE LOTS OF BLACK BERETS After almost 10 years of sanctions and two major wars, the Iraqi military is just half the size it was in 1990 when it invaded Kuwait. That's according to a new report from the Center for Strategic and International Studies. Its author, Anthony Cordesman, says Saddam Hussein would need to spend up to $20 billion to rebuild his force. But he says even with major infusions of cash and weapons, it is unlikely Iraq's military would dramatically improve. Nevertheless, Iraq still has the second largest military in the Middle East, and boasts the most tanks and second-most combat aircraft in the region.

Second Fatal Accident Halts Adventure Firm ZURICH (Reuters) - A Swiss outdoor adventure company has halted operations after an American died in a bungee jumping outing it organized over the weekend the second fatal accident linked to the company in less than a year. Adventure World owner Georg Hoedle said the company had suspended all activity while police probed why the 22-year-old American hit the ground at full speed Saturday when jumping from a cable car near the Schilthorn peak in central Switzerland. ``We don't know much. The authorities are still investigating the circumstances,'' Hoedle told the Sonntags Zeitung Sunday newspaper. He declined to comment on speculation the jumper might have been using an elastic rope that was too long for the 100-meter (yard) plunge from a cable car suspended over a parking lot. He acknowledged the cable car was carrying two ropes one for the 100-meter jump and other for an 180-meter jump. But he said they were different colors and clearly marked to prevent mixing them up. Adventure World also organized a disastrous whitewater canyoning expedition last July in which 21 people drowned. A flash flood surprised the victims as they made their way down a narrow gorge near Interlaken in the Bernese Alps. Prosecutors are still weighing whether to charge company officials with criminal negligence for the deaths. Hoedle said he could not explain why the company had been linked to two such tragedies in such a short time. ``We went over our safety guidelines painstakingly after the Saxetenbach (canyoning) accident. Every staff member is safety conscious right down to his fingertips. And now this. I cannot imagine it. It is crazy.''

Chopper Fires Rockets Into Home MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman in southern Russia was injured when a Chechnya-bound helicopter plunged into woods near her home and accidentally fired rockets into her apartment as it went down, the emergencies ministry said Monday. All 15 men on board the craft were also hurt when it fell to the ground shortly after take-off Sunday morning in the town of Nalchik, west of the rebel province. Nobody was killed. The helicopter ripped through electric cables as it fell, and the electric current caused its rockets to launch into a five-story military apartment building nearby, a ministry spokesman in Moscow said by telephone. Russia's NTV television said residents in the apartment block were lucky that the helicopter crashed too close for the missiles to gain enough speed to demolish the building completely. Russia's military also reported a separate low-altitude helicopter crash in a mountainous region of Chechnya itself on Sunday, but said nobody was seriously hurt in the incident. Russia has been battling pro-independence rebels in mainly-Muslim Chechnya since last October.

From the New York Times: Left-Handed Royals and Other Sinister Facts •About 90 percent of people are right-handed. Most of the rest are distinctly left-handed, though some are ambidextrous to one degree or another. •When both parents are right-handed, 92 percent of their children are. When one parent is left-handed, about 80 percent of the children are right-handed. When both parents are left-handed, about half their children are right-handed. •Left-handedness runs in families. In the British royal family, for example, the Queen Mother, Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Charles and Prince William are all left-handed. •Males are somewhat more likely than females to be left-handed. There is some evidence that the children of left-handed mothers and right-handed fathers are more likely to be left-handed than are the children of right-handed mothers and left-handed fathers. •In a striking 18 percent of identical twins, products of the same egg with exactly the same genetic makeup, one twin is right-handed and the other left-handed. There also seems to be a higher proportion of fraternal twins with different handedness than is the case with other siblings. •The left hemisphere of the brain controls the motor coordination of right-handed people, and the right hemisphere controls it in lefties. In almost all instances, the speech and language of right-handed people are controlled by the left side of their brain. But in left-handed people, the right hemisphere controls speech and language in at least 30 percent of the cases. •A much larger percentage of young people than old people are left-handed. This may be, as one researcher suggests, because lefties die earlier. Or it may be because in an earlier time, natural lefties were taught to write and perform other tasks with their right hands and now think of themselves as right-handed. •A disproportionate number of lefties seem to be geniuses (Einstein), artists (Leonardo, Michelangelo, Picasso) and athletes (Babe Ruth). A disproportionate number also seem to be criminals (Jack the Ripper, Billy the Kid). •Except for Jimmy Carter, every president for the last quarter-century has been left-handed. There is no question about Gerald R. Ford, George Bush or Bill Clinton. Ronald Reagan writes and eats with his right hand. But Edmund Morris, the Reagan biographer, has little doubt that Mr. Reagan is a natural lefty who is one of those who were trained to use their right hands. In the movies, Mr. Morris says, Mr. Reagan always twirled and shot pistols with his left hand, and as president, he always waved with his left hand. The presidential string is about to be broken. Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush are both right-handed.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

WHAT ANIMAL HAS THE LARGEST EYES - EACH A FOOT OR MORE IN DIAMETER? The giant squid. The largest creature without a backbone, it weighs up to 2.5 tons and grows up to 55 feet long. WHAT ELEMENT IS NAMED AFTER A STATE? Californium, first produced in 1950 by scientists at the University of California at Berkley. WHAT IS UNIQUE ABOUT THE FOOD-CATCHING TECHNIQUE OF THE ANHINGA - ALSO KNOWN AS THE SNAKEBIRD, DARTER OR WATER TURKEY? It spears fish with its long, straight, sharp bill - the only bird to do so. It has extra cervical vertebrae, which enable it to coil its neck and then release it with viper-like speed. HOW FAST CAN AN OSTRICH RUN? About 40 miles per hour - taking strides of 12 to 15 feet.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Ann, Interesting about left-handedness. Both my father and his brother were ambidextrous and could write equally well with either hand! All children were right-handed, as I recall - their wives were, also.

Dumb Law -- Get Out! But Leave Your Blouse! In Michigan, a man has legal possession of his wife's clothes. If she decides to leave him, she must relinquish her clothes to him, even what she is wearing!

HOW MANY ICEBERGS ARE THERE IN THE WORLD? Approximately 320,000. WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE SHAMROCK, THE EMBLEM OF IRELAND? According to legend, St. Patrick chose the three-leaflet plants as the symbol of the Trinity. He is said to have used it to drive the snakes of Ireland into the sea. The word shamrock is derived from the Irish seamrog, meaning "trefoil." WHAT IS A DIADROMOUS FISH? A fish - such as salmon or sturgeon - that can exist in both salt water and fresh water. HOW MANY AVERAGE-SIZE HOUSES CAN YOU MAKE FROM ONE GIANT SEQUOIA - THE BIGGEST LIVING THING ON EARTH TODAY? Fifty. The sequoia often extends 300 feet in height and 25 feet in diameter. Its seed weighs only 1/6000 ounce.

In Virginia, a man may curse and/or abuse his wife, provided he does it in a low voice.

Sydney thieves steal deadly spiders, spark scare SYDNEY, Australia (Reuters) -- Thieves broke into a Sydney pet shop and stole 20 giant bird-eating spiders and 20 scorpions, police said on Tuesday, warning residents to avoid the potentially lethal arachnids. The thieves also stole 150 hermit crabs during a break-in late on Monday. "The owner of the store regards these spiders as one of the most dangerous in the world as their venom has a rapid effect on the human central nervous system, causing victims to lapse into coma and even death," police inspector David Hudson said in a statement. "These animals are very hard to miss as they resemble a tarantula ... with nine millimeter (0.35 inch) long fangs," Hudson said. Stephen Weeks, owner of the Urban Animals Pet Centre from where the spiders -- Selenecosmia sterling -- were stolen, said he did not sell the spiders for pets but kept them for display mounting. He appealed to the thieves for their return. "I don't care if they get left in a box on the back step ... I just want them back," Weeks told reporters. Giant bird-eating spiders are found in Australia's north and west and are closely related to species found in Papua New Guinea, South America and elsewhere. They have bodies up to 6 centimeters (2.4 inches) long and have a leg span of about 160 millimeters. The spiders have been the target of animal smugglers in Australia and Mexico and are kept by collectors of exotic pets. Copyright 2000 Reuters. All rights reserved.

Why is something genuine called "the Real McCoy?" The "real" McCoy is most likely a person named Kid McCoy. Kid McCoy was the world welterweight boxing champion from 1890 to 1900. McCoy was such a popular fighter that other, lesser-known fighters traveling the small-town boxing circuit claimed to be Kid McCoy in order to draw crowds and increase the size of the gate revenue. The problem of imitators became so problematic that McCOy began calling himself as Kid "The Real" McCoy.

Dumb Law -- Bull Fighting? In Washington, D.C., it is not lawful to punch a bull in the nose.