OOHH, I can see this topic's going to be a real failure. Nobody here has anything against flattery . . .

for never was flattery lost on poet's ear; a simple race- they waste their toil for the vain tribute of a smile. (sir walter scott) (maybe we're all poets, at heart)

O'Honey, So do you like flattery? What kind of flattery? Are you a flatterer?

He is a poet.

Stop, you're killing me, WER! Still, no-one has answered my question - are you guys afraid or something?? It sounds to me like flattery is something the old male ego simply cannot do without . . . . Come on, contradict me, I want to fight!

i won't contradict you. i love flattery. but i do not feel that it is a quality restricted to men.

I suppose not. And I am sorry if that statement sounded sexist - I'm not. So you think the love for flattery a quality rather than a defect? What about beauty; flattery has often alot to do with physical beauty. What is beauty to you? Or should I open another topic to discuss it in? What kind of things do you like to be flattered about? Your hair, the way you move or speak or think? WHEN do you flatter?

i like to be told i am big, not fat. my flattery nowadays is retricted to very good friends or attractive women.

here goes, Riette... flattery pisses me the hell off if it is insincere and spoken out of habit

Ray, so you flatter attractive women do you? Are you sure it is flattery and not complimenting? I mean flattery is something one uses to 'get' you somewhere with another person - if so, does it get you anywhere? KitchenMAN, okay, okay, okay! I get the picture, and I agree more than one hundred percent. Gosh, what a vehement creature you are! (Does that remark suit you better?) I too hate flattery, because it makes me feel that I owe the flatterer something - whereas in fact he owes ME something: an apology.

no, no, it is definitely flattery.... guess i am (not so) unconsciously trying to "get somewhere," or "get some." and it doesn't get me as far as it used to.

Ha-ha!! Well, I can appreciate your honesty anyway! If a man were to flatter me in such a way it would not insult me in the least bit. But flatterers like you are few and far between - I've certainly met none.

oh, and riette, your ascii is looking quite lovely today. ;)

Why thank you, Ray - sure I'll sleep with you.

great 'geek' joke Ray!

if flattery is a "means to an end", then i hate it. if it's just to be nice to someone, and to make them feel good about themselves, then it's brill. maybe that is "complementing", Riette?

Exactly. But I don't particularly need the kind of compliments that are meant to make me feel good about myself; I like it when someone compliments me, because he means it one hundred percent - not just to be nice. But that's probably how you meant it. So, yes. I like compliments (though I don't have a great deal to compliment), and I like complimenting people if the way they are/something they do/whatever moves me. If I want something, I ask for it - whether it is a favour or sex or whatever. The ubtle way is perhaps more graceful, but I have no grace, and that is just the way it is - I am simply too plain in appearance to rely on shallow flattery, so I don't even try it on. It would never be believeable, and the only thing it would help me achieve, would be to make a fool of myself.

and the one who believed your flattery

Precisely. Because anyone can see through it. And flattery puts one in an akward position. I know exactly when I'm being flattered, and then I think, how in the world am I supposed to react to this? I mean, while I'm sure as hell not going to thank the person, I don't particularly enjoy being rude either. Then I make a grimace, and the person (dickhead) will say, 'Oh, no, really, you shouldn't be so modest - I mean it!' And that gets my arse. So what does one say?

say, "If you really meant that, you'd be saying it with cash instead. Since I don't see any money, shut the hell up because your words are hollow. Now, go away and leave me alone." well, that's what I tell 'em at work, anyway...

ha-ha! You do?! I'm surprised you are still alive!

so are most people after they work with me for very long

I suppose we are drawing a very specific line between complimenting and flattering. Do you believe that flattery is flagrantly false to begin with?

Isn't it insincere by definition, intended to manipulate?

flattering is praising, I thought. If an outfit is flattering to you, is it insincere about your shape/size? Is it intended to manipulate others into believing you look the way you really don't? (I obviously need a dictionary within reach at this moment!)

I really don't think my wardrobe is that deceitful, but I'll look it up once and for all... 1. to praise too much, untruly (I didn't know this was a word, or maybe I did and it's just late) or insincerely; 2. to try to ingratiate oneself by praise and attention; 3. to gratify the vanity of; 4. to please. (ahh, I knew my clothes weren't that calculating!)

and I was hoping the word wasn't that innately base! (thanks for a valid definition!)

My wardrobe is VERY insincere about my shape and size. And I hope it'll stay that way forever!