pick up lines guaranteed to fail

A long enough conversation with me...

Ooooh, you're getting me hot! (what can I say, I'm easy, always have been...)

How long has it been since you had a four hour mustache ride?

At least a week!

What would YOU do for a Klondike bar? or How do YOU eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

Excuse me, miss, but my penis has grown too large for me too handle by myself. Would you be willing to give me a hand? Or, two?

why is it 13 inches?

flacid...

oh, poor baby, just needs a little workin' out *wink*

-that is, if we're talking the same definition of flacid-flabby?

sorta, thirteen in girth would be interestin', however I was referring to thirteen limp...

*lol*, if that were the case, stay the hell away from me! *blush*

If that was the case, you think I'd work in a restaurant, instead of bein' in da movies???

you mean, that wasn't you?

alack and alas, no... (well, maybe, what and where were the tatoos?) and, back on topic, Mind if kiss yo wife's shot spots?

they were definately not the focus of the movie! (Now that would be sad, trying to pick up a gal with her husband right there, please tell me you never did that!)

Did I say that he couldn't come along, too? (and, no, never with him present...but he's always been invited when I found out she had one)

speechless (sorry)

hey, that affect is one of my specialties... (it's why I get so confused when someone leaves me speechless...) (besides, this is the guaranteed to fail topic, ain't it???)

yup! me, too, hate it when i'm stumped and then half an hour later a good come back pops into my mind....

or pick up line, for that matter!!!

*lol*

wow. I can't be incommunicato for more than a day and all hell breaks loose!

hehehe...

Can I trace your tan lines with my tongue? and another real loser, May I suck on your belly button until your head caves in?

LOL!

nice, wer, nice :)

excuse me, but your, uh, epidermis is showing.

You know, you look just like my daughter.

HAH!!! you remind me of my father

Wanna chat one-on-one in my virtual pad, The Fine Line Between Pain & Disfigurement?

Could you help me adjust my butt plug, please?

ugh! (LOL!)

Hey, hon, want to come back to my kitchen so's I can butter your muffin?

pardon me, do you have any catsup?

nope, just Grey Poupon...

No, you'll just sigh again.

There's a saying that every sigh is a kiss that you've missed...

Ooh . . . didn't know that. Well, given our position here it isn't exactly hard to miss, muffin! Can't even blow you a kiss - it'll probably end up somewhere in Holland. THE GERMANS ARE OUT OF THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HIP-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

(i guess no one wants to kiss this lil wolfie, lack of sighs in my life)

aw, I think you've just temporarily misplaced them...

Sigh not, just go out there and kiss yer lover - you might end up doing alot more, and can return with a 'wow' or a groan.

*grin*

Or a grin for that matter!!! Which is alot more than I can say for myself right now - haven't had it for days and days, because Mr. C. has his birthday (a very round one) tomorrow, and has been acting strangely all week. Very, very, very grumpy - has started calling me words like 'girl' and 'child' . . . that really worries me.

eeeek that doesn't sound great :/ *beamz*

Not at all, and if he keeps it up, I'm going to tell him to go reciprocate himself somewhere - that'll drive the images of 'child' and 'girl' out of his head! No, actually, I'll probably be sympathetic. He only acts like this once a year (normally he's grumpy with everyone but me), so I don't think it's too much to ask of me to be sympathetic once a year.

especially when he does it once a month, huh? (or does he?!?)

More like ALL THE TIME!

Excuse me, but would you help me remember how it feels to boink someone I don't know?

Did you know that with a little help, that dish can have "special" sauce?

Can I get this door for you? [it's to the ladies room, which has room for one person, and the door's stuck, and you keep pulling, and the door comes off by the hinges---the woman on toilet looks at you like huhhhhhhhhh!---and you say: are you doing anything after you get done?]

Don't know if this one fits the topic, but it happened to me twice. On two different occasions, women have told me I remind them of their father. One, after telling me that, didn't speak to me again for the rest of the semester. The other and I had a really good summer fling. Score: 50%

LOL!!

That's a good one, George! If only one could tell which women mean it as a compliment, and which ones don't, hey? But fifty fifty is good - there is still the element of surprise in play.