Butchering the Human corpse for consumption

to be posted in installments... and sorry, the actual title is Butchering the Human Carcass for Human Consumption by Bob Arson This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field, there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will notice that the carving of the larger or "commercial" cuts down into smaller specific or "retail" cuts will be only mentioned in passing, and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions. Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of preparing the entire form. The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as "long pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is not generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage. Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm caucasian females in their early twenties. These are "ripe". But tastes vary, and it is a very large herd. The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw.

Might I suggest the use of an autopsy table, with its built-in provision for draining off the excess blood, which can be saved, and later made into blutworst or blood pudding. Also, if you freeze the carcass after gutting, and use a band saw, work is less, and there is not much mess.

Oh, MAN!!! I've read that even if you eat human meat just once, you taste it for the rest of your life, every time you burp, because of the strong enzymes. Can you imagine? I'd rather not.

in that case, here's installment number 2: Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity. Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the forehead or back of the skull will suffice. Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down. This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the butcher's head.

Excu-u-u-u-u-u-u-se me! �taking urgent vomiting break�

There is a surgical anesthetic you can use which momentarily freezes the muscles just long enough to kill and then is flushed out with the body waste, leaving no trace.

How do you know???

I did my clinicals for my EMT certification at Brackenridge ER. The regional trauma center for this area. The effect I described results from an overdose of this particular drug. It is not the desired effect. However, It has been discussed among the doctors as a perfect way to kill without a trace.

I really would like to be used for a human food sorce. I believe that the humans are useing up too many of the natural resorces. I am no exeption. So if I could be recycled as food then this would be a way for me to give back to the earth. I know you think this is a stupid letter. But I am being truthful about this. I am young enough now, to where my body would be of some good to feed someone that needs food. After all we are just animals our selves. I am a long pig, just as the Church of Euthanasia has said. I don't want to grow old and become a waste product. I have allready paid to be cremated. Then I was going to have a friend of mine put my ashes into a newspaper recycling bin to give back to the trees. I have allready fasted for 48 hours to see how much I could handle. I did it, so I can be sacrificed with help. I like Bob Arson's method, and hope he can take this matter into his hands. Thank you for your time. signed, Human food sorce

What flavor are you? Sounds like a bit of snacking here and there might not be a bad idea...!

I am not pig, kinda long but tasty. I hope you are the same. (Get out of NY if it is driving you nuts - I did!)

I believe it is a good idea to be giving back to the living after you are gone. Being used as food could be a good idea for doing so.

Giving is always a good idea. Passing on ones genes has just taken on a new meaning with your post. Now, how do we go about marketing this delicacy? I think it needs serious PR work!

Mmmm another little question. What flavor are you?

I need to find a man that is ready to have a feast. Because I am prime cuts of meat, ready for the grill. Hopefully yours, Human food source

If there is a person out there that can carry out this miner task. You can get in touch with me at: INYgoingnuts@aol.com I would really like to make myself available for dinner. Hopefully yours, Human food source

Are you willing to be eater or eaten? And, why does it have to be a man. I guess that means I do not qualify...

Sorry, I'm looking for some one like Bob Arson to do the job. He has the experience. So I know that I will be used up in perfect cuts of meat. Liking the idea of the strength. I have always thought that it would be a man to butcher me.

Doesn't look like any body looks here any more. I'm a longpig ready for the spit. Some day soon things will change. We will be hunting each other for food. I will be one to give my self. INYgoingnuts@aol.com

A' la Lord of the Flies?

You're very generous. More so than I might be in that situation.

I wondered where the true carnivors went. Welcome back!