Get questioned by the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA!

(not for the light of heart... or heavy of heart for that matter!)

and the first victim, er questionee is:

ooo-weee, i is gittin a buzz now someone gonna turn all to sloppy mush it'll be sure to be a sorrry sorrrry sight listen to the fear go 'round

the first victim couldn't even stand the question... (you now all must see what I mean about the light o heart)

wer? aw, wer. here, let me give ya a hand. upsy daisy now and into the wheelchair my goodness but you are heavy of heart so.....where ya wanna go? I'll roll ya there....hang on (i know yer still in recovery)

no, Jim... I meant you! *grin*

me? you are so tricky oh? that one over there is electric? yeah, sure I'll take it wheelchair Wednesday it is weeeeeeeee......am i on a roll or what *bang* *bonk* *crash* darn automatic door was supposed to open

*laugh* I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing WITH Tahja (whose sitting on my lap laughing AT you!)

*AHEM* I mean... *low mystical voice* tell me about your mother...

she spoke Tajiki she would warn me of this day topping it off with a seductive meow then added a dose of suppressed but convulsed laughter [she gave me a bulletproof face for my 9th birthday] she wore a pink silk bomber jacket and a brown hair net and merlot-colored stretch pants instead of reading bedtime stories to me, she'd wait for me to get into the flannel sheets and explain to me about beautiful Polynesian love rites (that she'd heard that day on "All Things Considered", I think, now that I think back on it) you probably don't need any more than these few clues to solve the crime (of my birth)

got mail?

got a call from Garrison Kelior... he claims it was HE that your mother used to get the love rites stuff from...

Poor Garrison, he called me this morning and just started reading. He didn't say "hi, Jim" or anything, --- I say, "hello, this is Jim" --- he just read these words and hung up: "Michael caught us playing Doom on the office operating system and flipped out.....or rather, he deleted it from the system and gave me a lecture about lost people-hours when I later asked him to please reinstall it. In the end he did, because it would be catastrophic to worker morale to not be able to hunt and kill your co-workers." I wonder where he got that from....I used to know, I think....

the post office???

that's it.....Garrison got it from David Garza at the post office

but David lost his twang twang shocka boom and I think gave Garrison some faulty information...

Or, it got mixed up in the translation.

I thought the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA was understood by all...

(don't go there WER!)

I don't claim to understand ALL of anything, or anybody.

the ALMIGHTY PASQUINA does... it's her job!

Or any woman......

So, AP, any new questions for me?

dost thou enjoy the new job?

it's acceptable...

not tons o fun and exactly what you were looking for in employment?

if I wasn't temping there, it would be a cool job... temping in the position I have puts me in a weird position...

...so stand straight, those cramps in the back might get better then...

could be...but then again?

WER I'm 'temping' and certainly know what you're talking about with regard to the different spin... just make yourself invaluable to em! I've extended this 'temporary' job into an eight month affair with no end in sight and people fighting batles trying to get me hired with full benefits! I'm sure you know how to worm your way into their hearts and minds...

like the second day I was here I was being referred to as "The Famous William"...and mine has already been extended a week...

Woo woo!!!! see what I mean! a lot of companies hire temps so they don't have to make that big committment upfront but most of them are in need of permanent assistance!

what I'm temping for is one of the three jobs up on their site, too...

score!

So, Famous William, all is well? Are you feeling good there? (Hey Stace, I can just imagine this: "And this is my new colleague, The Famous William." - "New guy, huh? Famous William, huh? Hey, come to think of it, how,'s the other William doing?" THAT would be sure to upset me, if I were the other William around...) Heya, Wer, I can hardly say how much this makes me happy for ya! I would dance and sing if I hadn't to keep my clumsy digits on the keys! Might do it later, though...

instead, why don't you go knock back of mug of bock for me?

affording the good stuff now! must be that heightened sense of self... or could it be those incessant computer hums?

I don't drink unless it's the good stuff...

i don't drink unless I'm thirsty (usually) then it's whatever is around. Water is not so good coming outta the tap here but I drink it anyway sometimes. I like pale ales and ambers and stouts but most brands will do... OJ however is a completely different story... only the yummy pulp stuff... fresh squeezed... not from concentrate... yessir --eee can't skimp on the OJ

not much on pales...do, however, like ambers and stouts along with porters, bocks, and esb's...if I'm drinking light it's Shiner or Foster's...too many years of stress prevent me from drinking much fruit juice anymore...besides, if I could toss one back, I wouldn't be asking Alexander to do it for me!!!

I like oktoberfest's, too...

So, does "no fruit juice" translate into queasy stomach or ulcers? Son, you gotta watch that. Tell you what, you take care of that, and I get heavy on some nice Export (I'm an Export drinker - though most of my folks are into Pilsener, can't figure why, and you hardly get Export anywhere these days. Too low-class and cheap. What can I say? Tell me your beer, and I tell you your style...) as soon as the mag has left this building. Export: Hard to get on draft these days, plus my patriotic brand, Licher, will "discontinue" to bottle 'em. That's right, they'll only roll out some kegs for gastronomy, but you hardly find anybody who offers it. First they killed off the Weihnachtsbock, then the Export dwindles into nothingness. I wonder who's consulting them...

put an editorial about it in your next issue...

"..., best in German so I can't read it." Wrote the Edit for #13 last night (until 2 a.m.). Perhaps too heavy, gotta wait and see how (if) people respond.