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What would you do if the world was going to end tomorrow?

Topic 23 · 49 responses · archived october 2000
» This is an archived thread from 2000. Want to pick up where they left off? post in the live Screwed conference →
~ratthing seed
I would: 1. have lots of consensual unprotected sex with lots of women 2. eat powdered doughnuts, bear claws, bacon, mexican food 3. chain smoke 4. spend the last few hours praying
~CotC #1
I'd probably tell you about it and then accept your gratitude. The World Will End Tomorrow. You're Welcome.
~stacey #2
Thanks.
~cfadm #3
keep screwing up would be my guess
~riette #4
I'd do nothing, because I wouldn't know about it. It would come over me like a big $hit.
~stacey #5
no need to freshen up pre-apocalypse then...
~TIM #6
Freshening up prior to death is kind of funny, considering what your body does last when you die.
~KitchenManager #7
assuming, of course, one isn't reanimated...
~TIM #8
When I said last, I meant immediately after death, before rigor mortis.
~riette #9
What DOES it do? Should I even ask?
~TIM #10
All muscles relax, including the ones controling the bladder and bowels.
~riette #11
Oh my goodness. Like with a sheep!
~TIM #12
I don't know about that. I've never done a sheep.
~riette #13
No? Funny - you don't seem the kind of guy.....KIDDING! Really!! My brother told me this one: What does an elephant use for a tampon? A sheep. What do you think of that?
~TIM #14
HA HA HA HA HA HA NEARLY FELL OUT OF THE CHAIR!!! I'm going to have to call that one in to the local radio station. joke of the day. I wonder if the sheep likes it?
~riette #15
I found it rather hysterical too. For him it must have been pants-fillingly funny, because he says the thought hit him when he was driving to a friend's farm, and saw sheep along the road; they were marked with red dye.... To see that would've killed me, I swear!
~TIM #16
It took me a while to answer this one. I literally fell out of the chair! That's really good!!
~TIM #17
In the conference on virtual communities we were talking about the symbolism of sheep and grass. The upshot was that sheep existed for non vegetarians to eat. I guess that we"ll be eating Elephant tampons. Maybe that's why mutton tastes so different.
~riette #18
That's it, now I'm hysterical!!!! I've always wondered what that WILLLD taste was in mutton - elephant period, of course! It all makes sense to me now!
~TIM #19
O. K. We've explained the slightly gamey flavor of mutton, rather satisfactorily I think. However where do we get white wool from? Real fast sheep? Or perhaps from sheep that are too big to fit. I was told that virgin wool comes from sheep that are faster than the shepherd.
~TIM #20
Where does all the red wool go?
~riette #21
THAT'S why there's always so many red sweaters on any shelf. Look out the next time you go into a shop - there's ALWAYS more red sweaters than other colours. That's because they don't have to dye the wool! And white wool comes from when Mrs Ellie expects her period to come any day, but it doesn't, because Mr. Ellie has been up to all sorts of things. And so the sheep is discarded after a few weeks, and remains an unused tampon, of course.
~TIM #22
I'm beginning to worry about this, It's all beginning to make sense. JUST KIDDING!!
~riette #23
About what?? It makes perfect sense to me! Especially since I'm wearing a red sweater today. Ha-ha!!!
~TIM #24
Red wool must be more common over there than it is here. It's my favorite color and it's hard to find clothes that color. Must be, not enough elephants.
~riette #25
That will be it! Perhaps you should go shopping for sweaters at the zoo? There are bound to be elephants there!
~TIM #26
Yes, Riette, they have elephants at the zoo. However they have no sheep. Poor Elephants!!!
~riette #27
They have lamas....
~TIM #28
Yes, Indeed Riette. However they have long legs. Might have a tendency to get stuck.
~riette #29
I think it would be an advantage! Longer strings to pull them out easier. STOP! I'm getting crass, and that's disgusting. But what do you think the elephant would do if the world WAS going to end tomorrow?
~TIM #30
Riette, I always thought of the tail as the string. If the elephant thought the world was going to end tomorrow, it'd probably round up a herd of sheep.
~TIM #31
After all, when you leave, you gotta pack!!
~riette #32
ha-ha!! Love it! You are excruciatingly funny!
~TIM #33
Thanks Riette. I try and occasionally I succeed. But the question is what would the sheep do?
~riette #34
Put on high heel shoes.
~TIM #35
HA HAA HO HEE HEE Riette, the Idea!!! Can you imagine a flock of sheep in heels?
~riette #36
Absolutely! You wouldn't want to go to heaven looking like a tampon, would you? There are dino's up there!
~TIM #37
Good point, Riette. However, a sheep would be just a mite small for a dino.
~riette #38
What? You want the dino to use a grizzly bear? OUCH!
~TIM #39
Riette, did you ever think that that is the reason that there are no white grizzlys?
~riette #40
HA-HA!!!!! You're impossible!!
~TIM #41
Riette, I do try. and occasionally succeed beyond my expecataions.
~riette #42
Occassionally??? You're the most incorrigible character I have ever met!!! (that's a compliment)
~TIM #43
Thank you Riette, Thanks very much
~riette #44
You're terribly welcome. If the world was going to end tomorrow, and you knew about it - what would you be doing tonight?
~TIM #45
Early this evening, I'd be getting off the concorde at Orly. (I know that they changed the name, I just don't know what to) I think You can fill in the rest.
~riette #46
You'd go sight seeing?
~TIM #47
Uh, Yeah Riette, that would part of it. And what a sight too.
~riette #48
Nice hillocks?
~TIM #49
Very nice, Riette! and well shaped hollows also.
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