jihad

I don't know WHAT you're talking about!

me, either....

Holy War!!!!!!

Nice picture of a stapler, too.

Here goes: it's not a stapler, it's a CONDOM!!!! Given your condition, I don't suppose you know what a condom is anymore?

I knew you'd love it... click on the word Stapler, and you'll see what he was talkin'bout...

Sure looks like a stapler to me.

Brilliant! A stapler that staples condoms onto naughty willies!

yeah, well too bad one naughty willie we all know didn't have one to keep his zipper shut!

ha-ha!!! He probably did - just didn't let it hold him back, that's all!

yeah, hillary put it there every morning but she didn't know he had a staple remover in his pocket. shoot, he probably let monica remove it with her teefers! you know, we really don't need to know all this stuff.....i really don't need the visuals!

Wait till the four hour video tape starts playing tomorrow. More than you never wanted to know. (high fives wer for not only a great dinner the other night but, dig this, descending last 50!!!) Her teefers!!! Cigar anyone?

I had a look at the report today, and was CRAWLING with laughter! The Cigar bit was SO funny - real Jay Leno material - can't wait to see what he's going to have to say tonight.

This has been a comedian's paradise. I imagine the video will be playing tomorrow. Maybe we should run it on the Spring too?

Oh, YES Yes YES!! Did you watch Jay Leno last night. My favourite line was the bit where Clinton's biggest fear must be an intern with braces! HA-HA!!!! The bit I found ar$e crawlingly funny was the way Clinton defines sex and oral sex. Stunning, just stunning!

Whats the bit about how he defines those?

well, oral sex isn't real sex. so how could he have a sexual relationship with someone and not have intercourse? oh, but the part i loved was when they were in the middle of non sex oral sex, he told her to stop before he ejaculated because he needed to be able to trust her first. HAH!! Shoulda thought of that BEFORE he dropped his pants!!!!

I know!!! I was in stitches! He was probably just waiting to see how well she could swallow....Hence the pizza ordering and stuff.

Love the stapler.

Can't I just use it and set it free?

you might unfortunately, however, I can't...

Set what free?

Stapler?

It's just begging to be used.

Aren't we all?

Only in certain ways.

Very true, although we may not be certain of which certain ways.

Which is why one has to experiment...

OH YEAH!!! EXPERIMENTS ARE FUN. I have an absolute passion for experimentation. The six most dangerous words in the English language are: "I wonder what would happen if." I trashed the chemistry lab so many times in high school, that I was barred from the lab, after six weeks. barred permanently. One of my what would happen things.

Oh, cool! My sister and I once wondered what would happen if we stuck the emergency fire hose into our school's personnel room (my father was headmaster), and turn it in. My boyfriends always wanted to know if I were abused as a child, because I have scars on my backside....each time I had to tell them, nope, they're self-inflicted! ha-ha!

Somehow that does not sound funny. Being beaten is no joke.

My father found the dog/stick treatment pretty satisfying - but people like that are too stupid to realize that beating is probably the most uneffective form of discipline ever invented. By the time you're six it rolls off your back like water. Then you just go weird and do more and more horrible things, because you know the worst thing that can happen is a few bruises. So in that sense it IS no joke, I suppose. I wouldn't want my kids to be the kind of raging devil that I was when I was a child - so 've devised more effective punishments, such as no TV, or no chocolate, stuff like that. It works wonders! Some people might call it bribing, but they're brilliantly behaved, and don't hate me for it.

I have devised a very effective punishment. Take the offending child aside and inform them that their behavior is intolerable. explain what you want them to do, tell them that you want them to think about it, and , when they are ready to act responsibly, they can come to you and tell you about it. Then, put them into a room by themselves and close the door. Usually you only have to do this one time, after that, the child will skip the solitude step and tell you what they will do to rectify the situation. it's very important that the child know that they can come out of the room, on their own, whenever they are ready.

Sounds good for when they're a bit older. At this point mine are simply too young to deal with like that. One has to play hardball every once in a while, but luckily I was blessed with kids who hardly ever need that sort of punishment. I know it's hard to believe of a 3 and 2 year-old, but you'll see on my video - they're really calm and relaxed, and sweet natured. (Not like relatives of mine at all, really!)

You may be surprised to find this out, but a two year old is capable of reason. They just have a very short attention span. I helped to raise my youngest brother, and nearly ruined his life, but I learned from my mistakes. (He did too he still takes everything I tell him to do very doubtfully) Here's what I did: I was determined that he was going to be the smartest kid on the planet, so I started reading to him when he was six months old. I did not read children's books, I read from the encyclopedia. By the time he was two he could hold a fairly intelligent conversation. My brothers and sisters were in on this too. We introduced him to mathematics at two and a half, and he could read and write by the time he was three. by the time he was five he was doing calculus, he could recite quotes from marcus aurelius, socrates, and shakespeare. He could quote from the bible from memory. Then, off to kindergarten, and disaster. He refused to talk to kids his own age, called the teacher, "a complete idiot", to her face, and generally exhibited anti-social behavior. It took five years to get him to where he could interact with kids his own age.

WOW! That's impressive! Clever brother! Clever big brother! And: poor thing! BAD big brother! Impressively bad!

I guess that the most valuable lesson I learned from this is that social interaction is a valusble part of the learning process

Also if you educate a child above his peers, you had better have an alternate peer group for him to join.

He had eight siblings, didn't he??

Sort of. There was more of an age difference between him and myself than there was between my mother and myself.

That's hilarious! I think it's great that your mum had so many children - how was she able to afford all of you??

For a long time, both of my parents worked.

Was it a very noisy household? Did you enjoy growing up in such a big family?

Riette, I know that there must have been a downside. But, I can't remember one. I actually wanted to see the family larger, and only recently stopped pressing my mother about when the next one would be. Yes the household was very noisy. Specially when there were five of us in the house with musical instruments at the same time.

I can only imagine! I cannot imagine what it must be like being a single child. It must be very lonely.

One of my best friends was an only child. He just hung with us though. Whenever we had a group activity, we had every kid in the neighborhood over. Occasionally we'd go to his house for some peace and quiet and watch TV. Which was neat because my family did not have a TV.

ha-ha! Going to a single child's house for peace and quiet! I can imagine that, actually. We were only three, and the noise level sometimes got so high it drove my mum up the walls. With NINE it must be deafening!

Riette, When it got really loud, we were sent outside, or to the basement.

ha-ha! Can you imagine having that many kids yourself?

Actually, Riette, I could. It would have to be up to the woman though she's got the hardest job.

I guess so. The only thing that puts me off about it is the idea of the last months of pregnance. I like mobility, and each time it drove me nuts not to be able to do all the stuff I normally do, or getting tired doing it. And it just drags on and on. They babies I'd enjoy though. I adore little babies.

I do too, Riette, but like I said, It's the woman's choice.

Okay, I'll go for twenty then! But first I have to find out how to lay eggs....

OH god, What a painful thought, Riette!!

I was thinking the size of hen's eggs? Because it's GOT to be less painful than squeezing a watermelon through a little hole like that.

I was thinking of eggs the size necessary to insure a live hatch at human size and weight. with a hard shell.

And whyever can't human babies be the same size as chicken babies??

A real simple reason, Riette, Humans are a little larger than chickens, don't ya see?

My little humans can be smaller. I'll feed them alot though, so they'll grow bigger real soon.

If humans grew as fast as chickens, Riette, We'd all be in trouble.

You would know! ha-ha!

Got me again, Riette, I don't have a clue to what you are talking about.

neither do I! But then again, I don't know what jihad means either, and THAT doesn't keep my big mouth shut!

Riette, that I know. jihad is arabic for holy war.

So let the killing for God start again! Anyone seen a heretic lately?

So, If you don't want to discuss jihad, why are you in the jihad topic?????

He's just trying to piss me off, Tim, don't worry. He knows which buttons to press, but when he does it so openly, I could laugh my ar$e off!

Riette, I'm beginning to wonder if he had a problem with stacey tonight.

Hard to have a problem with someone you didn't see or talk to...

Ahhh! It all becomes clear to me now. Et Tu Riette?

Then please let me in on it, Tim, as I am extremely confused!