(Elena) I�m afraid these other gals have seen it already too many times to remember the first and the best drooly impulses that Jess inspired... ;-) Oh nooooooo!! C'mon, when that white-shirted back moves across the screen and he has to bend down to kiss MP.... I remember it well. I also remember the jogging and the leaning in doorway and .... ;-p

Ahhhhh, I remember it well

Now back to our regularly scheduled film: Didn't someone say something about liking him in the black leather jacket and the sleeveless tank top? ;-D

Didn't someone say something about liking him in the black leather jacket and the sleeveless tank That was me!! But I like the black sleeveless he wears while chewing celery and waiting for Dr. Beaumont's office to call. (Evelyn) Who got the money at the end? Dino tasted the cocaine, was the money in the blue flight bag he throws to Ed? If so why is Ed telling Jenny that he's out $50,000.? Have no idea. Lynda, you're the go-to girl on these details. Maybe after lying around outside for three months in Vancouver weather, coke will lose its fizz? ;-)

(Karen)...how long would it take to drive to Vancouver from L/A.? ????It's about 1400 mi. Depends on how crazy a driver you are, I guess. But I had no impression it was set in Vancouver (and as a matter of fact I recognized several spots from Griffith Park where they were "living"). But I got the feeling they implied the drive would take overnight (Remember, Joe had only been married 3 days when he showed up at Elijah's door). I'd suggest somewhere in Central to Northern CA and was a long days' drive to LA.

(Karen)I'd say Colin's on screen maybe 75% of the time. He just doesn't say much. ;-D 75% of the time? No way: that is because nowadays you only see his scenes ;-) (Evelyn)A good-looking -potted- palm!!! I really think we should do ATA next...since so many have seen it recently. But a potted palm that sways so gracefully... I'd love to do ATA soon, but I believe Apartment 0 is scheduled next, isn't it? Otherwise, Elena and I can always go to some other forgotten topic and slobber about this ;-p

Why do you have to go anywhere else? Was FF unavailable to you? Not in PAL? Same with AZ?

(Karen) At Elijah's he makes the offhand comment about Elijah's work still selling like hotcakes. There's a note of astonishment/disbelief in his voice. Seems to me... that both he and Elijah know that Joe is the more talented of the two. I'm with you so far. The fact that Joe's work failed to sell could only be reconciled in my mind by an attitude of "they don't understand my work or appreciate it." Remember, he did confess (after the eye-opening cemetery scene) that he tended to think of himself as a superior human being and didn't need anyone I see your point but for me, it just doesn't work with the rest of his character (sweet, unassuming, etc.). I must still be stuck on that whole succubus thing :-D We can disagree amicably on this point Agreed! You say potato, I say potahto...whatever. (Heide) But I like the black sleeveless he wears while chewing celery and waiting for Dr. Beaumont's office to call. Ditto! Don't you love the way he runs and lunges for the phone? (Evelyn) Who got the money at the end? Good question. Perhaps Ed was counting what he would have had if the drugs had been sold? Lynda?? (KJArt)I'd suggest somewhere in Central to Northern CA and was a long days' drive to LA. That's what I always thought. (Gi)75% of the time? No way: that is because nowadays you only see his scenes ;-) Hee hee! I haven't watched this one in a while, but I tend to use that fast forward button more than the rewind button! I would love to discuss ATA (have always had a question about why they dubbed over Jess' opening scene. His lips don't say "it's the Cook girls!"). But will defer to those in line ahead of me.

I have really been enjoying your discussion of FF. I have not been joining in because of lack of time and the fact that I no longer have a copy of it. But,Karen,I would love to see a snappy of one scene which always sticks in my mind. Colin is sitting in what looks like a children's paddling pool. When he gets out he stands and teeters on the side of the pool before getting out. It is the only real close up of his (unclothed) legs that I can remember. Very distinctive legs they are too.

Very distinctive legs they are too. I agree his legs are rather distinctive, Allison. And as he climbs the stairs, I'd say rather bow legged. There've been many "important" discussions on those legs but not among the ladies of this group, at least as long as I've been here. I know I'm bringing the discussion waaaaaay down but I promise we'll delete this from our general discussion whenever we move it to colinfirth.com.

but I promise we'll delete this from our general discussion whenever we move it to colinfirth.com. And why, pray? :-)) Are you trying to give everyone the wrong impression of us? I agree his legs are rather distinctive, I do not claim to be an expert in all the works of CF but FF has the only example of a full frontal display of the unadorned CF legs. In FP and HOTPig, I recall delightful visions of the rear of his legs (and more...) but only in FF is there a view of them from the front. It is therefore unique in the Firth oeuvre.

(Allison) full frontal display of the unadorned CF legs. full front legs! That's a new one. ;-D Will have to pop in FP and ff to the scene where he gets out of bed (grey shorts) and walks into kitchen to have a little think. Thought we got to see the FFL in that one... or do you mean if it's cut off at the knee, it doesn't count? (Allison) Are you trying to give everyone the wrong impression of us? Absolutely! ;-D

This is the sleeveless outfit he wore whilst eating celery, I believe:

By Jove,you've got it!, she shrieks. I think he's even chewing! (Allison) Are you trying to give everyone the wrong impression of us? Well I thought we might be able to fool some people into thinking we're sober film critters interested only in discussing all components of a film, not just that fella sitting there with his arms and legs exposed. But you're right...we can't fool anybody. (Karen) Will have to pop in FP and ff to the scene where he gets out of bed (grey shorts) and walks into kitchen to have a little think. And he looks bow legged in that scene too! What about the rear view of Ross as he walks away from the shower? Do we see the calves there? I know we don't see the front of his legs or we'd be seeing more than R-rated material at that point. I also say he looks bowlegged as he runs up the stairs after Lizzy's refusal of his hand at Hunsford. Hmmmm....I'll have to study the loch scene very closely when I finally get to see MLSF.

He is not, repeat, NOT bow-legged. His long bony thighs have strong, gently arching muscles (from horseriding, I guess) and as he walks in that lolloping, loose-jointed fashion, his toes point firmly forward and it somewhow gives an impression of slight bow-leggedness, but if you look carefully, his legs are really straight. And what a lovely pair indeed! Yum! (Only the last remark may be removed from the edited version. ;-))

I'll buy that. Just as I'll buy the notion that his hair's not thinning, it just looks that way when wet.

Ah, well... his hair... His hair, Louisa, erm, Heide, is another, completely different matter, I'm afraid...

Full frontal legs you want, full frontal legs you get!! Thanks to Sharon who Snappied them especially for us and to Murph, who passed them along to me. I've blown it up and cropped out as best I could, with this awful result. There is one more shot from Sharon as he's coming through the doorway, but that hasn't transferred well. We are still working on it.

Thanks Sharon, Murph and Karen.... Are those the same thighs we all know and love from P&P? I know he was a little heavier in P&P...but they must have padded them... thighs that is:-)

Must they? I wouldn't be so sure. There's a difference of about 4 years. He already looked quite heavy in Master of the Moor. I don't subscribe to the padding of the thighs theory: they were wrapped in good quality material made to look exactly like the period stuff. And the breeches were made of doe skin, a kind of suede.

Who cares about the trousers, its what is in them that counts:-)) Thank you so much Karen, Sharon, Murph. I have a theory that CF's weight does not vary much, its just that he has a squarish face which can look a little...well, jowly from certain angles and particularly when he is wearing a tight ruff. I think his body is always very slim. His legs were still slim in FP.

I have a theory that CF's weight does not vary much...I think his body is always very slim. I agree, Allison. IMO he's long and lanky with not an ounce to spare. He hasn't looked otherwise in anything I've seen. In fact, he looked almost too thin in ATA (especially in those baggy jeans). When I first saw it two years ago I wanted to shout "Livia! More pasta!"

But have you seen Master of the Moor? He never really looks puffed up, but sometimes even a few ounces seem to make difference. Though mostly it's to do with his chameleon quality, the way he carries himself and the effect of various costumes, of course.

I thought he looked a little chunky in TEP..in the aviator's ensemble and the tuxedo scene.One didn't see his legs, of course, (unlike RF). But his chest and neck looked bigger.

Right - who out of the next Donmar expedition company will be the brave one to ask him politely how he does it and if he finds it easy to control his weight, etc., you know, that kind of thing... :-)?

Wasn't that one of the questions we faxed to his agent in London? How much weight did he gain for SiL? ;-D

And what is your success? :-)

(Allison)I have a theory that CF's weight does not vary much...I think his body is always very slim. (Eileen)... he's long and lanky with not an ounce to spare. He hasn't looked otherwise in anything I've seen. I'd just seen OotB, and I was so used to his arms being slender that I was surprised to note that they looked a bit "bulked up" in that one. Also to a lesser extent in FF. I was conjecturing with Heide that maybe he had been chopping a lot of wood in the Canadian backwoods right about then... :-) (Eileen) In fact, he looked almost too thin in ATA (especially in those baggy jeans). Agreed. But it depends on the angle you see him at. (we've remarked on this before). His shoulders and chest are disproportionately broad so bulky flying jackets or padded shoulders make him look simply massive when he's coming at you. ATA illustrates it best BECAUSE he's so thin in that one...wide from the front/practically disappears when seen sideways!! ;-D

And what is your success? :-) Wot? You didn't see the answers when they were posted? :-)

His shoulders and chest are disproportionately broad Nothing is disproportional about that image of perfection... :-) wide from the front/practically disappears when seen sideways!! ;-D Are you implying he's flat and two-dimensional??? ;-) You didn't see the answers when they were posted? :-) Frankly, my dear, I can't remember... :-) Care to refresh my memory and enlighten our newbies?

Not to interrupt the flow or anything--I've read here on and off for the past 2 years and am saying hello. In a world of change, this board remains the same. In a good way, of course ;-)

Thanks, Quimby. Glad you checked in. We sometimes have to try hard to keep this topic going and as you see Femme Fatale has seemed to peter out but we enjoy any Colin film and character. Who said it was the high collars that also tend to make his face look broad? I have to agree. Besides SIL, I think he looks a bit fuller in the face in Nostromo. But you look at his body in those tight trousers and fantastic boots and you realize he's as lanky as ever.

(Arami) Are you implying he's flat and two-dimensional??? ;-) When he's that thin...very nearly! :-D

Have we decided on Apt Zero as the next movie? I need to locate a copy before we begin disecting it. :) btw- loved the pics of his legs- *sigh* why does the occupant of my wadding pool have to be a toddler with water wings?

*sigh* why does the occupant of my wadding pool have to be a toddler with water wings? Look what he's doing to us... mothers turning against their own offspring now... ;-)

*sigh* why does the occupant of my wadding pool have to be a toddler with water wings? Look what he's doing to us... mothers turning against their own offspring now... ;-) (Btw, hallo to Quimby and all lurkers and ex. Welcome to the best little madhouse online :-))

*sigh* why does the occupant of my wadding pool have to be a toddler with water wings? Look what he's doing to us... mothers turning against their own offspring now... ;-) (Btw, hallo to Quimby and all newbies, lurkers and ex. Welcome to the best little madhouse online :-))

And one of the crappiest conference programs. There's no preview and edit facility and hitting "stop" reveals all your cybersins and weaknesses.

Thanks, Quimby. Glad you checked in. We sometimes have to try hard to keep this topic going and as you see Femme Fatale has seemed to peter out but we enjoy any Colin film and character. I saw Femme Fatale a long time ago. I'll find it again and see if I can think of anything to add anything to the discussion. Have we decided on Apt Zero as the next movie? Now _that_ is the wierdest movie. Looking forward to discussing _that_ one in public!

Oops. Better learn some HTML before I try to get fancy.

.... hitting"stop" reveals all your cybersins and weaknesses. Oh Arami...I commiserate with you....I have decided that once I press that "submit" button...let the errors all hang out...trying to press "stop" and make corrections just compounds the problem.

You see? It's the crapness... ;-)

(Hee hee)...I feel SO much better now!

I feel it is just my inadequacy and precipitation... Hi Quimby, welcome! I also saw your post on 72... Wasn't that a hoot? :-)

You're all going great guns here! Was reading a novel recently (Robert Henriques: No arms,no armour) about the First World War. There's a description of the perfect young officer and Englishman... " a blend of so many opposites, modesty and easy charm...you had it here at last: tall, wide at the shoulders, thickset and heavy at the top: but from the waist down, tapering quickly, slim hips, slender legs, thighs flat - God knowing well that they were incomplete without a horse(!!!) between them." Am tempted to make a lewd comment and lower the tone somewhat. But, seriously (!), it's the combination of those very broad shoulders, lean hips and lankiness which makes him so attractive.

(Bethan)...very broad shoulders, lean hips and lankiness which makes him so attractive. The dimples and brown eyes aren't bad either :-)

Evelyn, I caught your practice at 61 and am hoping you bring your new found talent over here. I'm speaking particularly of that charming photo of the happy newlyweds. I assume it's yours from the website. Putting it up here would spur a lovely discussion, I think. I know that shot fuels my dreams.

Bethan).....lean hips and lankiness You know what they say about tall ,lanky men, Bethan? ......they have big feet :-D ****** (Heide) ... that charming photo of the happy newlyweds. I assume it's yours from the website. Putting it up here would spur a lovely discussion... Actually Lyda brought it over...I think from Jennifer's site. I'll take it to Darcy drool on #112. ...since this is still FF. (I have one last posting to do on FF too). Didn't think anyone was looking at me on #61...great place to make a fool of oneself!!

In remembrance of our discussion of 3DOR, this cow is named: Fene-STRAY-tion. Hope Moon get to see this one. ;-D

I have a Colin movie question- my friend told me that she'd seen him in a movie where he had dyed his hair red and he had long side burns. apparently it was set in the 70's -and they tried to do an afro thing with his curls... what movie is this? anyone else seen it? i must admit i start giggling everytime i try to picture him with a red afro! :)

btw- great cow Karen! :)

A red Afro?! Closest thing to a movie set in the '70s would be the flashback bits in FP and that kid did have one interesting head of hair, but it wasn't red.

Although we have been pre-occupied with discussing MLSF....I have one last posting for FF..... And it�s encouraging for Joe... . The American Psychiatric Association print-out for Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly MPD) does not deny the condition but concedes that controversy exists concerning the different diagnosis ...some clinicians believe that MPD has been underdiagnosed, while others are concerned that it is a highly suggestible condition and is overdiagnosed..... Anyway.....the first symptoms occur at 6-7 yrs. old,,,,butbecome less manifest as individuals age beyond 40!!!. Hang in there, Joe....Cynthia/Elizabeth is gonna� make it.!!! (Actually, I give the marriage of Mr. & Mrs Joe Prince a better chance than Mr. & Mrs. Paul Ashford ) :-D ***** I have enjoyed the discussion of FF. After Mr. Darcy...Joe is my fave of Colin's roles.His innate kindness shines through.

Thanks for posting your picture over at 112. That's what I meant but I know you know that. I'm slipping fast.

As a *final* post in our discussion of Femme Fatale, I thought you might be interested in a review of the film from the Hollywood Reporter from 1991: "A strong cast and the use of classic Ross MacDonald-type Los Angeles backgrounds, both human and architectural, fail to compensate for a lack of suspense and atmosphere in this case of a missing bride. The film is unspooling in a one-week showcase forum in Los Angeles, but has already made its way to domestic video, so commercial prospects are obviously limited. Colin Firth starsas Joe Prince, a former painter cooling his brushes while he runs a nature station in the mountainous forests above L.A. The action begins when he awakens one morning to find his wife, Cynthia (Lisa Zane), missing and her portrait slashed, and so moves down to Venice where he crashes with an artist friend (Billy Zane). Plastering posters around town, he begins to come across a few clues that lead him to a bitter avant-garde lesbian filmmaker (Lisa Blount), assorted gangsters and tough guys, and a nervous psychiatrist (Scott Wilson) who tries to persuade Joe to let the whole matter drop. Although the story's overall pattern is cohesive--with the discovery that Cynthia is a multiple-personality victim, and dovetailing with the arrival of hoods seeking revenge on one of her less appealing personas--individual scenes lack drive, and transitions are perfunctory rather than compulsive. Attempts at revivifying stereotypes, as wehn one hit man turns out to be a laid-back golf nut, have an aura of deja vu about them, as if someone else had tried the experiment before. Also, depicting the one independent woman in the film as a conniving, underhanded bitch, while holding up Cynthia's most dependent aspect as her best personality, comes across as a thematic anachronism. Binding L.A.'s rustic and urban sides, as well as its sleazy and chic neighborhoods, is a good idea and well handled, however, and the cast, particularly Billy Zane in what amounts to an expository crutch ("So what happened? What now?") is very good.

I can't believe someone gave this film such a serious review. Interesting read. I must remember to use "perfunctory transitions" next time I see a sloppy, disjointed film. Is the reviewer calling Maura the "one independent woman"? I see Cynthia as independent also. Her headaches, her stories of her miserable childhool encouraged Joe's protection but she always seemed to me to be in control of the relationship. And in the end, I think it was her personality who left Joe. Anyway, thanks for digging this one out of the archives, Karen.

(Heide) Is the reviewer calling Maura the "one independent woman"? I see Cynthia as independent also. I think Maura was more implied than directly depicted in this film. Films of her, others talking about her, are the only evidence we have. The only apparent direct interaction between Maura and Joe is in the truck, when she fleetingly surfaces muttering an expletive or two (and that's only a guess that that was Maura). She surfaces to deal with the crooks but pretty much ignores Joe and is gone again all too quickly. I think the reviewer meant Jenny as the "one independent woman"...she definitely fit the description as "a conniving, underhanded bitch".

Yes, Jenny immediately came to mind as "a conniving, underhanded bitch," but Maura was the one who made the switch on Dino, so who knows. That's what I call poor writing when you don't even know which conniving bitch the reviewer is referring to! ;-D

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

(Heide) I see Cynthia as independent also. Her headaches, her stories of her miserable childhool encouraged Joe's protection but she always seemed to me to be in control of the relationship. This is evident during the shopping/proposal scene, when she's the leader and he's the follower (he seems preoccupied with something--perhaps an enormous...er, appetite?) during the 'nature walk.'

Sorry I missed this whole discussion but I really didn't like this film at all, or His character, so I would've been a party pooper anyway. I will make a point of seeing it again, just in case I missed something or have had a taste transplant in the last few years. It _does_ happen.

(Quimby) Sorry I missed this whole discussion but I really didn't like thes film at all, or His character, ... I didn't either when we first started this discussion, but listening to and participating in everybody else's point-of-view during the analysis can open your eyes to things you never noticed before. I still don't think it's a good film overall, but it does have its moments! ...to paraphrase Evelyn, our analyses "can turn trash into Academy Award material". True, true. HeeHeeHee Seriously, though, you should go back over the discussion before you watch the film again...you will probably get a lot more out of it.

Quimby, I'd be interested to know why you didn't like the film and especially why you didn't like the Joe Prince character. Joe appears to be high on many people's lists, possibly because he's such a nice, reliable guy (a rarity or an endangered species), although I've never held him that high in my esteem. (I much prefer the misunderstood Valmont) ;-D

Love the cow.

Cows are very big on this Conference of late...even in film discussions! It is a thing of wonder and amazement.

Speaking of cows, will we be mooooooving on to another project? Forgive me, I'm having attacks of corny-itis lately... Moon's back, how about AZ? Or ATA?

I'm in favor of not doing another obscure one like AZ....Everyone on both sides of the pond has access to ATA.

Go ahead and do ATA. I could use more time to catch up on everything I have neglected for two months. We could do Apt.O after Y2K by candlelight. ;-))

In remembrance of our discussion of 3DOR, this cow is named: Fene-STRAY-tion. Hope Moon get to see this one. ;-D Karen, it brings up so many memories.

OK, help out the ignoramous among you and tell me what ATA stands for so i can get my hands on a copy. :) btw Karen, i'm loving all the cows! :) that Marilyn one over at 72 is such a riot!

ATA = A Thousand Acres

Thanks Gi! :)

You're welcome. Did you see this movie?

Nope havent seen it yet, but seem to remember it being in the theaters a few years back. Is it the one with Sharon Stone where everybody gets molested? or am i completely off?

*Paging SBR...SBR....come in please....* Esbee, ATA is the one with Michelle Pfieffer(?sp), Jason Robards and Jessica Lange. Is it the one with Sharon Stone where everybody gets molested? No, dear, Sharon wasn't in Playmaker!

Thanks, SB, I love the Marilyn cow as well. BTW, you might want to check out the previously viewed videos at Blockbuster. I saw ATA on the shelf just last week maybe for $6.99, plus they are having a take $2 off sale right now. Can't get much cheaper, except for the Wings of a Dove that I bought for $2.99 net. ;-D

Just read these posts and will happily review post haste. I was just going to skip it but now that you're all experts it'll be interesting to see what you've seen. Will report back over the weekend.

But ladies--so little Colin! I can send AZ to people. ATA is so heavy-handed. I'm not as against it as some of the more virulent posts I read in the archives, but it's no wonder the author was as silent as possible on the film. And so little Colin. Did I mention that there is very little Colin?

Ah, but there's not so very little Colin if you have the edited version.'-) ThThe only ATA I watch is the one I have featuring Jess, Jess, Jess...even the little snippet of the scene where Ginny is in the house talking to her father and glances out the window as Jess runs by. Notice how much of a hurry she's in to leave the house once she sees who is outside. But I suppose I'll have to watch the whole thing again if we make this our next discussion piece. Fine by me.

(Quimby)But ladies--so little Colin! I can send AZ to people. ATA is so heavy-handed. The problem is that ATA is easily available in NTSC and PAL...so Elena and Gi can join us.Maybe even the UK fans. There is little of Colin...but as much as in SIL.And it's a complex role.We don't have to go 6 months on it. But I'm on , for any of them.

Hokey-dokey.

ATA is indeed difficult for fans of CF....too bad his role was not larger... I honestly do not even consider this a "Colin" film, because he has so little time in it. I'd rather consider "Valmont" or some other film that has a really nice "CF" role to discuss.....after seeing ATA, I was saddened by the (MY percieved) lack of use of CF talent....he was the equivalent of a "commercial" in ATA (in my opinion).....too bad!!

If you do ATA, I will be glad to participate. Will also glad to read your comments on any film I haven't seen - like I usually do... :-)

Power watched (=countless rewinds) ATA last night and enjoyed Colin tremendously. Perfect bed-time entertainment. Those eyes, subtle smiles and that sexy lean body.....((Quimby, I agree totally and full-heartedly with what you said about him in the Hottest Topic on Spring! ;-D)) Karin, the film really did waste his acting potential, he�s just a sex object in it and I believe that he expected much more from that project than what it actually turned out to be. Jess is not really a character at all in the film but I�m primitive enough to like it anyway.

....and I also think that none of his roles is too small to discuss. I�m not very interested in ATA as a whole but Colin did his best in it, like always.

If you're counting, Heide and Karen, I vote for discussing ATA next. Karin, Valmont was discussed a while back. Whereas relative newbies like myself didn't participate in that one, I think it'll be nicer to get into something new for all of us. And no part is too small (OK, except The Secret Garden). I didn't care for Colin in ATA and am sure at the conclusion of our discussion I'll be changing my mind :-)

(Eileen)I didn't care for Colin in ATA Why?

I'll opine further when the discussion begins. Wouldn't want to get ahead of things.

(Eileen)... And no part is too small (OK, except The Secret Garden) Hey, I like The Secret Garden...love a man in a uniform...only two minutes.... but I go for quality :-D

Can't say I like ATA at all and IMO Colin was wasted in it, however lovely to look at. It pains me to see him in these nothing roles (ATA, CoF, TEP, SIL - I know, I know...he played these parts well) when he is so talented. I do hope we will discuss AZ, WoF, and The Advocate someday...and that CF will give us the opportunity of discussing that handsome scoundrel, Flashman.

(Eileen) Esbee, ATA is the one with Michelle Pfieffer(?sp), Jason Robards and Jessica Lange ...Sharon wasn't in Playmaker!" ok -i was totally confused :) a video store in my town is going out of business and selling all of its stock, (bad for them, good for me) so, i'm going to go see what Colin movies i can pick up for dirt cheap. :)

oops! Sorry about the italics!!!! :p

Karen I'd be interested to know why you didn't like the film and especially why you didn't like the Joe Prince character... Sorry for the delay (I'm sure you were holding your breath ;-) ) but I was called away. I'm still not home but I did watch it again and will just write what I remember. Basically, I felt sorry for C in many, many scenes because he didn't have anyone to play against/with. There were two different movies going on: a feeble attempt at a mistaken notion of hip-cool-knowing humor (gack) against a messy silly attempt at a love story. The love story works better (everything's relative) because there's an actual connection between J & M. I hereby apologize for trashing this film: the sex scene is good. I vote yes. But skip the rest. It was an atrocious mess and I hope C paid m ny bills. The scene in the back of the kidnappers's van is right up there with the hill scene in Playmaker for getting "our poor DB" stars; both are 5 star scenes. No. We should hereby invent 6 stars specifically for this kidnap scene. Let's look at that HR review. I bet Variety wasn't so kind. BTW thanks Karen, it was good for laughs! "A strong cast and the use of classic Ross MacDonald-type Los Angeles backgrounds, both human and architectural, fail to compensate for a lack of suspense and atmosphere in this case of a missing bride. The film is unspooling in a one-week showcase forum in Los Angeles, but has already made its way to domestic video, so commercial prospects are obviously limited. Truer words were never spoken. Colin Firth stars as Joe Prince, a former painter cooling his brushes while he runs a nature station in the mountainous forests above L.A. The action begins when he awakens one morning to find his wife, Cynthia (Lisa Zane), missing and her portrait slashed, and so moves down to Venice where he crashes with an artist friend (Billy Zane). There was not a hint that he was a painter throughout the film. Replace "painter" with "gas station attendant" and the film would have worked just as well. There could have been a picture on the wall of Joe pumping gas, and the "promise me" scene would have been fine. Change the music (or keep it) that gives M a headache; change the painting scene to him getting a job at a local station and her sitting nearby to cheer him on, and the scene would've worked fine. He could even look at her throught a window. Plastering posters around town, he begins to come across a few clues that lead him to a bitter avant-garde lesbian filmmaker (Lisa Blount), assorted gangsters and tough guys, and a nervous psychiatrist (Scott Wilson) who tries to persuade Joe to let the whole matter drop. That's polite. Try: "a bunch of lousy actors. The gangsters (including the BAGLF) thought this was a comedy. The guy with the bad face lift tries to convince Joe of something or other, grateful that he's found the only person in the world who's a bigger wuss and stupider than he is." Although the story's overall pattern is cohesive--with the discovery that Cynthia is a multiple-personality victim, and dovetailing with the arrival of hoods seeking revenge on one of her less appealing personas--individual scenes lack drive, and transitions are perfunctory rather than compulsive. Puh-leeeeeze. Not cohesive. "Lack drive?!" The engine block is cracked. In not a single scene is there a single conflict. Nobody convinces anybody of anything, but J and M get away with it barely (tee ee). People just do the exposition (blah, blah, blah, yeah, sure Maw I remember back in '63 when that fierce storm killed Uncle Joe who always said he was gonna haunt us.) Stupid writer, stupid director. Attempts at revivifying stereotypes, as when one hit man turns out to be a laid-back golf nut, have an aura of deja vu about them, as if someone else had tried the experiment before. Also, depicting the one independent woman in the film as a conniving, underhanded bitch, while holding up Cynthia's most dependent aspect as her best personality, comes across as a thematic anachronism. Tried the experiment before? In thousands of acting classes across the land every day for thousands of days, thous nds of stupid idiots have done the character better. Because of course it wouldn't take anything, neither talent nor craft. He's just hopeless. But they all are. All the characters have been tried before (Dino?!) The "dependent aspect" was not either held up as the best one. There was an amalgam ( I can't believe I'm actually defending the most lamebrained thing of all: the basic premise of the story.) Binding L.A.'s rustic and urban sides, as well as its sleazy and chic neighborhoods, is a good idea and well handled, however, and the cast, particularly Billy Zane in what amounts to an expository crutch ("So what happened? What now?") is very good. Binding well handled? Not. Billy Zane good? I have two words for this reviewer: first scene. BZ's first scene, greeting JP at the door with a wrench, is mortifying; he looks like a caricature of Jerry Orbach (NY actor on "Law and Order" tv show.) He an't act his way out of a paper bag. He can't do a "scene," so he wears funny glasses, fiddles with wrist remote controls, quibbles with topless blond, etc. Totally worthless and stupid. The cast is very good if you're ******* them all, or if you're their drug dealer. Otherwise, they, and the reviewer, should've sat shiva for a very long time. However, C is magic. Sex scene should get a special award (do we have one?) He manages to fire something in Lisa Z, even though she insists on trying to look and act like Madonna, and as we know Madonna can't act. Poor C. He could've just stood in front of a blue screen, shot all his scenes in a couple of weeks, gone back to loop dialogue later, and called it a day, like Fred McMurray did on My Three Sons. Colin could probably have gained a couple of months of his life and no one would have been the wise .

Wow, Quimby! But tell me, how did you like the movie? Hee hee hee! Seriously, I agree with many of your points, e.g., the gangsters (including the BAGLF) thought this was a comedy. It sounds as though you know a thing or two about acting: In not a single scene is there a single conflict...People just do the exposition...Tried the experiment before? In thousands of acting classes across the land every day for thousands of days, thousands of /.../ have done the character better...even though she insists on trying to look and act like Madonna, and as we know Madonna can't act But this observation confuses me a bit: There was not a hint that he was a painter throughout the film What about the portrait painting scene? What else would you have them [the writer/director] do, insofar as representing Joe as a painter? Or have I missed your point entirely?

There was not a hint that he was a painter throughout the film Sure there was. Joe could look at the topless model and only see the bag and what it represented! (Elijah still couldn't draw faces)

Thanks Quimby...I think we all would agree in our discussion with most of what you said. (Quimby)Re: Billy Zane.. He can't act his way out of a paper bag. He can't do a "scene," so he wears funny glasses, fiddles with wrist remote controls, quibbles with topless blond, etc. Totally worthless and stupid. I really agree with you here...yet there were some who thought BZ was good. Outside of her father...and Joe P., of course, I thought the rest of the cast was dismal. I noticed that in his credits on the Donmar program he neglected to mention FF and Playmaker...Oh well, every actor is entitled to a few clunkers.

I noticed that in his credits on the Donmar program he neglected to mention FF and Playmaker...Oh well, every actor is entitled to a few clunkers. If you add ATA to FF and Playmaker, it would seem that CF's worst movies are his American ones. Didn't he say somewhere that by the time Hollywood movie roles get to British actors, they've already gone to a hundred other actors? I also read a remark he made, vis-a-vis Nostromo, to the effect that many American actors just want to hit their mark, say their dialogue and call it a day. And he doesn't think much of American screenwriting, either. Perhaps that is why he, so admirably and sensibly, has decide to base his career in the U.K. (quimby) However, C is magic. As always. And since he is in every scene, his performance gives this movie a high rewind factor, IMO. Much higher than the rather boring TEP, whose main redeeming quality was CF's few minutes (and that scene in the taxi was also magic) of screen time.

No need to take FF too seriously. I think we all agree it ain't one of his better and we've managed to find a few redeeming qualities (as we always do). Are we ready for our next one? Lynda, I don't think the comment you paraphrased above was meant as a trashing of all American acting. Our DB doesn't normally make such broad statements, does he?